Decoding Weird Boyfriend Habits

Summary

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U Up? – "Decoding Weird Boyfriend Habits"

Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid
Date: September 3, 2025

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Overview

In this lively episode, Jordana Abraham and Jared Freid blend personal catch-ups with sharp, hilarious takes on modern dating dynamics. The main focus: ambiguous boyfriend habits, the "should I stay or should I go" dilemma, and decoding what’s really going on when relationships feel "good enough, but not great." Listeners write in with pressing dating questions, giving the hosts the chance to unpack indecision, attachment, and texting etiquette with their signature candor.

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Main Segments & Key Discussions

1. Vacation Recap: Relationship Insights Abroad

[02:03–10:39] Jordana returns from her Euro trip

• Travel Chit-Chat: Jordana dishes on her couples/group getaway with her husband, reflecting on how travel impacts intimacy and conversation.
  • “By the end of a trip, the last dinner, we’re like, so what have we not covered?” (Jordana, [04:04])
• Dynamics of Couples vs. Group Trips: Both hosts agree it’s nice to end with a couples trip after a group trip, for prime “debriefing” about friends.
• Authenticity Abroad: A hilarious moment when Jordana realizes the "authentic" restaurant Jared recommended in Lisbon was full of fellow New Yorkers.
  • “Of course. You sent us to the basic bitch spot of Lisbon.” (Jordana, [06:35])
• Reflection: Jared ties the vibe of travel to personal growth within relationships, noting how changing environments alter perspectives.

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2. Sex and the City Parallels, Modern Dating Media

[10:39–17:14] Jared’s Magazine Fears

• Jared Discusses His Interview: He shares anxieties about an upcoming article about him in The Cut, drawing a parallel to Carrie Bradshaw’s infamous “Single and Fabulous?” cover.
  • “Honestly, I’ve been telling people about this article… I’m a little anxious about it. This is my single and fabulous question mark moment.” (Jared, [15:49])
• Broader Media Narratives: Discussion of how articles about “what’s wrong with men” or “single women” tend to spark debate and often feature strong viewpoints designed to go viral.
• Societal Blame: Both hosts dissect the blame-game in dating commentary: are single women “too picky” or are men “not stepping up”? And does the narrative ever really serve singles productively?

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3. Cuff It or Cut It Off: "Good Enough" Dilemma

[24:33–43:06] Sponsored by Abercrombie – Listener Advice Column

The Listener's Dilemma:

A 27-year-old man writes in, unsure if he should take things to the next level with a woman who is “funny enough, smart enough, pretty enough,” but not spark-inducing.

• Honest Male Perspective: Jared empathizes deeply, noting he’s been in the same position. Both agree many people—regardless of gender—often wonder if there’s someone “better.”
• Choice Overload & Dating Apps: Jordana reflects on how dating apps foster “grass is greener” thinking and indecision.
  • “Shouldn’t I be head-over-heels? Have dating apps and social media messed with my perspective?” (Listener email, [27:04])
• Romance vs. Realism: Discussion references Logan Ury’s “secretary problem” (how long do you interview before hiring?), tying it to dating—when do you stop searching and commit?
• The Male Angst: Jared explains the “selfish” motivation at play: “It’s not about babies or family clocks, it’s about, ‘will I regret missing out on someone better?’” ([40:34])
• Hosts’ Verdict:
  • Jared: “Are you excited for the next date? If you’d be just as excited to meet anyone else, end it.” ([37:50])
  • Jordana: “If you never had to see them again, would you feel relieved?” ([38:15])
• Consensus: Cut it off if the excitement isn’t there. Better to be honest than string along a partner.

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4. Petty or Prudent: Getting Stood Up Online

[46:18–54:36] Dating App Etiquette

• Scenario: A listener waits at a café for a date, only to realize the guy unmatched her on the app right before the meeting.
• Hosts’ Reaction:
  • Jordana finds the unmatching strange and acknowledges the safety aspect.
  • Jared: “When I unmatch, I want someone out of my life… It’s kind of a f*** off.” ([48:54])
• Takeaway: The listener’s decision not to go in is prudent, not petty. “Trust your instincts. That’s not petty—that’s protective.” (Jordana, [52:59])

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5. Rapid-Fire Relationship Dilemmas (“Red Flag or Deal Breaker”)

[72:11–93:39] Hilarious Hot Takes

Weird Night Habits

• Scenario: A boyfriend secretly watches gaming live streams to fall asleep.
• Jordana: Not a deal breaker; in fact, “almost a green flag” that he’s slightly embarrassed—he cares what you think.
• Jared: “Anyone with a ‘sleep strategy’ is a little embarrassed… whatever works!” ([75:17])

“The Five-Year Engagement”

• Listener: Boyfriend keeps stalling on proposing after four years, citing residency, stress, and lack of money.
• Hosts: He’s avoiding the real conversation. Jordana: “When you have four excuses, you have none.” ([86:28])
  • Real advice: Demand clarity. Don’t negotiate against yourself.

“The Bad Texter”

• Listener: After six dates, boyfriend takes days to reply, despite having already discussed it.
• Jared: “I feel let down… If you’re dating someone, you want to feel prioritized.” ([91:56])
• Jordana: “Stop saying it makes you feel weird. Replace ‘weird’ with ‘de-prioritized’ or ‘turned off.’” ([91:08])
• Verdict: Raise the real issue or walk away if your needs aren’t being met.

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6. Interlude: Audience Email—Should She Stay or Go?

[57:14–67:31] The "Timing" Problem

• Listener Note: Met a great guy right after moving out from her last relationship; things escalated quickly but she panics, longing for more single time.
• Jared & Jordana: This mirrors the “good enough” dilemma from earlier: timing is its own problem. If you’re already questioning, you’re usually not ready.
• Jordana: “Passing a note that says ‘please help’ while you’re at a show with your date? That’s telling. You don’t want to lose someone if you’re doing that.” ([69:22])
• Consensus: Be honest and let him go if your heart’s not in it.

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Noteworthy Quotes & Moments

• “This could be me from the past writing [this email].” – Jared, on the "good enough" question ([28:34])
• “Trust your instincts. That’s not petty—that’s protective.” – Jordana, on skipping a date after being unmatched ([52:59])
• “When you have four excuses, you have none.” – Jordana, on proposal delays ([86:28])
• “If someone wants to make you a weirdo, it’s very easy to do that!” – Jared, on embarrassing personal habits ([76:21])

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Episode Timestamps (Highlights)

• 02:03 - Jordana’s Euro trip recap & couples’ vacation dynamics
• 10:39 - The Cut article, Sex and the City parallels
• 24:33 - "Cuff It or Cut It Off" advice segment: When is ‘good enough,’ enough?
• 46:18 - Petty or Prudent: The case of the vanishing date
• 54:39 - Passing notes at a comedy show: ‘Is timing the problem—or is it him?’
• 72:11 - Red Flag or Deal Breaker rapid-fire
• 91:56 - “The Bad Texter and the Meaning of Priority in Dating”

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Tone & Style

Conversational, hilarious, and unfiltered, Jordana and Jared blend deeply sympathetic advice with on-point social commentary and frequent self-deprecating humor. The show feels like both a late-night therapy session and a group chat—refreshing, affirming, and a little bit “did they just say that?”

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Best for:
Listeners struggling with ambiguous dating situations, confused by 'the spark,' sick of bad texters, or just wanting to laugh at the absurdity of millennial dating.

Listen for:
Sharp takes on emotional risk, vulnerability, decision-making, and why sometimes, cutting it off for honest reasons is the most loving thing—for everyone.

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For more on listener questions, bonus episodes, and hilarious dating commentary, follow @u.up.podcast on Instagram or subscribe for early releases and exclusives.

Transcript

[Jordana Abraham]

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[Jared Freid]

No.

[Jordana Abraham]

Where she gets their New York. New York magazine wants to the cut of the times. Yes. For an article called Single and fabulous and she shows up to the photo shoot like extremely hungover and looking like. And then they put her on the COVID of New York magazine and. And they have Single and fabulous question mark with her looking like you don't completely strung out.

[Jared Freid]

Hold on. You don't understand. This is exactly what I'm afraid of. No, you don't understand. I did this article with the cut. Hold on. I mean we can talk about this. I got interviewed between flights. That's going to be. Honestly just.

[Jordana Abraham]

I would never.

[Jared Freid]

My life is Carrie Bradshaw.

[Jordana Abraham]

I would never have agreed to Single and fabulous question mark. Hello and welcome back to the UF podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.

[Jared Freid]

And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you. Jordana, how are you? Welcome back.

[Jordana Abraham]

Thank you.

[Jared Freid]

From your European vacation. How was it? I watched the whole thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

You watched the whole Especially the first part.

[Jared Freid]

The first part when the vacation together. It is a three camera shoot.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean content central.

[Jared Freid]

Content central. How I follow the husbands and now you get the repost and the reposts and I listen I thought.

[Jordana Abraham]

Did you want to mute Us all.

[Jared Freid]

No, I listen, I'm cheering. This is when. This is like, if someone said they muted me, I'd be like, what? I have fun. What are you talking about? How could I annoy you? You know, like. And so, like, I kind of watch you guys. I'm like, great. There was Kygo. You went to a Kygo concert. You went to Portugal. You went to Ibiza. Did you enjoy it? Was more in love with your husband. This is a relationship.

[Jordana Abraham]

Am I more in love with my husband?

[Jared Freid]

After the vacation, do you walk away from that vacation? You come back on the flight and you're like, what a life we've built. Or is it like, got work tomorrow?

[Jordana Abraham]

I think, no, I think it definitely brings you closer. It's. It's funny. It makes you closer. And then it also makes you feel like, do we have things to talk about? Because by the end of a. Well, that's why I. I was talking about this on Oversharing this morning. I do love a couples, and I like a group trip and a couple's trip in the same trip. It's. It's a great mix of energy.

[Jared Freid]

Plus, you. You did it right. You want to go on the. The couples trip after the group trip. Yeah, because then the couple's trip is all talking crap about the couples. You just went on the group trip.

[Jordana Abraham]

Exactly. This is perfect.

[Jared Freid]

Breakdown. You did it perfectly. You don't want to go relationship trip, because then you'd end up talking about your husband, I guess, to your friends. To your friends.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. So this is better. This is better for the relationship.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

About the friends, to the husband. I like this way better.

[Jared Freid]

And so it was good. You're happy with the whole experience?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, it was awesome. But. But it is funny. By the end of, like, a trip, a week with anyone. By the end of the trip, the last dinner, we're like, so what have we not covered?

[Jared Freid]

So how are you doing? Yeah, right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, in the beginning, it's funny, in the beginning of the couple's trip, you're like, we're not going to. We're on our. We're not on our phones. We're going to be, like, present at dinner, mindful. By the end of the trip, we're like, I will see you when the entrees get here and we can discuss them.

[Jared Freid]

I love it. I love it. Well, welcome back. That's fantastic.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. I went to the restaurant in Lisbon that you suggested.

[Jared Freid]

So I suggested this restaurant, and I want to make. Make sure we go. Should we plug them? You liked it?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

Okay. It is called ruas de las tables de las.

[Jordana Abraham]

You can feel like you're in Portugal just listening to this with this impeccable accent.

[Jared Freid]

What is one Portuguese word?

[Jordana Abraham]

Just keep saying street up.

[Jared Freid]

I think street up. It's like a great restaurant.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'll find. I'll find it.

[Jared Freid]

You find it. But I will say, because I had to.

[Jordana Abraham]

I had to Google our. I had to search in our conversations multiple times to find it.

[Jared Freid]

People really.

[Jordana Abraham]

Das Flores, okay?

[Jared Freid]

Taverna de las Flores. It is a chef's. Chef's restaurant. You feel like you're no menu.

[Jordana Abraham]

They come around with the chalkboard.

[Jared Freid]

So you know, I'm sold. Like, that is like a marketing. It could be Applebee's. If they came around with a chalkboard. I'm like, wow, I am in with.

[Jordana Abraham]

And they've got villagers. They're like, this is the order it comes in. I don't care what you order, but this is the order.

[Jared Freid]

So I loved it. And I went with Harry and Ruthie, my brother and sister in law. What did you think?

[Jordana Abraham]

Milk?

