He Cheated for Almost a Year — How She Finally Found Out

Summary

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U Up? – "He Cheated for Almost a Year — How She Finally Found Out"

Date: February 20, 2026
Hosts: Jared Freid (comedian), Maddie Mahoney (special guest host; actor and Betches video personality)
Main Theme: Dealing with betrayal and deceit in modern relationships, how to process shocking relationship revelations, and supporting a partner through personal and career challenges.

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Episode Overview

This “Friday Feels” episode features comedian Jared Freid with guest host Maddie Mahoney, filling in for Jordana Abraham. The discussion ranges from hilarious personal anecdotes about weddings and gift-giving to hard-hitting listener stories involving infidelity, shock breakups, and the challenge of supporting a partner caught in a multi-level marketing scheme (MLM). The episode navigates how to respond when you find out you were cheated on for almost a year, honesty in post-breakup communication, and strategies for lovingly steering a spouse away from questionable business ventures.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Relationship Updates and Gift-Giving Hacks

• Maddie’s Wedding-Anniversary Combo

  • Maddie got married on her birthday ("bundled it" for her husband’s benefit so he’ll never forget their anniversary – [02:26]).
  • Humor about needing a bigger gift because of the double-event.

• Gift-Giving Strategy

  • Maddie creates an annual “Gifts for Brad” list on her phone whenever her husband mentions something he wants ([02:59]).
  • “A lot of people are scared to get the wrong thing, so they end up getting a generic gift that feels impersonal... I just keep a note in my phone for gift ideas.” — Maddie, 02:59
  • Jared relates this to keeping a joke list for standup.

2. Maddie’s Relationship Journey & Change through Trauma

• Maddie resumed dating Brad, someone she’d known for years, after her previous breakup.
  • Brad was in a serious off-roading accident, losing his arm, which profoundly changed his outlook ([13:26]).
  • “He had a near death experience and really took a step back and looked at his life... but the core that I’d connected with was still there.” — Maddie, 13:59
  • Jared reflects on real versus superficial personal change.

3. Petty or Prudent: Almost a Year of Infidelity Exposed

• Listener’s Story:

  • Dated a man for three years (2022–2025), planned to move in, relationship ended after stagnation.
  • Discovered ex had a second girlfriend for almost a year during their relationship ([19:03]).
  • Listener told a mutual friend, leading to ex’s removal from a wedding invite list and social fallout.

• Was It Petty or Prudent to Tell?

  • Both hosts agree: telling friends about the deceit is prudent, not petty.
    • “Oh, I’d be telling everyone. Are you kidding me? That’s crazy.” — Maddie, 22:51
  • The ex is facing natural social consequences of his actions; the listener is not stirring “drama,” just sharing her experience.
  • Jared is skeptical of “my life is a sitcom”–type self-narration, suggesting it can sometimes reflect self-centric drama perception ([24:48]).

4. Voicemail: Should I Escape on Tour Post-Breakup?

• Caller Situation:

  • Sudden breakup with coworker, little closure, friends distant at work, lease ending.
  • Offered a spot on a friend’s music tour for six weeks and contemplates going.
  • Wants to know if she’s running away or embracing a healthy break.

• Jared’s Advice ([36:14]):

  • Separate mourning the breakup from professional logistics.
  • Insist on an “exit interview” with the ex: “You need questions answered. Write them down. You need to hear his thought process and work out a plan for your professional dynamic.”
  • On the road trip: Go for it if you can sort out work and housing, so the time away feels freeing, not like avoidance or chaos.
  • “Life on the road is a lot of time on your phone in different weathers... Lots of lonely moments, but also lots of new people. You’ll be okay.” — Jared, 38:45

5. Marriage Question: When Your Spouse Joins an MLM (Arbonne)

• Listener’s Dilemma:

  • Wife, recently unemployed and feeling lost, bought into Arbonne (a classic MLM).
  • Listener tries to warn her; she accuses him of “not supporting my success mindset.”

• How to Help a Partner See the Truth?

  • Recognize underlying needs: “She wants to be useful... wants to contribute while she’s in transition.” — Maddie, 47:28
  • Don’t attack the MLM directly; address their shared goals and financial realities.
    • “What are our goals? What do we need each month to get there? Let’s make the numbers real and simple.” — Jared, 50:19
  • Suggest sharing unbiased resources:
    • FTC guidance, Arbonne average earnings reports (usually pennies on the dollar), and the podcast “Life After MLM.”
    • “Say: I get scared about this path... Here are some articles I read. Let’s talk about our financial road to a house.” — Jared, 52:17
  • Don’t make it about her intelligence or ambition, but about honest partnership and shared planning.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On gift-giving:
  • “You don’t get bonus points for thinking of the gift the week before. What matters is you thought of them.” — Maddie, 04:14
• On relationship transformation after trauma:
  • “We’re cruise ships, not speedboats. We can only really move so much.” — Jared, 14:40
• On post-breakup disclosures:
  • “Telling everyone is in no way petty. I don’t know if it’s prudent—it’s just like, I needed to tell you a crazy thing.” — Maddie, 22:51
• On drama-prone self-narration:
  • “When I hear ‘my life is a sitcom,’ I’m red flag, deal breaker.” — Jared, 24:57
• On supporting a spouse caught up in an MLM:
  • “She wants to feel useful...she’s not feeling confident... You’ve got to approach from empathy.” — Maddie, 47:45, 49:07
  • “It’s a Band-Aid on a flesh wound. She’s wounded, feels less than. How do you get through to her?” — Jared, 48:53
  • “Stick to the math on our finances and how we move forward. Now to your MLM, let’s look at these resources...” — Jared, 53:34

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Gift-giving life hack: 02:59 – 04:14
• Brad’s life-changing accident & reflection on change: 13:26 – 14:51
• Petty or Prudent—Cheating for almost a year: 17:46 – 22:59
• Listener’s “life as a sitcom” discussion: 24:48 – 29:02
• Voicemail: Post-breakup, coworker ex, should I go on tour? 32:23 – 39:47
• MLM marriage question & solutions: 44:12 – 53:50

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Episode Tone

• Candid, irreverent, and supportive.
• Blending practical advice with humor and personal stories—very much “tough love with a hug.”

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For Further Reference

• Resources for MLM issues:
  • FTC’s MLM & pyramid scheme page
  • Company’s own earnings disclosures (search “[Company Name] average earning report”)
  • Podcast: Life After MLM (hosted by a former MLM rep)
• Where to find Maddie:
  • @madeline_mahoney on social, featured in Betches videos

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For anyone dealing with deceit, tough breakups, or a partner’s misguided job ventures, this episode delivers both empathy and a clear-eyed, constructive lens on what to do next. The advice: get honest, get practical, and get support—from friends, therapy, or just a podcast that gets what modern dating is really like.

Transcript

[Jared Freed]

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Let's start the episode Friday feels episode. This is the day before my birthday, the worst day of the year. A holiday here on the J Train podcast. Okay, ready? Hello and welcome. Oh, this isn't the J Train Podcast. The you up podcast. I almost got switched up. This is. I never. Shut the fuck up, Maddie.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Okay, I know you just talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.

[Jared Freed]

Hello and welcome to the you up podcast. I am Jared Freedom. I'm Maddie Mahoney and we are here on a Friday feels episode, joined by my special guest host, Maddie Mahoney. Thank you for coming on. Thank you for being a part of the UW podcast.

[Maddie Mahoney]

I'm so happy to be here.

[Jared Freed]

It is great to have you. Everyone, if you don't know Maddie, you know her from the. The, the, the videos here on the B. You do all the, you know, you're in every clip, you're in all the jokes, you're in all the, the memes, and you're killing it.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Thank you. Yeah, yeah.

