You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya

Summary

Podcast Summary: "You're Someone or You're Someone Else"

Episode Overview In this vibrant and entertaining episode of The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya, hosts Trixie (Beautiful) and Katya (Guest) dive into a lively discussion covering a wide array of topics, from pop culture and personal anecdotes to mental health and travel experiences. Their dynamic chemistry and unapologetic humor make for an engaging listen that offers both laughs and insightful commentary.

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1. Pop Culture and Music Insights

Lady Gaga’s Songwriting Trixie and Katya kick off their conversation by dissecting a Lady Gaga song lyric, pondering its meaning and lyrical choices.

• Trixie [03:05]: “Before you forget, she was playing her piano with her gown on and she said, how many hair put my lipstick on in the glass of her boudoir?”
• Katya [03:43]: “I think she has her own. You know what? I think it was written by someone else.”

They explore the nuances of songwriting, highlighting how lyrics can sometimes be ambiguous or open to interpretation.

• Trixie [04:13]: “If it sounds cool and it works for you, then great. But you're Lebanese, you're Orient. You're so crazy to me. I think it's a big swing. It's a business. No, it's a bizarre swing.”

Beyoncé and Lady Gaga Comparisons The hosts express their admiration for Beyoncé's electrifying performances while juxtaposing them with their personal tastes.

• Trixie [12:17]: “I saw the Renaissance movie, the all three hours of it, and that show is electrifying. That show was truly electrifying.”
• Katya [12:17]: “Beyoncé would be complimented.”

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2. Transgender Life and Identity

Trixie and Katya delve into discussions about transgender identity, the complexities of labels, and the importance of self-identification.

• Trixie [02:45]: “Transgender life.”
• Katya [10:12]: “You just walked out like Morgan Wallen. You just left in the middle.”

They advocate for personal freedom and resist the urge to qualify or judge others' identities.

• Trixie [10:12]: “Don't vote for fucked up shit.”
• Katya [10:24]: “I don't think. I'm not either. I don't let you live. It's nobody's business.”

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3. Mental Health and Therapy

The conversation shifts to the significance of mental health and the benefits of therapy, intertwining personal experiences with broader reflections.

• Trixie [27:34]: “I get this strong urge to sleep on the floor sometimes. It’s the only thing that helps my back.”
• Katya [28:44]: “EBGLIS can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you're allergic to Eglis.”

They emphasize the interconnectedness of mental and physical health, sharing how therapy has positively impacted their well-being.

• Trixie [37:41]: “I started packing. You started packing?”
• Katya [42:21]: “What movie?”

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4. Movies and Television Reviews

"Hacks" Series Trixie and Katya provide an in-depth review of the TV show Hacks, praising its characters and storytelling.

• Trixie [37:34]: “I just pulled tracks from the show and pulled tracks inspired by the show.”
• Katya [39:20]: “It's like a really fucking well done series. It's so good.”

They highlight standout moments and character dynamics that make the show compelling.

• Trixie [38:26]: “She's so mean. I love how mean she is.”
• Katya [40:45]: “He was really trying to rip her off or something.”

"Old" Movie Discussion Their critique of the horror film Old showcases their ability to blend humor with candid opinions.

• Trixie [44:35]: “I like that movie.”
• Katya [44:45]: “I think the movie is one of the worst movies ever produced on planet Earth.”

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5. Travel Tales and Experiences

Airport Adventures The hosts share humorous and relatable stories about their experiences navigating airports, highlighting the stress and unexpected moments that come with travel.

• Trixie [49:18]: “When I get one morning off, I freak out.”
• Katya [50:05]: “If you have a hard stream of piss, you can hit Canada hard.”

Hometown Visits Trixie recounts her upcoming trip to her hometown in Wisconsin, detailing the limited amenities and her preference for Airbnb stays.

• Trixie [36:34]: “There are so many places in California I've never been Redondo. No.”
• Katya [41:56]: “It's the trap.”

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6. Personal Anecdotes and Relationships

Friendships and Family The duo discusses their friendships, family dynamics, and the joys of having nephews, blending heartfelt moments with their signature humor.

• Trixie [55:10]: “Look at this. Holy mama. This is what I looked like. Why is.”
• Katya [55:38]: “It's hard to get a kid. I.”

Everyday Life Stories From making breakfast to dealing with daily routines, Trixie and Katya provide glimpses into their personal lives, making their conversations relatable and engaging.

• Trixie [07:55]: “I used to put some butter.”
• Katya [08:30]: “I didn't know that.”

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7. Humorous Banter and Jokes

Throughout the episode, Trixie and Katya infuse their discussion with witty remarks, playful teasing, and candid humor that keeps the conversation lively.

• Katya [02:44]: “Exactly.”
• Trixie [25:00]: “Love is like a.”

Their ability to switch between serious topics and light-hearted jokes ensures a balanced and entertaining listen.

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8. Final Thoughts and Closing Remarks

As the episode wraps up, Trixie and Katya reflect on the diverse range of topics they've covered, reinforcing their bond and commitment to providing an authentic and enjoyable podcast experience.

• Trixie [56:04]: “God, what are they doing?”
• Katya [57:01]: “Have to purge it. We have to leave.”

Their closing statements leave listeners anticipating future episodes filled with more dynamic discussions and memorable moments.

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Notable Quotes:

• [03:05] Trixie: “Before you forget, she was playing her piano with her gown on and she said, how many hair put my lipstick on in the glass of her boudoir?”
• [10:12] Trixie: “Don't vote for fucked up shit.”
• [37:34] Trixie: “I just pulled tracks from the show and pulled tracks inspired by the show.”
• [44:35] Trixie: “I like that movie.”
• [55:10] Trixie: “Look at this. Holy mama. This is what I looked like. Why is.”

Conclusion This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya exemplifies the hosts' ability to blend humor with meaningful conversations. Whether they're dissecting song lyrics, sharing personal stories, or reviewing the latest in entertainment, Trixie and Katya deliver an engaging and multifaceted podcast experience that resonates with a diverse audience.

Transcript

[Bald]

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[Beautiful]

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[Guest]

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[Beautiful]

Why not?

[Guest]

Exactly.

[Beautiful]

Transgender life.

[Guest]

No matter what, Black, white or beige. Chola or Orient maid. Wait, no, no. No matter black, white or beige.

[Beautiful]

You know what lyric I got yesterday? I saw a tik tok of her singing this yesterday. It's so weird that you brought Lady Gaga. It was this morning.

[Guest]

What is it?

[Beautiful]

I was. It was this morning while I was cooking eggs. Eggs I had. Girl, I went big this morning.

[Guest]

But wait, what was the lyric?

[Beautiful]

Before you forget, she was playing her piano with her gown on and she said, how many hair put my lipstick on in the glass of her boudoir? And I was like, I never got glass. It's the mirror. She's calling the mirror the glass. I never got it.

[Guest]

Wow. Well, you know, I listen.

[Beautiful]

I mean, I thought it was a.

[Guest]

Wine glass pouring over the glass.

[Beautiful]

I thought a val, you know.

[Guest]

No, that lyric I always understood. I'm still at a loss of black, white, beige, chola descent. You're Lebanese, your Orient.

[Beautiful]

Yeah.

[Guest]

So, I mean, if you're thinking about. I don't want to drag her through the mud. Of course, she's a very talented, lovely woman. But when you're writing a song, you're a songwriter. Big time.

[Beautiful]

Big time. Huge. Huge, if true.

[Guest]

Walk me through this.

[Beautiful]

I think she has her own. You know what?

[Guest]

I think it was written by someone else.

[Beautiful]

Stan. Of that shit.

[Guest]

Of mischievous, of which it.

[Beautiful]

So you won't catch me.

[Guest]

No, I'm not trying to bring her down, pull her down. I'm not trying to drag her by any means. I'm really not. I'm trying to lightly pet her.

[Beautiful]

Right. It doesn't matter if you love butter or non dairy margarine. Put your claws up because you have toenails, baby.

[Guest]

You know? Yeah. I just think it's wild because I understand in songwriting, like, often it's nonsense. Look at some of the ABBA songs. Look at some of any songs. It's like, that's that mi espresso, you know?

[Beautiful]

Yeah.

