How to Date Your Roommate

Summary

U Up? Podcast – Episode Summary

Episode Title: How to Date Your Roommate
Date: September 24, 2025
Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid
Podcast: U Up? by Betches Media

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Brief Overview

In this episode, Jordana and Jared dive into the complexities of living and dating in the modern world—from funny personal stories and pop culture tangents to thought-provoking listener dilemmas. The central theme explores the awkward reality of falling for a roommate, the boundaries of friendship versus romance, and the often-messy navigation of housemate hookups. The pair also field listener questions about dating app mishaps, communication styles, red flags, and “icky or picky” scenarios, all colored with their characteristic mix of sharp humor and genuine empathy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Catching Up: Birthdays, McFingers & Vanity Plates

• Birthday Recap: Jordana shares details of her birthday, following Jared’s “birthday routine” of self-care and relaxation, complete with a 90-minute home massage.
  • “There's only so many times you can poop in all the bathrooms of the house.” – Jared (02:26)
• Meet ‘McFingers’: Jordana describes her quirky masseuse, Mary Jo, with pink hair and a license plate reading “McFingers,” spurring a hilarious sidebar on inappropriate vanity plate possibilities (05:17).
  • “If only a woman could be McFingers... if she was a man McFinger, you'd have a restraining order.” – Jared (05:42)
• Vanity Plate Brainstorming: The hosts suggest possible plates for Jared, riffing on old sports nicknames like “TD Freed,” and sharing their embarrassing AIM screen names from their youth.
  • “Fat Athletes of America Forever. That was my AOL screen name.” – Jared (09:44)
  • “Curl Girl 97, because I had curly hair... Not, like, playground curls!” – Jordana (10:16)

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2. Travel Tales: Winnipeg, Providence, and Gifts with Genitals

• Winnipeg Adventures: Jared recounts visiting Winnipeg, golfing with a fan’s husband, and being delightfully surprised by Canadian hospitality and humility.
  • “No one would ever do their bachelorette party in Winnipeg… You would if you lived there.” – Jared (17:58)
• Souvenirs & Studio Decor: Between listener gifts and staff travels, the studio adds a Winnipeg Jets shot glass and an Italian espresso cup adorned with a statue of David’s phallus—garnering raucous commentary.
  • “No matter where in the world you go you can find an oddly placed genital gift.” – Jared (24:38)
• Jared’s Standup Tour: Jared plugs upcoming tour dates, stressing the value of buying tickets early—a transactional way of “supporting” comedians (27:00).

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3. Main Dating Discussion: First Email – The Accidental ‘Unmatch’?

• The Dilemma: A listener (“John”) is unmatched after a seemingly successful first Hinge date and wonders if it was a UI mistake or a purposeful rejection (32:40).
  • Jared and Jordana debate the merits of reaching out off-app:
    • Jordana: “There's no harm in finding her Instagram and DMing, as long as you give her an easy out—say if it was on purpose, she doesn’t have to reply.” (41:13)
    • Jared: “Let them off the hook… you get one shot, but don’t let yourself become a problem for them.” (48:11)
  • Cultural Reflection: The two riff on how our minds always search for exceptions (“maybe it was a mistake!”), but most of the time, unmatching is intentional, and we have to accept the 9/10 reality (44:33).

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4. Icky or Picky: “Have a Good Day” Guy

• Scenario: A woman delays setting up a date due to a friend visiting, only to receive a string of increasingly angsty messages from her match, culminating in indignation and condescension over basic texting etiquette (54:00).
  • “What the **** am I supposed to do with ‘have a great day’?!” (55:45)
  • Hosts agree: this is textbook ick—red flag, and major bullet dodged.
  • Jared cautions: “People who say ‘let’s cut the bullshit’ and go to the date are usually the worst…you’re not cutting through anything. You’re just being an asshole.” (59:04)
  • Jordana: “This is someone who could be dangerous…It’s great when people can tell you who they are before you even meet.” (59:18)

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5. The Roommate Romance Deep Dive

• Email: The episode’s titular dilemma—“I have a crush on my roommate, but he’s pining for someone else. Should I shoot my shot or risk our friendship/living situation?” (60:51)
  • The hosts explore the layers of this messy situation:
    • Jared: “He wants to be this guy for a woman who won’t commit to him. Just because you’re there doesn’t mean he wants to be that guy for you.” (63:49)
    • Jordana outlines possible scenarios:
      • He’s attracted but doesn’t want to risk the home harmony.
      • He’s not interested but enjoys the ego boost.
      • If he truly wanted to date her, he likely would have made a move.
    • Advice roadmap:
      • Step 1: “Get away from the apartment—see whether he makes time for you as a friend outside.” (69:25)
      • If yes: After a successful hangout, express your feelings with a no-pressure text and let him know you’ll need some space if he’s not interested.
      • If no: Accept and move on.
    • On physical intimacy: Jordana recommends withholding sex until the relationship is defined, referencing Hannah Brown’s “Fantasy Suite” approach in The Bachelorette.
      - “If you need the sex to make your decision, you’re not the person for me.” – Jared via Hannah Brown (76:09)
  • Honest, nuanced look at roommate dating, cautioning against prioritizing fantasy over reality and advocating for clear communication.

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6. Rapid-Fire Listener Q&A – “Red Flag or Deal Breaker?”

• Venmo-ing for Sushi Before Dinner (81:04)
  • Both agree: Tacky to demand payment pre-sushi, but expecting him to pay for everyone may be unrealistic. “It rings unfuckable, but it’s a red flag, not a deal breaker.” – Jared (85:38)
• Using a Groupon on the First Date (87:24)
  • Both: Multiple behaviors combine to a deal breaker; one-off savings is acceptable, but compounding frugal signals (“whatever’s cheapest”, Groupon) shows a mismatched money philosophy.
• No Communication Guy + Prefrontal Cortex Excuses (91:46)
  • A listener is confused by a man who never texts but puts effort into in-person dates, then blames forgetfulness on “underdeveloped prefrontal cortex.”
    • “If he can’t remember anything about you after that many dates, it’s because he’s not really invested… If someone has bad communication, it’s usually not because of the prefrontal cortex.” – Jordana (98:06)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “There’s lore here… I want to interview McFingers.” – Jared (07:09)
• On Winnipeg pride vs. stereotype:
  “You get there and they’re like, ‘We suck, we’re trash.’ … but honestly, it was great!” – Jared (16:00)
• “I think losing tackle football is a bad thing for society.” – Jared, after discussing his Fat Athletes of America Forever AIM name (35:30)
• “I think this is someone who would be verbally abusive… he has an anger problem. Go to anger management.” – Jordana (59:18)
• “He’s not going ‘What? Jessica wants me?’, it’s not how it’s promoted in the romcoms!” – Jared, on roommate romance (65:29)
• “Life is choosing which uncomfortable you want.” – Jared, discussing whether to confess feelings or suppress them (75:10)
• “Cheapness and boobs and ass… it’s all personal taste. Cheapness, you can’t see on somebody.” – Jared (87:53)
• “If you have to blame an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex for not responding, we’re in trouble.” – Jordana (98:06)

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Timestamps for Major Segments (MM:SS)

• [04:45] – Jordana’s birthday stories & McFingers
• [16:00] – Winnipeg travel tales & souvenirs
• [32:38] – Listener email: The accidental dating app unmatch?
• [54:00] – Icky or picky: The “Have a great day” match goes off the rails
• [60:51] – Main topic: Should you date your roommate?
• [81:04] – Red flag or deal breaker: Venmo and sushi
• [87:24] – Red flag or deal breaker: Groupon on a date
• [91:46] – Red flag or deal breaker: Prefrontal cortex excuses

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Tone and Language

True to the “U Up?” brand, the tone of the episode is honest, irreverent, and playful, mixing warmth with light roasting. The hosts riff on their own dating lives as much as those of the listeners, striking a balance between empathy for dating frustrations and a refusal to indulge in delusion. The dialogue is peppered with comedic banter (“TD Freed”, “McFingers”, “the titty shot glass saga”) but anchored by insights about communication styles, self-awareness, and the realities of modern romance.

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Takeaways

• Be real about dating app mishaps. Unmatching is rarely accidental—and even if it was, a single polite, non-pressuring follow-up is the most you should ever do.
• Boundaries are necessary when crushing on a roommate. Test your dynamic outside the home; only advance if you’re ready for all outcomes (and consequences).
• Financial compatibility matters—just as much as chemistry. Frugality, generous gestures, and timing of money talk can reveal deep differences.
• Don’t romanticize red flags. Early warning signs (anger, control, blame-shifting) should not be overlooked.
• Lead with communication and self-respect. Whether dealing with dating uncertainty or a homefront crush, expressing yourself honestly (and giving the other person space to respond or not) is always best.

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For further content, bonus episodes, and polls, follow @u.up.podcast or visit subscribe.betches.com

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

We ready? Let's do this. It just dropped a little. I'll get it later. Hate to litter something. Not a litterer. Which one is this?

