Kristen Schaal and the Relativity of Time & Collarbones with Trixie and Katya

Summary

Episode Summary: Kristen Schaal and the Relativity of Time & Collarbones with Trixie and Katya

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
• Host/Author: Studio71
• Episode: Kristen Schaal and the Relativity of Time & Collarbones with Trixie and Katya
• Release Date: June 3, 2025

---

1. Welcome Back and Catch-Up (03:00 - 07:00)

Kristen Schaal rejoins the podcast after a hiatus, expressing initial nervousness about making her return. Trixie Mattel warmly welcomes her, noting Kristen's enthusiasm for the show and the bond they've developed.

Notable Quotes:

• [04:09] Kristen Schaal: "Honored."
• [04:41] Kristen Schaal: "I put on false eyelashes by myself... Just because you guys are pretty and you know how to make... like, I."

---

2. Perception of Time and Rapid Changes (03:20 - 03:41)

The hosts delve into the subjective nature of time, laughing about how it feels to stretch seasons differently. They touch on the modern-day anxiety surrounding time's rapid passage.

Notable Quotes:

• [03:28] Kristen Schaal: "Time is… faster than it has."
• [03:41] Trixie Mattel: "Every day people are afraid to speak up."

---

3. Renovation Challenges and Neighbor Relations (12:00 - 16:00)

Trixie shares her struggles with renovating her condo, focusing on the challenges of dealing with noisy neighbors. The conversation humorously explores various exaggerated methods to address neighbor complaints, highlighting the complexities of maintaining good relationships during such projects.

Notable Quotes:

• [12:17] Kristen Schaal: "It's gonna be a good idea."
• [15:34] Kristen Schaal: "She shouldn't. She did more than you."
• [15:54] Trixie Mattel: "This would be an extreme Home Makeover style apology."

---

4. Interior Design and Creative Challenges in Drag (17:00 - 22:00)

The discussion shifts to the intersection of interior design and drag artistry. Comparing it to "Project Runway," the hosts discuss the creativity and occasional complacency observed in drag competitions like RuPaul's Drag Race. They emphasize the high level of innovation required in both fields.

Notable Quotes:

• [17:18] Bobby Moynihan: "It's like Project Runway but for interior designing."
• [18:20] Kristen Schaal: "I'll tell you where they're not lazy. Right here."

---

5. Kristen Schaal’s Vampire Show 'Shadows' (26:30 - 38:00)

Kristen provides insights into her role in the vampire-themed show "Shadows." She candidly discusses the challenges posed by prosthetics, such as fake teeth, which hinder her ability to deliver lines naturally. The segment is filled with humorous anecdotes about managing her character's appearance and performance.

Notable Quotes:

• [36:10] Kristen Schaal: "I can't get my tongue. I can't talk."
• [37:08] Kristen Schaal: "How did you do that? A1 was cheaper."

---

6. Voice Acting and Character Representation (52:00 - 60:00)

Kristen explores her experiences with voice acting, highlighting the disparity between her natural voice and the characters she portrays. She reflects on how her voice has been perceived by others and the unique challenges of maintaining character consistency.

Notable Quotes:

• [52:34] Kristen Schaal: "I didn't know you can't hear it in your head."
• [53:34] Kristen Schaal: "We always have to earn it. And I'm like, oh, my God."

---

7. Fan Interactions and Boundaries (56:00 - 64:00)

The conversation turns to interactions with fans, where Kristen shares both positive and uncomfortable experiences. They discuss the importance of setting boundaries while appreciating fan support, emphasizing respectful and meaningful engagements.

Notable Quotes:

• [57:36] Kristen Schaal: "When someone approaches you and says, I love this and that, I always think about their own experience."
• [59:33] Trixie Mattel: "You have to stop them, otherwise, they get creepy."

---

8. Podcasting and Intimacy (63:00 - 70:00)

The hosts discuss the intimate nature of podcasting, describing how the medium fosters a close connection with listeners. Kristen introduces her own podcast, "Don't Listen," which focuses on extraordinary individuals, and they explore the dynamics of creating engaging audio content.

Notable Quotes:

• [63:00] Trixie Mattel: "Podcasting breeds a certain level of intimacy because people are ears."
• [64:18] Kristen Schaal: "It's about people who break records."

---

9. Closing Remarks and Final Banter (71:00 - End)

As the episode wraps up, the hosts engage in lighthearted banter about touring and the anxieties associated with live performances. Kristen expresses gratitude to the listeners and hints at continuing her podcast endeavors. The episode concludes on a humorous and appreciative note.

Notable Quotes:

• [71:05] Trixie Mattel: "How dare you."
• [71:14] Kristen Schaal: "We are actually winning."

---

Summary:

In this engaging episode of The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya, hosts Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova are joined by comedian Kristen Schaal and Bobby Moynihan. The conversation kicks off with Kristen's welcome back to the show, followed by a humorous exploration of the subjective nature of time. They delve into the challenges of renovating their living spaces while maintaining good relations with neighbors, using exaggerated scenarios that highlight the real-life stressors and comedic potential of such situations.

Transitioning to the realms of creativity and drag artistry, the hosts draw parallels between interior design competitions and drag races, commending the innovative spirit required in both. Kristen then opens up about her role in the vampire-themed show Shadows, sharing candid anecdotes about the physical and performative challenges posed by prosthetics.

Voice acting becomes a focal point as Kristen discusses the dichotomy between her natural voice and the characters she voices, revealing the intricate process of maintaining authenticity in character portrayal. The discussion then shifts to fan interactions, where both Kristen and Trixie share experiences that range from heartwarming to discomforting, underscoring the importance of setting boundaries.

Podcasting's unique ability to create intimate connections with listeners is celebrated, with Kristen introducing her own podcast venture, "Don't Listen," aimed at spotlighting extraordinary individuals. The episode concludes with playful banter about the anxieties of touring and live performances, reinforcing the camaraderie among the hosts and their appreciation for their audience.

Throughout the episode, the hosts maintain a balance of humor, candidness, and insightful discussions, making it a captivating listen for both fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Bobby Moynihan]

This episode of the Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by booking.com booking. Yeah. From amazing, exotic vacation rentals to beautiful hotels across the U.S. booking.com has the ideal summer stay for absolutely anyone, even those who might seem impossible to please. Whether you're booking for yourself, your partner, or your oldest friend who's decided to get up every morning at 5am to train for a triathlon as part of their midlife crisis, Booking.com can help you find exactly what you're looking for. For from flights to hotels to cruises to local attractions, you can find anything. And if you're lazy like me, you can even book full tours. So this summer, say goodbye to the hassles of booking a trip and do it all in one place. If I can find my perfect stay on booking.com, anyone can find exactly what you're booking for booking.com booking. Yeah. Book today on the site or in the app.

[Trixie Mattel]

If you haven't already heard, FX has a new original comedy series out now called Adults, which after watching the trailer feels all too familiar. Adults is a comedy that will feel relatable if you ever also find humor in struggles of being an adult in 2025. You know, like remembering your own Social Security number or remember to drink water or perhaps having your third existential crisis of the month. Best part is that all episodes are ready for your next weekend binge. Watch FX's Adults Wednesday on FX. All episodes now streaming on Hulu. If you haven't already heard, FX has a new original comedy series out now called Adults, which after watching the trailer, feels all too familiar. Adults is a comedy that will feel relatable if you ever also find humor in struggles of being an adult in 2025. You know, like remembering your own Social Security number or remember to drink water or perhaps having your third existential crisis of the month. Best part is that all episodes are ready for your next weekend binge. Watch FX's Adults Wednesday on FX. All episodes now streaming on Hulu. Do I look like Pharrell? Where?

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay, you is.

[Trixie Mattel]

Come on. Feral.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Just feral. I.

[Bobby Moynihan]

What is a beta cuck?

[Trixie Mattel]

Let's take a break.

[Kristen Schaal]

I think it cancels each other out, right?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, it's like a redundant.

[Kristen Schaal]

What is it?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, redundant.

[Kristen Schaal]

Redundant.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Redundant.

[Trixie Mattel]

I think cuckolding is. I'm embarrassed because my wife is getting is cheating in front of me.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

And beta is like, wow. A man who is like feet. No, a man who's like not even better than me is embarrassing me.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, Ned.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Schneebly oh, so like. So like an effeminate non alpha is. Is stupping my wife in front of me.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, this is your psyche. Because I said less than me and you said effeminate. I guess you think effeminate men are beta. Let's take another break.

[Bobby Moynihan]

We have to. We have woke.

[Trixie Mattel]

Sorry. This is woke up before we like it.

[Bobby Moynihan]

You do what?

[Kristen Schaal]

I want to sleep.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you do well, do you ever do what.

[Kristen Schaal]

So I've done woke up.

[Trixie Mattel]

We never introduce anybody. Although your voice. People will know who you are immediately. I have to say I was on my break. Hello, people. I was. When I was on my break and you guys had your episode, we hit it off. It was the star episode. I just. I listened to it twice.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I think it was the only good one while you were gone. And. And we were trying to figure out when that was. Can you. Do you remember when that was?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, last summer.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I said eight months.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, July. Probably last year.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, so a whole year.

[Trixie Mattel]

Whoa.

[Bobby Moynihan]

A whole year or about eight months.

[Kristen Schaal]

Time is.

[Bobby Moynihan]

That's. That's a long time.

[Kristen Schaal]

Scary right now. Can we all agree it's going faster than it has? Yeah, like something no one's talking about. The fact that we might have lost like 10 minutes in the earth spinning and nobody.

[Trixie Mattel]

Every day people are afraid to speak up.

[Kristen Schaal]

I'll speak up.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Whistleblower guys.

[Kristen Schaal]

Like it was. It was 7am and now I swear to God, it's almost noon. And nothing happened in between.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, fuck. That was me this morning getting here. Did you know I get. Well, we have Ms. Shaw in the house today.

[Kristen Schaal]

Honored. Honored.

[Trixie Mattel]

The return back.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. Thank you for coming back. Nobody's ever come back before.

[Kristen Schaal]

You know what? And I put it off a little bit because I get nervous coming here. I'll tell you why. Because I feel like I need to look pretty. That more pretty than like normal.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Okay.

