From Hooves to Haute with Trixie and Katya

Summary

The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya

Episode: From Hooves to Haute with Trixie and Katya

Date: January 27, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful lives up to its tagline: two RuPaul's Drag Race legends, Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova, let their conversations unravel with unfiltered wit, candid vulnerability, and outrageous tangents. The main themes are aging and birthdays, self-image, therapy, the spectacle (and absurdity) of Hollywood beauty, both in real life and onscreen, plus stories about driving, police encounters, and a deep dive into the world of foot aesthetics—including a memorable call-in from fellow drag queen Monet X Change.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Birthdays, Aging, and Self-Perception (01:24–06:47)

• Tour Announcement: Katya and Trixie talk about their almost sold-out podcast tour, joking about quality over quantity and having to add extra shows in Boston and Toronto.
• Self-Image & External Validation: Trixie shares feelings of insecurity and being a "swollen, huge," despite receiving compliments. Reflecting on the reliability of self-perception, Trixie admits being back in therapy twice a week:

  "It's been a struggle time. And I have been back to therapy twice a week… Something prescribed. You need to be protected from yourself." (Trixie, 02:44)

• Vulnerability and Social Feedback: Both queens riff on common self-help advice and how ignoring others and oneself is impractical:

  "I always felt like I don't give a... what people say. Well, then you're a sociopath." (Katya, 02:33)

• On Celebrating Birthdays: Trixie rails against people who say birthdays don’t matter, invoking gratitude and the privilege of survival:

  "Does your life matter? ...Tell the people who didn't reach 36 it doesn't matter." (Trixie, 04:13)

• Mocking Birthday Excess: The "birthday month" phenomenon is satirized, with Katya joking it's a scheme by "Big Balloon" and "Big Sorority":

  "If your mother was in labor for 30 days...we should be celebrating her." (Katya, 05:53)

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2. Mother Stories, Births, and C-Sections (06:15–07:14)

• Labor & Delivery Tales: They trade stories about being born late, the impact of C-sections, and astrology. A hilariously warped birth tale emerges:

  "No. Yeah, she was pregnant 12 months. That's why...I came out what, four years old." (Katya, 06:22)

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3. Hollywood, Models & Media Obsessions (08:10–10:43)

• Supermodels Fantasy: Katya brings up Candice Swanepoel, professing a brief fantasy of inhabiting her body for its transcendent eroticism:

  "The tidal wave of unbridled, unparalleled, and unprecedented eroticism and sexuality... Like a tsunami." (Katya, 10:12)

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4. Driving Disasters & Gen Z Humor (10:44–16:03)

• Trixie Gets Pulled Over: Trixie describes being ticketed for using her phone at a red light. The conversation morphs into a riff about driving culture, acceptable footwear, and the absurdities of LA traffic.
• Generational Humor: They lampoon Gen Z/Alpha body language and traffic interactions:

  "I've been being more like Gen Z. So I got pulled over and I was like, not the pullover." (Trixie, 10:44)

• Safety & Responsibility: Both emphasize not using phones while driving, with self-deprecating humor:

  "I'm going to pay the ticket, but whatever…have you been on the roads in LA, Mr. DJ?" (Trixie, 33:13)

• On Aggressive vs. Cautious Drivers: Reflections on differing driving personas and LA's penchant for speeding and multitasking on the road.

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5. Foot Care, Beauty, and Celebrity WikiFeet Drama (15:01–17:00; 51:00–53:13)

• Foot Maintenance: Katya describes her foot care regimen, including a "foot rasp" and the transformation brought by pedicures.
• Monet X Change Foot Feminization: A running joke turns into a real phone call to Monet (50:11), confirming her "foot feminization surgery":

  "They melted my bunions, fixed my hammer toes, and I have the most beautiful feet on the Internet...a 4.7 on WikiFeet." (Monet, 51:21)

• WikiFeet Showdown: The queens check and compare their WikiFeet scores, with Katya crowing:

  "I'm putting that in my Twitter bio; her feet look like they're made of paper mache." (Katya, 53:02)

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6. Hollywood Prosthetics: The Great Fake Dick Debate (08:46,19:00–21:40, 42:41–44:45)

• Obsessed with Prosthetic Penises: Katya vents about the prevalence and poor quality of fake penises (especially in shows like Spartacus). She calls for better craftsmanship:

  "If you're going to go the fake dick route...maybe step their [prosthetic department] up a little bit." (Katya, 43:33)

• Realism vs. Comfort: They debate actors’ discomfort and the imperative for realism, paralleling it with fake babies in Hollywood.

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7. Sidebar: Reborn Babies, Fake Props, and Benjamin Button (44:27–48:18)

• Reborn (Fake) Babies: Trixie explains the “reborn baby” phenomenon—hyper-realistic dolls cared for like real babies.
• Benjamin Button: The conversation digresses into a bizarro elevator pitch of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button:

  "What in the world was that? ...I want to know the elevator pitch for that movie, because that was Mama Juicy birthday..." (Katya, 48:18)

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8. Documentaries, Boy Scouts, and Heavy Truths (53:33–59:07)

• Dark Side of Documentaries: High and expecting a light time, Trixie watches documentaries about the Boy Scouts’ abuse scandals, expressing sorrow and shock at the scale ("82,000 people!"):

  "Let's say Boy Scouts could have done possibly a better job, background checking...When they opened up this website, they thought maybe they'd get a thousand, maybe five thousand—eighty two thousand people." (Trixie, 58:15)

• Systemic Abuse in Sports & Faith: Both share how these stories move them, affirming the importance of justice—with Katya reflecting on the Larry Nassar gymnastics scandal:

  "I've never felt more empathic...The rage I felt—as if it happened to my sister." (Katya, 56:11)

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9. Closing Stingers: Music Projects and Celebrity Remixes (59:22–end)

• JLo Remix: Trixie announces excitement for her JLo remix on the newly released album:

  "I'm like the remix on it. I couldn't believe it." (Trixie, 60:10)

• Katya's Role: Katya claims responsibility for making the connection that led to this opportunity:

  "You're welcome. Because...you would never have been on her radar if she hadn't Googled you through me." (Katya, 60:54)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Therapy & Vulnerability:

  "It's been a struggle time. And I have been back to therapy twice a week…You need to be protected from yourself." (Trixie, 02:44)

• On Fake Dicks in Hollywood:

  "If you're going to go the fake dick route…step their [prosthetics] up a little bit." (Katya, 43:33)
  "If it's gonna be not real, you want it to be unclockable." (Trixie, 43:37)

• Driver’s Dilemma:

  "Who has fled the police in a Volvo? That's…a car for boring people." (Trixie, 12:18)

• Self-Deprecation and Physical Comedy:

  "Yoga instructor feet. Those are eagle talons that can grip a girl child." (Katya, 51:04)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamps | |---------------------------------|--------------| | Tour & Birthdays | 01:24–06:47 | | Motherhood & Birth Stories | 06:15–07:14 | | Model Fantasies & Beauty | 08:10–10:43 | | Driving, Tickets, LA Culture | 10:44–16:03, 33:13–36:01 | | Foot Care & Feminization | 15:01–17:00, 50:11–53:13 | | Fake Dicks in TV/Film | 08:46, 19:00–21:40, 42:41–44:45 | | Reborn Babies & Props | 44:27–48:18 | | Serious: Docu-Trauma (Boy Scouts/Larry Nassar) | 53:33–59:07 | | Music News/JLo Remix | 59:22–end |

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Conclusion

This episode is a classic Trixie & Katya experience—brilliantly chaotic, raunchily honest, with deep moments of reflection tucked inside wild humor. From therapy and birthdays to Hollywood’s prosthetic secrets and real-life trauma, nothing is off-limits. Not only do they entertain, but they also remind listeners of the complex beauty (and sometimes pain) beneath the fabulous drag surface.

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For listeners new and old, this is a must-listen for a heady mix of laughs, truth bombs, and pure, unadulterated Bald & Beautiful weirdness.

Transcript

[Trixie Mattel]

For the first time ever, there's been a truly beautiful medical breakthrough. One shot makes you hot, but with terrifying consequences. In the new original series, FX is the Beauty. The glamorous world of supermodels turns deadly as mysterious deaths draw in FBI agents and a shadowy billionaire who will stop at nothing to protect his empire from executive producer Ryan Murphy. FX is the Beauty. Now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney for bundle subscribers.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

How do you make chicken nuggets like 7,000% better? Short answer, you let Taco Bell make them. Long answer, Start with all white meat chicken nuggets, bread them in crunchy tortilla chips, and serve them with Hidden Valley Diablo Ranch. Yup, that's Hidden Valley Ranch mixed with Taco Bell Diablo sauce. It's exactly what it sounds like and somehow even better. Simple math, spicy results. Crispy chicken nuggets from Taco Bell, a brand new classic. At participating U.S. taco Bell locations for a limited time only, while supplies last.

