Some Like It Hot & Flaky

Summary

The Bald and The Beautiful with Trixie and Katya

Episode: "Some Like It Hot & Flaky"

Date: August 4, 2026
Host: Confetti Cannon
Special Guests: None

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Episode Overview

In this lively and joyfully chaotic episode, Trixie and Katya unpack the aftermath of a whirlwind week: photo shoots, drag, body image, secret hobbies ("yuckies"), going out in LA, longing for normalcy (and normal men), and the complicated feelings conjured by both public and private experiences. The duo spiral through stories about club nights, beauty comparisons, their ongoing quest for wellness, and the joys and anxieties of being a visible queer figure in Tinseltown. As always, their wit, banter, and vulnerability gleam through discussions that range from drag makeup tips to honest confessions about envy and self-worth.

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Main Discussion Themes & Timestamps

1. The Chaos and Comedy of Drag (00:48–04:40)

• Photo Shoot Mayhem:
  Trixie and Katya recall their recent magazine shoot, describing physical challenges ("great moment for my thoracic spine"—Tootsie, 01:31), with Katya mimicking Trixie's gradual attempts to move and get into position.

• Drag Organization (or Lack Thereof):
  Katya teases Katya’s minimalist approach to packing for shoots: "She shows up with her one suitcase in drag. One suitcase half full." (03:41)
  Much humor is milked from the lack of costumes and secret "yuckies"—embarrassing, private outfits for solo at-home enjoyment.

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2. Q: "Yuckies" and the Thrill of Embarrassing Hobbies (04:18–06:57)

• Secret Outfits and Private Joys:
  The conversation dives into the liberation of personal, often "shameful" pleasures:

  • “I really can't encourage people enough to get an embarrassing hobby because it's so exciting.” (Tootsie, 04:18)

• Chastity Belts and Bedazzled Thongs:
  Tootsie regales with tales of discontinued yucky wear, referencing diamond-studded thongs (“pubic zirconium”—Katya, 06:34) and giving a drag-informed definition of a chastity device.

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3. Body Image, "Wellness," and Identity (06:58–09:52)

• Body Positivity & Transformation:
  Trixie praises Katya’s new confidence and physical health:

  • “You look incredible. This is the healthiest and youngest you've looked...in like 25 years.” (Katya, 07:08)

• Fantasy of Re-Invention:
  Katya muses on "the bear vs. twink" gay archetype, and Fina’s blunt advice:

  • “What if I become a bear? She’s like, or you could just have a regular body.” (Tootsie, 08:43)

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4. Crushes, Longing, and Sizing Up the World (09:53–14:18)

• Following a Dream Man:
  Katya admits to “low-key stalking” an attractive, goth-presenting stranger (“I followed him for three blocks in your car.” —Tootsie, 10:23).
  The pair pivot to a pep talk about directness, attraction, and being open about desire, regardless of sexual orientation.

• Expanding on Attraction:
  Katya describes the allure of divorced dads, the possibility of dating people with kids or pets, and the sometimes Sisyphean struggle to avoid comparing oneself to beautiful strangers.

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5. Hair, Clubs, and Social Anxiety (14:19–17:00)

• Hair Envy and Hair Drama:
  Bemoaning their own hair (or lack thereof), the queens laugh over waxing, body hair, and club-going beauty routines:

  • “[Boyfriend says] If I put on like concealer before going to the gay club, he’s like Hollywood frost for the men, for the… dick sucking convention.” (Katya, 14:27)

• Gay Bars, Sports, and Vegetarian Struggles:
  A story about World Cup interfering with favorite bars, the surprising joy of a free hotdog at Akbar, and the tribulations of plant-based eating.

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6. Intestinal Fortitude & Club Night Recaps (19:00–23:00)

• Salad Bans and WeHo Water Hazards:
  LA's “shitty water” post-Pride, warnings about lettuce recalls, and the perils of compromised immune systems.

  • “That gray water was flowing down Melrose Avenue.” (Tootsie, 19:07)

• Desire and Comparison:
  A moving segment about seeing beautiful men in public and spiralizing into self-doubt; Trixie and Katya unpack the inner critic vs. gratitude.

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7. Italian Disco Dance Night & Baldness Talk (27:08–36:16)

• Dacha: The Summer House Party:
  Katya describes DJing her own international dance night ("Dacha") for the first time (“I had the best, best time and the music was fabulous.” —Tootsie, 35:12). DJ anxiety, learning transitions, and fashion fantasies abound.

• Baldness and Beauty:
  The constant internal critique in spaces of beauty (“people with 80% of their hair are like, I’m so bald, I have to get a consultation” —Katya, 26:13)

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8. Acceptance, Compliments, and the Trap of Comparison (43:48–56:47)

• Drag Boundaries and Club Etiquette:
  Both hosts vent about being touched in drag and why it’s not OK (“don’t touch my fake private parts” —Katya, 43:48).

• Backstage at Dacha:
  More Go Go boy envy and the spiral of "I'm ugly and unfuckable"—leading to a self-aware moment:

  • “Maybe a therapist would say, do you have any idea how that model on Melrose probably would have killed for your life?” (Tootsie, 46:07)

• On Compliments and Self-worth:
  Advice on graciously accepting praise:

  • “If someone says you’re hot, believe them. If they’re blind, ask them again.” (Tootsie, 58:10)
  • “Being humble is cute. Sure. But if somebody says to you—I just love your podcast—you say, ‘thank you.’” (Katya, 58:21)

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9. Nightlife Hygiene and Setting Boundaries (50:33–53:50)

• Partying with Intentions:
  Tips for healthy club nights—snacks, setting bedtime boundaries.

  • “We’re all in my house at 8… setting the expectation that when we all come home from the club, I’ll be going to bed.” (Katya, 52:44)

• On “Painting the Dance Floor”:
  Tongue-in-cheek riffing about clubgoers literally pooping on the floor (“Murder on the dancefloor” becomes “painting the dancefloor” —Tootsie, 50:45).

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Notable Quotes & Moments

Photo Shoot Antics

• “Getting up was... we had to call the Jaws of Life, the Flight for Life.”
  —Katya, (02:53)

Secret Hobbies

• “I really can’t encourage people enough to get an embarrassing hobby because it’s so exciting.”
  —Tootsie, (04:18)

Body Reinvention

• “What if I become a bear? She’s like, or you could just have a regular body.”
  —Tootsie (08:43)

Beauty Self-Sabotage

• “At no point in your life did you ever come close. At your whatever your peak age was, bitch, you looked horrible.”
  —Katya, (25:04)

Accepting Compliments

• “If someone says you’re hot, believe them. If they’re blind, ask them again.”
  —Tootsie, (58:10)

• “Being humble is cute. Sure. But if somebody says to you—I just love your podcast—you say, ‘thank you.’”
  —Katya, (58:21)

Nightlife Hygiene and Boundaries

• “We’re all in my house at 8… setting the expectation that… I'll be going to bed.”
  —Katya, (52:44)

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Memorable Anecdotes & Moments

• The saga of discontinued "yuckies"—special outfits for private fun.
• Katya’s failed (but characteristically polite) stalking of a hot goth.
• Spraying clubgoers with “sleepytime tea” to get them to leave after a party.
• Cackling about the literal and figurative “shitty water” of post-Pride West Hollywood.
• A heartfelt debrief about fighting the urge to compare yourself to the beautiful (and often miserable) people around us.

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Episode Conclusion

The episode closes on a reflective, humanistic note: Katya and Trixie, between wisecracks, repeatedly circle back to themes of self-acceptance, gratitude, and loving the absurdities of queer life—with a healthy side of trashy club humor, greasy snacks, and drag-induced humility. Whether you’re coping with body image, longing for private pleasures, or simply trying to enjoy your own party and get to bed at a reasonable hour, this is a warm, funny, and relatable hour in the company of two “preternaturally gorgeous queens.”

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Quick Reference Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamps | |-----------------------------------------------|-------------| | Photo shoot & drag chaos | 00:48–04:40 | | Secret embarrassing hobbies ("yuckies") | 04:18–06:57 | | Body image and wellness | 06:58–09:52 | | Crushes, longing and social observation | 09:53–14:18 | | Hair, clubbing, social anxiety | 14:19–17:00 | | WeHo water disaster and salad talk | 19:00–23:00 | | Dacha party, DJing and baldness | 27:08–36:16 | | Accepting compliments, self-comparison | 43:48–56:47 | | Nightlife boundaries and hygiene | 50:33–53:50 |

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For new or longtime listeners, this episode of The Bald and the Beautiful delivers a perfect mix of absurdity, reflection, and camp—a testament to the unique energy of Trixie and Katya.

Transcript

[Shannon Maldonado]

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[Tootsie]

That's now crispy and McCrispy strips meeting creamy Caesar sauce. Sounds extra crispy. Caesar sauce at McDonald's for a limited time. Bada ba ba ba.

[Katya]

Yesterday we were literally on a photo shoot. I don't want to say for what it's for. The COVID of IT magazine. Town and Field and Tree we've been shooting for. And of course, we're always on time. So we're both sitting there ready at noon or whatever.

[Tootsie]

Yeah.

[Katya]

And we're shooting for maybe two hours. And she's starting to go, I don't know if I have one more look in me. Is this almost over? And she goes. I go, when's the next time you have to do drag after this? She goes, end of September.

[Tootsie]

But see, that's not the point, because when you live in the moment.

[Katya]

But you looked beautiful.

[Tootsie]

Thank you.

[Katya]

We just had, I think, maybe my favorite photo shoot we've ever done.

