Does Right Person, Wrong Time Exist?

Summary

Episode Overview

Podcast: U Up? (Betches Media)
Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid
Episode Title: Does Right Person, Wrong Time Exist?
Release Date: July 9, 2026

In this episode, Jordana and Jared dive into the age-old dating question: “Does right person, wrong time exist?” Drawing from listener emails and their own experiences, the hosts explore whether timing can truly prevent a meaningful relationship, or if, as they suggest, “the right person wants to be with you—no matter what.”

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Petty or Prudent? (10:00–16:30)

• Listener Scenario: A woman writes in after being dumped, describing how her ex, whom she’d encouraged to share competition results, texted her about winning a small cash prize a week after their breakup—which she described as both hurtful and weird.
• Hosts' Take:
  • Jared: “He dumped you. And he's going to be super successful in his postgraduate career.” (11:24)
  • Jordana: “He's just doing it because he wants to speak to someone who he thinks will be as excited about him winning as he will, but he actually doesn't want to really talk to her.” (13:09)
• Conclusion:
  • The hosts agree this isn’t “petty” but more “rude” or oblivious—especially since she asked to be told.
  • Jared: “It's rude. And it's also if you want to be turned off… this is the guy.” (15:47)
  • Jordana: “He thinks you actually care. Right? That's like a little too like… [Mom tells him he's handsome]” (16:07)

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2. Main Listener Email: Right Person, Wrong Time? (16:53–31:00)

The Letter (Summarized)

• 26-year-old woman from Sydney fell for a guy who eventually left for indefinite travel, breaking things off despite a great connection. “Should I reach out? Is lack of communication a sign or should I try to reconnect? Is ‘right person, wrong time’ real?”

Hosts' Analysis

A. Rarity and Gendered Perspectives (20:30–22:30)

• Jared: “This is like the spell women do on themselves.” (21:14)
• Jordana: “Women think much less like ‘the next one's right around the corner’ and more like ‘this is a good one, if I don’t get this one, no one will ever compare.’” (20:48)
• Jared: “Men generally don’t believe this person—there’ll always be someone else.” (21:43)
• They stress that connections feel rare, but that mindset becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, making people hold on too tightly.

B. Was It Really Just Wrong Timing? (23:38–25:30)

• Jordana and Jared challenge the idea that “timing” was the only issue:
  • Jordana: “He did make a decision… If the relationship were special enough to him, he wouldn’t do that [leave indefinitely].” (23:39)
  • Jared: “He took a scale and he weighed: trip, once-in-a-lifetime, with once-in-a-lifetime woman. Trip won.” (25:09)

C. Responding to Doubt and Longing (27:50–30:00)

• Jordana: Advises unfollowing or blocking him to stop living in limbo (“If you feel weird about doing that… send a text like, ‘I find myself thinking about you. I want to be able to move on, so I’m blocking you—not personal, just what I need.’” [28:20])
• Possible Outcomes:
  • If he truly wanted to reconnect, he'd make it clear. Anything less than “I want to get on a call and make this work” is not enough.
• Jared: “What [blocking] changes you from is ‘chick I used to hook up with, maybe available when I’m home’ to ‘chick I dated who wants a relationship.’” (29:33)

Bottom Line

• “There are plenty of men in Sydney, Australia.” (24:09)
• “Relationships don’t end because of long distance. They end because someone doesn’t care enough to do the work.” (25:37)
• Neither host believes in the pure “right person, wrong time” excuse—it’s more about priorities.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jared (on rare connections):
  “Let’s ease up on ourselves… it’s rare for all of the world.” – (18:07)

• Jordana (on breakup rationales):
  “He didn’t even give her the option to be like, ‘Would you be down to do this with no end date?’” – (26:40)

• Jared (on men vs women at 26):
  “This great girl or other great girls like her will be here when I return, and I won’t regret what I wanted to do.” – (20:30)

• Jordana (on blocking):
  “It affects me to see your stuff, so I’m going to block you… not personal.” – (28:20)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Introduction & Banter: 00:00–09:45
• Petty or Prudent? 09:45–16:30
• Main Listener Email (“Right Person, Wrong Time?”): 16:53–31:00
  • Distinguishing rare connections/gender perspectives – 20:30–22:30
  • Was it just timing? – 23:38–25:30
  • Advice: Block and move on – 27:50–30:00
• Advice in a Nutshell (block/unfollow him): 28:20–30:00

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Language & Tone

True to the podcast’s style, the conversation is playful, witty, but grounded in honesty and empathetic insight. Jared and Jordana keep it real about modern dating anxieties, challenge standard dating “wisdom,” and offer actionable, supportive advice—often laced with self-deprecating humor and punchy analogies.

