Huffin' at Macca's with Trixie and Katya

Summary

Episode Summary: "Huffin' at Macca's with Trixie and Katya"

In this vibrant episode of "The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya," hosts Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova dive into their recent adventures touring Europe and Australia. The conversation is a blend of hilarious anecdotes, candid discussions about life on tour, and insightful commentary on cultural differences and personal challenges.

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1. Touring Europe and Australia [01:28 - 07:31]

Trixie and Katya recount their experiences performing across Europe and Australia, highlighting the logistical challenges and cultural contrasts they encountered.

• Sold-Out Shows: Both queens express excitement over selling out multiple cities despite the high costs of traveling and performing abroad.

  Katya [03:28]: "I was really happy it sold out. It was kind of like getting eight, six, or eight paid rehearsals. Six shows."

• Heat and Stage Conditions: Katya shares her struggles with managing makeup and staying cool under the oppressive Australian heat, leading to humorous frustrations with their production team.

  Katya [04:07]: "The thorn was when the heat is so oppressive... I couldn't enjoy it."

• Cultural Observations: They discuss the differences in audience behavior and local customs, including unexpected activities like kids huffing glue at McDonald's in Brisbane.

  Katya [10:01]: "I saw some kids huffing glue at McDonald's. It was horrible."

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2. Challenges on Tour [07:33 - 16:00]

The hosts delve into the personal and professional hurdles they've faced while touring, including maintaining their performance quality and dealing with environmental stressors.

• Maintaining Performance: Trixie praises the professionalism of their dancers while expressing concern over the physical demands of their shows.

  Trixie [09:27]: "I was very impressed with everything was so in unison."

• Cultural Differences in Nightlife: Katya describes her experiences in Australian nightclubs, noting the distinct fashion and social behaviors compared to the U.S.

  Katya [16:00]: "The gay people there are dressing very wild. Everyone has this Australian mullet."

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3. Personal Struggles: Quitting Smoking [20:02 - 37:31]

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to Trixie and Katya's candid conversations about their attempts to quit smoking, the challenges they face, and the support systems they've utilized.

• Trixie's Journey: Trixie shares her efforts to quit smoking, including her experience with an online support program that provided encouraging texts.

  Trixie [24:27]: "There's an online support thing for you... it gives you encouraging texts."

• Katya's Perspective: Katya opens up about the pressures of quitting smoking amidst a tour that offers abundant temptations, reflecting on the societal and personal impacts of addiction.

  Katya [25:00]: "I'm too cheap for that. I'd be stealing. I don't know what I'd do. I couldn't afford $12 a pack."

• Humorous Exchanges: Their dialogue is peppered with humor as they discuss the absurdities of their smoking habits and the cultural context of smoking in media.

  Trixie [23:14]: "You smell like poopy, poopy Snoopies."

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4. Concert Experiences and Pop Culture [37:31 - 55:25]

Trixie and Katya transition to discussing their recent concert experiences, including performances by Kylie Minogue and their interactions with fans and other celebrities.

• Kylie Minogue Concert: Katya vividly describes attending Kylie Minogue's sold-out shows in Sydney during Mardi Gras, highlighting Kylie’s energetic performance and the overall ambiance.

  Katya [46:51]: "She looked gorgeous. She really sang. It was amazing."

• Interactions with Fans and Celebrities: They share amusing stories about meeting fans and attempting to connect with other artists, including humorous failures and unexpected encounters.

  Katya [54:55]: "I was DMing her on Instagram, tagging her scene. Five minutes later, could have met her. She came out five minutes after we left."

• Fashion and Performance: The discussion touches on the elaborate costumes and choreography of pop performers, reflecting on the intersection of fashion and performance art.

  Trixie [52:18]: "She did a banged wig. It's very wiggy. I love it."

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5. Social Commentary and Humor [55:25 - End]

In the latter part of the episode, Trixie and Katya infuse their trademark humor into social commentary, discussing contemporary issues with wit and sarcasm.

• Mental Health and Society: Trixie humorously contrasts the prioritization of luxury items over mental health, emphasizing the importance of therapy.

  Trixie [20:02]: "Why can't we realize that our mental health is just as important as our gorgeous luxury leather footwear?"

• Political and Social Satire: They touch upon political figures and societal trends, blending satire with personal anecdotes to critique and entertain.

  Katya [42:04]: "Imagine if Marjorie Taylor Greene's audacity was a hot black girl. It's so awesome and democratic."

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Notable Quotes:

• Katya on Tour Challenges:

  "It's Germany's greatest success. Was the air conditioning. Hamburg only outside." [02:53]

• Trixie on Smoking Quits:

  "I haven't been smoking cigarettes, and it's for like. Actually, I swear to God, there have been days where I've had one, two today, zero yesterday, maybe one." [23:14]

• Humorous Banter on Quitting:

  Trixie: "Your whole family died, too."
  Katya: "Yeah, I'm Sarah Palms." [28:54]

• Concert Story Highlight:

  "You're Juno, Juno, Juno. Your caseworker." [31:14]

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Conclusion

This episode showcases the dynamic chemistry between Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova as they navigate the highs and lows of life on tour. From battling intense heat and managing personal habits to enjoying star-studded concerts and engaging in sharp social satire, Trixie and Katya offer listeners an unfiltered and entertaining glimpse into their fabulous, chaotic lives. Whether you're a long-time fan or a newcomer, this episode delivers laughter, relatability, and a touch of heartfelt honesty that defines their unique podcast.

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Subscribe to "The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya" for more engaging conversations and unforgettable stories every week!

Transcript

[Trixie Mattel]

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[Katya Zamolodchikova]

At New Balance.

[Trixie Mattel]

We believe if you run, you're a.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Runner, however you choose to do it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Because when you're not worried about doing things the right way, you're free to discover your way. And that's what running's all about. Run your [e-mail] Running.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This episode is.

[Trixie Mattel]

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[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hello to the Swedish people. It is me, your local leader and hometown girl, Trixie Mattel. All the way from Stockholm to Sweden. Hello. When I land in Sweden. There was a gay guy there last time. We came up and said welcome home and give me a hug. We are coming over to Ms. Norwegia Boots. We are. I love it there.

[Trixie Mattel]

You guys are so good. I am. You're going to be the.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The level of.

[Trixie Mattel]

Out of. Out of pocket. Never seen a pocket.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But you know what? I don't know. I don't know. I'm happy to. Stockholm is so beautiful.

[Trixie Mattel]

It is. They're really yanking it off.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So beautiful.

[Trixie Mattel]

They're really yanking it off. We're going to be at the Circus in Stockholm, Sweden on Wednesday, July 2 and at Concert House in Oslo, Norway on July 3. Artist presale is Wednesday March 19 at 10am local. Code bald for that. And then venue Pre sale Thursday 20th March at 10am local. General on sale Friday 21st March at 10am local. I said that weird, but you got the info?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes, please. We are. We're American and we've been really enjoying our time leaving the country. So thank you.

[Trixie Mattel]

Thank you for having us.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I will see you at the program. I was in Australia, which is not American and it's crazy hearing how much they know about us because I can't tell you. I think Margot Robbie runs that Country. I don't know what's going on. Right. I think it's T.S. eliot. Margot. Is that Australian? I don't know.

[Trixie Mattel]

T.S.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Madison. She's legendary Australian.

[Trixie Mattel]

Huge, hugely Australian. Yeah, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Nicole, not the ball worms. Oh, my God.

[Trixie Mattel]

Not the ball worms. Not the. I can't.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, I know. You know, I was really good while I was there, and as soon as I left, it was like. It was like I Men in blacked my accent. Now. I can't do it again.

[Trixie Mattel]

I tried. I rewatched the Nicole ad for our show and I was like, what accent was I trying to emulate there?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Moira Rose.