[Tootsie]

I did love the love. Love the.

[Katya]

We had a thing where she's up. I don't want to give it all away, but I think she's on the floor upside down. I'm on top of her. Like, it was so cool.

[Tootsie]

It was a great moment for my thoracic spine.

[Katya]

Oh, my God. But can. But can we. Can I do an imitation of.

[Tootsie]

So sorry. I'm so sorry.

[Katya]

We're also playing with proportions right now with the studio. Right now it feels like we're in the shopping studio because the camera feels right here.

[Tootsie]

It's right there. And it's also highlighting my weight gain.

[Shannon Maldonado]

Hello.

[Katya]

So I have to do an invitation of you at the photo shoot. So there's this part where they go, kati, we're going to have you get on the ground. And mind you, this is my sister who is typically new bile. She's typically agile.

[Tootsie]

If no one's New bile. Agile.

[Katya]

Agile. Typically. She's like, if no one's. If no one's B. If I have a moment, I'm going to do a handstand.

[Tootsie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Katya]

If no one's around, I'm just going to do a jump split and, like, stretch. So this Mitch McConnell. This was her getting on the floor for this photo shoot. Imagine her dragon. She goes, oh,

[Announcer]

That's actually.

[Tootsie]

She's not vocalizing enough. It was like.

[Katya]

And then we're, like, waiting for her to get on her back, and she goes, just give me a second. Just give me a second.

[Tootsie]

Ten minutes later. Yeah.

[Announcer]

Did they have to break for lunch mid stretch?

[Tootsie]

Oh, he made.

[Katya]

We have to break a break for lunch now.

[Tootsie]

It was like, Jesus.

[Katya]

Good story.

[Tootsie]

Yeah.

[Shannon Maldonado]

Stop story.

[Tootsie]

The Taco Bell's here.

[Katya]

So. And then once she gets on the ground, then she has to flip over. So then it was like. And then 10 minutes later, when it's time for her to get up.

[Tootsie]

Oh, getting up was.

[Katya]

It was. We had to call the Jaws of Life, the Flight for Life.

[Tootsie]

It was Lee Cronin's the Get Up. It really was.

[Katya]

The sound of you getting up was like.

[Tootsie]

Well, because if you're. You know.

[Katya]

Because Evil Dead rises. Evil Dead kind of rises.

[Tootsie]

Struggles to rise. Yeah, it was. It was.

[Katya]

It was great smack, dude, when he said, oh, I have to be in drag again till end of September.

[Tootsie]

I see.

[Katya]

I think you have one more look in. You okay? Yeah.

[Tootsie]

Okay. Yeah.

[Katya]

I don't have to shave for two months. I think you're okay.

[Tootsie]

I know. Thank God. God. God.

[Katya]

You don't got to do drag for, like, two months. No, no, I do secret outfits.

[Tootsie]

Secret drag.

[Katya]

Secret outfits at home. I knew. Little yuckies.

[Tootsie]

No, I'm not. My yuckies are all discontinued. So I. Oh, I got to tell you about this.

[Katya]

You don't own any drag. That's the other thing. We're doing a photo shoot. She shows up with her one suitcase in drag.

[Tootsie]

One suitcase half full. And. And when Fina was over to, like, pack me up, I.

[Katya]

We were.

[Tootsie]

We were like. We were rummaging through empty drawers. Like. Like, no, we're the whole.

[Katya]

Which one should we wear?

[Tootsie]

They're both so different. They're not even empty hangers. But we're. We go in, there's a whole bureau. Every drawer is empty. Every drawer.

[Katya]

And then you're feeling robbed.

[Tootsie]

And I was like. I was like, who took all my time? Even though you sold it two weeks ago. I know, but then we opened a drawer and I had to, like. She went to, like, go grab. I was like, no. And I had to yank her Hand away. Because it was all the unmentionable yuckies.

[Katya]

The secret yuckies.

[Tootsie]

The secret yuckies. If you know, if you have secret. You have a secret activities at home that you're not. That you're not. They're secret for a reason, right? They're secret reason because they're embarrassing. These are leg. That it get. I have. I really can't encourage people enough to get an embarrassing hobby because it's so exciting.

[Katya]

I don't think it's your home alone.

[Tootsie]

No, no, no, no, no, I'm not. So if I open the door and the UPS guy was there, I wouldn't be like, hello, lover. I'd be like, ah.

[Katya]

Oh, Kevin, you like having something that's like your little secret?

[Tootsie]

It's my little secret and it's ins. So. But I. When I went to San Diego and I had.

[Katya]

I had some meat. Did you bring the yuckies to the man? No, that man with your secret yuckies.

[Tootsie]

I would never. I brought them for me.

[Katya]

You did bring them.

[Tootsie]

I brought them for me. I brought them for me. But then I. And I had a lovely. So the. The hotel had a. Just a nook with a full length. I was like, this is the yucky nook.

[Katya]

You know, you put on chibo matto sugar water.

[Tootsie]

Nah, nah, nah. So I put on the yucky and I was like, he haw. No, the yuckies have been discontinued.

[Katya]

What? Cause body like wow. Body like pussy about to end this drought. Body like, body like wow. How did you know about RuPaul last night?

[Tootsie]

It was very boogie night.

[Katya]

Wow.

[Tootsie]

Very boogie night.

[Katya]

Wow.

[Tootsie]

Was she you? Oh, no, I didn't.

[Katya]

No, she wasn't.

[Tootsie]

Chastity belt. I hope no one me.

[Announcer]

I thought.

[Katya]

Wait, chastity is. Is that the cage?

[Tootsie]

No, no, the chastity is that. Don't you dare. Don't you dare.

[Katya]

But how the cage is.

[Tootsie]

Is like a. Is like a bird cage. This is like a whole. A metal panty.

[Katya]

Is it like Robin Hood Mental?

[Shannon Maldonado]

Yes.

[Tootsie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember Tracy Ullman as the witch was named Latrine?

[Katya]

Amazing. Oh, yeah. Amazing. Or I think it's in Scary Movie when her panties are like electric vents.

[Tootsie]

That's a chastity. That's the chastity device.

[Announcer]

That's kind of.

[Tootsie]

So no more yuckies for me. So it's a real shame because I had this whole. I have this diamond. Diamond rhinestone encrusted thong that is.

[Katya]

You can say diamond. I believe women.

[Tootsie]

Nobody knows.

[Katya]

Nobody Knows Tracy's gonna plug your microphone. That's not a diamond, faggot. It's pubic zirconium.

[Tootsie]

Yeah, pubic.

[Katya]

Pubic.

[Tootsie]

You. You fat.

[Katya]

You fat. Body like, wow.

[Tootsie]

So I can't do the yucky thing. It's fine. It's fine.

[Katya]

It's fine. You know? Yes, you can.

[Tootsie]

No, no, but. No, but. So the. The thrill is gone. The thrill is gone because it's just. It's giving Homer Simpson and negligee.

[Katya]

Right?

[Tootsie]

And can I say, though, but body. Body positivity. I am very happy in my new huskier frame.

[Katya]

You look incredible. This is the healthiest and youngest you've looked in a long time in like 25 years. I'm saying, like your face, your skin. We're in this photo shoot yesterday in drag. This morning I was. I woke up and I was talking to Mr. Wonderful. I said, said, do you think it is over? Is it inappropriate to tell somebody who's having like, a. A huge swing in the wellness category

[Tootsie]

that they've looked like.

[Katya]

Or it doesn't feel placating or what do you call it? Patronizing?

[Tootsie]

No, it's not patronizing at all. Or any of the end of that stuff.

[Katya]

Lately, it's been, like, really crazy. I just don't know you this well. Like, I don't know you on this level of wellness very well.

[Tootsie]

Right.

[Katya]

It's like a completely different person.

[Tootsie]

It feels great.

[Katya]

Physically feels great. You look so young that also for how much you exercise.

[Tootsie]

Keep talking.

[Katya]

Now that you are eating, the muscles. You're huge. Yeah, well, now I'd. You. I'm serious. Now you're approaching a. A body type that I actually am. Like, yeah, him.

[Tootsie]

Well, so that's. So that's funny. I. And I.

[Katya]

But now I don't get the yuckies.

[Tootsie]

No, no, no. Neon pink sling yuckies.

[Katya]

Nasty gal. Oh, Hollywood Boulevard. You know those, like, neon dresses, all the holes in them. I know the, like, do I live in Spain? The one that, like, Fifi was eliminated in.

[Tootsie]

That's me, except for the nails. So I like. I like, I was talking to feeding. She. She. Feena is always good for just. Just putting you back right on earth or right in real life. Do you know what I mean?

[Katya]

Do I know what you mean?

[Tootsie]

Because I was.

[Katya]

She's. She's like.

[Tootsie]

I called her in a. I called her when I had my revelations. I call her immediately and she's like, well, or we could just think about this regular. Because I was like. I was like, what if I skip you know, I've obviously aged out of twink. Never really was one for in last 30 years. So I was like, what if I become a bear? She's like, or you could just have a regular body.

[Katya]

Fina, toxic skinny person. I know, toxic skinny.

[Tootsie]

Toxic skinny.

[Katya]

She said. She's like, now I'm a toxic skinny person.

[Tootsie]

But you know what?

[Katya]

She is too. Like, don't ever have too much whimsy or joy. Don't, don't clear outside your lines because Fina will tie a brick to your leg and throw you in the water. Fina's like, is that what you want? Cuz I'm going to tell you, you're never going to get it. Not on my watch. But also, she's so therap therapied and so grounded that she's always right. And so it's always like, well, you.