[Jared Freid]

And it's cash only, which is like one of those things that's like annoying, but like, whatever. But if someone told you to go, you're like, this is what we're.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. That's not going to stop you from going. And I mean, I looked up. I looked up the restaurant. They didn't take reservations. And then I saw it on Infatuation. They wrote that people get there at like five to line up, to put their name down for. So I'm in Portugal for one night. I'm like, I'm not doing that.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, but you were like, there's a.

[Jared Freid]

Lot of things working against it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

As far as. Why would we go?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

But I went for. We decided to go for lunch. Because you said that was easier.

[Jared Freid]

Yes.

[Jordana Abraham]

And it was easy. There was really like, no, there's no one there.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

So it was. It was great. We went in, but it was just very funny because you were like, this is like the authentic cool person Portugal restaurant. And Mike and I go in and we have not. We didn't see anyone we knew the entire time, obviously, except for the people we went on trips with. We're in there for five minutes and Mike's like, that guy's in my fantasy league. I'm like, of course. You sent us to the basic bitch spot of Lisbon. That guy over there in the Mets hat, he's in my fantasy. I went to camp with him and.

[Jared Freid]

I know that's my grandmother. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

One Place you can see a fellow Long Islander.

[Jared Freid]

This place is no secret.

[Jordana Abraham]

So authentico.

[Jared Freid]

It's good, though. I. I really enjoyed it. I'm happy you guys liked it.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, it was very good. Portuguese food is. It's like Mike is like very. It's. It's Mike's kind of food. It's like into the meats. Meats, fish, all that stuff, like scallops.

[Jared Freid]

Overall, you liked Portugal?

[Jordana Abraham]

Overall, it was great.

[Jared Freid]

Yes, Portugal's great. It has this very chill vibe. Very by the sea. Reminds you of San Francisco a little bit.

[Jordana Abraham]

For sure. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Where did you. You went to the beach? You went to Porto?

[Jordana Abraham]

We went to Porto. We did like a wine tour, like day excursion to the Douro Valley. And then we did. We went to the beach for three nights.

[Jared Freid]

Yep.

[Jordana Abraham]

The best part.

[Jared Freid]

That was great.

[Jordana Abraham]

And the beaches are beautiful there.

[Jared Freid]

See, we went to Comporta. I wouldn't suggest it.

[Jordana Abraham]

You would say, go to the beach.

[Jared Freid]

I'd say, go to. Well, that was the beach, quote, unquote. But I would say, go to where you went. I think you had a better.

[Jordana Abraham]

That was nice. It was definitely relaxing. And then. And then we went to Liz and then we finished in Lisbon.

[Jared Freid]

Just love it.

[Jordana Abraham]

It was lovely.

[Jared Freid]

So we're always happy for a batch's vacation. It was great. I loved watching it, but it was just so funny.

[Jordana Abraham]

The one place I saw, we. Saw anyone we knew was the place. The authentic Portuguese spot you sent us to, where you can find.

[Jared Freid]

People are screaming obligato, you know, like in the worst, you know, American.

[Jordana Abraham]

I got what you were saying about Portuguese people too. They're like very cool in a. Like, I don't give a kind of way.

[Jared Freid]

Laid back. It is chill central. I appreciate that. As someone who's not chill.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

Like, I can say that about myself, but I. I just loved it. I was. It's great. It's. I'm happy you went and had a good time.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

And. And how was the group? Ibiza, the clubs, Was it nice to.

[Jordana Abraham]

That was fun.

[Jared Freid]

Club it up.

[Jordana Abraham]

Was a lot more expensive than I. Than I thought.

[Jared Freid]

Very expensive. Well, it, you know, Ibiza is one of those places.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's kind of like Vegas, but.

[Jared Freid]

Well, Vegas is the same thing. Vegas, the West Village, Ibiza.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

You go, how are these kids here? You kind of do this thing. How is everyone affording it? Well, they're doing a different trip than you. Like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. You can do it well, Vegas, you can do it cheaper. You can do it expensive, right?

[Jared Freid]

And you're in. And again, you you have this aging thing where you cross into. I'm not sharing a room with 10 people.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Versus there are people there who are clubbing and they are like, I need the club, I need the. And you're like, well, now you're in.

[Jordana Abraham]

The, Like, I'm not going if I'm not, I'm not gonna go stand in the crowd at the club. I need a table.

[Jared Freid]

Right. You, you've crossed over and that's, it's okay to be that way.

[Jordana Abraham]

I need a seat.

[Jared Freid]

Just can't act like you come back and you go, oh, yeah, we're all the same. No, you're doing a different job.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, I'm better than everyone.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, it was funny though, because we, I, I had a realization when we got a table at the club. There you go. There you go. Because they're so expensive and the minimum is like, you could never poss. You couldn't possibly order an amount of alcohol that would hit the minimum. Like, unless you were just taking shot after shot after shot. So then I was like, now it all makes sense why when I was like a 22 year old club rat, all these guys would always invite us to drink at their table. It was because they needed to hit the minimum.

[Jared Freid]

Right. We're spending this anyways.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And I was like, all these guys just keep ordering bottles. They're like so nice to us.

[Jared Freid]

They must love us, right? Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's like, no. They like, are desperately trying to hit.

[Jared Freid]

We spent it already anyways. Yeah. The money's gone.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. I felt much less flattered. It was very the real world. I was like, should we invite some random girls to our table?

[Jared Freid]

Mike, go ask those women to come. Yeah, these, the swinging couple really wants us to hang out of their table.

[Jordana Abraham]

I just don't want his alcohol to go to waste.

[Jared Freid]

That's great. I'm happy you had fun. I was here stateside hanging. I, I, I was telling you before we started taping, I did this interview with the Cut.

[Jordana Abraham]

So funny.

[Jared Freid]

And I don't know how I'm gonna sound.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, give us the. Do they give you. How did they pitch the article to you?

[Jared Freid]

Basically, I got this DM that was. And I did the interview. It comes out, I think tomorrow, but I'm kind of nervous about it because I'm like, I've seen the cut.

[Jordana Abraham]

Tomorrow, like September 4th.

[Jared Freid]

No, tomorrow after taping.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, tomorrow after taping. So it'll be out by, it'll be out by now.

[Jared Freid]

So you'll get to hear my pre article feelings on this. But the cut. You know those articles, that's the West Village woman article.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. I mean, they get passed around, right? They're like, if you're going to pass around an article, it's probably from them. It's usually like a think piece that sort of like involves someone you kind of know or know of.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And it's like disagreeable on purpose. Like it's making a statement, which I appreciate. That's like what an article should be. It's got a position point of view.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's got a point of view. And we were talking. So the article is about.

[Jared Freid]

It's called like, why, what's wrong with men?

[Jordana Abraham]

Single men. I feel like New York Times had a piece like that recently, was like, where are all the single men?

[Jared Freid]

And. Which makes a lot of women angry because it comes off as blaming. A lot of which I, I don't. Blaming women, blaming women for like not settling. I, I think it's like there's a right wing or political angle to all this, like sad men epidemic stuff that goes into. Like, which I don't agree with. Like, I do think there are sad men. But I'm like, I've, I don't think I've ever taken the position of like, it's these women, you know, like. But I, I think that's like, I.

[Jordana Abraham]

Thought it's more insulting to men.

[Jared Freid]

I think it is. I. But you, then you see the response to it. It's like the response is also a little bit cold from the women. Like, we'll deal with it, you know.

[Jordana Abraham]

But I'm saying, but the women are the ones who have to deal with it, right? If the men suck, then the women are. When. What are the women to do?

[Jared Freid]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

What are the men dealing with? There's all the available single women that are, that they're not dating.

[Jared Freid]

Well, I don't know. It's like this, like, you got to work together and if we're so divided at these times that, like, you know, it's like that. It's like there's an economic theory here where it's like, if you work together, you guys will all be better off, but if you work against each other, you're all screwed. And it's like, that's kind of where the sad, lonely man epidemic comes in, where it's like, okay, if you, if you were a little, you know, if you were a night. Now I'm blaming the woman.

[Jordana Abraham]

Wait, so, so I did this, interviewed you.

[Jared Freid]

I basically get a dm and they're like, my friend's a huge fan. And I watched your special. You hit on like all these notes in your dating about dating and how the men that we interview, they interviewed like a thousand men. She's like, you're saying in your special the things all these men are kind of saying. And I'm like, well, thank you. Like, I'm very. I was, I was, you know what I was, I thought it was very nice of her to reach out. And I'm like, oh, the cut that gets passed around. But then I was between flights from. I had a three flight day and I'm going from Seattle to Spokane. I'm literally taking this interview as I'm boarding the flight.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

And I'm like, she's asking questions, really pushing, you know, like, and the way we talk on this podcast. But it was like on a podcast you can kind of hear and feel, you know, my discomfort with the subjects. I don't know how I'm going to be.

[Jordana Abraham]

So she's asking you about dating yourself.

[Jared Freid]

Dating myself. And I, you know, I bring up being posted in like, are we dating the same guy? Facebook groups. And like, listen, like, I do understand that there's a fear of like being, you know, being just blasted for just. And, and the male plight. If you compare, you know, on. In the Internet, we compare plights.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

And you can't really. And the victim always wins. And if you're looking at dating woman who wants to fall in love is not really. Is like a little bit more of a plight than man who's just not into it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

You know, and that's kind of where I come in to try and explain this and feel like. And give a voice to like a kind of an icky voice. And I'm like saying this to you now and I feel very comfortable saying that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I mean, well, you don't know what I'm not trying to get you potentially.

[Jared Freid]

I have no idea. But then you brought up. And I'm scared about this coming out.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's just funny how much your life parallels Sex in the City. I mean, you move to the mouse, you know, dies right in front of you and then you leave. But there is literally, I mean, we, I think we might have talked about this in a previous episode because there is a literally an episode of Sex in the City where Carrie is approached to do a New York magazine article that's called Single and Fabulous. And she's like so excited for this article. I think it's going to highlight all the Single and fabulous people.

[Jared Freid]

I had no idea about this episode.

[Jordana Abraham]

And the day, right? And the day before the photo shoot. The night before, she goes out clubbing until like 6am and then she's like, she's like startled awake. And she finally gets to the photo shoot. She's like late. They're like yelling at her. She like. And she's like smoking and she looks like complete. And they take a picture and then they publish her face on the COVID of New York magazine with the title single. Like looking like a haggard. Yeah, like very like washed up party girl. And it says single and fabulous question mark. And she goes, I did not sign up. I would never have signed up for Single and fabulous question mark.

[Jared Freid]

Honestly, I've been telling people about this article. I'm like, I'm like, I'm not sure how it's going to be. I'm a little anxious about it. And I. This is my.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is the male version of that. Because it's like where. It's like, where are all the men? Here's all the like right.

[Jared Freid]

Here's the big fucking loser.

[Jordana Abraham]

A few great men. But then it's like where. This is what's left, right?

[Jared Freid]

The quote will be like. And I even said she was like, where would people go to like for dating thoughts from single. From straight single guys. I'm like, I'm the only one. And she's like, you're the only one. I'm like, I don't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I'm the only single and fabulous.

[Jared Freid]

Single and fabulous, maybe.

[Jordana Abraham]

But you know, the New York, New York magazine owns the cut, right?

[Jared Freid]

No, these articles get passed. So like. And it's the scary thought of the world right now where it's like. And someone was like, if it's bad, that's the best thing that could ever happen to you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

And I'm like, that's crazy that you're right. You know, like your own show, right? Like, they're like, oh, this guy's.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're William Loser.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I'm willing started that. All my dreams. Oh yeah, we'll pick up the special, we'll buy it. You're the biggest name and loser.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, would you take that?

[Jared Freid]

I don't know. I don't know what I would take anymore.

[Jordana Abraham]

Can do it.

[Jared Freid]

So sitting in jail for insider trading. No, no.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, for like crypto.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Like we say things now that like, yeah, Hawk Tua. Insider trading. You're like, is that a mad lib? You know, like just saying sentences that you're like, that's a real sentence that she's not in jail, by the way. She did get in trouble, but I, I.

[Jordana Abraham]

What a world.

[Jared Freid]

What a world. It is good to be back here in New York. We are wearing, if you're watching on YouTube, Abercrombie and Fitch has fitted us. You look great.

[Jordana Abraham]

As do you.

[Jared Freid]

Thank you. This is their, like, denim. This is their denim.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, I feel ready for fall.