[Trixie Mattel]

Something like that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

From a. From a chip aean tribe.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay, but tell me the highlights of Australia.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, sold out every city.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was very for.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Because, you know, I'm just going to be honest. We don't make the same kind of money traveling because it costs so much more to travel. You know this when we do Trixie and Katya live.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, I thought you were saying you make a lot more money than me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, of course I do. But in Europe and Australia, remember, gross, we make less money.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Because it costs so much more for us all to be there.

[Trixie Mattel]

Absolutely.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know, the taxes, plus you have to pay taxes in that country. Like it's a whole thing.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So I was really happy it sold out. It was kind of like getting eight. Six or eight paid rehearsals. Six shows. I think it's like getting to do paid rehearsals. Why do you think Paula Pink disco? Because we hadn't debuted those numbers. The choreography.

[Trixie Mattel]

You did numbers.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

There's different looks in the show.

[Trixie Mattel]

Plus, I saw that number. Girl, those moves were tight.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Mary. I know those songs. I know those. Let me tell you something. I may not be the best dancer, but I know the song.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, yeah, I know the song. That was clear.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So in the show, there's. There's three numbers, there's three costume changes, plus I DJ the full 90 sounds.

[Trixie Mattel]

The heat.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Honey. Do you know what a heat rash is?

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, do I ever.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I've never gotten one. Got it in Australia.

[Trixie Mattel]

What would you say to a heat rash?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

My butt looked like Boba and FETA.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's where Ms. Gold Bond Gold Bond comes into the play.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was putting aloe on my butt and sleeping on my stomach because I got heat rash from the heat. The first night was outdoors in Perth. It was at a place called the Courtyard, and it was nice and cold. Not one drop of sweat. I told Brandon backstage I was getting ready for Supermodel. The last number And, And I was like, what's wrong? I was like, you know in a movie when like they fire a bunch of bullets and everybody drops dead and the one person is like, oh my God, that was me. I couldn't believe I wasn't sweating the first night.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was like, I know. That was me in Germany.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Great girl, German.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was like, what is this feeling? What is this sensation?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's Germany's greatest success. Was the air conditioning. Hamburg only outside. Yes, that's called outside in the winter. Okay, so then. But then things took a turn. Things got. Melbourne was. I was almost crying trying to reapply makeup backstage. It was so hot. I was Tanya Harding, like, crying, putting the blush on. Cuz I walked backstage to change for work at my like physical fitness section. The entire. This diamond shape of the foundation, gone. The nose is gone. The, the contour, all of it is gone.

[Trixie Mattel]

Mama, you need to get in one of these gals.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Honestly, completely gone. And I, I'm starting to do this with my boys. Fucking shit. I don't even fucking. Fucking come back. This. Fucking commit, like cursing everyone who works for us. Everyone who's ever worked for us. People who don't even work for us anymore.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. People who are dead. Long dead.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Fuck that bitch. Yeah. It was so hot. And I started to get so mad because I'm like, I'm in my third year of doing this, let's just say. I mean, I'll be transparent. Me. Everybody involved in the tour, we had, we had a gorgeous. I gave them basically a gorgeous PowerPoint.

[Trixie Mattel]

Of like, what's the tea?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, like this was the roses and the thorns. The show went so well. The rose of the trip. The show went well, the audiences had fun. Everybody wins. The thorn was when the heat is so oppressive and you know, I'm not. I have to wear a corset, like.

[Trixie Mattel]

And you're not a sweater, though. I mean, you're not a sweater. So when I'm sweating, that's hot.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You're dead.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, yeah, dead. Long dead.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It was so hot that I was like, you guys, I hate to be a hater, but Melbourne and Sydney, it was so hot that I. I couldn't enjoy it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, what is the audience going through? Probably the same thing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's the thing. It was just so hot. And yeah, it was summer in Australia, so I don't know what I'm complaining about. I go to a tropical weather in the summer.

[Trixie Mattel]

But you went to a first world country, an industrialized nation who I believe has access to electricity through which you can have air conditioning.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. And I also understand it's nightclubs. Nightclubs are hot.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, no, no. Shut it down. Shut it down, Shut it down.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But I would say of the six shows, three of them were very well air conditioned. I barely sweat, so I'm like, it is possible. I know it's possible.

[Trixie Mattel]

So when it flops, it's a big, big flop.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. But honestly, the tour went great. If you can see it in America, we still have some cities available. We're selling out, but please come.

[Trixie Mattel]

Are you doing numbers?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, yeah, numbers. This gorgeous dancer, zoj, who's like a supermodel who happens to be a perfect dancer. And then Tom Feeney, who's. I don't know. It's like Superman on stage. Yeah. I don't know. An amazing mover. And I love the numbers and I love doing the show. And even though I was. I'm in this like physical fitness headband with like, sweatband with. And I. I was so sweaty that I was like. I guess at least I'm like in character. Buckets coming off.

[Trixie Mattel]

You need to do a sauna number.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, you know what? I have a suggestion. This might be kind of interesting. What about a. Now hear me out.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Fuck em.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, no. What about an eye mask for the moments?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

For like sleep.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, no, no. For performing where you can keep your mouth and your lower because you can do that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do you think we need to give. You think we need to give Texas Chainsaw mask or Leatherface?

[Trixie Mattel]

That's not where my mind went, but I'm into that. I'm thinking, okay, imagine the cuntest, all rhinestoned. You do the Batman eyes underneath, right? You do like whatever, a white or black or white. You know what I'm talking about.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Are you saying that I have Batman eyes that are whatever, black and white.

[Trixie Mattel]

You make a masquerade trixie fantasy mask.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sure.

[Trixie Mattel]

And then you just do ba ba ba ba ba underneath. Because, you know, the makeup is not going to stay. The integrity is not going to. The shapes aren't going to hold.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I mean, a lot of it.

[Trixie Mattel]

I think that could be cunty.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

A lot of it did hold up. I mean, this was after. Directly after a show. I retouched this a little bit.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, I want to. So what are you complaining about?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I am gorgeous.

[Trixie Mattel]

What are you complaining about? Can we just talk about what are you complaining about?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wow. People, I.

[Trixie Mattel]

So you're just lying?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No. Okay, but this is. This is the unretouched. I mean, this is okay too, I guess.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oof. No, I mean, that's fine.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know, I felt you're not.

[Trixie Mattel]

You're a little bit far away. You probably looked incredible.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. And that's the hard thing about working with professional dancers. If you mess up, there are two people hotter than you doing it perfectly on either side of you.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So your little mess up.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Two people are flanking you, doing it perfectly.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. They're saying, fuck you, bitch.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. So it's very inspiring. But you did great.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was very impressed with. Everything was so in unison.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, yeah. Well, I learned that. Can I tell you some of the other parts of the trip? I was in Brisbane. Oh, girl. Brazil.

[Trixie Mattel]

Brisneyland.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Brisneyland. Went to the Mecca Cheky Meccas. Got a nine dollar bucket hat. Cunt. So it says Macca's run on the front of it.

[Trixie Mattel]

McDonald's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, we know what Cheeky maccas have an ass. Chicken tender eating. Ice. Ice. Get it off.

[Trixie Mattel]

This is Bogan. It's nice.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And Bogan woke up this morning, hit a shower. Oh my God, so shaky. Mers Clark. So I see these two kids in Brisbane, and it's one of those double decker McDonald's fancy. So I see these two kids with empty water bottles. I go, damn, the kids of today go to McDonald's and there's no one to even buy them the water bottle. They had nothing in there. Why do they have toothpaste tubes? That's weird. Motherfuckers. These. I'm talking maybe 10, 12. These a little boy, little girl. These bad little kids.

