Employing Pillow Talk to Build Intimacy with Trixie and Katya

Summary

Episode Summary: "Employing Pillow Talk to Build Intimacy with Trixie and Katya"

Release Date: February 11, 2025

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Introduction to Discussed Topics

In this episode of The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya, hosts Trixie (“A”) and Katya (“B”) delve into a vibrant discussion centered around their favorite movies, the evolving landscape of social media, and personal anecdotes that offer listeners a glimpse into their personalities and perspectives on contemporary culture.

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In-Depth Movie Analysis and Reviews

The conversation kicks off with an enthusiastic critique of the film Atomic Blonde. Trixie praises Charlize Theron's performance, highlighting the realism and brutality of the 10-minute fight scene:

Trixie [02:43]: "This fight scene is breathtaking. It's so brutal and realistic. Charlize is a beast."

Katya echoes this sentiment, sharing a humorous anecdote about renting the "Trixie Motel":

Katya [03:15]: "She rented the Trixie Motel once. I mean, I don't know if I'm allowed to. She rented it out. It was private."

The duo transitions to discussing The Front Room, expressing their disappointment with Brandy Norwood's acting:

Trixie [06:09]: "You are terrible in this movie, Brandi. Love your music. Love your voice."

Katya adds her thoughts on the film’s portrayal of her character:

Katya [06:36]: "She says, 'Belinda, Belinda,' and then has a tantrum at dinner. It's just so over the top."

They move on to classic films like Natural Born Killers and Pulp Fiction, dissecting memorable scenes and character developments with both humor and critical insight:

Trixie [41:21]: "She plays this racist stepmom who goes insane at dinner. It’s so debased and undignified."

Katya [42:17]: "I love the scene where she's snorting heroin. It's so wild."

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Social Media and Its Impact on Modern Life

Trixie and Katya pivot to discuss the impending end of TikTok, expressing a mix of nostalgia and frustration over the platform's potential shutdown:

Katya [18:22]: "People were more concerned in LA about the TikTok ending than the fires."

Trixie [21:02]: "Sometimes they just put in new people and stuff. Now when someone's missing or recast, the first thing I do is Google it."

They compare TikTok to other social media platforms like YouTube, emphasizing the unique features and community aspects of each:

Katya [21:35]: "But YouTube is monetized to make it long. So if you're watching a video where it's like shorts, that's true."

Trixie [26:40]: "Creating a movie is so expensive and time-consuming. Months, years...and then you're making something boring."

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Personal Anecdotes and Humorous Exchanges

The hosts engage in light-hearted banter, sharing personal stories and playful insults that showcase their chemistry and comedic timing:

Katya [46:05]: "I took a golf club home. The next day, I got a DM asking if I stole it. I had to return it clean."

Trixie [48:05]: "I'm 49 years old and I have not mastered anything well."

Their conversation takes a candid turn as they discuss intimate topics, blending humor with honesty:

Katya [44:17]: "Would you ever have sex with someone like me?"

Trixie [45:03]: "No, I don't know. It'd be too late with my sister."

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Reflections on Fame, Wealth, and Personal Fulfillment

Trixie and Katya delve into deeper reflections on the pursuit of fame and wealth, contemplating the motivations behind billionaires and the relentless chase for success:

Katya [38:25]: "People who make their coin from these social media platforms are the product. It's not like free speech."

Trixie [39:02]: "Power. They just want power because money isn't going to make them happy."

They discuss the complexities of maintaining personal identity amidst external pressures and societal expectations:

Katya [40:24]: "Very rich people want to be famous because it's something you can't buy."

Trixie [40:07]: "The triangle of sadness. It's money, fame, youth. We're rich and famous, but you're aging."

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Concluding Thoughts and Future Plans

As the episode wraps up, Trixie and Katya tease future content and ongoing endeavors, leaving listeners eager for more insights and entertainment:

Trixie [60:58]: "If Tixa and Katya go live again, we're gonna be sucking on his dick and balls."

Katya [62:17]: "Stay tuned to see how it plays out."

They sign off with a blend of humor and anticipation, reinforcing their unique brand of engaging and entertaining discourse.

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Notable Quotes

• Atomic Blonde Appreciation:

  Trixie [02:43]: "This fight scene is breathtaking. It's so brutal and realistic. Charlize is a beast."

• Social Media Frustration:

  Katya [18:22]: "People were more concerned in LA about the TikTok ending than the fires."

• Reflections on Wealth:

  Trixie [39:02]: "Power. They just want power because money isn't going to make them happy."

---

Conclusion

In this episode, Trixie and Katya offer a dynamic blend of movie critiques, personal stories, and thoughtful reflections on social media and fame. Their candid and humorous exchanges provide an engaging listen, whether you're a long-time fan or new to their podcast. Tune in weekly to continue experiencing the fabulous lives and unadulterated beauty of Trixie and Katya.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome to Nadia Yada island, next on Metro's Nadia Yada island podcast.

[B]

I almost fainted when the four new bombshells arrived. Four free Samsung Galaxy A16 5G phones at Metro. No way. And finding out the fourth line is free. Thanks. Got heated.

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That's wild.

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[A]

Live from Radio City Music hall, it's the SNL50 homecoming concert, featuring performances by Arcade Fire, the B52s, Backstreet Boys, Bad Bunny, Bonnie Raitt, Brittany Howard, Brandi Carlisle, Chris Martin, Dave Grohl, David Byrne, Devo, Eddie Vedder, Jack White, Jelly Roll, Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus, Mumford and Sons, Post Malone, the Roots and more. Celebrating 50 years of SNL music. February 14th at 8pm Eastern. Catch it live on Peacock.

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[B]

See site for details. Oh God, your T shirt. I have to play this. I make it a remix of Pump it up for Salt Pink Disco. And you got to hear this little gunshot. I don't know if it's in a nightclub environment. If gunshot sounds are okay, it's the.

[A]

The cocking and the cocking of a shotgun in the. The, the. The shooting sound is also sampled in one of my favorite Russian songs. But I I believe Russians have a different relationship to gun violence than Americans. That would be my conjecture.

[B]

Right. Do. Have you ever fired a handgun?

[A]

No. No. But I was do you still want a gun? I do. I want several and I I was talking about it with a friend who knows a lot about guns and and yeah, there's like it got the kickback can be extremely painful and very. It's not like you see in the movies.

[B]

Scary.

[A]

It's very not like you see in the movies. I guess one of them I get one of the scenes I watched. I watched this 10 minute long fight scene with Charlize Theron and Atomic Blonde apparently in one take. This fight scene is breathtaking. It's so Brutal. And it's so realistic. And this bitch is a beast.

[B]

What movie was it?

[A]

Atomic Blonde.

[B]

Oh, Atomic Blonde.

[A]

This. This bitch is a beast.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She is so good. And it's. And as the fight scene goes on and on and on and she's. She doesn't like wallop every bad guy like they're nothing. So it's realistic. Like these are thugs, henchmen who are really good at beating the shit out of people. So she gets her ass beat down and as the fight goes on, it's slowing down and people get sloppy because they're tired and they're getting the shit beat out of them. It's really brutal. It's really incredible. And she should have got a fucking Oscar for it. Boop.

[B]

I love her.

[A]

She's incredible.

[B]

She rented the Trixie Motel once.

[A]

Did she beat everybody up?

[B]

She rented it out. I mean, I don't know if I'm allowed to. She rented it. It was private. Private event.

[A]

She is so kind, she's so fierce. And she did not have to get all ugly to do that movie to get that Oscar.

[B]

She does not have an Oscar for Monster because she's ugly. She was amazing in that movie. The scene where she's on the phone.

[A]

And she tells that sheriff, you get out of here.

[B]

No, Selby's like, girl, where are you? Like won' admit that what you did. Because the phone is tapped. And she realizes it's much like that scene in Breaking Bad where Walter White takes the fall.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And is like, well, he knows he's.

[A]

Got to pump it up.

[B]

He's got to pump it up. You gotta pump it up. Don't you know, I was watching the. The Golden Globe clip of those two women talking about the balance. Hahaha. We're all.

[A]

You think that was cringe? You think that was fun?

[B]

Of course. I mean, I think word show shit is cringe.

[A]

I think it was cringe.

[B]

But she does that hot girl thing that only hot girls can do where she looks at the camera and goes.

