Hot Loads Delivered Straight to Your Door with Trixie and Katya

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Hot Loads Delivered Straight to Your Door with Trixie and Katya"

Episode: Hot Loads Delivered Straight to Your Door
Release Date: January 28, 2025
Podcast: The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Hosts: Trixie and Katya (John and Mary)

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1. Political Commentary

The episode opens with a lively discussion about the current political landscape, particularly focusing on President Joe Biden's administration and the challenges surrounding the age requirement for presidential candidates.

• Age and Leadership:
  John critiques the age dynamics in politics, stating, “What I don't like is, okay, you have to be 35 to run for president in the United States... It's not her year.” (02:18)

• Debate Performance:
  The hosts express frustration with political debates, highlighting instances like Ms. Pam Bondi’s evasive responses. John remarks, “They won't say it... Do you like orange juice or apple...” (02:24) and Mary adds, “Mr. Vance, which do you prefer, apple juice or orange juice?” (03:04)

• Simplifying Political Discourse:
  Both agree on the need for clearer communication from politicians. John suggests, “I think that sometimes they should replace them with red and green buttons. Like, yes. No.” (04:33)

2. Celebrity and Pop Culture

Trixie and Katya delve into various pop culture topics, including movies, DragCon, and iconic celebrities like RuPaul and Angelina Jolie.

• RuPaul’s Multifaceted Talent:
  Mary praises RuPaul’s ability to blend entertainment with practical advice: “It's super fun and it's creative... teaches you how to change a tire.” (06:16)
  John echoes this sentiment, “I love RuPaul so much. She puts better drive RuPaul's little characters on Reels...” (06:38)

• Movie Discussions:
  The hosts discuss the gruesome humor in the movie "Bees on the Dick," sharing their discomfort and amusement. Mary comments, “I had to look away and I had to bail once the pig semen came out.” (19:30)

• DragCon Experiences:
  They reminisce about attending DragCon, emphasizing the physical and emotional demands of the event. Mary states, “DragCon is hard. It's so early. The drag, the long day in drag...” (50:44)

• Celebrity Relationships:
  The conversation shifts to Angelina Jolie’s personal life, with John reflecting, “When we talked about on the pod, when I let everybody know about my separation last year...” (41:12)

3. Health and Self-Care

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing health-related topics, including medication management, arthritis, and the importance of self-care routines.

• Managing Chronic Illness:
  John shares his experiences with arthritis and the complexities of managing medication, highlighting the convenience of Rocket Rx services.
  Mary discusses her vegetarian diet and the challenges of meal planning, recommending Hungry Root for personalized nutrition.

• Injections and Medication:
  The hosts delve into the specifics of administering injections for arthritis. John explains, “This is a stab at a 45-degree angle...” (12:02) while Mary emphasizes the importance of understanding needle gauges and proper techniques.

4. Relationships and Sexuality

Trixie and Katya engage in candid conversations about sex, sexual preferences, and the dynamics of modern relationships.

• Sexual Preferences:
  The hosts humorously discuss their preferences for sexual acts, with Mary stating, “I don't want Faye. Globs of Faye yogurt on my face and in my mouth.” (20:25) and John adding, “If you're gonna suck it and you're not gonna swallow it... that's...” (21:09)

• Vasectomies and Birth Control:
  They debate the merits of vasectomies versus other forms of birth control, highlighting societal pressures and personal choices. Mary insists, “Vasectomy before puberty, vasectomy before 8th-grade French trip...” (25:22)

• Sexual Health Awareness:
  The importance of safe sex practices is touched upon, with discussions on AIDS and STI prevention. John mentions, “I always know what to consider myself in the know, knowledgeable...” (28:15)

5. Entertainment and Media

The duo critiques various aspects of media consumption, including the evolution of pornography, the rise of video games, and the portrayal of professionals in TV shows.

• Evolution of Pornography:
  John laments the transition from vintage porn to more explicit modern content, remarking, “It's the overhead gray light... Paranormal sex tivity.” (36:49)
  Mary expresses a preference for simpler, less overstimulating content, stating, “I just like the reset... JPEGs of nude men in a movie.” (38:15)

• Video Game Industry Growth:
  They discuss the booming video game industry, surprised by its financial dominance over traditional Hollywood. Mary observes, “I was bowled over by the revelation that the video game industry dwarfs Hollywood and TV.” (47:32)
  John adds insight into the storytelling depth of modern video games, “Video games are like heavy storytelling. There's writing, acting, animation...” (48:05)

• Portrayal of Professionals:
  The hosts mock the unrealistic depiction of doctors in media, with Mary saying, “Ain't nobody putting a needle there.” (54:29) and John speculating on real doctors' reactions to these portrayals.

6. Personal Anecdotes and Humor

Throughout the episode, Trixie and Katya intersperse personal stories and humorous observations, enhancing the engaging and relatable nature of their discussions.

• Smoking Habits and Environment:
  Mary shares her struggles with smoking amid wildfires, stating, “I was like, this feels a little in bad taste.” (44:14) while John humorously suggests, “Start growing tobacco and then starting sections of your fields on fire...” (44:17)

• Cooking Adventures:
  They talk about their culinary experiments, with John humorously admitting, “I'm too idiot to know what it is,” regarding using buttermilk in recipes. (49:43)

• Littering and Responsibility:
  A playful exchange about politicians and littering leads to John declaring, “It shouldn't be allowed.” (45:58) and Mary reinforcing the sentiment with humor.

Notable Quotes:

• John: “What I don't like is, okay, you have to be 35 to run for president in the United States. But if you run for president at 35, they say you're too young.” (01:58)

• Mary: “I love knowing how to take care of me. You know what I mean?” (30:21)

• John: “The only person I like when they do that is RuPaul, because that's Ambrosia salad.” (06:02)

• Mary: “I would rather you just come in my ass. Just come in my ass.” (21:29)

• John: “If you don't get your life right with your medication, it can get a lot. It can get really complicated.” (34:31)

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Conclusion

In this episode of "The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya," Trixie and Katya navigate a wide array of topics with their signature blend of humor, candor, and insightful commentary. From dissecting political performances and celebrating pop culture icons to sharing personal health journeys and playful banter about relationships, the hosts create an engaging and entertaining narrative that resonates with their audience. Notably, their ability to weave humor into serious discussions makes the podcast both informative and highly enjoyable for listeners new and old alike.

Transcript

[John]

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[Mary]

The offer, 40% off your first order is only available once for new customers and cannot be combined with other offers. The offer is not available for prescriptions.

[John]

We're so done with new Year, new you. This year it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Geminis because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble.

[Mary]

Hi.

[John]

This the kind of beat that go.

[Mary]

Ra tata, ta da da, ta ta ta ta ta ta ta. Sex be so good.

[John]

I say, blah, blah, blah.

[Mary]

When I take my thong off, my ass goes boop, boop. I love that shit.

[John]

You know, And I'm wearing an American.

[Mary]

Flag thong right now.

[John]

And the thing is, it's fun.

[Mary]

It's super fun and it's creative, it.

[John]

Grows, economy hurts, nobody helps everybody. You know, what about.

[Mary]

What about gray ass corpse Biden's Ceasefire speech moment? That was a. That was a mannequin to an AI.

[John]

You know, he's not in the. Without being ageist. He's not in the age group for my dream president. My dream president is about 35.

[Mary]

Sweetie, darling, we don't have to be ageist to say that. It's not ages to say you don't want. You don't want the Crypt Keeper as commander in chief.

[John]

Yeah, I don't. This is what I don't like. And.

[Mary]

I'm happy to tell you that it's a ceasefire.

[John]

What I don't like. What I don't like is, okay, you have to be 35 to run for president in the United States. But if you run For President at 35, they say you're too young. It reminds me of a pageant world where no matter how good you do, if you haven't competed a few years, you can't win. It's not her year.

[Mary]

Or it's like, how do I get a job? The experience. Well, I don't how do you get experience but you can't get a job? You know what I mean?

