Pokémon 101 is Now in Session with Trixie and Katya

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Pokémon 101 is Now in Session" on The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya

In the episode titled "Pokémon 101 is Now in Session," hosts Trixie and Katya dive deep into the multifaceted world of Pokémon, blending their signature humor with insightful discussions about the franchise's cultural impact, community engagement, and personal anecdotes. This summary encapsulates their lively conversation, highlighting key topics, notable quotes, and the dynamic interplay between the two hosts.

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1. Introduction to Pokémon

Timestamp: [00:27 - 01:53]

Katya kicks off the conversation with a candid admission of her unfamiliarity with Pokémon:

Katya: "Am I the only person on this Earth who does not know about Pokémon?" ([00:27])

Trixie swiftly counters, showcasing her extensive knowledge:

Trixie: "I could probably name the first 300 off the top of my head." ([00:43])

They explore Pokémon as a global phenomenon, describing it as a "cartoon about a world where there are little monsters running around with elemental superpowers" ([01:29]). Trixie emphasizes the symbiotic relationship between Pokémon and humans, highlighting themes of coexistence and partnership.

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2. Pokémon Go and Social Connectivity

Timestamp: [03:00 - 04:03]

The discussion transitions to Pokémon Go, with Trixie explaining its innovative use of GPS technology to foster real-world interactions:

Trixie: "It gets you out of the house. It connects with the community." ([03:54])

Katya reflects on the diverse community attracted to the game, noting the presence of a "gay subset" among its players. They discuss how Pokémon Go serves as a bridge between virtual gaming and physical community building.

---

3. Cultural Impact and Competitive Aspects

Timestamp: [04:19 - 08:18]

Trixie delves into the universal appeal of Pokémon across different demographics:

Trixie: "Everyone had their favorite Pokémon. I played the Pokémon card game, and sometimes I get high and watch the world championships." ([04:19])

They draw parallels between the Pokémon card game and other competitive games like "Magic the Gathering," suggesting that the Pokémon card scene has evolved into a legitimate sport with substantial prizes:

Trixie: "It's almost like a sport. It could be on ESPN." ([04:44])

---

4. Representation in Media and LGBTQ+ Themes

Timestamp: [08:18 - 14:00]

Shifting gears, the hosts critique television shows like "The L Word" and "Queer as Folk," discussing their portrayal of LGBTQ+ characters and themes:

Trixie: "The Original season made me sob. I loved it." ([08:34])

They explore the complexities of representation, addressing how such shows navigate issues of sexual identity, relationships, and societal acceptance. Katya highlights the importance of diverse narratives in fostering understanding and empathy within the community.

---

5. Personal Anecdotes and Home Renovation

Timestamp: [21:09 - 28:37]

Katya shares humorous tales about her ongoing bathroom renovation, blending personal stories with relatable frustrations:

Katya: "The bathroom is nearly done and I love it so much I'm going to cover all those walls." ([21:33])

They discuss the challenges of interior design, the quirks of owning pets, and the dynamics of shared living spaces. Trixie provides playful commentary on Katya's transformation, adding levity to the technical aspects of home improvement.

---

6. Mental Health and Therapy Insights

Timestamp: [38:34 - 43:53]

In a poignant segment, Katya opens up about her experiences with therapy and the process of ending therapeutic relationships:

Katya: "I've been in therapy for a couple of years, and I've stopped now." ([38:34])

Trixie shares her own journey towards mental well-being, emphasizing the importance of professional support and the challenges of navigating personal growth. They discuss strategies for maintaining mental health and the societal stigmas surrounding therapy, especially within the LGBTQ+ community.

---

7. Pop Culture Trivia and Competitive Spirit

Timestamp: [51:27 - 60:01]

The episode takes an entertaining turn as Trixie recounts her adventures in a "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" trivia night. She details her strategy for assembling a "dream team" of knowledgeable friends to dominate the competition:

Trixie: "If you think you know Buffy, you have not met an East Hollywood lesbian and the geeky gay friend who knows everything." ([56:19])

Katya adds her own flair, discussing potential trivia categories and the camaraderie that arises from shared pop culture interests. Their banter showcases their competitive spirits and deep appreciation for niche fandoms.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Katya: "Am I the only person on this Earth who does not know about Pokémon?" ([00:27])
• Trixie: "I could probably name the first 300 off the top of my head." ([00:43])
• Trixie: "It gets you out of the house. It connects with the community." ([03:54])
• Trixie: "The Original season made me sob. I loved it." ([08:34])
• Katya: "I've been in therapy for a couple of years, and I've stopped now." ([38:34])
• Trixie: "If you think you know Buffy, you have not met an East Hollywood lesbian and the geeky gay friend who knows everything." ([56:19])

---

Conclusion

In "Pokémon 101 is Now in Session," Trixie and Katya expertly weave together discussions on Pokémon, media representation, personal life experiences, and mental health. Their authentic chemistry and blend of humor and sincerity provide listeners with both entertainment and meaningful insights. Whether they're dissecting the intricacies of a beloved franchise or sharing vulnerabilities, Trixie and Katya create a rich tapestry of conversation that resonates deeply with their audience.

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Note: Advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections were excluded from this summary to maintain focus on the core discussion topics as per user instructions.

Transcript

[A]

Our final shows of the year are happening for the Bold and Beautiful live. So on October 3rd, it's October 3rd, we're going to be in Calgary at the Southern Jubilee Theater. And October 4th, we're going to be in Winnipeg at Club regent. And on November 9th, we're going to be in Tucson, Arizona, at the Linda Ronstadt theater. And on November 13th, we're wiggling over to Honolulu at the Blaise Dell Center. Tickets available at Trixie and kati dot com.

[B]

First of all, wait, do you know about Pokemon? Am I the only person in this Earth. Earth who does not know about Pokemon? I could not name a Pokemon. I could not. I could not identify one. I'm sorry.

[A]

I could probably name the first 300 in order off the top of my head.

[B]

You could name more Pokemons than presidents. Let's say that.

[A]

100.

[B]

And do you.

[A]

What do you want to know?

[B]

I don't want to know anything. That's the problem.

[A]

Like, I feel like somebody trying to make you know it.

[B]

I was on the Pit Stop, and I guess Aja.

[A]

You guys watch. Stop watching Drag Race. You're watching Pokemon.

[B]

No, no. Aja dressed up as Pokemons, apparently.

[A]

Dressed up as Pokemons.

[B]

And that went way over my head. And I was like. And I faced the wrath of the. The entire world.

[A]

Do people not know that you're not into Pokemon? Well, Pokemon came out. I was the perfect age. What, which, what, 16, maybe 8:09 when it came out. When I. When I remember.

[B]

And I was 16. Drinking blood.

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, why would I know what Pokemon is? What is it?

[A]

It is a cartoon. Like a franchise. It's a cartoon about a world where there are little monsters running around with elemental superpowers. Psychic Mortal Kombat. Oh, it's a. It's Pikachu is a mouse that shoots electricity out of the cheeks or common enemy. Well, it's sort of the ethics. A lot of the themes are, like, people using that for evil. People trying to control Pokemon.

[B]

What would be a good. Like, it's like this.

[A]

It's like Thundercats. No. Is it like, think of Pokemon more like they're somewhere between wild animals and people as far as intelligence.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

They don't talk. And humans can go, oh, it's a Pikachu. I'm gonna catch it, befriend it. And now it's my companion pet that has powers.

[B]

Does it ever get slutty or sexy?

[A]

No. So it's like, oh, what's your car Needs a jump. My Pikachu's here. My Pikachu is going to shock your car. And now it works. It's sort of like using these animals with powers. The whole point is that Pokemon and humans are trying to coexist.

[B]

Okay. So there's a lot of. But what is this element of going out and finding them? Like, in reality, if.

[A]

Oh, are you asking about Pokemon Go?

[B]

I guess so.

[A]

Okay, so Pokemon Go is. Is a game that came out maybe in 2016, 17 maybe. And it's on the phone.

[B]

Yeah. And you're going in the forest.

[A]

Okay. Yes.

[B]

People are going in the forest.

[A]

Yeah. So it uses a real GPS of the world.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And it'll go. Oh, wow. The Culver's down the street from my house is a Pokemon gym. So if I walk over there, I can. I can fight. I can win that, beat that Pokemon gym using my Pokemon. Oh, my gosh. My friend just texted me and said that there's a Gyarados down the street at the McDonald's. I'm gonna run down the street and try to catch it on my phone.

