The Land of a Thousand Fjords: Live from Norway with Trixie and Katya!

Summary

Podcast Summary: "The Land of a Thousand Fjords: Live from Norway with Trixie and Katya!"

Release Date: July 22, 2025
Hosts: Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova
Podcast: The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Produced by: Studio71 & Confetti Cannon

---

Introduction to Norway

Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova kick off this live episode from Norway with their signature blend of humor and candid conversation. The duo expresses their excitement about exploring Norwegian culture, with Katya humorously noting, "Anybody see me? We, like a few years ago me here? No. Nobody." ([02:17])

Exploring the Royal Palace and Cultural Insights

Their first stop is the majestic Royal Palace in Oslo, where they marvel at the grandeur and a massive pipe organ. Trixie muses, "There's a giant pipe organ back there." ([02:29]) This leads to a discussion about their personal connections to music and religion, with Trixie sharing her background in church organ playing, albeit in a private context: "I play the pipe organ for me. It's for you, for me and for Jesus at home." ([02:56])

Katya adds insights about Norway's Christian heritage, noting, "They have kings and queens and stuff but they have more of a representational role." ([17:22]) The conversation delves into the Norwegian language, with Trixie humorously distinguishing between its "sexy and spicy" versions: "There's Sexy and spicy, right?" ([03:17])

Comparing American and Norwegian Cultures

The hosts compare the pristine environment of Norway to the often chaotic and less orderly nature of American cities. Katya remarks, "It's yanking. You guys have a beautiful place here in Oslo." ([06:49]) In contrast, Trixie disparages their hometown, stating, "Our city is so ugly, girl. Do you not recognize that?" ([06:55])

Norwegian Nightlife and Drag Culture

Later, Trixie and Katya share their experiences at Jacques, a renowned local gay bar. Katya reminisces, "Work, Jacques is always super fun and funny and love that." ([67:38]) They discuss the differences between American and Norwegian drag scenes, highlighting the more spontaneous and less commercialized nature of performances in Norway.

Personal Stories and Anecdotes

The episode is rich with personal stories. Trixie opens up about her pregnancy, adding a layer of vulnerability: "Glenn and I were lucky enough to get pregnant." ([09:58]) Katya shares a humorous yet poignant tale about miscommunication with her family during her trip, illustrating the cultural adjustments they face.

Hollywood and Movie Critiques

A significant portion of the conversation focuses on their frustrations with movie scripts, particularly the "Final Destination" series. They critique the implausible scenarios, with Katya stating, "I wanted to go see it in the movies, but I'd rather get killed." ([11:25]) Trixie adds, "They concocted this scene where... it's so weird." ([12:27])

Drag Race Reflections

Trixie and Katya reflect on their experiences with "RuPaul's Drag Race," expressing apprehensions about the intense scrutiny and negativity from fans. Katya shares, "It's traumatizing when the girls come up and say, I've been watching you since sixth grade." ([45:52]) This segment underscores the emotional toll that public perception can have on performers.

Interactive Q&A and Humorous Segments

The hosts engage in a lively Q&A session, answering listener-submitted questions with their trademark wit. Examples include "Would you rather have a fat ass or never sweat again?" and "Marry or Kill" scenarios involving celebrities like Dwayne Johnson and the Undertaker. Trixie humorously quips, "Would you rather have a 2 inch penis but always know what time it is?" ([94:38])

Premonitions and Supernatural Discussions

Katya discusses her experiences with premonitions, expressing a desire for people to take her predictions seriously: "I wish I could get them sooner or more frequently so that people would believe me." ([99:15]) Trixie relates with anecdotes about dreaming of tragic events, adding a supernatural twist to their conversation.

Concluding Thoughts and Shout-Outs

As the episode wraps up, Trixie and Katya extend heartfelt thanks to their Norwegian hosts and listeners. Katya exclaims, "Thank Oslo, the greatest city in the world. Love you. Love you. Good night." ([104:43]) They leave listeners with final humorous remarks and a sense of camaraderie.

---

Notable Quotes:

• "We are really lucky Americans get to be so stupid and still succeed." — Katya ([03:53])
• "What happens is somebody... patience limits and overdrive limits apply." — Trixie ([36:17])
• *"Badge storm" — Trixie on public reactions ([27:44])

Key Themes:

1. Cultural Exchange: The hosts explore and compare Norwegian and American cultures, emphasizing differences in societal norms, environmental upkeep, and lifestyle.
2. Drag and Performance: Insights into the drag scene in Norway versus America, highlighting the unique challenges and experiences of performers.
3. Humor and Satire: Consistent use of humor to discuss serious topics, including critiques of media, personal vulnerabilities, and societal observations.
4. Personal Growth and Challenges: Sharing of personal stories related to pregnancy, public scrutiny, and coping mechanisms.
5. Interactive Engagement: Engaging with listeners through Q&A, enhancing the interactive nature of the podcast.

Conclusion:

"The Land of a Thousand Fjords: Live from Norway with Trixie and Katya!" offers a vibrant mix of humor, personal anecdotes, and cultural commentary. Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova provide an entertaining glimpse into their lives as drag queens navigating different cultures, all while maintaining their unique, irreverent charm. This episode is a testament to their enduring appeal and ability to connect with audiences both old and new.

Transcript

[Trixie Mattel]

This episode is brought to you by State Farm.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Knowing you could be saving money for the things you really want, like that.

[Trixie Mattel]

Dream house or ride, is a great feeling. That's why the State Farm personal price.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Plan can help you save when you.

[Trixie Mattel]

Choose to bundle home and auto bundling. Just another way to save with a personal price plan. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts, and savings and.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Eligibility vary by state.

[Trixie Mattel]

Pro Savings days doorbuster deals are on at Lowes. Mylowes Pro Rewards members save an additional $120 on a GE 21.9 cubic foot top freezer refrigerator. Plus members save $70 on a Bosch hammer drill, now only $99. Not a pro Rewards member join for free today. Lowes we help you save valid through $7.23 while supplies last selection varies by location. Loyalty programs subject to terms and conditions.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

See lowe's.com terms for details.

[Trixie Mattel]

Subject to change. The McDonald's Snack Wrap is back.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You brought it back. Ranch snack wrap.

[Trixie Mattel]

Spicy snack wrap.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You broke the Internet for a snack? Snack wrap is back. We flew internationally for you. Can we get some goddamn applause for the. The titties. My God. Norway. What? The.

[Trixie Mattel]

Slope.

[Brandon]

Damn.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We are really. Have you played here before?

[Trixie Mattel]

I have not. Not in this very theater. No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I have. Anybody see me? We, like a few years ago me here? No. Nobody. Okay, great. There's a giant pipe organ back there.

[Trixie Mattel]

Really?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Finally, I have the second biggest organ on stage. Okay. Swear to God, there's an organ. I don't know if they want us to touch it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Should we do the pipe organ?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

There's an organ.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't think they. I don't want it, like, impress people too much.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, it's just kind of convenient because something you guys don't know about her is that she actually took 18 years of church organ and she's a little shy.

[Trixie Mattel]

I just listen. The gospel is sacred. And it's. It's mine. I don't want to force it on people. I play the pipe organ for me. It's for you, for me and for Jesus at home.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Music. Is this a religious country? No, no. However.

[Trixie Mattel]

However, you better believe I did some research on this country earlier.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hell yes. Hell, yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

Christianity is the kind of. Christianity is like the thing. But you're not crazy Christians, right? No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They also speak their own language. Norwegia.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes. And they have like 1100 fjords.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The Internet told me that there's two versions of this language, right?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. There's Sexy and spicy, right?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right, America. We can barely do English. We're like, no, everything revolves around me. I'll never learn anything.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, we are really lucky Americans get to be so stupid and still succeed.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But look, they've got the incredible Norwegian air conditioning present tonight. Look at it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Wow. Oh, my God. It's. Wait a minute, girl. It's almost a little too rich.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know, I have Brandon backstage with my notes and my wine, and I thought, well, if the wine gets brought out, one glass gets. Then you guys are gonna be like, look at that fucking alky. You know what? I. Now Brandon's gonna carry it out as, like a procession to bring me wine.

[Trixie Mattel]

So, hey, give it up for Brandon.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Is that worse?

[Trixie Mattel]

But you know what? That is a very classy. Although that is a heavy pour.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Thank you, Brandon. Give it up for Brandon. Well, I'm a heavy girl. Recently, Gemini told me that my BMI is overweight, so. So cheers, girls.

[Trixie Mattel]

Cheers, girls. You need to switch to Pisces or something. Gemini don't know what the fuck she's talking about, girl. Let me tell you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Tell me.

[Trixie Mattel]

I need to just. Well, I need to say hello and we need to recognize and just sort of appreciate the listeners who are in their cars in the future.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

People are in their car. We're recording tonight. Scream to the people.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, Now a lot of time, you know, because people don't usually watch and drive, although in LA they do. But I wonder if you could make some noise that corresponds directly to how sexy we look while prompted. Okay, so I'm going to say 1, 2, 3. And then you're going to describe via shouting how sexy I look. Does that make sense? Okay. One, two, three. Suck it, car people. You can't see us.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You can't see it. If they could see me, I am laid out here. My lips are spread straight open.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And if you look inside, there's another pair of lips. And behind there there's a very short man going, oh, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Eternal daylight. The sun never stops shining on those gorgeous pussy lips, baby.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Is that. What are we doing? We were just in Sweden. Hey, to Sweden. And we were just there.

[Trixie Mattel]

We were at her family reunion, which was a blast.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It was a family reunion. It was incredible. You know, it was nice to stop by the Royal palace and see my family, you know? By the way, I saw the Royal palace here today. Wow, how beautiful, baby.

[Trixie Mattel]

This town is yanking.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's yanking. You guys have a beautiful place here in Oslo. Give it up for your home. Give it up for the home. Give it Up.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's like, mama, it's clean. It's pristine. It's like, it's gorgeous. I mean, we live in a true garbage dump back home. Our city is so ugly, girl. Do you not recognize that?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, it's bad. You just said it's clean. And someone said, just like you.

[Trixie Mattel]

My pussy's clean. Well, actually.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, not really. It's been a couple days. No, Amir, I mean, honestly, sometimes I'm like, people. Hey, you know, Hey. I think, like in America, I think that people turn us on. Well, they're turned on by us, but. And they're mostly 19 year old lesbians, but that's okay. I think that people turn us on because they want escapism. But then we're always mad now about America.

[Trixie Mattel]

You're right. That's bad. Okay, so are we happy? Happy?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Are we obnoxious? Because we, we, we, we. I don't know.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, it's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Should we live in a bubble and just be like, let's talk about best and worst dress. You know what I mean? Like, is that what we should be doing specifically tonight? Turn the house lights on. I'm doing best and worst dress right now. Well, obviously, she's the best dressed right here. Stand up. Let's see it. Stand up. Stand up. Obviously.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right up there. Stand up right there and take a look. Don't. Come on.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Obviously.

[Trixie Mattel]

Look at this.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes.

[Brandon]

Wow.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Beautiful.

[Trixie Mattel]

Always a humbling moment when the fans come dressed better than you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, I know.

[Trixie Mattel]

Happens to me all the time.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. The number one Trixie impersonator is 30 pounds thinner and 10 years younger. I'm like, okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

And very ambitious.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Stand far away from me, bitch. You know what I mean?

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you guys do Halloween? Just curious.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do you guys know what happens to us on Halloween? People show up. I don't know, like they hurt. Like they read about us online. Like they've never seen us. The black and white eyeliner abuse that occurs on October 31st when people dress up as me. It's bad.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's bad. Mary, what are the. These nails?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

These are my Cynthia Rivo nails.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They're barbecue tongs.