[John]

Yes, Mary, do you know what? Ms. Pam Bondi. No, baby, don't get me started. Ms. Pam Bondi. They got her up there on the stand and they said, so true or false? Donald Trump lost the 2020 election. These people won't even say. They're like, well, Joe Biden was elected president. And they're like, no, that's not what I asked you. I need you to say on camera in front of God and everyone that you agree. And they, like, won't say it.

[Mary]

Is that what the thing with J.D. vance was doing? All that word salad he was doing Old country buffet salad bar.

[John]

Okay, I'm Republican and you're Democratic. Ask me if I like orange juice or apple. Do I like orange or apple?

[Mary]

Mr. Vance, which do you prefer, apple juice or orange juice?

[John]

Well, you know, in my 18 years as a prosecutor, I have found that apple juice and orange juice are two things that many Americans like. You know, I remember growing up in Missouri, my mom giving me apple juice in the morning before I went to. And, you know, when I was deployed and I was, you know, fighting for the rights of Americans, we were having apple juice in spider holes.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[John]

And so I guess I wanna say that apple juice and orange juice are both important drinks that actually go.

[Mary]

And then you go, that's not the question. I need you to answer either or. So one or the other. Do you like apple juice or do you like orange juice? Which do you prefer?

[John]

Well, Congresswoman, I would like to assert once again that I would just defer to the president elect states about their excuse.

[Mary]

We're not deferring to anybody. It's a simple question. Apple or orange?

[John]

Can I say that this is even realistic because we stopped to listen to each other? I don't know what's wrong with my brain, but the same as at the DMV how I couldn't read the screen while people were talking, when I am watching a debate where two people are both talking, it makes me want to get up there and no matter what side I'm on, I want to slap both of them across the face.

[Mary]

I want to Mangioni them all, girl.

[John]

It's just too much. It's too much.

[Mary]

Well, I liked when they started cutting their mics off, but I. You know, I guess it's probably naive and a little Pollyanna to think that you're ever gonna get a straight answer out of any politician.

[John]

I think that sometimes they should replace them with Red and green. Like, yes. No, a button. No talking. Just hit a button.

[Mary]

Multiple choice, right?

[John]

Cause like, oh, do you believe that? You know, do you believe in cunti.

[Mary]

Sat style debate?

[John]

Well, celebrities do this too, which I don't like, because they'll be like, oh, do you believe that men. Men should. Do you believe that same sex marriage should be legal? And they say something like, I believe everyone should to love who they want to love.

[Mary]

Yeah. That was not a fucking answer.

[John]

Ho. That's not a fucking answer. I hate it so much.

[Mary]

Yeah. It's like, do you. Do you. Do you. Is it true or false? Do you go to France every summer? Well, I love Maine.

[John]

Right. It's like, what? Right?

[Mary]

What?

[John]

Do you believe that? Are you a vegetarian? Well, I think that all types of food tastes good. Like, I can't fucking take it. I can't.

[Mary]

Multiple choice, yes or no? I think we should boil it down, dumb it down.

[John]

But I think if you're a celebrity, let's say you're Beyonce and people are asking you political questions. It's not your job to answer every question. So you can word salad.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[John]

Because you're not trying to be the.

[Mary]

President or whatever I would say slayon say.

[John]

Right. Right. Seance. Do you believe in ghosts? But if you're a political figure, you.

[Mary]

Gotta get into the truth. You gotta get into your opinion. You have to have a stance in.

[John]

All these positions where the pay is so low that the only people who will do it are people who come from generational wealth. Like, it's. It's so whack. I. I live in a fear. I think. I think it's. It's. It's horrible. It's horrible.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[John]

The only person I like when they do that is RuPaul, because that's Ambrosia salad. Like, I love. I love. I love when RuPaul's like, well, you know what, honey, you better get out there and make them laugh, because you know what? This is your moment. Diva. I love that.

[Mary]

And also, she's like, here's how to change a tire, the parallel parking video, Mary. All her car videos cannot comfor them instructional. She breaks it down A, B, C, D and E. You know what to do.

[John]

I love c. I love RuPaul so much.

[Mary]

I love Vehicular Paul.

[John]

Girl. Do you know how bad I want at the dmv? You know how bad I wanted somebody in a curly wig to turn on, be ruined? Just a wig. Yeah. RuPaul just puts better drive RuPaul's little characters on Reels which Tik Tok's going away.

[Mary]

Oh, yeah. Let's talk about Tik Tok.

[John]

Let's talk about it. Tick. Ironic that it's Tik Tok when you're in the final hours on the clock. Boop.

[Mary]

Tik Tok claries.

[John]

TikTok tick tock.

[Mary]

Little Catherine's in that well.

[John]

TikTok tick tock. Well, wait, so are we gonna get on the red note? Okay, are we species?

[Mary]

I'm on blue sky and red fin. What else do you want me to do?

[John]

What's red Fin?

[Mary]

It's like Zillow. It's something else.

[John]

And I'm on red fin and red. If you'd like to see our short form video content that used to be Tik Toks, you gotta follow us on Zillow. Okay? We're gonna be posting every six months.

[Mary]

I put a thing up, you can't see it, but it's for me.

[John]

Anyways. We're gonna be showing hard selling sunset style on the Zillow.

[Mary]

What is.

[John]

If I was Zillow account, my realtor, my realtor billboard would be me like this in stacked, crystal clear shoot with my long square acrylic nails, with my pushing those spread out, pushing the curtain spread proscenium. And it would say, are you looking to refine? Like, you know, are you trying to refinance? And you would be driving on the 101 and you would say, what? Yeah, and then you get rear ended and then you look up and the other billboard says, accidente, accidente. Una lamada estude. Una la mata estodo, baby. Fuck, there's this guy.

[Mary]

So why TikTok? Why is TikTok going away? Ooh, your hands are so freezing.

[John]

Well, I think the issue is that before we really knew the depth and breadth of the agreement of TikTok, I think are they stealing now? Politicians who are coming into power believe that we were giving away too much information about ourselves.

[Mary]

They're stealing our digital panties.

[John]

They're not stealing it. I think we are giving it away, which was fine, but now people coming in are saying, I don't know if I like that, mama.

[Mary]

All our information's everywhere. Everywhere, everywhere. All of the time. That Michelle Yeoh movie.

[John]

But also since now none of it's apparently ever gonna be fact checked ever again. It's sort of like, who cares?

[Mary]

Yeah.

[John]

Somebody told me that if I was really woke.org, i would have to jump ship on all the meta. So if there's no TikTok Tok and I'm also not on Instagram and I don't even remember my Facebook login.

[Mary]

Redfin.

[John]

I. I go up to once a week. I'll go on blue sky and, and, and okay, you tweet on Twitter. What do you, what do you do on blue sky?

[Mary]

Chirp.

[John]

I squirp.

[Mary]

I s like a chirp.

[John]

S like a chirp. I go on blue sky and I squirp and I'll squirp like, what's going on here?

[Mary]

Yeah. Who's here?

[John]

Who's here? What's going on? It's sort of like walking into a dark room at a sex party. I'm like, like, I don't know who's anyone.

[Mary]

Who's Head game fire?

[John]

Who's who's around here? It's too much. Is your head game fire Head game Head honcho. Do you know what the song Head.

[Mary]

Honcho is that about being a really good head.

[John]

Okay.

[Mary]

Is that a blowjob expert?

[John]

Yes, yes, yes. This is by an artist I like called Kimberly Petrus.

[Mary]

Although I think it's Let stuffs.

[John]

Yes. And it's a song about her saying she like to suck big dick every day.

[Mary]

Every day. All the time.

[John]

Yeah.

[Mary]

Every. Every dick everywhere. All the time at once. Right, Michelle? Yeoh.

[John]

I, I. Did I tell you I watched that movie?

[Mary]

Did you? What did you think?

[John]

Do we already talk about that?

[Mary]

What did you think about it?

[John]

Loved it. Yeah.

[Mary]

Okay.