[B]

And then I have the Pokemon and then you. And then what?

[A]

It's sort of. I mean, that's it. I don't know what to say. It's fine.

[B]

I mean, I guess with the candy crush, you crush the candy and that's it, right?

[A]

It's like, you know, it's.

[B]

The journey is the destination, right? Yeah.

[A]

You know, some might say that yoga is like, that's it. You sit and breathe. You know what I mean?

[B]

That's. I don't think that's.

[A]

I don't like. What is. Nothing. No, I'm not.

[B]

I'm. It's like. It's like croquet, in a way.

[A]

It's sort of like social media meets a phone game.

[B]

It gets you out of the house.

[A]

It gets out of the house.

[B]

You connect with your community.

[A]

Connect with the community. I played it for a couple years.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Off and on, I noticed there was a gay.

[B]

It was kind of like Disney gays. Pokemon gay.

[A]

Yeah, Pokemon gay. There's a lot like. It's like a subset of gays that like. Well, no, I think for a lot of us. Nick, did you like Pokemon? A lot of us, when we were young, it was a very, like, something you. For me, it was something that me and, like, the straight guys could both like.

[B]

Reaching across the aisle.

[A]

Reaching across the aisle. The girls liked it. It was just fun. Everybody had their favorite Pokemon. I played the Pokemon card game, and sometimes I get high and watch the world championships. People win half a million dollars playing Pokemon cards.

[B]

So now we're talking.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that makes sense to me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like ping pong champions. Chess champions. Yeah, Like World's longest finger.

[A]

You know what? It's like Magic the Gathering. That's your age group.

[B]

Oh, okay. Or like D and D, but that's totally different.

[A]

It's like Magic the Gathering. And that's Car the. So there's the Pokemon card game, which is a whole. Almost like a sport. It could be on espn.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then there's the TV show, which is many seasons across different years, of a cartoon about it.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

And it's anime.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then there's obviously so much merch. Toys, shirts.

[B]

And it's widely known. Yes, very, very widely known.

[A]

Every country, I think, in the world probably knows about Pokemon.

[B]

Wow. Okay. Except me.

[A]

Except you. Well, damn, it's fun.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I mean, you don't have to start now.

[B]

I'm not gonna.

[A]

But. But the.

[B]

The DND thing, I have flipped the script on that 100%.

[A]

You like it?

[B]

Well, I.

[A]

What was your previous script?

[B]

I thought it was corny. I dismissed it right away.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I was like, nope, that's crazy. Like, wonderful.

[A]

You love it?

[B]

I do.

[A]

It gets people out of the house.

[B]

No, it gets them in the house. In the basement.

[A]

Well, I mean, get together.

[B]

They get together.

[A]

And also shout out to sober people, if you're not getting high, you're not D. D is all there is.

[B]

And, you know, like yoga. Dnd. No, pnp.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But they had. Who the was it? I think it was Jessica from True Blood. That actress.

[A]

Oh, I know her name.

[B]

She was explaining how to play why and like the sort of nuts and bolts of Dungeons and Dragons in the most compelling, non. Corny way.

[A]

What's her name again? Deborah Brandon went to some acting classes with her. She's such a great actress.

[B]

Love her.

[A]

She's so beautiful.

[B]

Love her. She's so cunt.

[A]

She does. She does a lot of activism for the blind because her husband's blind. Do you think that you would ever do a D and D? Yes, you would.

[B]

Now that I was like, I got the scoop from Ms. Horror. I'm like, absolutely.

[A]

You know, there's a DND that is ongoing with Bob the Drag Queen and Jujubee. And you don't want to play the Drag Queen.

[B]

No, I'm playing with regular folks. It seems like, what would your character be like? Creativity? Like, I don't. I think it changes all the time. Right. Well, I don't know.

[A]

I think you kind of stay one character for at least that game.

[B]

I would have three groups. I would definitely have three groups because I got multifaceted personality. I need to express myself.

[A]

And would you be kind of all out for yourself? Are you kind of partnering on Monday?

[B]

Absolutely. It's all about me, right. Wednesday, I'm, I'm like, you know, branching out. Selfless, right? Like curious. Friday, it's a wild, like, wild card. Unpredictable.

[A]

Gotta get down on Friday. Oh, my God.

[B]

Hands and knees.

[A]

When I was. Guess who was in Mexico as well. Rebecca Black. And I, she walked up to me and, you know, she really, in her glam, you're like, God damn, you are a pop star. She is so gorge.

[B]

So kind of.

[A]

It makes you think everybody. So many people could just be pop stars if they had the right glam.

[B]

Yeah, you ugly bitches at home, get us together.

[A]

She's very pretty out of drag, but in, in her drag, you're like, oh, you're just a pop star. That's right.

[B]

She does look like a pop star.

[A]

And she came up and it was Friday when I saw her because I was at soundcheck and she said, all right, I'll see you later. I said, okay. And Rebecca, happy Friday. And she was like, she's like, no. She was like.

[B]

She was like, she kicks you in the balls.

[A]

Whatever fag. She could have turned around and said, whatever fag.

[B]

She, Whatever fag. She puked into a plastic bag and.

[A]

Hucked it at you. Completely. Completely. Did you see that? Rosie o' DONNELL is going to be on just like that.

[B]

My baby. There's something about New York City.

[A]

She. Rosie o' DONNELL said, I'm coming back from Ireland to be sweetie New York City.

[B]

I will take Rosie over Che any day. I hope that she feels that she's.

[A]

Just like, why can there only be one?

[B]

Because how many people are going to finger blast Cynthia Nixon in her kitchen?

[A]

That is my problem with lesbian programming. There's only ever one butch girl at a time.

[B]

I know, that's America doesn't have the stomach for it. America's not ready for all that. All those rough, calloused fingers. Well, did you ever just dig in.

[A]

Into Cynthia's c. Did you ever watch the original L Word?

[B]

You know, I haven't seen it.

[A]

That was like the United Colors of Bettaton of lesbianism. There was every type.

[B]

There was very well represented married women.

[A]

Trying to have a baby. There was in transition. Like, who discovers in the show she's male.

[B]

Was it good?

[A]

The Original season. The original show made me sob. I loved it. I love the. I never seen the remake. Okay, maybe I'm a bad lesbian.

[B]

Well, Queer as Folk did the same thing, right?

[A]

Is there another queer spoke?

[B]

Are you kidding me? The original American one, I think there was a. It was first a British one, I believe, right?

[A]

No, then it was Canadian.

[B]

Oh, was it Canadian first?

[A]

Wasn't it Canada?

[B]

I think it was British. But the first American one was like, we're going to teach you gay 101. Like, it was like, oh, God.

[A]

I always tell people, it's like somebody read about being gay on Wikipedia.

[B]

Yes. Yes. Which I can't stand from a screenwriting angle.

[A]

Well, that was my issue with looking. Do you remember?

[B]

That was way better than Queer as Folk.

[A]

But this motherfucker who. The main character is played by. What's his name?

[B]

Jonathan Groff.

[A]

Yes, Jonathan Groff. Shout out. Come on the podcast.

[B]

Love him.

[A]

But his character was maybe our age in the show and was like, I don't know if I'm a top or a bottom. I'm like, were you frozen in ice? Like Forever Young Mel Gibson? Like, what do you mean? You don't know if you're top or bottom? Do you want it to go inside you or do you want to go inside someone else?

[B]

You know, an Amish woman off the wagon, fumbling magazines?

[A]

Like, what are the Rum Spriga. Rum Spriga.

[B]

Well, it's like Sex in the City. And just like that, those characters. And they were woke. They woke up after an ice age.

[A]

Right.

[B]

She's a sex columnist, but is so flabbergasted by pronouns.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Like, what happened in the interim? It's so crazy.

[A]

They, like, they stumble out of a cave and bump into a representative, and they stumble into a representative from a lelo. They give her a bunch of tools to excavate.

[B]

That character getting chomped out in the kitchen by chasing.

[A]

I've never seen that show.

[B]

Maybe when we. Sweetie, when we marry, all phone did.

[A]

Was bitch about how bad it was. So why would I start watching it?

