The Bald and the Beautiful: Tokyo Drift with Trixie and Katya

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bald and the Beautiful: Tokyo Drift with Trixie and Katya

Episode Title: Tokyo Drift with Trixie and Katya
Release Date: February 25, 2025
Hosts: Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova
Podcast Series: The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya

---

1. Oscar Season and Critique of Emilia Perez's Film

The episode kicks off with a fervent discussion about the ongoing Oscar season, particularly focusing on Emilia Perez's latest film. Katya expresses strong disdain for the movie, labeling it as "ratchet" and stating, "I think it's wrong, I think it's ratchet and I think it sucks" ([01:30]). Trixie acknowledges Emilia Perez's sweep across various Oscar categories, albeit excluding congeniality, and humorously adds, "which is not something the women in my family aspire to anyway" ([02:03]).

Notable Quotes:

• Katya ([01:30]): "I think it's wrong, I think it's ratchet and I think it sucks."
• Trixie ([02:03]): "Well, it's Oscar season folks, and just as we predicted, our friends over at Emilia Perez have swept every category except congeniality..."

2. Analysis of Movie Themes and Trans Representation

Trixie and Katya delve into the portrayal of trans characters in modern cinema, questioning the validity and depth of such representations. They critique the screenplay and character development, suggesting that the film lacks genuine understanding and authentic representation. Katya mentions, "The more I hate it, the more the time passes, the more hate I have for this movie" ([04:15]).

Notable Quotes:

• Katya ([04:15]): "It's less and less about the content and it's more about the form."
• Trixie ([03:12]): "Adam's apple reduction. Yes, yes, yes, yes."

3. Personal Anecdotes: Car Crash and Daily Life

Trixie shares a personal story about a car accident involving her 1994 Dodge Intrepid sliding into a snowbank while riding with her cousin. She humorously recounts the ordeal of getting stranded and having to improvise solutions like shoveling out the exhaust and "peeing in a bottle" to avoid carbon monoxide poisoning ([07:02]).

Notable Quotes:

• Trixie ([07:02]): "I crashed my car and I peed in a bottle, and I poured it on the ground."
• Katya ([08:30]): "Too cold because it would freeze up the penis."

4. Hair, Baldness, and Personal Care Routines

The hosts transition to discussing their baldness, embracing their lack of hair, and the practicalities that come with it. They talk about wearing hats to protect their skin from the sun and the simplicity of their grooming routines. Katya remarks, "I love being bald. I don't have to go to the salon" ([11:42]).

Notable Quotes:

• Katya ([11:42]): "I love being bald. I don't have to go to the salon here, whatever barber."
• Trixie ([13:40]): "No. You do got to sunblock the top of the head. And that's not a joke."

5. Food Preferences and Dietary Habits

Trixie and Katya engage in a lively debate about their favorite foods, meal routines, and snack preferences. They outline their ideal daily menus, discussing everything from breakfast choices like eggs and toast to indulgent snacks like mango frozen bars and soy fake yogurts. The conversation touches on their differing tastes and the comfort they find in specific foods.

Notable Quotes:

• Trixie ([32:00]): "I look forward to the same foods over and over again."
• Katya ([35:54]): "It's a big bowl. It's huge, right? It's a lot of stuff."

6. Home Swapping and the Kindred App

Trixie introduces the concept of home swapping through an app called Kindred, likening it to a "Parent Trap" scenario where users can exchange homes for a set period. Katya is skeptical about the practicality and safety of such arrangements, expressing concerns about unfamiliar living environments ([29:55]).

Notable Quotes:

• Trixie ([29:55]): "So I downloaded something called Kindred. You know what this is?"
• Katya ([30:05]): "Why did you go to bed? Curiosity."

7. Current Events and TV Show Commentary

The hosts briefly touch upon contemporary media, referencing the TV show "The Boys" and its depiction of power dynamics. Trixie shares her unsettling thoughts inspired by the show, leading to a brief but intense conversation about societal fears and personal mental health.

Notable Quotes:

• Trixie ([47:22]): "In season two, there's a character whose power is making people's heads explode."
• Katya ([47:50]): "They're like, you weird, gay, you're not going to turn my kid gay or trans. I'm going to explode your head."

8. Drag Race References and Mock Performances

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing "RuPaul's Drag Race" and its contestants. Trixie and Katya humorously critique performances, wigs, and the overall competitiveness of the show. They mock specific contestants like Eureka and Amelia Perez, highlighting their over-the-top performances and the show's influence on drag culture.

Notable Quotes:

• Katya ([53:36]): "Life was hard. Give me that crown."
• Trixie ([54:14]): "This is Amelia Perez."

9. General Banter and Humorous Exchanges

Throughout the episode, Trixie and Katya engage in playful and often irreverent banter, touching on a variety of topics ranging from everyday mishaps to deeper societal issues. Their chemistry and comedic timing offer listeners both laughter and moments of reflection.

Notable Quotes:

• Trixie ([44:00]): "Sick."
• Katya ([46:13]): "Can I tell you, friends will come out of town."

10. Closing Remarks and Final Thoughts

As the episode winds down, Trixie and Katya reflect on the chaos of the world, the state of the entertainment industry, and personal well-being. They express a desire for more meaningful and diverse content in media, while also emphasizing the importance of self-acceptance and embracing one's identity.

Notable Quotes:

• Katya ([57:10]): "The world is on fire, the entertainment sucks, and everybody's got black mold in their bathroom."
• Trixie ([56:48]): "It's bad, it's bad, it's bad, it's bad."

---

Conclusion

In this episode of The Bald and the Beautiful, Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova offer their signature blend of humor, candidness, and sharp critique on contemporary issues in entertainment and society. From dissecting Oscar-worthy films to sharing personal stories and engaging in witty exchanges about food and fashion, the duo provides an engaging and entertaining listen for both loyal fans and newcomers alike.

Notable Themes:

• Critique of Modern Cinema: Focus on representation and authenticity.
• Personal Empowerment: Embracing baldness and personal quirks.
• Cultural Commentary: Insights into societal norms and media influence.
• Humor and Banter: Lighthearted and irreverent interactions.

Listeners can expect a combination of laughter, thoughtful critique, and relatable anecdotes in each episode, making The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya a must-listen for fans of dynamic and unapologetic conversations.

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Note: This summary captures the key discussions and highlights from the provided transcript. For a complete and nuanced understanding, tuning into the full podcast episode is recommended.

Transcript

[Katya]

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[Trixie Mattel]

Say to my new Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra, hey, find a keto friendly restaurant nearby and text it to Beth and Steve. And it does without me lifting a.

[Katya]

Finger so I can get in more.

[Trixie Mattel]

Squats anywhere I can.

[Katya]

1, 2, 3. Will that be cash or credit? Credit. 4 Galaxy S25 Ultra the AI companion that does the heavy lifting so you can do. You get [e-mail] compatible with select apps. Requires Google Gemini account. Results may vary based on input. Check responses for accuracy.

[Mal]

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[Katya]

You join Metro plus tax for a limited time and subject to change max.

[Trixie Mattel]

One offer per account.

[Katya]

Hello dear listeners, this is Katya. In light of the recent discoveries of the tweets by Carla Sophia Gascon, the bald and the beautiful and all incorporated would all like to express our just despicable disgust and it further exacerbates my own particular hatred for this movie. I think it's wrong, I think it's ratchet and I think it sucks. So that being said, enjoy the episode and have a lovely day.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, it's Oscar season folks, and just as we predicted, our friends over at Emilia Perez have swept every category except congeniality, which is not something the women in my family aspire to anyway.

[Katya]

And furthermost, can you believe I Are.

[Trixie Mattel]

You gagging for that pussy?

[Katya]

That pussy has me totally gagged on the floor. My the the Emilia Perez's non binary tea has never been valid, okay? It's never been. It never, never will be validated by any toll booth person or organization.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'M sorry, is it for you? For me what? Would you like to know about it all?

[Katya]

I want to know it all. What is the.

[Trixie Mattel]

All the techniques and the wrist. Suck it on my titty one time. How much time do you need? Mammoplasty. Vaginoplasty, yes. Rhinoplasty, yes. Laryngoplasty, yes. Mammoplasty, yes. Vaginoplasty, yes. Rhinoplasty, yes. Laryngoplasty. Control laryngoplasty.

[Katya]

What is that?

[Trixie Mattel]

Adam's apple reduction. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Like, I feel like in the musical theater canon, there's.

[Katya]

Oh my God, in the Heights, there's wicked. There's any Fosse production.