[Guest]

Like it doesn't. If it sounds cool and it works for you, then great. But you're Lebanese, you're Orient. You're so crazy to me. I think it's a big swing. It's. It's a business. No, it's a bizarre swing.

[Beautiful]

The 2025 version would be, you're someone and you're someone else. You can't say anything.

[Guest]

I love that. Yeah, I love that.

[Beautiful]

It's like we are someone.

[Guest]

It's like you're North Canadian or you're from Laos.

[Beautiful]

It's too specific whether you're from Vancouver or Piedmont, N.D. were born this way. Now put your in the air and squirt. My mama told me that I was gay. You know, that's what, what I would.

[Guest]

Do looking at the glass of a crack pipe.

[Beautiful]

Can I say, you know, it's funny that you brought her up because I wrote down a bunch of topics to talk about today.

[Guest]

Girl.

[Beautiful]

Number what? Number one. Number one. I was making breakfast this morning and I watched a tik tok video of her singing that. Whenever I see her singing along with the people piano, I stopped swiping.

[Guest]

Yeah, yeah.

[Beautiful]

I always watch. She's incredible. If she could just sing like that, if she could just write music like that, if she could just play piano like that, if she could just dance, you'd be like love. Love any of that.

[Guest]

Love it.

[Beautiful]

Yeah, but she does it all. She does it at the same time.

[Guest]

In the multiple choice question of talent re Lady Gaga, it's all of the above, girl.

[Beautiful]

Stephanie showed up and showed out.

[Guest]

She does, she continues.

[Beautiful]

You were born this way.

[Guest]

No matter. You could be from G. Belgium or from the continent of Africa.

[Beautiful]

Maybe whether you're from Brussels or whether you're from Cairo. You better get that pride flag, bitch.

[Guest]

You could be one of those. Well, the thing is, you could be.

[Beautiful]

From Santa Barbara.

[Guest]

Or you could be. Well, I mean not, you know, Orient as it refers to people is not exactly politically correct.

[Beautiful]

Right.

[Guest]

Rugs are oriental. Let's say people are clean.

[Beautiful]

Yes. Yeah.

[Guest]

Well, yeah, I mean there's other.

[Beautiful]

When I use the word orient, I.

[Guest]

Feel like there's other three syllable words that describe a nationality. Big swathes of them, sure.

[Beautiful]

Well, you know, she's not coming on our pod, so she hasn't asked. She hasn't made an effort.

[Guest]

Wait, are you aware of this, the proliferation of a list celebs on like, I don't know what the term is. Like, not super duper popular, like podcasts, like love it. I love it too. But it's like, like lost culturistas, for example. I mean, I guess that is a.

[Beautiful]

That's pretty popular, isn't it?

[Guest]

Yeah. Okay. Damn.

[Beautiful]

Well, I mean it's like hate gay men.

[Guest]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Like the chicken shop girl, she's got Hugh Jackman.

[Beautiful]

Yeah. You know, Yeah. A huge Amman.

[Guest]

A huge. A huge ackman.

[Beautiful]

This morning I had a piece of wheat toast with butter. Then I had three eggs and two fake sausage patties for breakfast.

[Guest]

Fake as in they weren't there or they were fried.

[Beautiful]

You blowing ass. Coming through. No blowouts.

[Guest]

What now? How do we prepare the eggs?

[Beautiful]

Well, lately, I want. For a while, I was doing a lot of putting, like whipping them up and adding stuff. And lately I've just wanted salt and pepper, like butter in the pan, and just flip. Flip. That's it.

[Guest]

What do you call that? Is that sunny side up?

[Beautiful]

No. And I don't like runny. So I pop the yolk and. And pop the yolk and tell the joke. Ms. Stinky McGee coming through with the poke.

[Guest]

It doesn't matter if you're eating eggs or you're from Vietnam.

[Beautiful]

Doesn't matter if you're Catholic or something. Not Catholic.

[Guest]

See, there you go. That actually just covers everybody. Oh, my God. Wait, how do you prefer that? What's the. What is the. The. What is it scrambled over easy over medium?

[Beautiful]

I think it's over hard over. Hard over suggests you're flipping. Hard suggests you pop the yolk.

[Guest]

I didn't know that.

[Beautiful]

How.

[Guest]

What about a poached egg? What do you do?

[Beautiful]

Don't know how to do it. I heard you can do it in the microwave.

[Guest]

What about eggs Florentine?

[Beautiful]

Don't know what it is.

[Guest]

Okay. You could either be from Florence or you could be Florence Nightingale.

[Beautiful]

Well, I watched that TikTok of Lavina, the Amish girl, and she said, you know, she's like, I'm going to show you guys how to cook an egg. And she. She was like an Amish approach to cooking egg. You got to use a lot of butter. And I started doing it. It's incredible.

[Guest]

Like, on the pan.

[Beautiful]

Yeah, yeah.

[Guest]

I mean, of course you do. What else are you going to use?

[Beautiful]

I used to put some butter.

[Guest]

Just margarine stick, but I know I've.

[Beautiful]

Been doing more to make it, like, taste good.

[Guest]

Yeah, butter.

[Beautiful]

Butter makes food taste good.

[Guest]

You ever try ghee? G H E E. It's a gorgeous butter from India. Doesn't matter if you're Indian or you're something else.

[Beautiful]

Gay.

[Guest]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever tried ghee? Honestly don't know what it is. Oh, it's like.

[Beautiful]

Isn't it like a.

[Guest]

It's. I think it's falsely called. Falsely referred to as clarified butter. It's a very. Like.

[Beautiful]

Who would play her?

[Guest]

Great question. Caramel would play her. Honestly, Ms. Caramel 1999. Ms. Werther's original light. No, it has almost a caramel quality to it. It's a very dense.

[Beautiful]

Caramel quality is not a bad drag.

[Guest]

Name caramel quality in champagne.

[Beautiful]

Dreams caramel quality in champagne catalog.

[Guest]

What is it? What is it? It's. Oh, Champagne Cadillac.

[Beautiful]

I love that.

[Guest]

It's. What is it? It's caviar wishes and in champagne dreams and caviar wishes.

[Beautiful]

I think it's black, white, beige, Chola descent.

[Guest]

Yeah, you're.

[Beautiful]

You're lesbian. You're not lesbian.

[Guest]

I'm at the event. Wait, you're. You're.

[Beautiful]

We need to stop labeling people.

[Guest]

Thank you.

[Beautiful]

Let people eat pussy and not identify as a lesbian.

[Guest]

I love it.

[Beautiful]

You know, I feel like as gay people, we try to qualify people's gayness. Girl, if you're the type of gay guy who only likes your dick sucked, that's fine. And you don't want to say you're gay. I'm not like, up in arms about it.

[Guest]

No, I don't think. I'm not either. I don't let you live. It's nobody's business. Like, it's nobody's business.

[Beautiful]

And also, don't vote for fucked up shit.

[Guest]

Well, that's a different issue, though.

[Beautiful]

I hate when people are like, oh, a straight guy slept with you? Well, is he straight then? I'm like, yeah. He says it's.

[Guest]

Yeah, that's what he describes himself. What am I going to say? No, I know the truth about him. This stranger that I met on Sniffies, Right. I don't know.

[Beautiful]

I mean, it's like people qualifying, like, you're not a real Catholic or you're not a real. You know.

[Guest]

Now that's funky.

[Beautiful]

Now that's funky.

[Guest]

That's funky and fun.

[Beautiful]

Like you're not a real Catholic because you had an abortion.

[Guest]

Thank you.

[Beautiful]

Whatever.

[Guest]

You're not a real Catholic, has used a condom. Boop.

[Beautiful]

I just am really the. The infighting, the qualifying, the. The, you know.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Beautiful]

People deciding that they are the judge, jury, executioner of someone's gayness. I'm like, maybe that person's basically straight, but once in a while she sleeps with a girl, sweetie, let her live.

[Guest]

Thank you. I sleep on the floor sometimes, right? Boop.

[Beautiful]

That doesn't mean.

[Guest]

That doesn't make me, like, a crazy person. You know what I mean? Yeah. No, sometimes it really, like, you just need a little good old hard level out.

[Beautiful]

You do. I told my rheumatologist, I said, I get this strong urge to sleep on the floor sometimes. It's the only thing that helps my back.

[Guest]

You get a nice rug.