[Trixie Mattel]

For the first time ever, there's been a truly beautiful medical breakthrough. One shot makes you hot, but with terrifying consequences. In the new original series, FX is the Beauty. The glamorous world of supermodels turns deadly as mysterious deaths draw in FBI agents and a shadowy billionaire who will stop at nothing to protect his empire from executive producer Ryan Murphy. FX is the Beauty. Now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney for bundle subscribers.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We are very excited to announce that our very bald and very beautiful podcast tour is almost sold out for spring.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm excited. We're not doing that many dates. And my New year's resolution is quality.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Over quantity over quantity.

[Trixie Mattel]

And we're doing it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We're doing it. Can you believe we had to add a second show to Boston in Toronto Queen? We sure did. So you Bostonians in Toronto, in torontites or whatever the you call yourselves, you better get some tickets. Yeah, snatch them up.

[Trixie Mattel]

We do have a few seats left for some of these cities and we are not doing that many of these this year.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's gonna be hot. It's going to be exclusive. It's going to be fabulous.

[Trixie Mattel]

Tickets available now at trixie and kati.com queen atu un cigarette? No. I'm at this weird way where I feel unreasonably swollen and huge. But people, people have been saying nice things to me, so I'm trying to just understand that we are not reliable narrators about ourselves. People say we people. I know we're not supposed to listen to people, but how are we supposed.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

To listen to ourselves? Baby, no, no, no, no.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's the opposite. It's the opposite.

[Trixie Mattel]

Don't listen to people. I'm like, have you heard me?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I know what I say myself. It's like, I don't care what anybody says. You should. You should not care about what you say. Yeah, it's like I. Yeah, no, people. I always felt like I don't give a. What people say. Well, then you're a sociopath.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, it's the. Can I be vulnerable, please? It's, it's, it's. It's been a. It's been a struggle time. And I have been back to therapy twice a week. It's a high risk environment. Something prescribed. You need to be protected yourself from yourself.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Should we. Should we shackle you to the chair?

[Trixie Mattel]

Have you seen that 911 clip?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, I'm so sorry. So sorry. Oh, God.

[Trixie Mattel]

You need to apologize. This is your camera. Yeah. You need to apologize.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This is a video I never thought I would have to make.

[Trixie Mattel]

Except when you did this last, the time you chewed gum, you would have thought it was like Steve Harvey reading the wrong Miss Universe or whatever. No, no, no, no, no. Off in the universe. It was like, where were you in the world? Stop turning.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It was like that woman drove 90 hours, 90 miles an hour into the gas station and killed the little baby.

[Trixie Mattel]

And you. My birthday.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I like when I came to your birthday party and then just let everybody on fire. That was. That was almost as bad as the gum.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, almost. Birthdays. It's your birthday soon.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What are you talking about?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yours is in the spring. It's about to be spring. What's the plan?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It ain't about to be spring. Yes, it is in February. It ain't even February. We gotta get over that hump. Okay, once we get over the February hump, then we'll talk in March because.

[Trixie Mattel]

Then the day after your birthday, we're starting on my birthday. So, like, okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, I mean, yeah, it's basically the year's divided into my birthday and your birthday.

[Trixie Mattel]

I. I've completely changed feelings about becoming an adult. And people say. I don't like to make a big deal about birthday. Birthdays don't matter. I'm sorry. Does your life matter?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But you're alive.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes. However, tell that to the people who didn't reach 36. Tell them it doesn't matter.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Thank you. Go into the grave. Get the Long island medium. No, I.

[Trixie Mattel]

She did. Oh, she's talking to the people in the grave. Okay. I was like, drown. Does that make sense? I would love to get the Long island medium, the Hollywood medium and.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And the extra large medium.

[Trixie Mattel]

Ross Matthews extra large, medium charge.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No. And then I want Sylvia Brown and Tyler Henry in the same room.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, my God. Agreed.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Free cough.

[Trixie Mattel]

Tyler, you love who you love.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's like. It's like he drowned. Well, actually, he lives in Resedo. Well, he will drown, right?

[Trixie Mattel]

Is it raining? Have you talked to him today?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

He drowned. Does that make sense? He drowns.

[Trixie Mattel]

That makes sense.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Incredible. Incredible.

[Trixie Mattel]

Let me tell you. I have a hard time telling you this. He's not your father and he's gonna drive who you love. She said that like it doesn't matter a P flag. Mom, you love who you love.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But wait, wait.

[Trixie Mattel]

The.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't. We can do. Yes. Celebrate our births. Absolutely. We don't do birthday months.

[Trixie Mattel]

No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We don't do birthday weeks even.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, that's. That's. You know what that is? That is perpetuated by big. Big balloon. Big hallmark. Big.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was gonna say it's big sorority because it's very sorority girl.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's my birthday month. Can I say there's a special provision. If you had a very long labor, if you were halfway hanging out with your mom for 30 days, it is your birthday month.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes. If you had.

[Trixie Mattel]

For most of us, it's kind of more of a one day.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

If your mother was in labor for 30 days.

[Trixie Mattel]

But if I was in 30 girl. And she. Frankly, we should be celebrating her.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Thank you. Thank you. That blown out ran through pussy one time.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was watching Roseanne before. It was a long time ago.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

But I saw. And Roseanne, there's a part where Jackie's a week overdue from having her baby. And Roseanne's like, you just need to relax. And Jackie's like, I have a one week old child living inside me. And after due date. You do have some kid. Yeah. Squatters rights.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was late.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, no.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

How late were you?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Three months. No, I. No. Yeah, she was pregnant. 12 months.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

12 month pregnancy. That's why. I mean, I came out what, four years old.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I. I think I was late.

[Trixie Mattel]

I couldn't last baby. Right. But you know, moms have all this. Moms have all this to the moment information about the first birthday.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wow.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like my mom, the rest of us, I feel like no information. I'm always like. Whenever we're talking about like. Like astrology. What time of morning? My mom's like, what time of morning?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, yeah. I. I was. I don't know.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was pregnant the next day.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sorry if I can't remember the time you just ripped my apart.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, also all the. The chemicals, the forgetting baby, the trauma, the epidural, the.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The enemas.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, well, my mom did. I was C section. C section is different. It's a surgery. Of course you don't remember.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's funny because that, to me, I read that as like Section 8 housing.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, that came later.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

C sectioned. I was like, oh, got it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Sectioned.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

C sectioned. And that's. Is that a.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's. That's when they cut.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I know what it is. Is it. How. Yikes.

[Trixie Mattel]

So some. It's. There's a lot of reasons why people might do it. My mom, I think, had a difficult first time. So then the rest of us, three kids, they did the surgery.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And of course, I mean, it didn't work with Ashton Kutcher when he tried to strangle himself with that umbilical cord.

[Trixie Mattel]

In the butterfly effect. That's right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Is that wild? I read the Wikipedia. I didn't see the movie. I couldn't. I don't think I could handle that.

[Trixie Mattel]

Movie by. The movies are back. You're just on Wikipedia. You're Cliff Notes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The movies are back. My Internet kicked in again.

[Trixie Mattel]

I saw the poster. I follow the main actress on Instagram and I read the Wikipedia. So yeah, I have seen it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Strangling myself in the umbilical cord to undo all this, like, soon to come.

[Trixie Mattel]

Tragedies cunty back to my mental health.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sorry.

[Trixie Mattel]

Not. Not that I haven't considered it. Could I back to the future myself and go up to my mom's baby and say, don't come out, don't come out.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But then I'd probably have to be a swimsuit model, work with Adriana Lima.

[Trixie Mattel]

All that pressure as what, her driver? Work with her as her going to do tiling in her guest house.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's emotional support, dog.

[Trixie Mattel]

What do you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wait, what about Candice Swayne Pole, baby?

[Trixie Mattel]

Who?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Candace motherfucking Swaypole.

[Trixie Mattel]

Is that the girl who was on Fuller House?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, that's Candace Cameron and she is a trumper.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, this is a woman. This is a woman who, when she walked down the Victoria's Secret One way. One way.

[Trixie Mattel]

The Victoria's Secret one way.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I said to myself, baby, I'm not gay anymore.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, wow. Who is it?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Mama? Can. I'm going to show a picture. Also, I have another thing that I have to gripe about. Fake weenies on the television.

[Trixie Mattel]

We've talked about that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, we didn't. No, we didn't we talked about it in the hallway just now?

[Trixie Mattel]

Maybe we talked about Netflix. We talked about fake weenies. We can't see a weenie without you bringing up the fake weenies.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Maybe there's an epidemic and it's called Fake weenies. I need you to.

[Trixie Mattel]

Maybe that's why your sex drive went away, because you think they're all fake. Now look at them.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Egregiously fake. Egregious.

