Let No Bannister Go Un-Cobwebbed with Trixie and Katya

Summary

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The Bald and the Beautiful – "Let No Bannister Go Un-Cobwebbed"

With Trixie and Katya
Release Date: October 21, 2025
Studio71 & Confetti Cannon

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Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into Trixie and Katya’s chaotic, hilarious takes on everything from fall rituals and horror movies, to ice cream flavors, appliance disasters, and a Joan Jett & Billy Idol concert recap. As always, the pair blend razor-sharp wit with sincere moments, touching on nostalgia, queer culture, and the beauty of just being a bit unhinged.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Halloween, Décor, and LA Autumns

• Trixie plans to go all-out on Halloween decorations this year, especially with her old, "spooky and dark" house. She champions cotton cobwebs on the banister, despite their usual failure to look artful.
• Katya critiques the effectiveness of store-bought cobwebs, quipping, "It looks like cotton candy. Your limited scope of what’s possible isn’t going to cap my possibility of my joy." (25:29)
• They lament LA’s lack of fall and wax nostalgic for the autumn magic of Boston and New York.
  • “I don’t think it’s ever magical to live in Los Angeles. I don’t want to be a hater.” – Trixie (28:07)
• Katya and Trixie also joke about tacky Halloween decorations and timing for putting them up and taking them down.

2. Movies: Horror Classics and Camp Favorites

• American Horror Story: Coven

  • The queens dissect the show’s writing and increasingly wild plot points.
    • “Sometimes I think I’m a tweaker, then I go to the writing of that show...they are truly twisted up on that pookie.” – Katya (03:49)
    • Trixie defends the show's chaotic charm: “When I’m in the mood for a spicy McChicken, I want a spicy McChicken. That show’s a gorgeous spicy McChicken.” (05:31)
  • They both agree the show starts strong but gets “batshit” by the end; they love the visuals and the older women working together, especially the Myrtle and Marie Laveau moments.

• Slow-Burn Prestige TV

  • Katya compares AHS's wild energy to "The Outsider," calling the latter painfully slow. “The first episode, you are clutched—eagle talons on your testes.” (07:59)

• Slasher Films Sensations

  • Both watched and reviewed Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Halloween, Scream (all sequels), Friday the 13th, and I Know What You Did Last Summer.
    • Trixie enjoys the slow burn and the final, hysterical girl in Texas Chainsaw Massacre. (39:02)
    • Katya finds Halloween scary for its slow, daytime mood but has notes on Michael Myers's stabbing style: “Who stabs like this?” (39:27)
    • On Scream: "Rose McGowan deserved better. I'm sorry, that garage door thing was such a bookie." – Katya (40:56)
    • Trixie notes I Know What You Did Last Summer doesn't hold up as well as remembered.

• Cult Faves & Musicals

  • Katya urges “The Devils” (Ken Russell) and “Tommy” as quintessential offbeat watches, praising Russell’s vision: “This motherfucker’s got a vision like nobody else.” (31:58)
  • Both gush over the bean scene with Ann-Margret and Tina Turner’s “Acid Queen.”

3. Snack Mania: The Outshine Bar Monologue & More

• Extensive, joyous sidebar about favorite snacks, especially Outshine Bars.
  • "When I found out about Ms. Pomegranate, I almost nutted... I must be dreaming... full body chills the whole day." – Katya (11:39)
• Trixie reflects on eating ice cream during walks in Milwaukee, balancing harm reduction ("It's my needle exchange!") with health goals. (14:38)
• Deep-dive into ice cream preferences:
  • Trixie: loves fruity + crunchy textures, Strawberry Cheesecake, Cherry Garcia, Chunky Monkey.
  • Katya: Black Raspberry, Chocolate Chip, Butter Pecan, channeling “95 years old” sweetness (16:38).
  • Katya shares her experience profiling customers’ ice cream choices while working at a shop.

4. Appliance Hell & Milwaukee Condo Chronicles

• Trixie relays a horror story: returning to a powered-off Milwaukee condo full of decaying frozen food and “alien flies.”
  • Quick action: flees to Airbnb, calls utilities, and battles with We Energies over unexpectedly free electricity since 2020. (44:05)
    • “I guess I did get five years of free energy, so shout out to that...” (46:29)
• Appliance swap with comical mishaps: Best Buy delivers but discovers backwards stove/washer hookups, requiring electricians and drawn-out repair windows (48:01).
• Anecdotes about appliance shopping joy and the mini Home Alone moments with tripping hazards at home.

5. Concert Recap: Joan Jett and Billy Idol

• Pure nostalgia: Trixie takes Gooch (her friend who brought her to her first Pride at 15) to Joan Jett’s show, 20 years later, along with her mom.
• "Joan Jett was incredible. She was so awesome. And I’ve, you know, seen her twice now. It’s like, damn, 20 years ago, I love this shit. Today I love this shit. You eat." – Trixie (56:19)
• Both Joan Jett & Billy Idol performed amazingly—Billy especially brought “cunty” punk energy. (61:42)
  • “He was singing with, like, his fist like this... He was amazing. He was so sexy.” – Trixie (61:42)
• Joan Jett’s negotiation of queer visibility and her contributions to both rock and LGBTQ+ culture discussed with admiration.
  • “How am I not projecting that I’m a lesbian? I’m in my leather pants singing about my love for girls.” – Trixie (60:14)

6. Random Gems & Tangents

• Shock at Halloween “cringe millennial decor” vs Trixie's “crystalcore” aspirations (37:09), and a detour about tripping hazards and lube bottles: “The amount of bottles of lube I have kicked over, and then imagine...” – Katya (33:13)
• Group costumes and annual Halloween trends scrutinized (“Gladys is the Halloween diva this year!” 51:02)
• RuPaul’s “inner saboteur” repurposed as blaming kettlebells on the floor for self-sabotage.

7. Wellness & Detoxing Hot Takes

• Katya debunks yoga “detox” myths:
  • “The only thing that happens in a hundred-degree heated room where you’re vigorously stretching is dehydration… The amount of heavy metals or toxic material is so minuscule...it just makes me so, it boils my blood.” (62:42)
• Trixie plays devil’s advocate for cold running, likening no-sugar ice cream to harm reduction for dessert cravings.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Halloween and Creativity:

  • "Your limited scope of what’s possible isn’t going to cap my possibility of my joy." – Trixie (25:29)
  • "There's spooky, and then there's pookie, and it's two different things" – Trixie (07:47)

• On TV Writing:

  • “‘It’s super entertaining. I gotta say, writing wise, it’s one of the worst stinkers ever...sometimes I think I’m a tweaker, then I see that show.’” – Katya (05:11–03:49)

• On Snack Love:

  • "When I found out about Ms. Pomegranate, I almost nutted, right? And then Ms. Grape followed. I was like, are you kidding me? … full body chills." – Katya (11:39)

• On Appliance Snafus:

  • “I guess I did get five years of free energy, so shout out to that.” – Trixie (46:29)

• On Self-Sabotage & RuPaul:

  • “RuPaul… constantly talks about self sabotage—your inner saboteur. Is she talking about kettlebells and shit on the floor?” – Trixie (32:32)

• On Joan Jett’s Queer Legacy:

  • "How am I not projecting that I'm a lesbian?" – Trixie (impersonating Joan Jett criticism, 60:14)
  • "Joan Jett was incredible...she sounds perfect...guitar playing, in her 60s, that’s all she. But she was awesome.” (57:24)

• On Aging Rockers:

  • "Shout out to performers who are in their AARP and beyond years, still turning and bucking and giving the children everything they want on stage." – Katya (62:05)

• Katya on Yoga Detox:

  • “What you’re doing in those Bikram yoga classes…you’re just stretching in a super fucking hot room for no reason.” (63:24)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• American Horror Coven, AHS Discourse: 02:48-07:55
• Outshine Bars and Snack Tangent: 10:23-13:40
• Ice Cream Deep Dive: 15:03-17:44
• Halloween Decor & LA Weather: 24:47-29:32
• Horror Movie Reviews (Texas Chainsaw, Halloween, Scream): 38:23-43:23
• Milwaukee Condo Appliance Fiasco: 44:05-49:33
• Joan Jett & Billy Idol Concert Recap: 52:11-61:59
• Yoga Detox Myth Debunk: 62:14-63:59

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Tone and Style

Delightfully irreverent, honest, and laced with queer wit, Trixie and Katya balance deep pop culture references, drag perspective, rants, and loving jabs—with both vulnerability and filth.

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Listening Value

Whether you’re a spooky season queen, a snack lover, or a fan of high-camp banter—this episode is endlessly quotable and packed with smart, funny, and surprising takes on everyday chaos.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, Katya, you know what I love?

[B]

Jason Momoa on a bed of mashed potatoes.

[A]

Nuts. I'm obsessed with nuts.

[B]

I know. I've seen your search history.

[A]

No, you little idiot. I'm talking about the snack that pretends to be bad for you, but it isn't. I'm talking about wonderful pistachios.

[B]

Well, slap my behind and call me Shirley. You're talking about wonderful pistachios? The don't hold back snack. Tell me more, oh, wise purveyor of nut facts.

