Men Lie for It, Women Cry for It:“Noodle Madness!” with Trixie and Katya

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Men Lie for It, Women Cry for It: 'Noodle Madness!' with Trixie and Katya"

Release Date: December 31, 2024

Introduction

In this lively episode of The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya, hosts Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova delve into a whirlwind of topics ranging from their recent tour experiences to unexpected fan interactions. With their signature humor and candidness, the duo offers listeners an unfiltered glimpse into their fabulous lives in Tinseltown.

Tour Tales and Fashion Fiascos

The conversation kicks off with Trixie and Katya reminiscing about their past year of touring. Trixie shares her excitement about reviewing backstage clips, noting, “We did so many cities this year” (11:02). Katya adds to the banter by highlighting their extravagant outfits, coining the phrase “Exotic fashion walk” (11:16). Their discussion seamlessly transitions into fashion mishaps, with Katya confessing, “I bought all these garments that are expensive because they gave me a budget. Why did I buy the wrong size?” (12:10), showcasing their relatable struggles with fashion.

Dealing with Unwanted Signature Requests

A significant portion of the episode centers around Trixie and Katya’s unsettling experiences at Chicago O'Hare Airport. Trixie recounts a creepy encounter: “Somebody came up to us at Chicago Airport... he had a ream of printed off unauthorized headshots of us” (22:36). The hosts express their discomfort and frustration, emphasizing the importance of protecting their images and supporting legitimate artistic endeavors. Katya humorously navigates the situation by attempting to placate the individual while maintaining firm boundaries.

Understanding Their Fan Base

When questioned about why young, often queer women are drawn to them, both Trixie and Katya admit uncertainty. Katya remarks, “I think that we have fans that we have a wide spectrum of fans through age and gender” (19:43), while Trixie adds, “The analytics differ from the reality” (20:06). This segment highlights the complexity of their diverse fan base and the challenges of accurately gauging their audience's demographics.

Interactive Q&A and Personal Insights

The hosts engage in a spirited Q&A session, addressing questions ranging from horror movie preferences to personal beauty secrets. For instance, when asked about their favorite fragrances, Katya shares her enduring love for “Oud Save the Queen by Atkinson's” (43:31), while Trixie prefers “Marc Jacobs Perfect” in drag and enjoys experimenting with scents like “Strawberry Shortcake” (44:07). Their playful exchanges reveal their unique personalities and preferences, adding depth to their public personas.

Handling Personal Challenges and Growth

Towards the end of the episode, Trixie opens up about a personal relationship, stating, “we have not been together for some time” (48:20). This heartfelt confession is met with Katya’s stunned response, “I'm shocked. And it feels so betrayed” (48:26). The discussion underscores the complexities of maintaining personal privacy amidst public scrutiny and the emotional toll of such revelations.

Closing Remarks and Future Plans

As the episode wraps up, Trixie and Katya tease upcoming content and collaborations, including a future appearance by Kelly Mantle. They encourage listeners to stay tuned for more engaging discussions and humorous antics, leaving the audience eagerly anticipating their next installment.

Notable Quotes:

• Trixie Mattel at [11:02]: “Thank you, everybody for coming to see us.”
• Katya Zamolodchikova at [12:20]: “I'm embarrassed of all of it.”
• Trixie Mattel at [22:36]: “These aren't just photos of us. These are taken by professional photographers.”
• Katya Zamolodchikova at [43:31]: “Oud Save the Queen by Atkinson's. I love it so much.”
• Trixie Mattel at [48:20]: “We have not been together for some time.”

Conclusion

This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful masterfully balances humor with heartfelt moments, offering listeners a compelling mix of entertainment and genuine conversation. Trixie and Katya’s ability to navigate personal challenges while maintaining their vibrant personas makes for an engaging and relatable listening experience.

---

Note: Timestamps are referenced as [MM:SS] based on the provided transcript.

Transcript

[Trixie Mattel]

This podcast is brought to you by Aura A Complete Online Safety Toolkit this past summer, National Public Data reported a breach potentially affecting Every American. Over 2.9 billion records used for background checks were stolen. If safeguarding personal information wasn't a priority before this incident should serve as a critical wake up call. You're more vulnerable than ever in today's digital landscape. That's why we're thrilled to partner with Aura. Aura monitors the dark web for users phone numbers, emails and Social Security numbers, delivering real time alerts if any suspicious activity is detected. Additionally, Aura provides up to 5 million in identity theft insurance, offering a robust safety net in the event of a worst case scenario. Aura is a complete online safety toolkit which includes a variety of other features to keep you safe online, including a VPN for secure browsing data broker, opt out to stop companies from selling your personal information, and a password manager to help you create and store strong passwords. For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14 day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online, all for free. When you visit aura.comdefense that's aura.comdefense to sign up for a 14 day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones. That's a u r a.com defense. Certain terms apply, so be sure to check the site for details.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Imagine what's possible when learning doesn't get in the way of life at Capella University. Our game changing flexpath learning format lets you set your own deadline so you can learn at a time and pace that works for you. It's an education you can tailor to your schedule. That means you don't have to put your life on hold to pursue your professional goals. Instead, enjoy learning your way and earn your degree without missing a beat. A different future is closer than you think with Capella University. Learn [e-mail] hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Recently I asked Mint Mobile's legal team.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

If big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation. They said yes.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those onerous two year.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Contracts, they said what the are you.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Talking about, you insane Hollywood. So to recap, we're cutting the price of mint unlimited from $30 a to.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Just $15 a month.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Give it a [e-mail] Switch $45 up.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Front for three months plus taxes and fees.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Promote for new customers for a limited.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Time, Unlimited More than 40 gigabytes per month slows full [e-mail] do you like noodles?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. Are you talking about Noodles and Company? No, Noodles in general.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Noodles in general.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I do. I love.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Let me tell you something about this new store that opened up. It's called Lan or Lan Noodles. Lan. Chinese noodles. Authentic Chinese noodles. Noodle soup. Wide noodles, round noodles, flat noodles, long noodles. So delicious. Do you know what, 6 to 8pm.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Flip my wig, make them feel like you're cheating.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Noodles. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah. Pussy, pussy. Grip like pliers on the dick kind of noodles, right?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Make him leave his wife Noodles.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do whatever you like kind of noodles.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The girl. The noodles your mother warned you about. What about them?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Noodles in the sheets and noodles in the streets. Right at 6 to 8pm in my life has become noodle o'clock.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So you're like. You're deep in it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sweetie, these noodles have been.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You're on Noodle Chan. You're logged in on Noodle Chan.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Chan land. Yep, I'm on the Land Chan like, it is. It's on. It's at the. The Plaza on La Brea. And something else by the Target in Hollywood. Mama, these noodles.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, these by the Best Buy in the Ulta and all that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Not the Best Buy, but. No, it's in Hollywood. Hollywood. I think technically it is West Hollywood. There's an Ulta, there's a Target, there's a Starbucks.