[A]

The September 15th. It says. Oh no. Help.

[B]

Help me with the iPad.

[A]

25.

[B]

What is it?

[A]

So 0 starts with 092425.

[B]

There it is. Got it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Like the Halloween.

[B]

The Halloween thing. People found out how stupid I am.

[A]

Hello and welcome back to the U Up podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.

[B]

And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana. How are you? What's going on? What' the haps? How you feeling?

[A]

I'm feeling good. I follow. You know, it's been a bit since my birthday. It's now been happy birthday weeks. But I wanted to let let you know, let you in the audience know I did follow your birthday suggested schedule for the most part.

[B]

Okay. So it's the best day of the year. September 7th.

[A]

Yes. And I'm alone.

[B]

You're alone With Ron. You and Ron?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Out in the suburbs, in the woods, in your huge enormous mansion.

[A]

Which. What are we to do?

[B]

What? Yeah. What? You. There's only so many times you can poop in all the bathrooms of the house.

[A]

That was the first thing we did.

[B]

When we woke up, you and Ron went bathroom to bathroom.

[A]

Ron comes to the bathroom with me.

[B]

He's very.

[A]

He's very clingy. Yes.

[B]

You're. Are you Ron's guy? Are you. Ron's your dog and Mike is assist you. Is that kind of how the relationship's gone? You don't want to say it on the air?

[A]

Yes, I would say that's how it goes. Yes. He like, he's. He's fully following me everywhere. He's not following Mike. He's following me.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

He likes Mike.

[B]

You like that though? You. You've won the house.

[A]

I do and I don't. I like it. But I also don't like that now because he's following me. It's kind of like on me to do more for him.

[B]

Right. It's not like he doesn't like when.

[A]

Mike Tate, like in the morning when we're. When he wakes up and is annoying. He doesn't really like, like when Mike takes him out, so he prefers not to follow him. So then it's more annoying for me.

[B]

That's exactly how I would want it to. To play out. Yeah, I would.

[A]

Oh, he love his mama's boy.

[B]

Yeah, that's. That's your boy. Go take him out. For those new to the show, Ron is Jordana's dog. So it's not just a random man bothers her and follows her around the house.

[A]

Ron.

[B]

Hey. Yeah. This man named Ron that lives with us. Just every time I, you know, turn, he's tugging at my bathroom, there he is just hanging out with me.

[A]

So. Yeah, I.

[B]

So how was the birthday?

[A]

It was great. It did. It was raining, which is actually turned out to be kind of nice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I had gives you the excuse.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right. So I did your routine. I got a 90 minute massage.

[B]

Love it. In house.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Came to your home?

[A]

Came to my home.

[B]

Love it.

[A]

Yes. There's a. There's a. There's a woman I use consistently.

[B]

Okay. You have a masseuse.

[A]

I have. Well, not.

[B]

She's not like she's on the staff.

[A]

She's not on the staff.

[B]

She's.

[A]

But she's a woman that's very, very good at massages that I call probably once a quarter. Okay.

[B]

Quarterly massage.

[A]

And her name, her name is Mary Jo.

[B]

Mary Jo. Do we want to plug City? Do you know the Long island people want to know?

[A]

You know, DM me. I'll give you. I'm not going to like.

[B]

Okay. If you're looking for a great masseur.

[A]

Yeah. Her name is Mary Jo, but it was very funny because she like drives this, this like older car. And Mike, when, when Mike's there, he wasn't there this time, but he usually goes out and like helps her with the table. And when he went out last time, he was like, he comes back, he's like, guess what her. What her vanity. What her vanity plate is. We talked about that.

[B]

We talked about vanity place. I got sent a few. Yeah, I'm like in the market. My parents are pushing me to get a vanity plate. My mom was like, get j.

[A]

You. And my masseuse, Mary Jo, who's probably in her 60s, has pink, short, pink hair.

[B]

Okay, so this is a character.

[A]

Yeah, she's a character. She's great. I love her.

[B]

60 year old masseuse with pink hair. I. She's got to be good.

[A]

She's very.

[B]

She does some. She's very shit. She's tickling your back and shit.

[A]

Do you want to hear what her license plate is, please? McFingers. Is that a vibe or what?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

So Mike and I just call her McFingers.

[B]

She's McFingers to me forever. That's. If only a woman could be McFingers. Yes, that's true. I'm like, maybe I could be McFingers in Florida. No, no, no, no.

[A]

100% fingers. If she was a man McFinger, you would be like, she'd be. Have a restraining order, right?

[B]

No, no, no, no. Masseuse could be McFingers. You hired McFingers.

[A]

No, but for her, you know, she's so. She's so. She's kooky and she's so non threatening. Just given like her age.

[B]

Did you ask her about it?

[A]

No, I've never asked her about it. I should though.

[B]

I am so curious. What. Where the name came from? What made her think to do that, like to get a vanity plate. Like it's a process. Like you have to like wait a couple weeks, get it made. Like you're making an active decision. It's not like you're ticking a box. Like she made the decision to be McFingers.

[A]

To be McFingers. I mean, she is a Fingers. She's a masseuse.

[B]

This is. Listen, I gotta say, lucky people who follow this podcast. This is the. This is an episode. It is fall. It's dating season. It's relationship season. But you're not going to get McFingers on any show.

[A]

No, only here.

[B]

Only here.

[A]

Only here.

[B]

What is that is so quirky.

[A]

I know, right? I love it.

[B]

I love it. Every ounce of it. And that's why she needs to be a guest on a Friday Feels episode.

[A]

Should we have her on?

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

What is she going to talk about?

[B]

What the. It's my first question.

[A]

She came to be here.

[B]

Right. How does McFingers happen?

[A]

I mean, you should see her massages. She does have a. She does have a good.

[B]

I want to see everything about her.

[A]

She has a great technique. Yes.

[B]

Who calls her McFingers? Where it came from, the lore. There's lore here. That's the thing.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

There's a story.

[A]

If you guys want me to get McFingers on the podcast poll, comment on you comment on YouTube or Spotify comments. Let me, let us know if you think this is a good idea. You know, you could say it politely. We'll pass on McFingers as a guest. Let us know.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

What is your vanity plate going to say?

[B]

Well, I've been thinking of. There's a bunch that I've thought of. There's J. Tr really going to do it. I might. I. I'm thinking about it. It's just J Train. Lol.

[A]

LOL is not taken.

[B]

I don't know. I'm just. These are ideas. I haven't even gone down the road yet.

[A]

Okay. Hahaha. Okay.

[B]

Okay. You know, comedian, funny guy. Okay. The room temperature has not been. I think we could do better to these ideas. TD Freed.

[A]

Titty.

[B]

TD not titty. TD three.

[A]

What's that?

[B]

Well, that's an old nickname that I gave myself in high school. My junior year, I intercepted a ball and ran it back for a touchdown.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then my friends, like, I scored a touchdown. I was a defensive lineman and if just he. The defensive linemen don't normally score. So I literally intercepted a ball is at Framingham High under the lights. And we won 14 7. But I remember I. My friends didn't want to admit that like anything good happened to me. So I came off the field, I'm like just scored a touchdown. Like the biggest moment of my young life. And they were like, did you see the other guy scored? Like they like gave credit to someone else.

[A]

Oh wow.

[B]

So then I started giving myself the name TD Freed as like to like own that I scored this touchdown.

[A]

And look at you now, a professional football player.

[B]

Right. That's why I show them it's even more loser now that I'm referencing it now on my podcast. Like, this is the nerdiest.

[A]

Would you actually put it on a plate?

[B]

No, I would. I I. There are A specific. Few people out there who go td, like, they. They think it's funny, too. Like, because what happened was I gave myself the nickname. And then, like, a year went by, and there was a teacher at the school who I had in a different period than my friends had them. And then I was referenced and they said the teacher was like, are you talking about td? And, like, the teacher knew it. And they were, like, angry. Like, I had one.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

That, like, someone would even call me.

[A]

You say something enough, it does become true.

[B]

It becomes real. I mean, J Train. I gave that to myself, too.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

So. Or wizard of Ha.

[A]

Okay. What was your screen name growing up?

[B]

I don't even want to get into it.

[A]

I would. That's exactly why I think we should get into it.

[B]

FA Away Forever. Fat Athletes of America Forever. That was my. My AOL screening was Fat Athletes of America Forever.

[A]

And how did you just.

[B]

I identify. That's just. I always. I'm in favor of any fat athlete.

[A]

You're like a fat athlete.

[B]

I'm a fat athlete.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Those are my people.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

That was the. The screen. Evan, every time I'm asked about it, I'm embarrassed. What was your screen name?

[A]

My screen name was. Was. My first screen name was Curl Girl 97.

[B]

Curl Girl. Because you were very.

[A]

I had very curly hair. No.

