Bob the Drag Queen Heralds the Birth of Katya's Pussycat with Katya

Summary

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The Bald and the Beautiful: "Bob the Drag Queen Heralds the Birth of Katya’s Pussycat"

Date: October 7, 2025
Episode Guests: Katya Zamolodchikova, Bob the Drag Queen, (plus cameos by Trixie Mattel and Jinkx Monsoon)
Main Theme: An unfiltered romp through drag queen culture, aging in the queer scene, bodily transformations, sexual confessions, and the wild joys of self-acceptance—plus, Katya’s vivid fantasy of having a vagina.

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Episode Overview

This episode pairs Katya with the razor-sharp Bob the Drag Queen (with Trixie Mattel away on a “Turkey trip” for hair plugs and possible tummy tucks), for an off-kilter, no-holds-barred confessional. Anchored in the Drag Race world, they spiral through topics of aging, dancing injuries, body image, sex, queer kinship, and pop culture, frequently returning to the running gag: the apocalyptic consequences if Katya were ever blessed with a “pussy.” The episode is filled with raunchy humor, self-deprecation, reminiscence, and subversive insight into queer, drag, and human experience.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Catching Up: Hair Plugs, Tummy Tucks, and the "Turkey Treatment"

• Trixie’s absence is explained by her trip to Turkey for cosmetic procedures.
• Bob’s skepticism about the “all-in-one” Turkish clinic and Katya’s quips about foot feminization.
  • “They put you up at a three-star hotel for six weeks and they do the plugs, the tummy tuck… if you can feminize your feet if you want.” – Katya (03:52)
• The normalization of aesthetic surgeries in drag circles, with references to Monet, Miss Fame, Jinkx:
  • “Every single person on this earth who has ever had any affiliation whatsoever with Drag Race has had the Turkey treatment.” – Katya (16:15)

2. Foot Maintenance, Aging, and The "Corn Blade"

• Katya discusses her journey with foot rasps and “corn blades.”
  • “It’s like a cheese grater for your feet.” – Katya (04:29)
• The duo laments the realities of aging drag bodies, their current avoidance of daredevil split moves, and the toll of past routines.
  • “Do you see stuff you used to do on stage and then think to yourself how… there’s this drag queen… her equivalent of the cooter slam was jumping in the air as high as she could and then landing on her knees.” – Bob (11:14)
  • “Death drops… nobody should ever have been… this should not be a move.” – Katya (11:22)
• Battle scars: Katya on hip replacements; Bob on split injuries and “emergency” drag exits.

3. Success Beyond the Memoir: Bob’s Book

• Bob shares the journey of writing (and re-writing) their book, emphasizing the tedium and perfectionism of audiobook work.
  • “It took me four years to write the book… Five years if you include the audiobook.” – Bob (07:23)
  • “90% of books don’t even get one reprint. I am on my 8th reprint of this book.” – Bob (08:49)
• Katya’s appreciation for non-memoir drag literature:
  • “For sure though, I really have to thank you because we do not need another drag memoir.” – Katya (09:16)

4. Age, Mortality, and Midlife Musings

• The hosts muse on what it means to get older in queer drag culture.
  • “Around 43 to 50… you can officially say I have more days behind me than I have ahead of me. Isn’t that kind of crazy?” – Bob (09:51)
• Katya cites wisdom from a dance teacher who insisted the forties and early fifties are “fucking stellar,” physically and mentally. (10:08–10:25)

5. Reckless Youth and Drag Injuries

• Katya describes her tour injury in Singapore due to attempting a split without warming up; Bob one-ups her with a story about a dance-off gone wrong.
  • “As soon as I got down there, I was like, something has happened. And then I could not get up, but I couldn’t stop dancing, so I started doing floor work.” – Bob (14:10)

6. Childhoods, Suburbia, and Goth Antics

• Katya reminisces about being an actual goth kid who drank (her and her friends’) blood for fun.
  • “I was sitting in the dark, drinking blood. You think I was watching the Lion King?” – Katya (25:26)
• Discussion of humiliating high school fashion moments, early experimentation, and “edgy” youth.

7. Confessions, Sex, and Kinks

• Candid talks about sexual preferences, kinks, and body types.
  • “Mean girl. You could be hung like an elevator button. It’s all about what’s in the back for me.” – Katya (27:40)
  • “My dream butt is smooth… tan, huge, smooth, and like, you know, like that.” – Katya (29:02)
  • Bob expresses a buffet approach: “I have an appreciation for a lot of different butts.” (29:15)
• Micro-penis shaming (with “respectful decline”), butt appreciation, eating ass, and the art (or lack thereof) of spanking and dom-play.
• Katya’s fantasy of having a “grip like pliers” pussy and what she’d do if she had one:
  • “If I had a pussy, y’all would not stand a chance. If I had a pussy, none of you would be here. You would have all quit. You would have all retired.” – Katya (54:02)
  • “My pussy is hot, tight, wet. It grips like pliers… Metamorphosis. Pussy.” – Katya (69:18)

8. Pop Culture Drag/Queer Takes

• Debates about cartoon and TV preferences (“never seen The Lion King,” “grew up on Ren & Stimpy,” “Family Matters” theme song performances).
• Revisiting iconic moments in drag and queer movies, and questioning why some films are gay faves.
  • “Is there a gay movie that you’re like, why do y’all like this movie?” – Bob (33:35)
  • “Yes. Mean Girls.” – Katya (33:42)

9. Drag Community, Shady Stories, and Broadway Fandom

• Anecdotes about mistaken drag queen identity, queen-on-queen shadiness (e.g., Violet Chachki’s “big ass football shoulders”), and low-stakes beefs.
• Bob’s recent experience at the Hollywood Bowl, sitting beside a woman newly embracing her gay husband and late-life travel, plus running into Broadway stars.
  • “I just trust you to tell you this…” (57:37)

10. Sobriety & Recovery War Stories

• The chaotic reality of AA/NA meetings, surprising survival stories, and gratitude for mundane miracles in recovery.
  • Bob: “This guy was like, today’s my first day back. I woke up in the hospital and my foot was gone.” (32:14)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I want everybody to feel great and proud and wonderful about themselves.” – Katya (26:54)
• “I just wish I had a pussy. Oh, my God. If I had a pussy, y’ all would not stand a chance.” – Katya (54:02)
• “If I did like a clench and a twist, girl, you’re gonna snap it right off. And then you’ll get that little blood you’ve been wanting.” – Bob (70:20)
• “Air traffic control has been shut down. Why? Because Katya has a pussy.” – Bob (54:43)
• “You have to get the physical [book], and then graduate to the audio for dessert. And if you don’t do it, I will kill myself.” – Katya (70:44)
• “Trixie and I had been rewatching season seven, and it is truly breathtaking how talented [Violet] is. She was at 21. I mean, it was really something.” – Katya (63:17)
• “We were raised with some very, very core principles that we cleave to, like non stop politeness… That, to me, is unconscionable.” – Katya (47:46)
• “I love to suck dick. I love to eat pussy. I love to be down there giving someone head and just, like, making them happy with my mouth. It really brings me a lot of joy.” – Bob (53:41)

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Segment Timestamps

• [03:39] – [05:10]: Turkey cosmetic surgery tales; the “corn blade” journey
• [06:25] – [08:49]: Bob’s writing process, book success
• [09:51] – [10:40]: Midlife, aging, and “more days behind than ahead”
• [11:14] – [15:15]: Drag injuries; hip replacements; split competition casualties
• [25:26] – [26:35]: Katya’s goth childhood and teen transgressions
• [27:40] –[30:34]: Micro-penis, ass appreciation, sexual quirks
• [32:14] – [33:14]: AA/NA war stories
• [41:40] – [43:15]: Ugly babies, family confessionals
• [54:02] – [54:47]: Katya’s “if I had a pussy” fantasy
• [57:03] – [59:13]: Bob at the Hollywood Bowl, confessional from a stranger
• [65:03] – [66:12]: TV jingles, nostalgia, and singing
• [69:18] – [70:20]: Katya describes her dream (and dangerous) vagina

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Tone, Style, Humor

The conversation is off-the-cuff, raunchy, and wildly self-aware. Katya and Bob switch rapidly between deadpan shade, confessional sincerity, slapstick vulgarity, and genuine affection for both the drag community and their own personal quirks. No topic is taboo—from foot ailments, awkward sex, and addiction to family drama and bodily autonomy. The recurring joke about the world-stopping consequences if Katya had a vagina gives the entire episode a gleefully absurd through-line.

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For New Listeners

This episode exemplifies the offbeat, candid spirit of The Bald and the Beautiful. Even as it pivots through the wildest sexual confessions, pop culture commentary, and drag scene drama, it’s ultimately about the joy (and necessity) of self-acceptance, living out loud, and celebrating the queerest parts of ourselves—complete with cackles, filth, and a wink at the world’s hypocrisy.