[Jared Freed]

This is a dating and relationship show. Tell us the deets. What's going on with you in my dating life?

Yeah.

What's your situation? You're married.

[Maddie Mahoney]

I'm married.

[Jared Freed]

Recently.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah, I got married at the end of September. Thank you.

[Jared Freed]

Wow, bragging.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah, Huge brag. I got married on my birthday.

[Jared Freed]

You got married on your birthday?

[Maddie Mahoney]

Well, you birthday wedding.

[Jared Freed]

Let me make it about me for two seconds.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Please do.

[Jared Freed]

This show is airing on February 20th, the day before my birthday.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Do you have a wedding scheduled? Do you have your own wedding scheduled for that day?

[Jared Freed]

I didn't think I could feel any worse.

No.

I guess it's another failure for Jared Freed. Another birthday goes by married unwed. So no birthday, no birthday wedding.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

Do you have it on your birthday?

[Maddie Mahoney]

That's what I just said, sir.

[Jared Freed]

I know. I'm like. I'm like. It's. It's just like falling into Place.

[Maddie Mahoney]

I know.

[Jared Freed]

Is that a little bit like tiara at the brunch table? It's my birthday energy.

[Maddie Mahoney]

No, because when you're the bride, it's already all about you.

[Jared Freed]

It's kind of great. It's. I mean, for your husband.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

What a. Never forget the anniversary.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Never forget.

[Jared Freed]

You bundled it?

[Maddie Mahoney]

I bundled it for him, yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Wow. What a great wife.

[Maddie Mahoney]

I need a big gift now is the thing. But he's great at giving gifts, so I think still. Smart of me to do this.

[Jared Freed]

Explain that. Great at giving gifts. I think every man out there who is engaged, married, in this part of life would say, help me.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Maddie Mahoney. What is considered a great gift giver. I'm sure there's some personal nature to it, which makes it great.

[Maddie Mahoney]

That's what I was gonna say is I think a lot of people are scared to get the wrong thing, so they just end up getting something generic that they think any woman would like. And then it feels really impersonal, like you said. I don't know if he's doing this, but something that I do to give good gifts is throughout the year, I just have a note in my phone that's like, gifts for Brad. That's my husband's name. And I just keep track. Whenever he says, like, oh, I really need this, or I really want that, or we're in a store and he's like, that's awesome. I write it down.

[Jared Freed]

We all need a GF list. Yes. Gifts for Brad list.

[Maddie Mahoney]

A GFB list.

[Jared Freed]

I think this is a great idea. This is a great, like, you know, you see those life hacks, and they're so, like, annoying. You're like, I know, I know. You can put the COVID over the. The pan while you cook eggs, and they'll go quicker. You can flip it. I hate the hacks one because I know once you do one, you need a thousand. One goes viral. They're like, I gotta keep the egg.

[Maddie Mahoney]

And inevitably you have to, like, buy something to do the hack. Like, it's never actually easier.

[Jared Freed]

This is an actual hack start. A note that is gfb. Gifts for Brad. Will name it after Brad.

[Maddie Mahoney]

I love it.

[Jared Freed]

Okay. And you. Basically, whenever it comes up, it comes to mind. And I do this with, like, jokes. I have a joke totally. That I hold in my back pocket. I have a pen in my pocket at all times. I make sure. Just write it down.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Because you know what? You don't get bonus points from thinking of the gift, like, the week before the birthday or the wedding, whatever it is they don't know when you thought of it. They don't know how you came up with it. What matters to them is that you thought of them in some moment and acted on that.

[Jared Freed]

Well, how do you chop down a tree? You hit it in the same spot over and over again. Okay, so this is kind of on that. I mean, this is what this podcast is about.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Chopping trees.

[Jared Freed]

Chopping trees. That's what we do. Here we are an axe podcast sponsored

[Maddie Mahoney]

by Axe Body Manosphere.

[Jared Freed]

That's the manosphere. That's all we do is spray ourselves with Axe body spray day in and day out. I'm just saying this podcast is about rational, real world advice, talking things out. I love the idea of just the list is there.

[Maddie Mahoney]

It does not have to be harder than that.

[Jared Freed]

Well, then you come back to the list. Then it's the week before you come back.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Exactly.

[Jared Freed]

There are my notes. Yes, I'm ready. I was ready without even thinking. I was working on being ready.

[Maddie Mahoney]

But yeah, you stay ready so you don't have to get ready.

[Jared Freed]

So I do want to hear, give me the last gift that Brad got for you.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Okay. So that would have been something for Christmas. What did he give me for Christmas? Oh, my God, Jared, you're really putting me on this.

[Listener]

Good.

[Jared Freed]

She forgot.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Well, I will say this. I was obsessed with Lily Allen's album. Obsessed. Could not stop listening to it. Like, I really feel that I have a problem. Actually. I know every word. Like, knew it really fast. And he has a ticket hookup for her sold out show.

[Jared Freed]

Oh.

[Maddie Mahoney]

And so without me even asking, he reached out to the ticket hookup and was like, don't worry about doing the Ticketmaster cue. It's covered. We're going.

[Jared Freed]

It's already done.

[Maddie Mahoney]

It's covered. We're going.

[Jared Freed]

Wow.

So Lily Allen, I'm. I'm the worst music person to talk to because, like, I don't have connection between artist and song. If I hear the song, I go. I've liked that normally.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Same with me.

[Jared Freed]

Okay. But Lily Allen is one that you're like in on.

[Maddie Mahoney]

I just, like, really got into that West End Girl album, I think, because it's basically like listening to a one woman show. Like, it is her personal story told top to tail.

[Jared Freed]

So. So it's a performance. It.

So it's.

It's about her breakup, right?

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah, well, it's about like her marriage and then her marriage falling apart and then she spills all the tea about it.

[Jared Freed]

So it goes beginning to end.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

See, maybe that's like the. That's kind of maybe the future of all like art is like maybe this like the long form. It has to be personal.

True.

You got to have a beginning, middle and end. I mean, like I, I have, you know, with Stand up right now, there's like this like put out clips. Put out clips.

[Maddie Mahoney]

I know. So chopped up.

[Jared Freed]

It's chopped up. And then it's like, you know, you with the audience and I'm like, we're putting out a special. Myself and batches. It's going to come out, you know, in the fall. Ish. I think we're going to have it come out. So. Thank you. But it's one story and I remember doing it. I'm like, this is so not what people are doing right now. And it's like that, you know, to hear the album a continuous thing that you now have a personal relationship with the artist. And it was with David Harbour.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

And he's.

[Maddie Mahoney]

I mean that helped. He's a well known entity.

[Listener]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

I can see what team you are on, David. You are. Lily Allen's one of those people that I see her and I am like entranced by her beauty. Like it is like I was like brought it. I was like. I spent like a like an hour just going through all her pictures. Lily Allen's song Madeline features Madeline. Madeline. Oh, well, I'm with a Madeline.

[Maddie Mahoney]

You're with a Madeline.

[Jared Freed]

This is Maddie Mahoney. Sounds like the most stage name thing ever.

[Maddie Mahoney]

That's my name.

[Jared Freed]

It's your real name. You've been Maddie Mahoney your whole life?

[Maddie Mahoney]

No, in sag, I'm Madeline Mahoney. Because I just like had to make the decision. I went with my real name, but

[Jared Freed]

I always go by Maddie. All the SAG world, you have to like register your name. Yeah. That's why there's some people like Michael B. Jordan is Michael B. Jordan because he had to register as that because Michael Jordan already existed.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

Probably as a SAG member because he was in Space Jam.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

You know, so commercials.

