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Jared Freed
It better be the perfect weather when I come up there soon. I will not have it. I need to get in that pool. Is it ready?
Jordana Abraham
It's open. It's ready, yeah.
Jared Freed
Oh, I'm bringing my swimmies.
Jordana Abraham
Mike and I are more proud of this pool than anything else we've ever accomplished.
Jared Freed
I would be too. It's a two year process. Seriously, the pool took longer than the babies.
Jordana Abraham
Seriously. Hello and welcome back to the Friday Feels episode of the UF podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.
Jared Freed
And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana. I got my. My crab mug here. My favorite mug.
Jordana Abraham
It says crabby till I get my coffee. And there's a picture of a crab holding two cups of coffee for anyone.
Jared Freed
Angry crab.
Jordana Abraham
An angry crab.
Jared Freed
You are.
Jordana Abraham
Really? If you move to Florida, do you just turn into someone's like, grandma, like,
Jared Freed
immediately, like, I'm the tchotchka king.
Jordana Abraham
Yes.
Jared Freed
Seriously, do you have it in a. Do you have it.
Jordana Abraham
Do you have them behind a glass breakfront in your dining room?
Jared Freed
You know, I had this theory. I do. I had this theory that when men get a girlfriend or get into a relationship, you have all this other time that you used to use to try and that you have to, like, put into something. Like, I had a buddy that, like, he started baking biscuits and I was like, what? And he was like, yeah, I got really into the butterfat content. And, like, that's why men have a shed. Like, it's like, oh, yeah, What's Mike into? What is Mike's display like? And if you're. If the guy you're dating has no weird hobby or weird thing he's into,
Jordana Abraham
he's cheating on you.
Jared Freed
He's cheating on you. Yeah. It's over. Yeah.
Jordana Abraham
Well, I think that's like, how you slowly devolve into, like, that dad stereotype of, like, the dumy for modern families because you just kind of have this extra time. Mike likes running and he likes. We have this little, like, greenhouse thing. So he's gotten very into, like, plants.
Jared Freed
Really? So he is a green thumb. He is.
Jordana Abraham
Does. He's trying to. He's not doing that.
Jared Freed
So he's, like, researching, and he's looking it up and taking some. Some. Some happiness from planting and seeing it grow.
Jordana Abraham
Yes. He's like, yeah, he's gotten into the gardening situation, or, like, wants to. He's like, it's. It's a. It's a work in progress.
Jared Freed
Right.
Jordana Abraham
The thing about. The thing about gardening is that you spend, like, ex. You spend a lot of money and time and energy on growing something that you could pick up at the store for, like, $2. Like, you could pick up, like, a whole. All of the lemons that he's trying to grow. You could pick up at the store. But I guess you don't get the same sense of fulfillment, right?
Jared Freed
Well, if you had. If you grew those lemons while on a deserted island, you would get a lot more satisfaction. You'd be like, oh, my God, I. I made this thing. And if you do it in your yard, you're like, you're shitty lemons compared to the ones done with chemicals, right? Yeah, they're, like, huge, right?
Jordana Abraham
Yeah, they're, like, small and green and tastes like. But, like, you grew them yourself. So there is a sense of pride in that, but. Yeah. What's your. What's your weird hobby?
Jared Freed
I guess I'm. I'm starting to figure out. I got to figure out where I fit in in the weird hobby world. You know, I. I. My weird hobby is probably comedy golf. Golf is.
Jordana Abraham
Comedy is more of your job.
Jared Freed
I know, but I. I love doing it. And the, you know, standup. Standup, you have to, like, treat like a. Kind of like a. A car you're working on in the. In the garage. Like a. Like a classic car. You, like, always tinkering, you know? So I think that's, like, what makes a good act. I think if you force an act about, like, I think if you. If an act is desperate, it's probably hacky, in my opinion.
Jordana Abraham
Oh, for sure. I mean, anything's desperate, right?
Jared Freed
Like, if you see someone. Like, there was, like, this whole thing about, like, Spirit Airlines went out of business. So, like, every comic that had a Spirit Airlines joke about how it was the greyhound of the sky and how it was. How horrible Spirit was. Like, there was, like, all these tweets and threads about, like, oh, you got to retire those jokes. And I'm like, if you have that joke, you're desperate for a laugh. Like, you're desperate to just. There's a desperation. Like, Spirit Airlines retiring shouldn't ruin your act if it did. If you have to go. Remember Spirit Airlines you're fucked. You know, like, right, you know, like. So if you're tending to an act, it's a little bit more hobbyish. I don't know, maybe I sound like a snob.
Jordana Abraham
No, I think the hot, the. That's when you know you've made it, when you can do things with that. It's kind of like dating. If you're dating would bring it back to our. You know, the theme of our show. If you're dating with a desperation, you. You come off, like, not great. If you're dating is like, I'm gonna go and see if I'll have a good time if you date like men do.
Jared Freed
Right.
Jordana Abraham
See if I have a good time
Jared Freed
like a man. That brings me to my question I was going to ask you. I saw an article that was about how the cost of dating has gone up and people are, Are not dating as much. Do you think that dating is a luxury good?
Jordana Abraham
I guess. I mean, people date in college when they don't really have any money, but I guess that's not really dating. That's more like hooking up.
Jared Freed
Right? I mean, but that is looking for love. That is looking for companionship. Is companionship like a, Like a normal good? Is it like, you know, in economics, there's a thing I, I took. I, I kind of like looked this up the other day because I was thinking about you and the podcast and things I wanted to ask you, and I looked up this.
Jordana Abraham
Well, while you're, While you're looking for that, I've always thought, like, I think you could, I think certain kinds of dates, maybe people can't afford anymore, but a date is like, it's just a hangout with someone that you are interested in sexually and maybe a relationship. So, like, I've always said this about guys I went on a date with. Like, I'd rather be taken out for pizza. Then, like, go somewhere really nice. That's like a flex. And like, I'm not sure. And I feel like I owe you something.
