Does He Just Want a Wife?

Summary

U Up? Podcast – "Does He Just Want a Wife?" (June 3, 2026)

Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid
Main Theme: Modern dating quandaries, relationship anxieties, and summer single life strategies.

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Episode Overview

In this lively and candid episode, Jordana and Jared riff on everything from social dilemmas at weddings, the nuances of being a good partner in relationship "plus one" situations, splitting finances with a significant other, the mental gymnastics of interpreting texting tone, and—at the heart of it—how to actually meet people outside the apps during the summer. The conversation is peppered with listener questions, real talk about emotional needs, and some new summer challenges for making connections IRL.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Wedding Season Antics & Etiquette

• What to Wear to Ambiguous Weddings
  Black tie optional confounds everyone; both agree: opt for the fancier choice if you’re a “plus one” and don’t know the crowd.

  "Just be black tie or don’t be black tie. I don’t want the option. I want to know what to wear." —Jordana (05:08)

• How to Be a Good Date/Plus One
  Jared’s “arm candy” philosophy:

  “I want to be like a nice watch, bracelet or ring. Eye candy... I’m there to impress for Emily. Set the table for Emily’s time... I want to make their time easier, more fun, accentuate.” (12:14)

• Wedding Gifts as a Plus One
  Agreement: If you’re a true plus one, the gift is up to the invitee. If you’re both on the invite and cohabiting, split it.

2. Finances in Relationships

• First-time joint bank accounts and the hilarities/dilemmas that come with merging finances.

  "Talking about [money] makes you two teammates more than it makes you... like, 'Hey, how do we get one over on the government together?'” —Jared (18:38)

3. Where Are All the Men? Summer Dating Challenge

• Listener advice: Men are at bowling alleys on “cheap night.”

  "I’ve never seen so many men in one establishment at once. Maybe like three women. I’m a Chicago 7, but a Wednesday bowling alley 10." (23:32)

• Jared's Activity Theory
  Men love activities—sports bars, bowling, Top Golf, axe throwing. Women are welcome; you won’t be “interrupting” guy time.

• NBA Finals as a Dating Opportunity
  Group recommendation: “Get two friends and make plans for every Knicks game…” (25:02)

4. The 'Summer Strut' Challenge: 12 Weeks, 12 Walks

• New Summer Strategy: Ditch the dating apps—spend 12 weeks scheduling walks (minimum 5,000 steps!) with 12 different friend/family groups.

  “I want Mike to walk away from that walk going, 'You know what? Jared’s pretty cool.' ... The summer strut challenge—go on 12 struts with 12 different people and their significant others, if they have one.” —Jared (35:28)

• Jordana’s real-life story: Her relationship started from a long car ride with a friend and her friend’s boyfriend, who then set her up with her now-husband, Mike.

  “Who knows where I would be if I didn’t have my own version of that.” (39:31)

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Notable Listener Questions & Segments

a) Icky or Picky: Texting Edition (41:18)

• Listener wonders if a guy’s ‘friendly’ texting style (hahaha, emoticons, “ya” for “you”) is an ick or just normal.
• Both hosts: This is not weird; it’s just effort to come off as friendly.

  “Effort should be considered a positive.” —Jared (43:08) “If he wrote ‘No worries. It’s storming. I’m around next week.’ with just periods, I’d be like, this guy hates me.” —Jordana (45:35)

b) Does He Just Want a Wife? (Main Theme Email) (48:27)

• Listener feels like her boyfriend just ‘wants a wife’—he mentions marriage but seems thoughtless: never checks in, doesn’t initiate, makes her do all the traveling, doesn’t keep milk she likes, etc.
• Both agree: His lack of thoughtfulness isn’t about her—he’s just not a thoughtful or caring partner, and that won’t change for someone else either.

  “He is not a thoughtful guy... That is who he is. You want to be with a thoughtful guy. That is not him.” —Jordana (51:52) “If you don’t feel loved, that’s a good enough reason to end a relationship.” —Jared (56:52)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps):

• On overthinking gifts as a plus one:

  "If your name’s on it, there’s a fake offer, you know, it’s like a woman trying to pay for the first date." —Jared (16:02)

• On merging finances:

  “If you’re not feeling like, 'Hey, how do we get one over on the government together,' you need a perspective change." —Jared (18:38)

• On bowling alleys as male hot-spots:

  "Are those the men who like, look like they’re in Roseanne? Do they all look like they’re in the TV show Roseanne?" —Jordana (23:53)

• Summer Strut rationale:

  "Men aren’t sitting there with a holster full of men to set you up with... You need 5,000 steps to get past that initial, ‘Hey, I’m single, do you have anyone?’” —Jared (39:18)

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Game Segments

Red Flag or Dealbreaker

• You’re compared to a porn star on the second date:
  • Both say: Red flag bordering on dealbreaker (immature, sexualizes too soon, could be innocent but raises questions).
• Guy appears in a TikTok as “bar guy” someone tries to track down; random commenters claim he has a girlfriend:
  • Fine to go on the date, but trust your own vibe over internet drama. If chemistry is bad, move on.
• Partner farts, or never farts, in relationship:
  • Mystery is hot in the beginning; open farts early on = a little much, but depends on the couple.

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Wedding Dress Code Debate / Plus One etiquette: 04:06–07:44
• How to Be a Good Date at a Wedding: 08:11–14:43
• Finances, joint bank accounts: 16:02–18:38
• Where Are the Men? Bowling Alley & NBA Finals: 23:32–29:12
• The Summer Strut Challenge Explainer: 34:04–39:59
• Texting ‘ick or picky’ Discussion: 41:18–46:56
• Main Email — 'Does He Just Want a Wife?': 48:27–58:03
• Red Flag/Dealbreaker Games: 59:17–81:00

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Tone, Style & Overall Vibe

• Conversational, funny, supportive, and honest.
• No-nonsense practical advice, heavy on validating listener concerns.
• Both hosts use self-deprecation and storytelling to highlight common dating patterns and encourage listeners to expand their dating life beyond the apps this summer.

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Closing Gem

Jared’s audiobook preview caps off the episode—anecdotal, self-aware, and sets up his “everyman” approach to modern dating: Expect messiness, and that nobody really has it all figured out.

“Most romantic disasters make good stories. Number two, you should always try again.” —Jared, book preview (81:19)

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Summary:
This episode is a must-hear for anyone entering summer singlehood, wondering about the real mental hiccups behind relationships, or just wanting to laugh through modern dating’s endless loop of over-analysis. From how to meet men IRL, to decoding texting, to being honest about emotional needs, Jordana and Jared deliver no-BS advice (plus a new Summer Strut challenge), reminding listeners: you can be proactive, you can be direct, and sometimes, you just have to get out there and walk—with friends, with strangers, or even with your friend’s somewhat-reluctant spouse.

Transcript

[A]

Membership means more with American Express Business Gold. Earn four times Membership Rewards points in your top two eligible spending categories every month, including eligible U.S. advertising purchases in select media and U.S. purchases at restaurants, including takeout and delivery. What are you waiting for? Get the card that flexes with your spending every month. Terms and points cap apply. Learn more@American Express.com Business Gold MX Business Gold Card built for business by American Express. I have a story to tell.

[B]

Things can change at the draw, at the drop of a hat at this. On this podcast. It's like, it's like the. It's like the, er. What, are you engaged?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay. That's not out of the realm of possibility.

[A]

It is not.

[B]

I would hope, I would hope I would hear in a different way than this, but anyway.

[A]

Yeah, you would. Definitely. I love that everyone goes personal. I hope I would hear differently than this.

[B]

I mean, it's all about me. Hello and welcome back to the UF Podcast.

[A]

I'm Jordana Abraham and I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana. We are virtual today. I am on a worldwide trip across this great country of ours promoting my new book, Walking Red Flag. Jordana, how are you? What's going on? What's the haps?

[B]

I'm good busy. Good busy is good busy. Yes. You got less time to think about all your. Right.

[A]

Well, yeah, busy. Busy's the best. I, I think booked in business. There's a reason that's like a, that's like a confident thing to say. Like, I, I, you know, idle hands are the devil's playground.

[B]

Isn't that the.

[A]

The saying?

[B]

Yes. I actually have always thought that about dating too. Like, the busier you are, the, the more the, like, better you are with dating because you don't have time to like, get to. In your head, you're just like going, you know, totally. You got going on. You're not like, you can like ruminate or overthink about someone. I think if, if you've got too

[A]

much free time, listen, it's, it's. You can either get with me during my off hours or I gotta go. I do think busy. There's like a, you know, like anything. There's a. There's like a, you know, there's a. There's too much of anything. So, you know, like the. There's such a thing as using busy as your excuse to not getting to know someone. I mean, I had that when you were trying to introduce me to your friend, where it was your friend's sister and we had a huge debate about it, but it did feel like two people, if I to admit fault, two people who are like, it's my schedule. And, you know, that's. It fit around me. And Right. There's like a happy medium. You want to be busy enough that you're happy, but not busy enough that you use it to, like, test people and whether they can find a minute for you or you can find a minute for them.

[B]

And that's a thing. Also, it's funny. Like, there is, like a. There is a busy. There are people who use busyness as a way of, like, almost superiority.

[A]

It's the least attractive quality.

[B]

I don't have time for this.

[A]

Right, right. I. And I, like, I, I, I. I've had a few people say to me, you know, these next few weeks, I'll go over my schedule. I hate saying I'm busy. I hate, like, I love being busy, but I hate saying it to people like, you know, I'm here in la. I'm coming to New York today. I'm gonna go to Austin, literally Friday, which is in two days. So I'm gonna go la, New York, Austin, and then I'm gonna be there for shows, and then I'm gonna be. Thank you. If you came, if you're listening. And. And then I'm gonna be back to New York, going to a wedding with Emily on Friday in Connecticut. It's her friend's wedding. Okay, let me ask you a question. A wedding in Connecticut in the middle of the country. Like, in the middle of, like, nowhere. Connecticut, the con.

[B]

It's not that big. I feel like Connecticut's not that big to be, like, in the middle of nowhere.

[A]

It. It is. You'd be surprised. There is a middle of Connecticut area that has its own, like, wine region randomly.

[B]

Why don't you name the town?

[A]

Middletown, Connecticut.

[B]

Okay, that sounds like some place that's in the middle of Connecticut. How did they get that name?

[A]

Maybe I just made that up. I. Maybe that's something. I only half listen to Emily. I get, like, one word every sentence, and that's what I. I've. Middle town.

[B]

Yes. That's like Mike, whenever we go on vacation, he has no idea where we're going.

