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Katya Zamolodchikova
This podcast is brought to you by Aura. Aura monitors the dark web for users phone numbers, emails and Social Security numbers, delivering real time alerts if any suspicious activity is detected. For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14 day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online. All for free. When you visit aura.comdefence that's aura.comdefens to sign up for a 14 day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones. That's a u r a.com defense. Certain terms apply, so be sure to check the site for details.
Trixie Mattel
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Katya Zamolodchikova
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Trixie Mattel
Hi, we're here.
Bob the Drag Queen
Hi.
Trixie Mattel
This is the hat I told you I was wearing at the Australia Maccas when I said I looked like Jennifer Lopez.
Bob the Drag Queen
I love it.
Trixie Mattel
I did know who that model was that you mentioned.
Bob the Drag Queen
Alex Kinsani.
Trixie Mattel
Yes.
Bob the Drag Queen
You better. Y'all better pour one out. Several ones out for Ms. Consani because she is giving you all.
Trixie Mattel
She likes us.
Bob the Drag Queen
She does and she loves. She loves you in particular. And it's I the, the way that I watch this woman's videos, she is just effortlessly hysterical, so quotable.
Trixie Mattel
Raising the bar for all of us, doing it flawlessly.
Bob the Drag Queen
You go girl.
Trixie Mattel
You go girl.
Bob the Drag Queen
No, she's like, oh God. You gotta watch. I highly recommend people watch her on Amelia D. Something. Chicken Shop date. Highly recommend you watch her. I don't think she's done hot ones, but she is just every interview, press tour, every circuit. Mama, she's doing the circuit. She Invented the circuit. She's on Circus Circuit du Soleil. She is just a riot. I love her so much.
Trixie Mattel
I'm nervous because I did a YouTube video the other day, so I did a show for a friend of ours, and the show has, like, an overhead dim light, and I got there in drag and was like, fuck. So I'm probably gonna look fucking awful.
Bob the Drag Queen
You know, I was so. Are you aware of what a dewlap is? D E, W, L, A, P. I think it's a double chin. It's like a gobble kind of sort of idea. But anyways, the point is a dewlap. A dewlap. I've never heard of it.
Trixie Mattel
I'm performing at the dewlap stage at Coachella.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah. The dewlap tires on my truck. There's no. It's like the. It's a bad lighting and bad camera angle that emphasizes. You're like, oh, I like that. Yeah. And it's. Someone had pointed out this terrible direction in lighting on this YouTube video on a pretty successful channel. I was like, oh, interesting. I mean, you know, it's all.
Trixie Mattel
All of them. They all have horrible lighting. I'm not. I'm not just joking. On our channel. My channel at this point.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
Like, you got to check out people. We have the most beautiful lighting. Everybody looks incredible on our channel. And you go to other people's channels and it's some straight guy with a barn light and a flickering light bulb and a candle. There's a light candle.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, there's the. I mean, I. I'll never forget that. The Hollywood Reporter Roundtable with Ms. Jolie and friends, and then that. The French chat show that's in the round. Mama. You can't come for this lighting. Nobody's ever recreated anything more beautiful for a person. Every star that appears on that show is the best that ever looked in their career. It's wild. Yeah, but it's millions and millions of dollars of, like, rigs.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah, it's true. I mean, it's also not. It's also looks like where you put them and how you. You know.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, I mean, yeah, they. This show, for example, had like, seven or six concentric rigs of lighting, and then they had lighting in the. In the desk. And it was so fascinating. So fascinating.
Trixie Mattel
You had the good light. Oh, my God. In Queen of the Universe, we had a. A gold rope light at the judge's desk. So you would have this. Also gold under.
Bob the Drag Queen
So no double chin.
Trixie Mattel
So cunty. I have to tell you something because, you know, when we Talked about who gave. Oh, Scarlett Johansson was like, I don't want to be.
Bob the Drag Queen
Like, I don't want to be identified.
Trixie Mattel
In this moment with you, which. I love that shit. I got this new shit from Christina Ricci. You got to know about this. Christina Ricci got through rough times by talking to birds. This is in the Wall Street Journal magazine. And I, first of all, love her and birds and birds.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
And I love jackets, and I love everything she's ever done. So they asked, do you consider yourself a spiritual person? And she said, I believe in energy and that animals are closer to the universe than us. In my times of crisis, or in the past when I've been in desperate situations, I. I've literally talked to the birds outside of my garden and begged them for help.
Bob the Drag Queen
Begged on my knees for these. These cardinals and finches to come rescue me.
Trixie Mattel
I just. I understand going outside and being like, what's that all about, Smitty? You know, or whatever, you know, talk, you know. What do you think, Mr. Robin? I don't know. Something very, like, Cardinal Law, very dup about that. But then they said, do you begging them? Begging. That's the part makes me funny, is that she's on all fours. It's very Shakespearean. It's like tearing out her own skin.
Bob the Drag Queen
She's. She's Jennifer Love Hewitt in the middle of the street.
Trixie Mattel
What are you waiting for? Yes. So then they asked Christina, do you feel like you've gotten answers back?
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, boy. Here we go, jb. Here we go.
Trixie Mattel
She said, I desperately needed shifts in my life, and those things happened when we talked about this stuff. When we talk about this stuff, I tend to be a little more pragmatic and use more grounded words because I don't feel super mystical.
Bob the Drag Queen
Okay.
Trixie Mattel
Maybe I'm just focusing. Maybe it's just focusing your own mind on what it is that you want. And every choice that you make after that gets you closer to the thing you need. So she came back down.
Bob the Drag Queen
Reasonable. Very reasonable.
Trixie Mattel
But the first half of it, I went beg, begging.
Bob the Drag Queen
I beg. I have to take off all my clothes. I draw a salt circle, girl.
Trixie Mattel
I immediately thought of when Covid started, and Ellen would post those, like, no makeup, crying, backyard pictures. And I, you know, so hard not to relate.
Bob the Drag Queen
So hard not to relate.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah.
Bob the Drag Queen
Crazy.
Trixie Mattel
But that was a great answer where it's like, that's kind of how I feel about prayer, which is. I don't really think God is listening, but it is a form of centering your intention and saying. Saying what you want.
Bob the Drag Queen
Absolutely. It's like, please, God, when was the last time I prayed? It was. Fucking hell, I forget. But yeah, it's like you're. You're. You're reorienting your consciousness toward a goal or towards a. Or away from a bad behavior or away from a. From sadness, heartache, whatever. So, yeah, you're literally just re. It's like a compass. You're reorienting your thought process.
Trixie Mattel
You're Lebanese. You reorient.
Bob the Drag Queen
Thank you. It doesn't matter if you're H I m or S H I m shim.
Trixie Mattel
Doesn't matter if you love him or capital F U, C, K, M, E, N, I, P, U, S, S Y.
Bob the Drag Queen
It doesn't matter if you love him or you take hymns.
Trixie Mattel
See. Okay, I have to ask you. When's the last time you went to church?
Bob the Drag Queen
Ooh, Mom, I go to church Every Day with Ms. Jennifer Hudson. I've already been to the water. No, I think it's actually been buck off.
Trixie Mattel
I know. Was it the time you went in and you were.
Bob the Drag Queen
No.
Trixie Mattel
Remember that?
Bob the Drag Queen
No, no, no.
Trixie Mattel
Speak to someone now, Mama.
Bob the Drag Queen
I was like, I need to speak. I need a direct line. Yesterday.
Trixie Mattel
No, no, it was patched me into Jesus.
Bob the Drag Queen
I'm looking to talk with someone. I'm not sure if he works here still. His name is Jesus H. Christ.
Trixie Mattel
Right.