[B]

On the playground. No.

[A]

Like a real hair curl. Yeah. And then I think it was like, like my name.

[B]

Oh. So we're talking about screen names next week. So this is a tease.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

This is all conversation that we can.

[A]

Get you ready for the big. For the big screen. I want you to finalize your vanity.

[B]

Plate so wizard of Ha.

[A]

They can vote on it.

[B]

Or.

[A]

Or do you want to give them options? And then we'll discuss next week.

[B]

So Wiz. Oh, Ha. Cuz. Wizard of Oz. So wizard of Ha is my company name, right? That's the name of my company. My loan app. So. So that's an idea. Wizo. HA would be one jlf. Just my initials.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Lou for Louis. Because I'm. My middle name's Lewis. So Lou.

[A]

But what's the point of that?

[B]

No point. I'm just giving ideas.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

We write to edit.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

This is a. A collaborative process. Those are all I've really thought of. You have any ideas for me? Ass man? And we're reviewing the movie. You've got mail. Next. This Friday or next Friday.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Which has great screen names, right?

[B]

That's another screen name conversation. So that's why we're going to get into screen names.

[A]

But the D. How about the D in Delray?

[B]

Delray Daddy. D Ray Dad.

[A]

D Ray Dad. Get a lot of single moms, right?

[B]

That's the problem. This is the male plight. Like I can't be McFingers. You know, there is another way to look at it.

[A]

But you can't be ass man.

[B]

Can't be ass man. I have the hat. People go, they either know it or they don't. So the birthday was great.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You had an accident. I mean I. I don't want to tee you up.

[A]

I was debating if I should tell this story. People at the, at my birthday with my girl. Night birthday.

[B]

You do the massage, you and Ron. And then.

[A]

No, the night before my birthday.

[B]

Seen the animals that get a chiropractor.

[A]

That get a chiropractor.

[B]

There's an animal chiropractor on Tik Tok and he like cracks dogs backs. What it is. He did like a snake. He's done. Have you guys seen this? Don't even have seen it. Look it. No. This is crazy. This guy does animal. He's an animal chiropractor. And I love the dog's face. The dog.

[A]

What the is happening?

[B]

The animal, the dog is getting hugged by the, by the chiropractor. And you can see the dog being like what the, what the, what the, what the. And then he cracks and he like looks at him and he goes that was pretty good.

[A]

Honestly. I think that's the exact human response. You've ever been to a chiropractor.

[B]

I would like to go. I've never gone.

[A]

I've been to a chiropractor. When they like twist your neck into that thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I have the exact same reaction.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like what the was that?

[B]

Right?

[A]

Like am I like, am I like immobile now?

[B]

Right. Is it over for me?

[A]

Yes. And then like oh, that feels kind of nice.

[B]

My aunt's boyfriend, may he rest in peace, he actually passed. I. He went to chiropractic school I think for like a week. So he knew like two moves.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So he like did what? He would do one on me and that was all I. But I feel like I would.

[A]

Which move?

[B]

Was it something that cracked? I mean someone like. Yeah, with your head or some probably against the law to do such a thing. But he was that type of guy.

[A]

A lot of people think chiropractors are there is that.

[B]

I mean animal chiropractor I think is more like to me like that is.

[A]

Well that's what I'm saying. If you, if it's humans. Like, how.

[B]

Well, because at what point did he, you have to. You, there's no.

[A]

Is there school? Right. He just made it up.

[B]

Right. And, and then the dog, we're all just like, watching the dog make the same face as us. We're like, it must be real.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But we don't know.

[A]

How does he know what to do? How does he even know what to do?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

There's definitely no training class. Training.

[B]

Listen, I'm. If you get value out of it.

[A]

We should have him on.

[B]

Let's have a whole weird job episode.

[A]

When was the first time you cracked an unassuming animal's back?

[B]

What makes you hug the dog?

[A]

The rip. But the risk in that, right?

[B]

What if you kill your dog?

[A]

I'm saying, I swear he's break.

[B]

He seems stiff.

[A]

I always think about that with the chiropractor with me, I was like, what if you just like, snap my neck?

[B]

Right. Well, there's real risk there. Yeah. I mean, I watch them online. They are satisfying to watch to hear the crack. But then you find out, like, the, the whole, like, sound system is taped to the person's body.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, they're not like, it's not like you're hearing it like, naturally. Like the crack you hear. Because they put a microphone, like, right up to their ear.

[A]

You mean like in the video?

[B]

In the videos, they're like, you can hear it, though.

[A]

When it's you.

[B]

I will. Because it's you. Yeah, but I, I, that's why I think that's like, there's a little bit of. There's a lot of marketing at play.

[A]

If you're a chiropractor. Give us more insight.

[B]

Yeah. Well, not to change the subject, but we have a gift from Winnipeg. So I went to Winnipeg. Let me give a shout out to Winnipeg. What a great time I had in Winnipeg. Providence as well. I don't know if I got to talk about Providence yet.

[A]

When we talk about when we in Providence.

[B]

A few weeks ago, but I did that already. Winnipeg, what a great place. What a wonderful town, What a wonderful people.

[A]

I have to say, I know absolutely nothing about Winnipeg.

[B]

Me neither. North of North Dakota. So they are like, in Canada. They are in the middle of nowhere. And you could tell they get a lot of crap from the other Canadian provinces. Like, they're made fun of because you get there and they're like, we suck. We're trash. I know. We're horrible.

[A]

So the.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Can you give me. I'm going to sound like the dumbest person, but sure. Last week you didn't know Halloween wasn't on the 13th. So now I feel okay.

[B]

Yeah, you're okay.

[A]

So in Canada, it's provinces instead of states.

[B]

It's provinces. I think there's six provinces.

[A]

So it's sort of like having six states.

[B]

Well, that's the thing is, like, you go, well, who knows when there's.

[A]

There's 10 provinces. Okay.

[B]

So if there were 10 states.

[A]

I feel like if there were 10 states, everyone would be like, a little. Almost like, maybe like, more into their state, because it would feel like plus.

[B]

Well, plus, you would know what to make fun of.

[A]

Of, like, if you know more about each state. Yeah.

[B]

If there. If there were 10 states and one of our 10 states was North Dakota, you would know more about North Dakota than.

[A]

Right. And it might be the butt of many jokes.

[B]

Right. And that's kind of what the. The predicament they're in.

[A]

Okay. What's the best province?

[B]

I don't even want to get into this because. Well, I. There's. There's Europe, Canada, which is like Montreal.

[A]

There's Montreal province or a city.

[B]

Montreal is in Quebec. So Quebec is the province. Right. We're getting.

[A]

Guys, help us, please.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay, so Montreal is in Europe Canada.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Toronto is in New York, Canada.

[A]

Which province is that?

[B]

Toronto is Toronto province.

[A]

Yeah, That's Vancouver, a province.

[B]

Vancouver is in British Columbia.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Calgary is in Alberta, and Winnipeg is in Manitoba.

[A]

Okay, so Winnipeg, Saskatchewan. Winnipeg is in its own.

[B]

Winnipeg's like the city.

[A]

How do you know so much about Canada?

[B]

Because I just got back from Winnipeg. I didn't know this pre Winnipeg.

[A]

Okay, so do you guys know anything about Canada?

[B]

Nobody knows anything. We don't need to know about Canada. They need to know about us.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

That's what it is to be an American. But I'm say. I'll say that I had a great time. The people there were wonderful. The city is like a suburban city. So, like, you wouldn't. No one would ever do their bachelorette party in Winnipeg. You would if you lived there.

[A]

Okay. It'd be like the big city of the area that you're in.

[B]

Yes. And they get a lot of. But I'm like. And I think it gets cold. No, it was cold there now. Beautiful. Fall week, fall weekend. And I went golfing with a fan of the show.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Whose wife reached out. Oh, so his wife reached out and.

[A]

And his guy. Some guy's wife went golf.

[B]

No, the wife DM me. I. His wife on the golf course Sounded.

[A]

Like where you were going with that.

[B]

All of this sounds crazy.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

I mean, all of this doesn't happen in 2002, but 20, 25, this is a possibility.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

I get a DM. Hey, my husband likes to golf. I heard you're golfing. We're coming to your show in Winnipeg. He doesn't have social media. Do you want to go golfing with him? And he belongs to a club or we belong to a club. So I go, great. Can you message me the week of, week of? She's like, we're coming to the Friday show. We'll see either way. But if you want to golf, it's still open. I go, I would love to. I got her name. I go, what's your reservation under? So I can, like, take care of your tickets and take care of your tab. Like, please.

[A]

Right?

[B]

You just want to do anything for them, because this is such a nice thing they're doing for me. And then Friday show happens. I had a great time. The shows were awesome. And then after the show, I take pictures. I take pictures after every show. So if you come to a show, I'd love to take a picture with you, but then, you know, it's only, like, 600 bucks, so, like, another free. And then she goes, I'm Anna. And I'm like, who the is Anna? And she's like, you're golfing with him? And I'm like, oh. And because I had to be reminded, and we meet. And then the next morning, I took an Uber, and wow. We went to his club. The club was beautiful.