[Listener]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Right. And like some athletes might not be in the SAG registry, but as an actor you have to be in there. So you are Madeline Mahoney.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Madeline is like an older style name.

[Maddie Mahoney]

I know. Don't I sound like an old like Hollywood actress? But then there's like Boston in there because it's Mahoney.

[Jared Freed]

Mahoney. Well, you sound like a cop that the, that the chief is mad at Mahoney.

[Maddie Mahoney]

I know, but. Get in here, Meline. So nice. Yeah, it's Like a, it's a little contradiction. It's.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, it's a jumbo shrimp thing going on.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Exactly. But Maddie Mahoney makes sense together.

[Jared Freed]

Maddie Mahoney does make sense together. Okay, everyone, go follow Maddie Mahoney on social media.

[Maddie Mahoney]

It is Madeline Mahoney.

[Jared Freed]

Madeline Mahoney. It'll be in the description of this episode. We're so excited to have you recently married.

[Listener]

We're.

[Jared Freed]

We have a, we have some marriage questions here. We have a couple, we have a petty or prudent that we're going to get right into. But listen, people, we want you to go sign up for benefits. That is our. You get the commercial free episodes. You get them a day early. And our co host, our beloved co host, Jordana Abraham Marinelli is on maternity leave. We wish her the best. We wish her well. We are hearing from her on the benefits episode. So if you want to check in with Jordana, sign up for benefits.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Foreign

[Listener]

this show is sponsored by Better Help. February is full of flowers, candy, stuffed animals, and of course, lots of talk about relationships and love. It can be a lot. Whether you're dating, single, married, or just focusing on you. No matter what your love story is, therapy can help you find your way and see more clearly where you want to be. Obviously, on this show, we talk about dating and relationships all the time. It's pretty much all we do. But at the end of the day, we're not licensed professionals. We're just podcast hosts. We have mics and we have fun talking about it. So if you're looking for someone with a real legitimate degree who's going to be able to help you navigate your relationships, figure out how to be in a healthy relationship. Can't recommend Better help enough. There's so many things to figure out in terms of relationships that I personally have found so helpful to talk through with my therapist. I think it's been such a great tool for me. I get an objective person to really help me hash out all sorts of things so that I can have a healthy relationship. With over 30,000 fully licensed therapists, BetterHelp is one of the world's largest online therapy platforms. They do the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences. And if you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time. From their tailored wrecks. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] UUP that's better. H E L P.com UUP dearest gentle

[Lady Alison Hammond]

reader, this is Lady Alison Hammond, host of the official Bridgeton podcast. I'll be sitting down for high tea and fancy bonbons with my favourite members of the Bridgerton cast like Luke Thompson and Jerryn Ha, AKA Benedict and Sophie, Claudia, Jessie and Hannah Dodd, who play our beloved Bridgerton sisters, Eloise and Francesca. I'll even be holding court with Queen Charlotte herself, Golda Rocheville and Mama Bridgerton, Ruth Gemmell. I'll also be chatting to some of the brilliant minds who bring the top to life, such as showrunner Jess Brownow and TV legend Shonda Rhimes. You'll be able to watch our video episodes on Netflix right away. Meanwhile, audio episodes will debut weekly on Spotify, Apple, and wherever you get your podcasts. So, gentle reader, don your finest attire and ready your heart for the official Bridgerton podcast.

[Maddie Mahoney]

If the Featherington carriages are rocking, do

[Jared Freed]

not go a knocking.

[Lady Alison Hammond]

It's a gala ball and you're all invited.

[Jared Freed]

Okay, we're gonna do a petty or prudent. Here's the game. Since you're new here, Maddie, we have email listeners write in that the breakup happened.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

And then they reacted a certain way. Were they being petty or was it prudent? It needed to get done.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Have you ever acted petty after a breakup?

[Maddie Mahoney]

Petty.

[Jared Freed]

Have you done anything in or. What's your post breakup maneuver? Did you do the dating apps? Were you dating out there? Or is you. Is. Is. Is Brad like, high school sweetheart?

[Maddie Mahoney]

No, Brad's not my high school sweetheart. I knew him for eight years before we started dating, but not closely, like, you know, dming each other when we posted about the Pats or something.

[Jared Freed]

Okay, so he's from the Boston area, like you.

[Maddie Mahoney]

From the Boston area. We were introduced through a mutual friend, stayed in touch. And then I was in a coup relationships. I met him four days after I got out of my last relationship.

[Jared Freed]

Whoa.

[Maddie Mahoney]

I re met him.

[Jared Freed]

So he comes into your life. How is it a party?

[Maddie Mahoney]

Through our same mutual friend who introduced us. When I told her that I had broken up with my ex, she was like, what about Brad?

[Jared Freed]

What about.

[Maddie Mahoney]

And I was like, yeah, I love Brad. Great. Let's like, yeah, I'd love to go on a date with him. And she goes, okay, I'm texting him right now. And then he texted me while we were at drinks.

[Jared Freed]

Brad did?

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah. And then we went out four days.

[Jared Freed]

You're at drinks with your friend, she says, what about Brad?

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Texts him while it drinks.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah. She says, Matty Mahoney is single and

[Jared Freed]

he goes and he's like, woo. Like, he gets on his horse, he

[Maddie Mahoney]

gets on his horse. He's riding through Maddie.

[Jared Freed]

Maddie Mahoney is single. Is like a rom com movie. That's like the name it all goes. So he was waiting for you to be single?

[Maddie Mahoney]

I think we were both like waiting for the right time. But honestly, he was so different when I started dating him. After I initially met him, he changed a lot.

[Listener]

How so?

[Maddie Mahoney]

Well, for one, he was in an off roading accident and he lost his arm.

[Jared Freed]

Oh my God.

[Maddie Mahoney]

And so he'd had like this huge life change and I think that just recalibrated everything.

[Jared Freed]

I'm sorry to interrupt. And this is like an important story that I'm literally interrupting.

[Maddie Mahoney]

It's totally.

[Jared Freed]

I'm realizing as I'm interrupting, I'm like, you should not interrupt the story.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Like, hold on, stop.

[Jared Freed]

When people say they've changed a lot, you go, you roll your eyes. You know, the opposite is like, yeah, he totally. I'm sure, I'm sure. Oh, he stopped drinking light beer. He only drinks whiskey now. He's a total man. That is a real life change.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah, I think it was just one of those things where he had a near death experience and he really took a step back and looked at his life and was like, if I had not made it through that, I think I would have had some regrets about how I was living my life. And so he really did change a lot of things after that. But, you know, the core that I'd connected with initially was still he was the same person.

[Jared Freed]

Well, there's a lot to be said for that, to relate to the audience. Like, you know, you want people to change, but even you are saying he got in an accident, that anyone would stop in their tracks and go, what?

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

And he's still the same guy in a sense.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Exactly.

[Jared Freed]

You know, he's 10%. We're cruise ships, we're not speedboats.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

We can only really move so much. This guy had like a huge traumatic experience.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jared Freed]

And you're like this Brad, but with, with perspective.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Exactly. Like, he still had the same sense of humor, same positive outlook on life. Like all things that helped him get through that, by the way, like things that I really admired about him. And yeah, I think, you know, it was eight years later, so we'd both done a little growing up, had a bunch of experiences and it was like, right person, right time.

[Jared Freed]

You know, you're like, you lost your arm, but I don't drink white wine anymore. So.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Same, same, same.

[Jared Freed]

Guess We've all changed.

[Maddie Mahoney]

We've both done a lot of growing in equal ways.

