This One Goes Out to All the Buttholes with Trixie and Katya

Summary

The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya

Episode: "This One Goes Out to All the Buttholes with Trixie and Katya"
Date: February 24, 2026

---

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is a riotous, unfiltered conversation revolving around the joys and indignities of queer life, physical (and emotional) buttholes, anxiety, surviving LA nightlife, medical misadventures, and the power (and perils) of snacks and drag tours. Trixie and Katya (joined for much of the show by Michelle Visage and Ross Mathews) deploy their signature blend of gallows humor and honesty as they spiral through stories about butt surgery, anxiety, being “blown out” in both literal and metaphorical ways, LA gay nightlife, the power of drag queens, home decor, snack opinions, and the importance of showing up for yourself—even when you’re in the midst of a post-op Miralax haze.

---

Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bodily Realness and Butt Drama

• Rectal surgery confession: Michelle recounts her experience with pelvic floor dysfunction, external thrombosed hemorrhoids, and post-surgical indignities—pain, panic, and even a scratched cornea from anesthesia.

  • Quote: "All of the muscles in this area have been so tense from the panic and anxiety that nothing is flowing." – Michelle (03:44)
  • Quote: "The pain was so bad. I could feel my heartbeat in [it]." – Michelle (04:30)

• Demystifying the stigma: They stress the importance of talking openly about such issues, especially given how common rectal/fissure/fistula problems are in the queer community.

  • Quote: "If I can't demystify the stigma surrounding rectal surgeries, then I'm not doing my job." – Michelle (04:08)

• Pain & healing: Michelle describes healing, screaming in pain on the first bathroom visit, and the subsequent flood of relatable responses from listeners and friends.

  Timestamp: Surgery confessions and healing: [02:45 - 08:50]

---

2. Mental Health, Anxiety, and The Cycle of Gay Suffering

• Candid conversation on anxiety: Both hosts share their lifelong struggles with anxiety—from childhood to present. Ross describes debilitating nighttime anxiety until his 20s, while Michelle reveals recent “capital D Debilitating” panic.

  • Quote: "A constant hum of undeniable, unavoidable capital-A Anxiety." – Ross (13:08)
  • Quote: "Waking up 6, 7, wide awake, freaked out, literally like Gary Busey, eyes open." – Michelle (10:01)

• Coping skills: They talk about therapy, anti-anxiety meds, creative outlets, meditation, stretching, and even inversion tables as means of self-care and grounding.

  • Quote: "I want you to sit, not think." – Ross (11:37)

• The feedback loop: They unpack the self-critical cycle—knowing your fears are irrational, then “beating yourself up for being stuck in imagined scenarios.”

  • Quote: "The level of your discomfort can be measured by the degree to which you are in opposition to what is happening." – Ross (14:39)

  Timestamp: Anxiety, mental health, and coping: [08:50 - 16:30]

---

3. Gay Nightlife, LA Bars, and Party Culture

• Nightlife critiques: The Plaza gets roasted for its slow bar service and live-for-the-aesthetic vibe. Trixie and Katya muse on how LA gays “don’t even drink anymore—don’t they do pills?”

• Drug stories: Recounting past club nights, odd party drug encounters (including “Chinese Viagra” pills melted in a hot tub), and the weirdness of gay party vernacular.

  • Quote: "Do the gays even drink anymore? Don't they do pills?" – Michelle (17:19)
  • Quote: "I don't do crack, but I say that all the time too... I use it as a catch-all for hardcore drugs." – Ross (20:00)

  Timestamp: Nightlife and party drug reminiscing: [16:50 - 21:30]

---

4. Value of Snacks: Taco Deals, Chips, and Girl Scout Cookies

• Food value rants: Delta Work’s refusal to pay $18 for Carl’s Jr. spurs a comparison to generous taco deals. Tacos, tequila, and favorite LA Mexican spots are discussed as essential food groups.

• Snack snobbery: The hosts delight in niche snack opinions—Sun Chips (harvest cheddar), Crunchy Cheetos, classic Doritos get their flowers, while Cool Ranch Doritos and ranch in general are reviled.

  • Quote: "Cool Ranch Doritos... tastes like used floss." – Ross (61:22)

• Girl Scout cookies: Michelle muses about the evolution of cookie sales, the superiority of the girls’ cookies over the boys’ seeds and popcorn, and nostalgia for door-to-door sales.

  Timestamp: Fast food, taco deals, chips, and snack opinions: [23:30 - 25:50]; chips specifically: [60:13 - 62:13]; Girl Scout segment: [54:54 - 56:46]

---

5. Drag Excellence: Serpents Tour and Costume Chat

• Serpents Tour recap: Michelle raves about seeing Plastique Tiara and Nymphia Wind’s live tour—a drag spectacle with enormous production value, dancing, costumes, sword fighting, and even a VIP section packed with Drag Race royalty.

  • Notable Moment: Michelle estimates up to 20-25 dancers on stage at times, lauds both queens’ production value, and how the show is “the best Gaga number I’ve ever seen” ([40:08])

• Costume and sewing geekery: Ross describes secret “fetish costume” sewing and the joy of keeping some creative hobbies strictly private.

  • Quote: "How do I conceal it? How do I keep it for me?" – Ross (46:45)

• Drag aspirations: Both are awed (and a little intimidated) by the new generation’s drag perfection—Plastique’s “command of a fan,” Nymphia’s self-made costumes, and their own feelings of being “porny” or “wheeled out in a glass case like Snow White.”

  Timestamp: Serpents Tour and drag discussion: [35:38 - 44:43]

---

6. Home Decor, Domestic Life, and Champagne Problems

• Home love and loathing: Michelle revels in post-renovation home bliss, while Ross gripes about a townhouse he hates, unraveling over the cost and effort required to make it “move-out ready.”

  • Quote: "Every day that I wake up, I hate this fucking place that I'm at now." – Ross (49:57)

• Bathroom luxury tips: Do NOT decorate bathrooms like bathrooms—no bath mats, shower curtains, or bathroomy items; use rugs, art, and drapes instead.

• Natural light debate: Trixie and Katya go back and forth on the merits of open curtains and fresh air.

• Domestic nostalgia: Both recall odd food trucks, and the thrill when the Swanson frozen truck or Girl Scouts came around.

  Timestamp: Home discussion: [47:08 - 53:38], bathroom decor at [51:07], light and domestic quirks [51:58 - 54:54]

---

7. Culture Chatter: Super Bowl, Bad Bunny, Reality TV

• Super Bowl as a queer event: A dozen gays, only there for Bad Bunny. Ross and Michelle critique (and idolize) Bad Bunny’s dorky/hot aesthetic, flighty right-wing outrage, and the brilliance of music that’s not in English.

  • Quote: "Every time Bad Bunny turned around with the football, I thought he was holding a baby." – Michelle (63:04)

• Reality TV addiction: References to 90 Day Fiancé, Love is Blind, K1 visas, and poly throuples.

  • Quote: "Children are not a solution, they're a complication." – Ross (66:04)

• Pop culture snark: Drag Race, laundry lists of favorite queens at Serpents Tour, and an urge for drag queens to have shorter shows.

  Timestamp: Pop culture and Super Bowl: [58:20 - 65:50]; Reality TV and closing: [65:18 - 66:13]

---

8. Listener Reviews & Closing Banter

• Uplifting reviews (“Skinny Legends…more vital than oxygen”) get read before classic bickering over sponsors, money, and who gets paid more.

  • Quote: "This is my antidepressant. Who needs an SSRI when you get these legends?" – Listener, Mystery Mock ([66:27])

• Weaponized closing: "We're gonna begin to wind down now, so, listeners, please unhook the clamps from your nipples." – Ross (66:14)

  Timestamp: Listener reviews and wind-down: [66:27 - end]

---

Notable Quotes

• Michelle, on her post-surgical ordeal:
  "I'm three weeks out. The doctor said I'm 75% healed. I'm doing good. Oh, baby...But if you can avoid having to have that surgery, I really, really, really, really would recommend it." (07:39)
• Ross, on anxiety:
  "I want to hear more about your busted up behind. I had to get surgery on your...where? On my butt." (03:05)
• Ross, summing up the modern LA gay bar:
  "Do the gays even drink anymore? Don't they do pills?" (17:19)
• Michelle, on Cool Ranch Doritos:
  "I can't stand it...Do you want some Doritos? Yes, I do. They're Cool Ranch. Instant disappointment." (61:15)

---

Structure & Flow

• Starts with body-related humor and medical confessions → segues into deep discussion on anxiety and mental health → roasts LA nightlife and party drugs → launches into food rants and snack opinions → rejoices in drag performance excellence with Serpents Tour recap → shifts to home decoration and living space woes/loves → closes on pop culture moments and heartwarming/funny listener feedback.
• The tone alternates seamlessly between camp, sincerity, vulnerability, and downright filth—in classic Trixie & Katya fashion.

---

If You Just Want the Highlights...

• Butt stuff isn’t taboo—everyone’s hole has a story.
• Anxiety is universal, and even queens have Meltdowns.
• Gay nightlife is now about the aesthetic and the (sometimes questionable) substances.
• Drag excellence is alive—Serpents Tour is a must-see, with costumes and performances that shame the old guard.
• Your home should make you cry tears of joy—not rage.
• Never trust Cool Ranch Doritos.
• Bad Bunny owns the Super Bowl halftime, even if you think he’s holding a baby instead of a football.
• Life is better when you overshare your trauma and snack preferences.

---

Transcript

[Michelle Visage]

Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Squarespace. Let's say you love photography and you get a few friends to ask you to shoot their wedding or a birthday or a special corporate event. Suddenly you're kind of a freelance photographer. Now what? Now the word of mouth thing only gets you so far. But when you tell somebody, tells somebody about your business, they're going to go look for you on the Internet. They're going to want to see your work. This is where I see Squarespace for you. Okay? You can build it yourself, you can update, change out the photos. You can add different tabs. You can add ways for people to engage with you, conn with you. Like I said, there's so many ways to support your business with Squarespace, but there's so many other things to do with a website. Truly, what if all you want to do is just have a blog? This is a fabulous place to start. Normalize being a content creator for your own human enjoyment. Go over to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to Launch, go to squarespace.comball to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. If you're tackling a home project, check out angie.com from roofing to remodels and everything in between, Angie connects you with skilled pros who do such a good job, you might trust them to do other things like pull out your tooth or be your kid's godfather. Well, don't ask them to do these things. Just let them get the job done. Well, Angie the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find a pro for your [e-mail] that's a n g I.com this podcast is

[Ross Mathews]

supported by FX's love story, John F. Kennedy Jr. And Carolyn Bessette. The new limited series from executive producer Ryan Murphy. It explores the complex courtship of the iconic couple considered to be American royalty, whose love story captured the attention of the nation. Their fairy tale romance would unfold in front of the public eye, where their private love would also become a national obsession. FX's love story John F. Kennedy Jr. And Carolyn Bissette. Watch now on FX. Hulu and Hulu on Disney for bundle subscribers.

[Michelle Visage]

Oh, I have the TikTok about something. I have.

[Ross Mathews]

Let's talk about it later.

[Michelle Visage]

I have entered a vicious. So I wasn't drinking for probably months.

[Ross Mathews]

I got to check my teeth.

[Michelle Visage]

I wasn't drinking for like one or two months and I just was getting wild and starting again. And it's Created a vicious cycle of having one or two drinks and ordering a thin crust pizza from Domino's.