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Listen if you crave:
Absurd confessions, drag queen wisdom, hilarious oversharing, and unvarnished queer truths.

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Transcript

[Trixie Mattel]

Hey, Katya, you know what I love?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Jason Momoa on a bed of mashed potatoes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Nuts.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm obsessed with nuts.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I know.

[Jinkx Monsoon]

I've seen your search history.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, you little idiot. I'm talking about the snack that pretends to be bad for you, but it isn't. I'm talking about wonderful pistachios.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, slap my behind and call me Shirley. You're talking about wonderful pistachios? The don't hold back snack. Tell me more, oh, wise purveyor of nut facts.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, it came in a package to my house, and each serving has 6 grams of protein. Plus, they're bold, flavorful, and just a little dangerous. You can get honey roasted, jalapeno lime, chili roasted, or my favorite, which I tried this morning, dill pickle.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And as my great aunt Olga used to say, wonderful pistachios bring the heat, the sweet, and everything in between.

[Trixie Mattel]

Plus, they come with shells or no shells for your snacking pleasure. I'm a no shells person. I can't have anything get in the way of me eating. I've got lashes to glue on. I got wigs to fluff. But if you like cracking them, I want you to live your nutcracking truth, honey.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Whether I'm backstage, on the road or hiding in a wig closet with a bag in hand, wonderful pistachios are my go to.

[Jinkx Monsoon]

I love the flavor of them.

[Trixie Mattel]

I love them now.

[Jinkx Monsoon]

Yeah, I love them, too.

[Trixie Mattel]

And when I'm in drag, I can't always sit and eat a whole meal. But sometimes I just need a little something.

[Jinkx Monsoon]

A little nut.

[Trixie Mattel]

And if I have a healthy option, I'm a lot more likely to eat that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

So don't hold back, dear listeners. Grab a bag of wonderful pistachios and snack like the stunning diva you are.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Visit wonderful pistachios.com to learn more.

[Trixie Mattel]

Again, that's wonderful. Full pistachios.com to learn More. Take it from us. We know our way around a bag of nuts.

[Christine]

Meet Christine. She loves shopping. And this is the sound of fashion overload. Too many fabulous things, not enough space. So Christine started selling with the RealReal.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I've always loved collecting designer pieces, Gucci bags, Prada heels. But my style keeps evolving. Selling with the RealReal. Game changer.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I earn more. And they do everything.

[Christine]

So seriously, just drop off your items or schedule a pickup. We handle the photos, descriptions, pricing, even shipping. You just sit back and watch your items sell fast to our 38 million members.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I get peace of mind knowing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I earn more selling with the RealReal than anywhere else.

[Christine]

Exactly this. That's the sound of your closet working for you. The RealReal earn more, save time, sell fast. And right now you can get an extra $100 site credit when you sell for the first time. Go to therealreal.com to get your extra hundred dollars. Therealreal.com, that's therealreal.com.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The witches are back. Get ready for a spectacular night of live theater with Hocus Pocus Live, starring the winner of RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars, 10 Ginger Minj. Three time finalist of Drag Race Jujubee Season 16, runner up, Sapphira Cristal and winner of Dragula Season 3, Landon Cider. This smash hit is flying to cities all across the nation. So summon your coven and get your tickets [e-mail]. that's H O K U S P O K U S live.com. hi, divas.

[Jinkx Monsoon]

Katya here. Since Trixie is off to Turkey getting.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Those hair plugs because she desperately wants.

[Jinkx Monsoon]

To look like me, I'll take the reins in letting you know that we are going to be doing our final live bald shows of the year. November 9th, we'll be in Tucson, Arizona.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's right.

[Jinkx Monsoon]

We only go to the desert in the winter. And on November 13, we'll be in Honolulu. Oh, baby. Get your tickets now @trixie and katya.com.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We'Re back, Mama.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We're back. We are. I can't wait to get into so many things with you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She got another break. What's up with her?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, she's getting her hair plugs in her tummy tucked.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Is she really all inclusive? Tur too?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

4,500 all includes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She's going to Turkey.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They put you up at a three star hotel for six weeks and they do the plugs, they do the tummy tuck. They do. If you can feminize your feet if you want. Like Monet.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet got. Yeah, I don't know what. They can take care of all the pictures. When does the feminization kick in?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Thank you. Hello, Shots fired.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can you feminize a size 15 foot hobbling bunion?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You, you, you chop the toes off. Shaved out. Well, Mary, I got two words for you. Corn blade.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What's the corn blade?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Let me tell you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you have corns? No, not anymore. Not since the corn blade.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Mary. I got. I was like, I've been dreaming about foot rasps.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Rasp.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, a foot rasp. It's like a cheese grater for your Feet.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had these. I've had these. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And they're quite intense. They can be quite intense. You know, you're like, oh, my God, I had two inches of dead skin on my feet. Now I'm a size 2. Like, so I got a corn blade, though. And that shit is a fucking razor.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you have.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And you gotta watch out.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you have nice feet?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'll let you be the judge of that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They're nicer than mine. But that's. That's not a.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's not a foot model foot.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Having a nicer foot in mind is not an accomplishment.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What is, girl? It's like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You don't wear socks. That's crazy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, this is a. This is a. Once. I never do this.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Are you throwing these shoes away after?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I never do this. Because, girl, these. These. This will be a biohazard. These shoes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, you can't wear. There comes an age, and I would say 13, where you can no longer wear a shoe without a sock.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What about loafers at the. On the cape?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like a. No, not a loafer. No. You can't wear any shoe that encapsulates your foot. It has to be a sandal. Otherwise the shoe is just. It's the nastiest shoe on the planet. The shoe becomes loafers on the cape. On the Cape.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Loafers on the cape.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What is this?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Cape Cod, bitch?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, I've never.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Nantucket. Martha's Vineyard.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do I look like I go to Martha's Vineyard?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They got black people up in there.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Not like the Obamas. Not. The Obamas are of a different ilk than I am. I'll just say that they're not as classy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Clearly. Look at these braids.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We got our units on.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Excuse me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You posted online. It was a unit.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What are you talking about? Unit?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The unit and the beautiful.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's no longer the. It's just.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What is it? It's just beautiful.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Unity.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Unity. There it is.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Unity.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You and I. T Y. That's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Before we get into Simone Biles and Meth, what has been going on in your life other than this gorgeous, lovely printed book for which she has received so much critical acclaim?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Thank you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Tell me about the process.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can I tell you what has been the most, like, impressive thing about this book for me? First of all, getting it written was a very long process. It took me four years to write the book.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Talk about writing a book, because Mama. Talk about it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I missed.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This is fiction.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I missed every deadline.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Except the last one, obviously.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But see, That's. Editors know that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They must know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Of course they know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I started writing and then we had a lockdown. I started writing this on episode one. I got the deal on season one, episode one, filming of We're Here. And then after that, when I started writing this book, Trump was president. And when the book was released, he was president again. Trump, Biden, Trump.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's 17 years. Oh, wait, no, that's.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's four.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Four. Yeah, four. That's what I meant for.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

For you do math.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Four.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But, you know, feels. I don't do the Eurocentric math.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Thank you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I do, I do. I do a different kind of math that we. That we studied here in the States.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Black Jibra.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Exactly. Yeah. No, but it took me four years to finish the book. Five years if you include the audiobook.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Did you like doing the audiobook?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I. I'm glad that I did it. Have you ever done an audiobook before?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I have.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Reading an audiobook is not like reading a book. No, it's. If you. If you sit in your home and you read a book you think you like, that's. I basically did an audiobook. It is not. You have to get it word perfect. You can't stutter, you can't gibber. And there's someone there being like you said. And instead of a. You said the. Instead of the. You said go to the store. Instead of go to store. And like. And it's like, do you want. Did you want it to be like that? Did you want to mispronounce that word?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I have never met a person who was so attentive and so vigilant.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Literally, like, she would stop me every fucking 10 seconds because I. It was so diabolical. I felt like I was illiterate. I felt like I had no.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There comes a point where you were like, em, like you're reading, but you don't even register that you're reading anymore because you've been reading for so long. What I meant to say was the most impressive part of this book is that my publisher just told me that we are on our eighth reprint, which is. He was saying most books don't even 90s.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But you had 10 at a time, right?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, no, this. The eighth book. The eighth book is that. No, most books. One at a time. I have a 8th book. Most books don't even get one reprint. 90% of books don't even get one Reprint. I am on my 8th reprint of this book.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Congrat. Fucking latience.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Thank you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

New York Times bestseller novel Mama Non fiction.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Nonfiction? No, fiction. Do you know words?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was going to say. I was thinking, like, oh, wait, what do you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Was I what?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was trying to make a really bad joke about Indian fiction.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Let's not. Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Fiction. Now listen. Fiction.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I really. I definitely decided to take a crazy route in writing this book.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

