One Small Step for Man, One Giant Leap for Gays with Trixie and Katya

Summary

Summary of "One Small Step for Man, One Giant Leap for Gays" Episode of The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya

Release Date: May 20, 2025
Hosts: Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova
Guest: Desiree

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1. Opening Conversations and Space Travel Aspirations

The episode kicks off with Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodichikova engaging in light-hearted banter about their aspirations and societal perceptions.

Notable Quote:

• Katya (02:01): "I know space is cool and if it makes the whole world turn on me, I will still be like, bitch, I seen you all."

The duo humorously debates the idea of space travel, referencing celebrities like Katy Perry and expressing a whimsical desire to experience space despite potential backlash.

2. Navigating Fear and Experiences at the Dentist

A significant portion of the episode delves into personal anecdotes about dental experiences, highlighting fears, discomfort, and the emotional impact of dental visits.

Notable Quotes:

• Desiree (09:21): "Doctor, I can't. Dentist is horrible."
• Katya (14:24): "But I will be back every three months, and I think I will be signing up if they have some appointments open."

Trixie and Desiree share their struggles with dental hygiene, the shame associated with poor dental care, and the transformation that comes with regular visits to a compassionate hygienist. Katya recounts a humorous yet intense experience with a particularly harsh dentist, emphasizing the importance of finding the right dental care providers.

3. Pop Culture Discussions: Films and TV Shows

The hosts transition into discussing their favorite and least favorite films and TV shows, offering critiques and personal reactions.

Notable Quotes:

• Desiree (22:16): "It is my new favorite film. I'm not going to be obnoxious like, you know, a substance or whatever, but it is a 5 out of 5 stars for me film."
• Katya (27:16): "I almost said, oh, it's like that movie with Margot Robbie where she fights the snake."

They provide an enthusiastic review of a film titled "Sinners Mama," comparing it to classics like "Dusk till Dawn," and delve into episodes of "Black Mirror," sharing spoilers and personal feelings. The conversation is lively, blending humor with genuine opinions on the media they consume.

4. The Challenges of Performing in Hot Venues

A recurring theme in the episode is the discomfort and physical strain of performing in venues with inadequate air conditioning. Trixie and Desiree recount their experiences of sweating profusely during shows, struggling with makeup, and the overall impact on their performances.

Notable Quotes:

• Katya (43:04): "I'm really excited for tonight. It's a really good show... But last weekend, this is not."
• Desiree (46:19): "You never can have it all the way. Right?"

The hosts discuss innovative (and humorous) solutions to combat the heat, such as using cryo masks and advocating for better venue conditions. They highlight the importance of maintaining comfort to ensure that performances remain top-notch without compromising their health.

5. Advocating for Mental Health and Self-Care

Towards the latter part of the episode, the conversation shifts to mental health, self-care practices, and the importance of seeking therapy.

Notable Quotes:

• Katya (14:46): "You do want to speak up. If they think you're numb, the only way for them to not know is for you to say something."
• Desiree (16:26): "No, no, no, no, I'm not. I'm not apologizing for my blood."

Trixie discusses her positive experiences with talk therapy and emphasizes the significance of mental wellness, especially during stressful times like Pride Month. Desiree shares her personal journey of overcoming fear at the dentist and the emotional liberation that comes with regular self-care routines.

6. Final Thoughts and Upcoming Plans

As the episode wraps up, the hosts share their excitement for upcoming performances, discuss fan interactions, and plan future collaborations.

Notable Quotes:

• Desiree (42:04): "I shall be in attendance."
• Katya (54:34): "These are the conditions which I require for the ultimate satisfaction."

They highlight their tour experiences, the dynamic nature of drag performances, and their continuous efforts to innovate and entertain their audience despite physical challenges. The conversation closes on a high note, with plans for future shows and a humorous take on handling performance-related stress.

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Conclusion

"One Small Step for Man, One Giant Leap for Gays" offers a blend of humor, personal stories, and candid discussions on topics ranging from dental fears to the intricacies of drag performances. Trixie and Katya, alongside their guest Desiree, provide listeners with an engaging and relatable episode that underscores the importance of self-care, resilience, and the joy of embracing one's unique journey.

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Notable Exclusions:
The summary intentionally omits sections related to advertisements, sponsor messages, intros, outros, and non-content segments to maintain focus on the core discussions and insights presented by the hosts and their guest.

Transcript

[Trixie Mattel]

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[Katya Zamolodchikova]

In case you haven't heard, it's officially an Abercrombie Summer. The A and F Vacation Shop has everything on your packing mood board. I desperately need their new one piece, the A and F Marina. It's strapless, so flattering and paired with denim shorts will be my go to beach outfit this summer. Finally, your suitcase isn't complete without finding that dress. You know the one for the photo shoot. Abercrombie's boho dresses have that perfect beachy romantic look. Make it an Abercrombie Summer Shot their newest arrivals in store, online and in the app. This episode is brought to you by Amazon Prime. From streaming to shopping, prime helps you get more out of your passions. So whether you're a fan of true crime or prefer a nail biting novel from time to time, with services like Prime Video, Amazon Music and fast free delivery, prime makes it easy to get more out of whatever you're into or getting into. Visit Amazon.comprime to learn more. I just want to. I have like so much in my mind going on.

[Desiree]

Are you okay?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

If I ever get a chance to go to space like Katy Perry, I know that it's like bad press. I know that it's whatever. I want to go to space. And if I ever get that opportunity, I know it might make people mad and it might seem tone deaf or whatever, but I'm going to space. Even for 11 minutes.

[Desiree]

Do it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Because guess what?

[Desiree]

Even for four minutes she's been to space.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

11 minutes longer than me or anybody I'll ever meet. And I think space is cool and if it makes the whole world turn on me, I will still be like bitch, I seen you all. I seen you in this tiny blueberry in the sky and I know your tea. I could see your house, I could spit on you from up there.

[Desiree]

But see, you'd be so connected to love upon return that it wouldn't matter.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Gun to your head if you got a free trip to space for 11 minutes today.

[Desiree]

Would you go on the Blue Origin?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes.

[Desiree]

No, I would not.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You wouldn't go to space just to see it?

[Desiree]

No, because I don't even want to get on an airplane.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But I'm saying, like, I would also take a free submarine trip. I would also take, like, if it's.

[Desiree]

Somewhere exotic, I'm going, baby, I'm not going to be another billionaire going down and getting crushed like a bug.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I know.

[Desiree]

In that little submersible, which is Conti.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I know. We're probably going to flip a tour bus and die anyway.

[Desiree]

Thank you. Okay, let's have that conversation.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Let's have that conversation. Conversation. Do you know what happens to RVs when they crash?

[Desiree]

They.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They complain, they collapse. Oh.

[Desiree]

They're just. They fall apart.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They're not made to take impact. When they tip over the walls literally just collapse. Buses, probably, too.

[Desiree]

Well, if you think about. It is like a shanty on wheels.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It completely is.

[Desiree]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, absolutely. Oprah.

[Desiree]

You'd really go to Blue Origin? What would you say?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know, I was just. This morning, I was just like, I know that people have gotten mad at Gayle King and whoever, whatever. I know that it's tone deaf, but wait, wait, wait. I would love to see space.

[Desiree]

Okay, let's unpack. Why is it tone deaf? Like, why is it. What is. What about it is enraging to. To people, do you think?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, if we're having harsh and real conversations about, you know, money for veterans.

[Desiree]

You know, income inequality.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes. Like, people starving, that money could really go to.