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Summary

A quintessential U Up? episode: relatable listener dilemmas, sharp commentary on dating’s emotional delusions, and reassurance that nobody is alone in their confusion. The hosts are emphatic: “right person, wrong time?”—usually, it’s just “not the right person for you.” If someone’s the right person, timing be damned—they make it work. Block, move on, and trust that more connections are waiting.

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For more dating advice or to submit your own questions, follow @u.up.podcast on Instagram.

Transcript

[A]

Foreign. Welcome back to the Friday Feels episode of the U UP podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.

[B]

And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana. How are you? What's going on? What's the haps? What's going on?

[A]

Good. I'm preparing for your arrival.

[B]

I'm coming. I'm bringing my big beach bag and my zinc on my nose and my gal. Bringing my lady.

[A]

And I've been going. I've been going through my house, just kind of, like thinking about, like, what the most judgmental person would say about all the things going on in my reputation. So I'm like, I'm getting a little nervous.

[B]

No wonder I'm invited nowhere. You're nervous about what?

[A]

I know I'm going to hear you.

[B]

You make it sound like I walk into someone's house. Look at this garbage. You're not going to say, look at these stupid chairs.

[A]

You're not going to say any of that while you're there.

[B]

But I will.

[A]

In your review. Yes.

[B]

Anytime you see me take out my notebook, this is what I would be worried about. Here's me taking out this notebook. I'm walking through your house, and I.

[A]

Okay. Like, you're the health inspector.

[B]

Yeah, I'm gonna be walking around like the health inspector. No, I just think for notes. That I can talk about when we come back here.

[A]

Yes, for notes. And here's the thing. You reviewed my wedding. You did a great job. It was like. I thought your review was, like, spot on. Right. So I know that you're gonna give an accurate review, which is why I'm

[B]

like, I'm not trying to make someone feel bad. It's like when we do a dating makeover.

[A]

Oh, totally.

[B]

I. The dating I. Makeover is. Only works.

[A]

Looking for content.

[B]

It's. Well, I'm looking for the. It only works if we are trying to help someone.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And not embarrass them. So if you want to send yours in here, we could do a dating. A makeover. Any episode. We'll do it. We'll put it on YouTube. But I'm saying, like, with your home.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm just coming in here to let people know what's really going on.

[A]

What's really going on. I'm excited for you to meet my dog, Ron.

[B]

I'm coming. Bringing those belly scratches.

[A]

You're going to get jumped on immediately. So.

[B]

Yeah, I guess. Remember, Ronnie will be my first complaint.

[A]

It's gonna steal your shoes. Okay.

[B]

He takes the shoes.

[A]

Yes. It's his Favorite thing.

[B]

Okay. Gotta any chews them up or does he just lick?

[A]

Oh, I have people put them in the closet so that he doesn't get them.

[B]

Put your shoes at high out.

[A]

And then. Because if he gets them, then I have to trade him for something.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

He like, steals it and then he'll, like, run under the dining table and then I'll have to like buying something that he wants more than that to trade him. It's a constant game.

[B]

Doggy boot camp has gone well.

[A]

Yes. You know, it's going well.

[B]

Well worth the money.

[A]

Totally. No, that's the issue with all those things is that they don't work. Okay. How are you?

[B]

I'm good. All is well. The book is out. I would love for you to buy the book. Walking Red flag so much. The feedback is like, crazy. Like, people really feel like they are seen and heard. I'm on the road. I'm doing shows in Doral beach or Doral on floor in Miami, if you're around Miami. I'm there tonight and tomorrow and Sunday. I'm doing. I love a Sunday show. And then I'm gonna be in Foxwoods. I'm gonna be at Egg Harbor, New Jersey.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm gonna be Fire Island. I'm doing a whole east coast weird tour. Foxwoods, Portland, Maine. The Paramount in On Long Island. Near your house?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So I got shows and I'm probably adding more every day. The special. The special's coming out.