[Trixie Mattel]

Who do you. How do you. How do they stay on?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, these are my Tony Hawk like mini skateboards that I just like glue to my hands. There's also something. It's very trans labyrinth. It's very.

[Brandon]

It's very.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's very. Hello. You got, you know, horror.

[Trixie Mattel]

I need.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, girl. Can I tell you what happened at the Palace?

[Trixie Mattel]

Please, I wish you would.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I haven't decided if I want to sit yesterday.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yesterday I had a corset on with all the padding.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And so I felt so pigged up.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, me too.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And today I have this little. Well, and so I feel like is my out.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, I really keep like, it is, it is weird because we don't communicate about what we wear. This is just happenstance because I also happen to be cock out.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Trixie Mattel]

But also showing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Trixie Mattel]

So, yes, Glenn and I were lucky enough to get pregnant and I am showing, but I'm a little self conscious because I don't really do maternity wear very well. However, I do just want to address one thing really quick. I'm going to do it really quick and we're just going to get it over with.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Trixie Mattel]

It shall never be spoken of again.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Now, for the people at home who are listening, she actually pulled back her hair. She showed her industrial piercing that was infected. And she pulled the barbell out and all the pus started shooting out.

[Trixie Mattel]

I unzipped my human suit and, you know, showed my scales, girl.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What? What?

[Trixie Mattel]

Final Destination bloodlines do you know about this movie, Mary? I, I, I know it's a, it's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

A, it's, we talked about it yesterday.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We did not talk about this yesterday. The MRI scene.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, have you guys seen this?

[Trixie Mattel]

Have you said it's a spoiler, but the movie sucks, so who cares, right?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, the thing is, I wanted to go see it in the movies, and I kept putting it off. Putting it off, putting it off. Because then I'm thinking, well, what if I go to the movie theater, it explodes, and then I'm in Final Destination, you know? But then I went to rent it on itunes, I swear to God. To rent that movie right now because it came out this week on itunes. I swear to God, it's $40 to rent the goddamn movie. No, I'd rather get killed.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, they do. You can find like a million compilations of all the good scenes. But there is this. Listen, the people who write the script for this movie, I want to study their brains or the lack thereof.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sure.

[Trixie Mattel]

It is. They concocted this scene where it's in a hospital and this guy's got, like, a lot of piercings. He's like, runs a tattoo shop or whatever. He's got nipple piercings, tongue piercing, dick piercing, all this, you know, the whole thing. And the MRI machine gets. Whoops. Cranked up to, like, the highest level of magnetism.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They hit the sleigh Button on the mri.

[Trixie Mattel]

So what happens? Nipple piercings out and then tongue piercing, and then dick piercing fears. You see, like a. Like, a bulge, and then it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And then I'm so gross. At the beginning of that bulge, I'd be like, you know what I mean?

[Trixie Mattel]

But of course, his metal belt buckle just stays put. It's so weird. And then.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But then I'd be like, oh, my God, Let me make sure your dick is okay open. Let me just see it. Oh. I'd be like, it's stuck to the MRI machine. It's hanging over there.

[Trixie Mattel]

But though, in the whole time this is happening, his friend is having anaphylactic shock from eating a chocolate that he's allergic to. I don't know why, but. And he wouldn't give him the EpiPen. And now he's, like. Like, thrust into the machine, but, like, he won't fit. And then a wheelchair comes and crushes him. And so he's just this big blob of gross, like, blood and guts that gets sucked into the machine.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well.

[Trixie Mattel]

And I say, where's the Oscar?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Why not?

[Trixie Mattel]

Where is the Oscar?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Honestly, I've been over here for a couple weeks. Watch. Oh, you know, watching. What do you call it? Oh, the beginning of war. Right. I've been watching that on tv, and every day I'm like, well, should I keep watching another 12 hours of CNN, or should I pierce my dick and go to the MRI machine? You know what I mean?

[Trixie Mattel]

You can have chili or chili with noodles.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Have you ever seen. Wait, have you ever seen Final Destination 3 with the roller coaster?

[Trixie Mattel]

I've seen all them.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The third one has Mar. Elizabeth Winstead, which is crazy because she's, like, a serious actress. I watched it the other day, and I was like, wait a minute.

[Trixie Mattel]

Wait, which one is it? What. What is the big set piece at the beginning?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's the roller coaster.

[Brandon]

Oh, I love that.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes. Love that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And that's the one where.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you guys.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Anybody who's a millennial. Do you remember when people had digital cameras?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And you would, like, dump the whole photo booth on a Facebook for. Who fucking cares? No reason. Right. Your life wasn't interesting then or now. You know what I mean? And it's mirrorless with Winstead going through her digital camera in her, like, you know, Pinterest room, And she's, like, seeing how everyone dies in the camera. Remember? It's like, oh, the twins. The picture's overexposed. Then they die in the tanning bed.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's right. Ooh. Some really, like, I would love a.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Final destination set at RuPaul's DragCon, because I have some girls I'd like to cast. You know what I mean?

[Trixie Mattel]

I would be the. I would volunteer as the first kill in. I would. I would like. You know, there's a lot of fake outs. Like, I would slip on a banana peel and then I would, like, you know, like, get bounce off a Zamboni. And then, like, RuPaul would come like 55 miles an hour in her, like, rollerblades and just go right over my face.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

And then come back and then do it again. And then come back and do it again. That's how I would want to go at RuPaul's Drag Con, right. Los Angeles.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I would want some kind of, like, let's see. Because, like, it have to be rooted in realism. So at DragCon, where am I? I'm waiting in line for a hot dog or something, Right? Something realistic.

[Trixie Mattel]

And somebody shoots you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I think I'm. I think I'm choking on the hot dog and it's like, oh, my God. And then the viewer. And by the way, the idea that I could have a hot dog in my throat and I wouldn't know how to handle it. Yeah, I don't fucking think so.

[Trixie Mattel]

I think we left that gag reflex in the late 90s.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And it's not just a hot dog. It's like a. It's like a 6 inch around Italian super sausage candellini weenie. And it's, you know, it's a summer sausage. It's shooting out the back of my head. My mascara is running, you know what I mean? And. And the people at the. I pick are jerking it. Jerking it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Obviously they are. They're really busy stroking it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And then at the last second, Cuckoo comes by and she said, cuckoo, mi amar. She steps on my foot. The exclamation of pain of my baby toe getting squashed, because you guessed it, the nails infected. So then the guttural shoots the hot dog into the air, hits a transformer, showering the arena in Sparks for 15 and a half minutes of thunderous ovation, while five girls quit on the spot.

[Trixie Mattel]

And that's the night Trixie died at Dragon.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And then, honestly, what happens is somebody. What happens is. Well, I forgot to tell you, this is also. This is also RuPaul's Drag Race Sweden.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, yes. Wait, there is that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Huh? I don't know. So there is.

[Brandon]

There is.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay, There is.

[Trixie Mattel]

Wow, we did not talk about that in Sweden yesterday.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I. I choke up the hot Dog.

[Trixie Mattel]

Good.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I stumble into one of these European bike lanes, and those people are not stopping for anybody.

[Trixie Mattel]

Girl, they would not stop for a newborn baby crying for help. They would not stop for a million dollars. Those people are on a mission.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, they will.

[Trixie Mattel]

They will fucking chop your head off.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The problem with that, I forget which Final Destination movie it is, but that one is in 3D. And so every kill, even if it's not 3D, the person dying is like, whoa.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's like, so it's gonna be the log one. Is that the log?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, I think it is.

[Trixie Mattel]

Maybe. That highway scene gets me right together. I almost get hard.

[Brandon]

Good for you.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And it's been a while.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's been a while.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know, Listen, wait. Can I tell you what happened at the palace?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So you guys know Gorgeous Brandon is. Is on the. Is on the trip. Gorgeous Brandon Clapper. Brandon. Oh.

[Trixie Mattel]

Because this is a constitutional, hereditary monarchy, right?

[Brandon]

Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I looked it up on the Internet. I. The Internet told me that you guys have kings and queens and stuff and that, but they have more of a representational role. They still have all the trappings of government. Right. See, I did my research.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, you got your Royal Drum, but I also got your red tape.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I'm Swedish. And so I hate when people all lump us together, you know? So I know that there's differences, very.

[Trixie Mattel]

Distinct identities in Scandinavia. People really need to figure that out. There's Norway, there's Sweden, there's Finland.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

There's blonde, and then there's more blonde. You know, it's just different.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Chili or chili with noodles.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Chili with noodles. So I walking up to. Wow, look at this beautiful building. It's the Royal palace. Right? And Brandon said, you got to go see it. It's so pretty. And then they did the changing of the guard while I was there. And I've never. I didn't even know what that was. I was lucky enough to just see it. Mary. I'm going to do an impersonation of it. But this is not to be. This is. So they have, like a. Well, it's not this. They don't have a mic stand. Okay. They don't have. They have like a Swiffer or something. Oh, no, it's a gun. They have a gun. By the way, you like how American. I'm like, is that a gun? I know what a gun looks like. Okay. But they walk and they. You guys know, they do this thing where they. One arm is fixed and one arm. One arm is like, what the. One arm is like, swinging. Like, real. Like, really fucking swinging. It was so in time. It was so stunning. Yeah, but, bitch, I got to tell you about their fucking helmets.

[Trixie Mattel]

Wait, wait, What?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Girl, it was like, this gorgeous black riding helmet, and they're in these beautiful outfits, and it's stunning.

[Brandon]

Everything's beautiful.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm sobbing, by the way. I'm sobbing.

[Brandon]

Of course I am.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right? Because they get cuckoo stepped on my toe, right? And they have these black helmets. And I swear to God, the first thing I thought of was RuPaul saying, I'm not a financial analyst, but the best defense against economic ruin is a side ponytail. Because the helmets have, like, a horsehair ponytail coming out the side. Mary.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's the truth. That's incredible.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So I'm watching them do this beautiful, stunning procession that I assume they do every day, and the ponytail. And the wind is blowing the ponytail, and I'm like, here come the hurricane, bitch. Here come the hurricane, bitch. It was so cool. It was.

[Trixie Mattel]

You grabbed a mic and started, like, doing the voguing thing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. You guys have to imagine. And we don't have. I mean, you guys saw our shitty fucking parade they had two week ago. Like, we don't have anything cool like that, and we don't have anything cool at all.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know. And also, like, what is the. What. What would be the cool equivalent of it? I'm sick of What? Oh, my God. I mean, if our royal family is like Kim Kardashian.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, no, no. It's thousand pound sisters.

[Trixie Mattel]

Thousand pounds.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's thousand pound sisters.

[Trixie Mattel]

And, Amy, our Congress is comprised of many women who didn't know they were pregnant.

[Brandon]

Right?

[Trixie Mattel]

And then, by the way, our.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Our UN is 90 Day Fiance.

[Trixie Mattel]

90 Day Fiance, yeah. The Senate is Survivor. Who?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Survivor.

[Trixie Mattel]

Survivor.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes. Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. And then the President, I think is. Who's the President? It was.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, Jonathan Bailey.

[Trixie Mattel]

Jonathan Bailey. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But he's not American, is he?

[Brandon]

He.

[Trixie Mattel]

No. But that doesn't matter.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That doesn't matter. Right?

[Trixie Mattel]

Our sexy little glasses.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sexy. The sexy little glasses. And by the way, that the glasses being sexy are dependent on who's wearing them. If I had those, I would look like never before Christmas, Sally, you know what I mean?

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, I was like, lipstick on a pig, honey. Like, that doesn't really check out. They're not. They don't make you sexy. He's like an extremely young man who just happens to be wearing spectacles in Jurassic World.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Rebirth. Right. By the way. And they got Scarlett Johansson, who I know is for straight men. She is like. She's gorgeous. But for straight men. Her Natalie Portman are the two like, oh my God, I would do anything.