[A]

I have no idea. I'm taking a train to. Then take a Uber, then take a. A boat, then take a canoe. Like, there's like, a whole thing I'm doing.

[B]

You're like a frontiersman. Okay.

[A]

Black tie. Yeah. Johnny Appleseed over here. Black tie optional for a middle of nowhere wedding. Why would I hate option's a little weird.

[B]

I hate black tie optional. Just be black tie or don't be black tie. I don't want the option. I want to know what to wear.

[A]

Too many options for life. You're ab. You're absolutely right. Tell people what to do. Be a leader. Be a leader. It's your wedding. Let people talk shit or not at your decisions. We you make decision. When you half make decisions, you just leave everyone. Because I had to. I packed a tux and Emily's like, you don't need to wear a tux. It became this thing of like I said to her, I was like, if it's between black tie and optional and I'm the guy, no one knows, I'm going black tie.

[B]

You have to go fancier than. Right. I agree with that. Because it's basically optional. Is like black tie. Unless you're like kind of a piece of Uncle Joe and you just do not wear a tux on right principle. So like, right, fine. Wear your suit.

[A]

Right. This is optional for one guy you know would be mad at black tie. Yeah, you're absolutely. Uncle Joe is like a great example. You're right.

[B]

Yeah, it's. I, I'm. I get annoyed at black tie optional. But I agree with you. If I were going. If I were. If I were like in a rel. Newer relationship and I didn't know anyone at the wedding, I would definitely go fancier. Cuz you don't want to be like the who's like every. The worst is when you're a guy or when you're with a guy and they're like, oh, it's optional. I'll wear a suit. And then everyone else is wearing a tux.

[A]

Totally. I. And I've seen that guy. I have made fun of that guy. I have. That is someone that I would hammer. I would be like, look at the boyfriend. Look at the slouch. Look at the loser. Look at. They brought hobo Joe with them. He thought his wedding I.

[B]

He thought he was too busy.

[A]

Right.

[B]

To get a tux.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That guy thinks he's better than us. Yes.

[A]

Well, right. You know what's even worse than. Than wearing the wrong suit to a black tie optional wedding? It's talking about the wedding on your podcast before the wedding happens.

[B]

Oh no.

[A]

Oh no. We would have to edit. I don't know. I'm going to choose. It's fine. I'm sure the wedding's optional.

[B]

I mean it's not. It's not personal. It's about block Tie. And usually the person doesn't want to do optional, but they have someone lingering in the background talking in their ear, which is why they. They're made to do optional.

[A]

Right. Well, my issue was even different than this. I thought you have a, you know, middle of the woods wedding. Wear what you want. Like go a little bit. I don't know. It was strange to even. I couldn't believe black die was even in the conversation. In the middle of a Connecticut.

[B]

I can't believe you guys think this wedding is nice enough to make everyone dress up what it should be.

[A]

Johnny Appleseed attire. That's what it should be. You should. I should be able to wear like a, you know, a tweed jacket or some. Everyone. If you're doing a wedding in the woods, everyone should be allowed to dress like a professor. And at a small New England college, like it shouldn't. No one should have to dress in a black tie.

[B]

Well, I've got a question for you about if you're attending this wedding, please. What's your like wedding vibe? When I mean I've. I've seen you at my wedding, but I wasn't paying that. I wasn't like spend the week spending the wedding observing how you were.

[A]

You were watching me at your wedding.

[B]

So weird. No, I was wasted. This is a good question to anyone new. Like, I mean you guys aren't really newly. Newly. Let's say you are newly dating Ish. Or you're newly in front of like their whole crew. You're. You're in front of their whole crew newly.

[A]

I've never met their friends. I've talked about their wedding before even meeting them.

[B]

Yes, that's. That's you and everyone else, you know, in a. In this, in this season of life coming out of cuffing season in a. In a cuff and a. Going to these weddings. Do you have any like, what is your, what is your like vibe going into these weddings? Are you like going to be. Are you dancing a lot? Are you like getting in. Are you, are you meeting. Are you very 10 on meeting the couple and making friends with the table members? Like, are you trying to be under the radar?

[A]

No, no, no. My, my thing. The way the, the motto I have as a boyfriend at a wedding and again I haven't been a boyfriend that many times. I'm new to this game myself, but whenever I've been brought to a wedding, there's a story about going to a wedding. In the book getting brought to a wedding, we in. In walking red flag, which you can pre order the book tours next week. I would love for anyone and everyone to come to the book tour. New York, Boston, Philly, D.C. chicago, Denver. Get your tickets. It's going to be an interactive dating conversation. I'm going to talk about the book. I'm going to talk about why I wrote the book. Men, straight men and kind of what they, what they deal with with dating and what's going on in their head. It's going to be a vulnerable night, but also interactive where you can send in your dating profiles for a makeover. I will be kind and loving when I give those makeovers screenshots of texts. I'll go over those. Any dating question you have. And it's going to be fun. And I. And I'm really excited about it. So I want people to get tickets. Jared free.com Jared free.com New York is sold out. Thank. Thank you. Boston is not sold out. Philly is not sold out. DC is very not sold out. Chicago and Denver. So come, come, come. Bring your friends and family. Bring your single friend, bring your relationship friend if they need to talk. If you want to tell your, your relationship friends how to fix you up and then send that into me. I will tell your friends to their face how they should be setting you up. So this is all to say at the end of this episode, if you've been wondering about the book, what's it about? Is it good? I don't know. Well, we have put 16 minutes. The first 16 minutes are at the end of this episode. So if you're not like a book person, you're. And you've never done an audiobook, which I've only done a couple times, so it might be new to you. I read the audiobook. So we're gonna do 16 minutes at the end of this and you can listen to the opening story, which is a true story that my parents. I let. I played it for my parents. They're like, that didn't happen. I'm like, is it, is it, is it not we would it. Would it be not weird for you to not remember a story that was important to me but not important to you? Like, it had nothing to do with them. Why would they remember the story? So I tell this story. It's completely true. It's how we open the book. It is, it is a actually like one of those memories that is tattooed to my brain. It feels like a sliding doors moment. It is how I have dated my whole life. And it is in this story and it's how I open the book. So Listen at the end and then you can pre order the audiobook or the Kindle or the hardcover, however you want to do it. Maybe you hear the audiobook and you go, I don't want to listen to Jared for eight hours. Screw that. But this is 16 minutes of listening to me. So, so this is all to say, in the book, I talk about being, getting brought to a wedding and I want to be like a piece of jewelry. Like, I think I'm like a nice watch, bracelet or ring. I'm eye candy.

[B]

So you want arm candy, as they say.

[A]

Rather, that's right. I'm arm candy. So when you introd me, when just like a ring or a watch, I go with you. I, you can leave me at the table, you can get on the dance floor. I'm, I'm more following a lead, but I, I am. Nice to meet you. Where you from? Oh, I'm here with Emily. Like, I am there to impress for Emily. Like, I feel as though I'm like an opener for a show. I want to set the table for Emily's time. That's my.

[B]

Make her look good, right?

[A]

And if, and, and she likes to dance, I know that. I'm gonna dance. Jared. Gonna, Nice. You know, shake a leg. You know, like when you, when we eat. No, you first. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna be very polite. Nice. I'm not looking to be the center of the dance circle, but I'll be in the outer ring of the horror.

[B]

But you're gonna get in, you're gonna grab a hand. Will you be lifting the chair?

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no, that's okay.

[B]

That, that's, I mean, I don't even know.

[A]

No, that I think you gotta be available, but not in the way, like, I don't want people going. Who's this guy that's doing, you know, all this, right? Who just dropped you?

[B]

Who's this guy who just dropped my grandma in the horror chair?

[A]

Right. No, I, I, I, I plan on dancing. I plan on having opinions on the wedding that I'll give to her after. Mental notes. But yeah, definitely. Like, I, I, I think like, it is your job to, as a guest of someone that's bringing you to make their time easier, more fun. Accentuate is, is, don't you think? Is there anything I want out of a boyfriend at a wedding?

[B]

I think exactly that you want someone who's like, in a good mood, happy to dance, you know, like mingling with your friends. I agree. It's like you're you know, you're the best accessory that you could bring.

[A]

I think if you're brought to a wedding and you come with your own rules, you're being an, like, if you're like, I don't dance. Like, well, how about you don't dance at the weddings you get invited to and Right. How about you let yourself be open to the possibility of dancing? Maybe your partner knows you're not a dancer and kind of says, you don't even have to dance.

[B]

You should just stand on the dance floor and look like you're in a good mood and move your head totally.

[A]

But just any. Right. Just move your head around. I, I, I agree with that, but I'm just saying, like, I think what you need to put away as a guest is the I don'ts, you know, like again, like, I, I, I don't do anal. Like that, that's different.

[B]

You know, like, I would say that's different.

[A]

Yes, that's a little different. But like, I don't dance, I don't eat, I don't do this, I don't do that. Like, that's a negative person. And, and I think you got to open yourself up to positivity and, and possibility when you get brought to a wedding.

[B]

I agree. One last question and then I want to, you're, I want to go. And then I have a question for you about me.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

My question is you notoriously do not give wedding gifts because your parents give them.

[A]

This is true.

[B]

How do you think it should work in terms of a wedding gift for a wedding you are invited to as

[A]

a plus one, this is uncomfortable. But that's her wedding gift to give. I, I, I think if you're brought, I agree. If your, if your name's on the invitation, then you split the gift if you're J. But if you're plus one, if I'm Mr. Plus One, then it's their gift to give. Don't you think?

[B]

I agree with that. I think even if your name's on it and it's their friend, I think it's fine.

[A]

I think if your name's on it, there's an, there an offer and like a, like a, a fake offer, you know, like, it's like a woman trying to pay for the first date. You know, like I'll, I'll do a purse pump if my name's on the, on the invite from not my friend. Yeah, but I think if you're living together also, it's a little different too. Like if I was living with Emily and we were invited to a wedding, and I was on the invite, but it was her friend. I think we would, it, we would split it. That would be my assumption, Mike, and I think it's a little bit. What would you guys do?

[B]

I think we, I think we always did, like, whoever's friend it was gave the gift.

[A]

But was it the same amount no matter what? Did you guys discuss the amount?

[B]

No.

[A]

Was there a chance that you were giving more and he was giving less?

[B]

No. I think we were on the same page about, like, the appropriate amount to give to give in a wedding, I think. And like, again, it was, I think, really once we got married, I think we started, I mean, then we had a joint bank account and it was from the same account.