[A]

It's coming.

[B]

We don't have a. I mean, I have a date. I'm not allowed to say it.

[A]

You don't have a date.

[B]

For my eyes only, we have a date. We have a date. A Betches and J Train original family plan. It's coming out.

[A]

There's been some talk about a. A premiere party. Really? Yes.

[B]

I would love that. Let's make it big.

[A]

There's been some talk.

[B]

Yes, I. I love that talk. I want this special to be celebrated. It is.

[A]

Truly.

[B]

It is. Like, this is my child. This is. This is my work.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Worked hard. Took so long to get this out there. And the first special was great. I'm happy to have had blood, sweat and tears.

[A]

This one is better.

[B]

This is. This is. I do say, well, this is me. This is.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

This is who I am. This is like, if it doesn't do well, it's a real personal rebuttal of me. Like. Like, if it doesn't do my ent

[A]

identity, I might as well retire.

[B]

It's my life story in a special. It's my dad and my parents at the beach, and it's our exact relationship.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

If it doesn't do well, I should just disappear off the earth. No, this is who I am.

[A]

I mean, don't, don't put pressure on it. It's going to be great, though.

[B]

It's a one hour story about going to the beach with my parents.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And I mean, it's a great, great,

[A]

greats, by the way.

[B]

Thank you. And if you're Rob Low, get ready.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Rob Low. Rob Low, we're coming for you.

[A]

Have he, has he ever said anything about.

[B]

I didn't tell you the story. I don't remember have I told. So I. There's a bit, there's like a ten minute. Rob. Ten minute. I don't know how long it is. It's been a while.

[A]

It's a good, It's a through line.

[B]

It's a through line. It's a chunk. There's a part about Rob Low because I think he's an. And I. In a fun way.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And it's not meant to, like, we don't need to take down Rob Lowe. But I, I, that's my favorite part of the special, though. Really? The Rob Low part.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So I went and played golf in the Netflix as a joke festival. They had a golf match. This is not the last Netflix festival. It's the one before it. So this is four, three years ago. This is 2024.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I, in the special, I say if I ever meet him, I have to tell him this. I need to tell him. And then all of a sudden, he's at the golf tournament and I'm like, I had a. You know, you have that, like, your stomach turns. You're like, oh, saw your crush. It was like seeing my crush. And I go, I promised I would say something. And I go, rob Low. I go up to him, I go, rob, my name's Jared Freed. And he goes, nice to meet you, Jared. And I go. And again, we're at this golf tournament. It was like a celebrity and I'm included. So I, it didn't feel like I was like, you know, bum rushing him. It was like. And I go, rob Lowe, I am Jared Freed. I just want to introduce myself. I'm a stand up comedian and I've been talking about you on stage for the last two years. And he goes. And I.

[A]

Scared?

[B]

No, he looked at me. He goes, you do the Atkins bit.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And I go, my eyes, like, what? He goes, I heard about the bit. I heard it's hilarious. I Can't wait to see it.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And I melted like an ice cream cone on a hot day.

[A]

Amazing.

[B]

I was like, I love this guy. This guy's amazing.

[A]

Change the whole.

[B]

Change the whole narrative. This guy's the best. Cuz the bit is me being angry at him.

[A]

Of course. Rob Lowe is great, Right. Here's the thing, right. I think someone like Rob Lowe would have to be like a great guy because there's just no reason. There's what chip could Rob Lowe, usually people who suck or miserable or kind of nasty, like myself, have some sort of chip on their shoulder about something.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Rob Lowe is gorgeous.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

He's rich.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's famous.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he's been those things for, like, most of his life. Why would he have any reason not to be a wonderful man?

[B]

Right. No, it's quite literally the premise of the bit. This is the gorgeous man who has been famous for 40 years. And the only reason. Yeah. I'm sure he's a fine actor.

[A]

He's solid, but he's got a style.

[B]

But he's also a gorgeous man.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Who now is Hawk and Atkins diet bars. So that's the. That was where the anger came from. But then. And then you meet him, you go, this is why he's got all the. All the, you know, that's why he's in every commercial. He'll be on every commercial forever.