[B]

I'm like, it is not bad. It is terrible.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[B]

But. But okay. So this is the. This is why you watch in Just like that. Sarah Jessica Parker's hair. That's it. Her hair.

[A]

She's a wonderful performer.

[B]

She's a wonderful performer. But it's really. Her hair is the fourth girl at brunch. Yeah, it's like, it's show stopping. It's really just a vehicle for Serge, her hairdresser. Yeah, it's really amazing, don't you agree?

[A]

I have to tell you something that Blizzy said on Twitter, but we will.

[B]

Be visiting that clip of Cynthia Nixon getting dug out in the kitchen because it was shocking to me. She was like Che Diaz was covering her mouth so that she wouldn't. Because she had a friend in the next room.

[A]

Well, D. Or Carrie?

[B]

Carrie was in the next room.

[A]

Well, do you remember in orange? Did you watch Orange is New Black? Yeah, I remember there was some fingering that was like, it was complete fist. And I was like, I didn't know that. I didn't know that the vaginal fisting was a big deal. Really a huge deal.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, it's very elastic.

[A]

Very elastic. Blizzy, the my favorite person on Twitter, she tweeted, wore cargo shorts today. And she shared the picture of Cynthia Nixon on the Advocate because she wore cargo pants. And the T shirt says Dyke Blizzy. Continuing to bring it home on Twitter every single fucking week.

[B]

Also, the, the, the just the complete amazement I having Cynthia Nixon's character have a late in life sexual renaissance slash questioning is so bizarre to me.

[A]

Can I say that? I don't think it's bizarre because I think that it does happen. Of course, certain types of women, you are bred to be one thing. You are not encouraged to imagine yourself as anything else.

[B]

But this is. I mean, I'm New York City lawyer, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, I don't know, I just.

[A]

Well, but she's like white and waspy, isn't she? She's like uptight.

[B]

You're friends with Samantha Jones and Carrie Bradshaw and you don't know you're a dyke. I just think that's so crazy.

[A]

I think Samantha could probably bring it out of any honey, right?

[B]

You're a dyke.

[A]

No, I mean, like, Even if you're 100% into men, if you're sitting by Samantha, aren't you like. Yeah, you know. Yes.

[B]

You want to chomp them titties.

[A]

Kind of like Troye Sivan reaching across the aisle. Like every person wants to Troye Sivan.

[B]

I. Hello.

[A]

What?

[B]

What?

[A]

Every person, Men, women and children on the Titanic, they put people in the boats to go, Troye Sivan. Swear to God.

[B]

What are you talking about? I really.

[A]

Because I think men are like, oh, there's a softness.

[B]

Oh, I see, I see. And women, they're like, oh, there's a. Yeah, androgyny.

[A]

And gay men, I mean, gay men obviously want to him too. Yeah, he's got a kind of like a Tilda. It's a universally beautiful.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Wow. If he teamed up with Tilda, they could tag team the world completely. But okay, so I'm just. I don't know, I guess I'm probably jealous because I wish I could have a late in life sexual renaissance where I realize I'm straight. Not straight, but I realize that I'm bisexual.

[A]

I mean, could be honest because being a gay guy is fucking corny. It's corny. It's like the cord.

[B]

The court is all frayed and it doesn't work anymore.

[A]

Like, Sean Hayes finished that Scantron and turned it in so long ago. Like we.

[B]

The library book has been returned to the recognition.

[A]

We're all reheating nachos by being gay men. It's stupid.

[B]

It is so stupid. And it tastes.

[A]

I think being straight is kind of transgressive.

[B]

Well, it's. But you don't stay straight. It's not. It's kind of up in the air. It's not really pinned down.

[A]

That's fun. That's fun. Wacky moment. It's amazing.

[B]

Yeah, it's like.

[A]

It also eliminates coming out. It eliminates. What are you. It eliminates the pressure of picking. Picking an outfit to wear for the rest of your life.

[B]

No, basically. I know that like the, the groups and the labels are all like, for a reason, so you can find each other, whatever. But I love that. Just like, let's see what happens. It's Friday.

[A]

That's what Rebecca Black's Friday was about. It was about straight guys hooking up.

[B]

It was handy.

[A]

Straight guys. I'm really happy that I'm off that path with the straight men because that's. It's. It's. It's a. You're driving a lemon with the straight guys. You drive a lemon.

[B]

That thing is not built to last.

[A]

No, the.

[B]

The. The warranty is bunk and the.

[A]

The rebate will not work 100%. They just. I don't know about them. I don't know about them.

[B]

They're unreliable.

[A]

The male loneliness epidemic.

[B]

Yeah, they're unreliable. They don't cook, they don't clean, and it's not good. However, perfect opportunity for a segue into my new bathroom.

[A]

What's going on with the. Wait? Should we take a break?

[B]

Oh, let's take a. This episode is sponsored by zocdoc. Have you ever left a weekend fishing trip to Big Bear only to realize a week later that you have a massive leech on your left butt cheek? After the initial shock, you wait a few days to make a doctor's appointment, but then you stall for a few days because you've grown attached to the little guy. Pretty soon you're turning down invitations to dinner because you want to have a movie night with your new best friend, Scarlet J. Hemoglobin. After a few months, you realize your left butt cheek is noticeably smaller than your right because scarglow is has sucked all the blood out of it. We've all been there, right? Listen, booking a doctor's appointment can feel just so daunting. But thanks to ZocDoc, there's no reason to delay. They make it easy to find and book a doctor who's right for you. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click instantly to book an appointment. They have over 100,000 doctors from literally any specialty, including hematologists who can tell you about the countless bacteria now in your bloodstream from the leech. They can also remind you that Scarlet is not your friend, but instead a soulless parasitic worm. You can filter for doctors who take your specific insurance who are located nearby if you hate driving like me, or find ones with specific office hours to match your hectic schedule. And most importantly, you can find doctors who are highly rated by real life verified patients. You can even see their real time appointment openings. Choose the time that works for you and instantly book a visit with just a few clicks. Same day appointments are also available in many cases which is absolutely brilliant. The best part is that ZocDoc is completely free to use. You can search and compare highly rated in network doctors with ease. Which is why I love ZocDoc. When I finally decided to make my butt cheeks symmetrical again post leech, I went to zocdoc. Zocdoc helped me find the best doctor in my area and booked them fast. If I can find a great doctor, so can you. And all because of Zocdoc. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com bald to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Zocdoc.com bald Zocdoc.com bald.

[A]

Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Smalls Now. Okay, I currently do not have a pet, but my last roommate Lee Lee and I had two pets together. Well, they were his cats. But they became fond of me. I toured and traveled and those cats were so odd because when I was on tour they would sleep in my bed in my room and then when I would be home from tour. They would come in cause they loved my room, but they were not 100% sure on me. So they were kind of like in love with my room. And then when I would come home they would kind of be like, why are you in my room? You know, cats kind of have that way to project their thoughts. They were kind of like, get out of here. But you know, cats are part of the family, plain and simple. And we, we as roommates did not have children. These cats were the babies. And my roommate taught me that it's important to buy the cats the best food that money can buy. I think those cats had a better diet than I did. And our next sponsor is here to help. It's Smalls. You guys know I'm particularly an animal person more than a human person at this point. I think the human race has run its course, but I think cats will probably inherit the earth. And Smalls cat food is protein packed recipes made with preservative free ingredients you'll find in your fridge. And it's delivered right to your. That's why cats.com named Smalls their best overall cat food. One of the worst things about owning a pet is that you have to haul bags of food home. And it's great because you don't really have to do that anymore. You can get 60% off your first order plus free shipping. Head over to smalls.com to do it and use the code Bald for a limited time only. Smalls also has great treats you can add to the order for a limited time only. Because you are a bald and the beautiful listener. You can get 60% off your first order of smalls plus free shipping. By using my code bald. That's 60% off. When you head to smalls.com and use promo code bald Again, that's promo code bald for 60% off your first order plus free [e-mail] this episode of the.