[Tootsie]

Yeah. I was like, but what about my revelation know? And she's like, well, why don't we

[Katya]

do one thing at a time? You know what I mean?

[Tootsie]

That is the biggest. She's like, why don't we focus on this thing that we're needed actually we're late for right now.

[Katya]

Well, let's just get. And she'll just say it. And the older she's gotten to, the more she just. There's not even cushioning. She's not sandwiching a compliment. She's like, well, let's, let's not do that right now.

[Tootsie]

It's fierce. But I. So I. Oh my God. I almost followed this guy. I followed this guy like the killer. I was in the car line. I was in the car. No, no, in real life, okay. I was in the car driving and I, I'm very attracted to this, this regular body type, I suppose you'd say. The muscles are amazing. We need to talk about that later.

[Katya]

Love muscles.

[Tootsie]

We got to talk about that. We got to talk about at the, at the dancers and stuff at the dance night. But this guy was like black beard, he looked kind of goth. He was dressed kind of goth, he had a hat. I was like, oh my God, this is like my dream man.

[Katya]

So I followed him for three blocks in your car. He was on foot, but you were in the car.

[Tootsie]

I was in the car. So I follows, I drove. He was very.

[Shannon Maldonado]

That.

[Tootsie]

I was the big tall naked guy on the roof. I was on the roof, tootsie.

[Katya]

Wait, you're in the car? Were you on the sidewalk? I was on the roof of the car.

[Tootsie]

I was, I was. I had arm extenders going down on the pedals with my knee on the steering wheel.

[Katya]

You pull up onto the curb, you're driving down Rodeo just two inches behind him.

[Tootsie]

No, I. So I was.

[Katya]

But you're an electric and ev. So it's silent.

[Tootsie]

Silent. And I was, I was, I was like closing my eyes so you couldn't see me. And I wouldn't be fierce if you're

[Katya]

like, oh, and he looks at you, driving you. I do love that thing. If I can't see you, you can't see me.

[Tootsie]

Obsessed. Peekaboo. Peekaboo. Peek a boo. But I, I, so I, I, I saw him. I was like, oh my God, that guy's so hot. And then I was driving and I was like, well, there's nobody in back of me. There's nobody in front of me.

[Katya]

There's nobody on the sides.

[Tootsie]

So I just, I crawled. And then I looked in the rearview mirror and I waited for him to get the. And then he turned the corner. I was like, oh, I guess I'll turn the corner. And I turned the corner and I followed him for like three blocks.

[Katya]

Remember, people, the number's 91 1, okay?

[Tootsie]

And I wanted to, I wanted to do the thing. Like, I roll down the window, but it's like the back left and then the back mine and then the other one and then I get the right one. And then I'm like, excuse me, may I offer you a ride? Who knows?

[Katya]

Maybe. I mean, that would have been.

[Tootsie]

It was blazing hot.

[Katya]

It would have been probably creepy to say, oh, a creepy. But I don't believe you were being creepy. But I'm saying it would also.

[Tootsie]

I got my cars filled with junk, filled with boxes. And then there was the, the, the, the passenger seats.

[Katya]

No drag, though.

[Tootsie]

No drag, no hangers.

[Katya]

You got those human wigs and those boots in there still, don't you?

[Tootsie]

I got like all kinds of. I got sewing needles and everything. And then I, the whole passenger side was filled with trash. So I was like, well, maybe that's not the time. But he was so hot and just gave me.

[Katya]

That's bricked.

[Tootsie]

Bricked. And I was like, God, good for you. And he was probably straight. I mean, I don't know. I don't think straight, Gay, whatever.

[Katya]

We're all losing. You know what? I don't want to talk. I, I have, I don't want to say who, cuz it's okay. But he told me, I don't think he'd be embarrassed of me telling his tea. Actually, he said, like he's told himself to Stop deciding if someone is or isn't gay.

[Tootsie]

He's like, yes.

[Katya]

He's like, I need to.

[Tootsie]

Not our cup. Yes.

[Katya]

He said, like, I want to get better at going up to someone and saying like how you're handsome. Are you dating anybody? Like that is okay. And then the person can just say, oh, I'm actually not gay. And that's fine.

[Tootsie]

Yeah.

[Katya]

And what if they're not identifying as anything? And what if you just come up and they are attracted to you? You don't know people's tea.

[Tootsie]

You don't. Again, let me tell you what. But let me tell you the tea I do know about, Tootsie. Is that my good friend of mine and then another friend. What about their long term lovely relationships, monogamy style that were with men who had previously dated women only.

[Katya]

Right. Well, that's okay.

[Tootsie]

That's what I want. I want a divorced dad.

[Katya]

I know I do.

[Tootsie]

I want children. Not mine.

[Katya]

I think you would do really well with somebody else's kids.

[Tootsie]

I would.

[Katya]

I would live in or like see him 12 minutes a month. Absolutely.

[Tootsie]

12 minutes a month. 12 enticing.

[Katya]

Forget about Busters.

[Tootsie]

I'll take a different bus. Take him to Rodeo Drive. I'll take him to Six Flags. I'll take him. Not Disney World can smoke, but I'll take them anywhere they want to go. Besides Disney World.

[Katya]

Would you date a guy who had a pet?

[Tootsie]

Yes. I'm not a monster, okay? I. I wouldn't. If I. If I were able to draw my own destiny to the detail, I'd be like, baby, why are you petting that dog? I'm right here. What about this thick black coat? What about this fur? This glossy fur?

[Katya]

Your lower back?

[Tootsie]

Yes. What about my calves riddled with matted hair?

[Katya]

I'm at the point where I.

[Tootsie]

What about my matted, hairy calves?

[Katya]

When people see me without a shirt on, I'm at the point where first thing I do is apologize about my lower back.

[Tootsie]

Shut up.

[Katya]

Cause it's the hairiest part of my body.

[Tootsie]

Why don't you get her a waxed not interested one? Well, because I went. I went to get you ever.

[Katya]

Because, you know, my boyfriend would call me a. He would say, who you doing that for? Do you understand? Oh, yeah. He would say, oh, well, here he goes. N. He says airbrushed and eagle spread.

[Tootsie]

Oh my God.

[Katya]

That's what he said. I was put. If I put on like concealer before going to the gay club, he's like Hollywood frost for the men, for the,

[Tootsie]

for the dick sucking convention.

[Katya]

Yeah, the sucking facility. He calls it the gay. The, the sucking facility.

[Tootsie]

Oh, so you got wax?

[Katya]

No, you know what? He was out of town. The facility.

[Tootsie]

The wandering eye.

[Katya]

Oh, yeah, the wandering eye. You know, if I'm like using the pool while the gardener's there.

[Tootsie]

You're, you're.

[Katya]

Oh, what are you showing everything? Joel, what you got? Showing everything. What you got? Crazy. What you got? He was out of town and I went to Akbar with Daniel Vincent Gord, you know, friend of dvg. Dbg. Dvg, yes. And we went. And we, we were going to go to my fave, Los Feliz High Tops.

[Tootsie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katya]

But it was the World cup, which made it really hard to go to High Tops for me for a good several weeks, cuz it was just packed every. All the time. Which is great for business.

[Tootsie]

Great for business.

[Katya]

But I want to go there at 5pm on a Tuesday. I want the, the low key experience. People are there.

[Tootsie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katya]

And I don't know. And I don't pay attention to TVs at sports events. So when the whole room suddenly screams, I get so scared.

[Tootsie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Katya]

My fight or flight, my arthritis. My joints lock up your blood pressure.

[Tootsie]

You're like, hold on. Everybody shut up. I gotta take my pulse. I gotta take my balls.

[Katya]

Payment. Look, I can't take it. I get so scared. I get so scared.

[Tootsie]

They should do the wave at a sporting event. They should do the wave.

[Katya]

But that like, oh, yes, Payment. You think they need to give us some kind of hereditary too? I know it would be bad, but I don't care. I want to see what else happens next.

[Tootsie]

Hereditary. Even more, Even more family related.

[Katya]

Hereditated.

[Tootsie]

Hereditated.

[Katya]

So when he was out of town, I went. So then we pivoted, we went to Akbar because I was like, well, Akbar will be fun. And I love Akbar too. And we, we went over there and he drove and we got in there and they had free hot dogs. The bartender had a little hot dog cooker and There was like 10 people in there. So, like, you want a hot dog and I'm a vegetarian. But I was like, well, we were trying to get dinner. Yeah, but I wasn't gonna eat at Los Vilas High Tops during the World cup because there was nowhere to sit. What do we stand and eat?

[Tootsie]

Nachos while you're.

[Katya]

I need to be able to sit.

[Tootsie]

Yeah, absolutely. So then I eat standing up.

[Katya]

And because Mr. Wonderful's out of town, I was like, well, I guess I'll just eat this Hot dog. And then I can go home and not eat. And I had a real hot dog.

[Tootsie]

Just eat this hot dog.

[Katya]

Because the smart dogs I get are 60 calories and they're amazing.

[Tootsie]

Oh, I know.

[Katya]

With the keto bun. 60 calories. 120 calorie hot dog.

[Tootsie]

It's like you're saving money.

[Katya]

The most calories are from the ketchup. Do you understand? I feel like I'm being made fun of just cuz I like health. Sorry. Skinny mini over here. Everybody. My whole life has made fun of me for being thin. My whole life. Bean pole, rail hanger, Toothpick lady. Telephone pole.

[Tootsie]

Are you there?