[Trixie Mattel]

You have what is, I guess, is considered a former transphobes fever dream. Who read about Mexico on Wikipedia.

[Katya]

You know, I. The. The more I hate it, the more, the more the time passes, the more hate I have for this movie. And then. But it's. But it's less and less about the content and it's more about the form. Like I was looking at an Instagram reel or a TikTok of a girl who's like, let's break this down. So they take like. Very nice to meet you. I'd like to know about sex change operation. It's all. The emphasis is not physical whatsoever.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes. So we call this scansion.

[Katya]

Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

And like there. But sometimes it works. Two examples are All Star by Smash Bro. Somebody wants to take intentional.

[Katya]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

But sometimes it doesn't work. Like that Katy Perry song Firework where she goes stuck on a roller. Stuck on Stickana.

[Katya]

Roller coaster. Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like to talk about.

[Katya]

It's. It's very nice to meet you. You know what I mean? She gives an example. Like, what did she say? She says, I'd like to know all. I'd like to know all about sex change. I forget what it is, but it's not that, right? She's like, this sounds like a shitty first draft. You're just trying to get the words on the page and just get something down there. But it's like. And they never went any further. And then it's truly mind boggling. It's like, don't you hear that? You don't smell that good for that.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know what, though?

[Katya]

Do you know what I mean, though? Like, musical is a universe. Music. Music is a universal language.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, I feel good. I feel between the new president and this, I feel like, oh, I just don't know shit. And maybe I'm an idiot and Everything is a lot. And like, you know what I mean? This is a good movie and this is a president people want. Yeah, okay, sure.

[Katya]

Well, you know what Bjork just talked about in her latest interview? Which. You should go watch it. It's amazing. And she looks incredible. But she's like.

[Trixie Mattel]

With the veil.

[Katya]

Yeah, yeah. The Robert Wood.

[Trixie Mattel]

Can't tell what she looks like.

[Katya]

Yeah, that's her thing, Mama. She wear masks. Oh, yeah, she incredible. You can see through the veil a little bit. And it's. She's like the apocalypse already happened. It's how we're dealing with the aftermath. And I totally agree with that. It's. The world has been over.

[Trixie Mattel]

She been new.

[Katya]

Like in. How do we. Like, how do we regroup? And like, how do you deal with the aftermath of the. Because look at all. I mean, it's been a wrap and now it's like all this chaos is like very sad because it's Mad Max. Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm Tina Turner with those big bed spring earrings. Remember those?

[Katya]

I do, I do, very clearly. Did you see Furiosa?

[Trixie Mattel]

No, no, I've only ever seen Mad Max once. The original.

[Katya]

Oh, you didn't see the. The one with Charlize Theron?

[Trixie Mattel]

No, it's great. That's a very heterosexual movie and I don't really do that.

[Katya]

Really? Girl. All the girls in there, it's like a. It's like a female driven, a female lead.

[Trixie Mattel]

Can I tell you one of the worst things in my life?

[Katya]

Please.

[Trixie Mattel]

My Samsung 65 inch the frame television in my bedroom in the mornings. For some reason, it turns on on its own to the Samsung Action Channel movie hub. So every day I wake up to Jason Statham jumping off a building or some shit. I don't watch that heterosexual shit. Yeah, I don't like.

[Katya]

You don't like action movies? What to you is the quintessential heterosexual movie? For example, Reservoir Dogs. Oh, that's.

[Trixie Mattel]

The girls love that. The Godfather. The girls. The girls. The men. The girls. Yes. What else do they love? Fast and the Furious. Okay.

[Katya]

Reservoir Dogs is the perfect example of a straight men movie. It's literally just a bunch of men.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya]

With guns and being men. Fast and the Furious, but that gets camped though. That series actually delves into camp territory because they go to space, mama.

[Trixie Mattel]

They do.

[Katya]

Yeah, baby. Tokyo Drift. And then like, they're riding.

[Trixie Mattel]

I saw Tokyo Drift. See, it came out when I was in high school.

[Katya]

I think it's camp. It's like, has camp quality to the franchise and it's kind of it's kind of cunty.

[Trixie Mattel]

One time I put my 94 Dodge Intrepid in a snowbank. And I remember the car. I was riding with my cousin.

[Katya]

You put it.

[Trixie Mattel]

I guess I was riding with my cousin, who's two years younger than me at the time. Michael. Hi, Michael. And I was sliding completely sideways, and I was trying to keep the mood light as we were careening toward death. And I said, tokyo Drift. And then we just crashed into a snowbank.

[Katya]

That's cunt. That's great.

[Trixie Mattel]

And I had to wait in my car for my family to come get me. And it was a remote. It was like an hour plus for them to come get me. So I had to get out, shovel out the exhaust so you don't carbon monoxide yourself. And then I peed in a bottle and poured the bottle out the window.

[Katya]

Why wouldn't you just pee in the snow?

[Trixie Mattel]

Code. Too cold.

[Katya]

Oh, too cold because it would freeze up the penis.

[Trixie Mattel]

And then to my uterus, you'd have.

[Katya]

To break the penis off like a carrot off a snowman.

[Trixie Mattel]

And that is my shape.

[Katya]

It's very nice to meet you. A carrot in a snowman. I don't want you to freeze, Dad.

[Trixie Mattel]

I crashed my car and I peed in a bottle, and I poured it on the ground.

[Katya]

It's like. It's the emphas on the wrong syllable. That's exactly what it is and that. But everybody can hear that, though. And it's like, why don't. Why don't we fix that? There is a way.

[Trixie Mattel]

I love women. Women's stories. I love crime stories.

[Katya]

Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

I love musicals.

[Katya]

Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

I love so many things about what this pitches to me.

[Katya]

You love a lot of the ingredients in this soup. Yes. But all the ingredients, when taken out of the soup, have great potential.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's like. It's like British cooking. It's like, baby, what you doing? Baby, what are you doing?

[Katya]

What you doing with all that blood, baby?

[Trixie Mattel]

What about that blood?

[Katya]

Why all that congealed blood, baby? Why is it a loaf now?

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, girl, we're going. We're going to the. We're going to the uk And I.

[Katya]

Was not like, we. You.

[Trixie Mattel]

I am. And I'm going with people who've not gone before. And I'm shaking. I have, like, a gourd and, like, a bag of bones, and I'm shaking at that. But I'm like, you don't know what's coming.

[Katya]

You better pack a bag of food, sweetie. They don't. They don't bring sundries. And victuals in. In dried goods in your house.

[Trixie Mattel]

Green. Bring it. Bring a FEMA trailer, which they won't be anymore, I guess.

[Katya]

No, no. Where are you going in the UK upcoming?

[Trixie Mattel]

Everybody love. That's not true. I think I'm just going to London. This morning I woke up and tweeted, oy, bruv, isn't it getting ready? I love bruv. Do you know about the girls on the TikTok doing the chav makeup?

[Katya]

No.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's like British, like bad British girl makeup where it's like orange, like the big crazy black. I love it.

[Katya]

I love it too.

[Trixie Mattel]

I think the makeup on the gals over there is. I like that they just, they just pound the pavement with it. They're like, let's go. Life is short.

[Katya]

Yes. I can't stand the style on the guys though. I have they stopped wearing painted on jeans yet? Because I just can't with that. Like, you know, the, the chaff style is like super tight clothing on the men. It's crazy. It looks like cartoonish because they have the big muscles and they're like bulging out of their like skin tight skinny jeans. You know what I'm talking about?

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, the trend, the they, the men's haircut that is supposed to be trending this year that I've learned is like the Beatles kind of shag where it's like kind of like from the 90s where it's like overgrown and kind of bad haircut shag kind of thing.

[Katya]

Like, like what's his name on the white lotus. Season 2. Aubrey Plaza's husband that it's got, it's all in his face. Like it's like a, like a shag.

[Trixie Mattel]

If you had hair, what would you be doing?

[Katya]

Well, I was just thinking because I'm bald, I never think about hair ever. Unless it's a wig.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't know if you think about those either.

[Katya]

Shut up. I mean like I don't even think about. Because Fina thinks about it for me. You know what I mean? I. Hair is like not having to deal with hair. I know people get really mad about being bald and they get, they get so sad. They get mama. They get suicidal.

[Trixie Mattel]

Not me, boo.

[Katya]

Not me either.

[Trixie Mattel]

I love myself.

[Katya]

I'm. I'm old, I got mold. But I'm bald and I'm fat. Like that's great. Like I love being bald. I don't have to go to the salon here, whatever barber. I just shave it every other day in the shower. And I love that girl. I love It.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know this is easier said than done, but not liking yourself, it's tired.