[Ross Mathews]

Oh, you got to get into better pizza.

[Michelle Visage]

Thin crust Domino's with just.

[Ross Mathews]

I know. Who are you talking to?

[Michelle Visage]

And it gives me either diarrhea or completely stopped up. There is no middle. And it's a surprise every time. Okay,

[Ross Mathews]

will I shit my brains out or not do it for a week.

[Michelle Visage]

Can we just get something else out of the way? I did have rectal surgery and we didn't talk about it on the podcast. Well, if not, does anyone want to hear about it?

[Ross Mathews]

If not now, did we already talk about it?

[Michelle Visage]

Nick just started shaking his head.

[Ross Mathews]

It doesn't matter if we have already discussed it. We're going to discuss it once again.

[Michelle Visage]

So some.

[Ross Mathews]

We've discussed it plenty.

[Michelle Visage]

Okay.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah. Ad nauseam. In fact.

[Michelle Visage]

Is it too much?

[Ross Mathews]

I don't think it's. I don't think it's enough. Please continue. I want to hear more about your busted up behind. I had to get surgery on your.

[Michelle Visage]

Where? On my butt.

[Ross Mathews]

On your butt.

[Michelle Visage]

Because my pelvic floor dysfunction has gotten so bad that I was having all those problems peeing and all those problems pooping.

[Ross Mathews]

So basically. But to be quite specific. So it should be in her car or her. Her. Her boyfriend's car and she would just. Or piss.

[Michelle Visage]

That's not true. That didn't happen.

[Ross Mathews]

Well, then why did you have to go to the public floor doctor? I thought it was because you were spontaneously pissing and yourself.

[Michelle Visage]

No.

[Guest or Producer]

In public.

[Michelle Visage]

Locked.

[Ross Mathews]

So you weren't able to.

[Michelle Visage]

Things were getting locked. I was peeing 20 times a day. A tablespoon at a time.

[Guest or Producer]

Ew.

[Michelle Visage]

It was awful.

[Ross Mathews]

Why a tablespoon?

[Michelle Visage]

My body was retaining urine. All of the muscles in this area have been so tense from the panic and anxiety that nothing is flowing. Okay.

[Ross Mathews]

It queen.

[Michelle Visage]

So finally I just. I don't even know. You know what? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It matters a lot. If I can't tell these people about this.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

If I can't demystify the stigma.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

Surrounding rectal surgeries.

[Ross Mathews]

What the.

[Michelle Visage]

Then I'm not doing with the stigma. If I'm not, then I'm not doing my job. So I will bore.

[Ross Mathews]

Do due diligence. Due due diligence.

[Michelle Visage]

I won't give everybody all the details.

[Ross Mathews]

Actually. I want them all. And I am everybody. So spill it.

[Michelle Visage]

So I got a bad, huge, painful external thrombosed hemorrhoid.

[Ross Mathews]

Okay, that is disgusting.

[Michelle Visage]

And the pain was so bad. I could feel my heartbeat in. Was awful. Go to the doctor. And the doctor goes, yeah, this would have never resolved on its own. You have to have surgery. So he calls for surgery a week later. So again, let me tell you the levels. First of all, all of my medicine I'm on for my ankylosing spondylitis, which is an inflammatory disorder. I have to stop taking those for surgery. So all my arthritis comes rocketing.

[Ross Mathews]

So you're the wicked witch.

[Michelle Visage]

Full body, inflammation, fever, like, everything. My knees, everything. So all my arthritis hits hard. And then they did not tell me about this, but apparently this is, like, one of the most common complications when being put under.

[Ross Mathews]

Death. Oh, no.

[Michelle Visage]

So I have too much panic and anxiety. I'm in the doctor with the paper thing on the paper gown. I probably waited for an hour before I got put under. Cried the whole time. Cried the whole time. Cried so bad. They called my boyfriend to come sit by me, and I just cried tears. Big, fat tears. Rolling, couldn't stop because I'm so scared of being put under. I don't know, panic and anxiety. So they don't tell you this. One of the most common complications is that while you're under anesthesia.

[Ross Mathews]

Oh, they nick the core cornea.

[Michelle Visage]

They can abraise your cornea. So I guess I was face down

[Ross Mathews]

because their ass is too fat.

[Michelle Visage]

And my eye was open and got scratched. So not only do I have I go home from this surgery, like, there's so much bandage wrapped all the way around me. My butt is mailboxes, et cetera. It is basically taped shut with packaging everywhere. And they said, you're gonna want to just keep this on for, like, a full day. Try not to go to the bathroom if you can. Great, great.

[Ross Mathews]

Try not to go to the bathroom.

[Michelle Visage]

And I'm coming out of anesthesia. I go, I can't see my eyes. Scratched. I know what it feels like to have a scratched eye. I was like, I scratched. Apparently, it's super common. They have to tape your eye shut. I don't think my eyes were taped shut. It was awful. So I'm pissed because obviously I just had my butthole cut open.

[Ross Mathews]

You can't go to the bathroom. You can't see.

[Michelle Visage]

Can't see. So I'm just laying on the couch, and they give me pain pills, which I hate. Hate pain.

[Ross Mathews]

Also the pain that's gonna, like, stop you up more. Even more.

[Michelle Visage]

So I'm taking maybe 6 gallons of Miralax a day to make sure everything is good. Because when that area is Healing. You can't be pressing, right. Everything has to come out smooth and easy.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah. Which has never happened a day in your life.

[Michelle Visage]

So I'm trying to. I'm trying to heal myself and heal the world. So my boyfriend's never seen All Stars 2. And I said, you know, if you want to see Katya really amazing on Drag Race, you gotta watch this. So we put on episode one, the Talent show. And I'm waiting to rewatch the whole thing. Cause I want us to watch it together. But I just wanted to watch one episode to show my boyfriend. I take a picture and I'm on pain pills. I take a picture of the TV with like, you doing, like, gymnastics. And I put on my story. And after I put it on the story, I realized there's a huge jug of Miralax on the table. So people probably think I'm just sitting home, blown ass, watching RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars 2.

[Ross Mathews]

I'm stopped up. So what do I do? I put on the RuPaul show and I drink a gallon of Miralax.

[Michelle Visage]

Miralax? Yep. Isn't that crazy? I watch TV and have mere lax.

[Ross Mathews]

Gotta shit myself so bad.

[Michelle Visage]

But anyway, I'm three weeks out. The doctor said I'm 75% healed. I'm doing good. Oh, baby.

[Ross Mathews]

Can we get a round of applause for her blown out booty hole?

[Michelle Visage]

Good. But if you can avoid having to have that surgery, I really, really, really, really would recommend it. And the first time I went to the bathroom, screaming, screaming blood, not pain.

[Ross Mathews]

Mother, father, mother, brother, sister, gone, gone.

[Michelle Visage]

The whole area is so swollen.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

That you're like scared to go to the bathroom.

[Ross Mathews]

I've never been scared to go to the bathroom.

[Michelle Visage]

It was so bad.

[Ross Mathews]

That's tough.

[Michelle Visage]

But I'm. I'm healing now.

[Ross Mathews]

Well, congratulations. That is not.

[Michelle Visage]

Take seven to eight little bird baths my butt every day. And then have to add lotions and potions.

[Ross Mathews]

I heard about that because a lot of friends of mine have they get their holes blown out.

[Michelle Visage]

But I will say, ever since I started talking about this and the on this, people have come forward. Number of gay men who've reached out and said, can I have the number for your proctologist? I have fissures. Yeah. Fistulas, fissures. The girls all have pain. Secret, private, torn apart holes. Yeah. And don't they need a referral?

[Ross Mathews]

They're blown out, they're in trouble, fags are hurting.

[Michelle Visage]

And I don't like being put under. It's scary. Everything about it scares Me.

[Ross Mathews]

We talked about this before. Because I listened to it.

[Michelle Visage]

But they did.

[Ross Mathews]

Oh, no, no, no, no. Just this point. I'm about to say, like the. I'm. I think that it's. So what you're describing is anxiety. Like there's fear. Like I'm afraid of a tiger that's about to pounce on me. And like, your body has a response to it.

[Michelle Visage]

Right.

[Ross Mathews]

But like, anxiety, like, is like this, like is. Is a. Is a maladaptive behavior pattern.

[Michelle Visage]

Right.

[Ross Mathews]

And it's not a joke.

[Michelle Visage]

It's not a joke.

[Ross Mathews]

No, it's really, really horrible.

[Michelle Visage]

It's capital. It's been capital de. Debilitating. Yeah. Yeah.

[Ross Mathews]

No, and so I. I swear to God for like, I would. I would estimate that from my earliest memory, say like 4, 5, 6, 7, whatever, up until 22. Every single night. Debilitating anxiety. Every single night without. Stop. Doesn't matter.

[Michelle Visage]

School.

[Ross Mathews]

No school, whatever. Every single night. Hour to two hours to get to sleep. Because my brain is spinning with anxiety.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah.

[Ross Mathews]

Diarrhea all the time.

[Michelle Visage]

I was like, I notice I'm waking up freaking out. And I googled it. And apparently before you wake up, your body starts to naturally produce like, stress hormone so that you. To help you get up. And if you have stress anxiety problems that like, plus, that is too much.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

I've been waking up six, seven, wide awake, freaked out, literally, like Gary Busey, eyes open.

[Ross Mathews]

Horrible.

[Michelle Visage]

Don't love it. Don't love it.

[Ross Mathews]

No, it's horrible.

[Michelle Visage]

Don't love it.

[Ross Mathews]

If I was born in another time and I didn't grow up in the 50s, I would be. I would have had a generalized anxiety disorder for sure.

[Michelle Visage]

Oh yeah.

[Ross Mathews]

Generalized gad.

[Michelle Visage]

Oh yeah.

[Ross Mathews]

And then I would be put on anti. Anti anxiety medicine. Daily therapy.

[Michelle Visage]

I'm in therapy twice a week now. The are hurting.

[Ross Mathews]

They are.

[Michelle Visage]

The fags are hurt.

[Ross Mathews]

The fajit are anxious.

[Michelle Visage]

But I'm committed to overcoming. Learning how to.

[Ross Mathews]

With pharmaceuticals, learning how to handle more.

[Michelle Visage]

Maybe not, but I'm just trying to learn how to not freak out. I was never like this. I was never like this.

[Ross Mathews]

What turned you into this gate? Being gay?

[Michelle Visage]

Maybe like two years ago when I had that Mitty B, it all started. But I was never like this. If all of you were weak and weird. 35, about 34 is Jesus year.

[Ross Mathews]

That's when everything changes. Your body's changing.

[Michelle Visage]

My body's changing.

[Ross Mathews]

No, I'm serious though. Like, how do you. How do you deal with the. With the threat that's not there?

[Michelle Visage]

Well, lately my strategy is to actually physically pivot and do something else particularly creative project. Drag. Something beauty or drag related.

[Ross Mathews]

What if you can't do anything?

[Michelle Visage]

It gets me very present.

[Ross Mathews]

Okay. What is another way to get present if you can do something? Have you ever tried meditating?

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah. You want me to sit and think?

[Ross Mathews]

Not think. I want you to sit.