[A]

You must really love golf, because I just feel like you would never take up a random person on an offer to spend the whole day with them if it wasn't for that, right? Like, if someone were like, oh, my husband loves, like, the city of Winnipeg. He'll show you around, you'd be like, absolutely.

[B]

No way. No, that's what I'm saying. Like, well, this is why men activity. Well, this is how men get to know each other shoulder to shoulder, right? So there's something to do. Like, and. And it's like. It's like if we like the same team. If he was like, penn State's playing. I got a great bar where I watch Ben say, maybe, but not as much as, like, that's what I'm saying, right?

[A]

This, to me, proves you really like golf, because I just can't imagine you taking up anyone in an offer to do anything at any point.

[B]

Well, golf also, like, no, no, no. I wouldn't I don't. I, I mean, I. Your friends, who I know, right. We're like, does he want to meet people?

[A]

I was like, no. And you live there, right?

[B]

In Del Rey? Well, also, it gets me outside. There's like an exercise component. I can walk the course. It's beautiful. And it's like I'm trying to get better at it, so. It is. Yeah. And we had a wonderful day. We hung out from 8:30 in the morning until 2pm we got lunch together.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

His wife and I, we all got lunch in the Forks in Winnipeg. I saw the Forks, which is like their, what is that? Like, nice outdoor downtown area. And they gave, they go, and we have a gift for you. And I'm like, a gift. And they got me a hat. Well, wear it on tomorrow, on next week's episode. But this is a Winnipeg Jets.

[A]

Love it.

[B]

Shot glass. And we will add it. They said, sorry, there's no titty shot glasses here.

[A]

You know.

[B]

Well, can't win them all.

[A]

Okay, well, I'm going to ask you this now. Whenever you get back from any city that you rave about, your future wife lives in Winnipeg, wants to move back home. Are you move. Are you relocating back to Winnipeg?

[B]

Is she the richest woman in Winnipeg?

[A]

She belongs to this golf course. I don't have it here.

[B]

Here's the thing. I don't want to besmirch Winnipeg. I get it. Like these, this couple, recently married. They got a kid on the way. They got lake house an hour north.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

They got a, He's a lawyer, you know, like, they're living great. Like, I, I, I have to say, like, I envy their life, you know, Like, I, that could be you if.

[A]

You move with your hypothetical girlfriend back to Winnipeg.

[B]

Well, but part of that would be, like, I got to travel from Winnipeg to, like, my shows and their airport goes nowhere. So, like, that's on my, Like, I would have to go to Minneapolis, then to wherever I'm going. And I'm not in Delray beach, you know, like, so that's a hard.

[A]

It's tough.

[B]

It's a no. But not because I don't think it's a great place for two people to have a family. You know what I mean?

[A]

Okay. Just not for you and your particular lifestyle.

[B]

Not. It wouldn't work.

[A]

What about Providence?

[B]

Providence? Yeah. I would do it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I would do Problems.

[A]

You'd go to Providence?

[B]

Absolutely. There's a. I went to another golf course. A quid neck on. It was like, near Newport, Rhode Island. It might have been the most beautiful place I've ever seen in my entire life. I was like, I. If I could.

[A]

Rhode Island.

[B]

Rhode Island's awesome. Great food. Kind of a weird political thing there. I mean, that's. That's the whole country. Also, Will, our producer here, got us a gift as well. You just came back.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Do we have a mic back there? You can chime in.

[A]

Back from Italy.

[B]

Okay. Well, Will's back from Italy.

[A]

Yeah. Did his first trip to Italy.

[B]

You had a great time. Thumbs up. Love that. He said. He said the worst part of the trip was coming back and seeing us today. That is a quote. So he came back. He did get us a gift.

[A]

Wow. I hope it's titties.

[B]

It better fucking have titties on it. I. Wow.

[A]

Oh, okay. We're evening. Wow.

[B]

My God. We were just talking about uncircumcised penises.

[A]

Well, is this the only job where you could bring this back to your co workers as a souvenir?

[B]

This. This is unbelievable. If you're watching, like, a face, it really does looks like it has, like, a big puffy eyebrow.

[A]

Is this for cap? Is this for, like, an espresso? Yeah, espresso cup.

[B]

So it's an espresso cup and it has the David's penis and balls and pubis hair on it. If you're watching on YouTube, you can see it.

[A]

It looks like a nose.

[B]

It really does look very Apollo, you know, mystical face. But it is a penis.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Not recognizable to our Jewish viewers, but I've been around an uncircumcised penis before. That's what it looks like.

[A]

Let me see.

[B]

Great gift. Great gift.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Perfect.

[A]

Beautiful. Where.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

Where in Italy did we get this?

[B]

So in Rome, there's like a whole. And this is the thing. No matter where in the world you go, you can find an oddly placed genital gift.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

At the shop.

[A]

And there's multiple items.

[B]

Like, it's not like there was, like, one of these. There was a whole lineup of David's just in the gift shop. I love it.

[A]

I love it too.

[B]

Isn't it great?

[A]

It's beautiful. Thank you so much.

[B]

This is. This is the only anything to claim. Well, a Harry David penis.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

I mean, the pubes are crazy.

[A]

Should we keep it in the studio or should you take it home? Because I know you.

[B]

I can't take it home. I. I do like coffee, but I do think this. Listen, I can't have.

[A]

You have the. The bottle opener.

[B]

I have the penis bottle opener. No, this has to stay in the studio. It looks like Eugene Levy. It does. It's crazy. Yeah, it's all right. This is gonna go out on our. On our titty.

[A]

Beautiful. Wow, we're really getting a collection here.

[B]

Listen, this show. I'm going to Kansas City this weekend.

[A]

Get us.

[B]

I better get some Kansas City.

[A]

Get it. I want Travis Kelce with titties.

[B]

If only. You know, I message. You know, he's opening a steakhouse. It opens this week. And I messaged the steakhouse to see if I could, like, throw my weight around. Not a lot of celebs go to Kansas City like me.

[A]

Right?

[B]

So not.

[A]

Not like the second most famous man in Delray.

[B]

No, I mean, that's when the. The Delray daddy comes to down. You open your doors. So him and Patrick Mahomes, the quarterback for the football team, opened a restaurant, a steakhouse. So it opens Wednesday. And I'm trying to, like, go there Saturday.

[A]

Oh, wow. So I mean, they should let you in there.

[B]

When do they. I. I didn't ask for much. I said 5pm Saturday. I'm looking to come before my show.

[A]

Is it supposed to be nice or is it like.

[B]

It's supposed to be like a nice steakhouse. Yeah. They're like making it a thing, so.

[A]

Well, love it. Maybe you'll see Taylor Swift there.

[B]

Maybe she'll see me. That's right.

[A]

There you go. Maybe she'll see you.

[B]

That's right. But I am on the road and I got an act I gotta. I gotta show I have a good show to put on if you're. And now the theaters are starting up, so I get asked all the time. I don't know if I gave this speech here on another podcast. Yeah. You know, I hate when people say I want to support. It's like, oh, I'll come to a show I want to support. That annoys me. Okay.

[A]

Because it implies you're not getting anything.

[B]

Right. No, this is. This is a. This is a goods for services type of, you know, monetary exchange. You pay for a ticket and I give you a great show and you can bring your friends.

[A]

Transactional relationship.

[B]

Absolutely. You want to give support. You want to be like, Jared, I like this guy and I want him to have a great career. Buy tickets early. That is very helpful. That makes it so we know how many wait staff to have. That makes it so they don't go, jared, you gotta go on tick tock and make a video of you dancing so that someone comes in Idaho.

[A]

Gotta be the dancing monkey.

[B]

Right. I don't want to dance. I just wanted you to come and have a great time. So if you're hearing this now and you're like, oh, we're gonna buy tickets, do it now, please. That's support.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So I am coming to Richmond and then a theater in dc. Dc. I really want to sell that out.

[A]

Love it.

[B]

Really want to sell.

[A]

DC Loves you.

[B]

I listen, we've been. That's where we met.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To go back of Comedy. We met 6th and I. So I went from the basement of a temple to a big theater, the Warner Theater.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Like, this is like a real deal event.

[A]

You better go. Everyone in D.C. in the surrounding area, please.

[B]

I mean, as of taping, they were like, it's half full, which is pretty good.

[A]

That's pretty good for. When is it air? When is it?

[B]

It's October 24th.

[A]

Oh, that's pretty good.

[B]

But I wanted, like, come on. I want the. I want to land in a city.

[A]

He wants when it's already solid level. Eras, resale, ticket prices.

[B]

Yeah. Let's fuck some people over on the secondary market.

[A]

Let's do it.