[A]

I mean, we're discussing all that stuff now. I'm in, I'm in the process of negotiating. The lawyers are looking over the contracts of this joint, joint bank account. We're figuring those things out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I, I, I've taken your lead. The joint bank account thing.

[B]

Oh, I love it. Do you have a joint credit card?

[A]

We haven't gotten that far. I'm just, we're in the talking stage.

[B]

That's when things get really great for men. You're like, joint credit card. I get to look like I'm paying, but we're actually splitting it and I can, like.

[A]

Right. Well, I did say, and, and maybe our, some of our tax attorney listeners, if you're in the irs, you know, turn off the podcast. But I was like, when I spend money, I spend money off of my business. Like, I have a, I have a business account.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you would say, well, why would you pay? You know, I went for tacos yesterday and I tape myself eating tacos. That is now a business lunch. That is now. Your whole life is your business. Yeah, my whole life. And there is an argument to be made that if Emily's at dinner with me and I make a video of us making at dinner, that is a work dinner where content has been made. Like, I, I definitely defensible. So there's like, there's a little bit of difference there with my lifestyle where I'm like, right. You know, Emily, should you pay for dinner after tax or should I pay pre tax? Do you know what I mean? Like, there's, there's a thought as far as, like, I, I do think with the money stuff. And it's becoming clear that, like, talking about that makes you two teammates.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

More than it makes you. Like, I think if you're not feeling like hey, how do we get one over on the government together? Like, that's kind of my fun of it. So. Yes. That makes. I don't know if someone needs a perspective change. Like, if someone's, like, having this conversation and they're, like, looking for a chance to change their perspective, that's really made it fun for me. I, I, I, But I'm.

[B]

No, I agree. You're. And then you're a team. You're like, maximum. You know, you're maximizing the, the, like, the benefit for both of you. I think that's right. That could be a whole episode. We'll have a whole episode about how you split your finances.

[A]

Them. We should have a tax attorney on here. Wouldn't that be. Maybe that would. Would that be the most boring episode of a dating podcast ever? They'd have to be flamboyant. Yeah. All right, let's do the show. Before we do, we are doing you up with benefits. I want everyone to join benefits. We get personal on there. We love doing benefits. And if you haven't subscribed, we have an episode that's out this week. It came out on Monday, and it's a me episode. And I'm gonna talk about a death in my family.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

And it's. It, it very recent.

[B]

Your parents aren't dead, right?

[A]

Both of my parents died. No.

[B]

This is how I find out.

[A]

Can you make it about you?

[B]

Some of our best episodes are about dead people, so.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Is that my wife?

[A]

That is true. We have merch.

[B]

Keep making any jokes before you tell me who in your family has passed.

[A]

Don't worry. Well, obviously I, I found out like an hour ago there was a death in the family, but I would love to talk about the death. I, you know, it's a little weird to talk about, but I'm, I'm. So we haven't taped Benefits, but we will tape it. It is out already, but it is something. If you want to hear more personal stuff that's a little bit like, again, I feel uncomfortable talking about it, but I'm like, that makes it a perfect benefits.

[B]

Benefits episode. Yes.

[A]

So that's it. Let's do the show.

[B]

Ready to soundtrack your summer with Red Bull Summer All Day play. You choose a playlist that fits your summer vibe the best. Are you a festival fanatic, a deep end dj, a road dog, or a trail mixer? Just add a song to your chosen playlist and put your summer on track. Red, Full summer, all day play. Red Bull gives you wings. Visit RedBull.com BrightSummerAhead to learn more. See you this summer. So good, so good, so good. Everything you want for summer is at Nordstrom rack stores now and up to 60% off. Stock up and save on the brands you love, like Vince, Sam, Edelman, Frame, and Free people. Join the nordiclub to unlock exclusive discounts. Shop new arrival labels first and more. Plus, buy online and pick up at your favorite rack store for free. Great brands, great prices. That's why you wreck. All right, I. I will read our first email.

[A]

Yes. And please, please, please pre order the book. If you're thinking about it, just do it.

[B]

Just do it. Just don't think. Don't think too much. You're too busy for that. Just order.

[A]

Yes. Way too busy.

[B]

Don't think about. Don't spend too much of your precious time thinking about buying the book. Just buy it. Okay?

[A]

It's gonna make you laugh. Every page. I will say that every page has a laugh. Like, isn't that, like, a good promise? Like, wouldn't you. Like, if someone's like, here's a book. Every page.

[B]

Yeah, totally. All right, ready? Dear J and Jay and Ronnie and Twisters and Emily and Mike. Mike got the parentheses at the end.

[A]

Okay. The way they wrote that was totally bizarre. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, that was very weird.

[A]

Emily made it out of the parenthesis. Good for her. What a day for her.

[B]

I don't. I don't know what Mike has done.

[A]

I don't know either.

[B]

Hi there. Big fan. Caught Jared while flying solo in Chicago and had a great time. Love the Benny episodes lately too. Thank you, Jared. I know you're leaving all of us sad singles in singletown alone. What's on the docket for our summer challenge? Two, to answer the question, where are all the men? They're at your local bowling alley on Wednesday nights at 7. Or whenever your bowling alley has a cheap deal. I went this Wednesday with my friend and her and her boyfriend reminded me of the challenge. And I've never seen so many men in one establishment at once and maybe like three women. I'm a Chicago seven, but a Wednesday bowling alley night 10. Bowling is also a fun place to meet people because it's pretty easy to talk to people at the lane next to you at the alley bar or in line for their delicious, cheap bar food. I hope you read this. Love you guys.

[A]

Well, thank you for the email. And if you have an email, send it to UUP betches.com Jordana now, let's start with number two. She claims that when we ask, where are the men? They are at bowling night on a Wednesday, which sounds like it's out of an episode of Roseanne. Like it is.

[B]

Are those the, are those are the men who like, look like they're in Rose. Do they all look like they're in the TV show Roseanne?

[A]

Right. They're not lookers, but they are cuddlers. And I, I would say, you know, there's truth to this. And what do you think about this going to the bowling night?

[B]

I think it's a little similar to they're at the sports bar. I mean, like the. For instance, like I think now great time to be single. The Knicks. Everyone is very excited about the Knicks, right?

[A]

Well, the Knicks finals. They're going to be in the finals. It is a huge deal. The first time in 27 years that they've been in the finals. They haven't won a championship in 40 years. Almost more than 40 years. It. I'm sure it's on fire. The men are out. Well, that, that is something. If you're listening right now, watching right now, Jordana, you bring up a great point. Make you and your. I, I would say get a group of two other women if you're single and you have two other female friends. Let's make plans for the next game. Every next game.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And if it goes. And so you got four opportunities no matter what. If they get swept, I don't think they're gonna win. This is me. This is. I don't mean to be a negative, Nancy.

[B]

No, it's okay. I don't care at all.

[A]

I know you don't care. I. Jordana, but you're in the thick of it. You're amongst all these Knicks lovers. And listen. Knicks basketball in New York City. But I would say NBA Finals anywhere around the country, you and two single people. I think I like three as a number because it allows for the cruise ship and then the tenders to go out.

[B]

If somewhat right, if someone is speaking to someone, you guys can fuck off with each other.

[A]

The two of you can. The two of you can go or the two of you can be like the, the space station. And then the one person can be the moon rover. And so I like a group of three. Now this, this all. So the Knicks game. What I would say to the bowling alley and the Knicks game. Men love activities. We love activities. We love. Again, shoulder to shoulder. Hangs golf. I played golf with my brother. And this weekend, this past weekend, we had like a wonderful weekend. It was Memorial Day weekend. Harry and Ruthie came to Florida. My parents Were there. I don't think I've hung out with, like, my full family, I guess. Well, and then.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I saw a picture with everybody. Your mom took a great picture of her for her Instagram story. I thought she looked of herself. No, of Emily. She posted a picture of Emily on her Instagram.

[A]

She did?

[B]

Yes. And I was like, oh, that's such a. That's such a lovely picture.

[A]

I'll talk more about it on benefits, how wonderful the weekend was. But it was just. But my brother and I hung out and Emily hung out with Ruthie, my brother's wife. And it was nice. I just loved being with Harry. But then Emily was like, what did you guys talk about? And I was like, I don't even remember nothing. You know, like, we had. And I was like, what did you talk about? She's like, well, kids came up and our relationship, like, she got into so many deep topics.

[B]

That's what women do.

[A]

That. And I. And I loved it. I was actually curious. I was like, what did she say? What did you say? You know, like, I, I. It was a way of me to, like, get information out of Emily of, like, her thoughts on things too. Like, it made us talk more just by virtue of her talking with Ruthie. But I had, I didn't need to talk about all that to have a nice day with my brother. And at some point, like, my brother got mad that I was beating him, and then he was coming back, and then I was mad.

[B]

Right, well, that's all men talk about. Yeah.

[A]

Right. So, but I'm saying, like, here's the thing about an activity event, like bowling. Women are welcome. Like, you're not interrupting a very precious hang.

[B]

So if you men are never like, oh, like, why are these. Come on, it's girls here, right? Boys night. Boys time.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Girls get out.

[A]

When that might be something for women where they're like, we just wanted a night to catch up. And now all these men keep trying to put their dicks in us. And it's like, no man will ever say, we were just trying to catch up and all these titties are in our way. Like, no one's gonna say that. So if you're a woman out there, I would say going a bowling alley is a good idea. I would say making a bowling team, like an all female bowling team of your friends, they have bowling. And then I would say axe throwing, bowling top golf. All these places have leagues, so anything there's an activity, go, bring two friends and go. So that. So that's where the men are. The, the men are. Where there's an activity. If there's an activity. Go. Now, the activity being the Knicks in the finals. Go. That is, that's an activity, right?

[B]

A hundred percent. And you'll get a lot of single men and you'll get a lot of men who were like, having fun and like, Right. Looking to talk to people. And I think it's like those. Again, you said that about Sundays and football season, but this is like a new wave and people and, and I think when, I think when a team is doing well, I mean, we have a lot of New York listenership. So I think when like the team is doing well, there's like a sense of like, camaraderie. People are even more likely to talk to people if it's an important game, if people are out, if people really excited. I think there's like more of a sense of like community when you're out than any. Just any random game.

[A]

To add to that, when we talk to college people who write in here, you know, we had, we just had a college. A college age woman write in. Which I can't tell her how thankful I am for that. Like, I can't even believe that she listens to this show.

[B]

Yeah, I'm proud of that.