[Desiree]

Yeah, but is it Katie's. Is it Katy Perry's responsibility as an entertainer to feed the children?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I guess, according to public opinion, it is.

[Desiree]

Well, I think it's just. It's. I think it's such a frivolous, expensive activity during a time of such hardship in, like, international strife.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But I was like, if you hate one trip to the. If you hate one trip to the moon, bitch, you're going to hate how often that bitch flies private.

[Desiree]

Then you're going to really get. You're going to really.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Taylor Swift.

[Desiree]

If you look at Taylor Swift's mileage.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

On that pj, maybe you think Taylor's in a Waymo. You think Taylor's in a Waymo with no driver?

[Desiree]

She's an Uber group. What do you call that?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's an A1. To get around A1, baby, get into the A1.

[Desiree]

I can't tell what's A1 or not these days.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I can't tell what's a1. Or not.

[Desiree]

I don't know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't know either.

[Desiree]

I know it was not a one. This morning. This morning, baby, you could never come. My blood game at the bathroom counter with the. With the gum flossing. You could never. I can't.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know why? Because I floss so it doesn't bleed.

[Desiree]

When I did that water pick this morning, I said, ooh, girl.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No. When girls are flossing and there's blood, I'm always like, new money. Ugh. You know, like. Because if you floss all the time, there is no blood. That's how they get you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, girl. I gotta tell you this. I went to Dr. Sun. Hi, Dr. Sun. You know, and they have a new dental hygienist. And I'm always nervous when I go to the hygienist because they always read me. No matter how good I take care of my teeth, they always read me. They're like, bitch, are you a pirate? What's wrong with you? Your teeth?

[Desiree]

Have you ever seen a bathroom? A toothbrush or some toothpaste?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Your teeth are wingdings symbols, right?

[Desiree]

Runes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. You know, I'm always desperately just trying to get my real teeth to match my fake teeth. It's the melting pot in my mouth.

[Desiree]

You can still get the original.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

These are real and these are fake.

[Desiree]

Oh.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And it's the melting pot of America in my mouth.

[Desiree]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So I'm always trying to get everybody to kind of respect one another color.

[Desiree]

Yeah, yeah. You know, it's a team effort.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's a team effort. It's all different cultures coming together in my mouth.

[Desiree]

Yeah. It's the real spirit of America for sure.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

For sure. It's the blue origin, for sure. Asia o' Hara's teeth are blue origin, mama.

[Desiree]

That is the blinding blue white that you see at the end of your life.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Her teeth are absolutely stunning insured.

[Desiree]

When people say they had a near death experience and they asked what they saw, they said, Asia Oharas smile. It's so blindingly white.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's incredible. I mean, her in Vegas in like, you know, lights and camera and action and sequence. And the most dazzling thing on the stage are what's in your mouth.

[Desiree]

Those chompers, baby. Get in line. You could never.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They're so good. They look like your real teeth.

[Desiree]

Listen, it's a slippery slope and I have tumbled over the edge.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Baby, it's a wrap. You're in ruin.

[Desiree]

Yeah, it's a wrap. The countdown is going down.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know, Death is coming to greet you as an old friend.

[Desiree]

Oh, baby, I can see the scythe from here. Yeah, and she's coming for the chompers first. When I come in with some brown danglers, y' all better watch out.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So I went to the dentist and I get in the chair and they do my cleaning, and I like to listen to pods while they clean.

[Desiree]

Did anything?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, I mean, the cleaning always. They're always like, oh, do you floss? I'm like, not with a hook, bitch. You have a hook in my mouth.

[Desiree]

Not with a chainsaw.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You got giving Fishorama, Boy Scout Fishorama. I have a hook in my mouth. So she. She does the hook. And at the end, she goes, well, they go, are they bad? She goes, you had about as much buildup as somebody would have in this amount of time since your last cleaning if they flossed every day. She was like, these look great. And for a dentist to say a nice thing. Has that ever happened to anyone?

[Desiree]

Never.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Until she struggled, maybe.

[Desiree]

She was like. She was like, how do I. She didn't know the adjectives. She had to open the thesaurus.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do you know what it was? It was like, are those the Chanel booths?

[Desiree]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I could tell that bitch was plucked.

[Desiree]

It was Gisele Bunch. It was like, is that a Shuamura eyelash curl?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I know. Yes. She was so mad, she had to put down her gun that she was.

[Desiree]

Going to use in her machete.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes. And she was like, well, I guess you flossed and I'm plucked and I'm going home now.

[Desiree]

She took her serrated knife off of the stove.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She did. She did the smile, like, smile. And she took it like she couldn't believe it. It was bird box. She jumped out the window. It was so crazy. I've just never at the dentist and felt affirmed gender affirmed.

[Desiree]

Spiritually out for the hygienist. What is her name? Can we get her on blast over here?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, she was just like, you know, she was a newer hygienist, and I think she was not new. New to my clinic, but obviously she was a pro. She was in and out. She did a great job. I love a good cleaning where it's not painful and they do a great job and it's quick.

[Desiree]

Never knew her, never knew her, never met her.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But I will be back every three.

[Desiree]

Months and I think I will be signing up if they have some appointments open.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do you go to Dr. Sohn?

[Desiree]

I surely the fuck don't.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's amazing.

[Desiree]

I go to someone who I think was trained in Nazi Germany. It is I told the last time I went to the gay dentist, he's so handsome. Oh, sure, whatever. Who cares, though? I mean, I like, my eyes are closing, crying, and my mouth is open in pain. He had one foot on. It was like that sweet pussy Pauline clip. I got one foot on the dresser.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And one foot on the end table.

[Desiree]

Joking to get leverage with his hook of death.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What's he pulling out of there? A bill of hay, I guess he.

[Desiree]

Was scraping out, like, the hope diamond that was lodged in my molars or something. It was a little cartoonish. I know I've told this story before, but it's like I'm like, you know what? This is a level of violence that I'm not really interested in.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sure.

[Desiree]

You know what I mean. Have you seen In a violent Nature? You know that bad horror movie where it follows the killer from the back and he goes, oh, well, it's bad. But anyways, he, like, hooks this girl and rips her head through her torso and he throws her off a cliff. That's pretty much it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Follows over the shoulder.

[Desiree]

Yeah, it follows him from the back.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That honestly sounds like a movie that some straight guy in college would be like. You honestly need to see it. It is like, that's it.

[Desiree]

That's it. You know, it was really that. It's that tea. But there's some really outrageous kills in it, and that's one of them. And that's how it feels when I go to the hygienist, which is why I haven't been in, like a year.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Doctor, I can't. Dentist is horrible. And, you know, my sister. Can I. Can I be vulnerable, please? My sister Desiree. I don't want to embarrass her.

[Desiree]

She died.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, no, just kidding. I never talk about her. She's not like, she kind of watches us. She's a fan of you. Nobody in my family thinks that I'm funny. I think they think that I'm lucky to be here for you to keep me clothed and employed.

[Desiree]

The delicious irony.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Dazzling, hilarious star.

[Desiree]

Love you, darling. Desiree, my number one fan. How are you today, Desiree?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm the big time moocher. Yeah.

[Desiree]

So let's go with that storyline.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Basically, she was twirling the pookie.

[Desiree]

I'm just kidding.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No. You know, me, her, my sister, everybody, we're all in the same boat. We came from, you know, Wisconsin State Dental for poor children doing the best they can, which is honestly one visit a year.