[Ryan Reynolds]

For people listening from rural Wyoming, this is really important. You know exactly in Hollywood where it is.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I mean, this is like, if you come to la, skip the Hollywood Walk of Fame, go to Lawn Noodles.

[Ryan Reynolds]

They're eating, Mama.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You will eat and they will serve. Girl, it is so delicious. Oh, my God. Sometimes it's all I got, you know?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Can I say these local restaurants, when you and I shout them out, they find out my favorite donut place, California Donuts, by my house.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They shut down after you talked about it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, no. I went in there one day and she goes, are you Trixie? And I said, yeah. And she goes, I saw your TikTok. Thank you for shouting us out. That really helps us. And she said, do you want a Simpsons donut? I said, yes, I do. And so she gave me a pink frosted donut with sprinkles.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, my God.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And she's. She's my. She's my bestie.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Although when I don't, she's the godmother to your future child.

[Ryan Reynolds]

She is my bestie. She's my bestie. When I have cash. When she has to process the card, she turns on me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, really?

[Ryan Reynolds]

She wants the cash and I get it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's like the people. It's like the fabric people downtown. You get the cash, you don't pay tax, girl.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The fabric people, mm, they'll.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They'll pinch your butt in an elevator.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The fabric of the community down there.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But these noodles, Mary. So when you get it to go, you got your soup, you got your noodles separate. Then you plop those noodles in the soup. Spicy beef noodle soup. Life changed. Wig flipped. Sex.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I want to try it. I want to try it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They're so good.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Cuz, you know, I live close now, over by like tie town, sweetie, you could walk there. And I haven't been partaking enough because honestly, thae town is so robust. Where do we begin? I feel like that clip of Kath and Kim when she's walking on the street and it says like Lebanese and D and stuff. Overwhelmed. That's me with all these Thai lunch places. A restaurant called Crispy Pork Gang.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, well, my favorite Thai place is Love to eat Thai. Luv to eat Thai. And it's in a shitty strip mall with like a. The only broken down 7 11. And it's like sketchy. For real, girl. So delicious, girl.

[Ryan Reynolds]

There's this Indian food place in London. Wait, in Corbin, Kentucky?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Rural Kentucky. Indian food. Place called. It's obviously set up in what used to be a Denny's. Very clearly. It was like a chain restaurant.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But what's it called?

[Ryan Reynolds]

A M I R I T. Okay. I'm pretty sure it's Amit, but I like to go, am I right? And I don't think that's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And they love that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, I don't say it to them.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay.

[Ryan Reynolds]

But I was like, all right. I guess when I want my good Indian food, I go to Corbin, Kentucky. It's slay, mama. It's slay. It was delicious.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Don't judge. You cannot judge a restaurant by anything other than sitting down and giving them money and trying the food.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Eating the food. Did you eat the food? How's the food? Delicious.

[Ryan Reynolds]

When I worked. Delicious.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Delicious.

[Ryan Reynolds]

When I worked at the restaurant at Rock Bottom Brewery, there was a sign in the kitchen that said, is it hot? Are you proud to serve it? And my faggot ass was like, here come the hurricane, bitch. Here come the hurricane, bitch. Throw the food on the floor, you take.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You unhooked your bra. You took off your blouse.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes. One clothespin. I clip both nipples together. Because they said. Because in restaurants they say, hot food, Hot. Cold food, cold.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, that makes sense.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I hate when you're like, oh, it's my side of fruit salad. Been sitting under a light.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, it's my warm item. It's cold.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's my vichy swas. Room temp. Get out of here.

[Ryan Reynolds]

What's a vichy swas?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's supposed to be cold.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's a cold French soup that's like gaspacho.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. It's like in. Well, it happened in Batman. He's like, oh, the soup's cold. It's vichy swab.

[Ryan Reynolds]

What's the best Batman movie?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think it's Batman Returns.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's really. I don't want to be a But it's hard to beat that mentally.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But I love you like that. You like the. The Joel Schumacher ones with the hard nipples. Yeah. In the COD piece, as I told Lady Freeze.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's fierce with the cock and ball outline. In the COD piece. I don't like the camp ones. I watched. I watched Batman, the. The first Tim Burton one with Jack Nicholson.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's great.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's great.

[Ryan Reynolds]

But how does I like a character development? Like, I like Harvey Dent turning into, like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Evil.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And so what I don't like is that in Batman Forever we get two faced. We don't get to see the creation of two faced, you know, But I like how we have, like, and Batman and Robin. We have Uma Thurman, like, oh, I just care about working for this scientist who's mean to me, and I love plants. And then they hit her with that one drip of the substance and she comes out and she's literally like, my pussy is a jungle. Like, it's so fierce.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, I mean, like, they pushed Catwoman out. They pushed Selina Kyle out a window. And those cats are like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

But why would she work in an office if she didn't have a parachute? That's on her.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That is a really good question.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Women and children first.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. And why would she go back to the office after she trying to clock in overtime?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Well, I think that's kind of a dangerous game of like, you want your boss to know that you'll go above and beyond, but suddenly you're the only one in a giant office building doing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Clerical work for a guy who's trying to suck all the power out of Gotham City.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And stockpile it and store it and hoard it. She really served in that movie.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The lighting, everything.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She went from mousy to fucking, like, cunty.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I love the scene where she comes into work the next day and she's alive and she's Acting like she has amnesia.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, it's not exactly. It's a blur. Like, I. I remember Sister Mary Margaret puking in church. And the boy. And the day I forgot to wear my underpants to school. And the boy.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Notice his name?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Ricky Friedberg.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

He's dead now.

[Ryan Reynolds]

He's dead now.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She. Yeah, she's so good. She comes like, oh, girl. Acting.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I my. On my YouTube channel, I was talking about skiing and I was talking about I never went skiing till my. My second boyfriend in college, Matt, he took me skiing with his family. And in the video I was watching it, I'm selling makeup and I'm like, oh, so I love this color. I'd only been skiing once. My ex boyfriend Matt brought me there. Oh, he's dead. Love him. And I was watching it and I was like, I do love him.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

He is dead.

[Ryan Reynolds]

But he is dead. But those two things too close together without taking a beat. That's the bummer.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's a little rough.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It seems like I'm coarse and callous.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Corner went out for the beat.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's, it's. It's always bittersweet to remember a personal story about someone and then. And then you remember, oh, that person's dead. I hate that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Did he die from skiing? Because the skiing is notoriously dangerous.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, he didn't die from skiing, but you're right, anybody could.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Mary. Geez, don't go skiing. Don't do all that. Yeah, mountains. Shut him down. Shut it down.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Shut it down.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm gonna do Richardson. Sonny Bono, you could be next.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm going to build some brick walls and put snow on them. I'm just going to teach people.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Molly from Molly's Game.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Gerald from Gerald's Game. You know, give it up for Gerald.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Pour one out for Gerald and his wife.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I guess we have some Q and A's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes. Yes, we do.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Christmas just happened.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

New Year.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's the New Year special.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Happy New Year.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's, you know, we had a great. By the way, we got to do. Our tour manager Audrey posted a bunch of backstage clips of us doing Bald and the Beautiful all year. And I didn't realize how many we did. And I was watching it and it's so many different outfits. We did so many cities this year.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Exotic fashion walk.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Thank you, everybody for coming to see us.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes, thank you so much for coming to see us. Taking a chance.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I love to do the live shows.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They're fun.