[Kristen Schaal]

But I put on false eyelashes by myself. So if a caterpillar comes crawling down, let me know. Just because you guys are pretty and you know how to make. You know what I mean? Like, I. And I feel like your audience is very detail oriented.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Well, they. They're not.

[Trixie Mattel]

They like us.

[Bobby Moynihan]

They. They're detail oriented. When it. Like for example, we had a blue background before this one. And you would think that that blue background had incited Nazi Germany. They hated it so much.

[Kristen Schaal]

We were talking about Nazi Germany.

[Trixie Mattel]

Verbal. But if one of your lashes does travel, believe me, in the comments, they're going to say something.

[Bobby Moynihan]

You'll be hearing it for the rest of your Life.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah. There's a pressure there, as I was doing. And I think about you two a lot because I think of an. About how artistic you have to be. Like, this is one thing, but then this is something else. And I really.

[Trixie Mattel]

Turning the gun on yourself.

[Bobby Moynihan]

It really is. It doesn't.

[Kristen Schaal]

Those don't transform.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Those don't.

[Kristen Schaal]

Totally different.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Because I was actually a good drawer or painter. And then that didn't help at all.

[Kristen Schaal]

No, no, no. Because you're at all. This is.

[Bobby Moynihan]

And also 3D.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, she doesn't really like makeup, but. Do you like the glam? I don't like doing the glam.

[Kristen Schaal]

I don't like it. I'm not on the train. I even like, I'm letting my face just naturally fall to my collarbones. There was a moment I had to go on a journey with it because I was like, oh, man, my face is changing because I'm living longer and I'm like, oh, no. So I was like, well, do I need to. Do I like, I asked like my beautiful model friend, like, where do people go to not have their face look like it lived a long time? She's like this doctor. And I like, well, I went in and he's like, yeah, I can get in there. I can like lift it. I can sew it all back. And then I was like, okay, let me think about it. And then I was like, forget it. Like, I was never selling something that was in trend. You know, I was always a little bit over here anyways. And I was like, I mean, why don't I just let it fall and see if I get more roles? Like haggard. Haggard witch. Fun role.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's super fun.

[Kristen Schaal]

I actually, you know.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Right. I would skip. I want to be. If I were an actress, I would want to skip age 20 through 60.

[Kristen Schaal]

And right to grandma.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. Go from hot, likeable princess to like crone.

[Trixie Mattel]

I do think that's how gay fans are. They love like a 21 year old actress and they love like.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, it's tough in the middle, though.

[Kristen Schaal]

It's tough in the middle.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Do you enjoy getting in the makeup chair?

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, because I just sit there and I. And every. Almost every makeup person I've met is lovely.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, almost every.

[Kristen Schaal]

I mean, I would say every. I actually haven't met one I didn't like.

[Trixie Mattel]

Can I ask about your wig on shadows because. Because that thing looks dense.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Heavy. Hot.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Hot.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's like a. It's like a thick, thick wig.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like silver long.

[Kristen Schaal]

It's beautiful. I had different ones all Throughout. Because I told, I told my friend Jermaine, he was like, I got part for you on the show and this never happened. I know. This is. Wow. Big wear shows Jermaine. And then I was like, okay, can I be. Can I have long blonde hair, please? Because I've never had it before. So he just, I guess he went to the hair trailer. He's like, kristen's gonna be on the show. I don't mind. Christine's gonna be on the show. I know. No, he's New Zealand.

[Trixie Mattel]

Which part of his face doesn't work like this side? Yeah, she wants long blonde hair. Oh, she's not coming.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, she's not coming. No. That's not good either. I went to New Zealand for spring break and I feel like I got it, but only in the car.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Well, they say, they say breeds with spreads, breads with spreads. That's the only thing I know how to do. New Kiwi. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

One of the ring shits at the airport there.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah. Crazy hunt.

[Trixie Mattel]

Airplane. It's just like flying eagle in the airport.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, yeah. They're very proud of their ring.

[Trixie Mattel]

They're very proud of their ring. They are. It is beautiful. We only went to New Zealand. I've only been maybe once or twice. How about you?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, the same. It's beautiful.

[Trixie Mattel]

She tried to get me to do this thing. Would you do this? They put you in a chair and they, they dangle you off it by a rope and then they drop you and you swing like a bungee jump canyon. She wanted us to do it in drag.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, right.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Doesn't that sound fun?

[Kristen Schaal]

Beautiful.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Well, I just watched the skywalk thing in China. Do you see that video circulating? It's like a three hour ladder into the sky in China.

[Trixie Mattel]

That seems fear.

[Kristen Schaal]

It's like right to heaven.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, I mean, like climb it yourself for three hours.

[Kristen Schaal]

Drawing a kid would do. And then they're in heaven. After grandpa went, what if you fall?

[Bobby Moynihan]

You're, you're, you're like China.

[Kristen Schaal]

It doesn't matter. There are no rules. You can't sue.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Then you get cooked.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah. Then you're dead.

[Trixie Mattel]

And that's where the joke.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Have you seen the videos of the jet packs in Dubai, people? Dubai with jetpacks flying next to planes, looking like jet packs don't look stable.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, they don't.

[Trixie Mattel]

They look like prototypes.

[Bobby Moynihan]

They don't look.

[Trixie Mattel]

And I'm like, so what? So you can go up to an airplane and be like. And then follow this guy and die?

[Kristen Schaal]

I think there's Okay. I love that you. In your imagination, the jetpack means that you can show someone how cool you are. Whereas my imagination, a whole airplane full of people. I think it's the sensation of I am a human that's flying like a bird.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right. I guess the clip I saw. The clip I saw was someone flying by a plane.

[Kristen Schaal]

And so it was, like, very dangerous.

[Trixie Mattel]

It was very. I know you are, but what am I. I can. My dad can beat up your dad, you know?

[Kristen Schaal]

Clip.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, it was on the Internet.

[Kristen Schaal]

It was a live action thing.

[Trixie Mattel]

It was a live action thing.

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay. I got to see this.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I don't believe it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Cut to the. Roll the footage. I follow a. I follow, like, your grandpa's Twitter, where it's like crazy clips you won't believe. And it's like, dog saves a woman from burning building. And with that, it was like, wow. In Dubai, people have jetpacks.

[Bobby Moynihan]

But also, some of this is A1.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's A1.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

Artificial. Artificial intelligence.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes. A1.

[Kristen Schaal]

I was gonna say. I mean, that my. I was sniffing out something suspicious about that jetpack being too close to the airplane. Like a fucking Twilight Zone or something.

[Trixie Mattel]

Maybe you get sucked into the turbine, too.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I always watch those videos, then all of a sudden, the. The guy's head turns into a dog, and then it's a one. Yeah. Lately, it's a lot of dogs.

[Kristen Schaal]

Is a one what we're calling right now? Because I like.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, who. Linda McMahon called it the Secretary of Education.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

Cool.

[Trixie Mattel]

The woman from. The woman from the wrestling stuff.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah. Because it looks like. Like a Roman numeral to her.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

And she says that we all need to get more on the ball with a one because it's coming.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. More steak sauce in schools.

[Trixie Mattel]

And she's educated on the subject.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Schools.

[Trixie Mattel]

She's educated on the subject. Do you ever do fake tanner?

[Kristen Schaal]

No.

[Trixie Mattel]

My friend Mateo did some fake Tanner just last year. And speaking of A one, if you put on too much, it had looked like he just took barbecue sauce and rubbed it up the white legs. It's very barbecue at the airport. Bright red, pink legs.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

So he did it, right?

[Trixie Mattel]

I mean, at least you're letting people know I did something. Something happened, you know, something occurred.

[Kristen Schaal]

Can I.

[Bobby Moynihan]

You have to tie a break before you reveal. Remember what we were talking about earlier? There's. What I was gonna. We have to ask her. What split the. Oh, so. About causing noise for a neighbor.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, yes. Okay, okay. I'll hold my other thoughts. Which isn't Gonna make sense later. Get back there.

[Trixie Mattel]

Don't talk about it now.

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay, so earlier, after you honked at me on the road.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Kristen Schaal]

And then cooled down in the back.

[Trixie Mattel]

But sorry about the finger too.

[Kristen Schaal]

It's okay. I deserved it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, I. I need to get my.

[Kristen Schaal]

Shit together and you told me so. And so Katya was talking to me about how she's re interior designing her condo and herself because it's very expensive to hire the hard working interior designers that deserve every penny.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yes.

[Kristen Schaal]

And. And what was.

[Bobby Moynihan]

But we're making so much noise.

[Kristen Schaal]

So much noise. They're like, you know, they're sighing. There's loud noise. And I was saying you need to leave your neighbors a gift with a note. Sorry about the noise. This will be over soon. If you have any problems, here's my number.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, yeah, so. But I was saying that absolutely not. I'm gonna give them a gift when it's done. Because they haven't said.

[Trixie Mattel]

I kind of think it's before. Yes, it's before, but then. Because it's acknowledging the current. But the current ask is to deal with a little noise.

[Bobby Moynihan]

But the only reason I don't do that is because we're about halfway through and they haven't said anything. But I don't know when it's going to end. So I can't give them. I can't give them a really concrete answer. Do you know what I mean?

[Kristen Schaal]

You don't have to give them an answer of the end date. I just think. Sorry about the ongoing noise.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Well, my first question would be. That's okay. How much longer is it gonna be, you cunt? That would be my like next.

[Kristen Schaal]

That's what. How you would say that. Holding the chocolates and the champagne.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Bobby Moynihan]

How is the champagne going to fix my like ear, you know? Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

I would say do it during. And you really. Can I tell you when into my building. My, my condo building. I was renovating before I moved in. And one day they caught me in the elevator. My neighbor, she was like. I said, oh, name, name, name. I. She said. So they were like. I said, oh, I'm moving next door to you. And then she goes, are you the one who's been renovating? Oh my God. What has been over. It's been 24 hours a day. And I know for a fact it's.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Not 24 hours a day. Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

And also I'm the only one in this building who doesn't have a bunch of kids and a bunch of dogs. And I don't. You never even Hear me?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

So all you. I'm sorry. A couple months of clink, clink, clink, hi ho. Is that how long it was compared to your dog flipping out every time I get off the elevator?

