How Old Is Too Old To Be Gaming?

Summary

U Up? Podcast — Episode Summary

Episode: "How Old Is Too Old To Be Gaming?"

Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid

Date: December 10, 2025

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Overview

In this lively, laughter-filled episode, Jordana and Jared delve into a thorny modern dating question: is gaming a turn-off as adults—and if so, why? The pair also cover memorable run-ins with celebrities, dissect awkward social interactions, and field listener emails about relationship “icks,” friendships with exes, home decor (or lack thereof), plus their signature “Icky or Picky” and “Red Flag or Dealbreaker” games. Through their personal stories and witty banter, they keep things real, relatable, and ruthlessly funny.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

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Catching Up, Celebrity Encounters & Personal Updates

• Podcast Chair Rivalry (01:10-02:55)

  • Jared playfully boasts about sitting in Jordana's favorite chair at the Betches studio, jokes about “the skinny chair,” and how the hosts jostle for seating pre-recording.
  • “Now that we all collectively realize that's the chair, some people are getting here early to make sure they get the chair.” — Jordana (02:44)

• Betches Milestone: Working with Lindsay Lohan (03:40-04:50)

  • Jared and Jordana reflect on Lindsay Lohan's cultural impact, Betches’ Mean Girls roots, and share a heartwarming story about Aileen (Betches co-founder) meeting Lohan as a kid.
  • “Betches was built on the tenets of Mean Girls… she is a Millennial woman icon.” — Jordana (04:45)

• Personal Loss and Support (09:10-09:35)

  • Jordana shares, with candor and gratitude, that her father recently passed away, expressing appreciation for support and choosing to focus on light-hearted podcasting.

• Jared’s Comedy Life & Family Anecdotes (13:00-15:00)

  • Behind-the-scenes look at Jared's comedy shows, YouTube vlogs, and funny dynamics between his mom and home organizers.

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Awkward Social Interactions

• The “You Look Miserable” Bar Encounter (17:00-28:00)

  • Jared recounts being unexpectedly confronted by a casual acquaintance at a bar, accused of looking "so miserable." The hosts debate: Was she slighted because he didn’t recognize her, or just being rude?
  • “Every time I see you here, you look so miserable.” — Hannah Burner’s cousin to Jared (20:20)
  • They riff on how “being approachable” at a bar is fraught, especially when you want selective interaction.

• Rush Cards and College “Miserable” Comments (23:45-24:53)

  • Jordana shares a funny/awkward anecdote: her sorority’s rush cards listed her as “looks miserable,” highlighting the difficulty of projecting approachability.

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Main Listener Email: “How Old Is Too Old To Be Gaming?” (38:00–53:00)

• The Scenario:

  • 38F writes in: her 42-year-old boyfriend loves video games—never plays in her presence, but she’s turned off knowing he spends weekends inside gaming. She worries it reflects poorly on him (and maybe, by extension, her).

• Hosts’ Analysis:

  • Video games = valid adult hobby; shouldn't be shamed.
  • The issue is less about gaming itself and more about her projections, ego, or anxiety about “dating a gamer.”
  • “Is it about his interests, or is it about him?” — Jared (43:17)
  • Jordana notes this mirrors how people can fixate on small “icks,” often reflecting insecurity or ego rather than true incompatibility.
  • Both hosts compare to their own lives: Jared losing touch with gaming after controllers got too complex; Jordana’s early aversion to Mike’s Coca-Cola habit.
  • Suggest confronting whether this is really a dealbreaker, or simply a reflection of her own discomfort with his interests.

• Memorable quotes:

  • “She sounds like his mom.” — Jared (43:54)
  • “You went to the market to date someone and came back with Video game kid.” — Jared (45:24)
  • “This is not your son. This is your boyfriend who is blowing off steam...” — Jared (44:08)

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Icky or Picky: The “Overnight Duffel Bag Guy” (61:28–74:46)

• Listener Story:

  • A woman recounts a date with a man (26, lives with parents, teacher): brings a duffel bag with a towel to their second date, which felt presumptuous.
  • She’s torn: is it an “ick” or was she being picky, since he was otherwise hot, made plans, and had good intentions?

• Hosts’ Take:

  • Both empathize: the bag is practical, but robs the encounter of spontaneity and “romantic possibility.”
  • The key is shame and subtlety—if he’d stashed the bag and fetched it later, or at least acknowledged the presumptuousness, it’d land better.
  • Lesson: there's a balance between planning and keeping things casual and romantic.
  • “This is a genie’s wish gone bad.” — Jared (67:50)
  • “I think anything is OK if it has some shame in it.” — Jordana (67:16)
  • “Sometimes a lie is caring. Storing it behind the bushes is caring.” — Jordana (71:10)

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Red Flag or Dealbreaker: Quickfire Scenarios (76:44–91:00)

1. Friends with an Ex You’ve Slept With

• Scenario: Long-distance relationship, but partner still goes on hikes and drinks with an ex they once slept with.
• Hosts: Red flag at minimum, potentially a dealbreaker; it's rarely “just friendship.” Usually someone’s filling an emotional gap or getting ego boosts.
• “You enjoy their personality, you find them attractive, and you’re not dating—why?” — Jordana (78:57)
• “He needs attention. He needs a woman's care.” — Jared (81:07)

2. No Decor Apt & Critique

• Scenario: Woman dresses well but doesn't decorate home; man “helpfully” critiques afterward.
• Hosts: Decor preferences are neutral, but unsolicited critique—especially after vulnerability—is problematic.
• “The joke has already been made by me.” — Jordana (88:00)
• “All you’re doing is just showing that you’re trying to be mean.” — Jared (88:12)

3. Comedy Show ‘Invoice’

• Scenario: Guy invites woman to comedy show (“spare ticket”) then invoices her for $40 on the day-of.
• Hosts: Total dealbreaker. If it’s a date, just pay; the “spare ticket” language strongly implied he was treating.
• “Don’t invite me and then charge me for the invitation.” — Jared (89:34)
• “It’s a date… Spare ticket means you’re paying.” — Jordana (89:42)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the gaming boyfriend:
  “She never really references how her life is damaged by this… so maybe you’re not into him?” — Jared (51:44)

• On “looking miserable” in public:
  “Maybe that’s why we get along — we both have a look of miz. We’re both Les Mis.” — Jared (24:53)

• On relationship icks:
  “There should be a word for an ick for the person you’re dating.” — Jordana (53:02) “That’s what the Bachelor is for her—it’s her hobby. It’s her video games.” — Jared (51:07)

• On being normal in dating:
  “Just be normal.” — Both hosts, many times throughout the episode

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Famous Chair Wars & Lindsay Lohan/Betches Roots: 01:10–05:00
• Support and Coping with Loss: 09:10–10:30
• Awkward Socializing/Approachability: 17:00–28:00
• Main Email: Video Game Boyfriend: 38:00–53:00
• Icky or Picky: Duffel Bag/Overnight After First Date: 61:28–74:46
• Red Flag / Dealbreaker (Friends with Ex, No Decor Critiques, Comedy Show Invoice): 76:44–91:00

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Takeaway

This episode playfully dives into the everyday dilemmas of contemporary dating—from grown-up “gamer boys” and ex drama to “ick” moments and the challenge of simply being normal in romance. Jared and Jordana’s banter, personalizations, and no-nonsense empathy reveal: judgment is easy, but self-reflection—and a little bit of shame—goes a long way in keeping love (and life) funny, forgiving, and real.

Transcript

[A]

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Hello and welcome back to the U Up podcast. I'm Jordan Abraham.

[B]

And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana, virtually. If you're watching on YouTube, Jordana coming from her estate out in Long island and I am here in. I'm actually sitting in the chair Jordana normally sits. Wow. I know.

[A]

What do you think?

[B]

The power of being a founder is flowing through my veins.

You're all fired.

[A]

I'm a little nervous because. I'm a little nervous because Aileen, Sammy and I when we record batches, we fight over that chair.

[B]

Well, I.

[A]

And I'm like, does Jared not know that it is the best. It is the best seat in the house?

[B]

Well, I do know because for. I've held this in that. Now let's have.

[A]

You've been building resentment since we we.

[B]

Got these chances gotten here because for whatever reason my height, I'm not even saying I'm a tall person, but it hits the middle of the back of that couch. Hits me in a way where it just looks like I'm like sitting with my stomach out. And I blame a lot of my body issues on camera on that couch. And I.

[A]

Why? Why do you think the three of us.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm the fourth batch I know how it goes. Well, I know this chair is the skinny chair.

[A]

Yes. Well, it's funny because, like, that's our only incentive to be on time. Usually we kind of just like, dally in, like, whenever we feel like it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Kind of like sometimes someone's like, a little. But now that, you know, now that we all collectively realize that's the chair, like, where some people are getting here early to make sure they get the chair.

[B]

It's very funny because you guys are the three batches. So it's like. Like, when I come in here, I'm like, that's Jordana's chair. Like, I'm not going to like, be like, mine got here first. Like, between you guys, that's a possibility, you know?

[A]

Listen, if you want to switch every.

[B]

Now and then, the chair's yours. I'm gonna take a chair away from a pregnant woman. That's.

[A]

Sorry. My angles, my angles.

[B]

Hey, Jordana. I don't like how I look there, so get the fuck up. I mean, I have. I got your. Your bedazzled, you know, Dunkin Donuts cup. I'm really.

[A]

Yeah, this is.

[B]

I. I've taken over here. I. I'm like. It's like the switch, right? I'm. I'm. You're getting to know what it's like.

[A]

Our. Our.

[B]

Our MC of bet of the year.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What a gift for betches. How did you feel about that?

[A]

I felt.

[B]

That's got to be. I actually had not to. I'm interrupting you as I asked you how you felt.

[A]

No, go for it.

[B]

I want to know how you feel. I. Well, let me tell you how. How I felt when I saw that. I was like, wow. Jordana, AEN and Sammy must have a lot of pride. Like, Lindsay Lohan is kind of like. She's like one of, like, the forefathers of batches to me. Like, her kind of like Chelsea Handler, Amy Schumer, like, those are, like, kind of aware. You know, you're. You're. They're their peak. And their height is like a. Right around the time of, like, this becoming what it's become today. Right. So I kind of. I had that moment. I felt weirdly emotional seeing Lindsay Lohan being part of a batch's production. So.

[A]

No, you felt it was really, really, really cool. Aileen got to.

And I think it would. I think it definitely felt very full circle. Batches was built on the. On the tenants of Mean Girls.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

On the, you know, off the backs of. Of. Of that movie. And she is like a Millennial woman icon.

