Juno Birch Is a Little Less Blue with Trixie

Summary

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The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya

Episode: Juno Birch Is a Little Less Blue with Trixie
Date: May 19, 2026
Guest: Juno Birch

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Episode Overview

This episode welcomes British drag artist Juno Birch to the studio with Trixie Mattel, filling in for Katya (who is humorously referenced as "hospitalized"). The episode is packed with playful banter, drag lore, career pivots, and candid conversations about art, health, and the queer experience. Fan-favorite Juno discusses her transition from her iconic blue alien persona to a more authentic, stand-up comedy approach, shedding light on identity, self-acceptance, and finding new creative outlets. The conversation brims with humor, British and American cultural comparisons, behind-the-scenes anecdotes, and heartfelt moments about queer visibility and community.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Introductions and Drag Discussions

• Juno’s Entrance & Drag Banter: Juno jokes about "transitioning" into Katya for the episode, complete with shrubbery on her head as a tribute (01:41).
• Wig Construction: Conversation about wigs, their difficulties, and how wearing them too much can cause bald spots, a common drag queen experience (04:09).
• Hair Bleaching Stories: Juno shares the trials of perpetual hair bleaching, referencing post-apocalyptic ‘Tank Girl’ inspirations (02:31).

Queer Social Commentary

• Trans Women in Public Spaces: The two mockingly debate whether more than one trans woman is allowed at an event at a time—"One of you has to leave. They have to start putting in deposits" (03:19 - Juno).
• Special Bathrooms Bit: “‘Special bathrooms.’ ‘Special bathrooms.’” (03:28 — both riffing).

Movie Night & Simulation Soundtracks

• Movie Outing Anecdotes: Their group outing to "Lee Cronin's The Mummy" leads to a humorous recollection of deviled eggs, moving seats (D-boxes), and 4D movie experiences (06:06–08:18).
• Ratatouille & Simulated Reality: They riff on ‘Ratatouille,’ the appeal of cartoon food, and reality-bleeding into drag aesthetics. Juno derides 4D movie theater effects: “It just felt like a pipe smacking my ankles” (07:55 – Juno).

Teeth, Age, and Personal Transformations

• Turkish Dental Tourism: Juno details the pain and beauty of new crowns—"I think you’re just so British your body’s rejecting perfect teeth" (09:19 – Katya).
• Performance-Age Perception: Juno laments, “I'm actually 32. People think I’m so much older than I am. I think it's my voice because I sound a lot older” (09:44).

British vs. American Life

• UK vs US Reception: Juno explains she's seen as a “cartoon character” in the US but more ordinary in the UK—"I'm kind of normal there. But here? Cartoon!" (52:25 – Juno).
• Manchester Recognition: Juno shares that despite fame abroad, she isn’t on a “pound coin” or even booked for Manchester Pride (53:00).

Artistic Pivots and Identity

• Stepping Away from 'The Blue Alien': Juno describes ditching blue drag for stand-up after a sweltering show left her unable to perform in makeup (20:29).
  • Notable Quote: “So I did the whole show out of drag. I loved it.” (21:05 – Juno)
• Makeup Logistics: The overwhelming, impractical side of specialty makeup is unpacked, including tales of blue-stained hotel towels and stinky DIY foundation mixtures (22:13–25:43).
• Art and Illustration: Juno discusses returning to her artwork, making merch with her own designs, and sculpting collectible figures—“I'm not doing, like, as much drag merch... I'm just doing things I've done on my iPad or sculpted” (28:35).

Substance Use & Performance

• Alcohol and Stage Life: They candidly discuss quitting or moderating alcohol, especially after switching to stand-up, where precision matters—"Comedy is being faster than the audience, and you’re slowing yourself down" (16:42 – Katya).

Medical Mishaps and Anecdotes

• Food Poisoning Stories: Juno recounts accidentally soiling an Airbnb bed (and her partner) after eating bad sesame chicken and learning about Pepto Bismol: “I thought I was internally bleeding” (31:30).
• Trans Healthcare & NHS Struggles: Juno reflects on her gender-affirming surgery: “It hurt worse than getting my dick turned into a vagina. That didn’t hurt that much actually.” (33:05 – Juno); and the frustrations of NHS wait times (35:01–35:54).
• Asthma Misdiagnosis: Juno details how she was misdiagnosed due to a weak chest after infection, and later discovers she doesn’t need inhalers at all—“I think the inhaler was essentially keeping you needing the inhaler” (42:05 – Katya).

Stand-Up, Audience Perception, & Online Persona

• Authenticity in Performance: Juno discusses feeling creative freedom and connection doing comedy without drag armor: “I’m enjoying being able to write comedy as me rather than as, like, she’s an alien from...” (25:43).
• Parodying Herself: On smashing her face with a makeup palette in viral videos and yelling “MAC!”—“Somebody said to me, when Juno Birch says MAC, she sounds like a duck quacking” (51:05).
• Self-Deprecation and Transphobia: Juno talks about using self-deprecating humor on stage to disarm transphobic audiences: “I will bash the shit out of trans women and myself to the point where the transphobes are like, ‘She gets it’” (51:42).

Miscellaneous Memorable Tangents

• Drag Travel Logistics: Stories of taking public transit in drag vs. the UK tradition of commuting fully made-up (49:08–50:16).
• Cat Passport Adventures: Juno details plans to fly her vocal, exotic cat Cyril to LA and the passport/airline logistics involved (59:00–60:35).
• UK Drag Icons: Juno reflects on being compared to Lily Savage and Pete Burns, with anecdotes about their influence and iconoclastic personalities (61:33–63:03).
• Rocky Horror Tribute: Trixie and Juno bond over love for Rocky Horror and queer legacy. Juno shares about her uncle’s Rocky Horror-themed funeral and her dream of playing Frank N. Furter (66:32–67:15).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Juno (03:19) on queer space limitations:
  “Yes. One of you has to leave. More than one, they have to start putting in deposits.”

• Juno (07:55) on the Ratatouille 4D experience:
  “It just felt like a pipe smacking my ankles. And it wasn’t very nice. And I don’t think I’d do that again. Also, he stunk.”

• Katya (16:42) on comedy and alcohol:
  “Comedy is all about being faster than the audience, and you’re slowing yourself down.”

• Juno (20:29) on creative shifts:
  “I built this sort of branded face... I was scared to step away, I thought people would be disappointed.”

• Juno (33:05) on pain and transition:
  “It hurt worse than getting my dick turned into a vagina. That didn’t hurt that much actually.”

• Juno (42:05) on inhalers:
  “I think the inhaler was essentially keeping you needing the inhaler.”

• Katya (51:53):
  “I always say that gay people and conservatives, what we have in common is that we hate gay people.”

• Juno (66:39) on her uncle's Rocky Horror funeral:
  “He requested that everybody at the funeral dressed in Rocky Horror outfits. My Grandma...showed up with stockings on and everything.”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Subject/Topic | |:-------------|:---------------------------------------------| | 01:41 | Juno makes her entrance, banter about drag | | 02:31 | Bleaching hair & Tank Girl inspiration | | 04:09 | Wigs and bald spots | | 06:06 | Movie night & deviled eggs anecdote | | 09:19 | Dental tourism, pain, and perfect teeth | | 12:02 | Sims music & reality TV soundtracks | | 20:29 | Leaving ‘blue alien’ drag persona | | 25:43 | Makeup woes: blue stains, hotel towels, art | | 31:30 | Pepto Bismol, food poisoning, health fails | | 33:05 | Pain of dental work vs. genital surgery | | 42:05 | Asthma misdiagnosis and socialized medicine | | 49:08 | Public transit in drag: UK vs US | | 59:00 | Cat passport logistics | | 61:33 | Being compared to Lily Savage | | 66:32 | Rocky Horror & family bonds |

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Tone and Takeaways

The tone is uproarious yet deeply authentic, blending rapid-fire wit with real-life vulnerability. The conversational style mirrors shared queer experience—self-deprecating, resilient, sometimes raunchy, and always community-minded. Whether dissecting the peculiarities of drag or sharing heartfelt memories, both Trixie and Juno demonstrate camaraderie, warmth, and an openness about identity rarely heard in mainstream entertainment.

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Final Thoughts

Juno Birch’s appearance offers listeners insights into the challenges and triumphs of reinvention—personally and creatively. With candid looks at health, artistry, trans visibility, community nuance, and plenty of drag queen tips and tricks, the episode is an absolute must for lovers of queer humor and the ongoing evolution of drag.

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Support Juno Birch:

• Artwork & Merch: junobirchlive.com

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Transcript

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Juno Birch]

Winter is so last season and now spring's got you looking at pictures of tank tops with hungry eyes. Your algorithm is feeding you cutoffs. You're thirsty for the sun on your shoulders that perfect hang on the patio sundress. Those sandals you can wear all day and all night. And you've had enough of shopping from your couch. Done. Hoping it looks anything like the picture when you tear open that envelope. It's time for a little in person spring treat. It's time for a trip to Ross. Work your magic,

[Katya]

Girl. I have been trying. By the way, Juno Birch is here today. Oh, hello.

[Juno Birch]

Are we recording?

[Katya]

We are.

[Juno Birch]

Wow.

[Katya]

This is your camera. This is your people.

[Juno Birch]

Hello. It is me, Katya. I have transitioned. My pronouns are now she, her, and I wore some shrubbery on my head just in honor for Katya.

[Katya]

She fucking wishes she looked like this, honestly. She might wear this outfit. She would definitely wear Queen.

[Juno Birch]

The unprofessionalism.