[Trixie Mattel]

I mean, I can't tell.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Excuse me. You can't tell.

[Trixie Mattel]

Why are they all looking at the Wieners?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Azman.com. love that website.

[Trixie Mattel]

You. You have a privacy screen.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, I. Well, you know why now?

[Trixie Mattel]

Porn.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Fake. Fake weenies. If I want to check in on the fake weenie on the subway, I don't want to be on that list.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So the Victoria's Secret, whatever. Whatever show I had, I hadn't been aware of this model. She's in her 30s. If I were able to Oda May Brown into her body, you know, they.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know, force your way in.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Go on and just inhabit her. Her physical frame for even 12 minutes. I just can't. I can't overstate the fact that you.

[Trixie Mattel]

You.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You and everybody at home all your life chances would evaporate in milliseconds.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, wow. Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Because the way the.

[Trixie Mattel]

The.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The. The tidal wave of. Of unbridled, unparalleled, and unprecedented eroticism and sexuality that would just. Like a tsunami.

[Trixie Mattel]

If you were her.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

If I were her for even 12 minutes. Yeah, 12, 15 minutes.

[Trixie Mattel]

But you're not. So I got pulled over.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We gotta do A graphic of Ms. Swainpole.

[Trixie Mattel]

Put it on the pot. We don't have guests.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, no, no, no, no, no. I. I couldn't take it. I couldn't take that much power. I would be blinded. I would have to gouge my eyes out. She's so beautiful.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So you're pulled over.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, I'm pulled over. And, you know, I've been being more. I've been being more like Gen Z. So I got pulled over and I was like, not the pullover. You know, I was like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You're like. Not that. Not the rest.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

License, registration entirely.

[Trixie Mattel]

They said, license, registration, I said, you know that thing they do. No, no. What is that hand over the mouth thing? I don't know what it is.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What is that? Gen Z for them. Gen Alpha.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. They're vibing. Their mouth is open and. Yeah, I hate that. It's fun.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I like this.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, they see. That's more full body.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

And it suggests that there's boobs, which I like too.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So did you show your breast to get out of the ticket?

[Trixie Mattel]

No. So where was I going?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, if you cry onto cleavage, it's instant.

[Trixie Mattel]

Just going to a doctor's appointment already. Don't want to go there. All right. Going to a doctor's appointment. And I'm in the middle lane in the back of traffic, cars all around me. Been at this light for probably 45 seconds. And I go, I'm gonna look up this artist and listen to them. I pick up my phone, I type the first three letters. Immediately, a police officer on a bike is next to me filming.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Bicycle.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, a motorcycle is filming. Goes. Is filming me and goes like this. So I go, all right, I guess I'll. I'll do what I thought was good. Take my top off, which is. I went like this. I put the blinker on. I pulled over off the busy street to this side street. I think that's what you should do. You got so mad at me. You pull over where I tell you to pull over. I was like, on the busy street.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And pull over on what?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, just.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Just pull parallel on Cueinga. Block both lanes.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, I'm getting away.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Trixie Mattel]

Who has fled the police in a Volvo. Like, that's. We're not doing that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Trixie Mattel]

This is a car. This is a car about safety. Yes. This is a car for boring people.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Trixie Mattel]

Love the vault for textures. Yes. So he goes, you were using your phone. It's illegal in California. And I'm like, I was using my phone. It was. It's legal in California. You give him the license, registration. I sit there quietly. He gives me my ticket. No, I just was like, I haven't had a ticket. I haven't been pulled over since 2010. It's time. Whatever.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

So I did feel bad about changing music at the stoplight.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know about Siri, right?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. I could have done that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. So that happened. And I have to pay the ticket. It's fine.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I don't think it's fine.

[Trixie Mattel]

I think the officer was very polite to me, and I was. I didn't say anything. I didn't talk.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't believe that that officer should have been polite. I think he should have taken you out of the car by the scruff of your neck and you over.

[Trixie Mattel]

It was pretty. It was pretty obnoxious. It was a bad way to start the day.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That sucks. I'm sorry that I was given. I was pulled over. Oh, God. Twice. Once.

[Trixie Mattel]

And by the way, you shouldn't use your phone while you're behind the wheel of a car, even if you're in park. Like, don't do it, sweetie. So I get it. I'm not saying I shouldn't have.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm very, you know, I have the thing, I have the, the driving thing now on my phone. Like if I'm, it's, I'm driving.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, okay. You like that?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I do. Except when I'm in the passenger side of car, I say I'm not driving because I'm not driving. But sometimes it's whatever. I, I, I did pull out the phone to change a song. And I felt like I was committing. I felt like I was basically taking my whole family.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And then chopping all their heads off.

[Trixie Mattel]

Don't do it. I mean, I was, like I said, in the middle lane and the back, like probably six cars in front of me at a red light. It doesn't make it better, but.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, but you did. You did. It was. All things considered, you weren't going 95 on the 101 with your eyes closed.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Which I've seen many people do in like those jeeps that have no doors or windows.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right? Oh, yeah. Isn't that crazy? What's with that?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't know. I think maybe. What's with the car with no doors? Maybe they love the, the, the breeze.

[Trixie Mattel]

Girl, I'd be on the freeway with my leg out. Do you think?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Squirting? Oh. Do you ever drive barefoot?

[Trixie Mattel]

No, I won't even drive in Crocs. It has to be a shoe. It's about safety.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I love feeling it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Why?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's a skin on pedal. Sometimes I put the leg out, but once I saw Death proof. No more.

[Trixie Mattel]

I bet the bottom of your foot looks like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Who done it?

[Trixie Mattel]

Cornmeal. Something textured.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, because I don't know what this says about me. Probably that I'm disgusting, but you know, I have a foot rasp and I work. That baby works overtime.

[Trixie Mattel]

A foot rasp.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know what a foot rasp is? It's like a cheese grater for your foot.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, the ped egg.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Pet egg is a smoothie.

[Trixie Mattel]

I think you wrote about it in our book. I read about it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

I read you said that you empty it out and it's like a parmesan.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. And I go from like a size nine to a size eight and a half years. Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's great. You ever get a pedicure and you leave and you're like three inches shorter. You like? You better work, bitch.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't like a pedicure. I love to give them.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Really?

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, my God.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, I'm ticklish and I've almost kicked them in the face. And that's not fun feet.

[Trixie Mattel]

I just feel like it's one of those things that really a before and after worth a thousand words. People look great.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Monet.

[Trixie Mattel]

Monet Exchange.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Foot feminization. Remember? Remember? She got her feet feminized. You don't remember that?

[Trixie Mattel]

All lying.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Are you talking? Are you on drugs? You don't remember this? The most important cultural moment of last year. Monet X Change getting a foot feminization and live streaming it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Are you lying? You're lying.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Roll the tape, Rodney. I mean, it's. It's all there.

[Trixie Mattel]

What are you talking about? I need everybody here to shut their for one second.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Call Monet Exchange right now.

[Trixie Mattel]

And say what?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Did you feminize your feet and did you do it at my birthday dinner? I'm calling her right now. I'm going to pro. You know what? These fake dicks.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm not. By the way, this isn't a look of shame. I didn't even know that existed.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hey, Siri, call Monet Exchange.

[Trixie Mattel]

What is foot feminizing?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We're about to find out.

[Trixie Mattel]

We're about to. I just think it's wrong to say that all women have one kind of foot.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, let's hear it from the horse's mouth.

[Trixie Mattel]

Why is she a horse now?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's not going to pick up. She hates me.

[Trixie Mattel]

She's probably in his building.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Unbelievable. Hey, Siri, call Bob the Drag Queen.

[Trixie Mattel]

What? I. I'm.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

There's just four other calls I'm going.

[Trixie Mattel]

To make before I. Foot. Foot. She had the foot feminized. They shave off.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Why are you acting brand new?

[Trixie Mattel]

They make okay. Do they make it slimmer? Because women's shoes are slimmer. Are you serious? Is there risks involved? I feel like the.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hey, Bob, quick question. We are on the pod. I just. So Trixie was unaware that Monet X Change got foot feminization surgery. Can you corroborate that?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes. Monet actually had FFS for feminization surgery. That's 100. Not even a bit. Why do I feel like you all got together to pull a prank? She is this.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Trixie is convinced that we are all in cahoots with each other. You, me, that we have discussed this prior and that we are pulling a prank on her phone work.

[Trixie Mattel]

Does her phone work?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Does she not have Google I guess. No, she has a fat back TV that she.

[Trixie Mattel]

My therapist told me to stop Googling medical stuff.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, so that's all. But thank you so much for yourself, Trixie.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, thank you, Bob, for the f. Thank you, Bob.