[Jared Freed]

Well, okay, so let's go to the email. Petty or prudent? We got the game. Are they petty? Are they being prudent? Jj, I'll read it. Feather, feather. I got to update the guest. Feather, feather.

That.

That is a way of saying I love the show. Oh, it's from a disgusting place.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Of course.

[Jared Freed]

It's like I used to say on my podcast, to update. Maybe this is a nice way to update all the listeners. I won't explain this every time we have a new guest host.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

Feather, feather is like, I was saying that when someone shares the show, like, puts it on their Instagram stories or tells a friend or comments or likes, it feels like a little. A fairy with a feather flies under my balls and starts tickling my balls.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Okay, that's. It's like a nice little sensation.

[Jared Freed]

A little. Like a little look. That's how I laugh. That's how I do it.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Okay, great. Feather, feather, feather, feather. Now I feel dirty saying that, right?

[Jared Freed]

It's.

It's such a sweet thing. It's turned into such a. Like a, you know, like. Brad, this is like. It went from like, you know, feather, feather, my balls.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Right? Feather, feather, feather, feather.

[Jared Freed]

Right?

Okay, okay. Feather, feather, feather, feather. Listener. Since the pandemic got hooked via the Bachelor and Friends recommendations, I've attended the New York City live show and will be a Jared show on February 13,

which already has passed.

I'd love to have you show if you guys want to come.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Oh, my God. February 13th. I think we're available.

[Jared Freed]

Okay. Tickets are very cheap. I'm not going to just give them away. No, I. I got you. You're my accomplice.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Okay, great.

[Jared Freed]

So excited. Love you both. Jordan, I'm not sure if you're a new mom yet reading this, but congrats on your growing family. Okay, all the pleasantries aside, now for my story. I often joke that my life is a sitcom, but in my mom's words, this weekend it became a Soap Opera. In April 2022, I went on my first date with a guy I thought I dated exclusively for three years. And he moved to New York City for me, met my parents, went on trips, and we celebrated milestones together. We had ups and downs. He lost his job in 2023 and often prioritized himself avoiding important conversations. Despite this, I thought we were aligned on long term goals like marriage and kids. In March 2025, he canceled our summer plan to move in together. But Wanted to keep dating. I broke up with him. After repeated disappointments, he begged me to stay, offering couples therapy, which he never organized. It took multiple breakups before he finally accept. Since. Found a new, healthy relationship on hinge. Since September 2025.

[Maddie Mahoney]

So since my wedding.

[Jared Freed]

Since your wedding. That's how we all make it about me. Yeah, that's how we look at the calendar these days.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Before Maddie's wedding.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, before. Yeah, the. The. The. The. Before. That's how the. The whole world works with an amazing man. Wish me luck. In November 2025, my ex asked for coffee to reassure himself about a wedding we were Both attending in September 2026.

[Maddie Mahoney]

I'm going to a wedding in September 2026.

[Jared Freed]

Oh, my God.

[Maddie Mahoney]

What if it's that wedding?

[Jared Freed]

And is it on your anniversary?

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah, it is. The wedding's on my anniversary.

[Jared Freed]

Crazy.

This all comes back to Maddie Mahoney

[Maddie Mahoney]

starting to add up. Getting scared.

[Jared Freed]

This is scary. So, I mean, weird to, like, get together for. Reassure himself.

[Maddie Mahoney]

This is like. And I'm not a fan of this word. This is like simp behavior. This is pathetic.

[Jared Freed]

It's a lot like, it's over, it's done. You've done.

[Maddie Mahoney]

You need to reassure yourself. 11. Like, what is this, 10 months before a wedding you're going to? This is so stupid.

[Jared Freed]

It's also just say you want to see her.

Right.

It feels like a lie.

[Maddie Mahoney]

It's a lie.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah.

I declined and told my new boyfriend. Then on January 11, I told my new boy, you want to beat him up for me?

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah. He asked me to coffee.

[Jared Freed]

Then on January 11, 2026, I learned from a mutual friend's wife that my ex had another girlfriend since April 2024. 4. While we were still together. This was confirmed by his new girlfriend on a ski trip. They broke up, and his friends cut

ties with him over the deceit.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Wow.

[Jared Freed]

So I. I want to explain that for a second, because this is where I got confused the first time I read it.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

So she finds out January 11 that he was in a relationship while they were in a relationship, or that he had met this other girl while he

[Maddie Mahoney]

had two girlfriends for part of their relationship.

[Jared Freed]

This was confirmed by his new girlfriend on a ski trip.

[Maddie Mahoney]

So I think the mutual friend that found out about this preexisting girlfriend was on a ski trip with that preexisting girlfriend, and she confirmed it on that trip.

[Jared Freed]

And then they broke up immediately.

[Maddie Mahoney]

They broke up? Yeah. And it sounds like maybe the mutual friend cut ties.

[Jared Freed]

I got it. My only action. I told a Mutual friend who removed him from her wedding invite list. He's also being called out by others for lying. Okay, so here's my question. J and J and Eminem.

[Maddie Mahoney]

And Eminem.

[Jared Freed]

It wasn't petty or prudent to tell my friend and get him uninvited to the wedding. Thanks for all the laughs and support. Can't wait to see you live, Jared, and share more sitcom Y stories. Hopefully fewer soap opera ones. Sincerely, A. Bet you dodged a bullet.

[Maddie Mahoney]

She definitely dodged a bullet, right? Well, she didn't really dodge it. Actually.

[Jared Freed]

It seems like based on this email and there are certain phrases, but I want to hear when you say he seems like he dodged. She dodged a bullet. You can dodge a bullet.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

It is much weirder to keep dodging multiple bullets.

[Maddie Mahoney]

You mean like the fallout from his bullet?

[Jared Freed]

She says, my life is a sitcom, Right? When you say my life is a sitcom. And then you have the mutual friend and the coffee meetup and listen, I'm speaking to the emailer. He is not my concern.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Mm.

[Jared Freed]

I'm sure they are meant for one another in a certain way.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Really?

[Jared Freed]

Well, I mean, like, as far as, like two people who have to deal with each other, Like, I don't think. Listen, there's a. I'm not saying there's no such thing as victims in these scenarios, but the idea that, like, he's getting in touch with you and then you're hearing about a ski trip where they broke up, and now you're saying when? When I see. And I think this is probably the man in me where I'm like, drama. I'm over here.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Sure.

[Jared Freed]

I'm running. I don't wanna be involved.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

When I hear from her, they broke up. And his friends cut ties with him over the deceit.

Okay.

I don't know how much you can believe that. What friends? The one friend that was a mutual friend that wasn't a friend. I don't think the whole world has left him alone under a rain.

[Maddie Mahoney]

You don't think this is a scandal situation?

[Jared Freed]

Even Skandoval has friends.

[Maddie Mahoney]

I know. They all accepted his apology eventually, right?

[Jared Freed]

At some point, people come back. Cause they go, not my problem. I kinda like, he's a good guy.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

He's never done anything wrong to me. He's got his problems.

[Maddie Mahoney]

But I think the issue for me here is that it sounds like this affair, second girlfriend, whatever you want to call it, went on for like the last year and a half of their relationship.

[Jared Freed]

April 2024, and they. They broke up. March 2025.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Almost a year.

[Jared Freed]

Almost a year.

It's a long time.

[Maddie Mahoney]

It's 11 months. It's a lot of lying.

[Jared Freed]

It's a lot of lying.

[Maddie Mahoney]

It's a lot of, like, I'm living two lives. When I read this, my initial reaction was, this girl has had a lot of stuff happen to her. Like, I actually don't see her being involved in a lot of the drama. She said no to the coffee. She told her new boyfriend, like, no lies there. She's being super honest about what's going on. The thing, the petty or prudent thing.