[B]

Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Wayfair. So here's what happened A few weeks ago. I walked outside, looked at the cracked slab of concrete that is my patio and thought to myself, this is where dreams go to perish. So naturally I decided to build a full blown vintage tiki hut. Why? I don't know. I had a premonition. Also, the snarky ghost who resides in my house told me to enter Wayfair. Like a magical online jungle full of outdoor furniture, umbrellas, string lights and even tableware, Wayfair is your one stop destination to transform your backyard patio or Deck. For me, there's just something about a beautiful outdoor space that says come for the Tiki Hut vibes. Stay for the one man musical about magic seashells. Wayfair's got everything you need for the home of your dreams. Hot tubs, lounge chairs and even fire pits for roasting marshmallows while telling ghost stories to your neighbor. Frank. My haul. I bought a bamboo bar set, a gorgeous dining table and chairs and string lights that cast a beautifully warm glow on LA's hot summer nights. Plus, I even picked out a patio rug that says either Aztec Revival or Iowa Crop circle. It all arrived super fast and the shipping was free. Now I host chill tiki vibe gatherings where we debate topics like is cereal a form of gazpacho? If you want your outdoor space to feel like a mid century resort run by a benevolent Polynesian ghost, Wayfarer it they have literally everything from Adirondack chairs to garden gnomes. You bring the inspiration, they bring the gazebo. Wayfair makes it easy for every space and every budget. Find all your outdoor must haves from outdoor heaters to pool lounges to garden statues to trampolines all in one convenient place. Don't wait. Make your outdoor space your dream oasis today with Wayfair and enjoy it all summer long. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop a huge outdoor selection that's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com Wayfair Every style, every home.

[A]

And we're back with the bathroom. I saw the photos, I saw the video.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

Well, thank God.

[B]

I love it so much.

[A]

You used to hate this place.

[B]

I still hate it. Oh, I'm an active hatred of it ongoing.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Like because everything. I could bore you to tears about it.

[A]

If you can change the bathroom, why can't you change the rest of it? You own it.

[B]

No, no, I am, but it's going to take a little time. However, the bathroom is nearly done and I love it so much I'm going to all over those walls.

[A]

It is very sumptuous. It's going to be hard for you to perpetuate this poverty stricken storyline when you have this plush ass bathroom.

[B]

No, no, no. I'm flipping the script. I'm going full gilded age once this bathroom is complete. I'm like old money. Oh, that's across the street. There's right going full car in the gilded age. I'm going to wear broke dresses. Speak with an affectation. Right Honey, I'm happy for you. Yeah, I'm happy for myself too.

[A]

So how long until you can. Is it usable? Are you peeing in there? What's going on?

[B]

No, there's no pee or poop yet. However, we got to replace the toilet. Had a black toilet on retainer or not on retainer? Like on deck? Yeah, just.

[A]

Well, it's such a hassle to paint your own.

[B]

No, really. I happen to have an extra black toilet.

[A]

Extra black? How many types of black?

[B]

No, no, the black toilet installed for your toilet.

[A]

Did you want black or extra black? I thought you meant, like, deep black. Like mascara. There's black and black is black. I thought it was, like, blue black. Yeah, I thought it was like, it's.

[B]

Autumn sunrise, but so I got. This is how I know I did something good. I realized, like I said before, that interior design is the job for a reason. Because it's really difficult.

[A]

Difficult, right.

[B]

And requires some training. However, the tile guy was showing videos of the design of the place to his other client, and they were like, who's the designer?

[A]

Who is it?

[B]

It's me.

[A]

It's you?

[B]

It's me.

[A]

And you were proud to say it was me?

[B]

I was extremely proud. I haven't been proud of something in, like, 25 years.

[A]

You selling out Radio City Music hall and feeling nothing. And then proud of the tile in your back.

[B]

A black. A black toilet.

[A]

A black toilet.

[B]

And you sitting there going, a cracked black toilet.

[A]

Extra black. Extra black, extra black.

[B]

But so I love it, and I was worried because I made a lot of.

[A]

Imagine how light colored your poop's gonna look in a black toilet. It's gonna be white, baby.

[B]

You see anything, it's gonna be a bowl of mystery.

[A]

I've been having to do some light reimagining of my home.

[B]

What's your favorite room in the house? Not like, just in general mine. Is it the bedroom? The kitchen? Where, like, where do you locate everybody?

[A]

The dining room.

[B]

The dining room.

[A]

I love the dining room.

[B]

It's like the.

[A]

The gold ceiling. I love it. But when you break up with somebody, eventually you have to give back. And you go, oh, I guess that's not my colander. So then you're using your bare hands to pour hot noodles and trying to. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah. Tea bags. Just. Yeah.

[A]

Ask me how many pieces of silver I have right now.

[B]

Four.

[A]

Zero.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

Nothing. We ain't got nothing. So now I'm in my second era of. Well, now I'm gonna go online and I'm gonna have to look at some end tables.

[B]

Do you Enjoy this process. No, I thoroughly do.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But I have a lot of time.

[A]

Okay. Yeah.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

I liked having those things. And it's. It's. Now it's like. It's like a second draft to be like, did I like that table? Because sometimes I'm like, should I just buy that table again, or should I get something else?

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

But I also feel really strongly about used items right now. So I'm up on the Marketplace.

[B]

I'm up on the offer of Facebook Marketplace. I. Facebook won't let me onto their website. Otherwise, I would use Facebook Marketplace to acquire Craigslist. Yes.

[A]

That's where I got that giant painting in my house. 500 bucks.

[B]

It's fabulous.

[A]

I had to rent a U Haul and go to Alhambra.

[B]

You can. You can haggle. You can haggle at CB2.

[A]

Well, I also. I know that in Mexico you could haggle, but I'm not confident.

[B]

I know. It's like speaking a language. It's another language.

[A]

Also, what am I supposed to be, like, the person on vacation blowing money for a weekend? Being like, this is your livelihood. I'm not paying that much. Just give them their money.

[B]

It's a sport. Like in soccer. You don't use your hands. You just got to play the game.

[A]

I'm too avoidant to haggle.

[B]

No.

[A]

Pick something up and go, baby. I don't know. I'll give you five bucks.

[B]

If they were. If. If they were advertising it for $300, I'll pay 400. That's how my haggling skills work.

[A]

Is anybody. Anybody else who's listening? Do you feel like your nightmare? Is someone going, we have to haggle? If it was a. If it was a rummage, someone goes, how much do you want to pay for it?

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

I'm immediately shitting blood.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I'm like.

[B]

It's like, what's your name? What do you want it to be? Oh, brother.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Yeah. It's. I don't like that. Just give me the price, and I either have the money or I don't.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Although, that being said, when I walk into an antique store, mama, it's like, bloodsport. I love to haggle because they sell this shit. So they price it to haggle.

[A]

Right.

[B]

The chandelier is $16,000. They will take 5,000 for it.

[A]

Right. But you got to know that.

[B]

You got to know it.

[A]

You got to know that. I also. I didn't. I. My basement and, like, a lot of my storage is now empty. So now I feel like my house is like half empty. So I'm like excited about things that I can put away. All the built ins are empty. It's like I was like, wow, there's a lot of cabinet space now that is empty. My basement just has Christmas decorations, nothing else.

[B]

How big is your basement?

[A]

Maybe this room. It's like a wine cellar.

[B]

Oh, do you have one of those wine fridges? And if so, can you tell me why?

[A]

I don't have a wine fridge. I just have a. Because I have the fridge in the kitchen.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the fridge in the guest house. So I do put separate fridge. I put. I put beverages in the fridge in the guest house for company. Sure. That was like, what do you want to drink? It's right there and it's a little like. It's a little bit Erin Brockovich where they're like, you're not going to have the soda I want. It's like, what number did you need? Because I do have many cans of Diet doctor Diet. I do have great Poppy that's going to make you shit, bitch. I love that.

[B]

I had one in Palo Alto.

[A]

Does it make you shit?

[B]

I. I don't. I guess I blew ass, but I think I was going to anyway.

[A]

At this age, at this stage of my life, I feel that if I have even a nibble of hard cheese, I won't have a movement for six and a half weeks. So it's better for me to just sip on a little grape Poppy, you.

[B]

Know, get the girls moving.

[A]

You know, kind of a charcuterie board in my mouth.

[B]

Oh God.

[A]

We got the hard cheese and the grape. What are you doing Sunday?

[B]

I'm going to visit Meghan Markle. No, I don't know. I don't know.

[A]

Would you like to come over for three?

[B]

For. For 35?

[A]

I'm having a two and a half hour pool party.

[B]

Hell yeah, I'll be there. Absolutely I'll be there.

[A]

So I'm gonna have.

[B]

Is it new?

[A]

I'm have some soda and champagne in a fruit plate.