[Katya]

I'm sorry, I don't. She might wear this updo, but she'd need. How many pieces is this?

[Juno Birch]

This is about five.

[Katya]

Okay, she might need eight.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah, but what's she gonna stick it onto?

[Katya]

That's a really good point.

[Juno Birch]

These are like scrunchies. You know when the hair wraps around the bobble and you tie hair up with it? She's gonna have to glue them on.

[Katya]

Well, we were talking about. We were talking about your hair bleaching journey and you were saying that the stylist was trying to convince you to go natural for a while.

[Juno Birch]

I went into Tony and Guy many years ago when I was in university and I thought, I'm going to treat myself. I've never been in a salon before. I'd never been in a salon. I always box dye at home.

[Katya]

Lotions and potions and experiments.

[Juno Birch]

And potions and sizzling and bubbling and snapping and burning and burning.

[Katya]

Yes.

[Juno Birch]

All that jazz.

[Katya]

Did you ever get the burn on the scalp from the bleach?

[Juno Birch]

No, I've never had that. And I think I've never had that because I've been bleaching my hair for so long.

[Katya]

What do you want?

[Juno Birch]

Who was that twink?

[Katya]

I think that was Darby.

[Juno Birch]

I'm having dinner with her tonight.

[Katya]

With her?

[Juno Birch]

Yeah. God, I know.

[Katya]

That's sick. What about Alexis?

[Juno Birch]

Yes, she's coming as well.

[Katya]

I just didn't know what. Is there only ever one trans woman at once in any public?

[Juno Birch]

Yes. One of you has to leave more than one. They have to start putting in deposits.

[Katya]

Special bathrooms. Special bathrooms.

[Juno Birch]

Special bathrooms.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Juno Birch]

But no. I've been bleaching my hair for so many years. I went into Tony and Guy and my hair was very thin because it. And the hair's naturally thin anyway, but I was bleaching it so much at that time, and they said, you're gonna have to grow out your hair or you're gonna be bald and keep bleaching it. And I said, I'm gonna keep bleaching it because at the time I was watching that movie Tank Girl. Have you ever seen the movie Tank with Lori Petty? Yes. And that she's bleached out, like, shaved bits, stringy bits. I was like, I'll just rock that. Yeah.

[Katya]

It is kind of post apocalyptic, like head explosion.

[Juno Birch]

Yes. I think over the years, wearing wigs so much, I just. I kept getting like a little bald spot here.

[Katya]

Oh.

[Juno Birch]

From like the cage pressure.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Juno Birch]

Of the. Of the wig cage. It would kill the hair follicles. And you just get a little.

[Katya]

One slot of no hair. Yeah.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah. And now you'll take the whole sloth.

[Katya]

Yeah. I think maybe I had one big cage on one day and then it was just all gone. Would you ever do bald. Would you ever do head shave bald fantasies?

[Juno Birch]

I have a little bit once.

[Katya]

Did you feel glam or did you feel.

[Juno Birch]

I didn't. I was. I was smiling, smoking a lot of weed when I was younger, and I was. I was just a bit. I don't remember a lot of my life when I was about 17, but I shaved the whole entire back of my head and left a little bang.

[Katya]

No, you didn't.

[Juno Birch]

I did.

[Katya]

So what did you do, curl this?

[Juno Birch]

Yeah.

[Katya]

I didn't feel like you were eating.

[Juno Birch]

I felt like I was eating. I. I had. I had like, eyeshadow down to my cheekbones.

[Katya]

Maybe you were eating.

[Juno Birch]

I was. I. I would sometimes do a tear.

[Katya]

Okay. It sounds very Hollywood Boulevard.

[Juno Birch]

Yes, it sounds very Hollywood Boulevard. I just walk around with a shopping trolley and. Good. Yeah, yeah.

[Katya]

You're on the Stand up tour right now. Have you been playing out in Los Angeles a little bit?

[Juno Birch]

I'm on a. I'm on a. I'm not on a proper tour, but I'm on a bit of a tour and

[Katya]

it's a self appointed tour.

[Juno Birch]

Yes. So eights I Secret tour. I'm in a. Yeah, I'm in a bit of a midlife crisis era.

[Katya]

I know.

[Juno Birch]

So I've kind of quit drag.

[Katya]

Well, I started.

[Juno Birch]

Is this drag? No. I don't know. I don't know anymore.

[Katya]

As long as you stay away from the kids. Just stop.

[Juno Birch]

Keep away from me. Disgusting.

[Katya]

I will say this. I was. We were hanging out two weeks ago when we. I told people on this pod that we went to see Lee Cronin's the Mummy.

[Commercial Announcer]

Oh yeah.

[Juno Birch]

And I do you know, before we watched that movie together, I had never tried a deviled egg. And I don't think I want to anymore. Do you not remember the bit with the deviled eggs?

[Katya]

Oh, now I do.

[Juno Birch]

When the, the, the, the. The possessed girl is crawling out of the damp ceiling.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Juno Birch]

And then this, this woman and she just decides to go into a wine glass of deviled eggs.

[Katya]

That was sick. Also the grandma, when she pulls her skirt up and goes like this. I was sitting next to her and she goes. It was like the best part of the movie.

[Juno Birch]

We were gripping each other's knees throughout the movie.

[Katya]

Yeah, well, we were standing. Remember there was a D box was in front of us and those seats

[Juno Birch]

were like this where there was people that got up out of the seats cuz they thought they were, they were broken.

[Katya]

Yeah. They started moving and the people were like no.

[Juno Birch]

And just left and all, all of us just went. Should we go and should we just go and sit? Replace those seats? Do they cost more than the normal seats?

[Katya]

I think they do. I got them for another movie and I didn't like it.

[Juno Birch]

I wouldn't like that.

[Katya]

It just is like we were talking about like if something in the movie happens, like a gunshot, I don't need the seat to go like no public place.

[Juno Birch]

I remember I was. I went to see like a ratatouille 3d 4d movie once and when the rats were all ratatouille 4d. I love ratatouille. It's my favorite film.

[Katya]

I watched it for the first Time recently. Oh, I went to Disney and I watched it because, you know, when you go to Disney and you stay at the hotel, they have channels that just showed Disney movies or whatever.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah.

[Katya]

So I watched Ratatouille. It was fine. I don't know why people are so obsessed with it, but I did like it.

[Juno Birch]

So hungry. There's something about the cartoon food in Ratatouille.

[Katya]

Oh, yeah.

[Juno Birch]

And it's the music as well.

[Katya]

The music. I like the French lady. You know what your hair probably looked like? It looked like one of those rats was pulling it out when you had that bald spot.

[Juno Birch]

Yes. No, we're more of a bird's nest, I'd say.

[Katya]

Yeah, but.

[Juno Birch]

But anyway, I went to these. A 4D movie of Ratatouille, and they. There was like a weird pipe underneath the seat, and they shoot air through the pipe, so it goes when the rats are running underneath. But it didn't feel like rats. It just felt like a pipe smacking my ankles. And it wasn't very nice. And I don't think I'd do that again. Also, he stunk.

[Katya]

It stunk.

[Juno Birch]

Smelly ac. You know, stuffy sort of old machinery.

[Katya]

Yeah. I don't know. I just want to watch the movie. But I don't even like movie theaters that much. Do you? When we were gonna hang out, you were like, let's go see Lee Cronin's the Mummy. I said, sure. And Kati was really pissed that we didn't invite her.

[Juno Birch]

I know. I saw last week. She was. She was a bit annoyed. She was like, no, I've not seen it. Do you want to see it? No, she said.

[Katya]

And then she's hospitalized.

[Juno Birch]

But I do.

[Katya]

Like, what if she almost died and you could have included her and you didn't?

[Juno Birch]

Well, I got to be here today,

[Katya]

so you're kind of the her. I think if people squint and they're scrolling really quickly, they could think that you're her. Would you take that as a compliment or a compliment?

[Juno Birch]

Yeah. You know, I went to Turkey recently and got my teeth done, and I showed them a picture of Katya's teeth, and I said, I want these, girl. No, I didn't. She.

[Katya]

How is it going? Because you said. Last time I talked to you said

[Juno Birch]

they were hurting, so I don't know if I'm supposed to be in this much pain this far down the line.

[Katya]

Oh, that's good.

[Juno Birch]

It's so sensitive.

[Katya]

I think you're just so British that your body's rejecting perfect teeth.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah. I think so they're like these sweet cons are never to be.

[Katya]

But they look incredible. Cuz you used to wear the flipper

[Juno Birch]

every time I was on camera. I even started wearing them just to the market. To the market.

[Katya]

And ladies, ladies, you ever clip in your six hair scrunchies and put in your flipper and go down to the Tesco?

[Juno Birch]

I, I listen, you know what this is, you know what's really embarrassing? I'm actually 32. People think I'm so much older than I am.

[Katya]

I didn't say that.

[Juno Birch]

No, no, I know.

[Katya]

Who thinks you're old?

[Juno Birch]

Everybody. Everybody. But I think it's my voice because I sound a lot older than I am.

[Katya]

Also your dress.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah, I do dress a lot older.

[Katya]

Oh man. Guess what I listened to today on the way in here because I know you're going to be here. Well, I love your purse, by the way. That is so cute.

[Juno Birch]

Isn't it gorgeous?

[Katya]

Dolls kill.

[Juno Birch]

Isn't that the most gorgeous perfect color of purple you've ever seen?

[Katya]

Color and how like monochromatic it is.

[Juno Birch]

I like a periwinkle mixed with like a lavendery purple.