Jared Freed
Right. Well, I guess on that subject. But I guess if we're to get heady about this, I could take you to the park for a first date. And that's actually a pretty reasonable first date. A walk at the park where no money is spent. Now date two. If I'm like, hey, I got this other park we could go to. You're going to go? Well, you know, I guess, sure. And then if day three, if day
Jordana Abraham
two is a coffee date, that's not great.
Jared Freed
Not great. But you, I think you if you like the guy, you go, oh, well, we get to spend time together. Okay. He found a nice, if you found
Jordana Abraham
a nice coffee place, that sexy coffee spot.
Jared Freed
Right. And that doesn't, that could, honestly, that would run you 20 bucks for two people, if you really think about it. And if you get to date three and the guy's like, hey, want to go on a walk again? Now you're like, what the is going on? So at some point, right, money has to be spent.
Jordana Abraham
And
Jared Freed
can you actively date if you have no disposable income?
Jordana Abraham
You're saying for men or women?
Jared Freed
That's an interesting question, too. I think, I think, I think women can. That, that's my, my, my, my opinion is that women can, but I, I don't think you'd be dating comfortably. You might feel like you. I, I wouldn't want to feel like I owed someone or be afraid that they're like, hey, let's split it. And I'm like, oh, the, the, the jig is up, you know?
Jordana Abraham
Right. Yeah. I think that, like, monetarily, it's a bigger issue for men. I would say, on the whole, not. But also, women do a lot of, like, spend a lot caretaking in order to, like, get ready for a date. That's expensive. Get a manicure, do your hair. It's time, you know, time is money.
Jared Freed
But if a woman said to me, if a woman said to me, hey, you know, I'd love to do dinner tonight, but I just, you know, I just, I, I, Dinners doesn't work. Do you want to go for a walk? I wouldn't be like, wow, she's trying not to spend money on her hair and makeup. But that could be a good excuse for not spending money on hair and makeup, you know?
Jordana Abraham
No. Because a woman is still spending money on hair and makeup, even if she's going on a walk with you, that's
Jared Freed
still fair, but it's a different hair and makeup. Yeah, I, I would, I would say, like, if you couldn't afford, you know, I, I don't know. I, I, if you're doing hair and makeup anyways for work, that's a societal thing. That is the caught. What do they call that? The pink tax. Yeah. So that being, I don't know, I, I, that being worked in already, I do think it's different. Yeah.
Jordana Abraham
I think, like, dinner dates are probably expensive. Like, if I was a guy and I, you know, I know a lot of, I've known a lot of single men over the years and things like that, like, I Could. I've heard many men complain about the price of dating. Dating for a. I think dating for a man is more expensive and then being in a relationship for a woman is more expensive. Because if you're in a relationship as a woman, eventually you start paying for. Unless you have like, a very specific kind of relationship, which I don't think is like, necessarily healthy. But eventually, like, there becomes a point when the, like, that initial phase is over and people are pretty much splitting things at least.
Jared Freed
I, Well, I just, I. I guess is it better to think, like. Because if you think of dating as like, something everyone deserves, like, as if you think love is deserved as a walking, breathing person here on earth or something you get with the cost of admission onto earth.
Jordana Abraham
I think you can still find love with no money. Do you?
Jared Freed
Yes, I think so too. But I do think that would be very difficult. I think it would be easier in a certain other time where it's like, hey, we all live in the same area and you're at one farm and I'm at another farm or even in college.
Jordana Abraham
We're in like, we all kind of have.
Jared Freed
Right.
Jordana Abraham
No real money.
Jared Freed
Right?
Jordana Abraham
Well, I think money. I think money becomes a factor in who you're looking for and who you wind up dating. I think it's not, it's not taken out of the equation. I mean, what do men look for on the app? Mostly, like, the physical pictures, the penis does the picking, and women are looking at, like, are considering the job, I think, a lot more than men are
Jared Freed
considering the safety of the man that they are getting involved with. And part of safety is, you know, money and financial security. Right. So because I was, I was like, you know, the cost of dating going up. And I'm like. And then they're saying, well, people aren't dating. And I'm like, well, you could still find love. I, I agree with you, but it would be. There's a point I don't. Well, I think because the dating apps. And we're going to get to this new Bumble feature. The dating apps cost money. So now you've created a scenario where there is a cost of admission to dating for some, you know, if you consider the dating apps, like the option where you can only find, you know, love or as part of the, the pie chart of what. Where you could find love. Now it costs money. There's an actual price to it.
Jordana Abraham
I mean, maybe to maybe like for a. For to date in the formal way and just like, I think like anything else that limit. Limit your options. If you can't afford to buy a drink for someone, yes, a lot of people won't be interested. Just like a lot of. Just like anything else that you have or don't have.
Jared Freed
No, I, I, you. Right.
Jordana Abraham
Like, just like the woman with her gap tooth from last week. Some people won't be interested. That's okay.
Jared Freed
That's, that's, that sucks. But then the breaks, kid.
Jordana Abraham
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Jared Freed
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Jordana Abraham
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Jordana Abraham
Let's get into this Bumble feature.
Jared Freed
So tell me about the Bumble feature. Because you, you had read about it.
Jordana Abraham
Yeah, this has been popping up around me. So Bumble, which I feel like has gone down a lot lately in popularity since, you know, I was dating, I feel like there's a lot less people I ever hear meeting on Bumble. Talking on Bumble.
Jared Freed
Well, Bumble's original premise made a lot of sense at the time. At the time, at the time, it was this female empowerment of you. The women have to talk to the man first and that would allow the man to talk to the woman. And I actually thought that was a bad thing. I was kind of alone, in my opinion. Well, just because it directed men to who would want, who would, who was the most willing to f CK them.