[John]

Loved it.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[John]

Loved it. A lot of hard lefts. Had no idea what was going to happen.

[Mary]

The donut, the bagel, the costumes. Yeah.

[John]

The makeup people.

[Mary]

Amazing people are twist people got their. Their Oscar panties twisted up about Jamie Lee Curtness. Jamie Lee Curtness on the gurney trying to get a SAG or Oscar nom for for her supporting role in the last Showgirl. People are really not feeling it for her.

[John]

You know, I was gonna go to the premiere last week and the fires canceled it. I was gonna go in a Vegas style costume and try to say hi to Pamela.

[Mary]

I love her. I'm afraid to watch that movie because I don't think I'm gonna like it.

[John]

Of course we're gonna like it. We have to.

[Mary]

Okay. Okay.

[John]

We have to.

[Mary]

Well, it's gonna be better than Amelia Perez.

[John]

T, Sweetie, if Amelia Perez can get the Golden Globe, I think this movie could make Pamela the president.

[Mary]

Footage of my honeycomb walls drying from a new coat of paint will get better. Is more entertaining than Emilio Perez.

[John]

I love Jennifer.

[Mary]

Jennifer.

[John]

Jennifer's Jennifer. Pamela. Who's Jennifer?

[Mary]

Who's Jennifer? Yeah.

[John]

Brain Deaf.

[Mary]

Well, I love.

[John]

I love me, girl. Me on the red carpet at her premiere saying, love you, Jennifer.

[Mary]

Everybody's Jennifer.

[John]

That's like me with Cynthia. Couldn't have a great year.

[Mary]

You'll be like, don't worry, things will pick up for you.

[John]

Yeah. What happens when I see RuPaul next? How's it going, champ? Like, what the fuck am I going to say?

[Mary]

She's like, I don't have a tire iron. See, what did she. Her parallel parking video was perfect. The. The tire, replacing the tire was really good. But you have to have a jack and a tire, right? And then what else did she do?

[John]

I think it's really horny when people know how to change things in cars, sweetie. It's really horny.

[Mary]

Erect.

[John]

Erect.

[Mary]

Turgid.

[John]

Two and a half inches of three, pencil thin.

[Mary]

Pushing three.

[John]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mary]

Squeezing up to three. Yeah. Exploding all the blood down there. Yeah, girl.

[John]

I had to do my injection this week, my Essenzia, for my arthritis. Once a month, gotta do two real syringes.

[Mary]

No. What do you mean by real syringe?

[John]

So I used to do the stabber, like an EpiPen.

[Mary]

Happy Christmas.

[John]

The new one comes in disposable syringes, preloaded. Where you alcohol the skin in the belly. This is a stab at a 45 degree angle.

[Mary]

This is a diabetic needle.

[John]

Right? And so what if it is?

[Mary]

Because you can't even feel that shit, Mama.

[John]

Honey, Sweetie. Simsia is the consistency of like, syrup.

[Mary]

Can you, can you, can you pull it up on your phone? Because I want to see what gauge it is. I really do. Because my brief flirtation with hgh, what's it called?

[John]

Can my just like, non binary T be valid for squirting in the butt or squirting in the stomach? Simsia. C I, M, Z I A. It's a tnf. Tumor Necrosis Factor inhibitor. This is what people listen for to find out.

[Mary]

Yeah. What gauge is this needle? We need to know.

[John]

You know the right to know.

[Mary]

Okay. Disposing.

[John]

You can't wait to Google it and invalidate my tea.

[Mary]

Mama, you're. You're non bi.

[John]

Your binary invalid.

[Mary]

Okay, okay, I can see. I see it. I see it. Okay, I think I'm gonna resend my commentary.

[John]

That's what I'm saying. You love to mimic.

[Mary]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, sweetie. That ain't shit. That ain't shit, girl. Okay. It's a little more than shit. It's not quite as. A diabetic needle is like very small. It's A very thin gauge, you know, and it's. It's teeny tiny.

[John]

Yeah, fuck the diabetic.

[Mary]

No, but like, if you do hgh, you do, you pinch up a little bit of fat and you're supposed to do it like I was told I was supposed to do it like five in the morning. So like, you wake up, you set an alarm and then you're so tired you stick yourself and go back to bed. I don't know if that was true, but that's what I did. But the point is, is I was able to do that because I felt like nothing. Like it was so just nothing. It's.

[John]

That's not me.

[Mary]

No, that could. I can see this is a longer needle and probably a thicker gauge.

[John]

Can I tell you what I do during the injection? I go.

[Mary]

And where do you scream the whole time?

[C]

Today's episode of Bald is brought to you guys by our friends at Hungry Root. Hungry Root is like having a personal nutritionist. They take care of the stressful meal planning each week by recommending delicious recipes tailored to your tastes, nutrition preferences and health goals. I gotta tell you guys, I love cooking. You know, I love cooking, but my skill level and my like, comfortability with certain foods. I'm never one to like, take myself to the grocery store and pick up ingredients I've never used before. I've read that in magazines where people.

[John]

Are like, pick up an ingredient, you.

[C]

Don'T even know what it is and just go for it.

[John]

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[C]

Time to ruin my food.

[John]

Like, I kind of need a guiding hand.

[C]

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[John]

And that's why for me, I don't.

[C]

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[John]

Also get to give feedback about what.

[C]

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[John]

So I ordered like a bunch of.

[C]

Random stuff to start because I wasn't sure what I was interested in lately. I have no way of predicting what I'm gonna be in the mood for. I go through like a week where I just want like noodles or just want rice or just want one thing and then I like, move on. But I got the teriyaki tofu and broccoli rice noodles. I am not in.

[John]

I, I know how to make like.

[C]

You know, Italian food noodles, but I don't have a lot of experience cooking, like for an Asian dish.

[John]

I don't really have a lot of experience doing that.

[C]

And I feel like as a vegetarian.

[John]

I'm always like, well, how do I.

[C]

Create this where it's not just gonna be pieces of tofu with noodles, which is what it kind of ends up being. These tofu bites it came with and how it all put like it was pad CU rice noodles with like a teriyaki vibe.

[John]

It was delicious.

[C]

You are going to love Hungryroot. Okay, take advantage of this exclusive offer. For a limited time, get 40% off your first box plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to hungryroot.com bald and use code bald. That's hungryroot.com bald code bald to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. Hungryroot.com bald code bald this episode is.

[Mary]

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[John]

Well, that's Bees on the dick. Okay. Bees on the dick. Well, we turned off Emilia Perez. We kind of got the clip. We finished Emilia Perez. And then I said, well, we're all sitting here in a group. One of the only films I own on itunes is Jackass from 2022. So we turn it on and it's Bees on the Dick, Mama.

[Mary]

Bees on the dick.

[John]

It was scorpion biting the dick. It's a lot of dick.

[Mary]

It was a lot of ball trauma. We had bloody balls. Yeah, we had a lot of rough housing. We had a lot of. A lot of, like, moments. I had to look away and I had to bail once the pig semen came out.

[John]

Oh, yeah. So they get a bunch of pig semen and they're gonna drink it. And that's when she.

[Mary]

I had to just listen. I love the terrifier, but there's always the bridge to Terabithia. I can't do that one. It's a bridge too far for me. Did you watch those? So disgusting.

[John]

The thought of drinking it. I honestly think you just have to do it like they were smelling it first. Like That's.

[Mary]

No, no, no, no, no, no. You say this is, is. This is whole milk from a dairy, and you just. I can't even. I can't go. I can't.

[John]

Yeah, it's disgusting.

[Mary]

What if they said this was. Faye. This was gorgeous by a.

[John]

Do you swallow come when you do sex?

[Mary]

Mary, the last time I've had. Coming. I couldn't tell you the last time I had just in my mouth.

[John]

What?

[Mary]

Yeah. I've never seen a penis before. No, I, I, I, I, I. Honestly, I, I have to be. I have to be so head over heels.

[John]

What?

