The Twelfth Day After Christmas with Trixie and Katya

Summary

The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya

Episode: The Twelfth Day After Christmas with Trixie and Katya
Date: January 6, 2026

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Overview: Twelfth Night Chaos, Christmas Recaps & LA Drag Celebrity Gossip

Trixie and Katya kick off the New Year with a gloriously chaotic, sex-positive, and star-studded recap of their holiday escapades in Los Angeles. Known for their sharp wit, unapologetic queerness, and Hollywood gossip, this episode sees the legendary queens deep-dive into Christmas parties with A-listers, encounters with TV legends, juicy tales of group sex (and a legendary rimming session), plus some surprisingly heartfelt moments about home, friendship, and weather woes.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Guest-Hosting Fumbles & Celebrity Encounters

• Opening Reflection on Guests: Katya reflects on their typical, chaotic style of introducing podcast guests without giving context or formal intros.
  • "I got to listen to your episode with Daphne. You realize we never say who the guest is? We're just like, 'Girl, you're fierce!'" (01:09, Katya)
• Fangirling Over TV Icons: Katya shares an awkwardly sweet run-in with Paul Feig (director of 'Bridesmaids', former 'Sabrina the Teenage Witch' actor) at a Palm Springs award ceremony.
  • "I walk up like, ‘I love Sabrina,’ totally wack, and he’s like, ‘Yeah, I was fired after the first season, but nice to meet you.’" (06:38, Katya)
• Meta Commentary on Fame: They joke about the surreality of being among celebrities and nicknaming people at parties, e.g., "science teacher from Sabrina," realizing much later the full scale of their star-studded surroundings.

2. LA Party Circuit: Charlize Theron’s Disco Inferno

• Gatecrashing Two Parties in One Night: Trixie and Katya hilariously recount nearly crashing a Christmas party on the wrong night before making their way, presents in hand, through LA's Westside.
  • "I'm this close to climbing the fence... It’s for the following week."
• Charlize Theron’s Disco Party: Wild outfits, awkward celeb encounters (Sophia Vergara blocking the pizza, Natasha Lyonne’s “80% hair” aesthetic), and reveling in being unapologetically flamboyant.
  • "I felt so like faggot queen when I walked out of my house...nipples jutting out lewdly.” (10:21, Trixie)
  • "Sophia Vergara was blocking the pizza—like, I am starving." (12:15, Trixie)
• A-List Name Drops & Doll Collector Club: Brief, quirky flyby anecdotes with Emma Roberts, Seth Rogen, Emma Watson, and gushing over their mutual love of dolls.

3. Pop Culture & Queer TV: Nuanced Takes

• “Heated Rivalry” Praise: Trixie raves about a queer romance show featuring impressive (fake) Russian accents and, for once, a gay storyline without tragedy.
  • "There’s no fucking AIDS, death, grape...it’s just beautiful longing!" (24:26, Trixie)
• Housewives Holiday Binge: Katya finds joy in old 'Real Housewives of New York' Christmas episodes.
• Fascination with Amish Reality TV: Katya’s delighted by a new show where normies attempt Amish life—“It’s the opposite of Rumspringa!” (26:23, Trixie)

4. Christmas Shows, Regional Theater, and Drag

• Dina Martina Show: Katya relishes bringing her boyfriend’s family to their first drag show ("It’s all downhill from here."). (22:08, Trixie)
• ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ as Radio Play: Katya is moved to tears at a Milwaukee stage production—a rare earnest moment amidst the irreverence.
  • "I'm crying like I'm at General Hospital... it was so good." (31:40, Katya)

5. Floods, Leaks & LA Homes

• Weather Trauma: Both recount LA’s notorious ignorance to rainy weather as their homes start leaking.
  • "Don’t buy a moisture reader unless you’re a contractor—every corner gave me an anxiety attack!" (43:07, Trixie)
• Midwesterners Roast LA Construction: "Why is every roof flat? Why not just make sure the roof does this a little bit?" (45:34, Katya)

6. Holiday Hosting, Candy & Squirreling Snacks

• Hosting Over Guesting: Katya delights in being the host, cooking daily, and hiding candy like a squirrel.
  • "It’s fun to have house guests... I get overstimulated and then wind down with a book."

7. Sex Positivity & the Quest for the Perfect Rimjob

• Legendary Rimming Tale: Trixie (with Katya’s enthusiastic support) details a Grindr hookup where he is thrilled to meet a man who only wants his ass eaten—for over two hours.
  • "That is too good to be true for me, right?... I was like at the Louvre, just admiring. I ate his ass for two hours." (53:32, Trixie)
• Discussion of Sex, Group Sex & Poppers: With comedic candor, they cover group sex, preferences changing with age, and the logistics (and pitfalls) of using silicone lube.
  • "Group sex? Had a lot of threeways, but these days, totally unappealing." (52:25, Katya)
  • "Spilled a bottle of silicone lube – that’s like a terminal diagnosis..." (50:54, Trixie)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Hollywood Party Introductions:
  • "I was going to do this whole stupid, ‘she’s a fucking icon’, you know… and then I got nervous.” (01:28, Trixie)
• On LA Leaks and Moisture Readers:
  • "Don’t ever get a moisture reader if you are not a contractor...every corner of every room dinged red. I was like, well, there’s water in my whole condo." (43:07, Trixie)
• On Party Outfits:
  • "I wore like a sheer crystal, shitty rhinestone blouse with my nipples jutting out lewdly… it was so cunty."(10:21, Trixie)
• On Sophia Vergara Pizza-Blocking:
  • "She was just standing by the food… you can’t just scooch past Sofia Vergara for your fourth pizza!" (12:17, Katya)
• On “Heated Rivalry” (Queer TV):
  • _"It’s a show about two gay guys falling in love… There’s no tragedy. The only tragedy is not being able to." _ (24:26, Trixie)
• On a Legendary Grindr Hookup:
  • "He just wanted to have his ass eaten. That is my favorite sexual activity to perform... I ate his ass for two hours." (54:01, Trixie)
  • "It was beautiful and swiffered – it tasted good, it’s like he sugared the rim or something." (56:05, Trixie)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:00] - Katya's observation on podcast guest intros
• [04:30] - Katya's Palm Springs Paul Feig story
• [08:44] - Party mishap: Showing up on the wrong day
• [10:21] - Trixie's disco inferno outfit & party ensemble
• [12:15] - Sophia Vergara blocks the pizza at Charlize's party
• [21:53] - Dina Martina show and drag scene shout-outs
• [24:22] - Trixie’s review of “Heated Rivalry” and queer TV
• [26:23] - Discussion of new Amish reality show
• [29:32] - Katya describes ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ radio play production
• [43:07] - Trixie goes haywire with a moisture reader at home
• [48:00] - Katya on hosting houseguests and cooking
• [53:32] - Trixie’s epic rimming story

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The Episode in a Nutshell

With trademark wit, warmth, and a bottomless appetite for both gossip and introspection, Trixie and Katya invite listeners into the madcap, neon-soaked chaos of their lives. From LA’s rainpocalypse and draggy Christmas parties filled with movie stars, to genuine moments of connection, queerness, and pleasure (with just a touch of oversharing), they serve up a perfectly unhinged New Year’s episode — proof that the beauty of insanity is always in fashion in Tinseltown.

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For fans and newcomers alike, this episode is a glittering sampler of all things Bald and Beautiful: irreverence, heart, and unapologetic queerness.

Transcript

[Mary]

This episode is sponsored by Bombless.

[Trixie]

People keep asking me about my 2026 resolutions.

[Mary]

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[Katya]

Oh my God. You had a great episode with Daphne. I got to listen to it.

[Trixie]

Picnic spine.

[Katya]

Yeah, baby.

[Trixie]

I grooved to that in Nashville and Louisville. The kids did not care, but they I cared.

[Katya]

You know what the episode made me realize? We should, when we have guests, tell people who they are.

[Trixie]

I didn't say her name.

[Katya]

No, no, no. Normal pods. It's like our next guest is a woman, a whatever. And she's a ten time whatever.

[Trixie]

Mary. I had this whole thing so nervous.

[Katya]

It starts and we're just like, girl, you're fierce. You're everything. I know. Even say who it is.

[Trixie]

I was going to do this whole stupid, like, she's a fucking icon, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I got like nervous and I thought she'd be offended and she would not. She would have loved that.

[Katya]

That's how I felt with Elvira. I just, I blacked out.

[Trixie]

Here's this, here's this spooky bitch saying.

[Katya]

It's all sort of like with women like that, established entertainment women, it's like, what, Am I going to insult you by scratching the surface in 10 words or less before I say your name? Yeah.

[Trixie]

So you wear a black wig.

[Katya]

That's like fierce, girl. Girl, you're fierce. You're giving. Girl, are you giving Thanksgiving?

[Trixie]

Sweetie? Mother, sister, daughter.

[Katya]

What? Honey?

