The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya

Summary

Podcast Summary: "The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True"

Episode Title: The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True
Hosts: Michelle Visage & Tempest DuJour
Release Date: April 1, 2025
Podcast: The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Host Organization: Studio71

---

1. Health and Beauty Challenges

The episode opens with Michelle Visage expressing her frustrations related to health and beauty routines exacerbated by arthritis:

• Michelle Visage ([03:29]): "One of my fun little symptoms of my arthritis is I just. My skin rejects glue makeup. Shaving the back of my neck where I wear a wig will get a rash..."

Michelle and Tempest delve into the intricacies of maintaining their glamorous appearances despite physical discomforts. They humorously discuss unconventional methods to soothe irritation caused by makeup adhesives and share personal anecdotes about their beauty regimens.

• Tempest DuJour ([04:05]): "I'm one of those Hollywood starlets that just sits home slugging in a giant goop mask with a head towel on until like once a month when I go to an event..."

Their candid conversation highlights the often-overlooked physical toll of maintaining a façade of perfection in the entertainment industry.

2. Driving Experiences and Lessons

A significant portion of the episode centers around Michelle and Tempest's driving adventures and the lessons they've learned from mishaps:

• Michelle Visage ([14:33]): "Someone came in. Okay, so this is part of the driving story. So two days ago, I was pulling out of the driveway in my rental..."

The hosts recount humorous and stressful incidents involving malfunctioning car doors and unreliable parking sensors. They discuss the frustration of dealing with modern car technologies that often fail at critical moments.

• Tempest DuJour ([16:06]): "The beeps are inconsistent. They're unreliable. They're annoying as hell. And they also provide you with a lack of alertness..."

Their dialogue underscores the challenges of navigating contemporary driving technologies and the importance of staying vigilant despite technological aids.

3. Neighborhood Dynamics and Pet Ownership

Michelle and Tempest transition to discussing the complexities of living in a bustling neighborhood filled with pet owners:

• Michelle Visage ([10:25]): "They have a better life than me. Okay, seriously, you know, we go to the restaurant, she puts it right on the table."

They humorously critique the abundance of dogs in their area, highlighting issues like pets roaming freely and the inconvenience it poses to residents. The conversation touches on the cultural aspects of pet ownership and the varying responsibilities that come with it.

• Tempest DuJour ([10:59]): "It's so beautiful. You've got multiple options for drowning them."

Through their banter, the hosts emphasize the need for pet owners to maintain control and responsibility, ensuring that their pets don't disrupt the community.

4. Social Events and Awards Shows

The discussion shifts to attending social events, specifically the Queerties Award Show, providing insights into the dynamics of such gatherings:

• Michelle Visage ([37:07]): "I saw Jinx last year. Love them both. Bob will keep the show moving. Jinx, you know that you will hold us hostage."

They share their experiences attending award shows, praising the host's ability to manage events seamlessly and discussing memorable moments like award presentations and celebrity interactions.

• Tempest DuJour ([37:32]): "She's doing a little, you know, I don't have, like, nice outfits, so I want to go on the red carpet and take a nice picture."

Their narratives offer a glimpse into the glamour and logistical challenges of participating in high-profile social events.

5. Fashion and Drag Culture Commentary

A lively segment delves into the world of fashion and drag culture, with Michelle and Tempest offering their critiques and appreciations:

• Michelle Visage ([21:17]): "It is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

They discuss trends within the drag community, referencing notable figures and their unique styles. The hosts balance admiration with playful criticism, highlighting the subjective nature of fashion and performance arts.

• Tempest DuJour ([35:00]): "It's so funny. People are so wilding out like that."

Their conversation underscores the dynamic and ever-evolving landscape of drag culture, emphasizing the importance of individuality and expression.

6. Social Commentary on Transgender Issues and Public Spaces

The hosts engage in a candid and critical discussion about current transgender issues, particularly focusing on policies related to public bathrooms:

• Tempest DuJour ([61:15]): "And we're gonna piss together. Okay?"

Michelle and Tempest express frustration with the ongoing debates surrounding transgender rights, using humor and sharp wit to critique societal attitudes and policies. They highlight the absurdity and hostility faced by transgender individuals in public spaces.

• Michelle Visage ([64:41]): "You are the problem."

Their dialogue serves as a satirical take on the aggressive rhetoric often surrounding transgender topics, advocating for more understanding and respect.

7. Reflections on Media and Pop Culture

The conversation broadens to include reflections on media representations and pop culture phenomena:

• Michelle Visage ([51:34]): "So I go into the hot tub. We had food. He left. And then I go."

They critique and reminisce about various movies and TV shows, discussing how certain narratives have evolved or become outdated. Their commentary touches on the importance of critical viewing and recognizing underlying societal messages in media.

• Tempest DuJour ([55:06]): "It's so funny to me because, like, another movie where there's, like a transition panic shock twist is just one of the guys when he opens his tuxedo and there are two gorgeous..."

Their insights encourage listeners to think critically about the content they consume and the messages it propagates.

8. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the episode winds down, Michelle and Tempest recap their experiences and share final humorous remarks:

• Michelle Visage ([64:55]): "I woke up to a tweet. A conservative tweeted that person before they transitioned and said, he will always be he. And I was like, what is wrong with people?"

They emphasize the importance of staying true to oneself amidst societal pressures and external criticisms. The episode concludes with a reaffirmation of their camaraderie and commitment to addressing both personal and broader social issues with humor and honesty.

---

Notable Quotes

• Michelle Visage ([03:29]):
  "One of my fun little symptoms of my arthritis is I just. My skin rejects glue makeup."

• Tempest DuJour ([16:06]):
  "The beeps are inconsistent. They're unreliable. They're annoying as hell."

• Michelle Visage ([37:07]):
  "I saw Jinx last year. Love them both. Bob will keep the show moving. Jinx, you know that you will hold us hostage."

• Tempest DuJour ([61:15]):
  "And we're gonna piss together. Okay?"

• Michelle Visage ([64:55]):
  "I woke up to a tweet. A conservative tweeted that person before they transitioned and said, he will always be he. And I was like, what is wrong with people?"

---

Conclusion

In this episode of The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya, Michelle Visage and Tempest DuJour navigate a blend of personal anecdotes, social commentary, and humorous critiques of contemporary issues. From the challenges of maintaining beauty routines amidst health issues to satirical takes on driving mishaps and transgender policies, the hosts provide an engaging and multifaceted discussion. Their dynamic chemistry and sharp wit ensure that listeners are both entertained and prompted to think critically about the topics at hand.

Transcript

[RuPaul]

This podcast is brought to you by Aura. Imagine waking up to find your bank account drained, bills for loans you never took out, a warrant for your arrest, all because someone committed a crime in your name. It sounds like a nightmare, but for millions of people each year, it's reality. And here's the scariest part. By the time companies tell you your data was stolen, it's already been nearly a year. 277 days. That's how long on average hackers have to use your Social Security number, open accounts, take out loans, and destroy your credit before you even know you've been exposed. By the time you get that breach notification email, the damage is done. Your identity stolen, your financial future at risk, and the company that lost your data. They'll just apologize and move on. Hackers aren't waiting. Why are you? This can all sound really scary, which is why I'm so glad we're partnering with Aura. Hackers don't wait, so why should you? Aura monitors the dark web 247 for your phone number, email and Social Security number because the moment they show up for sale, criminals are ready to use them. If Aura detects your info, you'll get an instant alert so you can act before the damage is done. What if your identity is already stolen? Criminals can take out loans, max out credit cards and vanish. That's why Aura provides up to $5 million in identity theft insurance and a US based fraud resolution team that works around the clock to shut down fraud fast and get your life back on track. Your personal data is a goldmine for hackers and Aura helps lock it down with a VPN for private browsing data broker. Opt out to stop companies from selling your info and a password manager to help secure your accounts. Aura gives you the tools to fight back. For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14 day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online. All for free. When you visit aura.comdefense that's aura.comdefense to sign up for a 14 day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones. That's a u r a.com defense. Certain terms apply, so be sure to check the site for details.

[Michelle Visage]

This episode is brought to you by 20th Century Studios. The Amateur when his wife is murdered, Charlie Heller, the CIA's most brilliant computer analyst must trek across the globe and use his only weapon, his intelligence, to hunt down her killers and enact revenge. Starring Academy Award winner Rami Malek and Academy Award nominee Laurence Fishburne. The Amateur rated PG13 only in theaters April 11.

[Tempest DuJour]

Spring Fest and Ego Days are here at Lowe's right now. Get a free select EGO 56 volt battery with purchase of a select trimmer.

[Michelle Visage]

Blower or mower kit.

[Tempest DuJour]

Plus shop today for new and exclusive items you need for your lawn. So get ready for spring with the latest in innovation From Ego, the 1 rated brand in cordless outdoor power.

[Michelle Visage]

Only at Lowes.

[Tempest DuJour]

We help you save. Offer valid through 4 2. Selection varies by location while supplies last.

[Michelle Visage]

Can I complain about health for one second? I know we're supposed to have gratitude. One of my fun little symptoms of my arthritis is I just. My skin rejects glue makeup. Shaving the back of my neck where I wear a wig will get a rash. The lids where the glue is. The eyebrows where the glue is. The hairline where the glue is. Anything that rubs the armpits with a sequins touch.

[Tempest DuJour]

Well that's great.

[Michelle Visage]

Everything gets everything. The next day is like. Thought that shit was pretty cute, didn't you? Thought that was pretty fucking funny, didn't you? Bitch.

[Tempest DuJour]

You know what it gives. You may remove your wigs, girl. And it's underneath all that nasty stuff. Underneath.

[Michelle Visage]

I'm one of those Hollywood starlets that just sits home slugging in a giant goop mask with a head towel on until like once a month when I go to an event, that's what's going to happen, baby.

[Tempest DuJour]

That's me.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah.

[Tempest DuJour]

I've been getting into the under eye things. They don't do nothing. I don't care.

[Michelle Visage]

I love it. But you feel it.

[Tempest DuJour]

I know. I just. I.

[Michelle Visage]

You go to bed with one ice cube on each eyelid.

[Tempest DuJour]

I want. The other day I was like, what was I doing? I was doing the meditating because it's 20 minutes. So I put on the Korean face mask.

[Michelle Visage]

Sure.

[Tempest DuJour]

Then I secure it with the gel pads because it was lifting so I needed to secure it.