[Trixie Mattel]

Ooh, bad kids.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Squirting glue into bottles and just huffing at the McDonald's. 10, 10, 11 years old. Huffing. Although we're talking squirting glue and just huffing and like. And I was like, huffing and goonin. And I'm telling people in Australia. Oh, was it in Queensland? All brizzy. I'm like, yeah. And they're like, that's us huffing glue.

[Trixie Mattel]

Out of toothpaste at. At Macca's in Brisney. Vegas.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was in shock.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's so. Say it again. It's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It made me sad. I had my new bucket hat on. I was feeling like Jennifer Lopez. And then I look over, Hell yeah. And then I look over famously of a Mac Appreciate. And I'm watching like the Nick Jr version of intervention. It was fucked up.

[Trixie Mattel]

Huffin. Felicity Huffman. I've. I've never.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Huffington Post. Juliana Huff. Yeah, it's horrible.

[Trixie Mattel]

Fuck. David Husslehuff. Hufflehuff. HR Huff.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And Stuff. It was fucked up shit.

[Trixie Mattel]

They huffed and they puffed and they fucking blew the. That Mac is up.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And then I was in Melbourne.

[Trixie Mattel]

Wait, so what did they huff again? It was glue. What kind of glue?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Automotive glue. Like automotive glue.

[Trixie Mattel]

What is automotive glue?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Glue for automotive. I don't know.

[Trixie Mattel]

Castro Syntech motor oil.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Why'd you look at a lesbian when you asked about.

[Trixie Mattel]

She got a computer. The research. This is the research. R and D over there. That is crazy. Yeah, that's fucking crazy. They were huffing and then what were they doing with the other things?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They were putting the glue in the bottle. And I'm like, you know, I'm Kitty Cariol. I'm not used to seeing that type of drug use. Like, I've seen drag queens do this with the nail and that's kind of cunty, I guess. I got offered so much drugs on these tour. A lot of drugs on these tours, too. I forget the club tours. It's like. And people been like, trixie was so happy. We're so happy you're here. We do have ketamine, if you.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm like, I was just going to say, what for? Can I get a sugar free red bull for DJing? Could you imagine the music?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. So then I. I have this. Then I go to Melbourne, and in Melbourne, I go to this place called Silver Lake Social. That is a Silver Lake themed bar in Australia.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like Silver Lake, Los Angeles? Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I walk in and I think, like, I'm gonna authenticate this. Because I like to go into the American candy stores and be like, we don't even have that. We don't have that. You're a liar. Because they'll have Reese's puffs and shit, but then they'll have shit that we don't have. And I'm like, that's not American.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, such as what? Those we don't know. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's like, what are you talking about?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Or like Arrow. It's like, that's not an American.

[Trixie Mattel]

Never heard of it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We don't have that.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, never heard it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I go to the Silver Lake Social and I'm like, I'm in a. They have a pool table there. A lot of pool tables.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

A lot of pool tables in Australia. Please.

[Trixie Mattel]

Is that big in Silver Lake? Pool games? I don't know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, go eat in the Chinatowns in each city. And I think there was lots of billiard halls in the Chinatowns. Really nice, clean billiard halls with groups of young men with the fancy glove on playing crazy Precision robotic level pool.

[Trixie Mattel]

Incredible. Did you ever get into the old, like, alley sitting on milk crates, betting with cards, Dice?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We didn't have that.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't even know if that exists. I see in a movie is a.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Lot, but it's, you know, it's one of those D and D dice, and no one knows any of it. Means your witch died or whatever they do. I don't know what they do. I don't know.

[Trixie Mattel]

City of the tour.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, I got to tell you what. Melbourne. So the Southern California themed bar, and I'm like, I guess I'll have a beer. And the. The bartender has an American accent, but has never been to Los Angeles. So I'm like, this is all very theatrical.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's cunty. I love it. With $28 for a cocktail, the service was great.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The vibe was great. It was a really nice bar. I would recommend anybody go there in Melbourne. And this lady comes up and she's had a few.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But she's there alone, and I can tell she's trying to talk to people next to her. And people are like, it's 4pm Barfly. Yeah. And she comes up to us and she. She. We're playing pool and she comes up and she's like, do you need one more? And I was like, yeah. And then she had a French accent. I tried to speak French to her and she didn't respond. I was like, great. She just has the accent, but no. So just the accent. Just the accent. So she comes up and she wants to play with us, and she thinks I'm going easy on her. She's like, I think you're being nice to me. And then she gets really close to me. She gets this close to my face, and she goes, you think I'm a nice girl? And I go, not just that, but.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, she wanted to fuck you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We're at a Los Angeles themed bar playing pool at 4pm I'm clearly gay. Well, you're on the pills or something.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't think it's clear. Sorry. Sorry. To this man.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, I had a bra on. I'm just kidding. I had a bra.

[Trixie Mattel]

I had a bra over my blouse. It was so crazy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was just like, I don't know what. I don't know what to say.

[Trixie Mattel]

Did you fuck up? No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She just got drunk enough that she kind of forgot she was playing with us and slithered away. And I was like, thank God, because I'm not lonely.

[Trixie Mattel]

Barflies at 4pm at Silver Lake themed bars in Australia.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. I just. I don't get down like that. And then I also noticed the gay people there are dressing very wild. Everybody has this Australian mullet.

[Trixie Mattel]

What's the haircut? Okay, yeah, because that's the thing that. That's the hairstyles that go. They have lives and trends way beyond America. They don't. We don't see that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, you know what I mean? In the uk, the men have that haircut. You know what I'm talking about?

[Trixie Mattel]

Europe too. Like, logic, different hairstyles. They never even touched the US soil.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Australia, they got that mullet right now.

[Trixie Mattel]

How do you feel about that mullet?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Who's it flattering? Unless you are drop dead gorgeous. It's sort of like when some people are like, should I wear crazy hats? It's like, okay, Margot Robbie can wear a crazy hat, right? Yeah, you look crazy.

[Trixie Mattel]

You look crazy and ugly.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So you need to balance it with a cute hat, you know?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Because sometimes I think really hot people will get like, up bangs just to prove.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was just gonna say. I was gonna say I'm gonna turf bangs tomorrow and then maybe like pull out one of my teeth. Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But the gay people over there, all queer people, everyone, they either look little baby slut princess or Van life.

[Trixie Mattel]

What is van life?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They look like they have unhoused individuals. No, not unhoused. Like earthy Patagonia.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, I understand.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know, Van life hikers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like living off the grid.

[Trixie Mattel]

Tiktokers outdoors, outdoorsy types. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Which is very hot on anyone. Hot on girls, hot on men. I think it's a hot look. Or people had like baby slut princess looks.

[Trixie Mattel]

Even the boys?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes. Just a lot of glitter and short, weird haircuts and a lot of clunky jewelry and. Good for them, though. I mean, I'm not the peak of fashion. I understand that.

[Trixie Mattel]

Any goth people? Any goth sightings? Not really.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I didn't see any goths. But also, how do you be a goth in the Australian heat? Well, I mean, black umbrella.

[Trixie Mattel]

Stay inside. Also, you're not gonna see them. And they're not gonna come to the pink disco. They're not gonna wear pink.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Somebody came to the meet and greet. There was a goth one. Goth. I saw complete goth. And he had pink contact lenses. He was like, this is all I'm gonna do.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's so adorable.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

He said, great.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's adorable. Adorable.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, I for. I forgot to tell you that after at the ma. At the Maccas, the. The huffers called me a Poofa.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's a badge or on or bingo card moment. This is a life.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Huffing, 10 year old, huffing, glooming like and I was like huff. Sitting there in my bucket hat looking like Jennifer Lopez. Like what the did I do to.