[Trixie]

The way that I have so many informations for you to chew on and ruminate and analyze.

[Katya]

Thank God. Let's go.

[Trixie]

Well, Happy Christmas.

[Katya]

Happy, happy Christmas. Howdy. I know we're not supposed to talk about Harry Potter, but when I was younger, here you talk about Harry Potter.

[Trixie]

Harry Potter, Yeah, Harry Potter.

[Katya]

Hearing British people say Happy Christmas, like.

[Trixie]

It was like, happy Christmas, Ron.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya]

Merry Easter. It's freaky.

[Trixie]

Who would know?

[Mary]

Who.

[Trixie]

Who could have predicted that Happy Christmas actually means trans people don't exist.

[Katya]

I saw this reduction. Wait, was it Reductress? And it said, J.K. rowling declares herself as the only woman I know.

[Trixie]

I'll be the only transsexual when I turn 50.

[Katya]

Right, right, right, right.

[Trixie]

Actually, I saw that from Misery. So.

[Katya]

I have so much to tell you about.

[Trixie]

Can I go first?

[Katya]

Yes, of course.

[Trixie]

So I don't even know where to start. You go. So I was.

[Katya]

I have a new store. I have a new. I have a lot.

[Trixie]

I do too.

[Katya]

So I'll do one section, then you can do a section.

[Trixie]

Why don't we.

[Katya]

Volleyball.

[Trixie]

Okay. Why don't we discuss Marty Supreme? I'll be Gwyneth.

[Katya]

You be Supreme. Of course. Who's that?

[Trixie]

The ping pong guy. The movie? Yeah, I'm. I'm Gwyneth.

[Katya]

Smoking. You're ping ponging Timothy.

[Trixie]

Timothy Chalamet.

[Katya]

We'll eventually get to that gay porn show with the tennis you watch or whatever it is.

[Trixie]

The tennis.

[Katya]

What is it? Golfing.

[Mary]

Tennis.

[Trixie]

Golf. Tennis. Golf. Volleyball. Yeah, it's hockey.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Trixie]

I will keep that brief, but I have some really interesting, wonderful things to say.

[Katya]

Please let it be nuanced. Are you kidding me? I'm just horny.

[Trixie]

No, no, no, baby, baby, I. I did a full Tati Westberg apology.

[Katya]

Oh, my God. I've been thinking about that a lot. We cast the. Out of that. Huh? We cast that, remember? On the episode.

[Trixie]

What are you talking about?

[Katya]

We. We recast the 2016 the by Sister drama on this show. Do you remember this?

[Trixie]

Well, of course we do.

[Katya]

You said Tati Sandy Bullock. Oh, that's. And we said Timothy Chalamet.

[Trixie]

Oh, why. Why did they make that ping pong movie? They could have made the banger of the. The decade.

[Katya]

And we said Jeffrey's Emma Stone.

[Trixie]

And it hurt. Another Oscar winning performance. She would. She would. Three Oscars for Emma. So I had the.

[Katya]

I was in Palm Springs doing a photo shoot for the motel. No, that's not true. I was in Palm Springs and I did a little happy hour at the motel for the guests. Hi. Hi. Hi.

[Trixie]

Oh, they must have lived.

[Katya]

They loved it. Yes. And everybody's so nice and it's beautiful and wonderful. And then I went to the Palm Springs. They reopened the theater. He drowned. Does that make sense? Gabe. Sorry. He's not your dad. But you love who you love. What a freak.

[Trixie]

It's like he drowned. Actually, he's Living in Des Moines. Well, he will drown, right?

[Katya]

Have you talked to him today? He took a bath this morning. I don't know.

[Trixie]

He's dead.

[Mary]

Go ahead.

[Katya]

I was at the Palm Springs, and they're reopening this big, beautiful theater in Palm Springs, and they're having this award show for. To honor the Palm Springs past. To honor the Palm Springs past, present, and future. So I got to be the future, got my little award, and I got to a little speech, and I just did something unprecedented, which is lock in and do a good job.

[Trixie]

You didn't just reveal your tits and start rubbing them?

[Katya]

No, not at all. So you know how I love to say the right things to celebrities.

[Trixie]

Yes. So this is one of those famously, right?

[Katya]

So I'm backstage waiting, and it's at this theater, and it's Palm Springs. It's a Monday in Palm Springs.

[Mary]

It's.

[Katya]

I'm about 40 years younger than everyone there, which is lovely, fine, lovely, lovely. There's cheese and drinks, and I'm in drag, just standing. Fina's there. Oh, Brandon's there. We're just standing. And I'm saying hi to some of the other people getting honored. Lucy Arnaz was there. Hello. Nice to meet you. Very cool. And then I noticed, you guys know I love Sabrina the Teenage Witch, the original series, the TV show, and I'm watching it recently while I'm getting in drag. So I've been watching it a lot. And I go, oh, my God. That is the science teacher from Sabrina the Teenage Witch. I have to say hello, and it's not. So I walk up and I go, hi, I'm Trixie. Like, nice to see you. I said, I have to tell you, I watched Sabrina the Teenage Witch when I get in drag recently. It's such a great show. I said, obviously, with the magic, you guys aren't shooting in front of a live audience, but it feels like a real live sitcom.

[Mary]

Funny.

[Katya]

I said, the cast is so good. You guys are all so good.

[Trixie]

Was it Felicia Rashad?

[Katya]

No, no. He goes, oh, yeah. I said, people must come up to you about that all the time. And he goes, no, not really. He goes, usually it's for bridesmaids. I go, oh, were you in it? He said, I directed it. I'm Paul Feig.

[Trixie]

Are you kidding me?

[Katya]

The director of Spy and so many Melissa mc. Like, I was so at least I was genuine, where I was like, I love Sabrina. You're so good. He goes, yeah, I was fired after the first season, but he had fun doing it.

[Trixie]

Oh, so he had something to do with Sabrina. He was the science teacher in it, but he's also. Oh, oh, okay. So that's okay. Oh, so that's not so bad.

[Katya]

He. He directed the Office.

[Trixie]

Yeah, he directed.

[Katya]

I didn't realize.

[Trixie]

It's like saying Herbie Fully loaded changed my life, Lindsay.

[Katya]

Yeah, but I just love Sabrina, so that's okay. I was gushing. I was like, it's a deep cut, animatronic. I love the cat. I said. I said, Caroline Ray. I said, the who cast.

[Trixie]

You guys are so good. He's like, yeah.

[Katya]

He was like, yeah. He's like, they kind of wrote me out after one season. I said, people must come up to you all the time. No, not really. Usually it's about Bridesmaids. I go, oh, dude. Like, yeah. Were you in it or something? Love it.

[Trixie]

You haven't seen Spy Killing it. You haven't seen Spy.

[Katya]

I love Spy.

[Trixie]

Spy is amazing.

[Katya]

So then I go home and Google to him and I was like, oh, here's all. He directed the Office episode. The Office.

[Trixie]

You need a veep. You need a, like a Veep style person in your ear. Like that's, you know, recognize you for.

[Katya]

Sabrina all the time. One season he was on in the 90s. He goes, yeah, not really.

[Trixie]

I did one episode for. I had. I had a. I had a walking part on.

[Katya]

And I was like, fuck, this is Paul Feig that I listen to Office ladies. They talk about Paul Feig. Like. I was like, oh, anyway, shout out to Paul Feig. And I was in Dragon. He was very nice, fierce.

[Trixie]

I got another. Oh, my God, I dropped some names on the floor. Charlize Theron's Christmas party.

[Katya]

Oh, well, I'm glad you brought it up because if I say it, it's a name drop. But if you do it, people are just happy you're in that.

[Trixie]

Yeah, they're just. Because I have the slippery hands. Slippery hands. Loopy hands.

[Katya]

Well, I have a. Can I tell you a pre story to that and then you can lead that story.

[Trixie]

Okay.

[Katya]

So this night I got a visual.

[Trixie]

Too, by the way.

[Katya]

There was a Christmas party.

[Trixie]

Yep.

[Katya]

That we were going to Charlize this party. Yes. And I had another Christmas party that night. So I said, you know what? I'm gonna be slick. I'm gonna do both. This one's at 6:30. The other one's at like 7. Yeah. So I'll go to this one early. It was Zooey Deschanel and Jonathan Scott's party. Their Christmas party. The Property Brothers. They Were producers on Trixie Motel.

[Trixie]

Are they together?

[Katya]

Yeah, they're married and stuff. Like the heterosexual love.

[Trixie]

No, Zoe, just kidding. I'm just kidding. No thruffle.

[Katya]

I'll make this brother my property.

[Trixie]

No, it's a throuple. It's a throuple.

[Katya]

It's a throuple.

[Trixie]

Okay.

[Katya]

It's a polycule. So I go, let's just do both. So my boyfriend and I take a car with presents in hand because I. You. You go to. You bring a gift. Even if it says don't bring gifts, you bring a gift. I don't want to be. I don't want to be rude, but you bring a gift, I think, right. I brought myself.