[B]

So Daleen, ask if she like her knowledge of batches. Did she go, who are you? I'll take the check, please. Or was she like, I love everything, you guys. Was she cool about that? Like, did she have. She's from Long Island.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know.

[A]

Oh, well, Aileen, it's funny because Aen, it's really full circle for Elaine not to tell her story, but when she was like 11 years old and like right after the Parent Trap, I think she saw. She was at Ben class and you don't. She was at Beni Hana on Long.

[B]

Island, as most meetings on Long island go. Yeah.

[A]

At 11 years old.

[B]

Yeah. Well, that's, that's where all the big decisions are made there.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

They're doing the, the.

[A]

And she was there.

[B]

The, the onion cone lava. You ever said.

[A]

Yes. And like 2002 might have been the Benihana peak, potentially. Also Benihana were both coming together. Yes.

[B]

The peak for me. I don't know.

[A]

Yes. And she saw her and her mom there.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

And her mom and like she, I think her mom saw her looking. She's like an 11 year old girl and her mom like saw her looking. You're like, over. And her mom just like preemptively like went over and like gave Aileen like a signed like picture or something.

[B]

So wait a minute. I, I. Let me rehash the story for two seconds. Aileen, 11 year old Aileen is, is peering over at another steakhouse table at a Benihana.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Dina Lohan notices that Aileen is looking at her daughter as a fan. As a fan and comes over with like a Benihana napkin signed by Lindsay Lohan and says here, I don't know.

[A]

If it was a napkin or if it was like a picture. Like she brought, she carried around like pictures of her. I'm probably, I'm probably miss. That was my understanding of the story. It might be inaccurate just because I'm telling it from whatever accuracy.

[B]

But yeah, that's an amazing story. And it also, like, what. That is such stage mom energy to.

[A]

To like have prepared.

[B]

Right. And to go up to someone and go, I can tell you're a huge fan of my daughter. Like my, my mom would do that to someone and go, are you looking at Jared? They'd No.

I don't know him.

[A]

You don't, you don't bring around signed pictures of yourself just in case you see people watching you and recognizing you.

[B]

I, I haven't in years. I, I stopped doing it after the third person told Me? Yeah. We don't know who you are. We were asking. We were beckoning the waiter. We weren't looking at you. Yeah, we were looking behind you.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, it was. That was a risk for. For. I mean, but I guess, I mean, Lindsay Lohan's pretty famous and especially in, like, that era of, like, those.

[B]

I have class and you don't.

[A]

I feel like that might be the most fun acting jobs to play you and, like, your own twin hating each other.

[B]

Oh, my God. And you're just yelling at, like, a stuffed bear that stands in for you. Like, she had to do all her scenes against, like, actress. I listen. Yeah, quite that movie for a child. You have to be in every scene.

[A]

Very talented.

[B]

Very talented. And us and abroad. You have to go abroad, be a.

[A]

Different version of you, get a British.

[B]

Accent in one of the British accent that, like, is believable enough to Americans. To us Trash, you know, Like, I. Yeah, no, Lindsay Lohan. It's funny, like, the way the world works. It's like you have to be taken down to be propped back up. And, like, you know, for anyone who's like. Like, I don't know, the. The Internet generally is hard on people. And you go, I mean, she's like, unbelievable. I mean, Mean Girls, too. Like, Mean Girls is like, you know, an iconic movie classic, classic, you know, so. And she's a part of all that, you know, so.

[A]

Yeah, I felt very, very excited, very proud to. To partner with her and. And Duncan.

[B]

And Duncan. Shout out Listen, I got the sp. I got the bedazzled cup that usually goes to Jordana. I've taken over the captain's chair here in the. The Feather Nation studios here.

[A]

Put your name on it. You should, like, write your name on.

Now.

[B]

It's. Yeah, it's like when, you know, you know, the inmates have taken over the asylum.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So, Jordana, you're at home. We want to, you know, we don't want to move too quick passes, but I. I want to make sure, you know, the.

[A]

The.

[B]

The love of the U UP nation, the. The audience is with you right now. I hope you feel it.

[A]

I appreciate that. Yeah. My dad. My dad passed last weekend. I'll, you know, I'll talk about it more on benefits. This is. This is a fun. Put your brain on the shelf show. So we're not going to get into it here. And it's a good. Just honestly, it's a good distraction for me. Jack.

[B]

Listen, I told you when I came in here, I was like, I came in here Patch Adam style. Red nose on. Honk, honk. Let's have some fun.

[A]

And no, you're really killing it because I keep. I woke up, like, probably 15 minutes before we were supposed to start, and my. I couldn't breathe through my nose.

[B]

Blowing her nose into the microphone, I was like. And I'm like, wow, this sounds great.

[A]

Yeah. And if I was like, if I'm being a little. If I'm being honest, this is like, kind of like not what I feel like doing right now, but. But soon as I got on camera, you got the nose on, you're, like, switching it around. And we're going to. We're going to make this a fun episode.

[B]

Get on my back, Jordana. I'm going to carry you up this mountain. We're going to bring the fun today.

[A]

You are Patch Adams. You should. Hospice.

[B]

I go from here to. Yeah, that's how I make money, Jordana. You know, so that's how I, you know, that's my side gig. I go from hospice center to hospice center. Yeah, I'm actually. I'm going to. I'm just, like, in a good mood. I love coming to New York, and, like, you know, I come here with my briefcase and I do my shows, and I. I got a little tan, which is nice. So I look a little bit more alive than everyone here. I look better than everyone else. I. Compliments abound, everyone. You look good. Oh, my God. Because everyone here looks dead.

[A]

Yeah. And we're getting into that. Well, wait till you come back in, like, January.

[B]

Oh, I can't wait. I will be dancing in the street. And for me, you know, the cold is, like, fun. Like, I like cold weather when it's on my schedule.

[A]

Right. Well, you're on vacation, right?

[B]

I.

[A]

In a way.

[B]

Right, right, right. And I'm staying in this hotel that I'm even in a hotel. You know the scene in a movie where they're like, New York's really hard, and they show the hotel that, like, the sink doesn't work and the show is like, got no pressure.

[A]

There's nothing more embarrassing. Well, there's nothing more depressing than, like, a New York City, like, apartment tour for an apartment that's under, like $2500.

[B]

That's.

[A]

You see it?

[B]

Try a hotel tour for a room that's under 200 a night. Like, I am in the slums. Same situation. This is Peter Parker, you know, when he's trying to be a photographer at the, you know, at the newspaper, it just looks right. Just barren and cold. But I'm, I'm having, you know, I have a story. So I, I, you know. You want to hear it? It's a little name Droppy. I, I wanted your opinion on something before.

[A]

Okay, let's hear it. Can you feel free? This is a safe space to name drop. We know you're important.

[B]

Drop. Okay, well, it's actually someone or you know, important people. I know important people. I, this is a former Betch's employee.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

But it's like they're tangential to the story. So I'm at, I go to this bar in Delray beach and I go there when I go to this bar. I, I just had shows in Fort Lauderdale, Miami. If people came to those shows, they were awesome. It was so much fun. And I'm on my way to Detroit tomorrow. I'm gonna see family in Detroit. I'm gonna be in Columbus. This will all have aired but like I'm excited to go to these places and meet anyone who comes to the show. It's been, it's been a joy and the set's coming together but it's, you know, it's, we're working on it. It's like a, you know, it's like an old fashioned car. Like I'm always tinkering.

[A]

Right. Well, that's what it needs. Couldn't, that's what it needs. Day one, you're not going to come out with the perf.

[B]

You know, totally polished. Right. And when I come to New York, I get on stage and I throw a bunch of against the wall and hopefully we find some new jokes and make some old jokes better. So it was after the Miami show and driving, and driving from Delray to Miami is like getting on, you know, the Daytona 500. It is like a stressful drive. So I drive there and back. It's a longer drive. I had my parents at all the shows, so that's like an added thing.

[A]

They drive with you?

[B]

No, thank God they didn't drive with me, but they V, our producer here, V came to Fort Lauderdale and Miami and taped all the behind the scenes. Wow.

[A]

Oh yeah. And I saw the video of her and Summer Rose and your mom.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Your three wives.

All in your apartment, which looks beautiful. All the pictures are like, I'm like, I've been making a lot of empty gestures until I really got, you know, because sometimes the pictures of the listing are deceiving.

[B]

You don't know. Right.

[A]

Now that I'm seeing the background of your Instagram stories, I am gonna have to visit.

[B]

Well, you have to visit. The room is ready for you. Summer Rose of star organizers set up the whole apartment. She so on my YouTube, if you go to my YouTube now, I'm assuming we're gonna have like video from Fort Lauderdale. So we'll have Fort Lauderdale go to my YouTube and you'll see my parents. My plan was to put Summer Rose, the organizer, who does a fantastic job in the same room as my mom. So it was letting out like a cougar and a tiger in the same room and seeing what happens and seeing how they bounce off of each other. And I think we found comedic gold. I think it's going to be.

[A]

That's your behind the scenes.

[B]

That's my behind my behind the scenes is of my new apartment to see the whole. You can. A tour of the new apartment.

[A]

Wow. There's your 20K subscribers. You're welcome.

[B]

Get. Get it. Yeah, we get the tour of the apartment and we go to my parents house and my parents are crazy. So the whole weekend was like a lot but in a fun way. And I go to this. So what I do after a show is like I'm both equally tired like from a show. And you know this from our shows. When you do a show, you're like, you're drained mentally, but you're also. You can't go to bed.

[A]

Yes. And I think for you, what I've noticed from you after shows is you need like 15, 20 minutes to like think about how the show went.

[B]

Yes. Reflect, review, feel good about it. Do I. What changes I need to make? Like that's really when after a show is when I'm like, what needs to be done. Like I, I feel it right away in those, like in the, in those quiet moments. So I did the drive back from Miami. I go to this place, Plug City, if I may. Avalon Beach House. For the people that like our show, I think that's like the perfect, like if you go to Delray beach and you want like a bar to have a cocktail and like be amongst, you know, people that aren't 22, but also not 82. Avalon Beach House. Great cocktail, energy, fun. So. And the bartenders there I've become friendly with.

[A]

This is Miami or.

[B]

No, this is Delray Beach. If you're going to do a weekend in Delray Beach, Avalon Beach House, they have an indoor outdoor bar situation. Listen, people know that when I give a recommendation here, like it's because I feel it in my bones. Like I want people to go there and the bartenders are like young and like good looking and, like, attentive and nice. Like they're going to take care of you. Like. So I walk into Avalon Beach House, and they've already started to get to know me a little bit. One of the guys is like, hey, those women are closing out their tab. It was busy. It was like 12:30 at this point. And he. She. He goes, there's women over there on the outside part of the bar closing out their tabs. Go grab their seats. Like, that's how much they're looking out for me, okay? And they know I come on my own a lot, and I come. And that's. And I like being in a bar alone. I like the energy of the bar. And I can just sit and chill.