[Katya]

And I come get it at work. What do you run around the shower to get wet? Because I'm. I'm so skinny that.

[Tootsie]

To run around. Yeah. Oh my God.

[Katya]

So I guess I need the hot dog. And. Wait, where's the story going?

[Tootsie]

It's going to the hot. So Hot dog bar.

[Katya]

Hot dog akbar. Hot dog akbar.

[Tootsie]

Didn't have to eat at home.

[Katya]

Mr.

[Tootsie]

Wonderful's out of town.

[Katya]

Oh, so then Mr. Wonderful gets back to town. He goes, so I gotta go out of town and you go to the sucking facility for the hot dog eating night to eat hot dogs in front of men.

[Tootsie]

How did you eat it? Can you show me?

[Katya]

And as he said it, I was like, you know what? I do sound crazy. You were out of town. So I went to the gay bar and like myself with a hot dog in front of people.

[Tootsie]

I was like, you got up on the table. Right.

[Katya]

But I don't know.

[Tootsie]

You're like, I would love one. No bun. And you can just.

[Katya]

Yeah, but something about summer activates. I want hot dogs. I want burgers and hot dogs.

[Shannon Maldonado]

Of course.

[Katya]

Every day. Yeah. Well, Holy spirit, activate.

[Tootsie]

That's a little tough on the digestion.

[Katya]

We can't have salad right now.

[Tootsie]

Oh my God. Cyclospermia or whatever people have been. If we thought it was the benefits thing was it was really rocking the bathroom community. This is blowing the lids off.

[Katya]

Yeah. They won't let us have it and they won't let me eat it. I said, why don't you let us?

[Tootsie]

They will because there's a water main break in. We ho. Shitty water bud. Shitty water bud.

[Katya]

Bro. Get into the people. It was because pride is over. And everyone douche so much. That great water, that.

[Tootsie]

That.

[Katya]

That gray water.

[Tootsie]

That gray water was flowing down Melrose Avenue.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Tootsie]

I had to go hop over it like Carrie Bradshaw.

[Katya]

I went on the Internet and I. I googled this. It's called like Cyclo sporadus.

[Tootsie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katya]

Cyclospora, whatever.

[Tootsie]

Sounds like it sounds like a bicycle festival that just actually closed down all the roads.

[Katya]

Yeah, yeah. A Women who Love Women bicycle festival in Portland, Maine. Cyclosporia with cyclosporia.

[Tootsie]

Sounds so it's like, it's like, it's like mushrooms on bicycles.

[Katya]

Yeah. With the world's first annual Sapphic Horror Movie Festival.

[Tootsie]

Oh, yeah. Bike to the. Bike to the movie.

[Katya]

Yeah. Sapic Horror Movie Festival. Very woke before. They even scare the audience. They ask for permission. This is the scary part. Is every. Okay.

[Tootsie]

You think they're gonna. Yeah, they wouldn't have to like lock the bikes up.

[Katya]

So that says I typed in who does this affect because the people eat lettuce. Like, who's susceptible because I have a. My, my arthritis medicine makes my immune system so low. Could really rock me.

[Tootsie]

Yeah.

[Katya]

It said don't worry that it affects people in the age range of 2 to 95. Super helpful. Super helpful. Babies, you're safe. Dead people, you're safe. 2 to 95. Which makes sense because 1 year olds aren't like, give me that lettuce, honey.

[Tootsie]

Yeah. You know that. Wait, don't watch that.

[Katya]

But I guess the breakout started from a talk. Chain of Taco Bells who got their lettuce from a place in Mexico. That's what the recall happened.

[Tootsie]

Oh, that sounds racist. Thank you. Thank you. Skinny and racist as usual.

[Katya]

I used my last free Wired article to read that and now I'm gonna have to. What? Start paying.

[Tootsie]

Oh, yeah, I don't do that. I don't do that.

[Katya]

No paywalls for me. Should we talk about what happened last night?

[Tootsie]

Well, yes, yes, yes. So. But desire. Oh, having a long form meditation on desire. Oh, I know.

[Shannon Maldonado]

My name is Shannon Maldonado. I'm the founder of Yaoi, a gift shop. From the lens of artists and handmade objects, I chose Shopify because when I was testing other platforms, it was definitely one of the most user friendly. It was important to me to think about where we would be in the future. All of the tools for reading your sales, like planning inventory, they're just right there on your dashboard. For anyone starting a small business, the biggest thing I can tell you, it doesn't have to be perfect. Shopify can help you build upon it. Start your free trial on shopify.com@DSW, we

[Announcer]

ask the important questions, like what shoes are you going to wear? Whether you're prepping for wedding season, festival season, or just. Just Planning the ultimate vacay. The right shoes can make or break an rsvp. So own the moment. You've got big plans. And we've got just the shoes. At the perfect price, of course. Get ready to get ready with designer shoe warehouse. Head to your DSW store or dsw.com today and let us surprise you. Back to school season. You've got the new backpack, the folders, the 17 highlighter colors. But there's one essential that never makes a shopping list. Their pillow. And we all know better school days start with better sleep. So we've got big news. Coop Sleep Goods is running their back to school sale. Save 20% on the entire collection. Spend $150 or more and get a free gift. The sale starts July 28th and ends August 25th. From cooling pillows to mattress toppers that transform thin dorm room mattresses. The only thing left to blame for a bad night's sleep is their insomniac roommate. Coops pillows are adjustable, built to fit how your kid sleeps, whether That's a twin XL dorm bed or their room at home. Spend 150 or more and get a free ultra tech pillow Protector. Head to coopsleepgoods.com comedy c o O-P-Sleepgoods.com comedy 20 off plus a free pillow protector with 150 or more.

[Katya]

So you're having longing desires for men with regular bodies?

[Tootsie]

Well, yeah. Well, with men of everybody's. But it's a tough. Oh. So, okay. When I bounced over the shitty water on Melrose, I walked. I was walking down.

[Katya]

Did you smell it?

[Tootsie]

No, no, I. And I was wearing slides with white socks.

[Katya]

What did it taste like? You brought a boba straw.

[Tootsie]

Tasted delicious, actually. I had a hose and I. And then I put it right up my ass. That went right up. Right back up the douche hole.

[Katya]

So wash your makeup brushes in it. Fierce girl.

[Tootsie]

How do we get this from brown to black? I was walking on this, on the sidewalk past this guy. I wish I had just. I, you know, honestly, I wish I just taken my phone and just took a picture of him, right? Like, like cha ching. Like, 1, 2, 3.

[Katya]

Thank you.

[Tootsie]

6, 5, 6, 6. Thank you so much. That's really nice. 6, 5, 6, six. Flawlessly golden, even tan, brown, curly hair. This guy was a. I mean, he absolutely has to have been a model or is a model or some kind of actor aspiring, whatever.

[Katya]

You could be hot and have a normal job.

[Tootsie]

That's true. I don't believe that was. Well, whatever.

[Katya]

So that was.

[Tootsie]

I don't tank top and shorts and sneakers. And I was the. The mental. The mental activity that was immediately just triggered was so intense, so intense, so intense. And he was arguing on the phone with someone and he looked distressed. After I was able to just like, like recover from the shock of, okay, I just passed. I just saw for. For good 10 seconds and then passed and. You know the most attractive man I've ever seen in my life.

[Katya]

This is not the guy you followed. Different.

[Tootsie]

No, different guy. Most attractive man I've ever seen in my life. It literally, I was like, you know when I must have felt like I got the wind knocked out of me, I thought it was the. Oh, God, I'm so ugly. Oh, God, I'm so ugly. I'm so old.

[Katya]

I experienced that too. The same thing happens to me. Other people looking really good sometimes activates like, damn, bitch, at no point in your life did you ever come close. And now you're just the older version. Even at your. Whatever your peak age was, bitch, you looked horrible.

[Tootsie]

That's exactly that. You just. That is exactly the train of thought that was just barreling through the station.

[Katya]

I don't even have the. I'm not even like mourning the beauty I had.

[Tootsie]

No. Even if I got on peptides and steroids at 16, it's like, Mary, you would never look even. You wouldn't even look like his ugly younger brother. Bitch. What? Stop dreaming.

[Katya]

Fat. Yeah.

[Tootsie]

So. And then.

[Katya]

And bald. Oh, that's the other thing. People's nice hair. Oh, I love like an angel.

[Tootsie]

I feel like when I Thick, glossy, brown, curly.

[Katya]

When I tell someone they have nice hair, when they do have nice hair, I just always feel like I'm an old crone being like, would you like the apple? Like, I'm like, beans, beans and nothing but beans. It's just like I am some kind of.

[Tootsie]

You're in the bathroom with the razors and the water is turning red.

[Katya]

Like, when I say you have nice hair because I'm bald, you're sort of like, that guy's going to kill me.

[Tootsie]

Yeah.

[Katya]

And still my hair. Like, I don't know. Still my. I don't know.

[Tootsie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.

[Katya]

I creepy. I mean, like, you have nice hair. And what I can't take and what I've been going through a lot, which is fierce. I find myself in these social scenarios where people with 80% of their hair are like, I'm so bald, I have to go get a consultation. I'm just like, look in the mirror every day. I'm like, you're bald. Or you know what? Yesterday, before your party, we put on a vinyl Italo disco set to get in the mood. And everybody was coming over, and, girl, I made meatballs. I made. We'll fake meatballs. I made Pillsbury. Pillsbury Crescent rolls with pizza stuff rolled up Pizza roll. Then I made. Well, I bought a tiramisu. I think it's okay to carry out dessert.