[Ryan Reynolds]

My diplomas get hard.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I loved. We were the first one. We did this last time. St. Louis oh, it was fabulous. So St. Louis.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay. It's really fun.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Should we do some questions?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, these are questions that are submitted on the Internet by you find people.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay, so the first one is Kaja. Do you have any packages coming that are signature required? And yes, I actually do, and I'm not going to be able to sign for them.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Can it. Can we, as an audience empathize further by asking what's in it? Like, what's at stake?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, okay, so there are. There. There are fashion items that are there for a podcast, because I've been coming to set dressed like who done it, and I need to up the fashion game. So I went online and bought all these garments that are expensive because they gave me a budget. Why did I buy the wrong size?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I've turned a complete corner on any and all clothing. Oh, if it's an artist I like and it's one of a kind and someone made it, I'm wet.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, no, no, no. See, I'm not doing labels.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm about to take Brandon. I'm about to give Brandon all my goosey, all my Versace. I'm about to have him take it all to Crossroads Exchange and give me that good, good money.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, I'm.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm embarrassed of all of it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm not into labels. I don't want to, like, I don't believe, like, a sweatshirt that says vetement on it is, like, better than something else. But, like, for example, Comme des Garcon had, like, some sales shit on clearance on Farfetch'd for, like, half off. And it's cool looking. It's really, really cool looking. And I bought all the wrong size.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, all come to Garcon Small. I am large. I have a large, like. Like, sweater from them that is. It's like a goddamn small.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Mama. The girls stuff is so small. The men's stuff is enormous. It's enormous. Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I love our friends over at Fiorucci. I wear, like a XL there. The men's. Everything's so little. Italian people petite.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, they're little, like, pocket squares. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, let's get to the questions. So Slutty Zamo at Slutty Zamo wants to know, would you have the substance daughter or an Oppenheimer son?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I mean, I didn't see Oppenheimer.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, it was great.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Was it?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was. I was a hater. I was a hater because I was like, mama, we know about that, but it was great.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I don't know. What is it about.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It was about building the atomic bomb in World War II. The man who. Like, it's great.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Sounds awful.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, but it's riveting. It's well acted. It's. It's like, it's tragic. It's amazing. Christopher Nolan.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. I mean, I guess I want the Barbenheimer. The substance. Substance, daughter.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Absolutely. Well, I wanna. I was like. The substance version of me was like, it's a guy.

[Ryan Reynolds]

By the way. I know it's not that much younger than you. Like, if you're gonna start taking it, why don't you wait?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wait till I'm 60? Yeah, wait till I'm 60 and then what, 28 year old me comes out and smokes cigarettes?

[Ryan Reynolds]

And also if it really is you, it seemed like the crazier. No more cracky version of me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I think it would be like he would be like a drip. Like he'd be like annoying and like, like, you know what I mean? Like stuck up and like, like we. Okay. Yeah. He had hair.

[Ryan Reynolds]

What color?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Jump scare.

[Ryan Reynolds]

What hair?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Was Andy blonde?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Would it be your hair from when you were younger than, like, it would.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Be like he'd be. He would be blonde like a dish. Dishwater blonde.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You had the hair of Butters from South Park.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't know.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That like little blonde smattering right on top of the head like that is the hair that you had.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Okay.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Right. Do you guys know what I'm talking about? I don't know. Yeah, I believe you, fellow blonde. Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This episode is sponsored by zocdoc. Friends, Romans, countrymen, I'd like to officially announce that the insanity of the holidays is almost over. The once festive tree is now dry and rotting on the sidewalk. The presents that were so meticulously wrapped have now been opened and ultimately exchanged for something better. The inflatable Frosty from the lawn has been neatly stored in the garage. And we are all preparing for one last night of debauchery on New Year's Eve. As we glance back at the year that was and look forward to the year that is to come, there is one phrase that keeps coming to mind. Insanity. 2025 is sure to be amongst the craziest years we've ever seen. So we all need to eliminate any extra insanity from our lives that we can find. So why not remove that craziness from the one part of life where insanity is not allowed? It's time to remove the chaos from our personal health care. Finding the right doctor shouldn't be a total crapshoot. And with Zocdoc it's not Zocdoc is the shockingly tidy place where you can find and book doctors who specialize in the specific field of medicine you need, whether that be fatigue from the nieces and nephews waking you up daily at 6am or the lingering digestive issues from consuming your body weight in cookies and pie. You can filter the doctors who take your specific insurance who are located close to your home if you hate driving or have specific office hours to match your schedule. And most importantly, you can find doctors who are highly rated by real life patients. You can even see their real time appointment openings. Choose a time that works for you and instantly book a visit with just a few clicks. You can even score same day appointments in many cases. The best part is that Zocdoc is completely free to use. You can search compare highly rated in network doctors with ease. Which is why I love Zocdoc. I stepped on a toy and fractured my toe on Christmas Eve, but with Zocdoc I found a doctor who could see me that same day so I didn't have to miss my uncle winning the Peabody Holiday Cookie Eating competition in classic car show. That's right, Zocdoc helped me find the best doctor in my area and booked them fast. If I can find a great doctor, so can you. And all because of Zocdoc. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com bald and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's zocdoc.com bald zocdoc.com bald this episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you've ever written a book, I have too. In fact, then you know what it's like to stare at a blank page and have no idea what the future holds every January. That's exactly what happens for literally every human each and every one of us gets 365 blank pages ready to be filled with all of life's adventures. If you're like me, perhaps you're ready for an insane plot twist that comes out of nowhere or even a revision to a previous chapter because it didn't quite work out the way you intended. And with all that writing, you know what could make getting your tail down on paper that much easier? A writing partner. Think of therapy as that writing partner helping you write the story of your life that you know you deserve. Therapy can be a wonderful tool for dealing with the ever changing narrative that we follow as we live our lives. And when the inevitable upheaval or surprise irrevocably changes that narrative. Therapy can help us deal with those changes, no matter how big or small they are. I love BetterHelp because I have absolutely no idea where the new year will bring me. Between all the live, bald and beautiful shows and my country hopping freelance work as a private detective for hire, I could be in New Delhi one day and Paris the next. But even if you're not traveling the globe solving crimes in a very fashionable black trench coat in fedora like me, the flexibility that BetterHelp provides is amazing. You can schedule sessions whenever and wherever it's most convenient. It's designed to work with your crazy life no matter how busy you are. BetterHelp never interferes with my ever changing life, which is great because I don't have time to find a doctor's office when I'm chasing criminals in Luxembourg. With better help, I can do an audio or video appointment right from the comfort of my hotel. Listen, if you're thinking of starting therapy, give better help a try. BetterHelp is fully online making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide. Access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. Easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. Write your story with better help. Visit betterhelp.comball today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp h-e lp.com bald mablairs what's.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Your genuine analysis of why young, often queer women are drawn to you two specifically?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I have no idea.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I have my ideas, but I'd love to hear both of your takes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I have no idea.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I don't know either.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No idea. But I think that we have. I think that we have fans that we have a wide spectrum of fans through age and gender though I know that we do. There's just a vocal minority of them that are just louder.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The people who come to the shows do not match. Like for example, the people who comment on me online.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And those people don't match the. You know, it's like it's all different.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. The analytics differ from the reality.