So I go take over the seat. I sit down, and I take out my phone. My girlfriend and I. I start hanging with my girlfriend, the phone.

[A]

Babe, we're gonna. I'm gonna treat you tonight.

[B]

I got you, babe. Let me tickle you for date night.

[A]

It's date night.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

No distractions. So no speaking to anyone in real life. I'm gonna.

[B]

Just us two, kid. So I'm sitting there, and it's kind of busy. This bar gets busy. And they. At that point, a woman taps me on the shoulder, and I turn, and she's like, hi. When someone says, hi, I need. Give me 30 seconds. Like, it's. At this point, we have a pop quiz going on. Hi, it's me, right? And I go. And I'm like. And she goes, she said, it's me. It's me, right? She goes, it's me. And then says her name and then goes, I'm Hannah Burner's cousin.

And I go. I was like, yeah. And we had. I've met her. We've hung out. I. I know. We have spent time.

[A]

Here's a side picture of Hannah, right?

[B]

To prove it.

[A]

And I'm like, I noticed. I noticed you looking at her Instagram, right?

[B]

It was like. And I'm like, now I'm brought back because the 4th of July I'd spend.

[A]

Right. Last year, I spent.

[B]

You know, I've stayed with Hannah and dez, and I know them from way back, and, you know, friends of mine, and. And I'm. And now I'm, like, recharging. Do you know what I mean? Like, this is a pop quiz, right? And she's like. And she's like, what's going on? You don't remember me? She did the thing. Like, you're gonna act like you don't remember me because And I'm like, no, I. I'm, you know, I'm good. And she had seen me there before. So we'd done this before. Like, okay, we have had this interaction.

[A]

Did you recognize her? After a second, it took me.

[B]

I was behind. Listen, she got the. First of all, I put myself out there on the Internet. So, like, if you follow me, like, my name and face come up to.

[A]

You more than right.

[B]

And she came up to me from across the bar. So, like, she's no ready for this whole thing. I'm right.

[A]

Time to think and know.

[B]

Right? Say hello and put it all together. Oh, she could have for 10 minutes, been like, is that Jarrett? And then looked me up. She could have done what I do when I see someone across the bar. I look them up on Instagram, I go and I do a full.

[A]

I think it's hurt them. Is it them? I'm not sure. Is it? Yeah.

[B]

Right. I go back to their kids. First picture, get the name of the kid. How's Cindy? You know, like, I, I. I fake it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She could have done that. So she's like, you're gonna act like you don't remember me. And I'm like, no, I'm sorry. I go, I remember, of course. How are you? And then she goes, every time I see you here, you look so miserable.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

And I'm like, she tried to get.

[A]

You back for not remembering her, I guess. Why would you come over to someone to tell them that?

[B]

That was kind of my question to you. That's because I. You've established, basically, when you say that to someone alone at a bar, you're telling them to leave.

[A]

Well, yeah.

[B]

Whether you mean it or not, in my mind, that is. Hey, you miserable fuck. You're a giant fart that's ruining the whole vibe here. Get out of here. No, that's mean girls to me. I'm saying that's how it's taken right.

[A]

To me as an outsider. I'm sorry. Having Fleming.

[B]

No, no, no. It up. I'm used to it. That's all of Florida. When you're in Florida, all you do is Flem.

[A]

Flem every. Oh, wow. I really have to visit this winter.

[B]

You get there now. Now's my time to be in Florida. Because I. All the. You'll be walking down, right? You'll be walking down the street. All you hear is.

And you're like, it's a pig behind me, you know?

[A]

Sounds like paradise.

[B]

Yeah. It's beautiful.

[A]

About this, to me, this seems like she's mad. You didn't recognize her. Seemingly again, because she saw you before.

[B]

To, to add honesty to the story, to make sure she. I don't get a message that I told this story wrong. This is the second time we had seen each other in as many weeks, maybe.

[A]

Okay, so to me, now she's, like, irritated you've triggered her in some way by not remembering her.

[B]

I'm a public figure. She should know me. I shouldn't know these peasants. No, I, I, I hear you. Yeah, right, yeah.

[A]

She's, like, offended. She's triggered. She's offended. She's saying something to bring you down.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I don't think it has anything to do with her. With your presence at the bar. I don't, I don't even think you necessarily even. I don't, I didn't see you there. Looked miserable. I think she was like, I'm gonna, like, you know when someone says something to just try to, like, take you down a notch.

[B]

Totally. I don't do that. That's not my game. But I do agree that's what it felt I did. I was like, I should go. I'm ruining this bar.

[A]

Well, mission accomplished.

[B]

Right? Right. I, I, I, I, that was kind of my question for you, though. Like, let's assume, let's take the note. You know, I looked like someone not having fun alone at a bar, which I was enjoying the bar in the way I wanted to enjoy it. I wanted to sit and be amongst people and not go home alone to my giant apartment. Beautiful, beautiful home that I've purchased due to the success of this podcast. I didn't want, I'm so glad we're.

[A]

Now, we're now neck and neck with, with, with home comments.

[B]

I mean, I don't have a guest home in a butler's cabin, but, well, different city. I'll get there one day. So I, yeah, I, I was like, looking to be out amongst people, but also like, and in, in the way, you know. I guess my question to you is what would be approachable.

But also not looking to, like, looking like a weirdo.

[A]

Like, you're self conscious about you looking unapproachable and miserable.

[B]

I did think to myself after she left, I was like, well, I don't want to talk to just anybody. That's the problem with going out alone to a bar, right, Is you want to talk to people, but you don't want to talk to every. Everyone.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, honestly, you're asking the wrong person. As a small anecdote of my own, when I lived in my Sorority house, my sophomore year. We found one night we were all, like, hanging out in the kitchen, and we found the girls, like, a year older than us had left these rush cards in the house from the year before when we were rushing to, like. And on it, they wrote notes about what they thought of all of us.

[B]

I would never.

[A]

And others read that. And we were like, oh, wow, Gold mine. So we're like, yeah, we're like, 19. So of course we're like, let's see what shit they were talking.

[B]

Listen, you could be 80, you'd still want to read it, and you would regret reading it.

[A]

Yeah, we're like, oh, my God. They left this year, right? Whatever. So my. I found mine. And mine said, looks miserable.

That was the only note from one of the people.

John Abraham looks miss admit. So I don't know if I'm, like, the one to give you the. The lesson on how to look, how to be more approachable and more cheerful. I've definitely come. I would. I wouldn't say I. I've mastered that art. If you find out, please let me know.

[B]

Well, maybe that's why we get along. We both have a look of Miz I. We're both Les Mis. I. No, because I was thinking about it. You and it's. I get this question a lot. Like, hey, I'm going to a bar alone. Because I have promoted. Go to a bar alone and, like, put yourself out there. And sometimes you go to a bar alone and you just, like. You're like, I don't know if I. It just didn't happen tonight. And that's okay. Like, right. You know, going out and being just out is kind of a feat in itself. And then, you know, like, I had another guy sit next to me at the same bar. I'm making this bar sound horrible, but I. I.

[A]

It's the best bar in Delray. Everyone there looks like me sitting alone on a date with their phone.

[B]

Yeah, this guy sit next to me, and he just goes. You could tell he was on his own, too, and he wanted, like, a partner in crime. And he's like, a lot of talent here, huh? And I'm like, ugh. I'm not.

[A]

You said tail.

[B]

Talent.

[A]

Talent.

[B]

That's how I referred to the women. Okay, a lot of talent here. And I was like, oh, I'm not like you.

[A]

That's better than tail, but.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just a step above.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

The douchery of tail.

[A]

I was gonna ask you, I was thinking during your story. I have a question for you.

[B]

Please.

[A]

At what point do you think? Like, how, how well do you have to know someone for you to actually be like, for you to think it's justified for them to be like, you don't remember me.

[B]

Oh, they, they gotta be family, okay? They. I have to be blood related.

[A]

Okay, so let's say you saw our producer Joe.

[B]

Joe's in studio today. Just started a couple weeks ago, so I don't know Joe well.

[A]

Yes. So let's say Joe is in that bar in Delray.

[B]

Avalon comes over. Yeah, hi. Joe would have to afford me. What I think everyone deserves is at least 30 seconds to put, to let everything come into frame. So Joe comes up to me and goes, hi. And I'm like, oh, my God. Hold on. Joe from the podcast. Holy, great to see you. And that, that. Hold on. I. If Joe came up and was like, you don't remember me right away, I'd be like, give me a minute. And he would never say that. I, I know Joe wouldn't do that, but I, I. Because it is rude to do that. I, I think it takes a certain, like, I, if Joe came out to me, the way to come up to anyone, right? Hey. Oh, my God. I don't know if you remember, you know, last week we worked on a podcast together. I'd be like, joe, of course I remember. Are you kidding me? Last week. You don't think I remember?

[A]

But you give you the opportunity to write. What if Joe had been working here for like, six years?

[B]

Six years.

[A]

Could he be offended if he said, oh, hi.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I think, I think that would be allowed. Allowed, right? You have to, we have to have had.

[A]

If Sammy came up to you, I.

[B]

Mean, that gives me a.

[A]

Give me a minute. Who.

[B]

But I'm saying, like, anyone that turns around to your face, right?

[A]

No, I agree. You have to give them a second. Yeah, sometimes it does take you a second to, like, register. Also, you know, we're getting older. Our guy.

You need to say, sometimes someone has, like a different haircut or something, like, or.

I, I.

[B]

The whole interaction made me, like, it made me go eat. I went and got pizza and tortilla chips. And I hope she hears this, how miserable she made someone feel.

[A]

I'm sure someone will tell her.

[B]

Saturday night. Yeah, I'm texting Hannah after this. Next time I see, right? Next time I see her at the bar, she's gonna be at the bar. Remember me now? Like, yeah, we had a full conversation.

[A]

Well, now you should go up. Oh, hi. Hey.

I've got in trouble too, for not Recognizing people. I've, I've gotten in trouble for introducing myself to people that I've met before and they get, people get very offended about that. So I always go with nice to see you.