[B]

Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Minneapolis, Minnesota. Chicago. Durham. Charlotte. Fort Lauderdale. Royal Oak, Michigan. Columbus, Ohio. Orlando, San Diego. Philly. Baltimore, Tampa, Atlanta. Charleston. Boston added a second show. Boston gets it. New York, Dallas, Houston, Toronto, Vancouver, Seattle. Jared, were you playing in New York Town hall again? We opted for Town Hall. I was gonna do maybe the Beacon as like a. Ooh, look at me. I did the Beacon. It wouldn't have paid me as much money. So that was. It was a financial decision.

[A]

All about the Benjamins.

[B]

It is all about continuing to be able to do this as a living. Yes, that is the dream. As weird as. As, you know, as that sounds, New York is until the new year.

[A]

All right, I'll be there.

[B]

You'll be there. And we might add a Long island one. So we are.

[A]

If you. If you. We had a Long island one. You're staying with me.

[B]

We'll see. The inside joke. I like that there is this.

[A]

That I don't want you.

[B]

You do not want me in your home.

[A]

I do. If you. If you were on Long island, you are coming and staying in my house.

[B]

Listen, I'm coming whether you want me there or not. I'm gonna. Me and this random dude, Ron, will be following you into the bathroom.

[A]

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[B]

Quince.com/UUP we are sponsored by Hungry Root. We're big fans of Hungry Root here on the show, don't you think Jordan?

[A]

I love Hungry Root.

[B]

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[A]

I love Hungry Root. It makes eating healthy so much easier. They give you like all the ingredients for a recipe and the recipes all take like 15 minutes tops and they're healthy. If you're a busy person, you've got a lot going on. It's just so much easier to make a meal when it's like here's the pre measured ingredients that you're all going to need. You just have to put it together and you have a delicious healthy meal. It's so easy.

[B]

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[A]

Let's jump right in.

[B]

We don't want to waste time on this podcast.

[A]

I will read our first email. Hey, J and J. Love the show. I'm a 30 year old male.

[B]

What up, bro?

[A]

Just got out of a two year relationship earlier this year after some time and therapy.

[B]

Oh, look at him. He knows how to brand himself to the new women.

[A]

I finally felt ready to redownload the dating apps. I've been on them for about a month and I've gone on a handful of dates so far, but nothing's clicked. I had a seemingly great first date earlier today that's throwing me through a loop. So I wanted to get your opinion. So first he gives the tldr, which sort of defeats the purpose of giving all the context, but I'll give it to you.

[B]

Well, it's not even a tldr. It could all be without that. Like, he. It's kind of part of the story. The whole email matters.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So.

[A]

No, it's very.

[B]

And let me just say, this email, I laughed at it and I loved it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I. I laughed at him. I. I would.

[A]

If I'm the best kind.

[B]

I would have made fun of him right to his face. And then I would have gone, me too, bro.

[A]

So let me say, it's like TD Jared.

[B]

TD Freed.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

TD Jared doesn't have the same ring.

[A]

Sorry, sorry.

[B]

That's a nerd. TD Freed's a cool guy. There you go.

[A]

That's the coolest cool.

[B]

You Framingham.

[A]

Wait, Framing.

[B]

That's who we beat.

[A]

Oh, I thought you were making an Abraham joke.

[B]

No.

[A]

Framingham.

[B]

Framingham, Massachusetts. The Framingham Flyers.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

Are they good at the time? I mean, they had a nice stadium. It was under the lights Friday night.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I turned, I. I intercepted the ball, and then I ran it back 20 yards for a touchdown. And I turned to the crowd and I. You know how some people do a dance or they do. I just did a nerdy fist pump.

[A]

Wow. Was this the peak of your life? Of your athletic life?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Your sports?

[B]

I played. I played tackle football, Pop Warner, my whole life.

[A]

What's Pop Warner?

[B]

Pop Warner's like the. The youth league.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's actually like there's, you Know, a lot of that's going out of existence or in some places they have flag football now.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because of how dangerous it is. But I, I started cte. I, I definitely got concussions. Like, I, I definitely, like, had head trauma. I don't know when Halloween is, so. No, but I, that's. But I, I started when I was eight playing football. And like, it's like, it was always a big part of my life. I love, and I do love football, but Pop Warner. Like, I actually think we should still. I mean, maybe my opinion would change if I had a wife and kids, but I think losing tackle football is like a bad thing for society.

[A]

Okay. Even though it's, even though it's bad for kids heads.

[B]

I think there's a trade off to make not to be. I don't want to sound like I'm being. I understand. I'm like half joking, but like, you know, alignment blocks for someone else to score. Like, there's a lot of, like, life that's such, like, a nice thing. Like the team aspect of football for the quarterback. Sure. But the quarterback has to acknowledge that they wouldn't have scored if it wasn't for these big fat animals who blocked for him. This is why I had my screen name, Fat Athletes of America Forever. Forever.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

I didn't think there was more to learn about us on this show.

[A]

I learned something new about you that is shocking almost every week. It's crazy.

[B]

Yeah. Every time I reveal something, I go, I haven't talked about this for eight years.

[A]

I would have remembered that.

[B]

Yeah, you would have remember. And some things I am, I am embarrassed of it. Like, I didn't. Maybe in the beginning I was like, putting on a front.

[A]

I mean, I guess you just had the initials, so it's not like it said that in your screen name.

[B]

No, but then you'd have to tell people about, you know, at some point. I'm embarrassed. I. I think it is like flirting.

[A]

With girls on with.

[B]

I'm a big fat athlete. I don't know. Not really. Yeah, of course I was, but as. As we all were. Do you know they just closed down aol? Like, it's like, done.

[A]

I think they closed it down like two years. Like the AI. Like the AOL instant messenger. Yeah.

[B]

Something about it just ended for good.

[A]

I think it was like two years ago. No, it was a while ago.

[B]

I felt like it was a news story. Maybe I'm wrong.

[A]

Well, now kids have phones, so they don't need like a instant and no tackle football.

[B]

Society's ruined.

[A]

Now they can bully each other in the DMS of social media. They don't need. They don't need to. To come up with a fake screen name.

[B]

Perfect. Okay. All right, so let's get to his. Too long, didn't read. And then context. Which all we need. All of it.

[A]

Okay. Yeah. Sorry to digress. After what I thought was an amazing first date, I was unmatched. Shortly afterward, there's a tiny piece of me that wonders if it was a mistake because of Hinge's UI layout.

[B]

What's UI stand for?

[A]

User interface.

[B]

I'm assuming Nerd.

[A]

I'm assuming that was a test.

[B]

That was a test. That was a test.

[A]

Too bad. You should make a fake screen name to bully me. I heard what you said during the recording. Loser.

[B]

User interface. What do you use? Your face.

[A]

They call me. They call me ui. Abraham.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Do I try to contact her off app and ask yes, I'm aware of how clearly it sounds like I'm trying to protect my ego. Okay, here's the context. You can call me John, 30, male. And she's Beth, 29, female.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

We met on. It's funny when people do that and then they don't refer to either name throughout the rest of the email.

[B]

I guess we'll call you John.

[A]

Doesn't talk about either. Yeah, okay. We met on Hinge. She liked me first, had a week of fun conversation and met halfway for a Sunday afternoon coffee slash park date. It went well. Easy conversation, lots in common. She thanked me and said, let's talk soon. Oh, I sentenced you. He got the old let's talk soon.

[B]

That sounds like you're definitely gonna get a second date.

[A]

Gonna circle back on this later. Okay. I sent her a light follow up with my number when I got home, but a few hours later realized she had unmatched me. I've been ghosted before, but never unmatched immediately after what felt like a great date. So it stung. I know the likeliest answers. She just wasn't into it. But part of me wonders if she accidentally hit unmatched instead of we met. The buttons are right next to each other.

[B]

We're gonna post this picture on the YouTube and Spotify video. It is they are next to each other. It is a fair point to bring.

[A]

Up they are next.

[B]

They are next to each other. I don't know if she turns into Shrek at night.

[A]

Yeah, but.

[B]

Okay, I'm not on the list of things that could have happened. It's on the list.

[A]

So you're saying there's a chance. Yes.

[B]

That's why I laughed at him.

[A]

If it was a mistake, she has no way to reach me. I could probably find her on Instagram and LinkedIn, but that feels like crossing a line. Would love to hear your thoughts. You guys make dating suck less. Best a finger slip or ego trip. Batch. P.S. do men call themselves batches? I think there's a little bit of batch in everyone.

[B]

Absolutely. I've always said I'm the fourth batch.

[A]

You are?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Four founders.

[B]

The four girls started this place in their dorm room. What do you think?

[A]

Okay. Yeah. I mean, he's. He's thinking about this the correct way. There's a chance in hell that it was a mistake. Here's what I. The advice I would give him. Putting myself in the place of the woman who probably did unmatch him.

