Escaping L.A. with Six Wigs and a PS5 with Trixie and Katya

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Episode: "Escaping L.A. with Six Wigs and a PS5"
Release Date: January 14, 2025

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Introduction to the Chaos
[01:05 – 05:21]

In this adrenaline-fueled episode, Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova find themselves in the midst of an unprecedented crisis: fleeing their Hollywood residences due to raging wildfires threatening Los Angeles. The podcast kicks off with Trixie prompting Katya about their sudden departure, setting the stage for a raw and unfiltered conversation about their urgent escape.

Key Packing Priorities
[01:21 – 03:22]

Katya describes the immediate actions she took upon witnessing the devastation:
"I grabbed my wigs, my shoes, some food, my pills, my passport and my butt plug." [01:21]
Their packing strategy reflects both practicality and their unique personalities. Trixie emphasizes the importance of essential documents, lamenting,
"I couldn't find any of that shit. But I got the passport, I got the wallet and I got my PlayStation 5." [02:11]

Reflection on Preparedness
[03:06 – 05:21]

The duo humorously critiques their lack of a comprehensive "go bag," discussing the chaotic nature of their escape. Katya shares the emotional weight behind her packing choices, especially her prized collection of expensive shoes:
"If they went up in flames, I would kill myself." [02:57]
Trixie adds a layer of vulnerability by revealing the loss of crucial home documents, highlighting their unpreparedness for such emergencies.

Navigating the Widespread Fire
[05:21 – 16:12]

As they navigate through the smoke-filled streets, Trixie and Katya provide a firsthand account of the chaos engulfing Los Angeles. They discuss the unexpected surge in hotel bookings and the overwhelming display of desperation among residents. Katya expresses her anxiety over the safety of loved ones, mentioning,
"If he is not okay, I'm going to kms." [06:40]
Trixie shares insights into their rapid relocation to the Queen Mary, underscoring the severity of the situation with,
"We are literally staying on the Queen Mary." [05:55]

Cinematic Diversions Amidst Crisis
[16:12 – 28:18]

Transitioning from their immediate predicament, Trixie and Katya delve into their thoughts on recent films. They critically analyze "The Companion," expressing disappointment:
"We need to confront reality and we need to recognize that that movie is one of the worst movies ever made." [16:12]
Their conversation shifts to "Joker," where Trixie praises Joaquin Phoenix's performance while Katya discusses their differing tastes in superhero films. The talk intertwines their personal experiences with broader cinematic trends, offering listeners a blend of humor and critique.

Personal Trauma and Resilience
[28:18 – 45:30]

Amidst the lighthearted banter, both hosts open up about past traumas related to fires. Katya shares a poignant memory of losing her entire family's top floor in a blaze:
"All of our bedrooms burned in a fire. All of it." [45:20]
Trixie echoes the sentiment by recounting the loss of her trailer home and the emotional aftermath, providing a deeper, more personal layer to their conversation.

Wig Culture and Media Representation
[33:10 – 36:58]

The discussion takes a whimsical turn as Trixie and Katya explore the prevalence of wigs in media, particularly within the nightclub and drag scenes. Katya, with her extensive experience working at a wig shop, critiques the unrealistic and often uncomfortable styles portrayed on screen:
"These plastic wigs make Drew's wig look like wigs by vanity." [35:56]
They humorously compare various iconic looks from films and television, highlighting the disparity between reality and on-screen glamor.

The Ongoing Escape
[36:58 – 44:30]

As the episode progresses, Trixie and Katya continue their frantic escape, sharing anecdotes about navigating through Los Angeles' disastrous conditions. They discuss the relentless winds spreading the fires, the chaos on the roads, and their strategic decisions to stay safe. Katya remarks on the surreal nature of their situation, blending humor with palpable anxiety:
"It's going to get ab over in a couple decades." [04:24]
Their camaraderie shines through as they support each other amidst the turmoil, providing an engaging narrative for listeners.

Final Reflections and Moving Forward
[44:30 – End]

In the concluding segments, the hosts reflect on the unpredictability of life and the importance of resilience. They ponder the future of their careers and personal lives in the face of such disasters, contemplating ways to continue their projects despite the upheaval. Trixie muses,
"How can you find amazing candidates fast? Easy. Just use Indeed." [46:09]
Though interspersed with brief advertisements, their final thoughts offer a hopeful outlook, emphasizing adaptability and the enduring strength of their friendship.

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Notable Quotes:

• "I grabbed my wigs, my shoes, some food, my pills, my passport and my butt plug." – Katya Zamolodchikova [01:21]

• "If they went up in flames, I would kill myself." – Katya Zamolodchikova [02:57]

• "We are literally staying on the Queen Mary." – Trixie Mattel [05:55]

• "We need to confront reality and we need to recognize that that movie is one of the worst movies ever made." – Katya Zamolodchikova [16:12]

• "All of our bedrooms burned in a fire. All of it." – Katya Zamolodchikova [45:20]

• "These plastic wigs make Drew's wig look like wigs by vanity." – Katya Zamolodikova [35:56]

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Conclusion

"Escaping L.A. with Six Wigs and a PS5" is a riveting episode that blends humor, personal anecdotes, and candid discussions amidst a backdrop of crisis. Trixie and Katya's dynamic interplay offers listeners an intimate glimpse into their lives, showcasing their resilience and unbreakable bond. This episode serves not only as an entertaining narrative but also as a testament to their enduring spirit in the face of adversity.