[Michelle Visage]

I know every time somebody recommends meditation, I get mad because I know it works.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah. This the every single person on the planet earth where if they're asked about meditation and they've thought about it or been it has been suggested to them, they say I know I should do it, but I don't. That's the a hundred percent of people that say say about meditation.

[Michelle Visage]

Deep breathing.

[Ross Mathews]

True.

[Michelle Visage]

Deep breathing. Stretching.

[Ross Mathews]

Stretching. Yeah. I do stretching a lot to get to. To combat.

[Michelle Visage]

Got an inversion table.

[Ross Mathews]

What is that?

[Michelle Visage]

Flip me upside down.

[Guest or Producer]

What?

[Michelle Visage]

Are you serious? Hang upside down. Got it at my house. Love it. Got it for Christmas.

[Ross Mathews]

Just say more about that. Well, I want to know about it.

[Michelle Visage]

I'll show you a video.

[Ross Mathews]

I want to experience that.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah. It's very you. I think you would get addicted to it. And let me tell you, the veins on your head would get so big upside down.

[Ross Mathews]

But I go upside down.

[Michelle Visage]

Ropes.

[Ross Mathews]

I just don't have a table.

[Michelle Visage]

You. This is. Girl, this. This is where I'm at. Love it.

[Ross Mathews]

Oh, but I don't need that. I could just go to a handstand. Oh, right.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah.

[Ross Mathews]

Oh, but it's you, it's relaxed.

[Michelle Visage]

What I like about it is you hang from your feet so your vertebrae gets so stretched out. Your own body weight stretch stretches you out.

[Ross Mathews]

I feel like that happens in a handstand though. Maybe not. Maybe not because you're tense. You have tens and your weight is.

[Michelle Visage]

Your weight isn't supported in any way. It's stacking. It's still the body weight stacking on itself. I love that.

[Ross Mathews]

How much did that cost?

[Michelle Visage]

I don't know. I got it for Christmas.

[Ross Mathews]

Who gave it to you? Santa.

[Michelle Visage]

My boyfriend.

[Ross Mathews]

Okay. Can we ask him?

[Michelle Visage]

Queen. Yeah, probably. Probably so.

[Ross Mathews]

That's really cool.

[Michelle Visage]

What do you say to the kids out there who have to. Who. Who are trying to overcome their anxiety?

[Ross Mathews]

Okay, now this is not a joke. And I'm not joking. I've seriously spent my almost my entire like childhood and teenage years and early adulthood in. In. I can't overstate this. I can't exaggerate this. A constant hum of undeniable, unavoidable capital. A Anxiety. Scared of everything.

[Michelle Visage]

Everything.

[Ross Mathews]

And not just everything. Scared of nothing. Nothing. Like, what are you afraid of? Nothing.

[Michelle Visage]

Vivid assurance that I'm gonna die that day. Someone I love is gonna die or

[Ross Mathews]

I'm going to experience the ultimate humiliation. I'm gonna be so humiliated that I'll have to kill myself.

[Michelle Visage]

Huge personal crisis of faith surround artistry. Sure. You're not funny.

[Ross Mathews]

I'm a fraud. People are just people. Just give me the benefit of the doubt. For some reason that's going to run out soon.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah, whatever. Whatever. Yep, yep, yep.

[Ross Mathews]

All of that. Yeah, it's like the, it's the worst thing ever. And it's one, two, a few, like, things I, I, I had to learn that, like a life is not a competition and it's not a game. Like, there's not a game, like, you don't win or lose at life or whatever. And that sounds corny, but, like, the other thing was the, the, there's a friction between your non acceptance of whatever is happening and your, like, how do I say this? Like, the, the level of your discomfort can be measured by the, the degree to which you are in opposition to what is happening.

[Michelle Visage]

Does that make sense? Can you say it again?

[Ross Mathews]

The degree, the level. Okay. The degree of your discomfort is, is like directly proportionate to the, to the amount of. How do I say this? When you're not accepting reality. Oh, I can't, I wanna, how do I say this? So, like, what is it? So it's like non acceptance of. I don't know. I don't know how to make the point.

[Michelle Visage]

Forget it. Did you want me to get you some speech pathology?

[Ross Mathews]

No, it's really simple thing.

[Michelle Visage]

The fajs are hurting, the fags are hurting.

[Ross Mathews]

So like, it's, oh, I'll have to go up and look up my Encyclopedia Britannica later.

[Michelle Visage]

I'm sorry, you're just going to have to go look it up.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah, I'm going to have to go look it up now. Now I'm a fraud. I don't even know what I'm talking about. I should go kill myself. See, that's, that's the behavior pattern.

[Michelle Visage]

That's what I mean too.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

And then there's also the second hand of it is knowing that your anxiety about a scenario is kind of unfounded and then beating yourself up for being stuck in imagined scenarios, concerned about events that haven't happened.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah, it has. There's a feedback loop that happens to it. Well, I mean, every day. Like, I, I think it was like, until Drag Race, I was like, up in what was like three, I was 30 then. I I felt it every night on Drag Race. Like, the most insane. I want to kill myself. Anxiety. And it was like, where you can't eat, you can't sleep.

[Michelle Visage]

Oh, yeah.

[Ross Mathews]

It's horrible. Absolutely horrible. Absolutely horrible.

[Michelle Visage]

Because the surgery, I haven't been able to exercise at all.

[Ross Mathews]

That's really bad for anxiety.

[Michelle Visage]

Let you exercise at all.

[Ross Mathews]

That's crazy.

[Michelle Visage]

And that's been kind of making it worse.

[Ross Mathews]

That's crazy.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah. I hate. Sometimes a physical experience, exercise is very grounding. Yeah.

[Ross Mathews]

I was going to say, like, it's. It's like the number one. It's like when. Whenever your doctor's like, I don't know. It's like, are you exercising? Are you moving your body? Are you drinking water? Are you sleeping? So all the basic stuff, if you can't, like, do that, I don't know.

[Michelle Visage]

I don't know.

[Ross Mathews]

I don't know.

[Michelle Visage]

What about joy and positivity? Are you excited? Are you guys. Are you performing at Apocalypse Stick tonight at the Plaza?

[Guest or Producer]

Yep.

[Michelle Visage]

Let's talk about Plaza.

[Ross Mathews]

Let's talk about it.

[Michelle Visage]

Let's really talk about it. If you would like to wait 40 minutes for a bottle of water, that's $10 cash. Go to Plaza.

[Ross Mathews]

I don't have experience waiting for the drinks, but I do know that it does take forever.

[Michelle Visage]

Apocalyptic gets full every time.

[Ross Mathews]

It does.

[Michelle Visage]

They will not hire one bartender.

[Ross Mathews]

Why is that, do you think?

[Michelle Visage]

Who is not really that interested in attending bar?

[Ross Mathews]

No, it's more of like a. It's more for show.

[Michelle Visage]

But you know what it is. There's a thing in la the gays. Do the gays even drink anymore? Don't they do pills?

[Ross Mathews]

I think they're doing G. I think they're doing G. I read a funny

[Guest or Producer]

tweet the other day.

[Ross Mathews]

It's like, what's. I guess there's like a trend of, like, somebody asking a question and then somebody, quote, tweeting it and saying, I know, but you don't want to hear it or. You know what I mean, Girl, you're not going to like the answer.

[Michelle Visage]

I. I think I heard a clip of you describing ketamine as. I'm like, three feet to the left.

[Guest or Producer]

That was my friend.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah, that's what my friend said. And I agree.

[Michelle Visage]

That is what it is.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah. Well, this is like, what. I wish there was something that could, like, mimic the feeling of having eight beers, but won't get you fat. And somebody's like, I know, but you're not going to like it. G, G, G. Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

Do you.

[Ross Mathews]

Do you how, how much G do you do? Maybe that has something to do with your anxiety.

[Michelle Visage]

Once in 2000, maybe you should start doing G every 2014. Yeah, I did it a right before

[Ross Mathews]

Drag Race up until.

[Michelle Visage]

Do you remember on season seven of Drag Race, I had a sunburn on half my body. Dude, I did a bunch of fell asleep on a roof somewhere that ages ago.

[Ross Mathews]

Girl, maybe you should start doing G again.

[Michelle Visage]

One time I was at a party, Kim and I were talking. Oh, Kim and I were talking about this. Last night I saw kimchi at Nymphian plastique show. The Serpents tour. You're gonna tell me everybody should go

[Ross Mathews]

see, go see it.

[Michelle Visage]

Kim and I, obviously, when we get together, we immediately reminisce about like things that just like only she will remember that we were together. And it was crazy. One time, she and I were at a party in Milwaukee at this, this giant house party and somebody had a tiny. When people pull out the tiniest little piece of drug bag, little plastic bag, Ziploc from a Barbie house. Like, really? It's like a Ziploc from a Barbie.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah, yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

American Girl doll. Ziploc. Like little purse. They had pills in there. I remember they had, Kim and I were talking about. They had pills in there that had, they got in the hot tub and it perforated the water and melted the pills. And the person was dipping their pinky into the melted pills and like trying to eat it. That's offered Kim and I someone, we're

[Ross Mathews]

like, hot tub, hot tub pills.

[Michelle Visage]

And he just described it as Chinese Viagra. I don't know if that's real Chinese Viagra. I thought everybody would respond to the same, to the same Viagra. Right. It's not racially charged. Right. Did you breathe?

[Ross Mathews]

I don't know. That is a Chinese Viagra.

[Michelle Visage]

Maybe that was a street name. I, like, don't know.

[Guest or Producer]

I don't know.

[Michelle Visage]

That's crazy. I was talking to a friend about drugs and I was like, crack. Wait, what is it?

[Ross Mathews]

Okay, I was gonna, I was just gonna say we can't. Is this crack or crack?

[Michelle Visage]

What is crack?

[Ross Mathews]

Because crack.

[Michelle Visage]

What is crank?

[Ross Mathews]

Okay, okay. This, yeah. What did they say? Because I know what they are.

[Michelle Visage]

I don't know.

[Ross Mathews]

Well, crack. I, I, I, I gotta admit, I, I, I fling that term around willy

[Michelle Visage]

nilly when I call you a crackhead.

[Ross Mathews]

No, I don't do crack. Yeah, I don't do crack, but I say that all the time too. I use it as a catch all for hardcore drugs that I usually vaporize or Smoke.

[Michelle Visage]

Is everything correct? Is it like a Coke, but it's any soda?

[Ross Mathews]

That's exactly. That's exactly what. That's exactly.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

You want a Coke?

[Ross Mathews]

What kind of Coke? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. No, yeah. Well, famously a drag queen that I worked with. I'll never forget this. Like, I don't smoke crack. I free base.

[Michelle Visage]

Right?

[Ross Mathews]

So good.