[Katya]

It looks like a, a purse in like a video game or a cartoon purse.

[Juno Birch]

I want to bite it.

[Katya]

Yeah, I want to bite it too.

[Juno Birch]

It's like, oh, it's grape flavor.

[Katya]

It's laffy Taffy vibes. I was driving here today and I've been trying to relax more. So my assistant, you know, Brandon, he listens to classical music in his car. And I always think it's so funny that he drives around listening to classical music, but he loves it. And I was, listen, I was like, I want something instrumental and calm. I put on the Sims 1 soundtrack in the car. It's so good. I just want to play. What I was, I was knew I was going to come here and talk to you and I was like, what am I listening to in the car? And I just thought it was so funny because I know you love that music as much as I do. This tea. Wait,

[Juno Birch]

wait, here we go.

[Katya]

Driving through Burbank. Rihanna.

[Juno Birch]

Here we go, here we go. It's gonna kick in now.

[Katya]

It's so good.

[Juno Birch]

I want to murder someone one day. To that song.

[Katya]

That song, it's called Mallrat. It's from the Sims 1 soundtrack track.

[Juno Birch]

It's so good.

[Katya]

And the strings start and you go, how could this get better?

[Juno Birch]

I know.

[Katya]

And then the flute happens and you're like, oh my God.

[Juno Birch]

I know. Do you know that they use a lot of Sims 3 soundtrack in reality TV.

[Katya]

What?

[Juno Birch]

Yes. I will sit there and watch Mama June not from not to heart or I will not. I will watch something like reality tv. It's usually those like, you know, when people talk like that, that kind of real tv.

[Katya]

Because you love thousand pound sisters.

[Juno Birch]

I love and so do is. Amy's eyes are looking forward once more.

[Katya]

Girl. Amy, you want to talk? Can I say I have a lot of feelings about this because I'm don't want to get in trouble from tlc. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Six seasons into a hit show and the storyline is that none of them have money.

[Juno Birch]

I know.

[Katya]

Can we get the girls paid? It feels like a human rights violation.

[Juno Birch]

It's the same with a lot of reality tv. It's the same on Mama June and on Housewives.

[Katya]

Now everyone's broke.

[Juno Birch]

Everyone's broke. Yes.

[Katya]

But I just feel like with that once they fixed her eye, I was like, wait a minute. Five seasons into this, it's dawning on her now that she could get her eye fixed.

[Juno Birch]

Well, well, she was told when she was younger that she could never get it fixed.

[Katya]

Yeah, I remember that.

[Juno Birch]

And wasn't something to do with like cat shit?

[Katya]

Yes. In utero.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah.

[Katya]

I believe it had something to do with exposure to cat feces. In utero. Let's take a break. I don't. You know, I'm not listening. Katya's hospitalized.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah. Cat in the eyes.

[Katya]

In the bowels.

[Juno Birch]

She's done.

[Katya]

They fixed Amy's eye. She looks amazing. And now looks. I never thought she looked that much like Tammy. And now I'm like, oh, they are sisters.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah. I got so used to her looking like a little baby chick.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Juno Birch]

I kind of is like, she turned.

[Katya]

Looks so much.

[Juno Birch]

She looks fabulous.

[Katya]

She looks amazing.

[Juno Birch]

My bills are paid.

[Katya]

She looks great. Congratulations. And she got married. The spooky wedding.

[Juno Birch]

Oh, yeah, the spooky wedding. I saw the episode.

[Katya]

I was.

[Juno Birch]

I didn't think Tammy was going to show up to that.

[Katya]

Yeah, I. I feel like they have. They. I don't know. I know that sometimes she gets a little. She's the crier of the family. Amy, for sure. And she always feels like none of them support her.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah.

[Katya]

And sometimes I'm like, they don't. They're not supportive enough to her.

[Juno Birch]

No. I think they just sort of. I can kind of relate with that a little bit because in. Not in necessarily in my family, but in my sort of friend group, no one tells me anything because they know I'm in La La Land. Like I'm kind of Will say something stupid. I'm a bit, like, dumb in that way. So I kind of relate with her a bit because she kind of. She doesn't get told things that, oh, Amy's doing this again. Do you know what I mean?

[Katya]

It's like Kelly. Kelly Mantle. Like, touring with Kelly Mantle was like, oh, it's like me and Katya and then that's our. That's our parakeet over there.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah.

[Katya]

Like, she just. Why tell her? She's not gonna. You know what I mean?

[Juno Birch]

You know, we were talking the other day, me and Kelly, about sounds that we really don't like. And one of mine was that I cannot stand it on British Airways when they serve the rice pudding and everyone wakes up from a nap and they start eating it with, like, congested nostrils. And I was doing an impression of it, and she just started launching wet wipes at me. I feel like that's her thing when she doesn't like what you're saying, she just throws wet wipes at you.

[Katya]

Yeah. Or she just.

[Juno Birch]

She just glug, glug, glugs.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah.

[Katya]

You're still off the sauce kind of, Right? You're on a. You're on a light drinking reprieve.

[Juno Birch]

I didn't intentionally stop drinking, but I. I can't casually drink.

[Katya]

Me neither. That's the problem.

[Juno Birch]

Yes.

[Katya]

Well, I don't want to say drinking problem, but I'm saying if we're gonna go. I'm not that bitch who's like, should we just go for one? That's not.

[Juno Birch]

No, no, no, no, no, no. If I'm going to a restaurant for a gorgeous carbonara, I'm not gonna order a white wine with it. I'm gonna have. But if we do go on to the white wines, we need to go out to a club. And we. We will be out all night.

[Katya]

We went to eat together. We went to an Italian restaurant. And I will say, maybe I'm getting to an age where I don't want the alcohol with. I don't want alcohol with dinner. No, not really.

[Juno Birch]

I don't want a full belly.

[Katya]

I'll have alcohol before dinner, but for the meal, I want, like, diet Coke or something.

[Juno Birch]

Yes. I'm exactly the same.

[Katya]

And if I'm going to drink, I'm like, then we're not going to a restaurant.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah.

[Katya]

Then we can maybe go get something and get, like, a French fry or a finger food. But we're here to drink.

[Juno Birch]

Yes, exactly. I'm exactly the same. I used to drink quite a lot when I would work on stage.

[Katya]

You really did.

[Juno Birch]

I would pound the fireball before I went on because I didn't need to be switched on as much.

[Katya]

Sure.

[Juno Birch]

On stage because it was like lip syncing or, you know, that sort of stuff. Now that I do stand up comedy only I cannot have a drink before I go on stage.

[Katya]

I agree. Because I feel like comedy is all about being faster than the audience.

[Juno Birch]

Yes.

[Katya]

And you're slowing yourself down.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah.

[Katya]

But I will say, when I was lip syncing, sometimes a little bit of alcohol gets me in the zone where I genuinely do a better job.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah, no, absolutely. A few. Couple of Pinot Grigios. She's working.

[Katya]

You will go out there and feel that music in a way that actually helps the performance.

[Juno Birch]

You get goose pimples on stage as

[Katya]

your lip sync from your own performance, from your own performance, from your own show. I love that.

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[Katya]

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[Katya]

bath and bodyworks.com we were talking about your creative pivot a little bit because you've gone from being blue and touring this like concept space creature to doing stand up kind of closer to yourself. What has that been like?

[Juno Birch]

It's been really strange. I've been wanting to do that for such a long time, right. But I was scared to do it because I built this sort of branded face, the alien face with the glasses and the wig and the marigolds and all that sort of thing. And I was scared to sort of step away with it because I felt people would be disappointed. And then there was one show that I did on the UK tour last year and they had no AC. It was 30 degrees Celsius which is boiling hot inside the room and I just turned around, I said, I'm not, I'm not doing it. I can't get in drag. So I did the whole show out of drag.

[Katya]

People.

[Juno Birch]

I loved it.

[Katya]

People don't realize when you do these special effects colors, you can't sweat. It's not an option. Oh my God. You and I did a shoot for YouTube for Pride, like two years ago.

[Juno Birch]

Oh my God.

[Katya]

Air conditioning was like non existent.

[Juno Birch]

I know.

[Katya]

And I tried to be cool about it and I was like, you guys, I'm fine. And you, I don't know how to say this, but they were maybe more scared of me on set.

[Juno Birch]

Oh yeah.

[Katya]

So I turned to them and was just like, she's not going to say this cuz she's too nice. She's like special effects blue. You can't even sweat. If she sweats, she'll probably have to wipe it off and start over.

[Juno Birch]

You can't. When you, when you put talcum powder on top of that blue makeup, if there is a slight bit of wet or anything cracks, you can't redo it.

[Katya]

It. It like freckles almost.

[Juno Birch]

It does.

[Katya]

It congeals.

[Juno Birch]

And if you're beauty, blending it on and you're already sweating through the pores.

[Katya]

Takes it off.

[Juno Birch]

Take it back off.

[Katya]

It takes it off. Whereas when it's skin colored. Well, also the stuff you were making, you were using foundations mixed with pigment to make the foundation. It's not like you go backstage and have a jar of it.

[Juno Birch]

No, but I did do that once and that was a mistake.

[Katya]

Oh really?

[Juno Birch]

Because it stunk.

[Katya]

You pre mixed it.

[Juno Birch]

I premixed it. I melted it into a Tupperware and then like put it in the fridge to like set it like butter for tour. This is the first tour that I did. And the smell that came off, it was just, just like the wax. It was like bleachy mushroomy seamony. It was just like. And every show. This is back when I was drinking on tour as well. I'd be like putting it on the, like dry heaving. Put it. Yeah. And on that tour, this is like five years ago now, I was performing in venues that barely had any ac, like rock clubs. And it was. And I was in corsets, pads and everything.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Juno Birch]

And I was on my deathbed.