[Ryan Reynolds]

For real.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. And you can get a really im imbalanced or inaccurate picture of who the fan base is.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I do notice we have fans that like age out of us, of course.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Which is really depressing because I don't want to be the Wiggles. Well, we have not Peppa the Pig.

[Ryan Reynolds]

We have fans who like were in high school up until like Covid and after Covet. I'm like that girl Stopped coming to shows. And then she'll come to a show, and she'll have, like, brown hair and be like, oh, I got married and I have a job now, so, Yeah, I don't like Stan. You guys on Twitter anymore.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm like, I deleted my slutty Zamo account. Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

She moved on.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Change.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Can we talk about what happened at the airport?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay, we got to pause the questions for a second.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This is a. This is an interesting quagmire. Hopefully for you guys. Definitely for us. Maybe boring for them, but. So you. You set it up.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay, so we were at Chicago O'Hare Airport. Do you like how she's like, I don't know how to start. And I'm like, I've rehearsed this. We were at Chicago O'Hare Airport, and my accent is so back. Where? Chicago O'Hare.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's my shirt and your shirt and my hat.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, crap, the lights. Can I get a.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Can I get a bagel? Do you watch the kid, that little boy who's like, today we're outside the Woodman's, and we're going to watch the whites turn off. And he sits outside the store and waits for the store lights to turn off at closing. And then. So he's turned around, and then the lights turn off, and he looks at the camera, goes, day, turned off.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

How old is he? 33.

[Ryan Reynolds]

He's got to be in third, second grade.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Love that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Loves it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Pouring out for the turn off.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Um, so somebody came up to us at Chicago Airport, and he's standing in the airport, and I'm trying to get a pretzel because I'm big, right? £195 now. Biggest I've been in four years. It's really hard. And thank you. Thank you for saying nothing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I actually think I'm your size because I'm. I'm buying large comme des garcon things. I put them on. It's like a child in his dad's clothes.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You're buying large. Buy in large.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like, what the fuck? Go ahead. Sorry.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm by and enlarged. This guy comes up with a stack of glossy printouts of me and goes, trixie, I didn't think I'd catch you. Can you sign these for me? And it isn't a fan, you guys. It's not a flight attendant noticing us. It's not you at your. Waiting for your gate. Take your headphone off. Being like, oh, my God, Love her. Yeah. It's a person who profits off signatures of us. A reseller.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes.

[Ryan Reynolds]

With a ream of.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

A bootlegger.

[Ryan Reynolds]

A bootlegger with a ream of printed off unauthorized headshots of us.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Badly printed, by the way.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Pixelated, nasty.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And not authorized by us or the photographers who took them.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And so the first time I'm standing there, I'm signing, I go, how did you get in here?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We're at the airport during a connection. No, no, a connection. We were doing a one hour connection.

[Ryan Reynolds]

St. Louis to Madison. And I said, how did you know we were going to be here?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Connecting in Chicago for one hour?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes. And he said, well, there's only so many ways for you to get from St. Louis to here. And I figured this is. And I said, I don't believe you. I think somehow you knew we were on this flight. And I don't like it. It makes me feel unsafe. Number one. Number one, I feel unsafe. So I go, how did you get in here? He goes, well, I knew you were going to be here because there's only so many ways you could get to Madison. I said, okay, creepy. And then I said, well, how did you even get in the terminal? He goes, I bought an airport mirror. He said, I bought an airport ticket, Mary.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, he probably bought a fort. $40 to Avelo Airlines or spirit ticket, like, you know, whatever, and then went in through the security and then found us in the terminal.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So I signed the whole stack. And then I go, have you seen Kati in here yet? He goes, no, where is she? I said, she's not going to want to do this. And I said, I don't think I want to do it again either. Just so you know, like, if you don't try to come find me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So if you try to find me, I'm flying away from you now. You know, I'm not doing this.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So she called me and she gave me the heads up and I was like, okay.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I go, there's one of them in the airport.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. So I'm. I'm over by somewhere and he comes, he approaches me and I'm like, what are you going to do with these photos? And mostly like, what are you gonna do with these Funko Pop things? And he told me point blank he's gonna exchange them for RuPaul Funkos because RuPaul's are more valuable. Also, he told me yours are way more valuable than mine, which I believe.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So anyways, that part I'm happy you told you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, yeah, I am. So I was like, you know what? I. There's Something about this doesn't feel right. So give me 10 bucks for his signature. And he went to the. And he was gonna. He didn't have any cash. He was gonna PayPal me. And I'm like, I really thought he was gonna stiff me. I really, really did. But he PayPal me 80 bucks. But I still didn't feel right. I was like, ugh. So his friend came with some cash. I was like, you know what? I'm not gonna do this.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Can I interject?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Before that friend came to you, that other guy came to me, and I said, you know, I just did this for some other guy, and I feel weird about it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And he said, so you're not even going to sign one? I said, no. I said, I don't want to, like, encourage this.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I don't want to encourage you doing this again.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. I was trying to figure out a way to be direct, clear, and not mean. It was challenging.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And then I was on the phone with you in the airport when he came up to her. So I said. I said, bitch, you leave me. I said, you mute me. And you put. You. You. You talk to him while I listen. Right?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Did you hear? Did you hear all of it? Okay.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So he comes up and he goes, can you sign this? And she goes, I thought you were really nice.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You said, I won't, and I'm going to tell you why.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You said, these photos of us. These aren't just photos of us. These are taken by professional photographers. And this is their art.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And their friends in their livelihood. Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And their livelihood. And these are our friends. And you're kind of stealing from them. And if we sign it, we're kind of co signing that you keep printing bootleg shit of theirs to have us endorse. Yeah, you kind of explained it to him. And by the way, I heard in his voice, he had the nerve to be disappointed. Which. Get a job. You know what I mean?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like, girl, you have the ingenuity of finding out where we are and coming through the airport, Mama, you could be a private investigator.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Go shoot another CEO. You know what I mean? Like, you could. You could be anywhere.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You could be starting a revolution. You could dismantle the patriarchy, girl.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And they're also like, this doesn't matter either. But I was just like, why does it bother me? A. Because it feels stocky, feels following me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I feel used.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I feel used. And it's us endorsing. Yes, please steal our friends photos.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Please continue to pimp them out at.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Your House, you know, it was the trading card thing. It was the trading up. That's what really got me, got my ego. It's like, I'm going to trade this funko in for RuPaul's because that is three times more expensive.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Like you fucking piece of the art of the deal. Yeah, the deal.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So you're using me as a bark. You're like stepping on my back to get to her. Yeah, I was like, no, ma'am.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Two months ago, it happened to me. I DJed at High High Tops, Los Feliz. I finished my DJ set. I walked outside the bar and they're standing outside the bar with a bunch of printouts. I'm like, so you didn't even pay the COVID to come hear my shitty music?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Mary, they're always. I've done it like 10 times. After my show, after the show, one.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Time, guy was waiting at the door with a pallet of Funko Pops.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Mary. So many, so many. What is going on here?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I feel bad because obviously you've been on here, but I have no obligation to you. You're not. If you were a real friend, a real fan, I will get down on my knees and eat your. I will eat pencil shavings out of your dirty gray clip. I don't care.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But like, I will take that Sharpie and stick it up my ass.