[Jared Freid]

I have to say. I feel very fall coated. I'm wearing in a creamy, you know, knit short sleeve shirt.

[Jordana Abraham]

I got the, That's a great shirt.

[Jared Freid]

Thank you.

[Jordana Abraham]

That one for Mike.

[Jared Freid]

I think it would look good on Mike. I, the jeans, a different fit that I'm used to, but this is what the kids are wearing, which makes me sound a hundred years old.

[Jordana Abraham]

These are also Abercrombie. I think these are very cool.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I like those.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

I like those more for me than, you know, than the ones I'm wearing right now.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're like, I think those look better on me than you.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. I, this is a loose repair. I don't know. I, but I, I do. We're gonna be wearing Abercrombie. I love their stuff. I love their jeans. They fit really well.

[Jordana Abraham]

They're great. I, I've, I've bought many of their jeans before and I have this actually, like rehearsal dinner dress that I, that I wear that I always get compliments on. And I'm always like, it's Abercrombie.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. They, they light up knowing like, oh, that's an option.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

You know, oh, oh, I can go. Abercrombie is like, I can, I can go there and find like, really great.

[Jordana Abraham]

Really great quality stuff.

[Jared Freid]

I would say the only jeans I wear are Abercrombie Zombie. So I, I, I, I'm a big proponent of what they do and they got some great stuff and they have some NFL gear if you're a woman. Especially, like, there's like kind of like boyfriend.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Sweatshirt.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sweatshirts.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. And I got a ton of. I'll be wearing next week because they sent a bunch of like, bear stuff that I'll wear to games and stuff. Like, I'm excited.

[Jordana Abraham]

Are you going to games?

[Jared Freid]

I'm going to games. I think I'm going to opening week. I think I'm gonna make a little appearance.

[Jordana Abraham]

When's that opening week?

[Jared Freid]

The Monday after this episode comes out. I think I'm gonna take a little flight to Chicago and wow. See the game. I got my bro. I gotta cheer on my bro.

[Jordana Abraham]

You gotta wear your Abercrombie.

[Jared Freid]

I wear all my Abercrombie gear. So what else is going on? What are we talking about today?

[Jordana Abraham]

Do you have any shows coming up?

[Jared Freid]

I do have shows. I. I'm all over this country. If you came to the shows in Denver and San Francisco, what a blast. San Francisco, what a town. I mean, I just said such a fun time. Both towns. Denver, the. The kindness and just awesome. The people that like our show are just like fun, good people. And I. It makes me so happy, you know, like, and the shows have been fun. Like, I'm in the middle of, like. Your brother came.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Did he have fun?

[Jordana Abraham]

I haven't even actually spoken to him since then, but I'm sure he. I'm sure, yeah, he's been avoiding me.

[Jared Freid]

That he didn't like your most crit.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sibling I haven't heard from yet. He would have told me if he hated it. Don't worry.

[Jared Freid]

I'm in Winnipeg this weekend, which I've never been to Winnipeg. Okay. Winnie's, Come on out. Kansas City, Missouri. Richmond, Virginia. D.C. milwaukee, Minneapolis, Chicago, Durham, Charlotte, Fort Lauderdale. Royal Oak, Michigan. Columbus, Ohio. Orlando, Florida. I got so many dates. My calendar. So I'm like, long island, that's happening. Long Island's coming.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

But we added a show to Boston. Boston already sold out in February. Like that's January or something. So I'm already sold out in a bunch of places. It's a theater tour. So you blew it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Boston, you blew it.

[Jared Freid]

So theater tours. I'm asking you guys politely if you could buy early, that would be very. What are you going to New York after Boston? Okay, so we're doing a New York one. There'll be a Long island one, all that stuff. So how are you without anything coming from your end to announce before we get same old, same old.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right? Listen, over sharing. Subscribe on YouTube.

[Jared Freid]

Subscribe. We're doing. We have the YouTube exclusives. They're wonderful. I watch them.

[Jordana Abraham]

You watch them.

[Jared Freid]

I, I don't. I don't. I don't. I'm not into this show generally. I. Not a fan. But I watch those. Oh.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do you get any tips from yourself?

[Jared Freid]

I think it's. I think we do a good job on these exclusives. Also, I brought a gift from San Francisco for the studio.

[Jordana Abraham]

Thank you.

[Jared Freid]

Another titty shot glass if you're watching on YouTube. We're.

[Jordana Abraham]

We. We're at a budget for decorating the studio. So. Jared, is every city one for the team?

[Jared Freid]

I.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is more every city. Yeah, we should get. Is it next to the London one?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, we're gonna put it right Next to. I have another one at home.

[Jordana Abraham]

Jared, I. I got you a gift, but I forgot it at home. I'm gonna get it tomorrow.

[Jared Freid]

That makes me excited.

[Jordana Abraham]

I got in. I got.

[Jared Freid]

Maybe the titties were too big to fit in her bag.

[Jordana Abraham]

You'll have to wait and see. Tomorrow morning, we're. We're recording again. Get it. I'm excited for. For you because it is. It's special.

[Jared Freid]

Is it?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, I can't wait. I love a gift. You know that rush you get when you find something cute and it's on sale? That's the thrill of the deal. And Rakuten takes it to another level. We love Rakuten.

[Jordana Abraham]

I am a huge Rakuten user.

[Jared Freid]

You're a user.

[Jordana Abraham]

I have the widgets, I have the app. I don't buy anything without checking if the store is on Rakuten first. And I'm making sure I'm getting my cash back. You know, I love a deal.

[Jared Freid]

You do love a deal. Way more than me. You're. You're a deal hunter.

[Jordana Abraham]

Bargain hunter.

[Jared Freid]

Rakuten is the most rewarding way to shop because you can stack cash back on top of existing deals at places you already shop. Sephora, Target, Ticketmaster. You can use it for fashion, beauty, travel, home stuff, electronics, pretty much anything. Signing up is totally free and takes just a few seconds. Simple Store pays Rakuten to bring them shoppers, and Rakuten shares cash back with you through PayPal or check. Think of it as a little reward for doing what you are already planning on doing. Over 17 million people are already saving. They've already earned $4.6 billion in cash back, so why not you? That's crazy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Some of that's mine.

[Jared Freid]

Stack those sales, get that cash back, and enjoy being the person in the group chat who always knows the best deal. Download the free Rakuten app or go to rakuten.com to start SA today. That's r a k u t n racket dot com.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know those moments when your hands are full or your eyes need a break, but you still want to escape into a great story? That's why I'm such a fan of Audible. I listen all the time, whether I'm on a walk, commuting to the office, doing chores, or even just relaxing before bed. Audible's app makes it super easy to jump right into thousands of audiobooks anytime, anywhere. I've mentioned before that one of my favorite movies is Pride and Prejudice. And I'm excited that Audible is releasing a brand new audiobook version of the Jane Austen novel on September 9th. Narrated by Marissa Abela, Harris Dickinson, Glenn Close and other stars you know and love. Audible gives me the best of both worlds. I can enjoy a story I love while actually getting stuff done. They have thousands of titles, everything from romance to thrillers to memoirs, comedy and even self improvement. So whatever mood you're in, there's always something fresh and exciting waiting for you. And the app is super user friendly. You can download audiobooks to listen offline, adjust the narration speed and pick up right where you left off across all your devices. If you've never tried audible before, I can't recommend it enough. It's the easiest way to bring incredible stories into your everyday life. Trust me, once you start listening, you'll wonder how you ever went without it. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30 day trial at audible.com UUP what.

[Jared Freid]

Are we talking about today?

[Jordana Abraham]

All right, our first email is a little different. We teamed up with our friends at Abercrombie to help solve some of your situationship woes in a segment we're calling Cuff it or Cut it off, inspired by Abercrombie's Incredible Denim. So you send us your situation ships. We're going to tell you if we think it's worth making an official or if it's time to let go. Cuff it or cut it off. Let's get into it.

[Jared Freid]

I love this. Again, Abercrombie, thank you for sponsoring this show. We're wearing the gear. If you look on YouTube you can see how great it looks. I will say I'm very picky with like jeans and what I'm wearing on camera specifically and look good, feel good, all that stuff. Yeah, Abercrombie, just great fits. I would say the sizing, it's just, it hits you right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Good fall stuff, good quality denim.

[Jared Freid]

So you want to read it?

[Jordana Abraham]

All right. Hello, Jared and Jordana. Firstly big fan of the POD and all that you do. Male listener here looking for a little advice, perspective or maybe just a laugh.

[Jared Freid]

Love it.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm a 27 year old guy who's been seeing a 28 year old woman for about two and a half months. Crunch time. Okay, it's all coming in. Tick tock. We've been.

[Jared Freid]

The walls are closing in. Two and a half months. What do we do?

[Jordana Abraham]

Two and a half months? Almost three. Okay. We've been on a lot of really good dates, from cozy nights in to more eventful nights out as things get more serious and we start meeting each Other's friends, we're inching closer to the question of cuff or not to cuff. Here's the issue. I feel stuck in a conflicted and admittedly crappy headspace. On one hand, she checks all the boxes. Funny enough, smart enough, pretty enough.

[Jared Freid]

I don't put that on her tombstone.

[Jordana Abraham]

I feel like we've had women describe men in that exact.

[Jared Freid]

I know. And, and the unfair spot of life to go back to. Like, that cut article is. I'm saying very. I'm. I'm not lying when I talk about my dating life and how I feel. But from a man, it doesn't sound great to be like, yeah, she's funny enough. Like, it makes them. I mean, what do you want?

[Jordana Abraham]

The funniest person you've ever met and the hottest person you've ever met and the smartest person you've ever met.

[Jared Freid]

No one's saying that. No one's saying that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sounds like.

[Jared Freid]

But you want to say, I just think she's so funny and fun and hot. Like, again, there's, like, a branding thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

You know, when it comes to how you talk about someone you're dating that you, you know, I'm aware of, but maybe, maybe he's more honest than I have the.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, this doesn't sound unlike something you would have said.

[Jared Freid]

That's what I'm saying. I, I, he's saying words I actually appreciate. Like this email.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, I, Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

It has an honesty to it that's extremely relatable. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

For men, on the other hand, I can't.

[Jared Freid]

I think it's relatable for women, too, but they don't. They would say that. And then everyone go, oh, good.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Like when a woman says, well, he's funny enough, and he's, you know, like, it's almost like, oh, oh, okay, great.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

You know, and he's, like, not creepy. And, you know, like, it's almost like this weird thing, like we're talking about the same person. Like, you can talk about.

[Jordana Abraham]

You can talk about anyone in both of those ways, though.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it's more about the person describing them. Right, Right.

[Jared Freid]

I just, I, I know that. All right, go on.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right, well, we'll get into it. On the other hand, I can't shake the thought that maybe I'm settling and there's someone better out there. Which leaves me wondering, why am I so reluctant to take the next step? Is dating someone who's good enough, simply good enough? Shouldn't I be head over heels? Have dating apps and social Media messed with my perspective, giving me the illusion of endless choice. And what if I let her go only to wake up in months or years from now kicking myself when I realized it really is tough out there. I really appreciate your guidance on this and I am looking forward to seeing Jared if he comes back to Toronto. Sincerely, whatever the male version of a.

[Jared Freid]

Batch is, I feel this because it's, you know, this could be me from the past writing it.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think this could be anyone.

[Jared Freid]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

It could be anyone. I'm dating this person. Take away gender, take away sexual affiliation, dating this person. They're really a great person.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Could I find better?

[Jordana Abraham]

This speaks to me like do you remember Logan Urie's secretary?

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Problem thing.

[Jared Freid]

So scenario, the premise being that you have to hire a secretary and you can only interview 100. What number would you stop on?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. I think, and I think the idea was like she said that by 30 by like the 30th person, like you could keep going but it's probably you're not going to really.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Find someone so much better than after this.

[Jared Freid]

It'll be a marginal in rate of return from the next person. Which is gross, you know, to put people in that way.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, it's not romantic. I don't think it's gross. I think it's not romantic.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think in everyone's head, and this is kind of what I what romantic people and not romantic. I think everyone, everyone has this in their head of like there's a person out there that's just gonna knock me off my feet. Right. And I think both, both the cynicals and the romantics both think that the issue is that the person who's like actually really romantic and really wants a relationship actually like dates that person when they think that they've like hit enough of their, of their points. And I think the more cynical person is always thinks there's someone else that could be a little bit better.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I mean I, I, I'm 40, right. And this guy's 27 and he's mirroring things that I've thought and felt.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, let me.