[B]

4:30.

[A]

2 to 4:30. And you know what? I called Bob the Drag Queen on the way here and I said, well, I heard what you said about me on the podcast and I want you to know I said I'm inviting you to a party from 11 to 2:30. Well, I guess that's.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

Three hours.

[B]

It's fierce. I'm sorry. It's fierce. When you go to mass Sunday, they don't say, well, we just leave whenever. No, it's like a thing.

[A]

Yeah, I Love borders. So I was wondering if you wanted to come over in that time period and yet jump in the pool.

[B]

I absolutely do.

[A]

I got a bunch of new floaties and I'm. I'm got a bunch of new.

[B]

Is this clothing optional?

[A]

Can I say something that seems rich? I believe. I believe that if you get a cheap beach towel, it will feel like a cheap beach towel. You know, when you get like a promotional beach towel, it's like, oh, absolute gave you this beach towel. It's a shamwow.

[B]

Cheap toilet paper is not a bargain.

[A]

It's not.

[B]

That's like. Yeah.

[A]

And something like when you have guests and you go, here's your pool towel.

[B]

And here's your scratchy, thin napkin. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So I said, this isn't for me. This one's for the girls who've ever had a broken heart. You know what I mean? So I got. I got them.

[B]

They're built to last.

[A]

Thick, plush, pink and white stripy beach towels. So when guests come over, they feel thought of oversized, thick hotel towels.

[B]

Are they the type that only they age like wine? The more you wash them, the better they get.

[A]

I guess we'll find out because they haven't arrived yet. So. And then I was, oh, do we get it all? The. All my stunning martini glasses belonged to one David Silver.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So I was like, crap, I don't have any more fancy martini glasses. So I was looking online at martini glasses on Williams Sonoma. Very expensive glass.

[B]

Shatter, cut, ouch. Blood pool, drunk. Think about it.

[A]

There's this woman called, she's running a scam. Her name is Mackenzie something.

[B]

Of course, Mackenzie. But think about glass martini. Like beautiful glass. Drunk people. You know, drunk people.

[A]

Mackenzie Childs, she makes these stunning glasses. That's a per glass price.

[B]

Yeah, I believe it. I mean, that's MacKenzie Child.

[A]

69 for a tiny.

[B]

It looks like a hand blown.

[A]

Like somebody better blow me for 69 bucks. Mackenzie Child.

[B]

Yeah, that. I don't know the. Yeah, but blowing glass is kind.

[A]

Blowing asses. Blowing ass is free.

[B]

No, they had a whole major at my school. You major in glass blowing?

[A]

I was on williamsonoma.com and I was like, it's a. I was like, in my mind, I went, it's a set of eight. I went, six seventy bucks. Beers. What a deal. And I got to the cart and it said one. I said something, something.

[B]

So I was like, if it's handmade.

[A]

Though, $69 for a glass.

[B]

Mary, if it's handmade, that's a piece of art. If it's handmade and not from Gwangju or wherever.

[A]

I know maybe I'm just being cheap. I just don't understand that.

[B]

Well, that's not. I mean, that's not a scam. That's a splurge. Do you know what I mean?

[A]

But I don't think Mackenzie Childs is in a warehouse somewhere blowing.

[B]

I don't think so either. It's probably a drop ship scenario.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's probably coming from Gwangju.

[A]

So, mackenzie, I got my eye on you. I don't even know you. But I'm gonna tell you that when I go to World Market and I find a comparable cup in a set of eight for under 40 bucks, I'm gonna. You will get clapped. You will get clapped.

[B]

I'm going to talk to you about.

[A]

And I'm a strong proponent of when people separate, they should take the things that they own that he paid for. So goodbye to the stunning glasses. Love those glasses. And I thought, you know what? I have my own money. Today's a wonderful day to get new.

[B]

Glasses when you both have your own money. Just consciously uncouple.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Do like Gwyneth.

[A]

I, you know, you know what busy Phillips did. Her and her husband. Well, ex husband, as they were separating, had a estate sale for their like joint belongings.

[B]

Love that.

[A]

And they kept it very amicable.

[B]

And then you can use that money to pay for the lawyers to fleece each other.

[A]

No, there will be no fleecing.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

And I want everybody who has a martini to have a stunning glass for that martini.

[B]

But let me ask you.

[A]

So I want to have a nice glass for my guests.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I don't. Martinis.

[B]

I understand, I understand. But have like thinking about Final Destination and thinking about like, what happens when people get drunk in pool areas.

[A]

Well, I need plastic for the pool.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. No glass around the pool. That's a very, very dangerous situation.

[A]

I know. And the plastic pool wear didn't. Wasn't purchased by me either. So that's also gone. So I was like, crap.

[B]

If I'm trying to have a pool.

[A]

Party Sunday, if I'm trying to have a pool party Sunday, what am I.

[B]

Gonna do drinking like winos Cunty.

[A]

Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by our friends at Chime Chime is going to help you get your whole life together. Okay? Because some of us are suffering from overdraft fees, missed payments, wishing we had a strategy to save more. My favorite ATM fees, which seem to get wilder and wilder by the minute in this world. Okay, Chime understands that every dollar counts. When you set up direct deposit through Chime, you get access to fee free features like free overdraft coverage, getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit, and more. One time I was working as a dishwasher. This is right after college and I was going on a trip with my friends and I asked my employer if I could get an advance on my paycheck and they said no. And I would have loved to get that paycheck a couple days early before I went on my trip. Also. This is very relevant to all of us. Having access to 50,000 fee free ATMs nationwide is life changing. I feel that the ATM fees have gotten so out of hand. When you go to use the atm, they're basically like, oh, stick your hands in. Which finger would you like us to take? I mean, it is really wild. And having access to 50,000 fee free ATMs can be life changing because I am not a cash person. But some things in this world are cash things. And you always gotta have a little cash. You always gotta give a little tip. You always gotta be able to split the bill. Cash is sometimes life changing. Chime is banking done right. Get paid up to two days early when you set up direct deposit. Okay, Work on your financial goals today through Chime. Open an account in 2 [e-mail] bald that's chime.com bald Chime feels like progress. Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bancorp Bank NA or Stride Bank NA members. FDIC Spot me. Eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Timing depends on submission of payment file. Fees apply at out of network ATMs. Bank ranking and number of ATMs according to US News and World Report, 2023 Chime checking account required.

[B]

This episode of the Bald and the Beautiful is sponsored by BetterHelp. There's been a lot of talk lately about the concept of masculinity, especially in regard to mental health. According to a recent study, 6 million men in the US suffer from depression every year. And it's often undiagnosed because they keep it secret. If you're a man and you think that real men don't occasionally struggle with mental health, you'd be wrong. Opening up about what you're going through and doing something about it can help you be your best self for both you and everyone in your life. Everyone, no matter what your sex or gender, should have someone to talk to, whether that's a friend, a loved one, or a therapist. I've used therapy multiple times throughout my life and it has helped immensely. Talking to a neutral party can really help shed light on the problems in your life, no matter if they're big or small. Sometimes it's just nice to talk to a neutral third party about your daily challenges. Your family and friends are always a tad biased with a therapist. However, they're not concerned about whether or not you'll be inviting them to their Fourth of July barbecue. Now listen people. BetterHelp helped me and they can help you too. All from the comfort of your couch, your car, or even your backyard barbecue. You can easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. And it's fully online, making therapy much more affordable and even more convenient. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. If you're going through something, talk it out with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com bald that's BetterHelp H-E-L-P.com.

[A]

Bald when you hear Lululemon, you probably.

[B]

Think of Align yoga pants. Weightlessly soft, like you're wearing next to nothing.

[A]

That's why you see them in class, at the grocery store and in the park. But did you know about skirts with built in liner shorts so you can still jump for the Frisbee and tanks and bodysuits? With Align's iconic stretch, you won't want to take it off.

[B]

And with endless style options, you don't.

[A]

Have to shop in store or [e-mail].

[B]

Let me ask you why I go to the gym, this lovely gym, and I go in the pool and I look around and there's like 65 people around on the. On the pool deck chairs and I'm the only one in the water. Are they not coming in because of my. My.

[A]

They want the sun. They're there for the sun. The vitamin D. Everybody knows I was.

[B]

There for 90 minutes.

[A]

Everybody la is depressed.

[B]

I was in the water for 90 minutes. Like La Llorona.