[A]

I think people, she just queef. She's like, I think they're over the lip bite. Which I'm not personally yet, but she goes. It's like. It's so. I mean, I find it to be extremely sensual and sexy.

[B]

Well, yeah, she's so young, I think, I mean, I'm gonna be gross. The. The older male viewer that, that they get chubbed. What is that a like. Yeah, you know, it's a sex thing. Yeah.

[A]

Oh my God, there's three my ass right now.

[B]

But If I looked like her, my lip would be bit off. Okay.

[A]

My breasts and booty and. And pussy would be doa.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Dead on arrival.

[B]

I think that's the problem with my drinking last weekend. I wasn't respecting the balance. If drinking was the substance, I would have had that dead finger by now.

[A]

Hello. You had that club foot.

[B]

What's your favorite bald ass era of her? I love the dead finger. I love version.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I love the bald.

[A]

I love monster Eliza sue because she's. She's there to. She loves you. It's me.

[B]

I love the one before that, which she's bald. That's us.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's dragon Nona in the kitchen looking at.

[B]

No, no, no, no. The one where she's bald.

[A]

Oh, but she's bald.

[B]

She looks in the m and she's like.

[A]

Yeah, she's got the big old nasty. But that's. That is definitely us. That is definitely us. We're also Anne Hathaway and the witches.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

No, actually we're. We're just the. One of the. The witches in the crowd at the original witches movie. You may remove your vape.

[B]

Whenever I wear, I have one of those short, like bob wigs and ever I put it on, I feel like her.

[A]

Well, talking about short wigs, Ms. Katherine Hunter in the front room. I don't know if anybody's into really bad, horrible shit ass movies, but I needed a palette cleanser from Ms. Amelia Perez, so I put on the front room. Holy shit. I don't. I thought there was a limit to how I thought I reached the nadir of bad movie watching when I watched Emilia Perez. This front room movie.

[B]

The front room.

[A]

It's called the front room. Ms. Brandy Norwood, singer. Brandy.

[B]

Beautiful.

[A]

Love Brandi.

[B]

Love, Brandi. Hi, Brandi.

[A]

Hi, Brandi. You are terrible in this movie, Brandi. Love your music. Love your voice.

[B]

Her face.

[A]

Her face, everything gorgeous. Not good acting. Her. The husband. Her husband. This movie. Not good acting. Catherine Hunter, like celebrated stage actress, incredibly talented. She played all three witches in the. The Joel and Ethan Cohen Macbeth movie. Incredible. Incredible. She is off the chain.

[B]

Good.

[A]

Well, no, it is. She plays this racist stepmom that goes and lives like an infirm old who goes and lives with this couple. And she's. Belinda's pregnant. Belinda. And she says, oh, Belinda, Belinda. And she has this tantrum at dinner. She said I'm a racist baby. Belinda. Belinda. And then she falls on the floor, puts her booty up and then farts. Shitting the bed, pissing the couch, doing all sorts of crazy, debased, just undignified shit. Belinda. Belinda. She's like, my name is Belinda. Oh, Belinda.

[B]

You watch a lot of movies? You watch a lot of movies?

[A]

I got that sound bar and that little oled. My little oled.

[B]

When you watch tv, do you lay? Do you like face it? Do you like to lay kind of on the side? So you're watching like this. Do you like to sit up? What do you do?

[A]

Well, it depends on what I'm watching. So I finally. I finally said to myself, this is not bad movies. You know what? This is enough bad movies. Life is too short to waste time on shit ass movies. So then I put on the Mirror by Andrei Tarkovsky. It's one of the most beautiful movies ever made.

[B]

Do you cry with the movies?

[A]

I cried at this movie, but I don't know why. It's very. It's very. Oh, I cry at a fucking Toyota, thon. I mean, I cry. I like, you know, for Christmas.

[B]

I watched some very sentimental films. I watched. I watched Fried Green Tomatoes. Have you seen this?

[A]

Yeah. Itchy.

[B]

Oh, gosh. Didn't realize it was going to be Les. Didn't realize it was going to be Les.

[A]

Mary Stray, Masterson, Barry Bates, Elephant Drag.

[B]

I cried.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Kathy Bates. And that is so I'm older and.

[A]

I have more insurance.

[B]

That's fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But there's this part where she's crying and she goes, I'm too young to be old, but I'm too old to be young. Terrible. I was like, preach. You better preach it out.

[A]

Kathy Bates, but just Kathy Goon. That was somebody on the Internet the other day.

[B]

Oh, I saw that.

[A]

That's funny.

[B]

That was Tyler Oakley. That was Tyler Oakley. Someone on the Internet. Someone on the Internet? No, someone on the Internet.

[A]

What's. What is the movie like?

[B]

If you had a cry, you're Tyler Brookley. That's why you're in collections.

[A]

It's true.

[B]

And then I watched the Color Purple.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Which I was familiar with the soundtrack from the musical, but I actually hadn't seen it.

[A]

Is this the orig.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. The musical. Like the stage musical. But I had seen the original. Real, like not. Not real, but original one.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. It's a lot. It's tough.

[B]

It's obviously very heavy material and it does have some very uplifting parts and some parts of it. There's parts of that movie that you do laugh at because there are comedic elements. There's whatever.

[A]

Oh, she pisses her pants. Ms. Oprah.

[B]

Yes. Or like when there's this Scene. There's this scene where Whoopi Goldberg, you know, she's, like, very shy, and her friend, who's this nightclub singer, is singing a song she wrote for her and sings to her and to have the whole room look at this girl while she gets, like, a song dedicated to her. And Whoopi plays it so beautiful, she, like, shrinks and, like, is in awe, but also embarrassed. I was like. And then at the end, obviously, when they're little girls, they do, you know, this like, patty cake. Yes. Patty cake thing. And as adults, when they haven't seen each other in decades, that's like the first thing they do when they see each other. I would think it was the morning after Christmas. I was watching it, like, ah. I was crying like Sarah Paulson. Yeah, it was such a beautiful movie. Not exactly a holiday film.

[A]

Everything's a Christmas movie, but sentimental if.

[B]

It'S remotely happy or remotely sad on a movie. I'm crying.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I'm crying.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I can't help it.

[A]

Niagara Falls.

[B]

You know, my problem is, too. You know when people have told me I don't like to watch those type of scarier gore movies because it's just too much for me now I think I'm that person now. I don't want to watch Saw. I don't want to watch the Chainsaw of the Pussy. I don't want to watch it.

[A]

Yeah, I just. Well, funny thing. I just got to Blue. I got a Blu ray and a DVD of the Terrifier Part 3 sent to me. I don't have a DVD player, but they sent it to Dream. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Two Blu Rays.

[A]

Belinda.

[B]

What are you going to do with them?

[A]

I'm going to try to get a DVD off eBay or something.

[B]

You don't have a Blu Ray player? No, I don't either. I put it. My PlayStation.

[A]

I don't have that.

[B]

You don't ever play video games?

[A]

What am I going to put it on? My butt blender?

[B]

I've been playing my butt girl. I've been playing Silent Hill 2, which is so scary. And I have the sound bar. So, Mary, I'm in my house, bloodshot, terrified. She said, why don't you call me after you plug the sound bar in? I call her. I go, girl. My eyes are snatched open.

[A]

Joanna. Barbara. Leslie got you good with the audio in the game.

[B]

If there's like. Oh, it's. I was like in a cave. And the walls were. The walls were like water trickling. Those little speakers in the corner.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

If I had even 1 milligram of marijuana.

[A]

It's a wrap.

[B]

It would be a wrap. I don't think I can handle that.

[A]

Jbl, is that wind?

[B]

Is the building coming down?

[A]

You better go home.

[B]

We gotta go home. Too windy. Well, that's. Girl, it's. The whole month is a wash. It was Kimba, then two weeks after Kimba, then it was windy. That's inaugurations, Mary girl.

[A]

Martin Luther. Martin Luther King Jr. You ever seen Coming to America? The original, of course the remake was Boo. Boo. And you know what? Also I gotta say, and I hope I don't offend anybody. We saw it together. And I have to retroactively amend my opinion about Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. I thought it sucks, okay? I really do think it sucks. I think the only thing great about it was Kathyn O'Hara who chewed up every scene she was in. But it was such a weak story. And I was rewatching that cunty scene where like Monica Bellucci staples herself together. And I have it set to a Bee Gee song. Danny Elfman produced one of the most iconic scores and soundtracks of all film history for that original. They're gonna do this cunty number to a Bee Gees song. You know what I mean? I just have a lot of umbrage I take with that movie.