[A]

I'm sure he's great.

[B]

Easy, probably to work with. He knew how to make me feel.

[A]

Charm is when I make you feel good about you.

[B]

Right. Charm is the thing people on the Internet hate the most. The most charmless people do well on the Internet. Charm. Tough to be charming on the Internet.

[A]

People don't need the Internet.

[B]

That's right. They're just getting free. And Atkins.

[A]

Rob Lowe.

[B]

Rob Lowe. So, Rob Lowe, I can't wait for you to watch the special. I can't wait for this audience to watch the special. I think I was at a show last night and a woman came out to me. She goes, I've seen your stuff online. I just didn't expect to laugh, you know, that much. And I'm like. And you know, I'm like, I want to turn into the Incredible Hulk. But I'm like, I honestly, 37 and single. It's good. It's on my YouTube channel. If you go to want to watch it, you can go watch it. I don't think it was a representation of who I am as a comedian. This is a next level is a representation of who I am. And what you can plan to see with your friends and family. And I want your parents to watch it with you. I want you to set your parents cue. Cuz they don't know how to do it. You have to do it for them. Because it is a message to.

[A]

We won't tell you when, but at

[B]

some point it's coming. Yes, but I. Now we're starting the murmurs. By the time the special comes out, you'll be like, enough. We did it already. I. You know, it's like in order for

[A]

us to get to that point, we need to start now.

[B]

We got to start today.

[A]

So special, so good that people in my family paid for tickets, which is crazy.

[B]

They're the cheapest. We are.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I. Yeah, it is. And they paid for the next show?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

They even came back.

[A]

No, we got. They got the free tickets for that show. They came to the next show because of that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

We're not crazy.

[B]

Not crazy. Let's start the show. You ready?

[A]

Yes. I'll read our first one. So petty or prudent?

[B]

Love it.

[A]

You haven't listened to the show before. We read a scenario. You guys break up, someone does something. Is it petty? It was like, you know, to get back at them. Or was it prudent? It needed to be done.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Okay. Hi, J and J. Longtime listener and benefit subscriber. I am writing in with a Petty or prudent. I was recently dumped by a guy I had been seeing somewhat seriously for a couple of months. I wonder what somewhat seriously means.

[B]

Somewhat seriously for a couple of months means dates on the calendar, I would assume at a min every other week. So you've been on four dates in two months.

[A]

That would make semi seriously. Yeah.

[B]

I could see how one person could see it that way.

[A]

Six states in two months is semi serious.

[B]

Let's call it six states, two months. They have.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So I think that's like.

[A]

That's a good definition of somewhat seriously.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. For context, we're both in our mid-20s.

[B]

That's very somewhat seriously. In their mid-20s?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

25. Four. Six dates. Two months have. You're basically married at 25.

[A]

You guys are in a semi relationship.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

My fatal flaw is that I am way too nice when. When being dumped. We'll be the judge of that. Sure. While we were dating, this guy had been in a competition at grad school and was waiting to find out if he won. I stupidly told him when he dumped me that I still wanted to be friends and that he should tell Me when he finds out the competition results. A week after dumping me, he texted me that he won the competition and received a small cash prize. To make matters worse, I responded with a friendly congratulations text. Was which he left unread. I know that I told him to let me know if he wins, but I did not really love hearing that the guy who just dumped me won 50 bucks. So do you think it was petty or prudent of him to text me that he won?

[B]

Oh, my God. He dumped you. And he's going to be super successful in his postgraduate career.

[A]

Like, and he has $50 to spare, which he could have bought you a drink with.

[B]

Not doing that anymore. He's using it for the next day.

[A]

What is going through this guy's head when he actually decides to text her that he won the competition a week after he dumps her?

[B]

Right. He's crazier than her. She's being very tough on herself.

[A]

I'd say that to someone just, like, just to show that I'm cool.

[B]

Right? Yeah, Like, I think she's being like. She's choosing a path of least resistance, which is like the most normal bat.

[A]

Yeah. You might say that to someone if they ended it with you.

[B]

I think if they ended with me and they were like. And you know, and I'm like, listen,

[A]

and good luck with that thing that you're doing.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Let me know how it goes. Well, maybe you wouldn't say.

[B]

I would say hope it goes well. But I'm 41.

