How Do I Stop Getting Attached So Fast?

Summary

U Up? — "How Do I Stop Getting Attached So Fast?"

Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid
Date: June 24, 2026

Episode Overview

In this lively episode, Jordana and Jared dive deep into the emotional process of dating in 2026—specifically, how to manage vulnerability and attachment when meeting new people. Listeners sent in questions about “emotional masturbation,” why we sometimes get overly invested too quickly, whether having sex early on makes things more complicated, and the ever-present anxieties around life choices (from dishes to having children). The hosts blend their signature wit with genuine insight, making this episode an entertaining, practical guide for anyone navigating modern dating dynamics.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Value of Community & Shared Experiences

• [04:30–16:59]
  Jordana and Jared riff on the communal experience of being a fan, whether it’s sports or Bravo TV. Jordana shares her confusion over why people line up at bars near MSG to watch games when the teams aren’t there. Jared explains the power of community, connection, and nostalgia in both sports and pop culture.
  • Jared: “When it’s a playoff game, and you’re with the other fans who follow the whole season and know the storyline, you feel a connection...you just want to be around people you can high five.” [09:00]
  • They link this to Bravo watch parties: the communal element and investment in “characters” is universal, whether it's Jalen Brunson or Real Housewives.

2. Being Judged at Work vs. in Creative Fields

• [02:28–04:06]
  The hosts marvel at how, unlike many careers, their work (podcasting, comedy, content creation) is constantly validated or critiqued in the public eye. Jordana reflects on her sister winning Teacher of the Year, and the mystery of how well our friends are actually doing at their day jobs since we rarely see it.
  • Jared: “We get a lot of public validation and criticism, which is good and bad.” [03:41]

3. The "Congratulations" Dynamic in Relationships

• [22:23–25:29]
  A listener email prompts a discussion about the awkwardness and vulnerability of being congratulated for entering a relationship, particularly for men.
  • Jared: “Is it embarrassing to have a girlfriend? It’s not that it’s embarrassing—it’s an admission that I care about someone. That’s how ingrained the male issues are in 2026.” [23:24]
  • Jordana: “Why would anyone have a girlfriend if it’s so ‘lame’?” [25:00]

4. The Kids or No Kids Dilemma

• [25:29–41:00] An email from a long-time listener asks for advice on deciding whether to have children, outlining all the pros, cons, and ambivalence she and her husband feel.
  • Jordana shares her personal journey: she and her husband always wanted kids, but had conversations about what their lives might look like if it didn’t work out. She stresses it’s a highly personal choice, not something to do because you “should.”
  • Jared: “A lot of people just go, ‘and next it’s kids.’ This email is actually foreign to how most people think—it’s thoughtful.” [33:35]
  • They discuss the importance of having interests and a fulfilling life as a couple, with or without children, and the privilege inherent in being able to thoughtfully make this choice.

5. The Dishes Debate: Petty or Prudent?

• [43:23–52:34]
  The hosts tackle a classic couple argument: if one person cooks and the other refuses to do the dishes, is it petty to stop making dinner for them?
  • Both hosts agree: Both partners are being petty, and the issue isn’t really about the dishes, but about teamwork and gratitude.
  • Jordana: “When you’re keeping score, it gets very tough...it’s more like, if we all do as much as we can, it works better.” [51:01]
  • They advocate for teamwork or outsourcing (hire a cleaner!) instead of sacrificing the relationship to win small battles.

6. Emotional Masturbation & Getting Attached Too Fast

• [52:49–65:16]
  The central question: how do you stop yourself from getting attached too quickly, especially after great first dates and potential early sex?
  • Jordana: “My suggestion to not sleep with someone on the first date is if you’re the kind of person who gets more attached. It’s about your feelings, not theirs.” [54:35]
  • Jared: “If you’re having sex now because of what might happen in the future, then you probably shouldn’t have sex now.” [55:37]
  • Both recommend shifting focus to enjoying the experience itself, not projecting into the future, and becoming more self-aware of your own attachment patterns.

7. Red Flags vs. Deal Breakers

• [66:27–end]
  A series of listener scenarios leads to debates:
  • If your partner admits to cheating 10 years ago, is that a deal breaker?
    • Both say: Strong red flag, not a deal breaker—the “once a cheater, always a cheater” idea is too black-and-white.
    • Jared: “Anyone who says ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ is undateable—life isn’t black and white, people can change.” [77:47]
  • Handling post-sex “sleepiness,” out-of-town wedding invites early in dating, and more—always with humor and an eye toward compassion and growth.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Community

• “I think there’s a craving for community—you want to be around people who follow the same storyline as you.” — Jared [09:21]
• “It’s the same thing: ‘Which Housewives do you watch?’ ‘Which teams do you follow?’” — Jordana [12:05]

On Attachment

• “If you’re having sex now because of what might happen in the future, then you probably shouldn’t have sex now.” — Jared [55:37]
• “It’s about your feelings, not theirs. Maybe sex means more to you, and you become more attached.” — Jordana [54:44]

On Relationship “Petty”

• “Both are being petty, which is the nightmare relationship—each reacting to the other instead of solving the problem.” — Jordana [44:33]

On Cheating & Growth

• “To me, ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ is for the most insecure people in the world... empathy for change is key.” — Jared [77:47]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Community & Sports Fandom Discussion: 04:30–16:59
• Being Judged at Work/Public Validation: 02:28–04:06
• The “Congratulations” in Relationships Topic: 22:23–25:29
• Having Kids or DINK Life?: 25:29–41:00
• The Dishes Debate (Petty or Prudent): 43:23–52:34
• Email: Emotional Masturbation (Getting Attached Too Fast): 52:49–65:16
• Red Flag / Deal Breaker Game: 66:27–end

---

Final Thoughts

Jordana and Jared expertly balance humor and sincerity, helping listeners see that most dating dilemmas are universal and—when approached with self-awareness—manageable. Their advice boils down to being honest with yourself about your boundaries, communicating openly, and trying to act as a team rather than adversaries. For anyone battling “emotional masturbation” or wondering why it’s so easy to get attached too quickly, this episode encapsulates modern dating anxiety—complete with laughs and reassuring, practical wisdom.

Transcript

[Jordana Abraham]

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[Jordana Abraham]

All right, let's. I gotta, I got a meeting at 3.

[Jared Freid]

So do I.

[Jordana Abraham]

So do you.

[Jared Freid]

Okay, let's do it. Everyone. I got a meeting at 3. 2.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sammy. Sammy once said this on a podcast. I have a hard stop at some point. And they were like, what do you mean? She's like, I'm like, she said, I have a hard stop at some point. We're like, you can't just say that. You need to say the time. You can't just be like when. I feel like pulling the trigger at some point.

[Jared Freid]

Once this gets boring.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hello and welcome back to the UF podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.

[Jared Freid]

And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana. How are you? How you feeling? What's going on?

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm good, I'm good. I didn't get a ticket yesterday. That was no ticket. If you listen. Last week I was worried about getting a ticket. I was by. I had a question for you today. I'm jumping right in.

[Jared Freid]

Jump right in. Hit me.

[Jordana Abraham]

I feel like, Okay. I, My sister had like a, she won an award yesterday. I was at like a chair at an event thing.

[Jared Freid]

I want to, I know this is a week later.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sure.

[Jared Freid]

I want to make sure. Congratulations. I didn't really say congratulations to your sister. I was like an award?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. I was teacher of the year.

[Jared Freid]

I thought about it afterwards. I was like, I think I was insultingly shocked.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't care.

[Jared Freid]

I do. Well, no, I love Shira and I think she's great. I'm not shocked that she would win any award.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

It's more that like teacher of the year is like this, like they've been there a hundred years and I, I, I, I just hope I didn't come off insulting.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, not insulting, but it was funny cuz I posted about it and someone replied like, this is like teacher of the year. Sounds like Jared's like, like arch nemesis or something. Like Jared versus teacher of the year.

[Jared Freid]

The teacher of the year. Oh, how unfuckable.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. But it was funny because I was, like, walking from the office to this event and I walked and it looked like.

[Jared Freid]

Sorry to interrupt. Huge event.

[Jordana Abraham]

Big event. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. I mean, they really. This was a huge award she won. That's why I felt bad.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. There was a whole video. I was very proud. I was like, well, I don't know, because it's funny. It's like, she's my sister. I'm like, I don't really know what the you do all day, really. She could be terrible at it for all I know. I mean, like, with anyone, the founder of. Well, it's just funny. Like, do you know, like, all your friends, like, they have jobs? Like, you have no idea how they actually do at their jobs. Like, they could be, like, off. Like, you don't know what, like, their vibe is at work. You're not at work with them.

[Jared Freid]

I mean, that was the whole Chandler Bing kind of story.

[Jordana Abraham]

No one knows what he does.

[Jared Freid]

No one knows what he does.

[Jordana Abraham]

But, like, one thing about, like, no one knows what he does, but it's also like, I don't know, like. Like, are you good at your job? Like, there's no. I guess you could know, but based on how much money someone makes, maybe. But I do feel like that's. There's no real, like, your friend you could have. Your friends could, like, suck at their job and you would never know.

[Jared Freid]

No clue.

[Jordana Abraham]

And they would never say that.

[Jared Freid]

Never say it. We don't know if they're like, middle management, say nothings.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

You know, like, we have no idea how they operate. I mean, for us, we have to perform.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

So we get, like. You get judged every time we put out an episode. And we get a lot of, like,

[Jordana Abraham]

public validation and criticism that.

[Jared Freid]

That is good and bad, you know? So we get a lot of opportunities to be like, I got this big thing coming up and everyone goes, woo. And it feels like a culmination of, know, a book coming out. You know, that's like. It's a. That's why it's a little embarrassing, you know, like, okay, enough, enough. You know, Like, I. I'm. I'm talking about me for a long time. Yeah. So something like this. That's why Teacher of the year, you go, they don't do this for everybody.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't think so. That's why when I got there, I was like. My brother was there too, and I was like, so, like, what does this mean?

[Jared Freid]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, what do you have to do to Be teacher.

[Jared Freid]

Did you get money? Like, if I'm a teacher, I want.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, I mean, I'm sure it's a great resume builder.

[Jared Freid]

Is it?

[Jordana Abraham]

I would imagine if you're working your way, applying to a different. To a different school. Right.