[Desiree]

Wait, wait, so you get Dan, Desiree.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Dan, Desiree, Sam and me Four. Dan has pretty amazing teeth, but Sam and Des and I are kind of always running up that hill. You know, that's what. That's. It's about declining teeth health, running out.

[Desiree]

Of the hill, looking for dental insurance.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Make a deal with God. Like, just trying to keep teeth in the mouth people. I mean, I remember when I first went to Dr. Sutton, and she was like. She was like, wow. You know, she was like, these are. Yeah, these. These. What do you call it? Not amalgam. Whatever silver stuff they used to use on your teeth.

[Desiree]

Aluminum?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, it's called, like, emollient, something like that. Amalgam.

[Desiree]

Amalgam is a mixture.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Amalgam. Oh, a silver filling instead of Malcolm. And she was like, they don't even do fillings like this anymore. She's like, where did you go? I said, the woods. The state paid for rural Wisconsin dentist once a year for 18 years. So now I go for four cleanings a year. Because they were like, you need to delay. You need to make up for lost time. You need to keep the teeth good.

[Desiree]

Now that makes sense.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

To derail what's coming to you, bitch. You ugly bitch.

[Desiree]

You fat bitch.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Desiree]

Don't be fooled by the teeth that I got. I'm still whatever from the Jenny from the block.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I got so my sister. I was like, you know what? You're working all the time. Let's get your teeth health up. 25.

[Desiree]

Critical age for the teeth.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

25, yes. And I said, listen, I was in your boat at 25. I had to start going to my dentist and start basically turning back the cruel hand Demoreno. Right, right.

[Desiree]

You had to do Trixie Motel in the mud completely.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

If I could find a way I'd take back those words that hurt you and you'd stay. I don't know why I said the thing. Just said, oh, love, Cher.

[Desiree]

Do you believe in life after veneers?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I know everyone's saying love Pink, but what about love, Cher?

[Desiree]

Sweetie, I don't think people. Okay, everybody loves Cher. And they should. Duh. But if you really, really, really go deep, dive in, dive in deep into her catalog of just maybe from the Sonny and Cher show. All the outfits, all the reveals, all the guest stars and the guests, the numbers they did. It's so deep and vicious. The catalog, it'll blow your mind.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It'll blow your mind. It's a great artist to get into. You'll never run out of shit, literally.

[Desiree]

You could start today at 3 years old and you could never catch up.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You'll never Catch up.

[Desiree]

Yeah. And also, you could never get my blood game.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

My sister and I had similar.

[Desiree]

Wait, does she resolve her issues?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay, so we had similar fear of the dentist, which is when you know you didn't have the best teeth care. Upcoming. Coming up. You get really nervous as an adult to go in because you're embarrassed. You feel like. I just always felt like I was wearing my. Whatever's below blue collar ness. Poverty in my mouth. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was embarrassed because I was embarrassed to be kind of shamed for, like, not having better teeth, you know?

[Desiree]

And how about being shamed and hurt at the same time?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Desiree]

It's crazy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And be kind of. You're mad at me that I didn't have access to better care because of America, you know? And so my sister, I said, let's get you a dentist. I said, I'm telling you, once you know the name of the receptionist and the name of the dentist and the hygienist, once you start going often enough, you become less scared of it because you know them.

[Desiree]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And the first day you're back in the dentist, you're on the path to getting better versus delaying it because you don't want to go because you're embarrassed. Which is why I always felt. And so she and I teamed up and she has been going all the time. And she smile is dazzling and her confidence and she's. I'm just so happy for her and love her. Love Desiree. Love Desiree. Because she and I were in the same boat. I was like, you just got to swallow the pill and accept that you and I didn't have the perfect care and you just have to go take care of it.

[Desiree]

It's diabolical because. Yeah. And it's a huge source of shame and economic shame in this country, especially. Especially in this fucking town, by the way. And it's compounded by the fact that, like, you have this problem and you need to go get it fixed, but it hurts like hell and costs. Costs so much. Hurts like hell. And they make fun of you the whole time.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Desiree]

Why the fuck would I wanna go do that? Hello?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Like, I remember when I first went to my dentist, I remember she looked in my mouth and she said, cancel the appointments for the afternoon.

[Desiree]

Ah, we're gonna need a belt. We're gonna need a jacket here. Honestly.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But once you've been in that, you get right with the Lord, you stay religious about the cleanups because you're like, I don't want to backslide.

[Desiree]

Yes. But also you can. And what I have yet to do, and however I plan to do it, you can advocate for yourself. You can say, hey, hold on. That hurts so much. Yeah, I never thought I could say that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You do want to speak up. If they think you're numb, the only way for them to not know is for you to say something.

[Desiree]

I have been in that situation where I just, you know, I just, like, sit there and take it, and it's like, I'm not doing that anymore.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Desiree]

I'm not doing that anymore.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Desiree]

Like, it's. They're scraping the shit out of my mouth, and it hurts like hell. Do you know what I mean?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

One time in Australia, I had a inlay pop out.

[Desiree]

What does that mean?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So when they remove a big scoop on the inside of your tooth, they will. And I believe dentist people. I could be wrong. Inlaying is where they build the filling in your mouth, and outlaying, I think, is where they build it outside of your mouth and then put it. They, like. They do an impression of what they have to fill, and then while you're gone from the dentist, they make that piece and then they just put it in.

[Desiree]

Is it an implant of any kind?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So your real teeth is in there, but the middle was filling.

[Desiree]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So it popped out in Australia, and I went to a dentist, and they had Netflix on the ceiling mounted on a tv. But I did feel like this is double Final Destination waiting to happen. The TV falling on the drill in my mouth and the dentist.

[Desiree]

I hate that. I hate that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I mean, one time I got an MRI in la, and they also. They had a reflecting glass in the MRI that reflected a Netflix at the end of the room. So you could watch Netflix in the mri.

[Desiree]

But that's cunty.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It was so cunty.

[Desiree]

That's super cunt.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Because the other day I got one, and you are just forever. You're inside. Dial up.

[Desiree]

Yeah, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Beat it up. That is what it is.

[Desiree]

My back.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It was boring. Very boring. MRI is boring as hell, girl.

[Desiree]

Boring boots. It's time to. It's, you know, it's forced meditation. And I don't. I don't. I want to, you know, so shout.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Out to the teeth divas. I'm sorry you're bleeding, but if you get.

[Desiree]

No, no, no, no, I'm not.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It will get better.

[Desiree]

I'm not sure. I'm not sorry. I'm not apologizing for my blood. No, I know I have to go back, and I'm just like, I need to find a hygienist that is like. Although, you know, it's funny. Like, the last hygienist I had, she was hysterical because she'd be hacking away like a serial killer and. But telling me about her, like, going whack. Yes. Saw in the technique. And then, like, sex in the City in the banter. Like, we were at brunch talking, like girlfriends, like, oh, I dated this guy. Last night was a total disaster.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hack, hack, hack.

[Desiree]

Like, it was actually kind of like a nice juxtaposition is sort of like. Yeah, but it was.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You have the little paper thing on your chest, and she just takes a few of your fingers and puts them on there. She's cutting off other stuff.

[Desiree]

She's like, let's do those toes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Crimes of the future. You go to the crimes of the future dentist.

[Desiree]

You got to watch this Tim and Eric episode called Toes, where it's like the. He plays a doctor who snips people's toes off. And the opening scene is this girl, this fabulous actress who goes to the doctor. She's like, so. He's like, so, what can I do for you, young lady? She's like, my toes. I don't want them anymore.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, you do.