[B]

You know, the only thing I don't like about it, and I love disco, obviously. And I love MacArthur Park.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I didn't get down with the MacArthur Park.

[A]

Oh, that, that. Because I think they were trying to catalyze. How can we do a fierce lip sync in the. In the. In like a Harry Belafonte kind of way that they did in the first one, which all it did was highlight to me how brilliant that first movie.

[B]

Amazing.

[A]

It's. There's so many layers to it. There's so like the country mouse, city mouse layer. The like, dilettante artist, like sonata art world, like the dead, the living. There's like so many different cool, like, thematic dichotomies going on. It's brilliant. It's brilliant.

[B]

Why is. Why wasn't the uncle in it? Is he dead?

[A]

Oh, mama. Because he's a fucking.

[B]

A pedo. Oh, yes.

[A]

Yeah. And also the way that they treat.

[B]

The President's a sex offender. It's all out the window.

[A]

It's. Yeah, it's. They. They got to pump it up. But it's like. But how they dealt with that was so hand. Like was so bad because they gave him actually more screen time in because they didn't just ignore Him. They killed him off. And then they had a different character play him with no head. And then they had all this, like, they mentioned him so many damn times. You're like, well, where is he? And then you go Google him. Like, oh, he's a pedo. So, like, what the fuck?

[B]

Oh, good point. I would even have. I mean, listen, I didn't know. I mean, you just told me. I.

[A]

But don't you. Didn't they.

[B]

Like, I assumed the actor was dead.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That's what I assume.

[A]

He's. He's dead in Hollywood, you know, like, his career is dead because of his sex offender stuff. But anyways, I just.

[B]

Sometimes they just put in new people and stuff. And I. The new. Whenever there's a new person now with the Internet, like when we just had a different Becky and Roseanne back in the day in the 90s, we just accepted it and moved on because we couldn't Internet it.

[A]

Yeah, like, and Viv, they had two different.

[B]

Yeah, we didn't know. We just went with it. And now when someone's missing or recast, the first thing I do is Google to that. Today's episode of Bald and Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb. Baby, let me tell you, pretty much any trip would be better with Airbnb. I recently went up to my hometown of Wasaukee, Wisconsin. We do have two motels in our town, very small motels. And I just, because I was staying and I wanted to be able to cook breakfast and sleep in a real bed and go on, like a nature walk, it was a lot better situation for me to be able to stay in an Airbnb. It was such a good deal. It was amazing. I also, like, because if I know I'm going somewhere in the future, I'll go through the app and I'll start favoriting, like, liking, loving different options. So that next time I look at, like, oh, this area of Wisconsin that I'm going, it will show different Airbnbs that in the past I've, like, stayed at or, or liked or, like, been interested in. And that's really nice. It's also good about, like, if I'm going up to visit somewhere, it's nice to have somewhere to ask people to come visit me. When you're staying in a hotel, it kind of feels like, well, I always have to leave to hang out with someone. I'm not going to, like, have people in my room because there's, you know, it's just beds. So when you're staying in an Airbnb, there's a dining room table, there's a kitchen. There's, you know, somewhere to relax and watch television. And that's. That's really nice. If you want more space, more privacy, a better location and the most loved homes, check out Airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app. Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is sponsored by Rakuten. You guys, you have to know something about me. All of a sudden I get an urge to buy things and I will, a few times a year, get completely wild. I'll buy like all my holiday gifts in advance. I'll buy birthday presents. I'll just get wild with the things I buy. And I love deals. I will sign up for a rewards program. I will sign up for a credit card. I love to get a percent off because in my eyes, I mean, these are offered to us as consumers. Let's take advantage of it. Rakuten is the smartest way to save money when you shop because you. You earn cash back at over 3,500 stores. We're talking fashion, beauty, electronics, home essentials, travel, dining, even concert tickets, all kinds of stuff. Like for example, I. Even though I have a sickening supply of Anastasia Beverly Hills, there's some things I just want to gift for other people too. Specifically brow pencils for people in my family so they can take the hint. You know what I'm talking about. And then Rakuten passes on part of that payment to its members as cash back and it's directly deposited into your PayPal account as cash back. Or Rakuten can send you a check. You can even maximize your savings by stacking cash back on top of other deals like store sales and coupons. You already shop for stuff, so while you're doing it, why wouldn't you just save a little bit of money? It's a no brainer. Okay? Membership is free and easy to sign up. Get the Rakuten app now and join the 17 million members who are already saving. Cashback rates change daily. See rakuten.com for details. That's R a k u T E n. Your cash back really adds up, girl. What about the people we said we talk about this last week but what about the people giving what I. I know we ought we all would have missed. Tick tock mama.

[A]

The eulogies.

[B]

The.

[A]

The eulogies. This is a video I never thought I'd have to make. The. The. The bracing for the. For Armageddon. The eulogy. The eulogizing.

[B]

And to look out because here I come. I'm not Gonna be able to do wiggle videos anymore.

[A]

You got it? Like, please, if you care anything about me or my well being, you got to watch me on Instagram. Like, it was so wild. And then TikTok was gone for about 15 seconds and this.

[B]

And the. The ladies and gentlemen, Ladies and gentlemen of Red Note being like, who the fuck are all of you? Get out of here. Like, you already stole TikTok. You know what I mean?

[A]

So wild.

[B]

Listen, here's the thing. I tried to really be empathetic because the level of. The level of. But girl, it was like, you know what? It felt like people were doing their final TikTok. Like, it was the end of Ghost when Demi and Patrick are like, for the last time saying goodbye. I was like, girl, you do. You do guacamole videos. Like, what do you.

[A]

Everybody that you know, everybody you love, you take them with you, right?

[B]

Yeah. As queer people, we get to choose our family. It was so.

[A]

I can't do my magic tricks, my avocado. I can't slice my avocado. Oh, but then I can't do my.

[B]

Outfit of the day.

[A]

I can't do my. My children wanted granola bars, so I went to the field and I. And I harvested granola. For 30 years I've been watching this fucking horror. And it's. It went from sincere, like, I think this is at least my take on it. I didn't really dig that deep. But this is a very. It's like a model type of woman who's married. Married to this model type of man. She's in her kitchen and she films sideways so she looks extremely skinny. Like, why are you standing sideways?

[B]

Right?

[A]

And she is making Fruity Pebbles from scratch for her little children's. And it takes about 1300 hours, and it's just so over the top. And then the voice is so, like, it's like, so my children woke up and wanted Fruity Pebbles. So I then embarked on this odyssey that took about three and a half years to create Fruity Pebbles from scratch in my own home. And it's. I think it now has become self aware that it's a satire of itself.

[B]

In a way, of course.

[A]

And it's, of course, spawned a lot of satirical parodies of it, but.

[B]

And again, cooking from scratch isn't evil.

[A]

No, no, no, no, it's not evil. It's not evil. It's just. It's so. It's exactly the type of thing that people are afraid of on social media that, like, compare them, comparing their lives to these like other picture Perfect lives.

[B]

Yeah, I guess. You know, like vine died and we. We all made it. Also, we lived a long time without any social media. We were all kind of okay. Yeah, I just. Well, some things I would have thought, like, when I want to watch, there's a few TikToks I need to watch all the time. One of them is the Krispy Kreme lady. Have you ever had Krispy Kreme? And was it crispy? Right, right. Like, I love that.

[A]

I have to watch Head V empty every day. That's on Instagram, though.

[B]

Yeah, that's.

[A]

Have you pretty. Have you.

[B]

The Zebra Paul they always use are so funny.

[A]

And the Jeffree star in the swing. It's just like. It's just like. Okay, okay, fatty. Okay, fatty.

[B]

We.

[A]

We both know why you're here, James Charles. It's so, It's. I feel so honored that they've included me in those compilations. What? The Sigma?

[B]

Oh, what? The Sigma. Yes.

[A]

I gotta watch this every fucking day. RuPaul in red, slow motion in the field. I gotta watch that every fuck. Have you prayed today?

[B]

And then we got an email from. We got an email from somebody, maybe not our manager, maybe agent somebody. They were like, here's the protocol for preparing for the end of TikTok.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

They said they wanted me to go through my TikTok and save all the videos. I'm like, this isn't the Rosetta Stone, mama.