[A]

Right.

[B]

25 year old me might say, let me know, let me know. And then maybe that let me know is my way of, like, giving them a window back.

[A]

Which it kind of was for her, probably Dexter. And then she said something nice and then he doesn't answer, which. Which to me shows he's not trying to, like, come back. He's literally just trying to tell her that he won. To me, he is excited about this and knows no one will give a and except for her. Then he's talked to you about it. So he's like, I'm gonna let her know to get some, like, positive feedback.

[B]

Right. I mean, not to make him a hero or anything, but he could have just kept texting with her and then hooked up and then disappeared again. You know, there's like a worse version of this. Like.

[A]

Right. Either way, he's kind of using her for some, like, affirmation, I think, of, like, he's excited to tell someone about it.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

It's weird, though.

[B]

It's weird for him to text her and not turn it into a conversation. A conversation that turns into hooking up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, it's almost like, more insulting. Weirdly.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. He's just doing it because he, like, wants to speak to someone who he thinks will be as excited about him winning as he will, but he actually doesn't want to. He doesn't really want to talk to her.

[B]

Right. He's really up his own ass. Like, this is very much student grad student energy. Like, anyone, like, like the idea that

[A]

she doesn't actually care.

[B]

No, no one cares. You won 50 bucks at a diarama competition, right? Like, no one gives.

[A]

25 years old.

[B]

Yeah, like, dude, come back when you have health insurance.

[A]

Is it petty, though, for him to send it?

[B]

I don't think it's petty because she did ask. She did ask.

[A]

If she didn't ask, then it's kind of. I don't even know if it's petty. If she didn't ask, then it's, like, rude.

[B]

None of this rings petty. Yeah, it's rude.

[A]

It's rude if she didn't ask. You're totally asked, and it's still kind of rude. But not that rude. Not as rude as if she wouldn't have asked.

[B]

Right. It's, it's really.

[A]

He, he probably thinks it's. He would say it's prudent. She asked, I sent it.

[B]

Right. I'm closing the loop.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

By letting her know how I did in the competition that she was so interested in.

[A]

Like, it's a little favor.

[B]

Right. This is what she wanted.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

I gotta let her know how I'm doing.

[A]

Right. Well, does he think he's gonna run into her and she's gonna be like, you never told me how that competition went.

[B]

It's great. It's her. She's the least crazy one in this whole thing. I think that's the one thing she needs to hear. She's really tough, and she's, like, stupidly nice in a break. Fatal flaw.

[A]

Say things we don't mean and break up.

[B]

Right. You're just trying to get the away from them. Like, you're just trying to have, like, this really uncomfortable thing and just stop being uncomfortable. And sometimes we go the nice route. I think you can be nice.

[A]

I think it's better to be too nice than, than too angry.

[B]

Right. I, I, I think a lot of people are encouraged to act out online, like in a breakup where, like, I think that's maybe what she's talking about. Like, your mid-20s you should come out of a breakup and be like that person. Hey everybody, look at what a loser they are. And look at, they messaged me to tell me that they won a competition. Who cares about his 50 bucks? You know like she would get a lot of cheers. She would get a lot of like oh my God. And like comments on that video with a lot of like this loser.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So. But I, I think I like her. You know, like yeah.

[A]

I would prefer to be. To break up with someone and then say that to me.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I would never text him that.

[B]

I don't think there's pettiness.

[A]

I think it's a little rude. I wouldn't call it petty. It's like a little, it's a little like why are you doing this?

[B]

It's rude. And it's also if you want to be turned off, like if you, if you need something to help you be turned off. To him it sounds like a guy whose mother is very encouraging. Like for him to think that anyone gives a.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Like that sounds like someone who thinks they're handsome cuz their mom told them so.

[A]

Yeah. That he thinks that you would actually care.

[B]

Right. Like that's like a little too like I. There's something right? There's something to. When someone shows how good a childhood they had and how supportive of a childhood they had it is.

[A]

You know no one cares about you this much.

[B]

Like didn't your parents tell you you're stupid and you're fat and they never thought you've told a funny joke in your life? Like didn't they say that? Not Rob Lowe's. Let's do another. Let's do an email.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

UUP betches.com we love your emails. Keep sending them in. We love specificity. Find out what it means to me.