Bob the Drag Queen
No, I. I've went. I went recently. It's. It's been in the last few.
Trixie Mattel
Have you been in one? A wedding or. You know, it doesn't. We don't we go to churches for not.
Bob the Drag Queen
Sweetie, you know, I'm a big church patronizer. I love to patronize.
Trixie Mattel
Your Savannah accent came out. I'm a big church.
Bob the Drag Queen
I never met a church that I didn't want to patronize.
Trixie Mattel
I love to go down to the Lutheran mass.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah. After. Drink a goblet of mint julep. And I pinch the butts of girls going by and I say to the.
Trixie Mattel
Lord, it's me, Caleb Crawford from down at the Bayou.
Bob the Drag Queen
Then me and Morgan Wallen, we get on a private jet, we escape those New York City slicker horrible devil people, and we just go.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah, take me to God's country. And it's just fat slut with meatball feeding people on stage.
Bob the Drag Queen
It's bears in space.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah, it's bears in space. I think the last time I went was church. Oh, I. Why I had to witness that murder. And I. I went and went by the name Sister Mary Clarence. I was in hiding.
Bob the Drag Queen
That's right.
Trixie Mattel
And remember I taught all those women to sing. Oh, you did such.
Bob the Drag Queen
I mean, people don't give you a lot of credit for that because a lot of those women were very pitchy before you showed up.
Trixie Mattel
Thank you. Well, first of all, I evaded death.
Bob the Drag Queen
Hello.
Trixie Mattel
Discovered Kathy Najimi. You're welcome.
Bob the Drag Queen
Thank you. Kathy.
Trixie Mattel
Hocus Pocus. Who?
Bob the Drag Queen
I don't think we've received a thank you card in the mail. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Trixie Mattel
Not a cheese basket, Nothing.
Bob the Drag Queen
Jesus Christ.
Trixie Mattel
And then greatless, obviously, I went back to being a Vegas headliner. Well, then I had to go teach at that high school.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, Maggie Smith was trying to get you tied down there. But you said, I don't give. You got to give me. I don't. I don't want to do this. This is not my destiny.
Trixie Mattel
I love that scene in that movie. That movie's so good. So good. I love Whoopi Goldberg.
Bob the Drag Queen
She's fabulous.
Trixie Mattel
She's amazing. I love that when I watched. I mean, I always love Sister Act. When I watched the Color Purple on Christmas, I cried so many times with Whoopi Goldberg in that movie.
Bob the Drag Queen
I thought that was a comedy. Just kidding. I'm just kidding.
Trixie Mattel
No, no.
Bob the Drag Queen
It's a gut wrenching.
Trixie Mattel
She's such a good actress. And I love, in Sister act, that scene where she gets them to sing for the first time. And I think they sing. I think they sang Genie in a Bottle. They sing. Try that in a Small town. And then Ms. Professor McGonagall. What's her name?
Bob the Drag Queen
Maggie Smith.
Trixie Mattel
Maggie Smith comes up and is about to, like, read her. And then the priest guy comes up and is like, oh, my gosh. We haven't had that much energy in this church. Thank you so much. And Miss. Miss. Miss McCook has to close her mouth and not you. Her. Miss Smith. Magdalene Smith.
Bob the Drag Queen
Magalina Smith.
Trixie Mattel
She has to, like. Oh, she gets gagged.
Bob the Drag Queen
Gagged. Love it. That Ms. Maggie Smith. The power of music and the power of Maggie. Maggie Smith. She has. She was. I was just writing on my little letterbox.
Trixie Mattel
Is she dead?
Bob the Drag Queen
She's died, unfortunately.
Trixie Mattel
She was amazing.
Bob the Drag Queen
I believe she has passed. She was a legend.
Trixie Mattel
She was amazing.
Bob the Drag Queen
Legend, legend, legend. She was in this movie that was years before the movie Clue was made. She was in Murder by Death, a murder mystery. Stupid, crazy. A lot of racist elements in this movie.
Trixie Mattel
Okay?
Bob the Drag Queen
But her, she plays this high society wife of a. Of a. Like a detective. And she has so many amazing line deliveries. Like, who would want to steal a dead, naked body? And then her husband whispers in her ear something. She's like, oh, that's tacky. That's really tacky. She's so good. Murder by death.
Trixie Mattel
Okay.
Bob the Drag Queen
The show. She is hysterical. Her line deliveries are just.
Trixie Mattel
She. Cuz I first saw her maybe in Hook. And in Hook, she's playing older than she really is.
Bob the Drag Queen
I didn't know that.
Trixie Mattel
Like, she's playing a. They definitely age her more in Hook.
Bob the Drag Queen
Who is she in Hook?
Trixie Mattel
She's Wendy grown up. Oh, remember? The grandma of the kids of his kids. It's kind of a weird plot. Like, didn't you used to be in. Like, wasn't Wendy your little girlfriend and now she's your grandma? Like, I don't know my.
Bob the Drag Queen
I was dating my grandma. That's a big.
Trixie Mattel
I was dating my own grandma. I was dating my.
Bob the Drag Queen
I didn't know I was dating my grandma.
Trixie Mattel
I didn't know I was dating my grandma.
Bob the Drag Queen
That's the Aaron Taylor Johnson story. Hello. Boo.
Trixie Mattel
I have it. I've been saving this to send to you. Have you heard this. Have you heard this Judge Judy audio about the atv?
Bob the Drag Queen
Tell me, tell me.
Trixie Mattel
Judge Judy has the girls completely petrified at every moment.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, yeah.
Trixie Mattel
And I love when they try to with her. Okay, so you got to listen to this. This is crazy for the two of you to use it together occasionally.
Bob the Drag Queen
Where is the atv?
Trixie Mattel
I sold it to a friend.
Bob the Drag Queen
Name of the friend and the phone number of the friend. I don't have that on me. That's too bad. Where do you live?
Monét X Change
Omaha, Nebraska.
Trixie Mattel
You want to get home? Yeah. Get me the name of the friend.
Bob the Drag Queen
Where is the atv?
Trixie Mattel
Get me the name of the friends. She makes a meal out of that word.
Bob the Drag Queen
She chews that scenery up from that courtroom. That. From that little thingy. She's vicious and. Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
Where was the atv? Gave it to a friend. Do you have their phone number, Name and phone number? No. That's too bad. That's too bad.
Bob the Drag Queen
I went.
Trixie Mattel
I also love when she. Have you seen that clip of her? She's talking to that guy and he has his mouth open like this.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, yeah. She's like.
Trixie Mattel
And she goes. She's like doing pantomime theater of that. I think she might be conservative though.
Bob the Drag Queen
Judge Judy, she's a fucking red state billionaire. Like, don't raise minimum wage.
Trixie Mattel
Like, she's kind of like faggy and c. Yeah.
Bob the Drag Queen
Wait, have you seen the gay clip from Kirby Enthusiasm?
Trixie Mattel
The gay clip?
Bob the Drag Queen
The gay kid. The flamboyant kid from.
Trixie Mattel
No.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh my God. This might be a little. It's only a minute and a half. Hold on.
Trixie Mattel
Hi. Hi.
Bob the Drag Queen
My Name is Greg. Is it?
Trixie Mattel
Yes.
Bob the Drag Queen
My name is Larry.
Trixie Mattel
Hi.
Bob the Drag Queen
A great pleasure to meet you.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, thank you.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, you're very welcome.
Trixie Mattel
So what are you drawing?
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, I'm just doodling. That's a Hitler mustache. That's Hitler hair.
Trixie Mattel
What's a Hitler?
Bob the Drag Queen
Hitler was a bad man.
Trixie Mattel
A bad man.
Bob the Drag Queen
Very bad man, yes.
Monét X Change
He started a war.