[A]

This.

[B]

This isn't.

[A]

This is going to be time consuming, so you need to start now. I know, I know.

[B]

And then they were like. But then I was like, oh, shit, I do have some drafts. I might as well post them all quick so that I can at least put them on reels.

[A]

It was literally earthquake preparedness. Like doomsday prep. Like, it was that energy.

[B]

People were more concerned in LA about the TikTok ending than the fires.

[A]

Well, because honestly, the fires, when they're. The fires represented less a threat to their livelihood. Tik Tok coming down.

[B]

Well, do you know what I do like? And then I thought to myself, well, what do I actually like about Tid Todd? Cuz I'm not.

[A]

I like, I'm not a doom scroller of it. No, I never go into.

[B]

But it's amazing for when you're like, oh, yeah, how do you make pasta from scratch? Quick learning, miss.

[A]

YouTube's got you covered.

[B]

But they're long. YouTube is monetized to make it long. So if you're watching a video where it's like short toe, that's true. That's true.

[A]

She got your video. You got your shorts, ho.

[B]

That's true. And then I thought, well, My platform is YouTube, so if YouTube went away, I would be sad. I just don't think I would do this in the arms of the angel.

[A]

I think you would. I think you'd fire up the glimmer glass and you'd be Tati Westbrook. And you would. You would be a. It would be a three hour, three part miniseries of I can't believe this is a Fork in the Road. Do I remember that? That was crazy. I remember where I was when that happened.

[B]

That was crazy.

[A]

I remember where in the studio I was sitting when that whole thing unfurled and I watched a 45 motherfucking minute video of it. Dick and cock sucking dick and cock at my birthday party.

[B]

Crazy.

[A]

That woman was in her 40s.

[B]

What? I.

[A]

It's so crazy. It's so wild. Sugar bear hair, vitamins, something like that.

[B]

Different times.

[A]

Yeah. And then of course, the Nympho wars odyssey that unfurled about it. I love it. Cause those whores really go in on it. You got to listen to their commentary on Amelia Perez. It's what. It's wild and wonderful.

[B]

I don't know what. I listened to them really religiously for a while and then I think I haven't been listening.

[A]

I haven't been listening to any podcast though. To be fair, though, I've been listening.

[B]

To a lot of liberal smut. Podcast of America. Listen to that. I just made that up. I've been listening to. I listen to Podcast of America and I listen to that's about it lately for the ear holes. Because I was religiously listening to Office Ladies. But it's a rewatch of the Office. They made it to the end.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So then I stopped and it was. It was emotional.

[A]

I mean, what could you recommend as a.

[B]

Is not horrible. We do podcasting and don't listen to podcasts. Is that horrible? No.

[A]

If I'm a circus performer, I'm not going to watch a tightwire act.

[B]

Yeah. And when I do consume drag to him, like, you guys got to watch this video from 2008 of Tammy Brown doing in the jungle as.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A jungle person.

[A]

I mean, the only thing, like I said, like the lip sync of boy bar. What? 96 or 92 is the only drag number I've ever watched and it's like a vhs quality on YouTube. I had to. I had to reignite the hot water tank in my home.

[B]

You did?

[A]

Yeah, because I didn't have cold water. I had no hot water. So you know, my stank ass on day three was like, we gotta, we gotta rectify this.

[B]

You didn't have hot water.

[A]

Uhhuh.

[B]

In your condo. Why is that up to you?

[A]

I'm living in squalor in a, with a paper thin walled piece of little ass construction.

[B]

I wish you would have had your old house.

[A]

I'm. I've been wistfully reminiscing about that, that box.

[B]

Remember your yard?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Remember your pergola? Remember your gym?

[A]

Remember every time I would, I would peel out and hit pedestrians, including Buddhist nuns on the way home to catch the sunset. I would. If it was like 555. I like, I look at the sunsets at 6:12. Going up the hill, I'll be running up like sprinting up to the top level and just pants down, gooning, mouth open, tongue waggling. Oh, Belinda.

[B]

You know, I, I think I would miss the instruction part of tick tock for sure. But you're right, I guess shorts and.

[A]

Reels exist because, you know, and on YouTube you got all the comments right there. Like this is, I mean it takes, it takes a very low amount of media literacy and a little bit of patience to really find the, you know, if you want to clean something, if you want to do anything, anything you got. I was like, I got the shit ass wall to wall carpeting. This guy, this incredible guy made these incredible videos and he's also like, hey, if you want a shorter version of this, here's the Cliff Notes version. Link to that, right? And it's how to. It's so, they're so informative, they're so comprehensive, they're so fabulous. These people are legends.

[B]

I've been really horny for Google Gemini for that reason.

[A]

I have no idea. Is that the AI?

[B]

Yeah. Do I?

[A]

You know, I recently learned that AI was used to develop the script of Amelia Perez. Don't you know, pump it up. I can't.

[B]

That makes sense. Makes sense.

[A]

I can't with this bullshit. This larceny, this theft, this, this raping and ravaging of the art world and the, the seek and destroy of my eyeballs and ear holes, right? I want all them to go to jail and be in hell.

[B]

I wouldn't say I would use it. I've never used it for anything creative. But things like, I would hope not. Like if I'm watching a movie and I'm like, what do people do? People like this movie? I like that that's like a condensed version of me going through a Google search and like finding out if people like this movie and be like, oh, Rotten Tomatoes is this, this is like great. People don't like it or they do like it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, it's wild bitch.

[B]

Creative shit. Making a movie from, from.

[A]

And I've read, and I haven't seen the new Wolf man, but I read a bunch of people's responses and reviews were like, the show, the movie was 90 minutes and it was slow and boring. And I'm like, how are you doing all that? How are you doing that in this day and age? How are you doing that?

[B]

We know better.

[A]

Can you imagine creating going, you know, how much, you know how long expensive and crazy it does to make a movie? It's like insane. It's a huge, drawn out and difficult process. Months, months, months, months, months, months, years. Sometimes all the people, all the money, all the efforts, all the time, and then you're making something boring, then it's gonna be boring. Can I ask for a movie that's boring?

[B]

Can I ask why you didn't see Wicked but you watched Emilia Perez?

[A]

Well, okay, great question.

[B]

I did musicals.

[A]

I, I don't like. I like Caner and Ebb. I like, you know, I love the classic, I love Sweet Charity, Chicago, I love Bob Fosse, all that stuff. Okay, but all that stuff makes sense. And the music's cool, right? I wasn't my choice to watch this. It was the gay faggot Christmas. And we, we all thought that there was going to be wild ground, you know, we thought it was going to be weird, it was going to be outrageous and it was in a bad way. But it's like, how can you make a boring movie? What are you doing? How are you going to make a boring movie?

[B]

Right?

[A]

Boring, boring, boring, boring, boring horror movie. Ugh. I think we need to go back to drawing and painting, you know.

[B]

Well, you know what else? People also make boring plays. Like people do.

[A]

Girl, I fell asleep at a play once in the front row.

[B]

What play?

[A]

Oh, bitch. It was. I don't even remember.

[B]

Love it in Ireland. I was like, girl, I recently. I don't know why I keep getting suggested this, but.

[A]

Wait, did you see. Oh, Mary, you didn't, did you?

[B]

No. I don't know why I keep getting suggested this, but I keep getting suggested videos of people who are like, hey, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a cover for this lead play on Broadway or whatever, and I have to go in today. So it's like they wake up in the morning and get a text to say you're on for Marty McFly and back to the Future. And they, they'll then vlog their day. I just like, I'm kind of in shock. You and I did over a hundred Trixie and Katya lives on a nightly basis. I was not sure if I would know what we were doing. I'm like one of those Republicans on the stand being like, I do not recall. I do not recall like every night, same songs and same words. I'd be like, what do I say now? Because all we do is make things up. So the part of my brain that has the retain information, oh, I know atrophied. I don't know anyone's name. I don't know the memories to my own. She has none for these people to be. What are they? Maybe you maybe cover Elphaba and Wicked a couple times a month. Maybe. I don't know.

[A]

No. What are these doing?

[B]

And you haven't done it.

[A]

Are they working at a barista? Wait, what are they doing else? What are they doing during the rest of their day? Like, what's the schedule?

[B]

I mean, they might get paid to just be on standby because think about it. You can't have another job.

[A]

That's right. And you're also. You're not. I don't think the Broadway people are making a ton of money, to be honest. I really don't. I really don't.