[Trixie Mattel]

Sweeney, baby. Sydney Sweeney. Those jugs.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I know, but she's kind of new. Like people have a jerk in it to, you know.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, they have, but they've got backlogs of stroke materials to Ms. Portman.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right?

[Trixie Mattel]

Not just a few. I. That is so. You know, that's really gross for me to objectify. But I mean, the truth is, if I had those jugs, baby, there would not be one dry spot on my body.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

And did you see it?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Did you see her in that movie when she played a nun and they had to do all tight shots because of course it's the gorgeous breasts.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I love that movie. Mary.

[Trixie Mattel]

I loved it too. And I'm going to spoil it for all you newer Norwegian. She. She birthed that baby and she, she.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Bursts the devil's baby and then kills it with a rock.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, she goes like this. It's fierce and it's so cunty. And those jugs are bouncing. You know those jugs are bouncing.

[Brandon]

Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Is sponsored by Better help you Better help.

[Brandon]

I have to tell you about workplace stress. I can tell you confidently that even if you have your dream job like I do and you're surrounded by friends and family and working with people who support you, my gosh, even doing your dream job can feel a little stressful.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I want to help you take.

[Brandon]

This summer to focus on your wellness with small steps to manage your workday challenges. I can tell you, for me, workplace stress ends up being the thing that actually keeps me up at night. It's actually sometimes the cause of my mental health decline.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's actually for other people.

[Brandon]

61% of the global workforce experiencing higher than normal levels of stress. To battle stress, most of us can't.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Exactly wave goodbye to work, but we.

[Brandon]

Can start small with a focus on wellness. I know for me, you guys getting my run in, I cannot tell you. Exercise, for me, getting my blood pumping, it's great for inflammation, it's great for all kinds of physical stuff. But oh my gosh, it is so centering spiritually, energetically and emotionally. I really don't feel like myself unless I have moved a little bit that day. And honestly, talk therapy is a lovely supplement to that. I mean, vacation is great, but it's not a long term solution. I can tell you last summer when.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was on my like little sabbatical.

[Brandon]

I did two times a week talk therapy. I just felt like, if I'm not working, why not use this time to really invest in myself? It was amazing, I can tell you. Last summer I was off, you know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Doing my little sabbatical. I would usually do Mondays and Fridays.

[Brandon]

It was just so beneficial for me to take a moment twice a week. And really, I mean, when you're doing talk therapy more than once a week like that. Cause you're really investing in yourself.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You can really dive deep.

[Brandon]

You can really break things down. You can really troubleshoot. You can also learn how to celebrate what's going well instead of just focusing on what's not going well. It's not just for people with major trauma or people going through a lot in the moment. It can be easy stuff like coping skills and my favorite, setting boundaries. Sometimes somebody who's not involved in your personal relationships or work relationships can tell you the most glaring thing is that you don't have a boundary and you're letting people tell you whatever they want. You know, that is something I've had to learn the hard way, but the easy way through Talk Therapy with Better help with over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. It's convenient, too. You can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life. Plus, you can switch therapists at any time. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Unwind from Work With Better Help, Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com bald that's betterhelp h-e lp.com.

[Mary]

Bald this episode is brought to you by Chime. As a young, starving drag Queen in my 20s, I once saved up every penny for my job at Orange Julius and went to Stockholm. I went to rest, to relax, to heal. You know, eat a tiny fish, kiss a swede, maybe spiritually exfoliate in a sauna. But instead, I was followed. Followed by a ghost, a cold, bureaucratic specter named Bad Credit, who whispered overdraft every time I tried to live my life. The haunting began after I bought a $37 artisanal cinnamon bun at the airport. My card was declined, and as I sheepishly put it back in my pocket, the lights flickered. I swear I saw a shadow crawl across my credit history. Every missed payment I'd ever made echoed in the air like a haunted voicemail from 2008. But then a light shone down upon Me. It was a sign. A sign from above. It was Chime. I hurriedly returned to my apartment and signed up. Suddenly I had no monthly fees, no maintenance fees and no overdraft fees. With direct deposit, I started getting paid two days early. That ghost, his name was Rex and he couldn't keep up. I left him sobbing in a pile of old statements While I used one of Chime's 50,000 fee free ATMs to grab cash for a thick, steaming hot chocolate in a curse removal ceremony on a glacier one night when my card went missing under mysterious, possibly naked circumstances, Chime's 24. 7 support appeared like guardian angel. Calm, kind, and definitely not dripping with Scandinavian moss. Now I get real time transaction alerts, so nothing sneaks up on me. Not an $89 licorice purchase. Chime has spotted members over $30 billion. That's a lot of exorcisms. So if you ever find yourself alone in a foreign land, hunted by the consequences of your own spending, don't scream. Because in the icy darkness, good banking is the only true protection. And never ever sign a financing agreement with a man named Bjorn. Work on your financial goals through Chime today. Open an account in 2 [e-mail] bald that's chime.com bald Chime feels like progress. Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bancorp Bank NA or Stride Bank NA members, fdic. Spot me. Eligibility requirements and overdrive limits apply. Timing depends on submission of payment file. Fees apply at out of network ATMs. Bank ranking and number of ATMs. According to US News and World Report 2023 Chime checking account required.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You guys, I took some notes, but I can't operate. How do people do anything with these on?

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't know. All right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Out here with these type of nails. Where you at? You. Oh my. You really are that holy. You better work, Freddy Krueger. Oh, my God, look. Oh my God. Oh, you have Juno birch nails. She has Juno birch nails.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, wow. Those are beautiful. You know what I hate when they.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Ask you look great.

[Trixie Mattel]

Don't you hate when they ask us, how do you wipe your ass? How do you finger your pussy? How do you open an envelope? How do you do your taxes? Like, off?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know, I, my, my thought is, how do I use my phone?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know, Michelle Visage carries tweezers to get the card out of the gas pump. Swear to God, she has tweezers. Tweezers, she said. Because she said she got sick of having to ask people to grab her debit card because she can get it in, but she can't get it out.

[Trixie Mattel]

You just like. You just like. No, you guys, listen. I just want to congratulate you as a country on having the most medals in the Winter Olympics.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wow. Can I be honest?

[Trixie Mattel]

No small feat.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We were in Sweden yesterday and asked them, what do you guys think of with. What's the first thing that comes to your mind with Norway? And they said, the beauty.

[Trixie Mattel]

The beauty.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They said, how beautiful. And then on the Internet they said the beauty and nature. And they really nut for the fjords. I know you guys are probably sick.

[Trixie Mattel]

Of it, but, you know, they want the girl. They're horny for all your fjords.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

In America, we have economic collapse and shootings. Not a fjord, but kind of something.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. But we also get to get bankrupt when we go to the hospital.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No kidding. I was on a hike today and I slid down one of those, you know, the railings for when you're outside for steps.

[Brandon]

Railings.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay. And I. I don't know what it is. Like some like little boy in me needs to slide down them like on my butt.

[Brandon]

I have to.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's very Marty McFly. I'm late for school, doc. You know what I mean? Like, I love it and I know that I'm rubbing my like 35 year old butt juice on everything.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know, but you. But you get that grip. You get that grip and that good slide and my butt cheeks just.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It just grabs, you know? And I was like, what if I fall? I'm like, baby, this is the place to do it. Yeah, I'm not gonna fall. In America, they just put you down, you know, Like, I'm gonna break something here.

[Trixie Mattel]

I have consolidated all. I have consolidated and pre planned all of my injuries to occur tonight here in Norway. Yeah. Mama bones are getting broken tonight.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

And they are getting tended to for free.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Absolutely.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you guys have free education?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wow. And you know what else too? Like the hair. The hair all through the Scandinavian, Norwegian fantasy storyline. It's thick, it's long, it's air dried, it's healthy. In America, we have our three strands that we've bleached yellow.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And then trying to flat iron it.

[Trixie Mattel]

In the scabs from the clips of extensions that we try to just stuff into the scalp.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Trying to do a closure when all there is is exposed brain.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, I mean, there is a danger here though. I'm not afraid to call it out because I know for a fact that some Swedish women And some Norwegian girls have been kidnapped and held hostage for their hair to be harvested by Beyonce. However, I don't really feel bad for them because they eat really well, they live in luxurious accommodations, and they get.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

To be a star. Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

And they get free Netflix, you know what I mean? And then they get to see the glory of their biology just on that big plasma screen with that woman just shaking her. Oh, I love it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I love. You know, Beyonce hasn't asked for any of my wigs.

[Brandon]

I can't imagine why.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't know. I think she's busy. She's busy, that woman. Listen, I don't know. I mean, I guess it is just kind of goes without saying that Beyonce is incredible. But we were. We're kind of new to the party or late to the party. We're late and new, but now we know it. And I can't. This cannot be overstated, don't you think? This cannot be overstated, this woman.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I feel like. Yeah, I feel like I felt like.

[Trixie Mattel]

A mud person when I left that show. You know what I mean? I felt like you, like you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You were covered in mud.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, that was shit. But it's like if you ever have the chance to go see your live, do it, you know, sneak in, steal a ticket, rob a bank, whatever you got to do. But on the flip side, I spent all last night, I was up very late reading reviews of Ms. Lana Del Rey's stadium shows. And I'm feeling for my girl. I feel for her. Ooh, she's out there struggling, struggling in that cotton dress and those kids. There's a. At one point, at one point, she's got a house, this shot, this shitty little house set up, and there's a hologram and a window. And that hologram sings two full songs.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Girl, girl.

[Trixie Mattel]

She leaves the stage, comes back in the same outfit. What are you doing, Mr. Thing? What are you doing?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The thing is, what are any of us doing? Because ABBA voyage happened, so I don't even know why you and I are here.

[Trixie Mattel]

Thank you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We should have computer generated version doing. Doing, you know, like doing dances and songs and you and I should be asleep in Los Angeles.

[Trixie Mattel]

We should.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Would you guys go to the Trixie and Katya voyage hologram experience?

[Trixie Mattel]

I.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They can AI the jokes probably funnier than us.

[Trixie Mattel]

Hello. Thank you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

My God.

[Trixie Mattel]

But I. I do. I am pushing for this. I. I really feel like we are the perfect candidates to step into the shoes of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie in a new Kind of Simple Life thing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sure.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's not a simple life. It's the difficult life. We're not farmers. We're brain surgeons.

[Brandon]

Right.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you know what I mean? So, like, we step into the, like, oil drillers in the ocean for a day. You know, like, what could go wrong?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Because they were doing, like. They were doing jobs that were, like, working at a drive through.

[Brandon]

Whatever.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We should be like, all right, today you are the White House secretary. You know, like, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Tomorrow, putting a stint in the. Is hard.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Tomorrow you're doing Lasik surgery on something.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, I would love that. I feel like I would really. I. I would be cunt at Lasik. It's just a.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You just. Well, you know how in movie. Well, we talk about this when in movies, if you're not a good singer, but then you feel love and then you're a great singer.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So I think if you're doing the surgery and then you, like, think of who you love, you'd be like, I'mma tear this up. And you would get in there and you would really do it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Also, if you're in the operating room and. And the blood pressure is, you know, spiking, the pulse is, you know, flatlining. You just have to believe in yourself.

[Brandon]

Believe in it.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know what I mean? And you have to let go. You gotta let go in order for that thing to work, so.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And let God.

[Trixie Mattel]

By the way, it's the funniest trope in the history of cinema when a person, when they are, like, they can't play an instrument, but then they believe in themselves and then they can.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It doesn't make any sense at all.