Jordana Abraham
Right. Well, I've always said, I've always said that about Bumble was the idea kind of felt like to me it was taking something that was already made easier for men by dating apps and making it like even easier. Like it was taking all the work away from men.
Jared Freed
Right. It kind of.
Jordana Abraham
Because if someone messages, they don't even have to message you.
Jared Freed
Right? It was if you, because if you got 10 matches as a guy you didn't know what level of interest those 10 had. And now this was one of the 10 going ooh me, ooh me. And now you're like okay, right, I'll zone in on this. 1 of 10. I would have thought. Not to be too plain about it, but that's the truth.
Jordana Abraham
And I've also heard anecdotally that the, you know the new age of up in. In up and coming daters, the I like gender is just much less of a construct for them. So they're like turned off by an app that like so that limits things by gender.
Jared Freed
Right. And. And Bumble made a ton of money and had you know, I mean Whitney Wolf I think is her name who started it.
Jordana Abraham
Yes, she's back. She left and now she's back.
Jared Freed
So she's back to reignite a company that she started. So now they're changing the app. So they're trying to fight dating burnout by moving away from swiping and adding an AI matchmaker called B to help people make more meaningful connections. The new get it like a bumblebee. A bumblebee. Listen, Whitney is a creative genius. We have to hand it to her. So Bumblebee, the AI helper is going to help the the AI dating assistant BE rather than endless swiping, BE learns your interests, lifestyle and relationship goals to automatically present you with highly compatible curated matches. Chapter based profiles Traditional static profiles are being replaced with story driven introduction. This allows users to share more detailed personal narratives rather than just basic photos and a short bio. AI profile and photo guidance. The app features built in AI tools that analyze your photos and provide real time actionable feedback to help you build a conversational, authentic and highly engaging profile. Dates feature. A dedicated tool designed to specifically help users smoothly transition from online conversations to real life meetings. UPS message first adjustments to accommodate modern dating habits and reduce user fatigue, Bumble is altering the long standing rule that required women to send the first message in heterosexual matches while maintaining the overall ethos of the feature.
Jordana Abraham
Okay, so they've heard us talking. They're basically saying that like they're getting rid of the thing where women have to me message first.
Jared Freed
Right.
Jordana Abraham
But they're keeping the ethos which basically means it's a safe place for. For women. The they're still like does that's them covering. Covering their ass. Yes.
Jared Freed
So they're saying they're basically doing a woo woo thing there. They're saying the ethos we stand behind women but also we're changing how you message and the men can mess.
Jordana Abraham
We're getting Rid of the thing. We're getting rid of the only thing that differentiates.
Jared Freed
But don't. But we. We love women. That's what they're saying.
Jordana Abraham
Yes, basically. Well, I want to ask you, as someone who hates AI and I'm a
Jared Freed
fan, I'm fearful of it. I'm admittedly fearful of it.
Jordana Abraham
And who has only recently exited the dating scene.
Jared Freed
Yes.
Jordana Abraham
What are your thoughts on this? Would this make you more likely to use it?
Jared Freed
I don't think it changes. Likely. Not likely. I think there's a tool out there that can help you meet women. That's a tool that I'm going to download when I've had a couple martinis and I'm feeling a little lonely. Like, I don't think that changes how I get on the app. And then I'm going to go, oh, what are the rules of this slot machine? Because of the. The dating apps slot machine game. Right. Let's see. This is the new game. This is the new gamification of how I can find a living, breathing human to maybe touch my penis. And I. And I'm making it sound gross on purpose because this is the monster that you're dealing with on the app. Like, this is how men are treating the app. They're not going, oh, new dating feature. Maybe it's going to. Maybe Bumblebee will make me. Will find like. Like a fairy godmother, help me find the love of my life. That's just not how men enter into dating.
Jordana Abraham
I do agree that this feature is more geared towards women.
Jared Freed
Right.
Jordana Abraham
And I could see being into this as someone who likes AI didn't like Bumblebee. I do think. I think if there was like. And this would address a lot of what women deal with is like, okay, let's say AI is going through all these profiles and then they can present me with a profile and say, hey, this person meets, like, meets this, this and this that you have that listed that you want on your profile. A. A few issues. They might not have this, they might not have that. It says that they're looking for this and you're actually looking for that. But overall, we think it's a pretty good match for you. I'd like that.
Jared Freed
I'm with you. I do think, you know, again, why I get on an app and how I feel on the app are two different things. So I, I think male or female, everyone wants to be told this person is an exciting match for you specifically.
Jordana Abraham
Right.
Jared Freed
And that's what the AI Bumblebee, at a certain point you forget that it's all ones and zeros and data. And you go, oh, the bumblebee thinks that we'd be a match. And someone five years from now will say at their wedding vows, the bumblebee told me that we were going to be together. This will be a fun story at a wedding.
Jordana Abraham
Right?
Jared Freed
That AI is the reason we are all here tonight. Give it up for Bumblebee. And they're going to show a picture of Bumblebee, and it's going to be a little grandma bee with little glasses. I'm sure they have a fun, cute bumblebee. Do we have a picture of Bumblebee? Do we have a picture of this matchmaker? I mean, people v. Is there a mascot if they don't have a mascot? Whitney Wolf. I mean, was she too busy on the beaches of Ibiza to come up with a mascot bumblebee? If it's not a cartoon bee, that's an old woman be. Get out of here. If there is no old woman be with a little cane and a fun sweater and a little poof of white hair, then I want. Then I have issues galore. But. But I'm just saying I do think people want to be led to water and the thing that lacks on a dating app. And what I do think is good about this is an invented feeling of excitement where someone or something has said, you two would be good together. That's the problem with. With. With. With. With matchmaking or not matchmaking with setups. Sometimes setups are, hey, I got this guy. Do you want to meet him? And I think it's a responsibility of the setter upper to be like, hey, I was thinking of you, and you seem like something good for my friend Bumblebee, you know, like, I. I think so. I. I do think this is in the vein of if. If I agree with the idea that, like, it doesn't matter that it's AI it's just someone telling you, hey, we did some math, and we think that this would be a good match and it might help run you up the mountain. That is a tall mountain when you're miserable on dating apps, as I have been. So my issue with it. So that's the pro. The pro of this is something is at least telling me that it's a good idea for us to meet. The con of it is that it takes away any effort to have a personality.