[Katya]

Well, you're also wearing. Because you're blue. Your costumes were. It's sort of like the wig. Not with the Wiggles. It's Sesame street where it's full body fabric coverage.

[Juno Birch]

Yes.

[Katya]

But this was like wicked.

[Juno Birch]

This was like. This was like during the attack of the stunning tour. So this was like the spate. The alien space age era where I was in space.

[Katya]

Like pvc.

[Juno Birch]

Pvc, yeah, fully. I would have tights on underneath a full foil fabric catsuit that was also lined with sweat soaked pad because it

[Katya]

was like nude illusion. So you would see the skin through the pvc. And your wigs are huge.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah.

[Katya]

How do I always wonder how you function with the glasses on? Because we dressed up as you once together. You were working at fubar. Yes, she did. You did get fubar.

[Juno Birch]

And Lady Red was on the door.

[Katya]

Yeah. Was it pre Covid or was it.

[Juno Birch]

It was pre code. It was 2019.

[Katya]

Yeah, it was maybe right before COVID or something. Yeah, yeah. We. You. Yeah, Lady Red was on the door and I think Mario was DJing and you were Ray Latre's show.

[Juno Birch]

Ray Latre's show. Yes.

[Katya]

And I was dressed as you because we did a video together. So then we went together. And I remember I was standing there in your outfit and like the head wrap and everything. And do you remember this? The guy came up to me, the stage manager, and said, hey, just so you know, we're starting at 5. And I said, okay. And then they walked away. And I was like, I guess I'll go tell her. Cause he thinks I'm you.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah.

[Katya]

So then I woke up to you.

[Juno Birch]

I had no idea what time stage time was at that point. So I was like, woo. Phil was going. There was like this weird. There wasn't a stage. It had like a. It was like a step up platform.

[Katya]

Yeah. It was not like proper stage.

[Juno Birch]

Phil kept going to me, be careful of the set, be careful of the set. Because I was already a little bit tipsy anyway.

[Katya]

Right.

[Juno Birch]

And I was, I'm gonna be fine. I'm gonna be fine. And I went straight up there and completely put on. Do you remember me falling over?

[Katya]

Oh yeah. There's something very. I always feel like as a performer, if you warn me about a step on stage, I get really defensive. Like you think I'm an idiot, then you fall over. Like there's always some part of me that's like, you don't have to tell me. I've been doing this 17 years. Fall on the floor. It must be nice not painting blue because the times I've done that. You have blue ear holes.

[Juno Birch]

I know.

[Katya]

Blue nail beds.

[Juno Birch]

Well, the thing is the amount of hotels and Airbnbs, I must have stayed in and left blue on everything. The thing is though, when you, when you shower, it Off. It doesn't. There's not really blue water everywhere. It's more the towels. You think you've got it off, but you don't. And then you'll scrub with a towel and you're like, oops, you know?

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Juno Birch]

But I. I don't miss it at the moment. I'm enjoying being able to write comedy for as me.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Juno Birch]

Rather than as, like, she's an alien from. You know what I mean?

[Katya]

I know. I totally get it.

[Juno Birch]

And I just feel a little bit like when I started that so many years ago, I felt like I. I was just in my own lane. And now when you go to DragCon, there's so many pastel blue, alien 60s drag queens that I'm just kind of

[Katya]

like, they really are out there.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah, it's fine.

[Katya]

I mean, I'm sure it doesn't bother you, does it?

[Juno Birch]

No, not at all.

[Katya]

Let them live.

[Juno Birch]

No.

[Katya]

I don't really feel precious about people when they have, like, a big black and white eyes or something. And people say it's like me. I'm like, I don't think that.

[Juno Birch]

I don't see myself in anyone else. No, you will never be me.

[Katya]

They'll never be you.

[Juno Birch]

But what was I gonna say then? I was gonna say, I. The only thing that does bother me is when somebody copies my drawings or artwork. Oh, yeah.

[Katya]

Are you doing illustrations again?

[Juno Birch]

I'm on a. I'm. I kind of go through phases of in and out doing artwork because I feel like when I' stage work, it's a different person to when I'm sat at home and don't want to talk to anybody and just draw a picture. Do you know what I mean? You watch TV and like, yeah, I'm comfy. I don't answer my phone. And also, I can't sculpt with them.

[Katya]

Oh, my God. Do you miss doing your sculptures?

[Juno Birch]

Yeah.

[Katya]

I think, you know, David, my ex, David is, I think, the world's premier collector of Juno birch sculptures. He probably has, like, eight of them.

[Juno Birch]

I know.

[Katya]

They're amazing.

[Juno Birch]

Thank you.

[Katya]

They're so cute. How did you ship those all over the world? They look so fragile.

[Juno Birch]

This was. This was going back even before I started doing drag, I think.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Juno Birch]

This was because that was how I paid my rent, was Vicky's sculptures, was making sculptures. Because I. I would. I would spend, like seven days just locked in my bedroom making miniatures that were in little baggies.

[Katya]

Which is a sign of mental illness.

[Juno Birch]

Yes.

[Katya]

When you say it like that. When you say it like that, I'M like, is she okay?

[Juno Birch]

No, I'm not okay.

[Katya]

Is she gonna jump from there?

[Juno Birch]

I've. Okay. But do you know what? It's, it's. It makes me money.

[Katya]

Yeah, you did. Really? It was very exclusive. I feel like you would put one out, like, monthly, and David would buy it.

[Juno Birch]

Yes.

[Katya]

It was, like, always him.

[Juno Birch]

I know, but I, I remember seeing his name on so many receipts, and I was like, who the is David Silver? Yeah, he loves your new sugar daddy.

[Katya]

Yeah, totally, totally.

[Juno Birch]

But no, I, I, I used to sell them quite a lot of money, and I know David bought quite a few, but, like, there was. They sold really quickly. And I know I've always. I. What? I'm. I've launched a new merch website. Juno Birch live.com.

[Katya]

juno Birch live.com and people.

[Juno Birch]

It is solely just my artwork on merchandise.

[Katya]

That's great.

[Juno Birch]

I'm not doing, like, as much, like, drag merch, you know, where fans make art and put it on shirts and stuff. I'm just doing just things that I've done on my iPad or sculpted or whatever, and, you know, I'm working on at the moment.

[Katya]

Tell me.

[Juno Birch]

Bag charms.

[Katya]

Bag charms.

[Juno Birch]

You know, like, you know, like that little vinyl plushie that you get. Like a Labubu. Like a. Something like that. I want to do my sculpture heads, but in, like, a little furry. Oh, like a flight.

[Katya]

Oh, I love that.

[Juno Birch]

And they all have their little bios and little characters, storylines. Yes.

[Katya]

That's fun.

[Juno Birch]

So I'm working on that at the moment and just looking for, like, manufacturers and stuff like that.

[Katya]

So I have a piece of merchandise for me that I love. It's your white shirt, and it's a black illustration. It has you on it. But it's a lot of other stuff, too.

[Juno Birch]

I remember when I first came to stay with you in LA in 2019, and you had that shirt on. It was a really, really old shirt. And I remember looking at it like, how the hell is that so white? And you were saying that you put bleach in the washing machine.

[Katya]

Girl, you gotta get into it when I tell you about bleach. Let's take a break.

[Juno Birch]

Are you, like. Are you kind of like Danny DeVito and Always Sunny when he goes through the quarantine and he just covers himself in bleach.

[Katya]

I'm like Danny DeVito in everything. Okay. When you have white clothes and you put bleach in the wash, those clothes will come out whiter than you've ever imagined. Glowing white.

[Juno Birch]

What about the ink in the rest of the fabric. Does the bleach not make the black ink?

[Katya]

No, no. It'll just do the organic, the natural fabric.

[Juno Birch]

I should be a bleach expert at this point, shouldn't I? Oh my God.

[Katya]

I mean like my white socks, my. And I wear a lot of plain white T shirts because I dress like a sim. I dress like a. Yeah, like too normal.

[Juno Birch]

You're the randomize button.

[Katya]

Totally. And my white T shirts, you gotta use bleach. White sheets. Your white pillowcases and stuff. You probably don't wear white pillowcases.

[Juno Birch]

Why?

[Katya]

Well, blue.

[Juno Birch]

I don't. I haven't done that since September last year. Maybe now, but. And maybe not anymore because I had to wash the sheets in the Airbnb. Because I shot myself in the bed the other day with Phil a couple of weeks ago. Yeah. And it. Something got on Phil's leg as well.

[Katya]

He's in here. He could come in here and watch. And he said, no, listen.

[Juno Birch]

No, no, Phil can answer. He's probably actually really fuming that I told you, but it was. It was that kind of.

[Katya]

Did Juno shit on you? Okay. So nevermind.

[Juno Birch]

It was. I. I was very, very ill. I was drinking Pepto Bismol, like so much and it was just. This is horrible. But it was leaking out of me. Sure. I was. I was.

[Katya]

After the watermelon incident.

[Juno Birch]

Oh, wait, you got food poisoning. I got food poisoning from the sesame chicken.

[Katya]

That's right. Open sesame.

[Juno Birch]

Honey, I didn't know this Pepto Bismol makes your black.

[Katya]

It does. It's the best.

[Juno Birch]

I thought I was internally bleeding.