[Jared Freid]

So when I hear this, I'm like, what would I say to my 27 year old self? And I even at 40, single, sitting here, having a lot of the emotions that he has where it's like, you know, even what he writes at the end, kicking myself when I realize it's tough out there. There's a ver, there's a day, there's a moment in my day every week where I Go.

[Jordana Abraham]

Should I have married the 30th person, right. Interviewed for this job?

[Jared Freid]

Should I have gone with that one or this one? And who am I to have ever ended things right, with people thinking that I was gonna find something more special?

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, can I ask you something? Have you ever, liked, met a woman, even, like a friend, A woman dating someone you're friends with or someone you know, or someone like that, where you're like, I need to find someone like her. Someone who you thought was like.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, you know what I'm saying? You do have that. Sometimes you think that of someone who's like, taken.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Because it's almost like there's protection in that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. We also don't really know them.

[Jared Freid]

Well, you don't know them. You don't really know them. And you also are like, well, this could never be. So it's easier to think, right.

[Jordana Abraham]

To think that they could be that. That I need to find someone just like them.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Because I'm never gonna be with them. So I don't have to deal with the responsibility of, like, Right. Owning that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Because it seems unlikely that you've never met, like, a single version of that person.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And sometimes I wonder if the single version of someone is a held back version. And you get that version once you've put in the time and work to get to know one another. And that's the idea of falling in love again and again. You go on your vacation, truly yourself.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

And you go, oh, whoa. I learned. I. I knew Mike the whole time, but now we know each other in this refreshed way, you know, the post Lisbon way.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sure. When we're never the same, Right.

[Jared Freid]

You expand and, you know, you avoid that because your fear is what? This guy's fear is to turn around and go, is this like five years in and now you've wasted this other person's time. You wasted your own time, but it's never a waste of time. But that is. You have like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, it's tough because, like, part of me is like, there are certain people who can feel that way and certain people who can't. And in my head, when I think about this, that's. Those are the. The two ways that I think about this is one, some people just don't ever, like, get to that point. They're not like the die hard romantic people who could be, like, totally smitten and propose in a year. Right. But then I've seen men who actually do do that.

[Jared Freid]

No.

[Jordana Abraham]

So then I'm like, maybe that's not. Maybe that's not true. I don't know.

[Jared Freid]

I was just with my good friends who got married right out of college. Three kids. They're in it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, they're coaching the soccer game.

[Jared Freid]

They were coaching the soccer game. I'm at the, I was at the. No flag football. I went to the flag football game. I'm at. We're taking the kids to this and that and they're like, this is the weekend now. We take kids from this place to that place and they've got a fun house. Like their house is like you got.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like a tour guide into like suburban.

[Jared Freid]

Oh my God. I was like, I'm watching, I'm so interested because it's like on safari legitimately. What it felt like was being on suburban safari, like to see their life and to see the house, like a lived in house. It wasn't like brand new house. It was like kids of kids everywhere place up. And the video, you know, the room that was the guest room is now like the kids video game room. And that's where they go to play, you know, whatever the they play, you know. Yeah. So. And the daughter is like, you know, you know, dealing with, you know, middle school and friends and all that.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's so cute.

[Jared Freid]

It's unbelievable. And I'm like so happy to like be Uncle Jared. Like I come in there and they're like, Jared swears a lot. Like they said that. They tell me, they're like, uncle Jared, he's crazy, you know, so funny. And I had a really good time seeing them. But I, you know, we're talking a little bit about relationships and like, you know, we think back to their wedding. I was in their wedding. And they're like, they're even like, yeah, we just like did it, you know, like.

[Jordana Abraham]

And like I can't believe we just did it. Or like it's not even.

[Jared Freid]

I can't believe as much as it's like we didn't know what we were doing to expect what we'd be right now. And they're like, they, I do think that they're happy. Yeah, I know they're happy.

[Jordana Abraham]

But I'm saying, have you ever asked and this would be like totally normal, I think if either of them said yes. But did I wonder if they're even. If, if either of them thinks like, like, could I have dated more people? Is there, would there have been another. They don't talk like match for me.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like that. And even having that thought I don't think is crazy.

[Jared Freid]

No, I, I, they definitely have had that thought, I mean, I would imagine, I would imagine.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

But, but it's not like that one confided me like, what's it like on Tinder? But I did, but it was just.

[Jordana Abraham]

Interesting because you just kill, you can't know. Just in the same way of like you're, you probably think, what if I married my college girlfriend? You just don't know.

[Jared Freid]

Well, I also think about the, I think about stand up comedy. Like when I started doing stand up, I felt I would go to open mics. I going back to where I started. Now I could never even do. I, I couldn't do it. I'm sure they have the same feeling with their dating.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

About like, I could never even do that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Start again.

[Jared Freid]

Like I just start again. That'd be like, you know. And I'm sure people who get divorced are having that feeling as well where they're like, I gotta start again. But I think if you're happy in your place, in your marriage, you go, I could never do that because I don't yearn for that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. And also, like, the risk of like losing the like, amazing thing that I built here.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Wouldn't be worth the small possibility that there's someone who's the same or a slightly better match for me.

[Jared Freid]

Right. But even when I think of like starting stand up again, I'm like, I can't even imagine it because I, it's just not even like I did it already, it, Right. You know, like I got over that hump. I think that they have that feeling.

[Jordana Abraham]

But they didn't date already. Like date in their, you know, they.

[Jared Freid]

Dated in their minds. They dated in college. They, you know, I guess they're still.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know, you're the one who says that's not real.

[Jared Freid]

It's not real. But to them it's real.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

You know. Oh, in college, remember when you like they taught. Oh, you used.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's all they have.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, yeah. That's the, in their reality. That's reality. You know, I don't know. So I, but this thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

But what I was saying before about the guy who actually does feel like he's with someone for a while and then ends it for with them and then is engaged in a year.

[Jared Freid]

Like, is that, I think that's like the similar thing of like you can convince yourself. I like, that's what, when I hear this email, I'm like, this guy's gonna dump this girl.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, probably, or he wouldn't be writing in.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I, I, but I think it's A.

[Jordana Abraham]

Lot to get a man to write in here.

[Jared Freid]

But when you say good enough, okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

It sounds like he's gonna dump her. Right? But should he?

[Jared Freid]

That's the question I think he should.

[Jordana Abraham]

I ask because he could find someone better.

[Jared Freid]

Not because he's going to find someone better, because.

[Jordana Abraham]

Because that's his fear.

[Jared Freid]

Here's what I want for me is.

[Jordana Abraham]

That he could find someone better.

[Jared Freid]

Well, I think he's thinking of it. I think the branding of this email is off. And I think if he thought about it, like, if I think my, my response to his email and from 40 year old, you know, the ghost of single future. Are you excited? I would make it smaller. He's so far ahead of himself, which is what I do, that I'd be like, okay, are you excited for the.

[Jordana Abraham]

Next date two and a half months in?

[Jared Freid]

Two and a half months in, Are you excited two and a half months in? That's like so early. Are you excited to see them again? And I asked genuinely, okay, and if you go, I could see them, I could see anybody else. Would I. Would you be just as excited to meet someone new and that you might be? If you would, then I would end it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

If you'd be just as excited to see someone else that you would be to see them in two and a half months, I'd go, yeah, get out of that.

[Jordana Abraham]

That right.

[Jared Freid]

I. But make it smart.

[Jordana Abraham]

How would you feel if you never had to see them again? Relieved.

[Jared Freid]

I've been there, so I don't know because. But I'm, I've been in this position like him, and I'm not proud of it. But then you go, you say nothing. You kind of go, oh, I'll wait till the next date and make the decision then.

[Jordana Abraham]

Have you ever regretted it? Like you said, the kicking myself, when I really realize it really is tough.

[Jared Freid]

Out there, I kick myself thinking back.

[Jordana Abraham]

To.

[Jared Freid]

When I was in it. Did I give it enough of an opportunity?

[Jordana Abraham]

You know, did I give it enough time to not to see where.

[Jared Freid]

But did I value the hangouts? I think, like if I look back on anything I regret as far as people I dated is like, I think because I would get drunk on a date and hang out and have fun in the way I was having fun, but I was having fun on my own instead of trying to figure out if we were fun together, right? And that would be my regret. Not the didn't give enough time, but didn't value the time as it was.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Are men kind of thinking about dating, especially at 27 are they thinking about dating? Like, the only way I'm settling down or the only way I'm going to be in a relationship is if there is someone who's giving me this like X factor thing of irreplaceable, out of my league, out of my leagueness.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I think that's what, what a lot of women get upset with. Like, well, that's what it feels like, right? The clock thing that gets kind of over talked about but never really like looked into. Like the clock thing is less about babies, even though it's about babies, but it's a less about babies than it is feeling that clock. Like I think at 27 he's not feeling that clock. I'm sure he's feeling, will I miss out on future? You know, will future people not be as good as this one? Like I think for better sounds like that or better. But the women that are talking about a clock, it's a different perspective. It sounds like, well, like, like he's not worried about, like, well, I won't be able to start a family. I won't be able to, you know, I'll be behind all my friends.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

That's not what he's writing even. That's if you listen to him, it's will I me. It's selfish, you know, it's not.

[Jordana Abraham]

Why me? What? Blimey.

[Jared Freid]

Angry at me, right? For screwing up.

[Jordana Abraham]

Never get a girl this hot and hot enough, smart enough and funny enough.

[Jared Freid]

I don't know. That's why I'm like ended. Like I, I just like, I think the male.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's why it feels so personal. Because it does feel like they're like bidding for someone out of their league so that they could like snatch up.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And if you, if you put that to public discourse, that's where it gets personal and mean. But out of my league is such a personal thing. Like, right. It's not her versus another woman or on the rankings. Like it's not like height, right. You know, oh, if I just dump him now, who I could find a guy who's six two.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Some other factor, it's, I do think it also has to do with like readiness and like that's what I'm saying.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is it about the person or is it about him?

[Jared Freid]

I think it's about him. Like that. I think that's the great reveal, like to me about myself, him the whole time. Well, you look in the mirror, like it doesn't sound like you have the confidence to be, to move forward in your life, right? You know, and do. Are you confident enough to be responsible for someone else while also extending your life and being better and improving? And I think that's, like, the game he's playing right now, because I've played that game where you go, well, if I do this now, I have to go to, like, you know, I have to do the work.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. I think it could go either way. Listen, like, this could be the best person he ever gets with. We just don't know.

[Jared Freid]

I just don't think he'll think of it that way. When it gets to, like, what do.

[Jordana Abraham]

You think of it that way? It's never gonna get any better than this for you.

[Jared Freid]

I. I don't think he'll think of it that way. I think whenever he ends it with this person, which he will. And then you f. You feel great about yourself, I. I just think you'll be excited more than you'll be questioned.

[Jordana Abraham]

When you're ready. When you're ready. Not about the person. I agree. So I would say I think we're in agreement then that he should.

[Jared Freid]

I think you got to cut it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Cut it off.

[Jared Freid]

Cut it off. Also cut it off earlier than. Don't cuff it, then cut it off. I'd rather cut it off earlier. Giving the chance for, like, a. I didn't give that enough time. I feel great right now, and I'd like to go out. But you have to do that under, like, you're saying he.

[Jordana Abraham]

He should get into it or he should not.

[Jared Freid]

I think he's got to cut it with this person. But I'm saying that gives you opportunity for later. You get used to yourself. You feel yourself. Maybe you come back to this person.

[Jordana Abraham]

If she's still available.

[Jared Freid]

If they're available. If you're serious about it. Like, that's a. But that. Not to say that.

[Jordana Abraham]

If she's still available. Yeah, if.

[Jared Freid]

So that's cuff it or cut it off. Thanks so much for writing in. Finding the right relationship is a lot like finding the right jeans. When it fits, you just know. Well, I mean, to that guy, he doesn't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

So, yeah, so. And thanks to Abercrombie, there's a fit out there for everyone. Straight fit, curve, love. Whatever you're looking for in a pair of jeans, they've got you. I love the jeans. I'm wearing them now. If you're watching on YouTube, I got the shirt on. Got the jeans on. This is a whole Abercrombie outfit.