[Michelle Visage]

Today's episode of Ball and the be is brought to you by RO R O. So I have people in my life who are using GLP1s to truly transform themselves or in some ways reform themselves. I mean, I know people who have been able to incorporate GLP1s into their exercise and their diet changes and their kind of approach to their body. And it has been a beautiful thing. These people are thriving. There's a lot of benefits to starting GLP1 weight loss journey with RO. It's 100% online care. It's access to clinically proven FDA approved medications, a free insurance check, side effect management, dosing support, and more. All online. And there's a pill now. So if some of you. Let's say a GLP one that's a shot has been a little bit of intimidating. I know when I started my arthritis medicine, I would have been so scared to start shots. But, you know, now there's a pill that delivers comparable results so you don't have to do the injections. Roe offers the first FDA approved GLP1 pill for weight loss at the lowest cost around. It's the same weight loss ingredient as the shots and packs comparable results as the shot. And the new FDA approved GLP1 pill is available at $149 for the first dose, in addition to your membership fee and $299 a month for higher doses. Go to Ro Co Bald, Ro Co Bald to see if you're eligible for the new GLP1 pill on RO. That's RO CO Bald. To get started on RO, go to RO CO Safety for boxed warning and full safety information about GLP1 medications. Today's episode of all the Beautiful is brought to you by Green Chef. You guys know I'm obsessed with Green Chef. Green Chef taught me to cook, changed my life, opened up my mind. I am a star in the kitchen now, even when I'm not cooking Green Chef because of the skill building. I mean, obviously I love Green Chef because it's the most sustainable meal kit, right? Reducing food waste by 20% versus grocery shopping with plus. I love that it's delivered and it's refrigerated when it's Delivered. So even if you're not home right away, it's all there for you. And I love there's options for people like me who are vegetarians. So if you have dietary restrictions, like an anti inflammatory diet, let's say you can like pursue that. But I also love, because these 30 minute recipes are honestly 25 minutes and every time you do it, you get a new cooking skill out of it. I'm telling you, I love Green Chef. I use it and you should too. It has completely changed my life. I very much look forward to cooking and I really look forward to cooking with Green Chef because I'm always gonna be making something, like ingredients. I recognize a recipe similar to what I've had, but there's always gonna be some little expert spin on it that really makes it like, wow, this is really good. And I cook a lot at home. My cooking is never as good as the Green Chef cooking. Okay, head to greenchef.com 50 Bald and use code 50 Bald to get 50% off your first month. Then 20% off for two months with free shipping. That's code 50 [e-mail] 50 Bald Girl. I was watching Delta work and she was saying that she went to a drive thru at Carl's Jr. That's another one I struggle with.

[Ross Mathews]

Carl's Jr. It's a mouthful.

[Michelle Visage]

Carl Jr. She went through the drive thru and she got a burger and a soda and she got the, I guess the. The large burger or something in a soda. And she said it was $18. And she, she said no, thank you and pulled out of the driveway and left. She said, I'm not paying $18 to eat my car. And I was like, that is right.

[Ross Mathews]

That's amazing. Well, just, I mean, I had the opposite experience every Tuesday. Taco Tuesday across the street from the new studio. Ask me how much four tacos are. Ask me. Take a guess.

[Michelle Visage]

Take a guess. Well, what's the restaurant?

[Ross Mathews]

It's just a restaurant.

[Michelle Visage]

Okay. The restaurant for my house. They are $7 each, baby.

[Ross Mathews]

Four for seven. Four tacos with $7.

[Michelle Visage]

Oh, good deal. Were they little?

[Ross Mathews]

They were dog tacos.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah. The La Vieta Cantina, my favorite Mexican restaurant. They are. They are. I don't know if they're obsessed with me. They're treating me.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

They treat me nice.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

So and I go there about once a week and I get a tequila and I get tacos and I sit and I pivot my chair out to the celebrity Science Science Celebrity Scientology center. And I'll try to look in the windows. And that's like my little meditation.

[Ross Mathews]

That's great.

[Michelle Visage]

That's my meditation.

[Ross Mathews]

I love that.

[Michelle Visage]

And I love that street. The tacos used to be four or five bucks. And I would be like, God, they really could be charging more. And then they did up them to seven bucks. And now when I go there, I go, aren't you fucking highfalutin now? You're all uppity.

[Ross Mathews]

Well, you're. They're giving you the celebrity charge. They. They downcharge me because they know I don't mean shit.

[Michelle Visage]

I think they're 6 or $7 now, and it's 100% worth it. Yeah, I love those tacos.

[Ross Mathews]

I mean, I love these tacos, too. And like I said before, you know how I make about 60% of the dollar that you do? I get also get charged that on the meals that I do have out. So it all comes out Wash. What's happening?

[Michelle Visage]

It was like when you and I work together and we make dollar for dollar, same amount.

[Ross Mathews]

So that's where you're wrong. So. So you're kind of like you're getting tripped up on that terminology because you're saying it wrong.

[Michelle Visage]

When we.

[Ross Mathews]

When we get a gig together, we do work together, but we get paid different amounts. Because I get paid about 60 of the dollar that you do.

[Michelle Visage]

And you. But you. You. You negotiate down.

[Ross Mathews]

No, no, no.

[Michelle Visage]

I say, you can feel like.

[Ross Mathews]

I say, I'm a human being. I. I deserve the same amount. They say, well, miss, would you please shut up?

[Michelle Visage]

Does it make you feel fish? It makes 70 cents on the dollar.

[Ross Mathews]

Miss, will you please shut up? Because your opinion doesn't matter here. It's a man's world. And I say, oh, right. So it's mostly about sexism for me.

[Michelle Visage]

Are you going to buy any of Simpy Sweetpe's lingerie?

[Ross Mathews]

I bought it.

[Michelle Visage]

All right.

[Ross Mathews]

I'm actually the top hat investor. The main investor. Is it called Cerna or Cyrna or Cirn? Cern or Cirn.

[Michelle Visage]

I wish it was Simpy Sweepy Bras by Simpy Sweepy.

[Ross Mathews]

The stupid onion was like, they're going to have sizes from Awooga to boy oyoin. So stupid.

[Michelle Visage]

I love it.

[Ross Mathews]

So stupid.

[Michelle Visage]

I saw one that was like, boy yoyoing Mitch McConnell. Mitch McConnell is filibustering death filibustering. Because she's just bright purple.

[Ross Mathews]

She needs to wrap it up. Tamboni's gonna come get her.

[Michelle Visage]

Can I tell you, and this sounds horrible.

[Ross Mathews]

What?

[Michelle Visage]

I hope he dies when I'm Scrolling. And I catch a video of Mitch McConnell falling.

[Ross Mathews]

Oh, I love it. You start jacking.

[Michelle Visage]

Oh, my God.

[Ross Mathews]

The penis comes out and it gets

[Michelle Visage]

hard, and he falls like. I know. This is a podcast. He. No, he doesn't trip. No, he doesn't trip on stairs. No one pushes him. The floor's not slippery. He's just standing. And then he. He. He goes like.

[Ross Mathews]

He crumbles.

[Michelle Visage]

He crumples, lays down.

[Ross Mathews]

Well, you know all these Washington old faggots, right? They have no muscle tone.

[Michelle Visage]

They're.

[Ross Mathews]

They're literally like. I hate them so much. They're, like, literally wasting the air that we breathe.

[Michelle Visage]

You know what I love? Do you know. Do you know Patagonia?

[Ross Mathews]

No.

[Michelle Visage]

This drag queen who she's dedicated her entire life to, like, environmentalism and political discourse, and she's iconic. She's raised a bunch of money, but she loves. She has the perfect physique. She's obviously a super clean eater who, like, loves fitness, and she loves to rip into, like, the lack of, like, correct form.

[Ross Mathews]

Oh, sure.

[Michelle Visage]

Of other people's. Of, like, oh, great Republican exercise.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, Marjorie Taylor Greene.

[Michelle Visage]

What's up with her?

[Ross Mathews]

I don't know. I don't know. We don't know what's going on with there, But. But Back to Mitch McConnell. Ms. McConnell.

[Michelle Visage]

What's gonna happen in Nicki Minaj?

[Ross Mathews]

I don't know. I mean, you have to think about.

[Michelle Visage]

She calls Lemon a sucker. I'm sorry. Up there with faggot.

[Ross Mathews]

I think it's actually a little worse than faggot.

[Michelle Visage]

Like, she's.

[Ross Mathews]

I think she. I mean, I. I know what she's doing. She's just trying to protect her pedophile husband. You know, it's hot.

[Michelle Visage]

Lemon. Love. Donald Lemon. Yeah.

[Ross Mathews]

Don't love Nicki Mina.

[Michelle Visage]

Donald Lemon. Do we have any joy? Anything? Oh, let's talk about the tour.

[Ross Mathews]

Tour?

[Michelle Visage]

You and I are going on tour.

[Ross Mathews]

I know I'm only getting paid 60% of what you're making. I'm just kidding.

[Michelle Visage]

No. What if this was, like, a nightmare where I was like, here's your script. We're going on another scripted tour.

[Guest or Producer]

I was like, ah.

[Michelle Visage]

Oh. Oh. You think I'm gonna wait years later and get you to memorize something now?

[Ross Mathews]

Thank you. I've already known about it. Where are you?

[Michelle Visage]

I already wrote it up here. Okay. I want to say, well, I'm sorry about your butthole. You know, it's fine. I. You know what's sad? I'm complaining. I could afford a doctor. I could access care in America. So I don't want to complain. I don't want to seem like. Well, I still think I reserve some right to complain about my butthole being cut open. Yeah. Please don't tear me apart in the comments for seeking care.

[Ross Mathews]

No. And if you do, I, I, I,

[Michelle Visage]

I Out of touch tricks. E Rich out of touch.

[Ross Mathews]

Rich out of touch. I implore you to consider the fact that perhaps James Vanderbeek's late wife and children are having to do a GoFundMe because he because his like two years wife.

[Michelle Visage]

That's not how you say that.

[Ross Mathews]

Oh, how do you say it?

[Michelle Visage]

She's not dead. His whole. Oh, he's the late husband.

[Ross Mathews]

What does that mean?

[Michelle Visage]

Actually, let's I will say I I wanted to mention it was in my notes since you and I filmed James Vanderbeek has passed away. Yes.

[Ross Mathews]

Catherine Harris.

[Michelle Visage]

You guys, I'm not even like that. The only time I ever cried for a celebrity I didn't know was when Adam Schlesinger died, who was from Fountains of Wayne and wrote like so much of my favorite music. Cried. The day Catherine died, I was scrolling through Instagram and they shared a clip of her on Schitt's Creek when she's marrying her son and she says something about life and like how and I just like immediately cried that she's incredible. That tore in every the power of storytelling. We are lucky to have been.

[Ross Mathews]

If you don't let me cut out this house and make it my own, I will go inside.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah.

[Ross Mathews]

So good.

[Michelle Visage]

It's hard.

[Ross Mathews]

Lydia Deets.

[Guest or Producer]

This episode is sponsored by Wayfair. The new year is here. And let me be honest, the 2025 version of me was a tragic gargoyle living in an unfurnished a shell of a human, eating dinner on a couch that sighed when I sat down and smelled of sadness. A distraught soul wrapped in a lame blanket that had been washed too many times and loved too little. My home reflected my inner state. Cluttered, uninspired, and spiritually beige. But then came 2026. A rebirth, a reckoning, a home decor glow up so powerful it required a maple charcuterie board and new bronze napkin holders. Because this year, I decided my home would rise from the Ashes of 2025 with me. And that transformation happened thanks to the magic of Wayfair. I wanted my home ready for the year ahead. Softer bedding, towels that feel like an absorbent cloud, and a new couch that whispers, you're doing great. As I sit down. Wayfair made it ridiculously easy. From mattresses and bath basics to kitchen essentials. For dinners that don't involve standing over the sink, they have everything you need to give your home the home decor makeover of a century. And when I say everything, I mean everything. Kids rooms, work from home setups, desks that make you feel like a mogul, storage for every space, and even the things you forgot your home needed until you saw them and gasped out loud while snarfing your morning coffee. I refreshed my living room with accent pillows, a mirror that reflects my very soul, and faux plants that thrive without care. Wayfair really allowed me to capture my signature style. Triumphant, cozy, confidence with an edge. The items look incredible. They make my home feel intentional. And honestly, they make me feel like I've already won the year. 2025. Me would not recognize this house. 2026. Me lives here now. I am the captain. Now get organized, refreshed, and back on track this new year. For Way less, head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W-A-F-A-I R.com Wayfair Every style, every home.