[Trixie Mattel]

Love you. Bye. I mean, I trust Bob. People in the program don't lie. Well, usually.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This episode is sponsored by Squarespace. All right, listen closely. I am Jason Statham. Low voice, no hair, maximum sexiness. People ask me all the time how to speak like this. Slow, calm, gravelly enough to stop trapping in Piccadilly Circus. So I made a course. Not yelling, not whispering. Just pure confidence vibrating at a reasonable volume. And when it came time to sell it, I needed a website that could keep up. That's where Squarespace comes in. Squarespace has this thing called design intelligence. Two decades of design experience mixed with smart AI. I put in what I wanted and it built something sharp, sleek and tailored, like a perfectly fitted black suit. But not for my amazing body in one of my action movies, but for the Internet. I can now sell the course directly on my site because Squarespace makes it easy to sell content behind a paywall. I can even choose between one time purchases or subscriptions. It's clean, it's simple, it's recurring income. While I stay bald, sexy and mysterious, Squarespace Payments lets people pay fast. With Apple, pay, Klarna, you name it. A few clicks and the money starts rolling in. No drama, no hair. Just me and my hot body dripping with masculine, sultry sexiness. I can even connect my socials in seconds. Everywhere my low voice travels, the site follows. Same brand, same presence. People find me, people pay me. And Squarespace saves me time so I can focus on speaking in a low, sexy manner and turning people on by being dangerously calm and manly. So if you have something to sell, a course, a brand, or just your undeniable aura of English hairless sexiness, build it with Squarespace. Strong design, smooth delivery. Just like my voice. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to Launch, go to squarespace.com bald to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. This episode is sponsored by ro. A lot of people I know seem to think that GLP1s are just about weight loss. Then they started actually talking to people in their lives who are on them. And suddenly it was like, wait, you're sleeping better. Your lab results improved. You have energy to actually go outside again. And possibly even, you know, exercise. You're making eye contact with both mirrors and Other people. Now turns out GLP1s are not just a weight thing. They can be part of a whole health plan for more than just waist size. They can lead to more energy, fewer cravings, better numbers at the doctor, and many times a real confidence boost that sneaks up on you. But let's be honest, the shot part scares a lot of people. That's why the new FDA approved GLP1 pill is huge. We're talking one daily pill in the same active ingredient as the shot with comparable results. No psyching yourself up like you're about to perform a root canal on yourself. Ro now offers the first FDA approved GLP1 pill for weight loss at the lowest cost around. It can help patients lose weight, have that fuller feeling and experience fewer cravings. And the best part, getting started with RO is easy. It's 100% online care, FDA approved medications, a free insurance check, side effect management and dosing support. Plus, you get real providers, you can message and get answers. The first dose of the pill starts at 1:49. Higher doses are $2.99 a month and the robody membership is just $45 for your first month. If you thought GLP1s were a fad, it turns out they're here to stay and getting easier than ever. If you've been curious but intimidated, Ro makes starting with GLP1s feel way less scary and way more doable. Go to Ro Co Bald to see if you're eligible for the new GLP1 pill on RO. That's RO CO Bald. To get started on RO, go to RO Safety for boxed warning and full safety information about GLP1 medications. Oh, mama.

[Trixie Mattel]

Baby. Sweetie.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, no, no. Ma. Mom. I wish you were an alcoholic for one day because this.

[Trixie Mattel]

Am I a Nikki fan? I'm not a Nikki fan.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, not a Nicky.

[Trixie Mattel]

Don't do it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I'm a Mickey fan. Mickey Rooney.

[Trixie Mattel]

He called Jojo Siwa faggot. Remember who? Mickey Rooney on Mickey Rooney on Celebrity.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Big Brother, he called her Mickey Rooney.

[Trixie Mattel]

Who am I saying? Mickey Rourke.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, no, no. Nikki. Nikki Blonsky. Nikki Blonsky.

[Trixie Mattel]

He called her gay. And by the way, he was wrong.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Am I a Nikki fan? Nikki tutorials.

[Trixie Mattel]

Absolutely.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I love her red eyeshadow. Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

Love Nikki tutorials. So that can paint.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

I wish she could do you. She'd blow you out of your mind.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Of course she would.

[Trixie Mattel]

Nikki, please, please. I'm desperate. Step down. Desperate from your tower.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This meeting. I know. Beginning whatever went to a meeting. It was a Thanksgiving or holiday. Mary, the way the speaker was spinning yarns that were so. Mama, do you.

[Trixie Mattel]

What do you mean? Or like lying yarns?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Baby, it was like, it was the, it was, it was like Ginger could never. Baby, this is Robbie Turner could never. It was like they were, they would, they would be lucky to enter a introductory course that this woman could teach at a college about how to spin a yarn in front of people as if it were the truth. She, she was.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know what it is like when a show has a second season unexpectedly, and they have to make up story and they never imagine the show would continue. Oh, yeah, that's what it is.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This woman was pulling things out of her ass like a, like, oh, pursued by the CIA after her modeling career gives Pookie, though. Well, mama, we were in.

[Trixie Mattel]

But what do you think it is about the pookie that makes people go straight to conspiracy?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So, but, so, so she, for all intents and purposes, I don't believe at this time that she was, I, I believe she was sober.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right. And that's why you go to meetings to fact check.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, but like, I, I, I was looking around, I was like, I was like, I was the only one incredulous.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was like, wait, everyone else was.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like, pretty much, pretty much say that. Period.

[Trixie Mattel]

Period.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I mean, after she was pursued by the CIA during her modeling career, maybe this was not. No model. When I say, no offense to this woman, but modeling was not something on. Yeah, there it was. It was the Russian mob, the Russian mafia, then the Greek mafia, and then there was.

[Trixie Mattel]

She's in the middle of a world war.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. They're locked in a trunk. Locked in a car. Car goes off a hill. I mean, it was like, literally like.

[Trixie Mattel]

What were you doing? Nodding.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was like, I was like, I was literally like. And people like. And then they were like, oh, thank you so much for sharing your story. So brave. I was like, I was like, am I losing my motherfucking mind? It was, I could not believe it. It was just so far fetched. Doesn't even begin. It was like the challenge was think of the most unbelievable, outrageous series of events that could never have taken place in your life and then say them over 45 minutes to a crowd of strangers who are looking to get recovered.

[Trixie Mattel]

Interesting.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Cunt. Cunt.

[Trixie Mattel]

Cause people have worse stories. I mean, I've never been to a meeting.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, but people have worse stories. They call it a drunkalog. And, and sure, you know, you hear everything. If you go to 30 meetings, you hear it all, you know, like, I missed my My. My daughter's graduation, so I was smoking crack on the floor of a crackhouse. Whatever. All this horrible war stories. But this was mission impossible, a dead reckoning.

[Trixie Mattel]

Not to make it serious, but I bet one of the worst consolation prizes of getting sober is the realization I missed my daughter's graduate. Like, realizing retroactively, oh, my God.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

My. My old show, Mary. Not. Not just like. And it's also like. It's like in the movies, you see? It's like, oh, yeah, I'll be there in 10 minutes. Oh, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

But.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, Oh, I missed my.

[Trixie Mattel]

What's with that? What's with the tweakers doing the. I'll be right there. I'm just leaving the house now. What's with that? I love it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't know, because I've never been that tweaker.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know people where it's like, oh, she said she'd be here at 2. You know, she'll be here till 10. She's going to call us every hour, all day, and then say, sweetie, I.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Had drug dealers back in Boston.

[Trixie Mattel]

Who. There's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'll be there. I'll be there. I'll be there at 10. On which day? On which month? You got to specify. Because they say a 10 is a 10 on Tuesday, 10 tonight could be 10 next month. Diabolical. And they love to say, like, you just said, I'm leaving the house. I'm on my way.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, so I'm. So I just had to stop by. Blah, blah, blah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, no, no, not even that. On my way. You haven't even opened both eyes yet. From the bed.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's crazy. I don't know what that. I mean, I know with lying, obviously I've lied a lot, but, like, I don't know what that particular lies about. So where does that accomplish. Because it doesn't make anything better.

[Trixie Mattel]

The flip side of that is the pookie always goes to the greater conspiracies about. Oh, God, the government.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Aliens in 5G.

[Trixie Mattel]

What is that?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

5G? That's just psychosis. That's just straight up psychosis. Yeah, that's magical thinking from psychosis.

[Trixie Mattel]

But it's always based from a place of. Well, I've realized something that nobody else wants to accept.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Girl, this dude who used to drive. Used to get in his car, drive me around, and it was like, you.

[Trixie Mattel]

Guys would just talk.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I wouldn't talk.

[Trixie Mattel]

He would.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And we have to.