[Bobby Moynihan]

A couple months is a long time.

[Trixie Mattel]

Lisa Vanderprim says everything takes twice as long, cost twice as much that.

[Bobby Moynihan]

That I. That I agree with.

[Trixie Mattel]

But shit, it's true.

[Kristen Schaal]

You know, you never know either. It sounds to me like you're approaching your neighbors from a place of real insecure disdain.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, I don't like.

[Kristen Schaal]

You're ready for a fight. You're ready for like, people to be mean to you. What if they're, like, excited that you made any contact at all?

[Bobby Moynihan]

I don't think that that's the case.

[Trixie Mattel]

I think the consideration of. Hey, I just wanted to.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

I wanted to address the situation.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

I want. Open up. You should make an apology video.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, that's right.

[Trixie Mattel]

And then send it to them.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I'll send it to them, but I'll do it like they do in school where you like roll out a fat back TV and I'll just knock on the door and then just leave and press play. That would probably be a good idea.

[Trixie Mattel]

And they could.

[Kristen Schaal]

This is hide around the.

[Trixie Mattel]

Their reaction. Or what about. What if they think they're watching apology video and then you stand up and it's a live feed.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

And then you kind of walk in Chris Hansen style.

[Bobby Moynihan]

That's right. And arrest them.

[Kristen Schaal]

Or what if in your note you say. And as a format for to. For forgiveness and for further happy relationships, I would like to offer to pay for your renovation.

[Trixie Mattel]

Sure.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Totally. Totally. Up to 300,000 dol.

[Kristen Schaal]

Right.

[Trixie Mattel]

The powder room of your choice. I think there's an easy solution here, which is you have a friend here and a very beloved America sweetheart. Everyone loves her. Will you do you kind of show up and kind of do like a. Oh, yes.

[Bobby Moynihan]

What are you doing this afternoon?

[Trixie Mattel]

Soften the blow.

[Bobby Moynihan]

That would be cunty. That would be cunty.

[Kristen Schaal]

I would cunt it up so hard for you outside their doors. Yeah, I could be like. I could even like through the wall, be like, God, Katya, it's sounds so good in here. What is this cool beat?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Buzz saw. That's a buzz saw. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

And what if you kind of are in a nice outfit and you walk in and you go, that's right. It's me. I'm the one, sweetheart.

[Kristen Schaal]

I'm the one doing the noise. Right. I want to say sorry and I want to cut you all a check for $300,000.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's starting to sound like Extreme Home Makeover. You show up at someone's house and give them money to renovate.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Move that bus.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. Love it.

[Kristen Schaal]

I had an idea this morning while you were cooling down after honking at me with Katya about making a show about interior decorators competing against, like, up and coming ones that, you know, like, new novice.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

Ones. And there's like, who can buy the best lamp?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. It's like. It's like Project Runway but for interior designing. No, no, no, no.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I want it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Who can buy the best lamp and what are the constraints?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Like, who can source the best LED wall sconce.

[Kristen Schaal]

That's right.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Do you know what I mean?

[Kristen Schaal]

Right. Who can make the Jungle Room from.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Elvis Presley's like, Graceland for under $48?

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay, now it's getting interesting.

[Kristen Schaal]

I don't want. I don't want a price point. You know, I don't. I don't want to make it limit them. I want, like, galore.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Okay.

[Kristen Schaal]

But, yeah, time, time. There's tariffs. They gotta get it over the ship.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right. And the wolf terrorists and all the woke.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

And the woke without.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

You gotta be woke.

[Bobby Moynihan]

You gotta be cheap and you gotta be quick. Yeah, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

They do that on Drag Race. Sometimes they have them do, like, an interior design challenge where they have a room like this size that's just like a white box, and they give them one day to go, like, make a nightclub or. Oh, yeah, they've done it.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

But it's. It's. It's drag queens who are, like, I guess, creative but incredibly lazy and combative. So, yeah, they're all fighting about who has the best idea, but no one's actually doing the. The work.

[Kristen Schaal]

I know. I. I'll tell you where they're not lazy. Right here.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, they have.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Well, they keep getting so. I mean, the drag queens on Drag Race that were so good, especially the All Stars girls. Have you seen any of the episodes? Oh, my God. There's like, they are there. The stuff that they're doing is like a next level.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's a one.

[Bobby Moynihan]

It is a one. It's like. It's so. I could never. I was like. I was watching Bosco. You seen Bosco?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, with the breast.

[Bobby Moynihan]

She's one of their trans now, too, which helps. And, like, they are like. It is. It is truly, like, mind boggling how they like the stuff that they pull out on the Runway.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's crazy to see you Compete on Drag Race. What do you think? Hard left.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Would you do it? Have you ever judged on Drag Race?

[Kristen Schaal]

No.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, come on.

[Bobby Moynihan]

You gotta do that.

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay. Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

They would be so lucky to have you. And this. And when the celebrities come on, the girls get so excited for, like, funny women, too. Like, they flip out to see you.

[Bobby Moynihan]

It would be cunting.

[Kristen Schaal]

That's an honor. Again, I would love to cunt it so hard for them, too. Yeah, I guess, because it's all about a Persona, right? Yeah. And that's sort of what gives you the courage to just give your all on the Runway.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

Like, leave it all on the floor.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, right. On the floor.

[Kristen Schaal]

Because you're not you. You will on the floor. Because you're not on the floor. So. And so is. And she's.

[Trixie Mattel]

She shouldn't. She did more than you.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

The pilot is bigger.

[Kristen Schaal]

She. She's a shadow. Frass.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know, what else do you too? I mean, if you see these drag queens out of drag, you'd know why they feel so emboldened in these other.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Personas, ghouls and goblins.

[Trixie Mattel]

When they become, you know, Don Knots with no eyebrows, you're like, oh.

[Kristen Schaal]

I think you both look very good.

[Bobby Moynihan]

No, I mean, you know, I mean.

[Kristen Schaal]

You'Re not going to accept that, but.

[Trixie Mattel]

Did you know that we're both name. We're both bald and white named Brian.

[Bobby Moynihan]

And we both have older brothers named Dan.

[Kristen Schaal]

Whoa.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. It's very special.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah. I know that you had to reach for something more, didn't you?

[Trixie Mattel]

I know. It's awful.

[Kristen Schaal]

Wow.

[Bobby Moynihan]

This episode is sponsored by our friends at Rakuten. Summer is almost upon us, dear listeners. A time of sunshine, A time of long days and even longer nights. A time of unbridled recreation. This summer, you too can live the life of a bon vivant. Use Rakuten to elevate your pleasures with effortless sophistication as you get exclusive deals at a curated selection of luxury retailers. As my life has so clearly shown, Rakuten allows one to indulge in life's finer offerings without the sting of overspending. Imagine a shopping spree at Bloomingdale's, a makeover at Alta, or a case of France's finest Chateau Neuf du [e-mail], all while recouping a portion of your outlay through Rakuten's seamless cashback system. For the pet owners amongst you, Rakuten's deals at Petco and Nike will allow you to walk your four legged friend in both comfort and style. Those that are fashion forward can refresh their summer wardrobes with the latest designer collection at Saks Fifth Avenue, knowing that each purchase brings not only sartorial satisfaction but also a gratifying financial return. The true genius of Rakuten lies in transforming everyday indulgence into a kind of virtuous cycle where each experience funds the next, amplifying the joie de vivre of summer. Moreover, the platform's digital convenience spares you the mundane drudgery of coupon clipping or price hunting, allowing you to focus solely on the art of enjoyment. In essence, Rakuten acts as both patron and partner to the modern bon vivant, ensuring that life's ephemeral pleasures leave a lasting glow. As you revel in the deals and cash back that Rakuten has bestowed upon you, you can bask not only in the beauty of the moment, but also in the quiet triumph of having savored it wisely. Get the Rakuten app now and join the 17 million members who are already saving. Cashback rates change daily. See rakuten.com for details. That's R A K U T E N Your cash back really adds up.

[Trixie Mattel]

Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is sponsored by our friends at Better Help. I have to tell you guys, I have been in therapy for a couple years and I recently had the privilege of really further customizing my talk therapy experience by saying I want to take a break. I've reaped so many benefits from talk therapy and I just got to talk to my therapist and say, I think it's time for me to be able to enjoy that and just take a little siesta as part of my care. And so it's great for me to think of taking a little breather from therapy as part of my therapy process. It's nice to be able to focus on all the wonderful things I've learned about myself. You know, I mean, it might shock you that I'm a man. Many men feel immense pressure to keep it together, to provide. You know, there's no wonder that 6 million men in the US suffer from depression every year, and it's often undiagnosed. The struggle is real and talk therapy is a wonderful option to do something about it. It has helped me be my best and it can help you be your best, not just for you, but for everyone in your life. So if you're a man and you're feeling the way to the world, talk to someone. A friend, a loved one, a therapist. Anybody with over 35,000 therapists BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. And it work with an App store rating of 4.9 out of 5 based on over 1.7 million client reviews. It's so convenient. If you're like me, a person who works full time, you can put that little treatment at the end of the day, first thing in the morning during your lunch break on a weekend. I mean, I've even taken calls in the car on the way to the airport because in LA it's a full hour. So I've done therapy in the car on the way to the function. Talk it out at Better Help our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com bald that's betterhelp H-E-L-P.com bald Naked wines people. Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Naked Wines. Finally, wine. Something I'm actually an expert on. But I'll tell you, even though I love wine, I love wine. I'm more of a white wine person. But even though I've had like a lifetime of drinking wine now I still go into a store and I have no idea what to buy. I'm like looking at different labels, I'm looking at different prices. I'm trying to think of maybe who's coming over and what they might like. And I'm combining that with my other knowledge of almost nothing. Cause then I'm like, well, if I pick this and they come here, I'm gonna say I bought them for them. And they're gonna say why? I'm gonna say, I don't know. Cause of the picture on the front, I have no idea. But I want to be an interesting host and that's why I love naked wines. It's 2025. We should not be shopping like we are juniors in college, just grabbing whatever's convenient and going home. And you know we can. And Naked Wines is a service that directly connects you to the world's finest independent winemakers so you can get award winning wine delivered straight to your door. Use our code Bald for the code and [e-mail] and get their incredible deals of 6 bottles for just 39.996 bottles of wine for 40 bucks. I recently enjoyed a bottle of Cabernet which is like not my normal zhuj. But sometimes, you know, it's been a little chilly in Los Angeles. Sometimes like a, like a kind of room temp dark. Like, I love that. How do they do it Naked Wines connects winemakers and wine drinkers directly, allowing the vineyard to basically come to your door at 60% off of what you pay in store because they're cutting out the retail middlemen costs. The other thing is, even if you have a car carrying a bunch of wine bottles from the store, home is not fabulous. It's really nice to just have these things brought to you. Naked Wines has been around for over 15 years and funds over 90 independent winemakers. No commitments or membership fees and you can enjoy Naked Wines hassle free. Now it is time to join the Naked Wines community. Head to nakedwines.com bald click enter voucher and put in my code bald for both the code and password for six bottles of wine for just $39.99 with shipping included. That's a hundred dollars off your first six [e-mail] bald and use the code and password bald for six bottles of wine for 30. Can I ask you more questions about shadows?