[Desiree]

You need to snips them right off balance. Snips them right off. Yeah, they walk like this. It turns out he's been eating them toes the whole time. Spoiler alert.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Dang.

[Desiree]

It's weird.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm mentally preparing myself because today I got to do my simsia shot, so I got to go do the self torture. Well, lately I've been doing the enzymes. The. The. The enzymes. The wolverine enzyme or whatever, and it basically cured my arthritis. That's been wonderful. That motherfucker just bruises me to death.

[Desiree]

Oh, my God. I can give you a bigger bruise than that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This is from one shot.

[Desiree]

That's. That's intense.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, it's hard because it's just skin and abs. So the needle almost bends.

[Desiree]

Where is the fat? Like, there's not. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

In the picture, they have this great big hu. Pinching. But there's nothing to pinch on me.

[Desiree]

Unpinchable talk.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Unpinchable. It's like a rubber glove. You can take the skin and snap.

[Desiree]

It like tanned marble. So entirely.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Entirely.

[Desiree]

May I. May I poke you in that way?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Someone we know sent me a commercial clipping of Ms. Piggy's foot in high heels. As in, like, thought of you got it this morning. Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by our friends at Better Help. I have found now that I have graduated to a really comfortable place with talk therapy that I'm enjoying a stage of therapy that is kind of like maintenance. You know, we're stressing the importance of maintaining the mental health and the healthy coping mechanisms and the commitments to wellness and the positive thinking. I know myself and I know that even though I have gained so much, there's always more cement to pour on these good thoughts and behaviors. 26% of Americans who participated in a recent survey say that they avoid seeking mental health support due to fear of judgment, which is very. I'm not judging anybody, but if you're dodging the mental help you need, I'm going to tell you, as your friend, as your podcaster, I would never judge you for getting the help, okay? But I would encourage you to participate in Mental Health Awareness Month year round. It is Mental Health Awareness Month now, but let's encourage everybody to take care of the well being all year. Be healthy, be happy. Right now we're going into Pride Month and me and the whole Trixie team are so stretched thin and it's stressful. And talk therapy for me sometimes is just a place for me to vent and decompress so I can show up, you know, in a wig with the boxing gloves on and serve a knockout. BetterHelp has over 10 years of experience matching people with the right therapist from their diverse network of over 30,000 licensed therapists in all different specialties, including LGBTQIA, which I love because I'm sure that there are therapists out there who are better for that than others. We're all better with Better help. Visit betterhelp.com bald and get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E L p.com bald this episode.

[Unknown Sponsor]

Is sponsored by Zocdoc. As you may or may not know, May is Mental Health Awareness Month. A good reminder that if you've been thinking about therapy, there's no time like the present. But finding the right therapist, like the 1986 hit Run DMC song, can be tricky. It's not just about convenience. It's about finding the right fit. Whether you're looking for someone who shares your background or lived experience, or who practices a certain type of care, like couples therapy, it's all about flexibility and convenience, which is where zocdoc comes in. Zocdoc helps you easily find and book mental health providers based on what matters most to you. In fact, nearly 76,000 mental health appointments are booked on Zocdoc each month. They help you find a therapist who's in your network, close to your home and can even help you book the appointment. As someone who has benefited from therapy and knows my way around a waiting room, if you know what I mean, I can safely say that if you're going through something, therapy can be a massive help. And if you have another medical need, ZocDoc has over 100,000 doctors from literally any specialty from your brain to your elbow to your perineum. And most importantly, ZocDoc helps you find doctors who are highly rated by real life verified patients. You can even see their real time appointment openings. Choose a time that works for you and instantly book a visit with just a few clicks. Same day appointments are also available in many cases, which is literally the pinnacle of convenience. The best part is that Zocdoc is completely free to use. You can search and compare highly rated in network doctors with ease. Which is why I love zocdoc. Zocdoc helped me find the best doctor in my area and booked them fast. If I can find a great doctor, so can you. And all because of ZocDocs. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com bald to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Zocdoc.com bald Zocdoc.com bald Wait, wait, wait, wait.

[Desiree]

I have to talk about sinners Mama.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What's it about?

[Desiree]

It is. It's my new favorite film. I'm not going to be obnoxious like, you know, a substance or whatever, but it is a 5 out of 5 stars for me film.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What's the elevator pitch? Without spoiling.

[Desiree]

So two twin brothers in 1920s or 30s, like country Mississippi or something like that, come back from Chicago to start a juke joint with their little cousin who has the voice of an angel and plays the blues. And they get this whole thing going on and some vampires show up, baby. And it is fucking scary. Hot, amazing, pulse pounding, sad. I cried a bunch of times. I jumped. I was like, it was cunt. Wow. And I wish I knew. I wish I had known nothing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Desiree]

Because they came out of nowhere.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, remember it's very Dusk till Dawn. First time I saw that movie, the vampires, I was like, you're like, what?

[Desiree]

Hold on. Yeah, that. It's very. That tea.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But From Dusk till Dawn is so good. Before the vampires show up, you're already very invested.

[Desiree]

They're like the same situation.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This family's being held hostage by these two guys on the run.

[Desiree]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Plus Quentin Tarantino's in It. Which is very exciting. You're like. He was Robert Rodriguez. What?

[Desiree]

I think it was Robert Rodriguez who directed that one, Right?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, I thought it was a Quentin Tarantel.

[Desiree]

No, it's not. It's not a Quentin Tarantino. He might have produced it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

He plays George Clooney's brother, and it's exciting to see him in a movie.

[Desiree]

He's Quentin Tarantino.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

He was great in that movie.

[Desiree]

I forget.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

He's like the pervy brother.

[Desiree]

Oh, pervy then. Now that makes sense. He's always the perv.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, yeah. Murphy Hayek as the hot vampire baby. That's the prototype with the breasts, I'm sorry to say. About breasts.

[Desiree]

No, no. That's the photo you print out on your desk jet printer and give to the surgeon.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's. So that's the photo you give to the doctor, baby. She comes out with the hat on, with the feathers. And there's a part where she picks up someone's beer bottle, takes a drink of it and then pours it down her body.

[Desiree]

And she's writhing when that logger's flowing through those titties. I don't remember that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think I remember. I think I remember reading that she improvised it. Like she made up that little dance and did it.

[Desiree]

Yeah. And then she took like a shot of a Jagermeister right up the twat.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Selma, if we ever get to work together again.

[Desiree]

We saw her. I mean, we saw her breasts in.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sorry we didn't bring up Dusk till Dawn because we were celebrating Black Mirror.

[Desiree]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But I was obviously too embarrassed to say anything, but.

[Desiree]

But, Mama, I don't know what it is. Genetics and maybe being. You know. The power of having every treatment and resource at your fingertip. That hoe looks perfection.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's girl. She's. She's killing it.

[Desiree]

How about that? The video of her swimming in that pool. Slow motion. Mama. I jerk to it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right?

[Desiree]

I can't help it. No, but you got to see sinners you will love.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I can't wait.

[Desiree]

It's kind.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Have you ever had a Krispy Kreme?

[Desiree]

Are you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Was it.

[Desiree]

Am I a crispy fan?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Was it crispy?

[Desiree]

It was. No, it was very soft and sugary.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right, right.

[Desiree]

Fresh. It was hot and it's fresh.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do you really not know what that. That TikTok of Krispy Kreme?

[Desiree]

I'm thinking about the Krispy Kreme.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I got something for you. So you know. Love on the Spectrum. One of my favorite shows. This audio's been swimming in my head. So it's. Have you ever seen that show Middle Ground?

