U Up? Podcast – He Fights Dirty With His Family—Will He With Me? ft. Matteo Lane

Date: February 18, 2026
Hosts: Jared Freid (filling in for Jordana Abraham, on maternity leave)
Guest: Matteo Lane, comedian
Main Theme: Navigating conflict in relationships and families—especially when toxic patterns are passed down—plus dating woes, the art of stand-up, and listener dilemmas on modern romance.

Episode Overview

This episode welcomes comedian Matteo Lane for a lively, candid deep-dive into family dynamics, modern dating, and how learned fighting styles (especially explosive, low-blow family arguments) bleed into romantic relationships. Alongside hilarious stand-up origin stories and insight into the comic's life, Jared and Matteo dig into listener emails about unhealthy conflict, affection mismatches, cosmetic surgery reveals, and more messy, relatable moments from the dating trenches.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Stand-Up Comedy Origins & Community

(00:30–13:46)

• Matteo and Jared reminisce about their "comedy training grounds," painting an evocative picture of nights at the Duplex and Creek in the Cave, the grind, and the kinship among comics.
• Matteo recalls the opera joke—a signature that made people remember him early on.
• They reflect on how few people stick with comedy: “What actually shocks me the most is just the amount of people that are gone. Like, it’s like a 90% attrition rate.” – Matteo (05:01)
• The conversation spotlights the unique culture among comedians: “When we go to a party, you go to a party with no comedian there... it’s a little brutal.” – Matteo (07:18)
• Notable Quote:
  Matteo: “No one cared [in comedy]… they remembered my opera joke or what I was working on.” (12:07)

2. Coming Out & The New York Dating Scene

(08:21–13:46, 18:35–19:57)

• Matteo recounts moving to NYC as a young, single, sensitive gay man and being overwhelmed by the aggressive pace of dating.
• Apps were daunting, dates often awkward, and only later did he find community among “the new Avengers” of queer comedy—Bowen Yang, Joel Kim Booster, and others.
• Reflects on insecurity when young and how stand-up offered an environment where being funny was the only currency that mattered.

3. Family, Ethnicity, and Neuroticism

(18:35–19:57)

• Jokes about being Italian, Mexican, and/or Jewish, and how these backgrounds breed colorful family dynamics and neuroses.
• Commentary on the unique flavors of cultural anxiety—a recurring theme for Jared and guests.

4. The Comic's Life – Touring, Fans, and Social Media

(14:17–16:28)

• Both lament fans who complain they missed tour dates or act as if comics can control everything:
  “As if I‘m sitting there with a map in generals being like, ‘Paris. Those blundering idiots…’” – Matteo (16:28)
• They joke about sending relatives to literally knock on doors to sell tickets.
• Inside-baseball on the anxieties of selling out shows, hometown performances, and navigating the late-buying market for tickets.

5. Listener Email #1: Fighting Dirty Like His Family

(22:20–33:36)
A listener asks about her boyfriend's toxic family style—arguments that get personal, low-blow, and even involve family members lobbing cruel, untrue accusations.

Key Points:

• Matteo observes that the listener is “regulating two people’s emotions: her own and her boyfriend’s,” and that’s unsustainable. (24:17)
• The learned family style is to hurt, deflect, and never address real issues, which gets mapped onto romantic conflict.
• Jared draws parallels to his own upbringing:
  “Whenever there’s a compliment, I feel like I gotta put my finger in a hole that’s making the boat take on water...” (25:55)
• Both agree: She is developing anxiety and possibly “Stockholm Syndrome” from constant emotional volatility.
• Matteo’s advice: Stop taking ownership for his lack of coping mechanisms; his family needs “years of therapy.” (27:40)
• Jared: “I wouldn’t go to the family anymore. I can’t walk into a house where I might get hit with the most horrific things said about me.” (32:17)
• Consensus: She can only work on her relationship with her boyfriend; unless he learns new, healthy ways to handle conflict, this is a deal-breaker.

Memorable Quotes:

• “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” – Matteo (24:24)
• “She's creating a perpetual state of anxiety. She's in a situation that doesn't sound like it's benefiting her in any way.” – Matteo (27:09)

6. Icky or Picky – The “Car Kiss” Dilemma

(43:35–52:27)
Listener writes in about a boyfriend who insists on kissing her every single time she gets in the car:

• Matteo jokes: “This woman is a nightmare!” (43:35), before quickly noting that he’d love all those kisses from his boyfriend.
• Jared and Matteo both home in on how the listener’s irritation seems more about incompatibility or affection preferences than logistics.
• Both joke about how different her problem is from the previous, more serious email. “Find another problem in your life...” – Matteo (45:34)
• Advice: Be honest with the boyfriend, communicate boundaries (e.g., “No more car kisses”), and acknowledge that mismatched affection is normal and not a crisis.
• But if the kisses are a symptom of a larger issue—she just isn’t that into him—it might signal incompatibility.