[Trixie Mattel]

Your diet Coke out of your rhinestone cup.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I saw cops. Now I almost went to the cops looking like Jennifer Lopez. Today's episode of all the Beautiful is brought to you by our friends at Baya Baia. Baby, I have to tell you, so many of us have had negative first time experiences with thc. It just makes me think of like not to be old, but my generation, people would just take some unmoderated, unmitigated, unregulated THC product from a friend of a friend and just hope for the best. And that's why so many people have horror stories, right? What I love about VIA is that it's changing the game in natural wellness by combining high quality hemp derived ingredients with powerful cannabinoids to create real effect driven results. Want better sleep? Like I just got back from Australia and for me THC is a great tool to reset my biological clock. Get my little butt in bed at the right time, get my butt sleeping at the right time. I also love it for really shifting gears out of a stressful day. Sometimes if a day is too much at work, I will keep spinning out into the evening and it's a great way to assist myself in switching that down gear. Everything from, you know, award winning effect forward gummies, premium indoor grown THCA flower and calming drops all made with organic lab tested hemp from trusted independent American farms. Baby, none of that mystery gas station nonsense mumbo jumbo. This is the real and I also love that it's very discreet, you know, I mean these products can be delivered to you without having to go out into the wild, which is lovely. And there's also a product finder quiz. So if you're like me and you have a low tolerance, you can basically speak that into existence and make sure that you get matched with the product that is the gear that you can handle. So if you're 21 plus, treat yourself to 15% off and get a free gift with your first order using our exclusive code [e-mail] plus enjoy free shipping on orders over $100. That's via B I I A H E M P viahemp.com this episode of.

[Trixie Mattel]

The Bald and the Beautiful is sponsored by BetterHelp. On a recent trip to New York City where I published my weekly column about dating in the big city. I was walking along Fifth Avenue after brunching with the girls, and I thought to myself, after hearing all their amusing man troubles about sex stuff, I couldn't help but wonder, why are we so inclined to spend $1,000 on new Manolos but not spare a single thought about our mental health? That's right, ladies. Why can't we realize that our mental health is just as important as our gorgeous luxury leather footwear? And then I realized, this month, BetterHelp is giving their biggest discount ever on starting therapy with 90% off your first week. Traditional in person therapy can cost anywhere from 100 to $250 per session, which adds up fast. But with BetterHelp online therapy, you can save on average, up to 50% per session. So whether you can't decide between two men and don't want to rely on your regular psychic Vicky and Chelsea to mysteriously ideate on whether or not one will die on an exercise device, therapy might be for you. Even if you simply need someone to tell you to snap out of it and choose yourself and your girls over some dumb man. BetterHelp is here to save the day. Therapy might feel like a big investment, but your mental health is absolutely worth taking care of. Therapy has helped me to realize that my friends and podcast co hosts are my true soulmates who will meet me in the West Village to get a cupcake at any hour of the day, and they won't judge me for buying $3,000 shoes. And hey, isn't that what life's all about? Your well being is worth it. For a limited time, visit betterhelp.com bald to get 90% off your first week. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com bald and we're back. Okay, Mary, I have so many things to tell you, but first, I want to talk about Mad Men very briefly.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay?

[Trixie Mattel]

Have you seen it?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Me, yesterday.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, fuck. Okay. Because I'm the whole time. This parade of fashion in the 60s office world, the hairstyles, the jewelry, the outfits, the looks from top to bottom are so up your alley. They're wedged right up your alley. Your alley is stuffed with these looks.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I check it out. Is that the. That's the program that made everybody horny for Jon Hamm.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, yeah, mama. But everybody's fire. Kiernan Shipka.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay?

[Trixie Mattel]

She's Sally the daughter.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Clips of it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, Joan.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Because one time I did a Truvada commercial that was a spoof on that. Oh, fab So I played.

[Trixie Mattel]

Were you Christina Hendricks, the red with the.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I played grown up Sally Draper, and I was pitching like an ad and it was all 60s vibes with Jack Plotnick. You know him? No, it was fun.

[Trixie Mattel]

But everybody. This show is like. It's a. Everybody is at the top of their game. Hanue. So beautiful, so fabulous. But let me tell you what you don't want to do while you're watching Mad Men.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What?

[Trixie Mattel]

Quit smoking.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh. Cause they're just smoking.

[Trixie Mattel]

Every single person in the. There is not a scene where somebody doesn't have a cigarette. I think Sally starts smoking in the fourth grade. Like, I mean, it's crazy. It's crazy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

People smoke on planes back then too, huh?

[Trixie Mattel]

They're smoking in the. The doctors delivering babies with a cigarette.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hanging out of the baby comes out with a cigarette.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes. So I'm like. I'm like, on the one hand, I'm so enjoying this, and on the other, I'm like, why am I torturing myself? Because guess what, you fucking bitch.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What?

[Trixie Mattel]

You hoe. You Jennifer Lopez look alike.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What?

[Trixie Mattel]

I haven't been smoking cigarettes, and it's for like. Actually, I swear to God, there have been days where I've had one. Two today, zero yesterday, maybe one.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was gonna say I saw you last time.

[Trixie Mattel]

We filmed last night.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, no, no.

[Trixie Mattel]

Last night I had. That was two. That day. It was a bad day.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That was a bad day for me.

[Trixie Mattel]

Bad day. Very bad day. But only two.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Progress, Mary.

[Trixie Mattel]

25 to 2. That's a pretty good differential.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You used to smoke 25 cigarettes a day, sweetie.

[Trixie Mattel]

I could do 30. What are you. Who are you talking about? If I. If I'm on a roll on the phone, it's just one after the other. Oh, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's why you're so tired. You are busy. I heard you want to go on vacation in Europe, and I literally said vacation from what?

[Trixie Mattel]

No. If it's not a vacation, it's a trip. I don't know why they said vacation. I don't like, you know, my life is a vacation. I got to go to work anyway. Anyways. So that. So I swear to God, I don't like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's impressive. 25. Smoking 25 cigarettes is impressive in a really dark way.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, yeah. But there was a whole week where I did none. You have to understand. And it's. And it's not like, it's not super difficult. I mean, I have this ex Program thing. I have. I was a little like, what is it?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What. How do you do it?

[Trixie Mattel]

So basically, it's like. There's an online support thing for you. It's. You get text messages that are, like, encouraging. It can be as. You know, you can use it as much or as little as you want. It can. It got a little annoying at first because I didn't want to. I didn't want to, like, always think about smoking all day, right? So I get a text and I'm like, oh. But then I was like, okay, this is actually kind of encouraging. And. But the thing is, the main thing, I don't want to smell like poopy, poopy poopy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Can I say, that's the thing. Everybody has freedom. Everybody has autonomy with their own body.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, but you smell like poopy poopy Snoopies.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Also, the money.

[Trixie Mattel]

No. Yeah, the money of the money's insane.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I mean, the fact that, sweetie, you're very blessed that that's not enough money for you to worry about.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, but in college it was.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

How does it. How does an. I don't wanna say normal. How does a person who has a standard income smoke 30 cigarettes a day?