Transcript

[Trixie Mattel]

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[Katya Zamolodchikova]

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[Trixie Mattel]

We are here bringing to you a very special one of a kind pod. We are fleeing our Hollywood homes in Los Angeles. Katya made the pickup, dropped off baby. Woo woo. And. And now what do you think? What's the plan?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, so I had to. I went to my balcony and I looked at Runyon Canyon ablaze, aflame, totally burnt like, burning like it was a. It was very apocalyptic. My old apartment that I lived in with Dina Barbital I believe is destroyed or currently on route to be destroyed. And I grabbed my wigs, my shoes, some food, my pills, my passport and my butt plug.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh yeah, tell me why I get in this car and Ms. Crossy I won't. We got. Well, you got to grab the things that matter the most. I immediately go to look for the deed to my house and my home insurance paperwork. She goes home to nothing and nothing. I couldn't find any of that shit. I could barely find my own house key. But I got the passport, I got the wallet and I got my PlayStation 5.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I did get my computer, which is broken. Bloop.

[Trixie Mattel]

Broken computer. But I get.

I.

We open the back of your car and there's a wig and shoes. Six wigs and six pairs of shoes. But I thought. My thought was, oh, she packed a look in case there's a gig. And that way if you have nothing and you're living a hotel room, you at least have a way to make money but you did what you did. Why did you back grab the items you grabbed?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay, I grabbed them because. Previous episode, I think people remember me saying that I was waiting for these packages that needed to be signed for. They were from this company, this shoe company. These are these cunty shoes that have fangs on the, on the heels. They're very expensive. They're beloved possessions of mine and they were the last of their kind. So if they went up in flames, I would kill myself.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Naturally. So, you know, you can replace girdles, tights, pantyhose, lashes, cosmetics. I mean, she owns a cosmetic company, so I just need to get the essentials.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right. I guess I should have thought better. Like, this has made me more aware of. Well, first of all, this should be a go bag, right? Donald Trump is happening. The world is on fire, Literally. And also, all those times we made fun of celebrities with their fleeing their homes, letting their horses go. Now it's us.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, yeah, but. Except we don't have other estates to flee to.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay, I do. I thought about going to my condo in Hollywood, but I was like, if. No, that's not far enough. Yeah, that's not far enough.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's where I live.

[Trixie Mattel]

So then I thought, well, I don't know. We thought about going all the way. Originally, we were going to go all the way to Palm Springs because I called the Trixie Motel and they were like, we have two rooms for you guys, but it's two hours away. And what if tomorrow the fire is like, basically done and then it's like, oh, perfect, we just go home.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, I'm thinking about moving back to Boston right now.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm not joking around, bitch. You know Jennifer, the director of I like to watch Netflix. Hi, Jennifer.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Jennifer.

[Trixie Mattel]

Jennifer, friend of the pod. Jennifer. Jennifer. What a. I'm just kidding.

She.

She said that she hired an environmental scientist who said the safest place to live for the future of the environment, etc is Wisconsin.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Why? Because the water and the cheese next.

[Trixie Mattel]

To the fresh water, baby. The lakes, not to mention it's cold. So as the earth continues to cook.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, she's going to be bombing in a couple. A couple decades.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, yeah. It's going to be the new kind of Oahu Riviera. It's going to be the French Riviera, the redneck Riviera. And I, I don't know, I. All these times we made fun of like, do you remember, were they fires or what was. Was it fires a few years ago where we were watching the news and it was celebrities like Being like, we had to let the horses go.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was. I mean, you know, it's hard to feel. Well, I think it's. You have to feel for the people who work for those celebrities. You know what I mean? Like the staff who has no jobs now.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Well, Brandon text me yesterday, like, the date. Because Brandon. Brandon knows. Brandon knows about. Brandon's planning for the worst case of every scenario all the time. And, like, two days ago, Brandon said him and his mom have their, like, passports in their go bag by the door. So they. And we were like, I was not thinking that it was going to be that serious. And I also did not think. I just thought, like, Hollywood, the streets are covered in so much urine and.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Everything'S concrete of piss around my apartment complex or my condo complex, though.

[Trixie Mattel]

And I called you earlier this morning.

And I was like, all right, why don't we. What are you. I called you and I said, are you leaving?

And you said, what?

No. Why? And I was like, oh, okay, me too.

Perfect.

And I was watching the news, and then you called, like, what, an hour ago? And what was the tea, Christine?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, I went to my balcony and saw a fireplace that was in my backyard.