[Beautiful]

She said, that's than the textbook for. For arthritis, Love. It is like, if you have an urge to sleep on the Floor. I said, well, I love it. Am I a floor fan?

[Guest]

Do I have an urge to sleep on the floor? So we're on the floor.

[Beautiful]

The reason I brought you here today was to talk to you about how to raise awareness. How are these faggots going to obtain these Beyonce and Lady Gaga tickets? How are these faggots going to persevere? I. I really like that Cowboy Carter shit and I really like that mayhem, but I don't think I'm willing to die for it, sweetie.

[Guest]

Let me tell you something. I'm not a huge. I've. Beyonce is definitely not in my top five artists, you know, because they're all, like, irrelevant, bizarre Russian artists from the Truth.

[Beautiful]

Beyonce would be complimented.

[Guest]

Yes. Oh, yes. Thank God. Thank God that person with no taste doesn't like me. Yeah, I am. I'm at a loss because I saw the Renaissance movie, the all three hours of it, and that show is electrifying. That show was truly electrifying. Anyway, I mean, she really pulled that out and she put it in the wind for three hours. And so. And I think that you really did get a wonderful kind of experience no matter where you were sat. However, I am not into this country stuff. I'm not into this cowboy kind of do. Si. Do line dancing, yada, yada, yada. So I would not be attending this concert, but I am shocked that you're.

[Beautiful]

Going to see Morgan Wallen.

[Guest]

Oh, hello. Yes. Take Me to God's Country.

[Beautiful]

Oh, my God.

[Guest]

Can you get. I sure. Did you see, like, Take Me to God's Country. God's on a private jet, girl.

[Beautiful]

Did you see what I put on Instagram today?

[Guest]

Salt of the earth.

[Beautiful]

Somebody put Take Me to God's Country. There's a screenshot of our two chairs on a green screen.

[Guest]

It's so wild.

[Beautiful]

It's like, so awesome. So imagine going to Saturday Live. I don't know Morgan Wallen. I don't care to beat him, but imagine going and not just doing your job, which is to just wave to your fans for 10 seconds. It's like so, so revel in the exhilaration of doing. Doing this with these people.

[Guest]

Huge opportunity.

[Beautiful]

You could have a different political view and just say thank you for having.

[Guest]

Me, or don't go on the woke liberal media news outlet. You know what I mean? I'm not going to be.

[Beautiful]

Yeah, go on the funny conservative programs. Good luck finding one faggot. Okay.

[Guest]

I mean, I don't go down to Gatorville and do my drag on a swamp. A swamp boat. I Should. You know what I mean? I'm not going down the Grand Ole.

[Beautiful]

Opry, although Ray is going down there and she's marrying people.

[Guest]

But she's Ms. Tractor 1999. That's her. That's her jam now.

[Beautiful]

She's covering all that on a tractor. She's living her water boy life.

[Guest]

She's like, oh, she's a foosball.

[Beautiful]

She's on one of those. What are the boats with the oscillating fan on the back?

[Guest]

That's the swamp boat. It's the. It's the.

[Beautiful]

She's on the swamp boat. Girl. She's got. Don't forget me, long white chiffon caught in the.

[Guest]

Caught in the thing, head chopped off, immediately photographed. Photographed by Chuck Hard Nipples airboat. Yeah, yeah.

[Beautiful]

Looks fun, though.

[Guest]

Looks super fun. Well, no, the mosquitoes and all the humidity, not so much fun.

[Beautiful]

I've never been to the proper. What would you call that?

[Guest]

The bayou.

[Beautiful]

Yeah, no, like the swamp. The glades, the Everglades. Yeah.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Beautiful]

I've never really seen that, like in Florida. Yeah, I bet it's cool. But the heat.

[Guest]

The heat in the bugs is too much bug. Tina. Yeah.

[Beautiful]

Let me tell you about Los Angeles. I got a massage last week in my backyard with no bug tent, no nothing. No deet, no citronella candles, no nothing. No way.

[Guest]

Skin untouched by Ms. Bugolina.

[Beautiful]

90 minute massage, no bug bites.

[Guest]

Love it.

[Beautiful]

There are no bugs in L. A because they smell the air and they go.

[Guest]

We're not.

[Beautiful]

We're not dumb people. We're leaving. They live in. They live in.

[Guest]

They live in Lebanon, they're Lebanese, they're Orient.

[Beautiful]

They're living. They have a little. They have subsidized housing in Oceanside. They're good.

[Guest]

They're going to Vista Del Mar.

[Beautiful]

They're going down. There's so many places in California I've never been Redondo. No.

[Guest]

Manhattan.

[Beautiful]

I've never been to wine country. Northern California, to me is such a mystery.

[Guest]

Oh, wait, you said in California. I'm sorry. Okay. What about in LA though? Like. Or in Southern California? Have you been to Manhattan Beach? Redondo Beach, Palos Verdes?

[Beautiful]

I went to the gay one.

[Guest]

That's Ginger Rogers. That's. That's not really.

[Beautiful]

She certainly was not there. So they didn't work on the advertising.

[Guest]

I think it. Well, no, I think it may be something else, kind of Rogers, but they've dubbed it Ginger Rogers because it's the.

[Beautiful]

Oh, it's Will Rogers.

[Guest]

Will Rogers, Yeah. We say Ginger Rogers.

[Beautiful]

Yeah. And you know, I've gone down there and I never see like the sucking. I walk up to these people in their little towels listening to Lady Gaga and I'm like. And I go, are you gonna shuck his cock?

[Guest]

And they're like, you're like, are you Lebanese?

[Beautiful]

Are you Lebanese? Are you Orient? Well, then prove it. You need to get down there and gobble that chode, honey. You need to press that button. I'm not here to swim. Although, do you remember one time I went there? This is like last year. And remember I went there and I was like, you know, feeling very Caucasian bounced whale tea. Feeling very Caucasian beach whale tea. That's what I was really feeling.

[Guest]

Fat and white.

[Beautiful]

Yeah. Feeling sunburned, feeling unattractive, feeling B. Right. Got my free sunglasses on that say Tito's. Shout out to Tito's work. Tito hungover today, by the way.

[Guest]

Thank you. Tito's.

[Beautiful]

And I look to my left and fucking. I know we talked about this. Fucking Gigi coming out of the water throwing her hair back in a two piece swimsuit, flagrant.

[Guest]

And I'm like, beauty.

[Beautiful]

Oh, Gigi. GG I think it took her 17 minutes to realize, oh, oh, that's not a beached whale. That's not someone cat calling me. This is a friend or family member.

[Guest]

You know, it's Beerus.

[Beautiful]

It's fierce.

[Guest]

I mean, I love when a dog gets out of the water. You don't see that too much.

[Beautiful]

You don't see it too much.

[Guest]

I mean, it's truly breathtaking.

[Beautiful]

And she really gave. She cheated out to me as if I was about to take a photo. I think when you're a real model like that every moment is an opportunity. Yeah, they're like completely. Hello. Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Better help. I would like to be vulnerable for a moment. I have found that now that I'm so much happier and more, I feel great. I have been skimping on my talk therapy and I find that if I skimp on that, it manifests in my body. It's almost like my arthritis and my sleep and my body and the way I eat, my attitude all starts to tell me that I have been like skipping leg day mentally, if that makes sense. And your state of mind is just as important as your physical health. And with therapy, it's a really good reminder that all of that is. Can be very connected. Right. In western medicine, we think of our head and our body as like two different doctors. But me trying to take better care of my body has so much to do with taking the best care I can of my mind. Let's talk numbers. Traditional in person therapy can cost anywhere from 100 to $250 per session, which adds up fast. But with online therapy, baby, you can save on average up to 50% per session. Plus, I have a, you know, little offer for you to save even more, but we'll get to that later. Your mental health is so worth it. And now it's in reach. All right, I've benefited from therapy. I cannot tell you how much therapy helps my arthritis. I can't explain it, but, you know, your body tries to tell you things that your brain is like, too shy to speak up about. And it really helps with my pain management. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. And it's very convenient, you guys. Just last week my housekeeper was over and she was cleaning and you know, Maria doesn't need to hear about my personal struggles. And I love being able to take my computer in the backyard and just completely do therapy without having to get in the car or take an Uber and just have a private backyard therapy experience. If you got a roommate, it can be really embarrassing to, you know, do it in the common space, but you can do it anywhere. Do it in your room, closet. Your well being is worth it. All right. Visit betterhelp.com bald today and get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp h-e lp.com bald bald. Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful sponsored by Airbnb. You guys, I'm currently planning another trip up to Wasaukee, Wisconsin, my hometown. Hi, Wasaki. Hey. Hey to the folks. And like I told you guys, we got two motels in town. And honestly, when I go up there, there's almost no restaurants in that town. There's only maybe you can go eat at the bowling alley or like, you know, if you're lucky enough, maybe one of the restaurants on the weekend will be open. But like on a Tuesday night when I might get into town, if I don't eat dinner by like six, I'm messed up. So I love staying in an Airbnb because there's going to be access to a stove, a fridge. All I have to do is bring a few ingredients and I can make myself breakfast. I love to make eggs and toast in the morning from scratch, like, you know, without having to go out and find food. I'm one of those bitches. Who wakes up hungry? Okay. And it's great because I can travel with friends. I could pick people up in Milwaukee with my. And then drive them up north. And then me and four friends all can have our own bedrooms, which is so much better for a trip than like four hotel rooms where you don't see each other. So if you're planning a trip or going back to visit your hometown like me this year, consider hosting your home on Airbnb while you're away. It's the perfect way to earn a little extra cash to put towards your next vacation fund. Or that treat yourself splurge purchase you've been eyeing. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.com/host.