Jordana Abraham
Like all AI.
Jared Freed
Right. We've basically, AI is a crutch for the charmless to me. So it is invented charm. It is invented. And I think a lot of women will get duped by that because they're pushed to go on dates and push themselves to go on dates more than men. They go, well, I'm not attracted, but I'll go because Bumblebee said that we're a good match and.
Jordana Abraham
Right.
Jared Freed
Why wouldn't I? How can I turn that down? Because my mom will say, I'm not trying to. Like. I think a lot of women will be duped into dates with guy. With more men that maybe underwhelm them on the date based on.
Jordana Abraham
Right. Whereas I think. I think men are still like, what do the pictures look like? That's the yes or no. I don't need an assistant to.
Jared Freed
Hey, Bumblebee. Will she make me hard?
Jordana Abraham
That's all you have to ask the Bumblebee. All right, let's get into our questions. Let's get ready. Okay.
Jared Freed
Ruined Bumblebee. Hey, Bumblebee. We'll find out. Like, I.
Jordana Abraham
Well, let us. Let us.
Jared Freed
Jared, Let me just check my numbers on this one. It says that X plus Y means boner for you.
Jordana Abraham
Gotta. Gotta ask the algorithm. All right, I'll read the Bumblebee.
Jared Freed
Does she. Does she like touching balls? Does she put a finger in the butter and a blowjob? Bumblebee. Like, I. I just imagine myself drinking, drunk, talking to Bumblebee.
Jordana Abraham
Well, you should. Maybe you should. You should try that as an experiment for the show. Even if you weren't in a relationship.
Jared Freed
Right? If I wasn't in a relationship. Well, Jared, I have done the math. And yes, she doesn't mind a little poo poo under her nails when she puts a finger in your butt during a blow job.
Jordana Abraham
Like, honestly, AI could probably tell you that about most.
Jared Freed
I'm sure that's probably the field. AI on field. It'll be like, all right, I. I digress. I'm sorry, have I ruined the show?
Jordana Abraham
That's okay. A little bit. It's all right.
Jared Freed
Oh, no,
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Jordana Abraham
All right, let's do an icky or picky I will read.
Jared Freed
Okay, this. I mean, not a good. My rant just now is not a good prelude to this next email.
Jordana Abraham
Not a good setup for this one.
Jared Freed
Yeah, I'm sorry, this one. I read it to Emily. It gave her the heebie jeebies.
Jordana Abraham
I'm glad we're on the same page. Okay. Hi J and J. I 20 female. I'm a college student. I love that we have college students. What generation is that now?
Jared Freed
I think how old are you?
Jordana Abraham
If you're 20, I think deep.
Jared Freed
Gen Z?
Jordana Abraham
No, it's Gen Alpha, apparently.
Jared Freed
Is it? Wow.
Jordana Abraham
Elder Gen Alpha, probably yes.
Jared Freed
An elder Alpha.
Jordana Abraham
I love that we've got the Alphas here.
Jared Freed
No, I. I actually read this and I'm like, I think we're gonna actually help this woman.
Jordana Abraham
Oh, it's still Gen Z.
Jared Freed
Is it still Gen Z?
Jordana Abraham
It is Gen Z. Okay. Okay.
Jared Freed
I. I think we're gonna really help this woman. I hope she's listening because this is an interesting email that I feel uncomfortable answering.
Jordana Abraham
I don't. Let's get into it.
Jared Freed
I'm happy you feel okay.
Jordana Abraham
Yeah, I changed. I 20 female. I'm a college student. A few weeks ago I matched with a guy, 21 male, who also goes to my college on a dating app. We have been talking every day and slightly flirting, but still haven't met up. We are both too shy to ask the other, I suppose. Although I have hinted about hanging out, I know I should be more upfront. A few days ago he mentioned something about saving my photo and I asked what for. After some convincing, he admitted that he had saved it essentially to masturbate to it. I told my roommate since I was quite shocked. She immediately said I need to block him and that he most likely only wants sexual things for me. We asked another friend and she also agreed it was super weird and creepy. The thing is, I don't really feel that all that weirded out. I don't know, I've never done that sort of thing to someone I liked, but I also assumed it was kind of normal. However, the part about him maybe only wanting a sexual relationship did make me uncomfortable. His dating Profile said he was looking for something serious. He's 21. My dating profile said he's looking for something serious. So of course I assumed that was what he wanted.
Jared Freed
Something serious in college is like holding hands at Chipotle.
Jordana Abraham
Seriously. My friends are saying he could be lying and it could just be a front so he could get girls to talk to him. I kind of thought if that was the case then he wouldn't have talked to me every day for multiple weeks. This is the first time he has said something like this. So I guess I just want to know if this is something I should be concerned about.
Jared Freed
I love this email. I do think even though it's written by a college student, it could be helpful for anyone who's dating.
Jordana Abraham
Yes, anyone who's dating someone who says that they masturbate to their profile picture.