[Trixie Mattel]

Damn. Okay, we just got a text from our managers. We wanted to stay at the Hilton in Long beach, but it was. Everything was booked up. So now we are literally staying on the Queen Mary.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, the room's under your name. Look. You think all these people are leaving? Look at that. Person has a dog in the car. She's. She has a mask on. She's leaving. No, the person. No, the person's wearing the dog is a mask. If you're cold, they're cold. Bring them inside. Get the mask on the dog. Can we just. How come we have to have some kind of, like, Orson Welles War of the Worlds event in this city every couple years?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Because, Mama, this. It's a rap on Miss Earth. I'm sorry, It's a wrap on her.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's especially a rap on Ms. Los Angeles.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Los Angeles is corny, tired, and she's now fired.

[Trixie Mattel]

I thought about going to stay at the condo, though, because it's a little more south. It's not right next to the hills, but.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, somebody was telling me that buildings are catching fire, like, building to building. It's like, you know, oh, tell them.

[Trixie Mattel]

What happened to your old building.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's dead. Gone. Burnt, like it was. Oh, God. So it's funny, my Antoine, my Bulgarian massage therapist, the man for whom I would risk it all, first time he Came over my condo, he went up to the balcony, he said, I live right there. And that's where the fire was when I looked out tonight. So if he is not okay, I'm going to kms.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I always think people are really extra when they start. When something like this happens and people start leaving town days before, I'm always like, girl, you do too much. You have main character like syndrome. You think that that fire is coming specifically for you. Ms. Snowflake Special. You know what I mean?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like, girl, I've been watching a lot of. I've been watching a lot of documentaries and, and you know, footage of earthquakes, tsunamis, pyroclastic flow, you know, things of that nature. But you want to put it off.

[Trixie Mattel]

Turn the air off for sound. Yeah, sorry, we are in the car.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sorry. That would probably terribly.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, it's so much better now.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay, let's start from the top again. And we didn't grab.

Honestly, I didn't.

When we left, I didn't grab the sound equipment for the pod. Okay. I didn't think about it. I thought about the passport. I thought about. I did bring my PlayStation, which is wild because. But you know what I thought if I have nothing, right? If I have nothing tomorrow, I will at least have my PlayStation which is hours and hours of entertainment.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes. And it grows.

[Trixie Mattel]

The economy hurts. Nobody helps everybody.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I will have my new wigs by vanity, showgirl wigs, my Swiss lace, my stage lace. I will have my thigh high vampire fang boots. I got my silvers, I got my golds, I got all the expensive drag stuff. Although I did not bring. I did not bring my Philippe plan two thousand dollar boots.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's over. You know what? The fire might as well have come. The fire might as well have come. What if my home. Oh, there's a fire truck.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wow.

[Trixie Mattel]

Making a lot of rounds tonight. You think they're going somewhere?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I think they're going to get lawn noodles. That's the real tragedy of this whole thing is that I was on. I was literally leaving the house to go get lawn noodles and then maybe go watch Baby Girl. So it's tough. It's tough.

[Trixie Mattel]

Girl. Baby, Girl, Baby. And now we're trying to get to long. The. The manager said that south is the way to go and that it's too hard to get on the highway or go west right now.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Which is great because I do not drive on the highway because I'm scared.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right. Do you know that the most accidents happen on these roads? Though.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But you know what, what happens on these roads is not people merging onto a. A five lane highway where people are texting and Dr. 80 miles an hour.

[Trixie Mattel]

Girl.

Did you hear what.

Did you hear what happened to that person at the airport with the Waymo vehicle? You know those like self driving vehicles they have in LA now? I trust it more than a person, but guess what happened? They took one to the air, to the airport, which I think is insane. Why would you take that car to the airport? And it didn't know how to stop and so it just looped them at LAX and they missed their flight.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's kind of fierce.

[Trixie Mattel]

Thanks. Thanks, Joe Biden.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, thanks. Do you know that all. Okay, wait. I watched the trailer for a movie that I'm very excited to see. It's called the Companion, but.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, is it? Is this the.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't want to. I don't want to give any spoilers, but the point is that this fucking trailer was the second one I saw of it. The first teaser trailer I saw, I was like, this movie looks amazing. This fucking trailer gave away the whole fucking plot of the movie. And I'm so plucked. I'm so plucked.

[Trixie Mattel]

Is this Mega Vox movie?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, that's subservience. And that looks a fucking mess. That looks a mess.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's a grown up. Grown up like sa. Megan.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, it's s O because it's kind.

[Trixie Mattel]

Of like Megan but like sex time.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And it features that, that, that incredibly hunky actor from the. The basically porn series on Netflix called like something. It's like a 50 shades of gray kind of thing. And he's just like the. The porn hunk. So I can't take that movie seriously at all. I will jack off to it though.