[Jared Freed]

I'm like, do you think it's petty to tell the mutual friend?

[Maddie Mahoney]

I don't think it's petty. This is crazy news to find out. Like, I'm just putting myself in her shoes. If I found out that my ex had had another girlfriend for the last year of us dating, oh, I'd be telling everyone. Are you kidding me? That's crazy.

[Jared Freed]

Telling everyone is in no way petty.

[Maddie Mahoney]

No, not petty at all. I don't know if it's prudent. I think it's more just like, I need to tell you a crazy thing.

[Jared Freed]

Well, also, it's not like, you know, we've had other scenarios of like, do I tell the family? Do I tell the workplace? That's a different story than completely different, basically. Hey, what's your last year like? Well, yeah, I just found out that our mutual friend. Do you know, he had another girlfriend for a year? And then the girl found out on a ski trip independent of me, and then she ended it. And then I found out he got taken off the wedding invite list. Like, none of that was. You know, you pushed a domino, right? That happened to topple over the other dominoes. But that kind of happens with liars, you know, to lie over the course of the year.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Just like you said, it's gonna come out. Yeah. So I don't know. And then the wedding, the bride who uninvited. That has nothing to do with the writer? No, that's the bride's choice. She can do whatever she wants.

[Jared Freed]

It is.

I told my friend who happened to do that. It's not. I told my friend to.

[Maddie Mahoney]

I asked her to disinvite. I mean, at least that's not what it says here. We don't know if that happened.

[Jared Freed]

It is. It is actually prudent. I think it's prudent to, like, ooze the information.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Like.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, I wouldn't ask if someone. Right? Just like, hey, this. What's when. When someone asks me about My life. I tell the interesting parts. This is inherently interesting.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

So it's almost prudent to, like, get it out of your system, to say it out loud, to have people go like. Because my opinion has been different when it's, should I go talk to the family of the guy?

That is totally different.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Completely different.

[Jared Freed]

Here's what's.

We are speaking. If you speak for yourself and other things happen, that's not really you being petty at all.

[Maddie Mahoney]

No, no. You're just sharing your experience. Also, I think what's interesting here is this sounds like there's a lot of mutual friends in this friend group.

[Jared Freed]

Well, that's my problem with my life as a sitcom person.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

I don't like my life as a sitcom. Can you believe this happened? Yes, I can believe it happened to anyone who describes their life as a sitcom, because guess what? You're the main character.

[Maddie Mahoney]

She's got her cast of characters.

[Jared Freed]

Right. So you are. There's. The central figure in all these stories is you. Are you not a part of these things? Like, when I hear someone describe themselves as life as a sitcom, I'm red flag, deal breaker. I'm, like, leaning towards deal breaker.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Really?

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. I have a few phrases I want to. I want to see. I want to check these out with you. These are phrases that I hear on a first date that I am like, you're out. I'm out. I'm like, you're getting the check.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

I'm like, this person is up their own ass a little bit.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

That would be my description in the nicest way possible. My life is a sitcom. That person has their head up a rectum, not really seeing their surroundings.

[Maddie Mahoney]

I think I just have a lot of empathy for someone writing into this podcast. They want to get their email read. They're like, you, here, let me grab something fun. Let me frame this.

[Jared Freed]

She's coming to my show. She's, you know, paying my mortgage. I'm. I'm appreciative of the email.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

But we come on this podcast, we give a hug.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

And then we whisper some truths in your ear.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

This is me whispering a truth that my life is a sitcom. I don't, you know, as an adult, maybe in my 20s, I go, Whoa, you must be some fun, loving, awesome person. In my 40s, I go, okay, cool.

[Maddie Mahoney]

I'm trying to think if I have any friends who I would describe their life that way. I think I have one.

[Jared Freed]

You have to have one. You're an actress.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah, but I love her. I don't think it would be. I don't think she's a red flag girl.

[Jared Freed]

Well, I think my life as a sitcom is like, woman version of. Like, there's a male version of that. I don't hear men say that much, but maybe women do on dates.

[Maddie Mahoney]

You know what, Jared? Is it that, like, in a relationship you want to be the main character and so you need to be with a supporting character?

[Jared Freed]

No. Okay. That could be that. That is a. A fair question.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

I just don't. I. I like when someone's a lead character and then they're told you are a character, and they're like, why?

They don't.

I just don't want to. Me, when you say my life is a sitcom, it's almost too aware that you are placing chess pieces.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Like, I do think you're opting into crazy when you do. When you say these things. Here's some other ones.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

All my exes are crazy. I think that's just as bad as.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah, definitely. That's a red flag.

[Jared Freed]

I don't wait in lines.

[Maddie Mahoney]

What?

[Jared Freed]

I hate people who say, has someone

[Maddie Mahoney]

said that to you?

[Jared Freed]

Many people. You've never had that said to you. They do, like the.

The.

[Listener]

The.

[Jared Freed]

The overcome. I don't wait in line.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Ew.

[Jared Freed]

I. It is my least. I think it's the least likable thing you could say.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Is that a bokeh thing?

[Jared Freed]

It could be today. I mean, I've heard that from Boca up to, you know, Portsmouth, New Hampshire.

[Maddie Mahoney]

I know the type of person.

[Jared Freed]

I don't wait lines. It's like, well, I get it. I can promise you. You will wait in a line again.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yep.

[Jared Freed]

That's the thing. It's not even a truth.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Life is full of lines.

[Jared Freed]

The idea that they're going to go, we're going to pull off at a McDonald's and there's going to be a line there, and we're starving, and they're going to go, well, I don't wait in lines. Out of the way, peasants. You're not going to do that or we're not going to eat.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

I hate those people.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah, that's bad.

[Jared Freed]

Nobody is crazier than my family. Awful person, okay? Awful person. That person can't understand that their aunt is a lot like a lot of other crazy aunts out there. Also. Let's wait until I meet the family. Let me make that assessment of the family. I can walk into the family and go, I have never seen this before in my life. They are crazy. And then you can go, I know, it's a little nuts, right? That's as much as I'll give my family. I got characters.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

I got Pluto and Minnie and Mickey.

[Maddie Mahoney]

You're feeling competitive about it?

[Jared Freed]

No, I'm feeling that my family. Not much to talk about.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

I. I don't think very highly of you.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Think that's sort of just how families are.

[Jared Freed]

That's how families are.

[Lady Alison Hammond]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

That's the dynamic.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Okay, got it.

[Jared Freed]

You're comfortable with these people. You share blood.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Oh, so that means people say things they wouldn't say in kind, polite society.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jared Freed]

It's, it's, it's just a delusion.

[Maddie Mahoney]

So I hear that. I'm like, oh, they love their family.

[Jared Freed]

That could be true. How about you say that? That's a, that's an okay answer. Oh, you know what? My family, I really love them. They're fun to hang out with.

[Lady Alison Hammond]

Yeah.

[Listener]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Nobody's crazier than my Aunt Cindy. I can find an Aunt Cindy. Okay. When they say. When you ask them where they're from.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Uh huh.

[Jared Freed]

And they say they were born in the city that the hospital was in.

[Listener]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

But not the town they grew up in.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

That is the most insecure loser amongst us.

[Listener]

Wow.

[Jared Freed]

It's millennial insecure.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

Because millennial, we were all. We all found out the Great awakening, the Internet hit us and we found out we are just as normal as everyone else.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

You had the same jokes in your hometown as I had in mind.

Yup. Were all losers.