Jared Freed
Well, how I will make this relatable to a 50 year old woman. But before we do, we have to acknowledge the disgusting in the room. He, I, you know, I, I read this to Emily because I was like, I don't know. I, these are the emails that make me feel uncomfortable because I could sit here and go, this, this creepy incel, he should be arrested. Like I could, I could stand on a high horse. I could, I could I get on a soapbox and tell you how creepy and horrific this guy is. I think this is. But I can't do that because this is a young man learning how to be a young man. This is high school, college, young man who has the tools at his, it has these tools that are dangerous tools, the Internet. And again, this is me being empathetic to a young man trying to figure out how to be a better man. Like, and I hope for that I am more hopeful than I am pessimistic.
Jordana Abraham
Okay.
Jared Freed
Young men ask for pictures from women because they are attracted to them and at some point they will masturbate to them.
Jordana Abraham
All of them?
Jared Freed
All of them. Some of them. Most of them. I, I'm just saying the act of this and I, I, I, I find her being like, I wasn't that weirded out. I understand that. I think that's okay to not be weird out. Like, but she is. Her confusion comes that effort on a dating app means actual effort. And that's not the case. She's, she's basically saying, I assume men ask for pictures from girls they like because they want to masturbate them and they want to get married to them
Jordana Abraham
and then they want to have a long term relationship.
Jared Freed
Right?
Jordana Abraham
Well, it's funny because you're like, this guy is figuring out how to date in his 20s. She's also figuring out how to be a better buyer of men or how to look out for the, I mean, part of a man's education is how to pick up women, right? And how to, part of a woman's education is how to weed out the disgustings.
Jared Freed
Right?
Jordana Abraham
From the men who are going to be like, treat them nicely, right?
Jared Freed
I, I, I, right.
Jordana Abraham
The way they want to be treated. Whatever.
Jared Freed
That's why this conversation is uncomfortable for me. Not because, because, you know, there's an age where I'm like asking for pictures from women that I'm on aim with and I'm like, and why am I doing that? Not because I want to be in a relationship with them, because I want to, that, that's hot. To get a picture from a girl you find hot, like, and then over your life you go, that's not what you do. That's not the right, you know, you don't do that.
Jordana Abraham
Right. That's not what she thought when she, when she was giving you the picture.
Jared Freed
Right? And, and I'm not saying that I'm masturbating all these pictures as a young kid. I'm just saying, like, again, I'm trying to give myself some leeway here to not be a total creep, but I'm like, right? Just the act of asking a girl for a picture because you find them attractive is the hot part. Like, is the thing, you know, he
Jordana Abraham
didn't ask her for a picture picture. He said he downloaded her profile picture. He saved her profile picture, right?
Jared Freed
And he's trying to make the conversation more sexual by telling her that he's masturbating to it so that she'll somehow give him a sign that she is in for sexual too. That's why he's doing this. Yes, In a clunky, horrible way. I, I just think, I just think he's a dumb kid. And, and I, I, I don't think he's a monster.
Jordana Abraham
I mean, he's honest. He said this, right? Like, I don't think there's anything, Listen, it would be a deal breaker for me, especially now at my age, right. If I was looking for something serious, that would be a deal breaker for me. Not the fact that he's doing it because again, I assume many men are doing it. I don't, I don't have an issue with what anyone wants to, you know. Do you want to masturbate to my picture? Okay.
Jared Freed
On your own time in the darkness?
Jordana Abraham
Yes. On your own time. Yes. Right. How am I. I can't control that. And that's also, like, flat. I think if there's like, a little. She's like, I'm not weirded out. It's a little flattering. I mean, it's a.
Jared Freed
It's a crude way of showing that you're attracted to them by admitting that. Yeah.
Jordana Abraham
I would find. If I was attracted to someone and I found that out, I would be, like, slightly flattered, but I wouldn't be flattered by them. Tell. I wouldn't want them to tell me that.
Jared Freed
Right.
Jordana Abraham
Of course. Unless we were already, like, deeply into our. What you could tell someone if you were, like, dating that person and then you were like. That was, like, a little thing that you told them as, like, a little funny thing about when you first started dating or something in the moment that was, like, hot sexually.
Jared Freed
Well, that's why her friends are saying, block him. Because they know you're looking for something different.
Jordana Abraham
Right.
Jared Freed
They know you're looking for a relationship with someone that maybe one day you guys experiment sexually and pictures are involved with that experimentation. You're not looking to date the. To hook up and just. And. And your friends know that about you. That's why they're like, walk away from this. And that's not to say you're stupid or dumb.
Jordana Abraham
Usually we say the friends are annoying and wrong. These friends, I think, kind of do have a pulse on what's going on here.
Jared Freed
They know her enough to know this isn't what you're looking for on the dating app. And again, I'm going by what the conversation she told us she had and how all, like, I'm assuming she said the same thing to her friends, and their takeaway was like, this isn't what you're looking for. Block him. Which is fine.
Jordana Abraham
Yeah.
Jared Freed
There were two things I wrote down from her email. You ready?
Jordana Abraham
I'm ready.
Jared Freed
That I think anyone can learn from we. She writes, we are both too shy to ask each other. I suppose you are not a we until you have publicly stated you guys are a we. You are not a we on a dating app. You are an I. I am too shy to ask. Do not make assumptions for the person you're talking to on the other end to say, we are too shy. No, no, no. You are too shy to ask. He is not too shy to tell you that he's masquerading to your pictures.
Jordana Abraham
And he's not a shy guy. Anyone who says that to someone, it's not Mr. Shy right.
Jared Freed
And he's trying to get you to agree to his terms via this kind of shady way of going about it.
Jordana Abraham
Yes.
Jared Freed
Okay.
Jordana Abraham
I think a lot of like early dating for women is kind of rooted, which is why I love this show. A lot of it is rooted in the, in, in the idea that I think women think that everyone or that men, heterosexual men, think the same way about sex and dating as they do, that everyone wants the same thing. And I think this is an education for her in the fact that like, that's not really the case. Most of the time there are men who do think and want the same things as women. But like some part of, part of a, a female's dating education is, is learning that most men are animals.