[Trixie Mattel]

Some of this porn shit or some of this, this like softcore shit they put on Netflix, to me it's a bridge too far. Just boot up the. Boot up the pornhub and go to town. Like, give me a break.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I know. I love a great, well lit, like lovely sex scene, nude scene, whatever all that stuff is. I mean, I love the opening shot of Eyes Wide Shut where Nicole Kidman takes her dress off and it's so beautiful. But like I love a good masked orgy scene.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But like it's just. Yeah, at a certain point, man, I.

[Trixie Mattel]

Thought it was funny. We were at a meeting the other day. This is we. We have been having some type of creative meetings with a certain Amy Poehler.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

And at her office, their potted tree had blown into the pool and they were showing it like it was the eighth wonder of the world. They were like, look at it. Can you believe it? They kept saying, it's so creepy. I go, baby, I got a video.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I got a video of it. Actually, I do agree with them that it's kind of creepy.

[Trixie Mattel]

There's something very, like, AI about it. Like, very wrong.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, it's a little uncanny.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, not uncanny.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

A little eerie.

[Trixie Mattel]

A little eerie. A little eerie. But I just thought it was so funny that they. That was like the burning bush of the burning bushes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

Hello. Hello, it's Trixie. It's a new year. It's a new me on the bald and the beautiful. And one of my personal resolutions, I mean, things I want to leave behind this year, I want to leave behind, like, the whole process of getting a drag is disgusting. Getting up there and sweating for, like, you know, my DJ tours and stuff. Sweating to death. Sweating in the creases and the crevices. I want to level up my, like, clean feeling on tour because sometimes I'm just, like, feeling grimy, waiting for the next time I get to be, you know, like, in a shower. There's definitely one thing I'm going to bring this year into 2025, and it's Lumi Whole Body Deodorant. I love Lumi because, I mean, in drag, you guys. I don't want to be too personal. Things that normally don't get gross get gross. And it's nice having some product on my side. Beyond, like, what you would think of as a normal deodorant. It's safe to use anywhere in your body. Pits, under boobs, thigh folds, belly buttons, butt cracks, vulvas, feet. That's like, a lot to say altogether, but I just want to let you guys know you can really use it anywhere. It was created by an OB GYN who first saw how normal BO was being misdiagnosed and mistreated. Clinically proven to block odor all day and control odor for 72 hours. Lumi deodorant has, like a solid deodorant stick. It has a sweat controlled deodorant and a spray deodorant which is aluminum free. And it's great for, like, this is weird, but like, the top of my head and drag my back, like, just areas of the body where I'm. I can't apply deodorant, like, in a traditional way. All products are baking soda free and paraben free PH balanced for safe use below the waist. Choose from a variety of fresh, bright scents like clean tangerine, lavender, sage and toasted coconut. I like the tangerine thing.

I really do.

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[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Let me tell you something. And I'm going to go. This is a thing that I will expound upon later when we're on live on the video. I want to talk about Emilia Perez at the motherfucker fucking Golden Globes, okay? And if I get a lot of trash from Selena Gomez fans, I accept that. But we need to face facts and we need to confront reality and we need to recognize that that movie is one of the worst movies ever made. Certainly one of the worst. One of the worst musicals ever fucking made.

[Trixie Mattel]

So can I ask, what would you imagine would. Would be. What would you suggest would be the basis for that being celebrated then? If it's bad because it features a.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Trans storyline and I think people are very Afra critique, but two things. So it's wildly experimental. So a lot of. I feel like it has this armor where it's like if you don't get it, you don't get art. But that's because this is bad art.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And number two, it features a trans storyline in a trans actress. So it's very kind of, in a way, it has like this bulletproof, you can't critique it because you're transphobic thing, which is absolutely ridiculous. Trans people can be terrible actors. But actually this trans actress was great. It was just the story, the direction, everything about the director's choices made it horrible. It was truly unwatchable. And it was the longest two and some change hours of my life that I spent on Christmas Eve trying to get through this thing. It was so bad, Mary, you don't even fucking know. And when it got all this praise at the Golden Globes, I was like, okay, so what is going on? It's crazy. Crazy.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, it doesn't make me want to watch it because, you know, I watched. I've been on a huge Batman kick because I've been playing Arkham Knight this game and I'm like, God, I love Batman.

It's so dark.

It's so cool. It's so, like great. And especially with the Luigi Mangione, vigilantism is obviously about to be on the rise. And vigilantism, like, is the basis of all those comic books. Right?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right, sure.

[Trixie Mattel]

And so I was watching some of those programs and in Joker 1, which I'd never seen before, so. Joker. The Joker. The Joker. With Joaquin Phoenix.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Incredible, incredible, stunning actor, billion dollar R rated movie. I think it was maybe the. I don't know if it was the first, but it was set a record for box office receipts for an R rated movie.

[Trixie Mattel]

Receipts, success receipts, receipts. It was so. I love that dog.

Beautiful dog.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The viewers at home, that dog has six legs.