And now they're trying to escape that reality by saying, yeah, I'm from Manhattan. Oh, really? What streets did you grow up on? No, I was born in the hospital in New York and then we got in a car and went back to Long island where I actually grew up. So you're a fucking loser too. When people say I'm an old soul.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Oh, yeah. No, we can't be saying that about ourselves.

[Jared Freed]

Stop it.

Stop. Stop it.

You can't say I'm an old soul while holding a computer in your hand. That you look things up.

[Maddie Mahoney]

It's an immediate indicator that you're a young soul. Because if you were an old soul, you'd be wise enough not to say that.

[Jared Freed]

Absolutely. And it's actually like a humble brag because you're saying I'm so young. But I act old.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Oh, yeah, right.

[Jared Freed]

It's like a way of saying you

[Maddie Mahoney]

can't say that after a certain age.

[Jared Freed]

Right. 80 year olds don't say they're an old soul.

[Maddie Mahoney]

It's like we know, babe.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Oh, we know.

[Jared Freed]

We've. We can see it on your face.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Oh. Could this vintage store be any cuter? Right? And the best part. Except Discover. Except Discover in a little place like this? I don't think so, Jennifer.

[Lady Alison Hammond]

Oh, yeah.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Huh? Discover's accepted where I like to shop. Come on, baby. Get with the times.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Maddie Mahoney]

So we shouldn't get the parachute pants. These are making a comeback, I think.

[Jared Freed]

Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Based on the February 2025 Nielsen report. Planning a wedding shouldn't feel overwhelming. The Knot brings everything together in one place. Vendors who get your vibe, a custom planning checklist, guest list tools, and a free wedding website that syncs with it all. So instead of juggling a dozen apps and spreadsheets, you can actually enjoy getting married. Get the [e-mail] audio the Knot. Let's plan your wedding together.

[Jared Freed]

We are pausing this episode with Maddie because we have an exciting story that just came in and a brand new sponsor. It's time for Smashing the Breakup, brought to you by Sonic. Sonic wants you to break up with your burger, the overpriced, low effort one that's been doing the bear minimum, and upgrade to their new all American Smashers hand smash, Angus beef made to order classic toppings starting at six bucks. We have a voicemail from a listener who wants some honest advice on moving forward from a messy breakup. So let's go ahead and take a listen.

[Listener]

Hi, J and J. Here's my story. So my last boyfriend, I was dating for about a year and a half. It was really serious, or I thought it was serious. We're both in our late 20s. We talked about our futures. We talked about moving in together when our lease was up. And, you know, we met each other's parents, like, all of that. And then last month, he broke up with me kind of out of the blue and said that he, quote, hadn't been in love with me for a while. Which is kind of confusing because that's not how he had been acting like at all. And we were about to sign a lease, so I guess better that this happened before we moved in rather than after. But I digress. There hasn't been a lot of closure in this situation. He's kind of just. He kind of dropped that on me and then shut me out. But we work together. I know. So no contact isn't fully an option. Some of our friends also work there and, like, they've been pretty weird to me since the breakup. My lease in all of this is like up soon and I don't really know what to do about it. I'm just like in this weird in between state. Okay. And here's the other thing that's happening in all of this. My friend is a musician and she's going on tour. She offered me a role on her touring team. Paid for like six weeks just in the US and it sounds kind of insane. It's like not something I've ever done. But at this point I'm seriously considering it, I guess. I don't know if that's just me, like wanting to run away from all my problems or if I really am just like exhausted by this whole situation and I could use the distance and like something new to really jumpstart me because I'm in kind of not a great place about everything. And Jared, I'd really especially love your POV on this because obviously you do tour a lot. And you know what? It's honestly like, I only have an idea in my mind of like what it would be like on the road, like on a bus, you know, traveling and seeing the country. Like, I think I'm idealizing it more in my head and my friends are telling me to go for it. But I want a third party's point of view who's going to give it to me straight. And I know that I can count on you guys to do that. So thank you guys so much. Appreciate you. Sincerely. A down and dumped batch.

[Jared Freed]

Well, I feel awful. I'm sorry this happened. Let me start with that. This stinks. This isn't the end of the world. You're going to be okay. The dream is everything travels straight up the mountain. And you and your BO go to the marriage mountain and you say, I do. And then you walk it down and have kids and move in and die together while holding hands. That's not going to happen. I'm sorry to inform you, you're mixing up two things. You have the. The ex who's at work and kind of sitting there like a wet fart. And you have this. I want to heal from this ex that you have going on. And I think we have to separate those two. I think, first of all, let's mourn the relationship. It sucks. It's over. I'm sorry. Go cry with friends and family and go have those cries that turn into laughs and those laughs that turn into cries and the hugs and the PJ parties and the ice cream, all the stuff you've seen in a rom com. Go do that with friends and Family. Then you need an exit meeting. You need to sit down with this guy. You have to accept that it's over, it's done, he is out, you are out. Once you have gotten to that point when you know there's no going back, you need to go to him and have an exit meeting. You need questions answered. I would write them down. They are very simple questions.

Because the idea of this happening, it

was either move in or break up. So I get why this happened. There were only two choices. He took the choice that makes you feel badly. So I'm sorry that happened. But the exit meeting needs to include. I need to hear your thought process going in to the breakup. I need to hear what our plan is from your end as far as work is concerned and how we're going to handle this dynamic and to get people to stop acting weird towards us. And they're only doing that because we're acting weird towards each other. So what is our plan for relating to each other, seeing each other in the workplace? Okay, the second part of this.

So exit meeting with the guy.

You have to have it. You have to discuss how you're going to divvy up the workplace and where you guys see this going forward. Because you have to have something going forward. The closure thing. I would write down what type of closure you need. Saying I need closure is too vague to get any answer that will meet your expectations because you really have none right now. Then as for the road, I think that could be your live laugh love scenario. I. I don't think you'll feel good on the road if it's with no job to come back to or no life to come back to. So I think the only way you can have the fun on the road with your friend and helping them tour, if you can get work to kind of agree to some sort of scenario where you can take this trip. I would compare it to me playing golf. I like to play golf. I hate playing golf when I have things to do that are hanging over my head. It ruins the whole game. You are looking to have this fun trip across the country with a friend while living in a different world than the one you usually know. It will not be fun if you're wondering what life holds for you when you're back. So I would go to your work, let them know that you want to

do a little live laugh love.

You want to go find yourself on this rum springer of a post breakup trip and maybe they work out a scenario where you can work on the road or they can put Your job on sabbatical, whatever you can do with them. A lot of workplaces are pretty flexible with these types of things, especially considering

the Internet and work from home and

what you need to check into. If you can do that.

If, if, if.

Then go on the road. I will tell you, life on the road is a lot of time on your phone in different weathers. So you're going to be on your phone, you're gonna have a lot of lonely moments. You're gonna have time to think. It's a lot of movement, which is good, so it'll keep you occupied.

You'll go from flight to hotel to bus. So there's a lot of things that could distract you, but there will be

a lot of alone moments where you'll be on your phone looking at other people's lives and time going by for them. You're going to have to acknowledge that that's okay. But you'll also have a lot of fun social moments with tons of variables that will keep your mind occupied. You will get to meet more people in a day than some people do in a month. And there's a lot of fun to that. So there's pros and cons to everything. I'm sorry this happened. I think it starts with having the exit interview with your ex boyfriend and then you bring up your living situation to me. Put your stuff in storage while you're on this trip. That takes away one variable that you don't have to worry about. And then you can, you know, worry about the move in at the end of the trip and where you're going to go. So there was a lot in your question. I hope I covered it all. I really am sorry this happened again, but I. I really think the first

step for all of this is accepting that this is over.