[B]

Nice to see you is the best piece of advice. If you don't use this. I agree with Jordana. This happens at, I mean, after shows I do pictures and some people are like, this is my third show in a row. And I'm like, that is the nicest thing. Like I I gen. When someone says I've been to three year shows, I'm like, I can't do enough for that person. Like, I'm like, so I feel so happy and fulfilled by that. And then.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But then I go. So whenever I see. So I go, good to see you. I just assume everyone's been to three shows, so I capture the three show people. So let's start the show. Let's jump right in. We, you know, let's do it.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[A]

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[B]

We have some amazing emails today. If you are listening, watching on YouTube, email us. We love here. Here's the rule for an email. Make it specific, make it personal. Have a question and we want to hear from you. We love a screenshot. We have a screenshot, I think today.

Just send it uup betches.com if you're listening. I'm on the road. I am going to be in Orlando. I have four shows in Orlando. I think I have seven shows in San Diego. I'm like moving to San Diego for, oh, a week.

[A]

Seven shows. I mean, that's a nice place to be in the winter.

[B]

I know. Well, I'm doing. It'd be a nice place to be if I lived here, right? Yeah.

I'm slumming. No, San Diego is like the most beautiful place in the world. I'm doing New Year's Eve. So that's two shows in San Diego. In San Diego. And then I'm doing Thursday, Friday, Saturday. So assemble the group chat. It's at Mic Drop Comedy. It's a. It's a fun, intimate club. I'll be working on new stuff. Bring your family that. I mean, I'm talking about my parents a lot now. I had this whole story from going to the premiere. Do you know I went to the. I'm in a movie, Jordana.

[A]

Yeah, I remember you filming that. Like, it's like an indie movie, right?

[B]

Indie movie.

[A]

You're like, I'm in the Marvel.

[B]

Have you ever heard of Avengers? No. I'm in 31 candles. Made by Jonah Feingold. Very talented director, writer, star of the movie, editor of the movie. Did the whole thing.

[A]

One man show.

[B]

Yeah, one man show, Jonah. The one man show. Fine gold. Great movie. We went and watched. I brought my parents to the premiere. They did a Del Rey premiere.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

And it was like everyone was over 80. Even my parents were like, did they like it? My parents were like, they did the the parent thing. They were like, it's cute. It's so cute. We loved it. They loved it. My seat, Talia Suskower, who played Elphaba on Broadway. I remember, like, she's my wife in the movie. So we have this fun, awesome improv scene in the middle of the movie, and Talia's like, I. You know, she's, like, commanding the screen. I'm just some schlub next to her, you know, Like, I. And so she's amazing. Joey Dardano, who's very funny, he has some great parts in it. So we went to the premiere. I went with my parents in the movie. I haven't been to the premiere movies with my parents. I've been 10 years old. They're the most annoying.

[A]

Do they talk during the movie?

[B]

Talk? They're commentating. They're, like, doing Yelp reviews.

[A]

Do people shush them?

[B]

They me. I shush them. So we got it.

[A]

My. At my niece's Bat Mitzvah, my mom was shushed by everyone in the thing constantly.

[B]

And you probably. To the point where people. You hear people talking about your mom. That's the grandma. Yeah. She won't shut the up.

[A]

Right. She's not even listening right.

[B]

To this. To the speech. What do you tell your kid at the. At the Bat Mitzvah? Do you, like. Do you say, like, grandma's gonna be out of control? Like, she might be the one interrupting you.

[A]

Yeah, probably. Well, you know, the nice thing about having eight of us is you can text the siblings before and be like, we need to, like, everyone bring your tranq guns. We need to make, like, can we.

[B]

Make sure all eyes on Grammy.

[A]

Right. Just to, like, you know, make sure she doesn't get out of her cage.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And, like, so if she. If she tries to engage, you know, if she tries to engage with you during the show, during the. During the. You know, during the Bat Mitzvah service. Like.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Just don't. Don't engage. Like, she'll. And she'll bring up anything she can to, like, get you to, like, be the one be talking with her.

[B]

I know.

[A]

So instead, it's just someone whispering in your ear for, like, 90 minutes.

[B]

So I listen. Yeah. You gotta put your best and brightest next to your mom during something like that to make sure that she's like. It's like, you have to break. It's like bringing a T. Rex. Like, you have to bring all the T. Rex handlers.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

To put it on display. Like, bring it. You guys are like cattle wranglers.

[A]

Seriously. Because she'll just find anything in the. Did you see your cousin's new boyfriend?

[B]

Oh, my God. Right? They love. They love, right? They're watching. Not here.

[A]

I think he has a tattoo.

[B]

Right?

[A]

I'm like, mom, I. I would like to hear. Stop the whole thing. Obviously, that's the hard part is because you kind of, like, don't really, like, care that. You know what I mean, that the Hebrew stuff. But when she's doing the speech, I'm like, I'm shushing her also. Next.

[B]

Right? It's really hard because you have in you. Your mom. Your mom wants to sit there and talk the whole time and doesn't give a. You want to talk quietly 10% of the time and have people go. Not think that you're talking.

[A]

Right. I know how to do it in a classy way.

[B]

Right. She's lost a step.

[A]

She's right.

[B]

And yeah. My mom.

[A]

Your mom like that at the movies?

[B]

Yeah. You're, like, literally describing my mom. Like, she's like. She's literally anything that happens. If a fly flew in, she'd be distracted and be like, the fly. I don't know.

[A]

Have you seen the fly?

[B]

Have you seen what the fly is wearing? The fly wore that to the movies. So.

What are we talking about today? So, all right. How do we even get to the movies? Well, I think I was just gonna tell you.

[A]

The premiere.

[B]

The premiere. 31 Candles. So if you're in. It's playing in theaters. You can see me in the movies. Wow. Greg, the brother in law.

[A]

How's the Rotten Tomatoes score?

[B]

I. I haven't even looked. I can't look at a review. I can't. I can't do that to myself. Listen, the fun is just making the movie.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Go check it out. There's like a. I'll definitely check it out. I saw me, you know, to see on the big screen, you know, is it.

[A]

Does the camera add 10 pounds? Is that true?

[B]

Just ask my parents. They were like, you looked so round. I just think you need to go on oic. I was like, come on. I was like, that's your review. You know, it's like the one thing you're like, how about we talk about how it went? Did you think it was funny? I couldn't even concentrate. You're wearing what?

What are we talking about today?

[A]

I'll have to check it out. All right, today we are talking about video games. Let's get into it.

[B]

Video games. Nerd.

[A]

Nerd. I'll read our first email. Okay. Hi, J. And J, love the pot. I'd love for you to weigh in on this. I'm 38.

[B]

Before we go. Sorry, sorry. Philadelphia, there's like 20 tickets left and then Baltimore, so that's my post New Year's plan, so. And we're not adding a Phillies show.

[A]

All right. Hi. Hi. J. And JJ, love the pod. I'd love for you to weigh in this. I'm 38 and my boyfriend is 42 and plays video games a lot, which is a turn off for me. I've never asked him not to play them, but he's definitely picked up on the fact that I don't like them them. He doesn't play them in front of me and terms and turns them off as soon as I walk in the door. Kind of like he's hiding it. So why does it bother me if he doesn't even play them in front of me? There are days where it's a gorgeous weekend and he'll spend it inside playing video games. Or once I found him playing them at 9am on a Monday when he thought I'd already left for work. I think it's knowing that this is how he's choosing to spend his time. What's the right way to talk to him about this? I wish I could just ignore it, but it makes me less attracted to him. Ready for game over.

[B]

I love this email because it's a real thing. Like it, you know, it's funny. Like the video game thing. It's like it's one of those hypotheticals that you're like, it could never happen to me. And then you're dating someone who loves video games. You know, like again, this is a real thing. This is a real adult thing. Because again, video games have evolved just like we've evolved, just like people have evolved. You know, it used to be you buy video games for your kids and now there's like adult gamers who like that's their interest, you know, that's now they.

[A]

And there's a whole culture around it.

[B]

Yeah, totally. That's how they blow off steam. Like I, I, I just want to make sure I give some credibility to the video game adults because I think that's probably the hardest thing they have to fight against because playing a video game is as recreational as going to a bar and having a drink or playing in a rec league or having a cigarette with friends after work. Like it, it's all kind of like that is someone's brain release. That is their brain on the, on the shelf. Like, but also you're allowed to be turned off by anything.

[A]

Have you ever played video games?

[B]

I used to play a lot of video games growing up. I used to play Madden and James Bond and all the games that were like, of my era. I fell out of it. You know, NCAA football, I would play that game a lot. And then college, I would play in college a little bit. If it was like buddies playing football against one another, like the football, video games. Beyond that, I, I kind of fell out of it because. And this is what I always say to, like, people who like video games. When they change the controllers, I kind of. You, you lose your muscle memory, right? Oh, the muscle man. Right. Like when it was one, I. As they change the controls, if you don't adapt to the new controller, you're out. You know, it's like they change, you know, the playing field. Like, I, and then. You don't want to be bad. I don't want to start from the beginning and, like, try to learn how to play a video game again. Maybe. What, you know, if I ever have kids and they grow up to like video games, I, I, I would maybe, like, play with them, but maybe at that point they'd be like, playing with their eyes and I wouldn't even know how.

[A]

You know, like, they're probably like that VR thing.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Right.

[B]

So I don't know what this goes to, but as they evolved, I kind of a, I, I aged out. Not because I was above it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

More because I was just, I, I became beneath it. To, to be honest, I got.

[A]

You didn't know how to, how to get into it. Right, Right.

[B]

So, I mean, and I'm giving, you know, this is an email that we could easily be like, this child, like, nerd shouldn't get his dick sucked ever again. He plays video games. What a loser. We could go.

[A]

That many people play video games? No.

[B]

So many people. We have to acknowledge. I'm trying to take this seriously because how do you feel about. Does Mike play video games? Have you dated a gamer?

[A]

Has played. I mean, he doesn't, I wouldn't say he plays, like, regularly, but every, I don't know, three to six months, his friends will all play together on, like, the Nintendo Switch, which they started doing in Covid.

[B]

Really? It was like, game.

[A]

I don't even know.

I don't.

[B]

Someone, if someone asked you about, oh, Mike plays video games, what would your, how would you describe it?

[A]

How would I describe what?

[B]

Like, like, I, Because I hear this email and this email is, I think, interesting to me because it Sounds like she's his mom.

[A]

Well, it's. I'm kind of. Yeah. To me, it's kind of like the amount of time and the amount that he's hiding it. Right, right. And I, I think, to me, this email is not about. She doesn't like him playing video games because she doesn't even. She kind of like, he's hiding. He's not like playing it instead of hanging out with her or talking to her or doing. She doesn't like the idea that she's dating. She's kind of turned off by the idea that she's dating a guy who's spends his free time doing this. I think she doesn't think it's hot.