[Trixie Mattel]

We have. Is he hot?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, but he. We would have to. I. I'd have to get. We'd have to get past this area of weho because the 5G was so strong that he was pulled by the gravitational force of it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Love that. See, if I was in that situation.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You'D lean in.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm not saying I'd make the most of it, but my inner monologue, I'd have my hair up and I would be like in my mind, like she was crazier than him and she was his queen. Like I would have a whole story. We very. Lana. I drive fast and then I like I just drive leg out the window. It'd be very Quentin Tarantino. Leg out the window. And just this too. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Be squirting. Squirting up the highway now with the guy. If the cop pulled me over. Not for texting, but for juicing out the. Out the window on that 101. Juicing it hard and. And juicing it. Squirting it. You know what I'm talking about?

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't know what you're saying.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know, when the. Oh, you know that gif jiff of the girl squirting it on the. At the pass.

[Trixie Mattel]

No. I have watched a lot of videos of the men jerking in the car though.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

I mean I love the men jerking in the car. Love the. Is someone gonna see me? Of course someone does.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I saw that on La Brea walking.

[Trixie Mattel]

Home from the gym. Happened to me on Santa Monica.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Crazy.

[Trixie Mattel]

And he was live streaming. I was like, so if one hands on the dick and one hands on the phone. I'm getting pulled over for playing Bon Iver in a Volvo. Throw me in Shawshank.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

God forbid I want to listen to Bonnie Raid Best of Bonnie Ver.

[Trixie Mattel]

Not Bonnie Raitt.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I know, but I'm just saying. Anybody love Bonnie, right? Oh yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

This is a Mon Iver type of day.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What is Bonnie Bear, by the way?

[Trixie Mattel]

His artist from Wisconsin. I local bunny bear. French fur. Nice winter.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Good winter.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Von Iver.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Ha.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh sure, sure.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I went into. Oh, fake dicks.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right. Let's talk about it. Why not use the real dick?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Because the actors don't want to do it, I think. Because. Yeah, I think the cuz those dicks you show were.

[Trixie Mattel]

Was the point of it that they're all so big and normal actors. What are they going to do? I'm. I'm going to fluff. Fluff.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, Jason Seagull did that in forgetting Sarah Marshall, he. Forgetting Sarah Marshall. He fluffed before the, the. The full frontal scene. But I. I do believe he is well endowed. Right. I think that, that I love Jason Seagull Yeah, he's nice. But that I think the. The thing about is, like, well, you get the. And know, the woman's crotch is a little bit. It's not so much like, oh, my God, you got a huge bush. Well, of course you can shave it. Oh, you got these giant. You know, we're not seeing that. It's more art.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's not splayed.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

And it's not archaeological.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Also, the breasts are like. They're there.

[Trixie Mattel]

They're.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They're in the shirt, too. You know what I mean? It's like. It's a different sort of, like. I don't know. No, I'm. I'm imagining no Hollywood actor wants to be like, oh, yeah, that's the guy with the peanut pecker. No, because then they always have it.

[Trixie Mattel]

I would also allege that if you do have a peanut pecker, you might not want to show it. Well, yeah, if you have the huge dong, you're like, when's my full frontal? Let's do it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I mean, I.

[Trixie Mattel]

Isn't an actor's dream to be in, like, a hot. Like a really deep, wordy, charactery, Oedipus Serious, and you get to show your.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, like Equus.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Isn't that the dream? Is like, you're doing serious acting and here was my wiener.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't think that's the dream at all. I think that's a nightmare. Oh, would you show your weenie on camera?

[Trixie Mattel]

Depends what for Science people. I've been going to the. I've been going to the doctor a lot. People see my under thing on a weekly basis. Under everything, really. They see everything. They see every hole. They see every. Every hole. Every hole. All four. All four. How many holes do you got? Well, people think you only. People think men only have two, but they really need to think outside the box a little bit.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Here she was dragging that horse to that restaurant, and I thought, yeah, something.

[Trixie Mattel]

So be careful driving. Don't text and drive. I wasn't even texting. I was playing a song. Don't play a song.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I. I feel so passionate about this. That. And listen, I. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person on the road paying attention.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ironically, me too. I feel like that now characterizes my driving, but I drive like a grandma. People see the finger in Los Angeles every day. No, but that's because I'm driving the speed limit.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But see, that's.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's like.

[Trixie Mattel]

But I'm driving 65 and a 65 and people drive by like this.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do you.

[Trixie Mattel]

Or you're on the highway on Cueinga Pass.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Get out of here.

[Trixie Mattel]

The. The speed limit. That's the street where people drive 100, Mary.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, see, I don't. With the highways like that because I'm. People are. People do not know how. I'm not going on. On a thoroughfare where people are driving 90. Texting and sexting. That.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's what. They're in LA, of course.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Doing rails off the dash.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. And then texting their grandma. Whatever. I. I just. I don't like it. Athena's an aggressive driver. Oh. We always get there very quick.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

My friend David Mason is his Maserati, which was recently totaled.

[Trixie Mattel]

Andrew Yang.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Death wish.

[Trixie Mattel]

Death wish.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's. That's. That's the. The terrifier.

[Trixie Mattel]

The killer. But if we ever need a ride. Andrew.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Forget we said that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

If we ever need a ride and be like, interesting. I heard the pod. Apparently, I don't drive well. So now what?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, he knows.

[Trixie Mattel]

Take the bus.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, but David would go downtown. You know, usually for an average person, it's like 40 minutes from where I live. He gets there in 12.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Brandon's not dangerous. Brandon is engaged. He's an engaged driver. He's going. Yeah, he's going. If there's no window, he's taking it. You know what I mean? But he's not crazy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I feel the same way. I am a active driver.

[Trixie Mattel]

Brandon's active.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

He's a good.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm not skittish because, Mary, the way that my hyper vigilance kicks in when there is a left Green Arrow. Present, baby. You know, I am the. I am. I made that arrow.

[Trixie Mattel]

You're already gone.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I made that.

[Trixie Mattel]

You ran someone.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But those. It's. I just.

[Trixie Mattel]

We.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

If I were the mayor of the city, I would just. Green Arrow left. Green Arrow would be my passion project. My. My raison d'. Etre. Would be my absolute number one platform party.

[Trixie Mattel]

You wouldn't focus on ice or anything?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, no, no, no. It's what's really important.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The arrows, right?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, no. The homelessness. Right. Yeah. Yeah, right. No, but active driving, I. And not. Sometimes I'm reckless. Sometimes I. I whip. I whip. And I maybe shouldn't have. But, hey, it's tough. I mean, I don't like grandma drivers.

[Trixie Mattel]

You don't like what?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't like grandma drivers.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's me. That's me listening to bony ver and a Volvo going 40 miles per hour. Getting pulled over and ticketed. It's fine. I want you to give me a mine somewhere. To be honest, the only part of me that was like I don't deserve this was have you been on the roads in LA, Mr. Mr. Mr. DJ.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What he looked like, what was he wearing?

[Trixie Mattel]

Very handsome. Beautiful black guy with a mustache. Very handsome. He looked like a police officer from a movie. Like the outfit, the jacket with like a fur collar with the helmet. Did you say Super Bowl?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Did you say under your breath with that dongdu?

[Trixie Mattel]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But what I wanted to say was I thank you for pulling me over. Thank you for your interest. At this time, I want you to know that we're in America's second largest city where people drive like they're trying to die. Yeah. So I don't know, just thinking big to small right now you're worried about like one deck chair on the Titanic? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm. I encourage you to take this motorcycle and go get one of the people naked. Crazy driving, 100 miles per hour in, cueing a pass. Right. That's the only thing is I'm not a good. I mean, I'm gonna pay the ticket, but whatever.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

How much was it the police, by the way?

[Trixie Mattel]

They told me I have to wait three weeks and scan it and then find out. In Milwaukee, a parking. A ticket for something like that probably would have been 35, 50 bucks. I'm assuming here it's $1,000. Honestly, I bet it's going to be each day. I bet it's going to be $800 each minute.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You don't pay after the due date. $500.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I got pulled over in Marro where I grew up driving my mom's car through a stop sign. Just rolled right through it. That can happen.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's an accident.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, it was. I was just like. And then I, I was like, ah. I looked and then I just went bad. Big mistake. Huge.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was home for Christmas and I was. I don't know why. I'm the family driver now when I'm like, oh no. I was home for Thanksgiving and I was the family driver because I like to rent the car because I want to pick the car and I always get a white F150. I put nuts on the end of it and I'm like, you think it's tractor sexy? Oh, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Love it, love it. You put lumber in there.