Jared Freed
Right? Well, animals, abs. I agree with that. Animals in the way, like in the way this guy, like, like let's, let's make this guy. If you're listening and you're like, this guy's the most horrific person alive, you're not going to be happy with this conversation anyways. But I'm saying if you take it as an empathetic 21 year old male who is a child in my eyes and learning how to kind of operate in the world. He is. And it says on his profile I'm looking for a long term relationship. His strategy is fuck first and ask questions later. Yeah, he's working at fucking first. He may think he wants a long term relationship, but he going to first. So that is kind of his route towards that. She is. Well, we'll go out and we'll get to know each other and then maybe we'll exchange pictures. And that's what you do when you're. And I'm saying his version is backwards from your version.
Jordana Abraham
Yes. You guys don't want the same things, so keep that in mind.
Jared Freed
Yeah. And I would also say actions on a dating app are not actions to get to know you. They are actions to get what you want.
Jordana Abraham
And. Right. You're in college. Go meet people in person.
Jared Freed
I know, I hate to say that because I'm like, maybe this is. Maybe she should go talk to Grandma Bumblebee.
Jordana Abraham
No, I mean, I do think it's like college is one of those, those places where like everyone is very similar to you that you meet anywhere.
Jared Freed
No, I, I'm with you.
Jordana Abraham
It does make me sad, the idea to be like using dating apps in college. A place where like everything is an in real life interaction or can be. You're with your friends all the time, you're going out all the Time. You're in class all the time with people who are of the same education level. And, like, this is just, like, talk about Bumblebee. Like, this place is curated for people just like you.
Jared Freed
Yeah, I mean, I, we can only. I, I'm with you. I, I, I don't want to tell her she has to delete the. I would say encourage. I think we're both encouraging her. Delete the dating app and try it. You know, just because you've deleted the dating app doesn't mean you're out of the game of trying to date. Like, and I agree with everything you said, like, everyone around you. The, the fun part about being on a college campus is you have a lot in common. And you can say, hey, what's your major? And now you've started.
Jordana Abraham
Yeah.
Jared Freed
Hey, what's your major? You can't do when you graduate?
Jordana Abraham
Was that your line in college?
Jared Freed
Yeah. Why not? Hey, what's your major? What are you studying?
Jordana Abraham
What was it? What was your major?
Jared Freed
Economics. Because it was the only business degree that didn't require a gpa.
Jordana Abraham
Okay.
Jared Freed
So I could be in the Smeal College of business without having a 3.0Gpa. Because the first semester I was there, I didn't even know how to, like, sign up for classes. Like, I, I was like, like three weeks in, and people like, you don't know how to sign into the.
Jordana Abraham
We're just not going to class.
Jared Freed
I, I was, but I just didn't know how to, like, find the material. There was, like, this online, you know, the, the bursar. I was like, people were talking about the bursar. I'm like, what? The. Is. The birds are. They're like, we're a month in. How do you not know what the bursar is?
Jordana Abraham
I was like, what, Pence? Penn State's finest.
Jared Freed
All right, just a big idiot. So let's do another email. You ready?
Jordana Abraham
Yeah, let's do it.
Jared Freed
Jordana and Jared, long time listener, first time writer, big fan of the podcast. You guys genuinely make my days more enjoyable. That means a lot. Thank you. So here's my question as background. My husband and I got married last year. We had been together for five years at this point and have two kids together. Months before the wedding, I told him I was writing my vows and was excited for him to read them before the ceremony. I had this whole romantic vision of him reading my vows while getting ready before seeing me walk down the aisle. The morning of the wedding, I left my vow booklet with the rings at the hotel where he was Staying so he'd for sure see them. I was expecting to see his vows somewhere waiting for me too, but nowhere to be found. Days after the wedding, I found out that he hadn't finished his vows before the ceremony. What upset me even more, though, was that he also hadn't read mine. His reasoning was I thought we'd read them together at a separate time, as if I had accidentally left them in his hotel room. We actually never exchanged vows during the ceremony. About a week later, he gave me a copy of the vows he had written, but I never gave him mine. At that point, I was hurt that he hadn't shown any interest in reading the vows I had left for him, so I felt like it should come from him. I wanted him to ask, given that we had two kids right away, there wasn't a ton of room for romance. And I was really excited about the sentimental value of the vows. Over time, I even rewrote and added to mine throughout the year to make them even more heartfelt. Fast forward to our first anniversary. As a gift, I made him a wedding photo book and tucked the vow booklet into the back page. I actually gave it to him about two weeks early because I was so excited for him to finally read them and couldn't wait any longer. He acknowledged them by saying something like, oh, there's a little booklet at the end.
Jordana Abraham
So.
Jared Freed
So, so I know he knows they're.
Jordana Abraham
You forgot your. You forgot your paperwork from the. Did you forget your paperwork here?
Jared Freed
The receipts in the back. Do you need it? Is this a gift receipt? Can I. So if I want to return it by like baseball cards part. I'm sorry we're laughing at this email, but she is. We gotta help her.
Jordana Abraham
I have. Yeah, I have so much part of
Jared Freed
me thought she is the. Let me just say I do. She's part of the problem here.
Jordana Abraham
Yeah.
Jared Freed
Okay.
Jordana Abraham
I'm surprised this has gotten gone this far.
Jared Freed
Part of me thought maybe he was intentionally waiting until her act. Is she in dreamland? I has.
Jordana Abraham
She met this guy, right? I just get married, then it was this 90 day fiance. Is this married at first sight?