[Jared Freid]

Hey, you want teacher of the year? I'm out of here.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm leaving you the month.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Like the idea that you win teacher of the year and then you're like, fuck you, kids. I'm going to this better school. Like, that's not how teachers raise your kids. Yeah. I'm taking a fat paycheck from down the street.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. No, I don't know what you. I don't know what you do with

[Jared Freid]

it, but I'd get a jersey. She should get a.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like a teach. Like a. Put it on her Instagram bio. That's their version of the New York

[Jared Freid]

Times bestseller Absolutely Obnoxious about.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, I feel like tenure is kind of like a. A teacher. Like you're. It's like you have to be a certain level of your job to get tenure places.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Well, that's security. That's like job security and money.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Well, that's like a late night gig for everyone.

[Jared Freid]

Can you guys, like, not eat this food? Return it. I want the money. I would be so unappreciative.

[Jordana Abraham]

That was. That was the first part. She had a speech.

[Jared Freid]

What did she. Did she. Thank you.

[Jordana Abraham]

She did. She did, yeah. She talked about her siblings.

[Jared Freid]

She thinks Siblings or Georgia.

[Jordana Abraham]

I would. I didn't get a specific call out.

[Jared Freid]

Same.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's okay. I don't know if anyone at the school knows me.

[Jared Freid]

I. Well, you would. You didn't notice. You didn't say. Well, I guess she's just doing us as a group.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, No, I was fine with it.

[Jared Freid]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, it would have been weird if someone. If someone specifically got called out and it wasn't me, I guess, but.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I want to thank Jonathan, who was always there for me. And the rest of the.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. And the rest of you also there. Fine. Sometimes.

[Jared Freid]

Okay. So how was the event?

[Jordana Abraham]

So the event was good. My. My question or my observation is not even about the event. I was. The event was, like, by Penn. Like the Midtown Penn station MSG kind of area. And. And I'm walking to the event and there's lines, like, literally around the avenue at Stout. You know the bar Stout.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Cause it's a. Well, you're at bars near msg, which is. As the Knicks are playing at San Antonio for the game one of the NBA Finals.

[Jordana Abraham]

It Seems insane to me that you would need to go to a bar by Madison Square Garden when the team isn't there.

[Jared Freid]

It's not insane.

[Jordana Abraham]

I just don't. Mike is trying to tell me. Try my. Trying to explain this. Cause I'm like, I don't think I understand the male psyche of like. And maybe it's not just male. Because a lot of women love the Knicks. There's a lot of women, but they're not even there.

[Jared Freid]

I know.

[Jordana Abraham]

I just don't understand.

[Jared Freid]

A lot of places will do watch parties. A lot of stadiums, you know, they'll. I think they might have. They. MSG did one. I would assume MSG on that huge screen.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

They probably had the game playing and you could just go and be. You know, this is the fun of being a fan. Being a sports fan. I mean, people are starting to do this with Bravo. Bravo shows.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, that's. Then. Then I'm kind of like, okay, is this. But I think men would look at that and be like, that's absurd.

[Jared Freid]

I actually would find any man who said that who likes sports trying to be divisive. Like, I. I would say that's a troll. Because I would think that any man who's a sports fan would totally understand why people would get together to watch a Bravo show that has significance at a bar. I would totally get that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Get in right for. Okay, fine, maybe they would get that. But I think more men would be like, why are you so invested in whether or not west was. And Sierra and Amanda were hooking up at this point or that point or whatever? Like, why do you care so much? And I think that's the feeling I get when I see people who are like, on a line around the avenue to get into a. I was like, is the game at this bar? Are they playing?

[Jared Freid]

I. Well, I'm happy we're sitting here talking about this because I will give you explanation to why that is. Because I. I mean, as a sports fan myself, who, you know, I don't want to go to every live game. I. You know, going to an NFL game is kind of like a Trek. But when it's a playoff game and you're with the other fans who follow the whole season and know the storyline, you feel a connection to the other people that you just want to feel. You would want to be around people who you can high five when a good play happens, who you can feel the energy of it. And I. And I would say the same. Like, if a man. Again, we. Something that I'm like, trying to be Cautious of in 2026 is referring to people.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sure.

[Jared Freid]

Like, creating a straw man out of this enemy that may not exist.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Like, if there was a man that was like, why would any Bravo fan get together at a bar? I would want to sit with them and go, let's talk this out. Because I can tell you right now, you're not being reasonable.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Because I think in the same way I'm looking at you, I'm going as a. Like, I think especially New York, the Knicks haven't been good. I lived here 18 years. They've never been good. Last year was the first year that they were really good. And I noticed it last year. There was, like, a craving for community. A craving for.

[Jordana Abraham]

I went to one of those games, actually, Game seven.

[Jared Freid]

You went. I remember.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. How I wound up there.

[Jared Freid]

And they lost.

[Jordana Abraham]

And they lost. And I was like, if I. If I come back to this fucking game, they better win.

[Jared Freid]

Well, that's the thing. I think if you were at a win and you, like, felt the energy, like, you're.

[Jordana Abraham]

I was actually annoyed that I was there because the ticket was expensive. The ticket was expensive, but seats were fine. The ticket was expensive.

[Jared Freid]

And once they were expensive, it was expensive. Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. And once they were, like, losing, like, once, it was like they couldn't come back. I felt that they stopped trying. And for me, as someone who really doesn't care, I'm kind of like. That seems unprofessional. Like. Like, work hard till the end.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, towards the end, they're, like, barely dribbling the ball. I'm like, I get.

[Jared Freid]

You lost, like, two minutes. I paid, like, over.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I'm like, I paid a lot of money to be here.

[Jared Freid]

Well, they put in the receipt.

[Jordana Abraham]

At least put on a show.

[Jared Freid]

I know. Listen, it's. I. I disagree, but I think if you were.

[Jordana Abraham]

If you were selling your ticket, I mean, I guess the price doesn't even matter. Like. But did you ever. Do you ever give up at the end of your show if you're, like, not getting any laughs? I mean, are you just.

[Jared Freid]

Like, I've thought about.

[Jordana Abraham]

Are you ever just, like, I've thought

[Jared Freid]

about just running off the stage and running into the woods and never existing ever again? Like, I've had shows where I'm bombing so hard that I want to run away, but do you. No, I finish the show, I shake hands.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Maybe your energy isn't the same as if it's a good show.

[Jared Freid]

Maybe, but it's different because there's no score on the board, like, if I. If I knew I couldn't win the show with two minutes to go, and everyone's like, yeah, let's start cleaning up.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

You know, I think it's different when you're like, it's, you know, they're there to win or lose. You know, when you know that you've lost. And it was game seven.

[Jordana Abraham]

Listen, beyond that, maybe they were depressed, I think.

[Jared Freid]

Right? And I think when people get together to go watch a game, first of all, for dating relationships, it's great. It's something to do. It's an event.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

But it is this. I want to, like, just be around people who know who are into this as much as me, and it makes me feel good. And New York, you know, people move here with, you know, they're the star of the movie. When you move here, there's this type of person who moves here that I'm the star. It's all about me. And they. And I forget my hometown, and I'm getting out of this, you know, one stoplight town.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm a New Yorker.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And then you miss it. You miss elements of. Hey, the game's on tonight. Like, it's like, nice. Even yesterday, you could tell people wearing shirts, wearing hats. Ah, where are you? Watching the game is like a topic of conversation, becomes like the weather. It's something to be in common, a commonality.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I guess that's true for Bravo. I talk about that with. With.

[Jared Freid]

Where are you watching? Where you. What do you watch? Union. Yeah, right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Which housewives do you watch? Which teams do you follow?

[Jared Freid]

It's the same thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I guess so.

[Jared Freid]

I think there's this.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't know if I would ever wait on a line across this around the corner, though, for a Bravo airing.

[Jared Freid]

Some of my most fun memories are, like, me and my brother, like, watching a football game, being like, like totally stupid, you know, like grabbing each other or seeing, like, a big hit. And like, I do this, like, machine gun thing. I'd be like, in the middle of a bar, just like an idiot, you know, like, the fact that you get to, like.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, the way you're describing it does. Does make sense. I wonder if by. At the. By the time this airs, they'll have lost or won. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

I'm a Celtics fan just from birth, but, like, I do like the. This Knicks team. Like, specifically the personalities on it. Like, they're a likable group.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

I like. So I. As a sports fan, I. I can remove myself from Homerism. I. I like to think.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. You don't seem like blindly following a.

[Jared Freid]

No, I need to know. I like to know the players. And this group is like a fun. Brunson's like the most likable athlete there could be. He's a team player. He's. He was not really heralded as this, like, huge star. And now he's outplaying the contract.

[Jordana Abraham]

We love.

[Jared Freid]

Sports fans love a player out playing his contract like he's better than they thought they would be. It kind of gives us hope that, you know, as a representation of the. Every man.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, it's funny because, like, we talk about that with Bravo. Like. Like, why are people so moved by what's happening? Why is it such a. Because you. You see yourself in the person.

[Jared Freid]

Totally. Your own experiences are the most relatable thing that, you know. When men don't understand Bravo and then you.

[Jordana Abraham]

I guess. But I'm not. I'm not. I'm like, I think not relating it the other side.

[Jared Freid]

Now I'm.

[Jordana Abraham]

Now. Now it makes more sense if you

[Jared Freid]

were coached up in it in a way. Like, I. I think of like, you know, the men who are. Hand.

[Jordana Abraham]

If I could see myself in these men, which I don't as.

[Jared Freid]

As a.

[Jordana Abraham]

As a star.

[Jared Freid]

But I think Mike, you know, any. Any man or anybody could be coached up on Bravo in a way that would sell them on Bravo in the same way that I could sell you on.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Brilliant. Brunson and how he is such a likable, cheerable athlete. And he's also like, you know, he's smaller, so he's more relatable. Like, he's shorter than, you know, people

[Jordana Abraham]

feel like they could be him a little bit.

[Jared Freid]

Like, the idea that you can work hard and it pays off is such a lovable trait, you know, like, you know. Right. Well, they also recreated Villanova. They won the national championship at Villanova together.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

And then they got these guys together at. To be like the core of the team from Villanova.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

So they're from kind of down 95. Like, Villanova is an east coast team. So there's a lot of that that goes on. And I don't know, I. I think, like, you know, I.