[Trixie]

Go ahead. Wait, listen. Keep going. Sorry.

[Katya]

We go and I go, that's weird. I've been to this party. The gates are normally open in the driveway. We get out of the car, I go, that's weird. They normally have more Christmas lights on and there's like a person out here with a clipboard. That's weird. I'm mind you, this is their driveway gate. I'm jumping over the gate to look in their house. Cause I could never believe that I'm there on the wrong day. I'm this close to climbing the fence. I'm like, hold my gift.

[Trixie]

I'm like, mary, that's my gig. That's my gig.

[Katya]

So my boyfriend goes, why don't you check the invitation? And I open it. It's for the following girl and with a Brentwood. Oh, which is like going to Mars.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya]

Luckily. Luckily I have. I have a Brentwood is so. I love who loves me so much that he was not mad, but I was like, why would an hour in the car to Brentwood. Everybody, everybody in this, in this troupe has every right to be like, you're a fucking idiot. I am an idiot. Well stupid.

[Trixie]

I mean, I've gone to the airport.

[Mary]

On the wrong day.

[Trixie]

Boo.

[Katya]

So then it went.

[Trixie]

But I. It's cunty.

[Katya]

It's cuz.

[Trixie]

I'm like, I don't have to go anywhere.

[Katya]

Woo. So then I went home. And you came over after.

[Trixie]

Yeah, yeah. No, I didn't come over.

[Katya]

Oh, you met.

[Trixie]

Y' all picked me up.

[Katya]

Oh, we picked her up.

[Trixie]

And let me tell you, when I. I felt so like faggot queen when I walked out of my house in my faggoty outfit, I. I have a picture of me and Fina and the. It was.

[Katya]

It looks like Robin worked in a.

[Trixie]

Disco in Therono in. In the Ronio Disco Inferno. But Theron was in it. That was the theme.

[Katya]

Yeah, it was a disco.

[Trixie]

It was like Inferno. Disco, Inferno party. So I wore one of my drag outfits. I wore a. I wore. Well, I have a picture. I wore a, like sheer crystal, like shitty rhinestone long sleeve blouse with my nipples jutting out lewdly. And then rhinestone slacks and then high heels. Yes. And Fina was wearing basically the same thing. And we did not consult. And the pictures actually came out so cunty.

[Katya]

Do you know who else was at this party?

[Trixie]

Mary Sofia Vergara.

[Katya]

Rafique. I walked up to him and I go, I saw you last weekend. I was in drag. The science teacher from Sabrina. He was like, yeah, love it.

[Trixie]

He was at Charlize's party.

[Katya]

Yes. And I walked up and said, science teacher from Sabrina.

[Trixie]

Look, get into that fear.

[Katya]

Yeah, you guys look good.

[Trixie]

Fierce. We hold on.

[Katya]

It's great in this stage in your life to just go there. You know what I mean?

[Trixie]

I mean, what do I get to lose, right? Literally nothing.

[Katya]

But I mean, is going to serve, so you got to give something.

[Trixie]

She's serving. She's feeling herself.

[Mary]

Okay.

[Trixie]

Fina looked great in that party. I was. So I don't go. Like, I don't get invited to anything. You never in my anything. So I, I once, twice, I got invited to like a celebrity's birthday party and I chickened out because I get scared. And then. But I went and I was like, but me and Fina had just gone off a plane, literally minutes. I had like, minutes to get ready. I put some shitty silver glitter on my eyes and then they picked me up walking like a bag. Got to the car. But it was so fun. Oh, yeah, it was so fun. Except Sophia Vergara was blocking the pizza.

[Katya]

Bar was blocking the food.

[Trixie]

I was like, mary, I am starving.

[Katya]

She wasn't even really going in on the food. Like, she wasn't eating it in the food. It's a defensive strategy. Yeah. She was just standing by the food. And when people are that famous, you're not going to be like, can I just scooch past you for my fourth piece of pizza?

[Trixie]

No, because she's probably trying to like, you're not getting fat.

[Katya]

Gatekeeping, gatekeeping, gatekeeping.

[Trixie]

The food was good weight watching.

[Katya]

I brought my own marijuana. I thought it was kind of bold to be smoking marijuana in her backyard. Nobody else was. Seth Rogen wasn't. It was just me.

[Trixie]

But can I just say, and for the record, I. This is a. This is a brag. She did miss Charlize Africa. She on the dance floor, pressed her whole tall, gorgeous body against mine for several seconds and screamed into my face, I love you, several times.

[Katya]

I love that. You should have her on the pod.

[Trixie]

I'd love to.

[Katya]

We don't have guests anymore. No, everybody wants to. Come on. We're sick of the bullshit. I don't know.

[Trixie]

I don't know that she. I mean, she. She's. There was. I would. She was so beautiful.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Trixie]

Like, she's beautiful, but Mary, she was in real life.

[Katya]

Yeah. She came up to me and she said, I don't like your friend. And I said, no one does that old.

[Trixie]

That. Why is he wearing that wiglet?

[Katya]

I stopped drinking again, and she want a shot. And I felt so lame being like. We both were like, we don't drink. No. And she was like, just come stand in the group. So we both stood with people doing shots with nothing in her hand like this.

[Trixie]

Oh, yeah, yeah. It was just. I think I put a cigarette up.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Trixie]

But it was okay. So let's just drop some names on the floor. Seth Rogan, Emma Watson, Emma Roberts. I didn't know who Emma Roberts was because she was about 3ft tall.

[Katya]

She came up and said hi to me because she's a fellow doll collector.

[Trixie]

Incredible.

[Katya]

I said, oh, my God, I love your new. She just.

[Trixie]

She gave me a side eye and called me. Called me a faggot.

[Katya]

Right.

[Trixie]

And then she kicked me.

[Katya]

Queen.

[Trixie]

Yeah. No, I. She was so little.

[Katya]

Yeah, sure.

[Trixie]

Her hair was different than it usually is.

[Katya]

I thought the afro wig was a strong choice. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

[Trixie]

The.

[Katya]

She had a rubber wolfman mask on. I was like, are you sure you're Emma Robins? And she took the mask off and there was another mask, one of those rubber Nixon masks.

[Trixie]

I was like, girl, are you from Point Break? Did you rob all those banks? No, I think. And I'm not sure. I don't know who the.

[Katya]

I think.

[Trixie]

Think as me and Fina were leaving the party. The. This fierce, fierce bitch. Like, I don't. I don't know what the verb is. She doesn't fall out of a car. She kind of just like. She kind of just like, tumbles about on her feet with, like, no shoes. She puts her heels on. And she is obviously someone who's very cunt. Young, gorgeous, and I think she's from I Love la, the new Rachel Senate show. Tallulah, I could be very wrong about this, but I'm pretty sure I was like, I don't know who that is, but that is a star. I watched I love LA and she is so good in it. So hot.

[Katya]

So does it make you love la?

[Trixie]

I thought it was gonna be too close to home. Like, you know, Rachel said it's very funny. All the people are very, very funny. But, like, you know, we live in la. We're kind of famous, where you're very famous and like. But it's funny, it's funny.

[Katya]

I think you're famous too.

[Trixie]

Can you be more specific? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What else? Who else?

[Katya]

Natasha Leon.

[Trixie]

Natasha Leon. Looking very tiny team, but she's about 80 hair. Oh, my God, it's so wild. I mean, I don't. I always forget Tom Cruise is 410. So it's like they all are so small in real life. Except Charlize Africa.

[Katya]

You know what happened? I brought a gift and flower and abandoned it. I brought a gift for her and I felt embarrassed, so I put it down and ran.

[Trixie]

That's why I didn't bring no gift.

[Katya]

I was like, I'm gonna bring a Christmas ornament. I asked Brandon to go out and get a Trixie kind of Trix Christmas ornament because our corporate gift this year was this little Barbie ornament. So cute. But we were out, so I said, just go to get like an ornament that I can take. Tell me why. It was like a. Tell me why. It was like a. Like a. Like a Pottery Barn yarn doll. Like a little pink yarn doll made of yarn. And I was like, so she's gonna love that. The retirement home handicrafts. It's a no for me. So I just put it down and ran.

[Trixie]

Damn.

[Katya]

I didn't check what was in the bag. I got there and was like, I didn't see anybody. A little dog turd in there.

[Trixie]

I was like, I didn't see anybody with gifts.

[Katya]

Yeah, I. I always think I'm going to be like, I don't know.

[Trixie]

They didn't. There's not. They didn't do a white elephant.

[Katya]

I know, but it feels rude to show us up at someone's house. Nothing. I don't know.

[Trixie]

Not to a famous. A list rich person.

[Katya]

You take something tea.

[Trixie]

I'm not joking. No, you do that ball of champagne. Ain't nobody's touching it.