[B]

I think they do it for the prestige.

[A]

Like, you know, that's where you get artistic fulfillment. Yada, yada, yada.

[B]

I just think, how do you like, oh, I'm going to go play Alphabet today, but I haven't done it in three weeks.

[A]

What they like, they probably do it every day. I mean, it's like my crazy French horn player guy, you know, he, he, no matter what, he's 5am in his car blowing on that horn every day.

[B]

If I was the understudy, I would go to the play and I would be like Amy Poehler and Mean Girls. I would like kind of be acting out what they're doing. Like a stage mom.

[A]

I think that's probably what they do. I mean, not there, but like, I think they probably go through it every day.

[B]

Maybe they. Maybe this. Maybe if anybody knows, comment. Maybe they go to the play and stand in the wings and kind of market. Maybe they kind of do the lip sync. Maybe they will be present on the stage side to watch the costume changes. Or maybe they've. Maybe they used to play it or what if.

[A]

Because what If Roxy breaks her leg in the first act, I mean, it.

[B]

Does come back to you. Like, I think we could mount Trixie and Katya live in a week again.

[A]

Green room. What is it?

[B]

I love that joke. Not what you made me remove it. I don't like that there was this joke.

[A]

No, no, no, no, we didn't remove it. We did it every night to know to no laughs.

[B]

No, we removed.

[A]

No, we didn't.

[B]

Swear to God.

[A]

Memory? I have none.

[B]

We. It was a. Oh, we were mad in the play. And I go green room now. And you go green room. What is it? And then I go. It's a room at the back of the theater where performers wait to go on. But that's not important right now. And no one ever.

[A]

I would always pause for the applause. Never came.

[B]

It's funny. Funny.

[A]

It's funny.

[B]

Hi, it's me. A little girl. Everything's gotten so much more expensive. Like my mom, she used to like buy me whatever I wanted and now she doesn't. Enter the Chime Credit Builder card. This is a secured credit card with no annual fees. You can build credit with money you set aside and avoid interest or expensive debt. Plus you get access to my pay and get up to $500 of your pay before payday with no mandatory fees. Start building credit with everyday purchases and regular on time payments with no annual fees, interest or credit [e-mail] Walt one of my favorite things about having better credit is that my mom is going to take me to Universal Studios in Florida and we need money. So we've had a lot of unexpected expenses. Like I had to get braces again. They also have fee free overdraft with Spot Me. Overdraft up to $200 without fees. With SpotMe. When you set up a qualifying direct deposit. Just set up a qualifying direct deposit. Sign up for SpotMe and Chime will spot you up to 200 when you exceed your balance. Plus you access to 50, 000 plus fee free ATMs. That's more than the top three national banks combined. Tee heat. Turn your everyday purchases into steps toward your financial goals with Chime Secure credit card. Get started [e-mail] ball that's chime.com bald chime feels like progress. The Chime Credit Builder Visa credit card is issued by the Bancorp Bank NA or Stride bank na. Spot Me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Out of network ATM withdrawal and OTC advanced fees may apply. Late payment may negatively impact your credit score. Results may vary. My pay eligibility requirements apply. Credit limits range 20 to $500. Go to chime.com disclosures for details.

[A]

This episode is sponsored by Zocdoc. Zocdoc would like to increase the public awareness of a phenomenon known as the Is this Normal rabbit Hole? If you're not intricately familiar with the Is this normal rabbit hole? It's basically that situation where you wake up from an afternoon nap and find that your left eye is itchy and swollen. After a few hours the symptoms subside and you move along with your day as if all is normal. But then the next morning the same thing happens. This happens for a full week until finally you say to yourself, enough is enough. Well, guess what? After an appointment with the great doctor, you discover that you have a severe allergy to the latex memory foam in your brand new pillow. Instead of living every day as if all is normal until your left eye gets so swollen you look like acclaimed English comic actor Marty Feldman, why not make booking that appointment with a great doctor as easy as possible? Thanks to zocdoc, there's no reason to delay. They make it insanely easy to find and book a doctor who's right for you. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. They have over 100,000 doctors from literally any specialty including allergists, so you can rest assured you can find the perfect doctor for that eye thing. You can filter for doctors who take your specific insurance who are located nearby if you hate driving or have specific office hours to match your crazy schedule. And most importantly, you can find doctors who are highly rated by real life verified patients. You can even see their real time appointment openings. Choose a time that works for you and instantly book a visit with just a few clicks. Same day appointments are also available in many cases, which is the greatest thing ever. The best part is that ZocDoc is completely free to use. You can search and compare highly rated in network doctors with ease. Which is why I love ZocDoc. When I recently needed a doctor to find out why my left butt cheek lost all feeling, I went to zocdoc. It turns out that it was due to me sitting for too many hours a day while writing my historical fiction romance Novel about 19th century English Chimney sweeps. Zocdoc helped me find the best doctor in my area and book them fast. If I can find a great doctor, so can you. And all because of Zocdoc. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com bald to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Zocdoc.com bald Zocdoc.com bald this episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Last year, my best friend from Boston launched a startup that makes designer sunglasses for dogs. For months and months, no one wanted to buy high end canine sunglasses and he thought he'd have to end the business and move back in with his parents. But the thought of moving into his childhood bedroom in a house that constantly smells of garlic, regardless of what his parents are cooking, he figured he'd make one more big online push. Right before the holiday shopping season, he launched a brand new website with Squarespace and the business exploded. Every celebrity dog on Instagram is now sporting his shades and so much of that growth is due to Squarespace. He used a new tool called Design Intelligence from Squarespace, combining two decades of industry leading design expertise with cutting edge AI technology that will unlock your strongest creative potential. Design Intelligence empowers anyone, even technological Luddites like my friend, to build beautiful personalized websites tailored to one's unique needs and craft a bespoke brand identity to use across one's entire online presence. But that's not all. Say you want to self publish a beautiful 2025 calendar featuring all the hottest dogs wearing your designer shades. You can use Squarespace payments to sell that calendar and make enough money to expand your business into the ultra competitive market of designer Fedora's dogs. It's the easiest way to manage your payments in one place. You can get started in just a few clicks and start receiving payments right away. Plus, you'll give your customers more ways to pay with popular payment methods like Klarna, Ach, Direct Debit, Apple Pay, and afterpay. And after you've launched, let's say you need help with marketing. Well, Squarespace has so many features to help drive sales and engage your audience with creative email campaigns that you'll be the undisputed king of the doggy fedora market in no time. So if you need a new website, go ahead and check out squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to Launch, go to squarespace.com bald to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Again, that's squarespace.com bald to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Cockpit what is it? It's a room in the front of the plane where the pilot flies the plane. But that's not Important right now. It's so funny.

[B]

Airplane.

[A]

Airplane.

[B]

I love Leslie Nielsen.

[A]

Kidding me. Naked Gun.

[B]

Naked gun. I'm making.

[A]

How hot and wet do you like it? Very hot and awfully wet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Nice beaver. Thanks. I just had it stuffed. Come on. You know they were the same guys who did Ghost.

[B]

They were?

[A]

Yes. The Zucker brothers. I believe somebody look it up. They.

[B]

Mark Zuckerberg did it. Yeah. Did you like the perm? Have you seen Ms. Things?

[A]

Perm I can't look at. Ms. I can't look at. She thinks she is a cannot look at adult teenagers.

[B]

Male. Tick Tocker. She's giving what? Sean White. Like, Sean White by way of American Girl doll. I don't know what the she's doing. She's got this little spiral perm.

[A]

Mama. Get out of here. Go. Get out of here. Get lost. Shave your head and get lost. Shave your head and get lost. Get out of here.

[B]

I guess that's also what I liked about Tick Tock is it wasn't a Musk or Zuckerberg owned and operated thing.

[A]

Shaoxing Ping.

[B]

And that's why I also feel like it's a monopoly where these companies are like, we're the American companies that own the social media, and if we three white men can't make money off this, we got to find a way to get you out of here. You know what I mean? It's kind of a monopoly in a.

[A]

Way, but also people. People who are making all their coin from these social media platforms, they're the product. You know what I mean? It's not like free speech. This is the. This is a business that some other person operates that you are the product when you sign up for it. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yes. Can I ask a question? This is like just. I think you have a really sound moral compass, and I think you're really smart when it comes to hypotheticals and how you think something would play out. People like the Zuckerbergs, the Musks, the Bezos, they are billions of heirs. Right. When you have that much money, what do you really want? Power. You have more money than you need or will obtain.