[Katya]

It's corny boots. It's corny boots.

[Trixie Mattel]

What's wrong? I. I don't like. I don't like my. The, you know, whatever, but we got. We gotta. We gotta give it up.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

The apocalypse happened.

[Katya]

It did.

[Trixie Mattel]

You're gonna skid into the fires of hell being like, should I get a nose job? No.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

You wear that beak. You wear that beak around, honey. That's you. And you probably smell better than everyone else, so let's. Let's celebrate it.

[Katya]

Love the beak. Love the beak.

[Trixie Mattel]

Love the beak. Love the beak.

[Katya]

Going to turkey two, three times. Going to turkey two to three times.

[Trixie Mattel]

And the new Drag Race girls, yeah, they come back to All Stars. Girl Collins is gonna have the top and bottom tea. She's gonna have it. I don't even know what she looks like.

[Katya]

I'm just.

[Trixie Mattel]

She probably is so mad that we're talking about her. I don't know.

[Katya]

Her hairline starts at her eyebrows. She has huge chompers, and she's got giant g. Ginormous lips.

[Trixie Mattel]

Ginormous lips. Ginormous.

[Katya]

I don't. I've never been. I think I maybe have been sad about not having hair for, like, three minutes, and. For real, I just don't get it.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't miss it. I mean, I like to wear hats, but I also like to be bald. I like when it's freshly shaved. I like to rub it.

[Katya]

Yeah, I do. The only. Actually, the only troubling part is that because I. My wardrobe is 100% casual, like, athleisure, pretty much every day, all the time. You can't wear a baseball cap in a suit. You just got to be bald.

[Trixie Mattel]

You got to be bald.

[Katya]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you like to be bald?

[Katya]

I do like to be bald, but I love to wear a hat, especially because the sun will fry my egghead in the. You know what I mean?

[Trixie Mattel]

No. You do got to sunblock the top of the head. And that's not a joke.

[Katya]

That's why I just put the hat on.

[Trixie Mattel]

Otherwise, you know, I'm going to be, what, 36 with some up there.

[Katya]

Yes. Liver spots. All kind of looks like a top. It looks like a map of the world.

[Trixie Mattel]

A map of the world. I'm gonna look like one of those gourds at the grocery store with a little acne on it. Did you have acne as a teenager? You did.

[Katya]

Oh, you did Accutane, didn't you? Oh, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Can you Stop. Babies.

[Katya]

Baron. Poisonous. Baron and poisonous. If anybody tried to impregnate me, what would come out would be, they're probably, like, a gremlin.

[Trixie Mattel]

Length or girth? Both of botha.

[Katya]

Wait, it was.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya]

No, it was so. It was so. Do they still do Accutane? They still do it.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm talking about penises.

[Katya]

Oh.

[Trixie Mattel]

Length or girth?

[Katya]

What do you.

[Trixie Mattel]

What do you think? I was talking about babies. Long babies. My baby stretches longer than yours. Like, what the fuck?

[Katya]

Can you imagine having a baby? Let's take some time to really put that.

[Trixie Mattel]

Can I be honest? I do want a child. And I'm really happy to. I'm really happy to start out at, like, 4. We don't need to do poopy Doopie. We don't need to do Pissy Whisty.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

We don't need to do, like. I'm ready to start at the age where they go to school five days a week.

[Katya]

You pick. You go to the orphanage and you pick up the teenager.

[Trixie Mattel]

But I like to tour, so I'm going to have to have some bratty ass, like, homeschooled on a tour bus. Maladjusted monster.

[Katya]

Yeah, with a nanny. You're gonna have to get a nanny.

[Trixie Mattel]

The nanny.

[Katya]

I want.

[Trixie Mattel]

I want friends. She's gonna step down from. From. She Sag.

[Katya]

She's the president of saga.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant. She's the SAG lady.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, you're about to become the baby lady.

[Katya]

She's the baby lady. She is the nanny.

[Trixie Mattel]

Trixie, your children.

[Katya]

That was. You know what, that.

[Trixie Mattel]

They. Again.

[Katya]

That's like you just. That sounds like Crystal, the bartender from Jacques.

[Trixie Mattel]

It.

[Katya]

Exactly. It just gave me chills.

[Trixie Mattel]

Gotcha. I liked your number. Too bad no one saw it.

[Katya]

Yeah. Oh, you're not bringing any fans to the show tonight.

[Trixie Mattel]

I like the hair. Halloween was in October.

[Katya]

You smell like shit. I had a vision of her. Like, she gave the strongest cocktails to the girls. And we drank before the show. Thank God, Mama. We drank alcohol before every show. It was. You did not do a show.

[Trixie Mattel]

Am I a Nikki fan?

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's like the drag queens with just the. What do you call it? You know, the stage in the drag makeup where everyone looks like they're in Cats.

[Katya]

Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's that stage of the makeup. And I remember a windy breeze in Milwaukee. Hello, Wendy Breeze. She'd be like, she. I remember she used to say cocktail. And I say cocktail. And I say. No, I say. But I say cocktail like a. And she'd say, should we get a cocktail? And I'd be like, it was like the tippy toe of the century to have like one eyebrow drawn on and go to the bar like, yeah, yeah. Can I have my triple Jack and diet, please?

[Katya]

What did you, what was your drink? What was your pre show drink?

[Trixie Mattel]

I've gone just like Kelly Osborne. I've gone through changes. Okay, okay. So like, I remember she did a cover of I'm Going Through Changes with Ozzy Osbourne.

[Katya]

No, but okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

Obviously not a fan. Yeah, I, I, I think I started out like every homosexual where it's like, I think I was like vodka and Sprite. I needed something sweet.

[Katya]

Vodka crayon.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, vodka crayon. And then I would go through my Jack and Diet Jack and Coke era. Then I went through a Bourbon Neat era. Then it was gin and tonics for a long time. Gin and tonics. Bourbon.

[Katya]

The show. Cuz you just sip it.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's wild. And I, then I did gin and tonic for a long time. I think that's still my favorite.

[Katya]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

And then lately, being a Cali girl now that I started drinking again.

[Katya]

Sangria, the tequila.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm going to go for the tequila. You will regret it later. Now, why is that to me, Tequila? You can't. It's, you get drunk so accidentally fast. The next day you're like, oh, tequila got me, girls. Tequila crawled in bed with me and had its way with me while I was asleep. You know what I mean? Like, you, I, I can never tell how drunk I am in the tequila. And the next day I find out how drunk I was because I'm like, oh, it's all there.

[Katya]

The writing's on the wall. I mean, we, There was a breathalyzer on, on the little in, in between the stage, in the back room. You couldn't get on stage if you weren't drunk.

[Trixie Mattel]

I thought they were, they were going.

[Katya]

To say they were like, you ain't drunk enough. Go back, get another cocktail and then you can perform. That was literally the vibe. And like by the end of the night at the third number, we were.

[Trixie Mattel]

All seeing, not seeing.

[Katya]

We were like, we're like.

[Trixie Mattel]

And you know, you would go out there and, you know, breathalyzer, breath the breathalyzer. I remember one time I was at Play Louisville and I, I did. I don't remember what the fuck I was doing. You know when you get real, like a little bit drunk and you go like, oh, put on that one. Put on that number that I've been wanting to do and I think I know the words. And then you go out there and you really are a miss. Have you ever seen that video of Eureka doing that song Snowman by Sia?

[Katya]

No, she not know one single damn word.

[Trixie Mattel]

Love, Eureka, front of the pod. Love you. It's the most amazing thing. And it circulates every Christmas because she's in red and she looks drop dead gorgeous. Yeah, yeah. And it's. You know, that song is very like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And you know, Eureka's got the big painted on lips and that. She's so gorge and she's got fur and she's showing the titties and the lips truly are like she. But it actually inspires me because I'm.

[Katya]

Like, if you look them words, it doesn't matter. Yeah, I don't care.

[Trixie Mattel]

On Drag Race. And they know the words. I hope the next person on Drag Race who's lip syncing and doesn't know the words gets right up in the camera and does like a coco and it's just like watermelon. Watermelon, yes. Just don't know them. Fuck the words.

[Katya]

Fuck those words. Fuck the words. Are you still quoting 30 year old movies? Have you said cool beans in the past 90 days? Do you think Discover isn't widely accepted? If this sounds like you, you're stuck in the past. Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide. And every time you make a purchase with your card, you automatically earn cash. Welcome to the now it pays to Discover. Learn [e-mail] credit card based on the February 2024 Nielsen report.