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you know what 30 cigarettes a day in Australia costs you? About $60. The 25 cigarette pack Australian cigarette case is 50 Australian dollars.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's crazy.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's what I would do there. I would pay. And you can't bring cigarettes into the country. So I would. I felt like, so, like, ashamed of that when I did that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know, next time we sell any concert tickets or show tickets that are 70 bucks, we should be like, for the price of one pack of Australian cigarettes a day, you can come support us.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes, totally. That's why. But the vaping, too, is like. I didn't. The vaping is not like. I didn't really get into the vaping because it's. It's different. But, I mean, everybody's vaping. I swear to God, People.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We know. I mean, I think people know, of course.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, no, no, no. That's not surprising. But we can't name names.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We know so many people who I think are on Team Goody Goody with me that have been vaping and it's shocked. My jaw hits the floor. Somebody we work with, a famous drag queen, walked in and I was like. They pulled it out and did it. And it was so passive and involuntary. And my hand went. My eyes went from them to watching it go to their pocket to like. No, I was like. You remember in Mars Attacks when the first lady's like. That was me watching someone vape.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, I get it. It's shocking. Well, not shocking, but.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So what did the text say? Like, hey, girl.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's like, it would be like, you know, you can do it. You can do it, diva. Not really like that, but it's like, you know, it gives you, like, a statistic about, you know, saving money. Like, I mean, can you tell?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I mean, for me, I would know that maybe. For me, could I tailor it to be more, like, make sure the texts are telling me how much money I'm saving. That's the only thing that motivate me.

[Trixie Mattel]

Absolutely.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Or if you're health conscious, maybe it's a health.

[Trixie Mattel]

And then you can go online and you can, like, people have, like, they share their stories where it's like, it's. And I'm. I'm not to be corny. I'm not to be corny. Like, it actually helps to like, to know that people are going through. Because nobody I know is trying to quit smoking in my life.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They either don't smoke or they're a lifer.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, they're like, there's exactly so, like, I. And it's insidious, like, when every time I've, like, tried to quit smoking with somebody else, oh, my God. It does not work out. Because I see them and they're like, do you have. You know, and it's like, ugh. But I'm enabler. Yes. Yes. And it's so easy. You're just like, oh, it's smoking. It's not crack. It's not crack.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The crack people are saying it's not smoking.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, it's not crack today, but in 20 years, it's big time crack.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do you have a history with having maybe an addictive personality?

[Trixie Mattel]

No, I don't.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So it seems like your body.

[Trixie Mattel]

This is really new for me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

How did you start smoking, Mary?

[Trixie Mattel]

This is the diabolical part. I was in sixth grade. I'll never forget Marlboro Reds.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You're the person huffing at the McDonald's, Mama.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was originating the shade at the Maccas. Okay? I was the shade originator.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The shade store.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes. I remember so vividly. I smoked the cigarette. That cigarette tasted like the cat's motherfucking ass. That cat's ass. Like you rimming your tongue way up in a cat's booty hole. And I puked.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I can't even.

[Trixie Mattel]

Then I did it again. Of course not. So this is the thing about. That's why, like, the little reminders are so great, because it's like, it reminds you a. Hey, maybe you don't want to smell like the cat's ass. And then B, maybe you'd like to have an intimate relationship with someone who doesn't smoke, because that's non negotiable otherwise. Or C, maybe you'd like to save 50 Australian dollars a day. Or D, maybe you don't want to dive in for Zima. Ho.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I know. Can I tell if I could be vulnerable? I'm sure my mom won't mind me sharing this. My mom smoked off and on her whole life. She has emphysema. It's not a party.

[Trixie Mattel]

I could get it. Absolutely. It could be. I could have lung cancer right now. You know what I mean?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Kathy Griffin got lung cancer and had never even smoked in her life. So if it can happen to somebody who doesn't smoke, it can really happen to you, if you. You know what I mean?

[Trixie Mattel]

Of course I know. It's like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I mean, I'm obviously, many types of cancer are treatable and they're surviving, you know? Yeah, but.

[Trixie Mattel]

But no, it's. I'm actually really. I'm not even proud of myself. I'm kind of in shock. I'm in shock because I was like, I got all this stuff today, and I was like, I was a perfect opportunity to smoke. I had just had lunch, and it was the time, the prime time to smoke. And I just didn't go outside and do it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I just walked in here today, and didn't I say, where is she? Is she smoking? And they said, no, she's over there.

[Trixie Mattel]

I haven't. It's bizarre. But you know what?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

On Trixie and catch it live, you would hang out the window, mama, and see until the overture started.

[Trixie Mattel]

In between numbers before, hey, right after, hey, sexy sweating.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Then God's perfect breathing system during COVID you inside with the air conditioner, smoking in the house.

[Trixie Mattel]

That part that's sick. That is Grizzly Adams.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know what else is different this time? Because I've seen you quit probably five times since Drag Race season seven. You'll quit. And you don't quit that one time, you quit for eight months. Remember this time before when you've quit, it's been a consuming thought.

[Trixie Mattel]

Exactly.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Every time I see you're, like, pissed trying to quit smoking. Pissed off.

[Trixie Mattel]

Peace. I have none. Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This time I wouldn't have known because it's not like a prevailing thought.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm not. It started with Ubers. Like, there was three days in a row where I was, like, not driving and I had to get Ubers, like, so many in a day. And then it occurred to me, like, was like, oh, I think it's really disrespectful to get into this guy's Mercedes Benz smelling like a fucking lit cigarette.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Only in LA you're getting people's luxury Ubers.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

People here drive like, Cadillac Ubers.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know. I take them. Yeah. They're fierce and sometimes they're just as cheap as comfort.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Boopy. Okay. But so there's that. And it's. It's cool.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What is?

[Trixie Mattel]

But I get it. This is corny, too. David lynch dying really kind of like, put a bug in my ear.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Did he die of eczema? He probably only smoked as much as you did, mama.

[Trixie Mattel]

He was the smoker. He was the capital smoker. He smoked American spirit yellow. It's like they were going out of style.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, but you're like that woman from Beetlejuice with the neck like. You're Juno, Juno, Juno. Your caseworker.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes, totally. And I don't want to be like her. Ms. Monstro, Eliza Suey in the corner.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, I know.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know, because that's gonna be my insides.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, you know, when you stop smoking, a lot of the damage this has proven can rewind.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes. And it's amazing how for you, it's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Gonna take more than a couple days.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know, but food tastes better.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Food. It affects the way food tastes.

[Trixie Mattel]

Wild.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

See, that's where my fat ass would.

[Trixie Mattel]

Draw the line because, oh, my God, it's crazy. And if you don't have a cigarette for a week, let's say. And then you smoke that cigarette tastes like Boo Boo Nasty. And you're like, why do I do this?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Really?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a very wild. But again, don't watch Mad Men. That's the only thing I can say. Stay off of Mad Men. For if you're kind of. If you're trying to quit drinking, good luck, go to Mackers and huff some glue.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Honestly. And they were very martini centric.

[Trixie Mattel]

Strong drinks from. Not like from the morning till night. Just liquor. Straight liquor all the time at work. It's crazy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm very proud of you.

[Trixie Mattel]

Thank you very much.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I wonder.

[Trixie Mattel]

Shout out to the X Program.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I wish my sister would quit vaping. I wonder if I can get her this and be like, if I get you this, will you get into this? Say, it's like, she just needs a gentle push.

[Trixie Mattel]

Say it's like, it's like X rated. It's like, give her some kind of tantalizing. Get in the X Program. It's for X rated Smoking Quitter.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hot. I'll tell her she's going to a poll class.

[Trixie Mattel]

There you go.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That'll get her excited.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Just kidding. She doesn't watch this. Okay, well, how do the kids at home do it? How do they get involved? Is it a website?

[Trixie Mattel]

All you gotta do is what you text. Join Katya to what, 88709 and then get on the. Get on the.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Join Katya. Yeah, baby, I love that.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's like. It's like in fabric. Join us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's cunty. It's actually is. And it's the, you know, it's the truth initiative, which is not like, you know, it's not like the fucking Sackler families trying to make a buck off of this. It's like, legit. And people are trying to just want. They want people to not die. Yeah, I mean, that's cunty.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You've been going through some economic turmoil.

[Trixie Mattel]

How dare you?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It would have been harder to have sympathy for you if you were smoking it all away. Think of the money you're saving.