[A]

I am proud of that. So. But when we talk about dating in college, we're like, oh my God, how great would it be to date in college where everyone is on the same page? You're. We, we all go to the same classes, we have things to talk about. When the Knicks are in the finals, when there's a finals game on, it's like recreating a college campus.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Now you guys have commonalities. Oh my God. How long have you been a Knicks fan? I just started. I just like that everyone's together. That's an okay thing to say. Or oh my God, I've been going to games since I've been 14. I go, I went to this game this season. I love the Knicks. I love that they're the Manhattan team. They're the only Manhattan team. Like, again, now you have things to talk about that are built into the event. And. And the same goes for bowling. How long have you been bowling? I don't know. My friends and I just thought there were a bunch of men here and we could meet them and we're all single. That is a great thing to say. That's something I would be like, hey, everybody, look at those titties over there. And they're free, you know? Yeah.

[B]

I love it. So do you have a summer challenge that's different from last summer's challenge?

[A]

I have a new Ring the bell V. I have a new summer challenge. Is it sit at the bar Saturday? It's not sit at the bar. Say if you are an intern for an old kooky lady who sells real estate and wants to pop off on the Internet, turn up the volume because I got an idea for you now.

[B]

Let's.

[A]

I started, I got. So I read this email and it said, jared, I know you're leaving all of us in sad singletown usa. What's on the docket for our summer challenge? They're looking for a summer challenge to get out there and date. Now I'm gonna go to Plug city for a second because this is what we do here. I gotta, I gotta monetize. Okay. In the book, I, I have a lot of. The book is dedicated to your friend.

[B]

Summer Challenges.

[A]

Summer challenges. That's all I talk about, is summer. The original name of the book was Summer Challenge and we had to change it. It had to be more wide. A big part of the book is, is opening yourself up to friends and family and fix ups and getting away from dating apps to be fixed up and having to deal with the issue that I know the feedback to a fix up is I don't want to get my parents involved, I don't want to get my friends involved. Or it's. My friends don't have any single friends. My friends don't have. They're all married with kids. They have no time for me. So I am calling. So. And then I was thinking about the economy and how expensive things are and. Because the last summer challenge I had like, do this, do that, do this. And a lot of them cost money and the feedback was like. And I, I kind of wanted to take money out of it. So I know people. People, if you're single and, and, and I think the solution to being single is your friends and family is enjoying yourself with those people that you owe them nothing. That's the beauty of friends and family. When you hang out with them, you are your true self. And you get to, you get to feel nourished by, you know, when you go on a date and you're kind of like performing a little bit, you kind of forget who you are and what makes you funny and how you are in groups and, you know, it's just not the real version of you. I'm seeing that with like Emily now in my relationship. Like we, when we settle in to like Hang out when we haven't seen each other for a while. The beginning is, like, the beginning. And it's great to see her. But I notice, like, 12 hours in, we're settling into, like, who we really are as a couple and how we

[B]

interact right away from the catch up.

[A]

Away from the catch up. So my. My summer dating challenge is. Summer is 12 weeks. Let's call it 12 weeks. This is called the summer single Strut. I want you right now to pick out 12 people and their spouses. 12 people that you could go on a walk with. 5,000 steps at a minimum. You go walking 12 weeks, 12 different groups, 12 different walks. You call up a friend who's married with a baby, and you say, I want to take a walk. I got 12 weeks to book. You give me one week that works for a walk. And you go on this walk, and you enjoy yourself with this friend or family member or cousin. And if they're married, they got to bring their husband, they got to bring their wife.

[B]

They do.

[A]

Yes, you do. I want to walk with you and Mike. And I want to enjoy myself with you and Mike. And now we're just going to go on a walk. Hey, I want to do a walk. Maybe you'll bring a drink in a Stanley. Maybe you'll make a cocktail. Some walks will be a boozy walk. Some walks will be a water walk. Some walks will be a morning walk. 12 weeks, 12 walks. These are 12 opportunities to hang with someone, get to know someone.

[B]

Why does Mike have to come?

[A]

Because I want Mike to walk away and get to know your friend a little bit more than they knew them before.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because I think Mike is the key to the single problem. Mike. You want Mike to walk away from that walk going, you know what? Jared's pretty cool. Jared's a. Jared's cool. I didn't even realize. And not to talk about your single life, the. It's a single strut. Because you're strutting. You're just having fun with a friend, getting to know them better and getting to know their spouse better. 12 weeks of strut. That's what I'm calling it, the 12 weeks of strut. The summer strut challenge. Go on 12 struts with 12 different people and their significant others, if they have one. It can be someone that's single, but you got to go on a strut with 12 different groups.

[B]

Tag us in your struts. You have a podcast in your strut, and we will repost you.

[A]

Right? Or the other podcast that copies this idea. But I think it's important because what's going to happen is you're going to get to know your friend and you're going to have a moment that you're. Again, activities. This is like male in. In the. In the action. You're going on a walk. Hey, I got this route you plan out. The route you plan out. Do you want me to bring a cocktail? Do you want me to bring a water? And you just catch up and you just have a nice walk. And I do think this is the type of thing that produces positivity in your single life, whether it's just hanging out with friends and getting to know their significant other, or it's, you know, I just saw this guy at work and he was talking about how he got out of a relationship. You should meet them. But you're not there for that. You're there to just go on a strut with your friends. What do you think, Jordana?

[B]

I like it.

[A]

You seem hung up on the mic part.

[B]

I just don't know if he would come on a walk with me and my friend. He doesn't like going on walks that much. But.

[A]

But what if. What if, what if, what if the. What if you said to Mike you

[B]

would go to dinner with me and a friend.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't want dinner. I want to walk. And what have you said? Like, Jared, Jared's just out of a relationship. He's going through a tough time. I. He wants to go on a walk. You heard on a podcast, like, that's the thing. They're gonna explain it to each other in a way that they're gonna go, yeah, you heard on a podcast, he's. They said to take a walk. I don't know that's supposedly gonna help her single life.

[B]

I actually do like it. I. I like it because I'm thinking back to when I was single and the way that I met Mike. And the way that I met Mike was I was going out to the Hamptons with my friend and her new boyfriend, and he was driving and he picked me up and the three of us were driving. It's like a. From the city. It was like a two, three hour drive out to the Hamptons. And we're talking. I'm sitting in the back seat. They're in the front seat. And we're talking about how I want to meet someone, and we're talking about all this, and we're talking about whatever. And he said, and. And my friend goes to. My friend Julianne goes To Adam. You got. You got to know someone for Jordana.

[A]

And he didn't know right away. Right.

[B]

He came up with someone else first. I went out with his other friend first.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then. And then Mike was the second person. He set me up with like a few, probably like a few weeks later.

[A]

This is. My point is. You were on a two to three hour car ride. You need 5,000 steps to get past that initial, hey, I'm single. Do you have anyone? And then you go, no. And then you keep. And then you have 5,000 steps to go. This is. This is exactly my point. Men aren't sitting there with a holster full of men to set you up with. They're. They're just not. So my point is to go on a walk with someone for 5, 000 steps at a minimum. You now have to talk about more than just you being sad and single.

[B]

Oh, yeah. It was in the whole. It wasn't the whole two or three hour ride where I talked about being sad.

[A]

No. But I'm saying over that, over that course of that ride, that guy, that friend got to know you enough to have not one, but two men to set you up with.

[B]

Yes, that's true. Who knows where I would be if I didn't have my own version of that.

[A]

The Summer Strut Challenge by the U UP Podcast. Start planning your walks now. You need to set up 12 walks. 12. Because there's 12 weeks of summer. I googled it. Google never lies. 12 weeks of summer, 12 walks. Start setting them now. And they can be anyone. Anyone. And if they're single, that's fine too. But just if they are in a relationship, you.

[B]

They.

[A]

The. The spouse has to come on the walk.

[B]

I love it. And again, tag us. Tag the U UP podcast in your walks. And.

[A]

And that kooky old lady who stole it last summer, she needs a new. She needs a new one. She has something new. Yeah, we're the writers for that woman. Study and play come together on a Windows 11 PC. And for a limited time, college students get the best of both worlds. Get the unreal college deal. Everything you need to study and play with select Windows 11 PCs. Eligible students get a year of Microsoft 365 Premium and a year of Xbox game. Pass ultimate with a custom color Xbox wireless controller. Learn [e-mail] studentoffer while supplies last ends June 30th terms at aka mscollegepc make every get together chill this Memorial Day. Get up to an extra thousand dollars off selecting top brand appliances like LG

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[A]

All right, let's play icky or picky. You ready?

[B]

Let's do it.

[A]

Okay, J and J. Longtime listener and subscriber writing in for the first time, I have an icky or picky for you. I have a first date from Hinge set for later this week, but some red flags have been going off in my mind specifically because of the way he texts. He uses a lot of exclamation points, smiley faces like the colon and parentheses emoticon. So he uses the old school smiley face, removes the G from the words like going. So going writes hahaha for things that aren't really funny and keeps saying yeah instead of you. Yeah yeah yeah. Like a yas queen, but a guy. So it's like are ya going to the bathroom? Okay. Am I just a stick up my ass hoity toity grammar or is this a legitimate ick? Screenshots attached, for example, for examples, for context, we had a date planned but rescheduled because of an insane storm. Thanks for all you do. I'm so happy for you both my parasocial friends. So you've been. You've both entered exciting new chapters in your lives. Sincerely, hahaha. I'm not laughing. Okay, so let's read the text from him. I'll be him.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I'll be the unfuckable loser. You be her.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Hey, it's blank. If you're still interested, we could do an early drink near you. Make life easy. So you're ready for your trip. Or we can try again when you're back. Smiley face.

[B]

I have no problem with this text.

[A]

I have no issue with that. That text is so pleasant and fine and him trying to be pleasant and fine. This is the other thing. Yes, he's trying. Trying isn't cool. But also trying is trying. You know, like effort should be considered a positive.

[B]

Right? This doesn't seem like a crazy level of of enthusiasm. We're trying and I'm very sensitive to like a hyper enthusiastic person. I agree. That can be a turn off. This one I think is totally fine.

[A]

Jordana, a known anal would be all over this one.

[B]

Yes, a known unfriendly person.

[A]

Right. So. And I am enthusiastic over tech, so let's do another one from him. He wrote back to her. You read what she wrote and I'll write. This is his response to that text.

[B]

Oh, and my power just flicked out.

[A]

He wrote ha ha ha ha. Same huge lightning strike. Haha.