[Kristen Schaal]

Yes, of course.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay. So do you guys. I'm assuming because it's a vampire program. Do you guys do like tons of night shoots?

[Kristen Schaal]

Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

What is it like all the.

[Bobby Moynihan]

All night? I've never overnight.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

I've only shot at night once in my life and I found it very disorienting to like go home when the sun is coming up.

[Kristen Schaal]

It is. Yeah, yeah. I'll come home at 7 o' clock and my daughter is like eating breakfast, like, good morning, Mom. And I'm like, okay, just keep it down. I don't like it. I think it's terrible. I feel like, especially if you're like, be funny. And it's 3:00am yeah. And then you're like, be funny. You know, I am my least funny at when I'm asleep.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

So. And what's the night before when you're trying to adjust your sleep schedule? You're like laying in bed at 2pm What?

[Kristen Schaal]

Go to sleep.

[Trixie Mattel]

Go to sleep with the big fat sleeping pill or what do we do?

[Kristen Schaal]

I don't take sleeping pills, but I'm gonna start. I just recently started. Do I do lots of coffees during the night? Shoot. And then I. But yeah, I've. I started doing gummies. I know I'm not working with a very dry time. I don't know if you've heard about this in Hollywood.

[Bobby Moynihan]

What do you mean?

[Kristen Schaal]

I mean, a lot of people aren't working right now.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Why?

[Kristen Schaal]

Because they're waiting for Voight, I think, and Trump to tariff the TV shows so they can come into la sure.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Jesus.

[Kristen Schaal]

Did you guys hear about that?

[Trixie Mattel]

I did. I watched the news every day. Like a crazy.

[Kristen Schaal]

Industry has. Like more of your friends in the industry aren't working.

[Trixie Mattel]

Not for us.

[Kristen Schaal]

I know you guys make your own shows. It's really great. Look at you.

[Trixie Mattel]

We've been super busy. Oh, my God. To be honest. You know what it is? We weren't booked then. We're not booked.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was gonna say it's been like this.

[Bobby Moynihan]

It's just no change.

[Kristen Schaal]

I love.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Do you watch the news? I don't watch the news.

[Kristen Schaal]

I. I probably shouldn't say that. I listen to the Daily.

[Bobby Moynihan]

What's that?

[Kristen Schaal]

It's a podcast that the New York Times puts out. And the guy who is the host, Michael Barbara, when he's. He's supposed to be biased, but like he does a non verbal grunting sound to things. So tell me something good and tell me something bad and I'll react like he does.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay. Well, I had my own car to drive here today, but there was really bad traffic. That's very unbiased.

[Kristen Schaal]

Dude, take it off the mic like.

[Trixie Mattel]

You'Re supposed to be a journalist.

[Kristen Schaal]

It's like the number one podcast. Everyone's downloading the new.

[Trixie Mattel]

I would love to see him play poker.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, Christ.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, my God. But you would watch. I actually watch Democracy now every once in a while.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's.

[Kristen Schaal]

I don't know what that is.

[Bobby Moynihan]

No, no. Democracy Now. Amy Goodman. It's like, it's like very. I guess it's like very. The only neutral, kind of like non biased thing you can hope for in a news item.

[Trixie Mattel]

The good news is right now. I mean, I. I watch the news every day and it's. Even when it's delivered, non biased. The information is so absurd that if they're saying what's really happening, they're really not gonna come off as unbiased. They're delivering like, hey, this isn't good or bad news, but your mom's dead.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's like, no, that's bad.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh my gosh. I have this thing and I told him to his face, when you watch E News with Mario Mario Lopez, he'll be like, and this just in. Da da da. Died of an overdose two hours ago. Stay tuned and we'll see the apartment. And I extra ext. Know and I. I saw him at a movie premiere for a cartoons with his kids. And I said, I. I was like, I don't like it when you do that.

[Bobby Moynihan]

What did he say?

[Trixie Mattel]

Stop.

[Kristen Schaal]

He was like, I know. They make me do that. Like they want energy. But he's like. He felt it too.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, my God.

[Kristen Schaal]

And since our talk. No, I don't know.

[Trixie Mattel]

I honestly, I saw that at function once too.

[Kristen Schaal]

It's very nice.

[Bobby Moynihan]

He's.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't know what he's doing.

[Bobby Moynihan]

It's crazy.

[Trixie Mattel]

He drank like he was saved with a bell last week. It's really crazy.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay, so I saw that. An ad for this red light mask you put on your face. You know what I'm.

[Trixie Mattel]

We have.

[Kristen Schaal]

We do that.

[Trixie Mattel]

They. They gave us.

[Bobby Moynihan]

How does it, like.

[Trixie Mattel]

How does it, like, work, though?

[Bobby Moynihan]

I don't care.

[Trixie Mattel]

They sent it to us for free. And I think we're both so, like, again, not working. Unwanted.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

So like, for us to get a gift, we were like, wow. And so I put it on more out of like. Wouldn't this be fun? You know what I do with it?

[Bobby Moynihan]

What?

[Trixie Mattel]

I get high and turn around. It glows red. And I walk around the house in the dark in it.

[Kristen Schaal]

It's super spooky. Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

And look at my Tron. Like, I come around the corner, I'm like. Like, I really. And all you see is glowing red eyes. And I'm like, it's very Tron.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I was googling it the other day. I was like, do red light.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

I mean, look at us. What do you think?

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, you always look pretty.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Look 22. No, they say it works, but I was like, how? It hasn't existed for like more than 10 weeks.

[Trixie Mattel]

It does.

[Bobby Moynihan]

You know what I mean?

[Trixie Mattel]

My dentist, Dr. Sun, she says that.

[Kristen Schaal]

Your teeth look great.

[Trixie Mattel]

Thank you.

[Bobby Moynihan]

But they're.

[Trixie Mattel]

But they're. They're fake.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, you got veneers. Yeah, I have some too, because I lost my teeth in a. After drinking too much wine.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Why?

[Kristen Schaal]

We'll get into it later.

[Trixie Mattel]

Back to your dentist.

[Kristen Schaal]

Cut to a break.

[Trixie Mattel]

Cut to a break. You know what? That's what I do. I just yell, let's take a break. My dentist says she's. She. She has what, 50 years of education? And she says that red light has such strong anti inflammatory properties, which does make sense with your skin. Right? Like your face.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Red light, anti inflammatory.

[Trixie Mattel]

And the mask we have. Has. It's by Shark.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Shark.

[Trixie Mattel]

Unpaid spokesmanship. But they did send it for free. It does have.

[Kristen Schaal]

Then you are paying.

[Trixie Mattel]

I want to see the money.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Well, because it's $350.

[Trixie Mattel]

It is.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

That's cheaper than the Dyson Diffuser hair dry sweet dryer I just bought. But that for this podcast.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, my God.

[Kristen Schaal]

Like, do you know what a diffuser is?

[Trixie Mattel]

I said, no, I love your hair.

[Kristen Schaal]

Well, I diffused it.

[Trixie Mattel]

I love curly hair. I know that people with curly hair, when I say I love curly hair, they're like, you don't know what it's like.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

You don't know what I've been through. No, it could be worse.

[Kristen Schaal]

It's true. Well, there you go. But. Yeah, but at least this is not stress. Can I. Very soft. Really squishy. Wow.

[Trixie Mattel]

Can I ask I, I, I.

[Kristen Schaal]

More questions?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. I'm sorry. I. I loved it.

[Kristen Schaal]

Why are we okay?

[Trixie Mattel]

Last min. Last man on earth.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah. That was such a special show for me.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was thinking of it and feels like such a big, epic show because the big. I mean, I'm sure this is intentional to make you guys seem like the last people. It's these big open fields of is. It's really for such a big feeling show. I'm like, that's a tiny call sheet for performers.

[Kristen Schaal]

I will say that my makeup artist was saying she misses it because there's no extras. There was like, no two, three people, okay, you're done. And then they just like, relax. Yeah, that was that. I felt, too, when, for the first couple episodes where it was just me and Will Forte, that it was my show, even though it wasn't my show. I was like, this is my show. Then they started catching other people. Like, let me weigh in, to be honest, at my show, not your show, baby.

[Trixie Mattel]

It felt it to me. It felt very 50 50. When I think of it. I think of the scenes of you two together, like, mainly.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, that's.

[Trixie Mattel]

You guys were.

[Kristen Schaal]

The whole cast was great. And they're. And we're all still friends. Mary Steenburgen and Ted Danson are godparents to. To my kid because I was pregnant on that show. Up until the day we wrapped, I actually gave bir. We were like, out in pyu and. And they were like, so in this scene, a goat's gonna run towards you. And it was like, February 8th. My due date was February 9th. Mind.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, my God. Jesus.

[Kristen Schaal]

I don't know about that. And then I went in at the doctor the next day. They're like, we need to cut you open because your baby's so big. And I was like, awesome, because I was kind of, like, secretly hoping they would just cut her out, you know, I don't want to deal with the.

[Trixie Mattel]

The bigger.

[Kristen Schaal]

Push her out. I've done enough growing her, like, get her out. And so he. So yeah, on the day Last day of the show. The whole show. I gave birth and they wrapped the show. And then they. And then my life changed. No.