Jared Freed
You couldn't be more right. Part of me thought he wasn't intentionally waiting until our actual anniversary to sit down and read them properly. But then our anniversary came and went and he still hadn't made a comment on them. It's now been about three weeks of that photo book sitting on his nightstand beside him while he goes to sleep and wakes up every day, and he still hasn't opened the vows. Is anyone surprised the part that bothers me the most is that he saw how genuinely upset I was the first time he didn't read them. That was a year ago. Overall, he was. We have a pretty good relationship and I try to pick my battles to avoid rocking the boat. Should I directly ask him why he still hasn't read them when this is basically turned into a year long waiting game? Or do I avoid the conflict and decide to move on? Signed somewhere between I do and did you read it? Jordana, do you have any thoughts on this email?
Jordana Abraham
I have a lot of thoughts on this email she keeps. She's setting herself up to be like miserable here.
Jared Freed
I know. I. I feel for. We're laughing at it because she's repeating the same thing over and over again.
Jordana Abraham
Yeah. Okay. I hate. I. I'm going to have to tell you this gently and I don't want you to think you have to get divorced. I don't want you to think that I think he's. This guy's a bad guy. This guy. Your husband doesn't give a about these bows and that doesn't make him a bad person. That doesn't make him a bad husband. He might be a great husband. He might be a great person. This is not what he cares about. And I will say I'm married to a guy that doesn't give a fuck about cards or words of affirmation. I could give my compliments until the sun goes down. He doesn't give a shit. I do like that. Right? And this is something. I've been with him a long time. This is not something I knew immediately. There were some. That's why I'm like, has she just met him? Like you're marrying someone. I'm surprised she doesn't know this about him. That the vows is not something that is like a way he feels connected to you. Maybe it's something else that he feels connected to you. He doesn't care about the vows. He's not reading the vows because he knows you expect some big emotional thing. Doesn't really sound like him. He doesn't. That's not how he likes things. Like I told. I mean, I constantly talk about how I always want a card for Mike on like an anniversary or birthday. I like writing cards. Right? But Mike doesn't care about a card, so I don't write them for him. It's ironic because he writes me all these cards and I don't write any for him because I know he doesn't care about them. He's not like it's not like he doesn't care, but he's not. He could. He's like, take it or leave it. And I put a lot of effort into the card. So I'm like, I'd rather write a card for someone I know really loves a good card, loves a good compliment, loves a good words of affirmation kind of thing. So I don't write them for him, and he doesn't care at all, but he writes them for me because I do.
Jared Freed
Right.
Jordana Abraham
When he wrote the vows. The vows are for you. He doesn't care about getting them right.
Jared Freed
She's confusing hope for a plan. There's a guy who used to be a GM in football, Mike Lombardi, he says this all the time. Don't confuse hope for a plan. She. She writes throughout this whole email. I would have hoped. I would have hoped. I would have hoped. Yeah, this is. This is a big scavenger hunt that he doesn't even know he's on. And we're not even saying I. I like that you said don't. You know, you're not saying divorce him. No, I'm also not saying don't make him into this great. I'm not trying to make him into a great guy. We don't even know how he is. Because you, as you wrote, overall, we have a pretty good relationship. And I try to pick my battles to avoid rocking the boat. That is. That tells me the whole story. I would say, overall, you have no idea what type of relationship you have because you don't rock the boat. Because you don't let him know when you're upset and what you expect. You never find out when he's under performed based on what you've asked for. And there's no negotiation, there's no discussion. So right now you're living in a dream world where you hope for all these nice things to happen that you've dreamt up, and then you never see whether he cares enough to make the change to do them for you. Yeah, like, Mike writes you the letter because you said, hey, I'm. I want a fucking letter. And now you see how much he cares about you because he does something that means nothing to him but means a lot to you because he's in a relationship with you and he cares about your happiness.
Jordana Abraham
Yes.
Jared Freed
This person doesn't know.
Jordana Abraham
Right? I mean, and I would say, like, it's funny, I agree with you about the rocking the boat thing. Like, Mike and I used to fight a good amount when we first started dating. And it's because we rock the boat. Like, rocking the boat gets you to a very peaceful island. If you can do it effectively, I think, because, like, then you're not about to get married. And, like. And you're like, why doesn't he care about the vows? Like, ideally, by the time you get married, you're like, I know this person. I know they don't care about the vows. I just care that he wrote me good vows. Or I'm not okay with that, and this isn't the right person for me.
Jared Freed
Right.
Jordana Abraham
It's kind of like that's why you need to fight in the beginning. You need to, like, that's how you communicate. Get to the other side. Yes.
Jared Freed
You know, there's no communication here. Yeah. I, I, there's so many instances.
Jordana Abraham
There's just testing. There's just testing and testing and testing. And you're. Yes. Well, that's why. I mean, the Mother's Day thing, I think I told you about before, it's like, I'm not waiting for Mike. I'm not waiting for Mother's Day morning to be like, oh, you wanted me to make a reservation. I'm telling the person a few weeks ahead. This is what I would like. This is what I, I expect. This is how I feel if you don't, if you don't do this.
Jared Freed
I, I think it's always good when we personalize these. Maybe like that. Like, because I don't know if she's going to get the message. If, if I could personalize this email. Jordana, she wrote this. I. She wrote. The morning of the wedding, I left my vow booklet with the rings at the hotel where he was staying so he'd for sure see them. Can I admit to something?
Jordana Abraham
Yeah.
Jared Freed
I have no clue what a vow booklet is. I didn't even know it existed. I don't even know what it looks like. I don't even know if that's a thing or not a thing.
Jordana Abraham
Is it a thing?
Jared Freed
Who knows? She wrote it, though. But the way she wrote it is as if a vow booklet is the same as a wallet. Like, he probably didn't even see it or think anything of it. The idea. And so I'm, I'm empathizing with him where she's like, he, he didn't even read of the day. I'd be like, oh, she left her shit in here.
