Losing Your Virginity at a Ruby Tuesday with Michael Henry & Tim Murray

Summary

Podcast Title: The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Episode: Losing Your Virginity at a Ruby Tuesday with Michael Henry & Tim Murray
Release Date: May 13, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya, hosts Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova welcome special guests Tim Murray and Michael Henry. Both guests are comedians and stars of their new television show, Wish You Were Queer. The discussion delves into their experiences as traveling comedians, the challenges they face on tour, and the humorous anecdotes from their journey.

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Show Overview: Wish You Were Queer

Tim and Michael introduce their show, Wish You Were Queer, describing it as a comedic exploration of LGBTQ+ experiences across America. The premise revolves around their attempts to perform stand-up comedy in various locales, capturing the unique cultural dynamics of each region.

Notable Quote:

• Tim Murray [03:07]: "Read it as written."

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On-The-Road Experiences

The conversation shifts to the logistics of their tour, highlighting the adventures and misadventures they've encountered while traveling. Tim and Michael discuss filming in popular cruising spots during nighttime and the creative ways they integrate local color into their performances.

Notable Quotes:

• Michael Henry [05:10]: "We wrangled alligators in near Pensacola."
• Tim Murray [05:15]: "What is your most loathsome aspect of being on a plane or traveling to you specifically?"

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Challenges and Mishaps

Traveling as comedians isn't without its hurdles. Tim recounts an incident where they had to perform without the necessary staging equipment, leading to improvised and sometimes embarrassing moments. Michael shares his experience of driving an RV for the tour and accidentally crashing it into a garage, adding a layer of chaos to their journey.

Notable Quotes:

• Michael Henry [56:17]: "When you watch me drive into this garage, you're going to be like, 'What a stupid bitch.'"
• Tim Murray [38:30]: "This was not freedom. No. This was prison."

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Stand-Up Comedy Insights

Tim and Michael provide insights into the stand-up comedy scene, particularly within the LGBTQ+ community. They discuss the differences in audience reception across various regions and the importance of relatable material. Michael shares his experiences at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, performing alongside straight comedians and navigating cultural differences.

Notable Quotes:

• Michael Henry [10:27]: "I have never bombed like that in my life."
• Tim Murray [10:07]: "Talk to local homos and see if they're interesting or funny and then do stand ups."

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Humorous Hookup Stories

The episode takes a light-hearted turn as the guests share their most outrageous and humorous hookup stories from the road. From amusing encounters in airport bathrooms to unexpected hookups with flight attendants, Tim and Michael provide a candid and comical look into their personal lives.

Notable Quotes:

• Michael Henry [40:14]: "I gave a blow job to a guy with a back brace. He was just like, 'A back brace.'"
• Tim Murray [56:40]: "I'm your girl."

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Reflections on Gay-Friendly Venues

The discussion moves to the accessibility and friendliness of various cities towards the LGBTQ+ community. Tim and Michael express their experiences in both welcoming and unwelcoming environments, citing specific locations like Pensacola, Dallas, and Panama City Beach. They emphasize the importance of safe and accepting spaces for their performances and personal interactions.

Notable Quotes:

• Tim Murray [58:43]: "Dallas, Texas, Louisiana."
• Michael Henry [59:27]: "Florida's Panmaba Shore."

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Conclusion

As the episode wraps up, Trixie and Katya express their admiration for Tim and Michael's dedication to their craft despite the numerous challenges they face on tour. The hosts encourage listeners to tune into Wish You Were Queer, highlighting its blend of humor, travel, and authentic representation of the LGBTQ+ experience.

Notable Quote:

• Katya Zamolodchikova [60:10]: "This could be huge for you."

---

Key Takeaways

• Traveling Comedians: Tim and Michael navigate the complexities of performing stand-up across diverse regions, adapting their material to fit local cultures.
• Challenges on Tour: From technical mishaps to personal escapades, the duo shares candid and humorous accounts of life on the road.
• LGBTQ+ Representation: Their show and experiences underscore the importance of visibility and acceptance within the comedy and broader entertainment scenes.
• Humorous Personal Stories: Engaging and often outrageous hookup tales add a relatable and entertaining layer to the conversation.

---

Notable Quotes Recap

• Tim Murray [03:07]: "Read it as written."
• Michael Henry [05:10]: "We wrangled alligators in near Pensacola."
• Tim Murray [05:15]: "What is your most loathsome aspect of being on a plane or traveling to you specifically?"
• Michael Henry [56:17]: "When you watch me drive into this garage, you're going to be like, 'What a stupid bitch.'"
• Michael Henry [40:14]: "I gave a blow job to a guy with a back brace. He was just like, 'A back brace.'"
• Tim Murray [56:40]: "I'm your girl."
• Tim Murray [58:43]: "Dallas, Texas, Louisiana."
• Michael Henry [59:27]: "Florida's Panmaba Shore."
• Katya Zamolodchikova [60:10]: "This could be huge for you."

---

For those who haven't listened, this episode offers a blend of humor, honest storytelling, and insightful discussions about the life of traveling LGBTQ+ comedians. Tim and Michael's experiences provide both entertainment and a glimpse into the challenges and triumphs of performing across America's diverse landscapes.

Transcript

[Trixie Mattel]

Hi, it's Trixie. I'm reporting to you live from Hollywood. And let me tell you, when people started to take Ozempic or Wegovy or all those, and ironically, the people I knew who were getting it had some kind of situation where they were, you know, wealthy enough that they had private doctor situations. People who don't even go to doctor's offices themselves, doctors come to them. And that made the whole thing feel secretive. It felt elite, it felt inaccessible. It just didn't feel like it was maybe for everyone. And what's great is with ro, getting your hands on Ozempic or Wengovi is, you know, already enough of a hassle and negotiating with your insurance provider should not be something else you have to worry about. But Ro is here. Ro's insurance checker lets you know if you're covered for GLP1s for free. Ro can help you understand GLP1s like Ozempic and Wegovy and like which ones are right for you. All you have to do is submit your insurance card and RO will take care of the rest. No paperwork, no negotiating, no waiting on hold. Join over the 350,000 people who've trusted RO to check their coverage for free. Go to R.O. bald for your free insurance check. That's R.O. co. To see if your insurance covers GLP1s for free.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Go to R.O.

[Trixie Mattel]

Safety for black box warning and full safety information about GLP1 medications.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

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[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So this week on the very bald and the very beautiful, we have two actually beautiful people to go with two bald people. We are joined by two very special guests.

[Trixie Mattel]

Hilarious.

[Tim Murray]

Read it as as written.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hilarious. Comedians and stars of their hit new out TV show, Wish youh Were Queer. It's Tim Murray and Michael Henry. Oh.

[Michael Henry]

Oh, I'm so excited to be.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I honestly feel like you guys are like us where at this point if people don't know you, they're actively avoiding you on the Internet.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tim Murray]

They're homophobic.

[Unnamed Guest]

It's a vendetta.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Because if you watch one Michael Henry video, YouTube every week is like, guess who's back in the house?

[Tim Murray]

And I'm not leaving.

[Unnamed Guest]

I'm here until you've watched it to the very end.

[Michael Henry]

You can mute him as much as you want. He will pop back up.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, have you ever done a Michael video?

[Tim Murray]

Oh, please be in one.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She takes you to the park.

[Tim Murray]

Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Excuse me. Lays down a blanket.

[Tim Murray]

Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Lays down a blanket. Because it's what? It's public domain.

[Tim Murray]

It's. I say so.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's. But this. It's daytime.

[Unnamed Guest]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's at the park at night.

[Tim Murray]

You know, I film at the same parks that people cruise at at night. Such as the poinsettia.

[Unnamed Guest]

Well, that's a huge one.

[Tim Murray]

Everyone knows that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's the gay kick. What about Plumber?

[Tim Murray]

Yes. Plumber Park. I filmed there too. And then Pan Pacific.

[Unnamed Guest]

Oh, yeah.

[Tim Murray]

So everywhere you cruise, I film.

[Unnamed Guest]

It's interesting.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And sometimes I film for my comedy skits.

[Tim Murray]

Exactly.

[Unnamed Guest]

What about out of town cruising spots?

[Tim Murray]

Those are permitted. So, Cam.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, you guys are doing this show where you travel. Can you tell Katie Bug about the show?

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, I'm not bitter at all because I definitely did not have an LTV show ready to go at all. And they just canceled it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

As if they could sell a show where you travel.

[Unnamed Guest]

I did.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, you at airports being mad.

[Unnamed Guest]

No, no, no.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Eating pretzels and being pissed. What should be called going into a.

[Unnamed Guest]

Bathroom and coming out because it's too full.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wish you were queer and wish I was home. Yeah, Wish I was home.

[Michael Henry]

Wish I was home.

[Unnamed Guest]

Uti. Yeah, go ahead.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

How did you guys get the idea for this travel project.