[Michelle Visage]

What do they call it in the morning? The. The. The tiktoks call it like my morning. It's like a unpeel my morning shred. Morning shred where the girls wake up and take the sticker off. Here. Take the under eyes off.

[Tempest DuJour]

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

The jaw strap. They're all sleeping with the jaw strap on the headgear. Mary. They all look like they were just in a car accident where they almost died.

[Tempest DuJour]

Or they're like time lapse recovering from plastic surgery super quick. I. But yeah, but wait. I don't know why I was saying that.

[Michelle Visage]

We were talking about you putting the little eye patches on Trying to feel something.

[Tempest DuJour]

Oh, yeah. I feel like.

[Michelle Visage]

Oh, but they're not. But those are postage stamps. I don't know what you're doing.

[Tempest DuJour]

You know what they look like? I feel like I'm putting pieces of ginger from sushi. You know, slices of, like, sliced ginger. That's exactly what they look and feel like. And also, they give you a little tool, which I'm not sure how that tool works, and I will not Google.

[Michelle Visage]

It, but, like, oh, the scooper.

[Tempest DuJour]

The scooper. But how did. How does the scoop and thing. I can't figure out for the life of me. It's always an adventure.

[Michelle Visage]

You have to. You open the product, you take the little scooper, you set down the product, you take your pants off, you put that scooper up your butt, you. You give yourself a little pap smear scream.

[Tempest DuJour]

And then.

[Michelle Visage]

And then you taste test it and you say, wagon. Wilwatusi Mary.

[Tempest DuJour]

Three minutes. Then, just like the last one, we're talking about fellating feces.

[Michelle Visage]

Why are we always doing this? Why are you doing it? It's one of the worst things that can happen. Yeah, it's one of the worst. And it happens a lot.

[Tempest DuJour]

Lunchtime talk.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah.

[Tempest DuJour]

Who's got to get the feces in there?

[Michelle Visage]

It's. Did you drive here, Mary? I drove here by myself.

[Tempest DuJour]

Tell me about it. Can I say walk me through the whole thing? I started your outfit selection this morning.

[Michelle Visage]

Well, I almost wore my platform Crocs and I thought, I can't drive in those. That's how a woman dies. And if you've ever driven with just socks or barefoot, it's gross. It feels weird. The toes touching the gas. Don't say, you like it, mama.

[Tempest DuJour]

I do. And guess what?

[Michelle Visage]

Oh, you wrap them around.

[Tempest DuJour]

No, I do the gas and the brake with just the big toe. I'm not joking. I'm not joking.

[Michelle Visage]

SpongeBob.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Michelle Visage]

But yes, in SpongeBob, he is taking his driving test and he's like, stop. And then he's like, just. Patrick says, just use your big toe. And his big toe rips through the shoe and just pushes it. That's you.

[Tempest DuJour]

I'm like, with those Margiela camel toe shoes, I just got that blue. But I, you know, and I used to do the left leg up out of the. The. The. But then I saw Death Proof. I said, no, ma'am.

[Michelle Visage]

No, no, no, ma'am.

[Tempest DuJour]

No, ma'am. Kurt Russell's not going to get me.

[Michelle Visage]

Also, Tempest du Jour, she lost a.

[Tempest DuJour]

Leg in a Car.

[Michelle Visage]

Let's take a break. Is it too early?

[Tempest DuJour]

It's too early.

[Michelle Visage]

We're only like, four minutes. We have a call in. Call in. Call Tempest du Jour. You'll need to unlock your iPhone.

[Tempest DuJour]

I hate when they say that.

[Michelle Visage]

You'll need to turn on location services. Oh, this is.

[Tempest DuJour]

You'll need to put on a better outfit. You'll need to fix your hair, you ugly bitch. Yeah, wait, before I do that. Get some braces, you jagged tooth nut case.

[Michelle Visage]

Wait, before I do that. Quick. I got to be on after midnight, and I got to hit him with this motherfucker. Tracy. Chaka Khan. Oh, they were writing the jokes, and I said, listen, I. I know this doesn't make sense, but at some point, I have to say Shaka Khan.

[Tempest DuJour]

So great. Only real fans will know.

[Michelle Visage]

Only real fans will know.

[Tempest DuJour]

And then pin straight wig. And those. Those. That 2002 outfit she's wearing with the glasses, the. The blue cantrell look. And she's like, chaka Khan was the weakest link.

[Michelle Visage]

Yes. And then I. After I posted it, somebody commented the Vivian did this, and I Googled it, and Vivian is on the weakest link. And the Vivian just goes, chaka Khan. I love that. Ahead of her time.

[Tempest DuJour]

Love it.

[Michelle Visage]

Creating, constantly raising the bar for all of us.

[Tempest DuJour]

She did it before Rue.

[Michelle Visage]

No, no, she did it after, like, a callback.

[Tempest DuJour]

Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha is the way Ru says it, too. You did exactly. Chaka Khan. It's like.

[Michelle Visage]

Shaka Khan.

[Tempest DuJour]

It's like, confident.

[Michelle Visage]

Can I tell you? I was waiting to say it, and I, you know, was. I had these ideas of what to say to this little. And I just. My little boner got so hard. My little twig. I got bricked. Bricked up. My little Tootsie Roll. Let me see you, Tootsie Roll. Bricked up under that little gown. And I just screamed Shaka Khan. It just felt so good.

[Tempest DuJour]

Was very satisfying. To say just in any context is like, ma'am, do you. Do you have any idea how fast you're driving? Chaka Khan.

[Michelle Visage]

Chaka Khan. Girl, you know how RuPaul says, oh, I don't see how that's any of your business. That's like her go to catchphrase.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah, it was.

[Michelle Visage]

I'm like, girl, go with Chaka Khan.

[Tempest DuJour]

I know. I love. Wait.

[Michelle Visage]

How are you today, RuPaul?

[Tempest DuJour]

Chaka Khan? Yeah, it's fierce. I don't see how that's any of your business.

[Michelle Visage]

Let's get her on the line. Who are you?

[Tempest DuJour]

Oh, Tempest what's going on, girl?

[Michelle Visage]

We're doing the Bald and the beautiful right now. Say hi.

[Tempest DuJour]

What's up? Hey. Hey.

[Michelle Visage]

We were talking about legs getting ripped off. You almost got your leg ripped off, right?

[Tempest DuJour]

Well, yeah. I mean, yeah, I was hanging off. Did you. How did that take place? I was in a car accident. And.

[Michelle Visage]

And I don't remember much of it.

[Tempest DuJour]

I mean, I don't remember any of it. I woke up two days later with a morphine drip, feeling great with my legs sewn on. Now, do you have no recollection of your, like, cruising through the summer breeze with the leg hanging out the window with your crocheted bikini top on? No. Yeah, I was hopping I threw it over one shoulder.

[Michelle Visage]

I was driving down the street, sucking my own. Well, I love you and I had to prove you. I'll call you later, okay? All right.

[Tempest DuJour]

Love you guys.

[Michelle Visage]

Love you. Bye. See, I do know tempest to jour.

[Tempest DuJour]

You do?

[Michelle Visage]

And you didn't believe me.

[Tempest DuJour]

Well, she never answers my FaceTimes or phone calls.

[Michelle Visage]

You know, she and I, we'll call up once or twice a year. She always picks up. You know, she's like, oh, I'm just, you know, spoon feeding my emu.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah. Or burying my bald eagle.

[Michelle Visage]

I know. Well, she. She houses and homes and. And rescues all these animals, exotic animals, but many of them are, you know, not at peak health. Yeah, it's like poor Vanderpump. She has all these rescue dogs. She'll adopt a dog that's 12. Well, you know, so, you know, you're not, you know, but if you're going.

[Tempest DuJour]

To go out, you might as well go out in that poisonous moat and those lovely furniture.

[Michelle Visage]

Honey, let me tell you, nobody lives like her dogs, okay?

[Tempest DuJour]

I know.

[Michelle Visage]

They have a better life than me. Okay, seriously, you know, we go to the restaurant, she puts it right on the table.

[Tempest DuJour]

Now, what do you think about that? Animals in. In restaurants?

[Michelle Visage]

You know, is it possible that I'm an animal lover? But I. I don't think I would even let my pet sleep in bed with me. Is it. Is that okay? I have a boundary with that hide dog breathing in my face.

[Tempest DuJour]

Right. Also, I mean, I think it's going to depend on the breed of dog. I say a Saint Bernard in the bed, in your twin bed is going to be a little bit of a issue rather than Teacup Chihuahua in your California King.

[Michelle Visage]

Well, you know what I mean. That's an Alana Del Rey album. Teacup Chihuahua and the California King Teacup.

[Tempest DuJour]

Chihuahua and the California King Rolled over yeah, call.

[Michelle Visage]

Called Lana.

[Tempest DuJour]

I'll call her sister Chuck. Hold on.

[Michelle Visage]

Chuck Lynn.

[Tempest DuJour]

Actually, I'll call Margaret Qualley. You call Jack Antonoff. Let's see.

[Michelle Visage]

Oh, guess who.

[Tempest DuJour]

Why do you keep airdropping me porn?

[Michelle Visage]

Who?

[Tempest DuJour]

Our producer is airdropping me porn.

[Michelle Visage]

No, she's not.

[Tempest DuJour]

Oh, they're just photos of me in drag. Hard to tell.

[Michelle Visage]

Guess who's jealous of the photos in drag? No one. I went to the Queerties last night. What?

[Tempest DuJour]

I love that. I did not get an invitation.

[Michelle Visage]

It is the. Can I say where? The Quirties. Where.

[Tempest DuJour]

Where's the invitation? Where's the envelope?

[Michelle Visage]

Tracy, bring up the email. Bring up the email.

[Tempest DuJour]

Where's the envelope? Where's the envelope? Do I receive an envelope?

[Michelle Visage]

Where are the receipts?

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah, where are the receipts?

[Michelle Visage]

I went.

[Tempest DuJour]

Zhao Jingping. Gonna flood my basement.

[Michelle Visage]

I always go because it's always in Hollywood. It's right by our house.

[Tempest DuJour]

Okay?

[Michelle Visage]

Our house? Yeah, kind of. You just come and go whenever you want, huh?

[Tempest DuJour]

Apparently, I leave towels in every room.

[Michelle Visage]

She's everybody listening at home. I asked her to stay at my house.

[Tempest DuJour]

I did not leave towels everywhere. I did not. Let's talk about it.