[Jordana Abraham]

You Maybe I'll get into this.

[Jared Freid]

You could get into it. But now it's like, this is like the end of the series, you know, like, this is.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, yeah, I'm like, I'm a fair weather fan.

[Jared Freid]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

I am like the definition of a fair weather fan.

[Jared Freid]

I don't mind if someone's a. Their Fan, as long as they're not, like, being a dick to other fans or, like.

[Jordana Abraham]

In fact, I'm putting the girls in one in. In Nick's onesies.

[Jared Freid]

As you should.

[Jordana Abraham]

Tomorrow.

[Jared Freid]

Absolutely. Yeah. You got to do that. It's the finals. Come on. Yeah, yeah. The twisters.

[Jordana Abraham]

Mike insisted.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, Mike. Mike's right. And then bring him to Stout and give him a beer and let him

[Jordana Abraham]

cheer on Stout is like a Knicks specific because it's by msg.

[Jared Freid]

It's by msg. And, like, again, like, going to MSG and watching the game, like, you know, the Raptors are in Toronto and they call. They would always go to Toronto. Like, when the Raptors are in the playoffs, they'd be like, let's go check out Toronto. They call it Jurassic Park. The area where they watch the game outside. You see these Canadians going crazy. It's like. Yeah, I get that. You know, I mean, we.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And we talked about it a few weeks ago, but if you. I mean, the. I met Mike in a bar before this event. The amount of single men, the amount of groups of men right at these places is, like, crazy.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. No, and, you know, the problem with going to a sporting event with men and being there for dating purposes, you don't want to interrupt. You don't want to be too much. You don't want to. But it's really the. The in betweens and the hang and the. And hey, you guys gonna go out from here? And, you know, last night, they won the game one. They won. It was like, you know, there's happiness in the streets, you know, I know Chrysler buildings lit up.

[Jordana Abraham]

Grinch. I was like, why are they blocking the streets? I need to cross the street. Like, can these. These people move?

[Jared Freid]

Ubers were 50 bucks. Oh, world cup is on. You know, World cup is a great.

[Jordana Abraham]

I like the World Cup.

[Jared Freid]

World Cup's great because there's, again, the community is the country.

[Jordana Abraham]

We are here.

[Jared Freid]

Right? So go. We put on red, white, and blue. You have something in common. Like, the World cup can't be a better event. I remember the World cup global. Yeah, totally. You know, I just remember, like, I. I would say if you're gonna go watch the World cup, though, not to be this guy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Know something.

[Jared Freid]

Leave your issue. No, you don't have to know. Oh, leave your politics issues with the country.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

How about you two spend two hours being Go usa?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, right.

[Jared Freid]

You don't have to.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, I agree.

[Jared Freid]

The person that shows up. Well, can we even cheer for the country? I'd be like, oh, right.

[Jordana Abraham]

You don't want that person at the fourth of July party.

[Jared Freid]

The worst human. What an exhausting garbage person.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, I'm very into any occasion that I can dress up my twins matching.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, absolutely. For my mom to respond.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. And the, the jerseys they, they, someone bought them were Towns. Do you know who that is?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, Carl Anthony Towns.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. Not. Not controversial, right?

[Jared Freid]

No, he's great. His, his agent went to college with me.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, wow.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, you should send him a picture. Know his fiance is Ky's ex. Best friend or current best friend? Kylie Jenner. Or Kylie.

[Jared Freid]

Is there another manog. Kylie Jenner.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

She's the one that was on. Yeah, she was on.

[Jordana Abraham]

What's her last name?

[Jared Freid]

She's the one that got Jordan Woods.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. Who, who hooked up with Chloe's. Chloe's ex. Famously.

[Jared Freid]

We probably talked about it here. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure.

[Jordana Abraham]

The other cool thing about sports. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

There's a lot of, you know.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I mean they make reality shows about the. The Wags.

[Jared Freid]

Totally.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

So listen, go nicks and go USA.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

And let's do the show. Let's do it uuppet.com if you have an email that you want us to discuss in the show and I am on the road. I'm back to stand up. Book tour is over. Go buy the book. I would love for you to buy the book. Buy the book for a friend. If you've finished the book now buy it for a friend. I am going to be in Cleveland, Ohio. That's right. Back at Hilarities. I love Cleveland, Ohio City. I'm going to be hanging.

[Jordana Abraham]

Where? Why haven't you gone to Moobies?

[Jared Freid]

It's been a while since Moobis. Cuz I went. I did a film setting for me. I did a music theater in Baltimore.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. You're too big. He's too good for Magoobies.

[Jared Freid]

I don't know. Every comedian knows you could be back at Magoobies anytime.

[Jordana Abraham]

So we gotta watch your step.

[Jared Freid]

Gotta make sure you keep selling tickets. Cleveland, I'm doing a show. I'm in Long beach on Monday here with the mayor of Long Beach, Jordana Abraham. So I am going to be in Long beach and then I'm going to be in the Hamptons.

[Jordana Abraham]

With me.

[Jared Freid]

With you. And then I have shows in Miami. I'm going to be in Portland, Maine. I'm gonna be in Red Bank, New Jersey. And then back on Long island in the fall. I'm adding dates if you know, for the fall. I'm gonna Have a special come out. You know, get your tickets. Get your tickets.

[Jordana Abraham]

This special.

[Jared Freid]

Thank you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Unreal.

[Jared Freid]

It's good.

[Jordana Abraham]

I haven't seen any of your new so I can't speak to it.

[Jared Freid]

I just told Jordan.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, make me very excited to drive an hour to the show.

[Jared Freid]

It's gonna be great.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, I'm sure it's gonna be great.

[Jared Freid]

We hope. I gotta get to the writers room.

[Jordana Abraham]

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. After a long, cold winter, summer is finally within reach. For a lot of people, summer is the best season break from school vacations, beach days. But for others, it's not all sunshine, just counting down the minutes until the kids are back in school or getting fomo because the only beach you're seeing is someone else's Instagram. Carousel. Therapy can help you better understand your needs this season and make the summer you actually want feel within reach. I love therapy. It really helps me work out all my issues and sometimes those issues are just feeling differently than I feel like I'm supposed to feel like feeling really happy in the summer or feeling like really glad that I got exactly what I wanted. Sometimes you're a little confused and a therapist can really help you parse out, you know, what you think you should want versus what you actually want. I It's really important to take care of your mental health during the summer, especially during a time when people are really busy and have a lot of activities. And sometimes it can go on the back burner. With over 30,000 fully licensed therapists, Better Help is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 6 million people globally. They do the initial matching for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences. And if you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored recs. You don't have to say yes to everything this summer. Find support and therapy. Sign up and get 10 [e-mail] that's better h lp.com so good.

[Jared Freid]

So good.

[Jordana Abraham]

New summer arrivals are at Nordstrom Rack stores.

[Jared Freid]

Now get ready to save big with up to 60 off brands like Rag

[Jordana Abraham]

and Bone, Levi's, Adidas and free people. Join the Nordy Club to unlock exclusive discount counts. Shop new arrivals first and more.

[Jared Freid]

Plus, buy online and pick up at your favorite Rack store for free. Great brands, great prices.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's why you rack. Okay, let's do an email.

[Jared Freid]

Let's do it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Dear J and J, Congratulations on your growing family. Jordana and congratulations, Jared on your relationship. I think Jared does not want to be congratulated on his relationship.

[Jared Freid]

It's.

[Jordana Abraham]

It.

[Jared Freid]

I. I actually.

[Jordana Abraham]

Are you not accepting congratulations?

[Jared Freid]

I'm accepting it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

But it, like, makes me, you know,

[Jordana Abraham]

like, it makes sense. Okay.

[Jared Freid]

I think I just talked to a guy today. I saw him, he had posted with his girlfriend on Instagram. I was like, what? It is so funny the way men react to men being in a relationship.

[Jordana Abraham]

And what is your reaction when you see a man?

[Jared Freid]

Well, when's the wedding? You know, I'm with them.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Immediately, like, it is like it is. And then he was like, you could see him like, hey, I got a girlfriend. Like, it is. So it's like, I think it's to be acknowledged because if you're like these.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's like, is it embarrassing to have a girlfriend? As the. Whatever that article was.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, it's embarrassing.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's not because it's vulnerable.

[Jared Freid]

I think it's vulnerable. It's an admission that I've like, I care about someone. I don't know. This is how. This is how ingrained the male issues in 2026.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's embarrassing to, like.

[Jared Freid]

I don't think it's embarrassing, but there's. I mean, I'm. I'm giving an answer to why giving him.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is it less embarrassing, like, if you feel like the person, like, depending on the person. Is it more. Is it less embarrassing if you feel like you pulled someone.

[Jared Freid]

No. Here's the difference. It doesn't matter how good looking the person that you're with is. You know, societally, if you posted with Mike, I wouldn't be like, what? And giving you. I'd be like, oh, I saw the post. That's great.

[Jordana Abraham]

Congratulations.

[Jared Freid]

Congratulations.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. I just. It's funny. My first instinct isn't congratulations. I'm just telling you, I'm giving you from deep in my anus. What we do is.

[Jordana Abraham]

What a loser.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

What a loser.

[Jordana Abraham]

Wow.

[Jared Freid]

Cuz. I don't know. There's nothing. Consider it's. It's like the parents who let you drink at their house. Like, you know, there's a point where you come to terms with, I don't want my parents being the one that let you drink at the house. You know, like, there's a point, but it take. It gets earned. So like the guy who has a girlfriend and builds a beautiful life, at a certain point you go, yeah, that's like the way it should be.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sounds great.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Yeah. That's how much.

[Jordana Abraham]

But in the beginning.

[Jared Freid]

In the beginning, you're like, what a loser. We can't even drink at his house.

[Jordana Abraham]

Why does anyone have a girlfriend in college then? You had a girlfriend.

[Jared Freid]

I had a girlfriend in college.

[Jordana Abraham]

She was on this show.

[Jared Freid]

She was famously on the show. No, you. Why would you get one? Or why would you not get one?

[Jordana Abraham]

Why would you get one if it's so like, lame?

[Jared Freid]

Because everyone wants connection and you know, you want to have a girlfriend and that's what you think you should be doing. I don't know. I. I guess, you know, you want, you do want a girlfriend, but you don't. It's. It's like this weird thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

You don't want to be too excited about it.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I don't know. Congratulations. It's such a loser thing to be told.