[Trixie Mattel]

Mama, my cigarettes are up 10, 11, 12 bucks a pack. Do you know what I'm doing?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm too cheap for that. I'd be stealing. I don't know what I'd do. I couldn't. $12 a pack. I need a pack a day, sweetie.

[Trixie Mattel]

When I was living in Boston, in the abject poverty, I would get them from Russia. $2 a pack. $10. Like $12 a carton or whatever.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So if there's. What is 12 times 30? $360 a month.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, baby.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Times 12 months.

[Trixie Mattel]

And factor in some lighters.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's a car payment.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And lighters.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And no tea. We've worked together where I've seen you send, like, an assistant just to buy cigarettes. And I've been like, that's.

[Trixie Mattel]

This is the thing. This is the. This is the pitiful and incomprehensible moral degradation. If you've ever watched regarding Henry. He goes out for cigarettes in the middle of the night. He gets shot. No, like, I mean, it's like. But if he hadn't been a smoker, he wouldn't have had to leave the house in the middle of the night to go get cigarettes. You know what I mean? I've been in that. I mean, I haven't been shot, but I've been in that situation where I get home to the hotel right after the show. I look, I open my cigarette pack. None in there. It's like. That doesn't happen anymore.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The pack's always empty. You still open it, though, just to look.

[Trixie Mattel]

I have cigarettes on me. They just haven't been smoked.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's crazy.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's weird. It's weird. Yeah, it's cool. Weird. I mean, it's wild.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It also kind of exits the comedy of people. Like, I'm quitting tomorrow.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes. It also.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

There's sort of a failure in saying you're gonna quit every people who smoke and say I should quit. That is always puzzling to me.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. It also, I'm taking the pressure off myself where it's like, it's not all or nothing. If I have a fucking cigarette tonight, I'm not going to kill myself. One is better than 20. Zero is preferred, but you know what I mean.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

So, like, I'm not like counting days, but it's like, it's been really dramatically great.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Girl, I'm gonna cut your chest open and Right. Wash me on your lungs like a dirty car.

[Trixie Mattel]

So, I mean, basically, in a nutshell, what people can get is they get encouraging texts, which I've actually found helpful. In the beginning, I was like, annoyed, but now I find them helpful.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm gonna start sending you my own version of truth texts.

[Trixie Mattel]

$50 trillion. You. Hey, baldy. You can go online and find Support totally free, anywhere, 24. Seven in the United States. I mean, honestly, like, think about that. Regarding Henry moment. Middle of the night, 2am you running out of cigarettes. You don't have to go to the convenience store. You log on. You log on and get some.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm in just as much danger when I'm high in Australia and I want to get some strikes alive.

[Trixie Mattel]

Some what?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Snakes alive.

[Trixie Mattel]

What's that?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Those gummy worms they have?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, sure, Mary. Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She died doing what she loved. Buying candy. That. That fucking big bitch. Buying candy at 2am Girl, high as hell. Going to the cheeky 711 in Australia.

[Trixie Mattel]

Looking like Jennifer Lopez.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Looking like Jennifer Lopez. She had a bucket hat on. She was so happy.

[Trixie Mattel]

I thought you were gonna say those huffers had. They brought their own big cups and pissed in them.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No. Shout out to those huffers. I don't like. I also get. I got. I'm sad to think of you smoking in 6th gr. Because seeing kids huffing. Not that huffing is the same as cigarettes. Seeing kids doing it was so sad. It just took the wind out of my sales at maccas. Cheeky Maccas.

[Trixie Mattel]

And dude, I think. Dude, I've never called you that before. I think, like, I think smoking's coming back. And it is. Do you know how a few years ago it was you really stopped seeing smoking?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, it's kind of like low rise jeans. Like as soon as it's gone, it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Comes back, but it really is back. And I think it's because this end time energy or whatever.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

100%. So anyways, I'm very proud of you.

[Trixie Mattel]

Thank you very much. And shout out to the X program.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The X program sounds great. It makes me want to start smoking just to quit.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It sounds fun. It's not true. The ultimate quit is to not start. But the second best thing is to quit.

[Trixie Mattel]

That should be the slogan.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Come on.

[Trixie Mattel]

I do.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I. I miss a time of. I fantasize about a time before PowerPoints or Zooms where people had giant pieces of cardboard to give presentations.

[Trixie Mattel]

We'll get into this. You're gonna love this. So they're marketing the slideshow apparatus.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Just smoking.

[Trixie Mattel]

They're like, what did we call it? What do we call it? It's like it's not a wheel, it's a carousel. Because the wheel, it's like we're reinventing the wheel. How are we gonna get people to buy this wheel thing? It's not a wheel. It's a carousel of memories.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Let's take it right here. This episode of the Bald and the Beautiful is sponsored by Blissey. As you all know, I have the most luscious, luxurious, all natural blonde locks. Hair is yellow as corn. As Stephen Sondheim would say, my flax and tresses of honey gold deserve to be treated well. Therefore, to maintain my tawny mane amidst my very busy schedule as the nation's top blonde multi hyphenate, I need something easy. Instead of sitting in a salon chair every morning with a slightly homicidal hairdresser who thinks he's in a David Fincher fit film. Let me tell you people about an amazing discovery I made. It's called Blissey. Blissey is an award winning dermatologist recommended silk pillowcase that eliminates frizz, preserves hairstyles and protects my succulently sumptuous color treated hair. They're easy to care for and machine washable. And Blissy's pillowcases are naturally hydrating with silk fibers to keep your skin moisturized all night long. Personally, with my aforementioned and widely known about natural and gorgeous hair, I've noticed how Blissey has helped me to wake up looking fresh as a virgin about to be sacrificed rather than Nicole Kidman with a bad synthetic unit placed upon her head by a mortal Enemy in the hair and makeup department. Don't let regular pillows make you look like Nicole Kidman in a prestige drama series. I know I don't. Now that I have a blissy pillowcase, I sleep well at night knowing that I can wake up ready to stand in when the studio calls saying the new Bond girl mysteriously fell down a staircase and I'm needed expeditiously on set to fill in. I love that they're antibacterial and hypoallergenic so they don't clog my pores. They're even cool to the touch, so they help me manage the old Katja night sweats. Take it from both me and the 3 million people who have already bought these pillowcases. They're simply amazing. Because you're a listener, Blissey is offering 60 nights risk free plus an additional 30% off when you [e-mail] baldpod that's B L I S S-Y.com BAL baldpod and use code baldpod to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you. Imagine what's possible when learning doesn't get in the way of life at Capella University. Our game changing flexpath learning format lets you set your own deadline so you can learn at a time and pace that works for you. It's an education you can tailor to your schedule. That means you don't have to put your life on hold to pursue your professional goals. Goals. Instead, enjoy learning your way and earn your degree without missing a beat. A different future is closer than you think with Capella University. Learn more at capella.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Edu Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone. Paying big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month.

[Trixie Mattel]

Of course, if you enjoy overpaying.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No judgment. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment.

[Trixie Mattel]

Of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full terms@mint mobile.com we used to.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Ship Trixie Cosmetics out of this room when it first started.

[Trixie Mattel]

Full circle, full circle, full circle.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It used to be just me and one shipper and we'd be in here. Somebody would be licking them.

[Trixie Mattel]

Licking stamps.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Licking them. Yeah, just licking them. I remember when we launched. I remember the first day we launched. We were in here was like friends and family. Every a Bunch of people came and just shipped for free. And I wish I could still just have everyone work for free, but you can't do that anymore. Thanks, Obama. Labor laws. Thanks, sleepy Joe.

[Trixie Mattel]

Labor laws. What's next, retirement funds?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't know.