[Trixie Mattel]

Or like. Like, I'm so, like. Oh, like a kind of C plus shitty violin student. And then. But wait a second. Like, that is so nutso. It's crazy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's cuckoo. Can I be honest, though? I think that sometimes I operate from a place of delusion as far as, like, that gay gene where you're like, I can do anything. Anything. It's like, oh, I'm gonna do that. I can do that. Nobody said I can't do that.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, that's great. But did you hear about this? Science. Scientific studies, and I'm talking a lot too many to ignore, have indicated that finger size, the pointer finger and the ring finger tell if you're gay. So this is. Everybody look at their hands. Okay, guys, this is the shocker. Yes, yes. So do this shocker.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This tells if you're lesbian.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, no, no. So these. These two. So if the difference in their length is quite pronounced. Baby, you A faggot.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. No, it's true. It's true. It's true. And I noticed mine. I was like, there is a good 3/4 of an inch difference. So, Mama, I was born to be gay, right? No, but. And it's true, though. This is a real thing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I remember when you were born, it was longer. Yeah, it was much longer. It coiled around like those videos of people having the longest fingernails. The finger was like a hose that was rolled up. You know what I mean?

[Trixie Mattel]

But it's true. Isn't that wild? So, girls, if, you know, maybe your boyfriend's really sensitive, they love poetry, they're not good at basketball, and you're concerned that they might be gay. Just check the fingers and you'll be fine.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Are your. Let's see yours. Oh, the nails make it so hard, though.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I mean, girl, you're not sure if I'm gay. We need to check the fingers.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's. Listen, it's 2025. We're in Oslo. Anything could happen.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know what, though? Like, I could be wearing this, but also, so could, like, Benson Boone, you know, like this. It's very.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay, I just gotta do a quick lap. What do you think about Benson Boone?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Can I say something that I don't know? I don't want to kill the fun of everyone. I don't, like, really hate. I find extreme distaste and hate for a celebrity who's someone you don't know. I find it wild and crazy.

[Trixie Mattel]

100 agree with you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I find it wild and crazy.

[Trixie Mattel]

I think it's. I think it's unnecessary.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think it's like the Hunger Games and the government makes you buy events in Boon CD just like. Yeah, turn on the radio, Mary.

[Trixie Mattel]

I think people are still really salty about that YouTube song or that, you know, when you got an iPhone or.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, I'm still mad. That's an old people thing. Old people. Do you know, Mama, do you know maggots? I know you know, they're not even listening. They don't even care that I'm here. There was a moment I could sit here and finger myself. I was gonna tell a millennial joke and I thought you would want to be a part of it. It's too late now. I'll just go lay down somewhere. You'll find me under the pipe organ fingering myself. That's fine. Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful.

[Brandon]

Is brought to you by Hungry Root planning. Meals can be simple and can be stress free.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I know that's crazy to think about.

[Brandon]

You come home from work and like, cooking can be not stressful. I have reached whatever stage in life. Nothing makes me happier than cooking in my own home and feeding people. It's the only thing that makes me feel really present in this world. It makes me feel like I'm not just a cross dresser. I'm also a human being.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I can't, I don't know what it is.

[Brandon]

Something about cooking, something about cooking for someone, for yourself, taking a moment to do something for yourself as simple as cooking. And Hungry Root takes the stress out of mealtime by planning a full week of meals tailored to your tastes. And it gets smarter with every order. With over 15,000 recipes to choose from each week, many in just 15 minutes or less, it's easy to find options. For example, they got gluten free, dairy free, high protein, focused on gut health, pretty much anything.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like I'm vegetarian, but I like dairy.

[Brandon]

And eggs and cheese.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So, you know, I don't love all.

[Brandon]

Vegan, but for me, somebody who's vegetarian, I can kind of style step around things. After your quick quiz, the smart cart technology builds a weekly menu that fits your needs. It's like a personal meal planner who just gets it. I also love that every delivery includes a free item, like a protein, you know, item or a sweet treat. I mean, I love a veggie item, but I love a sweet treat. My last Hungry Root box came with this bowl. And I'm comfortable making salads. I'm not comfortable making bow. I don't know where the line between, like which things get cooked and which don't begin. And honestly, I wouldn't say that even though I'm a lifelong vegetarian, I wouldn't say I'm terribly imaginative with produce. You know what I mean? I'm that ants on a log girl. So I really appreciate Hungry Root making me a bowl that, you know, I.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Have these things like a feta.

[Brandon]

I have these things like, you know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I hate to tell you all, I.

[Brandon]

Don'T totally know how to cook quinoa and Hungryroot has really helped me learn about that. Take advantage of the exclusive offer for a limited time, get 40% off your first box. Plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to hungryroot.com bald and use the code bald. That's hungryroot.com bald code bald and get 40% off your first box or a free item of your Choice for life. Hungryroot.com bald code bald baby. Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Wayfair, let's talk about entertaining in the summertime. Okay, I just had a pool party. If you guys listen to Bald and Beautiful, you know, I just had a pool party. And when you're having guests over, you see your home with new eyes. You start visualizing like, I'm obsessed with certain homemakers, Martha Stewart, Ina Garden, etc. And what I have learned is nothing about entertaining is standardized, but it's about making sure your home is right for what you want to do. And for me, in the summer when I had this pool party, I basically designed a party that was indoor, outdoor. You know, the DJ was kind of indoors. The bar and the food was indoors, but the doors were open so people come in and out. And I'm always interested in things like bringing indoor furniture outside or doing indoor outdoor rugs. Ways to bridge the indoor outdoor experience. And I think a big trick to that is a little bit of imagination with your home while you're entertaining. Wayfair is your one stop shop for outdoor entertaining.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Cookout. Okay?

[Brandon]

Patio tables, grills, dishware, pool party, lounge chairs, daybeds, umbrellas. Let me tell you, this stuff sneaks up on you. And you don't want to be caught with a bunch of guests and not appropriate seating. How horrible. Wayfair's got cornhole, croquet, string lights, garden lanterns, baby. And with fast and easy shipping, it's never been easier to get ready to party. I like a very intimate backyard. I like it to feel like you're not in the middle of Los Angeles. You're actually in a little oasis somewhere. And with Wayfair, there's so many options. And even though I was on a time crunch, it was, you know, fast, free, hassle free delivery. And it just completely revamped my outdoor. There's something for every style and every home, no matter what your space or your budget. Head over to Wayfair.com, shop. Outdoor grills, furniture, lawn games, and way more for way less. Head over to Wayfair.com right now to explore a huge outdoor selection. That's W A Y-F-A-I-R.com Wayfair Every style, every home. Even though I might be ruining food on the grill, you will have incredible places to sit. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

With the price of just about everything going up, we thought we'd bring our prices down.

[Trixie Mattel]

So to help us, we brought in.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

A reverse auctioneer, which is apparently a thing.

[Trixie Mattel]

Mint Mobile Unlimited premium wireless. How did you get 30, 30 better to get 30 better get 20. 20, 20. Better get 20, 20. Better get 15. 15, 15, 15. Just 15 bucks a month. Sold.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment.

[Trixie Mattel]

Of $45 for three month plan equivalent.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

To $15 per month required. New customer offer for first three months only. Speed slow after 35 gigabytes of network's busy. Taxes and fees extra. See mintmobile.com I have to tell you.

[Trixie Mattel]

Wait, wait, wait, wait. So wait. Benson, Boon.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

I think he's a very talented young man. I don't know if he is a thief or a lunatic or a raper. I don't think so. You know, that's all. It'll all come out in the wash. But I have to say, I give props to the man and I appreciate his presence because, yes, there is a one minute video of him on my phone that I jerk it to. I jerk it to. And he's. He's up there in my bank of. Of phone video jerk. I mean, he's kind of featured prominently in my jerk library. And there's only spots for like about six to eight guys, so.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Trixie Mattel]

I think that's great for him. And he's very. I mean, I just. I don't know, I just dish the mustache. I don't like it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But you don't. So you don't like his clothes, you don't like his music, you don't like him doing flips. There's more options to watch people now. Like, I'm old enough to remember when we had like five channels. Like, you have so many wonderful opportunities.

[Trixie Mattel]

You could get into Hungarian folk music.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You could do anything.

[Trixie Mattel]

You could.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And you could get into Norwegian folk music.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. You could hand not a rug for 30 years.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

There's a lot of other options rather than just like, he does a flip. I hate his guts. What a. I hate that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. We got to keep it positive.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And maybe you know what it is too. Like, I had Rebecca, Rebecca Black do some of the Solid Pink discos. And she's so nice and cool.

[Trixie Mattel]

Love her.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And she's this like, hot, confident pop star. And sometimes I have to connect that to like, wow, people were horrible to you and didn't know you. And that's crazy.

[Trixie Mattel]

I feel, you know, about tanning mom.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But, you know, we're in, we're in drag race season right now. And so we're at peak of it where people week to week are like, I hope that bitch ends up in the ground. I'm like, yeah, that crossy you never met?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. In fact, I will put her there.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right?

[Trixie Mattel]

It's crazy. I am a little scared. That's why I don't think I'll ever go back on Drag Race because I'm too sensitive. I might have a sensitive spirit. I have a vulnerable soul. My skin is very. And I just couldn't take the barrage of hate and negative criticism that is hurled at the girls nonstop on Twitter dot com.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, we're very lucky because many of you, I'm sure, have been listening to us, watching us for, God, a decade. It's so traumatizing when people come up. It's traumatizing. It's traumatizing when the girls come up and say, I've been watching you since sixth grade.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. My mother did an ultrasound while watching. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was born on a green screen. You know, like, all of it. It's like, oh, my God.

[Trixie Mattel]

How about this one? I was chatting just nonchalantly with Fina the other day, and I, like, was like, God, I've been doing drag for what, like nine or 10 years? She's like, nine or 10 years.

[Brandon]

17, 20.

[Trixie Mattel]

20. Benson Boone is 22. Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Can I tell you Grammy.

[Trixie Mattel]

He performed at the Grammys. He did a flip. It was amazing. And he was 22 years old. Right. I have been doing drag for 20 years. If I tried to flip off a piano, baby, you know what it is, a rap.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It'd be at the end of Death Becomes Her. When they hit the ground after they fall down the stairs and all the body parts, like, explode.

[Trixie Mattel]

You pushed me off the piano.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. I don't know. I'm. Because I'm at 17 years in drag, which is like, oh, God.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know, that is so crazy because you just look like a young girl.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wow. I am. I just had to watch a TikTok to learn how to put my tampon in. I'm just kidding. No, I don't know.

[Trixie Mattel]

Wait, I did. I did a TikTok yesterday. Please clap.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But can I tell you, you know what else is coming?

[Trixie Mattel]

What?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

17 years. 17 years in drag. I started at 18. That means in two years, it's my 20 year high school reunion.

[Trixie Mattel]

Ooh, baby.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And when I tell you, when I.

[Trixie Mattel]

Tell you, are you gonna go?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Am I gonna go? Am I a Nicki fan?

[Trixie Mattel]

Wait, are you really gonna go?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Norway. This is how I'm walking into that shit. Okay, I am ready.

[Trixie Mattel]

Side ponytail. You gotta do a series of helmets. All side ponytail. Longer and longer and longer. Then.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Then I'm gonna walk in, I'm gonna see some of those guys who are mean to me in the locker room that almost gave me a boner every single time. And I'm gonna walk in. We're, you know, it's my high school reunion. We're gonna be having, like, one bean dip and a dart board. Like, it's not gonna be a bit. It's the 20 people who've survived. Damn, they're 80 children.

[Brandon]

And me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I'm gonna walk in, and it's gonna be very pretty woman. Beautiful lady.

[Trixie Mattel]

You're the pretty woman. Right, right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

In this scenario, for copyright reasons, we're going to say beautiful woman.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay. So attractive girl. So I'm going to walk in. I'm going to walk in and I'm going to say, hey, you used to call me a.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

First of all, you were right.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

First of all, t. Second of all, you can make an incredible living doing it. And you can go to Norwegia.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay, I know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What. Not to be RuPaul about it, but you graduated in 2005. Okay? High school. High school. I know.