[Announcer]

It's. All of.

[Tootsie]

This is great.

[Katya]

Okay.

[Tootsie]

Store bought. I don't care if, like, the. The. The. The Al Qaeda brings it over.

[Katya]

And then we made mozzarella St. Because it was like, you know, but trying to do Italy.

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[Katya]

I called my friend Nick, who's from Italy and.

[Tootsie]

From Italy.

[Katya]

Yeah. His family's from Italy. He's from Italy, like, type of person where when his mom calls, he picks up and speaks in perfect Italian. Kind of forgets he's straight, but seems a little gay. And you're like, oh, you're Italian.

[Tootsie]

Pinching butts in the element.

[Katya]

You're deeply heterosexual, but you're like, excuse me.

[Tootsie]

Anything you'd like to share with the class? No, Queen.

[Katya]

He's deeply heterosexual, but, like, healthy and talks about feelings, which is sad. That in America, it's like.

[Tootsie]

I know that. Yeah.

[Katya]

Because he's so sweet and nice.

[Tootsie]

Yeah.

[Katya]

But anyway, I called him and I just revealed I walked into frame in my mustache with my gondola outfit. And I go, is this offensive? Is this. Is this. And he goes, no. He said, I think it's. He said, I think it's a work of art. Yes, it is. He said, I think the mozzarella sticks are offensive, that they're in the air fryer and you just poured them out of a bag. I said, yeah, you're probably right. You're probably right about that.

[Tootsie]

Your hosting skills are expensive. Yeah.

[Katya]

He's like, baby, your Italian food is the issue. Like, the outfit. Sure, you googled Italian, but the food, baby.

[Tootsie]

Oh, my God, that's funny.

[Katya]

But, you know, I'm such a Midwest white lady, the way I get bricked about how many different things you can make with Pillsbury dough rolls. You can make anything.

[Tootsie]

You can make garlic crescent rolls, rolling

[Katya]

up the smart dogs.

[Tootsie]

Smart dogs, the fake hot dogs, picking a blanket, bricked.

[Katya]

Brick, you can make whatever you think you want to make. You can Google that with Pillsbury Crescent roll. And there's a version of it to just brick Tina. And everyone likes crescent dough. I'm sure it's not highly nutritional.

[Tootsie]

No, it's extreme. It's so fattening. So much butter. So much butter. It's so. But it's okay. Who cares? The. So then at the, at the, at the show, another thing happened. So I roll up. I, I. Oh, should we tell people what it was? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I, so I had, I wanted to do a dance night of international music, and I'm going to pat myself on the back for coming up with a really great, fun branding name because dacha means summer house. Oh, house music in the summer. Summer.

[Katya]

I thought it was a girl name. It sounded like a girl.

[Tootsie]

No, Dasha. Dasha with an sh is a girl's name.

[Shannon Maldonado]

Oh.

[Katya]

The button on that story with the Atala disco house was.

[Tootsie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Katya]

The, the DJ they were had an overhead camera for his decks and when he would lean in, he had the tiniest little, like, visible scalp here. I wouldn't even say bald, but like, yes. Maybe enough. They lost that when the hair parts. You can see skin.

[Tootsie]

Yeah.

[Katya]

And my, and my people who were there were like, oh, my God, I would kill them. Did you see that? If I leaned over and they saw the top of my head like that, I would be furious. And I just go, oh, really? What would you do? Bring your gun to work? Like, I'm just like, I'm so.

[Tootsie]

It would be amazing if you also ripped off your scalp and showed your brain.

[Katya]

Yeah. Anyway, the button on that story is like, people are always. And I just always feel so, like, yeah, okay.

[Tootsie]

No, it's. I know. And I, I again, I. With the guy that I. He is attracted to baldies.

[Katya]

Oh.

[Tootsie]

Which I. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. Yes. Yeah. There's nothing when guys who are 25 go bald. I'm like, great.

[Katya]

Yeah. Who live large. Who cares? I don't think people care. Maybe that's why everybody has always wanted to.

[Tootsie]

People really do care. A lot of people care. Guess who cares? People with hair.

[Announcer]

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[Tootsie]

that get your budget.

[Announcer]

Head to your DSW store or dsw.com today. DSW. Let us surprise you. Back to school season. You've got the new backpack, the folders, the 17 highlighter colors. But there's one essential that never makes a shopping list. Their pillow. And we all know better school days start with better sleep. So we've got big news. Coop Sleep Goods is running their back to school sale. Save 20% on the entire collection. So spend $150 or more and get a free gift. The sale starts July 28 and ends Aug. 25. From cooling pillows to mattress toppers that transform thin dorm room mattresses, the only thing left to blame for a bad night's sleep is their insomniac roommate. Coop's pillows are adjustable, built to fit how your kid sleeps, whether That's a twin XL dorm bed or their room at home. Spend $150 or more and get a free ultra tech pillow Protector. Head to coopsleepgoods.com comedy copsleepgoods.com comedy 20 off plus a free pillow protector with 150 or more.

[Tootsie]

The and then so the had an international dance night. And Mateo, our friend Mateo, the dj, helped me learn how to DJ a little bit. I had like three lessons and I was like, really nervous.

[Katya]

I was like, oh, I don't think

[Tootsie]

I'm not gonna be able to do

[Katya]

this alone for sure, right?

[Tootsie]

And I was like, I'm not going to be scary. Super scary. Super scary. Because then when at one point around 1:00am after my. Well, it was my set, I chose, I chose all the. We, I chose all the songs for my set. We went through all the transitions. Some of them were really difficult because these weren't extended dance mixes. And they were, they were like crazy. Just radio edits essentially. And I was like, this is very hard. And he, of course, he's so funny. He's like, oh. He mentioned that there's a technique where you can just kind of like reverb out and then just play the other song. I was like, oh, okay. I mean, it's not mixing, but it's like it is playing. I was like, that's an option. And then of course, he's like, no, we're going to loop this and then we're going to play that and then we're going to do this and we're going to switch the bass. I was like, okay, I don't know

[Announcer]

how to do that.

[Katya]

Right.

[Tootsie]

Like, I like what you just did is actually made me less confident about what we previously learned.

[Katya]

I know, but like, let her cook. That's you on like Pixart or like, that's you on Cap Cut. That's you on oh, yeah.

[Shannon Maldonado]

App.

[Tootsie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katya]

So like, that's your CDJ where you're like, let me hit that sauce. Let me do this better. And then the person's a hundred years old.

[Tootsie]

You know what I mean? They've gone through several gender transitions. Then they're back to normal.

[Katya]

Female to male to female to male to old. There is a lot to it. And when you. I applaud you because the first time I was behind a decks was secret. I showed up unannounced and did a 30 minute set with like, with big sunglasses and a hat because I was so scared and I. I didn't want anybody to see me. So everything about it for the first time is terrifying. Yeah, it was, mind you, every. A lot of the buttons you could accidentally hit completely stop the music.

[Tootsie]

Like, let's talk about Q and play.

[Katya]

Oh, yeah, talk about it. That's my. Yeah, let's talk about Q.

[Tootsie]

So Q is you can play and then play. Pause is.

[Katya]

Yeah, great. Spears. I'm like.

[Tootsie]

And then. And then the, the. And then, you know, getting into the. We hadn't really. We hadn't done the first two and a half lessons with headphones.

[Katya]

Oh.

[Tootsie]

So I. I'm like, I'm just going off of what I hear in the speakers, which. And. And I'm like, I know these songs, so. And I. We've made all the cue points. This is probably gonna be so boring for people. Long story short, it was. I had the best, best time and

[Katya]

the music was fabulous. I mean, I didn't understand it was non English entirely. Yeah, it was mostly Italian, I think.

[Tootsie]

Yeah, mostly Italian.

[Katya]

People loved it. Packed house, sold out. I had to message the owner because I waited to get tickets till the night of and couldn't get them.

[Tootsie]

Fierce. Fierce.

[Katya]

And I was like. And also, can you let me in the back? And it was really. It was really nice that. Really well attended.

[Tootsie]

Yeah.

[Katya]

I'm going to say I wanted more Christmas from people. I wanted more outfits.

[Shannon Maldonado]

Yeah.

[Tootsie]

But I wasn't really.

[Katya]

Yes, they wanted more Italian.

[Tootsie]

Yeah, I wanted more outfits.

[Katya]

I looked like I worked at Disney.

[Tootsie]

No, you looked amazing. If every. In my. In my dreams, Dream in my heart's Heart of dreams. It was. Everybody was. Gondola, pizza, pasta, meatballs. The leaning tower of Pisa.

[Katya]

Yes.

[Tootsie]

My friend Michi who helped me with. Who made my incredible show stopping outfits. She was a Christmas tree. I.

[Katya]

She made that?

[Tootsie]

No, no, she was. She. She was the Christmas tree. She got that or something.

[Katya]

It was like a little bit. It was like an A line dress of a Christmas tree. I lived. It reminded me of. Do you remember Grease 2? And Michelle Pfeiffer is the Christmas she's doing. Girl. I'll be your girl for all seasons.

[Tootsie]

Is that it? I know.

[Katya]

And she's dressed as a Christmas tree, remember? And then she dissociates and thinks of the. The motorcycle or Michael. Grease 2. Greece 2's amazing.

[Tootsie]

Is it?

[Katya]

Oh my God. The guy who plays Michael Hot is unbelievably hot. And Michelle Pfeiffer is the star of it.

[Tootsie]

So incredible. Cool rider.

[Katya]

She sings. There's bowling.