[Trixie Mattel]

I get the big trucks, I get the four wheel drive. I get the dualies. You can't Touch me, get touched me. I get so red state and a neck cracking speed and now and. But so I'm always the family driver. And you put them all in the.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Back in the bed.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, yeah. Nobody's allowed in the cabin with me. Everyone's dragging behind like the cans just married. I know they're Marty McFlying. It just. Everyone's on. Everyone's on rollerblades. Yeah, Rollerblades. Rollerblades. So we're. I'm driving and I take this left turn and I guess I didn't realize it was a red light. And my boyfriend's mom just goes, oh. And I went, what? The whimper. It was red. And I went, oh, well, you know, but we're okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

God, if I had a nickel for every time Ms. Andrew Yang would just.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, I was like, do you want to get to bingo or not? We're going to church. Bingo. Do you know about Catholics doing bingo?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I do, but you know.

[Trixie Mattel]

And also, how are Christian people doing?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Doing gambling?

[Trixie Mattel]

Lottery. Yes, mama.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Christian people. What do we know about Christians?

[Trixie Mattel]

And by the way, this is the kicker. It's a fundraiser.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

For what?

[Trixie Mattel]

The church. So gambling is evil, but we'll take your money. So if you come to church, we'll tell you how bad gambling is. This is made up by big church.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Let me. Let me clue you a big feature of Ms. Christianity. Hypocrites.

[Trixie Mattel]

Hypocrisia. Hypocrisia. Marie. Today's episode of all in the Beautiful is brought to you by Green Chef Obsessed. You guys know I'm a green chef. Perhaps sin. I sometimes pause my Green Chef for touring or work or whatever for the holidays of busy. And I miss it. I desperately miss it. Okay, what I love about Green Chef is healthy meals can be very easy. I will film all day at Netflix. I will come home from shooting and there will be a refrigerated box at my door with all the ingredients still cold, like they came fresh out of the cooler at a grocery store. Except it was quick and I didn't have to go there. Especially when all those years didn't drive you guys. It. It made cooking so much easier. Rideshare with groceries. Don't love it. Reach your wellness goals with options like Mediterranean, high protein, high fiber, plant based like me or, you know, anything you want. It's all clinically proven to support healthier habits. And you guys know I'm a vegetarian. It's kind of hard to sometimes feel incredibly creative with your food. And I love it because the meals at Green Chef have ingredients I Recognize and kind of just push me out of my box a little bit. Make your habits better for the planet to Green Chef cuts food waste by 20% versus grocery stores and offsets 100% of delivery emissions. You guys, the box, even all the stuff that keeps things cool, majorly recyclable. It's so cool. I love Green Chef. It changed my life. I'm a better cook because of Green Chef. I'm a confident person in the kitchen because of Green Chef. Right now, go to greenchef.com baldgraza and use the code baldgraza G R A, Z A to get started with 50% off Green Chef plus free Graza olive oil set in your second and third boxes. This is 50% off, and it's an offer only available for a limited time, so don't wait. The code's [e-mail] baldgraza Today's episode of Bald and Beautiful is brought to you by Warby Parker. Oh, my God. By my house in Milwaukee, there is a Warby Parker. And I always walk by. And even though I have glasses and almost never wear them, everything about that store makes me want to walk in there again. Here's what I like about Warby Parker glasses. I have three pair. I. I was looking for pink glasses. My dream was owning a little makeup company with a pink office. My dream was to be able to go into work with my pink glasses on. I feel very smart, like a little makeup professor. And I got these great pink glasses that I think are technically women's at Warby Parker. But, I mean, they fit me perfect. I love them so much. I've had them for years. They're in perfect condition. Do you guys ever see me with pink glasses on? That's them. I just love Warby Parker. All three pairs of my glasses are from Warby Parker. It's easy quality price. I mean, selection one of my pairs of glasses, the pink ones, I actually was on tour. I think I was at, like, the Mall of America or something, and I just ran in there and found them. I mean, I always got to peek my head and just see what they got. Because especially since I don't have hair, glasses really is a way you can really change your look. The other great thing is prescription glasses at Warby Parker start at 95 bucks so you can get quality, stylish frames for an affordable price. I also love that because you could leave them in your car. Like my glasses, when I go on tour, I bring them for when I'm reading at night. They just sit in my bag and I have an identical pair at home. I have three glasses in two styles like one of them. The pink ones. I have two of them. Love them. Warby Parker gives you quality and better looking prescription eyewear at a fraction of the going price. Our listeners get 15% off plus free shipping when they buy two or more pairs of prescription glasses at warbyparker.com bald that's 15% off when you buy two pairs of glasses at w a r b y parker.com bald after you purchase they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent to you. For the first time ever, there's been a truly beautiful medical breakthrough. One shot makes you hot, but with terrifying consequences. In the new original series, FX is the Beauty. The glamorous world of supermodels turns deadly as mysterious deaths draw in FBI agents and a shadowy billionaire who will stop at nothing to protect his empire from executive producer Ryan Murphy. FX is the Beauty now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus for bundle subscribers. For the first time ever, there's been a truly beautiful medical breakthrough. One shot makes you hot, but with terrifying consequences. In the new original series, FX is the Beauty. The glamorous world of supermodels turns deadly as mysterious deaths draw in FBI agents and a shadowy billionaire who will stop at nothing to protect his empire from executive producer Ryan Murphy. FX is the Beauty now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney for bundle subscribers.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

When I was riding home, when I was driving home, almost in tears from that Cutco MLM Group interview and doing 90 on the. On the 495 in Massachusetts. Just couldn't. Can't wait to get home. Pulled over, belittled, berated and yelled at by the cop. Did you take dry. I don't think he said, did you take goddamn driver's ed?

[Trixie Mattel]

That's unnecessary.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I didn't.

[Trixie Mattel]

What I can. What I can appreciate about the guy pulled me over. It was a police officer. Truly almost reading from a script. Transactional.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

No one was mad at me. Yeah. He said, have a good day. He said, drive safe. Like we don't have to be mean. I think that's mean.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It was extremely mean. It was bullying because. And then I started fucking crying. I didn't cry.

[Trixie Mattel]

I would have cried. I couldn't believe I didn't cry the other day.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, when I. So when I was. My friend Annalise would drive me to school sometimes and we got pulled over. She drove this huge fucking boat we got pulled over right as we got to school. She had heaving breasts.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right? Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And she started.

[Trixie Mattel]

First she started was Anal Ease.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She started to cry and those big juicy droplets fell on the cleavage and she started to cry. And of course the titty started bouncing a little bit. And then. You better believe that ticket was waived. W A I V E D got scot free.

[Trixie Mattel]

Why didn't I do that?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hot, wet, jiggling titties. It's catnip for those nasty cops.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, I was like, you're worried about my phone. I have an open flame grill in your seat. Like what? I'm shaving my legs bodies from the back. I'm getting Lasik. What are you talking about? You don't see my doctor from Turkey.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I just had Doing. Doing.

[Trixie Mattel]

Putting hairs in the front of my head.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I just had eye surgery.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, I have the double Lasik glasses on. Oh, yeah. I'm looking straight up and I'm possessed. So the eyes are rolled back like my bony bear.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Bony bear.

[Trixie Mattel]

Bony bear. Half the white refrigerator. Wait, not the black boba.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wait, more fake dicks.

[Trixie Mattel]

So. Oh, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So it's just these. So this from Spartacus. I, of course, I saved a few clips and I then I, you know, edited them just for reference. And, you know, they are egregious, these fake dicks. I just. I would implore Hollywood. Maybe they don't have a huge budget. I don't know what the deal is, but if you're going to go the fake dick route, because it's a full COD piece with a fake dick and balls and pubic hair.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Full thing.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I just would say, why do you care?

[Trixie Mattel]

Can I ask why you care?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, I'm passionate about on screen nudity in mainstream film and television. I love the lighting.

[Trixie Mattel]

I prefer. It's important to you that the actor who's cast.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, absolutely not. No. I don't want an actor to do something they're uncomfortable with. However, I would love it if the prosthetic and costume department would somehow maybe step their up a little bit.

[Trixie Mattel]

Literally set their dick up too, while they're at it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Step their dick and balls up.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right. I guess I could see what you're saying. If it's gonna be not real, you want it to be unclockable.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes, because look, I mean, we all saw the substance. Margaret Qualley's breastplate was pretty well done. A lot of people didn't even know she had a breastplate.

[Trixie Mattel]

I didn't know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

There you go. There you go.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't think it matters.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You don't think it matters?

[Trixie Mattel]

Like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, I think what we're showcasing is a huge dong.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

In that. In that instance, there's. And the other version of the other season, Aspartacus actors don't have huge dongs.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, are you mad?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, you just want it to be really convincing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's it, Right? If it's not convincing, don't show it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, okay. I see what you're saying. Because it takes you out of it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It takes me out of it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Kid actors make them really good. Or don't have them.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Don't have them. They can. I mean, there's so much you can do with an off screen yellow.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, my favorite thing is, I love this. You know, babies on sets, it's like they have to be twins. They can work for eight minutes per day. Like, it's crazy. And I love to watch for the actors having the fake baby because whenever it's a non moving baby, they'll do a lot more of this.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

And you can see rubber hand.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like, love is shaking, baby.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, yeah. It's pretty.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I love that.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

When I'm entertaining entertainment czar, my platform will be, of course, realistic fake dicks.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm gonna be an agent with a entire roster of reborn babies.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Reborn.