[B]

Right. And I listen, that's. I had the same thing written down where I was like, do you not like his interest or do you not like him?

[A]

Right.

[B]

And. And, and that's a hard question. That's not so up to us to decide. That's why we're kind of like giving credibility to say there are adults who play video games who are having sex with their wives.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like they, you know, like, we have to acknowledge. So for her writing in when he's say, when he's like, when she literally writes.

It'S a gorgeous weekend day and he's playing video games. That's what a mom says. That, like, you're playing video games, it's sunny out. Who sits inside all day playing the video games? You should be playing kicks ball and with the other boys, like, right. No, he's 30. You're 30. This is not your son. This is your boyfriend who is blowing off steam because they have a job that makes them hate their lives because they need health insurance. So how about you lay off him and let him do what the fuck he does or end it with him because you're not attracted to who he is. Does that make. Or is that my being too extreme?

[A]

I think yes and no. I think there's like, I think when you start dating someone, you have an idea of who they are. I don't know how long they've been dating. I think you have an idea of who they are, and you also have an idea of who you wanted to be with in your head, you know? And maybe you're like, I want to be with a hustler who spends all his free time reading books about how to get more successful, or I want.

[B]

To be with someone who wants.

[A]

Or whatever. I'm like, I want to be with someone who spends free time at the gym or you know, doing that. And I think that like this is sort. She's so irked by it. Not because it's getting in the way of anything she's actually doing, but I think it's sort of conflicting with this idea of like the kind of person she pictured herself being with as an extension of her. Almost what it says about her.

[B]

Right. It's a mirror onto what you were able to get. Like you went to the market to date someone and you came back with Video game kid.

[A]

Yeah. And that's why we change men.

[B]

Right.

Well, I, I, I thought about this email was so interesting to me because I was like, maybe he, like you.

[A]

Don'T have anything like that. I think men, maybe men don't do that, but I think a lot of women have this, it's not always video games.

[B]

Well, let me, it could be many.

[A]

I, I've had things, I've had this not with video games with him, but with other stuff where I'm like trying to, to change. I'm just kind of like, I think it's a little icky. When I first started dating Mike, he had, I would say like kind of an addiction to regular Coca Cola. And he told me he would like, he would bring, sometimes he'd bring like a water bottle with it into work because he didn't want everyone to like see that he was drinking so much of it, but he would have like a water bottle filled with soda. And I was kind, I remember being like, gross. Like, like, even though I don't see it, like, I don't like what, I don't like wanting you to. I don't like the idea of like dating someone who drinks like 10 Cokes a day.

[B]

I mean, and that's, I mean that's.

[A]

Probably wrong about me because it's like, why should I, you know, I mean, it's more about my ego.

[B]

Right. And that's the problem, I think. Well also, you know, I think a lot of, you know, I, I noticed this with like myself and I, I don't want to put this on just women, but I think a lot of women hangs are, you know, about gossip and talk, you know, chit chat, you know, and, and, and you know, when you point the finger, three point back at you. So when you get into gossip and, and talk and what's that person doing? What's that person doing? You kind of hear that about yourself without it happening. You hear what the gossip and talk would be about you. I'm not putting this on women because I have this with my parents. Like, when I meet someone, I think of, like, how they would talk about that person behind my back, you know, and, and, and that, and that is, you know, I'm sure there's a therapist that would tell me that that means you're enmeshed with your family. I don't care. I. I think that's how it is.

[A]

I mean, you could replace family with friends. You could replace that with anyone, with followers, with whatever. I think it's more like you're thinking about the person in terms of, like, your ego and what it says about you, right?

[B]

Because I, Because I'm thinking, like, with this Coca Cola thing. You're not thinking like that. You're not even at the workplace where Mike could get seen having a Coca Cola.

[A]

Right?

[B]

But you show up to a party with Mike and you're imagining someone going, is that Coca Cola guy's wife?

That's kind of what you have to get over the hump of as far as, like, what you're concerned with, with this woman. I think you have to think about whether you can get over that hump. Because I did write one note to myself, and I, you know, a lot of my responsibility, I feel when I hear a woman writing in about something is like letting someone know how their boyfriend would feel. Because that's how I feel, right? If someone attacked my interests, I would revert. I wouldn't. I would feel embarrassed and do what he's doing.

[A]

What if their interest was, like, getting in the way of them doing something else?

[B]

I mean, that's kind of how hard it is to talk to someone with alcohol addiction, right? Or drug addiction. That's. I mean, to me, that's very similar. Your interest is going out and doing drugs, going out and having a drink, right?

[A]

Let's say she wrote this about that, about that. When I'm out of town, he goes out and he does this. I don't like that he does this, right.

[B]

I'm not there when, When I leave the house, he draws the curtains and pours himself a scotch and he gets embarrassed that when I come home, he tries to hide it, but I can smell the alcohol. That. That turns us into a more serious area.

[A]

Right?

[B]

But when you, if you attack someone, being like every time you know you're drinking sucks, they're going to put their fists up. I don't think that's going to help you get to a solution to your problem. Because I was thinking, like, if I played a lot of video games and someone made me feel less than for playing video games, I'D be like, fuck off.

[A]

Right. And think about your own hobbies. Like, for me, I almost get embarrassed sometimes when Mike walks in and I'm. I'm like, watching my seventh episode of Real Housewives of, Of New York, and everyone's, like, screaming at each other, and he's like, oh, like, how did you already get six episodes into this?

[B]

Wait a minute. I walk. When I left, they were just meeting. They hate each other already.

[A]

Which that one up to.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, but I do think, you know, I mean, like, everyone's hobby could be.

[B]

Embarrassing if men have this about women.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I hear it from men at, you know, specifically about housewives and Bravo shows and reality shows where they almost demean it. And I like, I hear it from both ends because I hear it from people come to shows and, you know, the reality people know that I like the Bachelor. So they're like, he understands. Like, so the women talk to me about the Bachelor, and then you'll. Sometimes my greatest pleasure is that they're like, you got my husband into the Bachelor. We can watch it together. Now he kind of gets it a little bit more because of the way you yell at it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

What a. What an amazing thing when I hate it is they're like, he hates it. And she. And then I hear this guy talk about his wife and her interest, which that's what the Bachelor is for her. It's her hobby.

[A]

Video games.

[B]

It's her video games. And I'm like, do you even like this woman? Like, you guys don't get along on this. Like, you can't even understand why they like it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, you're not even trying at that point. And that's kind of my feedback to this woman. It's like, stop making it about the video games.

[A]

Do you like him? Yeah.

[B]

Do you like him? And if you do, what do you like about him? And if you do, how are these video games getting in the way of you enjoying your time with him? I, I, I. She's in the land of he plays video games, you play video games, you look like a loser. She never really references how her life is damaged by this.

[A]

Right? Well, she says it's not. She says, I'm not even home. It bothers me. I'm just knowing that he does this right.

[B]

So maybe you're not into him. Him?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, that's a question she needs to ask herself. Yeah.

[A]

And I think, yeah, maybe you're not into him. And maybe to you it signifies something bigger than the video games. To me, it's like, the video games that he sits at home playing video games is an easier thing to kind of pick at than, like, you're really worried he's not ambitious enough or he's not working hard. He's, you know, he doesn't feel like he's, like, working super hard or.

[B]

Right.

[A]

He's, you know, I think there's, like, a bigger personality trait that. That she doesn't want to maybe say or get into because it feels kind of like, oh, I have to really address that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Instead, it's about the video games, which seems small, and she's like, oh, if I could fix that, maybe he would spend more time doing xyz.

[B]

Right? I mean, this is why from the outside, looking in on relationships, like, there's a piece of me that's like, thank God I'm single. Like, this is like one of those. You're, like, the one thing this guy likes to do. And she's just like, it doesn't affect me, but it makes me never want to him again. And you're like, hey, right. Well, like, and I'm staying in it. Like, and I'll never dump him for it.

[A]

There should be a word for an ick for the person you were dating, right?

[B]

Well, they say, like, it's a beige flag. I think that's.

[A]

I guess maybe that would be it. I don't know.

Because a beige flag is something that's actually great.

[B]

Oh, it's a good flag.

[A]

I feel like it's kind of like a good. Like, it's like a cheesy but good. I don't know.

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[B]

Phew.

[A]

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[B]

Another smart move.

[A]

Having State Farm help you create a couple competitive price when you choose to bundle home and auto bundling. Just another way to save with the personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by State.

[B]

Let's do another email. You ready?

[A]

Let's do it.

[B]

We are playing icky or picky. It is the game. I love icky or picky because it takes something that has become like a social truth of I got the ick. And it lets us say whether it's a true ick or they're being a little picky. You ready?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Long time listener, second time writer. You shared one of my emails before. It was such a blast listening last time that I decided to write it in again. I also have to share that I grew up in Needham. Go Rockets. Oh, another Needhamite.

We got them. Yeah. Need a mite. Were the Needham Rockets. She writes, Go, go Ali Raisman, Needham zone, Olympic hero. You know Ali Raisman's from Needham.

[A]

Yeah, we've talked.

[B]

Have we discussed that?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I brag about Ali Raisman more than I brag about my own life. I, I sit here. She's an American hero.

[A]

Maybe you'll run into her at Benihana and she'll give you a signed picture of her. Literally.

[B]

The dream. That would be like, my ultimate dream.

Taking a picture with the guy with the top hat on that has the shrimp tails in it that he flipped in it. Yeah, that'd be great. I also have to share that I grew up and Needham. Go Rockets. Go Ali Raisman. And yes, Jared. I know. Fan the Taylor. Oh, wow. That's crazy. I've mentioned fan the Taylor enough times that it has to have gotten back to him and his family. This guy was like the Taylor in need.

[A]

Has he said anything?

[B]

No, I, I, I'm almost embarrassed. My mom talked about fan, like, every five minutes. I've, I've met him a few times, but, like, it's just a name that I thought was fun to bring up. Like, and I, I, you know, I do it in my, My special that we taped almost a year ago. There's a line about him, and I get funny, and I had, like, one.

[A]

Of my favorite parts. Yeah.

[B]

Thank you. It's like, I've had people at the show be like, how do you. Did you bring up fan the tale? And I listen, fan, love your work. Big fan. My mom loves you. I hope you don't hate us.

[A]

I mean, this is a good. This is good marketing for him.

[B]

Great. I mean, if my mom went to him for years. My mom is not an easy customer.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And you're talking about tailoring.

[A]

That's who I would ask for advice about that kind of thing.