[Michelle Visage]

Because you know what? You know what?

[Tempest DuJour]

This is what happened. Let me tell you what happened. Exactly what happened. Let me tell you exactly what happened. This is exactly what took place. I was. I went into the home and I invited my friend Joseph over. We went into the hot tub. We had food. He left. And then I went. And then you came home. Wait, no. You came home that night, right?

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah, my flight was canceled.

[Tempest DuJour]

I just. So I ended up staying in the night. But I think prior to that, I had taken the key you gave me with the set of keys, and I put them together. And then. So the gardener couldn't get in, right? Or something like that.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah. So the housekeeper. The gardener couldn't get in.

[Tempest DuJour]

So then when. And you were on the phone, the tone was like. I could tell that you were irritated. And I was like, oh, I can't do away. You scared the shit out of.

[Michelle Visage]

This is what happened. I said, can you.

[Tempest DuJour]

My neurosis.

[Michelle Visage]

I said, can you make sure that you leave that key? And you said, yeah.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

And then the next day, I said, hey, did you leave that key? And you said, no. I said, right, well, that's what we talked about.

[Tempest DuJour]

I know. So. And I was like. And I was like, oh, gosh. And if that is how I feel about this. This mistake, what if something really bad happens and I'm responsible for it? I can't do that. What? Can't do that. Oh, that gave me the chills.

[Michelle Visage]

Right?

[Tempest DuJour]

Give me the chills. So, yeah, I'm sorry about that.

[Michelle Visage]

That's okay. I.

[Tempest DuJour]

But it's like that's house is such a big responsibility. It's like I'm surprised you don't have a house manager. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. It's crazy. Well, I can't even keep three rooms clean.

[Michelle Visage]

You know, I think about selling it only because it is a little big.

[Tempest DuJour]

It's so beautiful.

[Michelle Visage]

But I also kind of want children. So what if someday I need the rooms for the kids also?

[Tempest DuJour]

They've got plenty. You've got multiple options for drowning them.

[Michelle Visage]

And it's great to have. When my mom like, I like to host Christmas, my mom comes. Everybody comes for Christmas and everybody has a bedroom. It's like, it's very nice for hosting family.

[Tempest DuJour]

Now, what about this, though? I mean, I don't mean to blow up your spot, but now I did happen to notice this is something I'm hyper aware of. I love doors that shut and windows that close. I feel very exposed in your home. A lot of windows.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah, a lot of windows, yeah.

[Tempest DuJour]

You don't mind that?

[Michelle Visage]

No, I like every window open all the time. I like natural light. I don't care who's looking in.

[Tempest DuJour]

Interesting.

[Michelle Visage]

What are you gonna see? Can I tell you what happened the other day?

[Tempest DuJour]

Tell me. Somebody wander in, take a bath in the bird bath?

[Michelle Visage]

Someone came in. Okay, so this is part of the driving story. So two days ago, I was pulling out of the driveway in my rental.

[Tempest DuJour]

Your teeny tiny motorway.

[Michelle Visage]

The motorway? Yeah, the motor motor court.

[Tempest DuJour]

What do you call that?

[Michelle Visage]

Motor court.

[Tempest DuJour]

Motor court.

[Michelle Visage]

And it's teeny tiny, one of the doors that goes like this side to side. Driveway.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yes.

[Michelle Visage]

Hit it, love. Hit it.

[Tempest DuJour]

Now, because you were hasty. You didn't know she was all the way out yet.

[Michelle Visage]

I'm learning the love language of the beeps. Because this, this car, this car will beep when There's a car 10ft away, baby. So if you're beeping when something's here.

[Tempest DuJour]

How am I supposed to know the.

[Michelle Visage]

Boy who cried beep? Girl.

[Tempest DuJour]

Girl.

[Michelle Visage]

Mary Louise Dreyfus in beep. That's the thing. It's horrible. It should beep like. And then closer is sweetie. And then right next to. She'd be like, tell it on the mountain.

[Tempest DuJour]

Because the three days I. I told you this the other day, the third day of driving that Range Rover because I learned I could not trust the beep.

[Michelle Visage]

The Beep.

[Tempest DuJour]

I went. I ignored the beep and scraped the whole side of that thing. The beeps are inconsistent. They're unreliable. They're annoying as hell. And they also provide you. They give. They allow you to, like, maintain this, like, lack of alertness.

[Michelle Visage]

Thank you.

[Tempest DuJour]

You know what I mean? You should be looking. I am looking.

[Michelle Visage]

And so when it's beeping all the time, it makes me feel like, well, I've heard this thing beep when there's a car eight feet away, right? So if I am hitting the fucking driveway.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah, you beep what you sow, you.

[Michelle Visage]

Reap what you beep. Like. And so then that was a couple days ago.

[Tempest DuJour]

Also, they should say they should give you a like. Like ABCDEFG kind of music lesson about the beeps. So it's like. This is because I was totally unfamiliar with the cadence of the emergency cor. Correspondence.

[Michelle Visage]

Like.

[Tempest DuJour]

Like.

[Michelle Visage]

There'S no. There's no grad urgency.

[Tempest DuJour]

It's like, what is the range?

[Michelle Visage]

You know what they should replace it with you. What they should. This is what they. I swear to God, when you're like 10ft from car, it should go, girl.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

And then when you get like, five feet, it should be like, girl.

[Tempest DuJour]

And then she go, no.

[Michelle Visage]

And then it should be like, girl. And then right when you back into a person. Shaka Khan. Like, that's what it should be. Otherwise, this.

[Tempest DuJour]

What. Because I have. When I. So I'm pulling out of the. I have a driveway at the place I'm staying right now that is very. There's multiple options to hit people in cars. Okay. So I've got a. It's very. The gate opens the. This way. And then I have to put both windows down to have my ears listening for traffic. And I'm sorry, I don't trust the camera. I don't know why I know it's accurate. I just don't trust it.

[Michelle Visage]

I'm scared of it.

[Tempest DuJour]

So I'm. I know there's nothing this way. You better believe I'm looking, like, back like it's 1986 and I'm in a car with no power steering. You know, and that's what I do because I just don't trust it.

[Michelle Visage]

I. I'm this. I do both.

[Tempest DuJour]

And it is correct. The. The camera is. It is not.

[Michelle Visage]

It is.

[Tempest DuJour]

Of course it's telling the truth.

[Michelle Visage]

Because we trust the mirror. I don't know.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

So I hit the driveway thing.

[Tempest DuJour]

Well, the mirror is sometimes a camera.

[Michelle Visage]

I wish you saw that sound effect. We should bring back the Soundboard.

[Tempest DuJour]

Where's the sound? Yeah, we get.

[Michelle Visage]

I missed the soundboard.

[Tempest DuJour]

The soundboard was cuny. Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

So I hit the door and it won't close. And I'm trying to freak out because I'm trying to get wherever I'm trying to go, and it won't close. So then, you know, my little house guest is pressure washing and somebody in a domino's shirt walks onto the property and goes, this is my favorite house on the block. Can I just look around? What? And they said, no.

[Tempest DuJour]

Do they spray them?

[Michelle Visage]

No. Can I just look around?

[Tempest DuJour]

No.

[Michelle Visage]

Those pressure washers will take your skin off.

[Tempest DuJour]

I know, baby.

[Michelle Visage]

I don't want to do foot porn, you know?

[Tempest DuJour]

Don't give them away for free. Charge. Blur it out.

[Michelle Visage]

See this? I pressure washed the skin off my foot when I was in, like, fourth grade. And I still have a scar.

[Tempest DuJour]

Mama, this toe is hammer time.

[Michelle Visage]

What are you talking about?

[Tempest DuJour]

No, it's not hammer time on them toes.

[Michelle Visage]

What's wrong with it?

[Tempest DuJour]

It's hammer time, girl.

[Michelle Visage]

The men suck it, so the men suck the toes, so hammer time, girl. You got chicken feet, honey.

[Tempest DuJour]

Mama, I got ankles bigger than most people's biceps. Thank you. Thank you. Quadriceps, down low. That's what I got. Ankles that you could only read about.

[Michelle Visage]

So then I drove myself here today.

[Tempest DuJour]

How? Tell me, right?

[Michelle Visage]

I drove myself here today.

[Tempest DuJour]

How to go. How. What was the emotional temperature of that drive?

[Michelle Visage]

I hit the driveway door again and I knocked it off the track and broke it again twice in three days.

[Tempest DuJour]

Let the dog down.

[Michelle Visage]

So I'm trying to get here. I don't have any makeup on yet. I'm trying to get here, and I'm trying to get out of the car. The car stalled on the street because I stopped it and put the park on the doors open. I'm trying to grab the door and pull it closed. I'm like, what the fuck? And I just, you know, got here anyway. Somebody's probably in my house now jerking it, stroking it. But I had a really good time. I like driving. Can I tell you the weirdest thing about driving again?

[Tempest DuJour]

Did you take the highway?

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah. Can I tell you another one? Yeah. Can I tell you the weirdest thing about being in the car? I've never been in the car alone for 10 years. Being in the car alone is creepy, boots. It's creepy boots. I'm in there like, hello. Sometimes I just talk in there. I'll be like, hello? And there's no one in there. I'm going down the highway and it's so quiet and I'm too scared to turn on music. I'm like, I need to.

[Tempest DuJour]

Absolutely, absolutely.

[Michelle Visage]

And so I'm just like driving. I was on Cahuenga Pass and I was like, hello.

[Tempest DuJour]

I was probably behind you saying hi.

[Michelle Visage]

Did you drive here?

[Tempest DuJour]

I surely did. Almost hit somebody coming out of the driveway.

[Michelle Visage]

Girl. Why not?

[Tempest DuJour]

Why not?

[Michelle Visage]

Why not? My biggest fear is backing over someone's little dog. Their little hot potato sized dog that I can't see in the car. Won't beep for true.

[Tempest DuJour]

The teacup Chihuahua.

[Michelle Visage]

The teacup Chihuahua.

[Tempest DuJour]

Well, you know what though? There was a lady. I went for an evening stroll last night after dinner like all the Russian couples do and they. You know how they do. You can spot a Russian couple, they're not talking to each other, they're looking straight ahead and they have their hands behind their back.

[Michelle Visage]

What?

[Tempest DuJour]

But they're on the evening stroll. It's very cultural thing. So there was a, there was the.