[Ryan Reynolds]

But you're not a fan. You're not a supporter of queer. You know, you're not holding space. You're not in queer beauty, not in queer media.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I didn't want this.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I didn't want, you know, I don't know how widespread it is, but yeah. So anyway, I just wanted to say.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That, like, I've seen a couple of posts.

[Ryan Reynolds]

If you're, if you're a. If you're a fan, like, come up always. Yeah, but if you're a reseller.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Stealing pictures of our friends and asking us to co sign on it, you got another thing coming, honey. Because guess what? You just spent the day at the Chicago airport for nothing. You get nothing. Good day, sir. You stole fizzy lifting drinks.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Signatures. She has. She has none.

[Ryan Reynolds]

She gave me a keychain to myself too. I said, I know what I look like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was like, I don't want that. He's like, you're going to gift me my own merch that I don't sell.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Bootleg of my own merch. Bootleg of my own merch.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I got like, I got a key thing.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You're also stealing from Funko. You're stealing from Everybody involved in that. I don't know, I just. It bothered me. And we talked about a little bit on stage and it wasn't really funny, but I thought on this pod it was worth mentioning. When you're stealing from a friend of ours and asking us to sign it, think about why that would bother us.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, it is. It's funny because. I don't know, I feel like on. On one hand, it's like, just be grateful that you're. I don't know, I. I just. I feel like you can do whatever you want.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Be grateful someone wants to use you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Like, no.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Be grateful that you're hot enough to be.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And also you coming to the airport, like, girl, you're not traveling. I have no obligation to.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Weird.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And also, if I sign this for you, you'll do it again to someone else because you think this is cool. And I said, how did you start doing this? And the guy told me he met a celebrity and that's when he realized he could find anyone. I said, well, I'd love to meet my dad. Like, you could use this time more wisely.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Damn.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Anyway, I don't want to get heated.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay. Okay. Okay.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I hope that's funny. I don't know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, it's interesting. At least to me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This podcast is brought to you by Aura, the most complete online safety toolkit. 2024 has seen a massive surge in high profile data breaches, raising serious concerns about the security of your personal information. Dell's breach exposed 3.9 million customer records. And Ticketmaster also faced a massive breach, compromising over 560 million records. And most alarming of all, this past summer, national Public Data reported a breach potentially affecting Every single American. 2.9 billion records used for background checks were stolen and released to the public for free. If this all sounds pretty scary, it's because it is. You've never been more vulnerable in the digital world than you are right now. But before I keep spouting dark statistics and grim news stories, I'll share some positive news. This podcast is thrilled to partner with Oracle Aura, who monitors the dark web for users phone numbers, emails and Social Security numbers, delivering real time alerts if any suspicious activity is detected. And even better than that, Aura provides up to $5 million in identity theft insurance, making sure you have a safety net in the event of a worst case scenario. Aura is a complete online safety toolkit which includes a variety of other features to keep you safe online. They have a VPN for secure browsing. They even have a password manager to help you create and store strong passwords and more. I've already started all my holiday shopping for my friends and family. And I can rest easy knowing that Aura has my back. For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14 day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online. All for free. When you visit aura.com defense. That's aura.com defense. To sign up for a 14 day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones once more. That's a u r a.com defense. Certain terms apply, so be sure to check their site for details.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hey, everybody. My name is Bob the Drag Queen. And I'm Monet X Change. And we are the host of Sibling Rivalry. This is the podcast where two best friends gather, gab, talk smack, and have a lot of fun with our black queer selves. Yeah, for sure. And you know, we are family, so we talk about everything, honey, from why we don't like hugs to black Lives matter to interracial dating to other things. Right, Pop? Yes. And it gets messy. And we are not afraid to be wrong. So please join us over here at Civic Bribery, available anywhere you get your podcast, you can listen and subscribe for free.

[Ryan Reynolds]

For free, honey. Okay, if you were part of the Terrify. Okay. At Cats. Zamo. If you were part of the Terrifier franchise, would you be killed or would you be the killer?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I would be killed. And I think I figured out the way to do it somehow. Art the clown wanders into a drag show, and I've got my Beyonce fan. And it's like one of those really big, you know, industrial fans. And it's blowing my human hair. And it's so hunty.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's hanging off the back of Lana Del Rey's boyfriend's boat. It's one of those giant.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's hooked up to a generator.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Girl.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. He takes my head and he. He basically wood chips my face. Like, he goes. And then he pulls it back and, like, my nose is gone. And then. And then my whole mouth and nose is gone.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So it's kind of different levels.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. And then it's like until he holds, like, a skull with a wig.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And the skull comes out of the wig.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Plop. And he puts the wig on and he does.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I got the strength.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes. Yes. He lives in you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Is that the end? No. All right, delete it. Dyke at deleted. Dyke wants to know high balls. So say zero percent. Say zero percent is you just pooped and you're feeling great and 100% is. Girl, you are going to yourself. At what percentage do you decide to make your way to a toilet?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Wow.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

An SAT question.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Girl.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wait, What?