[Mary]

Like, I have to be so this. I have to be Tom Hardy and he has to love me that he can jizz all of my mouth. But I don't particularly care for. Especially some of the men that I've been with the consistency and the, the viscosity. The viscosity. Thank you. The thickness and the consistency of their jizz is not exactly edible. I, I like a more watery spray because then that's just like Dasani.

[John]

Right?

[Mary]

But I don't want Faye. Globs of Faye yogurt on my face and in my mouth.

[John]

Greek yogurt.

[Mary]

Chunky.

[John]

Yeah.

[Mary]

Expired.

[John]

I have my tonsils out and I, I have two little sperm banks back there. I just. To me, if you're gonna suck it and you're not gonna swallow it. What the. That. To me, that's.

[Mary]

I would jerk it and then go.

[John]

Oh, I hate that. If you're, if you're, if you're ever me, don't pull it. Don't slap it on the tongue. We're not doing. We're not doing.

[Mary]

I would rather you just come in my ass. Just come in my ass. Come on my ass.

[John]

I'm not doing that either.

[Mary]

What? How?

[John]

With strangers.

[Mary]

Oh, I'm not talking about strangers. I'm talking about Tom Hardy.

[John]

Oh, your lover, the person who loves you. Isn't he with. Isn't he engaged to Zendaya now? Do you know about that?

[Mary]

No, no, no. They broke up. Girl. We've been together for three months.

[John]

Is that wrong?

[Mary]

No, he's not. Zendaya. Tom Holland.

[John]

Tom Hardy. I'm sorry.

[Mary]

Tom Holland. Spider Man.

[John]

You know, my mom reads People magazine and she tells me bits and pieces.

[Mary]

She showed up that rock at the Golden Globes. I don't, I don't like. I mean, if it's.

[John]

I love a pregnancy reveal. I love. Remember when Beyonce was, like, dancing, singing, whack.

[Mary]

What are you gonna do when I get pregnant? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John]

Well, I'M gonna keep it because I have realized how expensive adoption is. I'm not saying birth is cheap, but God damn, they got you. And let me tell you, the adoption agencies, they don't take Cole's cash. They don't take Delta Sky Miles.

[Mary]

They don't. Baby, they don't take that. You cannot. They don't take coupons of the Old Country Buffet.

[John]

Yeah. I mean, the more the wealth gap does this, they're really walking around to these orphans saying, well, you better hope someone rich comes along like.

[Mary]

Yeah. Who can afford to adopt Billionaires? My bougie gay friends.

[John]

It's wild.

[Mary]

Wild. It's wild. Boots. Yeah. Getting back to drinking. Come. I want to talk more about it.

[John]

Yeah, of course.

[Mary]

Well, I just.

[John]

That's sort of a form of birth control. Hot loads, Everyone loves to take Hot loads. Everyone loves taking.

[Mary]

People love hot loads of them. I thought they want to get bread in the ass. I hate bread in the ass. Rye sourdough, bread in the ass. Baguette.

[John]

You know what Brandon said to me once? Brandon said. Brandon, he said.

[Mary]

I don't like the expression breed, by the way. Just.

[John]

No, no. Brandon said, when you bottom, do you feel like you're being given something or having something taken away from you?

[Mary]

Your life is about to change forever?

[John]

Yeah.

[Mary]

That's really dark what you just said.

[John]

He asked me that and I don't know the answer.

[Mary]

That is so dark.

[John]

I don't know.

[Mary]

The answer is chilling. That's a chilling statement or question. Do you feel that you've earned something?

[John]

We live in Los Angeles with the killers. No, the people we know who have sex are the killers.

[Mary]

No, they're the sewers.

[John]

The sewers. The pump and dumpers. The no loads refused.

[Mary]

No.

[John]

This is the common eye socket.

[Mary]

They are drainage grates.

[John]

Yeah. LA river of seamen. It's the LA river of semen.

[Mary]

They are putting the moisture back in that dried out.

[John]

Can I just say too, I wish that, you know, when you go to Starbuck and you're like, oh, can I have that without foam? I wish if you weren't trying to have a baby, you could just like, turn off the comb. I guess you can get vasectomy.

[Mary]

Sweet.

[John]

So when you have a vasectomy, does no semen come out?

[Mary]

No, no, no, no. You. It's. It's it. You ejaculate. They're just. It. They. It's a clip of the vast difference, I think, where there's the. The sperm in the.

[John]

So there's ejaculate, but there's no sperms.

[Mary]

Yeah. There's no pregnancy possibility.

[John]

So it's like non dairy.

[Mary]

Sweetie, darling, if I was the president usa, before you get your driver's license, you get a vasectomy. Boop.

[John]

But you remember when we watched Love is Blind and they talked about vasectomies because apparently they're not always reversible.

[Mary]

Who cares?

[John]

Well, the person who wants to have a baby.

[Mary]

Mom, get real.

[John]

Because you know that the straight guys are obsessed with their own DNA. They're sussed with. They want to have their own baby.

[Mary]

But that's why you, as a woman, you do some creative fudging. It's like on White Lotus when. When she's like. She's like, fucked her trainer. And those are. Those are her real kids.

[John]

Love that.

[Mary]

Love that.

[John]

Do you think that if you were heterosexual, you've already would have already had a baby?

[Mary]

Sweetie, am I a heterosexual man or woman?

[John]

Does it matter? Yes, because it takes both to have one, so.

[Mary]

No, but I mean, as a woman, I have a very different conception of having a baby. My sister just had her second.

[John]

So what do you think? If you were a woman?

[Mary]

No.

[John]

You would have never had one ever?

[Mary]

No.

[John]

What if you were a boy?

[Mary]

No.

[John]

So what did it matter?

[Mary]

It just does.

[John]

Oh, does that matter?

[Mary]

Teacher mag matters a great deal because tubes tied or balls snipped. Not ball snipped, but vasectomy. Mama. Vasectomy before a passport, vasectomy before puberty, vasectomy before 8th grade French trip. You know what I mean?

[John]

Yeah. Like, no, I.

[Mary]

Because I don't want to be doing that. I don't want to use condoms and I want to. I want to them raw.

[John]

I think most people wouldn't want to have a vasectomy until they have. I think most people probably get it once they've had my brother.

[Mary]

Kids they want to have perhaps, like my brother.

[John]

Yeah, right.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[John]

Because let me tell you, they just want people. Can I tell you something?

[Mary]

Outpatient procedure.

[John]

People want. People want hot loads. They want to take hot loads.

[Mary]

Yes. Wait, but gay men.

[John]

No, I'm talking about straight people.

[Mary]

Oh.

[John]

As well. They want to take that. They don't. They might not be wanting to have a baby, but they want the hot load. Really, though?

[Mary]

Them girls want them hot loads.

[John]

I think they want the hot load. GIRLS CHIME IN they want to catch the hot load.

[Mary]

Yeah. Comment below. How many loads have you caught?

[John]

This? And the men want to give the hot.

[Mary]

Well, that I understand.

[John]

Right?

[Mary]

That I understand.

[John]

Even if they're not trying for a baby. And everyone's on the pill and the condoms. I think they still want the hot load, the urge to deliver the hot load.

[Mary]

But it's just there. It's just like, okay, we have the vasectomy, which is an outpatient procedure. Yeah. Perhaps it's not 100% effective, but it's so easy peasy lemon squeezy. Or you have girls going through rigamarole getting their birth control. Yes. Sometimes their skin, it gets better, but there's a whole lot of side effects. There's a whole lot of. It's a lot of drama.

[John]

Right.

[Mary]

You know what I mean? Versus one procedure. Months of drama, one procedure.

[John]

But not having sex isn't the option because people want the hot load.

[Mary]

Right.

[John]

So you have a vasectomy and you.

[Mary]

Can spray all them loads up that pussy.

[John]

Right.

[Mary]

Have you ever tied like a cord into a knot, you just untie it?

[John]

Well, I only learned mostly about it from that love is blind where that guy was like, we are afraid of having a baby, but she doesn't want to be on birth control and I don't want a vasectomy. So what do we do?