[B]

Okay. I'm trying to decide if it's getting better. Haha. It would be a huge bummer if the power went out while we're at

[A]

wherever that bar is. Haha. I'm right down the road, so we can wait a sec. Haha. I didn't think about that. But that would be all. That would also be a funny first date story. No worries. It's storming. I'm around next week. Smiley face emoticon. We will try again. Smiley face emoticon. Where are you going this weekend? So it seems like she. She canceled the date like while he was right down the road.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Because if it seems like they were like. Well, because there was a storm. She was saying that this is them like remaking the date after the like there was a storm, they had a date and then they decide call it due to rain. Which. Okay, so she doesn't like that.

[B]

He uses a lot of exclamation points. I'm glad she sent these in because I think I was imagining something a lot worse.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Yes. I do think it's nice to have some enthusiasm. I mean the excessive haas. I mean there's not actually that many hahaha.

[A]

They make, you know, sometimes ha is written as a. It's a little awkward and I'm trying to soften the awkward like an lol. She even did it. Right. She even did.

[B]

Right down the road.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Yeah. So I don't think these are bad. Where are you going this weekend? I mean it's not crazy. I think it's like he's trying to be like casual again. He's trying. I think that's nice. I actually do a lot of exclamation points in my text. Especially if I'm not that close to the person or I don't know them that well because I feel like it. That it. It almost like. Because you can't get tone sometimes things just come off like tense.

[A]

Yeah. I just want to let you know I'm happy to be here.

[B]

Right. Like if he wrote no worries, period, it's storming, period. I'm around next week, period. We will try again, period. I'd be like, this guy hates me.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like I actually do think that. I do think like the emojis and the things are him showing you, like. Yeah, I'm actually, like, I'm not mad at you for wanting to reschedule this. I'm around next week, we'll try again.

[A]

Right. It's. It's. It's to show. Yeah. It's like an accent mark on a. On a Spanish written word. Like, you're letting people know where the enthusiasm is, you know? Like, I. Yeah, I think she's being an anal. An anal Annie. And I think she needs to. She's being picky. And I get it. You're going on a date with someone that you're giving, and I think a lot of women run into this. I'm giving him all the chances in the world. I don't even know if I'm into him. His pictures weren't someone I'm usually attracted to. The conversation didn't get me there, but I need to go on a date because I can't complain about dating if I'm turning down dates. I get why she's being this way. And it's up to, you know, Jordana and I, your. Your dear uncle, Uncle J Train and Aunt Jordana to tell you we can't even see one instance in the example she sent that would make us not want to go on a date or think that he was a loser, even.

[B]

These are all normal. And I think, like, in some cases, necessary. Again, I think there's a way to. To text. There's a way to text. No worries. It's storming. I'm around. Next week we'll try again where it sounds like you're kind of pissed off. And I think there's a way to text where you're showing you're definitely not pissed off. And the way that he's doing it is showing that he's definitely not pissed off.

[A]

Right. And. And it sounds like she. And she canceled the date, that the rain decision was her decision to make. And I think if a man made the decision to end a date, like, if I was like, hey, it's raining. I don't really want to leave the house. I don't. And I got a. No worries. Like, I would assume it was an angry text.

[B]

You know, there would be worries.

[A]

Yes, there would be worries. So. Right, Right. So I. I think he is letting you know, especially from the male position where you're like, I don't want her thinking that I don't want to go on a date because she canceled due to rain. Like, obviously, she was maybe half in. Like, I would you know, I'm very highly sensitive so maybe I would notice more than he would. But I would also want to let her know that like, hey, I'm like still cool. You know, that's what he's doing.

[B]

Yeah, I think it's fine. Okay, so he left that. He left the G off of the going. It's not my favorite thing. But not she's being picky.

[A]

You're being picky. Let's do another email.

[B]

Let's do it. All right. Hi J and J. Long time listener, first time writing in. You guys have made me laugh out loud usually at work so many times and appreciate your grounded relationship advice.

[A]

Love it.

[B]

I'm seeking advice for my current that's not advice by the way. I'm seeking advice from seeking advice for my current relationship. I'm a 30 year old woman with a 33 year old boyfriend. I moved from Philly to SF about a year ago for my job and I met my current boyfriend friend about a month after moving. He has generally been sweet and intentional in the relationship. He mentions getting married, kids, etc, but lately I've been wondering if I'm just the right time girl for him. In the past few months he has said sl done things that make me believe he doesn't actually like me for me. He rarely texts me anymore before 8pm Most days, even on days when I have something big going on for work or even health related. I had a health scare recently and the morning of the appointment and after he had not mentioned or asked about it, I brought up these issues and he asked me do you need me to text you good morning every day and do you want me to be obsessed with you?

[A]

You're not.

[B]

I have overlooked certain things like always making me come to him and complaining if he has to come to me, not taking me to the airport and never having milk in his house when I specifically always ask for it my coffee in the morning. He is generally sweet and caring when I'm with him, but he doesn't seem to consider me at all when I'm not with him. I can't help escape the nagging feeling that I check certain boxes for him that he wants in a wife but doesn't actually care about me. Am I being crazy for thinking that when he says he wants to get married or do I give him some grace, thankful for any advice? Sincerely, a Token wife Fetch. This is so interesting to me that that's the conclusion that she's come to here right?

[A]

I I love this email. I I think you we we don't talk about these emails before. We don't have like a pre meeting where we don't do any work opinions. We do no work on this podcast. We just kind of riff here. Yeah, it's funny, I'm hearing your response to the end of it, and I think we might have a similar vibe here because it is interesting the way she fashions, you know, the answer. We've said this since the beginning of this show. The answer. Sometimes in the email, you know, you write the answer for us. If you said this, we might miss it because it's written. It kind of helps how I think about this because I. Jordan, I'm curious to hear what you think.

[B]

I think, like, does he want to get married? And because to me, because I'm like, I think that's like a totally different thing that has nothing to do with anything she wrote here. To me, like, and I think, you know, I learned this early on from. I think my therapist was like, people are always asking, like, why are you doing this to me? Like, everything's very personal. So she's like, why isn't he. He doesn't even like me. Why isn't he getting me milk? He's not even, why isn't he asking me about my day? Why isn't he? That is who he is. It's not like, why are you doing this to me? It's, why do you do this? He is not a thoughtful guy. He's not a generous, thoughtful guy who's always thinking about you. It's not personal. He doesn't do this with. I don't think he's doing this to any other girl he's dated. I don't think he's going to do this when he finds a woman that he thinks is going to be his wife. That is who he is. I don't know why she's taking this as like a personal assessment of her value in the relay or if he likes her or not. This is just his personality. He's not a thoughtful guy. She wants to be with a thoughtful guy. That is not him.

[A]

You know, it's. We. We had the same thought but said in different ways because, like, I just, I think what you're saying, it's funny, like, he's not a thoughtful guy is different than how I even thought of this. But you're right, like, and the way I thought about this was like, just the way she. This is an email all about perspective. Her perspective is. And she writes it. If I'm just the right time girl for Him. She is so concerned with how he sees her, and it's taking it very personally. Yeah. And I didn't think of it as personal, but it's also like, she kind of puts her own taste. She parks her own taste at the door, like. And now she's trying to figure out how to make him care about her in the way she wants to be cared for. And it's like. It's a little bit like, you know, I think this is a very female thing of, like, I gotta work with what I've got. I gotta figure out how to make what I've got work for me. And it's like. And she keeps.

[B]

And I believe in that to an extent.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I do believe that.

[A]

I think. Well, I think it's specific to what you're trying to change for you. You know, if you're trying to change someone's sensibility. I. I think, like, you know, having someone saying to Mike, hey, I want you to write a card for me because it makes me feel good. And then he does it. It. And it's not because he thought to do it, but he's doing it because he knows you love it. That's different than, I don't feel loved by this person.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Because that's what she wrote into us. She's. She's writing into us. I don't feel loved by him, but he's sweet and caring. So I'm gonna look bad if I end it because all my friends will be like, but he was so sweet and caring, you know, Sweet and caring. Not every sweet and caring person is for you, you know, that doesn't mean that you have to date them.

[B]

I agree with that. And I think there's like, a. Basically, I think it's less of an issue of what he does or doesn't do and more of an issue of her saying is the way that he's responded to her, stating what she wants him to do.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And then he. When he. When she asks him, when she brings up these issues, he asked me, do you need me to text you good morning every day? And do you want me to be obsessed with you? That's not someone who's. It's okay to not be someone who's checking in regularly or texting. Mike and I don't really text throughout the day, usually. At least not any like. Like, we'll see. You know, we live together, right. We're not, like, texting all the time. That doesn't bother me. It's less about. I think it's less about what he's doing and the way he's responding to you saying, this is important to me. And it sort of sounds like he's, like, mocking and making you feel like you're, you're very needy when, like, these are your needs. They're not crazy. You want to date someone who's thoughtful, who's thinking about you throughout the day, who's texting you, who wants updates on your, on your health, who's think. Who's concerned about you. That's a thoughtful person. That's not who this guy is. It's not personal to you. The next girl he dates, he's not going to be like, well, this girl I really like. So I'm gonna ask so I care if she, like, is gonna die of, like, her health scare.

[A]

I, I agree with you. And you know, this is an email that, that a influencer on Tick Tock would make a lot of money from, because you sent me a. You sent me an influencer earlier this week where this woman, she goes on Tick Tock and says, if you're a guy and it's raining out and you don't send me a car, you are done to me.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And you say, I won't. It was an insane. But it was rage bait. She was basically. And when I read this email, there's so many parts here that any, you know, influencer, especially a female one who talks about dating, could go on and be like, if you don't text me every morning, you are done to me. If you don't text me at night, you are done to me. And it's like all of these things in a vacuum. You can talk like a, you can say that about. But to everyone, that's not important to this person. Feeling loved when you're not together is important. And you're finding that out about yourself. And you could feel loved and knock in a good morning text from someone you could be dating someone who doesn't do any of these things. But when you say, hey, I really like when I hear from you when you're gone. And you hear from them randomly throughout the day and they don't say to you, hey, do you feel like you're. Do you need me to be obsessed with you? Like, I'm sure that's a part of what makes you feel even more let down.

[B]

Yeah. Because then you feel like you're crazy and, and needy and annoying.

[A]

Right.

[B]

They're not. But he also might not like doing those things, which is fine.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Again, it's not that he. If Whether he likes or it's his first nature to do these things, it's whether he'll do them if they're important to you. And it sounds like he won't.

[A]

Right. And. And she's so concerned with ending it, she won't even say, I don't feel good in this relationship. But that's what she's saying, you know, I don't feel loved. You know? And is that a good reason to end a relationship? Yes, that I'll say, if you don't feel loved.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You know, I. I just think, like, the. Am I the right time, right place woman for him? That is, you basically take. You're basically. You're taking away your own vulnerability. You're trying to make this someone else's fault. And this is what would annoy me in a relationship. I'm just being me. If you don't like it, it's okay to say you don't like it and that you're upset in this relationship and go, you know, like, I don't think that's the responsibility of her own feelings.