For sure, though, I really have to thank you because we do not need another drag memoir.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's what I said. I was offered a drag memoir, of course, and I was like, I don't want to write about my life. I think you guys think it's more interesting than it really is. They're like, no, you have to be living the crowd. I'm like, yo, I go home, I play video games. I come back to work and I. Everything else I'm doing. You're seeing it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hello.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're seeing all of it. I'm on the podcast. I do fucking three podcasts a week. You already know what I'm doing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I wish. I have to literally go out and make. Make new stories.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I also think that my more interesting stuff is ahead of me. You're in your 40s. How old are you?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

43.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

43. I'm 39. I'll be 40 next year. You know what's kind of crazy? I think around 43 to 50, you can actually. I would say around 38. You can officially say I have more days behind me than I have ahead of me. Isn't that kind of crazy?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Not necessarily true, but how old do.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You want to be?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That is a great. Now, that's a great question. I have. I had a great dance teacher in school who was a very wise, incredible woman, and she. I'll never forget. I always keep this in the back of my mind. She says her 40s were her 40s and most of her 50s were fucking stellar.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Because she was. It was like the intersection of a maturity, a wisdom. The body was still very capable, but it was. There was a. Like, you weren't flailing it around. Like, you know, you were taking care of it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you see stuff you used to do on stage and then think to yourself how, like, there's, like. Like, there's this drag queen back in the day. She was sent out of New York City because she tried to stab her boyfriend, allegedly. So she's, like, run out of the city. Like, she got arrested, and then she got out of jail, and then she, like, fled to go to Florida. That's where you go 40s when you're stabbing. You go down there. She's probably in her 40s. Now she's probably my age or a little bit older.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Maybe that was a result of her.

[Jinkx Monsoon]

Being in her 40s or.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I do not know why she tried to stab her partner.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Did you say that? Why did you bring that up?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know. Oh, this thing where she would jump in the air.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Her cooter slam wasn't her. Her equivalent of the cooter slam was jumping in the air as high as she could and then landing on her knees. Like, landing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Mama, no. Oh, baby. When I see it, it's like. So I, I, I know about dance and actual dance before I learned about drag. And this death drop move is nobody should ever have been. This should not be a move.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And doing it on your knees is even worse. I feel if I jumped in the air knees, I would explode.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We do not with our knees. Our knees are a hinge joint. And anybody who's had a knee replacement will tell you it is a fate worse than death.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can we cut to Sher vine here talking about how no. Sherry vine was saying she had a knee replacement and then JKB had a hip replacement. So she was like, well, my friend had a hip replacement. It's the same thing. The doctor's like, no, it's not, baby.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, it's not.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He was like, it's nothing like that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hip replacement is a sprained finger. A knee replacement is like head chopped off.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. He was like. He was like, you will not recover the way your friend recovered, and it is not the same thing. You will not be having the same experience. I assure you it is not like a hip replacement.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I always forget I had a hip replacement. Always.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I forgot you had a hip replacement.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You're joking because I mention it all the time.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I really forgot.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Me too. I really forgot my knees. Cunty.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Which hip?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't know. Your guess is another.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You woke up, they were like, we're going to pick one.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, you know what?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

My hip is still hers, but we picked the other one.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know what happened, though? I was in Singapore. I was. Did not. You know, I didn't warm up at all at the end of the show. I did the very thing. I jumped up, landed in a split. Didn't. That didn't stop there. I did a thing when I bounce, bounce, bounce, and I bounce in a circle, like, to do like the clock. And then I drag my to that stage and drag it back here. The first bound.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like a Roomba.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Swiffer, Swiffer, Swiffer. And then I The first landing, I heard a something untoward.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Click, clack. That's the sound of a sling bag.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was like, ooh, that sounds like a muscular tear. Let me keep. Like, I had to take. I had to get a wheelchair the next day at the airport.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The one time I did a split, back when I could do split, you know? Do you still do those?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm trying to do straddle splits now.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay? Some people never learn. I was doing. So now I'm just slamming it. Like, just bam, bam.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I don't want to do it on stage. Just for my, like, personal enjoyment. Got it. It's the only goal I have in.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

My life, right, Is to get to a straddle split. Only goal back when I could do a split. I remember I was at the club out of drag. I was maybe 23, 24, dancing, and then this guy came up and started dancing, like, against me. Like, I was like, oh, we're having a little dance off. This is. This could be cute and fun. He's doing his moves, and then I was eating him up. And then he pulled out a fan. This is before everyone was clacking the fans and he was clacking, and everyone's going crazy. He flipped it. He caught it, and I was like, I have to one up him. So, baby, I went up. I jumped up. I spread those legs in the air. I landed. I said, I hit that split. And as soon as I got down there, I was like, something has happened. Something has happened. And then I could not get up, but I couldn't stop dancing, so I started doing floor work.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Married. I know this.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's like I hit the floor. I move. And then I. And then as the crowd was going crazy, crazy, I took his fan, I clacked it, and then I crawled to the bathroom, closed the. I literally crawled to the bathroom, closed the door behind me, rang. My friend said, girl, come in here and get me. I. I literally can't stand up. I have to bike it in.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Icy hot in a wheelchair.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I have to get out of here. So I. I.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

He.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He. My friend Frosty Flakes. Shout out to Frosty Flakes. Created a diversion. I crawled to the bathroom. I crawled from the bathroom to the. The taxi. Yellow taxis, pre Uber.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Damn.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Got in the taxi, crawled into the car, took me uptown, crawled into my apartment, up four flights of stairs. Literally no elevator. That's insane. And it was no elevator. It was lit. I had to crawl up with my. It was. It was insane.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's horrible.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All because this. This guy brought Out a fan.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

See, when you dance battles, nothing ever good happens. Julia Styles, you're going to dance. She really thought she was eating.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Julia Styles. That movie was so insane.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, it was bad.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Save the last dance.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Save the last dance. That was a crazy. And I guess were we to believe, like, this is eating.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think it was very. It was very, like, 2.0 of, like, teen Witch. Like, top that. Yeah, it was very. That kind of level of cringe. At the time, I thought they were being fierce.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Is Trixie open about the surgery? Are you breaking the news?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The plugs or the tummy tuck? She don't want me talking. She does not want me to talk about the tummy tuck. But the plug, she's fine with. I don't know where they're gonna get these plugs. She's bald as hell.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wait, is she really getting a tummy tuck?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's trying to get it. No, no, no. She's trying to get the. I mean, I, I have. I'm very, very suspicious about the plugs. The tummy tuck's gonna die.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm getting the plug soon.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Really?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. And Monet got a tummy tuck. Actually, she opened up about it. I can now say it. Monet got a tummy tuck on when she went and got her lipo.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Every single person on this earth who has ever had any affiliation whatsoever with Drag Race has had the turkey treatment.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm going to Beverly Hills.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Miss Fame went to New York.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. And Jinx went to Seattle. They smear hummus over your head.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They just put, like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And white people do a drum circle and they pray. The witches pray that your hair grows and it works. And now she's on Broadway.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Just hemp dreads.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Exactly, exactly.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I. It's funny because I, I, I. Well, I never had good hair to begin with, so I've never even fantasized whatsoever or been even a little bit jealous or like, or yearning for that kind of. Because I don't want the hair that I had. When I was young, I used to.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Have beautiful long hair, really down. Like Vivica Fox down. No, like, like, like, I mean, rest in peace, Malcolm Juwan Warner. Or like, I had long locks, like, down to hair. Beautiful. Like. Yeah, he had locks in, like, the early 2000s. Yeah, he just passed away recently. It was so crazy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Really?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, he. I think he drowned.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The old huxtable.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. Damn. I think he drowned. Yeah. In the Cayman Islands.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It wasn't like, in a. One of those whirlpools or Riptides.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I just saw. I just saw a TikTok about getting caught in a. In a sink. Not like the holes they put in the middle of. You know, they put these holes in lakes to keep them from overflowing. You know about this? They will install a hole in a lake to keep it from overflowing. The water shoots down and it goes out somewhere else. And then this woman was like, I want to go see the hole girl. She was the last thing she ever saw.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You don't do that shit. You don't fuck with Ms. Water.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't. I do not get in the ocean. You will never catch me in the ocean.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The only thing I'm. I will get into the ocean. If it's like Ginger Rogers beach, everybody's gay. You know what I mean? It's just like you dip your toes in that freezing ass cold water or you're in Thailand and you just go up to your. You know, it's like warm. Whatever. I don't fuck with lakes. That's scummy, nasty bullshit.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Not getting on lake.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sometimes I don't even get in pools because I'm afraid of sharks.