[Trixie Mattel]

College. Oh, I'm screaming. I'm sorry.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

[Trixie Mattel]

I graduated.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Who is a college? High. College reading. I'm talking high school. Ready? Reunion. Oh, is that big here in America? The high school reunion is like a fabled thing. It's like going to prom. Going to the high school reunion? Yeah, because you're supposed to go, like who you wanted to or tell them when you're rich or I don't know what you do.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, yes, it's an opportunity for people who are bullied or, like, you know, just, like, at the bottom of the. The social food chain in high school to really flex and just shit on them hoes. Because the truth is, those people who bullied you are probably the kind of folks who peaked in high school. So it's downhill. They're gonna show up super, super crazy, ugly and rotten and with, like, three times divorce with, like, you know, children with webbed feet and bug eyes. And it's gonna be bad. So, like, you walk in there, the, like, the pillar of grace and sensuality, elegance and rich, right? And you just say, you fucking fat, ugly bitch. You fucking bitch.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Then you'll buy them a fistful of cake, shove it in your mouth, and leave.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, by then I'm gonna have my private life, private pilot's license, so I'm gonna fly in my cirrus and my cirrus, and I'm gonna have one of the planes with the parachute just in case I crash and I'M gonna land it on the ceiling of the Marathon gas station in my hometown. And can I be honest?

[Trixie Mattel]

Please.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Nobody bullied me. Just. This is more about the few guys who wouldn't me that my vendetta is more about like, hey, you saw me looking all the time and you know, I had acne and a home perm and I was kind of like, listen, that was.

[Trixie Mattel]

That was the vibe back then.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That was the vibe.

[Trixie Mattel]

That was the look.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It was the look.

[Trixie Mattel]

It was the high school look, girl.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't know. I think I wanted to go on my 10 year, but no, no, no, no. I paid the $10 dues. You had to pay $10 dues to go and you had to fill out this whole online survey to say what you've been doing where you went to college. And it was like, like, how many kids do you have? Zero. Are you married? No. What do you do now? I don't know. Turn on your tv, Bag it, You know, like, I don't know. What don't I do?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So.

[Trixie Mattel]

The only thing, the only thing you don't do is like, embalming. Cor.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I know, I know I'm going to go to the and then I'm going to be. I know myself and I know that I'm an insecure non listener. One upper piece of from hell. And I know that when someone's like, so Mary and I just retiled the bathroom, I'm going to be like, I rented a bit of a motel next. You know, like, you know, I divorced, didn't even get married next. You know, like, I'm always ready.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, I, I, I, I do. It is a regret that I harbor. Every day I wake up in the sweat, a panic that I didn't go to my 20 20th high school reunion.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Because what year would that have been?

[Trixie Mattel]

That. Why would you say it in the year to wait. So.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So it's hard to come up with a who are you covering your face from? This st. This stag. It just walked by with a fan. The fan was facing us like this.

[Trixie Mattel]

Are you ashamed to be here?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Who are you hiding from.

[Trixie Mattel]

Josh?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

From who had to go pee.

[Trixie Mattel]

You had to go pee? What's wrong with your bladder? Gallstones, kidney stones.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You had to pee? Peeing is okay. Do you drink a lot?

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Or maybe he was one of those gays who does coke and shits in the club. Is that what you were doing?

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, my God. You know, I am so. For someone like me, I am shockingly clueless about cocaine. I am like every, every couple of weeks I'm like, cocaine.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No kidding.

[Trixie Mattel]

Cocaine. People leaving. I just, I'll be right back.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, I know.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know, and they come back like, yeah, no, yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Mean, it is honestly, like, hey, we're all having a fun time here. Let me go get my more annoying version of myself. Hold on a second. And then they come in like, girl.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like I was watching, I was at watching Killers of the Flower Moon. It's like six hours in the theater and you know, I got some shady friends and, and they're like, wow, really? They pee a lot. But you know, they, you know, they leave and it's like, okay. And then they're just like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, seriously, literally, literally sad.

[Trixie Mattel]

What are you doing here?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I went to a party the other day and I went to a party. I don't even want to say because I don't know if they're going to listen.

[Trixie Mattel]

Their name, full last name, Social Security, everything.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know, it was Ireland, you know, it was okay, I was in Ireland and I saw, and I, I saw drug use and it went from like a fun. And you guys know what? When I see drug use, I'm. I'm a furby. I'm like, ah. Like, I don't even know what to say.

[Trixie Mattel]

You're a furby. A furby.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like, I just start closing my eyes and like, like, I don't know what to do. I don't know what the to do. I don't know what to do.

[Trixie Mattel]

Citizens arrest.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Girl, I just walk out of it, you know, I don't know, girl, I start chopping like I don't know. And it turned from like, like, oh, just chatting, chatting, chatting to like. So you know that everybody else in the world thinks that America is like North Korea, right? And I was like, somebody get a refill. I'll be back, people.

[Trixie Mattel]

And listen, it's a lot of, it's a lot of. What do you call it? It's like the. When the mind is willing but the flesh is weak because these coked out little Mary. They want to you in the butt. What?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Girl, they can't get.

[Trixie Mattel]

Ed McMahon had a check for a million dollars. They could not get that dick hard.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Girl.

[Trixie Mattel]

They trying, trying, trying with that little softy. Get out of my. Get off of me, girl.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Get off of me. Miss getting on top of me with a limp little coke dick. And I'm sitting there going, k. No, like, it's just, it's not, it's not happening.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, I.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And especially as the non drug user, I become like, A. A dare. Like, stop. Let's see how that scenario should have gone. You know what I mean?

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, I need you to put down the coke. Your life is in grave danger. God, give it up for Gal Gadot. Pouring out.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Your life is in grave danger.

[Trixie Mattel]

I need you to give me the stones.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's like, give me this. Give me the eston.

[Trixie Mattel]

I love it. No, that's too good. That's too good.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Did you. I rewatched Wonder Woman 19. I almost called it 1884. Could you imagine? Well, Colonial Women.

[Trixie Mattel]

Girl, you pilgrim.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes, pilgrim. Wonder Woman.

[Brandon]

Hear ye hear.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, I forgot that Kristen Wiig is in it. Who's the villain? And they do what I love in a movie, which is when somebody's. Somebody's not hot, they take drop dead gorgeous and slightly, you know, take a trip to the doctor. Ms. Wig, right. Looking like a Hollywood movie actress. And they get the scrunchie and the glasses. She's ugly now. And you as a viewer are like, she's. I mean, she looks like she works at Claire's, but she's gorgeous, you know?

[Trixie Mattel]

And then what was. I was very perplexed and confused about what her superpower was. Was she a cat?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She was a cheetah. Yes, she was, but she was like. It was like a cheetah energy.

[Trixie Mattel]

A cheetah energy?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Which is like. Well, there's like panther energy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, for her to have her powers, Pedro Pascal had to have his powers. He was the villain. Oh, you better get into it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Ho. I didn't really watch it, but I do. But I do know that there was some. Listen. Where there's body snatching in the movies. You really gotta ask yourself, does this person want to have sex with me? Go rewatch and think about it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, I don't know what it is. Maybe I need is. Can I ask your professional opinion?

[Trixie Mattel]

Please.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's 35. Too late for drugs.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, my God.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know what I mean? Could I become like a. A good time druggie gal? Could I be the person who's at the party with the fingernail? Like, yeah, you know what I mean? Like, could that be me?

[Trixie Mattel]

This. I'm gonna. I've told this story a million times. I'm gonna tell it again because we're in Norway. I was doing this stupid photo shoot in this weird house in the pool. I had this crystal thing on my head and I had no breath. And I was just in the deep end, like, trying not to drown. And the mansion that we were at was rented by the owner of the Luxury brand called vna, which is a very hoity toity European luxury brand. She walked in in a tight white T shirt with her enormous breast implants. So visible, so confrontationally, bulging with those hard fucking nipples like. Like, made me wonder if she was like a P Town fag with those wired ass nipples. But anyways, she walks in very seductively, confidently and capable. She said no champagne, no cocaine. What kind of photo shoot is this? She was 35. 35 years old. It's time she was 35 and the owner of a luxury brand. She was not some dumpster diving crackhead. She was at the top of her game, right? She loved that little cocaine. So I have. You know what I'll do? I'll make an itinerary for you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, good.

[Trixie Mattel]

In a syllabus, the drugs 101. And we'll start you on Klonopin. No, I think we should start you on mushrooms.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Can I do something that's gonna give me diarrhea because I already stopped up. So, like, that could be really good for me.

[Trixie Mattel]

I mean, it's like cocaine will do that, but then you got to be annoying.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, my God. I know. It's. It's literally. Can I tell you, cocaine is. It's not making you the girl you think it is.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, it's. And it's like this is an anti.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Drug PSA here tonight because I did a little research on Norway and I know that this is the cocaine capital.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you guys of the world. Yeah, yeah. Colombia wishes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

So do you guys are any, like, what's the deal with drugs here?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Some of these people are old straight people. Their version of cocaine is like getting a babysitter, you know, like, that's sort.

[Trixie Mattel]

Of staying out till 11:30, right?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Having a Diet Coke after 9pm Wild.

[Trixie Mattel]

No. What's the deal? Is anything illegal here? Marijuana.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Is marijuana legal here?

[Trixie Mattel]

Wow. The people in the cars in la.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, my God. I'm so sick of people saying that to me on this trip. Do you know the things I have had to do do to my God back on Grindr. Hey. Hey.

[Trixie Mattel]

How y' all doing?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You up? Sending plant emojis.

[Trixie Mattel]

They come over with a ficus.

[Brandon]

Girl.

[Trixie Mattel]

I got you a succulent. You don't really need to water it that much off.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes. I can't take it. I don't know.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, I know. I think so. Oh, just in case this is a good lesson, lesson number one. So online, the symbols, what do they mean? So if you want to get cocaine, it's a snowflake. Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I thought that was crystal meth.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, no, that's a diamond.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh. See, I'm gonna have to go to like remedial school.

[Trixie Mattel]

Mary, this is what I'm doing to you, right?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do you think there's like a duolingo for this?

[Trixie Mattel]

No, I am that. Oh, okay. I'm telling you, I am the owl of drugs for you. Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The Rosetta stoned.

[Trixie Mattel]

So. And then. And then this is what you want to hear. So if somebody says on deck, that means they have.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I know that one.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay, great.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. You're. You're ready to go water skiing and you're standing on the deck.

[Trixie Mattel]

And then an eight ball is. Well, an eight ball. That's pretty self explanatory. And then.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Can I tell you, I'm not. I'm not looking to be educated really. But if you want to know how inexperienced. I. I don't know what an eight. I don't know what an eight ball is.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, let me tell you what.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I don't know what.

[Trixie Mattel]

3.5 grams, I think. I don't know. That could. It's. It's like not that much or it is. Depends on what it is.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Maybe we should change the subject. You guys are gonna listen to this? I mean, I'm. We all know that I'm not gonna do drugs. I quit drinking for two years. I just started again. You guys got me back on the sauce, so.

[Trixie Mattel]

And let me tell you something. So you got to be careful what you really want to look for with when you're drinking alcohol like that. You want to stick with pills like Xanax, Klonopin, Lorazepam. Those are. They have a synergistic effect with the alcohol. That's not dangerous at all.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

By the way. What about this set dressing? This tiny fake? Can we kill the lights, please? I need to know. Know if this lantern does anything. Turn off all the lights.

[Trixie Mattel]

All.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Every single one of them. Please. Please.

[Trixie Mattel]

Please, can you do it? All of them.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They won't do it.

[Trixie Mattel]

I had a dream.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Isn't. It's there. Turn off the spotlight too. I really want to be spooked out. That's her. Whoa, wait. Can we kill this one or no? Please kill both of them. Seriously. God. God. Hello?