[Tim Murray]

It's basically a real life.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah, it's probably just like you guys, like when you're on the road, we're like, okay. We're miserable and yelling at each other. Someone should put a camera on this.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't know if you.

[Unnamed Guest]

Go ahead. Sorry. No, go ahead.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I already talked too much.

[Unnamed Guest]

It's okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You're waiting for me to talk. She waits for me to talk. To interrupts me. It's so fudge ed up.

[Unnamed Guest]

No, so all like for real though. What is your. What is the most loathsome aspect of being on a plane or traveling to you specifically?

[Tim Murray]

Yeah, don't say me.

[Michael Henry]

It's him. It's him. I am like such a dumb Midwest bitch. I just don't like when people are rude. Like just have like a little. Just a little decorum. And it just gets like yesterday I was waiting in line for the bathroom on the plane and the man behind me, I like got out of the way so an old lady could walk. And he cut me in line and went to the bathroom before me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Damn.

[Tim Murray]

Yes, he went in and he was up too.

[Unnamed Guest]

He was splattered at all.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Squatting in the urinal, taking a big dump.

[Michael Henry]

Stop farting. Stop farting. And pooping on the plane. Well, I have stinky.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sorry, this. Can I also say the straight guys in the. In the stalls.

[Tim Murray]

Uhhuh.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They are pooping like they are pushing the rock from Indiana Jones out of their ass.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah. And they're doing it at like the more decimals the better or decibels. Decibel. What's the one with the sound decibels? The louder the better when it comes to like blowing ass in a.

[Tim Murray]

Straight men need to take Lamaze class so that they could poop easier.

[Michael Henry]

This is a good.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And also Metamucil. Yeah, it shouldn't be soft serve, but it shouldn't be two by fours, blocks of wood, anything.

[Unnamed Guest]

We're not doing number two in public.

[Michael Henry]

Well, that's sometimes when you got to go, you got to go.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, but you know what though? Okay, what about this then? Why so like fancy places like those airport lounges often have a stall that has a door that goes right to the ground.

[Michael Henry]

Hard for cruising.

[Unnamed Guest]

Two foot. Two foot differential. Well, for the toe tapping and then six inches of that much like to you can see.

[Tim Murray]

Six inches is a lot.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's for.

[Unnamed Guest]

I know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And don't let anybody tell you differently.

[Michael Henry]

Six inches and they're doing that toe tapping. Not for cruising. But they're playing Trixie's hits.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, no, I think sometimes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, awesome. I'll toe tap. And people will be like, oh, always French people. And they get French Canadian.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah. Oh.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

At the Austin airport and they get under and they whip up the dick. And I was like, I'm. I was doing like stars twinkle bright. I was doing kind of a number.

[Michael Henry]

Right, right. That's how I figure.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Thank you. Senator Larry Craig.

[Tim Murray]

I looked up at an airport bathroom before you have Philly.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What happened?

[Unnamed Guest]

What happened?

[Tim Murray]

You know, I mean, it was a Grindr connection.

[Unnamed Guest]

Okay.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah. I mean, give us a blow by blow.

[Unnamed Guest]

Every single detail.

[Tim Murray]

Literally it was on. Literally. I'm always on Grindr at airports. Literally never hook up.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But nobody can host.

[Tim Murray]

Well, well, unless you're at the bathroom at Philly Airport and you hook up with a flight attendant. They know the most discreet terminal terminals.

[Unnamed Guest]

Breastfeeding bathroom.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I hooked up with a flight attendant.

[Michael Henry]

That's a good spot.

[Unnamed Guest]

Family bathrooms.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You never a flight attendant.

[Tim Murray]

You dissect.

[Michael Henry]

I've never a flight attendant.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's hard to not a flight attendant in the gay world. They have to just.

[Unnamed Guest]

You have to be actively avoiding it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And everybody's a hairdresser or a flyer.

[Michael Henry]

I would honestly do it just to respect the. The job. The hustle. It's a bad job.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, I think it's okay if you're flying Delta. You can Delta, but you can't do cross. Cross.

[Tim Murray]

You won't get points.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You won't get the point. I hooked up with a flight attendant once and he told me that they are known to be slutty. They call themselves air mattresses.

[Tim Murray]

Yes. They're proud of that.

[Michael Henry]

I hooked up with a pilot one time.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

See, that's hot.

[Michael Henry]

He went crazy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What?

[Michael Henry]

He went crazy. He sent me like the nastiest text message afterwards. That was.

[Unnamed Guest]

You're always drunk.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah. Now I'm like, it's full flight every time I get on a plane. I'm like, please don't let it be him. Cuz he. This man is crazy.

[Tim Murray]

That's my thing. I don't want to hook up with a pilot because I don't want to hear any of the, you know, behind the scenes secrets.

[Michael Henry]

No. I also don't like it when pilots are not hot.

[Tim Murray]

If you.

[Michael Henry]

If you're getting off the plane and the pilot.

[Tim Murray]

I was just gonna say or trans.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And Michael is going to the front of the cockpit. The cockpit. And Michael is pulling down pants. And he's examining birth genders.

[Tim Murray]

Yes.

[Michael Henry]

And that's what our show is about tune in down.

[Tim Murray]

Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So wait, your show's gonna prove are out TV and you guys travel as comics in the show, but you also take in the local color.

[Michael Henry]

We sure do. So basically we go to you and we're like. We are the TEMU versions of you guys. We're the non successful.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We're the TEMU versions of us.

[Michael Henry]

We're basically like. We are like, you know, non union stand up, non union, non equity Road gremlins. And we go to Trixie and say, please, for the love of God, you know, produce our standup special. And she's like, you're funny in your clips and in la, but are you funny everywhere else? And we get in an RV and we drive through middle America and do stand up and try to get material from whatever we do.

[Tim Murray]

Talk to local homos and see if they're interesting or funny and then do stand ups.

[Michael Henry]

And when they're not, then we do stand up.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

There is nothing worse than like when you do the comedy festivals and they. Which is fun. Love that. But they make you. Sometimes before a taping, they put you on a show, It'll be like 10 random comics and people come hoping to see bilber or whatever. And you walk out in drag or whatever and you do the gay. The gay jokes, the process.

[Michael Henry]

I have never bombed like that in my life. I did Edinburgh Fringe Festival and I was on the lineup with like 10 straight comedians that were like. And there's all UK people. So they're like, what about the flats are so expensive?

[Tim Murray]

Yes.

[Michael Henry]

And I was like. I was in full witch drag. It was. I literally.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Why were you a witch or were you doing witch drag?

[Michael Henry]

I was doing like a witch. I was doing like a. Tim does.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This act where he can hear any Elphaba singing and tell you who it is.

[Michael Henry]

I knew you weren't gonna like that. I could see before you. Your face even made a face.

[Unnamed Guest]

How many alphabets have there been?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, delta work to Diet Coke is.

[Unnamed Guest]

Well, we were watching Love on the Spectrum the other day and there was a guy who could tell you what key every single, which was so impressive.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Impressive.

[Michael Henry]

Are you saying I'm on the spectrum?

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah. How long have you been autistic?

[Michael Henry]

Yes.

[Unnamed Guest]

No. So how, like, how many have there been over, like.

[Michael Henry]

Well, if you just do Broadway, there's been like probably 40. 40. Oh, yeah, baby.

[Tim Murray]

So Adina hasn't been doing it on.

[Michael Henry]

Broad Press, but then there's tours and there's Australia and there's uk. There's like a lot of Them.

[Unnamed Guest]

You know every single one.

[Michael Henry]

I don't know that I know every single one. Hit it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was listening to Anna Gastar did it and she was talking about. Do you see the story she talked about? She talked about like one in a million things happen on stage where the Elphaba won't go up. So then instead of her going in the air and the audience being like, wow. The people of Oz with the staffs.

[Trixie Mattel]

Throw themselves on the ground and pretend.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She'S in the air. Imagine you go to see Wicked and you're like, watch this, bitch. Your mother in law, whoever. You're like, watch this.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She just stands on the ground and goes like.

[Unnamed Guest]

Well, we did that in our show when the few venues that wouldn't allow flight, we had to do a Barbie doll.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay.

[Unnamed Guest]

Humiliating.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We were Australia and some of the venues said, you can't fly. Katya for Wind Beneath My Wing.

[Michael Henry]

Are you joking? You fly in the show?

[Unnamed Guest]

No, I get lifted up, like pretty high though.

[Trixie Mattel]

She flew every night.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

2500 a night, plus insurance.

[Unnamed Guest]

Oh, yeah. It was like an extravagant.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It was the most expensive thing.

[Tim Murray]

So why wouldn't some of the venues allow this?

[Unnamed Guest]

Well, because they didn't have the hardware. Yeah, but they didn't have the. It's.