[Tootsie]

Are there brat free hot dogs?

[Katya]

No, but the songs are so good. We're gonna score tonight. There's a. I mean this is. Oh, reproduction. Reproduction. There's a song where they're in class learning about reproduction.

[Tootsie]

Reproduction.

[Katya]

And they're like talking about sex. The teenagers.

[Tootsie]

Fierce.

[Katya]

You gotta watch Greece too.

[Tootsie]

I'm gonna.

[Katya]

Oh my gosh. Stop yelling at me. We should watch it for the peace.

[Tootsie]

Okay.

[Katya]

Greece 2.

[Tootsie]

And then, and then.

[Katya]

I don't stand Greece 1. But I love Greece.

[Tootsie]

I've never seen either of the Greases. Okay, I know. That's why I know. I'll watch it. Okay, well, skip the one A Very, very controversial in kind of classic to skip the first one and watch the sequel. But so at the. At the. So in one of my. One of my. During one of my sweat drenched breaks.

[Katya]

You were wet. Who did your eyes? I did. Oh, I thought someone did them. They looked good. I said, I don't think. I said. I think she probably had someone do that. I don't know.

[Tootsie]

No, yeah, I did. I did. And then I put. I put your blush on. Lot of blush. And then on my nose too. Thank God, because I wasn't doing any foundation. And then.

[Katya]

Oh, you were wet.

[Tootsie]

10 minutes before it started. We got there around 8:39. I was like, oh my God. And I saw people on the way in and I was like. I was like, oh, Oh. I feel like I'm gonna get in a lot of trouble for not being in drag because I was like. I was like. I think it's probably safe to assume that I would be appearing in drag.

[Katya]

You were in drag on the poster.

[Tootsie]

I was in drag on one of the posters. But it was also a cartoon.

[Katya]

Yeah, that's true.

[Tootsie]

It was a cartoon, Ellie.

[Katya]

It was beautiful.

[Tootsie]

And. And then. But the tickets weren't crazy.

[Katya]

How much were they?

[Tootsie]

Like 25. Was it. It was a club night.

[Katya]

That's true. I mean, in Los Angeles, like in Los Angeles, any kind of themed night is. Yeah.

[Tootsie]

And also, if one of the drag races are going to show there, the tickets, like 50 bucks. Also, it was sold out. Yeah.

[Katya]

But so anyway, I don't think it was too expensive because it was sold out.

[Tootsie]

Right. So. And. But I was like, oh, my God. I was like. I was like, I feel so bad. I was not in drag. Ten minutes into the dancing, tootsie. I was like, as if I could.

[Katya]

You would have died.

[Tootsie]

You know, I would have.

[Katya]

I would have really wet.

[Tootsie]

I would have.

[Katya]

Everybody was talking about it.

[Tootsie]

I would. I would have dragged. I was so. I was soaking at 4,000 calories.

[Katya]

I burned you dressed as an elf. Completely soaked. And you know those girls, Girls there were still making tick tocks of you. Like I shaved my whole body just in case. Like that. Like they would have still lined up to lick you cross eyed.

[Tootsie]

It was. I was you guys ringing out. I had to do three costume changes because I had to ring out the. The outfits. Completely drenched. I never peed.

[Katya]

Who made all the props and stuff?

[Tootsie]

That was Matt. Matt. Ravi and his.

[Katya]

From Maurice.

[Tootsie]

Maurice. Yeah.

[Katya]

I love D A, C H A.

[Tootsie]

D A, C H A. Yeah, girl,

[Katya]

you should do another one. That was like some of the most fun I've had.

[Tootsie]

Yeah. So I. I'm already planning the next one. The next one's going to be all Ukrainian love.

[Shannon Maldonado]

Yeah.

[Katya]

Can I tell you, the X program was not present. Those people were smoking on the patio. I walked out there, it was like, holy.

[Tootsie]

It was the. It was like. It was the Y program. The why aren't you smoking program.

[Katya]

I woke up this morning and my hands, my fingers smelled like I was smoking. I woke up and was like, what? Did somebody, while sleeping, like, use my hand?

[Tootsie]

You woke up and Mr. Wonderful's in bed with three cigarettes in his mouth.

[Katya]

Like, I was just like. I went on the pad and people always smoke a little at Precinct.

[Tootsie]

They were. They were ripping them. Ripping butts last night. The ripping butts.

[Katya]

Precinct has a. What is it called? A geek bar dispenser. Those vapes.

[Tootsie]

No.

[Katya]

And I walked out there and saw the vape dispenser and I was like, like, I was like this Is so weird. I was like, you guys are weird. I was like, back in my day, we used to drink alcohol. I was like, everybody get off the patio and go inside and get a drink. I'm disgusted with all of you. Go get some alcohol.

[Tootsie]

The geek bar is so corny.

[Katya]

Corny.

[Tootsie]

It's corny. Everybody with their light up binkies.

[Katya]

But they. But they also have a Google Gaga.

[Tootsie]

Where's my Binky?

[Katya]

They also have a photo booth out there now.

[Tootsie]

Yeah.

[Katya]

And I like the patio at precinct because sometimes they have sales, different, like, vendors. I got these shorts on one of the vendors. And then they also have that huge mural of Alaska, which is cool. And they now have a photo booth. And the photo booth takes four pictures or whatever. And I'm with a group. It's like, me, Jennifer, Mr. Wonderful, a bunch of people. And we're all, you know, trying to be like, we all can't fit in this booth, but we want these pictures. So. Okay, you two go in. All right. It says, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. The next two people rush in, and then I rush in, and no one gets in with me. So everyone is group pictures. And then the middle one on it is me alone. Like, there's no. No one just got in with me.

[Shannon Maldonado]

No one.

[Katya]

I have, like, a passport photo. Well, everyone else is like, you're like, yeah, but it was. The people were smoking. It was the cloud. We were. And that's an outdoor patio. And the clouds were still, like, yeah, swimming.

[Tootsie]

Yeah, it was the mist. It was Stephen King's the Mist. And when I went into the mist, I saw these two guys. I was looking around. I was like, I need to sit down at a table with people. Just crash their table for a second. And this really gorgeous guy and this really beautiful young man were chatting. And then I sat down of Just barge in. And then I realized that they're like, he had just bought him a drink.

[Katya]

Oh, they're drunk.

[Tootsie]

No, no, no, no.

[Katya]

Flirting.

[Tootsie]

They were flirting. And it was like, this was a. I came in. I came in. I was the boner break. I was like. And then. But the guy said, but they're there for you.

[Katya]

They love you.

[Tootsie]

Well, I don't think they were. I don't. But they might have been.

[Katya]

But I don't think they're, like, wired.

[Tootsie]

No, I actually know. I know they weren't because. But the guy, the. The. They're both hot. But the. The hot guy, he's like. He was like, all right. It's like,

[Announcer]

you. Who are.

[Katya]

Who are you?

[Tootsie]

Or like, not. Who are you? It wasn't really like that. I was like, you look familiar. He's like. I was like. She's like, do you do track? I was like, yes. He's like, are you Katya? I was like, yeah. And he's like, oh, I love you. And then he said, give me the most wonderful, wonderful compliments.

[Katya]

Oh.

[Tootsie]

I was like, oh, no, I'm wearing my Yucky.

[Katya]

Hold on. I get my Yucky from back. Back in my Corolla.

[Tootsie]

But then. But so. He was so. I mean, so gorgeous. So nice. Just maybe. I mean, almost started crying and then.

[Katya]

Sweet.

[Tootsie]

And it's very sweet. And then I said, well, good luck to you both. I think I. I approved this thing. Yeah. And I left. But then I started. I was like, well, it's over for me. That will never happen to me because I'm ugly and unfuckable.

[Katya]

Right.

[Tootsie]

And they're. And I. I'm the sweaty little clown that pops in to give them a little laugh. And then they're like, that was nice.

[Katya]

Show up. They're looking each other's eyes, and you show up to be like, look how worse it could be.

[Tootsie]

I literally come in like, yeah, were the guests.

[Katya]

Because I noticed you got on the dance floor a few times. Were the guests receptacle receiving of that? Were they respectful? Were they grabbing?

[Tootsie]

Oh, nobody grabbed.

[Katya]

Okay, good.

[Tootsie]

Nobody grabbed. Yeah, no, it's all very respectful. It was so fun.

[Katya]

You know what I can't take and drag. What I can't handle when I'm in Dragon, someone grabs my boobs. It drives. Or my hair. Oh, it drives me insane. But, like, when. Usually girls, when someone's like, maybe it's because it's like, there's a familiarity there. Maybe they'll grab. And I. I know they don't mean anything by it, but it lands in a way they might not know, which is like, don't touch me.

[Tootsie]

Yeah.

[Katya]

Don't touch my fake private parts.

[Tootsie]

Well, right. It's also. But, I mean, those are my socks. Couldn't you imagine that? It's also easy to, like, it would be very, very. It wouldn't be much of a jump to just put yourself in that situation. It's like, oh, I wonder if a guy just. I wonder if someone just grabbed my title tits.

[Katya]

Right. Well, I mean, I'm not saying it's the same, because they're not real tits.

[Tootsie]

Excuse me. It totally is. It's absolutely the same.

[Katya]

And anatomically speaking, I mean, I.

[Tootsie]

Not anatomically, but. But socially, it is I breastfeed my

[Katya]

Cabbage Patch doll from it.

[Tootsie]

Don't you grab me. I could have. I could be injured, right? Like you. Like, I went to a meeting the

[Katya]

other day when someone's like, can I have a picture? And they like, this thing.