[Jinkx Monsoon]

This episode of the Bald and the Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb. Last spring, I took an impromptu vacation and wandered to a secluded island retreat in the shimmering Pacific Ocean. It was a place I found on Airbnb where palm trees whispered in the breeze and the horizon resembled liquid gold. At dawn. While sipping my coffee on the beach one morning, I had an epiphany. My own home could welcome travelers of its own while I'm away. Why should I let its velvety comfort sit idle when I could host it on Airbnb? I could share every mysterious corner and moonlit balcony while I journey across the globe and earn extra income to fund my dreams, such as the bathroom remodel I've long imagined. A glorious multi jetted stone shower and a black toilet. As dramatic as can be, hosting on Airbnb is practical and above all else, smart. Whether you're off to fashion week in Milan or a quiet mountain hamlet in Europe, you too could host your home on Airbnb. Let your home earn for you while you chase your horizons, and perhaps finally build that magical bathroom of your most exquisite dreams. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how [e-mail] host this episode of the Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by BetterHelp. Captain's log, day 497. Suspended above the marble swirl of Earth, I drift. One contemplative mind in an infinite amphitheater of stars. Up here on the International Space Station, silence acquires the eloquence of a cathedral. Yet tonight, as we approach World Mental health day on October 10th, I send this transmission to all earthbound souls to utter a simple, profound salute. Thank you, therapists. Better Help's licensed therapists serve as unseen mission control for over 5 million odysseys of the psyche. They are cartographers of the inner cosmos who pose the right question with comment like precision. They offer a gravitational well of safety in which to shed tears and pilot delicate course corrections capable of altering an entire life's trajectory. In my own orbital sessions, one quiet inquiry from a therapist broke through the cosmic hush and. And steadied my course. It reminded me that no true signal is ever irretrievably lost. Better Help makes finding that guiding signal effortless. A brief questionnaire. 12 plus years of refined matching experience and a therapist match commitment as exacting as a deep space docking maneuver. And should the initial alignment falter, you may switch to a new therapist at any time. No cosmic recalibration required. So this World Mental Health Day, let us honor the quiet navigators who keep minds aloft and hearts in orbit. Commence your own voyage and allow a therapist to help chart your celestial path even amongst the infinite stars. None of us is meant to voyage the galaxy alone. This World Mental Health Day, we're celebrating the therapists who've helped millions of people take a step forward. If you're ready to find the right therapist for you, BetterHelp can help you start that journey. Our listeners get 10% off their first [e-mail] bald. That's better. BetterHelp H E L P.com bald do you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you. When you're out in these streets on these gigs and stuff, do you, like, hang out with the people and go to their stuff? Like, you gotta come to this diner, you gotta come to this lake. You gotta come to this thing. The girls do it. They'll be like, I'm like. The local girls would be like, let's all go to the knickknack. Patty Wack. Sinkhole girl. No. Do you do the new beaches? We ever done a new beach?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I, you know, I. I have. So. Okay, this is interesting.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, act like you didn't have a brief exorcism.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, no, I just. I have some gas. Gas from time to time.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Gang, Gang.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I recently made my good friend watch Ghost for the first time. For the first time, he never seen Ghost. Motherfucker.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Whoopi Goldberg and Ghost.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Whoopi Goldberg and Ghost.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. You love it, right? You're not about to hate.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm a. I. I love it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And she is. I've never Brown. I've never seen. I've never. There's never been a best supporting actress actress Oscar more deservedly won than that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, she should have won for Color Purple. That's a conversation.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's okay. But she vindicated because this role. She was brilliant.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She was amazing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I signed the wrong name.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, how would you like it? Tens and twins, baby. What you do to your hair?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's all. Yeah, it means she. Every. Every line.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Every line.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Every line.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So good.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Okay. Anyways, I have that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I have that outfit.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The. The one going to the.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Not the one. But I have a recreation of the outfit from the bank. I literally have it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So you walk like that. I know you don't give. I know you don't think I'm giving this check to a bunch. Although, if you really analyze. I've been. I've been thinking. They used and abused that poor black woman. What was her reward? Nada.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She got to see Patrick Swayze go to the. To the. To the. To the.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, she was raped.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She. Yeah, she was. Oh, that part. Yeah, she was.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, she. It was consensual, but she.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They used.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Literally used her body.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Did she know what she was. Consent. Was she like, I'm gonna let you hang out Demi Moore? Or she like, I'm gonna let you top Demi Moore.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She said, you can use me. Go ahead and do it. So it was consistent. It wasn't grape. It wasn't full grape.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm polyamorous.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But it was literal and figurative use. She was used up and spat out and almost killed.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But then if. If. If the Whoopi Goldberg cinematic universe is continuous, then it was redeemed when she became a Vegas headliner. And then she later. She later went to space.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm talking about the character.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I know. But the. But the Whoopi Goldberg cinematic. If they're all tied. Okay, Sister, if Whoopi is the same person in every movie.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Once she is a. Is a scam artist, psych psychic, then she left that behind to go be. To work in Vegas, and then she became a nun, and then she went to space, and then she became. She was in Star Trek, and then she became a hyena.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She died and came back as a hyena.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Seemed like a.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But you have to do a lot of work to make it. You know, she was in Lion King.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I've never seen it. I know, I know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What. What kind of millennial are you?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The one that don't watch cartoons?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're also Gen X virgin, though.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I'm a millennial for sure.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But you're on. You're a. You're. Because I think 45 is the cutoff. You're 82.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

82.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, 82. And I think 81 might be where the Gen Xers start.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't think so. Look it up. Control room. 80.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

80. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I mean, I don't think that has anything to do with me not watching cartoons, but, you know, you don't. You.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But you watch, like, other ones. Like, Little Mermaid.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, I mean, I've, like, seen them when I was a child.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes, but Lion King was not. Didn't come out when I was a child.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It came out in 1994.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, it did?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The one with Beyonce. No, I'm just kidding.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my God. I'm, like, sweating. I'm sweating in here.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Willie Lopez.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So in 94, you were 10?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was 12.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

12 years old, girl.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Let me tell you what I was doing in 94.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I really.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was sitting in the dark, drinking blood. You think I was watching the Lion King?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Why were you drinking blood?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Because I was goth, bitch. Terror. Terror. Like, thoroughly Goth.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Whose blood?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

My blood and my friends. Oh, we were in the dark.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The more I learned about pretending to be bisexual, I learned such interesting things about you that are so. Your child. Was your. Was it a dark childhood?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I just told you, literally, was it dark?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because you were like, no one gets me, but my life is. My family life is great.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was. I was legitimately depressed. I was also. But more than that, I was also very interested in, like, you know, I was very. I was goth. I like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Did you. Did you do. We had. We had one. We had, like, maybe three white kids in my school. And one of them. He Actually, one of them ended up working at a bar with me in New York City. I was like, oh, my God, you went to Morrow High School. That's crazy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Marlboro High School.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Morrow, like, tomorrow. Marlboro High School next to Campbell Middle School and Newport University. Yeah, Newport University.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She shut down too much aluminum.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Exactly. But this one guy, he used to spike his hair with black nail polish. That is so that he only have to do his hair once a month.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, go. That's disgusting. But I wore. I never forget. I wore fishnets to wood shop once. I'll never. And I will Never.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Did you get caught up in the. In the.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, it was just a little humiliating. A little humiliating?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Have you ever been into a humiliation kink?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I'm the opposite. I want everybody. You want to humiliate? No, I want everybody to feel great and proud and wonderful about themselves.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I love that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, you know, I was. I went. I got it. I caught. I caught a ride home with this guy who had the teeny tiny little micro peak penis. Then I know that he wanted me to do that. I would not oblige.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, he wanted you to shame his penis?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, of course he did.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But. But it would have made him feel good to make him feel bad.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But I don't. But that doesn't make me feel good. It's a two way street and I'm not gonna jerk him off like this like he's a Lego.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So what did you do?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I. I looked at. And I was like. And he was like. He drove me home.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But how does that make him feel? Good. I think you gave him the king shame. He won it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I mean, I do. I wasn't like looney tunes like that. I was. I was like. And then I could just projectile vomited the entire way home. No.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I look up with a few men with micro penises. I've never been a size queen, though.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Mean girl. You could be hung like an elevator button. It's all about what's in the back for me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, nice. I know you were ass, woman.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, baby mama, baby mama.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What's your ignorance? What's your ig.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Mama, baby.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