Trixie Mattel
He didn't.
Bob the Drag Queen
He didn't really care for Jews. He thought they were a bit much.
Trixie Mattel
I would kick his butt.
Bob the Drag Queen
Would you?
Trixie Mattel
Yes.
Bob the Drag Queen
Good for you.
Monét X Change
What's that?
Bob the Drag Queen
What are you watching in there?
Trixie Mattel
Project Runway. Good show.
Bob the Drag Queen
And what do you like about it?
Katya Zamolodchikova
The fashion.
Trixie Mattel
It's like the best show ever.
Bob the Drag Queen
You like fashion?
Trixie Mattel
Yes, I do. Do you like to watch Project Runway?
Bob the Drag Queen
I have never. Wait, hold. I've never seen a full episode.
Trixie Mattel
People love it. That's like Survivor people. Well, some people. It's the only fucking show they watch.
Bob the Drag Queen
But I mean, the. I could see why. I mean, it's really well done, isn't it?
Trixie Mattel
And, you know, it is, but some. It is, but sometimes it sucks when it's a season where you really don't, like, love the top. The people who are sure. Like a big thing where they're all having a show and you're like, this is all a little safe or it's all a little triggered or, you know.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, I mean, Drag Race is. Or was. Let me put it that way.
Trixie Mattel
I don't even think there's anymore was.
Bob the Drag Queen
A really good piss take combo of Top Model and Pressure Runway. Don't you think?
Trixie Mattel
Yeah.
Bob the Drag Queen
Like back in the. I mean, that was kind of the genesis of the whole premise of the show. Right.
Trixie Mattel
Drag Race to me, feels like its own thing. When I was at that Survivor function I told you about, I was with some people who knew Drag Race, so they knew who I was. And I was like, would you guys do reality TV like this? Would you do like this? And they were like, no. I don't know. I was like, I don't think I would either. And I was like, oh, I guess I did. But to me, Drag Race is like a talent show. Survivor and shit like that is like, you're a dental hygienist. Why are you here?
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, it's more of a social.
Trixie Mattel
Are showing their talent.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yes.
Trixie Mattel
I think that makes more sense.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
I don't know what motivates people to be like, I want to be on the mole. I'm an elementary school teacher. Like, what?
Bob the Drag Queen
Or like Big Brother.
Trixie Mattel
That's what I'm saying.
Bob the Drag Queen
Like I'm.
Trixie Mattel
Or the Traders without The celebrities.
Bob the Drag Queen
I'm like, I'm going to go stay in some place, not do anything. Maybe like dress up like a nun every once in a while and, like, do stupid games. And then that's. And then at the end of it, I'm looking at. I don't. I mean, I.
Trixie Mattel
Big brother. Michelle said it's so hard. Michelle said that there's boring.
Bob the Drag Queen
Right.
Trixie Mattel
She can't listen to music. You can't watch tv. That's why she said they constantly show her putting makeup on. She said, because she would put makeup on, take it off, and put it on again, and like, she had nothing to do.
Bob the Drag Queen
Damn.
Trixie Mattel
I mean, she took, like, top five. Remember when Courtney won, sweetie?
Bob the Drag Queen
Mama. Name it Mama thing that Courtney has the one besides Drag Race.
Trixie Mattel
Of course, that whole hearts of millions.
Bob the Drag Queen
The sympathy of the American, you know.
Trixie Mattel
Isn't she co hosting Drag race to the RuPaul now?
Bob the Drag Queen
That was Mama. That was April Fool's.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, I'm sad that that's April.
Bob the Drag Queen
I know, I know.
Trixie Mattel
Let's get the Courtney act in the. In the drag race behind the desk.
Bob the Drag Queen
Sweetie, we were talking about that the other day about Miss down under. And let me just tell you something about down under.
Trixie Mattel
What.
Bob the Drag Queen
What I have observed in the down under girls.
Trixie Mattel
Now, we might have to go to Australia at some time.
Bob the Drag Queen
No.
Trixie Mattel
Remember we went to the UK and we said that they're dogs, Mama.
Bob the Drag Queen
That's what I'm about to.
Trixie Mattel
We were talking to Gay Times, and we were like, like, ooh, woof, woof.
Bob the Drag Queen
Like Kennel Club. Yeah. No, but they be. Here's the thing. The fact that Vanity and Courtney don't co host that show is such a crime against nature because they are so head and shoulders above the rest. Because everybody's kind of like giving camp giving. Like, funny giving. Kind of like little rough around the edges.
Trixie Mattel
My name is Olive. And other.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah. Or they're like, my name is Piece of shit.
Trixie Mattel
My name's also a different color. They all have just these wacky.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah. My name is Bunghole Full of Shite.
Trixie Mattel
My name is a penny saved penny in like. They all have, like, these weird limerick names.
Bob the Drag Queen
My name is the caged Bird Sings because of the. Whatever. Whatever.
Trixie Mattel
But I mean, call me Ishmael. Call me Sheil.
Bob the Drag Queen
My name is. I need a big up my ass or else I'm going to have a. You know, like, whatever.
Trixie Mattel
Why don't you ever get in the butt?
Bob the Drag Queen
Me?
Trixie Mattel
Yeah. Why don't you just put your legs up in the air and let those men have that old Ass.
Bob the Drag Queen
I could do it. I couldn't do it. I'm not comfortable.
Trixie Mattel
Did you like to bottom when you were younger?
Bob the Drag Queen
No, I told you I had the first time I had inner, inner, you know, the first time they ever went downtown. Julie Brown was 30 years of age.
Trixie Mattel
Let's take a break.
Monét X Change
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Trixie Mattel
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Bob the Drag Queen
And we're back. But I Know, the thing I want to say about down under is that it's just. It's. To me, it's just a perfect opportunity to have those two, the. The dynamic. The dynamic duo of Courtney and Vanity helm that show because I think they could make it something really.
Trixie Mattel
Is Michelle host now?
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, yeah. Ru dropped out, and Michelle is kind of the one now, which is fine.
Trixie Mattel
But, I mean, I think I did know that. I forgot. I don't. I don't.
Bob the Drag Queen
She could stay with the three of. The three of them could really kill it.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, my gosh. Two blondes and a brunette together.
Bob the Drag Queen
Thank you.
Trixie Mattel
Michelle's hair, like, black, actually.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah. With a little gray.
Trixie Mattel
My God, I love that gray stripe.
Bob the Drag Queen
I do, too.
Trixie Mattel
You got to look like her to pull off that gray stripe. Because it could go very. It could go Lion, Witch in the.
Bob the Drag Queen
Wardrobe or very, like. Yeah. Haunted Mansion.
Trixie Mattel
It would be very, like. I would like a child, like a monster, you know, or like a blue.
Bob the Drag Queen
Blood aunt who, like, when you come over to visit, she hits you with, like, a. With a ruler with spikes on it.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah.
Bob the Drag Queen
Just, like, mean. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I. I just so feel it's such a shame.
Trixie Mattel
I think it's a shame. It's a shame against humanity, and it's a shame against women who actually are beautiful and classy.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah. And, you know, frankly, those contestants are nothing of the sort.
Trixie Mattel
Nothing of. I haven't. You know, I watched Australia maybe season one. I watched UK season one, Australia season one, and Canada season one.
Bob the Drag Queen
Okay.
Trixie Mattel
I think those are the only internationals I've seen. Honestly.
Bob the Drag Queen
I. Me and Andrew watched Global All Stars.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, that's right.
Bob the Drag Queen
And I'm telling you, mama, that show was a W. I L D. I.