[Trixie Mattel]

Vacation.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Although this is a great time in American history to just. Anything unethical you want to do. I guess this is a great time, as a white man, to just go for it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Let it rip.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Seems like it's just.

[Trixie Mattel]

Why not let it rip? It's. We're in the Let it rip era of total anarchy, you know, girl.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But we're also in the era of Jasmine Crockett, and I never want to be on the receiving end of that wrath. Bitch.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't know. Jasmine Crockett is.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, she's this Democrat who is young.

[Trixie Mattel]

Gorgeous, coming for the girls.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And they said, what would you say to say if you saw Elon? She said, didn't you say you. They said, what would you say if you. If you saw Elon? She goes off.

[Trixie Mattel]

Wait, is she a congresswoman? Yes. Oh, okay. Congresswoman.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's country. She needs to go to toe with Bowman, and she matches the freak. Imagine if, like, Marjorie Taylor Greene's Audacity was a hot black girl.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's so awesome and democratic.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay. Fear is you take the. The volume of mgt, mgt, mgt, and what's it, Boebert, and then you put it in a good vessel.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But this is the Glinda, you know, this is like the good. Well, I guess if you follow Wicked, Glenn does not necessarily the good.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, I haven't. We. We're gonna go watch it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You gotta watch Cynthia.

[Trixie Mattel]

Absolutely. Well, I'm watching Ferrari Cynthia.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She. She puts on those. She gets that.

[Trixie Mattel]

She's got the nails in the movie, of course.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

My God, Snowboards. They're this.

[Trixie Mattel]

I swear to God snowboard frat paddle.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like, all I remember about Wicked is, I swear this is a shot for shot recreation of this. There's a part in my mind in Wicked, she goes. And then she gets on her broom and she goes. And then she flies away. Yeah, she like, that's it.

[Trixie Mattel]

And you know what?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's gonna have a great year. She's gonna have a great year. She did have a great year. I just saw that she's headlining World pride along with RuPaul and me.

[Trixie Mattel]

Wait, RuPaul is gonna go, oh, I'm.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes. I'm doing solid pink disco at World Pride. RuPaul's DJing at World Pride. I don't know if she's doing drag, I don't know. No, no.

[Trixie Mattel]

Not doing Dragon Ball.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I hope I can go because, you know, I turn up for that RuPaul.

[Trixie Mattel]

Shit and she's going to be on them roller skates. I bet that's the fun time. She loves to get down and get groovy. Woo Woo.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Everybody Wang Chung tonight, you know, Everybody have fun tonight. If you could put one song, you know RuPaul's music.

[Trixie Mattel]

If you don't. If you don't like me at my fun, you don't deserve me at my Wang Chun.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

If you know RuPaul loves music. I don't know if you know this because she never mentions it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Never, never.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She always says it. Like, funny thing about me, I like music and it's like, girl, I like people, places and things.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, girl, I'm interested in doing stuff.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But if you had to put one song on a thumb drive to like, try to get this or this from RuPaul, what would be the song where you're like, I know she'll love this song.

[Trixie Mattel]

Car wash.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Car wash, baby.

[Trixie Mattel]

Rolls Royce, the five minute version.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Rose Royce groove is in the heart.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, of course.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

And then I feel love of. I feel love. Yeah. That's a little played out though, these days.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, yeah. Donna. Donna Summer and Donna Rusher kind of like, sit down and shut up.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Maybe you should maybe kind of like sit down. Jasmine Crockett. What would you say? Girl, what would you say to Diana Ross music right now?

[Trixie Mattel]

Off.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'll play for you. It's so cunty.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, anything. I would. Oh, what's the. Ooh. Amanda Leer Something by Amanda Leer. Chinatown. They go down.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This is Honey Watch.

[Trixie Mattel]

If you could speak directly to Elon.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Musk, what would you say?

[Trixie Mattel]

Off.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's so fierce. There's something very Lee Dawson about it.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's also. Well, yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, totally. Lee Dawson. We're in the very. We are actually in the unedited. Does it need to be edited? Lee Dawson era of politics. It's chaos, confused and madness.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It sure is.

[Trixie Mattel]

Can I shout from the mountain to you about this concert?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, I went to a concert, too.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay, we'll go back and forth, but me first.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I have a little less to say, so do it. Okay, so I went to see Kylie Minogue. Yeah. No, Jenner. I went to see Karlie Jenner. What? I went to see Kylie Gender. No, I went to see Climanogue. I was in Sydney for Mardi Gras and she was doing three nights at this huge arena. And Rimmel, London. Hi, Rimmel. Rimmel gave me a seat in their VIP influencer station, which was like, just. Just naked bitches tossing their hair in front of ring lights. Love, Rimel. And the girl in front of me, she kept having a guy film and, okay, you're gonna pretend you're filming me. And I'm gonna do, like, kind of like what she was doing. So she'd be like. And she would, like. She would, like, wait for the hit songs to play, and then she would make them film and it would be like, la, la, la, la. And she'd be like, she's wearing a shirt that was mostly jewelry. Good for you. Didn't know who she was. She took a picture with me. She said she's a fan. Hi, girl. Don't know who you are. You look great.

[Trixie Mattel]

How is it? How is the. How was the show?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I've never seen Kylie Minogue before. And I was.

[Trixie Mattel]

She do all the Lovers? She did do all the Lovers, yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, thank God. I know probably 15 Kali Minogue songs by heart.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Which I know that for Kylie's not a lot, because a long catalog. A lot of songs.

[Trixie Mattel]

Super long catalog.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Same as Madonna, I would say. I'm not super fan. I know a dozen songs of them, like, for sure that Kylie shed. I loved it. It was great. She looked great. She looked beautiful. She really sang. It was amazing.

[Trixie Mattel]

Five foot in a whisper Tiny little thing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And there's this time where she goes, sit. You know those arenas, they have a little platform in the back. She goes out there and a guy with a guitar comes. She did Locomotion.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, fabulous.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And ran around the audience while cameras followed her. It was crazy. It was like she was on prices, right? Just running through the aisles and the process. Rot. The price is.

[Trixie Mattel]

Rot is.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And she was, like, trying to. You know, every song has an intro. She's like. And this song's for the lovers. Whatever.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

For her to try to shoo in the locomotion.

[Trixie Mattel]

The song is for the movers. She's like. She's like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like, I heard that in Sydney. They're gonna make a stop with the lock of motion. And these Aussies just start. They start pissing out of their ass because this is their single ladies pissing.

[Trixie Mattel]

Pissing out of their eyeballs.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. And seeing Kylie in Sydney on Mardi Gras, sold out stadium, it was thrilling.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's the way to do it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And she sits down and she sings a song from her disco record. And she says, I always imagined singing this song for all of you. And this album came out when Covid happened. And I never got to live my dream. I forget the song, but it was a ballad. And she sits and the guy's playing the guitar and she's singing, and it's so intimate. She's so gorgeous. And the camera work, the people running around. The cameras make every seat the best seat in the house. I could see her face and her voice and her eyes. And she's singing this song like it's just. This is her, what she's made to do. And a disco ball comes down while she's singing and starts spinning and confetti falls. I start crying like my mom died. I start crying like my mother's dead. Like I'm looking at her dead body. Like the doctor walks in and says, we did everything we could to save her life. And your mother's dead.

[Trixie Mattel]

In fact, your whole family died, too.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. I'm Sarah Palms.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, I'm really Claire Danes in Homeland.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes. It was such a good concert. It was so beautiful. And I thank you to Rimmel for getting me the tickets. Thank you, Rimmel.

[Trixie Mattel]

Pouring out for Rimmel.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What did you see, Mary?

[Trixie Mattel]

Svetlana Sergeyevna La Bada. And let me tell you one thing. Ask me if there was a yellow suit in attendance.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Was there a big yellow suit?