[Michelle Visage]

Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Squarespace. I have to tell you, I have a tendency to make people take their personal things they love to do and force them to turn it to a business. I'm not saying that's what you have to do, but let's say you love photography and you get a few friends to ask you to shoot their wedding or a birthday or a special corporate event. Suddenly you're kind of a freelance photographer. Now what? Now, the word of mouth thing only gets you so far. But when you tell somebody, tell somebody about your business, they're going to go look for you on the Internet. They're going to want to see your work. This is where I see Squarespace for you. Okay? You can build it yourself. You can update, change out the photos. You can add different tabs. You can add ways for people to engage with you, connect with you. You can connect your social media accounts, which is really wonderful. Let's say your Instagram is where you host most of your stuff. You can actually integrate that, which is nice. I also love that they have a donation function. So, like, let's say it's not a business endeavor. Let's say it's a passion project or something you want to do with your art or something you want to raise money for. You can set it up and start accepting donations online right away. You can access donor contact information and donation history in a central dashboard, and send email for fundraising directly through Squarespace. Like I said, there's so many ways to support your business of Squarespace, but there's so many other things to do with the website. Truly, what if all you want to do is just have a blog? This is a fabulous place to start. Normalize being a content creator for your own human enjoyment. Go over to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to Launch, go to squarespace.com bald to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com bald this episode of the

[Ross Mathews]

Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Rakuten. This year, winter came for me.

[Guest or Producer]

Slowly, then, all at once, the days shortened. The sky pressed down like a gray cathedral ceiling, and I wandered the frozen aisles of my own despair, wondering if joy itself had migrated south along with the geese. Seasonal effective disorder is quiet thief stealing color, warmth and optimism one dim afternoon at a time. And then, in the apex of this bleak midwinter, salvation arrived not on wings, but on a weightless cloud of savings. Rackuten entered my life like a radiant prophecy. Suddenly, every purchase carried true meaning. With a Rakuten, I earned cash back and rewards on almost everything I buy. From makeup splurges at Ulta to winter survival gear at Macy's, from booking spring travel through Expedia to polka dotted impulse shoes from Zappos, it is the most rewarding way to shop a balm for both spirit and budget.

[Michelle Visage]

As I fight through gray skies and

[Guest or Producer]

the early dusks that send me inside to eat soup on my couch, I take solace in cashback cash back on groceries, cash back on wardrobe updates, cash back on the trips I swear I will take once summer arrives. Rakuten partners with the brands I already love across fashion, beauty, travel and electronics. I can even redeem my rewards my way by PayPal, check built points, or instant gift cards. It is free and effortless to join, and I can shop on the web in the app with the browser extension, 17 million members are already saving, stacking cash back on top of sales and coupons. Winter still exists. The darkness still looms. But now every purchase feels like a small sunrise. And through Rakuten, I've learned that saving is not just practical, it is profoundly, achingly hopeful. Join for [e-mail] or download the Rakuten app to start saving money today.

[Michelle Visage]

Well, can I talk about the tour?

[Ross Mathews]

What tour are you talking about?

[Michelle Visage]

The Serpents Tour.

[Ross Mathews]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

With Nymphia, Wind and plastic. Okay, okay, okay.

[Ross Mathews]

Please tell me.

[Michelle Visage]

Nippy, windy and plastic.

[Ross Mathews]

Plastic.

[Michelle Visage]

So I just want to say they come out, they're telling these funny jokes. First they had a pole dance. Are amazing. And they had. You're gonna love this. A VIP for basically only drag race queens.

[Ross Mathews]

Wow.

[Michelle Visage]

So you could go to the drag

[Ross Mathews]

show and not get.

[Michelle Visage]

And actually just watch the show.

[Ross Mathews]

Fierce.

[Michelle Visage]

And you got to just watch. And everybody was there. Roger was there. Bianca was there. Manila was there. Kimberly, Chee was there. Money was there. Everybody's there. Right? So I go to watch the show. Got a free ticket. Thank you to the girls giving me a free ticket. Plastique's husband text me. I said, thank you. Yes, I will. I've never seen Plastique or Nymphia live, but I've met them both several times and I love them both.

[Ross Mathews]

They're so incredible.

[Michelle Visage]

So I was excited because it was rare that two drag queens I. I formally like. Yeah, I'm excited to see. Yeah, they did eat. They absolutely ate. The video content was great. What did they do? Nymphia was making some jokes about, like, basically. I forget what the joke was, but it was like a joke about how she's like, fat standing next to Plastique, which is humorous because they're both mighty.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

But Plastique talked about how on tour, she basically only eats salad and tofu because she's so death defyingly slim and basically naked up there. Okay, this seems like this disturbing you?

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, it's fine. No, it's not disturbing me. I'm just like, I'm. Go ahead.

[Michelle Visage]

But it was. It was humorous for Nymphia to be like.

[Ross Mathews]

Well, it's like, you know, it. You know what it reminds me of is like, because I'm a. I'm. I weigh a little more than you. Then you're always calling me fat and hounding me about my weight. I think that's kind of just like triggering.

[Michelle Visage]

Well, I think. Don't you think? Violet and Gottmik.

[Ross Mathews]

Wait, do they do that to each other?

[Michelle Visage]

No, but they're both so, like, death defyingly trim.

[Ross Mathews]

Well, Violet's huge.

[Michelle Visage]

Right, right. So.

[Ross Mathews]

So they're doing fat jokes back and forth.

[Michelle Visage]

Plastique, I just want to say, like,

[Ross Mathews]

she's horrible ugly.

[Michelle Visage]

You and I should not get back in drag.

[Ross Mathews]

No, I know, I know. That's why I don't go to these shows, because I don't want to see

[Michelle Visage]

what's possible to the floor. And she has mastered this thing that I. Please don't do a side by side of me doing it with plastic.

[Ross Mathews]

We'll do it. We'll do it.

[Michelle Visage]

She's mastered this thing, which is, like, away from the audience tossing the hair. And there's this moment where the hair is in, like, a.

[Ross Mathews]

It travels. There's a. There's a moment when it's real hair. I know.

[Michelle Visage]

It's not bundled plastic like me.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah. A Velcroed loaf.

[Michelle Visage]

Oh, my hair all back combed when I tried. Nothing moves or you just see it's a low. Yeah.

[Ross Mathews]

There's a swing in a. In a. In a. In a. Poetry to it.

[Michelle Visage]

Their costumes were so cool. Yeah. They get to say, like, who's from Vietnam, who's from Taiwan. The audience is all excited. It was a great show. You loved it? It was great. Now I loved it.

[Ross Mathews]

What about. Some of their costumes are so incredible. Oh, how was it?

[Michelle Visage]

40 felt like an hour. Felt like it just ran, which is all I want.

[Ross Mathews]

I mean, you know, I don't think drag should last longer than 60 minutes, but that's my point of view.

[Michelle Visage]

It was. They just looked so good. Nymphia had this thing at the end where she's, like, almost like in a backpack, this giant almost, like gold coin medallion floating, like, behind her. She's standing there and it's somehow attached to her. Kind of like Victoria's Secret wings. There's like a thing.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah, the.

[Michelle Visage]

They just. They looked great. The costumes are great. The lighting was great. The dancing, the number of dancers. Hold on. This was just last night and I was drinking, so now it's, like, all coming back to me.

[Ross Mathews]

How many dances Plastic does.

[Michelle Visage]

She did a bad romance number with what I was perceiving was probably 70 on stage. Dancers.

[Ross Mathews]

What?

[Michelle Visage]

No, it was probably like 25.

[Guest or Producer]

Wait, what?

[Michelle Visage]

25?

[Ross Mathews]

Where do you even get 25? People put them in the same room.

[Michelle Visage]

She's lying. I'm not kidding. Because I asked. I said, do they too. I'm mad.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

I'm like, do they. What do we got? Kelly on crutches. Seriously, Kelly wino'd out on crutches.

[Ross Mathews]

Damn. How many?

[Michelle Visage]

How many actually asleep in the sky.

[Ross Mathews]

I know. How many. How many? For real, though?

[Michelle Visage]

I'm not kidding. At least 20.

[Ross Mathews]

I don't believe that. 20.

[Michelle Visage]

They told me that for the LA show in San Francisco show, that maybe they had extra dancers.

[Ross Mathews]

Okay.

[Michelle Visage]

So I'm not saying they tore like that all the time.

[Ross Mathews]

Got it.

[Michelle Visage]

It was the best. Gaga Number I've ever seen.

[Ross Mathews]

Really?

[Michelle Visage]

It was some of the best moment in drag. Like a drag number. Lip syncing with a wig on with people.

[Ross Mathews]

Holy.

[Michelle Visage]

That I'd ever seen.

[Ross Mathews]

Damn.

[Michelle Visage]

I. I tapped Alaska because all the drag queens are there, and she leans back, and I go, when you watch Plastique, do you think of me?

[Ross Mathews]

She's like, who are you?

[Michelle Visage]

And she, like, kind of laughed, but didn't say much. And then I turned, and I like that joke. And I said, you know, I'm gonna try it on somebody out of your shot. I can. I can run it again. Matinee performance. And I tap Money's husband. Yeah. Hello. When you watch. Because nobody's. I'm just trying to get. Trying to have friends.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

When you watch Plastique, does it make you think of me? And he goes, actually, it's hard for me to watch her because she's there and you're here. How is that?

[Ross Mathews]

How is that? How do they make that? Thank you.

[Michelle Visage]

Thank you.

[Ross Mathews]

That's funny.

[Michelle Visage]

That's funny. Thank you.

[Ross Mathews]

Now, which. Who would win in a cage fight, Plastique or Nymphia?

[Michelle Visage]

Well, they. They fought a lot of the. The story was a little lost to me. I'm gonna be honest. I didn't really know what was going on, if there was a story.

[Ross Mathews]

Okay.

[Michelle Visage]

They talked about serpents being significant in a certain, like, myth that I. But I didn't. I didn't know that significance. Gardener, good, evil. They have. I don't want to give away their whole tour. They have a lot of video elements. They. These dancers, they have giant fans with fabric swords.

[Ross Mathews]

Actual sword.

[Michelle Visage]

Well, fake swords.

[Ross Mathews]

Okay.

[Michelle Visage]

Sword fight. Acrobatics.

[Ross Mathews]

Wow. People flipping through the air like Shenyan dance arts.

[Michelle Visage]

Literally. It was some of the best dancing for a drag show I've ever seen. So, like, they were great. And the dancers. The dancers were eating. The men were. The men in the show were professional dancers, supermodels. I don't know what to say. Gorgeous, perfectly sculpted.

[Ross Mathews]

What's the overhead on this thing? They making any money?

[Michelle Visage]

I don't know, actually. I'm not their accountant, but I can tell you that it seemed to me that the focus was on making the show good. This show looked like it costs money, and so the audience benefits from that.