[Jordana Abraham]

Very funny. Okay, I was wondering if you guys could talk about the decision to have a kid or not. Jared, I know you've talked about wanting kids and Jordana, obviously you did too. And I'm very happy for you in motherhood. Now, how did you guys know that you wanted kids? My husband and I have been together for 10 years. We're 36, married two years ago, if that matters. I also started dating him when you up first started and honestly feel like our relationship succeeded thanks to so much of your sage wisdom, especially in the early stages.

[Jared Freid]

You're welcome.

[Jordana Abraham]

So I'm looking to you for help again. Now at this stage, my husband leans towards no about the kid decision and I really just don't know. I think one or none. If I felt strongly that I did want to try for a child, my husband would be would be open to it. Instead, I'm just wishy washy about the decision. I'm definitely not the girl who grew up always wanting kids and picturing motherhood. I just didn't think about it and I'm introverted and get really tired after being around most people other than my husband. Lol. I'm a nurturing person, but the thought of pregnancy and nursing makes me uncomfortable in my own body. There's lots of scary things in the world that make the idea of bringing a child into it seem not ideal. But then the counter argument to that is that sort of always has been the case. Parents talk about how much joy their children bring bring them that it's like nothing they've ever experienced before. If anything, my hang up is more of a FOMO because of that. But that's a big gamble to take. My husband and I are set up in so many aspects of our life that we would be able to support a child now, which we feel very fortunate about. We've also both done lots of therapy and feel self aware yet stumped by this question, at least for me. We also love and enjoy our nephews and kids in our lives. We have fur babies too and they fill our hearts every now and then. I do get the ovary twinge when I see my man in a dad role in terms of dating and relationships. I'm so grateful for my husband. I found someone who's my best friend would make a great dad. We know each other's quirks and how to communicate etc. If anything though, I worry a child would detract from our relationship because we'd be so tired and have less time. We both come from divorced families too, so prioritizing our marriage is huge for us and we made big sacrifices in our twenties for our careers that it's kind of nice to just enjoy the outcomes now and not make more sacrifices. Is that our answer? Dink life? But will we regret it? I know this takes the dating relationship topic to the niche question of kids, but after being a fan of you up for 10 years, it's a natural evolution as you enter these chapters too.

[Jared Freid]

Now she's the creative director. Seriously, we I agree with her. This is part of the conversation.

[Jordana Abraham]

I find myself thinking of every couple I know in their 30s and trying to gauge whether they where they might stand on the decision. And sometimes it changes too. So many of our friends never wanted kids. Then the script flipped in their mid-30s. Obviously it's a personal decision, but I love to hear your thoughts. Sincerely, to be or not to Be a Mama. Threw that one in just for you. Jordana, thank you.

[Jared Freid]

Well, thank you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for enjoying the show. Jordana, is there anything first in this email that you immediately disagree with? Is there anything that made you as

[Jordana Abraham]

a mama that I disagree with?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Did you see anything in here that you're like, this is the wrong perspective because it's a pretty reasonable email. The the thoughts that they have, the insecurities they have. Like to me, childless, not married.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

I go, yeah, these are all thoughts and insecurities that I have about the future as well. So I don't know if you see anything in this email that you're like, you are misguided on this?

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't really think so. I think a lot of the things she says are like very rational ways to think about things I don't really even like. The world is so terrible. Don't bring kids into it thing. I've never really resonated with that because I agree with what. But then because she prefaces it after with like. I think you could say that about many different generations.

[Jared Freid]

Do you ever think, what if, like, like, I have this thought every night. This is an intrusive thought. And this might make me sound weird, but I feel very comfortable in these, these hallowed grounds here at. The alien shows up today.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Planets, ours. They start firing off lasers. I'm. What do you do?

[Jordana Abraham]

What do I do?

[Jared Freid]

Right. Do you have a.

[Jordana Abraham]

With the kids?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Like, are you. Do you run away?

[Jordana Abraham]

Do you go to Aileen's house? She probably has a bunker.

[Jared Freid]

She's.

[Jordana Abraham]

She's going to be upset.

[Jared Freid]

I talk with the kids.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, of course.

[Jared Freid]

Do you have it in your.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know, there's a really funny movie. It's called. It's originally like a Swedish movie.

[Jared Freid]

I think I know exactly the movie Downhill. They made a remake of it with Will Ferrell and it didn't do. And Tina Fey and it didn't do as well.

[Jordana Abraham]

Tina Fe. Or was it Elaine from Seinfeld? Julie Lou Dris.

[Jared Freid]

It might have been Julie. Louis Dris. I, I, but it was a, yeah. Foreign movie.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, true. I saw the original with subtitles.

[Jared Freid]

People love that original.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, it's a little like, it's darker. It's definitely not, like, as funny.

[Jared Freid]

It's. It's a tough watch, I've heard.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. The other one they make, is this the original force? I think so, yes. Force majeure. And that's sort of about that. There's like, an avalanche and Will Ferrell's character, the dad character, but they're all, like, eating, eating lunch, like, outside on, like, of, like a ski top. And there's an avalanche, and the dad runs into the thing, leaves, like, the mom and the, and the kids behind, like, they wind up being fine.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

But basically the whole movie is about, like, what happens after that.

[Jared Freid]

It's a totally great premise for a movie. And I, I don't know. I think about it, like, she can

[Jordana Abraham]

never look at him the same way.

[Jared Freid]

Right. So I think about it when I was single, especially now. I, I, But I'm saying being in a relationship has made me change that thought.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

The intrusive thought is, like, man, as a single guy, if the, if I just had to, like, go on the run, it's so nice that I can just go on the run.

[Jordana Abraham]

Just be for yourself.

[Jared Freid]

For myself. And then I think of, like, people with kids in a family. I'M like, man, you gotta, like, pick up that. Like, you're dead. You're done. Like, I. I'm not saying I would survive, but I'm more likely to. But I'm more likely to, like, I could, like, hide behind that. Back there.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

With a sandwich and just, like, sit there forever. You know, when you're a dad or a mom. You know what I mean? Like, I. That's. I. I always.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, that's like, a major part of it is that it's, like, not really about you anymore. I started to feel that way a little bit with the dog. It was like, you know, I would

[Jared Freid]

say I'd have this alien shows up. Bye, Ronnie.

[Jordana Abraham]

I have to take care. I have to take care of someone now. He's, like, in my care. Right. You know, even more so than, like, a partner. Like, if there was an alien now, I think I would grab the kids and be like. And I think Mike and I would both grab the kids, not each other first.

[Jared Freid]

Well, right. What happens if you can't find Mike? All the phones are down. Like, I'm saying, like, what a thing I don't have to deal or didn't have to deal with.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. I mean, it's. It's not like I have to deal with that daily.

[Jared Freid]

Well, I'm just. Yeah, I guess you do, right? I don't know. But I was. When I read this email about the kids, I was like, all these thoughts that I have kind of. I. I mean, I had this thoughts with the relationships, like, all these concerns, and then I got in one and they kind of melted away.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. They realize that it's almost like, anticipatory. Right. And actual, like, based in reality.

[Jared Freid]

A lot of fears.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

So, okay, so you, as a mother, do you. Would you ever tell someone who's thinking about kids to have kids?

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't know. I think, like. I think it's such a personal decision.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it's, like, the answer I

[Jared Freid]

thought you would have.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I think it's like, I'm not. Like, everyone should have kids. They are amazing. Like, if you're not having kids, you're missing out. Like, I think it's kind of like anything else. Like, it's a lot of work. It's. It's a lot of. You're like, you have a much less free time. It's not much less. Not about. It's so much more. Not about you. But there's. There are really rewarding parts. And I think it's about an individual preference of if that's worth it to you.

[Jared Freid]

That's why this email's so hard. Some what. Okay, so my question to you was, kids enough course. Or was it a decision you and Mike made thoughtfully? Because some people, that's just, what, snacks, you know, like, that's the hard part about this email. This is actually foreign from how people think.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

A lot of times they're just like. And next it's kids. So what was it for you?

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, we talked about kids, like, early in our relationship, I think. And we both wanted kids. I don't. I think it was. I guess. And of course, it wasn't, like, something we were ever, like, debating. And if I didn't really want them, I definitely wouldn't have spent all the money and time and energy.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Getting there.

[Jared Freid]

Was there ever a point in that process where you're like, how about we just don't.

[Jordana Abraham]

There was a discussion that we had when we were getting the surrogate. We were paying for the surrogate and, like, arranging all that stuff.

[Jared Freid]

More expensive than Nick's tickets.

[Jordana Abraham]

Much more expensive than Nick's tickets. There was a discussion we had where we were like, if this. If this doesn't work out, like, this was sort of our. Like, all right, nothing else seems to be working out. Let's do this. And then there was a discussion of, like, if this didn't work out, what would we do? Like, would we keep going? Would we adopt? Would we do whatever? And I think we both said. And I don't know, like, it's tough because we were never, like, actually in the position. Because it did work out. We both said, like, I think if it didn't work out, we could. We could envision a life with no kids.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, we. We wouldn't. It's not like, our first choice. Like, we wouldn't be right. But I think we were both, like. I don't think we. Either of us really wanted to adopt. I don't know if that's a controversial thing to say. I just don't think that was, like, something that we wanted to do. Like, but. And I think we said, like, this is sort of, like, the. The last thing we're gonna try.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I talked with Emily about kids, and we had. I think we had. I don't want to speak for her, but my perspective seemed to be we were on a similar page where I just want to, like, have fun with the person. Like, I. I see it as, like, a fun team project. Yeah, most of the time, that's right. But I'm saying Like, I want it to be. That's how I wanted it to be.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, it is. Yeah. And I think if you're with the

[Jared Freid]

right person doing this together, it is.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

And we can make fun of it. We get to watch. I don't know. I, I, Maybe it's a selfish perspective, but I'm like, I just want to hang with you and laugh at this idiot and make fun of it and bring it up and be mad at it and discuss it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

With someone.

[Jordana Abraham]

It is like, a. Definitely a project.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, a much bigger version of any other project you, you have.