[Michael Henry]

You know, you guys are really playing better venues that are some. I try to do it.

[Unnamed Guest]

Not a wall and go.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Not in Christchurch, New Zealand. Not in Hobart, Tasmania.

[Tim Murray]

We're just lucky if we have a.

[Michael Henry]

Toilet 100% sometimes that our green room.

[Unnamed Guest]

We didn't have a toilet.

[Tim Murray]

Wow.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We didn't have a toilet at World of. Well, we would have to get in drag and go up to the fourth floor, but in the basement. We filmed no urinal, no nothing. We'd be in drag, peeing outside most of the time on Holly Boulevard, on.

[Unnamed Guest]

The wall in the blazing sun.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

In drag.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Tim Murray]

I used to go to the bar across the street, Borders. Love it. Amazing nachos and a great goth night, I believe. Yes, yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They do something for everybody. Yeah, we don't. Basically, we're on that tour instead of the audience, the fans who have seen Kati do Wybath and Wings and Fly, they're like, this is gonna be great.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So they get there and instead of Kati going in the air, they black out the stage. They cut to backstage, a Barbie doll on fishing line in a live camera feed and they just lift it up.

[Tim Murray]

That is pretty funny.

[Unnamed Guest]

She was wearing the same outfit, so I feel like it's like incredible, kind of.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah, it was incredible.

[Unnamed Guest]

It was humiliating and a huge letdown.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's incredible. Kind of.

[Michael Henry]

Well, at least you're doing that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's low key.

[Unnamed Guest]

Amazing.

[Tim Murray]

Kind of amazing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Very low key.

[Michael Henry]

Somewhat awesome.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's somewhat actually kind of fierce.

[Michael Henry]

I did a show where I had. Doing musical comedy, musical tracks, and the guy could not figure out how to press the space bar to press play. I was just doing crowd work for like 15 minutes while I was like, randy, you got it yet? No.

[Tim Murray]

We were at a venue once, and I know his cues, and he's queued up, ready to do his number, and the sound person's just eating chips. I had to go up to him and be like, hit the button.

[Michael Henry]

While I'm literally like, hit from stage.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

There have been sometimes where you. If you. If you fly in, you have to do a morning tech check like that with your gig. If you have, like, one show where it's just you and there's certain cues, but you're using local people, and then sometimes they're so off that you go, this person is homophobic.

[Tim Murray]

Yes. Or.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

An alcoholic. Or both.

[Unnamed Guest]

Both. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

If I look over to you in the. I better see. You better be. You better be an active addiction. Yes. You better be in the throws of stage four. Something.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Because we did a sound check. That's what pisses me off sometimes. It's like, what was the sound chick for? Or sound check for?

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, just for the fun of it.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah. No, I mean, there's nothing worse than, like, the. The double whimmy of homophobia and incompetence.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Michael Henry]

I did one recently where his kid was there with him, and my show was, like, very crass. I was like, hey, I'm just gonna wait until he. He was like, no, he's gonna be here the whole time. I was like, how old? 28.

[Tim Murray]

He's not ready.

[Michael Henry]

He's not ready to hear what I.

[Tim Murray]

No. So how come you never went in the air when.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

In the air?

[Tim Murray]

Yeah, like, you didn't want to fly?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, each of the wires were tested for 2,000 pounds, and I still didn't want to chance it. Yeah, she was pushing it.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah. You know, there were some times where I could feel a. Could feel a strain.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, she was like, I have this idea for the show where I fly every night. And they said, oh, yeah, it costs about $2,500 an evening. I said, what are your other ideas? But then it ended up being, like, the best part of the show every.

[Unnamed Guest]

Day, but also 2500 plus the whole, like, the. The A dedicated person.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You have to fly with a person to do that. And didn't you have to sound check it every day?

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She had to do it every day.

[Unnamed Guest]

Before I ended up not doing it. And people got a chance to go up. Like, crew members would be like, I'm going to go up. Yeah, it's. It's really hard on your. I would imagine Pink must go through a lot. You know what I mean?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Do you guys think in season two, you guys will get to go on the blue Origin?

[Tim Murray]

But I hope.

[Michael Henry]

Wait, what is that?

[Tim Murray]

Only if she calls me a. On live tv.

[Michael Henry]

Wasn't amazing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She said on tv to whom?

[Michael Henry]

To Mateo Lane, who Dale King called. You missed this. It was right before she.

[Tim Murray]

Right before she went in space.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She said.

[Michael Henry]

He says faggotry in his standup special.

[Tim Murray]

And she's quoting him. She's like, what? The faggotry is this Morning America.

[Unnamed Guest]

That's actually so f. How did I miss that?

Damn.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sometimes lately I'm trying to pick. Like, I was talking to Drew A. I was like, I think you could say. She was like, I think I could. She said. She said, but I won't. She's like, gay guys always tell me that I'm allowed, but I'm not going to.

[Tim Murray]

I allow it. I love it.

[Michael Henry]

Try to get my. We try to get my mom to say it on episode one. He kept going up to my mom and be like, the cameras were rolling. Like, will you say cunt? She was like, no.

[Unnamed Guest]

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[Katya Zamolodchikova]

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[Unnamed Guest]

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[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What was the highlight of the trip, you guys? Your stand up tour?

[Tim Murray]

We ate really good hot dogs in Columbus.

[Unnamed Guest]

Oh, really?

[Michael Henry]

We really did. That was good.

[Tim Murray]

We wrangled alligators.

[Michael Henry]

Alligators in near Pensacola.

[Tim Murray]

You wrangled alligators?

[Unnamed Guest]

Wrangled?

[Tim Murray]

Yeah.

[Michael Henry]

I'm not big ones, but yeah, small ones.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I DJ'd in Pensacola last year and it was like 98 degrees outside.

[Tim Murray]

I love Pensacola, girl.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Guess what happened to us in Columbus?

[Michael Henry]

What?

[Trixie Mattel]

Nazi march.

[Unnamed Guest]

We weren't in. Oh yeah, we weren't in it.

[Tim Murray]

Okay.

[Unnamed Guest]

We did not take part. We abstained.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We were in Columbus. And Fina hair and makeup assistant sent us a video of. This is not reflection of Columbus, but that day there was a white supremacy march.

[Unnamed Guest]

Like, like unambiguous Nazis.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And you know, Columbus Twitter, which I'm on, was like, this is horrible. This does not represent us. But they sure were just marching.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And we were like, we're here, folks.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah, we're here.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We're here.

[Michael Henry]

That's. We're here.

[Tim Murray]

That's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We're here.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Michael Henry]

We're like the opposite of. We're here because we are not going and making people's lives.

[Tim Murray]

We need help.

[Michael Henry]

We need their local help.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

Are you there?

[Tim Murray]

Maybe that we're there, but not mentally.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I could have never done we're here the way they. They would go and have in an rv. They have these conversations where they get called basically everything but faggot on camera. And they play it cool and they try to like relate. I would not be that.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah. Also, I just, I can't get that earnest and I don't care about people's lives that much. Yeah, no, you know, like bring a book.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We don't subscribe to. Like, I'm sorry that that metastasized. But you should put on a wig. You know, we don't do that.

[Unnamed Guest]

The key to cancer is a wig.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

I mean, not only it's A beat.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But it's also.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

It's also fierce lashes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's conticorio.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's Conti Choreo.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah. That's for ibs.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah. That's faggotry.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah. Your father hates you. Put on some shoes. Like what? It doesn't make any sense.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Did you guys pull a lot of do sex stuff on the road?

[Michael Henry]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes.

[Tim Murray]

Oh, my God. Atlanta BJ Roosters. Ever been?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What do you think? Atlanta BJ Roosters.

[Tim Murray]

What is it?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's my drag team.

[Unnamed Guest]

Atlanta BJ Rooster.

[Tim Murray]

I'm telling you, everywhere I go, I'm promoting BJ Roosters male strip club.

[Michael Henry]

Oh.

[Unnamed Guest]

So that probably. I, I've been to the Swinging Rich.

[Tim Murray]

Well, that. This is what it's, you know, we BJ Roosters.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So it's.

[Unnamed Guest]

There's a theme. I'm sensei.

[Tim Murray]

And balls.

[Unnamed Guest]

And balls.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What do they do?

[Tim Murray]

Full nude, full new. They can't be the private dances. There's red. The biggest penises I've ever seen in my entire life. Are it. Get out of here. DJ Roosters. They fly. Yeah. $2,500 together.

[Unnamed Guest]

You think they're doing Trimix?

[Michael Henry]

Trimix.

[Tim Murray]

That's when you adjust your.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's like Weetabix.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah. And you know you have to do a Afrin to make it go down.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yes. It's an antihistamine.

[Michael Henry]

You won't go down.