[Michelle Visage]

Orthodox Jews going for walks on the weekends.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah. Because they can't use electricity.

[Michelle Visage]

So you see them as families walking around.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah, but they, after they eat their borscht soup and whatever the fuck after dinner they're always walking around like maybe they'll say a word to each other. Like. But anyways, so do you like to walk? They. A bunch of them and then a lot. Some crazy ladies with their dogs. Teeny little dogs on no leash. They got a little Parker, they get a little doggy north face vest on, but no leash.

[Michelle Visage]

Girl, I think we talked about this. But the gag for me is the £80 woman in LA with the Rottweiler.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

Who, when you walk by, they just put their hand on the leash as if you're going to stop that stone cold killer dog.

[Tempest DuJour]

It's like Polly Pocket with a monster truck. What do you think you're going to do?

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah, and I'm not saying that all dogs are dangerous and I'm not saying you should be fearful. But what is this leash thing or you ever go to, was it. What's that place called?

[Tempest DuJour]

Cafe Gratitude?

[Michelle Visage]

No, you. Why did you say that?

[Tempest DuJour]

No, because everybody has dogs and children running amok.

[Michelle Visage]

No, the Hollywood Reservoir. There's a big sign that says no dogs. It's all dogs in there. All dogs go to Hollywood Reservoir.

[Tempest DuJour]

What about this baby? When I'm just. When I'm. I like to, I like to walk around and I guess every piece of grass on the side of the sidewalk is. There's an un written sign that I'm not aware of that. Says, please have your dog shit right here and don't you dare pick it up. Don't you dare pick it up. Shit everywhere. Shit line streets. Beautiful West Hollywood shit line streets.

[Michelle Visage]

I know. Do you know what people will do, you know in front of my house we have those bushes?

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

People will throw the shit in the bushes. So I'm at home and I'll just smell shit in front of my house. And I'm like, I don't have a dog. But at least why is my whole house smelling shit?

[Tempest DuJour]

But at least you're not stepping in it and tracking it through on your gorgeous parquet floors where that sumptuous mahogany would work.

[Michelle Visage]

Laughs let's take a break. Today's episode of Bald and Beautiful is brought to you by Smalls. You guys know I'm a lifelong vegetarian. Lifelong. I love animals. And you know, cats have wormed their way into my little heart. My sister, she has a cat named Cornbread that she's obsessed with that, you know, and some people have cats that act like dogs. They say that they act like dogs. I think that that's just a weird way of not admitting that not every cat has a great personality. My sister's cat does. My sister's cat did something so funny. Cornbread walked into the room and said, is your refrigerator running? And I said, no. And the cat said, well, you better go catch it. And I said, oh my God, cats. Stop. You're, you're, you're. You got me. My sister's cat is her baby. My sister is not a child person. My sister barely loves to hold like children she's related to, but my sister loves her cat. And honestly her relationship with her cat has made me cat curious, let's say. Let's just say if I ever got the opportunity to get flew out and be the cat sitter, I would. If you're a listener to this show, you know that cats cannot live without Smalls. Okay. To get 35% off plus an additional 50% off on your first order, head to smalls.com and use the promo code ball for a limited time only. Smalls cat food is protein packed recipes made with preservative free ingredients you'd find in your fridge and it's delivered right to your door. You guys know, for me, a busy person, if I ever had the privilege to cat sit, I would probably want to do something where I get the food delivered to me because who wants to go drive to get this stuff? Like, it's just not, it's not as fun as shopping for human groceries. Okay. That's why cats.com named Smalls their best overall cat food. It's ingredients you'd find in in your fridge. My sister's cat is a classic cat. Anything fish, anything chicken. Very interested. My sister's cat prefers Smalls way more than previous cat foods. I did a taste test. I put two bowls side by side. I ate both. I'm going to tell you they both taste like cat food, but one just tastes a little more like the ingredients I'd find in my fridge. Still not a believer in smalls. New York magazine called Smalls the best cat food according to veterinarians. Okay. One Buzzfeed person said, my cat went completely ballistic for that stuff. And you know what? We do so much stuff for human beings on the ball. And beautiful. I'm very happy to be sponsored by a cat food company. I do believe that animal nutrition is easily overlooked. And the responsibility of owning a pet is looking out for their health the way you look out for your own. Okay. After switching to smalls, 88% of cat owners reported overall health improvements. That's a big deal. Cats are so sensitive, and they will hide symptoms of illness or not feeling well to the very last moment. Okay. They won't tell you their digestion's not doing good. You just have to, like, feed them the best you can. What are you waiting for? Give your cat the food they deserve. For a limited time only because you are a bald and the beautiful listener. Get 35% off smalls, plus an additional 50% off your first order by using my code bald. That's an additional 50% off when you head to smalls.com and use promo code bald. Again, that's promo code bald for an additional 50% off your first order, plus free [e-mail] this episode is sponsored by Zocdoc.

[Tempest DuJour]

It's April, and as we all know, April showers bring Mayflowers. And what better time is there to snag a nice afternoon nap than during a nice, gentle rainstorm? The continuous thump of the raindrops on the roof. The tap, tap, tap of the rain hitting your window pane. But what happens if you wake up from that amazing afternoon nap and you have a rash on your left cheek? Could it be an allergic reaction to the dust mites hiding in your pillow? Or what if that new moisturizer from the Swiss Alps is contaminated with trace amounts of alpaca fur? Zocdoc calls this the is this normal rabbit hole? And it happens to all of US when the symptoms subside after a few hours, you move on and forget about it. But then the next morning, the same thing happens. Well, I'm here to tell you that enough is enough. You need to book an appointment with a great doctor so you can figure out what's causing it. And when you finally find out that you have a severe allergy to edelweiss that is grown alongside the moisturizer farm in the Swiss Alps, you'll have Zocdoc to thank. With Zocdoc, there's no reason to delay. They make it insanely easy to find and book a doctor who's right for you. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. They have over 100,000 doctors from literally any specialty, including allergists. So you can rest assured you can find the perfect doctor for that whole cheek rash situation. You can filter for doctors who take your specific insurance who are located nearby if you hate driving like me. Or find ones with specific office hours to match your crazy drag queen schedule. And most importantly, you can find doctors who are highly rated by real life verified patients. You can even see their real time appointment openings. Choose a time that works for you and instantly book a visit with just a few clicks. Same day appointments are also available in many cases, which is ingenious. The best part is that ZocDoc is completely free to use. You can search and compare highly rated in. Net network doctors with ease. Which is why I love ZocDoc. It turns out that I am triple jointed and now I'm considering starting a career in the circus arts. Zocdoc helped me find the best doctor in my area and booked them fast. If I can find a great doctor, so can you. And all because of Zocdoc. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com bald to find an instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Zocdoc.com Baldwin Zocdoc.com bald.

[Michelle Visage]

Can I tell you more about the queries?

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah. Wait, no, no, no. Tell me about the drive here. Oh, who's the highlight? What's the highlight? Who's your favorite part?

[Michelle Visage]

I keep, you know. Can I say I talk during the drive so. Because I haven't driven in so long now.

[Tempest DuJour]

Are you talking to other cars? You saying move you?

[Michelle Visage]

Because you're gonna think this is crazy. I'll go look. Turn.

[Tempest DuJour]

Okay.

[Michelle Visage]

All right. We're gonna Break like I'll kind of talk. And then if people do things that are illegal, I will be like, oh my God.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

She didn't just turn into the nearest permissible lane.

[Tempest DuJour]

I was like, blinker, blinker, honey, hello, Blinker.

[Michelle Visage]

Every time someone doesn't use a blinker, I act like I just accidentally opened a browser and it was porn. I'm like, when someone. Nobody uses the blinker on the highway.

[Tempest DuJour]

Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no. See we got. No, that is. Yes. People are wilding out like that.

[Michelle Visage]

People are sugar. We're going down swinging.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah, it's bad, it's just nobody seems to be on the same page. Nobody even seems to be reading the same book. Nevermind. Nobody's in the same library. Like it's crazy.

[Michelle Visage]

Blinkers woke like. Is that what's going on here? Is it like pussy shit?

[Tempest DuJour]

I don't want. You don't need to know where I'm going.

[Michelle Visage]

Used a blinker. I mean again, are blinkers the lamestream media?

[Tempest DuJour]

Blinkers are the gotcha questions of the lamestream. Right?

[Michelle Visage]

The gotcha questions of lamestream media.

[Tempest DuJour]

Again today with the three. I counted it three times. First of all, people do not know what the fuck to do with a stop sign. Let me tell you what to do with a stop sign. Okay? This, this is very basic. I'm. You're rolling up to the stop sign to my left. You get there, you have stopped 2 seconds, 2 full seconds before I've even begun my stop. Go, you bitch, go. It's waiting for me. Is confusing. You're not doing me a favor. It's your fucking turn, bitch.

[Michelle Visage]

Go like a four way stop. Yes.

[Tempest DuJour]

Okay, like girl, like this is. We need efficiency. I don't know you. You don't know me. This is not your good deal.

[Michelle Visage]

You don't also when somebody waves me and I was like, yeah, it's my turn. Yeah, but when someone goes, you go. I go. I was going to go. I was here before you. What are you talking about?

[Tempest DuJour]

There's like three blocks down the street.

[Michelle Visage]

Why don't you go ahead, bitch? I've been here born in the game. I've been at this light for two weeks. Okay, fuck.

[Tempest DuJour]

Or like the whole the, the fucking comedy of errors when it's like you both do that, then you both go, then you both stop, then you both go.

[Michelle Visage]

You might as well head on collision.

[Tempest DuJour]

You might as well just get out of the car, start making out. I think you should start doing. But I can't. People do. The people love to do these, like, teeny, tiny, not good deeds, like, masquerading as good deeds, like. And I think that they really do think that this is me. I'm a good person right now. You know, this is my good deed of the day. It's like, no, bitch, you're confusing flop. Like, play by the rules, and we'll all get to where we're going safely.

[Michelle Visage]

Right. There's some things I feel very ironclad about, which is you've turned the blinker on before you start breaking.

[Tempest DuJour]

Well, yeah, you turn the blinker on at the precise moment it is indicated for you to turn. Like, you don't turn it on.

[Michelle Visage]

Like, you know, driving school, they say turn it on before you break.

[Tempest DuJour]

Like, I don't understand.