7. Red Flag or Deal Breaker: The Hidden Tongue Ring

(54:15–62:28)
Listener dated a guy with a big, hidden tongue piercing. Is this a deal breaker?

• Jared: No tattoos but a tongue ring is such an odd combo—“the very small center of a Venn diagram.”
• Both debate the sexual and personality connotations of piercings and tattoos, agreeing it’s a personal preference rather than a red flag.
• Matteo, referencing his more open artistic/queer background: “I live in New York and I’m a homosexual. My best friends are drag queens. A tongue ring—this is nothing.” (61:33)
• Ultimately, subjectivity rules—the only red flag is being judgmental or prudish about harmless differences.

8. Plastic Surgery & Disclosure – The Nose Job Freak-out

(68:30–73:00)
A young woman worries about her boyfriend’s anger after revealing (unintentionally) that she had a nose job years ago.

• Both hosts: The boyfriend’s angry and controlling response is alarming and a deal breaker, especially so early (2 months) into dating.
• Jared: “He doesn’t know how to break up with her, so he’s creating something out of nothing. And now he’s giving her a complex at 22 about whether she should have to disclose that she’s gotten a nose job.”
• “Making it her problem. That’s horrible.” – Matteo (70:16)
• Discussion about how bodily modifications are personal choices, and anyone who polices disclosure or shames a partner for them is a big red flag.

9. Stand-Up, Body Image, & Generational Change

(39:07–42:00, 71:52–76:16)

• The hosts share comedic asides about body insecurity, Jewish/Italian family interference, and the changing vibe of the comedy landscape.
• Matteo talks about hair transplants and the freedom of the art school world: “When I die…do whatever, have fun. Have fun!” (59:01)
• Bits about baby moons, golf course ash scatterings gone wrong, and Art Institute of Chicago students using bodily fluids in art—illustrating a profound difference between the straight/comic and queer/art perspectives on boundaries and norms.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Matteo (24:24): “She is managing two people’s and regulating two people’s emotions. And that is an unfair position for her to be in in a relationship.”
• Jared (25:55): “Whenever there’s a compliment, I feel like I gotta put my finger in a hole that’s making the boat take on water...”
• Matteo (43:35): “[Car Kiss listener] is a nightmare! ... This woman will be raised to the high heavens at a gay bar.”
• Jared (45:52): “Or end it with him because you don’t like him that much. There’s a lot of nice people that I don’t want to date.”
• Matteo (61:33): “I live in New York and I’m a homosexual... a tongue ring—this is nothing.”
• Jared (70:16): “He doesn’t know how to break up with her, so he’s creating something out of nothing.”
• Matteo (70:16): “That’s horrible that he did that. That’s terrible.”
• Matteo (59:01): “When I die…do whatever, have fun. Have fun!”

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Stand-Up War Stories & Community: 00:30–13:46
• Coming Out & NYC Dating: 08:21–13:46, 18:35–19:57
• Touring & Fans: 14:17–16:28
• Listener Email 1: Fighting Dirty with Family: 22:20–33:36
• Icky or Picky: Car Kiss Dilemma: 43:35–52:27
• Red Flag/Deal Breaker: Tongue Ring: 54:15–62:28
• Plastic Surgery/Nose Job Drama: 68:30–73:00

Tone & Language

The vibe remains equal parts sharp-tongued, irreverent, and thoughtfully empathetic. The show skips therapy-speak for honest, practical advice—often wrapped in jokes or self-deprecation. Both hosts call back to their own upbringings, insecurities, and comic sensibility, with Matteo providing a distinctly gay New Yorker/artist/comedian lens.

Summary for First-Time Listeners

If you missed this episode, know that you're in for a fast-paced, smart, and hilarious rollercoaster—equal parts personal, poignant, and peppered with take-no-prisoners advice on navigating modern dating, relationships, and emotional survival. The comedic banter is matched only by the refreshingly candid reflections on family, love, and self-worth.

For More

• Matteo Lane Tour Info: matteolanecomedy.com
• Follow Jared & U Up? for updates on show dates, maternity leave co-hosting, and bonus content