[Trixie Mattel]

God.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

God.

[Trixie Mattel]

Can you kill that one? Just turn it off.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Am I such a star that the spotlight refuses to turn off?

[Trixie Mattel]

It won't turn off.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Here, you do it. All right.

[Brandon]

Kill her.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

A light. I want to see how spooked out this is.

[Trixie Mattel]

No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

There's a Light Love that. You know? I'm sorry, I thought that would just be kind of.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, that's fine. I think it's fine. We're just fine.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I thought it was a nice way to break the discussion. Encouraging drug use and kind of maybe pivot.

[Trixie Mattel]

Let's go. Let's pivot just slightly. I have. I know we said we were not going to embroil ourselves in negativity, but I just have to get something off of my little double A cup chest right here. There are some fucking songs in these goddamn musicals that I fucking hate so bad, and it turns me into a version of myself that is not the person I want to be. You know what I mean?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Which songs do you dislike? The composers are probably not fans of ours, so I think you can go ahead.

[Trixie Mattel]

I hope these composers. I hope they're dead. I hope they all. They can all choke. It's. It's the. I don't want to say it out loud because they'll get in my head. It's the. That. That Frozen song. That Frozen song. It's like three syllables. That's the. I hate it so much. It's almost like. It's almost as if the song killed my whole family in front of me, choked me out.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Have you ever seen the movie?

[Trixie Mattel]

I. I have seen clips.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Isn't it set somewhere.

[Trixie Mattel]

So we're close to the Arctic?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I'm saying those bitches are gonna come here and beat you with the bath.

[Trixie Mattel]

Maybe. I wish they would try it because I will take off these dangly earrings and I will fuck them up. Right? I hate that. And then also, I don't like Patti LuPone.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay?

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't like her. I don't care. I don't care. If that turns me into a gay pariah and you just banish me into the woods. I will live there happily. I don't like her. I don't like her attitude, and I don't like that she's jealous of Madonna playing a Vietnam. Listen, she was great in that movie. She had big, gorgeous breasts. Patty, you didn't do it. Just get over it.

[Brandon]

Wow.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's all.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wow.

[Trixie Mattel]

But I do love Kristin Chenoweth.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay, Me too. Can I tell you, I. It was just Ariana Grande's birthday, I think, and so Kristin Chenoweth made a long post about, you know, all their pictures together, doing the different glindas. And that's fun. And I love that.

[Trixie Mattel]

That.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I. This is crazy. I'm just going to tell it anyway.

[Brandon]

I.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know, I've been Doing the Pride circuit, doing all the stunning Prides. I recently did a Pride in Boston called Out Loud. Boston. It was the week after Pride, right? So this is like a 10 part story about Boston and I've been saving it because I have.

[Brandon]

Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

New information for once.

[Brandon]

Woo. Woo.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It took you guys 10 years of following us, but once in a while, new information presents itself. So every time I go to Boston, I go to. Wait, I'll tell this first. First. I saw Frankie Grande because he was performing at the same Pride. So the Pride was actually really slay. It was Frankie Grande, me and Kim Pentress. Really fun, fun group. Yes, fun. And she did her set and I sat by the stage watching her sing all these horror songs. And I was like, yeah, like, I loved it. It was so fun. And she's so gorge and stunning. And I. I believe I'm her. I know that that's kind of, you know, you people in the back, you see it, right?

[Brandon]

No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

Dead ringer, dead ringer.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So I have had the fortune of DJing with her a few times, and she's really cool and nice and walking to the stage for soundcheck, I saw Frankie Grande with who I assumed would be his mom. Right. I don't remember her first name because I only met her in passing.

[Trixie Mattel]

Zelda.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes.

[Brandon]

Maybe.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't know. So I met her and I was like, oh, she was in like all black and she had this bright pink lipstick. And anybody who makes a bold makeup choice like that, I'm like, I already like this. Right. And you know, you have an icebreaker. Frankie was like, I don't think you ever met my mom. I said, oh, my God. Nice to meet you. Big fan of your very talented children. Hello. And then I said, I love your lipstick. Is it Candy? Yum Yum by Mac because it was hot pink. And she said, no, it's Glinda. From the Wicked Collection by REM Beauty.

[Trixie Mattel]

Fuck.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It was like the full name. And I was like, I will always remember the color and the name of that lipstick she burnt. She got. It's a core memory.

[Trixie Mattel]

That was the mom. The mom. She's like a helicopter mom or. Or no, not a helicopter.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What is a helicopter mom?

[Trixie Mattel]

Moms who drive helicopters. No, no, stage mom. Stage mom.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know, if your kids are performers. Yeah, I mean, I guess you do that. Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

That you don't with stage moms. Especially helicopter. Stage mom.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But also it was like REM Beauty. Ever heard of it? I'm like, I am aware. Thank you. But so then after the show. I go, well, let's go to Jacques. Because every time I'm in Boston, I'm like, we're gonna go to Katya's old gay bar. Because, you know, I always think they're very nice to me there. And I always say, that's my home bar by marriage. Right. That's my step home bar, because my home bar is gone. Now pour it out for this is it. And nobody cares. It's cool. It's cool. It would be like if one of your fjords melted. Oh. So. Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, that would be like a tsunami.

[Brandon]

Right?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So I go in, and I'm having. And there's three things I love about Jacques. Gorgeous trans women on stage.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

Hot, sexy, talented showgirls.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Drinks so strong they could take your nail polish off. Okay. Like, drinks that. They're like you. There's a cipher into someone's car. It's gasoline. It's so serious.

[Trixie Mattel]

You leave that club with no middle name.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And friendly, very sweet and funny bartenders who treat you like they've known you forever and just read you. And that's fun and great.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's a very different experience than I had working there. But okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, they're always super fun and funny and love that. So then the girls this night. You guys are so gorgeous. These women, I mean, they are some of those beautiful drag queens I've ever seen. Well, like, you know, trans queen performers I've ever seen in my life, all drag included. I'm, like, dying. I'm drunk, of course, But I'm drinking, and I'm like, oh, my God, I'm tipping. And then I go, oh, my God.

[Brandon]

You all are so beautiful.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And they were like, thank you. And I, like, joked. I go, I can't believe Katya used to work here. You know, Fun little joke about a mutual friend. Ha, ha, ha. And then they go, well, when Katya worked here, estrogen hadn't really hit Boston yet.

[Trixie Mattel]

Now it had.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I screamed and they screamed, and then.

[Trixie Mattel]

We all just walked away.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I was like, work.

[Trixie Mattel]

Let me tell you something about the beautiful girls. The trials and tribulations of working with hot, sexy girls at a sweaty little nightclub like that. Because everybody in the show dreaded this spot in the lineup, which was. You go after Destiny. Destiny is this. She's like the. She's the one. She's the pinnacle of elegance, sexuality, electrifying, entertainer, just ageless, gorgeous beauty. Like, it's off the hook.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's the innocence of beauty.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, she's the innocence of Beauty. She is like, she's the Beyonce of the show, right? So when I roll my little goblin ass out on the stage after her, it's like my precious, like, right. It's very. It's giving.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Lord, is there $1 left for me?

[Trixie Mattel]

You know, it was the most. It was just a really, really rough. Really. Well, it was tough and that's why we drank so much. I. The. The bartender who was cross eyed, she's still alive. I don't know why I just did that. No, not cross eyed. Had a glass eye. Sorry. That's different. That's different.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Why not both?

[Trixie Mattel]

Hey. Hello.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Seriously, shout out to the cross eyed divas. Love the cross eyed divas.

[Trixie Mattel]

So she would. I don't know if you guys know what Dunkin Donuts is, but it's this, you know? Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You guys, it's so pussy.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's so. It's very pussy. But she would take this giant Styrofoam. It's kind of an extra, extra large size. She would dump out the cup, fill it with maybe like this much ice, and then, well, vodka. Like that much vodka. And then she take the cranberry juice and go. And in fact, I think she just flicked it a little bit. She.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She just bumped the glasses together. That was enough.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, she does.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Everybody. Everybody has a friend in their friend group who makes drinks like they're trying to kill you. And it's like we're taking that away for obviously it's you. Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, he's. You are the killer. That's the killer. That's why he was shielding his face.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Because you're the killer.

[Trixie Mattel]

The killer.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, my God.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, speaking of the killer, I'll keep this brief because it's so depressing. I was listening to a podcast in the dressing room about a girl, a woman. Now, she survived miraculously, but at 14, she was hitchhiking and this serial killer chopped both her hands off.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, my gosh. And that's kind of like. So anyways, that's kind of like a fun. Kind of like a fun part of the show. But I'll tell you this. I was.

[Trixie Mattel]

Clapped her hands off.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I love Boston. I love Jacques, I love all the girls over there. But can I just say this? I. I think the COVID was $10. $10? Did they raise three people? 60, 20 each, I think. Don't. Don't quote me now. I'm in trouble if I misquoted it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Was it really?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I swear to God, ever since you left the show is very valuable.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, that's so insulting.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But, like, only in America do we make you pay to be in a drag show. And then we walk by your table and look at your money and go, like, we didn't all just get paid. And now we're like. Like, if you don't give me the money, I'm gonna power down and stop lip syncing. Like, girl, it's so fierce. American drag. Can I tell you guys over here, the drag queens have to. You don't know the words. They have to do the whole number.

[Trixie Mattel]

They have to have an act. They have to have a beginning, a middle, and end. They have to have a direction.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

In Sweden, they were like, oh, it's so woke. Here. We barely have drag bars. We just can go places.

[Brandon]

I'm like, wow, must be nice.

[Trixie Mattel]

American drag queens are so lazy and so greedy. It is.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And ugly.

[Trixie Mattel]

Ugly. Oh, my God, dogs. Woof, woof.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's like, it is bad.

[Trixie Mattel]

But every once in a while you get, you know, every blue moon, you get this crowd, this magic mixture of people who. You know, this bizarre confluence of different types of folks who come to the show and they are horny to throw cash at you. And I mean literally horny. Horny. And I'm talking fistfuls of dollars, fives and tens, and they crumple them up into a giant fucking ball and they hook it at your face place. And that happened to me one night. One unforgettable Wednesday night when those basketball wives came into that place and they belted me with cash for an hour and a half. We had to sweep the singles off the floor. That dirty, nasty floor. And, yeah, $1 bills. Do you know how much money I made? 800.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wow.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. And I was bad.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That is.

[Trixie Mattel]

Is four.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's, you know, four or five. I don't know the conversion. I don't know.

[Trixie Mattel]

It was. It was cunty. And, you know, I. That's where I got my accidental hooker start, you know?

[Brandon]

Right.

[Trixie Mattel]

This guy took him upstairs.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She gave you $800 in single L. She said, this ain't gonna eat itself, girl. You said, okay, basketball wife.

[Trixie Mattel]

Dribble, dribble, girl.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I mean, this is like.

[Trixie Mattel]

I do, you know, you know, the. The. When I. I did that little hoochie coochie dance, I brought the guy upstairs because I lived above the bar like a. And I. I would walk down, well, I'd wiggle, and I would wear dresses like this because I didn't want to wear panties. So like, imagine this just with no panties. And I would just, like, you know, very tiptoe And I, I'd bring a guy upstairs and then this guy wanted to.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Were you in drag? Oh, yeah, of course. Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Looking extremely seductive and. Yeah. No panties. Out of drag. I don't know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, you walk around your house in a negligee. Out of drag.

[Trixie Mattel]

You raincoat, cowboy hat, no panties.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, you've done worse. Local crossy.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, it's true. But he wanted me, and this sounded too good to be true, he wanted me to smoke a cigarette while he watched and I did a little dance. Smoke. I mean, this was his kink.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Is lung cancer?