For you, Paige.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Baby mama. Let me show you this.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I want to see because I love this is.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do you know that the amount of times I have jerked off to this clip, you have no idea.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This is just Trixie lip syncing on dragon.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Shut the up, Mary. Watch. Catch this.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, that's a wagon.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's a deep freezer hanging out of a minivan.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, this man is dragging a wagon. For sure.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Mama. The way that I would clap those cheeks like it was the. I mean, it just.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So what do. What makes a nice butt? What makes a butt where. Where you're like. That's the one.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hairless. Oh, actually, that's not true because I did have sex with a hooker recently and he had a big hairy butt, which I don't prefer, only just because I don't like. I'm like Harry. I would like. My dream butt is smooth. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he was extraordinarily well groomed in terms of hygiene. He had cleaned out like it was his last night on earth and so.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I, I, it might have been. Have you called him back? Well, I haven't, I haven't heard from.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Him since I ate his ass. Like it was my last meal on death row. And like, it was lovely. But I. By my dream ass is like, tan, huge, smooth, and like, you know, like that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jason Momoa, I have an appreciation for a lot of different butts. Right. I like a wagon, like a big, like, sticking out the back of your, like a shelf put on it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Unbelievable. Yeah, breakfast tray.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, the airline charges you extra for carry on.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's the cart.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I love that as well. But then also a little butt. Like, if it's like a little butt, I like a little. But I'm not into like a concave booty.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, no, no, no. Extended back. We don't know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm not into that. But, but like a little butt, like a little cuppage with a little, With a bit. With baby shelf on the bottom. Yeah, I like a shelf on the top, but if there's a little baby shelf on the bottom, I'm also happy with that as well. If you have a flat ass, I prefer you have like, like ladylike hips.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sure.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So then it looks like it's giving the ass more shape than it is. But also if the ass is completely flat, once they're like all the way bent over it, it kind of all just blends into one.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They got to get on top. Yeah, yeah, they gotta get on top. I can't hit it from the back. It looks like I'm like, it's Mr. Bojangles with skeleton or whatever. But I actually, it's funny you mentioned that because I don't go for skinny, skinny guys, but I did have a fuck buddy for a while who was very, very thin, but he had, he.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Had some, Some dumpage.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Some major damage. Like you could really, like get two handfuls, which is like, oh, that's lovely. And it was very, it was genetic, you know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What Size of your hands? Pretty average size hands.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they were like, it was, he had like, short.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're not short.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm 5, 9 or 5, 10.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's average.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, every. I'm like, totally average. And that he, but he was like six, two, skinny as fuck. And. But he had a little, it was like, oh, lovely. So I had like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I feel like you have good. Your body is very resilient.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Are you kidding me? The shit that I put it through 20 years ago.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Aren't these, like, Aren't these like, notoriously your real teeth?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's crazy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I know. And I. It's funny. I have the teeth anxiety. So in. I told them story before, but in Boston, I. At the height of. I mean, I was very like everyday meth user, like, very, very, very intense. Seven years ago, not going to the dentist. And when I got sober, I was like, I have to go to the dentist. And I was like, they're going to take out all my teeth. They're going to take out all my teeth. Not one cavity.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They're like, gang, gang.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They were like, these are beautiful. They just need to floss more.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We're going to recommend your program to other people, actually.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was like, they're like, keep doing math. No, I'm just kidding.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I got to say this. I. When I first got sober, I talked to my sponsor and. And I was like, this applies to you. And it is a compliment, by the way. But I was like. I remember talking to him, I was like, you're a little nutty. And then he looked at me, he said, well, I smoke crack every day for 10 years, girl. He's like, so you're going to lose something you just can't get back.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I mean, I always say, you know, it's funny, whenever I go to a meeting, it's like I always have to remind myself if it's boring or if it's a little. If it's not, you know, not dazzlingly entertaining. I'm like, it's a fucking miracle that all these crackheads didn't erupt into some kind of like, ballroom blitz type of, like, rumble kind of. You know what I mean? That it actually.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, you haven't heard about the Paris street meetings?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

New York City has a meeting called Paris street where, like, the. The legend is like, you. You go to parish, you want to go. Did anyone throw a chair? That's what they always say. Did anyone throw a chair or Midnight. I think one of the crazy things I saw at midnight was this guy was like. He was basically like, this is this 30? This guy was like, I. Today's my first day back. I woke up in the hospital and my foot was gone. I got drunk and I fell on the subway platform. And then the next thing I knew, I woke up in the hospital and I had one foot. This is one day back. My name is so and so. I'm an alcoholic. Thank you for letting me talk. And that's it. I was like, you know what? I think I'm done. I think it's a wrap for me. I don't think I need anymore. Anymore. He popped that nub up there.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Bam.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

In the chair in front of him. On the back of the person sitting on their shoulder. No, it was on the chair. And he popped the nub up and he showed us all that nub. Still bandaged.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Mary, what if he was, like, so flexible. He was just like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What is the line in Mommy Dearest where she's in the mirror and she lifts her leg up to her face?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't remember.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't love Mommy Dearest like some gays do, but that one scene is pretty iconic. Is there a gay movie that you're like, why do y' all like this movie?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes. Yes, yes. Mean Girls.

[Jinkx Monsoon]

Like, who fucking cares about mean girls?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Girls. Mean Girls is a crazy take.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What do you mean?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Mean Girls is a brilliant movie. It's so good.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Africa.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You can't just ask people why they're white.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

For me, From Africa.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

For me, it is Mummy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's from Africa.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, Charlize. Charlize Theron.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

South Africa.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But she was like a missionary or something, wasn't it?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Charlize?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No. Lindsay Lohan.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Where?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know. Somewhere.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The country of Africa.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know what I hate about Epcot? I've never been. But when you're. Me neither. They're like, all right, we're in China, we're in Germany, we're in Russia. We're in Africa, girl. We're in the country. We're leaving the country, trying to go to the country of civilization, which is crazy, because Africa. What are we in Egypt? We're in South Africa. Are we in the Sahara Desert? Are we on the Nile River? Are we in the forest? Can we. Kenya. Are we. Are we in Lesotho? Are we. Where are we?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Pacific Ocean? Indian Ocean.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

General. Africa. We're in Lion King.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's wild.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think Lion King's in the Serengeti. But you never. How would you fudge know? You've never seen it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I couldn't tell you because you were.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Too busy sucking blood from your. From your friend's knee.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, my sister been in Africa, though, studying primates. Better believe it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jane. Jane Goodall.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Jane Goodall.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Is she older sister's younger sister?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wait, I don't. I know you don't care. I know nobody cares, but I'm just going to have to. You have to suffer.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Show me your. Your Jane Goodall sister.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

My nephews. Oh, they are so, so. Look at this. Look at that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Are these some of her primates?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. She. They've been euthanized. Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

To be fair, we are prim. This is a very. No, this is a very cute baby. Oh, so cute.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But look, mama. That's a cartoon. That. That is a mama. Get him into pictures. Get him into commercials.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I Lowkey, have baby fever right now. Lowkey. You do lowkey. I know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

How is that manifest? You're going to get somebody. Oh, come on.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think the. The chubbier babies are cuter. A little c. Baby's not cute.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This is a doll. That's a doll.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, that. Yeah, this.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's a doll.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, this baby looks. It should be on bald and beautiful.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm telling you. Well, if the tummy tuck goes south, he's come. You know we're going to get her.

[Jinkx Monsoon]

This episode of the Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by ritual. It is October 7, friends, and national inner Beauty Day has arrived like a soft anthem amongst the fiery colors of autumn. And on this glorious day, I have but one what is more exquisite than the hidden garden of a healthy gut microbiome? In this season of quiet renewal, I've been tending my own interior landscape and adding a daily ritual that feels almost poetic. Rituals Symbiotic plus. The microscopic ecosystem within our guts influences everything from mood and mental clarity to the fortitude of our immunity to the elegant machinery of digestion. With each mint kissed capsule, Synbiotic plus delivers a three in one constellation of pre, pro and postbiotics. Designed with a delayed release capsule to reach the colon, that true seat of microbial artistry. I love ritual for its luminous integrity. Vegan, GMO free, meticulously tested for heavy metals and common allergens. And no shadowy fillers or artificial dyes. Just clean, deliberate care. Since beginning the daily practice, my own digestion has moved from occasional gaseous discord after an ill timed feast of midnight soft tacos to a serene, unhurried cadence. My own digestion now glides like a moonlit river of silk, each graceful current carrying nourishment with such serene precision, it feels less like biology, more like choreography. So on this National Inner Beauty Day, consider the quiet splendor within ritual. Symbiotic plus is even HSA FSA eligible, letting you nurture your gut with pre tax dollars.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay.

[Jinkx Monsoon]

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[Trixie Mattel]

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[Katya Zamolodchikova]

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[Jinkx Monsoon]

This episode of the Bald and the.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

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[Jinkx Monsoon]

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[Bob the Drag Queen]

Runs through the family. Everybody.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Girl don't tell.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Ugh.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Also, you know, I. My.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

My.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The. My maternal side. Well, first of all, I have 60,000 cousins on my dad's side, none on my mother's side. And my mother's side. My grandfather, my maternal grandfather died very young and terrible health and I have that whole gig.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Did you hear about the woman? I can't remember what country she was in.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Africa.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I want to say. I want to say it was China. But she.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Maybe it was the one the guy or the woman married the other person. But they had a lot of plastic surgery done so they looked really beautiful. But that was not their. Obviously your. Your plastic surgeon's a carry through your DNA. Your DNA is going to stay the same. And then they. She was like, I had a baby with you and now I'm going to have an ugly baby. But I thought you were hot, but you're actually ugly. I'm suing you for making me have an ugly baby. And I think she won the case.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's not.