[Tim Murray]

You have to if it, if it's up for antidote hours.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I need one. These ones wake me up. These ones put me down.

[Unnamed Guest]

These ones get the voice and all.

[Michael Henry]

Your hookups have to lay down on the ground, like in Defying Gravity. Look up as you go down.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We went. Katie and I went to Swinging Richards once with, like, a big group of drag queens. And I don't like to tip, but I want to support them.

[Michael Henry]

You want to support the girls.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The money. She would tip them. It was very roundabout, sort of through the sheet, sort of handmade.

[Tim Murray]

Got. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I, I'm, I'm about it.

[Unnamed Guest]

I love it.

[Tim Murray]

I love it.

[Unnamed Guest]

He whacked my hat off with his dick, like, and it flew, like, 30ft.

[Tim Murray]

Oh, yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They also were doing. Go ahead.

[Tim Murray]

I was going to say in Montreal. I, I, they have a similar situation. I got a lap dance from this one dancer when he was taking off his underwear. His dick was so hard, it flung precom in my face.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, my God.

[Michael Henry]

Quality programming.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You were in one of those, like, plastic aprons that said, let's get cracking with the lobster on it.

[Tim Murray]

Basically.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay. When we the guy stood up and took the. He took the penis. And he took the penis. Hit her hat off her head.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah, they were doing tricks.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, it was very circus.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Had brain surgery. So. Brain.

[Unnamed Guest]

I just come back from Turkey. All my bloody plugs were showing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They all fell out. That's how her plugs fell out. I went to that one in Montreal, too, with Mateo Lane, and you guessed it, Nicole Byer, the other gayest man I know.

[Unnamed Guest]

Is that the one where they have, like, mermaid men in the fish tank?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This one, it really lacked a theme. They didn't come out as, like, a firefighter, whatever. They came out in, like, a T shirt and jeans, put on like, if you want my body, and just slowly took the clothes off, but not even that slow enough.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah, well, there's one there, I think it's called Campus. And they go out, do a number where they're close and real enthusiastic. And then the next one, they're just fully naked.

[Unnamed Guest]

Oh, I love that.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

So they get. Imagine numbers. Just like Mike and no magic.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And no magic. You guys. Did you get to go to a lot of gay bars on your trip?

[Michael Henry]

We went to a lot of gay bars in Louisville. There's, like, not a whole lot to do. So we oscillated between the two.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, we just went to play. Right.

[Michael Henry]

We didn't go to those. We went to. Have you ever been, like, actually kind of cool strip of, like, houses. They're, like old, old, like, Victorian houses that they've turned into gay bar. It's kind of neat.

[Unnamed Guest]

I went to one in Louisville.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah, we went to a dentist.

[Michael Henry]

It's not like the downtown area gay bar.

[Tim Murray]

There was the houses, and one of the houses was turned into a dentist's office.

[Michael Henry]

And there was a murder, a famous gay murder, like, right around the corner. Everyone in town wanted to tell us about it. A threesome where they put.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Was it math?

[Tim Murray]

No, of course it's got.

[Michael Henry]

I'm sure. I'm sure.

[Tim Murray]

Why else do gay people kill each.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Other in P Town? When Peaches Christ and I shared a house one summer, they were like, we're. They were like, oh, that's the house last year where someone cheated on his husband and then chopped the arms off and let the body lay in the. In the closet. And Peaches Christ is like, that's amazing. You know, she's into creepy stuff.

[Tim Murray]

I love that, too.

[Michael Henry]

I love that kind of thing, too. Yeah. I think about you every time I'm in P Town. And that the summer that you did.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

There, it's so Hard summers. It is hard.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah. She's still there.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do you guys ever go to the dick Doc?

[Michael Henry]

I haven't been to the Dick, honey.

[Tim Murray]

I was there every night. Loved it. Honey.

[Michael Henry]

Pull yourself together, baby.

[Tim Murray]

Hold on.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's reliving it.

[Tim Murray]

I had a great time, but I use teeth on guys dick sometimes. I'm your chomper. I can't help it. I can't help it. My mouth only opens so big. I've got big teeth and a small mouth.

[Unnamed Guest]

Okay.

[Tim Murray]

And. But I was. One guy flinched so hard, I was like, I'm so embarrassed. I just want to get in the water and swim to Boston. I was like, damn. It was like, come on, don't. Don't do this. Don't do me.

[Michael Henry]

Don't do this to me. Don't do this. Don't do this to me.

[Tim Murray]

Don't leave me this way.

[Unnamed Guest]

I mean, I gave a blow job to a guy with brace. I had braces on my first one. It was not exactly the texture leg braces. He was just like a back brace.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

A leg brace.

[Tim Murray]

Suck for.

[Michael Henry]

Dear God, make me a bed far, far, far away from here.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, my God.

[Michael Henry]

God. Oh.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know, my favorite force gumpism is I think of this all the time. Seats ty and can't sit here.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What's her name? Who plays Jenny?

[Unnamed Guest]

Robin. Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So beautiful.

[Michael Henry]

Stunning.

[Unnamed Guest]

Very much dies of AIDS in that movie.

[Tim Murray]

I believe in the movie. When I was a kid, I would reenact the scene where she's on the ledge and the high heels, like, so glamorous.

[Michael Henry]

That scared the out of me.

[Unnamed Guest]

That was hunting Gay coded. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I like that. It doesn't glamorize it. It's like, damn.

[Michael Henry]

No. Are you kidding me?

[Unnamed Guest]

That was my glamorous thing.

[Tim Murray]

I was just gonna say she was like, having a great time New Year's Eve. Beautiful heels.

[Unnamed Guest]

Halter top, I believe.

[Tim Murray]

Beautiful gown.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. I do like when Forest buys her childhood home and then I think has it bulldozed.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's horny. Because her dad was like, horrible abuser.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's so sad when he goes to talk to the grave and tell her about how beautiful her son is.

[Michael Henry]

Okay. I start sobbing right here now. It's so. It's so sad.

[Tim Murray]

Tom Hicks.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Did you. Did you know this? Did you know this? They cast the actor who played him young and the actor had an accent, so Tom Hanks added the accent to the character to match.

[Michael Henry]

And you also know it wasn't supposed to be Tom Hanks. It was supposed Roseanne Barr.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was gonna say a woman, too.

[Tim Murray]

Well, you heard that Julia Roberts was supposed to play Harry Potter?

[Unnamed Guest]

Lieutenant Dan. Oh, no, I swear. Am I lying?

[Michael Henry]

No, that's actually true.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Who was supposed to play what?

[Michael Henry]

Julia Roberts.

[Tim Murray]

Harriet Tubman.

[Michael Henry]

This is actually true.

[Tim Murray]

In the 90s.

[Unnamed Guest]

The black woman.

[Michael Henry]

Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Bob the Drag Queen. Get in here. Open the book.

[Michael Henry]

Open the book. Isn't that crazy?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

If and when they make Bob. If and when they make Bob the Drag Queen's Harry Tubman live in concert into a film, obviously. Julia. Julia has Patty Arque.

[Tim Murray]

Oh, she can do anything. Of course she can do anything.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

LESLIE Jordan turned 70 yesterday. Oh. But post posthumously.

[Michael Henry]

Okay, posthumously was going to say, what an icon.

[Unnamed Guest]

Seriously, what age do you guys want to die at?

[Michael Henry]

19.

[Tim Murray]

Tomorrow.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah, yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

No. If you could choose today.

[Michael Henry]

I want to die. I want to die before it gets real. Crypt Keeper.

[Unnamed Guest]

But how are you going to know?

[Michael Henry]

You'll see it in the.

[Tim Murray]

You know.

[Unnamed Guest]

I know.

[Michael Henry]

You'll let me know.

[Unnamed Guest]

If you had to choose right now, the age, what would it be?

[Michael Henry]

I want to die at 78.

[Unnamed Guest]

Okay.

[Tim Murray]

I want.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You think that you're not going to be approaching crypt keeper by 78. A white person lives in California.

[Michael Henry]

I get. I get my Botox in Ohio from a girl I went to high school.

[Tim Murray]

Is that a flex?

[Michael Henry]

Janice knows what's up. It is a flex, and it's cheap. She gives me my Botox at the Kroger.

[Tim Murray]

Well, you know, they're doing whole talks now.

[Unnamed Guest]

Oh, I know. Yeah.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah. You're getting whole talks in Columbus, Ohio. Yeah, yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

How's the Fisher talk?

[Tim Murray]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Anal paralytics.

[Michael Henry]

When do you want to die?

[Unnamed Guest]

I will. If I had to pick an age, Today, I'd say 65.

[Michael Henry]

65?

[Tim Murray]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Is it okay. Is it okay to get Botox at home? Is that what you're doing? Or you go to an office?

[Michael Henry]

I go to an office. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's an office. Max. It's like her. It's like her real.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

My first.