Trixie Mattel
Saw Alyssa Edwards, Alyssa McEdwards, and this is after she won Global All Stars. And I said, congratulations. And she made some joke about, like, girl. And it took me how many tries or whatever, you know, and I laughed. And then I introduced you to a friend, and she said, hi, I'm Justin. And that really shook me because I was like, you're in drag at the. At the Drag Race holiday party thing. And I was like, justin, Justin, that's probably.
Bob the Drag Queen
She's probably trying to cuff up. You know what I mean? You know what I mean?
Trixie Mattel
Was that, like, gear?
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah. She's probably looking for puppy play.
Trixie Mattel
I'm getting sick of us saying gear. I just feel like gear is a funky word.
Bob the Drag Queen
I think they are. I think they're. I think they're a little miffed about us being so flippant and dismissive and also kind of maybe like incorrect about the usage. I don't know.
Trixie Mattel
I guess what I mean is I probably would never be.
Bob the Drag Queen
I'm talking about Richard Gere. For the, for the record, like, I'm not talking. Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
I don't take. I don't. I don't need a lot of accoutrement for sex.
Bob the Drag Queen
What do you need? Duct tape, olive oil, Saran wrap, you.
Trixie Mattel
Know, a couple clothes pins for the nipples.
Bob the Drag Queen
Thank you.
Trixie Mattel
Two more for the eyelids.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
Because I tend to fall asleep.
Bob the Drag Queen
A nice crisp sheet and like a lilac or like a salmon and it's.
Trixie Mattel
Red towel for the.
Bob the Drag Queen
Hello. Thank you. The blood or the marinara, depending on what your kink is. Yeah, but. No, but I'm telling you, listen. Larissa. Oh my God. Larissa. Larissa Edwards.
Trixie Mattel
Larissa Edwards. Melissa McEdwood.
Bob the Drag Queen
Larissa Jedwards. When she came down that. Nine times out of ten when she came down that Runway, sweetie, it was just. It was fireworks on the 4th of July.
Trixie Mattel
Oh my God.
Bob the Drag Queen
It was high drama. It was out of control camp. Me and Andrew screamed every time.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah.
Bob the Drag Queen
Screamed every time. It was just so over the top. It's not. We didn't necessarily love all the outfits, but you could not falter for being boring, I'll tell you that. Yeah, she was really show stopping. Crazy. Crazy.
Trixie Mattel
She's never been boring a day in her life.
Bob the Drag Queen
Nope. She has no idea how to do that. And thank God I, I did some.
Trixie Mattel
Group tours with her back in the day and it was like touring with. It was like the weather, it just.
Bob the Drag Queen
It was Helen Hunt and Twisters.
Trixie Mattel
It was not up and down, but like it affected every space. When she would enter, it would sort of be like, oh, Alyssa's here, mama.
Bob the Drag Queen
She's the center attention, not the wallflower.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah, yeah. She's such a. I mean she really is a star. And she's so sweet. She's fucking nice.
Bob the Drag Queen
She did make all Stars too. Very, very fun.
Trixie Mattel
Oh my God. You did all Stars with her?
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah. I mean she was always like that bitch was bright eyed and bushy tailed every motherfucking day. It was wild. Every morning she was like. It was like fierce.
Trixie Mattel
I bet she's one of those people who's like five hours of sleep, rested.
Bob the Drag Queen
Honey 100 and she like. She pours her monster in her five hour energy in her sugar free Red Bull and a can of gasoline. She just gets it going. She was always on point and.
Monét X Change
Very funny.
Trixie Mattel
Did I tell you they repossessed my car?
Bob the Drag Queen
You had to return it. You mean I returned the rental.
Trixie Mattel
Enterprise took the rental back.
Bob the Drag Queen
They repoed it.
Trixie Mattel
They repoed it.
Bob the Drag Queen
How do you feel about that? I'm so sorry for your loss.
Trixie Mattel
I'm so stranded.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, now.
Trixie Mattel
So here's my assistant. Drive me here today. Oh, my God.
Bob the Drag Queen
You got to buy a car now.
Trixie Mattel
I know. What am I supposed to do? Lease, lease, lease.
Bob the Drag Queen
Easy, easy.
Trixie Mattel
Well, currently I'm really horny for this 2019 Volkswagen Beetle. It's the last Beetle they made. Beetle? That's so mean.
Bob the Drag Queen
Beetle, Meyer.
Trixie Mattel
That's so mean.
Bob the Drag Queen
Mary, let me tell you something about Ms. Beatle and your life.
Trixie Mattel
What do we think about convertible Mini Cooper?
Bob the Drag Queen
A Cabriolet? Sweetie, let me tell you, that's great. When you're tooling around P Town and Martha's Vineyard unencumbered by the. The weight and area of drag. That's it. That's the second car.
Trixie Mattel
Okay.
Bob the Drag Queen
No, no, I'm serious. I'm serious. That's the second car you need. Like.
Trixie Mattel
Well, I can't fit. You know, I've hit the gate five times. I can't get a wide car.
Bob the Drag Queen
But that doesn't mean. That doesn't mean you need to drive like a Mini Cooper or a Mazda Miata.
Trixie Mattel
Well, the tallest, skinniest car is the G Wagon, which I think that's too much money.
Bob the Drag Queen
It's too much money and it's not worth it.
Trixie Mattel
I'm honestly, I don't want to be cheap. I cannot imagine. I'm not paying more than $500 a month for a car lease. And I'm not buying a car that's over $50,000.
Bob the Drag Queen
Sweetie, a. A, a midsize SUV like Honda CRV, a Subaru Forester, like those that are like. Even Fina's new car is totally spacious, reasonable to lease, and it's lovely to look at, and it's great driving.
Trixie Mattel
I've seen some commercials about Subaru, Honda having an event that I could get a car leased for under $300.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, mama. What about that?
Trixie Mattel
Could be huge for me.
Bob the Drag Queen
What about this? What about Toyota Thon? Honey, what about Ernie Brock Jr. On the automile? Toyota Thon.
Trixie Mattel
Toyota Thon.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah. Could change your life.
Trixie Mattel
I gotta get it all together, okay? I gotta get the good, affordable car.
Bob the Drag Queen
Maybe it's a bird scooter. Maybe it's a segue. You know, Maybe it's a. Well, now that I'm in the sidecar on a motorcycle driven by someone else.
Trixie Mattel
Or just a sidecar.
Bob the Drag Queen
Thank you.
Trixie Mattel
I should Marty McFly it. You think I could get to Burbank on a. Grabbing people's bumpers?
Bob the Drag Queen
Hell, yeah, you could. But Rollerblades. Rollerblades, yeah, yeah. Rollerblade stilts. So you can hold on to the top of the thing.
Trixie Mattel
Love Back to the Future.
Bob the Drag Queen
I've never seen it.
Trixie Mattel
Are you out of your mind?
Bob the Drag Queen
Yes, it's. I know, I know. It's crazy. It's.
Trixie Mattel
I think, honestly, the first one, it's like a perfect movie. And also in the second one, Biff the Bad Guy is the future. Obviously, it's in the future. And Biff the Bad Guy is basically playing Donald Trump. It's so.
Bob the Drag Queen
No way. Yes.
Trixie Mattel
Really blonde and, like, you know, tan and super gaudy and like a tower.
Bob the Drag Queen
Love that. Oh, very last thing. Question.
Trixie Mattel
Last thing. We've been here 20 minutes.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, first thing.
Trixie Mattel
Anyway, do you have somewhere to be?
Bob the Drag Queen
We do.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, we do. That's right.
Bob the Drag Queen
But I want to ask you. So I'm now in the very. So you know the mold situation. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Hardship, hardship, hardship, hardship, hardship, hardship. No, we're past that. So now we're in. We're getting our toes dipped in the very lovely and exciting waters of design choices.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, Randall. Ooh, the rain. So what are you going to do?