[A]

I don't believe it.

[B]

You don't believe it? I could corroborate this with any. With 65.

[A]

Do you swim or do you just float?

[B]

I do both of them. Sometimes I sit.

[A]

Do you play on the phone?

[B]

Absolutely not. Phones in the locker.

[A]

I like to put both arms on the side of the pool and play on the phone. But I don't put the the phone never goes over the.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy.

[A]

Even though I think the new iPhone can handle, like, six feet of submerges.

[B]

Well, this. This little slut. Yeah, this little slut was submerged.

[A]

This coos. Coos is the worst.

[B]

Then you stuck your finger in my cousin me so hard I couldn't remember my name. Did you see Sinners yet?

[A]

No.

[B]

You gotta watch.

[A]

I'm trying to see Final Destination right now.

[B]

Me, too.

[A]

That's my top priority.

[B]

I am surprised that we did not get invited to a premiere.

[A]

Mary, Gina's already seen it.

[B]

Yeah, I know.

[A]

My mother.

[B]

What?

[A]

I said, what? She said, can I. I called her last night, and I wanted to tell.

[B]

Her, how does Val get tickets to Final Destination early?

[A]

Well, I wanted to tell her, hey, I got big. Do you know, just break the chair? No.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Big at my present, you fat bitch. Damn.

[B]

Okay, wait.

[A]

So I called Val last night just to give her, you know, she was kind of encouraging me to, you know, make sure that we finished the move. I'm not trying to. If people don't have the right apartment yet, I'm not like, no, no, no. We don't have the type of relationship where I'm throwing shit on the street.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So it's like keeping someone's stuff safe in your house until it's time to go. And I called my mom to let her know that that chapter had ended. And she was like, can I let you go? I'm watching a movie. And I said, what movie you watch? She said, that new Final Destination. Your cousin Jada got it for us online. They all watch bootleg videos.

[B]

I am so bootleg.

[A]

Final Destination, it's so hard to procure those.

[B]

She'd probably get some on the Dark Web.

[A]

Mama. I called her this morning because I said you didn't want to talk to me yesterday, so let me finish my story. And then I said, it's noon. I said, it sounds like your words are slurring. Did you just wake up? She goes, I'm really high.

[B]

Oh, my God. Your mom is a Kiki.

[A]

She's a. She's a wild Kiki.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Can I tell you now? I have something that I don't know who else to talk to about it.

[B]

Okay, but did you kill a homeless person?

[A]

I. This is my. I've been in therapy for a couple years, okay? And I've stopped now.

[B]

Wait, really?

[A]

And I've never thought about. At some point, you stop? How do you stop? How do you talk to a therapist about stopping? Okay, what do you think about that?

[B]

Okay, there's. I know this because I have a lot of therapist friends who actually. That's their job.

[A]

And it's obvious that you stop often.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You stop therapy.

[B]

Well, literally had a psychiatry appointment today where I mentioned that I stopped seeing my therapist because I was happy. Not.

[A]

Not today.

[B]

My psychiatry appointments. Today.

[A]

I am psychic.

[B]

Yeah. I have. So I'm psychic being.

[A]

There's. Wait, don't even get me started on the psychic occurrence.

[B]

Oh, I know. We can't. We got to keep that under wraps because we're taking that to the. The casino.

[A]

Yeah. So. So I thought my therapist texted me and said, we haven't really had regular appointments in, like, two months.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you want to talk about.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How to cadence. Like, how to put a period on.

[B]

Yeah. What's the rollout? What's the timeline?

[A]

And I didn't know because I don't know how you shouldn't just stop.

[B]

Well, usually what you do with a therapist is say, what are you looking for? Are you looking for a problem solving timeline? Are you looking for a general maintenance? What's the vibe? And once you guys, like, you make a battle plan, you create a timeline, and then you can work on. Hey, it's like. It's like doing a job. It's like renovating your brain or whatever. But I know a lot of people who want to be in therapy forever.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

Because it's like. It's maintenance. They're like, they need a professional who's not their friend to, like, bounce shit off of. And it does it like happy, sad, mad, or glad or whatever. You got to, like, look under the hood. We don't have to, but, I mean, it's. Can be helpful.

[A]

I went and I said, I don't really know how to stop this. What do you do? And he was like. He was like, well, we talk about the gains you've made and how that you should apply those in the future.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it was, like, very nice to be out. When you put a stop to the care process, you can give a nice, strong thank you.

[B]

Things can have an ending.

[A]

It was very gratifying to be able to say, I mean, this. You know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't want to blow up his spot, but he may. He probably doesn't watch this, but I was very grateful for years and years of getting me through the hardest time of my life. And I said, I don't want. I said, I just want to stop because I'm so happy. I don't even know what to talk to when I go out, when I come here.

[B]

So that's a good thing because I've been in that situation many times where, like, I go to the. Like, you're. There's nothing left to talk about.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You've finished. You've, like, discussed the thing. Plus, like, like my stuff. I have like a whole other thing that can go to.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I mean, but like the. Yeah. You don't want to pathologize behaviors just for the sake of it.

[A]

No.

[B]

You kind of find yourself doing that sometimes.

[A]

It's weird, but the, the first half of getting therapeutic help was asking myself questions about do I need help? How do I start? Who I talk to?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the end of it was like, do I stop? What do I say?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And what if the therapist is like.

[B]

You want to stop?

[A]

Yeah. I honestly was afraid that he would be like, girl.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, sometimes they. It's. Yeah. I guess it also depends on the style of therapy.

[A]

Dbt, CBT and ball torture.

[B]

Cock and ball torture, Right? Yeah. Diabolical ball torture.

[A]

Yeah. I just thought. I never thought about how to stop. And then you just stop.

[B]

Yeah. Or if you, if you're a New Yorker, you always go to therapy.

[A]

You do.

[B]

Yeah. It's like the New York thing. Williams. Oh, Wendy.

[A]

Well, have you seen it?

[B]

No, I haven't seen it. Is. Is it going to make me, like, upset because it's exploitative.

[A]

Well, some of the people talking about it's sort of a free Britney of free Wendy. So it's kind of talking about her mental acuity. It's people who've been her producers, her friends, her stylists, whatever.

[B]

Okay. Is it pro Wendy? Are we.

[A]

It's pro Wendy.

[B]

It's pro Wendy.

[A]

I mean, all of us are pro Wendy in the sense of this has the gift of gab. She is doing the Hot Topics. She is.

[B]

No, but I can. Can't you envision or imagine a pretty sizable population of people who, like, want to see that bitch cut down because she was a gossip monger?

[A]

But that doesn't have anything to do with her mental health, whether or not you like her?

[B]

No, no, no, it doesn't. But I'm just saying that there are. It's not. She's not a universally loved person.

[A]

Have you ever heard the Call with Whitney Houston in her.

[B]

Of course I have. It's. It's, it's crazy. Whitney takes her wig and fucking slaps her in the face.

[A]

What's fun about Wendy is that when people call her out, she is, like I said, It. Yes. I'll say it again.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

She's unapologetic.

[A]

Yeah. She's kind of in the Kathy Griffin tribe of, like, kathy can't be, like. No, I didn't say that. Right, right. But it's special of her.

[B]

It's like, you can admit being a cunt, but news flash, you're still a cunt.

[A]

Right. You know, and I guess, like, you know, as much as sometimes I have been in times in my life where I wish I could slap my. Like, snap my fingers, like last summer. I wish I could snap my fingers and not have everybody interested in my personal life. But when you are a huge celebrity.

[B]

Huge.

[A]

The people at home watching Wendy also are talking about you. Everyone's talking about you.

[B]

Yeah. So I think it's like a line, though. Like, where's the line?

[A]

Well, it's tough.

[B]

I mean, I don't think it's very fun or productive to watch a crazy person just banging the walls in a goldfish tank.

[A]

No. And I guess they were talking about conservatorship as a whole, and they were saying what conservatorship does at its best is, like, take care of a person who can't take care of themselves. Like, it's meant to be beneficial.

[B]

I care a lot.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so they talk about the problem with conservatorships is it's very easy to abuse those scenarios.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they're not directly alleging that that's being abused, but they kind of ask. The question is, like, if Wende is someone who has, like, the mental acuity to recall all these, like, pop culture things at any moment and talk. You watch these scenes where she's behind glass in a. She's in a memory care facility for people who can't remember who they are.