[Guest]

Do you know Alex Khonsani? She is a. Is transgender diva model. Like, the high fashion model was probably one of the funniest people in the world. She.

[Beautiful]

She's known a fabulous notary public. Yes.

[Guest]

The only notary public. Yeah. You have a document in the northern hemisphere, Mama, you need to go to miss. Ki.

[Beautiful]

Guys go to miss.

[Guest]

But she's the one who's like, did you pray today? Did you pray today? Okay.

[Beautiful]

I've never heard that.

[Guest]

She is so you got to get. You got to get into her.

[Beautiful]

When's the last time you really prayed?

[Guest]

Thank you.

[Beautiful]

Never.

[Guest]

Oh, I don't know. No, I pray. I prayed a lot. Pray.

[Beautiful]

Who about what?

[Guest]

You know, there are different things, certain issues, different like, you know, activities.

[Beautiful]

No, I could tell some time you prayed when you, like, are about to open a piece, an item of Taco Bell, and you're. You asked for no cheese, Mama.

[Guest]

That's a. That's a hope in a dream, not a prayer.

[Beautiful]

And they cheese on there. What do you think 50% of the time when you ask for an item?

[Guest]

No, no, no, no. To their credit, it is very rare. Although, I gotta tell you something. When I went to, I was. I often get to the point during the day where I'm starving for lunch because I don't really love lunch. And so the other day, I begrudgingly shuffled over to Irv's Burgers right there on Santa Monica Boulevard, and I say, this is my order. I sound like a crazy person. I sound like Amy Adams or something, like Julianne Moran's safe. I'm like, can I get a hamburger? Just. Just bun and meat, no cheese. I don't want a hamburger with any cheese on it. No cheese, no sauce.

[Beautiful]

I think we just want it plain.

[Guest]

I want it dry.

[Beautiful]

There is no Cheese.

[Guest]

That's what you think. But I gotta reiterate after. After decades of being disappointed and being thrown in the mud.

[Beautiful]

Yeah.

[Guest]

So I was like trying to make myself extremely clear. Annoyingly clear. Ridiculously clear. So I get home, there's cheese on the burger. I throw it. I threw the burger across the room and I screamed. Luckily, it was just a half a block away, so I marched my ass right back and just said, there was cheese on this.

[Beautiful]

Oh, thank God.

[Guest]

Yeah. But I'm telling you, I can't. It's. I can't do it. It's like, oh, did you want period blood in your shake, ma'am? Well, I would actually prefer that than cheese.

[Beautiful]

You just walked out like Morgan Wallen. You just left in the middle.

[Guest]

I hugged. I hugged Jenna Ortega or wherever the fuck it was. Oh, no, Mikey Madison. I gave her a kiss and I just stormed out onto my private plane because I need to go back to God's country.

[Beautiful]

Get me to God's country.

[Guest]

What do you think?

[Beautiful]

Which is what?

[Guest]

It's just people who are like honest, Bible thumping, God fearing, red state folks who are the true heart and soul of America. The true heart and soul of America.

[Beautiful]

The flyover states are not a monolith. I need these people to all figure it out because did you see what happened in Wisconsin this week? It was horny. It was really horny. So Wisconsin has a weird law where people can spend a lot more on elections. And this was like the most expensive, corrupt. Well, Elon Musk was giving away. He flew to Green Bay to give away a million dollar check to someone he was paying voters to vote.

[Guest]

Isn't that illegal?

[Beautiful]

He was tweeting, oh, if you're in Wisconsin, go door to door and if you're knocking on doors, have them take a picture with the Republican candidate and I will Venmo you$20 or some shit.

[Guest]

That's. Doesn't that. That sounds like against the law, baby.

[Beautiful]

This all out the window.

[Guest]

I get this.

[Beautiful]

He was, he was on the news being like, you know, on Fox News, like, you know, or however he does. It's very. Yeah. And he was saying, oh, it's razor thin race. It's a razor thin race. That's why I'm going to Wisconsin to spend all this money. What he didn't tell people is that he's currently in like a lawsuit because Wisconsin doesn't want any. Wisconsin only allows car sale selling companies. They don't allow, like, I think they have laws where they don't allow people to go there. And be the company and sell their own cars. They use the dealerships or whatever. And he was trying to get around that and be fierce and cute. So.

[Guest]

Oh, with his.

[Beautiful]

He obviously has his own motives. There's pictures of him in Wisconsin with a cheese head on, being like. Like, my hat. I'm like, bitch, name a packer.

[Guest]

Hello, fucking mouth name. Name a city girl.

[Beautiful]

Name. Cheese.

[Guest]

Thank you.

[Beautiful]

Say where you are on the map even. Thank you. And so, you know, for him to go to Green Bay, which is a very, like, you know, red part of Wisconsin, and you don't do that, try and take him shit. It's like, who cares? And then he fiercely. They fiercely lost by 10%. He spent millions and millions and millions of dollars. Love was like $24 million or something.

[Guest]

Mommy. That $24 million could have gone to the local homeless shelter. God's country.

[Beautiful]

I love to see people lose money.

[Guest]

Well, you must love.

[Beautiful]

You know, get this.

[Guest]

Love being friends with me. Love.

[Beautiful]

Well, I'm DJing on next Friday. I'm DJing the Hacks premiere party.

[Guest]

Yes.

[Beautiful]

And I watched Hacks.

[Guest]

Oh, baby.

[Beautiful]

Yes.

[Guest]

Ooh, the rain. No other way.

[Beautiful]

Because I. I sat down with my computer and I watched the show, and my. And I pulled tracks from the show and pulled tracks inspired by the show.

[Guest]

So let me.

[Beautiful]

Loved it.

[Guest]

Let me tell you something. So I remember everything because I've legit watched every episode three times. So in the first season, you know, the fabulous blackjack dealer, the girl. The girl they were. So they play a song by Selena Gomez in the car where she sings. Yes, she sings it. It's so funny. I actually thought that was a fake song created by the show to, like.

[Beautiful]

Just, you know, to make it seem kind of like a.

[Guest]

Kind of bad.

[Beautiful]

A bad pop song. Yeah.

[Guest]

And then I was like, whoa, this was a hit. This was like a hit. I needed to hate you to love me. Or something like that. It was very unmusical. Very not. But I guess it was a big hit anyways. Okay. Another chance for selenators to come and call me. Jobless. Stay mad.

[Beautiful]

Stay mad. Jobless.

[Guest]

Keep crying.

[Beautiful]

Keep crying, bald jobless.

[Guest]

But I. What did you think? It was great, right?

[Beautiful]

It was great. I'm on happy, like, maybe three episodes into season two.

[Guest]

Oh, fab.

[Beautiful]

It's great.

[Guest]

The first. The pilot's really cunt.

[Beautiful]

The pilot.

[Guest]

The pilot's really cunt. The. The. The. The scene where she comes into the. You know, she interviews Deborah's house, and then Deborah chases her down the driveway and offers her the job is so great.