[A]

Well, it came in a package to my house, and each serving has 6 grams of protein. Plus, they're bold, flavorful, and just a little dangerous. You can get honey roasted, jalapeno lime, chili roasted, or my favorite, which I tried this morning, dill pickle.

[B]

And as my great Aunt Olga used to say, wonderful pistachios bring the heat, the sweet, and everything in between.

[A]

Plus, they come with shells or no shells for your snacking pleasure. I'm a no shells person. I can't have anything get in the way of me eating. I've got lashes to glue on. I got wigs to fluff. But if you like cracking them, I want you to live your nutcracking truth, honey.

[B]

Whether I'm backstage on the road or hiding in a wig closet with a bag in hand, wonderful pistachios are my go to. I love the flavor of them.

[A]

I love them now.

[B]

Yeah, I love them, too.

[A]

And when I'm in drag, I can't always sit and eat a whole meal. But sometimes I just need a little something.

[B]

A little nut.

[A]

And if I have a healthy option, I'm a lot more likely to eat that. Yeah. So don't hold back, dear listeners. Grab a bag of wonderful pistachios and snack like the stunning diva you are.

[B]

Visit wonderful pistachios.com to learn more.

[A]

Again, that's wonderful. Fullpostachios.com to learn more. Take it from us. We know our way around a bag of nuts.

[B]

This episode is brought to you by Marshalls, where you never have to compromise between quality and price. The buyers of Marshalls hustle hard working to bring you great deals on brand name and designer pieces. Because Marshalls believes everyone deserves access to the good stuff. Visit a Marshalls store near you or shop [e-mail].

[A]

This episode is brought to you by Rumchata, a delicious, creamy blend of horchata with rum. It's best enjoyed over ice or in your coffee.

[B]

Rumchata. Delivering vacation vibes anyway, or anywhere you drink it.

[A]

Find out [e-mail] Caribbean rum with real.

[B]

Dairy cream, natural and artificial flavors.

[A]

Alcohol 13.75% by volume, 27.5 proof. Copyright 2025 Agave Loco Brands, Pojoa, Wisconsin. All rights reserved.

[B]

Hi, divas. We are going to be doing our final live bald shows of the year. November 9th, we'll be in Tucson, Arizona. That's right. We only go to the desert in the winter. And on November 13, we'll be in Honolulu. Oh, baby. Get your tickets [e-mail] I really want.

[A]

To rewatch American Horror Coven. Mary, we would tear that shit up. We would put our dicks up in there and root around.

[B]

Not that is the. That's the overture. I would get in there like Dr. Michael Bodden from Autopsy, the HBO series, and I would fucking Alien Autopsy. That carcass would be cleaned clear out.

[A]

You and I will be standing over it like vultures.

[B]

Oh, every I. Mary, let me tell you. Let me tell you about that faggot show.

[A]

I. It. I would hope maybe. I know it's too late for Halloween now. Maybe next year we could do a double feature. We could do Coven into Apocalypse. Because it's both witchy, you know.

[B]

Yes. But I'm telling you right now, I have. I'm telling you right now, I don't know that I have the bandwidth emotionally, physically, spiritually, to handle the tomfoolery, the batshitary of that franchise. Oh, I do, because it is so you think. I think. Like sometimes I think I'm a tweaker and then I think of the whole. Listen, sometimes I think I'm tweaker.

[A]

Then.

[B]

Then I go to the writing of that show and I'm like, oh, no, I have nothing on that motherfucker or those. That writing room because they are truly twisted up on that pookie.

[A]

Tina, please don't talk about the TV show that I was in.

[B]

Oh, hey, listen, I'm not talking about the actors.

[A]

You hate my success. It must eat you up.

[B]

It does eat me up. I'm twisted up. I'm not talking about the actors, most of whom, many of whom, pretty much all of whom are fantastic.

[A]

If you want to know what kind of actor I am, I only get cast on things to play myself.

[B]

Yeah, so you're Julie Roberts.

[A]

I can convincingly judge.

[B]

Julia Roberts is Juliana Roberts. She's always herself.

[A]

Did you watch the Normal Heart?

[B]

I'm not done with Coven because so halfway through the season, everybody just can come back from the dead.

[A]

Yeah, well, it's Witch stuff.

[B]

But there's no, there's no. The magical framework is so. Is established and then dismantled willy nilly. So it kind of like eliminates any tension from a kind of a supernatural series, don't you think?

[A]

No, because people can just die left and right too.

[B]

But if they can just one day.

[A]

The supreme just kills Emma Roberts. But then she comes back. But then they kill Jamie Brewer and she don't come back.

[B]

You know what it is? It gives soap opera that they write it in the morning and they shoot it at night. That's what it gives to me.

[A]

I, I love it. I love that.

[B]

I mean I, I, it's super entertaining. I gotta say, writing wise is one of the worst stinkers ever. Cuz they, it starts off so strong, Mary. It starts off so strong. It starts off so cunty, especially that season. And then it goes like Stevie Nicks comes and sings a song, I guess. But don't you think me it's like.

[A]

When I'm in the mood for a spicy McChicken, I want a. I want a spicy McChicken. And that shows a gorgeous spicy McChicken.

[B]

What would the Sopranos be?

[A]

A bespoke Cornish hen? You know what I mean?

[B]

I know exactly what you're talking. I know the analogy you're trying to make. But it's like it doesn't mean that like prestige TV is like hard to swallow or that it's hard to appreciate this, this show. The writing sucks. Like it's really bad.

[A]

See, it's hard to say that.

[B]

But like I love all the actresses and I love all the imagery. The photography is great. It's like the, the, the vibes are cool but like story wise. Narrative, narrative narration or narratively it's. Are they smoking up in there?

[A]

You see, I have low standards.

[B]

Well, it's entertaining as like it's, I.

[A]

Guess I'm just problematic because I know you're not celebrate something for what it's good at.

[B]

No, I love this.

[A]

You know, not so negative.

[B]

Shut up. You know, I have too high expect. I have definitely had too high of Ex. My expectations of COVID were way too high because it started off so strong.

[A]

It really, I mean I'll admit that it starts off stronger than it may.

[B]

Be ends but every, every one of those series and it starts off like most of the series that I've watched. I think I've watched like 80% of them. They're, they're riveting. They're absolutely riveting. And then by the end I'm like You got to be fucking kidding me. It's just so puzzling to me. That's my opinion, though.

[A]

I like when Miss Thing gets burned up and then they cover in the swamp mud and she comes back to life.

[B]

Myrtle.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I love when Emma Roberts flips the. Although I was like, you got to do more than flip that.

[A]

Flipping the vehicles horny.

[B]

Ye. But you gotta do a little bit more than that. Cause that's not a, you know, revenge. That's not an equal kind of corresponding revenge when you just get it.

[A]

I like when the supreme spits in the glass of water and makes them drink it and then scrambles their minds. I love that shit.

[B]

I forgot about that. I love when. But see, I love when a strong older women are working together. When Marie Laveau and what's Her Face are in the boardroom with the axe guy and they just kill everybody, you know, working together. However, when Kathy Bates decapitated head is sitting on the table watching Roots, sure, It's like, I like, I need that Pookie Tina recipe.

[A]

There's spooky and then there's pookie and it's two different things. But I like the pookie too.

[B]

I like spooky. Well, yeah, I would take Pookie rather.

[A]

Than spooky, which is boring.

[B]

Like, how about Mary this the opposite. I'll give you this prestige HBO drama, the Outsider. Diametrically opposed. This is like tonight on The Outsider, a 20 minute zoom shot of a puddle. Like, it is so boring. It is so the first episode you are grab. You are clutched eagle talons on your testes. You are so invested. Jason Bateman coming out of the woods, bloody, all covered in blood in his mouth, just devoured a child. And then eight episodes later, the action starts to ratchet up. It's just diabolical how slow and boring that fucking series is.

[A]

So I will never watch that.

[B]

You shouldn't. And I would say if anything, it should have been a movie, not a series.

[A]

They canceled Thousand Pound Best Friend, so I feel kind of lost in this world. I thought for sure we're coming back for a season three because it got really good.

[B]

I think that the longevity of those ladies lives perhaps is a bit called into question.

[A]

No, no, no. It started to get good because when people got the surgeries, they started to be mad because at each other. Like, you don't celebrate me. Because when one of them gets thin, the other ones get surly.

[B]

Very jealous.

[A]

It gets fierce. Yeah. Also, they add in a man last season. So it's like a group of women kind of doing Real Housewives style drama.

[B]

With like a guy and he's just sitting there. So wait, wait, is his issue with.

[A]

He lives with his mom and he. He's not gay, but he was really fun and cool. I think his name's Scott. His issue was he was trying to lose weight, but he would like, go to the doctor with his mom still, which, I don't know. I think we need to separate from the mom unit at some point in life. Adult. Adult.

[B]

Which is just say, for example, guesstimate.

[A]

Maybe 30.

[B]

Okay, 30 at the Dr. With the.

[A]

Mom is a little weird, you know, but maybe when it's an extreme health crisis, you do need the parent support. Right? And so he's like, I've been really good at my diet. And his mom is sitting there and his mom is basically like, no, I found two dozen string cheese wrappers in your room yesterday.