[Katya]

No, the active ingredient is like bismuth, something that. It makes your poop black. Pepto Bismol is amazing.

[Juno Birch]

I did save my life.

[Katya]

It.

[Juno Birch]

It. I like the little tablets that you get.

[Katya]

The tablets for tour are fierce.

[Juno Birch]

I. I sent some your way the other night. Well, a couple of weeks ago.

[Katya]

The tablets taste kind of good.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah. Pepto Bismill tastes different here than in the UK though. In the uk, I think it's more minty.

[Katya]

You gotta mix it with a little bit of gin.

[Juno Birch]

Oh, love the color float on top.

[Katya]

The color's beautiful. Yeah, the color is really.

[Juno Birch]

Whenever I did pink makeup, that was my inspiration.

[Katya]

It's a great color. It's very blue.

[Juno Birch]

Blue. Pink. Bubblegum pink.

[Katya]

It's very bubble.

[Juno Birch]

Whereas the lipstick. Because your teeth will look yellow.

[Katya]

Not you anymore.

[Juno Birch]

Not anymore.

[Katya]

The teeth look incredible. You're just in constant pain.

[Juno Birch]

I'm on a diet of Tylenol right now.

[Katya]

How many did you take a day?

[Juno Birch]

Paracetamol, Maybe like four doses, three doses a day, maybe how many you're allowed to. But you know what I think it is? I grind. I. When I'm on stage or I'm doing something, I clench my teeth and I think that pushes the crowns a little bit. Maybe.

[Katya]

Think of all the gender affirming participations in medical field you've experienced and teeth was the one that got you.

[Juno Birch]

I know. It hurt worse than getting my dick turned into a vagina. That didn't hurt that much, actually.

[Katya]

That's a credit to your surgeon.

[Juno Birch]

I know. Dr. Bellringer.

[Katya]

That's right. That's right. You were telling me his name. His name is Dr. Bellringer.

[Juno Birch]

Dr. Bellringer. He's a sweetheart.

[Katya]

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Juno Birch]

You know what he said to me? He. I remember I went in for a checkup because you go, I had to go back down to London. You know, they check, check you up. He said, do you know what? You make a really great woman.

[Katya]

Oh.

[Juno Birch]

And at first I was like, is this pervy or is this nice? But I, I thought it was lovely, I think.

[Katya]

I'm sure after the experience you had with him, there's a high level of intimacy. He probably just feels very comfortable with you.

[Juno Birch]

He's seen me inside.

[Katya]

I don't know how much more familiar you can get with somebody. I know. Do you have a video of the surgery?

[Juno Birch]

No.

[Katya]

Okay.

[Juno Birch]

Well, no.

[Katya]

Whenever I have a surgery, I always like weirdly go home and wish I could watch a video of it.

[Juno Birch]

No, no, I wouldn't want to see that. No. Even when I had my teeth shaved down, I didn't want to see what they looked like.

[Katya]

Oh, yeah. People tell me they go in the mirror and they, they like in the middle of their teeth surgery, they go, look, they go to the bathroom and see their teeth and freak out.

[Juno Birch]

I did do that. Did you remember it? I was that trauma from the pain. I don't remember looking in the mirror, but I had this. They send you home with like a. A temp in. And then they fit because they make

[Katya]

them overnight or whatever. Yeah, yeah.

[Juno Birch]

And then during that wait of two days with the temp in was the. Oh my God, the worst fair I've had in my life. I had this fear that there was going to be like a hurricane or like a. An earthquake or something and I was gonna have to go home with sharp teeth.

[Katya]

Zombie apocalypse. And then you have, you have little nubs for the zombie apocalypse.

[Juno Birch]

Imagine if I died and I had to haunt like with shark teeth.

[Katya]

Oh yeah, well. But you don't have asthma anymore?

[Juno Birch]

No. That's kind of nice, right? Listen, nhs, I've got something to tell you. I was diagnosed with asthma many, many years ago.

[Katya]

Why is it easier to get a, at the NHS than to get an accurate diagnosis?

[Juno Birch]

It is not easy. I was on that waiting list for like five years from the age of 16 onwards. Yeah. And I, I was waiting so long and then they canceled my surgery on the day of the surgery and postponed it a year. Heartbreaking because my surgeon had left the NHS and gone privately.

[Katya]

That was. Were you upset?

[Juno Birch]

Oh, I was devastated. There's pictures of me in the hotel that we booked in London, like just lying there staring at the wall like. Because I'd waited my whole life for it and everything. It was horrible.

[Katya]

But sounds like everything worked out.

[Juno Birch]

Yes, it did. It absolutely did.

[Katya]

So you guys, I'm getting ready for spring prides festivals, music festivals, flying, touring, etc club, another club. And I know for me, my personal journey of health. I have learned that everything, everything comes back to your digestive system. Your digestive system, your gut. The way everything is processing is like the tell all book of what is going on with your mind, your body, everything else. And probiotics are the only way to stay in the gut for a few days or weeks at a time. So consistent use can help support the benefits. I take probiotics and I'm taking ritual symbiotic plus and it's impacted me because I would buy all my vitamins at the stores, whatever, and then I would run out and I would totally fall off the wagon of like, what was I using, what was I taking? What I love about ritual is I was able to just pick out my items online, have them sent to me and they'll be easy to reorder in the future or keep them coming regularly. So for me, I'm trying to take better care of the pre and probiotic lifestyle inside me because I've noticed with my autoimmune flare ups, it's all directly connected to the way my gut is working. And so when I'm flying and traveling, food is inconsistent, sleep is inconsistent. I need to keep my, you know, symbiotic plus biotic formula consistent because it's a three in one clinically studied pre, pro and postbiotic and clinically studied doses to support a balanced gut microbiome, get regular and stay regular. It's vegan, it's formulated without GMOs, major allergens, animal products, and it's just like a very light kind of mint vibe. Balanced gut microbiome with ritual symbiotic plus save 25% off your first month at ritual.com bald that's ritual.com bald for 25% off your first month this episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Life is a journey, which sounds beautiful and poetic until you remember that one journey in 2008 where you had pad thai at a gas station purchased under fluorescent lights next to the windshield wiper fluid. I ate it in the rental car, questioning not just the choices that have brought me to that very moment, but my entire concept of Life is a journey. May is Mental Health Awareness month, and it's a good reminder that whatever you're carrying, you do not have to carry it completely alone. Some nights it's what keeps you up. Other nights it's relationships, money, family, the future, or that mysterious feeling that everyone else in the world has it figured out, as if they've received a manual telling them to not buy pad thai on the side of the road at 1am Therapy can be a place to talk with someone who listens, understands and offers unbiased support. BetterHelp therapists are fully licensed in the US and work according to a strict code of conduct. You start with a short questionnaire and BetterHelp uses over 12 years of experience to help match you with a therapist. And if it's not the right fit, you can switch anytime. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, serving over 6 million people globally with an average 4.9 out of 5 star rating for live sessions based on over 1.7 million client reviews. Life is already hard enough. You deserve someone traveling that path with you. You don't have to be on this journey alone, find support and have someone with you in therapy sign up and get 10% [e-mail] bald that's betterhelp.com bald this episode is sponsored by HIMS. Look, sometimes things feel a little off in the bedroom. Maybe it's stress, maybe it's sleep. Maybe it's even getting older. Or maybe you've been moonlighting as a trapeze artist in the circus, swinging through the air in sequins, screaming internally and wondering about how your 401k is doing right now. 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And if that option isn't right for you, there are additional treatment options available so you can find what works best for you. It's transparent, it's straightforward, and it's designed to make getting care feel easy. To get simple online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, hair loss, weight loss, and more, visit hims.com bald that's hims.com bald for your free online visit hims.com bald prescription required. See website for details and important safety information. Sildenafil is the generic version of Viagra. Viagra is a registered trademark of Viatris Specialty, llc. HIMS is not affiliated with or endorsed by Viatris. I always was laughing because we would make fun of you for smoking cigarettes and having an asthma inhaler and maybe some of the counterintuitive process there. And then you're finding out magically you don't have asthma.

[Juno Birch]

Yes. So I went and got diagnosed with asthma when I was young, was maybe like 23.

[Katya]

Okay.

[Juno Birch]

And I had a really bad chest infection. So I went to the doctors and they just were like, we're gonna do an asthma test on you. My lungs were so weak from the chest infection that, you know, you breathe into the tube, you like this. And because my lungs were weak, she just went, okay, you've got asthma.

[Katya]

Is this a thing where they try to make. Is it the ball, you know, when you blow on that thing? And the pink.

[Juno Birch]

It was a bot. Yeah, yeah, it was.

[Katya]

Yeah, yeah, I've seen that on television.

[Juno Birch]

And then I got the steroid inhaler and the blue inhaler, and I used that for many, many years. And my chest was always just wheezy and.

[Katya]

And albuterol. Is that what it's called? What do they call?

[Juno Birch]

I don't know. It's a steroid.

[Katya]

I don't know. So. So then you were telling me the other day that the, the, the inhaler was essentially keeping you needing the inhaler at a certain point.

[Juno Birch]

I think so.

[Katya]

Psychological warfare.

[Juno Birch]

I think so. And they kept doing asthma checkups and they were like, like, you need to use your inhalers. I'm like, I've not used my inhaler in five months and this is the best my lungs have ever felt.

[Katya]

Right.

[Juno Birch]

And they were like, okay, stop using it. Then also I went on Manjaro.

[Katya]

Oh, okay.

[Juno Birch]

And apparently that reduces inflammation in your lungs.