[Beautiful]

I cried a few times.

[Guest]

Yeah, it's. It's. It's a dramedy, honestly.

[Beautiful]

She is such a good actress. The part where Jean Smart is telling her that she tried the new material, and she's like, you know. And her dad. The girl's dad dies.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Beautiful]

And she's. Ava. Ava's dad's dead and they're sitting in her childhood bedroom. Oh, Deborah Vance. To show up to her dad's funeral.

[Guest]

That was a big one.

[Beautiful]

Do the crowd work and make everyone laugh.

[Guest]

It was beautiful. Yeah.

[Beautiful]

And Hannah is such a good actress. And they're both such good actresses. And then the part where I cried a few times, the part where she's like, so you tried the new material? How did it go? And she was like, I bombed. But she is talking like somebody who's been on autopilot as a comic for all these years, and she's talking about the thrill of bombing. And you see it in her eyes. And she's such a good actress.

[Guest]

You're just like, she is legendary. Ms. Jean Smart serves it to you. She really does.

[Beautiful]

Pretty.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Beautiful]

And all her every delivery. So dry. She's so fudgeing. Mean and that. I love how mean she is.

[Guest]

Oh, yeah.

[Beautiful]

Guarded, I guess, is the word. It's unfair to call her mean. She's.

[Guest]

No means. She could be pretty mean. I mean, but, like, you know, it's always coming yours.

[Beautiful]

Understand where it comes from, let's say.

[Guest]

No, no, not, you know, not. Not. Not vindictive or anything. Well, whatever.

[Beautiful]

And then the scene where she has that blowout with Ava and she goes like. And she goes. Because she's. She's. She finds out that she went to that job interview.

[Guest]

Yes.

[Beautiful]

And she's those. This is my life. And she's telling her, like, you know, my career is not something for your fuck with. This isn' job. This is my life. I was crying. I keep crying.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Beautiful]

I stay crying. Couldn't believe that guy she fucked killed himself.

[Guest]

I act. You know what's funny? I saw that coming.

[Beautiful]

You did?

[Guest]

I did. I was like, so this is obviously too good to be true. This person is not going to be around it. What's the scam? I was like, there's going to be a big scam with this guy. I thought he was either going to rip her off or something, or there was going to be something bad happen. I was not surprised. But that was great.

[Beautiful]

Did I. I think I told you about this. Last time I was in Vegas, they were doing Formula One. Do you know what?

[Guest]

This is car racing.

[Beautiful]

Okay. So they have these. They don't.

[Guest]

Drag racing.

[Beautiful]

The real drag race.

[Guest]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if they're drags.

[Beautiful]

Drag Race has been real silent since Drag Race showed up.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Beautiful]

Honestly, because drag racing is. Fuck. Who cares?

[Guest]

Who cares?

[Beautiful]

Driving in a circle. That's just called trying to find a parking spot.

[Guest]

Thank you. Thank you. That's called going to Koreatown for dinner.

[Beautiful]

Hello. Yes. So I was there, and they had a hotel room for me.

[Guest]

That's so la.

[Beautiful]

It was so real, though. It was those glasses, big glass walls, like in the episode.

[Bald]

Yeah.

[Beautiful]

And I could see that they. Formula one race on the street. On the street. So it's blocked off. And they have these giant lights installed. Watching cars drive faster than I've ever seen in my life.

[Guest]

I mean, it's sc. I think it's scary.

[Beautiful]

It is scary. I was pretty drunk, so I was kind of like. It was almost cartoonish where I was like. It's like I couldn't believe how fast they were going.

[Guest]

It's really wild. Yeah. What other moments of hacks have you. What about Kayla?

[Beautiful]

I text Meg. I said, I'm watching your program. And she was like, what program? And I was like, I'm watching hacks. I said, I love all your hair and makeup and outfits. Also that. Her putting on the pajamas, the silk laundry, and getting on the bed and.

[Guest]

When they go and renting him, like, a Lamborghini. Yeah.

[Beautiful]

So fierce. And her dad being like, you know, her being unfairable is so funny.

[Guest]

So good. She's like, do you need. I mean, she's just so wildly, hilariously inept at every single part of the job. It's so great.

[Beautiful]

She's so mean. I don't really magnetic.

[Guest]

Oh, are you kidding me?

[Beautiful]

I am like, I'm watching for her and her scene. I'm just like. And then obviously her counterpart, the gentleman.

[Guest]

Who plays her boss, Paul Downs, co writer.

[Beautiful]

He has to. He has to. Phoenix, Arizona. It's all these robocalls, Mary.

[Guest]

I've been getting spammed with the wazoo list.

[Beautiful]

It's wild. He has to be with her and ground the scene and be so for real. She's so bogus. They are so good together.

[Guest]

It's. It's the Jimmy. Kayla chemistry. It's such a great, like. Because it's just such a good symmetry of these, like, pairing off chemistries. Like, the dynamic between Ava and Deborah is so, so compelling. The dynamic between Kayla and Jimmy is so compelling. The dynamic between what's his name? Damien and Josefina is so compelling. And then Deborah and the Marcus. I mean everybody. It's like such good. Everybody's doing their best.

[Beautiful]

Yeah, it's really.

[Guest]

It's like a list.

[Beautiful]

Yeah, I knew I would love it. I just happy I had a paid opportunity to watch it. I know where I could go DJ the party and I've never seen it. So I'm finishing binging it this week so that when I get to the party, I'm ready for the premiere.

[Guest]

Yes, I'm. I'm jealous because I can't go. I'm going to see Orville's gala.

[Beautiful]

Oh, fudge. Orville. He's always doing something.

[Guest]

I'm worried, Mary.

[Beautiful]

What about?

[Guest]

I'm worried about this production of Cabaret.

[Beautiful]

Why?

[Guest]

I hope it's not too long.

[Beautiful]

Girl, people don't know we're going to see Orville's. He's doing a preview kind of night for his friends and family for Cabaret. We're gonna.

[Guest]

It's a gala.

[Beautiful]

A gala or a gala gala.

[Guest]

Not really sure which.

[Beautiful]

You know you gotta wear a suit.

[Guest]

So that's what I want to talk to you about.

[Beautiful]

We're fine.

[Guest]

You want to make money, wear a suit.

[Beautiful]

I can. I. I have one nice suit and it was given to me. Sia gave it to me from her husband's closet. I think she was like, you're rich, figure yourself out.

[Guest]

Listen for the folks at home. You know, folks at home might not know I am not an economist. But I know that the best defense against financial ruin is a side ponytail.

[Beautiful]

RuPaul is killing on the tick tock mama.

[Guest]

She's killing me. She's. Can I help you? Bag on the side of the head. Just. Why? I just.

[Beautiful]

She posted one today. It was like, don't worry about how many tiktoks I'm making.

[Guest]

Cutting me up. Cutting me up.

[D]

This episode of the Bald and the Beautiful is sponsored by Blissey. While I am a follicularly challenged human and prefer to go through life with my beautiful head on full display, I still have skin on my head as well as on my face. And that skin needs moisture even when I sleep, I don't have time for crazy facials or days at the spa. I have things to go and places to be. So instead of getting up at the crack of dawn to undergo a seven step moisturizing routine, I get a head start while I sleep with a thing called Blissey. Blissey is an award winning dermatologist. Recommended silk pillowcase that protects my delicate skin with naturally hydrating silk fibers that keep me moisturized all night long. Plus, they're easy to care for and machine washable. Since I started sleeping on this little piece of magic, I've noticed how Blissey has helped me to wake up fresh as a daisy, looking less like a gargoyle and more like a regular human man. Don't let regular pillows make your hair look like one of my wigs.

[Guest]

After a show where the H Vac.

[D]

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[Bald]

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[Guest]

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[Beautiful]

The other scene I love from hacks was when it's Deborah's last show. And I also love her dynamic with the guy who owns the hotel who she's kind of.

[Guest]

Oh, Marty.

[Beautiful]

He's so Would love wood.

[Guest]

Love that guy. Love the palm. Yeah.

[Beautiful]

Shooter McGavin. Shooter from Happy Gilmore.

[Guest]

Oh, Oh, I don't know. I've never seen it.

[Beautiful]

Oh. Happy Gilmore is an Adam Sandler movie where he's a golfer.

[Guest]

Oh, sure, sure.