Bob the Drag Queen
I think blush and bashful. No, I. I think I'm going to do black and white and green in my bathroom.
Trixie Mattel
Do you feel comfortable breaking the news to everyone here? Do you think that. I mean, did you want to do, like, a press rollout?
Bob the Drag Queen
A soft launch?
Trixie Mattel
I need more information than three colors in the bathroom.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, sure. Yeah, Absolutely. Let me. Let me illustrate more.
Trixie Mattel
You acting like you were telling us you were pregnant. You're going to use white, black, and green in the bathroom. I see.
Bob the Drag Queen
I see, I see.
Trixie Mattel
You need more details. You see? What else?
Bob the Drag Queen
So it's basically an, like, it's. You stop yelling at me. I feel very vulnerable.
Trixie Mattel
Okay. I never. This is a. No. This is a video I never thought I'd be making. I will be doing black, white, and green in the bathroom.
Bob the Drag Queen
Shut the hell up.
Trixie Mattel
That's your theme.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah. So. Okay, take a look. Take a look.
Trixie Mattel
Red and wild.
Bob the Drag Queen
Shit, bitch.
Trixie Mattel
Should I shave off my eyebrows?
Bob the Drag Queen
This is a little gaudy. Wait, hold on. This is a little gy.
Trixie Mattel
You know this is a podcast, right?
Bob the Drag Queen
I know. This is just between us. So that's the kind of like. Do you know what I mean? Does that make sense?
Trixie Mattel
You can't see this, but it's. It's not what you think. It's not Dental. It's. It's very green. It's very green.
Bob the Drag Queen
It's very green.
Trixie Mattel
But also it's going to be beautiful.
Bob the Drag Queen
Hold on. The brown, like the black.
Trixie Mattel
See, that's going to be nice.
Bob the Drag Queen
I don't you think so?
Trixie Mattel
You got to invest in those gold fixtures or they're going to give cheap boots.
Bob the Drag Queen
I want to do oxidized bronze.
Trixie Mattel
It's going to be gorgeous. You should do an antiqued mirror.
Bob the Drag Queen
I'm doing black toilet, black diarrhea, poop. Thank you.
Trixie Mattel
Blood on the stool.
Bob the Drag Queen
Mama blowing that up. Ain't nobody going to know but me.
Trixie Mattel
Moment on the lips. Lifetime. And the blood in the stool.
Bob the Drag Queen
Thank you.
Trixie Mattel
So today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Naked Wines. And I'm telling you, I go to a lot of functions, right? And I do believe that you should bring a gift. And I also do believe if you have people over, you should have something for them to drink. You guys know I recently went to that party for St. Patrick's Day and I had a big brown paper bag and I thought I was going to pull out some gorgeous, stunning, bespoke, hand chosen, ethically sourced, stunning wine. And instead I pulled out a huge room temp handle of vodka and slammed it on the table like an oil drum. And an older woman looked at me like I was a criminal. Listen, if you want to be the most interesting person at the next party you go to with our partner here at Naked Wines, you can bring the best, most interesting wine from an independent winemaker and have an actual unique story. I mean, don't be that girl, okay? Don't be me. Basically, it's 2025, okay? Stop shopping for wine like it's 2005. I would know. I was there. Shopping for wine. Naked Wines is a service that directly connects you to the world's finest independent winemaker so you can get award winning wine delivered straight to your door. I'll also say I don't want to be shallow. Usually the indie wine people have the cool labels with the cool names too, and I love that. Use our code bald for your code and password@nakedwines.com and get their incredible deal of six bottles for just $39.99. Six bottles, wow. That'll take you to six different parties. How do they do it? I mean, Naked Wines connects winemakers and wine drinkers directly, allowing the vineyard basically spiritually to come to your door with delivery for up to 60% off than you would pay in the store. Plus, if you're in one of those states where the alcohol store is separate from the grocery store. I hate that. Right? Eliminate a stop by cutting out the traditional retail middleman costs and markups. Winemakers pass the savings onto you without skimping on quality. My wife Janine and I shared a stunning cabernet. And normally I don't like reds, but she, you know, she has a tendency to make me kind of like, you know, try new things in life. That's why we're such a good match going on 18 years. Shout out to my wife and don't forget, you can pause or cancel at any time. So just because if you got a trip coming up doesn't mean you can't enjoy naked wines before or after that much needed vacation. I also just want to point out you do not have to be naked. That is your choice. Now is the time to join the naked wines community. Head to nakedwines.com bald click enter voucher and put in my code bald for both the code and password for six bottles of wine for 39.99 with shipping included. That's $100 off your first six bottles of naked wines at nakedwines.com bald and use the code and password bald for six bottles of wine for 39 point nine nine.
Monét X Change
This episode of the Bald and the Beautiful is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, a lot has changed over the years with how society views therapy. Mental health awareness is growing, but there's still lots of room for progress. For instance, did you know that 26% of Americans who participated in a recent survey say they've avoided seeking mental health support due to the fear of judgment?
Bob the Drag Queen
That's right.
Monét X Change
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Bob the Drag Queen
Better help helped me.
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Trixie Mattel
She says that in hacks don't you know about. Moment on the lips, and then she gets her high and feeds her the french fries.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, I love that scene. It's so when she gets her eyes done, I'm.
Trixie Mattel
Don't look at this. And don't look at this. I like McDonald's. You would think I'm a super fan based on this, but them french fries are good. Are you kidding me?
Bob the Drag Queen
They're the best.
Trixie Mattel
Are you kidding?
Bob the Drag Queen
Let's go down the. Let's go down the list. French fries. We got Wendy's, McDonald's, Burger King.
Trixie Mattel
Wendy's is number one, right? With the french fries.
Bob the Drag Queen
Mom, I don't know what. I don't know what world you're living in.
Trixie Mattel
Right. French fry and a frosty fresh.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, frosty different fresh french fry from a fast food joint. Mom, it's McDonald's or no.
Trixie Mattel
It is McDonald's. I take it back. I'm sorry.
Bob the Drag Queen
Burger King. Flop. Tina flop.
Trixie Mattel
I don't like those Wendy's flop.
Bob the Drag Queen
In and out.
Trixie Mattel
Culver's, I like. They're a little crinkle cut. Was that Culver's?
Bob the Drag Queen
Never had that.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, I think it might be middle flyover state only.
Bob the Drag Queen
I love a chick fil. A waffle thing, but that's a different. That's a whole different thing.
Trixie Mattel
So you hate gays?
Bob the Drag Queen
Of course I do. I hate gays. Love trans curveball.
Trixie Mattel
It's the only thing. It's the only thing conservatives and gays have in common is like.
Bob the Drag Queen
Like gays, g. I know the chicken, though. That's the reach across the aisle.
Trixie Mattel
Well, drag is tired. Gay is tired.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
Trans is still hitting.
Bob the Drag Queen
Let me tell you, though.
Trixie Mattel
Gay, gay, and drag is very tired.
Bob the Drag Queen
I saw this interview with David Sedaris, whom I previously kind of adore. I love a lot of his books. I, of course, I love Amy Sedaris. But he was doing this, okay, boomer bullshit, I think, with Bill Maher on. On, like, the New Yorker, whatever, having this conversation of, like, the gay thing. He doesn't like queer. He doesn't want to identify as queer. Like, then, Mary, you don't have to. You don't have to identify as queer. Maybe queer is not, for you, an older gay man. You know what I mean?
Trixie Mattel
Right. I did see this lovely stand up who was talking about. He was like, oh, I, you know, used to live in Portland and I. He was Saying that. He basically said that gay is when you're attracted to the same sex and queer is when you're attracted to the same sex, but really annoying about it, which I like.