[B]

Right. You would go to My mom and be like, who's your tailor?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And she would say, fan the Taylor. So to anyone looking, I mean, this guy's probably, you know, probably doing great. Doesn't need our help. But plug city nonetheless. I also have an English cream golden retriever. So shout out to Jordana and Ronnie. Maybe one day we'll have a puppy play date. Jordana, maybe.

Your puppy play date and my visit to the estate will come on the same weekend.

[A]

Yes. But English cream is the. Is. Is Ronnie's breed. Specifically golden retriever. Yeah. So that she's the same. It's like a. It's like almost like a. It almost looks like a lab. Like a very light.

[B]

Ronnie is a handsome dog. I will. I will say that as not a dog. You know, not like a dog fan guy. Ronnie.

[A]

Thank you. He gets stopped down the street. I have. I have a weird amount of pride for someone whose DNA is not in him. About when people say he's attractive. Do you know what I mean? Or people are like, you're like that. That is a beautiful dog. And I'll be like, is there a.

[B]

Creepy way to comment a dog? Is there a way, a word that they could use that you're like, get away from my dog?

[A]

I don't know if they. Maybe if they called him like hot.

[B]

What type of dog is that? It is sexy. Yummy, yummy yummers. Yeah, no.

[A]

But I, I do get flattered. So thank you.

[B]

So consider yourself flattered. Anyways, I'm writing to share an icky or picky that happened a few years ago that sometimes I think about because it was one of the a one of a kind experience. I was one year out of college at the time and went to my high school friends, college friends, housewarming party where they were promised to be cute guys. And cute guys there were the host's older brother, let's call him Max was there. I immediately called dibs and started flirting. One thing led to another. We slept together that night. He got my number. We started texting. He said he wanted to hang out again. He even suggested dinner and drinks. I was smitten. He was 26, a mature older man. He lived at home with his parents and was a teacher. Jared, you're probably getting the ick. But still. How many men my age were asking me on proper dates? None.

[A]

I get it. We've all been there that. That period of our lives.

[B]

Man with a plan. The bar is low. 20. If you are a 26 year old man and you make a reservation and say Dinner? Where? When?

[A]

Yes, that can work. That can compensate for living with your parents.

[B]

Absolutely. I mean, like, that's where like the complaints of men online kind of like lose their steam. Like, you know, you see these like alpha male accounts and all this advice for men. It's like, how about just be normal. Be normal is kind of tough advice because it's like, what's normal? I guess. How about you just be.

[A]

Put in a little bit of effort.

[B]

Put in effort gets, gets drowned out. I think the effort thing is a, Is like be normal.

[A]

Like, right.

[B]

You know, like it's a little vague and it gets mixed in with these bad. I think they're bad actors. They're rage bait artists. These people that get involved in the dating conversation on the male side, to me, hey, nice to meet you. Would love to get a drink sometime next Tuesday at 8. I got a great spot. How hard was that? How hard is what I just did?

[A]

Yes, it's kind of like, you know, it's like the bar for men being dads that women always complain about.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's like, it was like, you know, he plays with his kids once and there's like, he's the best. He's the dad of the year. It's like, right, just make up. Like, it's so. The bar is so low. It's so easy to just like make a plan. Date, time, place, done. I mean, we're already doing better than.

[B]

Like 60% than any other guy. Like, and like when, you know, we've had, we've gone, we've put my. I've put myself out there and gone on dates with women.

To be interviewed for this podcast and they're like, jared's a good date. I did nothing.

[A]

You're just normal. Right? Just be normal.

[B]

Right. I did not. I, I, in my mind, I'm like, I just said where to go and when and that was it. So, yeah, I just, I think that whole conversation gets like, it's so.

And we say it's easy. For some people, I could understand like going up to anyone and just saying, hey, I got a great place, time and date. That is hard. So. And it starts before that. Like if you know person, if they met in person, I don't know, but it just shows, like when it works, it works. When it doesn't, it's not because women are the problem or men are the problem. It's just didn't work out sometimes, you know, I don't know.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Anyways, Jared, you're probably getting the heck. But still, how Many men, quote unquote my age were asking me on proper dates. None. Anyways, I thought despite sleeping together the first night, maybe this could turn into something. We made a plan for our quote unquote date the next weekend and he said he would meet me at my apartment at 7. He showed up on time with a duffel bag.

[A]

Is huge. Would she mean a duffel bag?

[B]

She wrote duffel bag. Okay, that is like camp style big bag.

[A]

That's like a two week vacation bag.

[B]

Right. Which was clearly an overnight bag.

[A]

Okay, so that's my duffel bag then.

[B]

No, I immediately got the yeah, let's call it a backpack. It was a bag for an overnight.

[A]

An overnight bag. Yeah.

[B]

I immediately got the ick, but was still really into him. So I asked if he wanted to drop off his bag inside before we went to dinner. I was weirded out, but thought maybe there could be another possible explanation for him bringing an overnight bag to our first real date. Other than that, he was extremely presumptuous and assumed he would be spending the night that I would find out later on. Spoiler alert. There wasn't. I decided halfway through the date that we were not going to be a romantic match, but he was so hot that I decided to bring him back to my apartment. Since one, he had already brought an overnight bag and two, he lived with his parents. In the morning he mentioned needing a shower before leaving because he was heading downtown for a work conference. Before I got the chance to give him a towel, he pulled a towel out of his own overnight bag bag. So maybe it was a big bag.

[A]

Could be. I mean, I guess you could put it fit a towel in one overnight bag.

[B]

Right. I decided that even though he would never be my boyfriend, I was still open to a casual hookup buddy. Especially with a hot older man. Even though at this point it was clear to both of us we were just in it for the sex, I couldn't get past this ick. And I didn't follow up to any of his future texts asking to go on another quote unquote date. So J and J. Icky or picky, your date brings an overnight bag equipped with a towel to a date. Hope you have fun reading this one. Can't wait to hear your thoughts. Signed an innocent towel or playing foul. I like like the sign off. What do you think?

[A]

This is so funny. I'm like going through the like, like the thought process of this guy who's like, oh, like I, you know, I need to be in the city tomorrow morning.

[B]

Right?

[A]

I could Take this girl on a. I'll just bring my stuff and I'll probably have sex. And that sounds great. Like, right. You know, what a. What a convenient and great way. You know, he lives at home with his parents, probably in the suburbs.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

He's like, I'm killing two birds with one stone here.

[B]

I'll stop at her apartment, get something to eat, pick up the. And then I'll be on my way. Take a shower.

[A]

Don't have to take the train tomorrow.

[B]

Right. It's like bringing your bag to the gym, getting ready for work at the gym. You got it ready for work at the blowjob. Yeah, I think.

[A]

Yeah. And I mean, I guess at this age, I could see it being done.

[B]

Listen, it is the problem here to go back to the bad actor, you know, male, you know, alpha victim artists. This is what the anger online from men would scream back at. They're like, you say you. Like a planner and then you're mad. He brings a duffel bag. Planning for a sleepover date after you guys have already had sex. What's the problem here? And you read this email and you go, yeah, of course that was presumptuous to bring a bag full of scented candles and condoms for the. You're gonna do later after you pay for this dinner. Like, of course that took away the romance. So if there's to be.

[A]

He's treating her like a little bit like an Airbnb.

[B]

Yeah. She came with the property.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It's not that she's gonna come, but she came with it.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So, yeah, it is. Listen, if there's any empathy for the male species, the straight male species, which is this podcast. I think this is why sometime people are turned off by this show. I'm not sitting here. I'm not gonna hate on a guy who planned a date and then planned a little too much. He went.

[A]

He.

[B]

He crossed into. This is the hard part about being a man. Make a plan, but don't be presumptuous.

[A]

Right. Be.

[B]

Be a man, but don't be an asshole. You know, choke me, but not that hard.

[A]

I could see where this guy is. Like, it's funny because, like, I'm imagine I'm. I'm hoping that he had this debate in his head before leaving of, like, I'm going on this date. I have this meeting tomorrow. Like, I do need a change of cl. It's would be, you know, like, I'll probably wind up sleeping there, but should I bring the bag? Is that like a weird look? But like, like, it's kind of stupid to not bring the bag because then I don't have any of my stuff.

[B]

Right. Right it is. And this is how a lot of men think it becomes math problems and not art projects. Like, because the options are don't bring a bag. I sleep there. I have to wake up at 5am, go back to my parents house. They're like, what are you doing home? Where did you go last night? I have to deal with all their questions. Shut up, Mom. I got a shower, I gotta get to work. I got a conference. Or I bring a bag, I hide it in the bushes before I go inside.

[A]

That would have been a better move.

[B]

You think so? And then you get back from the date. She's like, stay over. You're like, well, I have work in the morning. I didn't want to bring this up earlier. My bags are in the bushes. You go right rifling through her garden. You pull out your knapsack with your initials on it, you know, your L.L. bean.

[A]

I would think that was kind of cute.

[B]

That's cuter. The, the. So the effort. And you risk then showing someone throwing away your work clothes.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Because you have to be.

[A]

Here's the thing. That part of it has some shame in it. I think anything is. Any request is okay if it has some like, shame. I agree with her. Like the presumption, like, I'm showing up with the bag almost. If he. It would almost be better if he texted her ahead of time. I don't want to be, I don't want to be presumptuous. I have a. I have a meeting in town tomorrow. Obviously we don't, like, you know, this is our second time hanging out. I don't want to like assume anything, but like, just like, is it weird if I bring a bag?

[B]

It is the reason this podcast exists. I hate to be so self referential, but it's like, you know, it is so funny because this is a genie's wish gone bad. This is. I really want a guy who plans a date. And then the genie's like, poof, there you go. The guy's like, great to meet you. You end up having sex with him. He's like, I would love to see a Tuesday night, 8 o' clock dinner. I'll pick you up at 8. I'm gonna take an Uber to your place and then we'll go on our way. You're like, oh my God, I have met the one. Finally. A guy who makes a plan and then he shows up with his L.L. bean backpack and you're like, what's that? He's like, so we're gonna go to the date, we're gonna come back here. I'm gonna go down at you around 10, 10pm you're gonna get off around 10:15, and then we're gonna have some mediocre sex. And then I'm gonna put my arm around you and you're gonna scratch my back. I'm not gonna give anything in return. And then we're gonna fall asleep, I'm gonna wake up, I'm gonna take a shower, and I'm gonna go to work.

[A]

Don't worry, I brought my own towel.

[B]

Yeah, you don't have any extra laundry, right? And you're like, okay, well, I'm completely dry now.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Thanks a lot, Jeie. Why? I wanted a guy who planned but also understood being romantic. It's like, you can't have it all.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, the fact that he brought his own towel in some ways is nice and. And thoughtful. And in other ways makes it worse.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's like he's. Because the fact that he brought his own towel makes me think he, like, does this. I'd be like, are you finding random women to go on dates with in the city so that you don't have to commute in the morning?