[Ross Mathews]

That's great.

[Michelle Visage]

It was awesome.

[Ross Mathews]

I wish I had gone.

[Michelle Visage]

It was really worth it. Not that big of a venue. I don't mean that in a shady way. You could really see them.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

They're, like, right there. It was awesome. If you guys. I think they're touring a lot more still. Please, in the world go see them. It was great.

[Ross Mathews]

What's the tour called?

[Michelle Visage]

It's called Serpent's Tour, starring nymphia wind from RuPaul's Drag Race and plastique from RuPaul's Drag Race. Okay.

[Ross Mathews]

I mean, I got. I. I just admire them from afar, especially Plastique. And I'm like.

[Michelle Visage]

They were also funny on the microphones. Great banter. They really seem like it's so impressive. And they're kind of different personalities, but they are both. They were talking about on stage. Like, at their core, they're like, we're both freaks. Freaks and dorks. Okay. And they really embrace that. So they're all gorgeous and hot and sexy, but they kind of are

[Ross Mathews]

real dogs.

[Michelle Visage]

No, no, no.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah, I know what you mean.

[Michelle Visage]

That's. I took a video of a dress that I need you to see, and I know that this is a potter. I don't care.

[Ross Mathews]

It's okay.

[Michelle Visage]

Okay.

[Ross Mathews]

It's okay.

[Michelle Visage]

These people on the 405.

[Ross Mathews]

If you're on the 110, I'll describe what she's showing.

[Michelle Visage]

So I. I have this picture of you in drag, too.

[Ross Mathews]

I'm telling you, I wish I could get my eye makeup that good.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah.

[Ross Mathews]

God.

[Michelle Visage]

Okay, so this is Plastic. Hold on. What did I. Did I grow me drunk trying to take videos? Oh, I'm sorry. Sword fighting. That's what I'm saying. Okay. Sword fighting. Acrobatics.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

Look at Plastic's dress. This is.

[Ross Mathews]

I'm not looking at her dress. I'm looking at her fucking skin and hair. And

[Michelle Visage]

look at this reveal. The thing reveals to the most stunning nude illusion stone. And look at the fan. Her command of a fan.

[Ross Mathews]

I know. Oh, I hate it.

[Michelle Visage]

Can I tell you what would happen to me? Look, it just standing.

[Ross Mathews]

It's incredible. It's so porny.

[Michelle Visage]

If I looked like her, I know I'd be doing me less. I think that's too much.

[Ross Mathews]

Well, you probably would have been killed.

[Michelle Visage]

No, I think they would wheel me out in a glass case like Snow White, and you would do a viewing. Kind of like you just. You leave flowers like I. And I'm sleeping. But I look great.

[Ross Mathews]

We got.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah.

[Ross Mathews]

Every once in a while, you open your eyes to stick out your tongue.

[Michelle Visage]

It was just great.

[Ross Mathews]

I love show.

[Michelle Visage]

She.

[Ross Mathews]

I. When she does.

[Michelle Visage]

She does that.

[Ross Mathews]

She's the queen of, like, doing that thing and then the thing and then the. It's just so.

[Michelle Visage]

And Nymphia. I mean, the fact that I think she still makes all her costumes. They are.

[Ross Mathews]

That's crazy.

[Michelle Visage]

Made all of her on Drag Race. God damn, all of it.

[Ross Mathews]

That is wild. Because I'm over there, I'm struggling with my little brother sewing machine. That's crazy. They're so talented.

[Michelle Visage]

Putt, putt.

[Ross Mathews]

I did, I got the same. Now I got.

[Michelle Visage]

Honestly, I feel like when they break, you should just throw them away. I know that's horrible, but.

[Ross Mathews]

Well, this thing hasn't broken yet. And it's really wild cuz I got like a new one. I got a new brother for like 100 bucks or even less.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah, they make like the $100 model.

[Ross Mathews]

So easy. All a bunch of stitches. You could do straight zigzag, blah, blah, blah, blah. It doesn't work quite as well as my oldie. And I still love that she's an old raggedy bitch. She's like Mitch McConnell.

[Michelle Visage]

Right.

[Ross Mathews]

But she still does a stitch and she's like. And I can just run. I can run her. I think I'm running her into the ground, but she still.

[Michelle Visage]

Have you been making a lot of drag?

[Ross Mathews]

Well, because every time you show up

[Michelle Visage]

to Netflix, it's always off the rack. So what are you making? It's not even shady. What are these costumes you're secretly making? And you don't wear them, you just make them.

[Ross Mathews]

Well, see, the thing is that they are secret costumes and I do wear them, but I don't want anybody to know about them, I'm telling you. No, seriously, because I have said I've been sewing for.

[Michelle Visage]

And you show up in the Albanian hoochie store outfit.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah.

[Ross Mathews]

With the tag still on it. Yeah. Am I like right out of the. Right out of the box wig?

[Michelle Visage]

Right.

[Ross Mathews]

The tags. But I've been wearing my. I have my. I now I'm so excited to have a real honest to God, like, fetish. And I think you can call it that. Like, so you have a foot fetish, for example, you have like a shoe fetish, you have a rubber fetish, you have like a. Whatever kind of fetish. So it's. It's a sexual. Or in this case, it's more of a sensual, but like a. Let's call it a sexual.

[Michelle Visage]

That's Lisa Vanderpump with dogs. I'm dead serious.

[Ross Mathews]

I don't think it's sexual with Lisa and the dogs.

[Michelle Visage]

It's not sexual.

[Ross Mathews]

Okay.

[Michelle Visage]

I'm saying she.

[Ross Mathews]

It's a fixation.

[Michelle Visage]

Feels every amount of that except sex to the dogs. Yeah. She's like, well, she's like, look at my dog. Isn't he just the most sexy beast you've ever seen in your life?

[Ross Mathews]

That's. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, dogs are easy to love, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do. But so it's like. Oh, it's like a sexual hobby. It's a secret hobby.

[Michelle Visage]

The secret sewing.

[Ross Mathews]

No, no, no, no, no. It's like. So you. I feel like you are very open facing, very like, if I want to do this, and I figure out how to make money doing it, I figure out how to, like, if I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna, like, make it into a business or like, you know what I mean? Share it somehow. Like, nothing, you know, this is the opposite of that. It's like, how. It's like, oh, I love this. How do I conceal it? How do I keep it for me? How do I. And then.

[Michelle Visage]

So where are the costumes?

[Ross Mathews]

That's a great question that I will never answer. No, they're in my house. They're my house.

[Michelle Visage]

Will they get worn?

[Ross Mathews]

Yes, but not in public.

[Michelle Visage]

They see my costumes. And by the way, I know that you.

[Ross Mathews]

So it's like.

[Michelle Visage]

I know you won't even put on the body to do a fit. Check you. Ha.

[Ross Mathews]

No, no, no. There's. It's.

[Michelle Visage]

It's not female on your studio, barefoot, with just a wig on. Take a picture yourself on your phone.

[Ross Mathews]

No, it's not a wig. It's not with the wig. It's like. So it's imagine. Oh, you know what it is? It's imagine the secret Uncle Crossdresser. It's very like that.

[Michelle Visage]

And he doesn't back. Say that, say that, say that.

[Ross Mathews]

So it's like, imagine I got a whole cabinet full of these little outfits that I like. I'll buy on Amazon or somewhere, and then I'll alter them with my sewing machine and then I'll, you know, wear them at home.

[Michelle Visage]

I kind of miss sewing. Do you think someday you would let me come over and just make something?

[Ross Mathews]

Absolutely not.

[Michelle Visage]

But.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah. No, I. I invited you to the studio.

[Michelle Visage]

At the studio.

[Ross Mathews]

But I invited you to the studio the other day and you said, I can't do it. I hate you.

[Michelle Visage]

That's not true. You were on FaceTime and you were like, you're still setting up.

[Ross Mathews]

I know, but you'll love it. It's. It's a great I Having in the studio is. Oh, especially when I hate my home. It's such a great place to like.

[Michelle Visage]

You still hate your Home. I hate it.

[Ross Mathews]

With a fire, fiery, furious passion. And every day that I wake up,

[Michelle Visage]

I thought you, like, loved your bathroom.

[Ross Mathews]

I love my bathroom. I hate my home. I hate it. And this is champagne problems again, because a lot of people don't have a home to hate.

[Michelle Visage]

Right?

[Ross Mathews]

But I. I'm a person that needs privacy, right?

[Michelle Visage]

Townhouse isn't private enough.

[Ross Mathews]

Are you kidding me? I could just have apartments.

[Michelle Visage]

I can basically, like, here, live above the gay bar. You need privacy.

[Ross Mathews]

But that was different, though, because they were.

[Michelle Visage]

But the gay sense. I need privacy. But men come up here.

[Ross Mathews]

That's different. I brought those men up on purpose. Also, there was. I live alone. I don't like sharing walls with people. I don't like living in a. In a complex. I like. I wanted to anyways, I'm gonna so worked up about. If I think about it, I hate it. I hate hating your home is, like, horrible.

[Michelle Visage]

It's tough.

[Ross Mathews]

And I do hate it.

[Michelle Visage]

I have an opposite experience, which is

[Ross Mathews]

you love your house because it's beautiful.

[Michelle Visage]

I love my house.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

Well, sometimes to this day, I've lived there, what, two years since the Reno. I'll just be working on my computer, and I'll just go.

[Ross Mathews]

That's what. That's what I used. I just burp. That's what I used to do when I would my other. When I. Yeah, yeah. I used to go up there, almost cry.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah.

[Ross Mathews]

Every day at sunset. Sometimes I would rush home. Other times I'd peep my head out of my bedroom to look at my living room and say, I'm so lucky. Because I looked at my. The way that had my living room set up with the stupid lanterns and the lights and the couch that was reupholstered. And I said, I love this so much. And I was, like, feeling so overcome with gratitude. Like, a real honest to goodness, like, sincere level of gratitude that I have not experienced to date.

[Michelle Visage]

Right?

[Ross Mathews]

Because I hate this fucking place that I'm at now. And I've already started to, like, make a checklist of the things that I would need to do in order to try and sell this home, this townhouse. And it's so daunting and it's so exhaustive and it's so expensive that I get completely flustered. I break down. I almost cry every time.

[Michelle Visage]

Why do you can't just paint it white? Move out.

[Ross Mathews]

That is easier said than done. Because half of the place like our. Because I've already started to, like, redo so much of it. Half of it's not done. Half of it is ugly as. So it would just. You'd have to go.

[Michelle Visage]

Which half is ugly? The one you did or you didn't do. I'm not joking. I can't.

[Ross Mathews]

The one I didn't do.

[Michelle Visage]

Okay.

[Ross Mathews]

Like the bathrooms, for example. So it's a three story townhouse. I hate that. Why I have that much space is beyond me. But like, I walk up the stairs all day. I know, I love stairs. If I could, I'd live in a, a three room townhouse with just stairs. I love stairs. I love, love, love stairs. That's not a problem. But it's. So there's like a, a full bathroom, two full bathrooms, and a powder room that need to be like ripped to shreds and redone. It's so expensive.

[Michelle Visage]

I saw a really interesting TikTok talking about bathrooms and they said, the secret to making your bathroom look good is do not decorate it like a bathroom.

[Guest or Producer]

Okay.