[B]

Right. Okay. Let's say we go on a date. We have a nice Sunday coffee walk, as he said.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I send you. Hey, that was a lot of fun. Here's my number, just so you have it. And then you unmatch.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Now I am sitting here being like, that can't be because that's his. His. I want to get to yours, but I don't want to interrupt you because I like where you're going. But his viewpoint is, how are we living in two different worlds? I. Right.

[A]

That happens all the time.

[B]

Right. But I. Go ahead.

[A]

Right. Yeah. I thought the date was good. She must have thought the date was good.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Because I thought it was good.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Right. If I were him, I would find. I would. I would. I. I think there's no harm in finding her Instagram, sending her a dm, being like, hey, I realized I never got your number. And we've somehow unmatched on the apps. If we meant to do that. Totally get it.

[B]

It don't want to.

[A]

Right. Don't want to be creepy or, like, weird. But I had a really great time. I would love to go out again if. If you're interested, send me your number. We can figure out a time. Okay.

[B]

I'm listen. And you saying that doesn't surprise me. But I wouldn't do that.

[A]

You wouldn't do that.

[B]

But I. I'm. I'm. If I'm saying you're speaking for the women that are 10 away from you, that they wouldn't be scared by that or. Or threatened by that. Like, an acknowledgment of, like, it feels like I got unmatched. That's cool. Like, you have to Right. He has to acknowledge the danger associated with, like, finding someone who used the app the way it was supposed to be used.

[A]

Yes. So, no, totally. And I think that, again, prefacing it with that is saying, like, totally get. If it was on purpose, you don't have to answer. And then if she doesn't answer, obviously never say anything to her ever again.

[B]

It's over. You gave your one shot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I wouldn't be offended at that. I would. I might be like, ugh, now I have to break up with this person again or just not answer. But that would be the worst I would be. And then I would just not. I would either not answer or say or answer and be like, hey, didn't really feel like we were a match, but had a great time meeting you.

[B]

Right. I. Listen, I think that's a fair and, like, very fine thing to do.

[A]

Okay. It is.

[B]

I love this email because I laughed at him because, well, maybe he. Maybe she. Her fingers slipped and, you know, maybe.

[A]

Maybe she saved his number and deleted the match and she plans to text him later.

[B]

All another thing on the list, so. But it's funny. It is funny that maybe her finger slip. She unmatched me. Like, what he's writing sounds even crazier. And listen, I'm with him. I've been there. It he. I want to get my words right because I agree with his. His feelings. He has been seen.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

And then when you get unmatched or you get ghosts, you start thinking of, like, all the other things that happen that have nothing to do with she didn't like me.

[A]

Maybe she's dead.

[B]

Maybe she died, hopefully. So I. So when you hit on maybe. And it's funny to me, though, he writes, maybe her finger slipped and she hit on Match. And now there's no way for her to ever find me, but maybe I could find her on LinkedIn or Instagram. It's like, wait a minute. If you can find her, she can find you.

[A]

And also, you know, you can find her because if you wrote us this email, you've already looked her up.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So, you know, you can find.

[B]

You thought this through?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I would say, you know, we're going to be hearing. This is my. This is a. I think this, like, matches what's going on in society right now.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

A little bit. Not to make this show bigger than it is, but you're going to start hearing about these people who live online and become, you know, evil, horrible lunatics because of the Internet. And there's a piece of Me. That's like, yeah, because all of us do this thing where we assume everyone's the 10th person other rather than the 9 out of 10. You know, the 9 out of 10 is usually. Is who people are. And he's like, well, Maybe she's the 10th person whose fingers slipped and can't find me. And now we are two wayward lovers who never got together.

[A]

Maybe she's the exception, right?

[B]

We're making everyone the exception versus. Because that's what happens on the Internet. You only feel the exception, right? You only feel the negative part. And you're going to hear a lot about this because of what's going on in the world generally. You're going to hear about these, like, monsters that get, you know, crazy from their aunt, from seeing things online because we all go to this negative, weird, exception person. The reality is, most people, that nine out of 10 is what you're dealing with, right? The person who went on the date with you and they're rationaling their behavior when they're dealing with you. No, your feeling of being unmatched is not the same as their feeling is unmatching you. When they unmatch you, they're like, hey, we tried. It was nice. And when you feel an unmatched, you're like, it's as if they went you and hit the unmatched.

[A]

Right?

[B]

It didn't go that way.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It more likely went, that was a nice time. I'm actually seeing someone else and they're trying. And this is the easiest and most mature. Not mature, but this is the easiest and least painful way for me to get where I'm going.

[A]

To make sure he can never contact.

[B]

Right. And to quietly back out of the room. And that's what she most likely did. And I, I feel for him because I feel the same way. I would. I would do the same thing. Well, I had a great time. In what world am I crazy? It's like, you're not crazy. I'm sure she had a fine time, right? And we don't know what else is going on in her life. We don't know if she's, you know, started dating someone else. I mean, I.

[A]

Well, that's what's kind of annoying about this trend toward. Because we've gotten a few emails about people who unmatch and that's like their way of ending the thing. And I think that's fine if you haven't met the person yet. But I do find it to be like, a little bit sad or immature to unmatch As a way of, of saying you don't want to go out again. Right, Right. You're trying to eliminate that feeling of discomfort of telling someone that something they don't want to hear.

[B]

Right. Especially when they said, you know, our definition of ghosting is someone telling you, hey, I want to go out again. And you don't answer.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So based on that definition of a ghosting, this person is ghosting you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because you said, hey, that was great. Here's my number so that we can do it again. And they said nothing.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So that is rude. That is immature. Is it rude or immature enough to make a video about and crush them? No, no, they didn't do anything horrific. They did the human option, which is path of least resistance.

[A]

So you're saying don't reach out.

[B]

I'm. No, I'm with you. I think, hey, and, and letting them off the hook, you know, dumping yourself without needing them to dump you. I think that's fine. It happens. I get messages like that. I just got one like that, hey, I saw you on J Date. I, I, I, hey, that woman messaged me, saw you and JD like me because I haven't paid for it. That's what she wrote to me.

[A]

Like, she said, like me, Right.

[B]

It's like, oh, me, please. And it's like, I looked at that. I was like, you know, there's a piece of me that's like, listen, let's let it play out on the app. I, I there. You know, they're a private account. I can't really see their life if I see you, I'll look into it. But no, yeah, I mean, that's probably.

[A]

What the person's, like, thinking, but again, if he wants to. On the chance that she's the 1 out of 10.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Who's his big thumbs hit the wrong thing. And he wants. Even if she did, even if she did unmatch. And then he's like, let me just, just send her one more message just to know, to let her know I had a really good time. Maybe she would want to go out either, either way. Fine.

[B]

Be nice.

[A]

I'm not offended.

[B]

Also, make it easy on them.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Know that you're now the problem.

[A]

Well, I don't think he's the problem yet.

[B]

No, no, I'm saying you're a problem for them. You. There's a way he could make himself a problem. Make yourself less of a problem. Make yourself not a task.

[A]

Right. By giving many, many outs.

[B]

Right. And again, like, like you're being, you're Taking a higher road. You're being the more mature one, you know? And it is an ego. I get it. I'm with him. Like, I, I. Listen, I. I had a woman, I was like, going, you know, she messaged me over dm and we kind of went back and forth, and I was like, I'm going away for a while, but, like, when I come back. And then I was back in Delray and I was, like, kind of lonely. I was like, I should probably go on a date here. So I reached out and they're like, you know, the minute after. The day after we talked, I actually got into a serious relationship.

[A]

Happens.

[B]

And I thought they were joking. Like, that's how much. But that's my ego. I'm like, yeah, I started, like, around with them. I. I honestly thought the next message was like, okay, so Tuesday.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I think you sent me this.

[B]

I sent it to you. And I'm like. And then it's. And then, like two hours went by. They didn't answer because I, like, wrote back, like, kind of like a. A pithy, you know, whatever, like, somewhat flirty, but, like, also, like, giving her type of thing. And then she didn't write back for a couple hours. I went back to the message and I read it, like, a different way, and I was like, oh, she might be, like, in a serious relationship.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I. And I wrote back, like, I. I'm sorry if I came off. Like, I. I kind of apologize a little bit to be like, sorry if I seem like a shitty person.

[A]

It's probably a good thing to do just to, like, Right.

[B]

I go, I wish you guys the best of luck. But I. But my first, first again to. To see eye to eye with this guy. My first thought was, there's no way. There's no way.

[A]

Right?

[B]

It's me. It's. It's. It's TD Freed. Doesn't she know I scored a touchdown against Framingham? I. My 20 years. Junior year. Yeah. In near 2000.

[A]

She doesn't want to go on a.

[B]

Date with that guy with me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The Duke of Del Rey. The second May. The second most famous person in Delray during the off season.

[A]

She's gonna pass that up. Gonna pass that for a serious relationship.