[Michelle Visage]

You shouldn't be braking before your turn and then turn like you should.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah, but I'm talking about strong about that. And also. But, like, if you're. You know how sometimes there are. There are left lanes, multiple left lanes, and then, like, before a light or before a street. I don't know. Sometimes that can get a little wacky because people love to charge through, like, the left lane when they're really trying to go left at the light, three blocks up.

[Michelle Visage]

Right.

[Tempest DuJour]

But there are two other left exits onto streets. Do you know what I'm trying to say? It's. People get a little wild, and I get a little left. Green Arrow, police chief of Los Angeles, the radical left.

[Michelle Visage]

The radical left, Green Arrow.

[Tempest DuJour]

I am. When it comes to that arrow, I am so hyper vigilant. I am so hyper fixated. And I will not take no for an answer.

[Michelle Visage]

Right.

[Tempest DuJour]

Just Today, a good 14 cars missed an opportunity because one motherfucker was not paying attention. Only three people went right. That's.

[Michelle Visage]

I know it's gonna be hard. It's gonna be a hard year. It's gonna be really hard year. Can I tell you about the Queerties?

[Tempest DuJour]

Oh, yes. Did you. Did you go and drag?

[Michelle Visage]

No, I was doing after midnight all day, so.

[Tempest DuJour]

That's funny. I was doing after midnight all day. Oh, yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

I was doing after midnight all day. So I got out of drag at like, 6, 5 or 6, and I was like, all right, I'm just going to shower quick, and then I'll go.

[Tempest DuJour]

Who was.

[Michelle Visage]

You know, it's either get drunk at home or get drunk there.

[Tempest DuJour]

True. Open bar?

[Michelle Visage]

No, maybe it was. I don't know.

[Tempest DuJour]

It was both. Depends on what you ordered. Like, a. Well drink, I think was open. But if you want a margarita, espresso, martini, you got to Cough up the.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah, so it was fun. I did a little, like, you know, I don't have, like, nice outfits, so I want to go on the red carpet and take a nice picture. But I hate the way I look and everything I wear. So it's a double edged sword. But I like to feel like a. Ooh, we're here. I want to someday look back at this and be like, look at me on this little picture. But I hate my clothes, hate my face, hate my body.

[Tempest DuJour]

Well, then you don't want Muschietti images up in that mix.

[Michelle Visage]

Right? I know when I went to. When I go to Gigi and Nat's house, I kick the walls and go, who's this? But you get selling pictures of me, huh?

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

Wow.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah. Grainy hd, ultra hd stubble shots of me looking haggard. Thank you, bitch.

[Michelle Visage]

Thank you for highlighting the distinct color differences between my top and bottom teeth with that picture.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah. Thank you for letting everybody know every single one of my.

[Michelle Visage]

Right.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

So I don't know. I saw a door. Haven't seen a door in a long time. That girl and a window.

[Tempest DuJour]

Hello. Hello.

[Michelle Visage]

She was there with her boyfriend. They were. They looked great. Some people just look great.

[Tempest DuJour]

Mama. That girl looks like. That girl is so. She is so pretty.

[Michelle Visage]

She looked great.

[Tempest DuJour]

She's so pretty.

[Michelle Visage]

Saw Crystal Method. She looked fine.

[Tempest DuJour]

I hate that name for obvious reasons, but, like, I hate that name.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah.

[Tempest DuJour]

I think it's probably because I'm a Crystal Method addict, like, and I'm trying to not do crystal meth.

[Michelle Visage]

You know what I mean? That's the same reason you can't watch Mad Men. Triggering.

[Tempest DuJour]

It is so triggering. Everybody's smoking and they're making it look so hot.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah.

[Tempest DuJour]

But. Sorry, go ahead.

[Michelle Visage]

Bob hosted. Bob was there.

[Tempest DuJour]

She did.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah. She had a dress and a wig on.

[Tempest DuJour]

Did. She did. Was Layla there?

[Michelle Visage]

No, it was just. It was.

[Tempest DuJour]

She was terrible.

[Michelle Visage]

You're really trying to start beef with Bob.

[Tempest DuJour]

I'm kidding. I'm just kidding.

[Michelle Visage]

Bob is a great host. That moved quickly, which I appreciate. I love. I saw Jinx last year. Love them both. Bob will keep the show moving. Jinx, you know that you will hold us hostage.

[Tempest DuJour]

Ramble, Tina.

[Michelle Visage]

Ramble.

[Tempest DuJour]

Tina, Ramble. Tina. Bob is.

[Michelle Visage]

Thank you for coming.

[Tempest DuJour]

Concise, consistent and.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah, yeah. And Bob just made some wonderful jokes. The girls Delta Work won for her pod, but she wasn't there. So Willem came up with a cardboard cut out of Delta Work.

[Tempest DuJour]

That's awesome.

[Michelle Visage]

That's fun. That's funny. It was some fun winners.

[Tempest DuJour]

I just I love Bob as a. You know what?

[Michelle Visage]

She's a great.

[Tempest DuJour]

I can trust her to be in control.

[Michelle Visage]

Yes. And roll with the punches. But also, you know, tonally, she knows how to do a serious moment.

[Tempest DuJour]

You don't have to worry about her. She's so competent.

[Michelle Visage]

Right.

[Tempest DuJour]

She's just fierce.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah.

[Tempest DuJour]

She.

[Michelle Visage]

When I'm like, she's hosting, it's gonna be a great night. It's gonna flow, everything's gonna be funny.

[Tempest DuJour]

Nothing to worry about. Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah. So it was really fun. Also, sometimes that's the only time you see certain gay people. I'm like, oh, there's Michael Henry. There's Roz the psychic.

[Tempest DuJour]

Oh, that's Tyler Henry. What about Tyler, the creator?

[Michelle Visage]

He wasn't there. Didn't make it. Wait, who's. I saw money exchange.

[Tempest DuJour]

Money exam.

[Michelle Visage]

I saw Plane.

[Tempest DuJour]

Plane.

[Michelle Visage]

I saw Morphine, obviously. I just thought got drunk and took videos of her. I don't even know.

[Tempest DuJour]

She knows Morphine. Again.

[Michelle Visage]

She's getting drunk and walking up to her and filming and walking away.

[Tempest DuJour]

Oh, and also, there was a drag queen and you know the one in London called Method?

[Michelle Visage]

Me filming and screaming. Me coming up drunk from the bar, filming and going.

[Tempest DuJour]

So wait, wait, tell me, what is. What. Where. What is the genesis of Morphine being your child? Where did that. Where does the paternity test come in?

[Michelle Visage]

Most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

[Tempest DuJour]

So you claimed her as your child?

[Michelle Visage]

Yes. Started to feel very close to her parasocial relationship.

[Tempest DuJour]

Okay.

[Michelle Visage]

I think she knows almost nothing about me. And I just. Like, when she's in the room, I'm like, everybody shut up.

[Tempest DuJour]

My daughter's cousin.

[Michelle Visage]

Oh, God, look at her hair.

[Tempest DuJour]

I made that girl. She sprang from my womb.

[Michelle Visage]

And she was telling about her car accident, and she was still kind of recovering from that, and she had to get so many.

[Tempest DuJour]

What? Oh, that's right.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah, she, you know, she was upright and looked gorgeous, but she was like. Yeah. Still kind of dealing with that, but.

[Tempest DuJour]

Probably addicted to morphine at this point.

[Michelle Visage]

Well, boo, when they rolled in the morphine drip, she was probably like, the irony, you know? But everybody just looked. Well, not everybody looked great. I don't know why I said that. Looked horrible. People looked crazy.

[Tempest DuJour]

Who looked horrible? Come on, Joan Rivers, tell me.

[Michelle Visage]

You know, it's not my place to say. I just hope that these big, tall men with their broad shoulders and square jaws have a great time with their no padding and tiny, tiny hair. I hope they're having a great time.

[Tempest DuJour]

Are you talking about drag queens?

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah, I just Bricked up. Bricked up girl. Legos.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah. Masonry brick. Lego.

[Michelle Visage]

Shrek 4.

[Tempest DuJour]

The. The M G. They're giving free masons out at night. Like after work. Brick layer.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah, I hope the girls are. But, you know, everybody was having fun.

[Tempest DuJour]

Oh, that's good.

[Michelle Visage]

And that's fun.

[Tempest DuJour]

Now, do you win any money when you win a queer tea? I don't believe you do, because I have received one myself.

[Michelle Visage]

No, you get to go up there and take your little prize.

[Tempest DuJour]

Give a speech.

[Michelle Visage]

I have a bunch of them. They're in my house.

[Tempest DuJour]

But would you win for.

[Michelle Visage]

I didn't. I was nominated for Trixie Motel. Drag me home. Who won? Reality. It was Drag Race. It can't be Drag Race. Well, the unbeatable juggernaut.

[Tempest DuJour]

This episode is brought to you by Steve Geek. Picture this. It's 1990. A very young boy named Brian is all alone in his room listening to FM radio on his brand new Sony Walkman while nodding his little head to all the top 50 hits of the day. Suddenly, the music comes back on after a Crazy Eddie Electronics Store commercial and a diva screams, everybody dance now. While a pulsating beat fills his eardrums, creating an intoxicating mix of dance pop magic. Well, guess What? It's now 2025 and I want to relive that formative moment of my Life. Thanks to SeatGeek, I just purchased two tickets for CNC Music Factory Live. And just like that squirrel trying to get a nut to move your butt, the Seat Geek app has over 28 million downloads, making it the number one rated ticketing app. There are more than 70,000 events listed on SeatGeek, including concerts, sports, festivals and more. Right now, you can get tickets to see Mary J. Blige, Vanilla Ice, Hamilton, and even sporting events like soccer and baseball. We're talking Beyonce, Kendrick Lamar and SZA, Katy Perry, Dua, Lipa, and more. The best thing about SeatGeek is that the app is insanely easy to use. I'm currently investing all of my income income to ensure that my home doesn't double as a mold production factory. So I'm being careful about my big ticket purchases this summer. SeatGeek has an innovative system for people on the lookout for a great deal. Each ticket is rated on a scale of 1 to 10, so I know I'm getting a good deal. So look for the green dots. Green means good, red means bad. Plus, every ticket is backed by their buyer guarantee. If you like seeing live concerts, theater and sports, you need to get on SeatGeek friends just for Our fans. You can use code BALL10 for 10% off your next set of tickets at SeatGeek. That's 10% off tickets with promo code BALL10. Make sure you click the link in the description to download the app and have the code automatically added to your account so you can use it later Again, that's code BALD10 for 10% off tickets. Thank you, SeatGeek, for sponsoring this week's episode.