[Tim Murray]

She's a real doctor.

[Unnamed Guest]

She's like, when they have the Carvel ice cream cake in the Dunkin Donuts, right? For Baskin Robbins.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

My first dose of the COVID vaccine, I slept with a pharmacist.

[Tim Murray]

Oh.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And he was like, well, you know, I can get you a vaccine. You can either come get it or you can meet me. My house. And we have, like, an hour before it goes bad.

[Unnamed Guest]

Oh, that's kind.

[Michael Henry]

You really going to wrap up the hookup?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

After the hookup, it was like, you know, normally there's cash on the table. It was like, well, let's do your post.

[Tim Murray]

It's like Pfizer or Moderna, right?

[Michael Henry]

Johnson, Johnson and Johnson. Oh, hello.

[Unnamed Guest]

Johnson and Johnson and Johnson.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, yeah. Squarespace, baby. Today's bald and beautiful is brought to you by our friends at Squarespace. I am planning an event right now. This is not a lie. I am planning a party and I have never in my life had to worry about certain things. Like, you know, it's a, it's a birthday event, but I'm like, who's gonna be the photographer? I only know nightclub photographers. You know, how are we gonna deal with music? How are we going to deal with catering or whatever? And thank God, these amazing vendors in the world who do music or tailoring or photography or modeling, whatever. People have amazing websites that they've personally made using Squarespace and it makes you, the consumer, feel very affirmed in your shopping experience. You know, you're basically shopping for somebody's services and a great website can help paint that picture. There's some amazing design intelligence features with Squarespace. It's cutting edge AI that unlocks your creative potential. Because let's be honest, if you're a professional puka shell necklace maker, wouldn't you rather spend most of the day doing the art? You know what I mean? No disrespect to the art of creating websites, but if you're not a website creating specialist, it's great to be able to plug in and use some of these, like templates, for example, and it's just super easy. I also have to tell you, there's also analytics tools which we love. I mean, in, you know, team Trixie world, we always love to see how something's doing. And insights give you ideas on the top traffic sources. They let you know how your reach is growing, what people are clicking on. I mean, all this data is so important to scale your business because what's that saying? You can't see the forest through the trees? Running a business is really being up in the woods and you can't really get a lay of the land. These analytics really help you see your business the way somebody else's eyes would see your business. And it's super helpful. Check out squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to Launch, go to squarespace.com/ball to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Go over to squarespace.com and use the coupon code ball to get 10% off your first website or domain. Squarespace Baby.

[Trixie Mattel]

Hi, it's Trixie. I'm reporting to you live from Hollywood. And let me tell you, when people started to take Ozempic or Wegovy or all those, I remember, it was like, kind of felt like it broke in this area of the world. And the only people I knew who had it at first were like the most famous people I knew and they were the most secretive about it. It was such a crazy time and it seemed so inaccessible for everybody. And ironically, the people I knew who were getting it had some kind of.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Situation where they were, you know, wealthy.

[Trixie Mattel]

Enough that they had private doctor situations. People who don't even go to doctor's offices themselves, doctors come to them. And that made the whole thing feel secretive. It felt elite. It felt inaccessible. It just didn't feel like it was maybe for everyone. And what's great is with ro, getting your hands on Ozempic or Wengovi is, you know, already enough of a hassle and negotiating with your insurance provider should not be something else you have to worry about.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But Roe is here.

[Trixie Mattel]

Ro's insurance checker lets you know if you're covered for GLP1s for free. Free 99. I mean, I think we all live in America here. Like, free is not something you hear very often, but here it is. RO can help you understand GLP1s like Ozempic and Mongovi and, like, which ones are right for you, you know, in correlation with your goals. And that's just the beginning, because if you're eligible for GLP1s and you want to see if you're covered, all you have to do is submit your insurance card and RO will take care of the rest. No paperwork, no negotiating, no waiting on hold. I mean, listen, if you're on a personal weight loss journey, you got enough.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

To worry about, okay?

[Trixie Mattel]

Ro's Free Insurance Checker will send you a comprehensive report of your coverage details so you can make a decision that's right for your goals and your budget. Plus, ROE members have support through the process, you'll have access to your provider on demand. For any questions, join over the 350,000 people who've trusted RO to check their coverage for free. Go to Ro Co Bald for your free insurance check. That's R O Co Bald to see if your insurance covers GLP1s for free.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Go to Ro Co Safety for Black.

[Trixie Mattel]

Box warning and full safety information about GLP1 medications.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This episode of Bald and Beautiful is brought to you by Google Gemini. I mean, Gemini could do pretty much everything except sit here and Do a podcast.

[Trixie Mattel]

It is amazing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do you have exams? Do you have essays? Deep breaths, people. Gemini Advanced is now free for college students in the U.S. best part is the offer isn't just for finals this semester. Sign up before June 30th and you'll get free access all the way through spring finals of 2026. I love Gemini. I got the opportunity to work with Gemini before Gemini even came out. And I have been using Gemini ever since it came out. It is so amazing. I love it for fact checking boring stuff now that I'm driving. I love it for being like, oh, hey, can you help me figure out where I should stop for gas? Can you help me figure out what's a good halfway point between these two places? If you're a student, I know that you're just thinking about stress right now and you have to chill out a little bit. And Gemini Advanced has Google's best AI models in 2 TB of storage.

[Trixie Mattel]

I wish I would have had this in college.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Even just for time management. You guys. I have opened my fridge and told Gemini what ingredients are in there. And Gemini has told me what to make. One time, I only had one avocado, and I said, how do you make guacamole with only one avocado? And Gemini told me exactly how much of other stuff to put in there. Visit Gemini Google students to learn more. Again, that's Gemini. Google slash students terms apply. Did you guys tour on a bus?

[Michael Henry]

I drove the rv.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, you didn't.

[Michael Henry]

I drove it and I crashed it into parking.

[Unnamed Guest]

She wants to get one. You tell her the horse.

[Michael Henry]

Do not.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Why would you drive?

[Tim Murray]

We'll do it. It's great if someone else is driving.

[Michael Henry]

We had a great.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Was it a class B?

[Michael Henry]

Pardon me?

[Tim Murray]

So you didn't have to get us. No, he didn't need another license.

[Michael Henry]

I know if he did, he didn't really.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Under 36ft and under 26, 000 pounds. You don't need a special license.

[Michael Henry]

Now tell me, why do you want an rv?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

To experience freedom and not have to use hotels.

[Tim Murray]

This was not freedom. No. This was prison.

[Michael Henry]

This will make you want a hotel?

[Tim Murray]

Yeah.

[Michael Henry]

Bad.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Who drove? Just you.

[Michael Henry]

Just me. He doesn't have a license at all.

[Tim Murray]

I don't want that.

[Unnamed Guest]

Don't ever get one.

[Tim Murray]

What's the point?

[Unnamed Guest]

Thank you.

[Michael Henry]

I mean, the point is that you. You could drive some of the time. It would help me out a lot.

[Tim Murray]

See, you're not selling it on.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, you. You were supposed to take the bus today, and then I heard you say that you took an Uber.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah, she's always.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You're not rebuking vehicles.

[Tim Murray]

I don't have a thing against vehicles. Being behind the wheel.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Unnamed Guest]

I think that's a great. I think that's an admirable virtue.

[Tim Murray]

No one's ever really asked me to do it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You can't even suck dick without biting. So, like, what, are we gonna let you on the freeway? Damn.

[Tim Murray]

I don't care that I use teeth. Almost like a lot of people.

[Unnamed Guest]

I feel like here, though, that would be, like, a hit. I've had guys people are very into, like.

[Tim Murray]

Well, I've had guys ask me to chomp.

[Unnamed Guest]

Chompy.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah. They said you bite it. Bite it harder.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Tim Murray]

This is in the bathroom with the eagle.

[Unnamed Guest]

Bite it like a dog bone.

[Tim Murray]

100. Yeah.

[Michael Henry]

What's the worst hookup you ever had?

[Tim Murray]

How much time you got?

[Unnamed Guest]

I don't know if it's like, what. What's the theme?

[Michael Henry]

Biting. Yeah. Or just like. Just like. Like, not, like, horrifying, but just like. It was just like, I. That was just not worth my time.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I mean, so. So many that your brain, like, shreds the information.

[Michael Henry]

You're right. I think you're right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't feel like sometimes we leave the hookup. You can feel your brain putting it through the shredder.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah. Forget it. Forget it.

[Unnamed Guest]

You know, for me, though, it's always. It was back in. When I was doing, like, the kind of hooker thing in drag. And, like, the third guy of the night was never a good one.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

It was always like. It was like, what are you doing, mama?

[Michael Henry]

That's where it ended.

[Unnamed Guest]

Three in a row.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Did you get home three times? Times.