[Jinkx Monsoon]

It's not indicated.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like, two hots don't make it hot.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know, it feels really unfair when. When hot people have ugly kids. To the child.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If my parents were smoking hot and I was ugly, I'd be like, there's something here doesn't feel good.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Maybe if they were hot and poor. That's when you really got the bone to pick, because you're gonna take that little ugly ass to the. To the. To the.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And being an ugly kid is probably only bad up until, like, maybe like. Well, it starts being bad around 5 years old because no one cares about if you're ugly. And you're like three or four other kids don't really register. You're not pretty.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I know a child. I won't say who.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Probably safe, but. And then, you know, it's probably a good, good tactic.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

There was a child in the family.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Who was in your family, who was hit.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Who was toe up. Who was fe.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

In your family. They know. They all know who you're talking about.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, they don't, because I told you I have 60,000 cousins on that side.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's true. And a lot of ug mama.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This. This child was. It was. It was. It's crazy because I'm trying not to gender. I'm trying to keep it general, but how you view. But it was like. Like, it was like a jump. Scare. Jump scare. It was a bird. It was a.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

As a baby.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

A baby. It was the ugliest baby ever known.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How old is. Is the child over 10 now?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Still hit.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not. Not on the COVID of Sports Illustrated or on Men's Health magazine, but on.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The COVID of Monsters, Inc.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Exactly.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Scare Mag.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Yeah. Not in the terrifier with no prosthetics.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I have a cousin that I don't like, and it feels bad because the cousin is my cousin's child. So it's my. My baby cousin.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, girl, who gives a fuck?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But I don't like. I've never liked this cousin who cares about cousins. But because they're a child, like the. Because I don't like. Because I never.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

How old?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They're now an adult. They're now a very young. A very young adult. I don't want to give the cousin.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Let'S say some, like, teenage 20. Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Enough to have a conversation. Old enough to have a conversation. Yes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I. And I feel justified because I still don't like this cousin. Like, I still think that they're super fucking annoying. And they never grew out of that thing that they had. And at first I felt bad. Cause I was like, I don't like this six year old. Like, whoa, I hate, I hate this. Like. And it wasn't like, this is an annoying kid. It was like, I do not like this kid. Like, I hope this kid's not there when I get to the thing. I hate this kid. And now I don't like this adult. I do not like this adult. And they're so fucking annoying. And. But I will say now I feel justified because that they, they have grown to an adult that I also don't like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But if I did feel bad disliking.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This child, I understand that. I mean, like, I, I had. My nephew was like, so. And continues to be my other nephew. My brother's son was like a terror. Now he is one of the cutest, smartest, funniest, like, but he was a terror. Terror. Terror the terrifier. From like the jump even in, in the, in the belly terrifier. But now this kid is like, so he's just going to be amazing. You can tell. But it was challenging. Like, you go, I go visit. And he has like, imagine if I took all the meth in the world. I still wouldn't be able to catch up with him. He was so. When you weren't energetic, when you weren't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

An amateur phlebotomist as a child, were you a terror or were you like, lovely, thank you. I'll be here all week.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Where does that word come from?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's so wild. Just say blood draw.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know, it's very weird.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay, I. I was. Apparently I was a very quiet baby. And I was, I was shy and I was, I would kept to myself. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't. I mean, apparently I kicked my neighbor. I need my neighbor in the balls because I didn't want to watch ET but that was the only thing I ever acted out.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You hate all the classics. ET Lion King.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I've never seen it. Don't want to. Not interested.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Boop. When I was a kid, apparently I was a monstrous child. My mother, famous. My mother famous, said, if you were my firstborn child, your brother never would have been born. You were that bad of a child.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But then, like, how. What? Like noisy?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Cried a lot. I used to snatch my mom's earrings out of her ears. And I don't mean like pull them with the back, I mean like through two flaps of Skin dangling, you wouldn't have survived. I had an obsession with flushing things down the toilet.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You. So you were the terrifier.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was a terrifier. I. I talked non stop. Every. Everyone in my poor car said, christopher is a great kid. He just will not stop talking. I had a nickname. The librarians called me the detective. They go, oh, here comes the detective asking questions. Watch out, here come the detective, y'.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

All.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So you're like Motormouth Babel.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, yeah. But somewhere around seventh grade, I became a. I became a lovely child. Became exemplary around seventh grade. And then my brother did a little flip flop. My brother was a quiet kid. He did a flip flop, started running with the wrong crowd, which my mother kept being like, Justin, keep getting me stuff. The wrong crowd said M. He is the wrong crowd.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

He is the leader of the crowd.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There's no way every crowd he's in is wrong. Justin is the wrong crowd.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We were all like, me, my brother, my sister and I were. Were raised to. Okay, so we were raised with some very, very core principles that we cleave to. Like, like, non stop politeness. We. I had friends who would tell their parents to shut the up. That, to me, is unconscionable.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's why black kids. That's how black kids think white kids talk to their parents.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, Mary, it was. You would. You would gag because these two would talk to their parents like they. It was crazy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's very Boston, though.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't know. This was evil. This was something more. This was. This wasn't like, ma, what the you talking about? This was like, you're a stupid, fudgeing bitch. Like, it was that crazy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But you all know what the rest of the country thinks about Boston, all right? You know how we feel about y'. All.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, you're not better than me. Yeah, Like. But. But so. But we were. I was, like, troubled in the sense that I was, like, smoking pot in seventh grade. I was doing drugs. I was, like, misbehaving, but not. But not like, hurting anybody.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Except when you were drinking, when you were. Well, that was puncturing your friends.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I would say hurting was just sensations.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Were you. And you were. They were consensually doing this. You all. Can you talk me through the process? Was it. Was it like, slice, suck?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So well, there was a scrap your knee.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can I. Can I get it? Can I get it?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I didn't. I didn't love the taste of it. I was obsessed with vampires. And then also I wanted to be like an Anne Rice vampire. Like, like, hairless, bisexual. But I was in study hall once, and I had a straight razor and actually, I think you can see.

[Jinkx Monsoon]

Still see.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think you can still see where it is. It was a huge gash.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You did this in class?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I did it in class, and it was very scary because it was. I can't see.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Is it this? Oh, no, that's the text.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, it was. It must have been here. You can see those a little bit.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You are so vascular. Jesus Christ.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I know. It's crazy. Look at that. Phlebotomous dream.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yep.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hello. Thank you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But, I mean, see you coming.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I did. I did, like, a super deep gash, and it was like I could see the layers of tissue, and that was kind of like. Because I loved biology and anatomy, physiology. I got a pluses and all those. I love dissecting shit. That was kind of the. I didn't want to, like, hurt myself because I was troubled. I just wanted to carve my. Carve my shit up, chop it up.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's a little bit of a red flag.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's a huge. Well, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. It's a little Dexter y. Could you make it as a serial killer, Girl?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No. I don't like hurting people.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Not even to, like, help other people.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

If they're already dead? I'll fuck them. No, I don't like. I hate pain. I hate. The thing that is the biggest turn off for me is inflicting pain on someone else. That is just so heartbreaking to me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's valid and fair.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like, I don't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So you can't spank.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I can spank. I can spank. Because. But, I mean, girl, my spank is so Mary Poppins. Like, come on.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

One time, me and my partner were hooking up with someone else, and this person liked to be spanked. And I mean, like, brutalized. Like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like hurt me and hurt me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I like speaking and grabbing because I wanted, like, I. It's an appreciation.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The ass.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And this person was. They were.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's not a punishment.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They were. They still are South Asian, so they had very, like, dark brown skin. They're like. You need to be able to see it, so you have to work harder because of how dark their skin was. And I was like, you know, giving it and giving it. And they were like, you do it, too. And he was not into it. And I'll never forget him just being.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like, girl, that's like me when I tried to slap somebody. Oh, baby.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You wanna hear a crazy story?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It was so pathetic.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