[Mary]

You say, boo boo. You're going to get the vasectomy or you ain't getting this. You ain't putting any hot loads in this puss puss. This puss puss is going to be barren, cold and loadless.

[John]

It's kind of nice that we haven't had to worry about getting pregnant our whole life. We're giving pregnancy?

[Mary]

No, just aids. No, I don't. I mean, I. Do you worry about aids? Do you think about aids?

[John]

I don't have any at risk, like, behaviors.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[John]

I don't have unprotected sex, especially not with people I don't. Not monogamous with.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[John]

So I don't really feel like I've ever been in. In great like line of fire.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[John]

Maybe that's not the word.

[Mary]

I know what you mean. At risk.

[John]

At risk. Yeah.

[Mary]

You know what? You know what's so crazy? I. This is a huge shock, I'm sure, to everybody. I love having sex with, be myself and I. Yeah.

[John]

And also I know my facts about, you know, I worked at the makeup counter. We had World AIDS Day. And it was like, I know my facts about, like trans. The type of sex acts I can have that are not high risk for hiv.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[John]

You know, so it's not that I Not worried about it. I just. I always know what to consider myself in the know, knowledgeable. Because I feel like the pendulum was Swung back the other way where I think probably the young gay men now. It probably seems like a disease of a relic of the past.

[Mary]

Well, I mean I feel like it's also a locational thing because every time I go out of town, mom, the condoms are on the table. Like in other countries, right? Condoms are very much on the table. Perhaps maybe due to like a lack of access to doxy pep and prep and pep and all that. But, but condoms are very much still on the table.

[John]

Have you ever taken doxy pep?

[Mary]

No.

[John]

I remember an ad yesterday, an ad yesterday that marketed it as the morning after pill for chlamydia. Thought that was a little wild to say.

[Mary]

That is true.

[John]

But it made it a little too like just do this.

[Mary]

Yeah, but also there's other stuff.

[John]

But also it's good to know that if you were exposed that if that's how your brain remembers it, it probably saves you, helps you.

[Mary]

Yeah, I mean we're along, we. I think we've evolved a long way past going insane from syphilis. Although it does still happen.

[John]

It surely does.

[Mary]

But you know what? I'm not going to give myself syphilis when I'm doing me myself.

[John]

And I also syphilis can live latent in your body without symptoms for tertiary a long time. A long time.

[Mary]

Yeah. I love being, I love, I love knowing, I love knowing how to take care of me. You know what I mean?

[John]

I would, I imagine nobody can me like me. No, seriously, I love when I me.

[Mary]

I put on that little negligee that I just made.

[John]

There goes my shirt up over my head. Put me up on the pool table and just myself. Ooh.

[Mary]

And then I watch footage of it actually just me. Oh yeah.

[John]

Tear that up like old newspaper cuz it was built right. No way.

[Mary]

No way. I would be. I know people who are, you know, I, I, they have this feeling of like it's a loneliness, it's a yearning. It's like oh I, I need to have sex. I want to have sex. I need to search it out. And I in the masturbation is not a good option B. A good plan B. Sweetie, masturbation is always option number one. Sex is like number two.

[John]

We gotta bring back the masturbating with others.

[Mary]

Oh yes, that's fabulous too.

[John]

It's the best of both worlds.

[Mary]

Are you doing pornos or what is. I don't like that.

[John]

You don't need to watch. You're in the room with someone with their genitals out. Why are you going to watch the News. Like the porn. Someone here naked.

[Mary]

We're watching Christian Amanpour stroking it.

[John]

Yes.

[Mary]

She's talking about Syria. No. Okay, so I don't. Okay. That I like. I don't like watching porn with people.

[John]

No.

[Mary]

Because girl, we ain't got the same.

[John]

But you know who loves that? Who? Straight guys love that. Straight guys love. When I was hooking up with straight guys. Yeah, well, you know what?

[Mary]

I'm trying. Because you know who loves that? Tweakers. Well, like on multiple.

[John]

And they want the marathon.

[Mary]

They want multiple screens and it's never good.

[John]

Yeah, they want all of it.

[Mary]

Oh, it's rot.

[John]

Like in a comic book when the Mastermind has a wall of TVs.

[Mary]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John]

They want that with like. Well, we got Sean Cody. We got, you know, Randy Blue. Yeah, we got Black dot com.

[Mary]

We got. We got Vixen. We got.

[John]

Yes, we got everything.

[Mary]

We got broke straight guys or whatever.

[John]

Even more brake stroke guys. Stroke guys who've never had two goddamn red cents to rub together. Tweaker.com. yeah. What level broke do you want for the straight guys? Because we have every financial bracket.

[Mary]

Beefcake hunter Wedding cake farts. This episode is sponsored by Zocdoc. When I look back at 2024, do you know what I remember most? Excuses, excuses, excuses. We all make them. For instance, when was the last time you needed to go to a doctor but you pushed it off? You pick from a litany of excuses such as, I'm too busy. It'll heal on its own. My scrotum is supposed to be the same shade of yellow as my aunt's famous vanilla lemon squares. Even if your little beanbag isn't looking like a shiny lemon at the supermarket these days, booking a doctor's appointment can feel ridiculously daunting. But thanks to ZocDoc, there's no reason to delay. They make it so easy to find and book a doctor who's right for you. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. They have over 100,000 doctors from literally any specialty, including dental, mental and other entls that you can think of. You can filter for doctors who take your specific insurance who are located close to your home if you hate driving or have specific office hours to match your crazy schedule. And most importantly, you can find doctors who are highly rated by real life verified patients. You can even see their real time appointment openings. Choose a time that works for you and instantly book a visit with just a few clicks. You can even score same day appointments in many cases. The best part is that Zocdoc is completely free to use. You can search and compare highly rated in network doctors with ease. Which is why I love Zocdoc. I may or may not have sprained my ankle on New Year's Eve while doing a ceremonial dance before the feast of the Roman God Janus. And let me tell you, Zocdoc helped me find the best doctor in my area and booked them fast. If I can find a great doctor, so can you. And all because of Zocdoc. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com bald to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Zocdoc.com bald Zocdoc.com bald.

[John]

Today's episode is brought to you by Rocket Rx. With Rocket Rx, you have freedom to access FDA approved medication on your terms for a lower price than branded alternatives. Let me tell you guys, I unfortunately have chronic illness and I have had to really learn a lot about how the healthcare system. Wow. Getting medicine, affording medicine, making sure medicines cost the right. I mean it's really a whole spiel. But if you don't get it taken care of, it throws off your whole, you know, health situation. With RocketRx, it's delivered in two days. No more waiting in line and no in person appointment needed. Get proven prescription treatments delivered straight to your door in plain, discreet packaging. RocketRx is prescribed by a US clinical team, so to complete a RocketRx consultation, all you need to do is answer our quick online medical questions. Your answers are then reviewed by our US Clinical team will decide if you're eligible for treatment and which medication is best for you. You guys, some of my medicines for arthritis have to be delivered and you have to be home to receive them. And sometimes I'm traveling. Like if you don't get your life right with your medication, it can get a lot. It can get really complicated. Head over to RocketRx.com and use the code BALD for 40% off your first order. Terms and conditions apply.

[Mary]

The offer 40% off your first order is only available once for new customers and cannot be combined with other offers. The offer is not available for prescriptions. Welcome to Nadia Yada Island.

[John]

Next on Metro's Nadiata island podcast. I almost fainted when the four new bombshells arrived. Four free Samsung Galaxy A16. 5G phones at Metro. No way. And finding out the fourth line is free.

[Mary]

Thanks.

[John]

God heated.

[Mary]

That's wild.

[John]

Join Metro and get four free Samsung 5G phones only at Metro plus tax. Bring four numbers and an ID and sign up for any Metro Flex plan. Not available currently AT T Mobile or been with Metro in the past 180 days, everyone. It's gotten so analog now, I think it's spun back because now it's just live streaming, jerking off in a parking lot. I think porn. When I was coming up in high school and I was stealing porn off the Internet before I was 18, it was fantasy lighting, spray tan to hell, not a hair on anyone's body. And now the porn has gone back to it's girls on hbo.