[Jared Freid]

But that's how I think of, like, why I would want a kid. I don't want it to make the world a better place. I don't want it to, like, I don't need to, like, have my seed out there. I don't know. I'm not elon where I need, like, a million of me, but I. That would be for the next episode of the sitcom. I want to see what happens next.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think there was an element of me thinking that.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Wanting that as well. Like, I think we, you know, we thought, you think about, like, again, that dink life. It's like, I was like, yeah, we could keep traveling and kind of doing whatever we want and going anywhere, but, like, we've already kind of done that.

[Jared Freid]

I have friends who are dinks and the baby.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Who. I think they would both be the best parents. Like, do you tell them that? No. I, I don't get it. I think they know that about themselves, but I, I.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, just because you're good at something

[Jared Freid]

doesn't mean you should do it. And they live a great life. But they're also, like, I would say of my friends of people I know they're very thoughtful and are very curious about everything. Like, they love a hobby. Like, right now they're on vacation in Sweden and Copenhagen, and they. He read all the books about Copenhagen. Like, he, yeah, he has filled those times. And I think that's the one thing when I see someone who's like, we're not doing kids. I'm like, I hope you guys have so many interests. Like, yeah. I think that's the one thing that I would say to this person. Like, you know, yeah, you're gonna have

[Jordana Abraham]

a lot more free time. So I hope you have stuff to do.

[Jared Freid]

You got interest. I hope you have, like, you have to, like. And I would say about something I envy about my friends, these friends, they're very thoughtful. They're very good at going to our Friends, houses and going to the birthday parties and going to the events. They're, they, they take, they're not above it. Not above it. And they do it and they do it right. And they just. When we do an event with them, when I do something with them, they're always like, I, I don't know that I, I think that when I think of how I would do a dinks lifestyle because I'm like, when I was thinking of like buying my apartment, I talked about this on you up. Like, do I get the place that wasn't gonna push me financially or do I get the place that was gonna like, yeah, make me work? And I, I chose the place that would make me work and that I was like, I can either keep living this rerun for the rest of my life and be happy and, or there's

[Jordana Abraham]

not as much growth.

[Jared Freid]

Sometimes I, I kind of looking to. That's. And again, these are all like, if you think it's worth it.

[Jordana Abraham]

If you think it's worth it.

[Jared Freid]

Right. But I think this is like a, this is where the idea of privilege and like some people, like you have to have kids to like work the shop, you know, like, or that's maybe an old school thing, I think. But this is like the 2026, like to be able to discuss. I don't know, maybe he doesn't want it. I don't. Yeah, all of this is a problem.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, I agree. And I think it also, I mean, I, I think I'm coming from a privileged place. I can afford child care. I think that makes it easier. It would be like, I think a. I think I would still want it if I couldn't. But like, I think it would be a harder decision. The number of kids would be a harder decision. I don't know if I'd be trying for two at the same time.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

If I had no help. So I think that factors into it because it is, it is really hard. It is really time consuming.

[Jared Freid]

If you were dating someone that was leaning towards no on kids, is that even something you're trying to push? Because she wrote that my husband's leaning towards no. Like at that point I'm like, why even I don't know why. Why force yourself into this? She's afraid.

[Jordana Abraham]

Leaning towards no. Leaning towards no is not like a definite no. I could see thinking about it thoughtfully.

[Jared Freid]

Right. But is it. Do you do. I'm with you. I'm with you. Where it's like, if someone's like, I would never convince someone you should have kids it's like the crazy.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, that's crazy. Yeah. I think it's like, every. It's just like, you should do anything. It's like, how much do you like this thing? How much do you think it's worth it to go through all the hard parts in order to get it?

[Jared Freid]

I mean, right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I. I think I, like, discovered because it was so hard for me that I wanted it more than I even thought I did.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And now you got two beautiful kids to dress up in Nick's onesies.

[Jordana Abraham]

Exactly.

[Jared Freid]

Get likes from.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I mean, that's the most important thing, you know? No, and it's. It's very hard, but, like, I've never been, like, shouldn't have done this.

[Jared Freid]

Never been that way.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, definitely. I mean, I have thought, like, I have been, like, seeing my mom with, like, one baby and, like, been a little jealous of just, like, the.

[Jared Freid]

Of having the one baby experience.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes, of seeing the one baby experience where, like, you. You know, it's just. It's less chaotic, and I didn't really have that experience. You could almost, like, enjoy each baby. I. Sometimes I feel bad about I'm not able to, like, enjoy each baby as much when I'm watching them alone because there's. They just have a lot of needs together.

[Jared Freid]

Right. But that's the reason.

[Jordana Abraham]

It'll be fun, and I think it'll be fun later. I think that'll pay off again. It's more work now, but I think when they're, like, friends and they're hanging out and hope, I mean, hopefully, I think that'll all feel worth it.

[Jared Freid]

Right. What if one's cooler than the other?

[Jordana Abraham]

That'll probably happen.

[Jared Freid]

Hey, got something.

[Jordana Abraham]

Who's cooler, you or your brother?

[Jared Freid]

I mean, obviously, I'm the coolest.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, you are, right? You do have a Netflix special.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, but he's pretty cool.

[Jordana Abraham]

He's cool.

[Jared Freid]

We're. I think we are cool together. We. We got to hang out with Ruth.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sounds like something you say in middle school.

[Jared Freid]

We're cool.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

But, well, we golfed, and Ruthie and Emily, like, followed us along, and, like, they hung out, and then we golfed, and it was, like, really nice. Cool people, Four cools, just hanging out. But it was, like, a nice. I really valued the time together.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's great.

[Jared Freid]

You're like, man. Yeah. No, it's. And everyone's doing their own thing, but, like, you can only get it so many times a year.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

You know?

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, that's what makes it better, probably.

[Jared Freid]

Right? Study and play. Come together on a Windows 11 PC and for a limited time, college students get the best of both worlds. Get the unreal college deal everything you need to study and play with select Windows 11 PCs. Eligible students get a year of Microsoft 365 Premium and a year of excellent Xbox game. Pass ultimate with a custom color Xbox wireless controller. Learn [e-mail] studentoffer while supplies last ends June 30th. Terms at aka mscollegepc.

[Jordana Abraham]

Your call has been forwarded to voicemail. Hi, this is Zoe Deutsch and Nick Robinson.

[Jared Freid]

Our brand new movie Voicemails for Isabel is all about those little moments that feel like the universe is looking out, feeling homesick.

[Jordana Abraham]

Then your sister calls, hearing that perfect

[Jared Freid]

song exactly when you need it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Please stay.

[Jared Freid]

Sometimes life rigs things in our favor, like learning about your new favorite rom com Voicemails for Isabel now playing only on Netflix. Let's do a pettier Prude let's do it. Uupetches.com you're dating someone. It ended and now you acted a certain way. Are you being petty or was it a prudent decision?

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's find out.

[Jared Freid]

J and J love the pod. I have a petty or prudent for you. I'm 28. My boyfriend, 30, male, and I have been together for the past two years. Overall, we have a great relationship, but we keep running into the same issue. Dishes. I usually make dinner for both of us during the week and after we eat, I ask him to help by washing the dishes. Almost every time he says he's too tired after a long day of work. His argument is that because he has to commute into the office every day and I work from home, I should be one. Quite an argument. I should be the one handling the cleanup.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yikes.

[Jared Freid]

I've told him multiple times that making dinner and cleaning up afterwards should be a shared responsibility, but nothing has changed. After months of having the same conversation, I decided to stop cooking for him altogether. Now I only make dinner for myself, and if he wants something to eat, he has to figure it out on his own. He thinks I'm being passive aggressive and immature. I think I'm done acting like his personal chef and and dishwasher. Petty or prudent? If your partner refuses to do the dishes after dinner, is it fair to stop making dinner for them? A guy tired of fighting about the dishes? What do you think?

[Jordana Abraham]

These people should not have kids. I think I'm with you.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I would say based on how they argue.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes, based on how the way that they're you Know, dividing responsibilities and problem solving here. I wouldn't say both. I think they're both wrong.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Well, they. I guess that's why it's petty. You're reacting in a petty way to them being petty.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, you're both petty.

[Jared Freid]

Everyone's petty.

[Jordana Abraham]

Which is sort of like the nightmare relationship.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think when there's two petty people,

[Jared Freid]

the response of, I drive to work, so you should do the dishes is kind of crazy.

[Jordana Abraham]

I agree. I think that's a absurd comment to make. It also doesn't show any gratitude for coming home to having dinner on the table. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Also, dishes. Dishes is one of those topics that actually people. It is really. It's way more than the dishes. It's an. Actually. It's a personality.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's not about the dishes.

[Jared Freid]

Never about the dishes. Like, there's some people that leave the dishes in the sink, and we'll get to them when we get to them. And that is a whole personality. There's some people that can't look at a dirty dish in the sink. It will drive them crazy. They'll go, I. It's funny. When I had an apartment where I had no dishwasher, I would leave them there and just kind of leave them sometimes. Now, with a dishwasher, I put them in the dishwasher right away.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's true. Dishwasher will set you free.

[Jared Freid]

Kind of sets. Saves a family.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do you and Emily ever cook?

[Jared Freid]

We cooked.

[Jordana Abraham]

Who does the dishes?

[Jared Freid]

We do everything together.

[Jordana Abraham]

You all. Okay, well, that's not gonna last.

[Jared Freid]

Well, I. I grew up in a house where everyone did everything but my mom.

[Jordana Abraham]

Everyone did you. The whole family cooked together.

[Jared Freid]

All. I would churn the butter. My brother would. So what did your dad do? We were all living on your dad's potatoes. Well, he's peeling. My mom and dad would make dinner kind of like as a team, and that. So did my grandparents.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

It was very similar where my mom was kind of the sous chef. My dad would grill, and then my mom would make another thing in the oven, and they would come together to make this meal. My. My dad would make the salad dressing. My mom would make the. Would put together the burger patties. My dad would grill the bird.

[Jordana Abraham]

So it was like this little factory.

[Jared Freid]

Emily and I, a little factory. A little Ford thing going on. Emily and I, we've grilled together a few times, and we've done it similarly. Like, we both go out to the grill. We both do it together. We hang out during it. It's a hang.

[Jordana Abraham]

Who does dishes and Then you both sit, but stand. Stand next to each other like one of us.

[Jared Freid]

She'll take the dishes.

[Jordana Abraham]

We do it together.