[Trixie Mattel]

Those aren't legs, hon. Those are low hanging titties. And you can tell that man gets in bed with that dog. And just.

I brought pretzels.

I'm sorry, I was watching.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I want a snack.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know. Oh, the wheel turn. Oh, we've played there. Yeah. Haven't we?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You have.

[Trixie Mattel]

I have. Oh, I thought we played there together. We were just crossing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Played there, I think for Madame X.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's what Fina told me. Okay, so. So I watched the Joker and I hadn't seen that and this is why, because I missed it when it came out. And then everyone who loved the joke was like, oh shit. If Ms. Neckbeard incel. Ms. Thing loves the Joker, I can't like the Joker. I'm not gonna watch the Joker. But I watched the Joker and in all the shitty ways it delivered on like, of course this is what that type of man watches this and goes, yeah, women are mean to me too. Nobody gets me. My dad and my fucking mom's a like, that's the whole vibe. But it was an incredible, amazing film and the acting and oh my God, I loved that movie. And obviously one of the big things they talk is the health care system failing a mentally ill person. I mean he. The system is failing him actively as the film goes on. Right? And I was like, wow, this movie went like so far exceeded my expectations. I loved it. I loved that movie.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Now do you like, do you like which Batman sort of tone do you prefer? Do you like the gritty realism of the Christopher Nolan? Do you like the campiness of Joel Schumacher? Or do you like the gothic kind of romanticism of Tim Burton?

[Trixie Mattel]

I like dark sided. I like the Dark Knight. I like gritty. I like Gotham being a fucking mess. I like a bunch of crime and a bunch of rich people padding their own wallets. Because to me it's the most like, yeah, this is. I like when superhero shit talks about real life.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You should probably fuck with the Penguin then.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, I couldn't believe that Ms. Penguin because I did watch the Batman as well with Robert Pattinson and that is.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wait, who did, who directed that? Is that. This is not Christopher Nolan Kravitz's Catwoman.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes, it was.

Oh, it was. Oh, it was Diablo Cody. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It was Martin Sc.

[Trixie Mattel]

So after I watched The Joker, which turned my little out, right? My nipples were blanched and hard and erect and wet and I was, oh, I mean, Joaquina is just such an amazing actor. And an origin story for the Joker is so fun.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And, but you know, it's not fun. Ms. Joker part, duh, baby.

[Trixie Mattel]

So then I put it on because I thought, all right, now this is what I'm actually gonna like. Because, you know, I, I, she's fun to make fun of. I turn up for that Gaga shit, and I always fucking will. She's an incredible singer, songwriter, dancer, actress, performer, artist, philanthropist.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She puts her whole pussy into everything.

[Trixie Mattel]

She's incredible. And so I went, if this is anything like the first one, and I'm gonna get to hear Lady Gaga sing, you better get those clothespins ready because they're going right on these nipples, Right? They're going right on the nipples.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You better fire up the electric stimulating cock ring, baby.

[Trixie Mattel]

You better get that truck chains and put them around the. Yes. Hook the winch up to the fucking titties. Oh, the girls from the east coast.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wonder if I'm dead.

[Trixie Mattel]

Everybody's, everybody's texting, saying, are you okay?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

A sick mama.

[Trixie Mattel]

But I haven't responded.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's okay. Let him leave him. Yeah, so Pop Crave keeps texting me, are you alive?

[Trixie Mattel]

No. Wait, did you see, did you see Nicole Kidman?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

He's like, what? Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

Hi, Nicole. Pop with Pop Crave. And she goes with what? And they go, pop Crave. And she like rolls her eyes and shrugs her shoulders and laughs like they said, we're with Booby Doop. Like, she just online.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, it's so funny.

[Trixie Mattel]

So I watched Joker Part de Folio and I wanted to understand it better, so I googled it because it's French for like, obviously it's like play for two, right? But it's also a, it's a term, as a medical term for when one person's psychosis can rub off another person.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, it kind of doubles, right?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's like when I see, it's like when I vomit. You vomit?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes. Okay, so what, What What A not great movie. It just, I mean, it's just, it's it's compared to the Joker, but, but this is what I liked about it. Imagine these fucking, these fucking live in my mom's basement. I hate women. Neck beard, incel. Libertarian pos who are like, they show up to the theater in their shitty Joker makeup, just rock hard, ready to see their Titan. And then Gaga comes out in the cutes in like the Pinterest clown makeup and just sings gorgeous homosexual jazz music. Imagine.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I, well, I didn't have to because I, I, I put that stinker on. And from the, from the beginning, from the very beginning, I knew this was a movie that was tonally very fucked. Like, the tone and the pace were just not going to be riveting. And I suffered through about 40 minutes where I, my eyeballs constantly wanted to look away from the screen. My beautiful new 83 inch OLED TV, that.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's gone now.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Gone.

TV, she has none. But. And like, but I just couldn't get through it. I could not get through it. I thought it was so bad. Every directorial choice was like the worst one. Every direct. You know what I mean? It was so bad.