[Trixie Mattel]

The silicone babies. Oh. So it's like, oh, yeah, you're casting the baby. Let me see a picture. I've got a match for you. And then I got one of my. I call them. I'm an agent in this scenario. I'm like, we got a gig for you. You know, it's very like an old school TV agent. I call the reborn baby. I'm like, we're gonna need you on the Universal lot tomorrow. Dress casual.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You gotta be able to pee in poop on command. No problem.

[Trixie Mattel]

And then I. I come in with the baby, sort of as the handler. Do you know what was so crazy? Have you ever worked with a cat? Like in a TV setting? No. So I did this thing for that movie Argyle a few years ago, and I shot my alone. Like, you know what? They inter. Inter. Clipped it with clips in the movie. Obviously I'm not there with Dula Peep. And you know, I'm. I'm on another shoot day.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You were on Argyle the movie?

[Trixie Mattel]

No, I did some commercials for them.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, okay, okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like during Drag Race. Henry Cavill. No, during the Drag Race hour. Got it. One of the ads was me talking about Argyle. Nobody knew I was there. Including me. I'm just happy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Not even the cat, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right. But there was a cat, a real cat. I don't remember his name. His name was like Gandalf or something. It was a crazy name for a cat. But all, all cat names are crazy, right? So they had the real cat for certain scenes and up until literally action. They had a long stick with a plastic lid of like cottage cheese that they would smear like liver pate on. So the cat would stay in one place. And then as soon as I would say my line, they would yank that out because the cat, of course, when I start monologuing is like, like the cat just leaves. So they got that scene a few times and then they had a fake so believable cat that they put in for the wide shots in the same place. And I was like, when can we get the fake Trixie involved? No, it just was stuffed. Yes. In the same outfit because they had a little hat on it. It was pretty cool.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think that's kind and I think that that is a wonderful second act business entrepreneurship opportunity for me.

[Trixie Mattel]

As a cat.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, no, as, as a, as a, as a background actor.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

As a stuffed.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, I want real looking pussies, genitalia and animals.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I'm going to provide all those. So I'm going to provide the ultra, ultra real stuffed.

[Trixie Mattel]

We have to go to a lot of carnivals. No, no.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Maybe.

[Trixie Mattel]

And win a lot of. No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

These, these silicone babies are going to be so unclockable.

[Trixie Mattel]

We're doing babies again. Yeah. Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And fake dicks. Everything silicone.

[Trixie Mattel]

You and I can get some babies. Some silicone babies. Reborn babies. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And these also, these dicks unrelated to the babies. The, these dicks that I'm going to put on. These men are going to be so unclockable. These men are just going to, they're going to want to take them home.

[Trixie Mattel]

I've been seeing a lot of tick tocks of people taking their reborn babies. No doubt to me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Could you clarify what exactly that is?

[Trixie Mattel]

So it's a fake baby. Okay. I don't, I don't know if the word fake is offensive. It's a baby that they care for. Synthetic baby that they care for. That they love.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Non human baby.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes. And it's not real. And I think it's some people a form of play. For some people it's a form of maybe therapy, A mix of both.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Maybe they left their baby in a hot car and they feel guilty.

[Trixie Mattel]

You and I dress like fake people for a living. I'm not criticizing anybody. I don't want fake babies probably compared to a real baby. But they take them to, like, Disney and, like, push them in a cart and stuff. And I think it's fun for them. Maybe the attention's fun for them. It's a victimless crime.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Like, oh, my God, how old? Like, don't ask me how old.

[Trixie Mattel]

20.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Ageless.

[Trixie Mattel]

I've had this baby for 20 years.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It depends.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, right. Oh, 90. It's actually a Benjamin Button baby. We only got a few days left.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Speaking of Benjamin Button, what in the world was that?

[Trixie Mattel]

I thought it was really moving. Is that awful?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I don't think it's the end.

[Trixie Mattel]

When she's caring for him as a kid with dementia.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It was just.

[Trixie Mattel]

I found it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I want to know the elevator pitch for that movie, because that was Mama Juicy birthday, but by the way, we're speaking of babies.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, do you know what's coming up? The, like, 20 year anniversary of Brokeback and they're doing showings and I want to go, but I'm telling you, I don't think I can handle it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Why? Oh, because the no lube in the tent and all that shitty.

[Trixie Mattel]

The crying.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, the crying ass in the scene.

[Trixie Mattel]

At the end when Heath Ledger, who's dead now, Icon, when he is talking to Anne Hathaway about, like, oh, well, he always wanted his ashes scattered at Brokeback Mountain. That came up on reels the other day and I threw my phone like a horror movie. Like, threw it across the room and backed against the wall and slid down it. I was like, I can't go back there. Like, I cried so hard at the movie theater. I've only seen it once. Wow. And it completely shattered me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, I love that.

[Trixie Mattel]

I love beautiful movies.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I, you know, I. Yes. And Angley yanked it, but I just, you know, the eating beans on the mountaintop, no lube. Just spitting and sliding it in.

[Trixie Mattel]

Have you ever fucked with no lube? Why are you actually brand new?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I have never.

[Trixie Mattel]

With no lube. Oh, come on. I'm sorry.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm sorry. Not ran through.

[Trixie Mattel]

To be honest, sometimes the chemicals in any lube irritate me. Sometimes the spit is better.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And you ran through.

[Trixie Mattel]

I wish. I mean. No, not ran through.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You haven't watched Heat of Rivalry, huh?

[Trixie Mattel]

No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Once the zeitgeist settles down, take a look.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, maybe I'll watch it later.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like in years.

[Trixie Mattel]

Honestly, it's like I'm gonna wait for the dust to settle with Wicked.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, it's like I'm just 100. Anytime it's good, it'll be good.

[Trixie Mattel]

It'll be good. Yeah, it'll be good.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I watched Money Exchange.

[Trixie Mattel]

Let's hear about it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hi, girl. You're on the pod. Sorry. I just called to confirm that you did indeed have foot feminization surgery.

[Trixie Mattel]

I did. I had FFS surgery.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's the best decision I ever made.

[Trixie Mattel]

They melted my bunions. They fixed my hammer toes, and I have the most beautiful feet on the Internet. I currently have a 4.7 on Wikipedia. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So, Trixie, why don't you take that and take that down to Fear Ruchi Boulevard.

[Trixie Mattel]

I thought everybody was pulling a prank. It sounded like a. It sounded like they all made it up. I didn't know about this girl. It's a fact. I love it. Yeah, you better work.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's housing you on wiki feet right now. So why don't you step up your foot game?

[Trixie Mattel]

You. You be showing your toes and drag. So that's a good thing, right? Like, if you and I had a surgery. We don't ever show our real toes, so it wouldn't matter for us. Mommy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's hammer time on these tootsies, right?

[Trixie Mattel]

Do y' all have.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do y' all have. Do y' all have mangled, ugly, nasty, drag queen feet? I had, though.

[Trixie Mattel]

She does.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I do not have mangled, nasty girl.

[Trixie Mattel]

She has yoga instructor feet. They look like they're made of Legos.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yoga instructor feet. Those are. Those are eagle talons that can grip a girl child.

[Trixie Mattel]

She looks like she moonlights as a grape stomper.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's all right.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Thank you, Monet. Love you. Bye.

[Trixie Mattel]

Who is that? I'm just kidding.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Who else can we call about feet? Oh, my God. Check your wiki feet.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, no.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You a control room.

[Trixie Mattel]

So who You.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wait, let's take a wager. Who do you think has a higher rating? Obviously you do.

[Trixie Mattel]

But if it's about size, do they like big feet? Because that might help.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's a mystery to me. I have no.

[Trixie Mattel]

Because I have. We're 13s. There's a lot. What's the.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What's the rating? Wiki feed.

[Trixie Mattel]

There's, like, young photos of you. What.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What's the rating?

[Trixie Mattel]

I feel.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Can I say five?

[Trixie Mattel]

I feel so. I feel so pillaged.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. What?

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm out of here. You know what? I need the officer who pulled me over to go investigate that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Excuse me. I know I was texting and driving, but what about wiki feet?

[Trixie Mattel]

I was on wiki feet?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's crazy. Oh, you know what, though? People, this People love everything I have.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Listen, I'm deductive, fierce, and I have some queer feet. They do. And they always say, don't give it away for free. I. Do you realize the way that I would have killed to have a foot fetish? Are you joking? Most people have feet.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know, I think sometimes, though, the foot fetish is attached to. I want a picture that I'm not supposed to see. Is it, I don't know, that nobody's ever like, can I see it, though? Like, can I secretly get it, don't you think?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I have no idea.