[Trixie Mattel]

And then motherhood changed me. And this is when you cheat out and plug the hair care products.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Red light Masks by shark. Thank you.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't watch a lot of television, but I caught that program. And you were so great in it. Have you ever seen this program?

[Bobby Moynihan]

I haven't, which is why I was in a program.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know my Grammys. And I just. I love you so much. And I love you and Shadow so much. And I love you burger so much.

[Kristen Schaal]

Thank you.

[Trixie Mattel]

And I feel like the people listening are probably also screaming that.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

My show that I love. There was a clip came up again on, and I.

[Bobby Moynihan]

It's. Bring that back.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, gotcha. That's over.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Would you know, I have another question.

[Trixie Mattel]

Is it hard to talk with the fake teeth in for the vampire stuff?

[Kristen Schaal]

It is hard to talk, yes. And you have to get used to it. And there was. I did, like, season one, and they measured my teeth, and then I didn't do season two, and they wrote me back in for season three, and they were like, do you want us to. It was like, high Covid. And they were like, can we, like, do you want to, like, measure your teeth again? I'm like, no, we'll just use the things from season one. I'll. I'm fine. I'm sure. And then we went in. They gave me my teeth right before they called action. Like, they blocked it, everything. And they're like, oh, and here's your teeth. I popped them in. I forgot I'd had, like, a root canal because of the bike accident where I lost my teeth. And, like, so things were like, my mouth had changed.

[Trixie Mattel]

You got all new teeth and you're like, I'm sure it's fine.

[Kristen Schaal]

I'm sure it's fine. I pop them in. I can't get my tongue. I can't talk. I was like. I was like this. I was like, come on. I was supposed to hit on Harvey in a tunnel. And I was like.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, my God.

[Kristen Schaal]

It was a nightmare.

[Trixie Mattel]

And it's 3am yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah. And it's 3aM And I was just like, this is like. You know, and I'm. I'm like a guest on the show, too. So it's not. I'm not like, totally, like, I'm. You know, you always have to earn it. And I'm like, oh, my God. Like, the only thing the actor has to do is Talk. And I just fucked that.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

Like when you get asked if you need to be refitted for a prosthetic, especially one that goes in your fucking mouth. I'll be right over.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right. I think, you know, Mr. Colin Robinson really lucks out because, like, okay, you're a vampire, but you don't have to wear corsets and capes.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yes.

[Bobby Moynihan]

He's got it so easy.

[Kristen Schaal]

I know.

[Bobby Moynihan]

So. What a bastard.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, bastard.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know that you're entirely responsible for the graphics department and the cgi.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

The little Colin baby. How do they do it?

[Kristen Schaal]

How do they do it?

[Trixie Mattel]

How did you do that?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay, so what I did was I cast little baby. Like two. Like tell three year olds. We had three different three year olds. I cast. And then we asked the parents, is it okay if we put dots on your baby's face?

[Trixie Mattel]

Right?

[Kristen Schaal]

And they were like, yes, sir. How much? How much are we getting for the day? You know, so. And also the kid, you know you're not in this, right? So little dots on the face. I tell, I tell Mark Prosc, you stay home in la. We shouldn't try to. You just stay home. We don't need you.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Kristen Schaal]

Dots on the face. Then film the scenes with Matt Berry. Then at the end I go to LA and I film my friend Mark, or he comes to Toronto doing all the. Making all the faces and doing all the lines. And then I take that and I use the A1.

[Trixie Mattel]

And at the end of the day, it was just me. At the end of the day, A1 was cheaper. Yeah, it was cheaper.

[Kristen Schaal]

A1 does not ask for money or a break. A1 doesn't ask for anything. But. But to be used.

[Bobby Moynihan]

This episode of the Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by booking.com booking. Yeah. From amazing exotic vacation rentals to beautiful hotels across the US, booking.com has the ideal summer stay for absolutely anyone, even those who might seem impossible to please. Whether you're booking for yourself, your partner or your oldest friend who's decided to get up every morning at 5am to train for a triathlon as part of their midlife crisis, Booking.com can help you find exactly what you're looking for. Even that one high maintenance friend from the group chat who requires a pillow top mattress. A minimum square footage in a hotel with mints on the pillow can be appeased with the options on booking.com. for me, I need to be within walking distance of wherever I'm going. I loathe the thought of having to drive anywhere on a trip. With booking.com I can find the perfect place right in the middle of it all to save me from having to suffer the indignity of renting a car when I'm on vacation. I want convenience, I want cleanliness, and I want a bathroom filled with so much marble that I feel like the Queen of England. When doing my business, booking.com has every option I could possibly ask for. And if I want to forego the marble magnificence of a five star hotel and rough it in a cozy bed and breakfast on the coast of Maine, booking.com has me covered. From flights to hotels to cruises to local attractions, you can find anything. And if you're lazy like me, you can even book full tours. So this summer, say goodbye to the hassles of booking a trip and do it all in one place. If I can find my perfect stay on booking.com anyone can find exactly what you're booking for. Booking.com booking. Yeah. Book today on the site or in the app.

[Trixie Mattel]

This episode of Bald and Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb. Let me tell you, I travel more than you think. I love to go to rural Wisconsin. And you know, where I'm from, it's not exactly a vacation destination of the world. So there's not fabulous hotel options. But there are in northeast Wisconsin, stunning Airbnbs. People have beautiful homes up there, beautiful modest cottages, stunning log cabins, like big, big properties. A lot of options. And there so many of them are in Airbnb. I went to Wisconsin and it was like a five bedroom house with access to a little river with beautiful stargazing, a nice big driveway, a complete kitchen. It was like, I think probably half of what a hotel would be a night. It was perfect for me. And I got to bring, I brought like, you know, some cans of soup, some bread and stuff. And I was able to just make myself simple lunches and breakfasts. Because if you're going somewhere rural, you can't even count on restaurants. And I liked it because it was right in town. I know that area pretty well. So I could choose an Airbnb that I knew was like a quick trip to the bowling alley, quick trip to the grocery store, whatever. So if you're planning a trip or going back to your hometown like me this year, consider hosting your home on Airbnb while you're away. It's a perfect way to earn a little extra cash to put towards your next vacation fund. Or that treat yourself splurge purchase you've been eyeing. Your home might be worth more than you Think and find out how [e-mail] host if you haven't already heard, FX has a new original comedy series out now called Adults, which after watching the trailer, feels all too familiar. Adults is a comedy that will feel relatable if you ever also find humor in struggles of being an adult in 2025. You know, like remembering your own Social Security number or remember to drink water or perhaps having your third existential crisis of the month. Best part is that all episodes are ready for your next weekend binge. Watch FX's Adults Wednesday on FX. All episodes now streaming on Hulu. In case you haven't heard, it's officially in Abercrombie Summer.

[Kristen Schaal]

The A and M vacation shop has everything on your packing mood board. I desperately need their new one piece.

[Trixie Mattel]

The A and F Marina.

[Kristen Schaal]

It's strapless, so flattering.

[Trixie Mattel]

And paired with denim shorts will be.

[Kristen Schaal]

My go to beach outfit this summer.

[Trixie Mattel]

Finally.

[Kristen Schaal]

Your suitcase isn't complete without finding that dress. You know, the one for the photo shoot. Abercrombie's boho dresses have that perfect, beachy, romantic look. Make it an Abercrombie summer shot.

[Trixie Mattel]

Their newest arrivals in store online and in the app. Do you like the cunty vampire outfits or is it like a whole rattle?

[Kristen Schaal]

I love the cunty. Are you kidding? I love to be completely different. And I also really love to talk in each other. I don't know. I don't know if I have it anymore, but it was so fun because I was. It was like, oh, are you gonna judge me about my. About the authenticity. Authenticity of my vampire accent?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Well, luckily, I feel like. I feel like Moira Rose paved the way for, like, if you commit, who cares, right?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Because what is that accent? Really?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. What is that accent?

[Kristen Schaal]

Or Parker Posey, which her accent was probably really good. Yeah, yeah. And the White Lotus. Yeah, yeah. O' Hare's actually is.

[Trixie Mattel]

Just go for it.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, just go for it. Don't go for it.

[Kristen Schaal]

Commitment, I think, might be the key to everything.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Commit to it.

[Kristen Schaal]

Look how you're committing to not being wanted so hard. We are actually winning.

[Trixie Mattel]

Did you notice that? Like, we never. You never catch us taking jobs from other drag queens. The only way we can work is if we do something ourselves.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, that's true.

[Trixie Mattel]

Nobody's ever like, you're up. It's between and this other drag queen.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Or you and, you know, Elle Fanning.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. They want you for this drag queen tour. It's like, stay over there in your little office with your headphones Talk to yourself.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, exactly.

[Kristen Schaal]

Can I ask, have either of you considered taking a role as another character in a thing like a serious comedian?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Like acting?

[Trixie Mattel]

She's. She does real.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I'm a horrible actor. No, no, no, no. I don't like it. I don't like it.

[Trixie Mattel]

She does a good job.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I'm not.

[Trixie Mattel]

She was in a program with Michael Shannon.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, God. I'll tell you what. The people who don't like it are the best ones. They are the best ones.

[Bobby Moynihan]

What do you mean?

[Kristen Schaal]

I'm just saying you're probably better than Meryl Streep because that. It's true. It's true. It's true. Like, my husband is an incredible actor and he was a plant in my earlier standup things and nobody knew it. And, and he's a writer now.

[Trixie Mattel]

What kind of plant was.

[Kristen Schaal]

He hates it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like I would ficus like a fern.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh. Oh, you're swee. Know an audience plan.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh my. Yes, yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

So he would be like, how big was it?

[Kristen Schaal]

Or like, you know, I like, I had this thing where he. I would like propose to him and he would say no. But it was. I was like about to do a one woman show about Anne Boleyn.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, God.

[Kristen Schaal]

But I'm like, before I start, I just want to say happy birthday to my boyfriend in the audience and ah. It like, will you marry me? Something like that. And then he says no.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh.

[Kristen Schaal]

And I can't. And I'm shocked. And then I have to do this show anyway.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's fear.