[Desiree]

No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So they'll have, like, anti vaxxers versus doctors, and they'll post things like, I believe vaccinations are good. And then people will come to the middle and they'll sit in the dark under a flickering fucking light bulb, and they'll debate. So it'll be like pro lifers and pro choicers or opposites.

[Desiree]

You know what happens then?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So Abby was on one of them, and there's this incredible love on the spectrum. Yes. So you gotta hear this on the girl. Yeah. She's talking about haters. Listen. No, Abby's the one who sings who goes to Africa with her boyfriend David. Oh, my God.

[Desiree]

Haters. I know. There's some really mean people, and it's because I'm helping.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Haters are ugly, and the haters are extremely overweight.

[Desiree]

The thing about you haters is that you're super fat and very ugly.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Abby said, the thing is they're ugly and extremely overweight. She said it like she's reading nutrition facts. Like, it's just like, what did you.

[Desiree]

Well, you want to turn left on kawanga and then right this. Facts.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I saw Abby on Kelly Clarkson this week singing. She was singing her song that she wrote for her boyfriend. You're my lion to my lioness. You don't remember we watched that?

[Desiree]

No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The milk to my chardonnay.

[Desiree]

She wrote this beautiful milk to my chardonnay because she likes chardonnay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Her boyfriend likes to drink milk. It's a lot of personal things, but that's all milk.

[Desiree]

And it's like there's a part where.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She goes, I'm on the drop slide. You're on the lazy river. You pick me up when we're down. And then we split a pizza.

[Desiree]

That's cunty. Sorry.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And that's what it is.

[Desiree]

Where's the Grammy?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So I saw her on Kelly Clarkson and I just loved, like, one week we have RFK being like, you know, people with autism will never be able to bathe themselves or feel love or. Or walk outside of what the. He said.

[Desiree]

Yeah. They can't see color or shapes or. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And then Abby's on Kelly Clarkson singing like.

[Desiree]

Yeah. She's like, hello, Fat and ugly.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Love that. Love that. Abby, you've done it again.

[Desiree]

On the latest episode of Hacks, Julian Nicholson was a guest star, and she played the tick tock dance mom. And it was so wild. It was so crazy. It was like, I think this is a thing. I'm not super active On TikTok at all. But, you know, like, people do.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, they definitely do. They definitely do.

[Desiree]

And they get famous for it. And it's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The bio is Mama Bear.

[Desiree]

Yes. And it's semi ironic. I think there's got to be a level of ironic appreciation of it. And then it's like, very endearing. So they just get. I don't. I don't understand it. But she did such a good job. It was very funny.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I wish RFK would go sing on Kelly Clarkson.

[Desiree]

I wish RFK would go in the water. Unless you got buttons. The brown origin.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The brown origin. That goes to hell.

[Desiree]

No, it goes straight to the origin.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We're sending eight celebrities to the magma of the earth.

[Desiree]

Straight to the core of the problem. Problem. Mama, when I tell you about all these asteroid videos I've been going into.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What asteroids?

[Desiree]

Oh, yes. Like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What do you mean videos? Well, like moving pictures.

[Desiree]

No, no. Videos on YouTube. Perhaps not.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Perhaps the talkies. Yeah.

[Desiree]

Yes, the talkies. Oh, girl. I tried to watch Babylon, which is about the transition from the silent to the talkies. I threw up.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What?

[Desiree]

This movie is so too much. It's like doing too much. This movie, Babylon. And I threw up from it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What?

[Desiree]

It made me. No, I'm not joking. It made me like motion sickness and sick to my stomach. It was so over the top, excessive and fast paced. Like it almost. It made me dizzy and then grossed me out and I threw up.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Did you glean anything from it that you like to share?

[Desiree]

No, not really. It was just a movie that was like. It's all about the excess of Hollywood in a particular time, like the golden age. And when things are transitioning to the talkies and people are having parties with elephants and cocaine and hookers and people are dying and getting pooped on and everything you can imagine happening at a lavish, like, you know, Marquis de Sade type of party. I puked and then I just went right to bed. And I'm never gonna watch that movie. She did me dirty damn.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I guess.

[Desiree]

I mean, I'm not.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It sounds like interesting material, I think.

[Desiree]

Oh, it's certainly not boring. Brad. Brad, GPG is in it. Margot Robbie's in it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wait a minute. I've seen this movie.

[Desiree]

You have?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Where she bites the snake in the desert?

[Desiree]

Yes. I didn't even get to that part.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, you made it sound like it was a documentary.

[Desiree]

Oh, sorry. No, I thought this was a documentary the whole time. Oh, I'm so sorry.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I almost said, oh, it's like that movie with Margot Robbie where she Fights the snake.

[Desiree]

I skipped from asteroid documentaries to this.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, that's where she's at, like the gala, and she's like, oh, yeah, Low rent me. Doesn't know how she has that breakdown where she's throwing the food all over her face.

[Desiree]

I didn't even get to that part, girl. I mean, I made it like 25 minutes in. And so, yeah, stuff happens now. I'm sure there's got everything. It's probably bestiality in it. It's wild. Damien Chazelle's Babylon.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes.

[Desiree]

Three hours long.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay. I literally thought, if you're talking about a documentary.

[Desiree]

No, but I. I puked. I felt like not. It was kind of out of nowhere. I didn't have anything weird that day. And then because they're doing all this construction in my house, I woke up with a terribly sore throat. Like, incredibly sore throat. Got an air filter. Guess what happens. Sore throat went away.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What?

[Desiree]

Like magic. Like. Well, not magic.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like the quality of the air in your house was hurting your throat.

[Desiree]

No, I didn't. I was like. I was like. I thought it was just.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So why'd you get an air filter?

[Desiree]

I was like, oh, you know, maybe because I haven't been smoking. I have.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm like, well, God's perfect breathing system.

[Desiree]

Yeah. I was like, maybe it does have something to do with people. Buzz song. Ceramic tile and wood indoors all day long.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sure.

[Desiree]

You know, but whatever. So I got this fabulous HEPA from Home Depot, baby. I go, she touched. She goes, what's. What's the error? And she goes, and she gets it right together.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hepa.

[Desiree]

Sometimes it goes red and she gets it down to green.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

A lot of bird owners have them because cockatiels and old world birds, that they call them, shed powder from their feathers. And if you don't have a filter, everything in your home gets coated like soot, like Mount Vesuvius. So HEPA filters keep, like your whole. You would just go like this. And you're like, there's white parrot powder just on everything.

[Desiree]

Pour one out for the hepa.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Pour one out for the hepas.

[Desiree]

Like, when they did the mold remediation, mama, they had giant, like, fucking hepa. They look like those supercomputers in those, like Marvel movies, just huge and nasty. But I really think, I really believe it did something foreign.