[Trixie Mattel]

Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's. Now, let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good?

[Katya]

I participate in restaurants for a limited time to the Oscars.

[Trixie Mattel]

Why won't you talk about the Oscars?

[Katya]

I'm trying to. You're not letting me.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you think Nicole Kibman's going to get out that loaf again? That huge loaf she had hanging off the back of her head?

[Katya]

What the. The fall.

[Trixie Mattel]

Fall?

[Katya]

You thought it was a loaf?

[Trixie Mattel]

Are you out of your mind?

[Katya]

Wait.

[Trixie Mattel]

The Golden Globes. It looked like she walked by. Ginger Min grabs that pageant and threw it on. And I mean that lovingly. To Ginger. It was too huge. I thought it was so big and crazy.

[Katya]

Well, you only. She's like, no, you only see that.

[Trixie Mattel]

Whatever.

[Katya]

Like, no, that's beautiful. That's only because it's in stark contrast to her movie hair, which is always so bad. Like, she always. She's like. She's like. Incredible wig. Incredible Good. No, no, no. That one. That one in the clearance section. Let's do that.

[Trixie Mattel]

I did like her wig and Stepford Wives. When she becomes a Stepford, it's long, strawberry blondie blonde, of course.

[Katya]

But I mean, like, she's got her wig, you know, I mean, it's hard for her because she's in every movie and every TV show since 1992.

[Trixie Mattel]

We need to open a wig store for her. Come down, come down to the wig glue Come down to the wig glue we keep the air conditioning super cold.

[Katya]

You can. You can rent a fur coat to put on while coming and, you know.

[Trixie Mattel]

Bring the kids down. We got a petting zoo with some penguins. Come down to the wig wig glue.

[Katya]

That sounds great, but who do you think is going to win? Because I didn't see Baby Girl. And you know what? I know I don't want to.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay?

[Katya]

I'm. And it's like, I'm not going to see it.

[Trixie Mattel]

You. But you also don't want to see Wicked. Like, why are you invested if you don't want to see these films?

[Katya]

I will see Wicked. I will absolutely see Wicked. I don't think Baby Girl's up for anything Oscar wise. I. I do have to see. I'm not going to see the Brutalist. I'm sorry. And I'm not gonna watch.

[Trixie Mattel]

Sounds fun.

[Katya]

Oh, my God. Not. Not after that Adrien Brody SNL thing. No, I'm. No. He's tainted to me. But, like, I'm not going to see the Bros. And I'm not gonna watch. But I am going to watch. I'm still here because I have to know that if Demi Moore loses the Oscar, the Best actress Oscar to Fernanda Torres, I want to know why.

[Trixie Mattel]

People are mad that our friend Angelina Jolie didn't get nominated for playing Maria Callis. Apparently. She really saying that? Is that true?

[Katya]

So it's partly true. So she did. She did train for many months. And the. What The. The product is a result of her voice along with some magic. Some magic? Yes. Some, like, vocal production.

[Trixie Mattel]

Not pretty much nobody but Maria Collins can make Maria Collis, so.

[Katya]

But she. But she really, like, did it. She did a lot of research, did a lot of work, and she did a lot of. There's a ton of effort. It's not. I didn't love the movie.

[Trixie Mattel]

I didn't. I would never watch A movie? Yeah.

[Katya]

I didn't love it. I mean, she's. I don't like breathing shit.

[Trixie Mattel]

I like serious shit. I like serious shit, girl.

[Katya]

I don't love biopics.

[Trixie Mattel]

But that's all they want because people only award biopics.

[Katya]

War and biopics, Oscars all about. It's either the Holocaust or World War II or a biopic. That's all the Oscars nut for. Why don't we get into some.

[Trixie Mattel]

Get Timothee Chalamet down here to play Rachel Maddow and give her her Oscar.

[Katya]

That's the other one. I'm not going to watch. Complete unknown. I don't care. Bob Dylan.

[Trixie Mattel]

I do.

[Katya]

Good. But, like, I don't want to watch. He's still alive. You know what I mean? Isn't he? He's very much alive. Bob Dylan. Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

White guy.

[Katya]

Make a movie about a guy that's.

[Trixie Mattel]

Still alive because you can go to the premiere. That's why they do I. Tonya. They want the person, the actor with the real person on the red carpet. They want them hugging and crying. Thank you for playing me with sensitivity.

[Katya]

Do that with Margot Robbie.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes. Yes.

[Katya]

Really?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes. She was on talk shows being like, wow. Margot Robbie really took skating lessons. And she really channeled me. And wow. That was really my mother. That. That.

[Katya]

The. The. The. With the parrot.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes, the parrot.

[Katya]

Damn.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's what they want, girl.

[Katya]

Yeah. I am sick of it. I'm sick of it. I want horror and I want sex.

[Trixie Mattel]

Brandon told me about the peewee doc. Peewee Harmon. Paul Rubens has a documentary out where he posthumously comes out as homosexual.

[Katya]

What?

[Trixie Mattel]

Honey Just came out at Sundance.

[Katya]

His graveyard tea is getting dragged up.

[Trixie Mattel]

Into the M. He says it in the dock. I guess it's like old footage or something. I haven't seen it, but Brandon says he comes out in the dock.

[Katya]

That's on. I don't think that's, like. That's not valid.

[Trixie Mattel]

I hope she's like. It's like. It's like in the credits and she's like, one thing about me that you. You know, like. I hope she kind of makes a song out of it.

[Katya]

There's something else I want to tell you. It's that I'm gay also.

[Trixie Mattel]

The other thing is. Paul Rubens. P.B. herman's so brilliant. I know. You don't think a straight person came up with that. It's too cunty.

[Katya]

It's too.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's too cunty.

[Katya]

It's straight.

[Trixie Mattel]

People are doing Emilio Perez. You know. What mean?

[Katya]

Like, exactly Straight people are singing off key with no hummable tune to garbage.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay, Can I show something?

[Katya]

No. Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay. I got a new shirt.

[Katya]

Oh, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm just going to sell to the girls.

[Katya]

Okay, what do we got here? Okay. For the unbelievable price of $9.95, it's.

[Trixie Mattel]

A black crew neck that says Trixie on the front. And on the back, it has a picture of me on the floor in an Uber, as you've seen me many times before.

[Katya]

Oh, there she goes. As Trixie on the floor. Fierce. It's good.

[Trixie Mattel]

And we have a women's. Well, I don't. Your non binary tea is valid. It's not women's.

[Katya]

Thank you.

[Trixie Mattel]

Because this would be gorgeous on anybody who wants to show the midriff.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Because this is a cut off.

[Katya]

Do you have a 2002 belly button piercing you'd want to show off? Have you been too squeamish or too skittish about showing it off? Now's the time.

[Trixie Mattel]

I got new house keys.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Already lost them at my studio. And I should get my belly pierced and just hang them off there because I lose them.

[Katya]

You should get one of them, Castle. Like a big old rusty, like long, heavy, you know, skeleton key. Hang it from your belly button. I love physical keys.

[Trixie Mattel]

You do?

[Katya]

I do. Cuz I never lose them. Like a hotel that the Charlie, they gave me a physical key and said if you lose this, it's $250.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, it's not.

[Katya]

Yes. So I didn't lose that.

[Trixie Mattel]

Go to Home Depot. It's $4.

[Katya]

I don't know. It's a whole scam there. But none of the. I don't like key cards because they always, you know, they stop working. And then you got to go to the front desk and you got your little. You got your little half shirt on and your belly's hanging out.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right. Do you like Home Depot?

[Katya]

I love it.

[Trixie Mattel]

I do too.

[Katya]

I love it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Love it.

[Katya]

It's huge, though. And you got to know. You got to go in with a mission.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yep.

[Katya]

If you can't wander around, do you cruise there?

[Trixie Mattel]

I get house keys made. I'm not at the Home Depot.

[Katya]

Well, a lot of people are, girl.

[Trixie Mattel]

The one in Hollywood.

[Katya]

Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

If you go on the apps, people go there and jerk it in that parking. I don't want to blow up people's scam, but they're jerking in that parking garage.

[Katya]

Very nice to meet you.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'd like to talk about mutual masturbation. Yeah.

[Katya]

At the Home Depot. It's like, I think it's at the. In the parking lot or something.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's in the parking garage.

[Katya]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, fierce. Fierce. I love it. I mean, I got. Who did. I. I ran into Kelly's husband there. That was a lovely thing.

[Trixie Mattel]

On the second floor of the Home Depot parking garage. Does she know? I just think, you know, be careful out there with your cruising because I wouldn't say the next four years are going to be the time to get caught jerking it in public. I wouldn't say this is the moment.