[Unnamed Guest]

No, I. I didn't come at all the whole night. But the third guy who would come over would inevitably be so drunk.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do you come in drag, or is that, like, not affirming? Do you know what I mean? If you're like. And you're feeling it, are you like, oh, don't do that.

[Unnamed Guest]

No, no, no. I just like to have them walk away with me still wanting them. You know what I mean?

[Tim Murray]

Wanting more.

[Michael Henry]

I think that's beautiful.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And also, then you're not in drag, mopping your. Like, you're not, girl.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah. Because honestly, the curlers would be my hair blowing on hot tea, pointing at the door. I'd be so ready for them to leave. But that third guy had. He wanted me to do coke on his wiener. That's not a thing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's also so.

[Tim Murray]

I wish.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Would you See this on tv.

[Unnamed Guest]

Did you watch Casino or something?

[Michael Henry]

Someone did this to me in Vancouver six months ago. It was awesome. Sorry. I'm sorry. It was great.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They wanted a line, but they got a bump.

[Michael Henry]

And I can prove it. Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Can you get an S. STI from that?

[Michael Henry]

No, from someone snorting. I mean, do they have an STI in their nose?

[Unnamed Guest]

It's just like, not very. It's not a suitable surface to like. You're wasting drugs.

[Michael Henry]

Well, speak for yourself.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And what happens when they take out.

[Unnamed Guest]

The razor and they're like, my dick is long, hard and flat.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You do the trimix first and then you're digging carbon, and then you can pretty much take a hatori Hanzo sword and chop up the cocaine. And no one gets her.

[Tim Murray]

Here we go.

[Unnamed Guest]

Oh, wait.

[Michael Henry]

Oh, oh, wait.

[Unnamed Guest]

I have a bad hookup story. Brief though. They left to go get trimix and they came back and ignored me in my own.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Talking about ignored you?

[Unnamed Guest]

Threesome. But two of the guys, like, like, it started out fine, and then like, they came back and basically ignored me in my own home.

[Michael Henry]

Wow.

[Unnamed Guest]

Humiliated.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Don't you think drugs are the harmony Hookup?

[Unnamed Guest]

Humiliate.

Humiliating.

[Michael Henry]

Drugs are.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

People aren't really at their best sexually on drugs. Like, that's kind of the harbinger.

[Unnamed Guest]

I mean, but drugs are not. But I mean, drugs don't make you rude.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, I guess, but they just best self is drunk.

[Tim Murray]

Having some of the best sex I've ever had. I've been wasted.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, I guess the.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Some.

[Tim Murray]

I'll do anything. I'll do anything. Wasted.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

When did you become, like, very turn? I really have more sex than most people.

[Michael Henry]

Who? Him?

[Unnamed Guest]

Would you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

Would you describe yourself as ran through?

[Tim Murray]

I would. I would, yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

Turned out.

[Tim Murray]

Turned out.

[Michael Henry]

That's the fantasy he's trying to perpetuate.

[Tim Murray]

No, I do a lot of things. I do a lot of things. I don't do them well. But if you're drunk, you don't remember that you did it bad.

[Unnamed Guest]

That's true.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

If you like my dick biting, you're gonna love what my ass does to you.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah, my anus has teeth.

[Trixie Mattel]

Aren't you married?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, I don't. Are you open?

[Michael Henry]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, okay. Did you want to come forward about the cheating on the pod?

[Michael Henry]

Yeah. Actually, Michael, if you're watching this, I'm the one that gave you gonorrhea. From the guy in Vancouver.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I saw pictures from your beautiful wedding on the Internet.

[Michael Henry]

Oh, thank you. Yeah, it was really something else. He's great.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Did you cry?

[Michael Henry]

I could not stop sobbing.

[Tim Murray]

I know. Yeah.

[Michael Henry]

Mike, he's really.

[Tim Murray]

I was in the vows, mama.

[Michael Henry]

He was in the vows.

[Unnamed Guest]

You were in the vows?

[Michael Henry]

Yeah. What did I say? I said, oh. I said I was sobbing, crying. And I was like, you know, this is so meaningful to. To tell all of these people what I say. Like, oh, yeah. To tell you that I love you in front of all my friends and family and even Michael Henry as fierce Larry. It was fun.

[Unnamed Guest]

Did you wear a dress or something?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I didn't.

[Michael Henry]

I looked like Nicole Kidman from the AMC commercials. I had a bed. Dazzled. It was really kind. It was really cool. It was like powder blue. Do you guys like weddings? Do you have fun at weddings?

[Unnamed Guest]

Nope.

[Michael Henry]

I just went to one on Monday. You don't. You don't like them?

[Unnamed Guest]

I just certainly don't really.

[Michael Henry]

What did you not like about it?

[Unnamed Guest]

Everything.

[Tim Murray]

Have you ever officiated one?

[Unnamed Guest]

No. Yes.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

A fake one.

[Tim Murray]

Oh.

[Unnamed Guest]

Like on. On tv.

[Tim Murray]

Okay. Work.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So no.

[Unnamed Guest]

So no.

[Michael Henry]

No.

[Unnamed Guest]

But I played her officiator. That's something.

[Tim Murray]

Okay.

[Unnamed Guest]

No, I did. I. I did in England.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So if you played a heart surgeon, would you say that you've done a heart surgery?

[Unnamed Guest]

It's close. It's at least adjacent.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah. I bet you've officiated.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No. I was a performer once at a wedding.

[Unnamed Guest]

Oh, that's what I was too.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was. I was one of the grooms was. It was gay woke, and one of the grooms was a big fan. And so the. The other groom surprised them with me. I came out and sang. Sang time after time with my guitar and told some jokes and they slow danced.

[Unnamed Guest]

But isn't it always interesting when you're the. That one groom is a huge fan. His family don't feature you and nor do with the any other, like, person at that wedding.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I love that I won't be sitting like, at the wedding and eating. So I stayed away in a room alone, came out, did my thing and left. And it was okay. It was okay. Pay. But then I found out they were the heir to a certain huge company. I said I should ask for more.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

For you.

[Unnamed Guest]

Four times.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Weddings are expensive. Plus, when you put weddings on anything.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah. And if they're choosing a drag queen, that is the most frivolous expenditure.

[Michael Henry]

Right.

[Unnamed Guest]

You better just like, you better pay that.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Well, you know, if they're on a budget, like, there will be no wedding cake. But we do have, you know, Jasmine Masters here.

[Unnamed Guest]

Thank God.

[Tim Murray]

Doing a tight job.

[Unnamed Guest]

Just as good. Just as good. Oh, my God.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do you don't smell that breath, that shit in your mouth. People's moms, like, you know, mashed potatoes, like, you need to.

[Unnamed Guest]

What did you have on the menu of my wedding?

[Michael Henry]

Yeah, Chili's cater. It loves Chili's.

[Unnamed Guest]

The restaurant.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

Okay. Was on the playlist.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, the country of Chili.

[Michael Henry]

We curated the playlist and we said you. We were like, before we hire you, I know your DJs like, don't get mad. But I was like, before we hire you, this is our wedding. The music is, like, super important to us. We just can't have Venga Boy. Gotta have the Macarena. You know what I mean? I was like, I just don't want a straight guy. I was like, I don't want you playing. Like, get this party started. I was like, we're gonna play, like, fun Christina Milian. Of course.

[Unnamed Guest]

Dip it low.

[Michael Henry]

Of course.

[Tim Murray]

Yes.

[Michael Henry]

You're hitting. You're hitting all the hit. With all the hits.

[Tim Murray]

I still had the cha Cha slide read.

[Michael Henry]

You wrote you. It was you.

[Unnamed Guest]

It's actually red. You wrote you.

[Tim Murray]

Oh, okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She is one of the publishers.

[Unnamed Guest]

I just learned this, like, literally, like, probably two months ago.

[Michael Henry]

That's crazy.

[Tim Murray]

Really?

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Michael Henry]

We. We told the dj, you know, these. You have. You have to play these songs. And he deviated. Here's some ABBA for, like, the aunts and moms. Yeah. And for us.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

When I've done private events, it really helps me. There's one gal, I've done events for her and her team sends basically a Spotify list of play these exact songs.

[Michael Henry]

Do you like that or not?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Makes it pretty easy for you because.

[Michael Henry]

They'Re gonna love this, right? You. Yeah. You know what they love.

[Unnamed Guest]

And also, it gives you an indication of what else they might like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's the thing, too. You get a vibe.

[Michael Henry]

Do you hate when people request, though, or. People probably don't do that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They can do whatever they want, but that has nothing to do with me.

[Tim Murray]

Well, what did you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm not playing it.

[Tim Murray]

Well, what did you think about Kathy? Kathy Hilton, her whole debacle two seasons ago when she called the DJ an old faggot for not playing her song.

[Michael Henry]

Well, I'm on her side.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think that a request is a request and it doesn't need to be honored to be honored.