[Trixie Mattel]

No, no, no. His kink is smoking.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Smoking fetish is actually pretty popular, especially with the cross dressers. I've seen a lot of that online of just like, like MacBook video of someone in a wig just smoking. There's no sex, there's no talking, just.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, well, so he wanted a little, he wanted a. Some long drags and a little wiggle. Baby, I gave it to him. So good, because those are the two things I was born to do on this earth.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Can I ask you a question? Yeah. If you could smoke in theaters, do you think you would be smoking on stage in drag? Maybe she doesn't really smoke anymore, but I don't.

[Trixie Mattel]

I. Wait, I have to make a confession.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Here we go.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay, listen.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I killed a guy yesterday.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was driving, it was raining and I killed a few kids with my car. No, I, I, I, I. There are billboards of me in Times Square, New York City, in and on the subways of Washington D.C. i swear to God, as a spokeswoman for this anti smokey or a spokeswoman.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That.

[Trixie Mattel]

I can't believe they didn't think of that. What a bunch of smokes person.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And by the way, your only job was to not smoke till what, the end of pride.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. How dare you. It was. I was hired to promote this very wonderful tool which can help people quit nicotine whether they vapor smoke or whatever. And I used the technology myself. Yes, I did. And then I succeeded in. I'm not gonna say quitting smoking, but transforming my habit from 35 cigarettes a day to either zero to five.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's amazing. That's amazing.

[Trixie Mattel]

That Huge. Huge if true.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

However, you know, the thing is, is that they did pay me money and I.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You needed it. You were a broke woman.

[Trixie Mattel]

And I. But the guilt that I feel, I, I feel like I'm out there smoking crack. When I have a cigarette, I'm like, I'm hunched. I got it, you know, like I'm, I'm, I got a blanket over me. It's like, it's like I just, like, that's why.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Can I tell you, there's been times in my life where I have felt chubbier and I feel like I could never do some kind of fitness endorsement, like meal placement endorsement, because you will see me high as hell, crouched over some Fruity Pebbles, dipping my balls in it. Like you, like, I'm not reliable. I'm not, I'm not able to stay the path forever. Well, no, the, that's because the article will be. She was a fitness. She was a fitness tycoon. And you won't believe what she looks like now. You know what I mean? Like, like that's former, former fitness Ty, right?

[Trixie Mattel]

Struggling drag artist takes a step back.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Of course she loved that. She liked that.

[Trixie Mattel]

It is, it is this. I, I, I like, I don't even need oxygen because I have that right. That is like that. That article sustained my, I don't know what it was, was. That was the funniest thing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was on vacation. She texted it to me, mama, her.

[Trixie Mattel]

She took a vacation, a hiatus, a sabbatical from drag in every single news outlet in America and abroad. It was front page news.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It was, it was UK news. Struggling drag star text.

[Trixie Mattel]

The BBC.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, the BBC.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Publicly funded.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, yeah. Like Christina Christian Amanpour, you know, reporting from Yemen and then you eclipsing her with a bigger spread about.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And you know, it's been like a domino effect because a lot of the other drag queens are taking breaks. I know for a lot of them, like, from what?

[Trixie Mattel]

From like what?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, exactly. From going to brunch, relax.

[Trixie Mattel]

Trying to get a gig, girl from.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

From shitposting on Twitter.

[Trixie Mattel]

Girl beefing. What do you think about beefing thing?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't see it. I don't get it. But I know that for some people, their presence on the Internet, that's like a fun, it's like playing tennis. It's like a little game.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's a game. And they're trying to like. I just don't like it. Listen, I'm becoming very, I'm, I'm, I'm 43 years old, I'm not that media literate and I am trying to make progress. I, I don't like it when they get me online, you know, when they do that clickbait thing, like those fucking pieces of shit who will post a picture of like a modern building and then like a gothic cathedral and they say, like, what happened to the world? You know, and then you're supposed to be like, fuck you. And that's what they want you to do because it's engagement based. I don't even know what does that even mean?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right?

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you know what that is? Can you tell it to me?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think in the beauty. In the beauty world, they do it where it's like, like, aren't these lashes amazing? And someone p, like purposely puts on 20 strips. Not that I would ever do that.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But you know what I mean? They purposely like give a bad haircut to a wig and they be like, isn't it great? Cuz they want you to be like, this is awful.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay, this smile changed my life. It's just brown Chiclets, right? Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, did you see that? I don't want to jinx us, but did you see that people are being denied access to the United States for having JD Vance memes on their phone? You guys, listen, I have publicly at tweeted some of those people so many times. And not even like equal, like fairness for all. I've gone to like Donald's Twitter and been like, you look like you smell like, like it's not even like, do you?

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I've done it so many times. The other day I was like, should I purge my Twitter? I don't know what to do. Where do I begin?

[Trixie Mattel]

Girl, I've spent. I think the last four or five things I posted on Twitter is like directed at a US Senator. Like, like, why don't you get the fucking out of your mouth, you stupid fucking. And go do some legislation, you piece of gutter bucket, hypocritical piece of fat. And then like, and it's crazy. And I'm like, is this really helpful?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I know.

[Trixie Mattel]

Is it really helpful? Yes. He is a fake. He is a secret faggot. Is that everybody's business?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, right, but imagine if they have to. If we're at Border Patrol and they have to go through my phone like, oh my God, the Jasmine Masters memes. Like, the, like the other shit on my phone is the shit Brittany Broski has sent me. I should go to jail. You know what I mean?

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, if they went on my phone and they saw the folder that contains about 117 videos of Jason Mamoa's butt in different filters with a mirrored effect. Like forward, backwards, forward, backwards, upside down. It's just very.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The twin porn. I don't know. Too much, too much. Okay, I have to tell you, I got a new one from. I. I flew early to Europe, so I could participate in some tourism. And I'm calling, I call my mom every day when I get here. So you'd be like, I got here, all right. She doesn't pick up. The next day, she doesn't pick up. The next day, she doesn't pick up. Finally, days later, I call Aunt Gooch. I call my Auntie Gooch, and I go, hey, just letting you guys know I made it okay to Europe. And I hear my mom laughing in the background, and I go, oh, is that my mother in the background? And she goes, yeah, she's here. I go, sounds like everything's cool then you didn't pick up the phone. You sure do make the call when you need something, bitch. You know what I mean? Like, Like. And she was like, oh, I was going to call you, but I just didn't know what time it was like, okay, girl. She.

[Trixie Mattel]

I love that girl.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So then I call her. I call her a couple days ago, and I go, hey, how are you? She was like, oh, I can't really talk right now. I'm going to the bathroom. And I go, oh, okay. Call me after. She doesn't call.

[Trixie Mattel]

What do you feel like? What do you think about bathroom phone calls? Toilet in specific?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't do it. No, I'm not gonna do that.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay. This is gonna.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What do you guys think? Is it okay to be shitting and calling people?

[Trixie Mattel]

I. Listen, I, I, I have a. I have a quandary, a quagmire. I, I have a conundrum that I just need help with. I just. I. Since we've been traveling, I've been away from the comfort and sanctuary of my home, which is very jarring, and, and to my nervous system, especially my GI tract. So when I go into the airport public bathroom, I have this fear, this very palpable, just visceral fear of. Whilst I am urinating, there is going to be the loudest, most resonant fart that comes out of my butt. Like, like, because not to get gross, but like. Like, I shave my butthole. And to a, To a. To the degree that it is like, like, you know what I mean? Like, like it. Like if. If Simon Cowell saw it on stage, he'd be like, you know what I mean? They'd be like, Paul Abdul would press the button or whatever. I don't know. Like, people. It's good.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The eject button.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, I mean, it's really.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It was like, hey, lovely bath.

[Trixie Mattel]

But when you do that, when you do that, there is an acoustic, there's a Change. A sonic phenomenon that occurs and the tiniest. Oh, that can't be. You know, you're thinking this is gonna be a tiny little thing. Like it's. But it's. It's not grow. It's not like shit or anything. But it's so loud. And I mean embarrassed. So do you think I should just stop peeing or. Or just live in my truth?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Can I say that I think that.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, would you, like, have. Because it's not gross, it's not shitty. Like, I swear to God, don't ship. I always wear a diaper, by the way.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think this has to do more with how you feel about it. When to it comes happens. Do you feel embarrassed? Then you should try to spare yourself the embarrassment. But can I tell you, I've been using the same bathrooms as straight men my whole life.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, God.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

These people are.

[Trixie Mattel]

They.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They are. They are blowing noises at like, warp speed, cracking the ceramic in the bowl and like, laughing and like, grunting while doing it.

[Trixie Mattel]

And grunting, bro, not only not latching the door, they take the door off the hinges.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No.

[Trixie Mattel]

And they just have wide open. They're just like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like, no, I'm in my little. My little urinal, peeing. And it's like, you know, because it's. You know, I take out the diva cup, I empty it. I'm just doing my thing, right over and the straight guy taking a shit. This is. It's Stomp, It's Blue Man Group, it's Riverdance, it's Riverdale. Wait a minute, wait a minute. I forgot to tell you. When I was in Ireland, I went to river dance.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, you did? Did you love it?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

How did I. Did I not tell you about this?

[Trixie Mattel]

No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Holy. So I was in Dublin. You guys ever heard of it? And I was like, what are we going to do? Okay, let's go to a river dance, right? So I got tickets and there was two tickets of what. What do they call it? Obstructed view? Where the. It's like the very end where you can't see it. No, no, no, no. It's like they technically call it obstructive view. Like, you guys on the very end. You might not see me if I was here. So they're like, oh, it's obstructed view. Meanwhile, these fuckers are tap dancing like crackheads this close to you. Yeah, There is no obstructed view. It is like black wooden shoes. And people who've trained their entire life, their upper body, everything above the ankle is. Is a dick. Injected with seat with trimix. Trimix. It's a Cialis Viagra. It's a complete hard, heavy dick. And the feet are tap dancing at 10 million sounds a minute. It was so crazy.

[Trixie Mattel]

Did he. Did you. Did it. Did you have a visceral reaction, like, like, in your. Like, did your body, like. Like, cry out for movement?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know what I mean? You ever, like. Like, just become, like, you know, like, in Footloose, where they just can't help but dance even though it's illegal?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No.

[Trixie Mattel]

No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You didn't have that reaction, you mean? It's kind of like how the gay guys feel when they're at a drag show and they're like, I could do that. It's like, oh, you don't. So I don't know.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know, sometimes when I watch, when I see choreography that's in sync, I think, oh, my God. How do they do that?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That? But that's like the.

[Trixie Mattel]

The.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like the gays who. The ones who want to do drag. I'm like, I dare you. To try to put you even one eyeshadow on your eyelid. I dare you. I would love to see it, honey. I would sit over your shoulder and go, I thought that was pretty cute, didn't you? Like, I would really. I would really discourage it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Gay men.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Gay men. But river dance was. It's 30 years of river dance now. It's been going on 30 years.

[Trixie Mattel]

30 years of that. All that leg action.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I did some research. Why are you leaving during river dance? Yeah, they're like, oh, you have to pee. All right. You tap dance out of here.

[Trixie Mattel]

She's got to do a. You know, she's gonna come back doing Riverdance, if you know what I mean.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But I like how, like, when you peed, you were hiding it, and she went to pee, and she was, like, cheating out. She was like jazz running. Oh, I know what.

[Trixie Mattel]

This is so ridiculous. The answer was staring him. Staring me in the face the whole time while I'm in the bathroom. I throw out a diversion, right? So I. I'll just.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm just gonna pull my tights up, but keep going.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm gonna. So imagine I'm pulling my tights down to. To extract my little, teeny, tiny, teeny little dinky, right? And then I pee. And of course, I'm worried about the that. So I just go, you'll be grand. You'll be grand. Great. Gonna have the whole world on a plate. Starting here, starting now, baby. Everything's coming up right, and people have just left the bathroom at that point. Right. Or that, that. That beautiful songbird mezzo soprano has drowned out the sound of my flatulence.