[Trixie Mattel]

Because it's all about accessing a celebrity foot of what we're not supposed to. Like, you know what I mean?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like, with the people must be busting at the beach all day.

[Trixie Mattel]

But I think it's fine. Like, love a foot. Love a foot.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I put him in my mouth and.

[Trixie Mattel]

Foot go through hell walking. I go through hell walking. You know what I mean?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I watched walk a mile in these wiki feet. Do I. Am I not even on there? No, you're on here. Your score is 5 stars. Says Gorgeous feet. Shut the fuck up. Are you joking? You're kidding me. I beat her on wiki feet. I'm putting that in my Twitter bio.

[Trixie Mattel]

Her feet look like they're made of paper mache.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Gorgeous feet. Because I. Mary, I do have gorgeous feet.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's good.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, all the toes, they're. They're not like, you know, they. They're taper right there. I have a beautiful arch.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's good dancer. That's good dancer. I'm gonna remember that next time we're in choreography rehearsal.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, no, no, no, no, no. All I said was a beautiful arch, like a dancer. I had of a dancer. And it was my movement. No, no, no.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Still, it's cunt.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right? But the toenails look like little guitar.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Picks, like lacquered corn chips.

[Trixie Mattel]

So I watched this other documentary, and the problem is I keep getting really high and watching. Watching documentaries that I'm sure I think are going to be fun and that getting high and watching the Susan Powder documentary, I was like, my anxiety can't handle that. So the other one I watched, and this is like, not a funny thing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sex cult.

[Trixie Mattel]

No. Yes, kind of. I watched the documentary about the Boy Scouts of America because I was a boy scout for from like 5 to 15.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, I thought you were gonna talk about the Ohio State one.

[Trixie Mattel]

So I was a boy scout for 10 years. Loved it. I loved Boy Scouts. My personal experience. I quit before Eagle. Okay. My personal experience is I loved it. I loved. People. Loved going out in the woods. Love the activities.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. It's fierce.

[Trixie Mattel]

The adults, Mike. Everybody was nice to me. I loved it. This documentary. There were some other things going on. I'm not saying that Boy Scouts is.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Evil, men are evil, but people are evil.

[Trixie Mattel]

Let's say Boy Scouts could have done possibly a better job, background checking, etcetera, and notifying police when things happen. 82,000 people have filed claims against the Boy Scouts of America. And I feel bad because I know from the bottom of my heart, when I was in Boy Scouts, I had leaders and scouting and all that who were good to me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes, of course.

[Trixie Mattel]

So the people who wanted to do good and they wanted to do it through the Boy Scouts, it's kind of overshadowed by these, like, horrible. Well, events.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Like, for example, great priests who are actually servants of God, great gymnastics coaches are actually wonderful leaders.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's what was heartbreaking is, like, these people saying, like, I love scouting. Then this happened. Yeah. My life ever changed when this happened, but up to that, they was like, scouting for these people. Like, they loved it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

And then something like this occurs permanently changes them for the rest of their lives. There were people giving interviews who. Their wife and kids even know about this. This is the first time they'd ever talked about it. And it was. So obviously these people are very brave and it's just complicated because I. I love. I personally had a great experience in watching it and be like, why do you join when you're a kid? Camaraderie. You want to learn to do things. Yeah. Because you don't. You don't join for anything bad.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The mission statement is actually wonderful.

[Trixie Mattel]

And they're so young, they don't know what. They don't even have a word for what happened to them until much later in life. It was a really hard thing to watch, but it was. It was gripping. Gripping.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I couldn't. I hardly made it through the Ohio State.

[Trixie Mattel]

I would like this world to run out of material to make sex crime documentaries about Mama. I would like us to run out.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Of material when all that athlete. When the. The Larry Nasser. There's about two or three documentaries that came out, I think maybe during the pandemic or around that time, about the gymnastics controversies. I have never had so much like the. Like, the empathy. I've never been. I've never felt more empathic like I would. The rage I felt. It was as if it happened to my sister.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It was.

[Trixie Mattel]

So.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's good. I mean.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, it's Good. But I mean, this. Like, I feel bad for people go through stuff. If my friends go through stuff, I suffer too. But like, this is. I don't know these girls.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, but you're putting yourself in there.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I'm. I'm a fans. I'm fans of them. They're so incredible. And just like the way that. That all stuff. That all the stuff shook down and the. The. The, like the, you know, the gaslighting, all the manipulation and everything is like. It's so diabolical. It makes me. I don't have, like. I can't even compute. My brain can't compute the anger.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The anger is so visceral that, like when. That when one of the fathers tried to rush him in the stand to. I was like, yeah, right.

[Trixie Mattel]

I.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You would have had to hold me back.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's like. It's so fucked up and it's just like evil.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Don't. Don't do that.

[Trixie Mattel]

God, it's awful. I mean, I was watching it thinking like, oh, everybody coming forward, somebody even wanting to make this movie. Like a lot of people had to really. Yeah. Put themselves out there. Yeah. For this, you know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes, yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

No. But no amount of money about what they would win in a lawsuit or what they get paid to talk. No, it's not about money. No. You really got the sense that these people were freeing themselves. They were letting something off their shoulders. It was very sad, but very beautiful. You could see them sort of grappling and just like the level of honesty in this documentary was gratuitous and. Wow. It was. It was. I'm not gonna say good. It's not a good movie. It's not a feel good film.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But it was.

[Trixie Mattel]

But it really was well done. Yeah. And I think of like when I was in the Boy Scouts. I mean, I listen for my home life situation, going on Boy Scout trips. I looked forward to it. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

And so for me, it was like such a positive experience. And there were people in it who talked about all the positive things about it. This 82,000 people coming forward. They said when they opened up this website, they thought maybe they get a thousand, maybe five thousand, eighty two thousand people.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That is so fucked up that, you know, there's more.

[Trixie Mattel]

And then what happened is the Boy Scouts of America, when all these claims happened, went bankrupt so that there's no liability. And they're explaining like, bankruptcy is not created for people to escape sex crimes. Yeah. Closing a business is. Should not be a way that you can get A removal from the events that like. And so in some ways, bankruptcy can be used for people to not have to be liable for crimes, which I thought was like. I never even thought about that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, that's why that's wild.

[Trixie Mattel]

Anyway, kind of a fun thing to bring up on the pod.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

On our comedy pod 251, baby. Let's talk about sex crimes.

[Trixie Mattel]

But you know what? All of you driving out there, you better be careful because you better not pick up your phone, you better not change songs, you better say, siri play Bon Iver. You better do something else.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And if she doesn't put it on, honey, you listen to whatever the else she puts on.

[Trixie Mattel]

Anything.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Or you can. On your, on your steering wheel, you can go volume down, right?

[Trixie Mattel]

Or you could go over to Apple Music and listen to Trixie Mattel Mix. That just came out.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes. You could do the little house one. You could do the JLO one.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, my God. Jennifer Lopez. It's just coming out this week.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Jen, wait. Jennifer? Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer Jlo, the 25 year.

[Trixie Mattel]

Album out this week.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I thought, what remix did you do?

[Trixie Mattel]

Play, play, play it all night long. So I was so excited. They already picked a song and I picked that. And waiting for tonight, I thought it was going to be like an album of all remixes and I would be like one of 50, whatever. And I am, I. I'm. I'm like the remix on it. I couldn't believe it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Are you fucking kidding me?

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm gagged. It's like the album with an extra song and then a Trixie remix. I couldn't believe it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know, this is funny. This is a faded thing because I actually, I don't know if you know this. I actually.

[Trixie Mattel]

You also.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I got, I got this. This is so funny. I got those wheels in motion because I remember years ago when I put on my Instagram, I'm performing with Jennifer Lopez tonight. Her team, of course, contacted me to take it down. That's how she got to know you and then asked you to do the remix. So you're welcome.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm performing with Jennifer Lopez tonight. You just tweeted that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, I tweeted. And then, and then, and then about 25 minutes later, I get a call from our manager, says, could you please take that down? JLo's team got in touch with us.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know, if you did that now to a pop star, if you did that to, like, Zara Larson, you get a call and be like, well, you better be here.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, because now they're going to expect you, but.

[Trixie Mattel]

So thank.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know, you're welcome. Because, I mean, you would never have been on her radar if she hadn't Googled you through me and.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

I appreciate that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You're welcome. Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Bye. Bye. There's a world where legends race across city skylines. Romance blossoms in glittering ballrooms. And there's magic around every corner. It's a world known to many as Great Britain. You've seen the action on screen. Now visit the real star of the show. Visit Great Britain. To discover more, go to tripadvisor. Com Great Britain.