[B]

That's why. I mean, I've said this before. That's why women and men break up very differently. When a man breaks up, it's because he's secretly thinking that she hasn't asked him about his day, hasn't brought it up, not trying to change her. And with women, you're like, let's see what I can do with this. I'm gonna ask him to do these things.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Please change. Please change. Please change. Please change. And, like, we have to tell her that it's okay to break up with him.

[A]

Right? So I think it's time to have a conversation with yourself, own your feelings. And it's okay to end it with someone that's a nice guy, and it's okay to end it with someone because their texting isn't great. It's not their texting. You don't feel loved by them.

[B]

He's not a match. The way that he is is. Is showing his affection is not the way that you're enjoying getting it. So it doesn't mean it's a monster. It doesn't. Doesn't mean he's an. He's not. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. You know those friends who support your preference for podcasts over music on road trips? That's the energy State Farm brings to insurance. With over 19,000 local agents, they help you find the coverage that fits your needs so you can spend less time worrying about insurance and More time enjoying the ride. Download the State Farm app or go [e-mail] like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

[A]

Do you hear that? Sounds like breakfast is ready. Because Quaker's coming in hot with Morning Nutrition. 100 whole grain oats and a good source of fiber to fuel the rhythm of your morning and kick start your day. And that sounds absolutely delicious. Fuel to start whatever's next. Quaker official, Official sponsor of FIFA World Cup 26. Let's go. Let's play some games. You ready?

[B]

I'm ready.

[A]

Dot com. We were playing Red Flag or deal breaker. Everyone loves this game. You're dating someone, it's going great. You see one thing, you either keep going, it's just a red flag, you'll keep going, or it's a deal breaker, you end it sight unseen as we went over last week. Also, if you're out there, I'm gonna be in Cleveland, the Hamptons, Miami, Red Bank, New Jersey, Foxwoods, Portland, Maine. I'm also coming to Long Beach, New York. Jordana's favorite town in America. I think they added a second show in Long Beach. So big deal in Long Beach. Let's play some Red Flag. That's me, Jaron. Jor. You get. You get Jordyn.

[B]

I have got more. When I was younger. When I was younger, everyone used to call me Jordy.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. Like, up till, like, college, Jordy was. Was big.

[A]

Wow. Okay. Love the podcast.

[B]

And I rebranded.

[A]

Yeah. Full on. Jordan. I told you my brother did that. He tried to do that. We said no.

[B]

Okay, you rejected his. You rejected him. You know, trying to. To instill a sense of identity in himself.

[A]

No, no, no. We were like you. That's not who you are, Harrison. No, no. You are a Harry Red Flagger. Deal breaker. He tells you you look like a Bella Danger on your second date. After looking her up, you find out she's a porn star. P. S. What do you think of Jer and Jor? Well, we've discussed that. Jer. I get it. I get it from time to time. I never heard until I was, like, in my 30s. A jar. And it was always from, like, a girlfriend, right?

[B]

Yeah. I don't mind the Jor. Mike calls me Jojo.

[A]

Do you like it?

[B]

I. It's kind of cute because, like, my nieces and nephews call me that. And I think he, like, heard it and he liked it. He thinks it's fun.

[A]

So, yes.

[B]

Here's the thing. It's okay. And that's a good segue into this conversation because, like, it's okay that Mike calls me Jojo. We're married. We've been together for a while. If I saw, like, if I was, like, with someone that I didn't feel like we were on that level and they called me that, I would be like, it's a little too soon. Like, let's.

[A]

Are you with me? Is like, are you trying. Do I. Is there a joke I don't know about?

[B]

Yes. Is there a joke? And also just like, I feel like you're, like, forcing some. And men, I think, do that sometimes too, where it's like, you're forcing some level of, like, intimacy by, like, giving me a nickname. But it's like, we're not there yet. So same with this person. I don't know if we're. I don't know if we're there yet for the chore.

[A]

If they said, hey, Jer, yeah, I would answer it. I wouldn't be offended.

[B]

I'm not offended, but I am. Like, I don't know if we're on that level.

[A]

Right. Sometimes jar feels more effort than Jared. Like, to say jar. Like, to stop at jar feels like a hard.

[B]

You're basically trying to show a sense of intimacy. It's not about, like, it being shorter.

[A]

Right. We're more podcaster and listener right now. We're not.

[B]

We're not on that level yet.

[A]

So what do you think of the. They. Your second date? They say you look like a bell. I didn't know it was. I thought it was Bella Danger. Let me.

[B]

I'd never heard of this person.

[A]

Just to be sure.

[B]

Did you know who this person was?

[A]

A Bella Danger? I knew. I knew Bella. I thought it was Bella Danger. That just shows you. I. I've never been a. I've never been a. Know the porn star name type. There are those people. I've been more a masturbate to a faceless, nameless woman with huge titties and a fat ass type of.

[B]

But I think that's better. Personally, I think, like, I would prefer

[A]

that she's actually beautiful.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, she's beautiful.

[B]

I mean, that's besides the point. I think. I think a second date talking about porn in any relational way, I would be a little turned off. I don't think it's a deal breaker, but I wouldn't. I think that's someone telling you that they are thinking of you in a very sexual way and letting you know that they are Aryan to sex in a way that's not direct. Even if they do think you look

[A]

like that person Can I disagree gently because I let me be a little bit more empathetic to this guy. And this is a woman who comes up a lot in kind of news fashion in the barstool, reported on news world. Like, you know, there's Betch's stories and there's mar stor stories. She's moved a little bit more because I'm familiar with her name more for the amount of money she's made on only fans. Like there's like not, not cuz you're

[B]

a fan of her work, right?

[A]

Not cuz I, maybe I am. I, I just again, she might have been nameless. No, she's not really my type if I'm to be honest. That's.

[B]

I just buy the links that she posts for skirts.

[A]

Well, I, I, I think her net worth has come up because I think she got like, I'm not positive, I'm trying to look this up but it's very hard to Google a porn star because other things come up. I just did, you know. Well, is there news items about how much she makes? A lot is like a big part of the story. And then she's like giving away. She like claims she's gonna retire from porn. There's just a lot of like, like I think she was seen at the sidelines of a game and they got her on camera and then people were like, that's a porn star. You know, like that's. And again, I'm trying to be as respectful as possible. I just think you're on a date with a guy who's immature, who's not really being thoughtful. I don't because at its most thoughtful it's a guy bring up a porn star to try and make the conversation sexual. I, I think she has come up in other ways that have been more mainstream ish that aren't like just him masturbating to her. And so like the description of like comparing her to this celebrity is yeah, somewhat okay. Like at, at its most empathetic. I'm like, she was in the news, he saw her picture. This woman looks a little bit like her. But I think you'd have to be like guy who's heavily on barstool to like to say that out loud. I, and I would, I would rate his maturity as low.

[B]

And if you're a man listening, I would say, I mean I'll speak for myself. Yeah, I don't want to be told I look like a porn star. I just don't like maybe it's a compliment to some people.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like a. Yeah, that's not the look I'm, like, going for, I think. And like, you know what I mean? It's very. I think telling someone they look like anyone, as we've said before on this show, is a very, It's a tough, slippery slope. It's very hard. You're more likely to do badly than you are to do well in that arena.

[A]

Well, they asked me, but, you know, I did that. I did that sketch my ex show, and if you want to go check it out, it's on my Instagram, where the, you know, the, the bit I went with sketch my ex was. I'll talk about Emily because she is technically my ex as well as my girlfriend.

[B]

Right.

[A]

They were like, what celebrity would you compare her? And I was like, I don't even want to get in that game. Like, I was like, let me.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Let me stay away from that. Like, I don't even know. I, I don't want to do that. You know? Like, I. And again, it's a form of respect. I think it's kind of like anytime you compare someone to a celebrity, I think you're kind of being a little. Even if you don't mean it, I think it's a little disrespectful to any, to, to, to, to dim anyone shine, to make them like a, a version of someone else that is more acclaimed. I don't know. I, I, again, I'm being, I'm being sensitive about it.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know. I just, I don't wanna. I don't think that, like, that's who I want to be told I look like. I don't know if I want to be told I look like anyone. I agree with you, but I think if I am, I don't think that's a, like, that's you showing me that you're someone who's. Think, like, who's, who's thoughtful in that way.

[A]

Well, I've told this story on this podcast before. The woman who said I looked like her friend's husband. Yes. And then I went and looked him up and I was. And we were on a date together. I was immediately offended. I was annoyed. Yeah.

[B]

So I'm saying there's no, there's very little upside.

[A]

It's a deal breaker for me.

[B]

I can't decide if everything else was great and he did this. I think I would be like, I don't think I need you to tell me I look like a porn star.

[A]

I think it's a deal breaker. I, I Think that that's what you're, like, looking at in your free time. Like, that's the news you consume. I don't know. That's the amount of filter you had for me. You didn't think this would be, like, maybe You. You had no thought that this was maybe a bad idea? Like, that's more my thinking.

[B]

Well, that's what. That's why I think it would more react to, like, the way I. How I. Like if I said that, how he reacted to that. Do you know what I mean?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, I could see maybe. Maybe like, you know, a date's log. It's not. It's. If. It's almost worse if it's a text because then you thought about it, you did it. Maybe. Maybe you're on the date, someone says something stupid they didn't mean to say. You know, I've said stupid things a lot on a podcast, on other. You know, in person, and sometimes you're like, that was stupid. I shouldn't have said that. If. Especially if the other person calls you out on it. I think if that happened, it would just be a red flag.

[A]

Okay, let me ask you. Let me ask you further. You say, I. You. I say, hey, you look like a Bella Danger and you're like a porn star. You think that was, like, the smart thing to, like, compare?

[B]

First I would say, who is that?

[A]

Right?

[B]

Yeah. And then you.

[A]

She's. Well, then if my response was she has a huge only fans following, that would be my response.

[B]

Well, that doesn't. That's not as big of a good of an argument for me as, like.

[A]

But I'm saying if that was the perspective he had on it, she has a huge only fans, and she was just caught in the background of a baseball game. So she was on my mind. And it's kind of crazy that someone can make 20 million a year from only fans. Isn't that crazy?

[B]

I feel like we had one where someone brought up only fans on, like, the. On a second date.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I don't know. It would depend. It would depend. Yeah. I think I would say, like, yeah, I don't really know who that. Who that is. Like, I'm not really looking to be, like, compared to, you know, a porn star.