[Katya]

Boop. Oh, yeah. I took a bunch of that candy. I took the free weed.

[Trixie]

I ate two pizzas.

[Katya]

Yeah, I ate a lot of food.

[Mary]

I ate.

[Trixie]

I like, ate the house down at that.

[Katya]

I ate fries. I ate sliders.

[Trixie]

Yeah, I had this pizza.

[Katya]

Was so the mini burger was one of the best things I've ever had.

[Trixie]

Finally I was able to edge Sophia and I just fucking elbowed her in the boob and she fell over.

[Katya]

And then I right, I left pretty early because again, I. I just have a hard time not drinking at social events. So then I was smoking weed and then I smoked so much that I got nervous and had to leave.

[Trixie]

That doesn't seem like a good social anxiety fixer.

[Katya]

No, no. One of the only people I knew came up, Kieran and Shipka. We were talking and the marijuana hit and I was like, I'm going to go because I'm scared now. So I think Charlize is mad at me. I keep seeing her looking at me and going like. Today's episode of Bald and Beautiful is brought to you by Hungry Root. If you don't know about Hungry Root, it really will simplify your life. I'm a busy cross dresser. Okay? I'm putting on my pantyhose, I'm putting on my wigs, I'm putting on my corsetry, I'm putting on my nails, I'm gluing eyelashes on top of my eyelashes. I'm drawing lips on around my lips. And for me, saving a little bit of time but still being able to do a little bit of cooking and meal planning and grocerying is great. And hungryroot makes it very possible. Hungryroot plans all my meals for the week, fills my cart, delivers everything I'm gonna need for a nice healthy day. And you know, my health goals, autoimmune stuff, try not to piss off my body. So for me, always being able to customize my diet to that is like a huge part of it. Unlike other food delivery companies, Hungry Root now has over 50,000 chef crafted recipes to choose from each week, with many ready in just five minutes or less. That is so much variety and it's super easy to find tons of options that fit everyone's tastes and nutrition goals. And it is the new year. It's the moment of goals. It's the moment of picking goals that you can actually stick with for the new year. And part of that is making sure you're in a program that's going to be easy to stick with. Most resolutions die in the first few weeks of the new year, but hungryroot makes eating healthier so easy that you can stay on track with your health goals and a new diet. Past January, okay, I go to the gym and we lose people in February. I don't want to lose people from the healthy Eating in February. You're going to love Hungry Root as much as I do. For a limited time, get 40% off your first box. Plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to hungryroot.com bald and use the code bald. That's hungryroot.com bald code bald to get 40% off your first box and free item of your choice for life.

[Trixie]

This episode of the Bald and the Beautiful is sponsored by Better Help. Ah yes.

[Mary]

Greetings from beyond the veil.

[Trixie]

It is I, Jacob Marley, former business partner, current full time apparition and proud wearer of several miles of regret fashioned into chains. And let me tell you, nothing clarifies one's emotional baggage quite like dragging it noisily through eternity. The New Year does not require a new you. Trust me. I tried reincarnation paperwork down at the Carnaby street office and it is an absolute nightmare. Perhaps the New Year just calls for a less burdened you. Therapy can help you identify what weighs you down or holds you back, ideally before it starts clanking ominously behind you. I have learned that some obstacles are heavier than iron. Fear. Pressure. Perfection. Doubt. I used to polish my doubt daily. Now it is welded to my damn ankle. BetterHelp offers therapy that helps you examine those weights with an unbiased perspective so you can better understand your relationships, motivations and emotions before they become literal, haunting accessories. BetterHelp works with quality therapists who follow a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the United States. They also do the hard part of matching you with a therapist through a short questionnaire so you can focus on your goals instead of wandering the earth asking strangers if they accept your insurance. With over 12 years of experience, they usually get it right the first time and you can switch therapists anytime if you need a better fit. With over 30,000 therapists and more than 5 million people served worldwide, BetterHelp has an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 from over 1.7 million client reviews. Take it from a Dickensian ghost in chains, it is much easier to let go when you do not have to carry it forever through eternity. BetterHelp makes it easy to get matched online with a qualified therapist. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com bald that's betterhelp H-E-L-P.com bald I was I had the best fucking conversation with this comedy writer.

[Katya]

God, was it the science teacher from Sabrina?

[Trixie]

Yes, it was Paul Something I can't remember but we she had a great idea because I Was like, of course. I'm going on and on about in. Just like, crap. And I'm like, I really want to produce, like, a live. Whatever or an animated series or something. She's like, we should do it at the Pasadena Playhouse. Like a table reading. Or like a live reading.

[Katya]

You could do the Dynasty.

[Trixie]

Yes, Dynasty typewriter.

[Katya]

They do readings. I just did a. Will you do it?

[Trixie]

Will you be Samantha?

[Katya]

Of course.

[Trixie]

Yeah.

[Katya]

I read a episode of a. There was an episode of the Brady's there. Yeah, I did that. And they do readings of TV shows and movies all the time. So guess who I just saw there. I went there two nights ago to the Dynasty.

[Trixie]

Who?

[Katya]

Dina Martinez Christmas show.

[Trixie]

I hate your guts. I think I hate you. I want to kill you and murder you.

[Katya]

Took.

[Trixie]

Why didn't you call me?

[Katya]

Well, my boyfriend got the tickets, and we took his mom and grandpa, who are visiting. They've never been to a drag show. Their first drag show was Dina Martina.

[Trixie]

I mean, it's all downhill from there. I still have not seen her live.

[Katya]

Oh, she had a joke turn me out.

[Trixie]

So what was it?

[Katya]

She struggled to put. I don't want to, like, blow away the show, but it's almost Christmas over. She was struggling to put on this giant fur coat for, like, 90 seconds during this musical interlude. And once she gets it on her shoulder, she throws it off.

[Trixie]

I love it.

[Katya]

And also, she had this other bit where she goes, when God opens a door, he opens a window. No, when God closes one door, he opens a window. And when he closes that window, he turns on the tv. I, like, lost my mind.

[Trixie]

Well, her Wigstock performance of the Rose is, I think, the best drag performance ever. Not a question. Yeah, not a question.

[Katya]

It was really funny. And the Dynasty is so nice because you're right there.

[Mary]

Oh, yeah.

[Katya]

And with Dina, closer's better. Yeah.

[Trixie]

I saw Meg Salter and Hannah Einmeinder at the Dynasty, and that was wild. Meg Salter at the assaulting. She. Oh, baby. Hostage situation. Yeah, hostage. It was. She was like. It was comedy terrorism. It was amazing. Hot Topics. Okay. Heated rivalry. I know you didn't watch it.

[Katya]

No.

[Trixie]

But this is Connor Story. I want you on the pod very badly.

[Mary]

Please.

[Trixie]

Come on.

[Mary]

The pod.

[Trixie]

Why haven't you made this happen already? That's, like, personally offensive.

[Guest Announcer]

I'm sorry.

[Trixie]

But, like, he. So. Yes, okay. This show is made for me. Beautiful lighting, incredible asses. Russian, yada, yada, yada. But his. He's American. His Russian accent is so impressive, and he speaks like he has a whole monologue in Russian at like, the fourth or fifth episode long. A lot of Russian. And it's so impressive. It's so impressive. And he does not speak Russian.

[Katya]

Wow. How do you memorize that?

[Trixie]

I think I. Andrew was saying he had a fucking, like, drill sergeant, crazy dialect coach or whatever, you know, and that. And he obviously worked really hard. I think he said in an interview that he was the most proud he's ever been of anything he's ever done. And he should be proud because it was so impressive. It was like. I mean, I've been studying Russian for.

[Katya]

Do you jerk your predators?

[Trixie]

No, because I. Well, I downloaded every clip available of them. Fucking. But then I deleted them because I.

[Katya]

They.

[Trixie]

I cry. I cried.

[Katya]

It's.

[Trixie]

To me, it's. So listen. It's a show about two gay guys falling in love. There's no fucking aids. There's no fucking grape. There's no fucking death. There's no fucking, like, tragedy. The only tragedy is, like, not being able to.

[Katya]

What are we watching for?

[Trixie]

We're watching for romance. Yes. No, I would love, love, love.

[Katya]

Like, Amanda hugging. Kiss. Yes.

[Trixie]

I mean, and then. But like, fucking hot, nasty sex, fucking. And not, like, there's no meth. There's no, like, poppers. There's no, like. It's beautiful longing, longing, pining, yearning. Justify my love.

[Katya]

Maybe I'll watch it. I've been watching something really unprecedented, which is. I don't know why I got to be in my. Oh, I went to Banner Prop's dog gala. And then. And then I weirdly was like, I want to watch Christmas Housewives episodes.

[Trixie]

What does that mean?

[Katya]

Because I lived with David for so long, I think I did mentally develop part of my brain that.

[Trixie]

What does that mean? What does that mean?

[Katya]

Housewives. That happen in Christmas? Gotcha. So I put on old episodes of Housewives of New York, which is.