[B]

Work.

[A]

And he's like, mom. Like, it's. It's mom.

[B]

Gee whiz, Mom, I want to go to sleepover at Brad's house tonight.

[A]

By the way, shout out to string cheese. I'm sitting at home being like, hell yeah.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

Hell yeah. String cheese.

[B]

No, ma'.

[A]

Am.

[B]

What about the Oreo cake stir wrappers I found all littered around the bed of the person?

[A]

Those aren't even that good. I don't even know how you have so many of those.

[B]

I don't either. I don't either. Also, I don't know, I have $150 of loose change in the floor.

[A]

Well, what is your. What is your Oreo cake stir. What is your. Let me carpet this room with wrappers.

[B]

Baby, baby, baby, baby, let me tell.

[A]

You, when it touch me like this. Red Vines.

[B]

Hold up. Hold on. No, no, hold on. What is it? And the greatest love of all is outshine bars. Outshine bars. You fag.

[A]

You bigger bald faggoy. The no sugar added one from GR.

[B]

No sugar? Fuck no. No, no. Full, full fat sugar. Mary Tangerine, grape, pomegranate, cherry, lime, coconut lemon. You want a soft coconut. Ooh, lime lemon. Delicious, refreshing, gorgeous show like show stopping, unstoppable show versatility. It's just.

[A]

Let me outshine could do bomb pops. But bomb pops could never do outshine.

[B]

You see, I've never even heard of that brand because outshine shines them up so fiercely.

[A]

Blue, white and red dog dick looking things.

[B]

Oh, the rocket ones?

[A]

Yeah, from the.

[B]

From the truck. They're fine. But outshine outshines them, clearly.

[A]

Right? You don't realize they're delicious.

[B]

I eat. I have eaten four boxes in a.

[A]

Row in one day.

[B]

Oh, in one sitting.

[A]

Fierce bitch.

[B]

Mama. When I found out about Ms. Pomegranate, I almost nutted, right? And then, and then Ms. Grape followed along and I was like, are you kidding me? It was like, this can't be that. This can't be real. I must be dreaming. I must this I have full body chills the whole day, right? And I brought some over to Fina's and when I like, was putting something together and I looked in the freezer and they weren't there, I almost started crying.

[A]

You can always get more.

[B]

Oh, of course I can. But I gotta go to go to Ralph's. I go to Ralph's and I literally just take every single one they have.

[A]

Is Gelson's high dollar.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Jennifer Coaches is ridiculous. Ridiculous. Jennifer Coaches recently said to me, like, oh, Gelson's a little rich for my blood. And I was like, gelson's.

[B]

Mary, let me tell you about what.

[A]

Could a banana be $10.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Gelson's. The only thing is it's impeccable. It's like clean as fuck. It's all, all the apples are shiny and in order or whatever, and there's.

[A]

Not too many things. Kind of like Trader Joe's. It's like, these are the Tater tots. There's not 40 brands. This is it. So when you're quick shopping, I do believe there's less options.

[B]

I maybe I disagree a little bit, but it's just like, it's hey, do you want a $15 muffin? Go to guest. Go to Gelson's.

[A]

Well, you know, when I went to Costco that one time I need I bought two dozen onions and spent the whole summer googling how to use them work.

[B]

Why did you buy? Oh, just because you just because I.

[A]

Was like, you know what?

[B]

We definitely need you to 24 onions.

[A]

Tell you what, last night I really killed it. I got you know that.

[B]

Wait, I'm not Wait. I just want to say one last thing about outshine.

[A]

Just say it all.

[B]

Sorry. Sorry.

[A]

Outshine. Sponsor.

[B]

I sponsor. Maybe you sponsor or not, I will be gobbling up your delicious treats.

[A]

Yeah, I guess we just told them they don't need to sponsor because we're going to keep buying and talk him.

[B]

And maybe that, you know, they're probably responsible for the assassination of jfk. Who knows? They're probably every company is problematic. I I it has curbed or curtailed or if eclipsed my desire or hunger for dairy ice cream. I don't see her anymore. I know I'll see her in the future, but we're on a little break. We're in a. What do you call it, trial separation.

[A]

No, I completely get that. I love like a full fat dairy ice cream item.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

I was on a walk in Milwaukee last week. Walking in Milwaukee. Walk. You started thinking about the outshine. You started netting. I was walking and I was walking by pizza shuttle. And I was like, pizza shuttle? Yeah, on the, on the east side. And this is me on my walk. Right. I thought, I'm on my health walk. I'm gonna, I'm gonna go on my gorgeous health walk. Now the good news that's I did go on a seven mile walk. The bad news is on the way, I did stop for a slice of pizza at Ian's Pizza and then I stopped for a slice of ice cream, but it was no sugar, no fat. And I thought that was huge for me.

[B]

That, that is, that was huge for.

[A]

Me that I didn't sit there and take one of those 10 gallon buckets of ice cream and myself with it. Do you realize that?

[B]

I do. I do fully realize that. I respect it and I applaud it. However, I do. I am suspicious of the, the nature or the quality of or why sugar free and fat free ice cream.

[A]

It's harm reduction.

[B]

But what is it though?

[A]

It's my needle exchange. Do you know what I mean? It's needle exchange. It's like, I'm gonna do it anyway. So can we do it more, Less hazardous?

[B]

Totally. But what is it? Well, Xanthan gum.

[A]

No, that's a commercial grade stabilizer. I know about ice cream.

[B]

She knows. She does know about ice cream. I mean, I like milk and sugar.

[A]

That's all it is. Yeah, I mean, I, I do love ice cream. It's just.

[B]

What's your favorite ice cream? If you could eat it and never gain a pound, girl, you had to choose three for the rest of the time.

[A]

Do we have. I love any kind of strawberry cheesecake scenario.

[B]

Ooh.

[A]

With the graham cracker salty crust chunks with the strawberry and the cheesecake flavored ice cream.

[B]

You want that? Do you want the texture? You want the items? You want the.

[A]

I love the crunching. Yeah. Cherry Garcia from Ben and Jerry's.

[B]

Now what's in that Cherry ice cream.

[A]

With dark chocolate chunks.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And when they're cold like that, the dark chocolate pieces are thin and they really crackle in your mouth.

[B]

Yeah, they break them Teeth will break the Enamel energy.

[A]

They're the cunt factory.

[B]

And then.

[A]

I'm going to say chunky monkey for Ben and Jerry.

[B]

Which is.

[A]

It's a banana flavored ice cream with chunks of like, I think chocolate and peanut in it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Banana flavored ice cream as a base is really fun. I love banana.

[B]

You love a mixed chunk?

[A]

I love a mixed chunk. I love a fruity versus a crunchy something.

[B]

Oh, you love, you love a conflict in the mouth.

[A]

Yes. How about you?

[B]

I would have to say black raspberry is the.

[A]

Raspberry is the ice cream.

[B]

So this is like a. The black raspberry is kind of like a is. It's like a. Not very accurate. It's the purple kind.

[A]

I know what you're talking about. It is purple.

[B]

It's. But it's not raspberry.

[A]

It's.

[B]

Well, different places call it different things.

[A]

You know it when you see it. Like pornography.

[B]

I like, see, I. I would just go chocolate chocolate chocolate chip and then butter pecan. Literally. That's. It's just like straight up.

[A]

Are you 95 years old?

[B]

116. And then I have Golden Werther original Chewies in my, my desk drawer.

[A]

When I used to work at the stocked. When I work at the ice cream place, we would see people coming and we would profile them because people, you can tell what they're going to get. It would be like old people be like, oh, here comes butter pecan and maple nut.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

Love it.

[B]

What about at salt and straw? Here comes Thanksgiving turkey. Here comes Dracula blood.

[A]

Well, love that. But usually they're not serving ice cream in the fall up north where I worked. Oh, they're not summer programs, summer shows, summer things.

[B]

Oh, right.

[A]

But then people will come. It'd be kids and you'd be like, oh, that's gonna be blue moon.

[B]

Do you. With a mint chocolate chip?

[A]

Of course. Of course. How about a honey lavender mint chocolate chip? Is like toothpaste. Like ass cousin polyamorous cousin. Just getting blown out.

[B]

I don't do cookie dough ice cream.

[A]

I don't much care for it either.

[B]

I don't do peanut butter ice cream.

[A]

Yeah, I wouldn't say I would ever choose that either. And then sometimes you would pick like you see people coming and you'd be like, oh, brownie.

[B]

Anything with a brownie.

[A]

Oh, yeah, like a brownie sundae.

[B]

Brownie love chocolate fudge brown love caramel.

[A]

Well, this isn't really helping my diet for us to sit here and talk about ice cream.

[B]

I know, but we can just get it out so you get it out of your system.