[Michelle Visage]

To say more, they said no shower curtains that look like shower curtains. No bath mats, no, like soap dish that matches a toothbrush holder. Like nothing bathroomy. They said oriental rugs on the floor. They said art on the walls, plants, fabric. Okay.

[Ross Mathews]

So that's like my bathroom. And I was like, wow, that's interesting.

[Michelle Visage]

That's cool.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah, I like that.

[Michelle Visage]

Now I'm interested in doing like, I want to do curtains like this in

[Ross Mathews]

my upstairs bathroom, drapes in the bathroom,

[Michelle Visage]

molds against the wall. So then it's the bathtub with drapes,

[Ross Mathews]

drapes, art on the wall, plants, a microwave.

[Michelle Visage]

Because it's the only room in my house that has no natural light. So I'm like, I might as well go cozy and make it feel kind of small in here.

[Ross Mathews]

You know? I hate natural light.

[Michelle Visage]

You do?

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah. Well, I mean, I don't hate it. I don't hate it.

[Guest or Producer]

Let me get that.

[Ross Mathews]

But I. I actually prefer artificial light because you can control it. I love you love something else.

[Michelle Visage]

Love it.

[Ross Mathews]

When you wake up, do you wake up with the sun? Like, does the sun come shining through your. Your windows and enter your face?

[Michelle Visage]

No, because everybody I've ever had a bed with wants them closed. Okay. I have like a. I hate. I hate

[Ross Mathews]

getting paid more than me.

[Michelle Visage]

No one I pet peeves is. One of my pet peeves is people who have every door and window closed during the day. Like, dark inside. You walk in, it's daylight outside. You go into someone's home. Darkness. The Crypt Keeper. I'm like, that makes me feel so claustrophobic.

[Ross Mathews]

Well, that's funny you say that. Because yesterday was the first time, probably in forever, that I opened every single window in my. In the. In the house to get the air. It wasn't. It was more about the. The air.

[Michelle Visage]

Did you fart?

[Ross Mathews]

No, but it's like the. How the air can get so stagnant and stale and I needed the cross breeze in every floor. But I felt like I was living in Armageddon because I could hear everything in the neighborhood. It sounded like people were barbecuing in my bathroom.

[Michelle Visage]

Oh, yeah. There's one food truck that used to come. Girl. There's a food truck that used to come when I lived at my studio.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

And that same truck now comes to my new house because they're building across the street. And I think the truck goes to where maybe people are working outside.

[Ross Mathews]

No, it's just following you.

[Michelle Visage]

And I. The horn is off tune in a way where I went. You're joking.

[Ross Mathews]

And it's all day.

[Michelle Visage]

No, not all day.

[Guest or Producer]

Okay.

[Michelle Visage]

But I was like, if I. I recognize that tune and the horn being a little off so fiercely. And if I walk out here and I see that truck painted the way in my mind it's painted, I know that I'm being followed. It's that truck. What did you. Maybe I just gotta buy a taco, maybe.

[Ross Mathews]

And then you can stop the.

[Michelle Visage]

And I famously love tacos.

[Ross Mathews]

Just walk outside and get the taco, you fat.

[Michelle Visage]

I just should wait for it. And then. Do you like ice cream trucks?

[Ross Mathews]

I love them. It was like. I was like, magical. When we were. When we were in the little kids,

[Michelle Visage]

we did not have that in the country, believe it or not, but we had. Do you know about this? I think it's Swanson. This ice cream truck that comes to your house like once or twice a year.

[Ross Mathews]

That sounds like a pita.

[Michelle Visage]

Order things like frozen meals, frozen dinners, ice cream. Like a girl. Like an adult Girl Scout. The guy would come. Am I crazy?

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

Swanson would come to your house, like, once a year and you would order, like, all your frozen meats for the year. Whatever.

[Ross Mathews]

Your frozen meats for the year.

[Michelle Visage]

A lot of people in the country have those huge freezers because the grocery stores are so far away.

[Ross Mathews]

Gotcha.

[Michelle Visage]

So you freeze everything.

[Guest or Producer]

Okay.

[Michelle Visage]

And that was thrilling because. Oh, my God, the Swanson guy came. Here's all the fudgy wedgies or whatever you want. Wow.

[Ross Mathews]

It sounds like.

[Michelle Visage]

Not fresh. It's frozen.

[Ross Mathews]

Frozen. I guess frozen stuff doesn't go bad, girl.

[Michelle Visage]

A few blocks from here, I saw some Girl Scouts selling cookies outside of A house. Back in my day, you had to order cookies.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

So how are these little. Getting cookies to sell in person? Is that cheating? Do the parents buy those boxes?

[Ross Mathews]

Wait, what are you talking about? They're not selling them.

[Michelle Visage]

I thought you order girl scout cookies and like 8 weeks later your niece

[Ross Mathews]

says, here they are.

[Michelle Visage]

But these bitches. Yeah. Had real. Real cookies on a table in front of the house. Beers.

[Ross Mathews]

Did you buy them all? What's your favorite Girl Scout cookie? Yeah, the. The tag alongs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

Tag alongs. Thin mints are great. The older I get. Shortbread.

[Ross Mathews]

What are the ones with the. With the caramel in them?

[Michelle Visage]

Oh, baby Samoa.

[Ross Mathews]

Those are my favorite.

[Michelle Visage]

I think in some markets they're called trefoils. Caramel delights. In some markets they're caramel delights. In some markets they're Samoas. I have the girl Scout cookie app.

[Ross Mathews]

There's an app? Yeah, the girl come when you.

[Michelle Visage]

It's a girl scout cookie finder.

[Ross Mathews]

What about boy Scout cookies?

[Michelle Visage]

I have little trackers on all these little girls. I just go to school or whatever and say like, hi, Betsy, you better get out here because.

[Ross Mathews]

Did you have. Did you have. I feel like it's like a. It's almost like. Not extortion, but like sending those girls out. I just feel like it's. There's something wrong with it. I feel like.

[Michelle Visage]

Well, you can't say no.

[Ross Mathews]

That's what I mean.

[Michelle Visage]

But I think back in. Back in the day, you could probably walk your daughter door to door. I don't know if I would bring a child door to door now.

[Ross Mathews]

No.

[Michelle Visage]

We had to sell.

[Ross Mathews]

At the Catholic school. We had to sell chocolate bars too, to fundraise for the. This private school they went to. It's just like such a crock of. And I felt like such a pressure and it was so out of line.

[Michelle Visage]

Will you a boy Scout?

[Guest or Producer]

No.

[Michelle Visage]

We'd be selling popcorn.

[Ross Mathews]

That's crazy.

[Michelle Visage]

The girls have cookies.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

And I have a tin of seeds.

[Ross Mathews]

Popcorn. Can't. There's not even popped.

[Michelle Visage]

No.

[Ross Mathews]

So you're selling seeds?

[Michelle Visage]

Seeds.

[Ross Mathews]

No way.

[Michelle Visage]

That's. With pictures of boys camping on it. Weird.

[Guest or Producer]

Weird.

[Michelle Visage]

You know what I mean? A little weird. Weird.

[Ross Mathews]

This bag of seeds.

[Michelle Visage]

Seeds. And then the girls have. Ready? Ready. Gorgeous.

[Ross Mathews]

Delicious. You can eat it, right. Then you can steal it from the girl. Eat it. Not pair.

[Michelle Visage]

And I think when I was in high school, the boxes were 250. They're probably up. They're probably more expensive now, but they

[Ross Mathews]

used to be like 1380.

[Michelle Visage]

We're getting old now, but it'd be like back in my day, girls cookies were 2.50.

[Ross Mathews]

I don't know about door to door selling. I don't think that's.

[Michelle Visage]

Is it even safe to trick or treat?

[Ross Mathews]

What?

[Michelle Visage]

Do you know what the. Chris, do you know what the Christians do?

[Ross Mathews]

What?

[Michelle Visage]

Hallelujah. Harvest.

[Ross Mathews]

Shut the up.

[Michelle Visage]

They have a parking lot at the church where people come dressed as biblical characters. No.

[Ross Mathews]

That's almost as bad as having Halloween on another night, which is what a lot of neighborhoods do. They say, well, it's on a Tuesday, so we're doing it on the Saturday before. I say, that's cheating.

[Michelle Visage]

We. My school used to always do it at three. My. My town always did like three. 30 to six.

[Ross Mathews]

Okay.

[Michelle Visage]

Right after school.

[Ross Mathews]

So it's not dark.

[Michelle Visage]

So you would. The school. Your class would have like a Halloween party. Do you guys have Halloween parties?

[Guest or Producer]

Of course.

[Michelle Visage]

You have a Halloween party and then you would leave and go trick or treat same day. Yeah.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah. So it wasn't dark. So you can get hit by cars and stuff.

[Michelle Visage]

But it was cold. We weren't winter coats.

[Ross Mathews]

There you go.

[Michelle Visage]

Dressed as Spider man and some with like a winter hat on.

[Ross Mathews]

Did the. Did the adults dress up as well or is that corny?

[Michelle Visage]

I think like a type of person would.

[Guest or Producer]

Okay.

[Michelle Visage]

Like your dad would be like, I'm dressed up as a Packer fan.

[Ross Mathews]

Okay. Gotcha, Gotcha.

[Michelle Visage]

Okay. Not that I have a dad, but yeah, I imagine. Did you watch the Super Bowl?

[Guest or Producer]

Of course.

[Michelle Visage]

Bad Bunny. I mean, Sex Machine.

[Ross Mathews]

I watched. I. Bad Bonnie. I watched. I didn't watch a Super bowl, but I subscribed to Peacock so I could watch the halftime show. 169.

[Michelle Visage]

This is how woke I am.

[Ross Mathews]

169.

[Michelle Visage]

I'm so woke that I was like, okay, I got invited to a party to go watch the Super Bowl. Let's go. And it was like a dozen gay people watching it. And I was like, wait, what?

[Ross Mathews]

But a dozen gay people.

[Michelle Visage]

12 TVs supporting Bad Bunny. And it said, we're around one.

[Ross Mathews]

Thank you.

[Michelle Visage]

Shouldn't we have all left our televisions on?

[Ross Mathews]

Shouldn't we have all paid169.99 to buy Peacock?

[Michelle Visage]

I showed up and I don't know what it is. It was. I'm happy to be invited to a Super bowl party, but I've gone to too many parties hosted by gay people in Los Angeles that there's no food and I will freak out.

[Ross Mathews]

Okay. So that is so weird.

[Michelle Visage]

I will freak out.

[Ross Mathews]

It's not A party if there's no food.

[Michelle Visage]

I got there, there was chips, dips, different guacamole. We brought a cheese board.

[Ross Mathews]

What about the wings? What about the wings?

[Michelle Visage]

There was no wings.

[Ross Mathews]

There's no wings. There's no burgers.

[Michelle Visage]

Oh, there was burgers and hot dogs. There was burgers and hot dogs. Oh, no, there. I'm not saying they had no food.

[Ross Mathews]

Oh, oh, oh, I understand.

[Michelle Visage]

I understand. I was happy to find food because

[Ross Mathews]

usually that's not the case. Yeah, that's crazy.

[Michelle Visage]

There were multiple people there that. I think their weight was in the teens.

[Guest or Producer]

Jesus.