[B]

For a guy living in an Airbnb.

[A]

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. We turn to some funny places for support group chats, hairdressers, bartenders, or for some of us, even a podcast mic. As fun as they are to vent to, they may not have all the right answers. Instead, get guidance from a credentialed therapist online with BetterHelp. I know I have a lot of friends and family members and people in my life that I speak to, to vent or that I ask for advice, and those are all great. But the person that really helps guide and improve my life is definitely my therapist because they're trained, they know what they're doing. And I've had a therapist for 10 years and I have to say it is massively different than all the advice that I was getting from my friends. Better Help does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals? A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences, and if you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored wrecks. It's completely online, letting you join a session at the click of a button, and you can pause your subscription whenever you need to. Plus switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of Expertise. Find the one with BetterHelp Our listeners get 10 off their first month at betterhelp.comUUP that's BetterHelp H-E-L-P.comUUP this episode is sponsored by Instacart. We've all been there. You finally get to your vacation spot after a long travel day. You're tired. You're ready to wind down and realize you forgot something important. Maybe a toothbrush, maybe a skincare product, or even a pair of shoes. Instead of wasting your precious vacation time running errands, you can have Instacart help deliver whatever you need right to you. And when the vacation's over and you're heading back to reality, set yourself up with a full fridge of groceries so you can ease back into your routine. From meal prepping to restocking pantry staples, Instacart helps you get all the essentials you need no matter where you are. Truly, the convenience cannot be beat. With just a few taps, you can shop your favorite stores and get fresh groceries or household essentials delivered in as fast as 30 minutes. Or if you're out and about, you can have them ready for pickup. Instacart helps to deliver, so you can handle everything else. Just order online or via the easy to use app. Instacart brings convenience, quality and ease right to your door so you can focus on what matters most. Download the Instacart app and use code UAP Pod20 to get $20 off order of $80 or more. That's code UUP Pod20 to get $20 off your first order of $80 or more. Offer valid for a limited time. Excludes restaurants. Additional terms apply.

[B]

All right, let's do an icky or picky. This is a great game. We. You write into us with something that icked you out and we tell you whether it's a real ick or you're a little picky.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right, let's do it.

[A]

It's a good one.

[B]

Love the pot. And Jared, stand up. Thank you. You guys always manage to put a smile on my face. That is our goal. I got a lot of those in the picture line in Winnipeg. Oh, like so many. Nice. Beautiful. Like, thank you. You know, I listen to every episode. I have so much fun. A lot of subscribers. We're getting subscribers in Winnipeg.

[A]

Seriously, it's crazy. Subscriber community.

[B]

Well, it's crazy to think no one.

[A]

No one ever has any regrets.

[B]

No, I listen. We keep people.

[A]

We do.

[B]

That's a monthly. That's a monthly decision to. To pay for a platform.

[A]

You'll never look back.

[B]

So it's in the description of this episode if you want to sign up. Last week I matched with a guy on Bumble. The conversation was going pretty well when he asked me if I wanted to meet up. Unfortunately, I had a friend in town for the long Labor Day weekend and was unavailable, but told him that I would like to meet up the following week. The next day, Friday, he sent a have a good day text. So you're out at have a good day.

[A]

Yeah. That we only. We never even met. You're telling me.

[B]

I know. I guess in his mind he's trying to keep the ball in the air type of thing, so.

[A]

Right. So there's some. There's things you could do that aren't right.

[B]

Well, have. I guess I would write have fun with your friend for the long weekend. That's a little bit more specific and to them and not sure. Copy and paste and like, I'm here.

[A]

For when you're back.

[B]

Right.

[A]

That's right. Yeah.

[B]

To which I responded. See screenshots attached. On Tuesday, I went to follow up with him and apparently he did not like my response or communication. At first I felt bad and apologized, but after thinking about it, I felt like I didn't do anything wrong. So icky or picky. He doesn't like your communication when his isn't any better. An icked out. Okay, so let's read it. You're gonna be him I'll be him. You be her. Ready? I'll send the disgusting. Have a great text. Great daytime. Have a great day.

[A]

Thanks. You too.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then at the end of the weekend, I guess. Hey, did you have a good Labor Day weekend?

[B]

Yeah, I've been waiting for you to reply for a week now that. At that point, I'm out.

[A]

Same like, loser.

[B]

Big loser. Yeah, right. I agree. Like, so you were waiting for me.

[A]

To text you so you could yell at me?

[B]

I mean, I guess we know what's coming. I guess you could think that's a joke at first. Like, if I saw.

[A]

Yeah, that would.

[B]

Yeah, I've been waiting for you to reply for a week now. I'd be like, oh, ha. There. They've been waiting by the phone also.

[A]

And then she did reply.

[B]

Right. My mom came to visit in town. We just went to a comedy show. I just got back to my apartment, and I'm gonna walk my dogs and go to bed. I love how you just wait a week or two to message me. Just kidding. It was a week, but still. Dot, dot, dot.

[A]

I did respond. I said, thanks, you too. To you, saying, have a great day.

[B]

That'S not enough to keep a conversation going. Dot, dot, dot, dot. What the am I supposed to do with that? I mean, now it's getting like. Like scary.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I can acknowledge this guy.

[A]

This is an anger problem, right?

[B]

Like, imagine dating this person I'm blocking right now. That's the part. Yeah.

[A]

I'm sorry. My friend was in town until yesterday.

[B]

It's all good. I'm great at conversation. I just need someone to hold their end of the deal.

[A]

It seems great at conversation. Hey, well, I apologize. I did not mean to ignore you. I should have said I might be unavailable over the weekend.

[B]

No, you shouldn't have.

[A]

Have.

[B]

No, you shouldn't have. You let him know you have a friend coming into town. You said, you, too. You too. That's all that, you know, you owe him nothing.

[A]

Yes. This guy's crazy.

[B]

I mean, this is the guy version of the woman we had that rode into us.

[A]

Which one?

[B]

The one that tried to teach the guy over Hinge how to be a respectable date. I mean, this is worse, I think way worse. But this is the same type of. The same phylum. It's all good. It's Tuesday now, though. Dot, dot, dot. If you'd like to text, my number is. So he's, like, up for it. Otherwise, I'll be here on the app waiting for you. My time is valuable, and I suppose Your time is also valuable, I suppose. So let's skip all the and get right to it.

[A]

Honestly, I thought about it and the fact that you think have a great day was any better than thanks, you too is wild. What else was I supposed to do with have a great day? My friend was in town until Monday. I think it's a good quant. I think it's a good quality of mine that I actually want to focus on what I'm doing when I'm with my friends, especially ones from out of town. It's pretty clear we are not on the same page when it comes to communication, so I don't think there's any reason to continue this. Best of luck to you. This is more than I would have given this guy.

[B]

No, she did nothing wrong. Yeah, I. I would have blocked, you know, a scroll ago.

[A]

Yeah, let me. Or this guy could have just blocked. Could have just un. Unmatched when he didn't like her reply. Fine. You can unratch for any reason. Don't wait for someone to reply. And then yell at them.

[B]

And then yell at them and make them submit until. Until you're satisfied. And then give your number as like, okay, I'll do a date with you. Like, this doesn't even start, right? It all sucks. Here's what sucks at part of this that sucks that really, like, sticks out to me. Like, to make it more relatable that there are people like this that aren't like him but say these things. The people who say, let's cut the bullshit and get to the real date. You're the worst. You're the worst. You are not cutting through the bullshit. You're making yourself out to be better than everyone else on the app. No, you have to have small talk. My time is valuable, right? You have to have the small talk to get to the larger, more intimate talk. So you're not better than anyone else. You're not better at getting. You're not cutting through any bullshit. You're actually adding more bullshit when you're trying to skip all the fun and subtle conversations that go on on every dating app. Conversation. If it does skip, good for us. We did it. We were such a match that we could skip the little things, but anytime you're writing cut the bullshit, you sound like an asshole. You are wrong. You are not cutting any bullshit.

[A]

I will say this guy has done her a large favor because I think this is someone who could be dangerous, right? At least verbally or like, yeah, it seems like you would be verbally abusive. What the am I supposed to do with have a great day. Like, oh, my God, go to anger management.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So I think going out with him would have been, like, a scary experience. And I think it's. It's great when people can tell you who they are before you even meet. You don't have to meet them.

[B]

This is exactly the reason to not cut the.

[A]

Right. Because if she cut the.

[B]

You wouldn't know that he's a. This guy's a total piece of.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I. And people. Normal, everyday people write that too. It happens to me all the time. Hey, we don't need this chit chat. I like going on the date. No, I like talking a little bit here so I can see if you're a monster or not. Like, not. And it's not to see if you qualify some big test I have. It's not even to see if you're like. Like. I just want to see if you.

[A]

Have a base level, like conversational skill.