[Brandon]

Right?

[Trixie Mattel]

So it's really two birds, one stone. People get entertained by my gorgeous songbird voice. Voice. And I can fart in peace.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It doesn't. But I can. I tell you one of the worst things that can happen is when you're trying to go to the bathroom and you open your tick tock and it's full volume like I'm trying to pee. You guys are the people in the bathroom. I'm at a urinal, darling. Hold my head or nothing Beats the jet to Holiday. You know, like, it's so crazy. I'm like so embarrassed. And it's all always like TS Madison. It's never like, it's. It's always like someone suck a dick.

[Trixie Mattel]

Own a business.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's always something immediately wild.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Or it's like, you know, I. For some reason I feel like, because I have a. I have a screen protector shield that it works with volume and it doesn't. Like just cuz you can't see it means you also can't hear it. But that, that is surely not the case. So I open like, you know, a porn video will pop up that only I can see, but everybody can definitely hear it. Like, oh yeah, give me that cock. Give me that big hot fucking cock.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I'm like.

[Trixie Mattel]

It'S embarrassing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I honestly, I don't have a good story for Riverdance other than then I'm glad I saw it. I was like, wow, it's in Dublin. It's Irish culture. Yay. Fun. And so many Irish people have emigrated. Is that when you leave, you emigrate from a country, you immigrate into a country, you emigrate from a country. Right?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Thank you. And I think they're. Which, they're like, we're the country that emigrates the most. I'm like, yeah, the weather. Get the out of there. You know what I mean? Like, get out, get out. But it was cool. It was amazing. It was was. It was, it was. It was. It was wild.

[Brandon]

You are.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Their feet are right here. I've never seen Irish dance. I didn't understand that. It is tap dancing on Aderall. I don't understand.

[Trixie Mattel]

They're doing meth.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's crazy. It was so cool though, honestly. And then I, I walked around all around Ireland being like, I saw River Dance. And they're like, yeah, every American does like it. They were not impressed.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you guys have. Is nudity legal? Here it's illegal. So I could walk in the town square totally nude and not get arrested. The. The Katya exception. No. No. Is it? No. Because in San Francisco, for example, you can walk down the street completely naked. Ball stick. And you can titties out in San.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Francisco, you can walk around completely naked.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, no problem. No problem.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's like a. It's like a 80 year old man in a Peter Pan outfit in a sock.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's never the person you want to see naked, of course.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But I tried to hear like, we do have some special Q&As that you guys submitted.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. So we're gonna. We're gonna switch gears slightly and. And the infotainment section of the evening has officially started. So.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Are we keeping you too long? We normally don't go this long, but we never get to come to Norway, so I just felt like.

[Trixie Mattel]

Let's just do it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She climbed over the chair.

[Trixie Mattel]

Cocaine work.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

Superwoman over there. Only last 15 minutes though.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wow.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay, let's see. Oh.

[Mary]

Oh my God.

[Trixie Mattel]

This is. Oh, boy. O my blood pressure. Okay. Would you rather have a fat ass or never sweat again?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Did you say have a fat ass?

[Trixie Mattel]

Ass? No. It asks. The question is, would you rather have a fat ass or never sweat again, baby? Well, obviously never sweat again because I could technically surgically enhance my butt. But I mean, this is kind of funny actually, because it's. Would you. The things that I would do to never sweat again are so flagrant and so outrageous like I'd blow up a kindergarten.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know what I mean? I would kill all of you. I would take the time to individually choke each one of you to death. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. And then resuscitate you and then choke you again if I had that opportunity.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And then fuck the body, of course. Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I, I do. I do have a.

[Trixie Mattel]

You've got a big old butt.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I got a big butt, so I just do. No sweating. Everybody wins.

[Trixie Mattel]

Would you rather have a. A 2 inch Peny. Penis? I don't know why I said peny. Would you rather have a 2 inch penis but always know what time it is?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'll re. I'll read a question. There's no point. There's no point in the show where you have to make up questions.

[Trixie Mattel]

Don't stifle my creativity.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

All right. What are your top three TV shows that you think everyone should watch?

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, mama. Let's. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Let's see. Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh.

[Trixie Mattel]

Comedy or drama?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Let's do that's all it says.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay. We're doing comedies. Okay. Comedy. The Comeback.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The Comeback, of course.

[Trixie Mattel]

Comeback. You gotta watch Veep. You gotta watch Veep, and then you gotta watch Curb your enthusiasm or you gotta watch. No, yeah, that's it. Curb, Veep and the Comeback. And if you want. Ooh. Ooh. Oh, There was a really good British one where they did a whole segment on pedophilia as a joke, and it was like the. This hysteria that they called Peto Geddon, where pedophiles were, like, dressing up like schools and like. Like. Like to catch children. It's a little dark. It's a little dark. An acquired taste. But it's. I think it's called. I don't know, something nighty Night or something like that. Yeah, that. That's a good one. That's a good one.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm gonna say the American Office. I love it. And I would say you prefer that.

[Trixie Mattel]

To the British one.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, but it's only one season. Yeah, but it is special, though. And then Buffy the Vampire Slayer, of course.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And, you know, I'm gonna say HBO Watchmen.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, totally.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know I'm gonna say it. I don't care. I'm just gonna say it.

[Trixie Mattel]

It. I would. So in my dramas would be.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Ass.

[Trixie Mattel]

Ass.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They. They only ask for three.

[Trixie Mattel]

Would you consider yourselves any of the following gay. I think these are Norwegian words. Tating tight. What the is that? What, am I having a stroke? What is that? Did you see that?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What did that girl. I don't know what these say.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't know. T, E, I, T, I, N, G. What is that? What? I'm going to skip this one.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

A. A dork. Do we look like dorks to you?

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You think all these people came out of their own ice shanties to see a dork.

[Trixie Mattel]

Tating Sven or Drit Hold. I'm assuming it's sexy hot or like really sexy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Fly hot. Sexy and beautiful. Can you do your best Norwegian accent?

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, and can you sing the Norwegian national anthem? I actually can do both of those things.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Rise for the Norwegian. That's not good.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's not your way.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's Norway and it's gorgeous and I love it. And we're here and we're great, and that's wonderful, baby. Okay. It's not my way or the highway or your way. It's Norway.

[Brandon]

Norway.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Norwegian accent. I mean, it's hard for me because I'm a Swede and people think it's so similar, but we know that they're very different. It's like when you hear somebody from Sweden, it's like, whoa. You know, really different. But Norwegian is exactly kind of like this in a slide. I went down to the royal palace today. You know, this kind of.

[Trixie Mattel]

Mine is terrible. Mine.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The rage.

[Trixie Mattel]

And the accent sounds like that. I don't know. That sounds like it's just a bunch of rocks in my mouth or moon.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's okay, Trixie. What's one thing you wish you could predict?

[Trixie Mattel]

9, 11. Oh, you'd be a hero. Could have saved a lot of lives. Could have been on the news.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We just talked about it. I recently had a. I had a. Like a girl. I had a premonition of somebody of a group of people dying in atrocities. Natural disaster. And it happened the next day. And I would like. We talked about it yesterday.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know, but you got to talk about it again.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But I wish I could get them sooner or more frequently so that people would believe me. Because right now I'm just calling people saying, hey, don't get an Uber today. I had a dream you died. And they're like, okay, weirdo, right?

[Trixie Mattel]

You know, or like when you dream some. You dream of something and it happened somewhere but you didn't know about it. It's just your word against, against.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I need, I need. Hey, in two weeks, at this moment, this is gonna happen. I don't get names. You know what I mean? I don't get addresses. I get. And luckily what I do lately is when I have a premonition, I tell someone. And then when something happens, I have someone. It's not looking at me like I'm a liar.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

If you two started your own religion, what would the requirements be to join?

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, my God. A side ponytail, first of all. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Absolutely.

[Trixie Mattel]

We would. And listen, this is where we. Oh, we have the fiercest hairstyles. So, you know those, like monks or those ninjas or whatever. They have like the samurai people. I think they have like, everything shaved except like a big old thing here. And they have a long ponytail up there. You know what I'm talking about? So we would have. Everybody would shave their head except for a big chunk on the side. We'd grow it real, real long. And then we'd put armature wire through it. So we'd have a big, like, you know, like solid, solid, like a rainbow side ponytail thing would be like, like. Yeah. And then we would all wear plastic, edible pineapple flavored panties.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I would love that.

[Trixie Mattel]

And a nice wool sweater to Keep warm.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And it wouldn't be predatory, but it wouldn't be for free. Yeah, that's the other thing.

[Trixie Mattel]

Edible. I mean, it would be affordable for the cup of.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

A cup of coffee a day. You know, it would be something. So affordable. 69 cents. You know, something to make you think of us.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you. Were you alive when they did edible panties? Ask yourself.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do you remember when Jessica Simpson did edible makeup? Look it up. Jessica Simpson did edible makeup.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, you're like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like you're going to touch up your lipstick and you're like, I'm hungry. Swear to God.

[Trixie Mattel]

I mean, it's kind of c. Cunty. It's kind of cunty. All right, Mary Kill. Or. Yeah, Mary Kill. Lady Gaga, the hilarious Ross Matthews. Ginger Min. Oh, well, that's a tough one.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm going to marry the knight. I'm marrying Lady Gaga. Of course. Of course.

[Mary]

You're.

[Trixie Mattel]

You're Deep Dick and Ginger. I know that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think I'm Ross Matthews.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know. You are.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Are. And I guess you had to kill Ginger, but shout out to love. Love Ginger.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. You know, when he comes, he goes, right? It's like. It's like the Pillsbury Doughboy getting tickled, right?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I put on my ring and he's like, who are you wearing? You know?

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, my God. Imagine Carson and Ross having sex together.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Love it.

[Trixie Mattel]

I love it. Everybody be like a supernova or something. It'd be, like, so much gay coming together, it would, like, form a black hole and everybody got sucked in.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do you have any more or no? I have one more.

[Trixie Mattel]

No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay. Well, I guess that's it. Damn.

[Trixie Mattel]

Wait, wait, wait. I have one more. I have one more in my head. Would you rather.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No.

[Trixie Mattel]

Marry. Kill. Do you know who Stone Cold Steve Austin is?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Stone Cold Steve Austin. Or the Undertaker. Do you know who the Undertaker is?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know, normally with live shows, you want to end with, like, a bang, you know, you want a wow.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Wait, are you telling me that. Dredging up a reference that no one.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

From American Wrestling, who no one in America even watches. Yes. So what if instead of that, they play the pod music and she and I run with while you guys clap and we leave? How about that?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes. Yes. But wait, wait. I'm sorry. I have to do this. I know we're short on time, but I have to share with you the progress that I'm making on the only goal that I have had for the last year, which is trying to get into a center split. It's not great. Progress, but I do feel like people need to know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That is really fun.

[Trixie Mattel]

So it's basically the frog pose. Okay. That's all I have. And then.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wow, that's.

[Trixie Mattel]

I mean, oh, it's. It's gonna happen. Happen sometime maybe. Maybe sometime I'll split.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Also get your hip replacement today. Okay?

[Trixie Mattel]

Ladies, gentlemen, if you can stretch those hips out and get that pussy on the floor. Do you realize the joy that I will feel when I finally get that? When that, when I feel the taint touch the rug. It's over for you hoes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's going to be over. You guys, thank you so much for having us here at the program.

[Trixie Mattel]

Thank you so much.

[Brandon]

Love you so, so much.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Trixie Mattel]

You.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Thank Oslo, the greatest city in the world. Love you. Love you. Good night.

[Trixie Mattel]

We love you, Sam.