He Won’t Go To Therapy But Says I’m the Problem - U Up?

Transcript

Jordana Abraham (0:00)

Focus features in Blumhouse Obsession.

Jared Freid (0:03)

When I have a crush on a guy no one knows.

Jordana Abraham (0:06)

Be careful. I wish Nikki loved me more than anyone in the entire world. Who you wish for? Obsession is 96% fresh on rotten Tomatoes.

Jared Freid (0:15)

I love you so, so, so, so much.

Jordana Abraham (0:18)

It's blood soaked nightmare fuel. What kind of spills you put on her? You have been warned. Obsession. Rated R under 17. Animated without parent only theaters May 15 with special engagements in Dolby. I went on this game sketch, my ex show.

Jared Freid (0:32)

They sketched your ex?

Jordana Abraham (0:33)

Yeah, but I.

Jared Freid (0:35)

What did you do with it?

Jordana Abraham (0:36)

So I did Emily because she is technically my ex. Oh. So that was.

Jared Freid (0:40)

It would have been way funnier if you did, like, a real ex, but

Jordana Abraham (0:44)

there was no way in hell I was going to do that. This.

Jared Freid (0:48)

You describe her and then they draw her.

Jordana Abraham (0:50)

And they draw her. In the end, I revealed that we're dating now.

Jared Freid (0:54)

Okay.

Jordana Abraham (0:54)

As like, the fun turn. It's just funny that, like. Yeah, I don't want to take that risk of talking about an ex and saying what they look like.

Jared Freid (1:04)

Of course you don't. That's like, only your greatest fear.

Jordana Abraham (1:06)

Right.

Jared Freid (1:06)

So is someone retaliating against you?

Jordana Abraham (1:09)

Right. I don't want to be in a slap contest and go first on the slap.

Summary

U Up? Podcast

Episode: He Won’t Go To Therapy But Says I’m the Problem

Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid

Date: May 8, 2026

Episode Overview

In this “Friday Feels” episode, Jordana and Jared dive deep into listener emails, unpacking everything from early-texting “icks” to a marriage breakdown over emotional labor, ambition, and therapy resistance. They share personal anecdotes, candid opinions on modern dating rituals, and their signature mix of humor and insight into the psychology of relationships. The main focus: How do you know when a relationship is salvageable versus fundamentally incompatible—especially when one partner refuses therapy and puts the blame elsewhere?

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Birthday Timing & Seasonal Life Changes

(00:32–07:44)

Jordana and Jared muse about the optimal timing for having babies and reflect on sentimental associations with birthdays during different times of year.
Discussion about whether growing up with a winter vs. summer birthday shapes your experience or expectations.
Quote (Jordana, 04:41):
“To have [your birthday] as an island in the middle of... February 21st, a really bad, depressing day—that’s something positive in the darkness of winter.”

2. Evolving Social Tech & Group Dynamics

(06:56–11:52)

Remembering the nostalgia of email chains, Facebook events, and how group communication tools shaped social life before today’s mix of DMs and group chats.
Jared credits group emails as where he started honing his comedic voice.
Quote (Jared, 07:44):
“When someone would come back to me individually and go, that was hilarious...I felt it through my veins.”

3. Comedy, Social Media, and the Creative “Marketing Major”

(09:41–11:52)

The changing landscape for comedians; needing business savvy is a must now.
Stand-up as a lazy drop-out’s job turned marketing gig.
Quote (Jared, 10:41):
“Stand-up comedians… especially, are: How do I creatively get out of doing the homework due today? Every one of them is the same.”