Bob the Drag Queen
I mean, that's funny.
Trixie Mattel
And he was gay and he was like, you know, and if you're offended by that, it's because you're sitting in the audience and you're a queer woman who's here with her boyfriend and this girl in the front was like waving her hands.
Bob the Drag Queen
That is hysterical.
Trixie Mattel
And, you know, that's fun. That's. Not to all of you, but that's just some comedian who said that. I'm just here.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, but I mean, that's like. It was discussed in a way that wasn't nearly that funny, you know, but it's just like, oh, you know what? Do we really need to listen to your. Okay, boomer, kind of like take on this issue from a 65 year old gay guy who's like, wildly successful? Right.
Trixie Mattel
Like, I was in an event once and they were honoring. Who was it?
Bob the Drag Queen
Chaka Khan?
Trixie Mattel
No, Rosie. Rosie O'Donnell. And she a famous local Ireland person now. She, like moved to Ireland. She's outie.
Bob the Drag Queen
Alan moved to England.
Trixie Mattel
It's cunty.
Bob the Drag Queen
The dykes are leaving. Are you. Can I see your plane ticket, ma'am? Girl, yeah, we're gonna be done.
Trixie Mattel
And she said, she came up on stage and they were honoring her at the Queerties last year. And she said, I'm gonna be honest. She was basically saying, young queer people teach me every day. Because she's like, you guys, I'm a 90s lesbian. She was like, I always have room to learn. She's like, my kids teach me stuff about me. But that doesn't mean that at your age, with. That's the other thing too. These gay people who came before you who fought for all this shit for you to even fight about, if they don't use the exact terminology that came out this year, why don't you just give them a little grace?
Bob the Drag Queen
No, no, no, no, no. Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
When they're on the tick tock and they're saying, telling a trans girl she can't say. Yeah, maybe she was saying it from a different time in life and. You know what I mean?
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
People live.
Bob the Drag Queen
I think they are. But I, I think this sort of the, the, the stubborn reticence to ev. To incorporate evolved or to incorporate new language or to, to kind of like follow the evolution of language from an author.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah.
Bob the Drag Queen
Is a little crazy. They gave an example of like, I.
Trixie Mattel
See what you're saying, do you know what I mean?
Bob the Drag Queen
It's like, it's like. Well, in medical, in my time as a doctor, we used four steps of no anesthesia. Well, times they are a change in.
Trixie Mattel
Right.
Bob the Drag Queen
You know what I mean?
Trixie Mattel
I guess, I don't mean I guess I mean when people are gay and they came before you and they built all this for you to fight over anyway.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
Just remind yourself to be patient and.
Bob the Drag Queen
You know, that's a great thing, regardless of whatever it is in terms of change.
Trixie Mattel
Aunt Gooch is a lesbian.
Bob the Drag Queen
Diesel dagger.
Trixie Mattel
Yes. And I bet the terminology that they use today she might not be exactly privy to. Doesn't mean she doesn't fucking care about it. Just maybe he's told her or you know, decades of saying this.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
She hasn't addressed it. You know, I don't know.
Bob the Drag Queen
Also, you don't have to call yourself queer. Just say you're gay.
Trixie Mattel
You're some gay guy, some kind of gay guy. You know, we're just gay guys. We're white gay guys. Bald, white gay guys.
Bob the Drag Queen
I'm just some gay guy.
Trixie Mattel
Just some gay guy. You know, and also I do feel people are usually are harder on women about that too.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, I think it's also I feel.
Trixie Mattel
Like the gay women can't say anything correctly on the Internet.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, I think a lot of the queer terminology exists for the comfort and inclusion of women.
Trixie Mattel
Exactly.
Bob the Drag Queen
You know, like. And these like faggot, older, you know, boomer gay guys are like, well, I don't anyways, blah, blah, blah.
Trixie Mattel
But you know, we're middle aged. Not even are you middle aged.
Bob the Drag Queen
When is middle aged? Can we.
Trixie Mattel
When do you plan on dying? Cuz we can calculate the middle like three weeks. Okay, then you're not.
Bob the Drag Queen
Look at that. Look at that gorgeous bathroom.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah, that's going to be nice. You're going to have to get a housekeeper, mama.
Bob the Drag Queen
She's got, she's got one.
Trixie Mattel
40 and 60. Mary, you're middle aged.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, what about this, the small one?
Trixie Mattel
Black love.
Bob the Drag Queen
I'm going to get a black toilet. I'm going to get a black toilet.
Trixie Mattel
I think that's going to be great. You should get one made and not paint it.
Bob the Drag Queen
What was it?
Trixie Mattel
40 and 60 is middle aged.
Bob the Drag Queen
Ooh, there ain't no other way. It doesn't matter if you're him or middle aged. Whatever.
Trixie Mattel
Now what kind of things could we get you doing that's more middle aged? I think you should take a cooking class at the Williams Sonoma.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, Brookline Adult Education Center. I got to take a class for sure. And I think it's got to be in computer processing, like, how to like hook up my computer, how to type correctly.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, when you go to the Apple Store, you have to book an appointment, have them show you how to turn it on, intern it off and turn it off.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Trixie Mattel
And you need to ask things like, well, how will I know that people aren't stealing my information?
Bob the Drag Queen
Thank you. And. And so what do I do if it only does capital letters?
Trixie Mattel
Right?
Bob the Drag Queen
You know what I mean? Like this.
Trixie Mattel
How do I forward jokes? God, how do I.
Bob the Drag Queen
How do I send chain letters from my Facebook? You know, also how do I get on Facebook?
Trixie Mattel
We make fun of like old people sharing jokes. All I do is fire off tiktoks to people. It's all I do. I'm that scene in the Grinch where he's like throwing the letters. That's me sending like shitty, like a RuPaul TikTok to someone. You know what I mean? I stopped sending him to because I was like, I don't think she's watching them.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, you know what though? Laughter is the best medicine. And maybe you're a doctor no one's want your doctor no one wants to go to. That doesn't make it any less important.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah, you know, I think you could do. Maybe you could start walking around with one of those drips that's kind of middle aged.
Bob the Drag Queen
Imagine the drip. Wait, like I thought a drip for.
Trixie Mattel
Me because I'm looking at morphine drip.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, no, I thought drip was like a fierce outfit. No, Drippy Longstocking.
Trixie Mattel
What if you did Zumba mama?
Bob the Drag Queen
What about Tae Bo? Throwing it real way back.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, hell yeah.
Bob the Drag Queen
Cardio kickboxing.
Trixie Mattel
What was his name?
Bob the Drag Queen
Billy Blanks.
Trixie Mattel
Billy Blanks. That was fit okay. That motherfucker was.
Bob the Drag Queen
That mother was thick and persuasive because guess what? He got my mother to teach a class for a few months. That's right, Ms. Pat.
Trixie Mattel
I have such clear pictures of those infomercials. He was deep skin, oiled up or sweating or both.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
And absolutely jazz. And he had all these like your mom's friend behind him, like.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, yeah.
Trixie Mattel
It's so crazy.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah. I mean, I think it's time.
Trixie Mattel
Is it a type of martial arts Taebo? Is it real?
Bob the Drag Queen
It's cardio kickboxing. It's just like an aerobics with a martial arts kind of flair to it.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah, you can't. You don't do it to beat someone up. No, no, you don't Exercise like Zumba. You go to Zumba to learn how to whoop ass.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, you. If you have someone in your life that you need to kill, you go to a zoom.
Trixie Mattel
Self defense. Now what about. Oh, you should take a women's self defense course where you stomp the foot and say, I don't know you.