[Michelle Visage]

Today's episode of all the Beautiful is brought to you by Ritual. Okay, I want to talk to you about changes in gut health. It seems like everything in your body, in your mind, in your spiritual bubble is connected to your gut microbiome. We're learning so much about the gut microbiome and how it's the key to mental health, immunity, and, of course, digestion, right? If you're looking for digestive support, Ritual has got your back, or rather your biome with symbiotic plus a 3 in 1 supplement of clinically studied pre, pro and postbiotic to support a balanced gut microbiome with daily use. You guys, I have my little pill organizer with all my little vitamins and minerals and all my arthritis medication and everything, and ritual is just an easy little thing to pop in there. And the pills are really pretty. Side note, I don't know why that matters, but they are. I like the products because it's just not the first thing I think about, but especially since I'm immuno deficient, the way my body processes food in my gut is so connected to your immune system, it's, you know, very easy to not think of it that way, but it's kind of the most important thing. The Daily 3 in 1 Prebiotic, Probiotic and Postbiotic features two of the world's most clinically studied probiotic strains to support gut and digestive health. Once daily pop of mint scented capsule. It really. It's a very soft mint. I will say it's not a tic Tac vibe, but it's certainly better than that kind of waxy, plasticky flavor sometimes you get from vitamins. It's. You pop open the container and it just has a very soft mint little kick to it. And it's also vegan friendly, all right? Free of major allergens, animal products, weird fillers, and artificial colors. So get your gut going. Support a balanced gut microbiome with Ritual symbiotic plus get 25% off your first month at ritual.com bald that's ritual.com bald for 25% off your first month.

[RuPaul]

This podcast is Brought to you by Aura. By the time you hear about a data breach, your information has already been exposed for months. On average, companies take 277 days to report a breach. That's nine months where hackers have access to your personal data. Your name, address, phone number, even your Social Security number before you even know it's out there. Think about it. Nine months is enough time for criminals to open accounts in your name, rack up debt and disappear. All while you're left dealing with the message. And when the company finally tells you it's too late, the damage is already done. Data breaches aren't slowing down, they're getting bigger. And the delays in reporting them aren't helping. Right now, your personal information could already be on the dark web and you wouldn't even know it. How long do you want to wait before taking action? That's why we're thrilled to partner with Aura. Aura monitors the dark web for users phone numbers, emails and Social Security numbers, delivering real time alerts if any suspicious activity is detected. Additionally, Aura provides up to $5 million in identity theft insurance, offering a robust safety net in the event of a worst case scenario. Aura goes the extra mile by scanning the dark web for your sensitive info and alerting you instantly if anything is found. And if ID theft strikes. No need to panic. Aura's US based 24.7broad resolution team works around the clock to fix it fast and get you back on track. Aura is a complete online safety toolkit which includes a variety of other features to keep you safe online including a VPN for secure browsing data broker opt out to stop companies from selling your personal information, a password manager to help you create and store strong passwords and more. For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14 day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online. All for free. When you visit aura.comsldefense that's aura.comdefense to sign up for a 14 day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones. That's a r a dot com defense. Certain terms apply so be sure to check the site for details.

[Michelle Visage]

I like to go to that though because it is all the fun gay people that's the most fun award show.

[Tempest DuJour]

I I've never been cuz they've never invited me I wonder why they have a personal vendetta against me. Probably cuz I'm so sexy that they think that I'll put everybody to shame.

[Michelle Visage]

Does she get invited?

[Tempest DuJour]

What are you talking about? I don't have A house.

[Michelle Visage]

When would you realistically go?

[Tempest DuJour]

When someone invites me.

[Michelle Visage]

Can we just be so for real?

[Tempest DuJour]

I do.

[Michelle Visage]

You could be paying, paid to go. And your guest, your. Your. Your companion could be Julia Roberts and you wouldn't go.

[Tempest DuJour]

That is patently false. And how dare you? Because on Tuesday nights, Julie and I play mahjong. Tuesday night was last night, right? Yeah, Mahjong at Julia's.

[Michelle Visage]

I went late and left early. Went next door and got some Italian food. Gemma and Hollywood Gemma's.

[Tempest DuJour]

No. Who would look the best? Who was the best dress of the evening?

[Michelle Visage]

At the risk of saying morphine again, I'm going to not say morphine, because I think she is the fucking best. Look, she makes everyone just look like a fucking dog.

[Tempest DuJour]

Really?

[Michelle Visage]

She makes everyone look like a fucking dead dog. A dead dog. That's funny. Who looked really beautiful.

[Tempest DuJour]

Was Farah there? Because I saw the. This morning, I saw on Delta that I will cherish for the rest of my life.

[Michelle Visage]

She's everything.

[Tempest DuJour]

She was talking about killing a spider and how she was. She was found a spider in her. In her house and she was really worked up, so she googled and she thought it was a brown recluse and so she killed it. But then later on she found out it was a wolf spider and she just was. She was.

[Michelle Visage]

So she felt like she'd brushed with death. Oh, wait, you're not supposed to kill.

[Tempest DuJour]

Those because wolf spiders are harmless. And she felt so such a pang of guilt that it was like I shook her to her core. And I was like, that is so funny looking like flawless, gorgeous diva talking about the guilt of having killed a spider. It is amazing.

[Michelle Visage]

She's too pure for this world.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

Who else did I see? Oh, Luxx Noir. London looked pretty good. Monet was in this, like. You know when people do, like, oversized giant suits?

[Tempest DuJour]

I hate it. Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

I thought I said, I love your bathrobe and she laughed. And you know, but also, I'm not the. Who cares what I think of your clothes?

[Tempest DuJour]

Of course not.

[Michelle Visage]

Who cares what I think?

[Tempest DuJour]

I mean, I am. Do you know about that Nikki guy? I'm sure you. I know you do. It's the guy who's like, no. Yes. Slay incredible. Needs to work harder. You know, like, he goes down the list. He's like a super, super bitchy fag fashion critic. Yeah, I'm sure you know him. I'm sure you do. He was. He was actually on my episode of After Midnight. He's very opinionated, very fashion focused. Twitter, Instagram and TikTok where he's like. He iconically says, like, terse, succinct, funny reads of fashion. He would sometimes he. These most. Sometimes these outlandish looks. He's like, unbelievable. And I'm like, what? So it's very subjective. It's very subjective.

[Michelle Visage]

And also when I don't like something, I go consider the source. Me. You're probably wrong, but I don't like it. But. But who cares what I think?

[Tempest DuJour]

I know.

[Michelle Visage]

Here's what I think.

[Tempest DuJour]

But that's what I love about fashion. It's so divisive and it's so subjective and people get so, so angry.

[Michelle Visage]

I love that shit. Yeah. But Monet won an award, which was great. What did Monet win for?

[Tempest DuJour]

Biggest suit.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah, Monet won for Dungeons and Drag Queens.

[Tempest DuJour]

Dungeons and Drag Queens.

[Michelle Visage]

Biggest suit. Shut up.

[Tempest DuJour]

Largest apparel.

[Michelle Visage]

I got to meet Joella Dynasty, that girl from Drag Race who was like, you know, sometimes when the legends go on Drag Race and they don't do well, like, love that shit.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah, yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

It was exciting.

[Tempest DuJour]

Dulu. Dulu.

[Michelle Visage]

That's how I want my drag queens.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah, yeah. Dululemon.

[Michelle Visage]

I don't want, like, rooted in reality. These people are in disguises, right. They have fake names.

[Tempest DuJour]

You don't want humility. You don't want. You don't want, like, politeness. You just want Dululemon.

[Michelle Visage]

This person was porn. I think their name is Zane Phillips.

[Tempest DuJour]

I definitely know who that is. I do.

[Michelle Visage]

I couldn't believe. I just have.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah, he's in. He was in the movie with what an absurdly.

[Michelle Visage]

He was active person.

[Tempest DuJour]

He was in Fire island, among other things.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah. Just looked great. A lot of the girls were doing weird. Like, a lot of the girls were doing. Frankie Grande came up to me and I said, girl, I said, are we doing X Men?

[Tempest DuJour]

No, no, no, no. This is Pink in X Men.

[Michelle Visage]

I know. She came up to me and I go, girl. I was watching the red carpet. I said, I guess the girls are doing X Men this year. She was like, I guess.

[Tempest DuJour]

Also these blue Cantrell glasses. This is giving blue Cantrell.

[Michelle Visage]

Who is that?

[Tempest DuJour]

This is blue. Won't trail. You don't know. Blue Cantrell ladies got hit him up style. Oh, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

But it was fun. I like to go. I like to have the drinks and I like to see everyone's outfits. I like to see the people. I got to see Sam Pancake, Roz Hernandez, who was the most famous person there, you think?

[Tempest DuJour]

Who would you say is the most critically acclaimed?

[Michelle Visage]

Well, One of the actresses from Wicked was there.

[Tempest DuJour]

Cynthia Rivo.

[Michelle Visage]

Marissa Bode was there.

[Tempest DuJour]

Absolutely.

[Michelle Visage]

And that was fun. And they said she was the first actress to use a wheelchair to play that character who's in a wheelchair ever. Which is interesting. Comment. Oh, yeah. Wow. And then the director was there, right?

[Tempest DuJour]

John Sheriff, the director.

[Michelle Visage]

No, somebody else was there.

[Tempest DuJour]

It was the girl. Have you prayed?

[Michelle Visage]

Isn't that horrible? I go to these things and like, there were people.

[Tempest DuJour]

There were people and they were there.

[Michelle Visage]

What am I going to do when they walk on stage, open my phone and start Googling them?

[Tempest DuJour]

Do you know about this girl on TikTok? The model who's like, so outrageously funny is like. It's giving. Mona Lisa is Mona Lisa. Have you prayed today?

[Michelle Visage]

No.

[Tempest DuJour]

You don't know about Alex constantly. I don't know how to say your last name. You don't know.

[Michelle Visage]

Oh, no, I'm hung up on. My current obsession is Lavina, the ex Amish cook.

[Tempest DuJour]

Oh, that is.

[Michelle Visage]

They were going to be making French baguette. The special way that you make the. It's awesome. She was making like a tart and she said, first you pour in the citric acid. Her accent is so awesome.