[Mary]

It's.

[John]

It's the overhead gray light.

[Mary]

It's not Blair Witch Country. Blair Witch Project. It is. No, it is Blair Witch Project. It's Paranormal Activity.

[John]

It's the Blair Dick product project.

[Mary]

Paranormal sex tivity.

[John]

Paranormal sex tivity.

[Mary]

Is I.

[John]

So it's sort of Parks and Rec. It's sort of like mockumentary style.

[Mary]

Jim Hopper goes with his dick out.

[John]

Yeah, I wish.

[Mary]

Well, I have. I shoot in the last, I don't know what, two, three, maybe even a month. I haven't watched any porn at all. Mama. She's got. I got the telenovelas on lock. We got serials going on multi episodic storylines or simple JPEG or a gif of Jason Momoa's butt. That's all. That's all. I've gone way back to like pg. No, but I just like the reset. It is like a. We're so oversaturated or over. I know I talk about this all the time.

[John]

Blown out pussyholes. We have blown up.

[Mary]

But our mental health are overstimulated, over stimulated, you know? And so I'm trying, like I naturally. It happens where I'm like, okay, so I've. I just enjoyed a. A super 4k, 86 inch, crystal clear.

[John]

Where I could see the pores.

[Mary]

Yeah. Yeah. I go in there with a hysterectomy.

[John]

Yeah. It's medical.

[Mary]

It is. Is wild. It's so stimulating that I was like, oh my God, I need a reset. So that's when I just go to like literally JPEGs of nude men in a movie.

[John]

Right.

[Mary]

And I'm like, ooh.

[John]

Or like, oh, it's the gray shorts, but they actually never come off.

[Mary]

Absolutely love that. It's the tease.

[John]

It's the tease. It's the art of the tease. Dita Von Teese doesn't get to be Dita Von Teese by walking out there completely nude with all the lights on.

[Mary]

Mary.

[John]

Okay.

[Mary]

Speaking of that bitch, I was watching clips of her Vegas show.

[John]

She eats. She eats.

[Mary]

There is not one crumb left at that buffet any day. No, that fudgeing bitch just chomp, chomp, chomp.

[John]

Do you see clips of Violet of the Crazy Horse girl?

[Mary]

She looks girl lighting design, the split. I mean, it was just like. It's art, bitch. That fudgeing whore is doing art up there.

[John]

Violet, if you're watching, you might be because you like her. Yeah, like, great job.

[Mary]

And thank you for flaking on me the other night when we made plans. Hope. But I did buy her calendar. Damn. Buy it every year. Fabulous.

[John]

Incredible. Playboy just sent me their calendar for this year, and I opened it, and I guess I didn't realize it was going to be so pussy lip splayed.

[Mary]

Playboy.

[John]

It's not pussy lips play, but it's. I didn't realize it was going to be full vagina and breasts. I thought it was going to be because it's a calendar, kind of like swimsuit. Y. I'll open up my dining room table. And was like, oh, my God.

[Mary]

Playboy gives you lighting down.

[John]

Let these women speak.

[Mary]

Lighting down.

[John]

Yeah. Really beautiful.

[Mary]

Did you see the Hollywood Reporter Roundtable with Ms. Angelina Jolie and all them other girls? No lit to the gods what was said stuff. But girl, they were so. I mean, Ms. Angela was gaga there.

[John]

Talking about the fake wine.

[Mary]

Thank God. No, that's watching Joker too. Yeah. Zoe Saldania was there, and I was like, you shut up. But. But everybody looked beautiful.

[John]

You shut up. Oh, we lost the light.

[Mary]

Get out of here.

[John]

Oh, you said, zoe, shut up. And the light went out.

[Mary]

But Angelina Jolie. I'm gonna pull it up just for the reference. She is Mama. That woman is otherworldly, beautiful. It is. Truly. I mean, look at this.

[John]

Yeah, she looks excellent. What a beauty. Gorgeous.

[Mary]

Insane bone structure gorgeous. And it's.

[John]

She looks like she was in Girl Interrupted yesterday.

[Mary]

She looks like she's from Janet from another planet. Because ain't nobody doing it like her. But it's interesting, you know? Like, I'm not to get gossipy, but I know that her relationship with Mr. Pitt has not been. There's a lot of trauma. A lot of trauma there. And it was interesting to hear.

[John]

I can't relate. Every single relationship I've ever had has always worked out amicable. Yep.

[Mary]

Jovial, lovely. Jubilant.

[John]

Yeah.

[Mary]

But it's really interesting. Is like here. I mean, who cares, I guess. But like, you know, when they're like obvious. You can, you can see the pain underneath the language. They're like, where they'll give you a little bit. Like it was a challenging experience and like, you can see behind the eyes that it was horrifying. It's like really tough. Oh, yes, really tough.

[John]

Well, can I say this? When we talked about on the pod, when I let everybody know about my separation last year, I realized having a relationship not go as you plan it to go in the beginning, in the moment, you feel like this has only ever happened to me. But the truth is, relationships being when people are like, well, we got married at 18 and it's been 50 years, that's this much relatable. And like relationships not working out is something pretty much everybody knows about. And so in some ways, when stars like that level star have to go through that, I'm sure they feel exposed. But also like everybody who watches your movies or listens to your music probably has been through that too.

[Mary]

Yeah, it's.

[John]

You're not being alienated from them just because you went through something in a much more public way.

[Mary]

No. You know, Yeah. I mean, I'm, I'm. I'm the outlier. I have a model. Of course, they are not perfect. They've had their moments and I'm sure they continue to. My parents married at early 20s and now in their 70.

[John]

They've been married like 50 years.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[John]

Why do you think, Can I. I mean, why do you think that they go so well together, swingers?

[Mary]

Because they around with all the other houses in the neighborhood.

[John]

Is it kind of swingers if they only me?

[Mary]

No, they're. They are their own best friends.

[John]

I think that's the key.

[Mary]

I mean, they like, they are, they are our unit. They're a unit.

[John]

Yeah.

[Mary]

You know, and they have. They've just been at it forever. And they love you. They're so cunty. My parents are cunt. Yeah, they are so cunt.

[John]

They also seem to have maintained health for their age too. So they kid me. Yes, I know. I'm not kidding. No, I know.

[Mary]

They're fab. Yeah.

[John]

Like, they have high level mobility for people their age too.

[Mary]

Like, and despite my dad's like half bionic, you know, he's doing karate every day at 70 years old. And my mom is just zipping around. She's like the world. She's like the Roadrunner.

[John]

You know, I was talking about this on my YouTube channel and I was talking about arthritis and all that. And I have kind of flipped the script on it because I. After the. The first, like, year of, like, why me? I was like, we all aspire to live long enough to be, in some way, a little impaired.

[Mary]

Yeah, right.

[John]

That's why it's sad when people die young.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[John]

We hope when we die, we have, like.

[Mary]

I know.

[John]

We live long enough to have, like, a bum knee.

[Mary]

It's like with Jack Nicholson says in. Which is a beast. When I die, I want to be sick. You know, all these guys busted their balls to save fit. When I die, I want to be sick. It makes sense, right? You know, I want to ride it till the wheels fall off.

[John]

Right. It's to. The wheels fall off.

[Mary]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John]

And although what you're kind of doing with your smoking.

[Mary]

Excuse me. I would love to have you know that I have. And this is consistent and true. I have been averaging five or under.

[John]

Andrew told me you've been smoking, like, three a day.

[Mary]

That's about the average Mary. I went five days without. Five days a couple weeks ago. Three days. A couple days ago. No cigarettes.

[John]

The fires burned up all your cigarettes. You were outside, remember? I was like, girl, when she walked out of the patio to go smoking and the hills were on fire, were you just like, this is the good stuff.

[Mary]

I was like. I was like, this feels a little in bad taste.