[Trixie]

And what is the best season?

[Katya]

Very, very, very, very drunk. Older women with young men fighting.

[Trixie]

Is it like. Is it not a white refrigerator?

[Katya]

No, that's.

[Trixie]

And that's way, way long ago, right?

[Katya]

This is like the 2012s, and it's like old, rich white ladies in New York screech, screaming.

[Trixie]

Is this. Is this Countess Luann?

[Katya]

Yes.

[Trixie]

Okay.

[Katya]

That was kind of fun to watch. We're kind of fun to watch some of that. And then there's a new Amish show coming. Full body chills. I'm telling you. I. I'm like. We're already wishing I could have my own pod about it. Because this show, they have normal people Volunteering to go live among the Amish. And at the end of it, they decide whether or not they're gonna stay Amish.

[Trixie]

That's fierce. It's like the opposite of Rumspringer.

[Katya]

But I'm kind of confused because a lot of Amish people, like, wouldn't be caught dead on camera. So I'm like, these must be kind of liberal Amish people to even allow cameras to be around.

[Trixie]

Or it's like candid Amish camera.

[Katya]

I don't think it's candid, but, like.

[Trixie]

Maybe the cameras are made out of wood.

[Katya]

I think people are like, I'm so sick of the Internet, social media overstimulation. I wanna. I think life is better. Like, less stimulation.

[Trixie]

Like, they'.

[Katya]

Not.

[Trixie]

They're going. They're skipping the light dumb phones and they're going straight to Amish country. Yeah, that's wild.

[Katya]

And I like to learn about the Amish. I don't know if I need to. I don't know if I need to do that. My new thing is snake churches, baby.

[Trixie]

Let's talk about the testament of an Lee. Who's that? Thank you. It's Amanda Seifried as one of the founders of the Shakers. And this movie was so fucking boring. And so.

[Katya]

Boo. Boo. Nasty Bunny's Shaker. Bunny's parents were Shaker, I think.

[Trixie]

Really?

[Katya]

Parents Shaker? Yeah.

[Trixie]

No, Quaker is very different. Quakers. These people are doing choreo. They literally do like. It's like, girl, you can't have sex. She has a husband. It's like. It was so. It was so disappointing. Amanda Seifert, I adore her. She's so beautiful. She's such a good actress. But they really just ought to. It should have just like, morphed into it like a modern dance company. Because they're like. They're on. This boat is like, almost capsizing. But they're praying. But they're praying is like.

[Katya]

Did you pray today?

[Trixie]

Did you pray today? Yeah. Testament of Ang Lee. I. I kept calling it the temperament of Ang Lee. Or the testicle. The. The. The. The temperature of the testicles of.

[Katya]

The testicles of Sunni Testament. Manly.

[Trixie]

Sorry. Thumbs down, Amanda Seyfried. Thumbs up.

[Katya]

I did pretty much finish every Christmas movie that exists.

[Trixie]

Did you watch Scrooged?

[Katya]

Yes. Watch Scrooged. Whoever plays the fairy that flies Carol fucking Kane. That's so funny. Toaster.

[Trixie]

Yeah.

[Katya]

Her flying is magical in that movie.

[Trixie]

She is great. She chews up that scene.

[Katya]

I also love the scene where Bill Murray is in the elevator and Opens the chest and it's all those screaming like demons.

[Trixie]

Or what about that fierce flash forward with Claire?

[Katya]

Claire.

[Trixie]

Claire.

[Katya]

They're just children. Oh, yeah.

[Trixie]

She look Margot Kidder. Yellow teeth. Love, like, like, so fierce. Like, that was when people had yellow teeth.

[Katya]

I also went to a stage production of A Christmas Carol in Louisville. Louisville, Kentucky. I went to see.

[Trixie]

Was it community theater?

[Katya]

No, it was a professional regional theater. I'd never seen A Christmas Carol. Like, obviously, all these cold, bleak, Christmas.

[Trixie]

Eve, like that kind of thing.

[Katya]

Yes. And they're in like period outfits.

[Trixie]

Did they have the Solid Gold Dancers?

[Katya]

No, no, no, no. They're in like the. The Jiminy Cricket outfits with like the little hat and the tail coat. Merry. It's like.

[Trixie]

Couldn't see their nipples.

[Katya]

You couldn't see the nipples? I did like it. Can I tell you? Wait, did we talk about. Did we talk about It's a Wonderful Life?

[Mary]

I don't think so.

[Katya]

Okay, so I was. I've been really Christmased out of my mind this year. So I was in Milwaukee. They have something called the Stackner Cabaret, which is a tiny, maybe 120 seat room. And they do a lot of like Route 66, Songs of the American Interstate.

[Mary]

What?

[Katya]

Like, they do like Life is the Highways, where it's like four people who sing doing songs that are like, the 1970s were huge for women. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I will follow him. Like, they do medleys and do like historical shows.

[Trixie]

I don't know how to describe.

[Mary]

Car wash.

[Katya]

Yes, it'd be like that. So last time I went there, I went to see Beehive music of girl groups of the 60s, which was amazing.

[Trixie]

Oh, that sounds awesome.

[Katya]

All bangers?

[Trixie]

Yeah.

[Katya]

No skips. No, you can't skip a live show. That's the thing too.

[Trixie]

You go to the bathroom.

[Katya]

I kind of treat it like a Gong Show. If I don't like the song, I'm like, yeah. So I went to see. This was a stage production of It's a Wonderful Life. That was a like, 40s radio station doing a radio play of It's a Wonderful Life. So the stage is set up like a small radio station. And as you walk in, you see the actors in their period outfits come in, drink water, warm up, gargle. And they are pretending to be radio play actors doing It's a Wonderful Life as a radio play. It was amazing.

[Mary]

Love that.

[Katya]

So we're not. When they're not in scenes as characters, they're doing bells, doors slamming, snow crunching. They're making all the sound effects, we're doing that within.

[Trixie]

Just like crap. At the Pasadena.

[Katya]

It was so cool. Tell me why. It started out and I was like, this is kind of corny. Okay, whatever. But they're doing singing commercials. Like a radio play.

[Trixie]

Like jingles and stuff.

[Katya]

Yeah. Brought to you by laundry detergent. Like, doing the play like it's a.

[Trixie]

Radio when the summer's blazing. Yeah.

[Katya]

And then when somebody's not on microphone, the other people are in character as actors. Like seated, drinking, watching, making the jingle bells or whatever, doing the sound effects. So many sound effects. Nobody was ever just sitting. All these people were up there doing every little sound effect. Like anything. Wind blowing. There's wind, like, everything now.

[Trixie]

Were they doing any acapella or they had tools and stuff?

[Katya]

No, but one of them turned around, pulled up.

[Trixie]

And sounded right there.

[Katya]

Yeah. So tell me why I went from. Yeah, it's a little corny, but okay. Like, my mom's. The end. I mean, I'd never seen the movie It's a Wonderful Life, so maybe I just didn't know what really happens.

[Trixie]

I don't.

[Katya]

Is that kind of It's a Christmas Carol where he sees his life if he wasn't born.

[Trixie]

It's not the Nazi movie.

[Katya]

No. And then at the end, that's Life is Beautiful. He has this new appreciation for all the good things in his life. Because, you know, when it runs through the streets. Merry Christmas. Whatever. Yeah. Yeah. I'm crying like I'm at a General Hospital. St. Emma Roberts, General Hospital. Standing over, my mother pulled. They pull the plug. I'm crying. It was so good. And to me, maybe the brain rot, something to look at at all times. The story and jingle bells and shit.

[Trixie]

No, that's fierce.

[Katya]

And they all had period wigs and costumes on. It was great. I just loved it.

[Trixie]

No, I'm so happy.

[Mary]

I want to see it.

[Trixie]

I'm so glad you told me about it.

[Katya]

Fly to Milwaukee. Go to the cabros.

[Trixie]

I still want to see that. Paranormal fucking activity.

[Katya]

It's gone. It's in London now.

[Trixie]

Well, you can eat all of our asses.

[Katya]

It's in London now. Oh, it's so good.

[Trixie]

I know. You describe it like it sounds riveted.

[Katya]

It scared me to death.

[Trixie]

That's so cool. I've never been scared to death by anything live other than a haunted house or me in the mirror at, like, 3am.

[Mary]

This episode is sponsored by Bombless.

[Trixie]

People keep asking me about my 2026 resolutions.

[Mary]

They expect something heroic, like reading a book, discovering a cure for the common cold or finally learning how to crochet with my feet. But this year I have crowned a new monarch of goals. Get comfy. Not a little comfy. I'm talking transcendent birds singing angels applauding from the heaven's level of comfy. That is where Bombas enters, riding on a velvet cloud of socks, underwear and deeply supportive vibes. Let us begin with what the bros call sport. The all new Bomba sports socks are engineered for running, golf, hiking, skiing, snowboarding and myriad other types of athletic engagements. This year I really want to take up hiking in Los Angeles, boldly striding into nature like a confident woodland creature rather than the dainty queen I know I am. These socks cushion exactly where I need it.