[Katya]

It does. I am on some kind of one of those because rheumatologists are using it for arthritis. My rheumatologist said that people who are on it are going off their. Some people are going off their arthritis medicine because the anti inflammatory side effects are so profound.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah.

[Katya]

It's pretty crazy. I had to stop taking it because it made me so sick.

[Juno Birch]

Really?

[Katya]

Those shots made me so sick.

[Juno Birch]

I was the same. I kind of went out. I kind of did it because when you take a lot of hormones, you put on weight so quickly.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Juno Birch]

So I, I did it because of that. But I kind of like a bit of a booby and a bit of a bum. Bum. And it was making me dead skinny in the, in the waistline, in the, in the hip line.

[Katya]

Oh, yeah. It's a trade off, right? It's like. Yeah, I feel like. And also the face, like, I feel like most people's faces look really pretty with something. Little something.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah. I look like I've had cheek filler.

[Katya]

You do? Oh, yeah. You were telling me that people are thinking. When I saw you for the first time, when I saw you for the first time a couple weeks ago, I asked if you had maybe had a special trip to the dentist or something because you looked. So maybe it's the last drinking.

[Juno Birch]

No, it was the sesame chicken. I. That I come off the Ozempic because of the sesame chicken. I was like, this has snatched me so good that I. I should sue the restaurant. Not for food poisoning, but for unrealistic body standards.

[Katya]

Yeah. I went off. I went off the one Gobi in the Manjaro and I just started having sesame chicken once a week.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah.

[Katya]

Blowing my ass out.

[Juno Birch]

Black diarrhea. Black diarrhea, dribbling.

[Katya]

I have a question about doing stand up.

[Juno Birch]

Okay.

[Katya]

You go out there and do. I'm trying to think. One of the reasons you pivoted to your, like, normal look is because the audience, if they know nothing about you,

[Juno Birch]

you have to explain.

[Katya]

You have to kind of explain.

[Juno Birch]

Or you just make a joke of it. Like, you just be like. You're all like, what the fuck is that kind of thing? But I didn't like doing that because I felt like, I felt like when I was dressed as the biggest big alien costume, I needed a big performance with it. So to just sit there and just do stand up comedy just felt a bit like I'm doing all of this, look, just to chat, you know, I

[Katya]

totally relate to that.

[Juno Birch]

I felt like I needed a song, I needed a number, I needed something, some. A bit Eliza Minnelli. Do you know what I mean?

[Katya]

Yeah, I think we all need a little bit Eliza Minnelli.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah. What are we gonna do when she dies? I don't know what we're gonna do.

[Katya]

Probably we're gonna do what we do when Katya dies. Just hang. Just celebrate.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah. Ding dong, the witches.

[Katya]

I have a question. When you have all these things clipped on your head, you call them bird nest, right?

[Juno Birch]

Yeah.

[Katya]

Do you ever. And then they just fly off. You don't have to, but I mean.

[Juno Birch]

Yes.

[Katya]

Expensive.

[Juno Birch]

No. £5 from Amazon.

[Katya]

Good deal.

[Juno Birch]

I know. I've got, I've probably got about 35. No, I'm not choking.

[Katya]

Do you ever just keep putting them on?

[Juno Birch]

Oh, yeah. But they start to discolor.

[Katya]

Oh, from like where?

[Juno Birch]

No, I think when it easiest, hairspray, dry shampoo, cigarettes. Cigarettes, you know.

[Katya]

Right.

[Juno Birch]

Like I feel like they start discoloring because somebody was around my house recently and they were like, oh my God, you have so many. Because I had them all line lined up. I was about to give them all a bath and dunk them all in.

[Katya]

And what do you clean it with? Oxiclean?

[Juno Birch]

No, just shampoo and.

[Katya]

Oh. Like. Yeah, yeah. Are they human hair? No. Okay.

[Juno Birch]

I like plastic hair more than human hair.

[Katya]

I don't like human hair.

[Juno Birch]

And they, they came around, they looked at the lineup of all the bird's nests, they went, oh, oh my God, you've got them all different shades. They were just dirty.

[Katya]

It's not a gradient on a purpose.

[Juno Birch]

No.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Juno Birch]

This one's gray because, you know, I went out partying in this one. This one's green because, you know, it fell off in a pond. I don't know what, you used to

[Katya]

do this thing when I first met you. You had like a, you did like the scarf wrap around the head out of drag. Yeah.

[Juno Birch]

Yes.

[Katya]

I, I, that was kind of your day look vibe.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah. I like doing it with this a bit. You know, sometimes if he's a bit too, too crusty, I'll just wrap a big turban around it.

[Katya]

Yeah. I, Please be careful.

[Juno Birch]

Do you ever remember when I first ever walked into the Trixie Motel?

[Katya]

Oh, and you in the alien room

[Juno Birch]

and I smashed the bedside table lamp?

[Katya]

You did? First thing. First thing.

[Juno Birch]

No. What was I gonna say then? I feel like I've got this thing that I've diagnosed myself with.

[Katya]

Oh, great. Called transgenderism.

[Juno Birch]

Maybe I go back. Just kidding. I. No, it's like a. A small head insecurity.

[Katya]

You think you have a small head?

[Juno Birch]

You've probably never seen me with, like, wet, flat hair.

[Katya]

Oh, is it like a Chihuahua?

[Juno Birch]

But it's, like, at the back of my head. It's. It's, like, so small. It's like pepper from American home. Let me see. It's really.

[Katya]

Oh, wow.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah.

[Katya]

Where's your brain?

[Juno Birch]

I know it's in my nose.

[Katya]

Crazy.

[Juno Birch]

But I. I hate it, so I feel like I have to always have something. Something big on my head. I remember many, many years ago, I tried doing, like, a long straight.

[Katya]

Did you feel it?

[Juno Birch]

No. You didn't feel it? I hated it. I felt like my face looked. Look too big for my head.

[Katya]

Yeah. You could do the Amanda thing where you kind of. She wears, like, a lot of half. Half hairs, I think.

[Juno Birch]

Who's Amanda Min Lepore.

[Katya]

Because she's also that super high lift blonde. Do you know what I mean?

[Juno Birch]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Was she. Does she use some of her natural hair?

[Katya]

Yeah, I think she wears. Because I read her book Doll Parts, and she was like, I don't even go get the mail in my building without sunglasses, lipstick, and a headscarf.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah, well, I heard a story about her in Birmingham. Somebody who booked her in the UK decided to put her on a Megabus.

[Katya]

Amanda Lepore on the Megabus?

[Juno Birch]

You do not put Amanda Laporte on a pj. No, the private jets, people like that, that just should not be on certain public transport. It's criminal.

[Katya]

See, that sounds kind of discriminatory when you say it like that.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah.

[Katya]

People like that shouldn't be on public transit. What do you mean by that? What do you mean by that exactly?

[Juno Birch]

Transgender women.

[Katya]

Ew. Ew.

[Juno Birch]

You know, I want to go in the girl's bathroom.

[Katya]

Oh, I think. I think I'll. I'll do you one better. All queer people should be exempt from public transit. Right?

[Juno Birch]

Yeah. I'm happy with that.

[Katya]

I used to take the bus all the time in drag, because it was just, like, I didn't have a car. I needed to get around. You're. When you're the biggest freak on the bus, people mostly leave you alone.

[Juno Birch]

You got the bus in drag.

[Katya]

I used to all the time to go to Hamburger Mary's.

[Juno Birch]

Wait, in what city?

[Katya]

Milwaukee, girl. I'd be on that bus in full drag with my suitcase, with my stuff for the show. No, people would. When you're that on the bus in Milwaukee, people wouldn't even get eye contact with me. I felt beyond scared.

[Juno Birch]

Probably a bit scared of you in a way.

[Katya]

Oh, my God. Nobody would sit in these seats by me.

[Juno Birch]

No.

[Katya]

Yeah. And it was nice. Cause I could just. Usually what I would do is I would get myself to the gig, and then once you're in drag and the bartenders are closing up and stuff, you're like. Like, can somebody drive me home? You can suck her off a ride. Like. Like, oh, suck off a ride home. You could. You could. You could leech off a ride home. But I would get myself to the gig.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah. I feel like in the uk, we all sort of don't get ready at the venue. No one gets ready at the venue.

[Katya]

It. That's. Yes, I noticed that. And people. I noticed people kind of go out in one look, in one hair, too. That's kind of the vibe.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah. So we do one. One look for the whole world. No, there's a lot of queens that do variations of. If they're doing different numbers, they'll make a change. But I feel like UK in a nutshell. Drag is just sort of. We just live in it.

[Katya]

Yeah. It feels more like New York drag in that way, where, like, you leave the house in character and you commit to the look till you go home. Yeah, I think that's fine. I mean, the UK must be so proud of you. You've gotten so famous. And I feel like you feel so British, and they must feel so, like, into you,

[Juno Birch]

maybe. The thing is, like, gay people.

[Katya]

I'm not saying you're, you know, gonna be on the next, you know, pound coin, but I'm saying, like, the gay people there must be, like. You must be, like, there. I don't know what you would have. Are you, like, there? Kind of.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah. Maybe kind like a mascot. Yeah. Yeah. But I. I kind of. I get. I start getting recognized on the street now. But people don't shout certain things.

[Katya]

Pause that.

[Juno Birch]

No, now it's Mac.

[Katya]

Oh, from your videos.

[Juno Birch]

Because I started doing little makeup tutorials, and somebody said to me, when Juno Birch says Mac, she sounds like a duck quacking.