Bob the Drag Queen
And like, you know, go in a hard front wig, no makeup, and if anybody misgenders me, I'll cry. No, no, no. I want to do you.
Trixie Mattel
I did one of those self defense courses. They grab you, you step out, you stomp the foot. You hit here, you hit the face and you. The main thing is they want you to scream. Scream so bad that you scare them away.
Bob the Drag Queen
So charge with a gun. Run if it's a knife. That's what I also heard.
Trixie Mattel
What?
Bob the Drag Queen
So if you're in kind of close range a gun, charge, charge. But knife, you run. Do you know what I mean, though? Like in an emergency still.
Trixie Mattel
So you're saying people should run at someone with a gun.
Bob the Drag Queen
So. No, no.
Trixie Mattel
Say we see someone with a gun half mile away. Start.
Bob the Drag Queen
Imagine this. Imagine this. Hold out your gun like, like you're going to shoot somebody in this room.
Trixie Mattel
Now. This is not real. We should have a safety meeting. This is not a real gun. Oh, you scared me. Oh, my God, the gun is away. I almost shot you. This they never. The safety on.
Bob the Drag Queen
Hello.
Trixie Mattel
You're out of your mind.
Bob the Drag Queen
No, but I mean, but you were looking there because you're kind of like, I don't.
Trixie Mattel
Can I tell you something?
Bob the Drag Queen
If you got a knife, though, that's.
Trixie Mattel
Scary about America is when other countries, they're like, if I go to America, will I get shot? I'm like, maybe. Yeah, but if you carry a gun, aren't you more likely to get shot?
Bob the Drag Queen
Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. Also, you're much more likely to commit suicide.
Trixie Mattel
Well, you remember in death proof when Ms. Thing is like, you know what happened? They were like, why don't you carry a knife? And she was like, what did she say? They ask her remember? They go, she, they, they remember that girl, Tracy, I forgot her name is the actress Tracy something from Rent. Yes. She plays the girl with the curls who's.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, yeah, the driver. Yes, Hunty.
Trixie Mattel
And when they're like, why don't you carry a mace? She goes, if I go down my laundry room in the middle of the night and someone tries to rape me, I don't want to give him a skin rash.
Bob the Drag Queen
Totally.
Trixie Mattel
You know when she said that, I was like, honestly, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Is it like if the woman is holding a gun in my red state.
Bob the Drag Queen
Thank you.
Trixie Mattel
I guess I am. I mean, if it's a woman, I'm like, shoot him. Do it him. You know, Off, Off. I don't know. I. I think I would be scared to have a gun, scared to have a knife. And also, what is. Am I Crocodile Dundee going to Gelson's with a knife? That's t. He can't even fly with a nail file.
Bob the Drag Queen
I mean, I don't know about conceal and carry with a knife. I think a knife is more of like a. Actually, I don't really know what a knife is good for, but I don't.
Trixie Mattel
Think you conceal the. I think you do conceal the gun. I think you wear the knife like Game of Thrones, like, and what? Or you will get stabbed.
Bob the Drag Queen
You wear it on a garter because you're cross dressing later in the evening in a deep breeze neighborhood.
Trixie Mattel
You pull up your lounge or your saloon girl dress and it's a tiny gun or.
Bob the Drag Queen
No, no. You pull up the dress and it's small gun, medium gun, Beretta, Glock. It just keeps going up and up and up. I feel like that's fierce.
Trixie Mattel
Hell, yeah.
Bob the Drag Queen
But I just finished the Pit. The show. The Pit. The medical drama on Max. Sweetie, baby, I feel like you. Because you had mentioned earlier that your tolerance for gore, I think, is kind of diminishing, or not so much as it used to be. Mama, I had to look away a lot of these times in the finale. I don't want to give it away.
Trixie Mattel
What is the Pit?
Bob the Drag Queen
The Pit is a medical drama in the vein of er.
Trixie Mattel
Why are you watching this on Max?
Bob the Drag Queen
On a TV in my home? What do you think? I'm watching it on a good gearbox.
Trixie Mattel
You watch a lot of tv?
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, the other day, I.
Trixie Mattel
What do you do?
Bob the Drag Queen
The other day I watched.
Trixie Mattel
I think when you're not with me, you're at home watching tv.
Bob the Drag Queen
Many times. Other times. Other times I'm out with activities.
Trixie Mattel
Which is what?
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, just last.
Trixie Mattel
The gym, I guess.
Bob the Drag Queen
Just last night, Jim, I went to.
Trixie Mattel
Do you ever go to the grocery store?
Bob the Drag Queen
Funny you should say that. I was a frequenter of Gelson's. Just the other evening, baby walked in. Walked right in.
Trixie Mattel
Groceries.
Bob the Drag Queen
I had to go get coffee.
Trixie Mattel
You got to take Fountain. You got to take Fountain. But not like crazy rush hour in Wisconsin. We take Bubbler.
Bob the Drag Queen
You got to take Bubbler to the Whipple. Bubbler to the Whipple.
Trixie Mattel
You got to take Bubble.
Bob the Drag Queen
Wait, wait, wait, wait. So the. This was a gritty, fast moving medical drama on Max that takes place. Each episode has an hour of the same day. So it's kind of got a 24 hour vibe. What? In the last hour, Mama hits the fan so fiercely, so nastily, so bloodily and so graphically that I was like, well, first of all, I cried my eyes out because it was incredibly sad and it was just so graphic. And I was like, I recommend it if you want to really watch something gritty. And, you know, it was a lot. It was a lot.
Trixie Mattel
It was a lot, Robin.
Bob the Drag Queen
It was a lot, Robin.
Trixie Mattel
Can I tell the people what happened with the vape on the plane?
Monét X Change
Yes.
Bob the Drag Queen
I love that shit.
Trixie Mattel
So I tried to fly with it because I feel bad getting where we're going and then basically panhandling to our fans or people we work with about weed. So I've been trying to not beg for marijuana when I go places because.
Bob the Drag Queen
Honestly, it's not safe.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah. It's crazy. And I don't want, you know, maybe I just, you know. So I tried to bring a vape the other day, and then I was googling. Do you put it in the carry on? Do you put it in the checked bag? What do you do? And the Internet said you don't put it in the checked bag because they.
Bob the Drag Queen
Ask you, even E cigarettes, they said.
Trixie Mattel
To carry it on. Yeah, but you're not supposed to fly with marijuana in general.
Bob the Drag Queen
Says whom?
Trixie Mattel
TSA America.
Bob the Drag Queen
TSA everyone.
Trixie Mattel
So I take the little vape pen and I put it in the. I put it in my. I put it in this pocket. Hoodie pocket.
Bob the Drag Queen
Okay.
Trixie Mattel
And then I get to the airport and we're doing the P.S. direct.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, yeah, baby.
Trixie Mattel
And P.S.
Bob the Drag Queen
I love you.
Trixie Mattel
I go to put it in my suitcase, but they're watching me and I feel surveilled. So I take mouthwash out of the bag and swish it and spit it out. And I act like that's what I was doing.
Bob the Drag Queen
Very natural tea. Very natural tea.
Trixie Mattel
So then I get up to the thing and I realize I never put it in the backpack. So my backpack is going in the thing. Yeah. And you know, you can't reach.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Trixie Mattel
I just take it and throw it.
Bob the Drag Queen
Throw it into the whole conveyor in a bucket.
Trixie Mattel
So it's in a bucket going through. And I go, well, you should have.
Bob the Drag Queen
Been like, that's always brought me luck. Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
So then they didn't give a. Did they? They didn't give a.
Bob the Drag Queen
But he was so stressed out about it. And of Course I was like, before we got into the line, we're like, oh my God, I have a weed vape on me. They're going to check. I was like, girl, is California, but.