[Trixie]

Wick away sweat like a benevolent wizard.

[Mary]

And lock me in so securely I feel emotionally supported. Now onto Quentin Tarantino's favorite genre footwear for everyday resolutions like reorganizing a closet or wandering into a hardware store just to smell the hammers Bombas delivers. The Sherpa Sunday slippers feel like walking on polite, encouraging friends made of clouds and the Friday sandal made with lightweight EVA is perfect for quick errands and dramatic grocery store entrances on Sunset Boulevard. And underneath it all, Bombas underwear and T shirts. Flexible, breathable, buttery, smooth base layers. So good they will make you question your very own existence on this astral plane. And because comfort should ripple outward into the universe, Bombus donates an essential clothing item for every Item you purchase, one purchased, one donated. With over 150 million donations and counting this year, I am not just resolving to do more, I'm resolving to feel incredibly comfortable while doing it. Head over to bombus.com bald and use code bald for 20% off your first purchase. That's B O M B A S.com bald code bald@ checkout this episode of the Bald and the Beautiful is sponsored by ro. Greetings all. It is I, Katya Zamo. As you may or may not know, I am busy. Very busy. Being a singer, comedian, baker, actor, bricklayer, and artisanal mouthwash entrepreneur is exhausting. I wear many hats and apparently none of them come with extra time. So for my 2026 resolution, I am done wasting minutes, moments, seconds, milliseconds, and any other unit of time that is yet to be invented.

[Trixie]

I want to save time like it's.

[Mary]

1929 and I'm burying it in the backyard in a mayonnaise jar. That's why I'm using ro's free Insurance checker because seeking weight loss related healthcare is not just about your body. It's about how you show up at work, in relationships, and in your own mirror.

[Trixie]

It's more than just looks.

[Mary]

It's about overall Health Insurance confusion steals time like a street urchin pickpocket or the famous 18th century pirate Dr. Frank L. Plunderstein IV, Esq. Unlike Dr. Frank Rose, Insurance Checker lets you see which GLP1 medications may be covered by your insurance for free. You simply upload your insurance card and RO takes it from there. No paperwork, no waiting on hold, no insufferable holiday music eating three business days.

[Trixie]

Of your life when you should be.

[Mary]

Pitching your new dark chocolate sea salt mouthwash to investors. RO is ridiculously easy. After you use ro's Insurance Checker, a few days later, you get a clear report telling you what is covered and whether prior authorization may be required.

[Katya]

That's it.

[Mary]

No guessing, no mysteries, no time wasted. Because my time is money and my time is booked in rubles, so the exchange rate is insane. If you choose to move forward, you complete an online medical, visit any needed lab, and qualify based on your health history and provider discretion. Only the checker is free, but the time you save is priceless. Join over 1 million people who have trusted RO to help them stop wasting.

[Trixie]

Time and start using it wisely.

[Mary]

Because in 2026, every minute matters. And I intend to keep every single one like a valiant captain in tight pantaloons protecting his ship from a plundering Pirate. Go to Ro Co Bald for your free insurance check. That's Ro Co Bald to see if your insurance covers GLP1s for free. Go to Roe Co Safety for box warning and full safet information about GLP1 medications.

[Katya]

If you want a home, you need to know about Angie. Because whether you're dealing with daily maintenance, emergency fixes, or even a major renovation, it can be hard to find the right help. Sometimes you don't even know where to start. But Angie's been connecting people with skilled pros for over 30 years, and they've made it easier than ever to get your home projects done well. Angie gives you access to a nationwide network of tradespeople with the right skills, experts in everything from plumbing and landscaping to roofing, remodels, and more. Just bring Angie your project. Answer a few questions and Angie can provide you with nearby pros who match your needs. You can easily read verified reviews, check out photos of past work, and request to compare quotes to find your best price. Which means you could tackle that next home project in just a few taps. So the next time your home needs some tlc, join the millions of homeowners who have used Angie to care for their homes. Download the free Angie app today or visit angie.com. that's a n g I dot com. What did you do for holidays?

[Trixie]

Oh, my God. Let me tell you. So I went to a really gay Christmas party.

[Mary]

Oh.

[Trixie]

And I met the guy. No, no, no, no, no, no. They had. I mean, it's academy. No, no, no. I didn't. It was a white elephant. I didn't bring a gift, so I skipped out before that. But nobody told me. Nobody told me.

[Katya]

Nobody told me I'm in trouble for bringing a host gift. And you wouldn't. Oh, no.

[Trixie]

I did bring my own soda, though. You better believe that, because they had.

[Katya]

That's nice.

[Trixie]

They had a cute thing. They had little, like, you know, wine glasses. And you have name tag, so you can't. You know. You know who to roofie. And so you write your name on the glass and so you don't lose it. So I kept, you know, refilling my Coke, and then I went to water, and I would, like, pretend. I was like, oh, God, it's so strong. And then I was talking to the guy who made your little heads.

[Katya]

Jacob.

[Trixie]

Yeah. No, Sean.

[Katya]

Oh, the Trixie heads. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretty cool.

[Trixie]

Oh, thank God. Because there was a lot of really, like, cool people there. It was like, a very, like, chic crowd.

[Katya]

Luckily, that loser was there is what you're saying. Isn't that awful that Sean, if you're listening, wandered in?

[Trixie]

No, you are a loser.

[Katya]

A flop.

[Trixie]

No, that we had. We, like, sat down right next to the bathroom, and for, like, probably 35 minutes.

[Katya]

Coke. No.

[Trixie]

It was funny because I thought. I was like, we're right by the bathroom. It smelled like. And, like. Because it's a bathroom.

[Katya]

Cocaine makes you.

[Trixie]

Well, right. I was like. People went into the bathroom. Was like. No. Tommy invited me into us into the bathroom to see the color that he painted it. And, like, people are gonna think we're doing cocaine.

[Katya]

Also, no coc Color. There's only seven options.

[Mary]

Like, yes.

[Katya]

Green.

[Trixie]

It was like a. It was like a. A coral orange.

[Mary]

It was actually.

[Trixie]

It was actually cunty.

[Katya]

I thought it was another psychic moment. I had a really good one the other day.

[Trixie]

Well, I told you. Did I tell you about my Grinder one? No, Mary, It.

[Katya]

It's.

[Trixie]

It is kind of. It is. This has happened, like, three times, so I'm doing the Grindr podcast. Had luscious on.

[Katya]

Mary.

[Trixie]

I said three words yeah, Jinx. Hat on. I said two words, right? I asked her a question. She gave me 12 pages of text.

[Katya]

Jinx. How have you been? Well, I was born in 1980. Like.

[Trixie]

Like, that woman is verbose. And thank God, because some of the other guests were not. Not so forthcoming with their words. But the. So I was talking about. We're talking about.

[Katya]

I forget.

[Trixie]

I was talking to. Anyways, I talked about getting a sexy massage by two guys.

[Katya]

Okay.

[Trixie]

And then I talked about.

[Mary]

Later.

[Trixie]

I asked them if I could pay them to watch them have sex.

[Katya]

Oh, okay.

[Trixie]

Do it. Like a voyeuristic thing. Like. And they were like, oh, yeah, of course. Wonderful. And I had a great time. But then I was like, oh, I kind of felt like I want to get directorial. And then I was like, that's kind of weird. I go back after the interview. I go back to the back room in my phone. I check my phone. I got a text from them, and I hadn't received any communication from them since June. And I'm talking to the minute, at least to the 10 minute mark. The moment I told that story, more or less, give or take 10 minutes, they texted me. That's crazy. I mean, it's not crazy, but it's.

[Katya]

Like, that's a. I had a weird thing just yesterday. I called Mateo. Mateo had a medical event. I don't want to overzealous tea, but I called and said, are you okay? I just had a feeling to call you. And he was like, how did you know Mary? And then I was at my rheumatologist last week, and I had a dream that she was getting married. I went to the rheumatologist, and she was like, yeah. I said, are you getting married? She said, yeah. How did you know that? I said, I.

[Trixie]

Maybe she told me. My brain remembered a giant, sparkling engagement ring.

[Katya]

Oh, she was in a wedding gown. Sorry. It was at her wedding.

[Trixie]

I saw her drive the car with cans dragging. You were driving behind her the whole.

[Katya]

Time, by the way, I have to spill some real tea. Do people know that this room becomes Kelly Mantle's podcast? Can I spill the tea? You guys, There's. I was watching Kelly's clip because a certain guest was. Went viral on there, and I had.

[Trixie]

To watch Alyssa Milano.

[Katya]

It was me. And do you guys don't know purple curtains pull closed and they bring in Kelly's milk crate or whatever she does. She just. They bring in her trough. And miss Kelly gets.