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[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And the Beautiful is brought to you by our friends at Hungryroot. Listen, I live two lives. I work too much. But I also love cooking. I'm always trying to do better for myself with food. And honestly, when it comes to takeout, I can get really irresponsible. And so I've been loving cooking because I put what I want in the food and I can eat the way I need to eat for that week, if that makes sense. Like if I have a bunch of solid big discos, a lot of physical activity, a lot of hiking, I know I'm going to push for like more protein. And if I'm having like a lean week, I will try to eat more greens, more salads. And that's why I love Hungry Root. It gets me through busy season which has become honestly every year. So it's like having a personal nutritionist. And it takes care of all the stressful meal planning each week by recommending delicious recipes tailored to your tastes. And they have plant based meals. But you guys, lately I have been, let's say, just branching out a little bit. A little bit. And I made it lemon pepper chicken with like a cilantro rice. I felt like I was a restaurant. I couldn't believe I made the food. I've never made chicken in my life. You guys know I'm basically a vegetarian, but I've been trying to, I don't know, diversify the way I cook. Trying. And for a non meat eater to make a chicken dish it was a little bit scary to start, but it was, it was really not bad. What I also love about it is that you get personalized recommendations from Hungryroot. So, you know, I'm not very creative, you know, and I have a ton of diet restrictions so it's perfect to me for me to just have like basically meals suggested to me. And all the recipes can be made in just 50 minutes or less. And with over 15,000 recipes shipped each week, there's something for everyone. I love Hungryroot. Take advantage of this exclusive offer for a limited time. Get 40% off your first box plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to hungryroot.com bald and use the code bald that's hungryroot.com bald code bald to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. Hungroot.com bald code bald hello, it's bald and the beautiful. You're listening to it at 10:30pm do you know where your erection is? Hi, it's Trixie and if you've been listening to the Bald and the Beetle for a while, you know that Katie and I have gone through multiple, sometimes at the same time, bouts of discussions revolving this topic because you know, it might surprise you. We are men and listen, HIMS is here to help you get your competence and other things back up. HIMS provides access to treatments that it can help you stay hard and last longer so you can be ready whenever the mood strikes. And dealing with ED can be uncomfortable which is why HIMS provides access with a comfortable solution with an all online process and personalized treatment options. Can I tell you, this is just not something you should have to get in the car and go out into the world and you know, it's so nice to be able to access this type of care from home and HIMS provides access to a range of doctor trusted ED treatments like chewable tablets, Viagra and Cialis and their generics for up to 95% less. No insurance is needed and one low price covers everything from treatments to ongoing care. And with hundreds of thousands of trusted subscribers, HIMS can help you find the right ED option that works for you. Okay, start your free online Visit [e-mail] Bald oh sorry, I just hit my huge erection on the table. That's hims.com bald for your personalized ED treatment options. Hims.com bald the featured products include compounded products which are not approved nor verified for safety, effectiveness or quality by the fda. Prescription required. See website for details Restrictions and important safety information. Price varies based on product and subscription plan. I watched a Cunt Factory episode of Black Mirror.

[Desiree]

Tell me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Can I spoil.

[Desiree]

Do it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay. Don't remember the name. No, no, no, no.

[Desiree]

It was called Cunt Factory.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It was called. It was called Bet Noir. Bete Noir. Like Black Beast.

[Desiree]

Oh, I've heard about this one.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay.

[Desiree]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She works. A girl starts at her office, and she's like, I know that girl in high school. She was really weird. It's crazy that she works here now.

[Desiree]

What does that turn of phrase mean? It means something. Like it's a. A pet peeve or something. What does it mean?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't know. I've never heard it before.

[Desiree]

It's a phrase. It's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Black Beast. Okay.

[Desiree]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And she works at a chocolate factory. I thought it was maybe about, like, the chocolate. I thought that's what the name was about. So she makes chocolate. She makes different types of flavors. And this girl starts working there, and she's like, oh, I used to work with her. It was very single white female. But it escalates to like, oh, this girl's my assistant. She's. I know that I told her this, and she purposely typed it wrong to get me in trouble or, like, whatever. And it escalates, and she's like, I don't know how this girl is gaslighting me. And then the girl has a pendant that when she talks to it, it changes reality. So she's like, oh, I didn't steal that girl's milk. You did. And the people in the office are like, I can't believe you stole the milk for her coffee. And then she's like, roll the tapes. And even the security tapes are different, showing her do this shit. Damn. And it's a girl she bullied in high school who created technology that allows you to, like, draw from other realities where something is happening. And she just says, all right, now your whole family's dead and your head's on fire.

[Desiree]

A simulation pendant.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Conti. So it was very single white female.

[Desiree]

That's wild. But, like, what did it look like? The. The.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like a teardrop. And she looked like a Rosamund Pike. She was, like, blonde with, like, a cunty short. And the whole time you think, oh, this girl's cracking up. She's imagining this. And then. I love when actors turn evil. You got to watch it. I ruined it for you now.

[Desiree]

No, I don't care. I will watch it. I'm so stupid. I will forget.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

There's also USS Callister. Do you Remember the episode in the first season with like the 60s spaceship and it's all in his mind or whatever. Oh, there's a sequel to that that was really horny. Is there gay stuff in Black Mirror? Yeah. I don't know how they make those. It's like a season of television. That's all basically movies. They're like one off movies.

[Desiree]

I recently rewatched the one with the haunted house. The, the, the video game volunteer. We saw it, I think Bandersnatch maybe the guy with the beard who goes around the world and then he goes like to be a test for this like new software. Video game software.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, I don't know.

[Desiree]

He goes in the haunted house and it's very good. You would love.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't remember that one.

[Desiree]

You would love that one.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Black Mirror is a good, like stay on the couch all day.

[Desiree]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And do hit or miss.

[Desiree]

It can be hit or miss, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't love the one with what's her name? Bryce Dallas Howard. Because I felt like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I love that crying at the end at the wedding, covered in dirt.

[Desiree]

Oh, that's right. That was kind of cunty.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's one of the best ones, I think.

[Desiree]

Oh, she was like, like running in the beginning. It just seemed too close to reality.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That Rashida Jones ones is depression.

[Desiree]

Oh my God. I was like, which. But it was so. She did really well in that. She did really well in that. Because I felt like it was so sad.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So sad.

[Desiree]

Looking to maintain an erection during sex. That's so fierce.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Go for it.

[Desiree]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Why not?

[Desiree]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I.

[Desiree]

If he, I mean, if I could have, if I had to do ads with my friends like three times a week and I wouldn't feel anything at the hygienist.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I haven't taken a dick pill in a long time. When I was really depressed, I had a prescription. But when I got less depressed, I don't. Haven't taken them in like over a year.

[Desiree]

What's the success meter tally at this pod? Right now? I think we're up to five or six.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

My teeth haven't fallen out and I can get my own boners ethically sourced, cage free.

[Desiree]

I think that we've hit an all time high of success for Ms. Mattel on this pod today. Poor one. Alfred Mattel.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, when I was really mentally struggling, I was so depressed I had a hard time and I just. Overnight was all better.

[Desiree]

It's like when it's like they say, why don't you try smiling?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Honestly. Wait, what about maybe your dick's trying to tell you your life is shitty.

[Desiree]

Thank you. You know what about Mattel being referred to as a country by our commander in chief?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Did you see today himself? I'm so.

[Desiree]

I was like, baby, my friend is the president of a country.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, he's like, Mattel, the USA is their biggest market. It's like, okay, tariffs. But now I have a clip of Donald Trump saying Mattel. So all I need is him saying Trix. And he. And then I got the whole thing, baby.

[Desiree]

The. The. The. The pussy Pauline. The sweet pussy Pauline. Chat. GPT Megamix is going to be so lit at Solid Pink Disco, y' all ain't ready for it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Desiree]

Which, by the way, is tonight, right?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Tonight, the Hollywood Palladium.

[Desiree]

I shall be in attendance.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I can't believe it.