[Katya]

Oh, yeah, I hear that.

[Juno Birch]

So I've just sort of ran with it and Mac and love it.

[Katya]

Well, you're also yelling Mac. And then slamming your face.

[Juno Birch]

Well, I've got to get away. There's got to be a way for people to watch my videos. You know, it's like, who is these ridiculous tranny. Sorry, transsexual on this video, slamming ahead on the table.

[Katya]

If you are transphobic, you're like, oh, good. Violent, you know.

[Juno Birch]

Yes. She's hurting herself.

[Katya]

Yeah. You're bringing something to the table for everybody.

[Juno Birch]

That's how I feel when I do stand up comedy as a trans woman. I will bash the out of trans women and myself to the point where the transphobes in the audience are like, she gets it. Yeah.

[Katya]

I always say that gay people and conservatives, what we have in common is that we hate gay, gay people.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah. That is so true.

[Katya]

So true.

[Juno Birch]

Oh, my God.

[Katya]

But going back to what you said, you're mentally ill. I'm like, I agree.

[Juno Birch]

Going back to what you were saying about being in the UK and being very British, I feel like when I come to America, people want to book me more and I sell a lot more tickets for shows than I do in the uk and I feel like people see me as a bit of a cartoon character here.

[Katya]

I agree.

[Juno Birch]

Compared to like the uk, because you're normal there. I'm kind of normal there. But you're just like a Manchester. Like, I feel like people, when they meet me for the first time, I think, is that her real voice? They kind of am a bit like, is she. I did get that recently. Somebody went. I didn't think Juno Birch actually talked like that. I thought it was a character voice.

[Katya]

What did they. This is the real me. Like. Yeah, like you have a se.

[Juno Birch]

You're right. Yeah.

[Katya]

It's an American accent or something.

[Juno Birch]

My name's Juno Birch. I'm from Winchester.

[Katya]

Any relation to Simon Birch?

[Juno Birch]

To know who that is?

[Katya]

The movie Simon Birch with Ashley Judd.

[Juno Birch]

I know. Thora Birch.

[Katya]

Simon Birch is a film about a little person. Oh, let's take a break. I don't know. I can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore. I can't do some more. I just wonder, in Manchester, are you the Beyonce of Manchester now?

[Juno Birch]

No, no, no, no.

[Katya]

Okay.

[Juno Birch]

I wouldn't say so.

[Katya]

They don't have like a mural of you in Afflecks? They don't have, like something, you know.

[Juno Birch]

No, I don't even get booked for Manchester Pride.

[Katya]

They're embarrassed of you.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah, I don't get booked in Manchester.

[Katya]

But it's not because of you. It's because of your drinking.

[Juno Birch]

I feel like, they see me online

[Katya]

and they're the vanity of the uk.

[Juno Birch]

I don't know whether we have enough carers. Like, you know, they probably just think she's too mentally ill.

[Katya]

There's an open bar. We can't book her. It's gonna get really. Phil just told us he got shit on. We can't book her. She's a mess. Have you ever been to Hull?

[Juno Birch]

Hull? Yeah. I don't know.

[Katya]

There's a river of mud that goes through Hull.

[Juno Birch]

That sounds.

[Katya]

The UK is a mysterious place.

[Juno Birch]

I hate the uk.

[Katya]

Here we go.

[Juno Birch]

I Right, listen, listen, listen, listen.

[Katya]

If Katya was here, she would probably high five you.

[Juno Birch]

Okay? She always high fives me about hate in the uk. She is the only American I've been able to get on with about hating on the uk because every time I talk about, oh, I love Manchester, I do love Manchester. Try living there. Okay.

[Katya]

Okay. I don't.

[Juno Birch]

You walk around Hollywood with your Wendy's and your. Your donuts. I don't know. People bag up your groceries for you and say, hi, how are you?

[Katya]

Air conditioning.

[Juno Birch]

Have a great one. Have a great one in the uk it's like, off.

[Katya]

Yeah. And no air conditioning.

[Juno Birch]

No air conditioning.

[Katya]

The air conditioning. Well, the UK has the best breakfast. I think the breakfasts are so horny. Delicious. No, I don't like the eggs, but. Or I don't like the beans. Do you ever.

[Juno Birch]

Oh, no, no, no.

[Katya]

Have you heard Dunkin Donuts in America?

[Juno Birch]

Yes.

[Katya]

I think you would love it.

[Juno Birch]

I like the coffee and Dunkin Donuts.

[Katya]

Yeah. And the. And the packaging is kind of pink and brown.

[Juno Birch]

I'm not. I'm not a very sweet person, though. I like salty food.

[Katya]

You do?

[Juno Birch]

I love, like, the salty food.

[Katya]

Like the sesame chicken like this.

[Juno Birch]

No, that was sweet. I can't talk about it too much because I will actually drive. But I love salty food.

[Katya]

Really?

[Juno Birch]

Yes, yes.

[Katya]

What's like, the craving? If you like smoked weed, what's the food you crave for? Girl, you know what I had yesterday when I was at the hospital with Katya? First of all, she, like, couldn't. She. Because of her treatment, she can't eat right now. So I was like, oh, yeah, that sucks. And she, like, was harassing them for ice chips. Truly being like, hello, Katya.

[Juno Birch]

You mean like an ice cube? Just plain?

[Katya]

Yeah, she. Because she's not a lot. They're. They're. They're like, you know, working on it. Yes. She literally has, like, a tube up her nose and she's just yelling, hello, hello, somebody.

[Juno Birch]

Hello. Is she in, like, special private hospital?

[Katya]

I wish. I. She was passed out. And I told the nurse she was famous. I was like. They were like. They were like, do you know? They were like, how do you know him? And I said, oh, we work together. What do you guys do? I said, we do TV and podcasting and stuff. And then I was like, he's really famous, actually. And the nurse was like, he is? I said, yeah. And I pulled up the Instagram and showed pictures. It was like. And they were like, that's her. That's her. It was a picture of Katina together. And they were like, that's her. Who's that? And I was like, that.

[Juno Birch]

No. They said, what is that?

[Katya]

That's me. That's me.

[Juno Birch]

I am.

[Katya]

But I kind of blew up her spot. And I was like, I bet she doesn't even want people here to know she is. And then I accidentally told on her. But, yeah, I was like, we're in Los Angeles. Nobody in this gay hospital.

[Juno Birch]

I know. I would have thought you'd have people running around after, like, crazy. You have crazy fans.

[Katya]

I know.

[Juno Birch]

I just. I rocked up here today. There was no gate on the car park. The door was swung open. I just walked straight in. I went up some random stairs, and I just took a Diet Coke out of the fridge and made myself at home.

[Katya]

Nothing's safe. You just took that from upstairs?

[Juno Birch]

Yeah.

[Katya]

Work. You know what?

[Juno Birch]

I made myself at home.

[Katya]

It's fine. I think you. You're owed it, honestly. You came in to cover for Katya, so, honestly, she owes you that Diet Coke.

[Juno Birch]

Yes. I've been here quite a lot since I've been in la.

[Katya]

This is a.

[Juno Birch]

It's definitely my second home now. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I want to start a podcast.

[Katya]

Oh, God. About what?

[Juno Birch]

I want to do the Juno show, but like a series.

[Katya]

Welcome to the Juno show. I wanna.

[Juno Birch]

I want to abduct celebrities and probe them for information.

[Katya]

That's a great idea.

[Juno Birch]

And I've been wanting to do it for so long, but that's why I've not been doing YouTube that much, because. Because I'm tired of just doing, like, the little stupid videos and having an excuse to make a video, like, oh, we're gonna do makeup today, or whatever. I just want to chat because I've got so much to say.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Juno Birch]

But I didn't start it in the UK because I wanted. I'm moving here, so I want to start it here.

[Katya]

Oh, yeah. I mean, I Don't want to leak the news. But you. I've been. You've been doing a trial run of staying in la. What do you think of it?

[Juno Birch]

I love it. I don't want to go home. We've already extended our stay for another week.

[Katya]

That's great. I love it.

[Juno Birch]

And I feel like it's gonna get extended and extended. The only thing stopping me right now from going from. From never leaving here is the cat.

[Katya]

I know Nev was a Neville or something. What is it?

[Juno Birch]

You're the godmother. How dare you.

[Katya]

Oh, right.

[Juno Birch]

The name.

[Katya]

I know, I know it, I know it, I know it. It's. It's like Artemis or some weird. Right?

[Juno Birch]

You're just naming the cast of Always Sunny in Philadelphia right now. It's like Cyril.

[Katya]

Cyril. Well, that is weird.

[Juno Birch]

Cyril. Oh, he's a cute little old man's name.

[Letter Writer / Narrator]

Neville.

[Katya]

Cyril. You don't think it's kind of.

[Juno Birch]

Neville is a cute name. When I do move here with him, I've got to get him a passport.

[Katya]

How do you move with the cat?

[Juno Birch]

You have to get them a passport.

[Katya]

Shut the fuck up.

[Juno Birch]

You have to have a little picture taken.

[Katya]

You are lying. That is so cute. You're gonna cry.

[Juno Birch]

I feel like I'm gonna have to go and get him some like, little

[Katya]

maybe like, how do they fly? How's he gonna fly la.

[Juno Birch]

I know. So this is why we've been doing research on it. Because I'm so scared about traveling with Cyril.

[Katya]

Isn't he gonna pee on the plane?