[Katya]

Speaking of Paul Reubens, for Christ's sake, Isn't that crazy? I just think it's so up that he was. It's like. It was like Winona in the. Shoplifting or. Actually, it's not like that because what he was doing is not illegal.

[Trixie Mattel]

No. Jerking off in an adult movie theater.

[Katya]

It's like, what are you supposed to do?

[Trixie Mattel]

Go there and read the Bible?

[Katya]

It's like, oh, my God. He was in a cat store. Caught petting a cat. Right, Whatever. You know, what's a cat store? Cat cafe. He was at the cat cafe and he was like caught stroking a little kitty. Right at the cat cafe. Front page news.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know, Shocker. But, yeah, people gotta be careful. I mean, I feel bad because I'm not like a cruiser, but I know that cruising is a part of gay life that has so much to do with. That Was the only way people could hook up, right?

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Was like secret, secret, secret.

[Katya]

Yeah. Or like, you know.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, winky winky.

[Katya]

I love that. Like, love it. Are you a good winker?

[Trixie Mattel]

Let's see which hole. Yeah, perfect.

[Katya]

Wait, who is. Who are you?

[Trixie Mattel]

I love when people are. Is there something wrong?

[Katya]

I love that. Who's your Oscar pick for best actress?

[Trixie Mattel]

Girl, I ain't seen one of those movies. Emelia Perez. We. We barely watched. I didn't see any of those movies.

[Katya]

No, I know. I am gonna be. I'm gonna beat the dead horse. I am gonna be unreasonably upset if Amelia Perez does the upset. I think that's just, you know, it's another nail in the coffin of the chaos of the post apocalyptic world we're living in.

[Trixie Mattel]

Absolutely.

[Katya]

Yeah. It's like, oh, nothing matters and Nothing means anything.

[Trixie Mattel]

Absolutely. 30, 000 immigrants are going to be rounded up and put into Guantanamo Bay. And Emilia Perez is the best film of the year.

[Katya]

It's so crazy. I hate it.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's a mess. What country are we gonna go to? We have talked about leaving the country.

[Katya]

Well, I was gonna say Mexico City, but they don't not. They do not want us. They're gentrifying their.

[Trixie Mattel]

They don't.

[Katya]

They don't.

[Trixie Mattel]

Let's not go there.

[Katya]

I think that maybe. What about south of France?

[Trixie Mattel]

What about France?

[Katya]

Not Paris. Maybe like Marseille.

[Trixie Mattel]

So if we move there, we could still do the pod. Or like we have to fly to LA to do Netflix.

[Katya]

That's okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's okay.

[Katya]

We do do it. We do it every like once a few months.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya]

And then we can move to the pod.

[Trixie Mattel]

We could tour. It'd be really easy to tour Europe if. Tour Europe.

[Katya]

I love to go through living in France.

[Trixie Mattel]

I go through those feces everywhere in.

[Katya]

My apartment in Marseille.

[Trixie Mattel]

Those feces everywhere, Walter.

[Katya]

Well, feces. I hate it.

[Trixie Mattel]

So last night when I was high on gabapentin.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

I downloaded something called Kindred. You know what this is?

[Katya]

No.

[Trixie Mattel]

So it's an app where you list your home like Zillow, but instead of renting it, you swap homes with people. It's Parent Trap with your home.

[Katya]

What do that mean?

[Trixie Mattel]

So let's say you see a home in Paris and you're like, hey, person, I would like to switch homes with you for two months. And they say yes. And you just go live at each other's houses.

[Katya]

Get out of here.

[Trixie Mattel]

But I don't know why I signed up because I want people in my house and I don't want to stay in someone's house.

[Katya]

Then why did you go to bed? Curiosity.

[Trixie Mattel]

Curiosity? I guess.

[Katya]

So it's like a pen pal. It's like an exchange program.

[Trixie Mattel]

Exchange program. But then you're like sleeping in their bed, eating their raisins, like, whatever.

[Katya]

Well, that's. Eating their raisins.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya]

You know, you got to eat their raisins. Tell me this though. Why in the fucking hell are you not able to stay in a house that you're about to buy for like a day? At least a day. Preferably a week. I would prefer a month.

[Trixie Mattel]

You can return a car usually for what, two weeks? 30 days?

[Katya]

I think there's a 30 day warrant is usually like 30 days. Major purchase by.

[Trixie Mattel]

Can't return the house, I don't think. Unless you find like something very contradictory to the.

[Katya]

The inspection section. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, you don't know about the ghost situation. You don't know about the neighbor's sexual activity schedule the ghost sexual activity with the neighbors.

[Trixie Mattel]

You.

[Katya]

Thank you. How many raisins they love.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's like, it's.

[Katya]

It's a lot of.

[Trixie Mattel]

I would celery with peanut Butter raisins.

[Katya]

That is so.

[Trixie Mattel]

Girl, don't eat.

[Katya]

That is so fudgeing. Abusive. It's so abusive. Yeah, it's self harm. I feel like it's so.

[Trixie Mattel]

Wait. Is ants on a log of pretzel. Is it the president?

[Katya]

No, you're talking.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's Anthony Log, right? Celery with peanut butter and fucking raisins.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

You fuck with peanut butter though, right?

[Katya]

Really love peanut butter.

[Trixie Mattel]

Interesting.

[Katya]

Not my first choice.

[Trixie Mattel]

I saw this tweet that was like Americans are obsessed with peanut butter. Why? And I was like, I don't know if everyone is. But no, I will always select the peanut butter option of something. If there's a peanut butter. Yes, of course.

[Katya]

Oh, peanut butter milkshake.

[Trixie Mattel]

You out of your fucking mind?

[Katya]

Oh, gross.

[Trixie Mattel]

See, we're two different people.

[Katya]

Two different people like two different things.

[Trixie Mattel]

What's the flav like? Flav milkshake. You want chocolate? Chocolate latte.

[Katya]

Chocolate straight up.

[Trixie Mattel]

I love strawberry.

[Katya]

Me too. I fuck with strawberry. Strawberry cookies and cream.

[Trixie Mattel]

Hell yeah.

[Katya]

Or slash Oreo.

[Trixie Mattel]

You fuck with a McFlurry?

[Katya]

Absolutely.

[Trixie Mattel]

Girl. When they come out, when they come. When they come out, any kind of like mix up like that and they tip it upside down, it doesn't leak, I start leaking. I get very excited. Cuz I love that they tip you.

[Katya]

Upside down and it's a mess, girl.

[Trixie Mattel]

Did I ever tell you this? My roommate in college needed to gain weight. He was so thin and his doctor was like, we need you to put on some weight. So he would go get giant, giant McDonald's milkshakes and drink them every day, just trying to pack on weight. And he would call him triple dipple thick. Triple dipple the dipple.

[Katya]

I hate that triple dipple nipple. I guess David lynch had a malt milkshake like for every day at the same time for like seven years at Bob's Big Boy or whatever. Not fears routine. Do you like a routine?

[Trixie Mattel]

I love a food routine.

[Katya]

Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

I look forward to the same foods over and over again. Like I'll make tacos the next day. I'll use the leftovers to make nachos. Like I'll use the same shit for. I want the same flavors and faunas and floras for days in a row. And then I'm good for a month. I'm a food repeater. But then it's a hard no and I need something. Give me something. Do my brows. Do something else.

[Katya]

I completely agree. So what is your. For the rest of your life? You have one menu. What is it? Breakfast Lunch, dinner. And one, the only snack you get a snack that's three choices.

[Trixie Mattel]

So it's. Okay. So the breakfast is eggs, toast. How are the eggs scrambled with buttermilk.

[Katya]

Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

Salt and pepper.

[Katya]

Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

Toast white or sourdough toast with butter. And then like a, like a potato scramble. Potatoes, onions and like red green peppers.

[Katya]

What do you drink?

[Trixie Mattel]

Love orange juice or grapefruit juice. Say grapefruit juice.

[Katya]

No.

[Trixie Mattel]

Coffee?

[Katya]

No. Tea?

[Trixie Mattel]

No. Okay, so then my. I have a banana for a snack.

[Katya]

Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

Then for lunch. Okay. For lunch.

[Katya]

What is it?

[Trixie Mattel]

A chicken. A fake chicken sandwich. Okay. With. What's it made out of? Thin. So it's bread, like a bun. And then it's a spicy chicken patty. Fake chicken patty with like melted cheese on it. Lettuce and like jalapenos sprinkled on it.