[Bobby Moynihan]

That's amazing.

[Kristen Schaal]

So I do this show anyway in my bed in my really bad accent and oh my God. And then I end up like just melting down and he like gets mad that I, that I did that in front of the audience and he like runs out and anyways, and other things and lots of other things I'd put him in because he was so good.

[Trixie Mattel]

You're a disruptor.

[Kristen Schaal]

You know what else he did?

[Bobby Moynihan]

What?

[Kristen Schaal]

We were doing a table read for Last man on Earth and there was a part that went to Chris Elliott and it was like a long. It was a long part and it was a table read with Kristen Wiig was there.

[Trixie Mattel]

I love Chris.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Me too.

[Kristen Schaal]

I mean Chris. Oh, I thought you're gonna say Kristen both, but I love it too. Yeah, yeah. Schitt's Creek.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, we'll bring it up. Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

And anyway, so it's a. It's. So Chris Elliott wasn't cast yet and so. So they had Rich read the part and he blew everyone away.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Damn.

[Kristen Schaal]

Kristen Wiig was like, you're so funny. And he will never touch it.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Damn.

[Kristen Schaal]

Because he hates it.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

And I think people who are really good at it, hate it.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Hate your job.

[Kristen Schaal]

Is it because it. Is it because you put every. Every part of your soul into it? Like, why don't you like it?

[Trixie Mattel]

But also fun delivering it because you.

[Kristen Schaal]

Put every part of your soul into it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Also, if it's not. If it's not, like, your skill set and it's not your career, you probably deliver it. Like, who cares? I'm not getting cast. I'm just going to say it.

[Kristen Schaal]

That's right. You're more free.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.

[Trixie Mattel]

And that's probably pretty compelling, right? It's kind of like, remember, do you guys know this person, Utah Hagen?

[Kristen Schaal]

Of course I know.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Respects for acting.

[Trixie Mattel]

I had to read that book in college, and they talked about how animals on stage are the most interesting because they don't know they're on stage, and.

[Kristen Schaal]

You don't know what they're going to do as an audience member.

[Bobby Moynihan]

It's truly unpredictable.

[Trixie Mattel]

And, like, they're just, like, behind.

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, a cat on stage is just like. What are you talking here?

[Bobby Moynihan]

You. Like a dog?

[Kristen Schaal]

I feel like on your podcast, I'm like a dog. I feel like I'm really vibing. I do. I feel really good here. Like, really animal. Like, oh, my God. Yes. We got a dog.

[Trixie Mattel]

What kind of dog did you get?

[Kristen Schaal]

He's a little dog, and I'm sure he's. We rescued him from the jaws of a coyote. Oh, no.

[Trixie Mattel]

We did it.

[Kristen Schaal]

We did it. I just want to say that. And I want to move past where we got him.

[Trixie Mattel]

He's a rescue. He's a rescue. Which is what I call it when I steal a dog from my neighbor. It's a rescue.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, my God.

[Kristen Schaal]

Rescue them from another person.

[Trixie Mattel]

We love. I mean, I love animals.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I don't every weekend. I don't like pets. I don't like pets. Yeah, No, I don't like bird. I love birds. Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

You think that's crazy.

[Bobby Moynihan]

She's a bird fan.

[Kristen Schaal]

My daughter wants a bird so bad.

[Trixie Mattel]

I mean, I want to talk to her.

[Kristen Schaal]

Don't do it.

[Trixie Mattel]

You will, you know, you will have it for 20 years.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah. They don't die.

[Trixie Mattel]

They don't die. Die.

[Kristen Schaal]

And also, they're in a cage, which.

[Bobby Moynihan]

They don't die.

[Kristen Schaal]

Why would you put that bird in a cage? Well, a parrot will leave live to 90 years old.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, no, Mary, no. Get out of here.

[Trixie Mattel]

Even like a budgie from. No, Even, like, a budgie from Petsmart can live, like, 18 years.

[Bobby Moynihan]

No, thank you. Get out of here.

[Kristen Schaal]

I mean, and then my whole thing is like, my parents had a bird that they brought back from Hawaii, and I'm like. Like a cocktail.

[Trixie Mattel]

Are they smuggling exotic animals?

[Kristen Schaal]

I don't know. I don't. I don't want to get it. I don't know why it was there. I think they bought it from a pet store and brought it back, and then it sat there and. And I hope they don't. I don't. I don't want to hurt their feelings, but I hated it. Yeah, it broke my heart. Because it was in a cage.

[Trixie Mattel]

You knew why the cage bird sing.

[Kristen Schaal]

And then at the end of its life, when we found it, it was on the bottom of its cage with its wing spread fierce dead. Like, that's. That. That was its sign to us.

[Trixie Mattel]

Horny you, right? Thanks for nothing.

[Kristen Schaal]

This. But in the sky. And I'm like, this on the ground in my cage.

[Trixie Mattel]

One time, this was leaving la. Somebody had. You know, they have the most animal animals. Somebody had a bird and they took it out on the plane.

[Bobby Moynihan]

What did they do with it?

[Kristen Schaal]

No, they did it.

[Trixie Mattel]

And it was like, this is weird. But then I was like, no, it's not. The bird is in the sky.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, we shouldn't be here.

[Bobby Moynihan]

That's a good point. That's a good point.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right?

[Kristen Schaal]

This is your plane now.

[Trixie Mattel]

So I went up to the front of the plane, I opened the door, and I said, let her. Let her speak. Thank you.

[Kristen Schaal]

Let her fly this plane. She knows more about flying than you, sir.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, my God.

[Kristen Schaal]

I knew it was a man.

[Trixie Mattel]

What do you guys think? You could skydive? Yes.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Well, I mean, you could do.

[Trixie Mattel]

I mean, I just watched Nathan for you.

[Kristen Schaal]

Are we gonna. Don't tell me I didn't watch last night's episode.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, this is. No, this is not the rehearsal. This is Nathan for you.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Have you met him?

[Kristen Schaal]

I have met him.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, I love.

[Kristen Schaal]

Friends with a good friend of mine. So he always shows up at, like, social things. And I always go like, I love the curse. I love Nathan Brielle. I love the rehearsal. And then I, like, slink away way or right.

[Trixie Mattel]

He's probably so sick of people hearing it.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, well, what am I supposed to say? Like, that's what. I mean, a nice shirt.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, but I love his so much, I could never say nothing. I mean, I have to say something.

[Kristen Schaal]

Well, you should say something. I think he appreciates it.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't want to be like, hey, the rehearsal worked my out.

[Bobby Moynihan]

But it does. It's. He is so brilliant.

[Kristen Schaal]

So good. You do not know where it's going.

[Bobby Moynihan]

No, the grandson P. I know, but, like, that's like. That's so wild. Well, he was interviewing, like, this convenience store owner, and the guy was like, well, when I'm scared, I drink my grandson's pee.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh. And he was truly grandson pee. And I thought it was, like, a vegetable.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, no.

[Kristen Schaal]

It's like, I did not. I didn't see that.

[Bobby Moynihan]

It was wild. It was like, wait.

[Kristen Schaal]

To stay young.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Bobby Moynihan]

He, like, was totally, like, broke character for, like, the first time ever. Was so wild.

[Trixie Mattel]

The new season is about, like, plane crashes. It's really crazy.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I gotta watch it.

[Kristen Schaal]

I mean, I would. Okay, here's a question. Would you drink some youthful piss or walk around at a mask with red lights, like, searing into your face?

[Bobby Moynihan]

I would drink the piss.

[Kristen Schaal]

This would be so much easier.

[Trixie Mattel]

You would see me.

[Kristen Schaal]

I'm done.

[Trixie Mattel]

If it was Nathan's piss.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm at home. My red light mask with my little Bundy straw. Oh, I love you for the piss, Nathan.

[Kristen Schaal]

This is really good.

[Trixie Mattel]

Thank you.

[Kristen Schaal]

Like, people whose skin is really good, if they, like, bottled up their piss.

[Trixie Mattel]

This.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. Sell that.

[Trixie Mattel]

Wow.

[Kristen Schaal]

Sell that.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Some people. You think it's. Have you seen, like, the Facebook groups? Yeah, the Piss divas.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Urine therapy.

[Trixie Mattel]

Urine Divas. The Facebook group is called, like, Urine Goddesses.

[Kristen Schaal]

I haven't seen this.

[Trixie Mattel]

And it's women and men being like, hey, woke up today, put the piss directly my eye. Feeling great. Like, they put a shot glass of piss up to the eye. Their own piss.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

They wake up in the morning, they bathe in it. They rub it on, like, ocean. And these people, the other. Oh, my God. I saw a post that was like. Like, hey, urine goddesses. Loving the way my hair feels from my piss, but what do I do about the smell?

[Kristen Schaal]

Wait, is this a joke?

[Trixie Mattel]

Not a joke. It's not a joke.

[Kristen Schaal]

Are there pictures of the people in the. In the cult?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Like, they.

[Kristen Schaal]

And how do they look?

[Bobby Moynihan]

They look amazing.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, it's always weird because they're. They're. They're. They're anonymously posting, but they're famous.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, my God.

[Trixie Mattel]

Always famous.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, what do you mean?

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, we've seen you there.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, yeah, we know you. You know, you're drinking your piss.

[Kristen Schaal]

I am so flattered. You're a urine goddess. Thank you for following me for noticing. It's a pain in the butt to Collect that piss all the time. You just want to relax and let the piss go. But you're like, oh, right, right. You know, I gotta collect the piss.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

Flashing out.

[Trixie Mattel]

Can I ask a corny question? No, I was thinking about it. No. Oh, my God, your voice is so great.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Did you.

[Kristen Schaal]

Thank you.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Is this real?

[Trixie Mattel]

Figure out early on that you were gonna be like, I'm gonna do a lot of voices for a lot of.

[Kristen Schaal]

No, no, I. I didn't. I. I sort of thought, oh, it'd be fun to do a cartoon. But I think what happened was, is I didn't know you can't hear it in your head. Like, in my head, I sound really sultry.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Okay.