[Beautiful]

And his golf rival is him, the actor.

[Guest]

Shooter McGavin.

[Beautiful]

Evil. And he's so fun.

[Guest]

He's such a great. Everybody's doing it.

[Beautiful]

Awesome. I love the scene where it's her last show. And her agent. What did you say his name is?

[Guest]

Marty.

[Beautiful]

Marty comes up.

[Guest]

He's. He's.

[Beautiful]

The hotel owner is like, no, no, no. Her agent.

[Guest]

Oh, Jimmy.

[Beautiful]

Jimmy. Jimmy's like, when my father died and you trusted me to be your new manager. It just maybe. And Kayla walks up and goes like, you got this, bitch. It cuts him off that. She is so funny. I watch it like three times.

[Guest]

She's like. She's like, what's your skin? What's your skincare routine? I use Vaseline. Yeah.

[Beautiful]

I. I was in my house alone.

[Guest]

It's cunty.

[Beautiful]

Like. Like doing this. Like.

[Guest]

Yeah. I mean, having really like, having it. Being a big fan of, like, prestige tv because I. The issue. I have a lot of network comedies is that they're just kind of cornball. They're kind of cheesy, wheezy. So, like, this was like such a great breath of fresh air. And I honestly think that my evaluation of this, this whole show is that there are two episodes during season three that are not spectacular, but they're certainly not bad. And that's it. That's the only weakness in the entire series for me. There was a couple episodes where there's.

[Beautiful]

Like, ah, that was good.

[Guest]

But, you know, didn't. I don't want to watch it again that much. But that was it. It's like a really fucking well done series. It's so good.

[Beautiful]

The only problem is I don't like tension. I don't like to be stressed out. And right now in the series.

[Guest]

What's going on?

[Beautiful]

She just found out that Ava left that voicemail and told all her tea and she was flipping out. She was like, you ungrateful and throwing at her. So I just got there.

[Guest]

Is this the season cliffhanger?

[Beautiful]

I don't know. That's wherever I am.

[Guest]

Okay. It's. Yeah, it's a lot of.

[Beautiful]

I mean, I came Home drunk and watched it. So I was kind of like, what.

[Guest]

About the scene where she tasks her to go into the antique shop and get that salt and pepper shaker?

[Beautiful]

Yeah.

[Guest]

So funny, so fierce, so, so good.

[Beautiful]

I love when characters are bad at lying.

[Guest]

Yes, she's very bad at lying. But it was like kind of a Devil Wears Prada moment that ended really sweetly. I love that.

[Beautiful]

Devil Wears Prada.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Beautiful]

What are we gonna do when to get the Gaga and Beyonce tickets.

[Guest]

Okay.

[Beautiful]

Not that we're going, but if we were gay.

[Guest]

If we were gay, so.

[Beautiful]

So we were going.

[Guest]

If we were gay and not in the industry. God bless you. Good luck, and have a great time doing that. But because we're in entertainment, I feel like it's not so much of a reach to assume that we could reach out to one of our colleagues or agents or whatever. I mean, like, you want to go to Madonna Mirror. You got on stage with Madonna.

[Beautiful]

Yeah. You know, you want to make more money? Wear a suit. Wear a bag on the side.

[Guest]

Can I help you? You know, but, like, I don't want to. I don't like concerts. I need to sit down and miss Grandma.

[Beautiful]

That's how I feel, too.

[Guest]

Yeah, I miss Grandma. I mean, I guess. Also, I don't do stadium shows. I'm sorry about it.

[Beautiful]

I know.

[Guest]

It's just too many people. The logistics of getting in and out stress me more than the desire I have to see.

[Beautiful]

I feel trapped. Are you kidding me?

[Guest]

It's M. Night Shyamalama. Ding Dongs. The trap.

[Beautiful]

It's the trap.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Beautiful]

Girl, can I tell you what I did last night?

[Guest]

Please?

[Beautiful]

So my friend Robert was like. He's one of my friends who I always want to hang out with and just never lines up.

[Guest]

De Niro.

[Beautiful]

Yeah, of course. Bob Pattinson. I call him Bob. Bob Pattinson. He. Bob Patterson. Skinokee, Illinois. Wait, wait. Was it Diane? What is it?

[Guest]

It's. Oh, what? It is. Loreen.

[Beautiful]

Doreen.

[Guest]

Doreen Kavanaugh. Yes. Doreen Kavanaugh.

[Beautiful]

Good old Kavanaugh. You know what the best thing about that morning was? I think we talked about this. We're on the plane, and you weren't feeling and I weren't feeling it, and I was seated right behind you. And some days when you're at the airport and I know you're not living. I just want to, like, see what I can with. I just want to stick some fingers in there and see what feels wet. You know what I mean? Like, check it out. And I just tap her on the Shoulder. She turns around the airplane like this.

[Guest]

Yeah. I was like, what?

[Beautiful]

And I.

[Guest]

Game changer.

[Beautiful]

Doreen Kavanaugh, Piedmont, N.D. game changer.

[Guest]

Flip the script completely.

[Beautiful]

There's nothing worse than someone I played who wants to talk.

[Guest]

No. And let me tell you something. This not to.

[Beautiful]

That would be brief.

[Guest]

We went when we returned from Durham, North Carolina from a fabulous show. Thank you very much. Five and a half hour flight. I delivered. What did you do?

[Beautiful]

Flop? Where were you, honey?

[Guest]

No, the five and a half. The five and a half hour plane. Now you say. I say five and a half hours and you're like, ah, it's three movies. Maybe Godfather 1 and 2, but like.

[Beautiful]

You know, love to watch movies on the plane.

[Guest]

You know, here's the thing. I don't. Why do you. I do it out of. Out of a breathless, desperate attempt to make the time go by. Even though I don't like that. I don't want to waste time to just throw hours away. I need to live my life to the fullest. I need to grab it by the carpe diem konase. You know what I mean? I don't want to just waste, erase whatever. In any case, no lay down beds. Oh, so sad. And then. Do you agree? I mean, it was like a 10 hour, 5 hour end with Taylor Swift.

[Beautiful]

That was honestly.

[Guest]

I lost a whole half day of skiing.

[Beautiful]

Skiing. That was honestly. I think it was five hours. It was felt eight at least. That was M. Night Shyamalan.

[Guest]

We went through a wormhole.

[Beautiful]

We went through a black hole.

[Guest]

I'm telling you, something happened.

[Beautiful]

I got off that plane with a walker like I was an old man.

[Guest]

When we got off that, it felt rotten and wretched.

[Beautiful]

The beach.

[Guest]

If it did, thank you.

[Beautiful]

What is that?

[Guest]

The plane that makes you the. The. Yes. Old. It's just called Old.

[Beautiful]

The beach.

[Guest]

Well, it was a beach. It was a beach. You know.

[Beautiful]

Roy Rogers.

[Guest]

Hi, my name is Midsize Sedan and Hello, my name is Ashley. I have a calcium problem.

[Beautiful]

You might.

[Guest]

You might see me crab walking later on. I don't know.

[Beautiful]

What is that about?

[Guest]

Have you not seen the movie?

[Beautiful]

What movie?

[Guest]

Old.

[Beautiful]

Oh, yeah, I have.

[Guest]

Okay. You know, Ms. Crab walking calcium deficiency.

[Beautiful]

Oh, that's who you're talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's cunty. I love the scene where that, that mom just goes half deaf. She just turns her head and lose her hearing.

[Guest]

What about. How about. How about all the. The foreshadowing exposition that was not at all clunky like in the beginning when the mom tells the daughter, I can't wait to see what you sound like singing when you grow up.

[Beautiful]

Yeah.

[Guest]

And weren't the kids, but not the brother and the sister just. They were two other people.

[Beautiful]

They're not kids. They turn into adults.

[Guest]

And then they went in that tent toddlers and turned, like, came back, like, in their early 30s. Love. Yeah. And the pregnancy went like this fierce, Hunty.

[Beautiful]

Really fierce.

[Guest]

It's very bad. Very, very bad.

[Beautiful]

I like that movie.

[Guest]

Well, it's.

[Beautiful]

It was scary.

[Guest]

It's a good bad. Like, it's a. It's not a boring bad. Do you know what I mean?

[Beautiful]

Why do you think it's bad? Do you think the movie's bad?