[Katya]

Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

Cuz I love spicy.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Hot. I'm not happy unless my like my face is sweating.

[Katya]

I feel that. I love that.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right? Cuz like, what is this about?

[Katya]

What are we doing? Why can't I feel my lunch?

[Trixie Mattel]

Mild salsa. Yeah, girl. Shut up. Like get. Get out of here.

[Katya]

Shut up.

[Trixie Mattel]

You shut up, ugly. And then for dinner, baby, tacos.

[Katya]

Tacos.

[Trixie Mattel]

Tacos. Tacos with flor flour tortillas.

[Katya]

Tacos. Okay. What's in the taco?

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, kind of like some of the same stuff from chicken.

[Katya]

The fake chicken?

[Trixie Mattel]

No. Ground beef crumbles. With the cheddar cheese. With the cheddar. Cheddar cheese with iceberg lettuce with, you know, peppers and all that type what they got. And a corn slaw on the top too. In the taco.

[Katya]

Fierce.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like a corn pico.

[Katya]

Okay, what are you drinking?

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, dai cope.

[Katya]

D cope.

[Trixie Mattel]

D Cope. And then for dessert. Oh gosh. Those outshine mango frozen bars. The mango one horny.

[Katya]

The lime one gets me horny.

[Trixie Mattel]

So good.

[Katya]

I love it. I was chewing on them. Courtney was on my. She was wearing a weird blue suit on my couch last night. I was just going through them like crazy.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. My other snack is those soy fake yogurts. The raspberry one.

[Katya]

Fake yogurt.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's like a non dairy yogurt.

[Katya]

Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

And it's very. I think it's made from like soy milk kind of thing. So what are you gonna have for breakfast, lunch and dinner?

[Katya]

Okay, breakfast. It's steel cut oatmeal with brown sugar, cranberries, dried cranberries, blackberries, raspberries, strawberries, chia seeds and. That's it, baby.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's a piece.

[Katya]

No, it's a big bowl. It's huge, right? It's a lot of stuff.

[Trixie Mattel]

You wake up hungry.

[Katya]

I wake up starving every day.

[Trixie Mattel]

Fierce.

[Katya]

And then it's a, A huge gallon of coffee, right? Like a gallon. I mean, I'm talking three pots of coffee.

[Trixie Mattel]

What?

[Katya]

Absolutely.

[Trixie Mattel]

You drink this?

[Katya]

I, I could. I don't. I mean I def. I go through one blow ass immediately. Oh yeah, mama, it is. We got. We hit the clock and we, we punch the clock when we blow ass in my house because it happens like.

[Trixie Mattel]

Clock punch the clock. It's time to shit.

[Katya]

Yeah, well, because once you get a cigarette involved, it's a wrap.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you ever smoke on the toilet?

[Katya]

What do you think I am, some kind of barbarian? No, I don't smoke inside. Well, I do have an outhouse, but no, I would not smoke on the toilet. Although I do know people who vape on the toilet. But that's so. It's so dark sided. But anyways, it's. I have so much coffee. But here's the thing. It's really just an excuse. It's a vehicle for milk and sugar.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's what I'm saying.

[Katya]

It's. I really want. What do I do? I want the coffee. No, I want the half and half in the, in the sugar. It's so caffeine. I love the caffeine.

[Trixie Mattel]

Of course the, the tweakers like the caffeine. The tweakers like the smoking and the Red Bull and the.

[Katya]

I think they like the sugar. The sugar that is like. Because the, it's, it's very like. Anyways, so then lunch. Hate lunch. I guess probably.

[Trixie Mattel]

You don't like lunch. That's really crazy. You can, you could say soylent. You can say.

[Katya]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I know it's a steak. What? A steak with, with broccoli and mashed potatoes.

[Trixie Mattel]

For lunch?

[Katya]

Absolutely, girl. Yeah. Or steak tips. Marinated. Marinated again. Marinated steak tips with broccoli.

[Trixie Mattel]

Broccoli, Like a spicy.

[Katya]

Sure.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, gorgeous.

[Katya]

It's just salt and pepper. Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

What's the steak cooked in? Is it a gravy situation?

[Katya]

There's a, A baronaise sauce. Maybe it's like a nice marinade.

[Trixie Mattel]

Wow.

[Katya]

And then for dinner, of course it's noodles.

[Trixie Mattel]

What's the snack?

[Katya]

Oh, I'm not a snacker. I don't like snacks.

[Trixie Mattel]

Monkey, for making me say snacks and you being like, I don't know, like.

[Katya]

Maybe pretzels or something. Or like, I like a banana.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't snack. I seen you on set.

[Katya]

I know all I do.

[Trixie Mattel]

Gives people her Taco Bell. Order Ms. Bigley Big Bigly. And then you love a snack.

[Katya]

I know.

[Trixie Mattel]

The Tate's chocolate chip cookies.

[Katya]

Oh, but I. Oh, those are too much. Those are too much. Those are too much. I think I drink. I love. Oh, I love ice cream and half and half. I'm so disgusting.

[Trixie Mattel]

What did you do?

[Katya]

So gross.

[Trixie Mattel]

Ice cream with half and half.

[Katya]

I don't drink milk. I drink half and half. I know. It's so nasty. It's. But it's. It. It's basically the same thing. What? It's basically the same thing.

[Trixie Mattel]

You drink half and half.

[Katya]

No, no, no. I don't drink it, like, from the cup, like. But, I mean, I put it in everything. I use cereal. I told you that.

[Trixie Mattel]

Is that crazy?

[Katya]

It is crazy.

[Trixie Mattel]

It seems crazy.

[Katya]

Well, here's the thing. Milk goes bad so quickly. It really does. Doesn't. No, that's not milk. That's something else. That's like. It's like. Do you like. I like a Coke. Well, we have Sprite. I'm like, no, I don't want Sprite. I want a Coke.

[Trixie Mattel]

Is Pepsi okay?

[Katya]

Is that's.

[Trixie Mattel]

She's not okay.

[Katya]

She's not okay. And oat milk is only tolerable in a latte because there's so many other flavors present that mask the. The nuttiness of the liquid. You know what I mean? I want squirt from a cow.

[Trixie Mattel]

And what.

[Katya]

I want the co. You think that's disgusting, don't you?

[Trixie Mattel]

I think it's wild. But finding out that Donald Trump, like, like main lines and free bases, Diet Coke has made me want to not drink Diet Coke anymore.

[Katya]

I have been a lifelong Diet Coke. What the hell is that about, person?

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, when you came to my house and I had those tiny cans of Coca Cola, I've been drinking them and I've been like, my precious. They are good.

[Katya]

They're good. It's like. It's. I mean, it's a lot of sugar. It's a lot of sugar. It's very sweet. But it's the. It's the taste that you can't find anywhere else in earth.

[Trixie Mattel]

But it's supposed to be. Isn't. Coca Cola is supposed to be caramel flavored, right?

[Katya]

I guess it's a caramel flavored. Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Caramel. Have you tasted caramel?

[Katya]

I love caramel. I say caramel, do you. Don't say caramel.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm gonna sit down and have my caramel drink my half and half. Girl. Who are you? Let's take a break.

[Katya]

Hey everybody. My name is Bob the Drag Queen. And I'm Monet X Change, and we are the hosts of Sibling Rivalry. This is the podcast where two best friends gab, talk smack, and have a lot of fun with our black queer selves. Yeah, for sure. You know, we are family, so we talk about everything, honey, from why we don't like hugs to Black Lives Matter to interracial dating to other things. Right, Bon? Yes. And it gets messy and we are not afraid to be wrong. So please join us over here at Civic Bribery, available anywhere you get your podcast. You can listen and subscribe for free.

[Trixie Mattel]

For free, honey. Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by our friends at Better Help. What are some relationship green flags? We often talk about red flags, which are things we should avoid. But what if we're more focused on looking for green flags in friends or partners? I especially feel that in gay world people are ridiculously strict with some kind of rubric of no what what they want. But I honestly think sometimes we need to think about things we do want. What are the green flags in these situations? You know, if you're not sure what that looks like, therapy can help you identify green flags and actively practice them in your relationships and embody the green flags just in yourself. Whether you're dating, married, building a friendship, or just working on yourself, it's time to form relationships that love you back. Enter Better Help BetterHelp is an amazing talk therapy option that you can do from anywhere, any place, on your own time. BetterHelp matches you with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapists at any time. I like it personally because I tour for a living. Even if I had a primary, like in person talk therapist, I'm gone so much we would end up doing most of it remote anyway. And so for me, having therapy that's primarily remote, I can schedule it from my phone. I can make time for it with texting or a phone call. Like sometimes I've been in a hotel where it's not great reception and so I will just instead of WI fi, I will just use a phone call, which is kind of better. But I like it because it has to be this easy or I might actually make time for myself. I also like it because BetterHelp makes it possible to select a therapist based on something that's important to you. I think we all know that not every therapist. I feel comfortable talking about LGBTQIA issues and I like that I can purposely look for a therapist who is comfortable talking about that and is going to support me. Discover your relationship green flags with better help. Visit betterhelp.com bald today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help.com bald hey y'all.