[Kristen Schaal]

Like, that's Kathleen Turner, which is why I'm so sassy.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Kristen Schaal]

Which is why it's such a fun dichotomy. But. But then, like, as I got into high school and my voice kept this childlike tone, people started to comment. I remember asking my mom, like, mom, do I sound weird? Like, she's like, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

That'S so funny. My mom talks like a kid, so that's weird. My mom, as she's gotten older, she's like, hey, Brian, she talks like a little kid that's fierce. But you.

[Kristen Schaal]

And like, she could do a cartoon.

[Trixie Mattel]

I think of, like, Betsy Sedaro too, where it's like, this person was born to play a child.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

You're really good at doing the little kids.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, the little kid. It's such a. I mean, it's a gift to, like, jump into Louise because she's nine. I was actually talking to. Oh, my God. I got. Hold on. She's got a Yardley Smith.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, that's Bart. Bart Simpson. Right.

[Kristen Schaal]

She plays Lisa.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, Lisa. Sorry. Lisa. Lisa.

[Kristen Schaal]

And she was. We were just talking about, like, we've got such a ultimate gift that we get to always be, like 9 years old. Like, no matter as I. As my face is going down to my collarbone.

[Bobby Moynihan]

That's right. You're gonna be the oldest baby ever.

[Trixie Mattel]

You're gonna be like, I can either do a silent role. That's a crone when you're like 100. Or I can do a voice acting as a nine year old.

[Kristen Schaal]

What would you like? I'm versatile.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Voice acting is cunty, though, because you don't have to, you know, make it.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, yeah. Voice acting is. Is really cunty. But. But it is. Is. I wouldn't change it for the world. But I will say I'm a people person. And it's not. You don't get to be around people as much. I miss people. That's why I like like Shadows and Last man. Like that. Then you have your family crew there and you're in it together.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, because when you're doing a voice, you're doing it alone.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

No, well, for Bob's. We do it together actually. But it's like, you know, you go in, you record the episode and then they're like, get out of here while we make it right. And you're like, I mean, I'm kind of bragging too. Like it's such a gift.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Damn.

[Trixie Mattel]

Are you guys in like little ISO booths? Can you see each other when you're doing it?

[Kristen Schaal]

We are like, so we're in a studio and then a lot of them live in New York. So then they're on. They come in through the studio and their studio. So the studios, we can see each other. We used to do it all in New York at the same time. And then a few of us moved to Los Angeles.

[Trixie Mattel]

People got too big dreams. People got too big.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Too big for their britches.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yes. We got. Got so big in New York that I couldn't take it anymore. Let me ride the subway.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Kristen Schaal]

You know, and they're like, no, can.

[Trixie Mattel]

I say whenever I see like a. A list celebrity pictured on a subway, I'm always thinking like, this is once a year.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. They're doing it for like. Yeah. No way.

[Kristen Schaal]

I'm like, do wonder about them.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yes.

[Kristen Schaal]

Cuz they're.

[Bobby Moynihan]

They do. It's like the private jets every other day and then one day they take us up.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah. The helicopter camera.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

They. The rich, rich, rich people in New York must just float above it all.

[Bobby Moynihan]

They have to.

[Trixie Mattel]

Helicopters, paragliders, the jetpacks.

[Kristen Schaal]

The jetpack.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know Amy Schumer's taking the jetpack. Right?

[Kristen Schaal]

You know, she is.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know she is.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Why does she talk about that?

[Kristen Schaal]

She's so transparent about everything else.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh my God.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you. You get. Must get like bombarded by people being like, oh my God, Bob's burgers is the best ever.

[Kristen Schaal]

I do get it. I do get it. On, on the daily.

[Bobby Moynihan]

What is the worst fan interaction I've ever had?

[Kristen Schaal]

What?

[Bobby Moynihan]

What is the worst fan interaction you've ever had? You get real weird stuff. Say the strangest perhaps.

[Kristen Schaal]

No, I've liked everything. Because again, this is what happened is I learned that when. And you guys, you must get this to that when someone approaches. Well, maybe not, but when someone approaches you and says, I love this and that, I always think Oh, I love. They're talking about the show, the thing that got made. Not me, not Kristen Shaw. And as soon as I sort of realized that, and also it's about them, then it. Then I took it out of myself and put it on to them. And then I'm excited because the stranger's sharing something about themselves.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Okay.

[Kristen Schaal]

And it feels really good. It's like, oh, my God, I would never know that you like Bob's Burgers. I like it too. And also, this is a show made by a hundred people. Not. It's not my show. I'm a part of it. I'm the face of it. Yeah, but. And so I can absorb it. And then I always, like, make sure to tell, you know, the art director and the creator and the writers. Like, you'll never guess, guys. Another person up in Canada told me that they're watching it in Canada, you.

[Trixie Mattel]

Know, years later, like, please stop telling us every time someone comes.

[Kristen Schaal]

But I would say the. The only unsettling fan thing I've ever. One time in front of my kid, this woman, I was a little haggard and looked at my kid and was like, your mom's so fucking funny. Do you know that? And I was like, no.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you know that, bitch?

[Kristen Schaal]

No. Say it. Like any. Actually, anytime my kids beside me and a fan comes up and starts talking directly to her or even to me, it's a little. It's. That's something that I'm not like, don't love just. Cause it's. Now she's like, what is this thing where strangers come up to you? And also. And also it just takes us out. Yeah, yeah, but how old is she? She's seven.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Kristen Schaal]

And also, when someone. There's been a couple times where somehow people have sent me a fan letter to my house, and that's hopefully an address that isn't available. And when I get that, I'm like, I don't like this.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's happened to me too.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, that's happened to her.

[Kristen Schaal]

It's not good where it's know.

[Trixie Mattel]

So I love you a lot and I know exactly where you sleep. Yeah, right.

[Bobby Moynihan]

You know, that's creepy.

[Kristen Schaal]

Sign my Funko Pop. So I just. I'm like, that goes in the trash because you can send it to Bob's Burgers. You can send it to this studio here in Holly. You know, there you can do some more research.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

We always say, like, I mean, for us, honestly, people know us from being us, so we probably have a different experience that like. Like, we're not known for being on a popular show other than drag us where we played ourselves.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

So I wouldn't say when we get brought come up to us. It's. It's not like we love. I don't always feel like it's like you love a show.

[Kristen Schaal]

People are going to be commenting about their experiences with you guys.

[Trixie Mattel]

But no, people say more.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, I remember when I gave up to you.

[Bobby Moynihan]

But they like. I mean, I don't know if it's us or because of drag. They. There's really not a boundary. There's a. There is a tendency for them to feel very comfortable. Like just. I mean, and this is. I guess it's good that people feel comfortable, but like, sometimes, you know, they'll grab your neck or they'll start screaming.

[Trixie Mattel]

And chasing, running airport.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, we're huge. I know that we're not in demand in any way. As I told you.

[Kristen Schaal]

No, not wanted. Not in demand.

[Trixie Mattel]

But from a fan perspective, we're very in demand.

[Bobby Moynihan]

There was a time it was like for Brazil and England tend to be like big hotspots for like drag and drag race. And I remember I was walking like in, I don't know, Manchester or something in like outdoor mall and a girl was in a store and she spotted me from inside the store. She screamed and then charged, like charged and then grabbed me by the neck.

[Trixie Mattel]

I love.

[Bobby Moynihan]

And screamed in my face.

[Kristen Schaal]

And then what did you do?

[Bobby Moynihan]

I. I just said, please stop.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yes.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, you're also so. You're so recognizable and your voice, people probably at the airport. Are you talking? Hello, my childhood right now. I think because you have a kid voice that your kid must have like a mature lady voice.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, I know. I notice it's a little bit different. Like she's like. Is my voice changing? Like, hopefully. I'm like, it is getting lower.

[Bobby Moynihan]

The first words were like, may I have some mustard on the sandwich, please?

[Trixie Mattel]

It probably has a Freaky Friday vibe. Oh, they switch bodies. The mom and the daughter.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, my God.

[Trixie Mattel]

I want you guys to do a Freaky Friday movie.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, another one.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Moynihan]

There's a Freaky Thursday.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, switch it up. On Freaky Thursday, only one body part changes.

[Trixie Mattel]

Sassy Saturday. Well, listen, now you have a new kind of fame because you're going to be podcast famous now.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, yeah. I supposed to talk about the podcast I'm doing.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, tell us about.

[Kristen Schaal]

Don't worry about it. Hey, I want to tell.

[Trixie Mattel]

Don't try to find it. Don't search for It. That's.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I love that.

[Kristen Schaal]

Well, I want to say that you. I do feel you two are. There's something about, like, when I was first doing Flight of the Concords and stuff where there's something that feels like this is just all mine. Like, when people discover you, it feels like because you're not, like, a ubiquitous, like, bigger thing, then they really feel an ownership. Right.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Like. Like that. Yeah. Like an indie band or something.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yes, exact. So they think. I think there's a moment where they feel like too. Like they're gonna be so happy that I know that.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

And then that. That also is uncomfortable.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Also when, like, the. When we're two people or like, one person recognizes us and their friend or their boyfriend or husband doesn't know, that's always a little strange. That's always a little strange.

[Trixie Mattel]

The straight boyfriend who's a little drunk will be like, my girl just, like, Googled you. And I just, like, really respect it.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was like, yeah, you too.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you want. You want to me, don't you?

[Kristen Schaal]

Of course.

[Trixie Mattel]

Obviously. You like breasts. You like long legs. Here we are.

[Kristen Schaal]

But I think the message that we're. All three of us are saying about fans is that we're really gracious and we're grateful.

[Trixie Mattel]

Very grateful.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

There we go. So I do agree with you. When people say I love you, they attend to. Attach a personal life detail.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

My mom and I love watching my roommate and I watch you.

[Kristen Schaal]

You know, you got me through. Yeah. I was gonna kill myself, and then I turned the show on. I've gotten that.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm like, I saw you guys, and I thought. Thought, if they haven't done it yet, I won't do it either. You know, that's what we get a lot.

[Kristen Schaal]

Honestly, I think.

[Trixie Mattel]

Honestly, I think we represent, like. Oh, God. Not tenacity, but laziness.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

They should have done it.

[Kristen Schaal]

That's the second time you said that.

[Bobby Moynihan]

We're like a hurdle on the way to suicide.