[Tootsie]

No, no. Someone was like. Someone was like pawing at my incision.

[Katya]

What?

[Tootsie]

Yes. Because they didn't know. They were, like, way too familiar. Gave me a hug and started doing this. I was like, don't.

[Announcer]

I was like.

[Tootsie]

I was like, don't touch me. So it's like that kind of thing is like, we just also, we just met. It doesn't matter if it's in a meeting or anything like that. But anyway, those things like that. I'm like, just maybe just stay out of my no. No space. Or just this whole thing could be my no. No space. Unless you're that hot, curly haired guy from Melrose in the shitty water.

[Katya]

Then welcome to my no. No space.

[Tootsie]

Then the no. No becomes yes, yes, no. But I. But I was like, oh, God. And then I get backstage with the dancers.

[Katya]

Oh, and these Go Gos, are those your Go Gos were all beautiful. The girls.

[Tootsie]

The girls. Gorge.

[Katya]

Holy Gorge Rock. And I was. I got the same reaction in the. In the dressing room. They were like, are you Trixie? I said, yes.

[Tootsie]

Yeah.

[Katya]

I. I was like, you guys all look so beautiful. Thanks. And the bodies. These men's bodies were.

[Tootsie]

Yeah. And then I. The. The guy that was That. I was like. And then I go backstage and he would. He was friends with one of the Go Go dancers. And I go back to talking to the Go Go dancer with his impossible body. And I was like, oh, yeah, you know, your friend was like. Your friend. I. I talked to your friend out there. Is that.

[Katya]

Is that your friend?

[Tootsie]

And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he mentioned something that I won't mention here, but what they may or may not have done. And then I was like, well, that'll never happen to me. Well, that'll never happen to me because I'm an ugly, unfuckable, ghoulish monster from Tales from the Crypt. But then I was like, that's unacceptable. I was like, I don't mean to be. I don't want to brag, but I want. I want to treat myself like maybe a therapist would or like a good friend is. I was like, do you know. Do you have any idea how that model on Melrose probably would have killed for your life?

[Katya]

We don't know.

[Tootsie]

It's quite possible, though, I guess.

[Katya]

But I don't. I don't know if that's necessarily a healthy direction either, because that's still comparing.

[Tootsie]

Compare and despair.

[Katya]

Right.

[Tootsie]

Compare and despair.

[Katya]

Comparing the other direction.

[Tootsie]

But it also. But it made me. But no, no. But it's not because I'm better than him.

[Katya]

Right.

[Tootsie]

It's not that. It's like. It's like he would be like, but, yeah, okay, I. But.

[Katya]

Right.

[Tootsie]

I was like, wait a minute. I have like, the best life in the world.

[Katya]

You absolutely do. I mean, you're a surround. The best at a party where you get to inflect all the music and you paid to be there.

[Tootsie]

The best life in the world.

[Katya]

And I mean, I don't have to

[Tootsie]

work for another month.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Tootsie]

And I don't have to worry about money.

[Katya]

Could be worse. You could be in drag every day this week. Like some. Some people over here. Mr. Wonderful woke up this morning and said, you need to stop with the foolishness. What foolishness? I said, going to work.

[Tootsie]

The foolishness. The workaholism. The workaholism.

[Katya]

It's just. I'm having. I'm experiencing a workaholic episode. No, I'm experiencing a. I'm experiencing a traffic jam of. Of opportunities. I want Being human. I want.

[Tootsie]

You're being work trafficked.

[Katya]

No.

[Tootsie]

She's trying to externalize her. She's trying to externalize her ism.

[Katya]

I like. I love the pod. I love my YouTube channel.

[Tootsie]

Yeah.

[Katya]

I love to tour. I love all these things. And so it's really hard for me to say no to them because I want. I love all of them. I wish they were further. I wish there was days between them. Time.

[Tootsie]

Time management.

[Katya]

I was in drag. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Today is my only day this week. Not in drag.

[Tootsie]

Fierce. So you have a. I have a makeup question. A very emergency. I'm getting a carbuncle on the side of my lip that's not herpes related. It's like a coming in. What do I do?

[Katya]

I mean, there's this spot treatment from Peter Thomas Roth that I like, that's like a. Like you just put it on and it just. It's like a combination of salicylic acid, licorice, which is like a calming agent, and something else. And it'll just zap it. Like, put it on overnight with. No. You could also go on a Sephora and find an F word and be like, I have a pimple. And they'll tell you 10 products. I will say this. Sephora and Ulta. These. They work there all Day. They know all these products.

[Tootsie]

Oh, they do, they do. They know they do.

[Shannon Maldonado]

Yeah.

[Tootsie]

They're not at a loss.

[Katya]

I feel like if you're going to go to the makeup store in person, you're not going to actually take advantage of these people's no expert buy what they tell you. When I worked at the makeup counters, never lied to people.

[Tootsie]

No, I, I, I always appreciated their expertise to know the best customer service too.

[Katya]

Yeah. And It's Sephora and Alta 2. I don't know if this is still the case, but that these people get training from these brands. Like, like Make It Forever. We'll send a rep to the store to give a training one on one to all these people. So they get training directly from the company. So like they know.

[Tootsie]

Yeah.

[Katya]

I'm not saying they all aren't like, listen, they'll try to make you open a store credit card at Nordstrom, but,

[Tootsie]

but I don't have to do that.

[Katya]

You know, they don't get like commission. I think in people's minds, they think makeup counter people like live on commission. Most of the time it's just hourly. They get paid hourly to not lie to you.

[Shannon Maldonado]

Right.

[Katya]

So.

[Tootsie]

And also, I mean, I've worked in those things. It's like if, if you're in a good day, in a good mood and everything's fine, your boss on a horrible asshole. Whatever, whatever, whatever. It is funner to be to do a good job.

[Katya]

It is.

[Tootsie]

And it's funner to help people. It's like, oh, I'm coming out. And then

[Katya]

all of that. All of that. I had a plan last night which was, is it okay that I set the tone with the group? Because people came over to about 8 and I had just pulled all my incredible snacks out of the ovens. Yep. With my fake mustache, my John Waters brown mustache, pulling a pan of like mini pizzas out of the oven.

[Tootsie]

I, I never get invited to any. Like, well,

[Katya]

you guys had to be there.

[Tootsie]

But I want the only, the only in recent memory, the only pregame so, so juvenile. But the only like pre party get together and we'll all leave together thing I've already been ready to do was like so drug addled, so riddled with drugs. And we hoe. I was like, you know, it's like, it's like there's no, there's no pizza rolls. There's just K, Coke and G. Oh,

[Katya]

I love the, I love a pre party where it's like everybody has like a beer or a High Noon or maybe a glass of Wine. And then there's actually snacks. Sit outside by the fire, watch music videos.

[Tootsie]

You can't do it. The nightclub talk. No, have hot dog nachos.

[Katya]

Hot dog nachos.

[Tootsie]

You know what I mean? You can't. You could talk, but yeah, you talk and you're like, you set your intention, you charge your crystals and then you eat your snacks, you have a little glass of clinky, blinky, whatever.

[Katya]

Yeah, yeah. And then later when you're like, you know our blotto on the floor faced laying down. Oh, the shit in the club. The feces in the club. Feces. Jennifer told me about it.

[Tootsie]

What are they calling it?

[Katya]

Painting the dance floor.

[Tootsie]

I think painting the dance floor.

[Shannon Maldonado]

Yeah.

[Katya]

People are shitting on the floor, first of all.

[Tootsie]

And we've. You know what though? Let's not be shocked because there have been plenty of musical cues along the way. Murder on the dance floor.

[Katya]

We didn't pay attention on the dance floor.

[Tootsie]

There was a killer on the dance floor. People fall in love on the dance floor. What comes next?

[Katya]

So wait, put a record on. I want to empty my bowels.

[Tootsie]

Cuz when the music starts, my bowels never want to stop. I'm going to it crazy.

[Katya]

Absolutely.

[Tootsie]

All the cues. The writing was on the wall and it was brown.

[Katya]

The writing was on the wall and it was brown.

[Shannon Maldonado]

Hello.

[Katya]

I. Hello.

[Tootsie]

Earth to share.

[Katya]

Earth to share. Come in, share. What was I just gonna say? Oh, but why do you think they are shitting? Is it drugs?

[Tootsie]

I don't know. I think they're acting out. I think they're acting out. It's a pot. They're, they're sensing that. They'll, they're like I'll my life. Chances are slim. The world's falling apart. This is a very scary time. I'm going to go goo goo Gaga. I'm going back to babyhood. So I'm gonna poopy. I'm gonna act out and be poopy on the dance floor. If somebody slips in it, then I'm. They're. They're in the same. We're all in the same poopy boat, you know, I'm the brown banana.

[Katya]

I'm a little bit direct with anything and I think it's okay when you have guests to tell them what time it's over.

[Announcer]

I.

[Tootsie]

This is, this is the number one thing I love about you.

[Katya]

So when people were there like 8, 8:30, having snacks and having drinks, we were talking about the night we're gonna have. And I go, I go, yeah, I gotta work Tomorrow. I said, my plan is that we have fun, wear costumes, we eat, we drink. And I said, oh, I'm brushed, I'm flossed and in bed by midnight.

[Tootsie]

Oh, yeah.

[Katya]

And everyone else is like, me too, girl. It's Wednesday. We're gonna do it. We're gonna get out.

[Tootsie]

Yeah.