[Tempest DuJour]

It sounds very jarring.

[Michelle Visage]

And she's a great cook, and she's sharing. I also am like, you know, most people who are Amish don't get a chance to go on TikTok and share these recipes. So it feels like very privileged information.

[Tempest DuJour]

That we're like, it's a window into a secret world.

[Michelle Visage]

It's so cool. I mean, I love. I bought both her. I bought her cookbook and I bought her book of home remedies. And I think I'm gonna do. They have, you know, wraps them. One of the recipes is called Jogging in a Jug. And it's supposed to be like. Like part of a cleanse, I think.

[Tempest DuJour]

Okay.

[Michelle Visage]

Oh, I love watching her cook. I think I might do the master cleanse. You think it's fake?

[Tempest DuJour]

I know it's fake. I know it's fake.

[Michelle Visage]

I don't know. It's in the Amish book.

[Tempest DuJour]

Are you talking about the cayenne lemon? All that?

[Michelle Visage]

Oh, yeah. Maple syrup and cayenne lemon.

[Tempest DuJour]

And here's the thing.

[Michelle Visage]

There's also. I think you take laxatives, too. That's part of it.

[Tempest DuJour]

That is. I. Now, I'm. Listen, not a doctor, obviously not a nutritionist, not an influencer who tries to influence people. That's me. I don't try to do it, but I think it's bullshit.

[Michelle Visage]

Can I say, I don't think weight loss should be glorified, but if you're trying to, you just got to burn.

[Tempest DuJour]

More calories than you consume.

[Michelle Visage]

So in Australia, I said, I'm gonna. I'm gonna get on the horse. And I've been on the horse, and I was.

[Tempest DuJour]

Horse means five.

[Michelle Visage]

And I lost five pounds. I lost five pounds.

[Tempest DuJour]

Great.

[Michelle Visage]

And I tried and I tried to.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

I did exercise and ate well.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah, yeah, there you go.

[Michelle Visage]

Good for me, I think I'm not glorifying weight loss. I wanted to lose five pounds, and I did.

[Tempest DuJour]

Well, fucking A. That's great.

[Michelle Visage]

I mean, I'll probably swing back the other way in just a few days. Get back over there.

[Tempest DuJour]

Will be back tomorrow for sure. Well, I mean, think of. I always think about Oprah. She's a billionaire, and she's always struggled with her weight. Always struggled with. And it's just been a lifelong struggle for her, for the ultra rich person. She has access to everything a human being could possibly have access to.

[Michelle Visage]

Sure.

[Tempest DuJour]

And she still struggles with food in weight. So it's hard.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah. You know, I. You know, I think we talked about it, one of the live shows. Yeah, I know we did. Because I made a PowerPoint. I have been deep diving. I've been deep diving on the Amish. Like, I know too much. I know too much. I've consumed so much documentary content about the Amish, I can't. I could tell you everything. I could tell you everything about the Amish now. And I ended my little binge by watching For Richer or Poorer, that 90s movie with Tim Allen and Kirstie Alley. They play rich people who are in trouble with the irs, so they go into hiding with the Amish.

[Tempest DuJour]

I think I remember this one.

[Michelle Visage]

So they go from, like, high rise New York vibes. Yeah. So they pretend to be undercover. And Jacob Yoder.

[Tempest DuJour]

Okay, how do they do?

[Michelle Visage]

Well, you know, she's, like, churning butter and doing embroidery, and he has to, like, work on a farm. And of course, they.

[Tempest DuJour]

A lot of country mouse, city mouse.

[Michelle Visage]

Kind of, you know, working community. They learn, wow, we've been shitty people.

[Tempest DuJour]

And they join them in the end.

[Michelle Visage]

They don't join him in the end. They are like, wow, we've been shitty people. And they fix their marriage. They kind of like. And it's. I. I know we're not. I know it's difficult to agree with either of their politics now.

[Tempest DuJour]

Oh, wait, we're not. Yeah, we're not getting at the time.

[Michelle Visage]

I hadn't watched A movie since I was a kid. I was like, this is a great movie.

[Tempest DuJour]

Well, you know, it's. It's funny when you revisit a lot of 90s, like, gems movies that you recall having been like, just comfort movies or lovely movies or you just, oh, my. This is one of my favorite movies. And then you revisit it and you realize, oh, my God. The plot of Overboard is this man kidnaps this woman and forces her into.

[Michelle Visage]

Slavery and rapes her.

[Tempest DuJour]

Like, I mean, it.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah.

[Tempest DuJour]

You know what I mean? It's like. It's pretty intense.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah.

[Tempest DuJour]

He forces her.

[Michelle Visage]

I'm so on the right side of my life, you know?

[Tempest DuJour]

And then they had the gall to try to, like, flee. Flip the script and make it woke by, like, doing a. Like, having it be a man. Like, what?

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah.

[Tempest DuJour]

And it's a bummer because it is a full Stockholm syndrome reversal Pretty Woman situation. Like, she does. She. I was a rich and I was an asshole, and I should be poor, and I love this man and I'll go with him. And it's all good. It's wild.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah.

[Tempest DuJour]

Because I enjoy it so much.

[Michelle Visage]

Well, you have to be critical, right? You have to. You got to reevaluate knowledge. And you know what it represents?

[Tempest DuJour]

What?

[Michelle Visage]

Growth, awareness, society. Slightly improving. Yeah. If it's weird to watch now, it means that we've learned more. We've.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah. You know, so, like, I mean, that era of. I mean, I mean, I watched a lot of movies in the 90s, so that era was so rife with the trans panic storylines or the twists or whatever, you know, like, soap, all that stuff. It's wild.

[Michelle Visage]

Oh, my God. Ace Ventura. Crazy, crazy, crazy.

[Tempest DuJour]

Every time I think of that, I'm like, holy shit. Because I was with my parents watching the Crying Game. Okay.

[Michelle Visage]

I've never seen that.

[Tempest DuJour]

Okay, so what happens is there is a. The rope comes off and there's a. A tight shot of a dick and balls. Yes. It's a full frontal reveal.

[Michelle Visage]

Really?

[Tempest DuJour]

Yes. And the guy. The guy who is having. About to have sex with this woman trailer woman is horrified. It's a. It's a horrifying moment. And then, of course, Ace Ventura takes us to the next level where it's just the most disgusting revelation that could possibly take place.

[Michelle Visage]

But everyone throws up.

[Tempest DuJour]

Everybody throws up. Like in the Goonies or not the Goonies. But, you know, when, like, there's a. You know, when it's throwing up, it's contagious.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah.

[Tempest DuJour]

Like, I was like. I was like. But this is so it's so not true. You have a penis?

[Michelle Visage]

I was gonna say there's a lot of. There's a lot of things on the body that can be gross. A penis or a vagina. Is this surprise not one of them? It's not gross.

[Tempest DuJour]

No, it's not gross. It's like. It's like a. Huh?

[Michelle Visage]

I didn't know. Yeah.

[Tempest DuJour]

It's like the kombucha girl. It's like Brittany Broski.

[Michelle Visage]

It's like. Right. You know what I mean?

[Tempest DuJour]

But it's not. Right. That's if you have festering maggoty wound.

[Michelle Visage]

That I would say, which I do.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

My first boyfriend.

[Tempest DuJour]

It's crazy, though. It's. It's not. It's not based in reality.

[Michelle Visage]

Right. My first boyfriend was uncircumcised. And I had never seen that before. And so it's a surprise. It was the first man I'd ever been with. We're in my dorm room.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

And I remember just pausing and going, like, I've never seen that before.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah. It's interesting.

[Michelle Visage]

I need a tutorial, and I got a tutorial.

[Tempest DuJour]

Boom.

[Michelle Visage]

For a couple years.

[Tempest DuJour]

You gotta.

[Michelle Visage]

You gotta stretch that thing over my head. I just. I do. Whatever.

[Tempest DuJour]

It's.

[Michelle Visage]

I mean, it has nothing to do with that type of reaction. Has everything to do with the person reacting and nothing to do with the person or the body or, you know.

[Tempest DuJour]

No. And it's so. It's just so funny to me because, like, another movie where there's, like a transition panic shock twist is like, just one of the guys when he opens his tuxedo and there are two gorgeous.

[Michelle Visage]

My booze fall out.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like double Ds. Terry's got the double Ds.

[Michelle Visage]

I have seen that movie.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

One of the guys, right?

[Tempest DuJour]

Just one of the guys with the.

[Michelle Visage]

The sock in the front and.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just so crazy.

[Michelle Visage]

What I do love about these type of storylines. It happens in Yentl. It happens Tootsie. What I love about it is somebody's somebody having a midlife am I gay crisis. Because they start to fall for this character and they don't know. So then they're like, am I les? I love that.

[Tempest DuJour]

It's so funny. It's so funny. People are so.

[Michelle Visage]

I've had moments where I go, am I not gay?

[Tempest DuJour]

Really?

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah. When I was looking at all that porn with women, I was like, am I bisexual?

[Tempest DuJour]

I know.

[Michelle Visage]

I don't think so.

[Tempest DuJour]

I know. It's like, I. That. It's so funny that It's. It's always like this or that. Am I. Am I this? Which immediately cancels out the other thing. It's like. No, it's like, I like broccoli. Doesn't mean I don't like carrots. Do you know what I mean?

[Michelle Visage]

You didn't like chili? Or you're like chili noodles.

[Tempest DuJour]

Noodles, yeah. It's like, do I like broccoli? Do I not like. You know what I mean? It's like, I love Josh.

[Michelle Visage]

I love Josh.

[Tempest DuJour]

I love dicks.

[Michelle Visage]

You know, that's another. Whenever I am at Beverly Hills and I drive by that fountain. Cause you can see that fountain. I always say, I love Josh.

[Tempest DuJour]

I love Josh.

[Michelle Visage]

You have to say, I love Josh.

[Tempest DuJour]

You got to say it.

[Michelle Visage]

You got to say it out loud. You got to say it out loud.

[Tempest DuJour]

You got to beep the horn, too, girl. Beep it though. The Senate thing. Did you see that clip?

[Michelle Visage]

No.