[Ryan Reynolds]

This is like if one train is going 150 miles, you know, I don't understand the question. I try to go early. It's better for you to go right away. I don't care if you're stuck on your computer, try to finish movie. If you feel the beat drop, you scuttle, you know? But if you go too early, you're gonna be sitting there a while too.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I mean, I always go like in the morning. It's like. It was like clockwork.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I had a gay friend who was so constipated that he did poppers on the toilet to make you poop. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, if you. If you coffee and smoke cigarettes. You got it. It's unlocked. He needs some fiber, girl. Frosted mini weeds.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Eat the wig.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Seeds.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I feel like a bunch of pe. What about you? When do you go to the bathroom in the morning?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

All right, cuz the coffee, huge log, no wipe.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I feel a bunch of people. I don't like when something like that is said. And I look over and Nick is just texting, no response. That's how I know that that person's has been blown out. This career has blown out. That person's like, ability to process fear.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

My God.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I feel like a bunch of people believe that TV streaming show cancellations over the past year were a clear indication of how the election results would go. Just further proof that our elections are predetermined and rigged based on that. Who do you think is the sexiest person in the world? This is from OG Jerky.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Jesus Christ. That is so stupid.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Who is the sexiest person in the world?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Margot Robbie.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Can we do? Can we do? Can we do.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think it's Margot Robbie. Or if we're talking 20 years ago, Monica Bellucci. I mean, she's still stunning.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm gonna say Salma.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Salma Hayek.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Salma Hayek. Salma Hayek. And I guess if it was. I hate to gender anybody, but I guess on the flip side, if it was a male.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It depends on what time of the day.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I really think Ms. Chris Pine gets the girls together.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

See, that is so funny because I don't. Okay, like, no, no, no. I think he's extremely handsome. Don't get me wrong. But he's like. Is a Chris Pine vs. Chris Evans Type of thing. Like, who would win in a cage match? Cage match being sex in your bedroom. Chris Pine versus Chris Evans now versus who?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Now I can't imagine who's who.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Chris Pine versus Chris Hemsworth.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I saw Monet exchange playing a game like do you know? Do you know this white person? And I honestly could play that game and still not know because. Because I can't tell you which one of those Chris's is who.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, one's.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm thinking of the one that plays the flame. The flamer. Flame on. Flame Me baby. I'm flaming the Fantastic Four.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's Chris Evans.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay, sure.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay. That's Chris Evans and Flame Me baby. Chris Hemsworth is Thor.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh wait. Cuz his brother Scott Evans gay from Barbie. Oh, see, I need to have the separation of the gayness and then I.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Know that I didn't know that was Chris Evans is from Boston. Boston area.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Who's Luke Evans?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Great question.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Who's Luke Combs?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Luke Evans is gay. He's gay. He was in nine Perfect Strangers maybe.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Wow.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Really makes you think.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I really. I really think that Ms. Hayek is just. I mean when I think of her in.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

In From Dusk till Dawn.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes. I think for Dogma everything she just is gorgeous.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I love how her Spanish accent increases.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Honey the velocity 20 years ago. No accent girl mama. She's doubling down.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's great. Okay.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I think that probably means that she speaks to non English speakers often and all the time. You know what I mean?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Absolutely. Absolutely. At only Otis in town. I don't know. My friend smells really bad all the time. I tried to tell them but they brushed it off like it was a one time thing. How should I go about telling them without it seeming like an intervention? This is actually a great question because I have a core memory. I said it a million times. When the guy that I was told me I sting like it really hurt. It stung bad. Like he snapped. My fibula snapped and it took a long time to heal. But you got to just hit him with a hard truth. You got to hit him with it. You got to go whack.

[Ryan Reynolds]

What do you do? Honestly, I think most people would recoil in a way that ends the friendship. I bumped into somebody Milwaukee this week and I gave him a hug and I was like, oh, are you dying? Like the smell was like if you. You know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But though that man was a saint, he. He really jump started my career of not smelling. Like do you know what I mean?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Have you ever smelled an alcoholic? I don't. This is not to be funny. Advanced alcoholism, they have like a baselevel sour alcohol smell that I feel like is Impossible to address because I smelled it and then I'm like, oh, well.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It'S like a piece from your drinking. A heavy smoker smells like all the time. Right? I mean, it's true. I just had my first cigarette of the day. I know I smell like.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I think I would do monkey see, monkey do. I think around my friend, I'll be like, oh, I just took a shower. I still feel so fresh. Do you mind if I put my deodorant on? I know this kind of crazy. Can I wash my teeth in your house? Like, I would kind of do a lot of.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Can I use your hands to wash my body?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You should try this.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's actually really good.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I don't know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Give them soap. No, I would say. I would sit them down and be like, you might get offended by this, but I got to tell you something. I'm going to tell you something that somebody told me one day.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Well, you honestly, you have kind of an end because you've been on the receiving.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes. I'm like, I. I was hit with some hard truth that at the time was a snapped fibula, a broken femur.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

A dislocated shoulder, but you get through it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You smell like, onwards and upwards.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. You smell like, here's some soap. Make it happen.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I have almost no body hair and so I think that I have an easier time.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, that could be true. Not necessarily. I know it is for you, but it's not necessarily for other people. If they're big and fat, they got to get into them roles.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, the crease. All right. When did you know you, quote, made it either individually or together. Was there a specific moment of achievement that felt extra special?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I would say, getting cast on HBO show.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I was.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That was the room 104.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, that was. That's like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was like, HBO got to be kidding me.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Home box office. Home box office now, Max.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Six episodes of Doom Prophecy. I got your number, hussy. I need 10. The show is so good, girl. It's so good. The acting is superb. The production design is amazing. The story is incredible. Why are you doing it like that? Six episodes, you fucking cunts. God.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Watch it. I'll watch it. It's kind of thing when I felt really like, whatever, it's spectacular.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You gotta. You get it. The. You had a lot.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Well, I'm trying to think of, like, what was the thing? Honestly, when the doll, one of my own doll happened with integrity, I said, I remember I was filming Tricks Motel at the time, and I sat in my Hotel room and hugged the. I held the prototype and cried.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You were filming a TV show that you starred in.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, But I guess for me, because I love toys, it was like, whoa, a toy of yourself. That felt significant. And, you know, there's an Ariana Grande doll of Glinda. Do you know what I mean? If I was in something where I was a character. But it was. It was the doll of me that really gagged me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know what, though? I'm going to change mine. I'm going to say when RuPaul said I was a star, he honestly, I was like, okay, I'm going to believe that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know, and I guess when I.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Won Drag Race, but I mean, but at the time, I wasn't like, I'll just give me honest. At the time, me celebrating that was not encouraged.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right, right, right.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I was not, like, allowed to like, that I won. You know, everyone was just mad at me. So it was a weird. I was like, wow. Be like, you want your. It was like bedazzled. You won Drag Race, but in the most way where you don't get excited. No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But you have cancer now.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The next day when I went Drag Race, I remember the next day, all the press was like, have you been online? How are you holding up? And I was like, damn. I don't know. Like, I'm not mad. I don't. I don't know. I'm fine.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. And see. Okay. Mary kill the Sandworm in Dune. Eliza Sue Monstro. Eliza sue in the Substance or Art the Clown. Oh, damn.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay, these are really. You coded?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, it's for me.

[Ryan Reynolds]

This question's for you?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, I would. Well, I would art. I would marry the worm and I would kill Sue.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Why are you killing Sue?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Because.

[Ryan Reynolds]

What about the demi on the back?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But she's. I love her, but she's good. I mean, you can't. I would her. But that's the one night only type of situation. She's going to. She's going to like chunk off.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Respect the balance.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, yeah. She didn't respect the balance. She's not going to respect our boundaries.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm not going to answer that question because I don't. I don't want to be with any of those people. So I think I would kill the man for the woman from the substance, though, because I don't think she's doing well.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, she's like.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That worm is driving.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's controlling.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I think Sue, Alyssa, Monster Sue. She really needs. She needs a supportive community.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Supportive referral.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Referral at Protocol Coldroid at Protocol droid. Protocol droid.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Dick hurts from Holden.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I know. If you could be any type of condiment, what would you be and why? I don't know how to say it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sriracha. Sriracha.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Love that. And what dish would you most want to be served on?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, well, not sriracha and beef. Not a soup.