[Trixie Mattel]

Absolutely. The fuck not.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She took the note.

[Trixie Mattel]

She.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Mary, I think she heard about you hitting her suit.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes, I do believe she has. Let me tell you something. So got tickets to go now. I went with my friend Michi, who had gone to the other concert when she was in LA that I couldn't go to because I had to go to the funny farm to. But, you know, that was a kind of a flop concert. Turns out she was hours late. Not a great show.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You could have busted out the funny farm to see her.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know, but I was so.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was. Somebody at Sola Pink Disco said they left the hospital to come to the disco and they were going back to the hospital afterwards.

[Trixie Mattel]

Music saves lives.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

There you go. I said, thank you.

[Trixie Mattel]

A DJ saved my life tonight. Hello.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

There was a friend with her pushing her chair, and I said, are you the friend who broke her out? The friend was like.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was like, God is a dj. Life is a dance floor.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Love it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So the looks were gorgeous. I saw on your story.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was worried. I was worried about the following. A, the venue, B, our general admission tickets. That means standing Grandma gets cranky. And C, I was really worried. It's like, if that bitch is three hours late, I swear to fucking God. So we roll up. Showtime is 8:00. That's what they say on the tickets. 7:45, we're there. Someone from the staff said Katya brings us right up to a fucking balcony, bitch.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Thank God.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right up to a balcony all to ourselves.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It helps to be quite. It helps to be a pretend Russian.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was like, like, holy. I was like. And she just. We never would have seen.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She sounds like a dream.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Love it. Is asking for you. And then she grabs your hand and just starts French kissing you right on the.

[Trixie Mattel]

She pulls out my pants and my panties. Yeah. So we're up at the box.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She untucks your crocs, she takes the cage off it, and you guys start playing session with your gear. Okay. So you had great. Was this the balcony? Better seats?

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, yes. Well, the seats being the operative word.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Horny.

[Trixie Mattel]

Horny for seats. But guess what? That hoe was prompt and professional. And she sure did have her whores come on stage around 8:05 or whatever. And that bitch had choreo. She had outfit changes. She talked a lot, played all the hits. My little grainy ass hardly hit the seat. Cause I was. I was screaming every fucking word, sweating my life away. I was like doing this. She would do this leg thing. I was doing the leg thing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You were tooting like a Simon says situation.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was. I was gooned.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You were Amy Poehler and mean girls.

[Trixie Mattel]

You were like, oh, my God. For so embarrassing. And I was like. I. I was just. I had the time of my life. I loved it. And like you said with the video, they had. They videotaped her very. So well that like all around you could see her gorgeous face, her fabulous wiggy wig in her.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The full wig.

[Trixie Mattel]

She did a banged wig. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's very wiggy. I love it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I feel like for the pop stars, there's three settings. It's either pretty much their real hair, which Kylie just had the under pieces. You could tell she had some magic. But it was her real part, her real bangs. The Erika Jayne, which is hair snatch back with just hair pinned to it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Sure.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Which is a little draggy.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Or the full wig.

[Trixie Mattel]

And then she. She. It's funny because she and I share a movement vocabulary, which is wiggle, wiggle, shimmy, shimmy point. Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh. And then freak out. And she did the freak out. And I lived. There was like strobes, everything. And she sounded actually great.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This is really different than your Florida experience.

[Trixie Mattel]

It was. I received. It was Like, God said, you know what? You suffered so much and you spent so much.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right?

[Trixie Mattel]

And for that, we are going to reward you. About four years later. And that show was cunt.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Good for you.

[Trixie Mattel]

All the choreo was on point. There were no costume malfunctions. The girls were sickening. She came out with a pimp cane at one point. She had this. One point, she had this giant white fur coat with, like, a rhinestone bikini underneath. Just, like, nasty, nasty. Put some clothes on. And she. I knew every single fucking word to every song, and I shouted it until she did. Listen, all due respect, not a powerhouse vocalist.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Who cares?

[Trixie Mattel]

But she sang live to my. And I was, like, really worried about that. She sounded great. She's a person who. I feel like she does everything in her power to be the healthiest, prettiest.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Best version of herself, you know, I'm not a hater. I don't need to go to things and talk about what they weren't good at.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right, right, right. Yeah, Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like, when we were growing up and there was conversations about, like, Britney Spears singing or conversations about, I don't know, so and so's dancing. It's like, I know what they're good at, and I'm here for it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm not here to ruminate on what I think should be better. Right, that hater energy.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, exactly. Especially if you're holding them to an unrealistic expectation. That Miami show, however, I'm telling you, was a real letdown, because I know what she's capable of, and this was. She's capable of so many costume changes. She was.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Did you get to meet her?

[Trixie Mattel]

So that was the thing. I was in Touchstage.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And they carried you out in handcuffs.

[Trixie Mattel]

No. Her publicist, who lives in Europe, got me the tickets, reached out on Instagram. So it's like, oh, so this is how I'm gonna get in with her. But her publicist was in Europe at the time. We waited. We waited outside forever. Forever, Forever. Like, we felt. I felt stupid. I felt lame.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You were on the stage door. You were gonna run up to.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, yeah, yeah. And I was. I was.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was the killer.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was DMing her on Instagram, tagging her scene.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Seen you up.

[Trixie Mattel]

Scene, scene.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Your message is, I know you saw that hoe.

[Trixie Mattel]

Get off the floor.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Get off the floor. Hoe.

[Trixie Mattel]

If we. The irony. Five minutes later. Could have met her. She came out. She did come out five minutes after we left.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's probably getting on a drag.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, she looked. The thing is, she came out we saw it on Instagram. She looked spectacular.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She looked change.

[Trixie Mattel]

She looked better than she came. I mean, it was, like, no change at all. Like, she hadn't done a show. It was incredible. But, I mean, I probably would have just been stupid. I. I would have died to get a picture with her, though. I would have died.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Next time.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, but La ba da. You fucking killed it. You better yank that shit off. Good for her.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So happy it delivered.

[Trixie Mattel]

Good for her. Yeah, it was amazing. I had so much fun. I think about it every day.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, I like to see the big pop girls now. I saw. Well, I did the. I saw Madonna last year.

[Trixie Mattel]

Did you love this?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I saw Cindy, and then I saw Kylie.

[Trixie Mattel]

Kylie.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think I got to see the Beyonce Cowboy Carter. But I'm not willing lie, cheat, and kill. I was talking to Shay Coulee. I was like, shay, how do I get tickets? She said, girl, blackbirds singing from the parking lot.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's what they're saying. Cause they're gonna be. Blackbirds singing from the parking lot. They're gonna get in the parking lot. They can't get in the door. It's too expensive.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, that's what.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's what shay was like, $1,400 for a nosebleed ticket? What kind of earth are we living upon?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What?

[Trixie Mattel]

I was. 200 bucks.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, Shay's doing one of the Solid Pink disco dates. We have some great openers. Like, we have. Not me.

[Trixie Mattel]

You didn't ask me, but I was talking.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I went to see Leland after Kylie Minogue.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

He was DJing at Mardi Gras. And I said, oh, yeah, we have some great openers for Solid Pig Disco. I said, you know Rebecca Black, a track. Daya, you know Dia. Where do the good boys go to Hideaway? I said, do you know her? He said, I wrote that song. I said, okay, great. I love when I'm like, do you know her? He's like, know her? I wrote that. He goes, I am her. And then after Leland, I. Same night, I went to see Honey did dj. And I never seen. I love house music. I love dance music. It was so big and so hot and dark in there and just all naked men. And I know that's a dream for many people, but those environments make me uncomfortable.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So I either have to drink more or leave. And I did both.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, perfect. Okay, goodbye.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Bye.