[Trixie Mattel]

Honestly.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

A hurdle. It's like an off ramp, but it's circling back.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, the fact that we are. The fact that we haven't killed ourselves is camp. Yeah. At this point, like, looking camp right in the eye. Like, seriously. Seriously. Like, sort of like subverting the expectation because we represent so many subdivisions of a statistic of people who probably should have died that our fans are like, I guess I'll go to work today.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Shut up. I mean, they did it.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, but it's beautiful.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, my God.

[Trixie Mattel]

I Will say podcasting. You know, it does breed a certain level of intimacy because people are ears. You're with them in the traffic.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yep.

[Trixie Mattel]

You're at the airport in their ears. And I do think the sound of someone's voice, like some of the pods I love. I believe I know those people.

[Kristen Schaal]

Me too.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

So you're going to get that now with your pod that you refuse to tell us about.

[Kristen Schaal]

Don't listen.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, it's called don't listen.

[Kristen Schaal]

It's called don't listen to extraordinarians. It's a name I made up. And it's about people who break records.

[Trixie Mattel]

What?

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah. Like, someone put, like, a bunch of, like, barbecue skewers in their beer. Someone blew up balloons to fill up a room in, like, under six minutes. Things like that. Somebody drank hot sauce.

[Trixie Mattel]

Not like, women and stems.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, we'll accept that.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Okay.

[Kristen Schaal]

There was. And so anyways, and. And it's with Tony Hill and my friend Matt Oberg, and we happened during the strike where I was like, I miss my friends. Let's make something right.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Sure.

[Kristen Schaal]

That's happened to you guys too.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Of course.

[Kristen Schaal]

You get a chance to. To like, you are. Needed to meet.

[Trixie Mattel]

This is my best friend and we don't see each other.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, that's. That's what Tony was like, I wanna. I miss you guys. Let's do it.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Let's do something.

[Trixie Mattel]

That is true.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know, and it's almost like you guys have a. Also when you have a guest, there's a new energy and you all get to. When you get sick of talking to each other, you can be like, what the hell.

[Kristen Schaal]

Can I talk about your voice. Voice.

[Trixie Mattel]

When I. When I was a kid, I used to check out that. Remember those giant Guinness booker world record books? The library.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

I love people breaking records and weird.

[Kristen Schaal]

I know. So their personalities are what I'm like, really into. It's so inspiring that someone sets a goal for themselves, like staying alive.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. Like, how many quarters can I put in my mouth?

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

What's the weirdest one where you're like, that's a record.

[Kristen Schaal]

I think the weirdest one was probably the skewer someone made, like a giant nerf gun. Like, what he uses. And somebody. I think the hot sauce one is what I'm really thinking about because he. You drink it and then. And then you. It's. Who can drink it the fastest and, like, die.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Okay.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah. Not throw up. He, like, just lays on the floor of his bathroom against the cold tiles all night. Is there and he lives in Canada. His name is.

[Bobby Moynihan]

That's great.

[Kristen Schaal]

Mike. Jack.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Come on. Pouring out for Mike.

[Kristen Schaal]

He has T shirts.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, my God.

[Kristen Schaal]

I don't know. There was just like. And he's like. And I knew I could do this, and I kept working on it, and I was just like. But you kept working on it. That's this ambition that you can, like, figure something out that you want to do no matter what it is.

[Trixie Mattel]

Also, it's not like, I bet I can cure lupus.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Right.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's like, I bet I can shove marbles up my nose. You know, it's something random, which. I love some of that shit. Until you break the record, people be like, what are you doing at home every night? Freak? And then you break the record.

[Kristen Schaal]

Record.

[Trixie Mattel]

And people are like, oh, my God, you're amazing.

[Kristen Schaal]

And then they get. Well, then they get, like, a little certificate and they get to be in the book.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's cool.

[Kristen Schaal]

And they worked on it. Like, what? I mean, a lot of people at home. I mean, for your hobbies.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

What are you doing? Yeah, I know. We're all on your phones when you.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Could be sticking quarters up your ass.

[Kristen Schaal]

Exactly.

[Trixie Mattel]

Kathy Griffin has a world record for specials. That's the only person I think I know who.

[Bobby Moynihan]

This one first. Oh, like, comedy special.

[Trixie Mattel]

Comedy special.

[Kristen Schaal]

Always recording everything.

[Trixie Mattel]

She must have, like.

[Kristen Schaal]

She. She was the one person I've been sincerely starstruck by.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Really.

[Kristen Schaal]

It caught me off guard because she's just in your world so hard all the time.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

And then when. When I turned around and she was in the flesh by me, I. I.

[Trixie Mattel]

Was like, she's a little thing, too. She's. Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

Petite on outside, but fire. What? Time to.

[Trixie Mattel]

Let's wrap it over. Can you. Extraordinary.

[Kristen Schaal]

How dare you.

[Bobby Moynihan]

What is the pod called again?

[Kristen Schaal]

Extraordinarians. On head gum.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Okay.

[Kristen Schaal]

We have, like, three out.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Okay.

[Kristen Schaal]

How many do you guys have?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Like 300 or some. Yeah. I don't know. How many. A lot.

[Trixie Mattel]

This is a. I think this is. I don't think either of us thought we would enjoy doing this as much as we do.

[Bobby Moynihan]

No.

[Trixie Mattel]

Because it kind of seemed like no. We started during COVID probably when everyone started a podcast. We're like, let's just do it for now. Now it's like our favorite thing.

[Bobby Moynihan]

It's fun.

[Trixie Mattel]

No drag.

[Bobby Moynihan]

It's fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could do.

[Kristen Schaal]

I put on eyelashes.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you guys do video?

[Bobby Moynihan]

It's a lot.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you guys do video, too?

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, that's why.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's how they trick you. It's a podcast, but it's a talk show.

[Bobby Moynihan]

You got to do the video.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do your own video. Get your outfits together, you know.

[Kristen Schaal]

You guys like this outfit? I put a lot of. I obsessed with the leggings sitting on the A company in Oregon. Thunder pants. Thunderpants.

[Trixie Mattel]

Can I touch underpants?

[Kristen Schaal]

And they do underwear. And I'm wearing matching underwear.

[Trixie Mattel]

These are long underwear.

[Kristen Schaal]

Underwear. Underwear. Down.

[Trixie Mattel]

Fierce. Wow.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Fierce.

[Kristen Schaal]

Sorry.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I just.

[Kristen Schaal]

I just want you to know it's a good brand. And they're. And they're little.

[Trixie Mattel]

I can't see where they cut the babies out when you did that.

[Kristen Schaal]

You want to see.

[Trixie Mattel]

Is there a scar?

[Kristen Schaal]

There is a scar. It's kind of boring, but there's pubes right under it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Kristen Schaal]

So it's up to you. Cuz I got. I'm fully pubed.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, I remember when my mom got a Cesarian. She had a big scar. But I feel like they don't get a huge scar anymore. My mom's was like Frankenstein when we were it.

[Kristen Schaal]

Really?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. And now I think they.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Does it go this way?

[Kristen Schaal]

No, no, no. It's just one line. It's just on the bikini here. I'll just. It's just like right on the bikini.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh. Cuz it's low.

[Kristen Schaal]

And then they. And then I guess they're just peeling. There's peeling your skin.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yanking the thing right off.

[Kristen Schaal]

When they did it, I heard a. A splash because all the fluid splashes and it just. It like soaked the doctor's socks. Wow. And then I heard like a feral cat sound. Oh, that was my baby.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh my God.

[Trixie Mattel]

And you're doing one liners like, oh, that's why I've been so thirsty.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Damn.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah. Life. Right? And then the doctor pulled her out and said. Said hello, human. And set her down on the thing on the floor. And everyone walked out and everybody was like, it's so wet in here.

[Trixie Mattel]

Why is her voice fully mature? Hello, world.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Thank you for pulling me out of my mother.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm so happy you came back to listen to you guys together. You guys were so fun.

[Kristen Schaal]

Thanks for listening to your own podcast.

[Trixie Mattel]

I listened to it twice. You guys are amazing.

[Bobby Moynihan]

She's the best.

[Kristen Schaal]

We. Yeah, we. I think this one worked out good too. I was worried about our.

[Trixie Mattel]

And then I would get in the way.

[Kristen Schaal]

Exactly.

[Trixie Mattel]

You guys could do your own own pod. That's how much people love you. Do another one.

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay, I'll do more.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Let's do it.

[Kristen Schaal]

I love talking to you guys. You made my day. And thank you to all your listeners. And all your fans, thank you for approaching them so kindly.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yes, thank you, Kristen.

[Trixie Mattel]

Check out Kristen's new pod. Because everybody, I mean, who wouldn't? Yeah, who wouldn't?

[Kristen Schaal]

I mean, millions and millions of people. I don't know if you know this, but the podcast pod, the pod world's pretty saturated.

[Bobby Moynihan]

It is.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, I haven't heard that. Besides, we're in this new. We should start snatching microphones out of people's hands. We're at the point microphones have cables. Just reel them in, take them away from people.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, oh, I thought to end to make me stop talking.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, no, no.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Well, thank you for coming and good luck with your pod.

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay, good luck with. When do you guys go on tour?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, no, not.

[Trixie Mattel]

We don't talk about it. Sensitive subject.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Not going back on tour for a while.

[Trixie Mattel]

We're in the stay home and cross dress era of our lives.

[Kristen Schaal]

Sounds good.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you like touring? I guess we have to go.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Of course not.

[Kristen Schaal]

Of course not. I don't. I don't even like going on stage at night.

[Trixie Mattel]

We like, we like the show.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

But we always say the show is bliss, but everything before that and after that is like traveling.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Blah, blah, blah.

[Kristen Schaal]

Exactly. The anxiety leading up to it is a day ruiner the show. You feel good because you've been waiting for it all day.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

I also feel like if the show could be at 4:00.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

So 4 to 6 you do a show like a tea status part of the day.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

So we all do the show and we feel better and then we have our night to have dinner and relax.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Bobby Moynihan]

In bed by nine.

[Kristen Schaal]

You know it.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, baby.

[Kristen Schaal]

Unless you're doing renovations Next. Let's end this.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Thank you, Kristen.

[Kristen Schaal]

Sam.