[A]

Yeah, sorry about that. I. She was just in the news. It was like, literally the last thing I saw on my Instagram when I was scrolling. I guess that could be a reasonable. Yeah.

[B]

And then I feel like there would be, like, an uncomfortable change of topic.

[A]

Right. If it were me, I would Be like, hey, I really am sorry about bringing that up. I don't whack off to a Bella danger regularly. Is that okay?

[B]

Well, whatever. Now we're being vulnerable. Now we're being vulnerable.

[A]

It's deal breaker. Ish to me.

[B]

Yeah, ish. I agree. It's not great.

[A]

All right, let's do another.

[B]

Dear J and J. Feather Feather and all the things I'm writing in with what I believe to be a unique experience to this new generation of dating.

[A]

Love it.

[B]

I'm at my local I'm at my local haunt favorite bar on a happening Friday night.

[A]

80 year old woman I'm at my local Han.

[B]

Seriously, on a happening Friday night. I see this fine man across the bar. He's tatted, has long hair and is tall enough. I'm 5 10, so this matters especially to me. Okay? I keep trying to catch his eye, but with no luck, eventually settle into a booth with my friends. Soon after we sit down, he comes over and asks if he and his friends could sit and talk with us. I'm on cloud nine, sparks are flying. He buys me another drink and by the end of the night he gets my number and plans a date to for Sunday. The dream when I first yeah, minus the Sunday date. I don't know if I want to do that. Anyway, when I first saw him, I thought he looked sort of familiar, but I assumed maybe he frequents the same bars as me. However, the next morning it hits me. About a month ago, I saw a tik tok a girl had made with pictures of a guy her friend had met at a local bar with the caption help us find him, my friend is in love. Wow, this guy has some riz as they say.

[A]

Yeah, rised out, looks max to the core. Guys got aura.

[B]

We're so cool. I scroll through my messages on Tick Tock and find this video because I sent it to a friend. As we both go to this to to the bar in question often. Sure enough, it's him. His face is never shown in the video, but I recognize the tattoos and name as my guy from Friday night. And in the comments four people have commented that he has a girlfriend. However, the original poster made a comment that these people who claim to know the girlfriend have never responded to her dms. We ended up going on on the date on Sunday and while I had a great time, there were some unrelated red flags that make me hesitant to pursue anything serious. I'm still debating reaching out to the Tick Tock poster, but I don't want to come across as sorry your friend didn't get his number, but I did. Or if the Tick Tocker even knows if there is or is not a girlfriend. He also told me on this date that he hardly ever approaches girls at the bar. Lmao. I must be special. Okay, so red flagger, deal breaker. He is posted on a Tick tock by a girl trying to find him because she's falling in love. And anonymous commenters claim he has a girlfriend. Thank you for your infinite wisdom. A dating in the digital age batch.

[A]

This is very interesting. Well, he, here, here's the thing. First of all, he has the look of someone that would get a video made of him in this fashion. Long hair, tattoos. He's kind of like a, if you're

[B]

into that, that's like, this is, it's such a. You're gonna be really into that.

[A]

Yeah, right? It's so specific. That's what gets. Oh my. You're either amazing looking or you have a look that is specific to Sons of Anarchy. And it's like what women kind of drool for. Certain women do. And I, I actually think she did exactly what I would have advised her to do. Like, go on one date, see what the vibe is like. I think the commenters are not to be listened to. He has a girlfriend. Like, the people that comment on those are generally the most miserable people. Like, hey, I want to find this hot guy. He has a girlfriend. Well, that's not really like, why not

[B]

just tag the girlfriend, right?

[A]

Or if you're that much of a busybody, you know, tag him if you know him so well. Like when you see, oh, he has girlfriend. I, I tend to believe that's like, especially a guy who looks like this. Tattoos and long hair. People are predisposed to believe that they are just a cheater just for looking like that. Like, it's like, not even fair, you know, like it's a little bit of profiling. Like, if you look like you, you do.

[B]

Should she bring this up, up to the guy on the date?

[A]

Seems like he doesn't need the help. I think he's, I, I, this is all to say she went on the date with him and kind of found out he's a little bit of a chooch.

[B]

What is a chooch?

[A]

Like a, like a loser? Like, like a, kind of like a, you know, like, like for him to say that, you must be special. I never approach girls like.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I think she got the vibe that, like, he's a little bit of a player. Like a little bit of a, of A Casanova. Which she saw herself. Yeah, she saw it for herself. I think that's like a great thing she did. I think going on the date and finding out for yourself, like. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, I don't think she needs to ignore the tick tock. I think that's something to note, having the back. I think that coupled with the way he acted on the date. Okay.

[A]

Right now, I like, that's.

[B]

I have a sense. Not for me.

[A]

I don't know if I'm looking for me.

[B]

Get into this.

[A]

I. Right. I don't think. I don't think messaging the woman, like, what are you messaging her? Like, hey, I had a bad time, like I said. Right. If the point is to, hey, that guy's actually a really nice guy. And I went on a date with him, but it wasn't my match. That would be nice. You should. You should meet him.

[B]

Well, the person. It's not. It doesn't sound like the video is positive towards him. It's something saying someone wants to meet him, is into him.

[A]

Right.

[B]

What does she need to do?

[A]

Well, she doesn't. I think if you're gonna do anything, it's, hey, I went on a date with him. He was a nice guy, just not my match. That would be the only thing you could do.

[B]

Right? I agree.

[A]

There's no harm in that. But like, hey, these other people who had maybe negative things to say, I didn't get that vibe. That'd be nice.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Let's do another.

[B]

Okay, let's do it.

[A]

Red flag. Deal breaker. I have a question that may seem absurd, but I think interesting to think about. Why do some men feel totally comfortable farting in front of someone they're dating, while others. Absolutely not. I've dated both types. Some feel comfortable farting pretty early on, and it becomes something we laugh about, while others hold it in. I've realized I actually prefer the guys who are comfortable enough to do it because it feels like a sign of authenticity. So it makes me wonder, is not farting a red flag like our fart holders, more guarded and are trying too hard to maintain an image? Or is it actually a green flag because they're being respectful and not gross? At what point does this behavior say something about emotional intimacy versus just basic manners? Would love your thoughts on where the line is between comfortable and too comfortable. Jordana, what do you think?

[B]

I think first three dates, no farting. If you can.

[A]

Whole purpose, no first three dates, no farts on purpose.

[B]

I mean, no farts on purpose. Try. I would. I. I don't I think that there, there is something hot about an air of mystery. Not saying that I don't think anyone should ever fart in front of their person. If you need to fart. I still to this day, I'm not like, trying to fart in front of Mike.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I'm not offended if it happens, but it's like, I don't think he's offended if it happens, but I don't. I'm not really into the kind of relationship where farts are like a cornerstone of it.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

We enjoy other people's farts. Ron. Farts. That's a discussion between us. You have the girls farts. We have fun with their farts.

[A]

The twist. I think you're just like loving it.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, they're very, especially when they're loud. It's like fun. It's like, right. I think it's different because, like, if you're having, if you're like sleeping with someone, I do think there's like an error of like, like, you do want to keep thinking of the person in a sexual way. And I think that, like, it's okay to feel some sense of like, I want to maintain an air of sexiness around you.

[A]

Listen, I think all relationships have their fart phases too. Sometimes it's like we're not really farting. Sometimes it's, it's far to palooza. This is where this podcast. Not to pat ourselves on the back multiple times in one episode, but like, this is a subject where people should feel lucky that we're not desperate to go viral. Because this is one of those subjects where, like, I could see how a couple feels more intimacy from farting. I can see how someone would say, I feel more intimate knowing that my partner doesn't like a fart and is, is and it's not something for them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Again, I am a self described chubby slob and I love a fart. I would suck them out of Emily's butt if I could, but I, what about a poop? Don't mind it. I, I, I think if she blew

[B]

up the bathroom, that would be no thought.

[A]

No, I, she could do it while watching me. We could make eye contact through the whole thing. I would be totally okay. Hard through the whole process. I, I just don't, you know, I think that's, I think that's like couple specific and I think, yeah, like to put to say in mass, you know, someone who doesn't fart is being guarded and doesn't want to be intimate. I think you're making a connection that isn't really there to make. I think if you say someone who farts is automatically this open book who will be intimate about everything, to me, you could be farting so that you don't have to be intimate in other ways. You know, you're using that to make a joke. If I, Yeah, a serious conversation. You know, if I'm talking with my girlfriend about, you know, should we combine finances? And then I'm like, oh, hold on, let me check my wallet. And then I'm like, and now we're laughing about a fart I just did. And now we're not talking about finances. That could be used in a. It's a weaponized, It's a weaponization of, of farting to, like, distract from normal conversations. It could be so right. To use it as a rule would be misleading.

[B]

Yeah, I agree. But I do think dates, Dates one to three. Personally talking about my own, My own self, I'm kind of like, we don't need to be the truest, most unhinged versions of ourselves in the beginning. I do think it shows there's a, A certain respect in, like, if, you

[A]

know, if a woman lifted her leg day two and was like, excuse me. And then I'd be like, like, what a woman, you know, like, I, I,

[B]

I'd be, maybe that, that's for you.

[A]

But I, I don't know if it would be a match. I, I think I would be like, what's her deal? You know, like, well, would you do it? Won't she do?

[B]

Would you do it?

[A]

No, no.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. There's like a. Yeah, you'd wait until date six.

[A]

It's a show of respect.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. Like, like, it's a respect. And it's like, I'm trying, I'm trying here. I'm not. I like putting an effort.

[A]

And you look like a porn star that I looked at 10 minutes ago. And farting, I think, are very much similar in the, like, how hard are you trying to. Like, I agree.

[B]

I need someone. Because really, the thing is, the effort only really goes down the more comfortable you are in a relationship. So I think you need to start at somewhere a little bit more respectable because, like, eventually you're gonna be, you know, in sweatpants, like, farting away. But.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I think, like, if you start at that level, where do you. How far. How, how much lower can you go?

[A]

Very low. We did it again. We solved dating.

[B]

We did it. We'll Be back on Friday. Friday feels Boom.