[Ryan Reynolds]

When I used to, I used to go to Nose company all the time. And my friend would take that sriracha and squirt it right on the Mac and cheese. And I would just have to be like, you pig.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I mean, I'll put it on white rice.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I. Yeah, I mean, it goes. It has a lot of uses, for sure.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Flavorful.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And it doesn't taste like much. It's just heat, you know, it's not like it. You know what? Condiment. When I be you guys, you know, I famously don't love condiments. Does peanut butter count?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, no condiments like mayo, mustard, ketchup, hot sauce, soy sauce, buffalo ranch.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I guess ketchup. And only with fries. I don't like sauces. I like dry, bland food.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Me too. And I've like 42 years of that hell.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Let me lose that hell.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I like baked carrots with cinnamon. Get out of my house.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I like them real thick and juicy. Hey, everyone. Piece of that bubble.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I like big butts. And I will not lie.

[Ryan Reynolds]

All right. At Dolly Daydream. Favorite fragrances in and out of drag.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, my God. Easy. Easy peasy. So my favorite fragrance in drag. It's like it's going to be until I die. Oud Save the Queen by Atkinson's. I love it so much. I love it so much. It's what I always wear in drag and then out of drag. I love this, this, this one, this Italian thing. It's called Sturus and it's Latin for wearing it right now. It's great.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Out of drag, I like to wear drag. Drag. Out of drag, I like to wear.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wear fresh or fruity or floral.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Woody, woody, Sandy, tobacco, something on fire.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You would love all the ones I just got at the Scent Bar.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I like that replica. Replica by the fireplace. Just smells like wood burning. And then in drag, I just wear Marc Jacobs. Perfect. All the time. Otherwise, you guys, I do a lot of scentbird Collabs on the YouTube channel, and some of those little ones they've sent me, they have a new strawberry shortcake collab that smells like the plastic 80s strawberry shortcake doll. And I've been wearing that in drag and I just love it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Cool. What is your favorite food to snack on when you're feeling a little cutesy, a little precocious, or like a little rascal?

[Ryan Reynolds]

She is the queen of snacks.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Queen of flips. Queen of.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Queen of snacks.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Her dress. In your dressing room, you always got them dark pretzels.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, so. These are hard to come by.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Uts.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Utz special extra darks. Burn them up, leave them in the oven, put them back in there. They're so good.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You like the. You like normal pretzel rods?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Not really. I want them dark like that. I like the sourdough nibbler. Like those big ass. The Bavarian ones?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Do you like. You like peanut butter pretzels?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay. Chocolate. You eat, girl. Our dressing rooms, they have to patrol me. I get, like, some health. Mostly health snacks because. But miss thing, when I want the good good, I go in there like a thief. I know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I told him to get rid of all of it because I'm like, I don't want all this. It's too wasteful.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The chocolate chip cookies. She gets chocolate chip cookies.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's crazy. It's crazy.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I get the green juice. I get bananas. I love smart Pop in the dressing room.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Really?

[Ryan Reynolds]

In drag. I'm hungry, but I can't eat, like, heavy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I know.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Wet cheddar. Smart Pop is horny bananas.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I love those high shoes, but they're going to rip my teeth right out of the. Right out of the socket.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Can you please send words of motivation to those who want to get done. Just do one thing at a time.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Take a break.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Ask. Ask Cindy to do the QED Report for you.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes. And this is so important. No matter. No matter what, I always.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You always say I'm right on top of that rose. Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You know, I have. I've really turned a corner in my new self. Unless you really want to do it. Really ask yourself why you have a compulsion that it has to be done.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, let's say. I mean, let's be specific. Let's say it's studying for a final. Something that's very relatable to the listener. How do you. And you. They're chronic procrastinators, right?

[Ryan Reynolds]

What.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What kind of advice do you have to. For a chronic procrastinator? Someone who's always written the term paper the day before, waits till the last moment. Stress and all that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Well, I know some people feel like I do my best work under pressure. I'm like, no, you don't.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, you do your first draft under pressure.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Honey, that's what I'm saying.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

If I were a teacher, this is what I would do. I'd be like, the. The paper is due on Friday. I be like, on Monday. I'd be like, take this. This was your first draft. You flop, try again next week. Is the. Is the. You know what I mean?

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's. Make people turn in entire drafts. Like, here's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I want the final.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I want the first draft on Friday. No, no, I want the second draft.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You don't tell them that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You don't tell them no.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hell no. Because that. They're. They're. They're going to give you their first draft as their final product.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Because they're doing it the night before on Adderall. But I never had a teacher that gave it back and said, fix it. Right. Because if you write a book, you don't turn in your first fucking draft.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, we did, but, you know, that's us. Yeah. Lately I'm just like, is it that serious? Because lately I've been trying to, you know, what if we miss a week on YouTube? I'm like, what if we do, girl?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What if the CEO of National Healthcare gets shot?

[Ryan Reynolds]

You know, it's just. It. Nothing's that serious. But I would just say. I would just say you. There's no way around it other than sitting down and dedicating yourself to it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Or this is a good one. Right action leads to right thinking. So you don't. You don't. You don't feel your way into productivity. You do your way into productivity.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know, or you know what I'll.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Do if I have to work out and I don't feel like it? I'll be like, all right, I'm gonna do some work, and then I'm gonna work out because I don't want to work out. I'll get so much done.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Or you put a butt plug in.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Let's take another break right away.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay. So at. At Busy B wants to know, are you and David still together?

[Ryan Reynolds]