4. Modern Dating Dynamics: “Ick” or Insight?

(22:32–33:05)

Listener describes texting with a new match who quickly starts with “babe” and “wish you were here” talk before meeting; she’s turned off.
Discussion about the perils of too much pre-date texting, “playing boyfriend,” and whether these are genuine red flags.
- Is pre-date banter revealing, or just too much too fast?
- They warn about drawing premature conclusions from “icks” that are better viewed as simple incompatibility, not objective flaws.
Quote (Jared, 29:12):
“This is him showing you his personality. You don’t like it—it doesn’t mean it’s bad, it just means… you don’t like it.”
Quote (Jordana, 31:39):
“Her shock is what’s annoying me about the email… I have more respect for her than this fake play she’s doing for me.”

Best Advice

(32:43, Jared):
“I wouldn’t go on this date the minute ‘wish you were here with me’ comes up. That’s not really where I’m at.”

5. Main Listener Email: When Therapy Is a Dealbreaker

(35:04–56:37)

A 21-year-old newlywed describes a deteriorating marriage: emotional labor imbalances, her husband’s ambition and defensiveness, and his flat refusal to try therapy (“I don’t believe in it”).
Debate about marrying young: whether most partners simply grow in different directions, and how both self-blame and blame-shifting create a toxic dynamic.
Comparison of male DJ/influencer ambition to women’s influencer culture, highlighting the intersection of personal pursuits and relationship needs.
Discussion about whether relationships can be saved when only one partner is willing to seek outside help.

Notable Quotes:

Jared (44:29):
“This is why they don’t really recommend people get married that young... you’re not necessarily who you are going to be.”
Jordana (46:19):
“She wrote this email beautifully—no one could deny it. And someone could look at him and go, you’re just giving up on someone willing to make your pursuits part of their life.”
Jared (48:10):
“It takes two people to be invested in making it work, especially at this age...he’s kind of like, I’d rather just find someone who’s more similar to me.”
Jared on Therapy (54:17):
“She tried for therapy. When he says no to therapy, he’s not interested in making it work.”
Discussion on Men & Therapy (54:48–55:15, Jordana):
“Sometimes it feels like therapy is just this ongoing, never-ending work in progress...there’s no clear process, ‘the house is done, we did it’—that doesn’t generally present itself.”

6. Broader Reflections & Gendered Relationship Patterns

(50:30–53:34)

As people age, the process shifts: mature relationships demand more self-knowledge, less “learning as you go.”
Prompt: Why do older men date younger women? Is it about molding someone to an existing life, or safety in predictability?
Quote (Jordana, 53:12):
“Female 30 is male 40...there are things we’re both ready for.”

Memorable Moments

DJ Stereotype Riff (36:24–41:26): The hosts riff on the contemporary cliché of ambitious hustler guys becoming DJs as a way to justify a party lifestyle into adulthood—a pitch-perfect satirical moment.
On Men and Therapy (54:26–55:57):
Jared and Jordana dissect why some men see therapy as vague or futile, while women see it as a tool for change.

Timestamps for Key Segments

Seasonal Birthdays & Life Changes: 00:32–07:44
Social Tech Nostalgia & Comedy Origins: 06:56–11:52
Dating App “Icks” & Pre-Date Banter: 22:32–33:05
Marriage Breakdown/Refusal of Therapy: 35:04–56:37
Men, Therapy, and Relationship Endings: 54:17–56:37

Takeaways for Listeners

Early “icks” in dating often reveal dealbreakers or incompatibility, not something “wrong” with you or them.
When one partner flatly refuses therapy or outside help, the relationship is likely unsalvageable.
Marriage or partnership at a very young age often means people grow in different directions, which is not always anyone’s “fault.”
Personal growth, gender expectations, and ambition often clash in young marriages—neither side is fully wrong or right.

Summary in the U Up? Tone

Candid, witty, and a little irreverent—Jordana and Jared tackle the real stuff behind texts, exes, ambition, and therapy refusal. If he won’t go to therapy and says you’re the problem, you probably already have your answer. Don’t stick around waiting for a DJ to spin you a different emotional track.

For More Dating Commentary, Polls, and Bonus Content:
Follow @u.up.podcast on Instagram.
Watch full episodes on YouTube.