Trixie Mattel
You should maybe put it in a backpack. I just whipped it in a bucket.
Bob the Drag Queen
It's okay. The people. Because we have the luxury of going through that little, little, little Mupps direct. I know.
Trixie Mattel
It's too much, it's too much, it's too much.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah. This will be of great interest to our salt of the earth viewers. We are scaling back on our excessively luxurious details of our.
Trixie Mattel
We're going to cheaper hotels, we're taking.
Bob the Drag Queen
Cheaper flighting, we're walking, we're biking. If we're not flying. Yeah, we're really gonna just.
Trixie Mattel
We got one of those Wright's brothers airplanes with the bike and that's how we're getting to gig.
Bob the Drag Queen
And if there's a lake, we're gonna do that.
Trixie Mattel
The paddle, the paddle boat for sure.
Monét X Change
Absolutely.
Trixie Mattel
I just want us to spend less money.
Bob the Drag Queen
No, I, I think you're totally right. I mean, I'm, I, I, I do, I do kind of skew towards yolo. You know, you're here, you might as well do it. Lovely. But I think that it just doesn't make a lot of sense anymore. And I need to, I, I need to make a concerted effort to be much less frivolous and more practical. Frugal.
Trixie Mattel
And when I think about the money I might have saved in my life, that's a really hard thing to think about.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, sweetie, sweetie, mama.
Trixie Mattel
When I think of.
Bob the Drag Queen
You got to shut that down. You got to shut that conversation.
Trixie Mattel
If I've been flying coach this whole time? I think about the money. I.
Bob the Drag Queen
Baby, what do you think I'm doing when I'm staring off into the distance outside? I'm thinking about, I'm thinking about. That's. That was a 48, $48 GrubHub order. That was a 37 grub.
Trixie Mattel
I know.
Bob the Drag Queen
I'm like, what do you think I'm doing? It's like the wheel, the crank is turning. The, the ticker tape is coming down.
Trixie Mattel
Why don't you tell them about your Starbucks lifestyle?
Bob the Drag Queen
Sweetie, baby, sweetie, baby, sweetie. This put the kibosh on that. Guess who made coffee last night.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, look it, we're getting very earthy.
Bob the Drag Queen
I had.
Trixie Mattel
We're talking to birds.
Bob the Drag Queen
I. This morning my, my breakfast was approximately $8.
Trixie Mattel
Baby.
Bob the Drag Queen
That was a far cry from a $48 frivolous Starbucks order via Grubhub. Even though I'm a member, even though I got benefits and credits and they love me. Of course I am. But 2025 is the year of being single. 2025 is the year of being frugal. 2025 is the year of new beginnings. Harsh realities, but lovely acceptance app that is.
Trixie Mattel
Let's end on that. That's perfect. Love that. Love that. Okay. Love that. Bye.
Katya Zamolodchikova
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Trixie Mattel
Come Back from the Dark Somehow.
Bob the Drag Queen
The.
Trixie Mattel
Price of admission, the new album from Turnpike Troubadours is out now. Stream it wherever you listen to music.
Podcast Title: The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Episode: Take Us Back to Gawd's Country with Trixie and Katya
Release Date: April 29, 2025
Host/Authors: Trixie Mattel, Katya Zamolodchikova, Bob the Drag Queen, Monét X Change
Description: In this episode, Trixie, Katya, Bob, and Monét delve into a myriad of topics ranging from the intricacies of video lighting, nostalgic reflections on beloved actors, the evolution of RuPaul's Drag Race, practical advice on car leasing, to discussions on mental health and self-defense. Their dynamic and humorous banter offers listeners an engaging and insightful journey through their fabulous lives in Tinseltown.
[02:41 - 07:20]
The conversation kicks off with Trixie expressing anxiety over her upcoming YouTube video shoot due to poor lighting conditions. Bob humorously attempts to explain terminology like "dewlap," leading to a broader discussion on the significance of proper lighting in video productions. They contrast their own high-quality lighting setups with the often inadequate setups found on other channels. Trixie remarks, “We have the most beautiful lighting. Everybody looks incredible on our channel” ([03:36]), highlighting their commitment to visual excellence.
Notable Quote:
Trixie Mattel: “We have the most beautiful lighting. Everybody looks incredible on our channel.” ([03:36])
[04:41 - 11:11]
The hosts reminisce about iconic actors like Whoopi Goldberg and Maggie Smith, discussing their impactful performances in classics such as Sister Act and The Color Purple. Trixie shares her admiration for Christina Ricci’s coping mechanisms, citing an article from the Wall Street Journal. Bob and Trixie reflect on Maggie Smith's versatile roles and her passing, expressing deep respect and fond memories.
Notable Quote:
Bob the Drag Queen: “Maggie Smith was a legend.” ([10:54])
[22:31 - 26:29]
The discussion shifts to RuPaul's Drag Race, with Bob expressing disappointment over certain changes in the show's hosting lineup. They debate the potential of international editions, particularly emphasizing the dynamic duo of Courtney and Vanity as ideal hosts. Trixie shares her viewing habits, mentioning she has watched seasons from Australia, the UK, and Canada, praising Alyssa Edwards for her vibrant performances.
Notable Quote:
Bob the Drag Queen: “Alyssa Edwards was always on point and… wild every morning.” ([25:58])
[26:27 - 28:36]
Facing a car repossession, Trixie and Bob engage in a humorous yet practical discussion about finding affordable vehicle options. They explore various models like the 2019 Volkswagen Beetle, Mini Cooper, and SUVs such as Honda CRV and Subaru Forester. Bob suggests frugal alternatives and shares his thoughts on modest spending, while Trixie laments the financial strain but remains optimistic about finding a suitable lease.
Notable Quote:
Trixie Mattel: “I'm really horny for this 2019 Volkswagen Beetle. It's the last Beetle they made.” ([27:19])
[52:32 - 54:27]
Towards the end of the episode, the hosts reflect on adopting a more frugal lifestyle in 2025. They discuss reducing expenses by opting for cheaper flights, accommodations, and everyday spending. Bob humorously contrasts his past "YOLO" mindset with the current emphasis on practicality. Trixie sums up the sentiment by highlighting the importance of saving money and embracing new beginnings with acceptance.
Notable Quote:
Trixie Mattel: “2025 is the year of being frugal. 2025 is the year of new beginnings.” ([54:02])
[34:25 - 35:25]
Monét X Change introduces a segment on mental health, emphasizing the growing awareness and the need to break stigmas surrounding therapy. She shares her personal experiences with therapy, highlighting its benefits in dealing with both significant and minor life challenges. Bob chimes in, agreeing on the importance of seeking help and supporting mental well-being.
Notable Quote:
Monét X Change: “The world is better when people are healthy and happy.” ([34:45])
[46:31 - 52:32]
The hosts engage in a lighthearted yet informative discussion on self-defense strategies. They explore various scenarios involving firearms and knives, blending humor with practical advice. Trixie shares a personal anecdote about TSA and her vape pen, leading to deeper conversations about personal safety and preparedness in different situations.
Notable Quote:
Bob the Drag Queen: “Laughter is the best medicine.” ([44:44])
Take Us Back to Gawd's Country offers a vibrant mix of humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful discussions. From the technical nuances of video production to heartfelt reflections on beloved actors, practical advice on car leasing, and essential conversations on mental health and self-defense, Trixie, Katya, Bob, and Monét create an engaging narrative that resonates with both regular listeners and newcomers alike. Their authentic camaraderie and diverse range of topics make this episode a compelling listen for anyone seeking both entertainment and valuable insights.
Notable Quotes Overview:
These quotes encapsulate the essence of the episode, highlighting the hosts' perspectives and the lively discussions that unfold throughout the show.