[John]

I think you should start growing tobacco and then starting sections of your fields on fire and just walking outside.

[Mary]

Well, I told you about that time I was up in Mount Washington with a cigarette in dry season, and this woman looked at me like I was murdering her baby and fucking the head.

[John]

She. She's kind of right.

[Mary]

Those dagger eyes were like, you get out of here.

[John]

She's kind of right.

[Mary]

She was absolutely right. But she was wrong. Assuming that I was gonna flick that.

[John]

Thing in the hill.

[Mary]

What are you, nuts?

[John]

My favorite. I'm a smoker.

[Mary]

I'm pointing the game. I know what happens with lit cigarettes.

[John]

Right?

[Mary]

I'm gonna put it in my mouth, and then I'm gonna bury it.

[John]

Bunch of nuts. I. I love when smokers are. You're in the car with a smoker and they go, do you mind if I smoke? I'll open the window and you go, yeah, this is. This is my car. I have no say, but you're being polite when I tell you that window gets open. A credit card amount this much in the car with you, baby. Of course, everyone.

[Mary]

That is so rude.

[John]

Well, I think of, like, high school.

[Mary]

Oh.

[John]

I think of sitting in the backseat of, like, the cool girl's car, which is like, my fucking dad, you know, like, whatever.

[Mary]

I mean, I was in a car with my childhood best friend, and he took a whole McDonald's bag and threw it out in the street.

[John]

That.

[Mary]

That's murder. That's.

[John]

I would rather you pull out the crack pipe.

[Mary]

Yeah. And make me smoke it.

[John]

I think littering is.

[Mary]

It's unconscionable.

[John]

It is. It is.

[Mary]

Now, I'll say this. Flicking a cigarette. I've been known to do it. It's a weird loophole. It's not. I don't agree. It's littering point, full stop. But when you take a full Happy Meal in all them fries and a Coke and put it in the bag and then toss it out into the middle of the street.

[John]

Yeah.

[Mary]

You should be jailed for five years.

[John]

Yeah. Ask me, as a Republican, if I've ever littered.

[Mary]

Now, Senator, as a Republican, as a member of the Republican Party, have you ever littered?

[John]

Congresswoman, as I said earlier to some of my constituents who are here today, littering, you know, is something that has always been here and will always be here. And it's our job to find out more about it, find out ways to build around it, plan for the future, support those systems in place, and reach out to those communities that are in need, especially women. And then women. But do you litter? Well, see, as I said, Congresswoman, like, I can't. It shouldn't be allowed.

[Mary]

I know.

[John]

It shouldn't be fucking allowed.

[Mary]

I think it's SDG style.

[John]

Somebody should go. Give me this. Give me this. Somebody should go, Like, I noticed you didn't answer any questions, so you should just leave and you're fired.

[Mary]

Bam. Like, bam.

[John]

What job do you have where you can just not do parts of the job?

[Mary]

Wrong person. Wrong person.

[John]

Right, right. My thought is, if you're the type of person where, you know, all right, I don't ever want to be in a situation where I get asked hard questions and I have to look bad for what I believe.

[Mary]

Then you're not a civil servant.

[John]

Shouldn't be a civil servant.

[Mary]

No, no, no.

[John]

Why don't you go do podcasting? That's what we do.

[Mary]

Why don't you go be a. A 4chan conspiracy blogger?

[John]

Do that.

[Mary]

Yeah. Macrame. Do that. Open a pottery store.

[John]

Do anything.

[Mary]

Leggings. Start a pyramid scheme. Anything, literally, a drug deal. I don't know. It's wild.

[John]

Do you think GameStop is going to go away?

[Mary]

I'm not sure even what that is. I sounds like.

[John]

I think, obviously the Internet, eating like brick and mortars, should be Game start. Yeah, yeah. Or game continue.

[Mary]

Is it like Blockbuster?

[John]

It's like a store for video game stuff. You go buy a Switch, a PlayStation.

[Mary]

Get me into the. So I, you know, I continuously bowled over by the revelation that the video game industry dwarfs Hollywood and TV. So how is GameStop going out of business?

[John]

Does that mean dwarf, meaning it's bigger or it makes. It is. Oh, wow. Combined it is. Yes. Really?

[Mary]

The video game industry makes more money than Hollywood, cinema and television.

[John]

That makes me happy.

[Mary]

It's crazy because I had never played video game.

[John]

Well, it's a very. I think people's idea of video games is Duck Hunt. But video games are like heavy storytelling. There's writing, there's acting, there's animation. There's original scores.

[Mary]

There's bones sticking out.

[John]

There's bones sticking out. I think it should make more money.

[Mary]

Well, they are kind of. They are extremely cinematic now. I mean, amazing. I bopped off when Sega Genesis went from 2D to 3D. I couldn't handle that.

[John]

Do you get Karsick from. I have, like, people get carsick from playing games that are in 4D. You know, like, I've never played it.

[Mary]

In a car because we never had Sega Genesis in a car. It's got to be hooked up to the tv.

[John]

Genesis.

[Mary]

We blew on the. We blew on the cartridges.

[John]

Sega. That makes me think of, like, being young and, like, rural Wisconsin, my cousin being like, do you guys want to play Sega?

[Mary]

I mean, it was literally a step up from Nintendo.

[John]

Yeah, Sega was fierce.

[Mary]

Listen, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat. Street Fighter still looks like the hedgehog. Well. And so does Mortal Kombat. And, baby, you could get anybody. You get Martha Stewart playing. You could get. Yeah, you get Freddy Krueger, Mother Stewart. You could get Charles Grodin.

[John]

Oh, yes. Luigi. Luigi.

[Mary]

Any player will.

[John]

Like she said, Charles Grodin.

[Mary]

Charles Gordon versus Martha Stewart. Ultimate Fighting.

[John]

Martha Stewart. I live for Martha Stewart.

[Mary]

I love that dog, baby. She gobbled it.

[John]

It. She eats.

[Mary]

Gobbled it. She's like, why are you cutting that orange with a little knife? Use a big knife, you idiot. Love that.

[John]

She's probably right.

[Mary]

Of course she was. Yeah. You're gonna go into Martha Stewart kitchen clueless. You better get out of there, baby.

[John]

Don't do it, Jackie. No, I've been cooking a lot.

[Mary]

What are you cooking?

[John]

Everything. Breakfast, lunch and dinner.

[Mary]

Recently? Real.

[John]

Yes. Recently I've been doing a type of eggs where I buy buttermilk because I know it. You can use it in a lot of different ways, but I'm too idiot to know what it is. So lately I've been using the Google Gemini to be like, I have eggs, buttermilk, and spinach. Help me make a recipe.

[Mary]

And it does. It helps you.

[John]

Yes.

[Mary]

Will you go to Lan Noodles with me, baby?

[John]

Lan Noodles?

[Mary]

Yeah. You want some authentic Chinese noodles that will blow your mind.

[John]

Lan noodle. How do you spell it?

[Mary]

L, A, N. And who would play her? Lana Del Rey?

[John]

You know, I remember hearing a. Wait. Oh, we missed DragCon. Okay.

[Mary]

God. UK.

[John]

UK pouring out. Remember that? We were. We were gonna go. Maybe we didn't go. Remember?

[Mary]

Oh. To do it. This.

[John]

We were gonna do a pod there. Yeah.

[Mary]

All Due respect to Ms. Dragcon, she's firmly in the past.

[John]

It's also all. With all due respect to the people who do it. It's hard. Poor went out for the queens. Who's at the bunions after the weekend? Exhausted.

[Mary]

Yeah, bro.

[John]

The career in shambles. Yeah.

[Mary]

Friends? None. Yeah.

[John]

Nothing.

[Mary]

And to no one.

[John]

Dragcon is hard.

[Mary]

It is hard. And it's hard in a way that. No. The average Joe just can't even conceive of. It's like. It's. Yeah.