[Mal]

I'm Mal and I am a Texas raised lesbian. It took me 28 years to come out of the closet and once I did, I had to. So many questions. How do I flirt with women? Am I the one that needs to initiate sex? Why did it take me so long to figure out that I'm gay? And my video podcast Made it out is my journey to answering all of these questions and so many more that have come up since. Every Tuesday I sit down with a different queer woman to deep dive into their lived experience and mine. And together we share the highs, the lows. Lowe's occasionally the same ex. Join us every Tuesday on Spotify, Apple, YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. As we all get closer to learning more about ourselves and each other.

[Katya]

Chocolate caramel, half and half milkshake.

[Trixie Mattel]

Sick.

[Katya]

Love it. Love that.

[Trixie Mattel]

I feel bad that people just listen to us talk about what we would eat for 20 minutes.

[Katya]

I mean, whatever.

[Trixie Mattel]

Maybe they're, you know, maybe they're driving home waiting to get dinner.

[Katya]

It's like asmr. It's like asmr.

[Trixie Mattel]

And we all eat.

[Katya]

Yeah, it's relatable. It's relatable. Yeah. You're Courtney's vegan, but I don't know how she does that.

[Trixie Mattel]

Corny's a fucking freak.

[Katya]

She's a freak. She showed up last night wearing a blue suit. I was like, who the hell are you, girl?

[Trixie Mattel]

One time I was on tour and I think I made the mistake of saying like, oh, I'm starting to get sick. She brought me to her hotel room and opened up the pharmacy.

[Katya]

Apothecary girl. Yes. She has an apothecary.

[Trixie Mattel]

Some girls have echinacea, you know, capsules. She has the live plant. She's whatever, you know.

[Katya]

I know because her. Her parents are like a. She's weird. She's like, she's weird.

[Trixie Mattel]

She's woo woo.

[Katya]

In like in a good way though.

[Trixie Mattel]

For sure.

[Katya]

I like her. It's crazy how like she has no problems and she has perfect skin and she's wonderfully happy and that's it.

[Trixie Mattel]

And did RuPaul Blocker.

[Katya]

I think that's the one, right? Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

This is like what a weird person to not like.

[Katya]

Well, that's the whole.

[Trixie Mattel]

There's so many worse ones of us.

[Katya]

The poetry of it it's like, I like the one thing she can't have is RuPaul's approval. Isn't that fierce. I love it.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's cunty.

[Katya]

Yeah. And we'll never know. It's probably not even. It's probably not even anything, but it's like, I love it. I love that shit. Because they. They saw. They ran. She and Bianca ran into a route in the. Out in public once, and she just ignored Courtney. Fierce. Yeah. That perfect.

[Trixie Mattel]

That perfect.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Also, her commitment to health is impressive.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

She's nice. Her skin is nice. She's a nice person.

[Katya]

Yeah. She's articulate.

[Trixie Mattel]

The thing is, I'm used to this.

[Katya]

I know.

[Trixie Mattel]

So that's. That's my. That's half and half to me.

[Katya]

I know I'm the bizarro version of her. Everything's wrong, and we're the same age, but I'm just the bad version.

[Trixie Mattel]

What would have happened? Are you the same age as her?

[Katya]

Yeah, I think she's actually older than me. Although she looks 10 years younger. Catch it? Yeah. Well, she went to the Magic Castle last night, and I really can't. I just can't with that place. I can't with the magic girl.

[Trixie Mattel]

Can I tell you, friends will come out of town.

[Katya]

Have you ever been? No, and I never want to go.

[Trixie Mattel]

Friends will come in from out of town, and they'll be like, we're gonna stop by your house before we go to our function. They show up in ball gowns, and I go, what the are you doing? And they go, I said, what?

[Katya]

She said, you can wear. They have a strict dress code.

[Trixie Mattel]

Very.

[Katya]

You cannot wear a mock turtleneck. It must be a regular turtleneck. They're gonna measure your neck. They got tape measures.

[Trixie Mattel]

We have colleagues who can't wear a real turtleneck.

[Katya]

Yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, it is crazy. But I bet the magic is cool.

[Katya]

You think I like magic? I mean, sure, but I don't like dress codes.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know, I have a huge issue with the words close up magic. I have a huge issue.

[Katya]

Just going to say it.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was just going to say it's a rich, rich tapestry of a history of, you know, sleight of hand. What do you call it? Close up magic, as opposed to far away magic?

[Katya]

Well, I mean, you know, when David Copperfield's making the Brooklyn Bridge disappear, that's like, far away magic. That's c. Yeah, it is C. What do you think of that?

[Trixie Mattel]

Making it disappear? Yeah.

[Katya]

Like, what do you think of that?

[Trixie Mattel]

Can I Tell you, I've had so many dark thoughts recently watching the news that on the television program the Boys. Have you ever seen it?

[Katya]

Yes, I have.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay. In season two, there's a character whose power is making people's heads explode.

[Katya]

Yeah, she. Yeah, the girl she's in was in a politics, right? Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

She's the politician. And we don't know that it's her until the end. It's like, damn, she's fierce.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Lately, while I'm watching tv, I don't want to be like a murderer, but lately I'm watching TV and I go.

[Katya]

What if their head just loaded like. Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

And just like gone.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Love.

[Katya]

I know. I feel that way when they probably.

[Trixie Mattel]

Feel like that watching me.

[Katya]

Absolutely right. They're like, you weird, gay, you're not going to turn my kid gay or trans. I'm going to explode your head.

[Trixie Mattel]

I feel very happy that I never in my life have read to the kids in the library because I do feel like that gets an undue amount of.

[Katya]

Yeah, it's easy target. Yes, Easy target.

[Trixie Mattel]

And also I'm happy I have a. An unflinching foul mouth. And like I'm not interested in any situation where I can't swear and all that.

[Katya]

Hello.

[Trixie Mattel]

So I'm happy for the kids and I'm happy for the people doing that, but I need to say. Yeah, I need to say all of it.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know, so yeah, I'll go read porn to adults.

[Katya]

That would be cunty.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, go read porn. Her milky white breasts.

[Katya]

Yeah. He thrust his purple headed warrior into her quivering mound of love pudding. It's disgusting.

[Trixie Mattel]

You go up there, you tell Richmond Candy Bar that he's not shutting me down. Madonna, she was great in that movie.

[Katya]

Yeah. I just watched her performance of Sooner or Later at the Oscars. Have you ever seen it?

[Trixie Mattel]

No.

[Katya]

Okay, so it's five minutes long. It's a full on old Hollywood glamour with the burlesque, like the gloves, the gown, the furniture and it's like a vampy vamp. It's just her in a microphone. Five minutes. It's very long and she's terrified. Super, super nervous.

[Trixie Mattel]

She is.

[Katya]

Oh yeah, yeah. Visibly shaking, like super nervous. Could you imagine it's 1990 or something? I think 1991 or 90. The Oscars. There's no, I mean the A list, people. And she's just a singer anyways. She does sooner or later live vocals. It's fabulous.

[Trixie Mattel]

She's awesome.

[Katya]

It was incredible. She eats five minutes. You could never do that these days. People are On Tick tock, Tick tock. You know, the five minute number. People would be like, snoozing too much, woke too much. Too much, woke too much.

[Trixie Mattel]

Too much Roman saluting.

[Katya]

Oh, God.

[Trixie Mattel]

Jesus Christ, Mary.

[Katya]

What is up with that? Mary, can you tell me what it is?

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't know. I, I'm. I'm. That's not for me.

[Katya]

What is. Okay, is it just Nazism again? We're doing Nazi stuff again? What? The whole. The, the, the. The truly chilling thing was when he was the. He's like telling the German it was not some kind of conference in Germany or whatever. He's like, don't be. You know, in Germany, there's a lot of still lingering shame about the Holocaust, of course.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya]

But he was like, his whole thing was like, it was very. Not. It was like, very unambiguous. He's like, you shouldn't be ashamed of being German. You should be proud of it. And he was like, you should undo any guilt. There's no reason to have any guilt about being German. You should be proud of. You should be have national pride. And I was like, is this real for real, right? I mean, it's crazy.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's just. It's. It's crazy. If you listen to us and you like us. Let me tell you, it's.