Jordana Abraham
Yeah.
Jared Freed
So, like, if it does, if you don't believe us, I'm telling you, I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. And you're writing this assuming everyone knows what a vow booklet is.
Jordana Abraham
Yes. And I mean, it's okay to want to be with a man who is obsessed with the vows and wants to read you the vows and is really loves reading your vows. There are guys out there like that. I mean, I'm surprised again, it took you until your wedding day to find out that he's not that guy. If that's something that really is very important to you. However, that doesn't mean it's right or wrong, because someone doesn't. Because we're, because verbally expressing your love for someone or verbally expressing how much someone means to you is not the way that everyone communicates.
Jared Freed
I mean, not to make this into something more. And it's something she should discuss with a professional. We are not professionals. We are not therapists. She doesn't want to be a single mom. She's got two kids with them and she's down the river and she's saying, I don't want to this up because I don't want to be a single mom with two kids and then try and find someone again like I want. She's trying to keep this family together, and she's living in fear that this family will be broken apart by any type of discussion or, or, or argument. And I'm saying to her that that's a just, I, I, I don't think you're gonna live a happy life if you're living scared. You know, I, I agree with that.
Jordana Abraham
Yeah.
Jared Freed
I, I just think she's living scared. And I, I feel for her because this whole thing is like her wishing upon a star.
Jordana Abraham
I think it's like the time for testing is over. You need to express what you want. And because the sooner you ask for what you want, the sooner you find out if the other person can give it to you.
Jared Freed
Right?
Jordana Abraham
So stop leaving hints. You're in an adult relationship. You have two kids, you got a lot of shit going on. Just say, make it easy on yourself. Make it easy on him. Say, this is what I would really like. This is what would make me feel great. And then you'll find out if he can do it or not.
Jared Freed
I read this email to Emily and literally said to her afterwards, I go, if you're mad, just tell me, please, so that I don't live in this, like, weird, you know, treasure hunt that I don't know I'm on. Like, I just want to know what I need to do. Like, I, I, I like. And again, this, we don't know this, this guy might Be a great husband. Father, dad, he. But we don't know yet because he's never been put to task. And he might be annoyed at all the guessing games. That might be what's turning him off more than having the fight.
Jordana Abraham
Leaving a little sprinkle of the paper of our vows that you now have to puzzle together. And you didn't break the puzzle. If you wanted to read the vows. Like, who has time for this? Just tell him you want him to read it.
Jared Freed
I just remember, I'm just. I'm just thinking. And remember I'm thinking of him. Wake up. She said he wakes up every morning, doesn't read them. He's just. And he's just happily waking up. Ah, big day. We got.
Jordana Abraham
She's like seething. She's just seething. Writing her email to a podcast.
Jared Freed
Right. I don't want to live that way. I don't want to live constantly disappointing someone I have no idea I'm disappointing.
Jordana Abraham
Right. Well, that's the thing. That's why you've got to get those. Get those early battles, as she calls them, or like you got to rock the boat a little early.
Jared Freed
I write about it in walking Red flag dating advice from your favorite guy friend, which you can pre order. Please pre order, if you haven't already. I talk about 10 cent fights versus $10 fights. Like you want. I have.
Jordana Abraham
Would you call this a 10 cent or a $10.
Jared Freed
We're at a $10 fight now because she saved up all the 10 cent fights. You know, there were so many other small arguments she could have had that would have helped communicate more than this now $10 fight where I don't think you care about our marriage because you never read the vows and they've been sitting next to your bed stand for a year. Yeah, I talk about this. And I. I was a person that always avoided 10 cent fights because I wasn't really invested enough to be. To have, you know, to figure those things out. Or maybe I was afraid to commit more and that's why I would never have those arguments and because having those arguments meant that we were becoming a stronger couple and maybe I was avoiding that. So I think 10 cent fights, if someone won't have them with you, then they're not really looking to be in a relationship and. Or they're afraid of losing what you have. And that seems to be the case here. So, Jordana, we solved dating again.
Jordana Abraham
We did it. We'll be back next week.
Jared Freed
Boom.
Jordana Abraham
Bye.
Jared Freed
Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do@mintmobile.com
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Episode: Bumble’s New AI Matchmaker “Bumblebee” Explained
Date: May 29, 2026
Hosts: Jordana Abraham and Jared Freid (Betches Media)
Jordana and Jared return for a Friday episode filled with candid discussions about the evolving landscape of modern dating. Their primary focus is on Bumble’s newly announced AI matchmaker, “Bumblebee,” dissecting its features, anticipated effects on user experience, and the broader implications for dating apps and digital matchmaking. Rich with banter, personal anecdotes, and listener questions, the episode explores how technology and cultural shifts are reshaping romantic connection, vulnerability, and dating expectations.
[16:16–26:29]
“Men are treating the app...not going, ‘oh, new dating feature, maybe Bumblebee will help me find the love of my life.’ That’s just not how men enter into dating.” (21:48)
“It might help run you up the mountain that is a tall mountain when you’re miserable on dating apps, as I have been.” (23:17)
[28:39–40:05]
“You are not a ‘we’ on a dating app. You are an ‘I.’ I am too shy to ask. Do not make assumptions for the person you’re talking to…” (36:44)
[41:34–54:32]
Jordana and Jared deliver a thorough, witty, and occasionally biting examination of the new Bumblebee AI matchmaker and tackle pressing listener questions that highlight common struggles in love, sex, and relationship communication. Their grounded approach reminds listeners to question quick fixes in both tech and romance—and to prioritize honest, direct interactions over wishful thinking or algorithmic magic.
For full episodes and bonus content, find U Up? on Instagram (@u.up.podcast) or subscribe for early access at subscribe.betches.com