You know, this is such an opportune time to mention that we have not been together for some time.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Interesting.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And we talked about on the YouTube channel this week, and it happened a very long time ago. And because of a lot of things, the television program and everything, there was just. It never felt like the right time to say anything. And then so much time has gone by that now it feels like such old news. And I have to remember, oh, not everybody knows, but it's. It's old news now to all of you and everyone. But Everybody in this room, everybody in my bubble, my family, my friends. It's not old news.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm shocked. And it feels so shocked. I feel so betrayed.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes. New year, new vibes. And at a certain point, I felt like I had to say something.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Also, it's a. It's a weird thing, like when you want to keep your private life private, but you also need to address the situation.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes. I mean, breakups are hard enough, but imagine there's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Please respect our privacy at this time as we heal.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes. Like, breakups are hard enough, but imagine there's everybody. You've welcomed everybody into your life to talk about your relationship and view it and root for it. And then you feel like you have to tell everyone there's no Santa Claus.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's like Brangelina's over.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Right? And we're basically like that. Richer, even more sexy. But I'm still really proud of our motel and everything we've done together. And, you know, I wouldn't say that we're best friends, but now everybody knows.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I have a new boyfriend. His name is David.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. Thank you, busy bee, for asking.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay, at hertime, 35, wants to know what's your best kept beauty secret? I don't think you keep any beauty secrets because you have a beauty company.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I think you just got to drink. I mean, this is honestly, I love everyone.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Water.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Drinking water and exercise is water, water, water, water. And I mean, I just think I love makeup, I love skincare. There's really no way around sleep, sweating, sleeping and drinking water.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sleeping, Sleeping is a big one. If you don't. If you get sleep deprived, it's bad everything.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, especially, I mean, when I was younger, I felt like I could live on very little sleep and look exactly the same.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, you probably could.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And now, like, if I'm tired or hungover, I swear to God I look like the. The terror Alyssa sue version of myself. If you could be instantly good at a hobby, what would you choose?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Ooh, Unicycle Skateboarding.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Skateboarding is so cunty.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That would be amazing.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Skateboarding.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I would get so much pussy. Meaning dick.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, yes, you would, girl. When I did Cyndi Lauper, one of the venues was connected to an ice rink. And so next door, I was peeking in and watching people ice skate.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's so cunt. Ah, it's cunty. Skateboarding would be amazing.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Figure skating is fucking fierce.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I would be so irritating.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Marry a 42 year old gay skateboarder girl. Bring a book.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Well, she went out there, she fell Once. And now she's in the icu.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Um, what is your most recent impulse purchase? Ooh, this is good.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Crazy if true.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes, there's. You go first. Because I can't think of it yet, but I know there's one.

[Ryan Reynolds]

This isn't super recent, but like six ago, six years ago or six months ago, I bought the Apple Vision Pro.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The 3500 thing, and I love it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I use it like probably twice a week. I love to lay in bed and watch TikToks or answer emails or sometimes. This is my favorite. When I'm working on remixes and stuff, I have my computer, my lap, and then my goggles. I'll like lay back. So instead of this with my computer, I'm like relaxed up and out and I have giant screens of all my music shit I'm working on.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's incredible.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And it just keeps me from doing this for hours. It's more like, all right, I can get in the position I want to be in and like, all muscles loose, like, work on my computer.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Out hard, balls clamped.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, but. But it was a little bit of impulse purchase. I went into the store for a demo and they got me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, that's. I. So I just thought of mine. I went to the Grove to get a new iPhone because mine broke. And I went into Philip Plen and I bought $2,000 boots. And I'm so scared to wear them. They're just wrapped up in a box.

[Ryan Reynolds]

What happened? I did.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, they're battery operated. Oh.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, you guys, Nick is here.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Nick. Nick. Yeah. Two thousand dollar boots. I went in for boy clothes. Girl, I didn't get any boy clothes. I just left with the boots.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Very you, though.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. They're so cunt. But I think they're like, I'm not gonna wear them because I'm too afraid.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Where will you be on January 6, 2025? Girl? That is okay at cookies. Mom ask this. She and I are on a. We're in a meeting in a studio that day. And I said, on the group. Really?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

On the group chat, they were like. And they were like, where are you going to be? Are you guys available January 6th? And I said, last year I was busy, but this year I'm wide open. Which was a bold move for the group chat.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think it was fine. I think that's it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

All right, all right. No, I want to read this.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, go for it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm a whore. Sad face. Is there any way I could remain faithful to my partner while maintaining a single lifestyle style? I Want to have my cake and eat it too? Because. Because what's the point of having the cake in the first place? Idk, comma.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay. So I think there's several approaches to this dilemma. Number one, I think you really need to examine the concept of cheating. Really need to break that down, and you need to break it down with your partner. And then you really need to define it. And you need to define exactly the emotions that are involved in a betrayal of that thing. You know what I mean? And then, I don't know. Then go from there.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Because for some people, responding Merry Christmas to your ex is cheating.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Mm. Right.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Some people, porn is cheating.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And to some people, full fucking is cheating. Isn't cheating. As long as everyone knows about it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

As long as I'm in the room.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Getting cucked.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So it's. I love the cooking. I love the theater of it. They're like this close from the pussy getting. And they're like, why?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Why? And then they have to lick up the cum.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay, Kelly. Kelly Mantle's in the studio. And since you said that, she's probably about to run in here. So you guys, we have Kelly Mantle on the pod next week. And so I just want to say this year we're having less and less guests. This year we also would like to return to the good old days of, you know, woke liberals and queer media. We're bald, sitting, talking.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We've seen a few posts.

[Ryan Reynolds]

We've seen some posts, but we gotta have Kelly.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yep. So you're gonna like it. We're. We're having Kelly in this blue background and you're gonna like it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, we got Kelly Mantle's ugly ass and this goddamn blue background around. So get into it. Okay, let's get that in here and put her on the eggshell blue background. Okay, Tiffany Blue. Tiffany. Kelly, get in here.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Try putting this podcast on your living room tv. You will die.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Wait, do you know what that Dante from Tik Tok who's like, you know, what's another name? Kelly. Kelly. Hey, Kelly, get in your. You know about her? I'll show you later. Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Happy New Year.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Happy birthday, Sarah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes. Don't forget, take care of yourself.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This podcast is brought to you by Aura, the most complete online safety toolkit. 2024 has seen a massive surge in high profile data breaches, raising serious concerns about the security of your personal information. Dell's breach exposed 3.9 million customer records. And Ticketmaster also faced a massive breach, compromising over 560 million records. And most alarming of all, this past summer, National Public Data reported a breach potentially affecting every single single American. 2.9 billion records used for background checks were stolen and released to the public for free. If this all sounds pretty scary, it's because it is. You've never been more vulnerable in the digital world than you are right now. But before I keep spouting dark statistics and grim news stories, I'll share some positive news. This podcast is thrilled to partner with Aura, who monitors the Dark web for users phone numbers, emails and Social Security numbers, delivering real time alerts if any suspicious activity is detected. And even better than that, Aura provides up to $5 million in identity theft insurance, making sure you have a safety net in the event of a worst case scenario. Aura is a complete online safety toolkit which includes a variety of other features to keep you safe online. They have a VPN for secure browsing. They even have a password manager to help you create and store strong passwords and more. I've already started all my holiday shopping for my friends and family and I can rest easy knowing that Aura has my back. For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14 day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online. All for free when you visit aura.comdefense that's aura.comdefense to sign up for a 14 day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones once more. That's a U R A dot com defense. Certain terms apply so be sure to check their site for details.

[Ryan Reynolds]

How to have fun anytime, anywhere step.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

One go to chumbacasino.com chumbacasino.com Got it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Step two collect your welcome Bonus.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Come to Papa welcome bonus.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Step 3 Play hundreds of casino style games for free. That's a lot of games all for free. Step 4 Unleash your excitement. Chamba Casino has been delivering thrills for over a decade, so claim your free welcome Bonus now and live the chumba life. Visit chumbacasino.com Purchase necessary void or prohibited by law. See terms and conditions 18 +.