[Jordana Abraham]

Comfy, cozy, and you can shop Abercrombie denim in the app online and in store. You know, I love a good pair of underwear, but it is hard to find. If it's flattering, then usually pretty uncomfortable. It's like riding up, it's digging in and if it's really comfortable, it usually makes you look like a grandma and you kind of feel a little self conscious about it. It's really hard to find the medium and Skims has mastered that art. They have some of the most comfortable underwear that I have ever worn in my entire life.

[Jared Freid]

It is funny that whenever I hear women talk about the Skims product line they do kind of like glow a little bit about it.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's just really hard for women to find stuff that looks good on you and also like is really comfortable. I think that's just a universal struggle by many women.

[Jared Freid]

I just love when we have a sponsor that helps our audience. It's nice to know Skims is like helping people feel better about themselves.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, and I am. I am a believer. I'm a convert. I'm a skims gal. Recently I got the Fits Everybody full brief which is like their regular underwear which I am wearing all the time now. It's my favorite pair. I get annoyed when I wear it because then I have to wait until I wash all my underwear to wear it. You just don't think about it. Which is the number one thing for underwear for me. I also have the Bralette. It's a game changer. It lifts, it looks great. Super flattering, super cute, just the right amount of support and also incredibly comfortable. I haven't always loved bras. Who has? But with Skims they are changing me into a bra lover. Shop My favorite bras and [e-mail] after you place your order, make sure to let them know we sent you select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the drop down menu menu that follows. This episode is sponsored by Instacart. We've all been there. You finally get to your vacation spot after a long travel day. You're tired. You're ready to wind down and realize you forgot something important. Maybe a toothbrush, maybe a skincare product, or even a pair of shoes. Instead of wasting your precious vacation time running errands, you can have Instacart help deliver whatever you need right to you. And when the vacation's over and you're heading back to reality, set yourself up with a full fridge of groceries so you can ease back into your routine. From meal prepping to restocking pantry staples, Instacart helps you get all the essentials you need, no matter where you are. Truly, the convenience cannot be beat. With just a few taps, you can shop your favorite stores and get fresh groceries or household essentials delivered in as fast as 30 minutes. Or if you're out and about, you can have them ready for pickup. Instacart helps to deliver, so you can handle everything else. Just order online or via the easy to use app. Instacart brings convenience, quality and ease right to your door so you can focus on what matters most. Download the Instacart app and use code UAPPOD20 to get $20 first order of $80 or more. That's code UUPPOD20 to get $20 off your first order of $80 or More. Offer valid for a limited time. Excludes restaurants. Additional terms apply.

[Jared Freid]

Let's do another email Petty or prudent? We love a petty or love a petty or you're dating someone, you end it, you do something after the ending. Were you being petty or was it prudent?

[Jordana Abraham]

Needed to be done to happen. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

All right. J and J. Longtime listener 2018 thank you and subscribe to thank you. I would love to know if you think this situation is petty or prudent. I 31 female, matched on hinge with a guy, 32 male hit it off on the app. He asked if we could get together and I offered a Saturday coffee date at one of my favorite cafes in town. We continue to chat most of the night before our date and it was flirty and fun, so I was excited to meet him. I messaged him about an hour before the date to confirm, which he replied.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yep, don't love a yup. Yeah yep. What do you think of a yep?

[Jared Freid]

I'm not a yep guy, but girl.

[Jordana Abraham]

If a woman responded yep when you.

[Jared Freid]

Were, it has an exclamation point, but I'd be okay with it, but yep. It's just not. It's not something I would even say.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, yeah. You know what? I I yep. I don't like an okay okay letters. Okay feels a little cold.

[Jared Freid]

I don't like okay, I'm with you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

There's another one I don't like that has some coldness. Yup. A thumbs up.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh yeah, that's a little passive aggressive.

[Jared Freid]

It's just, you know, this isn't a business.

[Jordana Abraham]

Would you rather a thumbs up reaction or a thumbs up emoji and reactions?

[Jared Freid]

No, the emoji and response is like you made a an effort to do that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, there's something wrong with you.

[Jared Freid]

I Drive to the cafe where I am early and try to message to let him know I'm in my car. When I don't see his name in my matches, I get a weird feeling and decided not to go into the cafe since he was unmatched and cut off any communication we might have since we never exchanged numbers. Was it petty or prudent to not go in the cafe after the guy unmatched on the app. Thanks for all you do. Xoxo. A stood up. What do you think? So she has the date set up.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

She had some fun flirty messages confirmed with a Yep. That we don't like and she sees he unmatched on the app.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, you tell me because you more recently on the apps than me. Why? What are the reasons someone would unmatch you on the app before a date that you have set up?

[Jared Freid]

It's. This is a tough one. I don't unmatch on the app unless I absolutely can't stand the person.

[Jordana Abraham]

You want them out of your face.

[Jared Freid]

I want them out of my life and I want to let them know that this conversation didn't go well. That's very rare.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

That is my ego. That is me.

[Jordana Abraham]

Literally, like, that's a get out of my face.

[Jared Freid]

If I could say off, I would. This is my version of saying off.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

And not that I'm proud of that. What?

[Jordana Abraham]

Why would this. This guy doesn't.

[Jared Freid]

What I hear, unmatch. It sounds very organizational.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Which I don't relate to. So I don't know why people would unmatch on the app, especially when you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Don'T have someone's number.

[Jared Freid]

Well, that's why you don't get their number. So that you can unmatch. This is why Snapchat, let's connect. On Snapchat, you can take yourself out of their phone because you can unsubscribe on Snapchat where a phone number, you can't really do that. You'd have to block them. It. It. There's just layers to Snapchat and the app that are safety layers to either being able to cheat or being able to not have to give your number to someone. On the other side of that, there's people that are like, I don't want to give my number to a stranger. So I understand that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Does this feel like nefarious to you?

[Jared Freid]

It does. It does. It feels weird and off. And here's the thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

It does seem weird to me.

[Jared Freid]

It's weird.

[Jordana Abraham]

Unless he got so excited about your dates that he deleted he deleted the app.

[Jared Freid]

He's like, this is the one I found.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yep.

[Jared Freid]

Goodbye. This is big old Y. Yeah, I, I can't see. And if someone explained to me why they unmatch on the app, what if.

[Jordana Abraham]

He deleted the apps because he's just like, oh, I'm going on this date and then I'm done.

[Jared Freid]

I would assume I deleted the apps when I got posted. Well, did you go on any app.

[Jordana Abraham]

Dates after you deleted the apps?

[Jared Freid]

Okay, I. So I'll give a personal.

[Jordana Abraham]

And is a delete come off the same way as an unmatched.

[Jared Freid]

I don't know. Okay, I will say this. I got posted in that Are we dating the same guy Facebook group. This was around the time I was doing the you updating summer challenge.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

So I was deleting the apps anyways, but this, that gave me the push to do it. I did go back on the app and say, hey, I'm out of here. I'm gonna delete the app. But I just want to make sure you have my number because it was people that I wanted to go out with.

[Jordana Abraham]

Still.

[Jared Freid]

Still I did have this anxiety that I looked like some sort of guy with a wife who just found out about his account.

[Jordana Abraham]

Here's my number.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Gotta go.

[Jared Freid]

Hey, I gotta go. Here's my number. Yeah, she's gonna, she's gonna pick up the phone here.

[Jordana Abraham]

Time. Sorry. Bye.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, it does. And I say that as guy with a dating podcast that a lot of women listen to.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

So I hear the voices of a thousand scorn lovers every day. So I maybe am more in tune to the uncomfortability of weirdness on the apps, but that is kind of a. I'm not, that's not a good excuse.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Like, I do think men should or have a little bit of knowledge or admit to at least the fears of women on these apps meeting strangers. So when you do something weird like this, where you unmatch because you have to keep your inbox at zero mentality, you have to admit that that's a weird thing to do, especially when you're going back and forth on the app and you don't have each other's number. And you're right.

[Jordana Abraham]

There's no other way to bring them that night.

[Jared Freid]

So I can. For her to say, was it petty for me to just not go into this cafe? I can't tell her that, that I, I, I think that's prudent in a world where the fear of getting murdered or going out with someone who you have no idea what they're like. Because you've only met over a dating app. I.

[Jordana Abraham]

And you have no way to contact them, right? Yeah, I think.

[Jared Freid]

Do you think it was petty?

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't think. I agree. I don't think petty is the right word.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Because it Is she trying to punish him. I guess that would be petty. If she's like. Like you for unmatching me. I'm not going. That, I guess, is petty. If she's like, there's something feels off. That's not petty.

[Jared Freid]

That's like protective.

[Jordana Abraham]

Trusting your instinct. I probably would have gone in because it's a public. If it were me, I think I would have gone in because I'm already there. I assume I did my hair and it's here.

[Jared Freid]

I'm in public.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes, I'm already here. I would go in and I would ask. I'm already here. So I think I would just go. If I was. If I noticed this before I left. Left earlier in the day. Maybe not. But if I think if I was there, I would go and just ask.

[Jared Freid]

But it is weird to get the confirmation. Then they're gone.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. But I'm like, listen, I. I can speak from my own perspective. Like, you can. I. I'm even farther away from her mentality because I'm like, I'm gonna go.

[Jordana Abraham]

You would go. I would go, yeah.

[Jared Freid]

And I would say, hey, I noticed you unmatched. I would say something.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I would say something too.

[Jared Freid]

Hey, I noticed you unmatched me. What's up? What's the deal? And I would need.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do not want to be matched anymore.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I would need them to admit to that it's weird that it's weird that, hey, how could. Can you please see it from my end?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

Like, I want a little empathy for. Hey, I'm. I'm here. But I'm like, we're kind of starting from a weirder place because now you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Want to make sure I can't contact. Are you going to steal from me?

[Jared Freid]

Right. And listen, if this date doesn't work out, that's fine. But you're not even trusting that I could have your number and be like, hey, nice to meet you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Good luck with things.

[Jordana Abraham]

Maybe you're not really ready to be in the dating world.

[Jared Freid]

Right. So again, on a spectrum of I have a wife and kids that live in the suburbs to. I don't trust someone to have my number because they're gonna get angry that I don't want to go on a second date with them. They are on that spectrum.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

It's all bad to me, but I don't think she's petty.

[Jordana Abraham]

I agree.

[Jared Freid]

Let's go. Let's do another one.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hello, J and J. I'm sending a follow up from the note I handed Jared at his show in Denver last night. Night. Do you remember this person?

[Jared Freid]

I do. I do remember this person.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

She was with a guy and she took pictures. I take pictures after every show.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Okay. I say hello. The pictures.

[Jordana Abraham]

You look like you're very. You look like you do it. She sent the picture that you guys took together.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

You look very happy to be there.

[Jared Freid]

Of course I am. You look like.

[Jordana Abraham]

You look like you're taking a picture with her.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, like, I, like I'm a fan of her. Yeah, you're right. We can Post this on YouTube, put up this picture. I take pictures after shows and I'm very happy to take those pictures because we just did the show. It was fun. And I would say 99.9 of the pictures are like, the most gratifying, beautiful, like, amazing thing. To me, there's 0.1. That's, like, uncomfortable. Someone, like, just, I don't know why they made you feel weird to make me feel badly, but, like, it happens. I had a woman, I mean, and I'm not saying this to say every, but she was like, like, I go up to people, I go, hi, I'm Jared. I give my name so that they give me their name back. Like, I want to make sure that, like, I, I have like, an interaction, you know, Like, I'm just, I'm trying.

[Jordana Abraham]

To, like, you're being, you're friendly.

[Jared Freid]

I'm being friendly, but I'm also trying to be.

[Jordana Abraham]

I've done a meet and greet with you. You're. You're good in a meet and greet.

[Jared Freid]

I try my best. I, I, I, but I, I, I again, for some people, it's not easy to go say hello to someone. They're like, why would. Like, my dad always is like, who would want a picture with you? And I'm like, I don't know, but people want it. And I'm like, I'm happy to do it because it is a very nice moment.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

And sometimes people have a story. I just want you to know, I met my boyfriend because, you know, not advice, but this girl did. I remember because, well, she hands me. There was one girl in San Francisco. She goes, I go to, I go, hey, I'm Jared. She goes, this is so transactional. And I'm like, what does she want?