[A]

Power. Power.

[B]

Power.

[A]

Yeah, because they know that. I mean, I assume that they've lived long enough that money is not gonna make them happy, because it's like, well, you know, they've gone. They've. They've tried every dopamine hit that is possible on this.

[B]

Through money. Yes.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, they've killed a bunch of hookers. They've Their dead brains, whatever, you know, What? I mean, it's like they've gone to every extreme right. But I think that, yeah, I think that they just want. What's the last house on the left is just power.

[B]

In my experience too.

[A]

Legacy, I don't know. Control everything.

[B]

Yeah, legacy, I guess. Yes. Secure. I mean, I have found in la, in a tamer, there's a lot of rich people who aren't famous. And I do think, well, rich people want to be famous because it's one of the things you can't really buy.

[A]

Well, it's the, it's the, it's this, the triangle of sadness. It's money, fame, youth. So we're rich and famous, but you're aging. So you're scrambling at youth. So the young people are trying to be rich and famous, but so everybody's got something else and they're all chasing each other's tails in this triangle of sadness. It's horrible.

[B]

I've never. Is that what that means?

[A]

No, no, it's not. But I mean, think about it. Like, you know, like you said, the, the housewives are saying they're rich, but they, they really want to be famous and they really want to be young and they're jealous of the young people and the young people are jealous of the rich people and the rich people are jealous of the famous people and so, so on and so forth. I mean, I know people who are.

[B]

Very rich who like, are just trying to get on reality TV because I think they're like, okay, we have money. Next thing, why can't I buy this?

[A]

Why can't I buy this? They're frustrated because they could buy an island, they could buy a state, but they can't buy us. Production company.

[B]

But I guess you can also get so rich that you are famous. Well, because you think about it, if you're a billionaire, every room you enter, people will go, oh, Steve is coming. He's a billionaire. Yeah, that's the first thing people know about you.

[A]

But other famous people or other millionaires, like, but Steve's a idiot. She's a. See, it's a loser, right? And then you don't have respect. And also talent.

[B]

No respect.

[A]

No respect.

[B]

I don't get no respect at all.

[A]

My daughter, she comes home at 10 o'clock. I still have coming to nine. She comes home at 10. No respect. No respect. Do you ever see Natural Born Killers?

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Oh my God, I just rewatched that scene. The girl, the sitcom scene with. It's like the sitcom scene is so cool. It's wild.

[B]

I love Ms. Juliet.

[A]

She eats in that movie.

[B]

She almost came on the YouTube channel.

[A]

Are you serious? She.

[B]

We were DMing and she was, like, interested, and we just didn't find a time that worked out.

[A]

Juliet in the licks.

[B]

That music is awesome.

[A]

Reminds me of L7 kind of, you know, L7. Oh, that was the. In that list was in. That soundtrack was in the. The Natural Bone Killer soundtrack. I was obsessed with that song. When she. They beat the. Of the people in the diner, I think.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Damn. Oliver Stone.

[B]

I also recently watched Pulp Fiction.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Which I've seen, of course, like maybe a dozen times.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I watched it a lot when I was younger, which maybe I was too young to understand what was going on as an adult. I'm watching and I'm like, this is dumb. I think I first saw that movie when I was like, six or seven. Definitely too young.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

But I'm like, oh, as an adult, I'm like, he throws that fight. Bruce Willis throws the fight.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And kills. Well, he's supposed to throw the fight.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he kills the guy. And I'm like, whoa.

[A]

And then his little. His little girlfriend wants a pot belly. Remember that?

[B]

She wants. If I had a pot belly.

[A]

If I had a pot, would you. She. I'd punch you in it.

[B]

Oh, she said, I punch you in the pot belly.

[A]

He's gonna punch you in the body.

[B]

And then strike down upon me with.

[A]

And then he gets raped in the dungeon with the gimp watching.

[B]

Shooting the head at the back of the car. She. Accident.

[A]

Accident. Royale with Cheese. There's a lot of stuff going on that movie. Snorting heroin.

[B]

Wonderful movie.

[A]

I love it when that. That scene where she's snorting heroin and it's just so wild.

[B]

Is it bad to snort heroin?

[A]

Yeah. She thinks it's cocaine, right? She. If you.

[B]

That you die. Do people snort heroin?

[A]

They. I think, yes, you can snort heroin. Just for example, I crushed up an oxy Tiny, tiny pillow. Tiny pill once and snorted half of it. And I was her in that movie. I was. I was almost instantly on the floor, freezing. Freezing cold, sweating buckets, throwing up, Throwing up, throwing up. Worst drug experience of my whole life by far. That was a tiny pill of OxyContin. So. Yeah. You're not trying to do a big fat rail. Heroin like it's cocaine? No, no, no.

[B]

How horrible.

[A]

I know. Drugs are wild. I wanted to talk about something else. There's one.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, wait a minute. So Colin Joss, like, I was like, is this real? Is this an AI Something? Is this fake? What the was that?

[B]

We were on Pop Culture Jeopardy.

[A]

Oh, pop Culture Jeopardy.

[B]

I was gagged because I love Jeopardy. You better believe no one knew who they answer.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

They were like these drag queens. Trixie and Katya do a podcast called what? And it's all these people going like this. Must be a joke question.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That can't be real.

[A]

But I love the little smirk on Miss Joss face when he said it. It was cute.

[B]

Well, she loves us. She's obsessed with us, in fact.

[A]

Yeah. And Scarlett should be worried. She should be really worried because we're gonna be sucking on his dick and balls. And she.

[B]

She will be left because he will be going for two bald men who will refuse to have sex with the same time.

[A]

Exactly. Because we're going to keep.

[B]

Would you ever have sex with someone with me?

[A]

No. I don't know. It'd be too late. With my sister.

[B]

It's right in the bus. With my sister, it's too much. It's too much. I don't care how. I don't care how. I love you. I'm happy for you. Maybe don't. Maybe through a sheet.

[A]

We don't love the.

[B]

I'll take the top half, you take the bottom half, and we do a sheet. Like a medical situation.

[A]

No, we. We saw them in half. I take one half home, you take the other half home.

[B]

You got to respect the balance. Yes, maybe we do. Like, I couldn't do poly either.

[A]

Poly? Who's Polly?

[B]

You know, Polly. People who do the poly stuff. No, Mama, it's multiple loves. What?

[A]

It's Judge Judy who has the time.

[B]

But you don't want someone to stay over.

[A]

Sweetie, that doesn't mean I want multiples.

[B]

And then he comes to my house, slip over.

[A]

Then I'm going to beat his ass with a bat. You know that bat from Yankee Stadium I keep by the side of my bed for the killer.

[B]

For the killer. There's also nobody you and I both want.

[A]

Well, that's the thing. That's why That's. Yeah. We don't have a lot of overlap, but I. I married this. The rhinestone. It's not a bat that Wendy Williams has by the bedside. It's a rhinestone bat with spikes on it. Honey, she showed a picture of that thing on a talk show because I went down a killer rabbit hole. And it's not just a bat from Yankee Stadium that she has on her bedside. It's a mate. Like, it's a medieval torture Device.

[B]

Did I ever tell you about the time I stole a golf club? This was in college. And you know when you're. You're drunk and you're like, I'm gonna do something wild? Tonight's the night. I was leaving this random person. Straight people. I went to a straight people house party. And, like, as I was leaving, there was a golf club by the. By the door, front door. And I was like, wouldn't it be funny if we took this?

[A]

Was it in a bag with all the other clubs?

[B]

I thought, like, it was by the door, like, oh, this is your weapon. Okay, Ms. Thing.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

The next day, I get, like, a DM on Facebook, someone saying, did you take a golf club from my house? And I said, who's calling? Hello? Your call is very important to us.

[A]

Please stay on the line.

[B]

Dude, that's. I think he said something like, that's kind of shitty, but also, I'm a lefty and that. I had to have that made. I. You can't have that. And I don't know how, but I got it back to him.

[A]

You stole it on purpose?

[B]

I took it home.

[A]

What'd you do with it?

[B]

Drinking alcohol. I probably was walking, twirling like a. Like.

[A]

Like a baton.

[B]

Yeah. So then I brought it back and I cleaned all the. Off it. You're the lube and the.