[Guest]

I think the movie is one of the worst movies ever produced on planet Earth.

[Beautiful]

Old.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Beautiful]

I didn't think it was that bad.

[Guest]

Well, I. I saw it in the theater with my friend Sam and Sam and. And. And Joseph. And half of the time was spent like. Like, it was. It was so bad, right? It was so clunkily written because, baby.

[Beautiful]

Go see Snow White. I know Gal Gadot in her show choir performance of a lifetime. It's so crazy.

[Guest]

I watched another clip of her. Some of her line deliveries today, you know, outside of the. The good old, you know, classic hits we always see. But, like, I was like, oh, baby, I can't see that. It just makes me irate. It and just.

[Beautiful]

You don't taste it. I'm like, Video Village, the director. Sit behind the camera. You don't taste that?

[Guest]

I think. I don't. I think it's payola or some shit.

[Beautiful]

I should make the girls read. I don't care how famous people are. Make them read.

[Guest]

What do you mean?

[Beautiful]

Make them read for it.

[Guest]

Oh, no shit.

[Beautiful]

And offer only hoes. They act their way out of a paper bag basket it gave paola.

[Guest]

It gives payola.

[Beautiful]

Get Meryl down here to read for it. Get the. Get the good good.

[Guest]

She already did. Into the woods, into the woods, into the woods. What's your favorite musical?

[Beautiful]

Little Shop of Horrors.

[Guest]

Oh, yeah.

[Beautiful]

Can't Beat it.

[Guest]

Do you love the movie version with Rick Moranis and Steve Martin?

[Beautiful]

Of course. And I've seen the stage version probably 10 times.

[Guest]

Do you see the one with Vicky Vox?

[Beautiful]

No.

[Guest]

She ate literally in that. Yeah. She was country in that one.

[Beautiful]

So my friend Robert.

[Guest]

Oh, yeah.

[Beautiful]

Like, let's hang out. And you know when somebody actually does something very out of character in la, which is like, make an effort, have.

[Guest]

A friendship, or show up.

[Beautiful]

Yeah. I was like, okay, keep a plan. He's like, he's Australian and I don't know how to do that. So it's like he was like, I'm going to go down to High Top for Survivor. And I said, okay, why don't you stop at my house?

[Guest]

I'd like for you to come. It's a can.

[Beautiful]

I said, I don't want to go to Survivor. But I said, because I've been to that High tops on accident on Survivor night. And you walk in. Yeah, Los. Los. Feliz.

[Guest]

Feliz.

[Beautiful]

You walk in, you would swear it's a Drag Race finale that falls on the night of a Super Bowl. That falls on the night of a christening.

[Guest]

What are we talking about on ours?

[Beautiful]

And it's packed.

[Guest]

Okay, okay.

[Beautiful]

People go there at like 5:30, start getting seats. They're screaming, what? Survivor.

[Guest]

I'm a Survivor. Wait for the show. The show.

[Beautiful]

But nuns. Like, yes, these people are there.

[Guest]

I don't think you.

[Beautiful]

Like, it's the Hunger Games. Like their children are in the Hunger Games. They're there watching like, it's like Must.

[Guest]

See TV plus the end of mash, plus the finale Sopranos, plus the finale of Lost, plus the super bowl, plus Drag Race, plus the moon landing.

[Beautiful]

Right. And you know, they watch it in gay bars. And you know, in reality tv, you only get one or two details about each person. So you're like, oh, so. And so is playing because, you know, she has her kids.

[Guest]

Kids, sure.

[Beautiful]

And so. And so is really religious. And so they start somebody from Lebanon and they're not even sure about their names, so they're like, oh, I hate that guy who drives that truck. Like, they take the one detail they know about the person that one legged.

[Guest]

Yeah, that.

[Beautiful]

That soccer mom with the short hair, you know, and these people are just, you know, crawling through dirt, scaling walls. They. They told me somebody, I said, I know that they used to get rice for food, but now someone told me they get 200 calories a day if they can't find anything else. And they're also. It's early in the season and then you get a glow up. They said all of them get really tan and like fit. So you're kind of watching the. The OG it's the OG the swan.

[Guest]

It's like, yeah, it's the swan. The. The dehydrated swan.

[Beautiful]

The dehydrated swan.

[Guest]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Beautiful]

So I'm there watching and people are screaming, screaming for these like, granola people. Just like nobody like writing names and saying, like, today I don't. I Didn't like you or whatever.

[Guest]

You know, I'm so fascinated by that.

[Beautiful]

They.

[Guest]

They look, they live six seasons now or something. And mama, they're not. They're not bopping or bumping or. Or sucking or slithering on each other. Not at all.

[Beautiful]

Yeah, Sia used to watch it and pick up the phone and call the producer and be like, I liked them. The person who lost. Let's give them money.

[Guest]

Love that.

[Beautiful]

The Hunger Games.

[Guest]

Oh, my God. It's like. It's like sending. It's like putting money in the commissary of a jailer. You know what I mean? I know. Yeah. Damn.

[Beautiful]

So I went to that and I, you know, one thing led to another. One drink is four drinks. And then I came home and took the edible and. Yeah, then smoked the weed.

[Guest]

Yeah, and then fired up the pookie and had people run train on you all night.

[Beautiful]

So then it's like 1:30. I'm trying to play PlayStation. I'm like 1 eye open. The Survivor because I had to be here at noon. So I was like my one day off. And this is what happens when I start to get overworked.

[Guest]

Okay?

[Beautiful]

When I get one one morning off, I freak out.

[Guest]

What do you mean?

[Beautiful]

I stay up too late.

[Guest]

Oh, you go hard.

[Beautiful]

I get a pizza.

[Guest]

You work hard. You play hard.

[Beautiful]

So I do too much.

[Guest]

That's okay. You're 35. 36.

[Beautiful]

Don't we. Oh, I thought we had a show this weekend.

[Guest]

Are you 36?

[Beautiful]

35.

[Guest]

35.

[Beautiful]

Starting solid. Pink disco this weekend.

[Guest]

Starting solid in America. This weekend in America.

[Beautiful]

Toronto and Austin.

[Guest]

Toronto and Austin. That's Canada.

[Beautiful]

North America.

[Guest]

Oh, I thought you said America. Oh, you said North America. I'm sorry, I don't want to gaslight you any more than I. I did mean North America.

[Beautiful]

It's the only Canadian date. Is Toronto.

[Guest]

Love Toronto. Is it Toronto or Toronto? Who cares?

[Beautiful]

I don't know. You know, that shit's like a 40 minute flight from Milwaukee. She. We're almost in Canada.

[Guest]

Sweetie. Sweetie.

[Beautiful]

You. You.

[Guest]

If you have a hard stream of piss, you can hit Canada hard. Stream of piss coming out.

[Beautiful]

Do you pee in the yard?

[Guest]

Which yard?

[Beautiful]

Your own yard.

[Guest]

Don't really have a yard. Okay, well, I have a yard at my rental. I. I don't think I would do that because it is outside and I think I would be ogled in.

[Beautiful]

You know, I pee in the yard every day.

[Guest]

Now, where are we? What are we talking? What's the conduct? You go outside, I pick a tree.

[Beautiful]

I pick a bush. I pee.

[Guest]

You. You put what. You go down on a floor, is. Lift a leg?

[Beautiful]

No, I just stand. I pull the pants down to the ankles. I play on my phone while I just pee in the ground.

[Guest]

How about this one? I was in the bathroom, right. Just not 50ft from here. Pulled my. I was standing up.

[Beautiful]

You pulled out your cock?

[Guest]

I pulled out my cock. I pulled my pants and panties all the way down to the ankles. And then I put my hands on the wall like I was being frisked at a prison. A women's prison.

[Beautiful]

Yeah.

[Guest]

And then I just. I. I did hands free pee pee into the. Into the toilet. And it was. It was a remarkably aimed. What do you call that? It was a bullseye, love. Yeah, I just thought that was really interesting and I needed to share that.

[Beautiful]

Yeah, I think it's weird to pull the pants all the way down in a.

[Guest]

In a urinal. Definitely.

[Beautiful]

A lot of Twitter porn is. Is in bathrooms, mama.

[Guest]

Let me tell you something, girl.

[Beautiful]

Everybody's. And sucking at the Golden Corral in the handicap stall.