[Jordana Abraham]

Make out a kiss.

[Jared Freid]

Do you want like a. Hey, I. Oh my God. I noticed you out of the crowd, you know, like, I. I don't know what she wanted or thought this was going to be.

[Jordana Abraham]

Literally, you pay for it. So it's by nature transaction, Right.

[Jared Freid]

I think. And it made me feel badly. I'm like, should I not be like, hi, I'm Jared. Like, I'm trying to be nice, right. And I don't know. But this girl I remember in Denver because they bring you to the back as they're like walking people out. It's like, like on the way out of the museum, you go to the gift shop and then you're out of.

[Jordana Abraham]

There and then you get to see the clown.

[Jared Freid]

The clown. I'll give you your balloon. Thank you for coming. Coming. And she's with a guy and she's like, hands me a note. I'm like, we're in Denver. Which is like little freak flag plays. Is she trying to like have. I was like, what's going on here? Like, I've got notes where you thought.

[Jordana Abraham]

She was like shooting her shot.

[Jared Freid]

I didn't know what it was. I was like, maybe because she seemed happy with this guy. She's like, I got to know what you think about this guy. And I'm like, okay. And so she hands.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's a lot to put on you.

[Jared Freid]

I felt bad for the guy because, like, what's he like? The secret going on in front of him.

[Jordana Abraham]

She can't be with him without your okay.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, she said the note was scribbled while I was in the line for the meet and greet, as I was in an active situation where I needed advice and thought, what better than a hand delivered note for the pod? Okay.

[Jared Freid]

And here we are.

[Jordana Abraham]

I was very drunk. That makes sense. When I wrote the note. But it said something along the lines of, I am dating this guy who I really like, but I also really want to be single because I just got out of a relationship. Please help.

[Jared Freid]

I remember the no, please help.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sounds like she's like in a. Like, like he's kidnapped her.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Please help.

[Jared Freid]

And let me just say the guy she was with was. Seemed very nice.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

And like happy to be there. And I judge a lot of the.

[Jordana Abraham]

Women cannot pass a scribbled note that ends with please help with. When you're out with a man.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Unless you are in trouble.

[Jared Freid]

Get him.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, it does.

[Jordana Abraham]

How would you feel about a please help note if you're dating a woman?

[Jared Freid]

I. I wouldn't want that Written while someone was with me. Yeah, I. Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

Please help. Okay, here's a sitch. I've been dating this guy, let's call him Steve. Him 29, me 28, for about two months. I met him on Hinge about four weeks after I moved out of living with my ex boyfriend. This really is menver, right?

[Jared Freid]

A lot of men. Good. They're like, there's so many men and all they have hobbies. And I'm like, you guys gotta.

[Jordana Abraham]

That sounds great.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. You guys got to rewrite your complaint, right? Like it doesn't like. To the rest of the women in the country, they're like, that sounds wonderful.

[Jordana Abraham]

In New York, it's like. Like there's no men and all they care about is money.

[Jared Freid]

Right? Totally true.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right? Okay. I met him on Hinge about four weeks after I moved out of living with my ex boyfriend. At the time I was unhinged, just looking for anyone to take me on a date and to get back out there. And ended up matching with Steve, who I had many mutual friends with that vouched for him and our potential compatibility. Steve is great, possesses many qualities that I was missing in my last relationship, along with many qualities I'm looking for in a long term partner dinner. He totally swooped me off my feet and our romance began hot and heavy with us becoming exclusive in a matter of weeks and saying the L word within the two months. Please help. The issue is, I basically woke up one day in a spiral feeling like it is all moving way too fast and that I would really like some more time to be single on my own, flirt around and only be tethered to myself. I communicated this and he took it well, but also made it clear that he does not want to be waiting around in agony for the day I wake up crawling back to him. He seems to possess everything I'm looking for in a partner and feels like such a good match for me. But I can't stop the feelings of wanting to be single for a while longer. Fast forward to the last night I took him to Jared's show with me. We had an amazing night and he absolutely loved Jared and was laughing his ass off all night.

[Jared Freid]

That's right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do you approve?

[Jared Freid]

I approve. I think he's great. I think you should marry.

[Jordana Abraham]

He'll never find anyone better.

[Jared Freid]

You'll never find a guy like him.

[Jordana Abraham]

He listened to me.

[Jared Freid]

You'll find a lot of guys like him. People generally like my comedy.

[Jordana Abraham]

He's not so special. All right. He listened to me. Describe all the U up Lore waited in the meet and greet line and took pictures of me and Jared. So overall, totally passed the vibe check. You know, you're. You're if you do, you're if you don't. I know.

[Jared Freid]

And I. I actually remember them. And I remember thinking the guy seemed like the sweetest was.

[Jordana Abraham]

He seemed really into her.

[Jared Freid]

They seemed happy and giggly. They looked like they had been on an edible together. It just goes to show, very Denver. I they.

[Jordana Abraham]

Now you know how women feel. You could be dating a guy, you look happy and giggly together. Having everyone thinks you guys look like the perfect match.

[Jared Freid]

I.

[Jordana Abraham]

All the while, he's planning his exit, right?

[Jared Freid]

All the while, she's passing a note to some random dude. Please help. Yeah. In my eyes, I looked up, I go, look at this wonderful couple. Like, I'm like, they're like, doting mom.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know, everything's alive.

[Jared Freid]

My kids are all doing okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

So, jj, I'd love some sound advice. What does one do when you find that someone seemingly great for you but the timing is off? Is this the same email as the first guy? Do I trust my instincts and take some space, or do I dive in and hope the desire to be single will pass? Thanks for all you do. Please help. A hungover and helpless.

[Jared Freid]

I'll say this. There is a thing when you get out of a relationship, and this is why a lot of men, like, a lot of women write to us. He's like a month out of a relationship. A he can't be real. Like, she's kind of like doing the male thing where you get like, I have this. Where anytime I've gotten out of relationship, I'm like, well, I have to do it, right? I have to do it the way everyone wants me to do it or they'll be, you know, I have to be single the way people assume I'm being single.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, I got a date just be hopping into, right?

[Jared Freid]

I. I have this opportunity to be on my own, and I'll never get this again. That's kind of how she's thinking at things like, like, she might marry this guy, right? Well, once I'm in a relationship, once I'm married, I'll never have this opportunity again. And what if I'm one of the hunting wives that, you know, all of a sudden I'm jonesing for my next door neighbor, right? I don't. No one wants to be that character in the sitcom who's, like, trapped by their own life. And I think that's what she's trying to worried about that at while it's fun now and she's enjoying his company now know.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, I think she also has the feeling of the first guy. Am I settling?

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Because no one who doesn't at least have that somewhere in the back of their head writes an email into us like this. I mean the first guy said it more explicitly. But I think if you really thought you found someone super incredible, right. Would the timing matter as much?

[Jared Freid]

And well, also she's feeling the difference between her and the guy is they said I love you within two months. So. So she's in it. The guy is in hypothetically in it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

The guy earlier is assuming that the woman he's with wants to be together.

[Jordana Abraham]

Forever as they do.

[Jared Freid]

As they do. She has stated, right. I love you and I that. Which means I'd like a long term committed relationship. She has locked the door. There's no hypothes she's in. And that's probably why she's feeling it. She's like, like, did I write a check that I don't even know if I can cash?

[Jordana Abraham]

Which is more female to me.

[Jared Freid]

Sure.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think because women are like, let's get into it, I'll figure it out later.

[Jared Freid]

And then you, and then you go, you know. Yeah, you see, this is why those TV shows that are like dramaticized versions of it happen are a lot about women.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Well, this guy is not going to be like you wasted my, my like prime years.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know what I mean?

[Jared Freid]

Like, but he, he is giving her a little bit of a. Well, I listen, I'm not gonna wait now. I think that's hot when you get it is. It is good looking of him.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. I think here's the thing. I do think you could meet the right person at the wrong time. I do think that's a possibility. But it's a risk just like anything else. Right. Like it's a, it's a, it's a risk to end something with someone who is really great. Because the, because all the timing and the logistics are not ideal. But it could be a risk that, that worth taking and you could meet someone else. It's also great. Or you could not.

[Jared Freid]

Have you ever been with someone where you're like man, single would be fun right now. Like while you're with them, you're like yearning for single life.

[Jordana Abraham]

Not, not someone I like committed to.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't think I would commit to someone if I wasn't. I think that's also sort of like how I would operate in relationships. I was like, all in or like, get the. Away from me. I don't think I was. That's. I don't fully relate to the, like, I'm kind of into you thing while we're fully together.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And that. Well, that's why unless you have a lot of.

[Jordana Abraham]

Actually, that's not true. In college, maybe I had that feeling.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And well, I'm sure she. You. She's sitting there going, well, I found a great guy in four weeks on an inch.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, that's thing you're as loyal as your options.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

And why would I. Maybe. Maybe it's not. Maybe I'm the problem. If it's because I'm sure from her angle, it's hard for everyone else. It was easy for me.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Maybe I'm delusional and I'm jumping in too soon. She's doubting herself, I think, a lot.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, I think she's like. I. I do think it comes back to the as loyal as your options thing. I think she's kind of like when there's. When there's a. People are more likely to commit. When there's a feeling of a little bit of scarcity. And I think what she has here is abundance.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Not scarcity. So I think that if that's your mindset, then you're not gonna feel like. You're not gonna feel like you're. A lot of dating is about ego and feeling like you've, like, won something.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

And so I think in this scenario or in her dating experience, that's not how she feels. So she's. I think it's really about the situation. It's not about the guy. I think if she met this guy when she'd been single for four years, she'd be like, oh, of course. Like, I'm gonna.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And that's the. The timing doesn't, like, match the.

[Jordana Abraham]

Or after she's been rejected a bunch.

[Jared Freid]

Or do you think she should end it with this guy? I mean, is it.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it's a risk. I can't. I can't say for sure.

[Jared Freid]

Is it misogynist of us to like, look at this woman who's in a similar plight, again, a little bit different, and go, stick in this thing, kid.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hold on. Stay here as long as you can.

[Jared Freid]

Hold on to this guy because he's not a piece of. Like.

[Jordana Abraham]

I said the same thing about the guy. It's a risk. Right? It's always. That's the. That's what's so hard about life, making decisions because you don't know what will happen if you make a different decision. There's just no way to. To know. You can only know based on the decision that you make. So it's hard. That's why things are hard to commit to.

[Jared Freid]

I know. I think she's going to be okay. I think.

[Jordana Abraham]

Think you think she should end it.

[Jared Freid]

I think she should end it. I think if you're sending passing notes.

[Jordana Abraham]

In class, he's laughing your whole.

[Jared Freid]

I know. I like him, but I more for him than her.

[Jordana Abraham]

I agree.

[Jared Freid]

Release him. Let him out there. This guy, like, is ready. This guy is screaming, I'm ready to be in a relationship and you're not. Listen. And I again, I'll say the same thing to her that I said the last guy. I think you need, like, to like, shake it off. Go figure out your own it. Because maybe she goes back out there and a year later she's going, I've still got him on my mind. You can come back here, but be serious about it.

[Jordana Abraham]

If he's still available.

[Jared Freid]

Still available. I don't know. I just.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's the annoying thing about dating. It's like, go out there for a year, see what a piece of all the other people are, and then come crawling back to me.

[Jared Freid]

Listen, I. I've had that view on my own life with like, I'll end this and I can always come back. But then I don't go back back because I would feel too badly ending it again.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

And if I'm even thinking of that, that means I don't want it enough.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right? But do you not want it enough because it was so easy to get?

[Jared Freid]

I don't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's.

[Jared Freid]

I don't know. I. That's the hard part. And that's probably like, you have a lot of options. Listen, I posted something. The options are getting, like, annoying, if I'm gonna be honest. Like, I. This sounds horrible, but, like, you did get ghosted, so. Yeah. So I am a loser still. I'm just like, never forget. This sounds bad, but I. I get, like, presented with, like, a lot of, like, very nice people to be like, let's do drinks. And it's like, I don't want to go.

[Jordana Abraham]

You don't want to be asked out?

[Jared Freid]

No, that's why.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's why, you know, that's why you shouldn't ask out a guy.