[A]

The first time I ever called a girl I liked, I had to use the phone book. I was in middle school. Her name was Morgan Marks and I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend. My 12 year old logic was sound. She lived near me and she was like cute, but not in a way that made every other prepubescent guy obsessed with her. That's the play for any self conscious middle school boy. Find someone who you can see yourself hanging around Aeropostale with for two or three weekends, who's also totally pretty but not so popular that you ever have to find out how you stack up against literally anyone else. Her name wasn't really Morgan Marks for privacy stuff, but you bet your ass I remember her name in this audiobook. I'll never use real names. I can't shake the idea of a woman in the suburbs being bothered by this audiobook while trying to get an iPad out of her kid's hands before bed. Once I decided I was going to call, I thought about it the whole day. My life was going to change. It was the 12 year old equivalent of buying a peloton. You know how you start imagining yourself with abs and hanging out at the beach? Like totally. Let's take more pictures of ourselves. Well, that was me. Except instead of confident swimsuit posts, I had visions of us holding hands in the hallway and slow dancing at parties. This was it. I was about to move from an adolescent side character into the cool, confident main character of maturity. I was going to be dating someone as soon as I got home from school. I went up to my room. I practiced saying, hi, is Morgan home and would you want to be my girlfriend? Over and over and over again until I felt sure I couldn't mess it up. I got her number from the previously mentioned phone book and picked up my house's second phone line. Do you remember the second line? When a call came through and someone was already on the phone, the call would push through to the other line. Our second line was one number away from our first line. 9022 and 9 021? Yes. Like 90210. Yes. I used that as a pickup line multiple times in high school and maybe a couple of days ago at a bar in the West Village. For some reason, I decided that it would be safer to use the second line to permanently alter the trajectory of my existence. I picked up that receiver and started to dial. Almost the instant I pushed the seventh and final number, my mom picked up the phone. Jared, who are you? Calling. Why are you on the second line? She screamed. She continued yelling questions in rapid succession and increasing volume without leaving any space for me to answer more accusations than inquiries in classic Jewish mom style. Jared. Jared, answer me. Who are you calling? Do you know this is the second line? Why aren't you answering me? Then Morgan's mom picked up. Hello? Who's this? It's Kim. Who is this? I threw down the receiver, sweating and panting as if I'd just outrun a murderer. I could still hear my mom on the floor below. Who is this? Eventually she yelled up the stairs. Jared. Why are you calling the Marxes? It was an accident. I lied to my mother for the first and only time ever in my life. That's a lie. Why are you even on the phone? I ignored her and started playing video games, refusing to so much as look at the phone on the other side of the room. To me, the three way call disaster was a sign and a warning. A bad thing had happened. So that romantic prospect was over. I never told anyone what happened. I never called back. I never asked Morgan out at all. The End I know what you're thinking. Did this idiot just start an audiobook about modern dating with a story about using a landline to dial a number he found in the phone book to not actually ask someone out? Yeah, I did. Because the dating advice I think is most important is at its core, timeless. Number one, most romantic disasters make good stories. Number two, you should always try again. I guess technically the message of this story could be summed up as don't be a middle school boy about shit. But I would hope that's a code you're already living by as I speak to you now. We are in the mid-2020s and we are living in an absolutely bonkers era of dating. In the past 20 years, we've gone from calling crushes on landlines to poking them on Facebook, to saying ew, they still have Facebook. To scrolling, to swiping, to watching their stories, to liking those stories, to flirting in the comments section of a TikTok standup clip about gender reveal parties. And because the trends and platforms move and change so fast, it can feel like we're constantly playing catch up. It's like you learn something new every day, except it's always about dating and it's going to be irrelevant tomorrow. On top of that, this onslaught of change means there's a big market for advice on how to handle it. Sometimes that advice can feel more confusing and guilt inducing than the actual dating world itself. There are listicles and relationship therapists and any motherfucker with a podcast out there making a lot of money telling you how wrong you are about something and how much your romantic situation is your own fault. But dealing with all this is not as simple as just plugging your ears and going la la la la anytime someone talks about dating. Dating is a huge part of life. We don't do it in a vacuum. We want to learn from and quietly laugh at other people's experiences while taking lessons from them and feeling glad we're not them. Which is, I'm guessing, a big part of why you're listening to this audiobook. You've either committed fully and already gotten the whole thing, or you're listening to a free trial. I don't know where you are, but you're deciding right now, do I want to listen to this book? And you're doing it. Maybe at a gate while you wait for the flight to Charleston, while you inhale a cold $20 chicken salad sandwich. Either way, you're the kind of person who sees nine hours of dating advice and thinks there might be something for me here. That or you hated me in college and you were like, this idiot has an audiobook and you started listening so you could take a screenshot to send to a huge group chat of people who will discuss how little I banged and question why anyone would ask that guy who frequently wore three polos with all the collars popped what he thought about dating, in which case, hi, I'd probably do the same, but joke's on you because they paid me a lot of money for this. No matter who you are, I want to start off by saluting you, my comrade in the dating trenches, for deciding that your friend who got married to their third grade sweetheart but still has really loud Tinder opinions at the brunch table probably isn't the best source of advice on how to text someone back. And yeah, I just did the thing where I kind of compared dating to war. But not because I think love is gruesome or that texting requires boot camp training at West Point, or because I wanted you to know that I'm masculine enough to put the words boot camp and west point in my book twice. Ladies, Is my penis big enough yet? Okay, I'll stop. To me, the dating is a battlefield stuff rings true because it's all so fucking messy and confusing. That and it has led to many good hot people to get really bad haircuts. And don't worry, this book wasn't written from the other side. It wasn't written from a dining room table at the home I've built with my soulmate and two kids in Live Life Love Connecticut. It didn't get written from a working vacation on the beaches of Cannes with my beautiful girlfriend walking funny because the 30 carat diamond ring I'm about to propose with is weighing down my right pocket. I didn't even write this from the bed of a successful friends with benefits situation that I finally figured out how to make not weird. Nope. I wrote this book in the notes app of my phone while sitting on the toilet inside a 700 square foot studio apartment that I I rented. I'm about as far from a high horse as you can get. I'm right there with you. I'm here to make you sigh. A big old sigh of I'm not alone relief. I'm here to be relatable. Not in the oh wow, they have the hair, skin and bank account of my wildest dreams. But sometimes they also say you too when the Uber driver tells them to have a nice flight wedge. It's more in a I have also worn a swimsuit as underwear to work because I'm behind on laundry and don't totally understand what a 401k is way I think a lot of our collective anxiety from dating stems from the feeling that we are the only people in the world who feel certain things, act in certain ways, or have certain ideas about how things should be. I'm here to reassure you that that is entirely wrong. No one is better than you. No one has this shit figured out. And critically, no one is thinking about you and your dating life that much. And before you call me out in the comments, that's not supposed to be harsh honesty. That's supposed to be freeing honesty. The lies we tell ourselves don't always make us feel better. In a lot of cases, they make us feel worse and more alone. I hope this audiobook can give you honesty in a way that makes you feel more confident that it can free you from berating yourself for hours worrying. Maybe I messed up that text I just sent. Because you didn't. I promise. You didn't mess up anything.

[B]

Okay. But who are you?

[A]

Whoa. Hey.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

Who are you?

[B]

I asked you first.

[A]

Yeah, but you just kind of showed up in my audiobook and I'm the

[B]

voice of every woman reading and or listening. Almost kinda. You can call me Vera. It's almost kind of an acronym. Voice of every woman reading and or listening. Almost kind of Vera.

[A]

Hey Vera. That's a clever thing you did There with the name.

[B]

Thank you. I was almost named. The women listening now are thinking. But the almost kinda acronym for that is twalmat. So yes, Vera is better.

[A]

Yes. Yes it is.

[B]

I'm here so that you can address questions or concerns or thoughts that the listener might have without having to say. And I know you might be thinking 3,700 times over the course of the audiobook.

[A]

That is super helpful. I was concerned about that. I know, because you're me.

[B]

Technically, yes.

[A]

But you're also the listener. Yes. Okay, cool, cool. And you're going to be hanging out the whole audiobook when it's helpful.

[B]

Like if you say something dumb and need an excuse to explain further.

[A]

Awesome.

[B]

Can I ask my question now?

[A]

Yes, of course.

[B]

Who are you? More specifically, who the hell are you to be giving anyone advice?

[A]

This is a very fair question, Vera. Listener. Given my less than impressive stats and opener, I can appreciate that I might not feel like the most comforting guide for this high stakes journey. Imagine your mom asking, oh, what are you listening to? And you'd have to say something like, I'm learning how to date better from a 40 year old man who wrote most of his books shirtless in a studio apartment with nothing on the walls and sheets that get washed bimonthly. Obviously don't actually tell her that we want her to live to her next birthday so she can passive aggressively say should I wish for my daughter to find someone right before she blows out her candles. It's not even a studio apartment with an alcove, which honestly, I'm not embarrassed about. Nobody is more annoying than a person with an alcove studio. We get it. You found a weirdly shaped apartment that helps you feel less like you sleep next to your stovetop. Imagine an apartment shaped like a shoebox where there is a couch next to the bed and absolutely no room for a coffee table. That's where I've written this book that you found in the self help section. If we went out, had a few drinks and then came back to my place, I think that you'd react differently depending on your age. If you're in your early 20s, you'd be like, wow, he doesn't have a roommate. Did I just sleep with Christian Grey? But any woman who has filed more than five years of income tax returns would probably wake up and think, is this where my life really is right now? I thought I'd be married with kids in the suburbs, but. But I just hooked up with a guy whose sheets smell like an under dried towel. He has a photo of himself next to a portrait of Tom Brady, and they're not even hung up. They're just leaning against the wall like that's the same thing. He can't even hang up a photo. He can't even hire a TaskRabbit to hang up the photo that he can't hang up. And I'm expecting this to go somewhere. Honestly, I don't know who is worse off right now. Me, a guy who just realized all his socks are in the hamper, so I'm going to have to go sockless in the middle of winter until I decide to do laundry, or you, the person who is taking my advice to become a better dater. And look, I'm not trying to scare you away. I'm trying to lightly shake the romanticism out of you. I'm a normal guy, which means I can help you figure out some of the whys you wanted from your ex during the breakup. The answers he was never going to give. Because sometimes it's just too hard to say outright that you like someone, but you'll never marry them. I know that stung. I'm sorry. Remember how my apartment's so small, sometimes I roll over in bed to get my phone and accidentally grab a spatula that still has some egg on it from yesterday? Feel better. Okay, good. I know this because I've been talking about dating for more than a decade. My podcasts have millions of listeners, and I've sold out shows across the country. Yes, I'm bragging. I'm not going to serve you up some bullshit like I'm just trying to make you feel confident in my credentials. I'm straight up bragging because I know.

[B]

Spring just slid into your DMs. Grab that boho, look for that rooftop dinner, those sandals that can keep up with you, and hang some string lights to give your patio a glow up. Spring's calling, Ross. Work your magic, Betches.