They only ended it not because you're not a great person, but because they couldn't meet your expectations for moving on into the future. It was not you. It was the scenario that they turned down. And I'm sorry that happened. You will find love in a different place. Probably at a Sonic on the road chomping into a smash burger. That's all for smashing the breakup. Thanks again to Sonic. Remember, breakups are about growth. And sometimes the best way to get over a breakup is by upgrading rating your standards, including your burger standards. Break up with your burger and try the Sonic six dollar All American Smasher Meal instead.

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[Maddie Mahoney]

Close your eyes. Exhale. Feel your body relax. And let go of whatever you're carrying today. Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts.

[Listener]

Oh, my gosh, they're so fast.

[Maddie Mahoney]

And breathe. Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order.

[Listener]

Oh, sorry.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Namaste. Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order. 1-800-contacts.

[Jared Freed]

All right, let's do another email.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

YouTube Maddie Mahoney here at Madeline Underscore. Mahoney, go follow. She does the batches. The big picture.

[Maddie Mahoney]

What.

[Jared Freed]

What is it called?

[Maddie Mahoney]

Betch's Video Club. That's a good name for it, though.

[Jared Freed]

It's already a podcast I actually listen to.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Stop and let's talk about them. Yeah, let's not talk about the ringer. Certainly not in the context of mine.

[Jared Freed]

It is. Okay, Maddie, read the question. Okay. All of Maddie's information in the episode description.

[Listener]

Okay.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Hi, Jared and Maddie. It says guest but or Madeline. Madeline slash Maddie. I'm writing because I'm worried my marriage is about to take a hit over something that feels surreal. I live in Oklahoma City. Okay.

[Jared Freed]

T, have you ever been to Oklahoma City?

[Listener]

No.

[Jared Freed]

It is a weird town.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Well, they said surreal, so I wonder if that's part of it.

[Jared Freed]

Oh, maybe Oklahoma City is, like, empty when you're there.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Right? Ghost town vibe.

[Jared Freed]

It's weird. And then at night, it just fills up. Oh. I was in this area called Bricktown, which I think is like their maybe party area.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

So maybe that's why it was empty. And then there was a line dancing place that was next door to the comedy club.

[Maddie Mahoney]

So fun.

[Jared Freed]

Awesome.

I went into this line dancing place that was packed.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Oh, I love that.

[Jared Freed]

It was like I was a reporter for the National Geographic. I was watching these people. Like, you and I are from the Boston area.

[Maddie Mahoney]

No, Very different culture dancing.

[Jared Freed]

Like, I don't even know what the Boston version of that is.

[Maddie Mahoney]

We don't have. It's just drinking at the Irish pub in Southie. We don't have that.

[Jared Freed]

We have no version of that. Like, I walked in there I was like. And it was like all the men were dressed in the gear.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Really?

[Jared Freed]

And it was like men tucked in

[Maddie Mahoney]

flannels, like that sort of thing. Nice.

[Jared Freed]

Tucked in pants at their navel.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yep.

[Jared Freed]

They were dressed like the men who did it. Looked like the type of men who would stuff a guy in a locker for line dancing.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Oh, my God.

[Jared Freed]

That was the weirdest part.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

You're like, wow, the nerds are the bullies. The bullies. The nerds. It was like, you know, it's like the Upside down. Yeah. Okay, so.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

We.

So.

But I do like Oklahoma City. I will say I kind of had it on my list as the next Nashville.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah, I could see that it has

[Jared Freed]

a lot of music, live music. It's got good food, barbecue. But I don't know if it's ever gonna happen that way.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Well, eventually it will because they are safe from rising tides.

[Jared Freed]

Okay, well, good.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Okay. I'm 33 and she's 29.

[Jared Freed]

Found out Maddie's leanings.

[Maddie Mahoney]

We don't have kids, and up until now our relationship has been solid. Great. She recently lost her job, but I make enough money to support both of us. Even so, she's very focused on making more money so we can stop renting and buy a home. Totally get that. A couple weeks ago, she told me she was going to start selling protein shakes with a friend from high school.

[Jared Freed]

Uh, oh, okay.

[Maddie Mahoney]

I see where this is going. I didn't think much of it until a huge Arbonne box showed up and I realized she's joined an mlm.

[Jared Freed]

So MLM stands for Multi Level marketing, where sellers earn from their own sales and from the people they recruit.

It is quite literally, it's a pyramid scheme.

Yeah.

[Maddie Mahoney]

With a very small loophole that is so tiny.

[Jared Freed]

What's the loophole?

[Maddie Mahoney]

The loophole is that in a pyramid scheme, there's no product product that's being sold. It's just the promise of a business or of money coming in. And in an mlm, they are literally selling a product. But you can't make money from selling the product either because the product is undesirable, like it doesn't work or it's way too expensive, or because you will never actually make enough money doing that. The only way to make significant money is by recruiting people under you to sell that product.

[Jared Freed]

Got it.

Who? I didn't even. Thank you for the lesson here.

[Maddie Mahoney]

I know a lot about this.

[Jared Freed]

I've heard of MLMs for years. You've thought about it.

[Maddie Mahoney]

I wrote a feature film about this.

[Jared Freed]

Really what's it called?

[Maddie Mahoney]

It's called false prophets.

[Jared Freed]

False prophets. Can they find it?

[Maddie Mahoney]

We're looking for investors right now. I've got producers and a director attached,

[Jared Freed]

so we're chugging along some money issues.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah, not them. We're not gonna ask them for money. Okay, let's keep going. I looked into it, and everything about it screams pyramid scheme. Okay. Yeah, right. Instinct, Right? This morning, I tried to tell her I was worried and that I thought it might be a scam. She completely blew up. Accused me of not supporting her and said I was attacking her confidence and success mindset. Oh, she left. I know. That's like, a red flag term, right? You know, she's like, already?

[Jared Freed]

Well, she's in the mental culture. She has entered the echo sphere.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yes, echo sphere. That's a great word for it. She left the house and now thinks I'm trying to sabotage something she believes in. How do I explain to my wife that this is likely a scam without becoming the bad guy? Because it's coming from me, her husband. She won't listen. Do I bring in a third party or back off and let this play out? Oh, this is such a tough one. I really feel for this writer.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

Because this is a tough one because there's other people at play. There's your life at play.

[Maddie Mahoney]

There's.

[Jared Freed]

This is, like, not our normal, like. I love that it's a marriage question.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Me too.

[Jared Freed]

But when the marriage is, like, in. You know, involved, you go, oh, my God, these are, like, real stakes. This isn't like, hey, how do I stop getting ghosted?

[Maddie Mahoney]

Right?

[Jared Freed]

You know, we're dealing with real people.

[Maddie Mahoney]

This affects both of them in, like, a really real way.

[Jared Freed]

How do you feel? What if you. What if Brad came home and said, I have a new business venture?

[Maddie Mahoney]

Oh. I mean, every time he so much as plays a clip about, like, the pyramids were built by aliens, I'm like, no, I'm debunking immediately. I'm a big debunker. So I think he would listen to me because that's very much part of, like, our banter. What stood out to me from this is that last or second to last sentence because it's coming from me, her husband. She won't listen. That made me so sad. I was like, why wouldn't she listen to you just because you're her husband? Like, it almost feels like there's a deeper thing going on here.

[Jared Freed]

You know, it's funny. You and I both same. We have the same takeaway. There's a Deeper thing going on here. I had it from a different line.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

I like that you found it in a line that I didn't even think of. The line that made me think about that was, she's very focused on making more money so we can stop renting and buy a home.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

So she wants the next phase of life.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah. And I think she also wants to feel useful. She wants to feel like she's contributing.

[Jared Freed]

And so, like, this is an easy thing to pick up right away.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Totally.