[A]

Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by. Better help. You better help. You know, I'm a huge fan of a certain very famous drag queen, and she's really inspired me throughout my life to you Better work. And. And with better help. I'm reminded very warmly that you better help. Okay. You have to think of yourself as honestly, at this stage of my life, I think so much about how drag doesn't matter, money doesn't matter, everything, Nothing really matters except how much we are good to each other. And you can only be as good to others as you are to yourself. Really think of yourself as a stunning crystal carafe placed on a dining room table. And you, the host, are supposed to be, you know, pouring filtered water into the goblets of your guests. And you have to make sure you fill that carafe. I hope that's the right word. I've been watching a lot of Martha Stewart before you fill cups. It's reciprocal. And so much of being the best you can for the people you care about is achievable through talk therapy. You have so many keys inside you that you don't even know. You have so many answers you don't even know about. And what I love about talk therapy is that sometimes compared to other styles of in person therapy that feel more clinical. I have found that talk therapy, for me, when I combine it with journaling and talk therapy on zoom from wherever I am in the world. I mean, I'm going to Malta this weekend and I'll be able to have therapy from there. You realize it's a little bit like wizard of Oz where you're like, I'll never go much further than my own backyard. Therapy's taught me I'm a lot emotionally smarter than I thought. I know these things about myself. I'm able to take better care of myself, and I'm able to take a beat and celebrate the small successes. I'm in a phase of therapy right now where I'm just enjoying the benefits and successes of all the work of talk therapy. BetterHelp is here to be your bestest, bestest way into talk therapy. What I love about BetterHelp is that you can do it from anywhere, anytime with a licensed therapist. There are so many to choose from. And what I love about it is you can switch therapists at any time for any reason. For example, I was with one particular talk therapist for a certain amount of time. And then when I started to get arthritis, I. I actually pivoted to a talk therapist who was more specific for chronic pain management. Because I wanted somebody who was really specialized. And so, you know, the therapist you might need today. It's okay to sometimes, you know, switch over to somebody else for really any reason. One time I switched just because the guy always wanted to meet at 7 in the morning, Pacific standard time. And I'm a drag queen that might as well be three in the morning. So I also love it because there's a commitment. BetterHelp has a commitment to make sure that they are gonna match you with somebody that works for you, for you to focus on your therapy. There's a short questionnaire that isn't too long, but it's in depth enough to like, really thin the herd when you're looking for who you wanna meet with. And when you first start betterhelp, you could meet with a few different therapists over a month and you could really just get a feel for it. October 10th is World Mental Health Day. I will say as a BetterHelp lover, every day is World Mental Health Day at better help. But October 10th is a great opportunity for all of us to celebrate our successes and maybe take that leap. Maybe think, what if I actually have an opportunity here to better myself? This World Mental Health Day we're celebrating the therapists who've helped millions of people take a step forward. If you're ready to find the right therapist for you, the right therapist for you, BetterHelp can help you start that journey. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com bald that's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com bald this episode of the Bald.

[B]

And the Beautiful is brought to you by Nutrafol. You've probably seen a million ads for hair growth products and thought to yourself, sure, like that actually works. I did. Two friends. Until one fateful autumn morning when my dear friend Gregory stood before a mirror in my house and whispered somberly, the fall has come. Not just to the trees, but to me, before a single tear rolled down his cheek. Outside, the oaks were shedding. Inside, so was he. It was then that I told him about Nutrafol. Not some snake oil or hollow promise, but a physician formulated, clinically tested dermatologist recommended supplement that targets the very root causes of hair thinning. Because even as the land around us curled inward to rest, Nutrafol became his springtime. I love Nutrafol because it's the one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand trusted by over one and a half million People who, like Gregory, refuse to let their story end in the shedding season. Oh. Each capsule is backed by peer reviewed studies and NSF Content Certified, the gold standard in third party certification for supplements its integrity in a bottle. And while many products rely solely on ingredient studies, Nutrafol clinically tests its final formulations, which means real people and real results.

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Ooh.

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[A]

Whatever.

[B]

I want to give you a pull up bar that I just want to make sure you have a door jam a frame in my antique home.

[A]

You want me to tear.

[B]

No, not in. No, in the studio. In the studio. Do you have one of those things? It's like a molding.

[A]

You think? I'm going to go to my drag studio to use the pull up bar.

[B]

Yeah, not your drag studio. Your guest house. I'm sorry.

[A]

Oh, the guest house. Yeah, yeah. Maybe in the guest house. Yeah. Because that's like newer than the home.

[B]

It's got to have one of those little.

[A]

Yeah, frame.

[B]

Right. That you could just.

[A]

Yeah, that's where I keep all my workout stuff anyway.

[B]

Perfect. I'm gonna install that today whether you like it or Not.

[A]

Do you believe in Halloween decorations?

[B]

I absolutely believe they exist.

[A]

I mean, I think this is the year that I go the fuck off on my house with these Halloween items.

[B]

Okay, now what exactly is that gonna mean? Because I'm a little concerned.

[A]

Well, you know, I go the fuck off for Christmas.

[B]

Yeah, but that's like, that's much. Okay. Yes.

[A]

So my house is very old and spooky and dark.

[B]

What about cobwebs? Those cotton cobwebs? I wish.

[A]

Of course. I think I'm gonna do them on the banisters on the stairs. How?

[B]

I've never in my life seen them.

[A]

Look artful, but that's not gonna stop me.

[B]

It looks like cotton candy. Like cotton candy.

[A]

Your limited scope of what's possible isn't going to cap my possibility of my joy.

[B]

I have a very broad scope of what's possible. I'm a. I'm a great Halloween haunted house enjoyer.

[A]

But you, I. You don't even have spider. I, I know spiders. Some of my best friends are spiders. I know about webs.

[B]

I just. Oh wait, don't tell me. We got to talk about things on the floor.

[A]

That's the thing. I'm not going to bite off spider culture without probably going to a spider owned business or like. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah. Talk to spider man.

[A]

Go straight to the Spiderman. My dermatologist, Lawrence Spiderman.

[B]

Speederman. Speederman.

[A]

I've been really into Spiderman as a last name is great.

[B]

What about Spageman? Dr. Spichemen? Dr. Spaceman?

[A]

Spichemin. I've been really thinking about this year. My house. It just needs a little push to be not just a little witchy, but witchy.

[B]

You need the 80 foot skeleton in the front yard.

[A]

The balcony. What about the balcony?

[B]

Oh, baby, it's a whole scene up there. It's a whole. It's a whole Munster mash kind of scenario.

[A]

What do you think about the guest bathroom downstairs? What about you? You walk in, skeleton in the shower with towel on the head and towel.

[B]

Wrapped around, screaming, screaming, screaming. And then, and then you try to flush the toilet. Blood comes up like shooting up into the ceiling.

[A]

That could be messy.

[B]

It's Halloween.

[A]

My house is just old and spooky. It just. I think you have to go, you have to go. Witchy. You can't do.

[B]

It's all about. It's Jack Leonards and lighting.

[A]

It's Jack Leonard's and lighting. You can't do like my house is not gonna be. You know what I really hate the flattened Witch that looks like it hit a wall with the arms and legs straight out.

[B]

Oh, I don't know her. I don't think I want to know.

[A]

The fucking dumbest thing, girl.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

Unless you have one good for you at home. But I don't. Witches would not crash at my house.

[B]

I think that Halloween tacky is a lot worse than Christmas tacky for some reason because it's like. Also, when did you put up the Halloween. You gotta take it down after November. Like November 2nd. Yeah, November 1st has gotta come down.

[A]

But that's why I believe that you have to start the decorations early too.

[B]

Before October.

[A]

I was gonna start this month. Yeah, why not?

[B]

It's fall. Do you have to do. Wait till the fall, the autumnal equinox.

[A]

I gotta. I gotta wait for the leaves to start to turn in Los Angeles.

[B]

I was gonna say. I was gonna say wait for the leaves to turn, but I realized we live in California.

[A]

We live in California.

[B]

Oh, it's a horrible time to live in la. Let me tell you what, Marianne. It's a horrible time to live in la.

[A]

The fall, it's always a hard time to live in L. A. Yeah, but.

[B]

Oh, come on, please. In the winter. I have a hair in my mouth. The fall in. Even in Boston, New York. Magic. Magic.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

Don't you think?

[A]

Yeah, I don't think it's ever magical to live in Los Angeles. I don't want to be a hater.

[B]

You don't think that winter mama. You don't think around February 12th. It's not delightful to walk out of your shittiest people.

[A]

You know, hitting paws on the weather for three months, Right?

[B]

No, Mary, you know, the. The reason I decided to set up shop in this shit ass bucket fuck hole of a town is for its weather.

[A]

Oh, I don't prefer winter. I'm not going in winter. In Milwaukee. I say goodbye to everyone about Halloween and I said, I'll see you. Yeah, New Year, maybe for like a day. But I'm. I'm not doing.

[B]

No, no, girl. When I got caught in that, that. The gridlock moment. The gridlock crisis of Boston year. Whatever the fudge. It was when we were all in traffic.

[A]

Gridlock crisis.

[B]

It was a gridlock crisis during a snowstorm. A major snowstorm. Took me eight hours to drive two miles. Boop. Had to get gas. Had to get gas. I'm not kidding. We were everybody, the city and the schools and the businesses all released at the exact same time. It was the. Everybody in Boston will know about It. I think it was around 20, 16, 15. Whenever I. Before I moved, it was the winter.

[A]

Running out of gas in the street.