[Jared Freid]

Like, you probably not.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like we say, like, ask someone out. I do think you should. I don't think there's a rule that never ask a guy out But I wouldn't ask a guy like you out about. Really, I wouldn't. Because I don't. I think that you're a guy who doesn't feel a scarcity. Right.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

And so you're making something that comes easy even easier. And so I don't think it sets up the. The dynamic that I would be. In a good way. Yes.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think you're already. You're already starting two steps behind.

[Jared Freid]

Well, maybe that's the advice of this girl. This is a bad advice, but, like, to, like, get out of it so that maybe you make it harder yourself. Appreciate that. You'll appreciate if you do come back. And the timing will be better if he's still available. But I think if you're passing notes. If you're going.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, the passing notes thing in front of him.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

She's not. Here's the thing. She's someone who's scared of losing someone is not passing a. Please help.

[Jared Freid]

No, that means, you know, that he won't. There's nothing you could do that could.

[Jordana Abraham]

Make him go away, which is not great. Yeah. Yeah. Here's the thing. I would tell him, I think that I met you very soon. I think you're great. I think I need time to be single. I hope you know, I'm gonna. I need to take some time. And then if I. If you're a. If you're. I. I don't.

[Jared Freid]

Don't even say that. Yeah. I think, listen, I need time. And this time also includes me not talking to you anymore, as hard as that's going to be.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Like, listen, I was. I've been in things where I, like, like, you know, I'm, like, sitting there debating it, and then they're like, well, what are we doing here? And then it turns into like, Well, I. You know, I. I think her fear and my fear a lot of times with these things and the guy's fear in the beginning is a lot of times that it's, like, ending it feels even more personal than it should be. Like, when you end it, it's not you. Don't you want to be like. Yeah, I just want you to know I don't hate you With.

[Jordana Abraham]

With.

[Jared Freid]

I don't think you're bad, and I don't think you're not good enough. I want you to know that. And I don't know how to. You. And there's no way of saying that to someone and making them believe that's also not true.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, it is good enough.

[Jared Freid]

Is like, to me, is not good enough to the, you know, whoever it ends up being.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't think you're good enough to.

[Jared Freid]

Me well, but that feels more personal than the way these people want to say it. I think this girl you're not good enough for what I'm looking for right now and what I'm looking for right now is randomness and no responsibility.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

And you give me responsibility and a definite direction to my life.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

I'm not sure I'm not ready to go for that's a good way, I think.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

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[Jordana Abraham]

This episode is brought to you by JCPenney. Yes, JCPenney. And if you've been there recently, you know it's the place to go for jaw dropping looks at brag worthy prices. They've got something special for every style and budget. Not to mention rewards and deals that make finding those hidden gems even sweeter. If you already shop JCPenney, you're already in on the secret. But if not, it's time to ask. Wait, am I sleeping on JCPenney? Shop jcpenney.com yes.

[Jared Freid]

JC Penney let's play some games we love Red Flag. Deal breaker. It is the game sweeping the nation. Red flag. It's something you notice but you keep going. Deal breaker. You end it. So one thing happens. Let's read the emails. You ready?

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm ready.

[Jared Freid]

I, 30 female, have been dating my boyfriend, 30 male, for a year and a half. We live in the LA area, moved in together about two months ago and since shortly after we met, we've been spending five to six nights a week together.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's a lot.

[Jared Freid]

It's a lot. I recently found out out that he watches live gameplay to fall asleep every night. The only reason I discovered this is because I woke up one night and saw him on his phone. He got super sketchy about what he was doing and quickly hit his phone when I realized when he realized I was awake when I asked what he was doing, he brushed it off as nothing.

[Jordana Abraham]

What?

[Jared Freid]

He's really making it seem like porn, right? But eventually showed me the live action gameplay. He pays 20amonth for this means he waits for Me to fall asleep and then watches the live gameplay to fall asleep. Sleep red flag or deal breaker? My new boyfriend watches video game live streams every night to fall asleep. Is it a red flag or even a deal breaker that he felt the need to hide this?

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it's fine. I think it's a little weird that he tried to hide it, so. But it means he cares what you think, right? He thinks it's a little embarrassing.

[Jared Freid]

So live gameplay is like he's watching people play video games.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is that what it is?

[Jared Freid]

No, I think it's more he's watching.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, I thought it was sports. Oh, that's a little illusory.

[Jared Freid]

It's losery. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

I thought it was like a live. Live, like, soccer game or something.

[Jared Freid]

This is the thing that, like, we used to.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, I guess. Why should it matter?

[Jared Freid]

It doesn't matter.

[Jordana Abraham]

One is, like, cooler than the other. Like, they're both pretty.

[Jared Freid]

I mean, she puts. It's. It's lame. But, like, I mean, growing up, we used to play video games, and we used friends that would watch. I'd be like, why would this guy watch?

[Jordana Abraham]

You have some weird sleep habits.

[Jared Freid]

This is my point. It doesn't matter. Like, get. If you. A good night's sleep is so hard to come by that there's a whole industry based on. We'll get you to sleep. Everyone wants to sleep. Everyone wants to be able to sleep well, and whatever gets you there. Again, within reason.

[Jordana Abraham]

There.

[Jared Freid]

It's like, good.

[Jordana Abraham]

Good.

[Jared Freid]

Within reason. Yeah. Is worth. Is it worth $20 a month to you to go to bed right away whenever you want to go to sleep?

[Jordana Abraham]

Sleep. Oh, yeah, for sure.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Whatever. Now.

[Jordana Abraham]

More than that.

[Jared Freid]

Right. So whatever gets you there. Gets you there. I listen to sports talk radio to go to bed. It is hard for me when I'm with a partner to, like, figure that out with them. Like, I need it. Like, I need to put, like, a radio on every 30 minutes. Sleep. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

What do you do if you're with a woman?

[Jared Freid]

It's hard. It's hard. That's why it's always been hard for.

[Jordana Abraham]

Me to go to sleep.

[Jared Freid]

Kind of. Sometimes I try to put it low. I've worn a headband that has a headset in it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

And so I'm just wearing my headband today.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's very funny.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I. I've tried different versions. I can fall. The problem is I can fall asleep without listening to radio.

[Jordana Abraham]

You just don't want to.

[Jared Freid]

I just don't want to. Or it's just Easier.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're not hurting anyone again, so.

[Jared Freid]

Isn't he.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, that's why I actually, now that I'm thinking about it more, I actually think. Think it's a green flag that he tried to hide it because he's, like, a little ashamed of it, which I think is nice.

[Jared Freid]

I think it's nice, right? I think everyone's a little ashamed of, like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Because he knows it's, like, kind of dorky, I guess he knows.

[Jared Freid]

Kind of. Kind of dorky, but also, like, I think anyone cares what you think. Yeah, yeah, he cares what you think. But I think anyone with, like, a sleep strategy is a little embarrassed of it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Like, we're all supposed to just go to bed. Like, I think we do have, like, this little weird shame associated with, like, I have this. But most sleep experts, whatever that is, do suggest, like, a routine.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

To get you to bed. So, like. But I do think we. It is normal to have this shame.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I don't think this is a red flag or a deal breaker especially. It's kind of nice. He waits till you're already asleep quietly.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is nice, right? Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

I think I would get into, why were you so such a weirdo? When it came to, like, me seeing this?

[Jordana Abraham]

I think for him. And the answer was like, I know it's kind of lame and I'm a little embarrassed. And I didn't want. I didn't.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Because I wanted to come off cool. You're my girlfriend of, like, two months.

[Jared Freid]

Also, if. If someone wants to make you a weirdo, it's very easy to do that. Like, let's say he's watching video games. Like, people play video games. And the professional gamers, which they are, are like 15, right. Like, someone could go, so you watch little boys play video games to go to bed, and you'd have to be like, yeah, but it helps me. And I. I don't think of them as little boys. I think of them as video gameplay. Professional gamers. Like, again, anyone can do that to you, Jared. You have to listen to men talk about sports to fall asleep.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

And I'll be like, yeah, but the men, like, are experts and former athletes.

[Jordana Abraham]

And yeah, I do guided sleep meditations.

[Jared Freid]

Right. We just did Jay Shetty.

[Jordana Abraham]

I listened to. I listened to Jay. I've listened to Jay Shetty to go to sleep. He's got a great one.

[Jared Freid]

He's got great. He's got great sleep.

[Jordana Abraham]

On the comment. I have a app I listen to.

[Jared Freid]

There we go.

[Jordana Abraham]

But I always say to Mike, because I'm not doing it with headphones.

[Jared Freid]

You can deal with it.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, I'll say. Do you mind if I put on the sleep medication?

[Jared Freid]

Does he like it?

[Jordana Abraham]

He doesn't. I think he's like, on his phone. I usually go to go to bed earlier, but he. Sometimes he's like, can you pick a different one? This person's voice is, like, annoying.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, really?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

I've been falling asleep lately watching the Golden Girls.

[Jordana Abraham]

Really?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. That's my new thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

Thing. That's something I can imagine hiding from a partner.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, that's a little weird. I like to watch these three women. Was your favorite four women? No, Estelle. Okay, Estelle. Blanche's.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is Estelle the slutty one?

[Jared Freid]

Estelle. No, Estelle's the grandma. Which one's the, like, Blanche is the slutty one. Rose is the dumb one.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

And what's the other one? You just said she's the main character. No, there's four of that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is this the original Sex in the City?

[Jared Freid]

Some would say Gloria, Dorothy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Wasn't there a thing where.

[Jared Freid]

Wait, Dorothy, Rose, Blanche, Sophia is my favorite. Not Estelle. Estelle. Getty played Sophia.

[Jordana Abraham]

How old are they? Wasn't there a thing where, like, they're actually, like, quite young?

[Jared Freid]

Yes, but they're playing. Well, they're like your age. The great. Excuse me. The great reveal of this show is that they're like, like 50. And you're like, they ruined.

[Jordana Abraham]

They look so old.

[Jared Freid]

They look so old.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, well, no 50 year old woman on TV would have gray hair now.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And Sophia, they had to make her look older to do the show.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is she the old one?

[Jared Freid]

No, she's the old one. Oh, she's the super old and she's the grandma character. But if you watch the Golden Girls, like, the topics they got into, like, real world, racial, sexual. We learn something every week on the Golden Girl. Sophia's was way younger than they made her out to be on the show. She's so funny. They just had an episode where one of their, you know, their grandkids comes and he's a bad boy and they're like, he's just rude to them immediately.

[Jordana Abraham]

Where they live together in, like, they live together. Assisted living.

[Jared Freid]

And I would say they. No, it was like a house and. And they're in Miami.

[Jordana Abraham]

There's roommates. There's roommates.

[Jared Freid]

Roommates. Because they all had their own situations where they came to live together and it was like a nice thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's such a nice progressive show for whenever this came out.

[Jared Freid]

Totally Progressive.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

And yeah, they. And they get into a lot of those topics. I mean, blanch. Being considered like a sexual woman at that age is very progressive.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, she's. You know, she walked so Samantha could run.

[Jared Freid]

That's right. She's the original.

[Jordana Abraham]

Samantha was also supposed to be like 50, but also, like. But looked much younger than these.

[Jared Freid]

Well, Samantha, like, the. The optics were much better. Yeah, I think.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, she was like, sexy.

[Jared Freid]

There's moments where Rose. You go, she's hot like you. I've had that conversation myself.

[Jordana Abraham]

His celebrity crushes Rose from.

[Jared Freid]

What's her real name? Betty White. Betty White. You have moments where you watch Betty White and you're like. Like, what am I into her? Yeah, like she's. And then when Betty's like, she's the dumb one, but she also. When she, like, surprises them, you're like, betty, good, good. I'm happy, you know, with her wit. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Anyway, I guess not a red flag or a deal breaker.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. He watches old women dealing with everyday issues.

[Jordana Abraham]

Golden girls.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I've really got into the golden girls.

[Jordana Abraham]

Masturbates to Betty Weight White and Golden Girls.

[Jared Freid]

You always go darker.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sorry.

[Jared Freid]

Just once.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. Okay.

[Jared Freid]

All right, let's do another.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right. Hey, J. And Jay and Ronnie. Oh, Ronnie.

[Jared Freid]

How's Ronnie doing?

[Jordana Abraham]

We just picked him up from my in laws. We left him there for our trip. Trip. I was so worried he was gonna forget about us.

[Jared Freid]

Did he remember you when you came back?