[John]

The thing is, like, if you're in a Marvel movie. I'm not saying this is nothing. You just show up in your jean jacket and you sign. You take your fat flat rate. You get paid to be there.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[John]

And you sign eight by tens of your character that you didn't have to print off.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[John]

In your jean jacket.

[Mary]

Oh, at Comic Con.

[John]

Yes.

[Mary]

Yes.

[John]

What did I say?

[Mary]

You said at a Marvel movie.

[John]

Oh, I. Sorry. I meant Comic Con.

[Mary]

I know what you mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John]

I'm not saying.

[Mary]

Yeah. Elvira doesn't show up as Elvira, and.

[John]

They get to just sign the lovely things and go home.

[Mary]

They don't have a booth. No, baby. They don't do a security. No.

[John]

They just do a signing. I think DragCon. Some of us should do it more, and we should embrace the freedom of just showing up for an hour, maybe out of drag, to sign and leave.

[Mary]

I. You know, I would. I would do that. I would have drag that. If this is gonna sound. Maybe some army, but, like, I'll just say it. Dragcon UK gives the girls a rate sometimes, whereas dragcon us snatches a rate from you. So sometimes you get paid to show up at these cons, different cons, others. You.

[John]

That's what I mean. I think at certain Sci Fi cons, they book them, like, a flat rate to appear. Yes, of course.

[Mary]

Because you're Drawing the people in.

[John]

And then you don't really bring merch because you're like, well, well, you don't have to. It's easy.

[Mary]

You don't have to. The pressure's off. But yeah, I would show up if someone gave me a little chunk of change. I would show up in a nice little outfit, have you put a little boy makeup on me, and then sign some photographs.

[John]

Also, like, if you're at a comic Con, let's say you were a voice actor from a cartoon.

[Mary]

You don't get to show up as Mark Simpson.

[John]

You get to just show up in a T shirt for.

[Mary]

Oh, Homie.

[John]

You know, for the Simpsons, if you're from the. Wear your shinson T shirt. Kiss the babies. Dragcon is hard because, God, it's so early. The drag, the long day in drag, Having to set up a booth, the.

[Mary]

Light, the lack of access to a bathroom, Smoking, maybe. I told you There was 9 11. There was World War II and there was the Javit Center.

[John]

A girl. The Javit Center.

[Mary]

When they. When second time second plane hit the tower.

[John]

Mama.

[Mary]

When that person told me there was no smoking at the Javits Center, I was like, 9 11. This is 9 11.

[John]

This is my Amelia Perez.

[Mary]

It. Oh, it was. You should have seen my. My face went gray and my eyes crossed and I almost left.

[John]

Remember that year you almost did a hospital bed?

[Mary]

I think that was that year.

[John]

Did you do a hospital bed?

[Mary]

No, because then I feel trapped.

[John]

Was on wheels. Get you out of there.

[Mary]

Yeah. They could roll me down to smoke when I Seriously, it's like, imagine you were like, out of the hospital and you broke. You broke both your legs and you needed this. A fluid. Trans. I don't know. You just needed something that was going to keep you alive.

[John]

Trans fluid. What did you just say? My gender is trans fluid. What did you just say?

[Mary]

I can't come up with a proper, like analogy.

[John]

Girl. How do the people in the medical shows. You play a doctor on a medical show and you as an actor have to memorize. Well, they have type or tachycardia. Skin up. Like. Or what about like I walk in and be like. I'd look right at the camera and go, she's sick.

[Mary]

Yeah. Like, girl, you're gonna die.

[John]

Like, that's all I could get together.

[Mary]

I'm so. Mr. And Mrs. Smith, I'm so sorry. She did. Girl.

[John]

So she was not doing good, and then she did worse and now she's. Now she's better because she's in heaven. Her Skin a mess.

[Mary]

Her. Her booty is nasty. She shit the bed. I gotta go.

[John]

Oh, gosh. I couldn't do. I mean, I don't know how real doctors do it, and I certainly don't know how actors playing doctors and nurses.

[Mary]

It must be so boring to do all that jargon.

[John]

Well, then they're also acting. They're not just saying the words, right. It's heightened. They're three cc's of chloroform over here stat. You know, do you think when real doctors watch those shows, they're like, that would never happen. I.

[Mary]

Yes, they do, because I watch a lot of that with nurses, and I'm like, ain't nobody putting a needle there. Yeah, like, that's not happening. So we don't put a dried needle in the neck. Right.

[John]

You know, it's like what something else I really love is. I don't know why this is all coming back to me, but I love. In movies where somebody has to go undercover at a strip club or a bar, they always have that little wig on, the little. The little bob.

[Mary]

The little bob, yeah. Natalie Portman, closer.

[John]

Sorry, we already talked about it.

[Mary]

No, but it's like the Run, Lolo. Run. It's the. It's the Mia Jovic. It's like the cunty, colorful Bob.

[John]

Yes. And you come in and you go, Detective Starling, we're looking for. We're looking for Stephanie Michaels, also known as Sunrise. Oh, do you mean Sunset? Yeah, she used to come around here, but haven't seen her in a while.

[Mary]

Yeah, she owes me 20 bucks. Last I heard, she was dead in a dumpster wearing an orange wig for $27.99 from these boutique.

[John]

Or there's that moment where they're, like, denying that they know anything, and then they're like, look, I don't want to end up like Becky.

[Mary]

It's so. It's so trite.

[John]

It's so.

[Mary]

Get a grip. Get something new.

[John]

But, girl, let me tell you, at these hotels, there's about. At any given time, on hotel cable, there's about a dozen channels playing Law and Order.

[Mary]

You know, I've never seen a full episode.

[John]

It's good. It's great. Yes, it's great to turn on R A, P E. It's Special Victims. So it's like sex crime. It's. Well, it's mostly sex crime.

[Mary]

Okay.

[John]

But then there's normal SVU. There's SVU, elite continental.

[Mary]

It's like all the different NCIs.

[John]

Well, that stands for.

[Mary]

No, no, no.

[John]

It said it means never can imagine something. I don't know what it is. I think it's Navy. Oh, is it Navy?

[Mary]

All these procedurals. Enough with the cops. Can we please mythologize some other profession, for Christ's sake? You know what I mean?

[John]

It's navel, so it's always belly button related.

[Mary]

It's very focused on the midsection.

[John]

Very focused on the midsection.

[Mary]

No, I mean, like, enough with the cops shows. Like, can we get into, like, I.

[John]

Want to do an episode of this where we wear those little blue and pink party pages?

[Mary]

No, I want you to be the hooker and I want to be the detective. Yeah, I'm gonna be the detective that drinks a lot, has no friends, stays up all night with one teeny light overlooking the case.

[John]

Yeah.

[Mary]

Stays late at the office, no lighting.

[John]

I. I don't know why, but Kelly Mantle's. Whose pod you should all listen to. Kelly Mantle. Her. Her acting reel came up. My YouTube recommended yesterday. And I thought, yeah, I thought, I'm gonna watch it again because it's fun.

[Mary]

Bummer. That Eagle Heart. That Eagle Heart clip, she's great to.

[John]

But after you get through Eagle Heart, like, I think three of the five clips are her in an Ally talking about, like, a dead hooker. Yes. So it's her and Ally being like, I don't know what happened. We haven't seen Starlight in two weeks.

[Mary]

Yeah. Last I heard, she was chasing the dragon with Sunshine.

[John]

Right. And then it's like, but, you know, before you go, do you want to take a ride, sugar? It's like, you know, she ends with the proposition.

[Mary]

Fierce.

[John]

Good for her.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[John]

Well, what is it? I guess, you know, not to comment on Kelly's aesthetic and her looks, but I love that she walks into a casting and they go, prostitute love. It gets you right over here.

[Mary]

Dead, alive. We'll figure out later.

[John]

She can play Dead or alive. Perfect.

[Mary]

Damn.

[John]

Well, we gotta go.

[Mary]

Yeah. Listen, check out Emilia Perez on Netflix.

[John]

Check out Amelia Perez on Netflix.

[Mary]

Goodbye.

[John]

Bye.