[A]

With my mouth.

[B]

The truffle butter.

[A]

Gross. You know what? I try to get up in the butt. I said, no, ma'am.

[B]

The straight people love to do anal. Do you think they're douching or do you think they're just. Is it just Hamburger Helper?

[A]

Sweetie, I don't think they are people eating lunch. Mary. People. I think they have lunch.

[B]

I don't think they are.

[A]

I think they're lunches.

[B]

And then just.

[A]

I think.

[B]

And then the shitty dick up the too, because they're doing bofa. You.

[A]

You're digging my ass. Turn me on. Gosh. My. No, that's a. That's a. Not a good thing. And when you see that in a porno. Number one, the woman has douched to high heaven. That woman's colonic irrigation is on point.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Okay. Number two, this is not an activity that is advisable to do at home. Is not safe for home Professional course. Do not attempt at home. Three, the whole. I didn't. I just slipped. It slipped and went up your ass. The whole thing. Boop.

[B]

It slipped and went up your ass.

[A]

Yeah. Sorry that my dick slipped out of your. Went all the way up into your ass. Balls deep.

[B]

I consider myself 99 a bottom. And every time I have to do that, I swear to God, I'm like, ow. What are you nuts? Like, nothing's just slipping in there.

[A]

This grip Mayor.

[B]

Are you kidding me, girl?

[A]

Tell me about. I'm 40. I'm 49 years old. I'll be 50 tomorrow. And I have not. I have not mastered even just. I can't do nothing well. And.

[B]

But. And not for lack of trying. You walking around with a sweetie of traffic cone up your butt at home. You falling asleep with the butt plug in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Pushing it out in the shower.

[A]

Imagine the grip. Yeah, the grip.

[B]

I'd hate to be your neighbor. You're so wrapped up in what it's like for you to hear your neighbors, sweetie. Imagine what they fucking hear.

[A]

Do you think that is the. That is the. The originator of the stress?

[B]

Right?

[A]

If I was an. Didn't give a. About any. Everything I did at home, I would be. I'm like, whatever. They don't. They come knocking with no. You know, I don't have no note. They're not coming knocking. They're not banging on the. The wall. Like, I'm just whatever. I am constantly on DEFCON alert about like every single thing that I do because I don't want to disturb them because I hear everything that they do.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's a horrible situation. But I was trying to get in the butt the other day and I was like.

[B]

You were?

[A]

Yes, I was trying to.

[B]

Did you want this?

[A]

I wanted to get fucked in the butt. I said, hey, by who? My friend who has fucked me in the butt before.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I don't know if I told you about this, but he has this thing where he can inflate his dick. Like. Like, you know how if you just like contract and your ears move just like that, he can like do that. And his. The girth of his wiener increases so significantly that it feels like it's inflating in your booty hole.

[B]

Do you want this?

[A]

It's wild. It's wild, it's wild.

[B]

Okay. Are you verse now? Are you a bisexual?

[A]

Are you kidding me? You fat.

[B]

I would lie.

[A]

Whatever. I just. But I was trying to get them back and I have a douche.

[B]

Also.

[A]

Courtney left her douche in the guests. So disgusting. Huge thing, giant. It's like, do vegans have to douche? She claims she just kind of like.

[B]

Put out a bouillon cube twice a week. Like.

[A]

Yeah, apparently she's got like a. Well, she's. Everything is magic about Ms. Corny Act. It's like perfect. But yeah, I was like, I don't know. Then you gotta like. I know that I'm not getting fisted so I'm not like doing the whole damn thing. But like, I don't know, the stress of like pooping on the weenie makes me like stressed out and then the stress actually makes have to go to the bathroom and then I get douched again and then I'm hungry, I want to eat dinner. But then I'm like afraid it's like a whole thing.

[B]

I mean this idea, I just think this idea that I'm gonna bottom later so I can't eat all day. No, no, no, baby, what is your system?

[A]

No, no. Yeah.

[B]

What is your. What is your.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why is your digestive system a powder keg? You can't eat all day because you might get later.

[A]

That's crazy. No, that's crazy. I think that's also maybe the. No, I don't know, I'm not sure, I can't speak on that. But I just like. I don't know, it's not the juice. The juice isn't worth the squeeze sometimes. And plus I love. What about kissing, hugging and smooching and jerking? Whatever happened to that?

[B]

Because Mary, this is la. Everybody, everybody wants this. They want saw.

[A]

Yeah. They want hostile up their ass.

[B]

Yeah. Everybody goes, this is going to be great. I really like you. They had a really nice date. Now after I've passed out completely, I'm gonna need you to restart my heart. Like they want that level.

[A]

We should probably fucking in an ambulance cuz that's the end game.

[B]

Right?

[A]

So I've rented taken the. My friends at emt.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

We're going to in the back of the ambulance and go to the hospital. Cuz you don't put me in the hospital. I'm bored.

[B]

Let's call 911 now. And then we have about nine minutes before you know they're here.

[A]

Yeah, it's crazy. I don't know, I just. Here's the thing. I'm very grateful for like you asked me if I wanted a boyfriend. I don't really want one.

[B]

Well, you can't get one cuz you're ugly.

[A]

No, I love, I love myself.

[B]

Well, that is a precursor to having one.

[A]

I love myself like. But I also. I like I in the mirror.

[B]

I believe that I. I think you're very lovable. To be honest. I don't mean this as a read.

[A]

You know, I know who. I don't, I don't know who Either. I don't know.

[B]

And I don't know what that looks like.

[A]

I think.

[B]

I don't know. I don't. Girl, I don't see you coming home being like, what should we get for dinner? No, no, yeah, like, I don't see that.

[A]

Yeah, no, I know. I think it's. I really do. The only thing visualize. Hey, babe, what are we gonna do for dinner?

[B]

Should we go on a date night.

[A]

Babe, Girl, no, no, no, no.

[B]

Like, babe, I shook my pubes the bed again, babe. Oh, you waking up and being like, should we do French toast, babe? I don't know. Like, what is that?

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

Corny, I want you to meet my mom. Mom. Baby. No, it be. I see it for you.

[A]

My Tuesday, Friday night into Saturday. You know there a schedule. So we, we hang out on Tuesday nights. Don't stay over, don't think about it. Don't even get near that bed. We're in the living room and then.

[B]

On nobody's going to go for that.

[A]

Then on Friday night we do our date night, obviously. Dinner, movie, whatever. We, we, we don't. You sleep over different rooms. He's gone by 1pm the next day. We do have a lovely breakfast the next day though.

[B]

You. You're going to date somebody and make them sleep over in a different room.

[A]

I'm not going to make them. It's a choice we'll come to together, I guess. Because you know what's going to happen on night A, I'm going to hear him snore. I'm going to get mad. He's going to retaliate on night B. He's going to. He's going to. The opposite is going to happen.

[B]

Are you a night sweater? Do you sleep and sweat?

[A]

Am I a Nikki fan?

[B]

Because can I just say something? And this is like, I would never mean about any group of people, girl, but if you sweat during your sleep, you are fudgeing gross. I know you can't help it and I'm sorry for you. But when you lean over in bed and you're like, I love love, I love to be cuddled and you wrap your arms around a 200 pound salamander, you're like sweat.

[A]

So why do you think I would? Why I want to live alone? And why did you think I shield. I consciously shield my horror from the, from everybody else's experience. My brother recently sent me a picture of his mattress stained with sweat like the shroud of turin.

[B]

And yeah, so I don't want to be a hater, but People who do sweat at night also are like, oh, yeah, I sweat a lot. It's gross.

[A]

It is gross. Not only that, I do something worse than sweat. Unforgivable that I can't. That I've done since a child, and I can't control it. I'm a truly.

[B]

Okay, yeah.

[A]

I'm flipping the pillow. I'm throwing those sheets, those pillowcases away. I'm changing pillows. Like, it's like they're tampons. Okay. It's horrible. And I don't want to suggest. I don't want to subject anybody to that. I would prefer to have limited time so that they can see me at my best, and then I can save the shitty, rotten stuff for myself and my friends.

[B]

I mean, I. I do something which is also pretty bad, which is I'm always cold, so my hands and feet are always cold.

[A]

Your hands are freezing.

[B]

My size 13 foot. While you're sleeping, you might just feel that on your stomach, on your back, because I got to get warm.

[A]

You're in the neck, girl.