[B]

I know.

[A]

And she's in there being like, I'm on the. I don't know how to get out of here. I'm just, like, talking on the phone.

[B]

She. I heard she called into the View, and I listened to that conversation. It was very strange. And it was like. Yeah. It was just like, what's going on here?

[A]

It's tough, too, when the person is, you know, exorbitantly wealthy and surrounded by people who make money off them.

[B]

Yeah. And also two things can be true at the same time. You can be someone. They can be looking out for you and also themselves. Themselves.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know what I mean? Like, we want to make sure she's safe. I also want some money.

[A]

It's. It's also possible to say that someone doesn't need a conservatorship, but they do need some help.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

There is. It's not 0 to 100.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I mean, I love Wendy and I loved the last Wendy piece, that serious documentary about her. And I had to watch this one and I love Wendy and I, like, as a viewer and fan and supporter, want the best for her. We don't know her.

[B]

We don't.

[A]

We don't know her.

[B]

Not know her. James.

[A]

We're just watching.

[B]

What was that?

[A]

Yeah, we don't know her.

[B]

I know the Wendy Cinematic Universe.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Courtesy of Vern Hess. That's all I know.

[A]

What is that? That. What's that YouTube called again?

[B]

It's.

[A]

They kind of have connective tissue to head vmd.

[B]

Yes. It's that energy. What is it? It's. Anyways, there. It's the Wendy Cinematic Universe. I can't urge you strongly enough to check it out.

[A]

Maybe I will.

[B]

You haven't checked out.

[A]

No, I've seen him on.

[B]

Oh, the Vernon.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Check out the Vernator. I think he's retired that. But anyways, it's so great and God love. But wait, I have to tell you very briefly, I'll keep it very brief. I had one of the weirdest, most horrifying nightmares. It was so specific. I just need to say it out loud.

[A]

What happened?

[B]

I was in the Louisiana swamp bayou area and I was getting tortured by a hillbilly family that worked for a Vietnamese nail company. No, like, I was. My body was getting tortured in the water by an alligator. And then my. My fingers were getting, like, chopped off and sold to a nail shop for, like, hand mannequins.

[A]

Who would try to sell something by putting it on your hands?

[B]

My little nubs. Because they, they, they like, picked them apart and it was, like, happening in slow motion and I could feel every, like, thing of the. It was horrible.

[A]

God.

[B]

But if they threw me in the. In the swamp and then the alligators would eat up my, like, body and then they take the nails and give them to the nail shop. Or the fingers, rather.

[A]

Did you wake up like. Like.

[B]

Yeah, in a big puddle of drool?

[A]

I keep falling asleep on the couch. Do you think that's bad? Spend the night on the couch?

[B]

Yeah. It's not good.

[A]

Shouldn't do that.

[B]

No. What position do you sleep in generally if you're going to bed? On the bed?

[A]

Well, I'm kind of like, there's a lit joint in this hand.

[B]

You're very Ellen Barkin In Drop Dead.

[A]

Very much so. Very much so. And also lately, my only strategy to not eat when I'm high is to play video games. So you will fucking see me at 11:30. Sure. 85 inch TV, 3 inches from it, playing Breath of the Wild on the switch, swerving.

[B]

You don't eat in bed though, do you?

[A]

Of course not.

[B]

Oh, okay. They're gonna say, of course you didn't bed. I don't know. I mean, I used to smoke in bed.

[A]

You did?

[B]

I have done cigarettes in my bed. I have.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Not usually, but in the living room. Yeah. Disgusting. The most vile behavior ever. Vile.

[A]

How's your non smoking going?

[B]

I was gonna say I need to make a disclaimer. I was. I smoked a cigarette in public Wednesday night and I felt such guilt and I just have to get.

[A]

Because you feel like you're lying to America.

[B]

Yeah, I don't feel.

[A]

But the X Program isn't about.

[B]

It's not about being like. I know, but I, I'm. I'm so, like, I love the guilt. I love it. I felt so, I felt so ashamed.

[A]

Did you feel like you feel like a celebrity getting paparazzi?

[B]

I did. I've like, I was literally at a meeting. I was like, I, I.

[A]

You went to a meeting?

[B]

Yeah, Yeah. I was like, I'm not, I'm not smoking.

[A]

We see you leave the meeting, we see you smoke, we go, fuck that bitch.

[B]

But I might as well just shoot up. These people who don't know me, don't care about me, are like, like, whatever. We don't care.

[A]

By the way, these people are also like, I only have a day sober, I'm on the brink of death. And you're like, I smoke.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

I'm having a cigarette, guys. Please don't call the program any meeting. Yeah, there's no tobacco Anonymous. You fucking.

[B]

I know. Tobacco is the lifeblood of all beatings, to be honest.

[A]

Have you felt that? Like, do you have a trigger with that stuff? What is it? Well, because I've noticed that when we're working, that's when you get wild.

[B]

Well, it's that in drag. It's the worst. It sucks. Thank God I never work because it sucks. No, it sucks. Like I. That is a pattern that's really like grooved. I just want to break. Like, if we're doing Netflix in between episodes, not smoking is torture.

[A]

You. I've seen you step out of this and smoke between two. Something.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

So being on and then a break. Yeah. Want to smoke?

[B]

I love a punctuation. Mark. Or like a smoke.

[A]

You also smoke and drag before shows of. Before we go on stage during a trick live, this fucker would be hanging out the stage door. It was like Chicago.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The overture would be going and you'd be like, with the body mic on.

[B]

Maybe I would go after. I would be panting, sweating, like, covered in sweat. Panting after my number directly outside a cigarette.

[A]

God's perfect breathing system.

[B]

Yeah. I was like, I think my lungs work too well. I need to throw a little wrench in that system.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Yeah. But I have not been smoking to my chagrin. But I did have a cigarette in public the other day, and I felt huge guilt and shame over it.

[A]

Well, I don't think you're the first person to ever say they're not going to smoke and then smoke.

[B]

Yeah, I just don't want to. Like, you know what it is? It's like, also, I don't want to.

[A]

How many a day are you smoking?

[B]

Zero.

[A]

Okay. So it's like, oh, no.

[B]

This is like, I've like, literally almost feel bad about. No, but I'm just saying, like, one cigarette because people often say I'm a smoker or I'm a non smoker. It's black and white, which I don't subscribe to that. It's like, you kill one guy, it's like, you're not a murderer.

[A]

Right. Or if I have one spicy McChicken blackout drunk. I'm still a vegetarian.

[B]

Hello.

[A]

That's hypothetical.

[B]

Yeah, but like, so I just. But I do love that that it's not exactly a ironclad. A layer of accountability, but it's working. Yeah, it's the. I don't want to smell like shit and I don't want to feel that guilt.

[A]

Can I smell you?

[B]

Mm.

[A]

You don't smell like smoke at all.

[B]

Because I haven't had a cigarette today.

[A]

You usually have when you get close.

[B]

I smell, like, disgusting.

[A]

No, you don't reek of cigarettes. It's just sort of like smoky. Like you were in the Egypt store at the mall.

[B]

Well, that's. Yeah. Because if you choose the right fragrance, then you smell like a cigar.

[A]

Oh. Because then it's like smoke. The smoke is part of it.

[B]

Yeah, But I am, like, I'm retroactively ashamed of all the times I've got into a squeaky clean, uber black. So smelling like the cat's ass.

[A]

Well, I've been trying not to be drunk and hungover. Like, my current goal at this age is to not be hungover. You have to drink less okay, so that's how they get you. That's how they get you. Okay, so this was. This was two weeks ago. Did we talk about this Buffy trivia? No, we didn't. Okay, so two weeks ago. It was a Monday. I'm out on my long walk. I like to go for walks right now because my arthritis is in remission. So I've been running. It's been great. Ran two miles this morning.

[B]

Ran through.

[A]

Ran through. And so I walked by High Tops, Los Feliz, one of my favorite gay bars in la. Love High Tops, Los Feliz.

[B]

Me, too.

[A]

It's crazy that we all say Los Feliz.

[B]

What is it?

[A]

Los Feliz, probably. Yeah.

[B]

Los Feliz.

[A]

Yeah. So I'm walking by and I go, you know what? I'm with my friend. And I go, let's go in and just get a drink. Let's get a cocktail, right? It's like, I love to go on my walk and then walk by a bar and be like, oh, my God. What? You know, both nipples out. What?