[Tim Murray]

She says.

[Unnamed Guest]

Presumptuous. Yeah. It's a demand.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's a demand.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And what you do is you also, even if you ask, you ask really nicely.

[Tim Murray]

But I would love it if Cassie called me an old.

[Michael Henry]

Me, too.

[Unnamed Guest]

You ask and then you say, well, what. What about George Washington? Yeah, I mean, like, right, you bribe.

[Tim Murray]

George Washington would really like Mambo Number five. Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

Abraham Lincoln would adored if you played. You know what I mean? You gotta tip em.

[Michael Henry]

That is the vibe. Whenever requesting anything. When I was a waiter, I will never forget these, like Upper west side assholes came in from biking, stinking smelling, and they were like, can you make the pancakes with strawberry pancake batter? I was like, what do you know what's happening? I said, no. I was like, this is. It was a wine bar, first of all. I was like, you're lucky we even have eggs. Like, this is crazy. And they were like, oh, you don't have it. I think they have it at the bodega down the street. Would you mind?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I swear to God, that's like Devil wears Prada. Like, I want the new unreleased Harry Potter book.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Tim Murray]

Bound, but really wanting a strawberry.

[Unnamed Guest]

You know what I feel like is that person. That person needs to just march their stinky ass back home and make it themselves.

[Michael Henry]

That's what I wanted to say.

[Unnamed Guest]

Well, why don't you go to that bodega, buy it and then go back to your flop house, you piece of shit.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah, I should have had you there with me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Now, what's the horny airport food? Because we have favorites chili.

[Michael Henry]

I'm all about chilies. Everywhere I go, I like to have consistent diarrhea, but I really do love it. I'm joking about. I love.

[Unnamed Guest]

What's your favorite? Like, if you two, three top three favorite dishes of Chili's. Because I'm not the.

[Michael Henry]

The skillet queso is incredible.

[Unnamed Guest]

Okay.

[Michael Henry]

It's like really the. Like some of the best you'll ever have. The.

[Unnamed Guest]

And it's good because wherever you go, there you are at a Chili's, right? That's pretty much like, it's always the same.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I feel God in this Chili's tonight.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah.

[Tim Murray]

I've never really been to a Chili's.

[Unnamed Guest]

What about Applebee's? Is it compromising?

[Tim Murray]

Love Applebee's. I've got an Applebee's gift card in my jacket.

[Unnamed Guest]

Okay. TJF Friday with all the flair.

[Michael Henry]

TGF Friday.

[Tim Murray]

I worked there.

[Michael Henry]

Did you?

[Tim Murray]

Yeah, I worked there, got fired, and I got hit by a car on my way to work.

[Michael Henry]

Once there, I lost my virginity. I lost my virginity to the salad bar. No, I lost my virginity to the salad bar boy. At Ruby Tuesday. Tuesday.

[Unnamed Guest]

Ruby Tuesday.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know, you guys are more high class than us. We love Duncan.

[Unnamed Guest]

Duncan at the Airport.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And we love like Starbucks. Starbucks.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, Starbucks, but also.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Pretzel.

[Michael Henry]

Oh, we had.

[Unnamed Guest]

We were on. Was a flop airline. United. Horrible piece of airline. They were, you know, and we have. We get the great fortune of traveling business class usually that. That Usually. Yeah, sometimes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

When are you flying coach?

[Unnamed Guest]

No, no, I was saying sometimes I. No, yeah, but you know, anyways, so where is it? The meal that they. I don't know. You didn't eat it because you're vegetarian. The meal that they brought out, it was a breakfast type of meal. It was the shittiest thing I've ever tried to eat in my life. It was the shittiest fucking thing I've ever tried to eat in my life.

[Tim Murray]

More than an ass.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You gotta be smarter than the plane. Sometimes you have to think like. All right, honestly, on planes, the vegetarian meal is the move because they're not serving you chicken from two days ago.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know, like, vegetables can sit. Not be weird.

[Tim Murray]

Well, I fly Spirit and they give you cup of noodles for 350.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They do.

[Unnamed Guest]

That is shocking.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That sounds better.

[Tim Murray]

It's actually a deal.

[Unnamed Guest]

That's shocking.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

I thought that was the airline that charged you to like. Like. They hit you.

[Tim Murray]

They hit you.

[Unnamed Guest]

Charge you for it.

[Tim Murray]

Exactly.

[Unnamed Guest]

They offer nothing.

[Tim Murray]

The pilot kicks you in the nuts.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, like, that'll be $18.

[Michael Henry]

And he's ugly. So the whole thing, real bummer.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, she said the other day she was like, united. United with what?

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, girl.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

Horrible.

[Michael Henry]

They really are all bad, though.

[Unnamed Guest]

0 out of 10. No, they're not.

[Michael Henry]

Well, I don't know.

[Tim Murray]

But I love Spirit.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'll defend Delta till the day I die. Yeah, Delta is the best.

[Unnamed Guest]

Also have best meal in my life on JetBlue. Mint.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah, JetBlue will warn you up that breakfast.

[Unnamed Guest]

I mean, I still think about it.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Have you guys ever had heterosexual flight attendants? It's so off putting.

[Unnamed Guest]

It's so scary, you know, it gives them like. It gives that like movie, like a face off or something. You know, like when. When.

[Michael Henry]

Nicholas.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

When they're like pretending there's something evil lurking underneath that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

White chicks or something.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah, it really does.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Grandmother, what big eyes you have. It's like. So we.

[Unnamed Guest]

Hello, fellow children. How are you? I know it's. Yeah, it's very suspicious.

[Tim Murray]

I believe it.

[Michael Henry]

I believe it either. There's something.

[Unnamed Guest]

I didn't believe in lady pilots until recently.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, you didn't believe it existed? No, I've only seen.

[Unnamed Guest]

I believe they existed, but I was like, David, my friend, David was like, yeah, I see him all the time. I was like, you're full of. And then I really paid attention.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

And then I noticed that there were quite a bit.

[Tim Murray]

Well, yeah, the Southwest flight where the woman got sucked out the window, that was with a female pie.

[Unnamed Guest]

Is that when the baby.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Was that when the kid's shirt got torn off? Yes, we talked about that. That's the Boeing as a pedo.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Tim Murray]

Oh, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The Boeing ripped one shirt off one person, and it was a kid.

[Unnamed Guest]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I smell eeny, meeny, miney, mo.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like, come on, Purville.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, yeah. Everybody's a Peter.

[Michael Henry]

What do you think about the gays going in the bathroom on the plane and taking pictures of themselves for hours?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Excuse me.

[Michael Henry]

What? Oh, yeah, Twitter and such.

[Tim Murray]

I saw someone who posted a shirtless photo of himself in the bathroom of the plane. And he's, like, paying for my flight right now, Baby.

[Unnamed Guest]

Unless you're Jennifer Aniston on an Emirates flight taking a shower with the smart.

[Michael Henry]

Water, get out of there.

[Unnamed Guest]

I don't buy it. Who's got the room?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Also, you're going in there usually, like, half heart. I'm like, so what? You're sitting next to someone's auntie, fully chubbed, you weirdo.

[Michael Henry]

Weirdo.

[Unnamed Guest]

I can't even fit in an airport bathroom. How are people doing it?

I don't.

[Michael Henry]

One time I was knocking on the door on this gay for the. I was like, I am about to piss my pants. You don't get out of there. And I know he was doing that.

[Tim Murray]

A lot of people tell me they like to jack off on planes.

[Unnamed Guest]

There's not enough time or space.

[Michael Henry]

There's a whole section of the Internet that's.

[Unnamed Guest]

I thought the Mile High Club was a fiction, a myth.

[Michael Henry]

I did hook up with someone on a plane one time.

[Unnamed Guest]

In the bathroom, though.

[Tim Murray]

No blanket, if this is your husband.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I do think sometimes, like, I know cruising is an important part of gay history, and it was thrust upon us because we had to secretly have sex, but I do think if you're cold, they're cold, bring them inside. Like, we don't need to be having sex on the plane publicly anymore. Like, go to bed, bitch.

[Tim Murray]

They'll suck dick with a flight attendant in the bathroom of the terminal. Like a normal place?

[Unnamed Guest]

No, in that little lounge where you. They play jazz.

[Michael Henry]

Oh, what airports are you going to, girl?

[Tim Murray]

What is this?

[Unnamed Guest]

No, no, like the little. You know those crazy big planes that have a little lounge where they play jazz.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, Emirates.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

One Time I was flying to Dubai. Dubai. And there was an area of the plane that was like a little nightclub.

[Unnamed Guest]

It's a little mixing, like a little watering hole.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Me and being a barbital sitting there being like, do we dance?

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah. It's so bizarre.

[Tim Murray]

What is Dubai like?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Great for gay people.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah. Well, you smoke at the airport.