[Mary]

She.

[Trixie]

You know, they give her a quarter G. Yeah, they pump.

[Katya]

No, it's like, saw. They have a toilet with, like, a saw and a handcuff.

[Trixie]

They chain her to the desk.

[Katya]

Yes, and they chain her to the desk. Love, Kelly. Love, Kelly.

[Mary]

Wait, wait.

[Trixie]

Okay, let me play my list.

[Mary]

Not done.

[Trixie]

Okay. This is a big. Oh, baby.

[Katya]

Baby. What?

[Trixie]

I not. I want to talk to you about some good. Have you heard the good news? Have you heard the good news? There was.

[Katya]

Sorry, this phone. I'm just going to silence this before I hear the good news. Okay.

[Mary]

I have to silence mine, too, because a lot of people calling me, too.

[Trixie]

I get a lot of calls. I get a lot of calls. So mold, right? Moisture. It famously rained so much in LA recently, it was so bad, the LA river became a river.

[Katya]

Yeah, my guest house was leaking like. Like I'm out there changing towels on the floor like a. Like a maxi pad.

[Trixie]

Like, mama, let me tell you what I was doing. Okay, first of all, don't ever get a moisture reader if you are not a contractor, a carpenter, some kind of professional person who does work or deal with wood, drywall, moisture building, whatever. Because what I did is, like, they have a setting for drywall, hardwood, softwood, and masonry. So you.

[Mary]

You.

[Trixie]

You press it against the thing, and it would, like, give you a reading of, like, it's dry or wet. If I put it, like, on. You know, if we just put it on, like, a puddle in the floor, it'll go like, oh, wow. I did that.

[Katya]

I didn't even know that existed.

[Trixie]

Oh, yeah, yeah. There's one with pins you can stick them in. And then there's one that, like, it's more professional. Costs like 300 bucks. Girl, ask me why. I saw some bubbling, some definite water damage, like a small patch. So I went apeshit. That read a little like it dinged. Then I went down, it dinged again. Every fucking corner of every room dinged red. I was like, well, there's water in my whole condo. On every floor, in every room.

[Katya]

Are you in the top level?

[Trixie]

Well, there's three levels. It's the three.

[Katya]

It's the town. Oh, it's a townhouse. Okay, Sorry.

[Trixie]

So I'm like, well. Well, it's over. Like, we're back to. Not even back to square one. We're worse than we were in the beginning. My contractor comes over. He's like, yeah, those corners are metal. That ding is dinging metal. That's not moisture, you fucking idiot. He didn't say that, but I was.

[Katya]

Like, what a relief. Bruno, is that bad? Mary? That's good, right?

[Trixie]

It's the best Thing that's ever happened to me. Better than Drag Race. I was like. I was like. My eyes went.

[Mary]

I almost wanted. I just. Do you want a blowjob?

[Trixie]

Do you want to see?

[Katya]

Finally. Yeah.

[Trixie]

I was like. I could not believe the relief. Do you know, I felt so stupid. But the relief was like overshadowed the stupidity.

[Katya]

I had a similar good thing which is my condo. Well, I don't say the dress. Damn.

[Trixie]

Yeah.

[Katya]

My condo where we film YouTube which is located. Drop a pin. Nick knows it has. When it's rain sometimes leaked in the closet. The closet's leak. Which means my drag gets wet. All my equipment for camera equipment gets wet.

[Trixie]

Love that.

[Katya]

And I had the. I've had the ceiling the top sealed probably five times.

[Trixie]

Yeah.

[Katya]

And this time I went over there being like, here we go. I'm gonna get the phone number ready because I know it's gonna be a swimming pool in there. Nothing leaked. I think it finally found the leaks and sealed it. So similar success because with the rain I immediately was just like, well, we're gonna be swimming.

[Trixie]

Yeah. Oh yeah.

[Katya]

It's Waterworld.

[Trixie]

Kevin Costner I. But they're.

[Mary]

They.

[Trixie]

They're doing the deck. So we. There were.

[Katya]

Mary, Can I say you're for Mass? I'm for wis. You? Why not?

[Trixie]

We know about weather.

[Katya]

Why not just make it so that if it rains in LA nothing leaks? Why not just do it?

[Trixie]

We know about weather. We drive in 12ft of snow.

[Katya]

Right. Why not just make sure the roof does this a little bit? Yeah, why not just make sure. Why is everything LA flat? So water can just pool.

[Trixie]

Yeah, I. Hurricane Bob, she. She got us. Yeah, she got us. But that was a hurricane.

[Katya]

Right?

[Trixie]

Hurricanes drop trees in your house, that sucks. Tornadoes in the Midwest, but Ms. Rain, Ms. Snow unfazed. What about London where it rains every single fucking day?

[Katya]

Every day. But that's what I mean. I know it doesn't quite rain in la, but it could and it does. And so why is every roof not just flat, but a divot harder to collect? What is going on?

[Trixie]

Andrew and I got a new stud studio. When we drive in, they had me. They were like, oh, she can't park there because it's flooding the restaurant downstairs. Because I was. I parked and it was just like you said, a divot. The restaurant's flooded, the restaurant's leaking because there's a pool right above it on a concave driveway. I'm like, what is wrong with you people fix it.

[Katya]

And like, where are the. Where are the belts for this? Like where are.

[Trixie]

But, Mary, this. This is the only time I really wish I had a reality show. Because when after I did the moisture thing, they had put a tarp. Like, they had done a very nice job of putting a plastic tarp on the deck. But that day was pouring all fucking day.

[Katya]

It was bad.

[Trixie]

And there was.

[Katya]

And all night.

[Mary]

Yes.

[Trixie]

And there was some. There was some actual visible water damage in the studio in four spots. I'm like, well, it's over. You know what I do? I go up there with two brooms. I start sweeping the water to the drain.

[Katya]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Trixie]

Then I get a wet vac. Then I got a wet back. Borrow Patrick's wet back. Mary. It was so embarrassing because I was soaking wet. It was like trying to blow dry your hair in the shower. You know what I mean?

[Katya]

It feels very. The Notebook when she's all wet. Why didn't you write me? Like, I don't know, but I didn't.

[Trixie]

Have hard, hard nipples. I'm not.

[Katya]

You know what I mean?

[Trixie]

It was like, love the Notebook, but I was like. Like, in my mind, I was like, okay, it's going to be like. It's gonna get that thick. It's gonna just. The whole roof is gonna fall down.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Trixie]

And it didn't.

[Katya]

It didn't. Thank God.

[Trixie]

And I would love to believe that had something to do with me wet vacuing.

[Katya]

I think you did it.

[Trixie]

Yeah, let's say that. Yeah. I am humiliating.

[Katya]

All this time off for holidays. Well, you know, because I didn't go to Wisconsin this year. I have guests. Which, by the way, at this stage of my life, having house guests is so much better than being a house guest. Like, I love. Is it hosting? I love cooking for people. Oh, my God. I' it. Every night I love to shower and wake up, say good morning to everybody.

[Trixie]

Hot cough in the morning.

[Katya]

One night I made lasagna. One day I made pot pies. And then I just made pancakes for breakfast yesterday.

[Trixie]

Incredible.

[Katya]

I like to. Because it's more. Most recipes are for more than two people, so it's kind of nice to be like, let's do it, and all this food will be eaten.

[Trixie]

Imagine if you did, like, a whole spread and you just ate it yourself before everybody.

[Katya]

Of course. Hiding food for myself.

[Trixie]

Breakfast was amazing, guys.

[Katya]

What do you all eat? Sometimes I find candy in the house that I put away for myself like a squirrel. And I'm like, oh, work.

[Mary]

That's okay.

[Katya]

It's okay.

[Trixie]

It's a little treats.

[Katya]

Yes. And it's Fun to have house guests. It's fun to. You know, my house is all Christmas doubt too, so I was like, let's do. Let's do it. But, you know, I get overstimulated. So I've been after a nice long group social day. I'll be like, I'll go to bed at 10 and read my book. You know, it's nice to decompress before you go to bed.

[Trixie]

No screens.

[Katya]

No screens. But I've been reading this book called Mr. Magic.

[Trixie]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katya]

That is creeping me the out girl.

[Trixie]

I gotta read this.

[Katya]

I just started, so I don't know what happened, so I can't spoil. I'm gonna read. It's about this 90s. I don't know if it's 90s. Yeah. It's about a kids show, a retro, vintage kids show that everybody has seen, but nobody online and nobody who's seen it has any real memory of, like, who's on it or what have you happens. And then all the kids who starred in it are having a reunion in their, like, 30s, and none of them can remember being on it. And it's creeping me out. I don't know what it is, but something about.

[Trixie]

It's a great premise.

[Katya]

Yeah, because what is that? That's like. What'd you call it?

[Trixie]

No, the Mandela effect is where you.

[Katya]

Like, think a logo is something and it's not like that stage of your life. I have so many memories of TV shows but don't remember what it was.