[B]

Yeah, I had to go. I had to go. Like some people are pushing their cars in the gas station.

[A]

That's like the people trying to get into Coachella and running out of gas and shitting on the side of the road.

[B]

Well, that's different. If you shit in the snow, no can see that.

[A]

But I think at Burning man, once they're. And they start shooting on the road, trying to get into it, they're like, we were gonna do this anyway. Yeah. They're like, oh, my God, someone passed out shitting party started early. Do you think that those people get truly pebble and coal dust up their pussy?

[B]

You should ask Miss thing over here.

[A]

When you go to Nick, Nick was just there. When you go to suck on day eight of that, do you just know that it's going to be a slim gym?

[B]

It's going to be gravelly.

[A]

You're going to pull back. You're going to pull back the foreskin. It's going to be sheathed in margarine. You're just going to say, sure, margarine. Lestra blown out the back to a Lester. You know why I'm in spooky mode? I started watching horror movies like a month ago.

[B]

Okay, like what?

[A]

The Criterion Collection per me.

[B]

You have the Criterion Collection?

[A]

No, me.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

My own Criterion Collection.

[B]

Can I make a suggestion that's on the Criterion Collection?

[A]

Yeah, sure.

[B]

The Devils by Ken Russell.

[A]

Oh, what's it about, baby? What year is that?

[B]

71 maybe. I'm not sure.

[A]

What's it about?

[B]

I'm gonna send you the trailer and you will gag.

[A]

But you won't tell me now.

[B]

No, it's. It's about. It's during the plague, I believe the church, I think a nun gets rotor. Rooted with a. A motorized dildo. Maybe the imagery is off the chain. Ken Russell. I did like a little feature. I watched a featurette on him. He. He did the Tommy the rock musical. The rock opera with Ann. Margaret in the Beans.

[A]

One of my favorite movies.

[B]

Yeah, it was groundbreaking too, because he was. There'd never been a rock opera like that before. Yeah. Ken Russell.

[A]

Do you love credit movie?

[B]

Oh, yeah. Mary. The way that I want to recreate that bean scene with black sludge for black diarrhea.

[A]

We never talked about this. I love that movie.

[B]

Yeah, you're gonna love. I'll send you a list there. He's on. It's on the Criterion Collection. Criterion Channel or whatever it is now. And I can't wait to watch it. The Devils.

[A]

That Tina Turner Acid Queen number is the best shit I've ever seen.

[B]

The Tina Turner Acid Queen number, Gypsy. I see a queen. It's crazy.

[A]

It's amazing.

[B]

The. I mean, it's like being commercial is crazy. The Bean commercial is nuts.

[A]

With a white carpet girl shooting just.

[B]

And then she. She has. And then she's on the. On the bed where there's like the long pillow.

[A]

And she's like grabbing.

[B]

She's rolling slowly.

[A]

It's fierce.

[B]

When she's going.

[A]

Oh, with the hair. Yeah.

[B]

I. I was like, why is that me? Why is that me?

[A]

And Margaret is also Elton John in the big statues, the giant pinball.

[B]

This Ken Russell. This motherfucker's got a vision like nobody else.

[A]

Also the church where they all worship Marilyn. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[B]

And then the masks. It's so kind, right?

[A]

It's great.

[B]

It's incredible.

[A]

It's.

[B]

I highly recommend it. But the Devils with Vanessa Redgrave, that's on my list to watch.

[A]

Next.

[B]

I want to talk to you about something that is also diabolical. Speaking of devils tripping on stuff that I put on the floor. Have you ever. Have you ever.

[A]

I've never tripped.

[B]

You know, when. RuPaul. She constantly talks about self. Tab. Self sabotage. Your inner saboteur.

[A]

Is she talking about kettlebells and shit on the floor?

[B]

She's talking about Mary. She's talking about everything on the floor that I put there. I. So just for example, a water bottle, a shoe, a weight, a piece of paper, anything. Anything that I pick up from one place. And for whatever reason I put on the floor, I am guaranteed to step on it or kick it the next time I enter that room. And I never learn. And it's driving me.

[A]

What if we get you some pylons for the home? What does that mean? Orange cones.

[B]

But I.

[A]

Every time.

[B]

They'd have to be so high, though. Did it happen to be so high Because I don't look down.

[A]

I got my.

[B]

I got my eyes on the road. I'm looking up, I'm looking forward. That's about it.

[A]

Got it. What if we hire some young men, maybe hot to be in the home, and kind of the stop and slow kind of science, like, tret. Like.

[B]

Or I stop being like a fucking moron and just don't. Don't put stuff on the floor. Realize how many bottles of lube I have kicked over, and then imagine.

[A]

Well, I'm surprised there's any left.

[B]

It's crazy.

[A]

Well, here's what you need to do. You need to adapt my posture. And you'll always be looking at the floor and you will never stub your toe on anything.

[B]

Yeah, the problem is I'm always like, super erect. Like this.

[A]

Like. Yeah, love that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The films I watched.

[B]

Okay, wait, wait. Last thing. The little miniature car.

[A]

Oh, very home alone. You set up booby traps in your own home.

[B]

And I do, though for myself, inadvertently. It's so pathetic.

[A]

Listen, some days you're a Kevin, some days you're a Marv. Okay.

[B]

This episode of the Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Wayfair. Friends, Romans, country thems. As you may or may not be aware, the holidays are coming. And if I don't get my seasonal fix, if I don't drape my banisters in velvet ribbons, scatter gilded pine cones across every available surface, and erect a seven foot spruce adorned with ornaments that shimmer like the tears of angels, I will absolutely, categorically combust. That's why I flung myself heart first into the glittering embrace of Wayfair, where every frosted fantasy and cranberry scented craving can be fulfilled. From wreaths that welcome guests with aristocratic pomp to inflatables that could make the neighbors weep with envy, Wayfair is my one stop shop for transforming mild domestic interiors into cathedrals of yuletide ecstasy. I recently ordered an emerald velvet duvet, a set of gold rimmed dinner plates, and because I'm nothing if not dramatic, 75ft of silvery tinsel that gleam like a knight's armor under the moon of the winter solstice. The packages arrived swiftly with free and effortless delivery. And as I unboxed them, I swear I could hear distant carolers harmonizing in E flat. This year, my guest room will glisten, my living room will glitter, and my kitchen will sing. Because Wayfair has made holiday hosting not just manageable, but majestic. There's something for every style, every home, and every deliriously festive mood. All for way less. So if you too feel the telltale tremor of impending holiday mania, go to Wayfair.com and get what you need before your joy explodes into a confetti cloud of glitter and gingerbread. Get organized, refreshed and ready for the holidays. For way less, head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R.com Wayfair Every style, every home. So good, so good, so good. Just then, thousands of winter arrivals at your Nordstrom rack store, save up to 70% on coats, slippers and cashmere from Kate Spade, New York, Vents, Ugg, Levi's and more.

[A]

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[A]

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[A]

I didn't mean to talk about Halloween, but they got this Halloween candy.

[B]

Oh, also, talking pumpkin is a must.

[A]

A must.

[B]

Gotta have a talking pumpkin. It's magic. Do you think it's in Spanish?

[A]

I'm trying to do witchy, but not doing cringe. Millennial. Hocus Pocus. Harry Pottercore. Does that make sense? I'm trying to do la.

[B]

Crystal.

[A]

Crystal Core crystal. Well.

[B]

Good luck with that.

[A]

You have your house decorated for crystal.

[B]

All you need is some pipes.

[A]

And I keep tripping on things like glass pipes. Hot glass pipes.

[B]

I have so many torches and they don't look good. It's terrible. Terrible.

[A]

It's terrible.

[B]

Yeah. You haven't mentioned how lovely my hair looks today, but I'll find it. Fine. We can do it after the pod.

[A]

This is only my second time seeing it after the.

[B]

We're doing after the pod.

[A]

It's a little, like.

[B]

Beautiful.

[A]

Commanding. Thank you. Commanding of the space.

[B]

She's. She doesn't.

[A]

She's not.

[B]

She doesn't shrink under scrutiny.

[A]

No, I actually.

[B]

She asserts herself.

[A]

You being this tan, too, your eyes look super blue.

[B]

I. Yeah, I guess I'm colorblind because I think they look either green, but I guess I'll trust everybody else's judgment.

[A]

You look like the front woman for a lesbian band.

[B]

I know. I look like I am co producer of the Lilith Fair.

[A]

For sure. Yeah.

[B]

Or maybe just an ap. A PA Yeah. Two years in a row, though. Yeah. So.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

So, movies.

[A]

I've been trying to watch the classics, so I watched. Well, my personal classics, I guess, so I watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Did you?

[B]

You like that movie?

[A]

I do like it. I just. It kind of is a slow burn. So much of the first half of it is just the. The group and nothing's really happened yet. The sibling relationship. But when it kicks off, Motherface tears open that door, grabs that guy and closes the wall back up. You're like, oh, this is lifting off.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, it's certainly. That is a fucking scary. It's a scary house and a scary man to. To be pursued by.

[A]

And the performance, the Marilyn, I believe her name is the main.

[B]

The girl who, like, makes it on the back of the truck at the end is turned.