[Katya]

It's not good.

[Trixie Mattel]

I would never. I would. I would never. I would never make any excuses for that or imagine that to mean anything differently than what it. Like, what? Oh, it's just this. Didn't you just tell me to you. No, I was showing you my middle finger.

[Katya]

Yeah, I'm just showing you my meeting.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, what the is that?

[Katya]

Yeah. And I'm. I don't know. What, I don't get, like, to what end? To what end?

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't know. To get Emilia Perez that award. Are you gonna watch the Oscars?

[Katya]

Are you kidding? I'm gonna be gooned.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm gonna watch the awards programs.

[Katya]

Well, I love the Oscars because it's just. I mean, I love the movies and I want to see, like. And I just. I know Hollywood gets it wrong so much, and I'd like. I just like to see them up and I love to see the dresses and I want to just. I love it.

[Trixie Mattel]

It does feel good when a movie you like, wins. It's like, ah. It feels like it's.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's like, do you feel that you're also. Your taste gets validated?

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, but I knew they were going to win when I saw it.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

My team, my Non Barnier tea was valid.

[Katya]

The horror genres tea has been, like, begging to get validated. And I hopefully think that it will with the substance. Maybe not, because, no, I don't think there's been a horror film that's ever won Best Silence of the Lambs. Is that a horror movie?

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't think that's a horror movie.

[Katya]

Psychological thriller.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. That movie doesn't scare me, you know?

[Katya]

But it is scary, don't you think?

[Trixie Mattel]

Not really, no. I don't think it's scary.

[Katya]

I don't think it's scary.

[Trixie Mattel]

It didn't scare me.

[Katya]

Okay. I mean, it wouldn't give me nightmares, right? Yeah, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Whereas, like, Hereditary scared me.

[Katya]

That's a horror movie, you know? Totally. Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

The Babadook scared me.

[Katya]

That could have won Best Picture, National Film or not. Was it in. Oh, it's Australian.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes. Eastern old, say.

[Katya]

Oh, that's right.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, it's the movie fail.

[Katya]

That was. I feel like that was a perfect movie.

[Trixie Mattel]

Smile scared me.

[Katya]

You see? Smile too.

[Trixie Mattel]

No. Is it great?

[Katya]

It's better than the first one. Really?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes.

[Katya]

Naomi Scott, who is, I think, Australian or British. She is so good in this movie. And, like, they. She's a pop star, and they do such a good job of making her a believable pop star with, like, fierce outfits and actually kind of like believable pop songs. You know what I mean? Because you can't. If you're making a pop star, you have to make fake pop music, which is so hard because it's, like, hard to make good music, period. But they do it.

[Trixie Mattel]

I have something to show you.

[Katya]

Please.

[Trixie Mattel]

So Leland, who writes music for Drag Race, sent me this. This is so amazing. So this is a reel that is like this. These people, I'm going to say who they are. Oh, I'll tell you who they are.

[Katya]

Who are they?

[Trixie Mattel]

Please.

[Katya]

Who are.

[Trixie Mattel]

Whenever I'm trying to look for a video, I feel, like, drop dead gorgeous. When Brittany Murphy's like, Lady Liberty keeps her flame burning bright. She's trying to light the birthday cake on the Barbie doll.

[Katya]

It's fierce.

[Trixie Mattel]

The birthday candle. Hold on. Leland sent me this, and it is the cuntiest thing I've ever seen in my life. It is every girl group challenge on RuPaul's Drag Race. It is these two creators.

[Katya]

Oh, you send it to me and it's very funny.

[Trixie Mattel]

In designer pumps. Everyone's thinking, she serves.

[Katya]

Life was hard in a small town. Come on.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm really.

[Katya]

I'm going to snatch the crown. Slay, slay.

[Trixie Mattel]

Slay, slay, Shantay.

[Katya]

Slay, slay, slay.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, I'm gay.

[Katya]

Serving face. Serving, serving.

[Trixie Mattel]

This is Amelia Pere.

[Katya]

I know. No, it is more musical. Way more musical.

[Trixie Mattel]

Sings. Good.

[Katya]

Vote, vote. You better vote. I don't want it if it's not 8 inches.

[Trixie Mattel]

This is the verse where everyone raps really fast. And guess what? I'm rapping really fast and everyone's going to see, like, oh, my God, you rap so fast.

[Katya]

Mary had a little lamb smack that Take her crown.

[Trixie Mattel]

I almost killed myself. Give me that crown. I had a really tough time at.

[Katya]

Home Give me that crown. I was kicked out of my house at 13 give me that crown. Life was hard where I came from.

[Trixie Mattel]

Fart piss and I'm from the north that was hard. I'm from the south that was hard. I'm from the west that was hard. I'm from New York. Hey, you, John.

[Katya]

Love it. It's so. It's so valid. That te's valid. I love that.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's so funny.

[Katya]

It's so funny. Life was hard. Give me that crown.

[Trixie Mattel]

Leland. I think Leland sent it to me and I was like, they got you, girl.

[Katya]

It's so funny.

[Trixie Mattel]

He was like. I was on the floor. That is so funny.

[Katya]

Life was hard. Give me that crown. It's cunty. It's cunting.

[Trixie Mattel]

Words.

[Katya]

Yeah, words. Word salad words. But at least that had musicality unlike any tune in the musical. Amelia Perez. Why do you think the Academy is. Is pushing that movie so hard? Because they think it's lip service to woke.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, I haven't seen any of the other movies.

[Katya]

Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

Nominated. So I feel kind of like talking on my ass because I only saw the one.

[Katya]

That is true. Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't know why. I don't know why. Because I'm not a hater. When I sit down and watch a movie, I don't endeavor to hate it.

[Katya]

I don't either. I want to enjoy the experience. I was trying to like you.

[Trixie Mattel]

We were all rooting for you.

[Katya]

Exactly.

[Trixie Mattel]

So I was like, wow, this is as bad as she's. Because I. You tend to get whipped up. Yeah, this is as bad as she said.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's okay. Lady Gaga says sometimes people don't like.

[Katya]

Things, but we don't have to pretend that they're good.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, we do.

[Katya]

Oh, we do.

[Trixie Mattel]

We do.

[Katya]

Okay. I don't know. I feel like that's. That's the straw.

[Trixie Mattel]

I mean, you were in Hurricane Bianca too.

[Katya]

Yeah, but, you know, unlike Emilia Perez, there were actual enjoyable moments of Hurricane Bianca too. That were actually well directed.

[Trixie Mattel]

Seriously, you don't let me finish. Oh, you're in Hurricane Bianca too. Where is that award? Let's get up Boots on the ground. Efforts to get Hurricane Bianca two up the. I mean, up the Academy kind of already shit it out. But let's shove that movie back up the butthole, get it circulating back through the digestive tract. Let's.

[Katya]

Let's re release it in theaters.

[Trixie Mattel]

Let's give it a theatrical release.

[Katya]

It never was in theaters, of course, but, you know, let's.

[Trixie Mattel]

Posthumous.

[Katya]

Posthumous theatrical release. Release.

[Trixie Mattel]

You should come out dead. No, Come out as gay.

[Katya]

Oh, my God.

[Trixie Mattel]

In the movie.

[Katya]

Yes, that would be AI chat GPT gener. That's the kicker with Amelia Perez that there's also chat gbt AI use of. It's like.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, well. Well, that's it.

[Katya]

The world is on fire, the entertainment sucks, and everybody's got black mold in their bathroom.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's bad, it's bad, it's bad, it's bad. You know, the Internet told me that you got to take breaks. You know, you can't sit and doom. Scroll the news. But then last night, I had my gabapentin and watched Fahrenheit 9 11.

[Katya]

Oh, that's not good.

[Trixie Mattel]

Followed by Sicko.

[Katya]

Jesus.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was in my house, rolling around on the ground like, what?

[Katya]

Why don't you start. Just start cutting yourself. Jesus.

[Trixie Mattel]

It was about that. Yeah, I. I finished Little People, Big World. So then what? You go straight to Fahrenheit 9. 11?

[Katya]

Big people, little World.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, of course.

[Katya]

No, you gotta try to meditate.

[Trixie Mattel]

Tape tea. Got to try to make good for your arthritis.

[Katya]

Good for everything. Boop.

[Trixie Mattel]

Bye.

[Katya]

Goodbye.

[Trixie Mattel]

Boop.