[Michelle Visage]

And so they're doing G. I just broke the ice and was like, well, I'm just gonna get started on the food. Because I knew. I know. In any social scenario, like, does everyone eat before they go places, or does no one want to eat other people's houses? Because I show up ready to rub my ass all over the kitchen counter.

[Ross Mathews]

If I'm going to any function, you know where I'm going to the snacks

[Michelle Visage]

I'm going to eat.

[Ross Mathews]

And then if there's no snack Max, I'm going back home a hundred percent. Like, you know what I mean? Like, people go to. People always just at art school, they always want to go to the. The gallery openings because there was wine. That's it. There was just wine. Just wine. Maybe a little cheese.

[Michelle Visage]

I need food.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah, that.

[Michelle Visage]

And. And I've been really into these little bags of chips.

[Ross Mathews]

What kind of chips are they?

[Michelle Visage]

I'm gonna tell you. There's three favorites that I like. Really? With.

[Ross Mathews]

Okay.

[Michelle Visage]

Sun Chip Harvest, Cheddar. Gross Turnt. Love it. Put them on a sandwich even.

[Guest or Producer]

Love it.

[Michelle Visage]

Crunchy Cheetos.

[Ross Mathews]

Crunchy Cheetos.

[Michelle Visage]

Not puffed. That's sick.

[Ross Mathews]

Oh, Fried Cheetos.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah, the crunchy ones.

[Ross Mathews]

Crunchy Cheetos. Love it.

[Michelle Visage]

Tor.

[Ross Mathews]

Okay.

[Michelle Visage]

Doritos.

[Guest or Producer]

Doritos.

[Michelle Visage]

Doritos are the most important chip. It's life changing. I could eat a bag of it for dinner.

[Ross Mathews]

What about Cool Ranch?

[Michelle Visage]

Not cool.

[Ross Mathews]

Okay. I love that you said that. I love that you said that.

[Michelle Visage]

I feel so. Sticky agenda. Oh, I feel so sick. I hate it.

[Ross Mathews]

Oh, my God.

[Guest or Producer]

Oh, my God.

[Ross Mathews]

I felt like I was the only person in the entire world who felt this way.

[Michelle Visage]

I swear to God, I. I swear

[Ross Mathews]

to God, I would just scream. I want to take my clothes off. Don't touch me.

[Michelle Visage]

I can't stand it. I. Do you know how excited. Do you want some Doritos? Yes, I do. They're Cool Ranch. Instant disappointment.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah, I. I couldn. I would Rather eat any kind of your. Her animal bird. It tastes cool Ranch Doritos. It tastes like used floss.

[Michelle Visage]

It tastes like used floss.

[Ross Mathews]

And they smell foul.

[Michelle Visage]

Vomit foul.

[Ross Mathews]

And yet Doritos, on the other hand, are still a very strong, very strong flavor. Not a subtle snack at all.

[Michelle Visage]

No, Doritos are serious.

[Ross Mathews]

They're serious. And you have to have a breath plan.

[Michelle Visage]

You absolutely.

[Ross Mathews]

There's no like, it's like a finger plant. When you're.

[Michelle Visage]

Yes.

[Ross Mathews]

When you're a smoker, you have to have a, you have to have a post cigarette.

[Michelle Visage]

A propylactic. Yeah.

[Ross Mathews]

You have to have a strategy because you can't just walk into a room with a fresh cigarette breath. If you hadn't have a mint, a little piece of gum or something. You used to. You have to always think about that. Same thing with Doritos. But Cool Ranch Doritos are so disgusting to me and they always have been. And I've always thought I was the only person on earth who felt that way.

[Michelle Visage]

I can't stand ranch in general girl. And Cool Ranch.

[Ross Mathews]

I hate ranch as well.

[Michelle Visage]

You ruined the Dorito. You ruined my night.

[Ross Mathews]

You ruined my. You did it at my birthday dinner

[Michelle Visage]

and you did at my birthday and you did my birthday dinner.

[Ross Mathews]

Oh, while I was, while you were eating Cool Ranch Doritos, I was in Brooklyn.

[Michelle Visage]

I will say too, I like bad money, of course.

[Ross Mathews]

Oh, yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

So sexy.

[Ross Mathews]

I mean, I.

[Michelle Visage]

Sexy. He seems like. And I mean this lovingly. He nice and dorky, which is hot.

[Ross Mathews]

I know that man is lovely. I, I. And I, I know I'm. This is hyperbolic. I know. But I swear to God, he is to me. He's like, he, I find him so attractive in every single way.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah.

[Ross Mathews]

Like, and I just love.

[Michelle Visage]

I.

[Ross Mathews]

He's about joy and gorgeous love. Bad Bonnie.

[Michelle Visage]

And I love that whole middle. But something about me. I'm so not used to football. I don't know who those teams were and I don't care. The Seahawks, the cats I like don't care what happens. Every time Bad Bunny turned around with the football, I thought he was holding a baby. Like my brain could not accept that it was a football. And I kept going, oh, a baby. Oh, oh, he's got a baby. Oh, he's not a baby.

[Ross Mathews]

Bad Bonnie. He. Well then I watched a bunch of like conservative pundits like wax just get told tied up about his, his, his, his performance. And one stupid bitch online was like, she, I guess like she doesn't really know how to interpret anything because of Megyn Kelly. It was me. No, it was Laura Loomer. Megyn Kelly is like, she's. Now she's just trolling for, like, the lowest common denom. Denominator.

[Michelle Visage]

The other day she said, you guys keep calling him a pedophile. He's. These women were 15, 16. They're almost legal. Yeah. Laura Loomer was like, they're not nine years old.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah. Idiotic and just rancid. Laura.

[Michelle Visage]

Some.

[Ross Mathews]

This Laura Loomer on Twitter was like, how ironic that he, like, performs with these, like, electricity things when, like, Puerto Rico doesn't have, like, electricity. I was like, do you maybe think that that was the point? You stupid. Is it, like, does it. Does it have to hammer you in the head any harder to realize that something could be, like, symbolic or represent.

[Michelle Visage]

A, English is not this country's first language.

[Ross Mathews]

We don't have an official language. There's no official language in the United States of America.

[Michelle Visage]

And B, if you're gonna pick an art form where you do not have to speak the language to get something from it, it's music.

[Ross Mathews]

Music. Ho.

[Michelle Visage]

Like, hello.

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

I did not understand one word.

[Ross Mathews]

No.

[Michelle Visage]

And I loved it. And I think I got what I was supposed to get out of it.

[Ross Mathews]

What do you think?

[Guest or Producer]

You.

[Ross Mathews]

You roll. You scroll through my playlist, you think there's one. One English language song music? Yeah. It's great.

[Michelle Visage]

Don't know what it's about.

[Ross Mathews]

Don't need to know. I feel it.

[Michelle Visage]

I feel it.

[Ross Mathews]

I love Bad Bunny, and he's such a. It's such a. Like an easy dog whistle for people who are so ignorant and stupid and hateful and rotten.

[Michelle Visage]

It's weird. I saw somebody online say, like, if it was singing opera and it was in Italian, you wouldn't care that it's not in English.

[Ross Mathews]

No.

[Michelle Visage]

Why don't you think about that? Also, the people who need their own halftime show are the people who need their own bubblers.

[Ross Mathews]

Thank you. And also, he was in a lip sync battle with himself.

[Michelle Visage]

Do you know they had problems with the stream at the turning point usa. They had tons of live streams. They got the Netflix Love is Blind Live finale team on the job. By the way, that season has started. And I'm also watching that she's locked and loaded. A 90 Day Fiance. I know. We gotta go on 90 Day Fiance. There's a couple that's in a throuple with a girl. A guy and a girl who's with a girl, and they. To get the K1 visa. They have children. Okay. Are getting a Divorce so that one of them can apply for the K1 visa with their girlfriend.

[Ross Mathews]

Fierce.

[Michelle Visage]

You have children and you're getting a divorce.

[Ross Mathews]

Is that marriage for the girlfriend?

[Michelle Visage]

I don't think it matters.

[Ross Mathews]

No, it doesn't matter anymore.

[Michelle Visage]

It's a great season. It's really kicking off a lot of children. A lot of people with children this year, which complicates everything. Complicates everything.

[Ross Mathews]

Children are not a solution. They're a complication.

[Michelle Visage]

Oh, sorry. Yeah.

[Ross Mathews]

Oh, yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

Yeah.

[Ross Mathews]

Oh. So.

[Michelle Visage]

Ding, ding.

[Ross Mathews]

Well, we're gonna begin to wind down now, so, listeners, please unhook the. The clamps from your nipples.

[Michelle Visage]

This was a long one today. Sorry, everybody.

[Ross Mathews]

It's okay. Yeah. Sorry.

[Michelle Visage]

Okay. This is from Life Saving and Essential

[Ross Mathews]

from Gary Busey dot com.

[Michelle Visage]

This is from Mystery Mock. Five stars. So skinny. I can barely hear it. Seriously, though, this is my antidepressant. Who needs an SSRI when you get these legends? Skinny Legends. Even the most important podcast ever produced or that will be produced. More important than insulin, more vital than oxygen.

[Ross Mathews]

Thank you. And it's. It's fun to read a review that is not so like, oh, I guarantee

[Michelle Visage]

there's gonna be ones that are just like, did you pray today?

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah. This is great.

[Guest or Producer]

And it's. It's.

[Ross Mathews]

It's like. It's not hyperbolic, which you can appreciate.

[Michelle Visage]

It's a lesbian's phone. It's safe.

[Ross Mathews]

Can you guys tell that girl who laughs in the background to shut up?

[Michelle Visage]

Is that. Is that a comment?

[Ross Mathews]

Yeah. Okay. This is long.

[Michelle Visage]

What?

[Ross Mathews]

Okay. And then we'll end with this Cometown C U M. But for the lesbians, not only do I look forward every week to these two gay boys in my ear, but the way the world is right now, I just need big laughs. And they deliver. Thank you so much. Come town. Yeah.

[Michelle Visage]

I don't know what to say.

[Ross Mathews]

Well, I think we know what to say. Goodbye, Foreign. Monster Energy. Everybody knows White Monster Zero Ultra. That's the OG it kicked off this whole Zero sugar energy drink thing. But Ultra is a whole lineup now. You've got Strawberry Dreams, Blue Hawaiian Sunrise, and Vice Guava. And they all bring the Monster Energy punch. So if you've been living in the white can branch out. Ultra's got a flavor for. For every vibe, and every single one is Zero Sugar Tap. The banner to learn more. Weight Watchers now offers access to affordable GLP once it works for members like, I'm Haley and I've lost 100 pounds. Weight Watchers has everything I need from weight loss, medications, to nutrition support and help with my side effects. It's all in one place. Weight Watchers handles the insurance for you and offers affordable cash pay options. With our program, our members are losing more weight with expert nutrition and side effects support. I'm Mike and I've lost 135 pounds.

[Michelle Visage]

Weight Watchers prescribing GLP1 medications. It's been life changing.

[Ross Mathews]

I'm Sharia and I lost 80 pounds on Weight Watchers. I realized that it would take more than a prescription to lose weight and feel good on a GLP1. Better results, expert support, Lose more weight, make it last. I can't imagine doing a GLP1 without Weight Watchers. Get started for as low as $25 at weightwatchers.com glp1 for over 60 years, we've helped millions of members find what works for them. Now it's your turn. Weight Watchers Watch it Work.