[A]

But not too long.

[B]

Yeah. We want like. Yeah.

[A]

The appropriate amount. Yeah.

[B]

J and J. Feather. Feather. I'm hoping you can help me with a dating dilemma. I'm a 26 year old woman from Sydney, Australia. I, I have to say the greatest pleasure of my life is other than having a beautiful girlfriend who is going to move in with me and a wonderful family and a wonderful co host who, who is so good to me and all the people here who work with us.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

The greatest everyone. Did I get leave anything out?

[A]

Your brother.

[B]

Okay. My brother, yeah, his wife.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

Okay. Okay. Am I done?

[A]

Ron? Okay.

[B]

I'm sorry Ron. How could I forget Ron? My greatest pleasure is that a 26 year old woman in Sydney, Australia was like let me see what these Jared

[A]

and Jordan, these idiots have to say.

[B]

What is. What the is this? What kind of world we have to give? Gratitude?

[A]

Yes. No, across the world. I love it.

[B]

Across the world. I've been to Sydney. Love Sydney.

[A]

What a time to be alive.

[B]

I've dated throughout my 20s. Well, half of them. But. But despite meeting some lovely people, I've never found a relationship with a connection. Attraction and timing all aligned. Finding a genuine connection has always been quite rare for me.

[A]

Well, you're only 26, right?

[B]

Let me just say, rare for all of the world. So, like, let's ease up on ourselves. Late last year, I matched with a guy on hinge and from our first date, everything felt easy and natural. We became exclusive after a few dates and spent the next few months building what felt like a genuinely healthy and exciting relationship. We talked about future travel, meeting family, and what life might look like together. He told me he loved me. I felt the same. When we met, he had plans to leave his job and travel before returning to Sydney to make a career pivot. Initially, he told me it would be a three month trip and we discussed how we'd stay in touch while he was away. Then after the trip, then after a trip with friends, he sat me down and ended the relationship. He explained that before meeting me, he had actually intended to travel indefinitely. He said he'd consider shortening the trip because our relationship, but ultimately felt he needed to take this opportunity while he could and that it wasn't fair to ask me to wait for him without knowing when he'd return. We both cried, agreed the connection felt special and parted on good terms. Afterwards, he said he'd love to stay in touch once things settled down and I told him I'd like that too. I sent the last message. That was in April. He's now traveling. While he still likes my posts and occasionally my stories, he has never reached out. My dilemma is that I really miss him. The relationship didn't end because of incompatibility, loss of feelings or red flags. It ended because of timing and his decision to travel. Should I reach out to him? Or should I take his lack of communication as a sign that he doesn't actually want to stay in touch and move on. Part of me feels uncomfortable giving up on something that felt so rare. I don't want a lack of communication to be the reason we never reconnect. At the same time, I worry that I'm unintentionally waiting for him and stopping myself from moving forward. I'd love your advice. Is there Such a thing as a right person, wrong time batch.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay, good email.

[A]

Very 26. Very much how I would have thought about dating at 26. Yeah, I too.

[B]

I'm the guy.

[A]

You're the guy, right?

[B]

Yeah, I, I would have thought the same. I would have been like, you know, from his perspective. I'm sorry to interrupt but I, I even as a reading it, you go, when else is he going to take this trip? You know, that's how I would think about it. And I'm going to come home and do a career pivot. And this is a great girl. But like honestly this great girl or other great girls like her.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Will be here when I return and I will be in a spot where I won't regret the things that I wanted to do.

[A]

And this is the difference between men and women at 26. Because at 26 you're saying when I get back it'll be this girl or it'll be another girl.

[B]

Right.

[A]

She. And you could tell from the very beginning of her email. I don't find this connection. All the connection attraction and timing all aligned. Which is genuine connection is rare for me. Women think, I think much more, much less like the next one's right around the corner and more like this is a good one. If I don't get this one, no one will ever compare. And I think that's she's setting herself up to think in a complete opposite way of this guy.

[B]

Right. I mean we, this is like the spell women do on themselves.

[A]

Yes. I'm already in my mid-20s. Never felt a genuine connection.

[B]

The never felt a genuine connection. It's hard for me.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

To find someone where the timing and the looks and the attraction and the interpersonal.