[Jared Freed]

That promises money, but it will never come. When the money comes, whatever. But in her mind, she's going, I want to be useful so I can. Right away. I can live the dream, I can hustle, and I can feel worth. And all of those things are important.

[Maddie Mahoney]

And in an mlm, a big draw is that you have total autonomy over your quote unquote business. You are your own business owner, you're your own boss.

[Jared Freed]

And maybe you sign up two people and it works out, but then those two people quit after a month, and they will without, you know, any income anymore. Like, it's a. It's a short. It might work. The problem also is it might work in the short term.

[Maddie Mahoney]

It almost never does. Like, statistically, it never does.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

Okay. And you would know. You made this film about this.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Oh, and there's so many resources online for this. Like, I guess my first piece of advice would be, like, try to do. Try to have another conversation. Got to make sure it's coming from an empathetic point of view. Like, saying you're being scammed is not going to work here.

[Jared Freed]

I don't think you even talk about the mlm, really. I think you go after. I think you gotta go. The MLM is the symptom, not the disease.

Disease.

Yeah, the disease here. And he even says, you know, I can. I'm working. I'm making enough money to, like, make things happen. Like, that beginning sentence makes me feel better about their play.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Totally. I'm like, we can also, like, give her time to find something really meaningful.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Maddie Mahoney]

That's gonna work.

[Jared Freed]

This is a big.

[Maddie Mahoney]

And that has longevity.

[Jared Freed]

Band aid on a flesh wound. Because she's like, I am wounded. I feel less than.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah, she was laid off. Like, she's not feeling confident.

[Jared Freed]

How do you get through to her and that. I think that's the conversation.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Totally.

[Jared Freed]

Because when you attack the product that she believes in for now. And.

[Maddie Mahoney]

And by the way, she doesn't believe in it. She's being told in her weekly coaching sessions that if she doesn't outright say she believes in it, she'll never have the sales.

[Jared Freed]

Well, right. And well, it's cult like. And then they go, and anyone who says negative about it, they're just jealous. They're against you.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Ye, they're not contributing to your success. You need to cut them out. It can't go really intense.

[Jared Freed]

They have to go to the office every day. They're jealous of your autonomy, all of those things. So they're being coached in how to resent you.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Exactly. That's why I was saying you gotta come from an empathetic point of view. I agree with you. It can't really be about this. It has to be like, look, let's touch base on our shared goals here. We want to build a house, we wanna buy a house, whatever. How do we get there? Part of that discussion I think can be, let's look at statistically how much mlms can bring. Because if you do, how about we

[Jared Freed]

do it a different way? I, I actually sorry to interrupt. I, I, I think there's a better way to do it.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Great.

[Jared Freed]

The goal is the house. Or what are our goal? What are our goals? So if our goal is the house together and being able to, you know, start a family.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

What do we need to get to that goal? So we need this much a month. Right now I am making this much a month and we're saving this much a month.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yep.

[Jared Freed]

Whenever you start, we can start towards that goal and we can save twice as much. But we don't need to start right now. Like I think when the numbers, like the thing that makes we fear the unknown and right now the unknown is how much money you need to get towards these goals. Let's make the goals real. Let's put them in super tangible, make them tangible. So like, hey, I'm making X, I bring home Y. Y for now, that's going to go towards these expenses. A, B and C. Now we have this much to save. We're going to put this much into this bucket. This much. I mean, we were talking before, Maddie and I, that I used to sell life insurance. This is what you do when you sit with people with life insurance. You go, okay, let's make the numbers real and own them and also make them so simple and attainable. Don't do like, well, if I made

a million dollars this year.

No, no, no, I make X. We'll even go down by 10 grand in case something happens. Yeah, exactly like you, you play it super safe.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Super safe.

[Jared Freed]

And then when the front of her, maybe her fears Go away and, and say to her, listen, if you want to put money towards, if this is your dream to put it towards protein shakes and fairy dust, we can do that.

[Maddie Mahoney]

I don't think so.

[Jared Freed]

Or we can go in this other direction where you keep searching, keep looking,

[Maddie Mahoney]

take the time, the time.

[Jared Freed]

Find something that is stable and that you love both.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Or if she wants to build her own business, like absolutely go off, do that.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Maddie Mahoney]

But I think one of the keys here, I'm gonn push back on you

[Jared Freed]

a little bit, please.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Arbonne and MLMs are just not the way. And there are a lot of resources that he could share with her that might open her eyes up a little bit if he feels like this first conversation goes well.

[Jared Freed]

So maybe that's the tangible that you look at for that side of things. You go, hey, the tangible part of this is I'm going to give you some resources. These are not made by me. That, that, that make me just another perspective.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah. Here's what I'm seeing.

[Jared Freed]

And show vulnerability.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

I get scared of this, this route you're taking because here's three articles that I want you to read that I just read. At least you've done the work already and you're looking for her as a spouse.

[Maddie Mahoney]

It's a conversation like you're not telling her what to do. It's a conversation you guys can have. Can I name three resources really quick? Okay. The FTC has a website that has a specific page on MLMs and pyramid schemes.

[Jared Freed]

Love it.

[Maddie Mahoney]

And they have questions there that you can ask yourself. If you're wondering if something is an mlm, check that out. I would also say that the husband can Google Arbonne's average earnings report, which they are legally required to put out. And it should say, if it's like every other one, that the average earning is something like 20 cents. That's the annual average earning that an Arbonne seller is actually profiting. Okay, so it's nothing.

[Jared Freed]

Okay, again, real numbers.

[Maddie Mahoney]

And then if you want something more like personal, there's this amazing podcast, if I'm allowed to shout it out, called Life after mlm.

[Jared Freed]

Okay.

[Maddie Mahoney]

And it's hosted by a woman who used to be in Lularoe, which was the leggings things mlm.

[Jared Freed]

So go check that out.

I love that we're giving again. We're not just talking out of our ass. These are real resources. And this is kind of what makes this conversation easier. You go instead of going from that sounds stupid, right?

[Maddie Mahoney]

Keep the emotions out of it.

[Jared Freed]

No. Stick to the math on our finances and how we can move forward. Okay, now to your mlm. Let's, let's take a look at these resources and just show you what scares me.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Yeah. And by the way, it has nothing to do with her or her abilities. That's the other really important thing.

[Jared Freed]

That's what she feels is being attacked.

[Maddie Mahoney]

And that's why. But Arbonne is telling her that if she works harder, she'll make more money. Which is not true, right. When it comes to MLMs, unfortunately.

[Jared Freed]

Anyways, Maddie Mahoney, thank you for coming on the your show.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Thank you so much for having me.

[Jared Freed]

This is a wonderful guest host. Thank you. Everyone. Go follow Madeline Mahoney. She's on all the Betches videos here. So funny. So hilarious. I'm Jared Freed. We are here Wednesdays and Fridays. Keep telling your friends. Keep subscribing comment below to give your feedback on the show, whether it be on Spotify, YouTube, Apple Podcasts, wherever you listen. Throw us a comment, give us a rating. We'll be back next week. Boom.

[Maddie Mahoney]

Bye.

[Jared Freed]

Thanks again to Sonic for sponsoring this episode. Remember, if it's not showing up hot, not giving you what you want, and costing way too much, you're allowed to walk away. And when you're ready, Sonic's new All American Smashers are here for you. Hot off the Grid Grill. They're premium hand smashed with Angus beef, made to order and loaded with classic ingredients like lettuce, tomato and melty American cheese. All at a price that actually makes sense. Break up with your burger and try the Sonic six dollar All American Smasher meal instead.

[Listener]

Betches.