[Trixie]

The Streisand effect is when you try to get people to not look at something and they do. Right. Listen, why is it called the str? Because she famous. She has this giant mansion. She's like, no, don't photograph my huge mansion. Of course, everybody photographs the mansion to.

[Katya]

See, like, Google Earth.

[Trixie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katya]

That's why it's called the Strand effect.

[Trixie]

Yeah.

[Katya]

All of a sudden, something nobody was looking for.

[Trixie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it says, you know, from the person who has a mall in their.

[Katya]

Basement, you know, makes me think of social media posts that piss me off so bad that it's like, don't look. Don't zoom into the left corner. And then you zoom in and it's like, don't read the description. Got you, you, Mary. Every time I throw my losing iPhone. Exactly. Straight in the pool. Straight in the water. That's pooling on top of my house.

[Trixie]

We need to go to the computer store. Yeah. Oh, wait, I can't. I'm saving it for the next Episode. Are we doing two? I got a good one.

[Katya]

Yeah, let's do it.

[Trixie]

Wait, hold on. Spilled a bottle of silicone lube. A bottle with the cap.

[Katya]

This is literally like a terminal diagnosis. You know this.

[Trixie]

So you got, you've got. You've got a death in the family. You've got your whole family died. Brother, sister.

[Katya]

Wow. Yeah.

[Trixie]

Dead, gone. And then, then you have, you know, like a world war and then you have silicone lube in the. In a whole bottle.

[Katya]

Remember when you said your nephew was like, splish, splash, taking a bath, skating in your house.

[Trixie]

On it, baby. That was the other house. And now the horror continues. It follows.

[Katya]

Why are you using silicone lubricant?

[Trixie]

Because I have a weenie that is so dry.

[Katya]

But water's hydrating water lubricant is better.

[Trixie]

It's so.

[Katya]

But it washes off. I hate the feeling of silicone on your, like, taint.

[Trixie]

Oh, see, I love the feeling of silicone. If I could. If I had a sex dungeon, which I definitely don't, I would like have a. You know when. If I was like Epstein island or whatever, I would like have adults come over and who wanted to and then we would like just roll around in like silicone lube kiddie pools or waterbeds or whatever the.

[Katya]

Okay.

[Trixie]

I love it. I love the. It's so. And you can do it in the shower. Cuz I have that wonderful shower that I can have sex in.

[Katya]

Right, but you can have sex in.

[Trixie]

Any shower but mine. You can have sex with like four people.

[Katya]

Oh, do you like group sex?

[Trixie]

No, I don't either, but I love the option. Like, or we can just shift because we have like the one thing and then the, you know, all the different.

[Katya]

I like have. No, I had a lot of group sex when I was younger.

[Mary]

Really?

[Katya]

I've had a lot of three ways and four ways. Ways, not orgy.

[Trixie]

Okay.

[Katya]

Not showing up at a sex party, none of that.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya]

Good for you.

[Trixie]

Yeah. Me, I was with them. Oh, sorry.

[Katya]

I've been a third or had thirds many times and four ways and all that. And it's very much at this stage of my life, completely unappealing to me.

[Trixie]

Yeah, it's not for me. I'm also not like, you know, devastatingly hot. So like, I worked with this model at the grinder thing and I was like, what are you doing? What are you doing tonight? He's like, I'm going to orgy. And I was like a fear.

[Katya]

I think you should have sex with fans. I think it always Goes well. Yeah. Wait.

[Trixie]

I hope it's not. He won't care. I found the white whale. Is it the white whale? Something you've been looking for?

[Katya]

Brendan Frazier. Oh, my God.

[Mary]

Oh, my God.

[Katya]

You were jorking your penny and it's.

[Trixie]

Like Brendan Fraser had a heart attack and then he floated.

[Katya]

Heaven. The floating is not the white whale. The white whale.

[Trixie]

The white whale. Oh, him for the whale. Not him. Darren Arowski. I. So this is personal, but I won't mention the name. I hook up with this person on Grindr.

[Katya]

That's anonymous. Enough. I'm sorry. Off. If you listen to us and you're like, that was me. You weren't named.

[Trixie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Katya]

Shut up.

[Trixie]

His name was Bob Nelson.

[Katya]

No. What are we supposed to get on here and be like, I had some food from a restaurant with someone.

[Trixie]

It tasted relatively delicious. Yeah. No, he just wanted to have his ass eaten.

[Katya]

Okay.

[Mary]

Okay.

[Trixie]

So that is too good to be.

[Katya]

True for me, right?

[Trixie]

Because that is my favorite sexual activity to. To do. To perform. And usually what happens when a bottom says that is that they. When they say they like having their ass eaten, it's kind of like, yeah, eat my ass. And then me.

[Katya]

Right?

[Trixie]

And it's. They like it, but I feel like they're kind of overselling their enthusiasm a little bit because they want to get railed sometimes, you know?

[Katya]

Also, like, love getting your assay. But it's not a 40 minute activity, baby. Unless it is, sweetie, darling, I.

[Mary]

My tongue is still sore.

[Trixie]

Four days ago. So let me.

[Katya]

Let me.

[Trixie]

Let me just tell you. Let me tell you.

[Katya]

He.

[Trixie]

It was incredible. He was not a tweaker.

[Katya]

Wow.

[Trixie]

Not. He just. Just a little bit of pumpers.

[Katya]

A little bit. But you know who's. You know who. Who champions when the extreme sex activities.

[Mary]

When the sober people.

[Trixie]

Well, yeah, because they have to.

[Katya]

People in the program. They're the one doing the groups.

[Trixie]

I was at the dinner.

[Katya]

Yeah, I was at the dinner with.

[Trixie]

The guys who came from Berghain.

[Katya]

Hello.

[Trixie]

Thank you.

[Katya]

Diapers.

[Trixie]

So anyways, comes over. I mean, the pictures don't do them justice. The booty is like. I was like. I was like at the. You know, at the Louvre, like, Like just admiring. I ate his ass for two hours.

[Katya]

Wow.

[Trixie]

But I didn't. I have. I didn't have poppers because I don't do hoppers. I don't like because I take Viagra and it's like, you can't. So.

[Katya]

But I ran a fierce. Way to go, though.

[Trixie]

Of course, Bloodshot.

[Katya]

She died doing what she loved.

[Trixie]

Well, I didn't know. Like he mentioned poppers. I was like, I don't have any. He was so good. I ran out the house in my slides and my little short shorts and a tank top to the smoke shop. They were closed. Ran up the street to another smoke shop to get him.

[Katya]

Not you stopping the sex to do Instacart Mary.

[Trixie]

My own. I didn't drive. I ran in my slides.

[Katya]

He was you lock Emil. She had the emul Mary.

[Trixie]

And then it was worth it because it. He truly enjoyed it. And I'm not to be gross. His was not just clean. It wasn't just like a fresh skin.

[Katya]

It was scotch guarded.

[Trixie]

It was beautiful and swiffered. It tasted good, right? It's like he sugared the rim or something.

[Katya]

Well, that's the teriyaki.

[Trixie]

That's the A1.

[Katya]

Umami.

[Trixie]

It's the A1. Wait, is it.

[Katya]

Do you guys take that?

[Trixie]

I know.

[Katya]

Honestly, I hope this person's not embarrassed, cuz this story makes them sound like a star. Mama.

[Trixie]

And guess what? Walked to my house. Lives close enough to walk.

[Katya]

Maybe you can do it again.

[Trixie]

Are you joking? I'm just waiting for the tongue frenulum to heal.

[Katya]

I think that's a wrap. I think.

[Trixie]

No, no, no, no, wait. I'm not done.

[Katya]

Okay.

[Trixie]

It was like imagine Monica Bellucci or Angelina Jolie's lips. Blistex. Every day in Hawaii. So hydrated, so moist, so supple.

[Katya]

Butthole looked like.

[Trixie]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just the feeling. Imagine kissing those beautiful woman.

[Katya]

Detox. His butthole looked like Detox slips.

[Trixie]

No, no, it was just. It was. It was. I. I thought every like few minutes I was like, this is gonna. This is too good to be true. He's gonna like lose interest or whatever.

[Katya]

Is he robbing me? You keep one eye on your wall. Like, hello, Mary.

[Trixie]

He was in my bed. He didn't even move from the bed when I. When I went on my little errand.

[Katya]

Boop. You left him in your house?

[Mary]

I sure did.

[Trixie]

Because I knew he was trustworthy.

[Katya]

What's he gonna take?

[Trixie]

Mary?

[Katya]

Oh, my. Taxidermy. What the.

[Trixie]

Which cliffhanger? Next episode. You're gonna love that.

[Katya]

Okay, love that. Let's stop it there, you guys. Thank you. Why are we saying thank you? Ew. Bye. Ew. Ew.

[Trixie]

Thank you for what?

[Guest Announcer]

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[Katya]

Experian.