[Katya]

I said, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that horrible? Because I was in bed by midnight, flossed and brushed. And I was, like, grateful. I was like, I saw to watch All Stars for the Peaceler.

[Shannon Maldonado]

Yeah.

[Katya]

So I was like, I gotta get in bed and watch my story.

[Tootsie]

Yeah.

[Katya]

Is that bad? Am I like. Am I the party ruiner? Sometimes I feel like, miss Grandpa. Because I'm like, miss Grandpa.

[Tootsie]

That's the only way to be.

[Katya]

Because I'm like, well, we're all in my house at 8. I'm setting. I'm setting the. Setting the expectation that when we all come home from the club, I will be going to bed. Is that bad?

[Tootsie]

Oh, so. But I. You were. I would. I. You didn't come home alone?

[Katya]

No, I. The whole group came home, but I didn't make them come. We just. But the whole group earlier in the night was like, oh, yeah, girl. Early night. We're coming home early.

[Tootsie]

They went back to your place?

[Katya]

Yeah. Because their cars were all parked there. Oh, so then coming in, we all hugged.

[Tootsie]

No, no, no. You can't even use the bathroom. Get out of here.

[Katya]

Okay.

[Tootsie]

Why did you go to. Why did you feel like I'm the monster? Why don't you go to the bathroom at the club? You're not taking care of yourself. Not my problem. I gotta go, right? I would start snoring in real time.

[Katya]

You go, only because of this. Because I'm gonna drag every day this week.

[Tootsie]

Start flossing in the car. You get out of it with your bonnet in hot tea. You get out of the car and greet them with a mug of hot chamomile.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Tootsie]

And if they start to get crazy, sleepy time teeth. If you start to get crazy.

[Katya]

Oh, toss them on the face.

[Tootsie]

And then. Oh, God, no. And then you push them in their car. Actually, if you do, if you spill the tea, they're gonna want a band aid.

[Katya]

Did you watch the lobster? Wait, wait, wait. Did you watch the other. What's the other lobster movie?

[Tootsie]

Consider the. Wait, what?

[Katya]

The Elizabeth Moss movie where they turn into lobsters. Hello.

[Tootsie]

With Colin Farrell.

[Katya]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Tootsie]

It's not the lobster.

[Katya]

No, no, no. That's. I'm talking about shell.

[Tootsie]

I did.

[Katya]

Did you watch Shell.

[Tootsie]

I didn't watch all of it though. I didn't get through all of it. I did watch most of it.

[Katya]

Wait.

[Tootsie]

Which leads me back to my next point. So what is. So you're my therapist, right? Dr. Brian. What? And I. And I just told you that story about how I feel so impossibly ugly. And I'm not fishing for compliments.

[Katya]

I don't think you're ugly or impossibly ugly. But I'm telling you, I think swinging back the other direction and saying, I think it's reasonable to say, you know what, there's probably things in my life that guy would be jealous of. You're recognizing that comparing is a human thing and it's a two way street and it's kind of an endless like. Yeah, like self injuring loop. Yeah, yeah, I think that's okay. But I don't think. But making it go away by being like, no, no, no, no. He probably wants to be me.

[Tootsie]

No, no, no. It's not that jealous. It's like, it's like. It's more of like a. It's a gratitude list.

[Katya]

It's a noticing that like I'm experiencing a human thing of like, yeah, I covet that person's hair.

[Tootsie]

I covet.

[Katya]

Or their body or whatever. Yeah, yeah, he covets.

[Tootsie]

He covets.

[Katya]

I. I don't think it's bad. I think it's a very human thing. Alaska and I were just talking about this.

[Tootsie]

It made me really upset.

[Katya]

Oh, I wouldn't let it get you upset. I mean, sometimes I feel.

[Tootsie]

Oh, well, how do I do that?

[Katya]

Sometimes I feel what you're feeling, which is like. I feel like I spent a lot of my young life thinking like my. I was gonna reach some kind of physical peak or some kind of magical second puberty where I was gonna feel gorgeous. And now I'm like. I feel like I'm just like the. The banana that's only good for banana bread.

[Tootsie]

Oh my God.

[Katya]

Just like greasy brown, you know, like

[Tootsie]

dipped in the Melrose dream.

[Katya]

Like I feel like an avocado where it's like for days I couldn't make my guacamole because it's rock hard. And then I blinked and it's rotten. You know how avocados do that? Where it's like.

[Tootsie]

That is really profound. Tootsie.

[Katya]

Where every day I keep my avocados on my windowsill and I have red onion, cherry tomatoes and jalapenos and all that. Cause I'm always ready to make a little guacamole. Cause I'M white, right? White people making some kind of awful guacamole and trying to make everyone eat it. Me, look, I put pineapple in it. Freaky.

[Tootsie]

So there's ham in my guac.

[Katya]

Yeah. I chopped up hot dogs for 60 calories. So every day I grab it, and I swear to God, it's rock hard.

[Shannon Maldonado]

Yeah.

[Katya]

The Internet says, put it in a paper bag so it gets softer faster. You can try to do that. And then, I swear to God, I'm always waiting to make the guac. Ready to make the guac. And then wet, black, Wet and black. Dark brown. And that's how I feel sometimes with my looks, that I'm just like, I was young and on myself, and now I'm this age on myself, and nothing is different.

[Tootsie]

Yeah.

[Katya]

So here we are.

[Tootsie]

No more. No more dancing around in the black Melrose water.

[Katya]

And also, I've learned, even when I was running the marathon and I was in, like, my peak physical form, I didn't really feel that different about myself.

[Tootsie]

Yeah.

[Katya]

It has so little to do with what I really look like. And also, why are we reliable narrators of what we think we look like? We're not.

[Tootsie]

Oh. Not reliable at all.

[Katya]

We're not. We're Michelle in Greece, too, if someone wants to you. Are you really gonna be like, okay, weird. You know what I mean? Maybe

[Tootsie]

that's why I need to hear it four times.

[Katya]

Because she was like, Maybe it's like, like.

[Tootsie]

And then for's like, okay, I'm like,

[Katya]

you want to me. Can you walk this line, please, and do this? Can you follow my finger?

[Tootsie]

Also, can you fill out this 500 question MBTI? Yeah. I was like, we're gonna need a referral, a note from the doctor, and also a witness. Yeah, no, I. I know.

[Katya]

I.

[Tootsie]

Although I've learned that a while ago. It's like when someone says something that is truly complimentary, it's like, don't argue with them. Don't argue with them. I like, I'm gonna take it. What do you. When you take the L in the chat on video games?

[Katya]

F in the chat.

[Tootsie]

F in the chat. What is that? What is. Is there a W or, like, a good one? Is it a thumbs up? Is it a hot dog?

[Katya]

I've been told by fans that I misuse F in the chat. So I guess I don't even know what it means. I think it's like someone dies, and it's like, respect that they died in the game.

[Tootsie]

Okay. Control V or. No, let's just say it's happy control.

[Katya]

Shift 3. Control is how you screenshot.

[Tootsie]

Okay.

[Katya]

If you want to know. That's good to know.

[Tootsie]

Option delete. We gotta wrap. Okay, so I. Yeah, that. I. I would just say if someone says you're hot, believe them. If they're blind, ask them again.

[Katya]

It's a little like, being humble is cute. Sure. But if somebody said to you. And I. I just love your podcast, you say, thank you.

[Tootsie]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I don't say or like, I love

[Katya]

you when you say like, okay or whatever. Not that you would do that, but you're, like, invalidating their real feelings.

[Tootsie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katya]

And when they say they learn something, they're sharing a feeling.

[Tootsie]

I know. Imagine. Imagine. Could you imagine? Imagine if I saw Michelle Pfeiffer alone, and she was.

[Katya]

And you followed her in your car.

[Tootsie]

No, no, no. And she said she had a little piece of paper that's folded that said, yes, I'm Michelle Pfeiffer, and it's okay to talk to me. And so I went up and. And we were the only people in the restaurant. I went up and said, you know, I got.

[Katya]

I don't.

[Tootsie]

I'm not gonna take it to up your. I'm not gonna take up too much of your time, because I just don't want to do that. But I would love for you to know that all throughout your career, I have just been screaming from the sidelines because I think you are just one of the best people on this planet. That's what I would want to say.

[Katya]

It's lovely.

[Tootsie]

Yeah. And. And it's true. And what if she was like, oh, Oh, I suck.

[Katya]

Horrible. She would say, I was at your dasha party.

[Tootsie]

Yeah. And it was really bad.

[Katya]

It was really bad.

[Tootsie]

It was really bad. You really are fat. And you were really wet.

[Katya]

I was at your dasha party.

[Tootsie]

And Dacha.

[Katya]

Dacha. I was at your dacha party, and I'm a really big fan. And I just. You didn't recognize me because. It was me.

[Tootsie]

Michelle Pfeiffer, star of Greece 2, too.

[Katya]

What about Mr. Wonderful thinking this was Santa?

[Shannon Maldonado]

Can you.

[Announcer]

Oh, that's scary.

[Tootsie]

Look right at your camera.

[Katya]

He goes, I think it's Santa.

[Tootsie]

No. He goes, I think it's a gnome.

[Katya]

I said, yeah.

[Tootsie]

You know what? It's also. What's particularly chilling is the. The. The. The eyebrow into the other eye. What looks like. It's kind of. But no tea. You. You put that on any of those Go Go dancers last night or the lovely man that I had a conversation with? The smoking room would would 100% and wouldn't get even a minute flaccid. Not even for a second.

[Katya]

Yeah. Okay.

[Tootsie]

Thank you.

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