[B]

In a way, New York city was the fifth.

[A]

I know. I look at my watch, it's like 0.43 miles and just exhausted, you know? So we go in, we get a little drink, and they have this great drink called the Hot Rod that's made with a spicy vodka or spicy tequila. It's jalapeno tequila.

[B]

Is that gonna give you.

[A]

No, no, I'm good. I have the great poppy, right? So. And then one of the bar. They know me all there because I dj, there's. And so they come up and they go, are you here for trivia? I go, no, I was just, like, walking by. What's the trivia category? And they go, oh, tonight is Buffy the Vampire Slippery Trip Trivia. I said. I stood up, I unbuttoned my pants, I pulled the underwear and the pants down, and I started going like this.

[B]

Dangling and so whipping that.

[A]

Mind you, it's 5:30. Trivia's not till 8. And so I go, well, we better get another round because we're not giving up this table, all right?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

This is East Hollywood. Those lesbians will come in here and take this table. All right? And I am nothing if not someone who feels comfortable taking things from women. Right? Not sure. Not true. So I. But I knew because it's Buffy trivia. I'm not generalizing, but I'm like, it's gonna be a bunch of geeky gay guys.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And, like, lesbians. And we're all gonna Be in here fighting to the death to see who remembers which middling character from a. From a random episode. So. And then people start showing up in the Buffy T shirts. Somebody shows up with a stake. People have cross necklaces on any vampires? No.

[B]

No.

[A]

And then they start trivia. They start the Buffy theme. Me and the East Hollywood lesbians are turning it up.

[B]

Turning it up to 11.

[A]

We're horned.

[B]

Your back shots sound like Buffy completely.

[A]

So then they start. The first round is really easy questions. I mean, so then I go, I got to assemble the dream team. So it's six o' clock and I go, watch this. I'm with my friend who's only seen five seasons of Buffy. I call Jennifer. I call Jennifer from Netflix, okay?

[B]

She's a Buffy person.

[A]

She loves Buffy.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah, she loves Buffy. So I go, get down here. And then I go, should I do it? You better believe I called Sarah Michelle. I call Tom Lank from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, who plays Andrew. And I go, wait, that's such a flex. And I go, would you come down here? It's Buffy trivia and I'm trying to win. And I wonder if you'll know some of the weird shit, like what network or what time of year, stuff that maybe only actors remember.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he goes, okay. So he comes down with his lovely boyfriend Steve, and he's in a hat and glasses. No one recognizes him. And I leave him the chair that faces away from the room. So I'm facing the whole room. So people just think it's, oh, that's Trixie. She's here. Blackout all the time. She's gross, right? We hate her. So Tom is facing away from. From everyone. And so no one's clocking his. His non binary tea.

[B]

And what was his tea on the show?

[A]

He played Andrew, who's like a main character, beloved. Like, okay, well known.

[B]

Very well known.

[A]

Yes. Especially gays.

[B]

Love. Gotcha.

[A]

Okay, so I got my dream team, right? Somebody who's seen five seasons, somebody who's seen the whole thing a couple times. Jennifer.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then somebody's been on it, right? And I think I'm really bringing it. And I go, tom, if you ever want to go to Drag Race trivia, I'll go with you. He's like, I don't and I don't.

[B]

Care, and you would not be any.

[A]

Good and you don't know anything. So he would be terrible. Because they're all just like. They're always like, who wore this last season? I'm always like, yeah. And even on Pit stop. I only see it once.

[B]

I know.

[A]

So we start. We get the whole first category. Got it. No one can touch me. Right. Of course. And then we have to. You have to come up with a name for trivia. And in Buffy, they call their group the Scooby Gang. And I go, scooby Gang Bang. That's fun.

[B]

Gay.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

They call me up there and go, somebody else's Scooby Gang Bang. So one of you has to change your name. And I said, well, where's the other team? They said, they haven't come up here yet. I said, well, again, they're changing their names. Okay. But also, I'm on the patio. And the system, to me was not loud enough. So every time there's a question, people are drinking and chatting. I'm standing on a chair going.

[B]

Shut up.

[A]

I'm straining to hear the questions.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I thought, I've seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer Probably 50 times of my life, the whole series. 50, maybe. Not that that sounds.

[B]

That's a little.

[A]

When I was a teenager, probably twice a year, every year. And then probably once a year, every year after that. So what? That's 25 times I've seen the show.

[B]

25 is a lot.

[A]

I feel like I've seen it that many times. I don't know what to say. I'm gross.

[B]

You know everything about the show.

[A]

Hell Pig. I'm a hell pig who knows everything about the show. Right? Hell Pig. Hell Pig. Yeah. So I'm humbled because I think I know this. If you think you know Buffy, you have not met an East Hollywood lesbian and the geeky gay friend. These know everything.

[B]

They came for your ass.

[A]

They know everything. They know everything. They're asking that. I'm like, what about?

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

They're asking, like, all right. And to me, it's like, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It was a TV show in Cal. A. Take place in California. Who is the first mayor of California? That is not Buffy trivia.

[B]

No, that's not.

[A]

This is a trick.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

This is a trick. Who put the. You know, I just, you know, get mad.

[B]

Yeah. You know, be so fierce, though, because these are the same kind of people who would know more about you than you know about you.

[A]

And, of course, like any actor in a show, Tom knows almost nothing. Right.

[B]

Tom can't remember in one ear and out the other.

[A]

Tom's like, I know what I was in on the seasons I was in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't really know much else.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And so I was like, you're not even pulling your goddamn dead weight. And you're not even famous enough to get us some free drinks. What the.

[B]

Do you win anything? What do you.

[A]

I got so drunk that I don't remember when it ended. I don't know how I got home. And we're back. I was so hungover.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I woke up yelling. I woke up on the couch going. And then what happens is I get hungover and I start. I get mad at myself for being hungover and I go, let's go to trivia.

[B]

Like, I started making fun of yourself.

[A]

Oh, let's have a drink at trivia. Oh, let's have five of them. You. I get so mad at myself.

[B]

That's fierce.

[A]

But it was fun. I would go to another Buffy trivia.

[B]

Did you puke in that hangover or you just felt like.

[A]

I didn't puke. I didn't puke. I just felt like.

[B]

I hate puking.

[A]

It's just awful. Being hungover is awful. Drinking is so fun. But you do got to. You got to keep your eyes on the road because I'm driving.

[B]

Is it.

[A]

You know.

[B]

But cocaine. But that's cocaine.

[A]

You got to dry up.

[B]

That's why they invented cocaine.

[A]

My question to you before. I know. We have to wrap. My question to you is, if you were going to go to a trivia. Were you as confident as I was? What's the show?

[B]

Sweet Tea? Hold on one moment.

[A]

What's the show?

[B]

The show. It's not a show. It's the 2000. It's the Sydney. It is the women's gymnastics all around final at the 2000 Sydney Olympics.

[A]

You think that there's going to be a trivia night for that?

[B]

No, I don't. But if there were, honey, the way the bravado that I would bring, the swagger that I would have, the insufferable quality of my personality at that trivia night would be. Be too stifling. Handle.

[A]

I. We have to get. You have to get a job at the Olympics in la.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

With gymnastics.

[B]

Here's the thing, though. The thing about gymnastics is, like, it's better. It's.

[A]

They don't want the local crosses doing, like, coverage. No.

[B]

They're so conservative.

[A]

Oh, it's like a.

[B]

It's like a Middle America young girls sport.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But. But, but the. The. I'm trying to think of what a. Oh, Veep.

[A]

You would win a trivia night of Veep.

[B]

Yeah. I've watched the whole series front to back maybe five times.

[A]

Okay. Or curb.

[B]

Curb. Veep. Probably more.

[A]

What about Game of Thrones? There's so much to know.

[B]

There's so.

[A]

And you can't compete with the Game of Throne nerds.

[B]

Oh, no, no. Because they initially born in the game. Yeah. You know what I mean? In the game. Yeah. What about.

[A]

I honestly feel like I could do Drag Race seasons one through seven because after I did it, I kind of like, you know, don't always watch it.

[B]

Yeah, I don't. I would be so bad at drag Race trivia.

[A]

I think we should go. Goodbye.

[B]

Well, goodbye.

[A]

Bye.

[B]

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