[A]

Is it really hysterically screaming? Watched Halloween Original with Janie Lee, Kermit.

[B]

So that's funny.

[A]

So I.

[B]

It's interesting because I don't care for that franchise whatsoever. And I'm curious, like. And I'm not. Not trying to be a hater. I swear to God, I'm really not, because I like some things that are so whack. But, like. Like, what do you like about it?

[A]

Also? No.

[B]

Who stabs like this?

[A]

Me.

[B]

No, but, like, I was like a car. Like, a director would. Wouldn't they realize that you don't. You don't move like that.

[A]

Yeah, that's true.

[B]

Like, it's a very strange detail that I didn't catch until the last. The most recent time I viewed it. And it's a very weird error by a director who's pretty brilliant, you know?

[A]

But I like the, like, there's like a lingering. Someone's watching the bush. Lingering. Yes, Mama.

[B]

That bush scene is. Yeah.

[A]

The part where she sees him in the. In the backyard with the sheets.

[B]

Oh, it's. Yeah, it's like. I like how long the daytimes.

[A]

For her to even see him.

[B]

The daytime stuff is. Is terrifying.

[A]

Yeah. I like how long it takes for her to even see him.

[B]

And then that, of course, that. That incredible ab. Controlled love, that wild.

[A]

Love. The doctor just talking about how evil he is. There's a lot of buildup I don't ever love in those old movies. The moment where the final girl walks into a room and everyone who's dead is in one room. Like, I don't ever love that.

[B]

When does that happen?

[A]

It happens in, like, Friday the 13th. It happens in this. Where she, like, all of a sudden, at the end, while she's running from the killer, I ran into my dead friend's body. Oh, I stepped over her dead body. Oh, right. Her realizing everyone's dead. It's a good way to level up the. Oh, my God, everyone's dead.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I watched that. Watched every scream in a row.

[B]

Oh, wow. How many are there?

[A]

One two, three, four, five. I think six.

[B]

Rose McGowan deserved better. I'm sorry that. That garage door thing was such a bookie. Like, it's such a.

[A]

It's so iconic.

[B]

It's iconic, but it's gory.

[A]

Scared the shit out of me.

[B]

The. The. It's. I thought it was from a scary movie the first time I saw it.

[A]

No, I think. You really don't think that's scary?

[B]

No, I don't think it's. I don't think it's scary at all. And I don't think it's very. Well, I don't think it's, like, gory enough either.

[A]

Well, you're never gonna die that way, honey, because that garage door can't pick your big ass up. Okay?

[B]

I wouldn't be able to fit my huge head through that thing. My wiggles. Wiggle it. No, but I mean, like, I wanted her to.

[A]

Like, Jane would die. That's how Jimbo would die in, like, her boobs. Her big boobs. Right.

[B]

But, like, I wanted a world where she. Where somehow he, like, undid the whole mechanism and then the thing went and sliced her in half. You know what I mean? Something like that. A guillotine type of moment.

[A]

There's a part in Scream or drilled.

[B]

Her eyes out with. He's in the garage, you know, grab something.

[A]

There's a part in Scream 4 where this girl is trying to crawl out of the garage door and he closes it on her back.

[B]

Does she get. But back break. Come on. You just need to go to the chiropractor. What about. Does she get, like, actually physically bifurcated?

[A]

No, there's like a crunch noise.

[B]

When you hear that crunch.

[A]

When you get that crunch. What else did I.

[B]

What's your favorite kill, if you had to or. Top three favorite kills in those movies, in those films. I like it when the Cold open with Anna Paquin and what's her name, and then it's kind of meta.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's fine.

[B]

That's fine.

[A]

Yes, that's fun. Love. Any name like Marnie, that type of shit. There's a girl. Marnie. Marnie. Marnie. You know what I mean? With love.

[B]

What does that mean? Is that a kill with just the.

[A]

Name for, like, a young girl? It's like, okay. You know, I wish that in horror movies everyone had more interesting names because it is scary when you're like, Cindy, this isn't funny, but I wish it was. Like, everybody had funky, wild names. Well, I guess now, like, in the future, it'll be Like Mick Braylon.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what?

[B]

Alethea.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Biblical names stop at Leviticus. This isn't funny.

[B]

I'm sorry, but Leviticus is a conti. Kunty name. Also, all the Latin. The classical Latin names for the seven deadly sins, they eat. Gula. Love that. Ms. Gula, this is my daughter, Gula Gula, my sister Acadia. This is. What's it called? Luxuria.

[A]

Love her Luxuria. I don't know what you're talking about, so.

[B]

I'm talking about the seven deadly sins. In their court. Their Latin names, like lust is luxuria or greed is avaria or aia. It's like, they all sound like really funky, fun names. Gula.

[A]

Gula's kind of wild.

[B]

Gula. What is the other one? Superbia.

[A]

Love that Superbia.

[B]

Actually, they sound like car names.

[A]

Do the.

[B]

The Honda Superbia or the Subaru Gula.

[A]

The Subaru Gula. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something very Texas chainsaw happened to me when I got to Milwaukee. I have something crazy that happened to me.

[B]

Someone tried to cut your face off?

[A]

No, I got to Milwaukee and I was like, that's weird. The lights. My condo are off. Oh, that's weird. The thermostat is off. Oh, no. The electricity's off. Mind you, I haven't been there since December 30, and there was frozen pizzas and Lean Cuisines in the freezer. So I was like a movie where I realized if X and Y, then Z. So, like, I creep to the. To the fridge. I open it. The refrigerator is kind of gross because it's just stagnant air.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The freezer. Larva pupa dripping from the. Like, alien flies coming out little, like, blue, like, bluish yellow, like bugs in the freezer. I step away. I thank God for Airbnb. I go on the Airbnb app. I have an Airbnb down the street in 20 minutes. I. It was 5:30. I was in an Airbnb Air, maybe by 6, thank God, on it. That was. So then I plan my attacks. The next day I go back, I call we Energies in Milwaukee, shout out to We Energies. And I'm gonna let you know what these tried to do to me. So I called the building, the electrician's like, oh, it's got to be just your unit, because all the energy in the building is working. Your neighbors, everyone else, the hallway, call we Energies. So I call we Energies. I go, hi, it's me. And they go, yeah, when did you buy the unit? I said, 2020. And they said, oh, well, We. And I said, I said I thought it was included in the building. Cuz my.

[B]

You've never paid an electric bill on the whole condo since 2020.

[A]

No. So my fear. So my heat, my air conditioning and my water are all included. So I thought all things were included. Right.

[B]

All inclusive, like Jamaica sandals.

[A]

Right. I thought I was on like a Sandals Jamaica, all inclusive. Flew.

[B]

Very reasonable.

[A]

Flew out.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So condos are like cruises, right?

[A]

Right. So I go, well, what about. And she goes, well, this is a secure line or. But this is a recorded line. And you said that you bought it in 2020 so we are going to have to back charge you. And I said, wait a minute. I said I'm glad this is a recorded line because I need you to hear this so you will know and you're told to will someday. Now. Yeah, my primary residence is blank, blank, blank. And I was like, and I'm not paying for. She's like, well, looks like there was electricity used. And I said, by who?

[B]

There were no sparks from when I threw my baton into the air.

[A]

Yeah, I was just like. I was like, I'm not paying that also. What? Where was my contract that I pay you that. What are you talking about? Where is the. I guess I did get five years of free energy, so shout out to.

[B]

That, but where's the bill?

[A]

Well, now I'm. Now I'm proud. At the end of the call they go, and would you say that your experience with energy is a satisfactory. I said, well, this is my first day being a customer, so I guess we'll see. Yeah.

[B]

Tbd.

[A]

I go, okay, now that the energy's on, I'm gonna turn up the fridge in the freezer overnight and when I come back, all those bugs will be dead. So instead of fighting live flies and bugs, I came back and they were all dead. So it was a lot better to clean up. And after I deep scrubbed and cleaned it and bleached it and deodorized it.

[B]

You make banana bread.

[A]

It's like brand new.

[B]

You can make banana bread out of those bugs.

[A]

What?

[B]

You can make high protein banana bread out of them.

[A]

I won't be doing that. So then, so then now this has been happening for a while. Like two years ago my stove went out at that apartment, but I haven't been there. And to get an appliance delivered, you need to be there for like a week because you know, it's windows. We're gonna be there from between 12am and 12pm that type of shit. Yeah.

[B]

From Tuesday To Tuesday.

[A]

Yes. So I also need a washer and dryer because the dryer went out recently. So I was like, this is the trip where I'm going to get this all taken care of. And I have so much Best Buy rewards coming to me and make your head fucking spin, right? So I buy. I go down to Best Buy. I take pictures of all the appliances, and this guy helps me and always love to go to Best Buy. Love Best Buy. I love the possibility you will catch me buying things. You will catch me walking through the fake kitchens, just turning knobs. Like, I love it. Bringing my.

[B]

Bringing frozen pizza to put it in the oven.

[A]

Yes. I love the fake kitchens.

[B]

I'm at Best Buy. Well. Oh, don't get me started on Home Depot, baby.

[A]

Love it.

[B]

I walk into those fridges and then just chill for a second.