[B]

And it's funny. This is what, like, so many women do.

[A]

What you're doing. Like, oh, the last time I did this, I didn't have a towel and she didn't have an extra towel. And it was. I didn't.

[B]

He's weird. He's such a dude that he just, like, now knows how to get the done as efficiently as possible. Women do this about men all the time. You guys think we're dumb and master manipulators all at once. And it's like. It's probably more likely from my point of view that he was like, a plus B equals I'll get to my meeting on time. Yeah, like, it's really that more than all this, I gotta make sure I'm bringing a towel everywhere. I gotta make sure I wipe up my balls. My balls are so full of women's, you know, juices that I gotta. I gotta, you know, make sure I bring the towel next time. Yeah.

[A]

Do you think he's done this before? I think no.

[B]

I think I know his first time. I don't know. I don't think it was done. I don't think that's how he got to towel. I think he got to towel by. I have a meeting and he backtracked from there. How do I make life easy on myself while also fucking like that? You know, like. And he. In. In the process, he never thought of romanticism or her emotional needs, which is way more likely.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, even if he. Let's say he shows up with the backpack full of stuff for the next day, she doesn't have to know what's in it. He could just say, hey, I had some stuff with me. Like, I brought some. Like, I have my stuff from home. I'll pick it up after. I'll pick it up after the. Is it okay if I leave it here and then I can pick it up after the date?

[B]

I came straight from work. Yeah. He could have done more. Care with a lot. Sometimes a lie is caring.

[A]

Yes, that's what I'm saying. Like, the. Behind the. Storing it behind the bushes is caring. Right. Here's my stuff from work. Do you mind if I leave it here? I'll pick it up after. Is caring. Even if, like, you know.

[B]

No, I. I'm with you. I. I don't know if it's icky or it's picky. Like, I. I just think, like, honestly.

[A]

It'S icky because there's no shame in it. Right. And I would be turned off by it, but it's not.

[B]

If a woman brought a backpack, I guess I would be icked out, too, because, like, when did I get the ability to lay? Like, hey, I had a fun time, but I'm kind of tired. I want to go home, too. I don't want to have.

[A]

Right. Well, that's what I'm saying. He's not like. He's not, like, leaving anything up to. To your.

[B]

Even if she brought voice out of it.

[A]

Yeah. If she brought the backpack and was like, do you mind if I pick it up after the date? I think you'd say, okay, and if it happened to lead to something, fine. But if it didn't, whatever.

[B]

You would be.

[A]

So if you were dating someone who lived with their parents in the suburbs and they came in with it, I.

[B]

Feel like you wouldn't get this far.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Death.

[A]

Teacher in the sub.

[B]

Yeah. Teacher in the suburbs. What do you think I'm crazy? I. If you want to watch a good bit, I don't know if this comic has ever put their bit out, But Brian Scott McFadden is a new York City comedian who has a joke on this topic of, like, you know, you want someone who's this, but this and this but this and this. He goes through all the things it's like an amazing. It's like a perfect stand up bit about the plight of being a man and what women want. I. So if you can find it, maybe we can find it. It's a great bit. But I, I did want to zone in on one part of her email that I. I was actually interested in your opinion on.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

She wrote something that I hear a lot from women. It was clear to us. It was clear to both of us. It was just a casual hookup. That is something I hear on this podcast so many times where it's like, I think women, when they say that to themselves, they kind of like set themselves up for failure.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, we. So many times we have women write in. It's like, it's clear to both of us. It was just a hat. Why is it clear to. Did you have them, you know, answer a question?

[A]

I think you can get those vibes.

[B]

But I, I just don't think that's even worth your time answering for someone else. I think they do that to let themselves off the hook from like having an emotional connection to someone.

[A]

I think it's self protective.

[B]

It's what?

[A]

It's self protective?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think you're like, I'm not in denial about what this is. I'm not like victim here.

[B]

I. Right. I think when you do that self protection, you're kind of like hurting yourself. You kind of over. Correct.

[A]

If she actually liked him, if she.

[B]

Liked him or if he liked her or.

I don't know. Speak for yourself. I don't know. There's like a lesson in that.

[A]

Like, Right.

[B]

You know when you're, you're writing to us like, we don't care. You could say, I didn't like him, I just wanted to fuck him. And I'd be like, okay. But when you say we both decided, obviously we both thought this was just hookup, I'm like, well, not obviously, I guess.

[A]

But don't you usually assume someone's looking for something serious? Isn't that an assumption you make?

[B]

Sure, yeah, I do.

[A]

Like, isn't that why you don't want to, like, go on another date? Because you're assuming the person?

[B]

Right. But if I said I would never go to that woman and be like, so you're obviously looking to fall in love with me.

[A]

Well, she didn't say it to him. She said it's her.

[B]

But I'm saying, like, like, I've had people say that to me, obviously this is just a hookup. And you're like, okay. Like, I don't Know, like, I. I don't. I. I would just say that I don't. You don't hear that from men.

[A]

I think you hear the opposite, though, from.

[B]

Right. I guess.

[A]

Obviously, I know you're looking for something. Obviously, she wants something serious here. Yeah.

[B]

I think you kind of.

[A]

You've probably assumed people want from the way that they're acting, from the hints that you're getting from I. So I think that there is a. There is a woman's sense of. I can kind of tell what's. What this person is looking for.

[B]

Sure. I guess I probably say it for the same reason that they're saying it. That's why I notice it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, I'm like, don't get ahead of it. Yeah.

[A]

Right. You want to get ahead of it so you can act and prepare accordingly.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That's fair. All right. Good to know.

Close your eyes. Exhale.

[A]

Feel your body relax, and let go.

[B]

Of whatever you're carrying today.

[A]

Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh, my gosh.

[B]

They're so fast. And breathe.

[A]

Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste. Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order. 1-800-contacts.

This message may be shocking to many millennials. If you are one, you might want to sit down. Right now, loads of people are searching the following on low rise jeans, halter top, velour tracksuit, puka shell necklace, disc belt. You likely place these in the dark of your closet in 2004, never to be seen again. But if you can find it in yourself to dust them off, there are a lot of people who will give you money for them. Sell on depop, where taste recognizes taste. All right, let's play some games.

[B]

Let's do it. We love red flag or deal breaker. It's the game that's sweeping the country. You have a problem or you're dating someone, they do one thing. So, perfect date, they do one thing. Is it a red flag? You notice it and keep going? Or is it a deal breaker? You're out. Go ahead, Jordana.

[A]

Let's get into it. All right. Hi, and hello. J and J. Male bet here. Can I call myself a butch? Lol.

[B]

I don't know if that's Jordana, that's up to you. This is your company. Is a Butch a male betch? I Don't know.

[A]

I think we could do better. I think we could do better.

[B]

I think I've a. As a male batch I. I've always been like I'm a batch. Yeah, it's all unconscious.

[A]

Have no gender.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, let's.

[A]

It's just state of mind.

[B]

We are all yes, love the show.

[A]

And love you both. You two make me laugh so much and I love your takes. Okay. Okay. This is a red flagger deal breaker for myself. I'm currently talking long distance with a girl and we have a great connection and talk long hours on the phone. Sometimes I hang out with an ex that I dated for only a few weeks and only slept with once. We go on short hikes and grab a drink to catch up to see how each other is doing. But we both are clear there is nothing between us romantically and are purely platonic. The girl I'm talking to long distance doesn't seem to be 100 okay with it. Since I've slept with this ex and I'm still friends. She says if I hadn't slept with her it wouldn't be a problem. So red flag or deal breaker for me. I'm still friends with someone I've slept with. Sincerely, A Butch in the doghouse.

[B]

How do you feel about this, Jordana?

[A]

I would also. It would also raise a little bit of a red flag for me if I were the long distance girlfriend. I would need to know more information about what they get out of each other.

[B]

Right. Too many rom coms have started with this premise where these two friends end up as in love with each other and together forever for us to just ignore this.

[A]

Yes. Well, here's my question. Especially I think to you as a man is like if you hadn't, if you had, if you enjoy someone's personality enough that you willingly go on short hikes and get drinks with them fairly often, I guess.

And you're attracted enough that you slept with them, why wouldn't you be dating them? That's my. That's really like the crux of my question. If I were the long distance person, I would want to know like what is the reason you guys are not continuing to date?

[B]

Right. That's where if I, if I'm to sit here and be like, put some truth serum in me. I've had friends like this before that the minute they got married, we don't hang as much anymore. So to me they are acting. And listen, I've been this guy hanging out with someone I've hooked up with where there's no chance of us hooking up again. And the only way we met was through a dating app or romantic scenarios. And the only reason we were hanging out is because we were kind of a placeholder for the next person that was going to come into our lives. So he is in a long distance relationship. All of this makes sense. He's in a long distance relationship where there's a bunch of time on his hands that would have been girlfriend time that he's filling with someone that boosts his ego because they thought he was attractive enough to hook up with and that he gets along socially with. And the idea of like, let's hook up again. Because again, the questions that the girlfriend is asking would be what the friend would be asking if they did hook up. Let's say they did hook up. And I'm saying this from his end where he's a confident guy and probably thinks too highly of himself. If I'm to be self deprecating, sure. You know, if I'm to be self deprecating, oh, okay. I'm too much. I think I have too much confidence in this scenario. But let me have that confidence for two seconds where I would basically assume that if I hooked up with this friend who we've already gotten over the hump, oh, we shouldn't date. We're not made to be dating. Let's just hang out and go on hikes and sip smoothies together. Then we hook up again and it becomes, why shouldn't we be dating?

[A]

Right. We get along.

[B]

Yeah. We love smoothies. We love to hike.

[A]

You go, and now we're attracted to each other.

[B]

Right. So now the questions your girlfriend across the country is asking as the friend is asking to your face, and now you have to deal with it. So to me, this is a him problem that he's making everyone else's problem. He needs attention. He needs a woman's care. And, and you know, like, where's all you know? So where are all your old friends? Why do you need this new friend? So, right.

[A]

Find a friend you haven't slept with to go on a hike with.

[B]

Right. And, and, and also admit that this person you slept with that you're hanging out with both ways for her too. You guys get someone to talk to. That is a kind of a low stakes, easy conversation where you don't really owe anyone anything and you can walk away from it at any time. So that's why it's happening.

[A]

Yeah. What does this bother you? If you were.

[B]

If I was dating someone long distance and they Were hanging out with a guy that they used to and going on hikes and we're just friends.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It would bother me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I wouldn't buy that they were friends. I would buy more that they. That person was just filling a hole for them.