[Juno Birch]

So. Yeah. No. What you do is you can't. You have to fly with a specific airline. You can't fly with. I think it's virgin. You can't bring a cat into the cabin. Certain. I think it's klm. You can fly with a cat in the cabin. You put the. The big cat carrier under the seat and then they have like. It has to be a special one that has compartments where they can have pee mats, gravel if you need it, anything like that.

[Katya]

You are lying. I don't even know about this.

[Juno Birch]

No. And I've even seen. I've been watching a lot of tick tocks on it.

[Katya]

Oh, thank God for the Internet. I bet you people make it really easy because I bet you can hear from people who've done it.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah. And people. I think a lot of people do it. Not very often, long haul, because it's stressful for the animal. But people do it all the time with.

[Katya]

And cats are so routine.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Juno Birch]

And Cyril is an oriental short hair so they're very, very, very vocal. So he will scream constantly, even when he doesn't want anything.

[Katya]

I've never seen a cat that looks like him. He looks so different than other cats. Yeah, it's almost like. Is it exotic species?

[Juno Birch]

What I did is I made him in the Sims 2 and I warped his face.

[Katya]

He does have that very triangle shape.

[Juno Birch]

People say I look like him a little bit.

[Katya]

You know, I think that's kind of a compliment, don't you think?

[Juno Birch]

No, we've got the. We've got that sort of goddess profile.

[Katya]

Yeah. You also kind of give Madonna. Did anybody ever say that?

[Juno Birch]

No, I've never heard that one.

[Katya]

You don't think that I've had.

[Juno Birch]

I've had. Who have I had? I've had Maddie Morphosis.

[Katya]

Maddie Morphosis.

[Juno Birch]

Someone said I look like Maddie Morphosis.

[Katya]

People say that about me too.

[Juno Birch]

So they. Well, they say that about you two. Out of drag.

[Katya]

Out of drag. Yeah.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah. Who else? I got one that was really weird was. People kept saying I look like Adele. But when. When I was Adele, when I was in blue makeup.

[Katya]

People. People just need. People need to do.

[Juno Birch]

You know, I'm getting at the moment. Lily Savage.

[Katya]

Who is that?

[Juno Birch]

You don't know? Lily Savage is. Lily Savage was an absolute icon in the UK. She was a drag queen in the 80s and 90s, then became Paul O'. Grady. The Paul O' Grady Show. They've passed away now, but they were from Liverpool and they had this, like. They were. They would talk like that. I don't give a. Like, it was like kind of Pete Burns esque.

[Katya]

I was gonna say Pete Burns. It sounds like Pete Burns accent.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah. Since I've been doing Stand up Out of Drag. Lily Savage. Just Lily Savage all the time.

[Katya]

Oh, my God. That fierce clip of Pete Burns. She's like, I don't give a flying lump of. What is the clip about? Getting up at 5.

[Juno Birch]

So it's. It's the documentary you need to go watch on YouTube. It's called Unspun and it's post. When Pete Burns got bail from prison and had to go and live with a fan who paid for his bail. And that was the terms and conditions. But the fan was a psychopath in that lived in this dump.

[Katya]

This really happened.

[Juno Birch]

Yes. And in the documentary they film Michael and Pete. Michael was Pete's boyfriend slash assistant. And they're. They're talking about getting Pete on the morning show this morning or something. And Pete's like, I haven't got up at 8:00 in the morning since I was 5.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Juno Birch]

And he says something like, I don't give a flying brown lump of poo what they decided. I want that coat back.

[Katya]

Oh, I also love Jody Marsh has

[Juno Birch]

Got Tits like saggy Spaniel's ears.

[Katya]

One of my favorite things is to go watch, like, super YouTube cuts of Pete Burns on Celebrity Big Brother because she really. They didn't know what to do with her.

[Juno Birch]

No.

[Katya]

And then my favorite part is when they do that, they'll do this. Sometimes a big brother will have, like a talent show. My favorite part is she gets up there and sings and you kind of like. Even though she's kind of like the Frankenstein's monster of the house.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah.

[Katya]

There's this moment where she kind of serves all of them as like, I'm a fudgeing rock star.

[Juno Birch]

Yes.

[Katya]

But just in case you forgot, I wrote this fucking song.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah. And. And I think a lot of them in that room didn't realize that wrote that song. And I remember that performance because Pete struggles to hit the high note. I get to know your name. But then when he goes like, he goes like. He goes.

[Katya]

Oh, yeah. He kind of just goes like.

[Juno Birch]

He's like, it. He really didn't want to be there. He was. He was there just to pay for, like a construction on the lip, I think.

[Katya]

Really sickening, sickening face.

[Juno Birch]

So stunning.

[Katya]

And I love the hair. I love the way the hair gets clipped around the face like rat's nest with straight hair around the face.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah. I wore my hair like that for a very long time.

[Katya]

It's a good look.

[Juno Birch]

Yeah.

[Katya]

And it's kind of like you only have to really groom this and the rest of it. It's like the more, the bigger, the better.

[Juno Birch]

It's an easy, easy wig to have on the go because you can have it in a plastic. Like, it doesn't have to be real hair because you smooth down the sides like that with the clips. And when you take it off, it kind of stays like that.

[Katya]

Oh, yeah. Well, here we go, girls. If people. Well, people can't see you now because you're on your little secret, Juno Burch's secret LA Living trip secret stand up gig tour.

[Juno Birch]

It's not secret, but if people want

[Katya]

to follow you or support you, maybe they could go to Juno Birch live and buy some new art.

[Juno Birch]

Yes. Junowichlive.com Go and buy all my artwork. Support a trans woman.

[Katya]

Jeff. Jeff Prince.

[Juno Birch]

Yes, I'm Simon Prince.

[Katya]

Love your Prince.

[Juno Birch]

Would you like some for your house?

[Katya]

Of course. She has wonderful prints. And some of you who have, who are renters, who have white walls. What you need is cool art.

[Juno Birch]

Yes.

[Katya]

With color and line.

[Juno Birch]

With gorgeous alien transsexuals all over the wall. You could do. I forgot to ask you, how was Strange Journey? You did the Q and A thing the other night.

[Katya]

Oh, it was really cool. Have you seen it yet?

[Juno Birch]

No, I, I've watched so many clips of it, but I've not sat through the whole thing yet. But I love Rocky Horror so much.

[Katya]

I do too. It was an I've seen, I saw it when it came out. It's a really moving documentary. And like the interviews they have with Richard o' Brien, so crazy and illuminating and like this person came out as trans, like 30 years after Rocky Horror, which is crazy to think about Strange Journey. And the person who builds the documentary and does the interviews is his son Linus. And so his son Linus is the interviewer and like the producer and director of the documentary. And so it's so interesting watching through the eyes of his son, his son asking, interviewing his father about like, how did you basically change the world of Rocky Horror? It's so interesting. And you have all these shots of Richard o' Brien with his guitar singing the songs acoustic like, it's so cool. They did such a good job. And I got to be in it. I got to do interviews for it. And I figured they're getting all these super A list stars, but it's basically just me and Jack Black. Yeah. Because I think you had to be a certain level obsessed. And me and Jack Black are obsessed with that 100%.

[Juno Birch]

I, I, I love it. It make is so such a personal thing to me because when my uncle died.

[Katya]

Yes.

[Juno Birch]

He requested that everybody at the funeral dressed in Rocky Horror outfits. And my, my Grandma was about 70 something and she showed up with stockings on and everything. When they lowered his coffin into the bit, you know, when they have the ceremony they played on the day I went away. So that's why it's just such a moving thing for me. Like, I just, I wish we could

[Katya]

have gone to New York to see the Broadway show while you were here.

[Juno Birch]

Well, I, I, I, Why are you whispering? Want to be in it?

[Katya]

You could be in it.

[Juno Birch]

I want to play Frank and Fur so bad.

[Katya]

We have to get beyond the barriers surrounding your paralyzing stage fright, your inability to dance and sing. And frankly, the amount of money you ask for is too much. So those are kind of our very

[Juno Birch]

things are completely false. I work for it. I, I Don't get paid. I haven't been paid for any work that I've done here in la.

[Katya]

And you know what? In order to make Broadway more profitable, we need to transition to actors paying to be in shows. Don't you think?

[Juno Birch]

Yeah, I feel like that's gonna come to.

[Katya]

You could pay your way into it. All you gotta do is ask Luke Evans to step down.

[Juno Birch]

Yes.

[Katya]

Do you know what's thinking about?

[Juno Birch]

You know what? They never cast like. They never cast a feminine person as Frank.

[Katya]

That's true.

[Juno Birch]

They always have to cast like a really butch, buff person.

[Katya]

You're a shoo in they. Well, listen, I love you. Thank you for coming on and covering for Katya. You have really shown me that maybe she should be permanently replaced because she brings nothing.

[Juno Birch]

I will step in whenever you want me. Look, I even brought a little cap to replace Katya. Well, hi there. Welcome to Buc ee's. Have you tried our golden nuggets?

[Katya]

Beaver nuggets.

[Juno Birch]

Beaver nuggets. They're so nice. I love those.

[Katya]

Have you been to Baki?

[Juno Birch]

Yes.

[Katya]

What did you think?

[Juno Birch]

It's very maga. It's so mag.

[Katya]

Goodbye. Bye. Bye.

[Juno Birch]

Bye. And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show. Hey, everyone.

[Katya]

Check out this guy and his bird.

[Juno Birch]

What is this, your first date? Oh, no. We help people customize and save on

[Katya]

car insurance with Liberty Mutual together.

[Juno Birch]

We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird. Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Katya]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent.

[Sponsor Voiceover]

Liberty.

[Katya]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.