[A]

Hell yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I'm like, I go to Best Buy, I get to delivery. Delivery, by the way, for them to bring your appliances and take the old ones is only 39, which I think is a pretty good deal. The fact that they're gonna take away the old ones.

[B]

Where's the scam?

[A]

Well, I'm gonna let you know, because.

[B]

That sounds too good to be true, baby.

[A]

So the people come to hook up the appliances, and I'm sitting there eating my Subway. Right?

[B]

Yeah. With your. With your. What are you wearing? Satin chemise hard nipples? I don't.

[A]

I think I'm wearing, like, a. Like truly a Bugs Bunny T shirt.

[B]

Bugs Bunny T shirt. No pants. No pants.

[A]

And I'm drinking a Celsius. And the moving guy goes, do you have another one of those? And I said, no. Oh, he asked, just got a fridge.

[B]

Working, ask for a beverage. And you didn't offer him one. That's interesting.

[A]

So they bring the stove and they go, we can't take it because the hookup behind your stove is a hookup for a washer and dryer. And. And the hookup behind your washer and dryer is for a stove. And that's why both appliances shorted out, which are.

[B]

Ooh, freaky Friday.

[A]

So then I had to call an electrician to come swap out both things.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

And then now they just got a text from Best Buy yesterday saying, we, we need you to schedule your pickup now that you fixed it, because they're going to come get it.

[B]

But couldn't you. I mean, couldn't you have just, like, made do with put your clothes in the oven and put your food in the washer?

[A]

Right. I feel like. I guess I was not pissed off, but I was like kind of annoyed because I made girl. I was there in Milwaukee for a week. So I was like, this is my trip to get this all squared away. And instead of it getting fixed, they were like best Buys. Like we. We need another week to discover your to. To do another delivery. And I was like, oh, God, Mom. Hostage, Hostage.

[B]

Give me another horror movie. Give me another horror movie. Well, I watched a Friday the 13th.

[A]

I love Friday the 13th. You do? I do the first, second and third. I love why I like it. I like the campground shit.

[B]

You like the campground shit?

[A]

I like the campground shit. I also watched I know what you did last summer.

[B]

Oh, the new, new.

[A]

No, the old one.

[B]

Okay. Would Jennifer love Huge Tits?

[A]

I didn't like it as much as I remember liking it. Yeah. Did you know it was a mystery novel?

[B]

I mean, it certainly begs the question. A question. So it is mysterious.

[A]

I thought I was gonna go see the new one. So I was prepping by watching the old one and then I just. Seeing the old one with fresh eyes, I was like, it's. It doesn't eat the way I remember it. Eating for me personally.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The second one has brandy and Jack blacks. Maybe that's the superior one.

[B]

I don't know. It just seems like it kind of like a toothless, like nothing kind of movie.

[A]

Rewatch the Barbarian.

[B]

Yeah. And then weapons man.

[A]

Yeah, well, watch weapons.

[B]

God, I love Gladys. I just can't get enough of her.

[A]

But I just feel like you see it. Bring her back. What did you say? Bring her back? Yes. Bring her back was cunty. We talked about this.

[B]

I know. I'm sorry, lizard brain.

[A]

I just worry. And I love everyone. I always worry about a certain costume of the year. The Ku Klux Klan, annoying the shit out of me.

[B]

Oh, I. The minute I saw. The minute she was introduced. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. The minute she was introduced and she performed the first spell, I was like, well, it's over. Here it is. Gladys is the Halloween diva. And it's already started.

[A]

I just mean if we're gonna do it, let's do it with some dignity.

[B]

And you better have 25 kids. It's tracing youth all around the neighborhood.

[A]

Great group costume.

[B]

Glass broken in every household within a five mile radius. That's what I want to see. And I'll be the. In the nightgown with the two little braids. That'll be that kind of glass lattice.

[A]

I just always want people to bring it.

[B]

Yeah, no, I know. And nobody ever Does.

[A]

So it's going to be a lot of group costumes of that, I think.

[B]

Well, what about that year where everybody was the lost or the stuck Chilean minors? That was in such poor taste.

[A]

What? Yes.

[B]

Remember that? Remember all the Chilean miners that were stuck for so long and everybody, like, dressed up as them? It was, like, so crazy.

[A]

Weren't we in some kind of show where I had a joke. Chilean minors, Trixine caught you live. Turns out they were all over 18.

[B]

Yes, that's.

[A]

That's.

[B]

Times change, people change.

[A]

Wasn't a good joke then. It wasn't a good joke now. Willing to risk it all for a shitty joke.

[B]

That's comedy.

[A]

While I was in Milwaukee, I also. I was driving by. It was like a movie. It was August 31st, I think, 29th. And I was driving by a billboard that said Joan Jett and the Blackhearts and Billy Idol at the American Family Amphitheater on Sunday. And I was like, holy, Right? Of course. I went. I called up Gooch and Val, I said, get a sitter for the kids. You're coming out. Because Gooch loves Joan Jett.

[B]

Who does?

[A]

And so do I.

[B]

Who doesn't?

[A]

And my first pride I ever went to, Gooch took me when I was 15 to see Joan Jett.

[B]

Gooch.

[A]

And I was. And that was 20 years ago now, 35 to 15. And so I said, oh, my God, Gooch, we're going to see Jones at the Black Hearts. I'm a gay man, you're a gay woman. And you took me to see Joan Jett. And we're gonna see her again in Milwaukee 20 years later. Oh, I just love you so much. I'm so happy. And Gooch goes, yeah, I seen her a bunch of times. Love, love.

[B]

She. She took your big ball of enthusiasm, and just.

[A]

Me and my family have this relationship. A little time will go by, and I'll go, you know what family love meaning? And I'll put my hand out and they'll go. And then I go, ow, fuck. I should have known. Then a little time will go by and I'll go, Christmas is magical, when maybe you should all go to. You know, and then it's. It's. It's. It's. It's cyclical. You're like. You're.

[B]

You're hanging from the. You're hanging from the cliff. And then you put that other arm up, and they've just, like, walked away.

[A]

Yeah, but they did come. And my mom, you know, my mom is Ada. And so I was like, do you want the ADA seating? So you can sit the whole time, but it's further to the back.

[B]

Sorry, what does that stand for? I'm so stupid.

[A]

American Disability Act.

[B]

Oh, gotcha. Okay.

[A]

So I was like, would you like the ADA seating? But it's a little further back. But it's a little higher. So people who have to sit the whole time because rock concerts, people stand.

[B]

They do.

[A]

Or would you rather sit? And, like. I was like, they got these fierce tickets. Fourth row tickets only. $110.

[B]

Are you fucking. I was like, where are they playing? Where they playing?

[A]

The American Family Amphitheater in Milwaukee. Oh, in Milwaukee. Okay.

[B]

Okay. And if it was in LA, they'd probably be 850.

[A]

Oh, my God. To sit in the nosebleeds at Katy Perry. Did they just drain your bank account?

[B]

Oh, my God, don't get me started.

[A]

So we get there, and Val's. She's ready, right? She's took her good pain pill. She's on her edible. She's getting the tequila. She's going off, right?

[B]

She's three sheets to the way.

[A]

She's not gonna feel that knee pain today. She said, oh, she's doing.

[B]

She's doing the Dougie and the stinky leg.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah. We went. We went to play pool. I haven't played pool. My mom in so long whooped my ass.

[B]

Oh, that makes me so happy. She just threw the cue ball right at your face.

[A]

I just. I think her arthritis has been doing better because she was very active. And I was like, good for her that you really eat at this. And Gooch goes, yeah, she hasn't played a while either.

[B]

Oh. I was like, damn, that rusty bitch smoked you, right?

[A]

So we're at the concert, and it's, you know, us sitting there, and it was perfect. Park, sit down. As soon as I sit down, show starts.

[B]

Come in my boner.

[A]

No waiting. No waiting. B is really high on her gummy. So she's like, I have a dry mouth. Do you have anything? So I have some Swedish fish, and I give them to her, and then she sees two other edible, like, marijuana gummies in the bottom of the Swedish fish. Because, you know, I'm always packing. And she goes, are those edibles? Somebody says, I said, no. Did you want something to drink? She goes, I'll have a tequila soda. And Gooch goes.

[B]

Ms. Val goes. She goes all the way.

[A]

But she. You know what? She's. She's in the prime of her life. She's in her golden years, and she's at a concert.

[B]

So the prime of her life and her golden years are two very different stages.

[A]

Why the. The golden to the golden Bachelor.

[B]

The golden prime of her life.

[A]

Right. She's the golden prime of her life. And Gooch loves Joan Jet, and so do I. So we're losing it. Gooch is. We're. I'm screaming the word. Yeah. I love Joan Jack.

[B]

And what's the. What's the demographic around you?

[A]

Old. And I actually hoped that everyone was gonna be so old that they would sit and Gucci's like, no, no, everyone's gonna stay. But What I saw, B52s, a lot of my favorite concerts. A lot of older people, these old people tear up. Their body gets reanimated.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, the music.