[Jared Freid]

Says here everything's easy. Relationships are easy. No. Well, she'll take them right away and be like, well, you did the grilling, so I'll do well. That's the kind of.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's what you want, though. That's what you want. And that's kind of how it works. I do think in my.

[Jared Freid]

Do it.

[Jordana Abraham]

We do it like sometimes we will cook together. If there's like a. If we're. I'm doing a side and he's doing a main or whatever. But usually, like, I would say if we're both have the same amount of time, he's cooking and I'm cleaning. I prefer to clean up than to cook. I don't like cooking that much. And if I cook, he. He usually will offer to clean up, but I don't really like the way he loads the dishwasher. So I'll just tell him what to do, and then I'll load the dishwasher

[Jared Freid]

forks up or forks down in the dishwasher.

[Jordana Abraham]

Forks down.

[Jared Freid]

That's crazy.

[Jordana Abraham]

You don't want it. How are you gonna pick them up then? You have to get. You have to touch them to pick them up.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, but then how do they get cleaned in that, like, little.

[Jordana Abraham]

The dishwasher goes all the. All over the place.

[Jared Freid]

I don't know. Not in that little basket.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, I don't like when things that are supposed to go on the bottom rack go on the top rack.

[Jared Freid]

Plate on the top rack.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. That irritates.

[Jared Freid]

That's crazy.

[Jordana Abraham]

I get like, a little.

[Jared Freid]

Does that sometimes.

[Jordana Abraham]

He'll do that.

[Jared Freid]

Do you have the. Well, my silverware thing has been fixed. I have the drawer that's just for silverware.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

So you put them on their side.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

And that really has helped. Been a game changer, because now you

[Jordana Abraham]

can pick them up on this. I don't understand how you were doing it before, though. You're pick. You pick them up. Up the top. You, like, touch the top of the.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

And they're not clean anymore.

[Jared Freid]

You think any touch of your hands to the top of the.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, your hands are the most disgusting things on. On your body. They touch everything.

[Jared Freid]

That. That's how you look at hands.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

That's crazy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Did you know that they did, like, a study, I think, and they said the. The door of a Starbucks is, like, the most disgusting thing you could ever touch.

[Jared Freid]

Really?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. Has like, the most germs almost more than the subway. Somehow. I don't really understand that.

[Jared Freid]

I am so not aware of germs in that, in that way.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm not like a germ person either, but I did read that once and thought it was pretty disgusting.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I. How you load the dishwasher is definitely one of those. It's. Maybe he did it wrong on purpose so that you would do the dishes.

[Jordana Abraham]

Maybe. I mean, I, I have sometimes I have sometimes we have a little, A little discussion. Like the other day I actually said this to him. I said, hey, just so you know, like, if you finish the toilet paper.

[Jared Freid]

So, you know, it's so, you know, opening to. You're doing your life wrong.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're doing just as a. Just a little thought.

[Jared Freid]

Just so you know.

[Jordana Abraham]

Just a little thought.

[Jared Freid]

This thing you do all the time,

[Jordana Abraham]

this thing that you do all the time when you, when you take out a new roll of toilet paper, you have to put it in the holder. You can't put it on top of the holder. That's not, that's not good etiquette.

[Jared Freid]

Very male.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I, I had seen it a few times and then I was like, all right, this isn't like gonna be my job to put the toilet paper on the. Like, whoever finishes the toilet paper puts the new.

[Jared Freid]

Throw it in.

[Jordana Abraham]

And there's only two adults using this bathroom.

[Jared Freid]

It is funny what I find to be like exertion. Like, you know, like, that's like a three second thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. That's why I was like, how could you just do it?

[Jared Freid]

To some people it's. How could you not? Other people are like, you know.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

It's. It is interesting what people find to be just like, like nothing. And to others it's like a mountain to climb. Because I've had that where I'm like, I've thought to myself, jared, you can't put the toilet paper on the thing. Like, right.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's like we all have that, I think with our own things. I'm sure I've done that at some

[Jared Freid]

point somewhere in some capacity. Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

But that's why I say it in a very. Like, next time could you just like put it in the thing?

[Jared Freid]

Right. And I, I.

[Jordana Abraham]

And if he was like, I commuted, it's not my responsibility. I don't know.

[Jared Freid]

So you think they're both being petty?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes, but I think that, like, it's a big problem that he says he doesn't have to the way because, because now they're. Now, it's not a team right now it's Every man for themselves. And you're comp. You're logging and keeping score. Keeping score is like a very tough thing to do the deeper you get into a relationship, because then you're always like. And then you're competing against the person. And I did this and this. So you owe me that. It's more like if we all just do as much as we can in

[Jared Freid]

the beginning, too, it's easier to keep score towards the. You know, as you go longer in the relationship. Like, your score is being kept from years and months and whatever together. You don't know when that score has become. Yeah. Now you get resentful.

[Jordana Abraham]

I would say if he said, I, you know, after I get back from this commute and I eat, I'm so tired. It's so hard for me to do the dishwasher. Here's what I think. I can either do it the next morning before I go to work. We can hire someone. I'm happy I can contribute to that. There's certain things where I'm like, I don't want to do that. And I don't think. I'm not saying you have to do that, but if you don't want to do that either, we should hire someone to do that.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's kind of my. Like the way a chef.

[Jared Freid]

That's the relatable advice. We know.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hire. I mean, hi. Like how you can hire like a cleaning person. Yeah, that's going to come sometimes. That's like. And then we'll both pay for that. Because neither of us want to do when there's something that neither of us want to do.

[Jared Freid]

Right. We got to find.

[Jordana Abraham]

Then let's find. And we need to find a solution.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

We. Not me. I know.

[Jared Freid]

I. I just can't believe. Can you imagine how. How tense this. This house is? Just one person eating salmon with roasted vegetables alone, watching the other person with nothing. Let's do another. Email uuppet.com go for it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Dear J and J. Longtime listener and benefit subscriber, Jordana used to talk about emotional masturbation. I'm hoping you can help me curb this behavior in myself. Oh, a classic. I'm 38, female, five eight, 170 pounds.

[Jared Freid]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

And I've been single for the past five years. I've done a lot of therapy for my dating anxiety, and Jordana's stories and advice on this have helped. Thanks. But one thing I can't stop doing is romanticizing every situation with a new guy. Most recently, I went on a great first date with a hinge match. 28, male. He made a dinner reservation, after which we went to a nice bar for drinks and then to my place. We talked the entire time. Had a lot in common in terms of lifestyle goals. He paid for for everything. And we even danced a bit at the bar.

[Jared Freid]

What a night.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sounds fun. I know that many people warn against sleeping together on the first date, but my last relationship started that way, so I wasn't too worried.

[Jared Freid]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay, that's a sample size of 1. Plus, he had already picked out an activity for us for the following weekend. I spent the whole week looking forward to the second date and emotionally masturbating the entire situation, only to be ghosted. Now I'm left wondering if he died like in me, Joe Black, or if I was just Wind and D so that he could hook up. This is not the first time that I have romanticized the situation in early dating only to be knocked back to reality. It honestly feels like I'm recovering from a hangover. I would appreciate your perspective on this situation. Signed, a true, truly hopeless romantic.

[Jared Freid]

Well, this is a tale as old as time. Goes on a great date, sleeps together, the guy says, ta, ta.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. It's been happening forever.

[Jared Freid]

Forever. I, I, you know, I think my

[Jordana Abraham]

advice, my suggestion to not sleep with someone on the first date has nothing to do with the way that, that they see you or whether it's dooming you.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

My suggestion to not sleep with someone on the first date is if you are the kind of person who gets more attached and as she herself says, emotionally masturbates.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's about your feelings, not theirs. It's about how maybe you're more attached to someone and what sex means to you. Maybe it means more to you than it does to them and you become more attached and therefore maybe are more invested in this person. It hurts more if it doesn't work out. I don't think it's about like, oh, they're gonna think you're right.

[Jared Freid]

I, I think like, you know, especially the way she wrote this email is kind of a good warning against having sex on the first date. Yeah, she wrote, we talked the entire time, had a lot in common in terms of lifestyle goals. He paid for everything. We even danced at the bar. I know people warn against sleeping together on the first date, but my last relationship started the way that way, so I wasn't too worried. Plus, he had already picked out an activity for us for the following weekend. If you're having sex now because of what is going to supposedly happen in the future, then you probably shouldn't have sex now.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

If you're having sex now because of what has happened in the past, that's a good reason to have sex. What do you mean? Hey, we went on a great date. I'm really getting wet from this guy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, you're saying from like the way you feel about, right.

[Jared Freid]

I'm having a great time on this date. And you know what would be the cherry on top of this date? A good old fashioned. That's a great reason to sleep with someone. Like I feel really good, I'm having a fun time. I feel safe in their company.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like I, I would like that. And the I, the way I feel tomorrow won't be affected on by if I how how this goes in the future.

[Jared Freid]

I guess this is my argument for sex on the first date. If you can handle it, if you can handle it. You're not even thinking of tomorrow. You know, if you're just like I've had a really, that sounds like a

[Jordana Abraham]

good argument though for being like a drug addict a little bit though. Like I'm like I'm, if I'm having a fun night and everything's going well, maybe I should like do this. Who cares about how I feel tomorrow?

[Jared Freid]

I would say that, I mean I'm no addiction specialist but like it's not who cares how I feel tomorrow? If tomorrow's thought doesn't even come up, that's not good. Well if, maybe it's not a concern for you. I'm not an addictive personality.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like if it's not an if it's

[Jared Freid]

not coming up when I eat at night, I go, how am I going to feel tomorrow? That probably means I shouldn't eat at night, you know like well she says

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm an, she talks about emotional masturbation.