One time during rehearsal, Madonna slapped Me as a bitch. As a bitch. We were doing thing. It wasn't hard. It was. It was like this. It was like. She was like, blah, blah, blah. And we were doing the scene where we were arguing in the scene. And she was like. Like that. And I'm in the face. Yeah. And I was like. I was like, ah. And then she goes, I'm sorry. You can slap me back.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's a setup.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I said, but that's a setup. I said, okay. And she was. And I said, I'm.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You're like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And she goes, no, slap me. I want you to slap me. Slap me. I slapped you, and that was wrong. So you slap me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Kick her in the pussy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And everyone's watching. And I was like, okay. And then I went. She's like, no, slap me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Slap me. I don't like this at all.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I want you to slap me. And then I did it one more time, but a little bit harder. But what?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I do it on my face.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It was like, I did like this. I did like this.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Ow.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And she was like, no. Slap.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Are you kidding me? More than that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I was like, I don't want to slap mama.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We're not doing that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She was like, whatever. Let's just keep moving. Like she wanted me to slap the shit out of her.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Can I tell you what I was like? So we were doing a choking thing, which I'm so bad at. Can I do it? Like, so imagine, like, you're. You're on top of me, real having sex.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I was like, am I writing you?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And. And then it was like, it was so pathetic. I, like, I. I. I kind of chickened out. And. And I was like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That'S. That's. He was like, no. I be like. I be like, seriously?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It almost came to that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was like, we're just going to move on. We're just going to move on.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There was one time when a guy was riding me, and I was like, choke me. I like. I like. If you're riding, just reach down and do a little chokey.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Chokey. Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Get a grip.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And he. He would pull some of your. He was like. I was like, chok me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. I would rather put the fingers in the mouth or something like that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I could show, but this.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I can't do this.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What the Is that? What are we doing? What are we doing?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They want to feel exposed. Yeah, they want to feel exposed.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Is that all about.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They want to feel exposed. Like they want you to see.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, why don't you just put one of those dental things. You see all the teeth?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I've been with one of those.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

All right.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I've been one of those.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You like giving head?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. You don't?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't. Not really.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You like getting head. You want to eat the ass, and then that's kind of all I want. And then top.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I, I want to eat the ass. I suck the balls. Maybe I wanna. I love kissing. I, I, I, I'll suck a dick for sure. But, like, I, I'm not. I don't think I'm all that great at it. And I don't. Like, I can't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, I love to suck dick. I love to eat pussy. I love to be down there giving someone head and just, like, making them happy with my mouth. It really brings me a lot of joy. It really does.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I can't believe I have not fucked a pussy. I just wish I had a pussy. Oh, my God. If I had a pussy, y' all would not stand a chance. If I had a pussy, none of you would be here. You would have all quit. You would have all retired.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Everyone always says that if I had a pussy. But, like, there are people with pussies who. We all are still around.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know that gif of the girl with the legs out the window of the moving car, squirting, baby. It would be water rolling. Kevin Costner.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I feel like I was like, if I had a pussy, guys. Like, if I had a pussy, honey.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But, like, you better thank your lucky stars every day when you get on your knees, you better say, thank God that she don't have a pussy, because it would be a rap. Simone Biles wouldn't be able to do gymnastics. Girl, nobody would be at the Olympics. Not with this fucking pussy. What?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Air traffic control has been shut down. Why? Because Katya has a pussy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Chicago O' Hare, gone. JFK no longer a service. LaGuardia never existed.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What gives you. What gives you full body chills these days?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Full body chills?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Not sexual. Just intellectually.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I understand. I caught on to what full body chills. I don't watch a ton of bald and beautiful, but I'm willing to catch on to the. To the. Trixie Katie is not a thing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It. This is not our thing. It's Jamie Lee.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But y' all have adopted it. It's. It's kind of like, like, you all adopt things.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's a very new thing, though.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. They become Trixie Katy Isms. Yeah. For me, a full body show these days. Baby, baby, slap me. I Went to the. The Hollywood bowl and I saw Cynthia Aribo.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, I. I read the review. She was. I heard it. She. She shut that down. Jesus.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Adam Lambert. Me. Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She was incredible.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'll tell you. All right now.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Talk about that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

First of all, Cynthia was amazing. When I tell you Cynthia was amazing. It was amazing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Talk about bald and beautiful.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No one's talking about Raul Espara.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The. The. The review did very much so.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

When I tell you he was the best part of that show. Raul.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Cynthia retired.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She was great. She was great.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No one is talking about Raul Espal.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, you good. They really gave him his flowers.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He was brilliant.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Really?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was punch.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

His pilot.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Full body. Yes, punch. Full body. Literal full body.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Chills, aneurysm.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I got full body chills from. From Cynthia. I was expecting that. I was expecting that. I'm a. I. I used to listen to R Bar on the Tick tick boom. Al album way back in the day. The off Broadway. Tick Tick boom. I was like, yeah, we love. We love Ros Baron.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Seen the Lion King?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes, yes. He was. He was Saravi. He played Beyonce's role in the original. But, yeah, he. He was just so. And it was his acting combined with his singing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, see, that's the. Yeah. Incredible.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Beautiful. Beautiful. Raul.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Raul, you better do that thing. You better pray. You better thank your lucky stars I don't have a pussy, because you would not have the range, honey. You would not have the range.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I got to the Hollywood bowl, and I sit next to this lady who.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wait. So first of all. Hold on. Let me. Let me rub it. Are you in those tiny little folding chairs in those cement.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm in the folding chairs.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

There is about a half inch between each person.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Claustrophobia.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Surrounded by snacks. My snacks. And then the guy behind me has the moves. I have to pick up my entire kitchen with me, smush my chair up also.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's the stress factor. How do.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How should I feel about this? Because the part of me that. That loves to say no to people was like, the guy. I show up, he's sitting in my seat.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, baby.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So there's six of them. There's six in this little box. He's in the back left corner where I. The ticket I purchased. His seat was front and center. It is a better seat. But the part of me that's like. But who gives you the authority to take my seat because you want to sit next to your friends? Part of me was like, you need to move. But also, I had a better seat. So I Let it go. Surrounded by my snacks. This lady next to me, she is this sweet lady. And I was like. She was like, oh. She sparked up a conversation. So I was like, hey, do you love. I see. I'm a big fan of Jesus Christ, but I know every word to the show. I loved it. I've loved this show since I was in high school. I'm obsessed with this show. And she was like, I am a big fan of Raul Esparza. I said, oh, great. That's really cool. And then out of nowhere, she just goes. She just told me this random. She was like, my husband's gay, but she, like, had tears in her eyes. And I was like. And I was like, oh, my God. And then she was like, I've never told anyone that. I have never. I told her about. We're here. And then she was like, I've never told anyone what I just told you before. I don't know what it is. I just trust you to tell you this. And then her and I had this, like, really moving conversation about how she was. She was. She had a hearing aid in. She was. I just recently, I'm finally in a point in my life where I can afford to go travel and see things. And I have a few years until I can't hear anything anymore. So I'm going to see every play, concert, every show. I want to hear everything. I'm so glad Katya doesn't have a.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Pussy, because I was just about to say, girl. She. It would be like, no Helen Keller.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then so we had this crazy conversation about her, and her and I were, like, having this great. And then a seat. Oh, I know you're not a Broadway girl. This May. This name might mean nothing to you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I know a little bit.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Marissa Jarrett Winoker was sitting in the booth next to us. She is the original Tracy Turnblad from Hairspray Woke up today. Not Nikki Blonsky.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, no, no.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The original.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This is Nikki Blonsky.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, the original is Ricky Lake. The original way. Yes. Nikki Blonsky's sitting in the booth next to me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I go, wait, wait, wait.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Boa. No. Just. Just. No. Not. Not. Not. Not. I said Nikki.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sorry.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Marissa, Jared Winoker. Marissa, Jared Winoker is sitting in the booth next to me. And I.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Behind Ricky Lake and Nikki Bloodfeed.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes. And John Travolta was there. Out. Wigged Divine was there.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, go ahead. Go.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Marissa probably does not want me to tell the story.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Then don't tell it. Don't air her laundry out which she said, I wish Katya didn't have a pussy. What happened?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, me and Marissa J went on. I was like, we can bleep it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