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Okay, good.

[Jordana Abraham]

He definitely did. Well, Mike and I have this recurring fight because Ronnie is not neutered yet, so he keeps trying to hump my leg.

[Jared Freid]

When are you gonna get him neutered?

[Jordana Abraham]

I think they said he'll wait till closer to like a year. He's only seven.

[Jared Freid]

This wasn't you being like, I will not vaccinate my child.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, I'm fine. I mean, he only has one ball.

[Jared Freid]

One left.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes, he's. Anyway, I'll get into. We'll. We'll talk about Ronnie later. Avid listener here with a classic long term relationship dilemma. My boyfriend, 29, and I, 28, have been together for four years. We started dating in grad school and from early on always talked about a future together, planning our lives around each other. A year ago, three year mark, I moved states for his residency and we moved in together. At that time, I told him I wasn't in a rush, but wanted to be engaged by five years. Not for the title, but for the commitment, not for the title, not for.

[Jared Freid]

Anything other than nothing.

[Jordana Abraham]

Now we've Hit four years. And while he alludes to next steps, nothing concrete has happened. He told friends he'll propose soon, but admits he doesn't have a ring or a plan. His reasons are always residency, stress, lack of money, or not having time to plan. I've given him a lot of grace, but lately I'm wondering if I'm just making excuses. I've sacrificed a lot for this relationship, and I'm not sure I'm seeing equal reciprocity. So, red flagger, deal breaker. He keeps putting off proposing after four years. Thanks for always keeping it real and making me laugh on my commutes. Sincerely, an exasperated.

[Jared Freid]

Well, I'm sorry she's going through this. I will say this. She sounds like she's talking about her relationship the way people talk about a bad investment.

[Jordana Abraham]

She keeps waiting for it to mature.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And there's this, like. There's a philosophy and economics of, like, the. The what? I used a lot of smart words and then I didn't know the term. It's. No, it's loss.

[Jordana Abraham]

You don't take the loss.

[Jared Freid]

You're just not. You keep putting more money into something that's going to lose. Like, it's.

[Jordana Abraham]

She won't cut her losses, you're saying.

[Jared Freid]

Right. But she's a bad negotiator. Like, Right. She's never going to leave this relationship. And he keeps negotia. She's negotiating against herself.

[Jordana Abraham]

It sounds like they're not having a real conversation.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

And also, like, what is her. At her. She's. She's saying. Because what I. The conversation I would have with him is like, I'm looking to be engaged. We talked about this. It seems like you're not really making any moves to make that happen. Is it a money thing?

[Jared Freid]

Is it sunk cost?

[Jordana Abraham]

Sunk cost. Yes.

[Jared Freid]

Yes. Thank you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Thank you. Well, I would, like, get to the actual root of whatever his issue is. If he's willing to tell you. If he's not willing to tell you, then the issue is that is you. Well, but I'm saying if, like, let's say it is a money thing. Right. She said he's.

[Jared Freid]

Well, he says residency.

[Jordana Abraham]

He's in residency. Fine. So he has no money and he's stressed. I think that's probably true.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. But then what is she even looking for?

[Jordana Abraham]

But I'm Right. My question for her is, like, does she want to be engaged? Is she okay with a cheaper ring? Is she okay with, like, not hanging out a lot because he's. Because he's stressed? Like, I would make her actual priority known, which is like, I don't care about the ring. I just want to know that we're headed towards marriage and like an engagement and whatever ring you have is fine. That's not what she's saying.

[Jared Freid]

No. And he's a lot. And he's not. I know what he's doing. He's pushing off the decision till later. So he keeps her in this, like, ah, yeah, of course, stress, whatever. And then he'll have to deal with it. When he has to deal with it.

[Jordana Abraham]

He has to do. To me, this is like, like slowly, slowly, slowly pushing. This is just torturing yourself for, for years instead of just, sure.

[Jared Freid]

But he's just looking for calm today, we'll deal with it tomorrow.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think that's cowardly.

[Jared Freid]

It is. And he's blaming all these things that she can't really disagree with because he also knows that, like, it'll go away.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's why she's a bad negotiator. She doesn't know how to.

[Jared Freid]

Right. She's never going to leave.

[Jordana Abraham]

I would call, that's what I'm saying. I would call it. I'd say, I don't, I don't care about a ring. Just like, you know, get me anything just to show me you're, you're committed, right?

[Jared Freid]

She doesn't want a real answer.

[Jordana Abraham]

So that's what I'm saying. She's not having, they're not having that real conversation. Because if I were her and I really meant that, I would say, all right, let's get to the root of it. What's, what's the issue? We're, you know, we've been together four years. Are you, are, Is this happening?

[Jared Freid]

Well, this problem she did, she goes, I want to be engaged by year five. We've hit year four and I want answers. Answers. It's like, well, you yourself, right, you put this, you negotiated against yourself, right? You put this five year thing on it. And I think she has to go in and go, I've decided I want it now and I want to know what we're doing. And a lot of it is to preserve. He's hiding under the mask of like she's preserving like this romantic thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

So you don't think he wants to, to do this?

[Jared Freid]

I, I don't think they're having a real conversation. I think, I think they're having a fake conversation about hypotheticals where she could be like, hey, like, I, I think like, there's my.

[Jordana Abraham]

I've said this before. When you have four excuses you have none.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

If you have one excuse, it could be valid. If his excuse was, I don't have any money for a ring.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm a resident.

[Jared Freid]

I make whatever.

[Jordana Abraham]

Whatever low amount of money. I don't have any money for a ring. Okay. Now you have something that you can compromise for if you want. But he's not just saying that. He's got.

[Jared Freid]

He's got 17.

[Jordana Abraham]

How many. Yeah. Lack residency, stress, lack of money, not having time to plan.

[Jared Freid]

Not having time to plan is like, the. Most of them.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

Like, you guys have free time on a Saturday that you spend together. Whatever your time. And let's go with the rings.

[Jordana Abraham]

And again, is she. And what I would respond to that was, I'm not looking for, like, some crazy, elaborate proposal that takes six months to plan.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I'm looking to, like, hear what we're doing.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

So will this happen? Won't this happen? I don't know. I just think she's afraid to hear an answer.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's why they're not having a real conversation. And that's why these things happen. When you see. When you hear about these couples who were together for four or five, whatever, years, there's a conversation that's being avoided where, like. Because that's weird, I think, right? To not be on the same page.

[Jared Freid]

And it's, like, not even about the ring. Like, you obviously feel uncomfortable at other things. You're not getting deep with this person. Like. Like, it's a structural thing. This is, you know, the. The ring is, you know, the guest bedroom. You know, the structural thing is like, I can't even, like, feel comfortable going to talk to him because I feel like I'm getting, like, you know, 17 excuses. And he's doing this with his right while he's doing this with his left.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's like, let's be vulnerable. What's your real issue? And you have to. You have to not be afraid of the answers that you get.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And not be afraid to leave it. You know, like, hey, if I. If I can't have a real conversation with you about engagement, then this is a relationship I can't be in.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And that's how you save your own time.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Because I don't think any guy will say, I'm not sure unless he's leaving.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't know. I'm not. I'm not gonna do it. And I'm not sure if I'm ever gonna do it. It's not something that men say when they're staying in the relationship.

[Jared Freid]

I would say I love you and I am having so much fun with you. And oh, my God, I see it happening eventually. Well, we got one day. Yeah, you said five years. Like, you said five years. Like,' that's like a child.

[Jordana Abraham]

You said we could go to bed at 10, right? Five years. Where'd you get this?

[Jared Freid]

I don't give a. Things changed, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. It's okay for you to change your mind, right?

[Jared Freid]

Let's do another. All right, jj. Love the podcast. Recently subscribed to the benefits episode and I love them. Currently doing Jared's Summer Challenge, and it's going really well. I've been to a few weddings, great places to meet people, and at one of them, I met a guy I hit it off with with We Dance Kiss. He got my number and planned a date for when we both are back in London. I will say this, the summer challenge, the big part of it that I didn't. The unrealized part is the distraction of the app being gone. You're out. You're in the canoe. You're out to see how to.

[Jordana Abraham]

Uncomfortable.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, a little uncomfortable. And there's no crutch. This person. You went to the wedding. There was no swiping at the wedding. Wedding people go, why would you swipe a wedding people do. It's on your phone. Same way. Why'd you look at Instagram while at a wedding with all your. Your closest friends? It was there, so getting it off there.

[Jordana Abraham]

Did you solve dating?

[Jared Freid]

I might have. We might have. That was about six weeks ago. Since then, we've been on six dates, things are going well, and it feels like we're moving at a good pace. Here's the issue. He's a bad texter. Like, won't reply up to three days bad.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's crazy.

[Jared Freid]

I've already told him this bothers me. Not because I need to text all day every day, but because being left unread for three days makes me feel weird. He usually texts the day after we hang out, but then fizzles till next time we make plans. For context, he's 34. I'm 30. We both said we're looking for something serious. I'm still dating other people, and I assume he is too, since we haven't had the conversation yet, but probably will in the next month if things keep going. My question to you is, am I beating a dead horse? And are we just not a match, or is there something we can overcome? It is truly, so far, the only red flag. I also don't want to bring up, up. Bring it up with him again as I brought it up two different occasions. And I do not want to be an aggie. So red flagger, deal breaker. He doesn't adjust his texting style even after I communicate how I like to communicate. Help. Sincerely ghosted, but not really. What do you think?

[Jordana Abraham]

Here's her issue. When he doesn't answer her text for three days, it doesn't make her feel weird. It makes her feel, like, not a priority. And, like, he's not. He doesn't. He's not taking this seriously.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't. I answer texts from people that I like and I'm looking forward to seeing, like, not every three days.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And I think of them to text.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. Especially if they've told me that they don't like when I do this.

[Jared Freid]

Right. So doesn't make her feel.

[Jordana Abraham]

Replace the word wheel weird with turned off.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Or deprioritize.

[Jared Freid]

Well, I think she's wondering, you know, the thing that she's holding back from is the thing that it's. It's funny. Like, in golf, they tell you do the opposite of everything you think you should do, and that's the answer. So in the same way with dating, like, she's basically thinking, well, I want to be chill. I don't have a right to bring up what I have an issue with because we've only been on six dates because we've only known each other for so long. But, no, you have been on six dates with someone. You are concentrating on them, and you feel that they're not concentrating on you in the same way. I feel let down. Down. I've had this said to me. Yeah, I've had this said to me. And what am I supposed to say? No, no, I'm. I'm okay. No, we're good. Or admit that they're right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

I'm not prioritizing this in the way that we should be prioritizing it now. And I think that is. I. I think, like, for her to be. Like, I'm dating other people. I think he is, too. Like, I think that's part of her issue.

[Jordana Abraham]

How so?

[Jared Freid]

If I were her. You're writing into a podcast about this guy. You like him? Yeah, I think communicating to him, hey, I'm dating you, and I'm putting. I'm prioritizing this over being single. I just want to let you know that that's like a good reveal.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And then three days later, you'll get a response.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't know if I'm Right.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, you do. Three days later. And then that now, now they know they're being zoned in on.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. But my other question for her would be, like, do you want to date? Date someone that takes three days to respond to your text? Like, do you want to date? Like, I just, if your boyfriend didn't respond to your text for three days, I would assume he was like, dead. Like, is that someone I want to date? Someone who I, I'm not doesn't communicate consistently.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I, I, I think she's got to get to that point. Like, and that's why, like, maybe saying, like, hey, I'm dating you and I feel like you're dating me amongst other people. Because, because I only hear from you, like, when it's convenient on your end.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

And that's my feeling. I might be wrong, but it doesn't feel like growing a relationship is the priority or I'm not made to feel that way and I want someone who makes me want to feel that way.

[Jordana Abraham]

There's got to be a little vulnerability.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Stop saying it makes you feel weird.

[Jared Freid]

This is weird and so cringy. How about I feel like that I don't hear from you for three days.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. It makes me feel bad.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Makes me feel like you don't care about speaking to me.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. We solve dating.

[Jordana Abraham]

We did it.

[Jared Freid]

Check out our latest YouTube clip. It's an exclusive. It's about first dates, what to do, the top five things you got to do on a first date. And we love seeing your comments there. So keep commenting and back next week.

[Jordana Abraham]

Bye.

[Jared Freid]

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