[A]

Right. And if you weren't in the picture, maybe you guys would hook up again. Because why not?

[B]

Because why not? Or if you were someone who wanted to be in a long term relationship.

You would just be with them.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like I would assume me long distance serves a purpose too. Like.

I'm just saying, like when I've been in this scenario, it wasn't because I was. Well, yeah. You know, it was because I was never asked to grow up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The long distance relationship, you never have to grow up. Oh, they're long distance. There's excuses built in. The friend who you hike with. Oh, we're just friends who, you know, it feels pretty good that they me once and I know where I stand, you know, like I. But I never have to grow up.

[A]

Right. Yeah. So to me it would be a red flag that he was doing it and a deal breaker. If he didn't think it was, he couldn't understand why it was weird.

[B]

Right. The deal breaker is not. Is not taking ownership of like your own insecurities. And that's why you're filling those insecurities with. With.

[A]

Right.

[B]

A partner that never has to ask you when we're getting a mortgage.

[A]

Yes. And to acknowledge that it's totally rational and normal for someone to be a little alarmed by that.

[B]

Yeah. Let's do another. I recently invited a guy over I've been on a few dates with back to my place. Halfway through the dinner I mentioned I am a terrible decorator and my apartment shows it. I have shelves with items and a few hanging pictures, but that's it. I dress very well, but I've never cared for decor since as a child. I grew up poor and it never seemed like a necessity. He came over after we did the deed. He said, yeah, you need help?

[A]

Yeah, you need help? Yeah. Whoa.

[B]

What are you, a sniper on the run? He started giving suggestions on what I can do to fix it and get a vision for the space. Many suggestions on storage, moving items, getting a carpet, etc. J and J. Is this a red flag or a deal breaker? A 30 year old woman is not driven to decorate her apartment. So red flag or deal breaker. He turns your vulnerability about your space into a. An unsolicited critique session. Not necessary. But adding an example of dress well is I'll wear a Rolex in a Chanel bag on the date, but let the wires hang from my mounted TV to the outlet.

[A]

I don't think wearing a Rolex and a Chanel bag means you're a well dressed person necessarily. I'm just saying that like those are.

[B]

Just expensive feedback, expensive thing she has expensive things she owns.

[A]

It's, she's basically saying it's not cuz I'm poor, I don't care. Like I'm just saying you could have a Chanel bag and have bad style. Like.

[B]

Right. I do what she's saying. I guess her explanation is you would be surprised that I have kind of.

[A]

A, that I'm not invested in my home decor.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Sure. Yeah.

[B]

What do you think?

[A]

Yeah, I think it's like, I think anyone who gives you unsolicited feedback about anything, especially when you're trying to be vulnerable, is like does not a great feeling.

[B]

Right. I guess I, I, you know, it's funny, I took this red flag deal breaker a different way. I was like, red flag deal breaker. How would I feel walking into a woman's home that wasn't decorated?

[A]

Well, you tell me.

[B]

Yeah, at 30, at 30 I would, I would think that first of all I think she should understand that male not decorated and female not decorated are very different bars.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like she's like, I have some things on the shelves and I have some pictures hung up. I'm like, I have never that that's decorated to me.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like that wouldn't really make me think they were like this weirdo. Oh, the wires hang from the tv. Oh wow. How do you live? Like it wouldn't be.

[A]

You wouldn't think about it. Would you be impressed by a well decorated apartment?

[B]

Yes, I would be. Well, when I walk into an apartment and I see that it's not decorated at all, there's not a lot of care for.

Would make me think like how could we work like two people who died.

[A]

Disgustings. Yes.

[B]

Yeah, two disgustings. If it was really well decorated, I would also be like, oh, they're ready. There's like a space open in the closet for a man to put a suit here. Like you better be ready. Like there's a weird.

[A]

Either way she's right.

[B]

Right. One, she's not, you know, on one side.

[A]

Not wife material or she's too ready to being someone's wife. Yeah. Right.

[B]

So it's. Yeah. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

[A]

So I mean I haven't always cared about that about decor when I Was in college. A guy I hooked up with in. I used to hook up with in college would like make comments about my room in college, which just had some like pictures pasted to the wall. It wasn't really decorated, but again, I was like 21 years old. I didn't really care. He would like make comments about it. I thought it was weird that he would make comments about it.

[B]

Right. It is weird. Well, that's where. In college. That's weird. Yeah, but I mean the, the critique thing. If someone on the day was like, I got nothing decorated, you might be surprised. I grew up, you know, I grew up with no money. Decorating apartment is really not important to me. Even when a woman says, it's so dirty in here, I always go, it's not bad. This is crazy.

[A]

You're right.

[B]

Crazy.

[A]

That's why we say it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

No, it's not that dirty. Exactly. Sorry for this.

[B]

Oh my God. It's a mess in here. Yeah, I. So I think critiquing something that you already like, got. Yeah, I would be turned off. The critique 1. I'm turned off by the decor. I'm not turned off by. I'm like, whatever, I'll. Yeah, that's more, I guess the. The decor one. It's more of like a personality trait. Like I'm learning about you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The Critique 1. If I had art. Here's the thing. It's like when you make a self deprecating joke about yourself and then someone makes fun of you for that same thing, you're just being me.

[A]

Right. The joke has already been made by me.

[B]

Right. That's why I made the joke so that no one else could make the joke. When you just do it again, all you're doing is just showing that you're trying to be mean.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So when I say, hey, I'm not really into decorating because I grew up with. With no money. And then someone walks in and goes, oh, gonna need a carpet here. And disgusting.

[A]

Unless she said, what do you think would add a lot to the space?

[B]

Right.

[A]

Which I doubt.

[B]

She said, yeah, I doubt that too. So I. That's a deal breaker for me. It's a true all.

[A]

Yeah, I agree.

[B]

Okay, let's do one more.

[A]

Let's do it here. J and J. Feather. Feather, Huge fan of the POD and benefit subscriber here. I have a red flag or deal breaker for you. I'm an American living in London and went to a singles night. I met a guy from New Zealand and we ended up chatting for a few Hours and kissing at the end of the night.

We added each other on Instagram and the next day he told me he had a spare ticket to a comedy show the next weekend and would love to go with me.

[B]

Love it.

[A]

I said yes. We chatted on and off through the week and he confirmed the night before. The morning of the comedy show, he messaged me, hey, is it okay if you send me £30 for the ticket? That's almost $40 USD.

[B]

Yeah, we know.

[A]

I was genuinely shook by this as the way he asked me made me think the ticket was taken care of. Red flagger Deal breaker. He invites you out like it's a date and then hits you with an invoice the morning of have. It was a deal breaker for me, but what do you think? Sincerely, a totally turned off batch.

[B]

Deal breaker. Deal breaker. Yeah, don't invite me and then charge me for the invitation.

[A]

Especially when you call it a spare ticket.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's a date. It's just different. This is different than. I've been dying to go to that concert.

I haven't. I have an extra ticket I've been trying to sell. Would you want to buy it for me?

[B]

Right. This is, this is all in how it's said.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But especially they're at a single function, right?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So, like, the whole premise is we're single and looking to date people and then you guys kiss. And he's like, I got a spare ticket. I got a place. You know, it's like, it's a, it's like.

Your, your hold on reality is not there. Like.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So many of these red flag deal breakers. The deal breaker for me is always like, are you acknowledging the atmosphere we live in? And it's like, this is actually saying, I don't understand.

What reality is.

[A]

Right. Which is the deal breaker.

[B]

Which is the deal breaker.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's like, just be normal.

[B]

Like, just be normal. Right? Like, you just offered a ticket, right? And now you're like, $30, please. Like, what are you, Ticketmaster? Are you, you know, 30 pounds, like, is, it's 40American off. Like, I, I, I don't know you.

[A]

It's funny. It really goes with the just be normal thing that we're, we're, we're getting here. My, my brother has, like, a bit about that with like, the movie Mrs. Doubtfire.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because, you know, in the movie Mrs. Doubtfire, he goes in front, like, he, you know, he dresses as a woman to become his children's nanny.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Because he's getting divorced and he wants to see them more. And then at the end of the movie, you know, he's like, in front of the judge and he's like, I just love my children so much. I can't be without them. It's like air, and it's like, like my brother's like, just don't dress up like a woman.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Like, just be, like, you could still see.

[B]

Just do that.

[A]

Right? Just don't, like, dress up as your children, like, to pretend to be your children's natty.

[B]

Right? Don't pretend to be someone you're not, you know, like, Right.

[A]

Like, you could still see them.

[B]

Right? You can see them dress as a woman. We don't care.

[A]

Just, you could go on the date. Just, like, don't just be normal, right.

[B]

Well, I, you know, the just be normal thing for men. Did we talk about this on air or was it off air about this testosterone article in the New York Times? It's on benefits. Is it out already? I got no feedback on it, so that must not have been interesting. It was very short. There's an article in the New York Times about women taking testosterone and how they're like, they're like, like, literally, like, jacked up to all the time. It's older women, so it's older women taking testosterone. And you could tell it's like, women of a certain, like, tax bracket, menopausal. They're like, menopausal women who are doing well and have made a ton of money and have the income level to just put into testosterone, but then they're dealing with the effects of, like, all they want to do is, and it's like, that's kind of where these men are at that. And I'm not trying to, like.

[A]

But all he wants to do is have sex, just pay for the ticket.

[B]

Right. But it's like, that's how up he is by this testosterone. I don't know. I, I could be accused of doing the Scott Galloway, like, making it women's problems for men, being lonely, but I don't think he's done that. I think that's kind of where it's gotten.

[A]

I like him. I think he's, I do, too.

[B]

I, I think it's got kind of turned on him. I don't think he, he either likes that people disagree with it so he goes viral or he, I think we should have him on. I, I, I love that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because you never see anyone like, dude, how do you feel about that? Women are saying you're making it their problem that Katie Couric had a great interview with him. Katie Kura kind of like, really?

[A]

Send it to me.

[B]

I'll send it to you. It was a clip that I was like, man, Katie Couric. Like, I had, like, such respect for her as a journalist. I was like, man, these other journalists suck.

[A]

Like, yeah, she's a pro.

[B]

True pro. Yeah. So, no, no, but the testosterone thing, I'm like, just be normal. And it's like, this guy's just raging to. And it's like, just be normal. I don't know. I. I just don't look miserable in a bar.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

As. As the great Hannah Berner's cousin once said. Cheer up.

[A]

Smile.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[B]

We solved dating again.

[A]

We did it. We'll be back next time. We'll be back on Friday. Bye.

[B]

Boom.

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