[B]

Music is life.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Joan Jett was incredible. She was so awesome. And I've, you know, seen her twice now. It's like, damn, 20 years ago, I love this shit. Today I love this shit you eat. And you know, her political affiliation. She's very blue and very loud and lesbian and queer and fierce, and I just love her. And also her and Billy Idol. Even though it's like old white people in the audience, they are rock music and freedom and they represent, you know, stick it to the man shit.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And so it was a nice environment to be surrounded by old white people and actually not feeling like you're at an APAC function. Yes. I was like, these people can hang.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And also I like seeing some of these older gals in the audience who put on like the leather mini skirts and of course it's and stuff.

[B]

Right. The banger sisters.

[A]

Not even like a funny way, like, look great.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Hair destroyed.

[B]

Especially in. You're in Milwaukee. But I was gonna say especially in la. I love that biker chicks love gorgeous.

[A]

Like, like a heavy makeup with like, for like not. Not curtain bangs. Like new trend curtain bangs they've had for 40 years.

[B]

Like the ones that go boop and boop.

[A]

Yes. Yeah.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

It was so good. Joan Jett was so good. The music is so good. I'm listening to her. I'm like, she's in her 60s. I'm like, she sounds perfect. The guitar playing in her 60s, that's all she. But she was awesome. Well, the runaways, she was 15, I believe. Wow. In the Runaways, the band that Joan, Jet and Sherry Curry were in, they were like 15, 14, traveling the world. Their parents Mia while they're all just doing drugs.

[B]

Traveling latchkey kids, just stroking it. Did you. Can you check to see if she. If I love Rock and Roll was a number one during 1982, I believe it was.

[A]

I think I've told you this before. 27 record labels passed on. I love Rock and Roll. They all said it's not a hit.

[B]

Well, There could be 27 record labels, right?

[A]

Totally. You knew.

[B]

I love. I mean, listen, Rock and roll. I was born to love it. Bit fierce and also get physical by living in John, I think was the most. The longest, number one. I don't know.

[A]

She.

[B]

But you loved it. She. She eats, she slaps.

[A]

She was so good. I mean, it's like obviously like cherry bomb, bad reputation. Do you want to touch me?

[B]

Cherry bombs Clover.

[A]

Oh, you did it on Drag Race.

[B]

Such a good song. It's such a good. That's a banger.

[A]

The only thing is, there was one part where she was like, talked a little bit about America and. And she's like, I have something I want to read.

[B]

And she pulled out the Holy Bible.

[A]

Something from Abraham Lincoln, I think. And it was very. The people are for the people, by the people, whatever that is.

[B]

She pulled out the.

[A]

But. But I. I also was like, I was waiting for her to tell all these old white people, like, I'm queer. And if you're here and you're not like liberal a little bit, you don't get to come here and vulture on my talent, you fucking pimply fucks, you know? Yeah, but it was very bipartisan. And so she said something very like, for the people, by the people. And the guy next to me yelled amen. And I was like, yeah. I don't think she's saying what you think she's saying, but I know why. If you have probably a lot of older fans, you probably have to take the Dolly Parton route, where you say things like, I believe all people should be treated.

[B]

All lives matter.

[A]

Yes. And the big superstars, the Beyonce's and stuff, they do take that. Sort of trying to bring the kids together. Yes. And I'm okay with that. I don't need everything to be a spit in the face.

[B]

No. But I think it also depends on the particular artist. I think Beyonce is less. She's. She's definitely gets way more political in her imagery and stuff. But Dolly Parton for sure, has always been about love.

[A]

For sure.

[B]

Dolly Parton's always. She's like. She's like the real RuPaul.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Like, everybody say love. That's like Dolly Parton's thing and she's never strayed from it.

[A]

People have been critical of Joan Jett in The past about, like. I was reading this on her Wikipedia. People had said that she, like, groups would be like, if you really were looking out for the gay community, you would be more vocal about being a lesbian. And she was like, how am I not projecting that I'm a lesbian? Yeah. What part of.

[B]

Is there any ambiguity about the. The silhouettes on the mud flaps of my truck?

[A]

She's like, I'm in my leather pants singing about my love for girls. I don't know what you want at.

[B]

The front of the Dyke March at Pride. You know what I mean?

[A]

So I love her. And then Billy Idol came out, and I love Billy Idol. And I was.

[B]

Go ahead. Sorry.

[A]

I didn't know what I would think of the live program because, you know, these artists are getting up there.

[B]

Well, I saw Iggy Pop live, and I was like, woof.

[A]

Yeah. These are actually getting up there. And I'm very. By the way, if you're an older artist, I do not expect you to perform like you were 20. I'm open and willing and able. Right. I'm a safe space. Belated. Did not come out there. And no Walker or nothing. Damn. This fucker came out there. Shirt, open body. It's a. He takes the shirt off and throws it in the audience. I mean, singing Hot in the city, Rebel, y'. All. All that. He was so good. The visuals were so good. He worked me out so fiercely. And I love him because, you know, he got some of his punk rock start in, like, gay clubs and stuff. He was so cunty. He was so hot.

[B]

How old is David?

[A]

I've never thought he was hot. I was jerking it.

[B]

Oh, 69.

[A]

He was amazing. He was amazing. He was so sexy. He was singing with, like, his fist like this. And, like, the guitar player, Steven Stevens would play all these crazy guitar licks, and Billy Idol would stand there and do this, like.

[B]

I mean, that White Wedding song, maybe. Did he play that one? Of course.

[A]

Yes. It was. I mean, he was so incredible fierce. Do you know he's never married? Good for him. I think if you have a song called White Wedding, you're like, we can't.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Cliche. Katy Perry would do it. Here's my Arbor Day song.

[B]

Maybe she also do a divorce song.

[A]

Right? Anyway, well, it was great. Shout out to Billy Idol and. Yeah, it was amazing.

[B]

Shout out to performers who are in their. In their AARP and beyond years, still turning and bucking and giving the children everything they want on stage.

[A]

It was incredible.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Talent is talent. Yeah.

[B]

Wait, one last thing. Quick thought it was, oh, I went, I almost, I, I like spent five minutes I was in the waiting room with Fina. Like to, to con or compose a tweet. That was so unnecessary and uncalled for. It was about yoga. I just want to share this very briefly for the people at home and for the yoga teachers who are talking about detoxification through sweat.

[A]

Is it fake?

[B]

Yes, mama. The only thing that happens in a hundred degree in 110 degree heated room where you're vigorously stretching is dehydration. When you, when you sweat to regulate body temperature, that's it, point blank, period. And what's in your sweat is 99% water. There's some minerals like calcium, there's salt. The amount of heavy metals or like toxic material is so minuscule, is so minuscule as to make absolutely no difference for your overall health. So what you're doing in those bikram yoga classes or whatever, those hot power yoga classes, you're just stretching in a super fucking hot room for no reason.

[A]

Can I ask you, because I have two points of view, which is Brandon, who loves hot yoga, tells me how much he loves it.

[B]

Yeah, I mean I used to love it too.

[A]

And Jason Wimberley told me when I was running and I was seeing Jason Wimberley and running, he was like, you know, if anything, run in the cold because your body burns calories trying to stay warm.

[B]

And if you're, yeah, also if you go into a room, temp room or someone that's just like regular, like you don't feel the temperature. If you're doing Ashtanga yoga, it's going to look like you're in a hot yoga class because you will be sweating your to the oldies.

[A]

So you think it's kind of just pageantry.

[B]

It's, it's, it's, it's a gimmick. It's pageantry and it's also very dangerous and it's ineffective because I've, I can't tell you the amount of times I've heard yoga teachers say, especially during twisting poses that you're gonna like squeeze out the toxins. I was like, Mary, like, it's, I'm not a sponge. The kidney and the liver, that's, that's who detoxifies your body. That's it. It's crazy. It just makes me so. It boils my blood. So everybody out there who thinks you're detoxifying through sweating at your yoga class, you're not. But hey, that's all. Take that, take that. You, Bye Bye. And Doug, here we have the Limu Emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug. Limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us? Cut the camera. They see us. Only pay for what you need@liberty mutual.com Liberty Liberty Liberty Liberty Savings Very Underwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Co. Affiliates excludes Massachusetts. Start the season with Etsy and make your holiday traditions extra special on Etsy. You'll discover original pieces from small shops that will help you celebrate your way. Shop Etsy for holiday decor that makes you feel seen. Special starts on Etsy. Tap the banner to shop Now. Do you ever feel like your ideas just get lost when you're on the go? Meet Remarkable Paper Pro Move the paper tablet that keeps up with your mind and notes wherever you are. It's like if your favorite notebook could connect to the digital world and it slips right into your jacket pocket so it's ready whenever you need it. There's a better way to capture your thoughts on the Go get your Remarkable Paper Pro move [e-mail] hey, this is Sarah. Look, I'm standing out front of AM PM right now, and, well, you're sweet.

[A]

And all, but I found something more.

[B]

Fulfilling, even kind of cheesy. But I like it. Sure, you met some of my dietary needs, but they've just got it all, so farewell. Oatmeal so long, you strange soggy. Break up with bland breakfast and taste AM PM's bacon, egg and cheese biscuit made with K tree eggs, smoked bacon and melty cheese on a buttery biscuit. AM P M. Too much good stuff.