[A]

I thought all of that. Yeah.

[B]

Right. That is hear so much on this show.

[A]

And that's why we're holding on to these men and they are not holding on to us.

[B]

Right. Because men generally don't.

[A]

They believe this person. They'll always be someone else.

[B]

Right. And we don't speak to ourselves that way. Like that's a big part of this. Like the way she's speaking to herself

[A]

is like it also becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Where she's saying it is so rare to meet someone like this. I don't feel this connection easily because I don't feel this way this easily. I can't, I have to sort of stay around for this guy, have to analyze all of his behavior. Maybe he'll come back because it's not, it's going to be so Rare that I'm ever going to do this again. And therefore, she stays attached to him. She stays like, you know, fixated on him and she doesn't meet anyone else because she's so fixated on him. So it becomes like. And then she now believes that even more.

[B]

Right. And now she's avoiding all guys. Not getting deeper.

[A]

Yeah. Because she thinks that this guy is like, there's a chance this guy comes back and what connection could be as good as. As that? Right.

[B]

And at 26, you got a couple friends who are in serious things that you know are going somewhere. So it's not like you're not aware of this could happen right now.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I will say, listen, I am a guy who was reached out to by someone I dated and it happened to be that they were on my mind in the. In a.

[A]

Right.

[B]

They were on my mind as well.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was on their mind, they were on my mind.

[A]

And it worked out. Usually doesn't happen. Like.

[B]

And that's the thing. I don't want to give my story. I have to acknowledge my story. But I also wouldn't.

[A]

It could happen.

[B]

It could happen, but I probably won't happen to you. And I also don't think it would happen. Let me give from the guy's perspective. First of all, the age matters. I'm 41. And, you know, this guy's 26. 26. And also it matters that he's on this trip still like that.

[A]

Well, that's the other part. That was my part. 2.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is like, he did make a decision. Right. He didn't have to travel indefinitely.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And he is choosing to do that. If the relationship were special enough to him, he wouldn't do that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And he didn't do that. So I think we need to stop being like that. I think that's the other story. There's two things that she's telling herself. One is that this is so rare for her that she'll never meet someone else like this. He's just a guy. Remember that. You're putting him a little bit on a pedestal there. You're going to meet a lot of guys that you have a connection.

[B]

There are plenty of men in Sydney, Australia.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Who also like to travel. To travel and, you know, want to do a career pivot at another, you know, like, he's exactly, you know, the beach and surfs and thinks that, you know.

[A]

So she says the relationship didn't insert.

[B]

Interesting Australian comedian that he likes here. You know, like, there's other guys like this totally She's.

[A]

The relationship didn't end because of incompatibility, loss of feelings, or red flags. It ended because of timing and his decision to travel. He didn't think that there was enough compatibility, enough of a connection, enough of an urge to stay that he decided not to travel. So it didn't, like, she's making it, like, oh, the stars.

[B]

Like, Right.

[A]

Like, he could have stayed. He didn't. I think that's something she needs to acknowledge and, like, focus more on.

[B]

Right. He literally did what you're avoiding thinking about.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

He took a scale and he weighed trip, once in a lifetime trip with once in a lifetime woman. And once in a lifetime trip beat once in a lifetime woman.

[A]

Right. Which is not how he put it, I would hope, but, like, at the

[B]

end of the day, we gotta end it. I brought a scale here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And on the right is this big sack of bricks. It's like on the left is a feather. You're the feather. Trip is the bricks.

[A]

Well, it's like, relationships don't end because of long distance. They end because someone doesn't care enough

[B]

to move and doesn't want to do the work and doesn't want to make someone else their responsibility and doesn't want to be the reason someone's life sucks. Like, he did sit her down and, like, have a. Nor an adult conversation after a trip with friends. Well, you know, the trip. We don't know what happened on that trip.

[A]

We don't know what happened on that trip. But I've been saying, like, that's sort of an important detail. Like, he went out and he was

[B]

doing the fire thing with the paint on his face. Like, no woman could make me feel this good.

[A]

Well, here's the thing. He also didn't. He didn't.

[B]

Who cares about cuddling?

[A]

He didn't ask her.

[B]

He didn't.