[Jared Freid]

I, I, I'm just saying for her, obviously she's the person who shouldn't sleep with.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

I don't think a lot of people end a first date going, that was fun. I'm pretty wet gonna this dude. Like I don't think it happens for a lot of people. Yeah, but that's why a lot of people shouldn't have sex on a first date. You know, I'm just saying like the math of it because I'm hearing her email like well it's about knowing yourself. Yeah, right. And if you don't know yourself, you go, well how am I going to feel tomorrow? Oh, there it is. You're thinking about tomorrow. You know, like, oh I don't know how this will make me feel. Oh, seems like a good reason not to do it. Like I'm looking for like the easy setting for like how do I. Because I don't want to tell someone not to have sex. Like I think you can have sex on the first date and it can't.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm not saying don't. Like you're ashamed from doing this. I just, I'm trying to think of

[Jared Freid]

like I agree with you. But even. It's just so funny the way she spells it out here. And it's like if you're at a guy's place and you went to the bathroom and just wrote down the reasons I'm having sex and one of them was like, next week we have a really fun day planned. There's the reason not to have sex.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

If on the reasons to have sex was tonight was great. Like, it's like when I have dessert, like I had a really nice dinner, the dessert looks awesome. I'm gonna have it. You know, like, really nice dinner, the dessert looks great. Oh, but I got like a bathing suit I gotta wear this weekend. And I'll think of this dessert the minute I don't like how I look in that baby. Don't have the dessert. Like I, I. Again we're talking from this perch of a podcast where our emotions are not involved.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's. I'm slow.

[Jared Freid]

It's so slow in front of me that it's easy for me to see.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

You know, but I'm like, well, her

[Jordana Abraham]

answer is again in the email.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Cuz that's as always.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And, but I just like that one part stood out to me so much and I never thought about it before of like, about what?

[Jordana Abraham]

He has plans for next week.

[Jared Freid]

Right. We, we, you know, we've, we've talked about the.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, he's also been deceptive.

[Jared Freid]

He's being deceptive. I mean like, no one assumes someone's going to ghost. If you're on a great day, you just, it's a, it's on the options of possibilities. But like, I'm just saying, like to take away the, the idea, well, he's going to ghost and if I have sex with him, then I'll feel bad. You're not even thinking that way.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it's more like, what was I going to say? I think that the act of like having sex with someone can make you feel more artificially attached to them to the point where like you feel like you know them better than you do. Right, right. And so when they do Something which might just be, like, what they do. You just ghosted. Right. He's a horrible communicator.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

But you're not thinking, oh, this is a horrible communicator because it feels more like someone that you're very close to.

[Jared Freid]

True.

[Jordana Abraham]

Stop speaking to you. As opposed to someone you went out and had a. And had drinks with.

[Jared Freid]

True. But how do we come to terms with who we are? How do we realize what.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

What I'm saying, like, what. What will make us realize that we're not the person? Because I think what happens is, like, oh, I think I can handle it. You believe you can handle it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

You know, you want to believe you can handle it. I can have sex on the first date, and I can see what happens. Who cares if they ghost? That's like a. We all think that we're stronger than we are.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, she's learning more about herself, right?

[Jared Freid]

She's learning. So I'm saying for her, she's like, how do I stop this? How do I go on dates where I feel good and stop emotionally masturbating? All right, let's write on the list. What about, you know, emotionally masturbating is what she's asking about. She's not even asked about sex anymore. She's like, how do I like. But it's getting ahead of myself. It's all connected. I'm just saying, like, if she got done with a date and was like, I had a great time. He paid for everything, which was so much fun and nice, and it's always

[Jordana Abraham]

more fun when they pay.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And I love his personality. Great. And he said, we're gonna go out in the future. That. No, stay with past stuff. That's the way to stop emotionally masturbating. Like, we had a great time is different than we're going to have a great time. Because

[Jordana Abraham]

I think a certain level of emotional masturbating is, like, that just means, like, you're excited about this. Right.

[Jared Freid]

Well, but then let's try and stick to the past. You can emotionally masturbate to the past, but, like, we.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't think many women care as much about the past as we care about the future.

[Jared Freid]

Of course.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

But I'm saying if you're going to masturbate, let's not go to the tab that says future.

[Jordana Abraham]

Easier said than done.

[Jared Freid]

Let's go. I know. I'm just saying I'm like, let's acknowledge it. Maybe the first step is acknowledging the problem.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. And acknowledging that you don't really know this person yet.

[Jared Freid]

Totally. And you don't know how they're going to act. I mean, if I were this person, the guy who didn't text. I think also, like, for them, the way to, like, not emotionally masturbate is to not live in extremes. And I think you got to, like, work on that, too. Like, her saying, now I'm left wondering if he died me, Joe Black. Like, and she's joking, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Maybe he is dead.

[Jared Freid]

What?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, that would be great.

[Jared Freid]

Hopefully.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Or if I was just winding down so that he could hook up. Let's hope that both are not true.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

You know, I, I think because one of those is easy to joke about. The other is like, kind of like taking a medicine that, like, none of us, like, I, I think we should live more, hopefully.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, then it's like, oh, you dodged a bullet. Let's say that is the second option. He just, he just has. He talked about the stuff, then he ghosts. Then he's a guy who does this. And you found out after one date and not six months.

[Jared Freid]

But I, I also just let's. I, I, I think that's so demeaning to yourself. Like, I don't think she's a stupid person. Like, I think when you say, like, you want an eye to me to have sex is so, like, I think to speak.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, it puts him, it makes him a villain.

[Jared Freid]

I'm not saying she's a villain. It makes her sound like she's to be with, like, that she's so not in control of her own emotions, that any guy who whines and dines her that's attractive and puts a good sentence together had the ability to do this to her. And I don't think he's that, I think on the list of options, yes, he could be that manipulative, or it's just the way that worked out. And he's a bad communicator. And he. I'm not, I'm not saying this to, like, save him. I'm. I, I hope that doesn't come off that way. It's more just like, like, if I were her, I wouldn't stop texting him until I got an answer.

[Jordana Abraham]

Really.

[Jared Freid]

I would be like, what the. You just disappeared. I, like, I need a breakup. Like, I need an ending.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Like, I, if I were, like, the idea that, well, he's gone after we had sex and he promises date, I'd be like, because it is weird to just have sex and then never speak to someone. Speak to someone again. Like, I just find it Again, I've ghosted, so I can't say it's beyond me, but I'm saying like, if someone texts me four times, like, hey, I just want to like, just have like a. I just want to like a kind of a little closure here. I'm not looking to go out with you anymore because of the way you've handled this sexual situation that we just had. But also I'd like a little bit of like the, the. A little bit of a response.

[Jordana Abraham]

What if she doesn't. What if he doesn't answer?

[Jared Freid]

Then I'd be like, that's crazy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Daily ping.

[Jared Freid]

I'll be in touch tomorrow. If I don't hear. Yeah, I don't know. I. I think she would feel better. I would.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. But I also think, like, again, I think this is just something where you're like, now I know myself a little better.

[Jared Freid]

Right. No, that too. I'm.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I'm not. Again, I think if you are, can the kind of person who can handle that, like sleeping with people and not getting it. I would, I would get like attached to people that I didn't even really. Even I don't think I really liked.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Just because, like, you do feel. It feels more. It feels intimate. I think that for women, maybe more

[Jared Freid]

than men, it is intimate. It'd be crazy to say it's not.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Plan B is a backup birth control option that's there for you when things

[Jordana Abraham]

don't go according to plan. It specifically works after unprotected sex and before pregnancy occurs by temporarily delaying ovulation.

[Jared Freid]

Plan B is available nation nationwide at

[Jordana Abraham]

all major retailers and through delivery apps like DoorDash. No ID, prescription or age requirement. It's the number one OB GYN recommended brand of emergency contraception and it won't impact your future fertility.

[Jared Freid]

That's freedom to be. Use as directed. This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome, that's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web. Like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50 page restoration block. Or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online make sense. There's no place like Chrome. Check responses, set up required compatibility and availability. Various 18 plus. Let's play a game. Red Flag or deal Breaker? We love Red Flag or Deal Breaker. You're dating someone, one thing happens. It's either a red flag you keep going or it's a deal breaker, you end it sight unseen.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

On.

[Jordana Abraham]

On scene, unseen.

[Jared Freid]

Now I'm confused. Unseen.

[Jordana Abraham]

They're saying if you were saying sight on scene. Well, that's correct. No, then they're saying that's correct.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, site.

[Jordana Abraham]

On site, unseen is incorrect.

[Jared Freid]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

Because you did you. I've already seen them, so it's not.

[Jared Freid]

I'm so confused. Okay. Absolutely. Love the podcast ever since my sister introduced me to it. And I always send relevant episodes to friends. That's the goal here. Have fun with the podcast and send relevant. We're not asking for much. I. I want to make sure we don't sound like we're begging. Send relevant episodes to friends is like a beautiful sentence. Had a red flag or deal breaker for you guys? On our fifth date, at this point, we had not kissed due to a series of extenuating circumstances. My now fiance. Oh, they probably tell that story all the time. And on our fourth date, we were almost gonna kiss, but then it rained and I had to go get my umbrella and we didn't kiss. Thank God I don't hang out with this couple. Asked me to go to his.

[Jordana Abraham]

Thank you for writing it.

[Jared Freid]

Thank you for we love you. And I loved her for a sentence. My now fiance asked me to go to his friend's out of town wedding that he was a groomsman for and his parents would be attending. I responded with, no, I don't want to go to that immediately. We laugh about it now, but reflecting back, I found that a totally crazy thing to offer. Obviously, this was only a red flag to me since we're getting married in September, but. Red flag or deal breaker? A guy you haven't kissed yet invites you out to an out of town wet wedding that he's in and his parents will be attending also. Maybe I'm the red flag or deal breaker. A girl you invite to your close friend's wedding rejects your offer rudely within five seconds. Love. This isn't the proposal batch.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think she's the deal breaker. That's not nice.

[Jared Freid]

I'm with you.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't wanna. I don't want to go. If I asked a guy I went on five great dates with, I'm assuming they're great because they're getting married, right? And I was like, oh, I have this wedding. Do you wanna, like, do you want to come?

[Jared Freid]

This is your fifth day. Great time. Haven't kissed because of insin.

[Jordana Abraham]

He doesn't want to go. That's fine. If he answered like that. No, I don't want to go to that. I would be like, oh my God. That would be, like, mortifying. I would feel horrible about myself and, like, I would feel like, idiot. Yeah. I think she's the deal breaker for that response. I think asking five dates is like, I know you, like, a month and a half if they're good. Right. I don't think it's crazy.

[Jared Freid]

It's fun and it's what people want.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

You know, this is the safe adventure that people are looking for. The. Oh, my God, I'm letting things take me away. I'm. I'm giving myself to love. I'm going with the romantic, you know, instead of the logical, like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

And his parents. These were all things to go over. I'm in the wedding. My parents are going to be there. I know it's crazy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Totally get it if it's too soon, but I think it would be a lot of fun, right.