[Desiree]

To your detriment, girl, this is to your great embarrassment.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm really excited for tonight. It's a really good show. The DJing is great. I love the music, I love the visuals, I love the numbers. And the audience. I mean, the audience is. I went to Cowboy Carter last night. We'll talk about it. But the audiences dress up more for my show.

[Desiree]

Baby, listen, let me tell you something. When I waltz on that dance floor looking better than you in all your dancers, in the most incredible pink outfit, looking, snatched, looking 20 years old, looking wet and hot and sexy and doing dance moves people have never seen before.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sorry. Go home jobless.

[Desiree]

No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Can I tell you, last weekend, though.

[Desiree]

I can't wait to see your numbers.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Last weekend was three shows in a row. And let me tell you, the routing. Denver, Montreal, Pittsburgh.

[Desiree]

Perfect route.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, perfect.

[Desiree]

Makes sense. Did you drive?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, barely slept. So this weekend it's la, Oakland, Salt Lake City. Much more.

[Desiree]

Yeah, much more humane.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But last weekend, this is not. Before I say this, let me say this is not shit talking venues. This is not shit talking anybody. Owners, promoters, agents, managers, venues. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Last weekend, Pittsburgh was so hot. So hot.

[Desiree]

We're up in 2025 dealing with this. I can't.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was cold at Beyonce. There were tens of thousands of people in there. I was Pittsburgh. I was. I mean, buckets of water, corset soaked completely through. What am. I know that I bring it on myself because I'm in a corset jumper. No, you do not show.

[Desiree]

No, you do not. No, the. You do not. No, you don't.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You guys, I don't want to come to Salt Pink Disco. Everybody have tickets? Yeah, it's hot. And I have been on Death's Door Yeah, we're talking going off stage and during my makeup change, this is what you hear. While I'm fixing, I'm painting foundation back on. Show all this, like, wet, wet mud. Panicking when you're so hot that you're actually panicking.

[Desiree]

Absolutely. And there's. You're. You're trying to put. You're trying to mix olive and olive oil and vinegar. Or. No, whatever, the olive oil and water. You're trying to make two things come together that won't because of the sweat.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And when I'm putting makeup on and I hear the go go's outside the door going, oh, my God, it's hot. I can't breathe. And they're speedos, they're in G strings, and they're going. I almost blacked out, it was so hot. Yeah, I gotta have some water. I'm standing on the other side of the door looking like Elliot with two T's behind.

[Desiree]

I'm like, when a naked man comes out covered in sweat, I'm like, well, call the coroner if you're cold.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They're cold. Bring them inside.

[Desiree]

Yeah, we're gonna need the morgue up in here. So is it gonna be venue mama tonight? What's the tea? What's the tea? What's literally the tea? The temperature.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Mary.

[Desiree]

Mary, should I come in my two piece?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I have been so hot at these shows that I have been questioning my entire participation in the art of drag. I just have been like, what the fuck are we doing?

[Desiree]

I think that you should reroute that questioning and point it towards your representation.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was just like, I was not participation at Hamburger Mary's Milwaukee, where they're flying. They're frying burgers over an open flame grill feet from where I'm doing char broil drag.

[Desiree]

And it's cooler than.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I'm like, so if it was hot at 21 in the nightclubs and it's hot at 35, as one of the most famous dragoons in the world, the. There is no end. Yeah, there is no end. The heat will just kill me. I am in polly pocket in an easy bake oven just trying to make ends meet.

[Desiree]

Mary, do you realize the tragic irony of you dying from heat stroke and me surviving that?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's not a reality.

[Desiree]

That's not a reality I'm willing to participate in. I think we should get the hygienists on the case. They obviously know how to torture people, sic them on the promoters.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's. It's been. If you are backstage, if you see me doing My quick change. It's like a. A gritty National Geographic photo. Do you know, I'm just. I look like one of those hippos coming out of water, dripping wet where you just see the eyes.

[Desiree]

Do you know what I'm, you know, I'm going to suggest, and I'm not even joking, to try a ice bath.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

During the show during a break.

[Desiree]

You.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm in a corset. I'm in a waterproof.

[Desiree]

We call Cirque du Slay. Oh, the water show. We say, hey, what can we do? Get some waterproof gear. Waterproof makeup. You just have to redo your lashes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I mean, think about it. Yeah, it's. It's been so hot. And maybe I just accidentally put together a show that. No, it's too much.

[Desiree]

What do you think Katy Perry does? I don't know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's cold in space.

[Desiree]

Do you think? I mean, I'm wide awake. I. I just think it's. It's a failure of. Of those in the orbit of your star.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The. The dicks who did this to me and the cunts responsible. I'm telling you, I'm backstage.

[Desiree]

Which one of you bitches is my manager and the maker for the show?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Is so cool. It's these stones all the way out and it's all glitter. It's so cool.

[Desiree]

Got to get the mask, I'm telling you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But it's been. It's been. So I've been using that cryo mask that was sent to us from Shark, and I've been using that because it's the red lights to help repair your skin and it's the cold under the eyes at the end of the night. I'm like, baby, baby, I got a.

[Desiree]

Million dollar idea for you. Not million, just very useful. It's. You do the contest. I mean, have. Have like a prosthetic person do it. The contest. Like mask, right? Full, gorgeous rhinestones, like, seamless into the eyes with the eyelashes. And you don't have to do any makeup from the nose up. Okay. And then. So you sweat the house down. Whatever. You take it off. You ice the face during the break. You redo the lip.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sure.

[Desiree]

You're wearing an O Cirque du Soleil O sanctioned outfit in the cold plunge. Game changer.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. I mean, do you know what I mean?

[Desiree]

I'm not, I'm not joking about the mask thing. I think there's a way to do it that's kind of like. Like Orville, but way chica in Dragon.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That would be rude. Don't you think people paying to see me. And it's like, not even putting the eye makeup on for the people, Mary.

[Desiree]

It's you doing all the work, creating the ambiance in the whole music. And you have beautiful lips and teeth. Yeah, I'm not joking. I think it could kind of be cunned.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, my God. Also last week. Last weekend was so fun, though. It was hot. But you know what I've been doing? Having a half shot of tequila before the show and practicing radical acceptance and.

[Desiree]

Being like, well, but imagine.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

There's nothing I can do.

[Desiree]

Imagine, though, like, if these. Like, I can't imagine these shows where halfway through you're like, well, I'm gonna kill myself because the makeup's gone. That's when you put the mask on.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, I'm also DJing live, so I can't do anything that will alter my state, really, while I'm up there, or I will it up.

[Desiree]

You never take a break, right? You can't.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

There is no break.

[Desiree]

This is my nightmare.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

There's no break.

[Desiree]

This is like the nightmare.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

My vert. My section starts with these boots. I mean, for walk in, I start with a number, and then I'm on the back foot the whole program.

[Desiree]

That's the.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

When I'm jump roping, I'm smiling. But if you could hear me, you would hear Lamaze. Like, and then some nights I'm dancing and I hit a wall. Where I actually go from, like, yes, yes, yes. To both hands on the DJ decks like this.

[Desiree]

And if people record it, it play it backwards, it's actually double voicing. Someone please kill me. Someone please kill me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I consider myself pretty cardiovascular fit.

[Desiree]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Four or five miles today.

[Desiree]

I don't even sweat that much.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No. So, like, if I'm hot, you know what I say backstage? I said, do you know Katya would have quit already, sweetie?

[Desiree]

I would have.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do you know she would have quit already.

[Desiree]

Do you know how, like, killer whales have a very. Like, I would have sensed the heat from yards and yards and yards.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Echolocation.