[Trixie Mattel]

It was also long. Yeah, I watched both of them when I finished the second one and do you know how the second one is? I'm just gonna ruin it. I'm gonna ruin it. I'm gonna ruin it. In the second one, he ends up back in jail and somebody who like is bummed that he has had a change of heart about being the Joker is like, stabs him to death in jail and he dies on the floor.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Love. Now that's cunty.

[Trixie Mattel]

And kind of the whole takeaway is like, I got was like, oh, the male rage of like doubling down and not feeling remorse. Guess where it gets you miss things.

Stabbed.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know what I mean? So listen, I saw, I watched an interview with a recent interview with Joaquin Phoenix, who does not look anything like his character from the Joker. He is a, he's, he's got like a healthy body with short gray hair and a gray beard and he looks hot. And I just couldn't get behind how ugly that looked in this movie. Why you gotta be that ugly, bitch? Why you gotta be that ugly?

[Trixie Mattel]

It's, it's on purpose. I know, but mama, because when you're attractive in the world, people a lot more accepting and nice to you. He's real thin.

And also, and also he has no.

Physical strength, which I think like the viewer.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

He was so ugly, mama. So ugly. So ugly.

[Trixie Mattel]

But since when is the Joker hot?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Jack Nicholson, baby.

[Trixie Mattel]

Or you know what? The, the Suicide Squad. A Joker.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, with them teeth.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, the grill. Yeah. Yeah, I liked that Joker too.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The Joker from the Adam West. Batman. Zany, wacky, wild.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, you know what else I loved? Because when I watched the Batman, we got to give it. I think we've talked about on the pod before, but who cares? My house burned down, so it didn't burn out. We don't know. At this time, we don't know. Ms. Paul Dano.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Ms. Paul Daniel.

[Trixie Mattel]

She nibbles. She reached right through that TV. She grabbed. She put both dry fingers up my ass, up to the second knuckle, and she just wiggled. She stretched me. She stretched me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Salsa were snatched from the television. Her bony claws came through the screen and took my Steak Diane away from me.

[Trixie Mattel]

Paul Dano is so wonderful in that movie.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

He's so wonderful in a lot. Plays two roles in the perfect movie. There Will Be Blood by Paul Thomas Anderson. Mommy, you gotta watch that movie. It is perfection. Daniel Dave Lewis and Paul Dano.

[Trixie Mattel]

Daniel Dave Lewis. You know, I watched. You know what else is great about the baby? Batman, first of all, I mean, I just really love Robert Patson's face. His Batman outfit with his big square jaw. The whole movie, I'm like. And then Ms. Zoe Kravitz, this is something I want to talk to you about, which I didn't think we'd be talking about it in the car on the iPhone.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But you make sure that you're recording.

[Trixie Mattel]

I am.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay. Could you imagine?

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, yeah, I'm recording. Should I pause and make sure it's. It's good quality?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

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[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. As a new York Times bestselling author, I know a thing or two about writing. As a matter of fact, I have not one, but two Marlboro Chamber of Commerce Middle School nom de Plume Literary Awards sitting above my guest room toilet right now. So there's no other person on earth who knows as much as I do about staring at a blank page and.

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[Trixie Mattel]

Part duh. Folio duh. Yeah. Fleeing Los Angeles. Folio Duh. The Jokers the Choker. So I gotta tell you, okay, this happened in Pretty Woman. This happens in, like, Alias. This happens in any movie where a girl works at a nightclub. It's like a sexy shotgirl stripper situation. Tell me why they always have on the Technicolor bob wig.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, my God.

[Trixie Mattel]

They always have.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Does Natalie Portman close her wig?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Why is that not the Run Lola Run? Maybe it is Run Lola Run. Yeah. What is with that Halloween 27.99 adore these boutique, colorful page boy wig, that party page, that.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like that bachelorette wig.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

If anybody watched Twin Peaks, the Return, Diane, played by Laura Dern, was famously wearing a white wig of that nature. I mean, horrible. It was so funny and weird.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's a. It's a little like Drew Barrymore and scream, but, like, clown colors drew it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

These wigs make Drew's wig look like wigs by vanity.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, for sure.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I mean, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

I just. I wonder anybody who is a shot girl, because I worked in nightclubs, as you have my whole life. Granted, we don't work in the heterosexual sex industry, which is what I think nightclubs like that are, right? It's. You create an environment where men meet women. Women, whatever, who.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Stop. Stop.

[Trixie Mattel]

Who's Wilmer?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

My friend Wilmer.