[Tempest DuJour]

It was cell at a. At a Congress. I hope I get this right. Congress. Some kind of hearing or some kind of congressional session. And the a delegate from it was. I can't remember her name. Trans woman elected politician was misgendered purposefully by this. By this guy. And then she playfully referred to him as madam. And then the guy refused to. And then another guy intervened and said, this is unacceptable. You in? But the guy wouldn't budge. He would not call her ma'am. He wouldn't call her Madam Chairman or Madam Secretary, whatever.

[Michelle Visage]

People are dumb.

[Tempest DuJour]

And it was fucking crazy. And I'm just like, you just grow, girl.

[Michelle Visage]

Dying on these little dick hills.

[Tempest DuJour]

Tiny dick. Tiny dick.

[Michelle Visage]

You go ahead. Girl.

[Tempest DuJour]

Girl. Teeny little dick ass motherfuckers think they got a big dick.

[Michelle Visage]

Like Donald Trump is opening, what, a used Tesla dealership in the parking lot of the White House. We have more important things to worry about.

[Tempest DuJour]

Oh, my God. It's just so stupid. And these are people. It was. I think the. The purpose of the meeting was like a defense. It was. The subject matter of the meeting was, like, very heavy. And he's getting hung. He won't call her, you know, mad. It was just. Mama. It's just too much.

[Michelle Visage]

It's horrible. It's all so bad.

[Tempest DuJour]

It's so corny. McBride.

[Michelle Visage]

Sarah McBride.

[Tempest DuJour]

Mr. McBride. He was like, Mr. McBride is crazy. Crazy. Yeah. Yes. He was just a piece of. And then so the. The. The guy.

[Michelle Visage]

The.

[Tempest DuJour]

I think the leader. The. The. He just adjourned the meeting. They just adjourned the meeting. And the meeting was done. And I was like, our taxpayer dollars.

[Michelle Visage]

People Are trash bags.

[Tempest DuJour]

You know, people are garbage. All. Meanwhile, all these politicians are just dicking around, eating that Spago, getting bread bowls of Panera on our dimes.

[Michelle Visage]

Even if you don't believe in, let's say, if you want to call it ideology. If they call it. I don't believe in trans ideology. Whatever. Even if you don't believe in it, why don't you just say it?

[Tempest DuJour]

Just fucking say it.

[Michelle Visage]

Just say it.

[Tempest DuJour]

Well, because I could say my policy.

[Michelle Visage]

Is that I don't agree with it. But you could still just.

[Tempest DuJour]

I think though, because there's a say.

[Michelle Visage]

Madam, it doesn't mean you. You're gonna.

[Tempest DuJour]

No, I think it does. I think I.

[Michelle Visage]

And I.

[Tempest DuJour]

And I. And I do. I understand that they are bowing. They are allowing some hideous ideology to. To be true which they can't abide. It's like fucking J.K. rowling. That fucking. Just that hideous hag will just die on that billionaire mountain of like, of. Of terf. Trans denial. And it's like, wow, just shut the up.

[Michelle Visage]

Obsessed. They're obsessed with it.

[Tempest DuJour]

Obsessed. Obsessed with.

[Michelle Visage]

Doesn't affect them.

[Tempest DuJour]

Obsessed with getting assaulted by some. Some hot, like, I mean, Hollywood, some kind of Brian De Palma esque, like, trench coat.

[Michelle Visage]

He.

[Tempest DuJour]

She in a bathroom trying to attack people that doesn't exist. It's just crazy.

[Michelle Visage]

Well, I do love these tweets from like, you know, people who are very passing. I love these tweets from like a very passing trans man being like, fine, I'm coming to the bathroom with your wife. Yeah, it's just like some hot guy who's like.

[Tempest DuJour]

Also.

[Michelle Visage]

Did you see that? Tick tock. I sent you that. Which way?

[Tempest DuJour]

Which way?

[Michelle Visage]

Wait, wait. I gotta play this audio. I'm sorry. This was so horny. This was so horny.

[Tempest DuJour]

Did you breathe it?

[Michelle Visage]

I love to send you tick tocks.

[Tempest DuJour]

I know. I. I usually don't open them.

[Michelle Visage]

Why won't you be my friend?

[Tempest DuJour]

No, I want to be your friend, but I just don't. I can't do tick tocks. I know I'll get sucked in.

[Michelle Visage]

This is my favorite. This is Republicans talking about. This is a creator, pineapple honeydew says. This is Republicans talking about trans women in the men's restaurants.

[Tempest DuJour]

And if you're a trans lady, I'm gonna need you to bring your. To the room, okay? There's no men's and women's bathrooms no more. It's the room and the room. The. And tits. Okay? So I'm gonna need you to take your. And I'm Gonna need you to bring it to the room where I bring my. And we're gonna piss together. Okay?

[Michelle Visage]

That's what they said. They're obsessed with the genitals.

[Tempest DuJour]

They are. They're obsessed because they're grooming. Because they're grooming and groping at the theater.

[Michelle Visage]

Bobert. It's also like. Are you telling me as a CIS man that if you were in a bathroom over there was women, you wouldn't be able to control yourself. You'd be kicking down bathroom doors and saying, show me those titties and your. Is that what you're saying?

[Tempest DuJour]

I'm sorry. I can't go to the urinal because my dick is compelled to slide between your big hot breasts because I know.

[Michelle Visage]

There might be a woman in that stall over there. Yeah, I'm too erect to pee. You're a pervert. You're a weird pervert. Weird.

[Tempest DuJour]

Exactly.

[Michelle Visage]

You're a weird pervert. I can't stand it.

[Tempest DuJour]

It is such a thing.

[Michelle Visage]

I need to bring your. You need to bring your. To the room. It's weird. It's so weird. The fact that the. It's also weirdly telling trans women, like, come pee with me. Well, like, it's kind of pervy in that way.

[Tempest DuJour]

But let me tell you something. Let me tell you something about when I'm in the airport and have to go to the public restroom. I don't want to go there.

[Michelle Visage]

I wish they were all one person bathroom.

[Tempest DuJour]

I don't want. I don't ever want to go to the bathroom ever. At my house. At your house. At anybody's house.

[Michelle Visage]

At the. Convenient.

[Tempest DuJour]

At Wendy's. It's disgusting. I wish we hadn't. Don't. I wish we.

[Michelle Visage]

And it burns when I pee. And it always has.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yes, I have. I always have hemorrhoids in the blood. No, but like, it smells like shit. It's just something we have to get it over with. Nobody's trying to hang out in a bathroom. No, it's just not something we're doing, okay? Like, yes, certain gay guys cruise at the Home Depot. That's their gig. Okay, that's not. That doesn't concern you, okay? That's their gig. That's out in the Adam and Eve.

[Michelle Visage]

Not Black and Decker, okay?

[Tempest DuJour]

You stay away from the Home Depot. You go to Lowe's, okay?

[Michelle Visage]

Just get out of here. Okay? We gotta go.

[Tempest DuJour]

But wait. You are so right about that. It's like, if that's what's on your mind, it's you, baby. It's you. You are the problem.

[Michelle Visage]

So you think that if you knew there was a woman going pee in here, you would be so wrecked and.

[Tempest DuJour]

Bricked and turn down and open that mouth so that pee stream goes in your mouth.

[Michelle Visage]

You can't. You couldn't pee with a woman you don't know, pee.

[Tempest DuJour]

Like, too hot, too erect, too arousing, too provocative. I mean, pervert.

[Michelle Visage]

And I think a lot of these bathroom things, it's because women don't feel comfortable peeing with men around.

[Tempest DuJour]

Well, also, you know what I mean. Just the fact that women have to grow up and live their lives under the constant threat of assault by men everywhere. Also the pain in the bathroom, in the street. I don't think. You know, at the horse race, the.

[Michelle Visage]

Paradox is if you. If you're Republican and you're obsessed with making these biological females use the women's room, you're sending men into the women's room, right? You're actually sending. By sending trans men, you're just sending men into the women's room.

[Tempest DuJour]

You need to send that to the room.

[Michelle Visage]

The. To the room and pull your. Out in the room. Isn't that crazy?

[Tempest DuJour]

It's insane.

[Michelle Visage]

I got to go, everybody. It's just bad. It's bad out there. It's horrible. It's horrible. It's. It's. And it's going to be. We're going to be here till the end.

[Tempest DuJour]

Yeah, but please pour one out for Madam McBride.

[Michelle Visage]

Girl, Madam McBride.

[Tempest DuJour]

Pour went out for Miss McBride.

[Michelle Visage]

I woke up to a tweet. A conservative tweeted that person before they transitioned and said, he will always be he. And I was like, what is wrong with people?

[Tempest DuJour]

Girl, grow up.

[Michelle Visage]

Grow up. What's wrong with people?

[Tempest DuJour]

You are mentally ill. Okay? Mentally ill. Mentally obsessed. Obsessed.

[Michelle Visage]

Obsessed. Beyonce and obsessed. Why are you so obsessed with me, girl?

[Tempest DuJour]

I want to know. Boots always following into my stall and yanking on my crank.

[Michelle Visage]

Chaka Khan.

[RuPaul]

This podcast is brought to you by Aura. Imagine waking up to find your bank account drained, bills for loans you never took out, a warrant for your arrest, all because someone committed a crime in your name. It sounds like a nightmare, but for millions of people each year, it's reality. And here's the scariest part. By the time companies tell you your data was stolen, it's already been nearly a year. 277 days. That's how long, on average, hackers have to use your Social Security number, open accounts, take out loans, and destroy your credit before you even know you've been exposed. By the time you get that breach notification email, the damage is done. Your identity stolen, your financial future at risk, and the company that lost your data. They'll just apologize and move on. Hackers Aren't waiting why are you? This can all sound really scary, which is why I'm so glad we're partnering with Aura. Hackers don't wait, so why should you? Aura monitors the Dark Web 247 for your phone number, email and Social Security number because the moment they show up for sale, criminals are ready to use them. If Aura detects your info, you'll get an instant alert so you can act before the damage is done. What if your identity is already stolen? Criminals can take out loans, max out credit cards and vanish. That's why Aura provides up to $5 million in identity theft insurance and a US based fraud resolution team that works around the clock to shut down fraud fast and get your life back on track. Your personal data is a goldmine for hackers and Aura helps lock it down with a VPN for private browsing data broker opt out to stop companies from selling your info and a password manager to help secure your accounts, Aura gives you the tools to fight back. For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14 day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online. All for free. When you visit aura.comdefense that's aura.comdefense to sign up for a 14 day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones. That's a U r A dot com defense. Certain terms apply, so be sure to check the site for details.