If you really don't believe it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was like, do you know the drag queen Paige Turner? And she goes, I know of Paige Turner. I'm a big fan of Paige Turner. And she described her perfectly. I used to go to her shows all the time in New York City. I was like, yeah, yeah. I was like, she used to be a roommate. And she was like, what? And she's like, paige Turner used to be my roommate. I said, paige Tracy needs to be roommate. She goes, wait, I don't remember Paige Turner, roommate. She's like, what was her real name? And I looked it up and I Googled, oh, her name's Dan. And she was like. So Mercier went, uncle had this roommate named Dan, who. They stopped being roommates. And then, like, the next year, he started doing drag. She became obsessed with his drag queen, went to all of his shows and literally had no way.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But then it was him, roommate, get.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The fuck out him for years. Come on.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And had no clue that they were the same. She was like, I guess Dan just floated off the face of the earth.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Tootsie. A real life tootsie. Mrs. Doubtfire had no clue. That is crazy. She have cataracts, glaucoma?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, she, by the way, looks great. Marissa. Jared Winokur looks fantastic.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, I know for Marissa.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, for sure. But that is so funny.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That is crazy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Had no clue that they, like. Imagine if someone was like, imagine if an old friend of yours takes you. I was like, have you heard this drag queen named Katya? I'm obsessed with her.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That would be strange. But only, though, because you do so.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Much out of drag.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I could. I mean, let's see. I would never. There's so many girl. There's so many drag queens I don't recognize out of drag that I've seen on the show.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my favorite moment is. Is when we were in studio. We were in my studio.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hi, how are you?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Who are you?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The winner of Drag Race.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was like, no, this is what happened. I said, this is on your nerve. He's, oh, hi. And I said, on your nerve. Just one drag race, like a week before the Katya said, you won Drag Race.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Literally. I was like, I would. I just talked to Trixie about this because she had a similar situation with the queen she just met. Asked her who she was.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Girl, it was the you on Drag Race.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, not like. No. I said, you what? It wasn't like, not you ugly bitch. It was like, wow, that's a great fact.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yesterday, I had Irene in my studio, and Irene's wearing a dress that caught that Violet used to own.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I had it here. I text. Did she tell you the story?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I text Violet the picture of the dress, and she goes, how did whoever that is fit into my dress? How did whoever that is, Mary?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Listen, Violet, you ain't no petite size zero. You got them big ass football shoulders.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Have y' all squashed the beef yet?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

With beef?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You need to hear the beef. They were like, ain't no beef. She was like, oh. They asked me to have their. Their assistant. Reached out, Girl, that ain't no beef.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's her personality.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Is it? Yeah, yeah. Like, I mean, please, if she ever returned one of my phone calls, did.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She ever send the voice note?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Huh?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Did she ever send the voice note?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She sure did.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Salty as.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But, God, that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's. That was a brined. Salty.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I've known her for. I've knew her before. We were both on Drag Race.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Really?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because we're from Atlanta.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, right.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. Okay. Years ago, Violet Chowski, me and her at fucking. I mean, the other show we were.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Trixie and I had been rewatching season seven, and it is truly breathtaking how talented she is. She was at 21. I mean, it was really something. She really. That bitch had a fucking eye. You know, because I always think about this, like, you know, in terms of design challenges and stuff. I need a lot of looking at stuff. I. If I'm. If I.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Those shoes in so we can talk about them.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sure, but. But that's just. That's. Girl, that's just gluing on a shoe. I know, but talking about.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But there's still a crap to it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Construction. Like, I wanna. I'm gonna look at Gautier's Runway from like, whatever, Whatever. I want references. You know what I mean?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I am obsessed with this shoe.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, you know what? I love that they're a sling back and that this almost the bottom is because when you're getting fucked, you got them legs up in the air like a pretzel.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you get fucked in heels?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, but I want to.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You deserve it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I might have my pussy so tight it can't get there. Can't get a dick in there.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I believe that, actually.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, no, it's true. I can't give. Girl. It's like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, not with that attitude.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, I mean, I try. It's a long story. We'll talk about it later.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Are you having a conversation about what Jaden Dear Fierce is doing these days? She's doing some of the funniest.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, she's doing I'm too obsessed with RuPaul's Instagram. I'm sorry.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She's the number. She comes out like Mr. Krabs and does a whole Mr. Krabs mix.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Who the is Mr. Krabs?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

From SpongeBob? I haven't seen that. Have you ever seen a cartoon in your brand?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And Stimpy? That's what I grew up on.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Scans for you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Rand and Stimpy and Rocco's Modern Life. No, really.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Rock is My Life was a banger.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He's Australian. Australian. Be.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You can't do that on television. That's not a cartoon. But it was a kid show. Did you ever see. I watched Thundercats every day.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Love Thundercats. Love Thundercats.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Or like, whatever school. And then, well, Gem and the holograms.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I didn't watch that one. No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

White. Gay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They had a black girl, I think.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I wouldn't know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, wouldn't know. And Ren and Stimpy was.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Did you like, Camp on Aana?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't know what that is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think you would like Camp on Aana.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Is it like Nickelodeon?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's Nickelodeon, yeah. Rena Snippet was Nickelodeon.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, but that was very, like, very off the beaten path.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It was a cany.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Was disgusting.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Ren. Sty was vile.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But. But they had the best life.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But it was, like, a little more tame. Down.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But what about this? What about their product? Log. The best advertisement ever. Log rolls downstairs alone, in pairs. Rolls over your neighbor's dog. It's fit for a snack. No, it's great for a snack. It fits on your back. It's log. Log. Log. It's Log. It's Log. It's big. It's heavy. It's wood.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's Log.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's Log. It's better than bad. It's good.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's from Rennes Tempe.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So great.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's running Stimpy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. They had a product called Log. It was just a log.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can we. Okay. Since we talk about jingles, I want to have a conversation about the Toys R Us song. I don't Want to Grow up.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm a Toys R Us kid.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They got a billion toys and Toys R Us that I can play with. From bikes to planes to video games. It's the biggest toy store there is. Gee whiz. I don't want to grow up because, baby, if I did, I wouldn't be Toys R Us kid. This was a banger of a song.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't want a. That's for ktia, cuz. No. Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What if ours on the east coast was water Country? When the sun is blazing and the summer gets hot, Water country is a very cool spot. There's no better place to feel. Beyond water country.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Have some fun. That bring back the jingle.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Where are they?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The TV shows had. The TV shows had. We were watching it for the. We were watching here. Whatever happened to predictability? The milkman, the paper boy and evening tv Fresh Prince. Oh, and it was Philadelphia. Yeah. Born and raised on the playgrounds where I spent most of my days chilling out Max and relaxing, all cool, not slapping Chris Rock outside school. And a couple of guys, they were up to no good. Start to make a dream. See you later. Look at my window. I was finally there to sit on my throne as King of Bel Air.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, the Prince of Bel Air.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Good.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But what about the bait and switch of that? I did not appreciate that they.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They. That was gaslighting. That was television gaslighting.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And no offense to the. To this. The. The second. Viv. I just loved the first.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, originally, did you see. Oh, my God. Did you see the. The reunion where OG and Viv confronted Will Smith about. About how they treated her? Baby, she's hot. She's hot like fish grease. She was like, y' all did me dirty and we need to talk about it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What happened?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Y' all replaced me with this light skinned woman.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Why did they replace her?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Apparently she was difficult, but. So according to her, Will Smith got her fired.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

According to her, Will Smith said he didn't like working with her. She stood up for herself too much. She had too much of a. She had too many opinions. She was an established actor. Will Smith was this brand new guy, this new hot young guy on the scene and he was calling all the shots because he was. It was his show.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

He was like just a rapper at that point, right?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, he was. Yeah, he was doing rap. Yeah. And then he became. I mean, he was so bad on that show. There were moments where he would, like, if you go back and look, you can see clips of him mouthing people's words as they speak.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, my gosh.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like they're talking like. Like they're talking.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They're just like, oh, probably cue cards too.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Probably cue cards, like mouthing their words while they're acting. Damn. It was insane. It was insane. And they. And they did her real dirty. And I do want to do a quick shout out to the Family Matters theme song, too, so.

[Jinkx Monsoon]

Good.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay. Refresh me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Me is a rare condition. No, no. In that age. Did you read any good news on the newspaper page? Love and condition are the grand design Some people say is even harder to find. Got that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Nobody stood a chance.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Everybody killed themselves. They jumped off a bridge. Someone should animate your video. But then it'll be AI Someone to make an AI Video. Bouncing around.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can you describe your pussy to me in the dream scenario?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

My pussy is hot, tight, wet. It grips like pliers.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You have big lips, you have the squiggles.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Whatever you want. They change all the time.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my God. Metamorphosis. Pussy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. It's like. It's like a Mr. Potato Head.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Got it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Mrs.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Potato Crotch.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Mrs. Potato Pussy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Mrs. Potato Puss. There it is.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It grips. It's like that lady song type, right?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Me all night. Make you leave your wife. Cause it's what you like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You're so good at moving in next.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Next week. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Well, my, my.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And her. When she says lady, her name is Lady.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Lady.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The worst name.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Never choose as a rapper.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Pre Google.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Exactly. But. But it's like Kaya. It's like grill. Wait, no. It's like pliers on the dick. It gripped the dick like pliers.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That doesn't sound good.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I know it sounds painful.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's what you have right now.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Gripping.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You have the pliers. You can't even get it in there.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

If I did like a clench and.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

A twist, girl, you're gonna snap it right off. And then you'll get that little blood you've been wanting.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

On that note.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Thank you, Bob.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Rid of time. I always have the funnest time with you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I do. I do, too. Thank you so much.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You fucking rock. And congratulations. If you have it. If you're a illiterate who hasn't picked up this book, you. No, you got to get the physical.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You got to get the physical.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Got to get the physical. And then graduate to the audio for. For a dessert. And if you don't do it, I will kill myself.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There it is. Okay, noted.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Thank you so much. Slap me off camera, Ram.