[Trixie Mattel]

You have a friend named Wilmer? Christ. I'm gonna screen calls just based on sound of names like. Oh, Wilmer. No. Yeah. Anne Marie. Yes, everybody. We're. If anybody wants an update. If you're listening, we are. Are about to Downtown la. The traffic's not as bad as I thought, but I'm turning my notifications off because I can't. Well, can I. I just wonder if anybody who works in those environments. Do those plastic wigs come with the. The the job, like, do they give you. Is it supposed to be like. I guess it communicates to the viewer. Oh, when this person goes to work, they. They maybe not recognizable. They kind of blend in.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, but listen, as a person who worked at a wig shop for seven years, I can tell you, and a good chunk of our clientele were strippers, dancers, sex workers. They were not going for Ms. China at all. $27.99. They were going for Ms. Errolyn, $49.99. And when the screen door lace fronts came out, they were going for those. They were going for long sexy.

[Trixie Mattel]

Long sexy. They want the super Valentino. They want the long spiral.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But they want. And they. They're on a budget. You know, they don't have thousands of dollars to spend on wigs, so they want something under 100 bucks, but they don't. They're not doing these little like robot China doll clown wigs. I don't know what that's all about.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't know what that is either. I. I just. That's. It's Zoe Kravitz. And there's a scene and her waist is 10 inches.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Mary.

[Trixie Mattel]

She's in. It looks. She's so crazy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's actually concerning. I'm like, yikes, that must have been horrible.

[Trixie Mattel]

She's so beautiful and she's so good in that movie. And she's so beautiful and sexy and. What else did I see her in? Oh, she was in that Fantastic Beasts Harry Potter film. And, you know, she's so pretty. I could kind of watch her in a movie where she does nothing. But she's a great actress too. So it's like, win, win. But she's working in this nightclub and she's in a black leather corset the size of one of my bracelets, and she's strutting through this club and I just was like, I know that she went cunty.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Her profile, like, her. The profile silhouette of her. Mary. I'm thin, okay? And I put a corset on. When I turn to the side on stage, if the light hits me from a silhouette point of view, it looks like Peppa the pig. She turns to the side and it's like you can't even see her anymore. It's wild how thin she was. It must have been a very uncomfortable shoot for her.

[Trixie Mattel]

Are we gonna have to get on the Oz?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The what?

[Trixie Mattel]

The Ozempic.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No.

Oh, it's going to kill everybody.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, let's take a break. Damn. I have nothing in this world except my MacBook and my Oz. My home burned. It's not funny to joke about my home burning down. But the reality that it could tonight has never really been a reality for me. And so it's kind of hard to wrap my head around.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Listen, not to be ungrateful or weird or one Persona or whatever, I hope my condo burns down cuz I hate it.

[Trixie Mattel]

But no, you shouldn't hope a condo burns down because people live in your building. What if they're staying and they die?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, but I hope that they've all fled and they all have great fire insurance.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

And they all get like awesome. Like do you remember in H. Not hocus pocus. The craft. Not hocus Pocus. Remember the craft where her, her. Her shitty stepdad dies and he has fierce life insurance and her mom moves her like uptown to that sexy with the jukebox. Connie Francis. Connie Francis. And the mom is in that blonde wig that love that little clicker mules with the white carpet and she's smoking indoors.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I love that.

[Trixie Mattel]

All I ever wanted since I was a little girl was a jukebox that only plays Connie Francis. If you had a jukebox that played one artist, what would you want?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It would have to be Alopukachoba.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Something very relatable. And yeah, people know about her for sure. Okay, what am I doing?

[Trixie Mattel]

I think I would pick abba.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Abba. Oh yeah. Oh, Erykah Badu.

[Trixie Mattel]

Love it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Erykah Badu would be a really easy. I could listen to that all day long, every day.

[Trixie Mattel]

God, it's. I. You know, I know we didn't take the highway, but normally from my house to. To downtown Los Angeles takes 11 minutes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Lights even on.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's hard to tell if the fire don't get us the cross dresser driving will.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think we need to be more concerned about my driving skills and less about the fire that's about to engulf us all.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, can I say, last night I lost power about 6pm and had no power all night. Luckily my iPad was charged and I had back episodes of the Comeback. So like by candlelight, watching the Comeback. You know, I was playing the UNO or playing the office trivia against myself.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, wait, what?

[Trixie Mattel]

Going through a deck of office trivia cards and just answering the question. Stupid.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, hey, I think I'm getting on a highway.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, I think you are. No, you're not. Your car, you're going under. What's your aversion to highways?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The danger, the absolute crippling fear of the danger of people Flying through it like 70, 80, 90 miles an hour while they're texting and drunk. That's usually what I'm afraid of.

[Trixie Mattel]

But you know what I learned in driving school? That most accidents happen on these roads. The roads where everyone's going the same direction. There's less accidents.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's true, but it doesn't, it doesn't keep me from being fearful. Plus, I do not text and drive.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's true all the time because I'm terrified when I'm in a car.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's true. Yeah, that's really true. I. I started watching the. The fire on the news maybe two days ago, just pictures of it, but it's, you know, Malibu and like the Palisades. That's so far from us, it didn't seem like it would be in Hollywood a day later.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But that mama. These wins, these wins were no joke. I was. I'm like a paranoid person. I always think someone's breaking in because literally last week there were break ins in my. In my units, in the condos, in my complex. So I was like, I'm hyper vigilant about these squatters. Anyways, so the wind is like knock, knock, knocking. And like it just sounds like people are banging through the. Banging the door, like banging on the door or like trying to smashing the windows. It was really intense. It was horrible.