[B]

Around the warm. Imagine the grip, the neck, neck, bracelet, foot, the ice cold poojis wrapped around the jugular. He goes, I'm code. You know what I mean? I'm code. I need you to lay on top of me. I'm going to lay on top of you. I'm the smotherer. No, I'm the smother.

[A]

That's the terrifier to me. I hate that.

[B]

I'm the Scranton Strangler.

[A]

Off of me. Yeah, you're your Son of Sam.

[B]

You with a boyfriend?

[A]

No, babe, no, no, no. So listen, also, should we ride together, babe?

[B]

Should we go home to my Christmas babe?

[A]

And I don't want to be. I don't want to be. I'm not trying to be insensitive or weird, but, like, it would. I would be better off with a deaf person or like, someone who didn't speak English or where there was a significant barrier to kind of regular communication, so to speak.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Where, like, we have something. We have, like, a sexual connection, a body connection. And also we're very deeply introverted, and we love space that I could see as something happening for a significant amount of time.

[B]

You want to be Shirley Ralph?

[A]

Did she marry somebody in jail?

[B]

I just saw a clip of her, a press clip of her saying, I love my husband. I have my. My life. He has his life, I have mine. He has his career. I have my. She went on a little long. She was kind of like, I have my toenails.

[A]

He has his size. I got my pants, he's got his jeans.

[B]

But she was saying for her what works for her is a very separate.

[A]

Well, yeah. What was the famous person I think was like somebody like fucking Liz Taylor or whatever. Like the. What's the. Who is it? It's like the secret to. What's the secret to a successful marriage. Separate rooms in separate houses on separate streets or something like that.

[B]

Yeah, I wouldn't want that.

[A]

But you're romantic and you're, you've always been in a relationship and you're good at that. It's just not my forte. I love being alone. I love kissing my. Kissing myself in the mirror and then, you know, drooling on the pillow. Also like sweating in the bed.

[B]

You're a little weird.

[A]

Yeah, no shit.

[B]

Like what are you going to like walk around with your metal butt plug in, watching the same movie on, on.

[A]

A loop with my little pink slick it up onesie on, doing push ups?

[B]

Like, I don't think, I don't.

[A]

Yeah, no, babe, they'd be like, oh, good morning. They would like, their eyes would bulge out and they'd run for the hills.

[B]

Yeah. You know what else I like to do? And this is horrible. I don't know where this comes from. I like to get really close to someone in bed and look up at them and go tell me a story from when I was a baby. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. And it always gets that response like, this is such a crazy thing to say. I think I got it from spongebob.

[A]

Okay. You do that merrily voice. Say, hey, daddy.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Hey, hey, daddy. What is it like to make Christmas cookies?

[B]

Is Marilyn Michael Jackson? What the was that?

[A]

I hate I go through hell sleeping with sweaters.

[B]

Happy birthday, Mr. President.

[A]

I go through hell sleeping with you. Your body's so wet at night.

[B]

Oh, no, wait, one last thing.

[A]

One last thing. So I have a bet with one of her producers, Ms. Marquez here, that if I think I owe her something because Demi Moore won the Golden Globe. While I want and need while. I would be so thrilled that Demi Moore won an Oscar for the Substance. Nominations come out on Thursday. I don't think it's going to happen.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I don't think it's going to happen. Just realistically, I don't think it's going to happen. However, if it does, she is owed a very expensive 70 course meal at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse.

[B]

Really?

[A]

So stay tuned to see how it plays out.

[B]

Can I ask, why are you the one betting that she wouldn't get it?

[A]

Because. Because I don't think it's gonna happen. Like, I'm realistic. Like, I just. In terms of the history of the Academy and, like, the patterns and stuff, I just.

[B]

You think it's gonna be, like Toni Collette hereditary, where it's, like. It's a horror movie, so. No.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Some says it's kind of horror.

[A]

Yeah, it is a horror movie. And I don't think a lot of Academy members take it seriously as a film because it gets so cuckoo at the end. Plus, I think I haven't. Well, I haven't seen. I think Fernanda Torres from I'm Still Here is probably gonna win. I'm not sure, but I can't wait to find out.

[B]

Have you seen Now When Oscars Happen? Have you seen most of these movies?

[A]

So I haven't. So that's why I'm not really that invested. Like, I'm not gonna watch the Brutalist. I'm not gonna watch. I probably will watch Wicked when it comes on streaming. You know, I haven't even watched Baby Girl, and that ain't up for an Oscar. But, like, I don't know.

[B]

I can't even watch Baby Girl.

[A]

Why? Because it just doesn't seem that good.

[B]

I'm sorry you love Nicole Kidman, but I don't want. You love exc. Explicit sex shit.

[A]

But it's not that explicit. It's not that explicit. It's kind of.

[B]

How do you know you haven't seen him?

[A]

Because I've read every review of it, and, God, Andrew told me everything that happens in it because he's obsessed with it. I'm not on her jock like Andrew is.

[B]

Oh, I thought you really liked her.

[A]

No, I love her, but, I mean, I love. I love Julianne Moore.

[B]

David used to say she's the greatest actress of all time.

[A]

That is categorically untrue. But, no, I mean, she's very talented, and she's been in every TV and movie since 1992. She works every. Every single day. She hasn't had a holiday or MLK junior Day in a while. Girl, when the wind was happening, she was filming.

[B]

Of course, she was creating the wind. It was so. Girl, it was so cunty. Hi, Pop Crave. What?

[A]

Yeah. Oh, she's like.

[B]

She literally was like, pop Crave.

[A]

Okay. I love that. So fierce. She looks so cunty.

[B]

She's quite a beauty.

[A]

Of course, her. I think my favorite performance of hers in his is in Eyes Wide Shut. Oh, God.

[B]

I'm gonna have to say to die for.

[A]

I amend it. To die.

[B]

I mean, I know you like musicals. She is great in Moulin Rouge.

[A]

I mean, it's so beautiful.

[B]

She's great. And practical magic.

[A]

Yeah, of course. Yeah. I mean, did you ever see Destroyer?

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, my God. She gets ugly. Oh, girl. She played this like, hard scrabble cop. Karen Kusama. Film is so wild.

[B]

Do you think that because of the substance now that now all these, like, hot actresses are going to be put on the monster makeup trying to get the Oscar?

[A]

I don't think so. No, I don't think so. Plus, I'm obsessed with every. Any interview with Demi Moore, like, kind of. She went through hell doing that movie.

[B]

Well, they love a physical transformation.

[A]

Yeah. But on paper, something different than in real life. That thr roundtable I'm obsessed with. My God, all those. All those horrors. So she's but Angelina Jolie. My God, that woman.

[B]

Beautiful.

[A]

Like.

[B]

Yeah, beautiful like what?

[A]

Yeah, Supernatural didn't love Maria the Callous the movie, but that woman is. Jesus Christ.

[B]

David produced that movie. Please, baby, please. That Demi was in a couple years ago.

[A]

I never saw that. Colin's. Cole was in it too.

[B]

Yes, Cole's in it too. He got to work with her, obviously, very directly. And he was said how amazing she was. He. I mean, her scenes, she was great. I love that scene in Charlie's Angels too, where she goes. We're just like right at the camera with the gun and she goes, no, I was great. Because, you know, she's like the former Charlie's angel. And she shoots that box.

[A]

She shoots the Charlie box and she jumps off the. The. The. The observatory or whatever. Oh, yeah, those 2000 early 2000s fashions.

[B]

You know, we gotta watch. We should watch and recap. I've been really horny to re. Watch the Halle Berry Catwoman with Sharon Stone.

[A]

Oh, my God. That's giving very blender energy. It's so bad. It's so bad.

[B]

It is. But I guess I'm gay. And so I'm still like, yes. You know, I.

[A]

You know, I'm not. Maybe I'm not that gay.

[B]

I think that she. Sharon's Stone can be punched in the face because she uses the skin cream that turns you into concrete. And also Alex Borstein is in it. So it's like PETA, you know, like, it's so crazy.

[A]

It's weird. I get to find this clip of Katherine Hunter in the front room.

[B]

Belinda, send it over to me.

[A]

On that note.

[B]

All right. Well, thank you for joining us today. I guess next time we film, we will have the Oscar.

[A]

Yes, we'll know the Oscars. And we. And in the meantime, you better pump it up, Tracy.

[B]

I hope you win the money.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Pump it up. Okay, bye.