[Jared Freid]

If I couldn't even get into the speech of how aware I am.

[Jordana Abraham]

No. Know I'm imagining you saying this to a woman who asked you to come to a family wedding.

[Jared Freid]

Well, that's how I would respond. No, I, I. Jordan. Okay. Hey, this is like, crazy, but I'm going to a wedding out of town. It's abroad. Would you want to maybe come with me?

[Jordana Abraham]

No. Don't want to do that.

[Jared Freid]

Like, I didn't even get into my space.

[Jordana Abraham]

I would, like, cry. I think if someone.

[Jared Freid]

Right. She's the deal breaker. Like, also, like, how up for anything.

[Jordana Abraham]

Why do you have to kiss for to go to the wedding?

[Jared Freid]

Why do you have to.

[Jordana Abraham]

Why did. Why do they have to have made out?

[Jared Freid]

They don't. I'm saying. Right. What's your capacity for whimsy? You have zero.

[Jordana Abraham]

Zero whimsy.

[Jared Freid]

Whimsy capacity. Yeah. That's bullshit. I, I would see, I'd be like, oh, you're like kind of a. You're a little bit of a. A wet blanket.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Like, this is the fun and stupidity of day.

[Jordana Abraham]

Also, he took a chance.

[Jared Freid]

Everyone's got to take a chance when you're dating.

[Jordana Abraham]

And it would be okay if she didn't want to go?

[Jared Freid]

No, that would have been fun. I. I just had a guy, a friend of mine, he sent me a scenario similar. He's dating this girl. They've just started. She was invited to a wedding, and then a plus one opened up to her the week of the wedding. He was like. She texted me, being like, I know this is crazy, but I'd love for you to come. I'm in the wedding, so you're gonna have to be alone a Lot and my parents are gonna be there. It's literally the same thing. And he was like, what do I do? I was like, well, one, you're in a position where you can't really say no.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, not if he wants to keep seeing her. Maybe.

[Jared Freid]

Thank you. Okay, so we're aligned because I said to him, does he want to keep seeing her? Yeah. Well, I go, you have to go if you want to keep seeing her. Because especially for a man put in that position, the guy who doesn't want to go with the woman who's like,

[Jordana Abraham]

like putting herself out there.

[Jared Freid]

Putting herself out there. And my family's going to be there. Like, you have to go.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Or you're not taking it seriously.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Because this is like, if he wanted to, he would territory. So for a woman, I don't think a man would feel the same way or have judgment come at him.

[Jordana Abraham]

If she didn't want to go.

[Jared Freid]

If she didn't want to go, everyone go. It's hard, you know, your family's gonna be there, it's gonna be right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think he could still date her.

[Jared Freid]

Totally.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

He could still date her. The guy would actually be burying himself in the relationship if he doesn't go to the, hey, have a little whimsy, come to the wedding, meet my parents.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Especially if he responded like this woman.

[Jared Freid]

Especially. So she's getting married. She doesn't start at negative 10 in this relationship.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

So lucky for her. That's why she can send this in. If a man.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is what happens when you don't sleep with a man for five dates. You get invited to a wedding.

[Jared Freid]

That's right. Now you, you're locked in. So she's the deal breaker, he's the green flag.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

He's showing signs like if he was bringing you to a wedding with his family there just to you, I'd be like, that's a long road to yeah. All right, let's do another.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. Hey, J. And J. I'll get right to it with my real life red flagger. Deal breaker. He passes out on top of you after sex. I, 20, female, started dating a 24 year old guy. Where are you in college? I'm a virgin when we meet and I was intimidated because he's much more sexually experienced than I am. He's also a bartender who loves to party while I've barely even started drinking. One night we're at a party at his house, we go upstairs to hook up, and after about a minute, he finishes and immediately passes out.

[Jared Freid]

Not just Description for him.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right? Yeah. This is a real sexually experienced guy.

[Jared Freid]

Crushed it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Not just falls asleep. It fully passes out right on top of me. I managed to push him off and look over at him sprawled out naked and completely unconscious. Not exactly a turn on. After about 20 minutes I start wondering if he's actually okay. My mind goes straight to oh my God, did he die? And I imagine having to explain the entire situation to the police. I go downstairs and tell his best friend who casually says oh don't worry about him, it happened. How does his best friend know that he passes out during sex?

[Jared Freid]

I mean this is the most 20 year old at a party email that I've ever read.

[Jordana Abraham]

I go back upstairs and eventually wake him up. His first questions are oh no. Did I pass out? Yes. Did I pass out on top of you? Yes.

[Jared Freid]

Oh that again.

[Jordana Abraham]

Despite all of this I go on to date him for another three months. Red flag or deal breaker. Is passing out on top of someone after sex an automatic deal breaker? Was I right to forgive him and move on?

[Jared Freid]

Let me just say as a man who has fallen asleep directly after sex and does that even now on top of someone not on. I, I think I, I can say that this is more relatable than I'd like. Sure to be. The post ejaculatory man is like you've been tranked. Like that is like an elephant that has just been hit with a dart.

[Jordana Abraham]

No post sex snuggle.

[Jared Freid]

I, I'll snuggle but it better be in a position. I fall asleep like it is such a, it is such a genie's wish gone wrong that men and women just have opposite post Right. Coming bodily reactions like for a lot of women it's like I'm ready to go again. Let's get you know this is a tale as old as time.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

And. And when I'm done it is like, like I'm like the wildebeest.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

He's a bartender, he works a night. I'm sure this is a late night thing. His.

[Jordana Abraham]

I wouldn't take it personally.

[Jared Freid]

It's not personal.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

I would say to her like the idea like I you know are you falling asleep? Yes.

[Jordana Abraham]

These men damned if they they come they tell you they that they already came when you touch their leg damned they fall asleep after coming inside you.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Also can't win.

[Jared Freid]

It is. I mean when I you know masturbating and coming like it's like for me like a warm glass of milk before bed like that that'll put me out.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

That's the recipe. That's my ambience.

[Jordana Abraham]

And he's probably. They're at a party, he's been drinking.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, that's okay. So red flag. I mean there's way more red flags in that email.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I would say this is the least problematic thing about the situation.

[Jared Freid]

You're at a house party of a 24 year old who's hanging out with the college kid.

[Jordana Abraham]

Junior. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

So red flag or deal breaker? J and J. Huge fan of the pod, Longtime listener, first time writer. I'm just, I just started seeing someone who has so far checked all my boxes. We talked about our past relationships, why they ended, what our red flag and green flags are in relationships. I mentioned the obvious ones like cheating. And he told me he had cheated in a relationship about 10 years ago. He said he was young, clueless and regretted it immediately. According to him, the relationship hadn't been working for a while and he ended it a few weeks after cheating. He said they got into a huge fight which wasn't uncommon for them at the time. And he finally told her one night. I used to think cheating was a deal breaker because of the classic once a cheater, always a cheater. But can it just be a red flag for me? I just don't see how you can go on as a normal in a relationship without telling the other person, whether it's for one day or three weeks. He's been in other long term relationships since then, which I do feel is worth noting. Looking forward to hearing your take. What do you think, Jordan?

[Jordana Abraham]

I think this is like the correct way to handle having cheated on someone in the past. I don't think. I don't believe once a cheater, always a cheater, especially if it was like 10 years ago. I think people change and it sounds like he was honest and he's reflected on why he's done that. It's according to what she said. And he's a different person now.

[Jared Freid]

I think he's vulnerable.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's a vulnerability in there.

[Jared Freid]

I'm with you. I think, listen, the Internet, this will be a clip I think that we'll use on the Internet and anyone listening or watching can go to the clip and go watch the comments. The comments will all be moral high ground. Once a cheater, always a cheater to me is the rallying call of the most insecure people in the world. That is them putting a rule on something that you can't control so that they can find some control in their life. They're really just low confidence people who are afraid that they will get cheated on so that they have this rule so that they go, well, at least I check that box so that I don't have to ever worry about being cheated on.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

And to me, anyone who says, once a cheater, always a cheater is someone that I would never date. Because like you said, capacity for growth, empathy for change. Once a cheater, always a cheater. You're just saying that anyone who's ever made a mistake and did that mistake

[Jordana Abraham]

over for you is right. Should never be in a relationship.

[Jared Freid]

Get them off the island. Should never meet someone, anyone who would date them is a stupid person. Is that what you're saying? I think that person is the least secure dater. And probably, like, honestly, like someone who says, once a cheater, always a cheater, to me, is undateable. Like, is like, I. I just think

[Jordana Abraham]

you used to think.

[Jared Freid]

But that's what.

[Jordana Abraham]

That she's grown.

[Jared Freid]

But that's what happens.

[Jordana Abraham]

She's a different person.

[Jared Freid]

Totally. This is. This is living. This is like college student versus real world. When you learn, when you're in college, you can live in these extremes, and you live in a world that is fair and just.

[Jordana Abraham]

Black and white. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Black and white. And then you grow up into. Well, I used to believe, once a cheater, always a cheater. But then I realized I have made mistakes in my life and I have changed, and I am a better person for that. And I'm a better person for experiencing mistakes and learning from them.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

And I am strong enough to be fine if someone cheats on me. Even if they've cheated on someone in the past, I'm not going to blame myself for being an idiot for dating them in the first.

[Jordana Abraham]

Totally. Yeah. No, I agree. I mean, would I put it in their file? Sure.

[Jared Freid]

No, it's a red flag.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, it's definitely red flag.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

But it's not a deal breaker.

[Jared Freid]

It is a strong red flag.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Hey, I've cheated before. I did it in this relationship. I actually spent a few weeks dating someone that I had already slept with someone else. Oh, my God. So it's within you, right? To be noted. But I think a bigger red flag is anyone who says, once a cheater, always. That's my hot take.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay, that's. Let's get it on the clip.

[Jared Freid]

Undatable.

[Jordana Abraham]

On the undateables. All right. Well, we did it.

[Jared Freid]

We did it. We solved dating again.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'll be back on Friday.

[Jared Freid]

Boom.

[Jordana Abraham]

Bye. Spring just slid into your DMs. Grab that, boho. Look for that rooftop dinner. Those sandals that can keep up with you. And hang some string lights to give your patio a glow up. Spring's calling, Ross. Work your magic batches.