[Trixie Mattel]

I can't believe your old apartment building burned down. The one you and Fina lived in.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, it's not confirmed, but it certainly looked like it was absolutely on fire because that whole area was up in smoke. It was crazy.

[Trixie Mattel]

That building was wild. Anyway.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes, girl, because a tweaker was murdered, Trickery was gunned down by the SWAT team. Boop.

[Trixie Mattel]

I remember that. Fina was home alone. Seattle.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. She had just moved to. To Los Angeles and was like, you know, a little squirrely about being in a new city and then bam, that happens.

[Trixie Mattel]

Welcome to Los Angeles. How are we still 52 minutes away from this shit, girl?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Because probably we.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's probably the highway. Los Angeles is so fucking tired.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you think there's a way we could get out of here and still do our projects?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was thinking about that yesterday and. Of course, absolutely, 100%. Everything would just have to be more tightly scheduled and planned out and that's it. You just come and you get a hotel and you do three or four gig whatever, you know, plus most of the stuff we do, I mean, you definitely could because your YouTube is like from your home.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, YouTube you can do anywhere. That's the fun thing about YouTube and.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I only want to work two days a month, so.

[Trixie Mattel]

Thank God you grabbed those boots and that, that, that lovely Real Housewives of Atlanta Kim wig.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Those. There's six of them.

[Trixie Mattel]

You got six pairs of boots in the back of this car.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Seven pairs of boots and there's six wigs. Mom, I went around that's like. Honestly, it's like $9,000. All that stuff pack very expensive.

[Trixie Mattel]

Wow.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Very cherished and unworn.

All new.

[Trixie Mattel]

What if our drag burns down?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's gonna.

[Trixie Mattel]

Is your drag at your house?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes, but I live. But there's an Ulta actually down the street that's also gonna burn down. So I guess we're. If Lawn Noodles burns down.

[Trixie Mattel]

Suicide watch. Yeah, I didn't know. Honestly, I didn't occur to me that like. But I live on basically Hollywood Boulevard. How does Hollywood Boulevard start on fire? It's concrete and urine.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, but I mean, it's like the buildings catch fire. The wind. Like the buildings get out of control ablaze. And then these crazy 40, 50, 60 miles per hour winds, they. They get the trees and they hop from building to tree to build it. You know what I mean? It gets. Because there's some greenery around all of this stuff. They're lining the trees that are separating the buildings and they're just getting bowled over by it. I think that's. I. That's what seems to be the case because I don't understand it either.

[Trixie Mattel]

Damn.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's probably God.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's the woke.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's God. Yeah. Burning us because we're too woke.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. I thought that homosexual. The libs control the weather and the. The atheists. What is. What do you think? I don't know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What if. I mean, literally, what if your house burns down? Do you have insurance?

[Trixie Mattel]

I do. I have Safec insurance, but I've never, like. Does it cover all of it? Does it cover half of it? I don't know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

My little. My house in the hills that I moved out of. Honey, when you look at the fire risk, it said extremely high likely to. It basically said, this is going to burn down in like a week.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, that's the street we just passed. That's. That's the street in every movie when they're driving in Los Angeles. That's the street. The one with the Orpheum on it, really, in the craft, when they're driving and do it going like this and changing the light screen, like, that's the street.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I mean, it's funny when in Pretty Woman, Julie Roberts's beat at the beginning of the movie is right by World of Wonder. Cherokee. They cross Cherokee Street. Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Damn.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's funny.

[Trixie Mattel]

I loved that movie.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I. I recently rewatched it.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's so c. Those outfits are really nice.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They really are.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, I don't know what to say. This isn't a full episode, but, you know, this. This is the. This is the real tea. This is the real tea of living in Los Angeles. It's. It's weird that I spent most of my life in the country and never came close to a forest fire or my house burning down. That's not true. My trailer burned down. Okay, so the trailer burned down. But, you know, but you know, you know, you live in like a 70s trailer with faulty electricity. It's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's not true. My whole family died in a fire.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you know that one? Can I ever tell you this? One time, I was sleeping in the trailer that we lived in, all 12 of us, and I woke up and the half the kitchen was burned and gone in my house. And my mom was like, oh, yeah, it happened last night.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, my. My chat, my. I told you. I told everybody.

They know.

My whole top floor. My. All of our bedrooms burned in a fire. All of it. All of it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Damn.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. And I wasn't. I was the only one not home.

[Trixie Mattel]

We just got a text that there's. There's. We're updating.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, wait, you have to do that.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do I kind of feel like I'm on the news? Oh, well, there's also a Ritz Carlton.

Available in downtown LA if you don't like the cross.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Queen Mary.

[Trixie Mattel]

Hell yeah.

Okay.

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