[Tim Murray]

Oh, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Great country for women.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah. Really, really forward thinking. Very.

[Tim Murray]

Drugs.

[Unnamed Guest]

I don't think so.

Actually.

Isn't it like. Isn't it like a dry.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The dry county. Can I ask, you guys are professional gay travelers now? All these places you've been where is on like the dream wish list if you got to go travel now. Next time.

[Michael Henry]

We really want to go to Australia.

[Tim Murray]

Yes.

[Michael Henry]

We've never been.

[Unnamed Guest]

Never been to Australia.

[Michael Henry]

No.

[Unnamed Guest]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You'll love is for all the drama. We complain a lot. Last time I was there, I was like, this is amazing.

[Unnamed Guest]

It's also very accessible to like English speakers, obviously.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

It's, you know, you're flying around the world and everybody speaks English. It's wonderful.

[Tim Murray]

I really love the Real Housewives of Melbourne and I just really want to meet them there.

[Unnamed Guest]

Okay.

[Tim Murray]

So that's my thing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This could be huge for you.

[Tim Murray]

Could be major. Major.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And there's some really hot guys there.

[Tim Murray]

The hottest guys are Australian. Hello. Did you see Steve Irwin's kid with a snake?

[Michael Henry]

What?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I did see that. I did see that. Yes.

[Tim Murray]

He did a photo shoot in his underwear with snakes. And now he's on Dancing with the Stars.

[Michael Henry]

Wow.

[Unnamed Guest]

I did see a video of a pastor, one of those strychnine drinking and snake handling churches. He got bit on the. On the head by a rattlesnake. Bleeding everywhere. Had to go to hospital.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, do you live.

[Unnamed Guest]

It's fierce. I think he died.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They're not supposed to go to the hospital because.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They're not supposed to go to the hospital. They're supposed to stay bit. And if you survive, then you're fierce.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

God loves you. But if you die, you were sinful. You had a demon in you.

[Unnamed Guest]

But as he was getting like. As he was getting like, you know, carried out, people like, like doing the speaking tongues.

[Tim Murray]

Adam, are you supposed to get peed on?

[Michael Henry]

That's. That's a jellyfish, babe.

[Unnamed Guest]

That's. Oh, yeah, that's jellyfish.

[Tim Murray]

But why can't.

[Michael Henry]

You're just always trying to get pee.

[Unnamed Guest]

You're just trying.

[Michael Henry]

That's a different thing.

[Tim Murray]

I would love to get.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Michael's standing around while someone gets bit. I heard that you're Supposed to pee on someone. I don't know.

[Tim Murray]

I don't know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

If you don't want to get weird, I could do it.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah. I don't know. I just did. Drink a gallon of water.

[Unnamed Guest]

Have you ever been peed on?

[Tim Murray]

It's my dream. What? Yes. No, Buddy, we'll do it.

[Michael Henry]

You've never been peed on.

[Tim Murray]

Never been peed on, have you?

[Unnamed Guest]

I have. I loved it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You can't find someone in L. A. To pee on you. It's hard to find someone not on you.

[Unnamed Guest]

Thank you.

[Tim Murray]

This is my pitch to please be on me.

[Unnamed Guest]

You got a bladder full of piss.

[Tim Murray]

I'm your girl.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Can I go back to the rv? What's the. What's the rose and the thorn of the RV life?

[Unnamed Guest]

Vehicular manslaughter.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah, I know. Literally, I thought I was truly so scared that I was going to hit someone or something. It was. The thing is way too big. We drove through the streets of New Orleans, and. And Michael kept being like, slow down. Oh, watch out for that over there. Too far on the road. Shut the fuck up unless you want to drive. And I had already hit the garage at this point. I mean, when I.

[Unnamed Guest]

How could you not?

[Michael Henry]

They catch it on camera. It is. When you watch me drive into this garage, you're going to be like, 1. What a stupid bitch.

[Tim Murray]

It's hysterical because I literally, like, I don't think you're supposed to.

[Michael Henry]

And right before that, I was like. The producer was like, turn the RV Around. We got to get to a different spot. I was like, okay. And I turned to Michael and I was like. I was like, you're never going to see anything so smooth in your life. And then I run it directly into the garage.

[Unnamed Guest]

Love that.

[Tim Murray]

And we have footage of it literally from the outside hitting the garage. And.

[Michael Henry]

And then I cry.

[Tim Murray]

Looks almost slow mo it really slowly.

[Michael Henry]

Slowly moving so slow. But I just.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You don't.

[Michael Henry]

You don't think about how high it hits the top.

[Unnamed Guest]

It knocks the top clearance.

[Tim Murray]

But, yeah. Got on the roof and screamed.

[Michael Henry]

And he's like. I was like, I am gonna kill myself. This.

[Tim Murray]

I was chilling.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah, he was having a great time.

[Tim Murray]

I love.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You're in the back painting your nails. I don't know what you guys are doing.

[Unnamed Guest]

And you really don't need an. Another license. You can just. Anybody with a regular license. Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Because class ARVs, which are the really big ones, you need a special license.

[Unnamed Guest]

Like the ones that will Smith gets. Like, the trailers that extend.

[Tim Murray]

I want whatever he does.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But class C. Which is like when people have camper van, sprinter vans. You don't need one for that, obviously. Oh, I know too much.

[Michael Henry]

What was the rose for?

[Tim Murray]

You rose. I mean, so much storage in an rv.

[Michael Henry]

A lot of snacks.

[Tim Murray]

Oh, my God, I ate so many snacks.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, I'm really proud of you guys for going out there and doing it.

[Unnamed Guest]

What is the. What would you say is the. If you had to identify a city in the United States as the least gay friendly, what would you. Would you say?

[Tim Murray]

Dallas, Texas, Louisiana.

[Unnamed Guest]

Really? West Hollywood.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So in Dallas, Texas, you couldn't. For real? You couldn't go film in the park in Dallas, Texas? Texas, maybe.

[Michael Henry]

I don't know. I mean, like homophobia wise, I guess, but it's more just like I. Those places. I used to have a mullet until like two days ago. Those places when you're like, I don't.

[Tim Murray]

Know, doing something, I say Florida. Pensacola, Florida. Like there was some fun gay stuff there, but as a whole, I think that we were looked at as like a little bit like Martians.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, that's the catch. 22 of Florida.

[Unnamed Guest]

Panama City beach, mama.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Some ways, Florida, so gay.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah, right?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

In some ways it's so, so not scary to be gay.

[Unnamed Guest]

I got trapped there during fourth of July, Panama City beach for like four days straight. Oh, that was like a hell on earth.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You guys been a pcb?

[Michael Henry]

No.

[Unnamed Guest]

Oh, it's rotten. It's where Alabama's go for spring break. It is really?

[Michael Henry]

Pensacola, like that? Yeah.

[Tim Murray]

Florabama Shore.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah. Just not a lot of brain cells or things going on there. Yeah, a lot of brown teeth.

[Tim Murray]

But we. Yeah, we met some blue Angels.

[Unnamed Guest]

What's that?

[Tim Murray]

They are like pilots that are just showmen.

[Michael Henry]

Hot pilots, like military pilots. They do like the flight show.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah. We're not doing like.

[Unnamed Guest]

Like Top Gun.

[Tim Murray]

Yes.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah. And they were hot.

[Tim Murray]

Hot.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah. Any ladies?

[Tim Murray]

So much.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, my God.

[Michael Henry]

Check out.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wish you were queer. I'm out. TV, starring the incomparable homosexuals to the left of me.

[Michael Henry]

May 22nd.

[Tim Murray]

May 22nd. TV maybe. And we're on tour.

[Michael Henry]

Yeah. Come see us.

[Tim Murray]

Come see us on tour.

[Unnamed Guest]

Okay, you.

[Tim Murray]

Thank you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I don't want to be corny either, but listen, in this America we're in right now, just even if you're not interested in tv, just turn on the channel and let it play.

[Unnamed Guest]

Thank you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay.

[Unnamed Guest]

They need the ratings are essential.

[Tim Murray]

Ratings.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Put it in the background.

[Tim Murray]

Yeah, we need.

[Michael Henry]

Watch it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hey, watch it.

[Michael Henry]

Tell us how much you don't like it.

[Tim Murray]

Yes. Get limp to it.

[Unnamed Guest]

You need it. Yeah, you're too turned on. Need a boner break?

[Tim Murray]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Tim Murray]

Too much trial mix. Get soft watch.

[Unnamed Guest]

Wish you were queer.

[Tim Murray]

May 22.

[Unnamed Guest]

You guys are like visual nasal spray.

[Tim Murray]

Yes, we. We are just like the Afron.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Would you go on an RV tour with me?

[Unnamed Guest]

No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

There you go. Bye.

[Aura]

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