[Guest]

I get it. I understand it. I can see people are horny. Listen, people are horny all the time. That's a reality, right? That's a reality. People are horny all the time. Many men, many gay men especially. Or just many men are horny all day long.

[Beautiful]

They're jerking off.

[Guest]

They're jerking off.

[Beautiful]

They're having sex. They're doing oral.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Beautiful]

They're doing butt licking.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Beautiful]

They're doing, you know, types of grooming to prepare. It's either you're having sex or you're preparing for the sex.

[Guest]

Sweetie. Or recovering from the sex. You know, refractory periods, but still getting.

[Beautiful]

Hot to have more sex with hot.

[Guest]

Cooling down in order to heat back up.

[Beautiful]

Right?

[Guest]

Yeah. But at the airport, for some reason, me personally, it's not an erogenous zone. It's not an erotic arena.

[Beautiful]

Everybody's at the airport.

[Guest]

I get it.

[Beautiful]

Everybody's open grinder at the airport.

[Guest]

Well, here's the thing. Imagine for the average Tom, Dick and Harry, they don't travel for work every week. The airport is an exotic experience.

[Beautiful]

It's huge for them.

[Guest]

Yeah, huge. No, honestly, do you know how much.

[Beautiful]

I laugh when we travel with someone and they're like, well, we depart Friday, so it's Monday.

[Guest]

I probably show up on Wednesday.

[Beautiful]

I started packing. You started packing?

[Guest]

My mother. It's crazy. My rule, I think I've said it before, is that for every. For every day you're gone, it's a half an hour of Packing. So if you're gone for five days, you can do, like, about two hours of packing.

[Beautiful]

Are you out of your mind?

[Guest]

No, but two hours before you leave.

[Beautiful]

My men's. My. My personal bag, not my drag pack that in 15 minutes.

[Guest]

Oh, but yeah, that. You're. You're advanced level Zelda.

[Beautiful]

You know, I'm on that type of. You wouldn't understand.

[Guest]

You're on Mortal Kombat 15.

[Beautiful]

Also, I wear the same fives, 10 outfits to the airports, to the shows.

[Guest]

Because I'm doing Sega Genesis Left to.

[Beautiful]

Right, 5am when we're going to the airport. I like a top and bottom matching set. I'm not trying to. I'm not trying to serve the girls at the airport. I'm not trying to. My travel looks. We're not doing all that.

[Guest]

No, we're not doing all that. You know, I've brought. I am quite. I am surprised. Shocked. Pleasantly so that the silicone lubricant that I've sometimes not often pack on my. In my toiletry bag that I check has not exploded and ruined every other thing in that suitcase because that is a. That's a ticking time bomb.

[Beautiful]

Silicone lubricant. Yeah. That will ruin all your clothes.

[Guest]

It will ruin everything. It'll ruin my reputation.

[Beautiful]

Yeah.

[Guest]

When that nasty, slimy bag comes across on the conveyor belt that has, like, infected other people's bags with my horrible, shameful lubricant, you know?

[Beautiful]

Yeah.

[Guest]

So embarrassing.

[Beautiful]

Remember what happened to your nephew?

[Guest]

Yes, he died on the conveyor belt. No, no, no. What could have happened?

[Beautiful]

Well, remember there was, like, lube on.

[Guest]

The floor and you were like, no, I was injured. But if he had been there, how.

[Beautiful]

Do you explain that death?

[Guest]

Death, yours? I'd be like, dan, your son died because I'm gay. You know what I mean? Like. And that would have been true.

[Beautiful]

She could make another one.

[Guest]

Yeah. He had a vasectomy.

[Beautiful]

It's so expensive to get babies.

[Guest]

Wait, wait. Can I show you my two nephews really quick?

[Beautiful]

Sure.

[Guest]

Because they're so cute. They're so fucking cute. My God. My sister just had another baby and she is the best person in the world. And catch these little fuckers.

[Beautiful]

Oh, my God.

[Guest]

So on the right we have Owen, who's the. The older one, and then Benjamin is the new. The newbie.

[Beautiful]

Oh, my God.

[Guest]

Aren't they so precious?

[Beautiful]

Newborn.

[Guest]

So precious. Precious. Angels.com.

[Beautiful]

Very cute.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Beautiful]

And the other one is Graham, right?

[Guest]

No, Graham is my. My brother's kid.

[Beautiful]

Oh, right, right, right.

[Guest]

Yeah. Owen. And you got Three nephews. I sure the do. Look at this. Holy mama. This is what I looked like. Why is. Why is it happening? Why are all my nephews showing up like me?

[Beautiful]

Mama, is what you look like, sweetie.

[Guest]

Darling.

[Beautiful]

He's got the beginning of a nice set of teeth too. He's really taking you copying yourself, ho.

[Guest]

Head with nice teeth. That's my jam. Stop. Stop reheating my nachos.

[Beautiful]

Stop reheating my nachos.

[Guest]

One last one. Look at the. Look at the joy. Look at the fucking joy of that.

[Beautiful]

It's hard to get a kid. I.

[Guest]

It's hard to get.

[Beautiful]

It's expensive. If you can't have one, it's really hard to wrangle one. Catch a phone star and put it in your pocket. That's me, a little baby.

[Guest]

And stuff it in your pocketbook.

[Beautiful]

Baby. Go to Target. And you, if you have a kid at target, look to your left, look to your right. There's 100 chance that I have a fishing pole with a suction cup on it. I'm trying to. On the top of that, there's another.

[Guest]

100 chance I'm driving a popemobile, the Soundproof. And I go a vacuum. Suck your child into it. And then I speed down the freeway.

[Beautiful]

Hell yeah.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Beautiful]

I said, hell yeah, brother. Get me to God's country.

[Guest]

Yeah. You're Lebanese, you're Orient.

[Beautiful]

God, what are they doing?

[Guest]

They're doing crazy wonderful God God stuff in God's country.

[Beautiful]

God fearing country.

[Guest]

Poor went out for Morgan Wallen. Poor went out for Lebanon, for Beyonce, for Gaga.

[Beautiful]

Morgan Wallen.

[Guest]

Did you wait very last thing. Did you see the people lamenting Beyonce's tickets of like. Oh, God. It was a guy singing a song. Blackbird watching in the parking lot.

[Beautiful]

Black bird watching in the parking lot.

[Guest]

Ticket so high. I can't go to the show. So funny.

[Beautiful]

So did you see Kid Rock at the White House?

[Guest]

Mama, I don't need to see all that in drag.

[Beautiful]

Basically looking like a pinata of Uncle Sam.

[Guest]

That's a generous description. That's it. Yeah. A meth, a pookie. Uncle Sam as a pinata girl filled with pookies.

[Beautiful]

Pinatas are better made and I'm allowed to hit it with a stick.

[Guest]

That's an offense to pinatas. I was girl.

[Beautiful]

Absolutely.

[Guest]

Hornet's nest full of meth.

[Beautiful]

You know what? I just can't. You know what I just can't with anymore. What kind of phrase is it where it's like. What do you call, like, expletive or whatever? Where it's like the greatest. The greatest that ever was.

[Guest]

Everyone's been saying hyperbole, hyperbolic.

[Beautiful]

The greatest ever was even greater than everyone's been saying. A lot of people have been saying these sort of just nothings.

[Guest]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Beautiful]

Have to be. We have to purge it. We have to leave. Leave them in the spiritual realm.

[Guest]

Well, good luck, miss, because that is. That is half of Trump's vocabulary. He's like, a lot of people really love this. You know, sometimes you get to a. You know, you're finding yourself in a situation where people don't like it, but then, you know, a few months later, people are loving it. So that's kind of the deal here.

[Beautiful]

Yeah, it's like. It's like, are you selling hermit crabs at a seven mile fair, bitch? I do not.

[Guest]

Like, I don't want to buy your 711 word salad.

[Beautiful]

You sound like. Like for. Like you're telling me about some puppies in the back of your truck. Yeah, they all got their shots.

[Guest]

Like, you know, like the planes, you know, you go through periods with the planes don't work, and then they go through periods where they work. So, you know, it just sort of happens.

[Beautiful]

I'm like, what, girl? They didn't work the other day when we were in that wormhole, sweetie. But watch out for the wormholes pouring.

[Guest]

Out for the wormhole. We'll see you next time.

[Bald]

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