[Desiree]

I would not even have entered the building. It's like a vampire. I'd have to be invited in. And it's just too hot, right?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So one time I did. This was me and Juno Burch did something for YouTube Pride, like, two years ago.

[Desiree]

Oh, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And it was. The air was. The air was broken.

[Desiree]

Face is blue.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Their air was broken. And I love YouTube. Love YouTube. But I went, you guys, I said, she's painted special effects light blue. If she sweats at all, it's not really fixable until she starts putting eyeshadow on her face as if it's powder. And I said, did you guys know? If it was me and Katya, she would have left already.

[Desiree]

I don't think she would have showed up. She would have gone, no, ma' am.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I know the heat is something that. I guess I either need to quit drag or give up dreams of comfort.

[Desiree]

Or there's option C. Demand reasonable. What do you call it? Demand reasonable parameters for your performance.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Shove ice cubes up my ass.

[Desiree]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cryotherapy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And it'll help with my fissure.

[Desiree]

Yes. I mean, there's no reason on this, on God's green earth, that in the year of 2025, where we're putting stints in people's hearts, we're sending Katy Perry to the moon and back, but you can't get some adequate AC at your solid pink disco.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We're at the point that ketamine has become an acceptable therapy.

[Desiree]

We need a. We need a blue destination again. Like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like people do mushrooms at work and call it self care. It's called microdosing.

[Desiree]

Oh, yeah. People are. Look to your left.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Look to your right.

[Desiree]

People are microdosing acid at the office. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't know. I guess I just need to accept it.

[Desiree]

No, you don't.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But what do we do?

[Desiree]

We change.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What do we do?

[Desiree]

We. We go, hey, you. You get out of here and put that AC on.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sometimes I feel like they're like, well, it's already sold out and Trixie's not gonna come. She's just gonna do it. Turn the air on.

[Desiree]

You pull a RuPaul.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think sometimes it's that.

[Desiree]

No, so RuPaul, famously, of course, she said, I. If I'm booked for an event, I. I get 50 before I step on the airplane and the other 50 before I step on the stage. You just do that with terms of temperature. I know that's. I mean, I have that in my writer.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think people are gonna say that I'm difficult.

[Desiree]

No, no, no, no, no. They're gonna say that you're amazing because you sold out their fucking shitty venue that they can't cool down.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't know. What's with the air? I don't know. I don't. I don't know why we don't have air. I love dancing. I love dance parties.

[Desiree]

Me too. And you're gonna.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

People dance. Not be so hot.

[Desiree]

Well.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, because if I'm hot, the audience is obviously also fucking dying.

[Desiree]

I mean, I Have in a. We've. We've traveled around the world and been like, Ireland, for example, in. Not Belfast, in Dublin. I think it was called the Dragon or the Dragon. Bummer.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The hottest I've ever been, maybe in my life.

[Desiree]

It was. It was. As I'm walking to the stage, seconds into not even starting my number, I had that thought. It was like, this is not going to be feasible.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The meet and greet pictures of me from that. I look like a perspiring ham in a grocery store.

[Desiree]

But I really had that thought that you were talking about earlier, like, oh, this is not physically possible with the.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Laws of the panic.

[Desiree]

Yeah. Like, how is this even going to be? Yeah, but the Lincoln Theater, mama. That motherfucking theater. Holy shit. Their air con was yanking, girl.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The Lincoln with the big fake head in Philly.

[Desiree]

Yeah, that dc. Oh, dc, Sorry. Yeah. So there are theaters and there are fucking venues that know how to yank off a crispy, cooly lovely event.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Desiree]

And the others just flop so hard. And I guess nobody cares.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I guess nobody cares because we were there and we did it anyway.

[Desiree]

I mean, if you're. If you're wilding out like Nick Cannon on the dance floor, you're gonna get a little misty. But you shouldn't die from heat stroke or dehydration.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well. So I would never dream of what, punishing people who came to see me by not performing. If they're in there dressed up, it's like, what am I, a princess? I'm not gonna go do it too.

[Desiree]

You know, you're also DJing. Literally controlling the mood of the night. That's performing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The other thing is. I know we have to go. The other thing is I'm not going anywhere when I'm that hot.

[Desiree]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I just feel like my brain works slower.

[Desiree]

No shit.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And so I'm trying to operate this equipment and I'm actually blinking through sweat, like, trying to turn these knobs. I would think that I'm a hospital bed just touching my own EKG or something.

[Desiree]

Well, have you ever tried to change a watch battery underwater? That's what it's like. It's, it's, it's, It's. It's not. It's not.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Maybe I need to do a salping Disco. Winter Ball.

[Desiree]

Solid Ice Snowball.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Solid Ice Disco. Or how about we just get sounds like meth?

[Desiree]

That's true. Oh, yeah, that's true. True. Crystal Tina.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, Crystal Method at the Solid Ice Disco.

[Desiree]

No. Or I think we could try some wild option, which is. Hey, manager. Hello, manager. Hello. Promoter. Hello, bar owner. These are the conditions which I require for the ultimate satisfaction.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Otherwise, I guess. But I'm gonna do it very.

[Desiree]

Like, I'm gonna do it fairy tale.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like, if you want me to do this show, I'm gonna need, you know, the cape is red as blood, the whatever, you know, I'm calling and this.

[Desiree]

Is my voice and these are the terms. I'm going to do the Queen of Melrose and I'm going to call on your.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

For sure.

[Desiree]

Yeah. And you are going to pay for my hygienist appointment at your dentist.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And Salt Peak Disco in Salt Lake City was so fun, but the air is thinner. So it's not only ball spot in there. Not only is it boiling before I go on, Rebecca Black goes, it was Friday and Rebecca Black was there. And so it felt exciting, right? And Rebecca goes, yeah, usually they'll have an oxygen. You get an oxygen tank. I said, are we on er? I'm just trying to cross dress and play records. What do you mean at that point? Get the hospital bed out here. Get it all out.

[Desiree]

Are we in the pit?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What's going on, Jackie? Out here to shoot a few dolls down my throat.

[Desiree]

Okay, last final thought. Mama, you never can have it all the way. Right? Because I remember Aspen Gay Ski Week. First time I ever did a whole drag thing and I went back and de dragged and I was like, something is different about this. What is it? Not one beat of moisture, however, then I performed at the top of the mountain, baby. Trying to do some kind of lip sync wiggle, like upside down, cartwheeling. No air. It was a very.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

How am I supposed to breathe with no air? Jordan Sparks, she wrote that at Ask Me Gay Ski Week. Can I also say one more thing too? The other day I took off my wig and the dancer said, there is steam coming off your head. That's how hot you are.

[Desiree]

What do you think, what do you think happens when I go walk into the freezer at Oil Can Harry's?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's like it's a metaphysical event.

[Desiree]

Yeah, it looks like. You look like dry ice.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It looks like one of those videos where they drop like the boiling ball into like a glass of soda or something.

[Desiree]

Dry ice.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes.

[Desiree]

It's country.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's fucked. I gotta go. Okay, bye.

[Desiree]

Goodbye, everybody.

[Trixie Mattel]

This podcast is brought to you by Aura. Aura monitors the dark web for users, phone numbers, emails and Social Security numbers, delivering real time alerts if any suspicious activity is detected. For a limited time, AURA is offering our listeners a 14 day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online. All for free when you visit aura.comdefens that's aura.comdefens to sign up for a 14 day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones. That's a U R A dot com defense. Certain terms apply, so be sure to check the site for details.