[A]

He's. The annoying thing that he's doing here is he's make. He's making his decision and pretending like it's their decision or her decision by being like, I wouldn't want to make you, like, wait around for me. It's like, no, you want to go have fun on this trip.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You want to be single on this trip. Because if he wanted to be with her and do this trip, he could ask.

[B]

He could have figured. Yeah. He could have negotiated.

[A]

He didn't even give her the option to be like, Ari, would you be down to kind of like, do this with no potential end date? Right.

[B]

There was when. When you cut off negotiations after a trip with friends. They were at the, you know, in Fiji feeling.

[A]

I mean, I get it, it's like, okay, that he wants to do that, but it's an annoying part is where he's like, I wouldn't want you to have to wait for me.

[B]

Never say you want to break up. Never say you in a breakup. I, I, I, he'll, he's young, he'll learn.

[A]

I, it's not fair of me to ask you.

[B]

And it sucks because she's living on every word. Like he might have said these, you know, whatever let of this chick so I can go to Fiji and, and again, Australians are known for this. Yeah, Australians take like long ass vacations. Long ass trips. They do this when they're young. They'll go, I'm gone.

[A]

There's nothing wrong with him wanting to do that.

[B]

Right. So I, I think what does she do? I, I don't think she, I don't think stuffing your feelings into your pocket is going to be helpful. Like I'm trying to think of like what gets her, I think out of it.

[A]

Get rid of, I would, I would unfollow and block if you need to on social media because she says he keeps liking her stuff and commenting on whatever.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And if you feel weird about doing that because he might be like, oh, I don't really, I didn't realize she hates me. She could send him a text being like, hey, didn't want you to think there was any negative feelings. But like I, you know, I, I find myself thinking about you a lot and we're not together now and I don't really want, like, I want to be able to continue living my life. So I'm gonna block you. Not personal, but like I, I really, I can't really handle seeing your stuff.

[B]

I think that's the best maneuver for her.

[A]

And then also lets her know she's still into it.

[B]

Well, right.

[A]

Him.

[B]

No, rather it gives him a little bit of a, like just letting you know I feel things from you.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I feel things into it, not into it.

[A]

Whatever, Whatever. Yeah. It affects me to see.

[B]

It affects me and it also what he's not thinking of her as is a scarce resource.

[A]

That's the difference. She's thinking of him like that.

[B]

Right. And, and I think when he likes and is all cool with her on social media, it's his way of, he's not admitting it, but it's his way of like, we cool? We cool. She's allowing this to happen.

[A]

Right?

[B]

She hasn't blocked me yet. So we Must be awesome. And also the ego of a man. So she must still probably like me a little bit.

[A]

She's still an option.

[B]

Still an option. What you're doing is letting him know that the option isn't forever. Hey. It affects me. I'm really trying now. Not only are we broken up, but now I'm really trying to get over this because we did. He knows they had a strong connection.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And knows she felt that way. So if she's in the business of like, what is the best way to do something that also is a one Hail Mary throw. She doesn't understand Hail Mary. What's that?

[A]

And last ditch effort.

[B]

One last ditch effort to like, real.

[A]

To like, either close the loop or bring this thing back to life.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I think.

[B]

I think the move. That's what you're saying. Because that will. What it changes you from chick I used to hook up with that maybe will be around when I'm back to chick I dated that really wants a relationship. And it's probably going to happen soon because I think highly of her. And if. If that's someone I've ever thought of in my own way during this trip, maybe I should like lock it down. Figure that out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I agree. That's my. That's me speaking from his.

[A]

But she also needs to follow through on the block.

[B]

Chances are small.

[A]

And your chances are small because he's that age too.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I would say it. And then anything other than a. I've actually been thinking about you a lot. I would love to get on a call. We can. And then something that facilitates you actually being in a relationship is a no.

[B]

Right.

[A]

That's the hard part.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's like. Because it might be like something really nice that isn't that right.

[B]

He might text. Oh, my God. But I hope all is well. Like, that's not what you.

[A]

Right. That's not.

[B]

That doesn't mean you should not have conversation. That doesn't mean we continue. I'm blocking you to not talk to you.

[A]

Yes. Yeah. Love it.

[B]

So we solve dating again.

[A]

We did it. We'll be back next week.

[B]

Boom.

[A]

Bye.