[B]

Right, Right. So you dodged a bullet. I think this is obviously a nick. Yeah, but, like, you could have. I. I think if I'm to give them feedback, you don't need to write to this person. You don't need to explain yourself to them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, the paragraph you wrote was perfectly well and fine.

[A]

More than enough.

[B]

It wasn't necessary. All right, let's do another.

[A]

And good for not going out with this person.

[B]

Good for you. Yeah.

[A]

Yes. Hey, Batches. One of my best friends recently introduced me to your podcast, and I've been tearing through it.

[B]

That's the move.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Tell a friend. Tell a friend. Tell a friend. Friend, friend. Tell a friend. Tell a friend. Tell a friend. Friend, friend. Tell a friend. Tell a friend. Tell a friend. Friend, friend. Tell a friend. Share and subscribe. Thank you.

[A]

That's how you support the show?

[B]

Yeah, that's support.

[A]

Desperate for advice. Thank you guys for all you guys do. I'll get right into it. A series of life transitions led me back into a house I used to share with an old roommate and two new ones. I'm the only girl, and it's been a year since moving back. We're all close now.

[B]

Okay, I have a question. Does that mean they live with three other people? They have the old roommate plus the two new ones? Yes. I was kind of confused.

[A]

Yes. Because it says I. And two, I'll get led me back to a house I used to share with an old roommate. And two. It's unclear.

[B]

It's a little unclear. Right. Okay.

[A]

There's roommates. She's the only woman. Okay, it seems seemingly more than one roommate. Okay, flash forward. I've developed feelings for one of them. We're really similar. Spend most evenings together and it feels like a relationship minus the romantic part. He's funny, sweet, shirtless half the time. The pull ups are paying off and it's getting harder to hide my attraction. I love our drama, free home life and don't want a where I eat. The catch. He's in a very casual long distance thing. She told him up front she's dating other people, but he's incredibly sweet and wants to commit even if she doesn't. Meanwhile, I want the same things he does. Family, kids, etc.

[B]

She has really written a rom com.

[A]

Seriously. And it's killing me that he's chasing someone who won't give what I would. This sounds like a Taylor Swift song. Do I tell him and risk ruining our peaceful setup or keep it to myself and keep swiping through emotionally unavailable men? Sincerely, a woman who watched New Girl one too many times.

[B]

She gets it. I love this email. I like her awareness at the end.

[A]

Yes, she has awareness. I'm not sure she has awareness of like what the situation would be if they did hook up.

[B]

Well, it's not a one. Yeah, right. It's not a one. For one thing, you know, I say this all the time on this show and it's not to like, try and save the horrific men that people are dating. And it's also not to like, it's not to ruin your rom com.

[A]

Okay, but men are disgusting animals.

[B]

Men are disgusting animals. I will admit to that fully. But when she writes that, like, she won't give him what I would give him, that is you're giving him more. It's like when someone says, my dad and mom, my dad is the best person alive. It's like there's another woman out there, right, who dated your dad and he would never commit to her. And she says what a piece of shit he is. And then he found the fit for him that made him want to slow down, commit and be that guy guy. So like, I'm saying, like, he wants to be this guy for a woman who won't commit to him. And then you come along and you will commit them. You're gonna be angry if he's not that exact same guy to you that he's trying to be for that other woman. And I don't think that's fair to her. I don't think it's fair to him. I don't think that's Fair to anyone involved.

[A]

Right? Because it assumes that people who want to be in a relationship want to be in a relationship with anyone.

[B]

Right?

[A]

He wants to be in a relationship with this woman who doesn't want to date him.

[B]

Right? And the setup isn't your setup. Like, she's distance. She doesn't want to date him. You can't replicate what she has, right? Beyond looks and all the personality, you're living on top of him in our free and available. And it's like, you know, everyone wants to go to the busy restaurant. No one wants to go to the empty one.

[A]

Like loyals or options, right?

[B]

So I. And I. I know that can sound mean, but I'm saying, like, she's a busy restaurant to someone else, right?

[A]

You know, I agree with that. I think. I mean, here's the. We're running through different scenarios that this guy is thinking, right? One option. He's very attracted to her, would sleep with her, but she lives with him. Also doesn't want to ruin this. Ruin. Ruin it with that. And another option, he's not interested, but he likes the attention, and so he's using. Maybe he doesn't even care that much about this other girl. But it's a good excuse for why he's not trying to hook up with her, right?

[B]

And she gives him the dopamine hit that a person with a crush on you gives you, right?

[A]

I think if he wanted to date her, he would have tried to date her. It's kind of my thing. Because she's right. If he was, like, truly in love with her, he's not in a relationship. He would have tried to, like, hook up with her and create a relationship with her.

[B]

And there's no possibility. Well, the chances are slim that he's never thought of you as any option.

[A]

You mean like sexual or girlfriend?

[B]

The minute you were his roommate, he thought of you as a sexual option, right? So the idea of, like, him going, what? Jessica wants me. It's not how it's. And that's how it's promoted in the rom coms.

[A]

And if he's gonna date you, he has to be your boyfriend, right?

[B]

There's no.

[A]

He lives with you.

[B]

There's no half.

[A]

So he doesn't. He might even like you, but I don't think he likes you enough to deal with that.

[B]

But she's also not really his friend. She's kind of acting as agreeable to him as she can because she likes the back and forth they have, right? Like, she's flirting with him when you flirt with someone, you kind of, you know, you chameleon. You make sure that you make them happy. You put their best foot forward.

[A]

So she's doing the dishes.

[B]

Yeah, she's an actress. Oh, David, it's not right. Stop. You know, do the fucking dishes. It's. Come on. There's a woman, she's a comedian. She. She has a really funny TikTok series. And she does. She'll say the name. She's like, here's my impression of a woman who has a crush on a guy named Justin. And she'll go, justin.

[A]

This is my impression of a girl who has a crush on a boy named Justin.

[B]

Justin. Like, it's all versions of that with different names, right? She does so many. She'll do. Here's my impression of a guy. Of a woman with a crush on a guy named Eric. Eric. Eric.

[A]

Is it just the same thing with different names?

[B]

And then she does the names differently? She's touring this fall. She's doing stadiums. So, yeah, I just think, what's a girl to do? What does she do?

[A]

It's a tough one. Move out. Well, confess your feelings.

[B]

Well, the.

[A]

Well, she can't do much while she's still. You're really hard to do that. Anything when you still live with someone. If on her way out she wanted to say something that might be a good idea because it's just like, what's she gonna.

[B]

You're not firing me. Like, ah, quit. And I want to you.

[A]

I mean, the only way this doesn't end badly is if they become in a relationship and then they get married and they move in together. Yeah. Well, they're in a relationship until one of them moves out.

[B]

If you could admit to that. That every relationship ends badly or.

[A]

But if it ends badly, you don't live with them.

[B]

Right. But you know, there's worse things in the world. There's a way to play this. I don't like and not to talk, but I don't like the Mel Robbins version of advice for this, which is just let them. And now the person who emailed us gets to sit with anxiety the rest of their lives. Like, I think that is not fair to this email. Okay, this emailer wrote in for, they can do nothing. Okay. You can sit there and flick your bean at night to the idea of YouTube being in a relationship. That's one. That's the Mel Robbins advice.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

And maybe they come into your room and they go, I heard someone masturbating. And then. And you guys fall in love and that's It.

[A]

Not to talk, but extra incentive to keep the apartment neat.

[B]

Yes, that's right. Now there's the advice that, you know, when I, when we give advice here, I like to think that we give, like, here's an action that gets you a reaction.

[A]

All right. To me and let's play it out.

[B]

Let's play. We'll play it out. Right? We're. We're here to play things out. So it's like, let's say I think you need to get away from the apartment to make this happen. I think the physical space is important. Important. It's like, oh, I flirt with this guy at work. Well, let's get to work. Drinks. Let's get to. Let's get to like happy hour. Let's get to something. I think being in the house and coming out with this love that you have for them or that as you. As a romantic option is a. Is not really helpful.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I think you need to, like, create a event where you guys hang out outside of the apartment. Apartment. If you can't get him to like, hang with you outside the apartment, it's probably not someone who wants to hang with you while making time for you. So, like, it's a little bit of a test. So like, instead of like, oh, we hang out in the kitchen, he takes his shirt off and we chit chat about the girl who won't date him. That's easy. That he never has to make time for that. Okay, hey, I'm going out with some friends tonight. Do you want to come with some friends too? And he comes. Well, that means he likes hanging out with you when he doesn't have to hang out with you. Okay, so that's like a big deal in this because she might be having these interactions in the in betweens. And I'm not saying hearse. I think all of us make this mistake of like, well, we hang out around the house and it's like, no work. Right? We know. Well, no one had to make time for you.

[A]

We hang out at school.

[B]

Right? So like. Yeah, but then on weekends they have their friends and they go to their parties and you're weirdly not invited. So let's see if we can have some outside of apartment time where he has to make a decision to join you and make time with you as friends because he might just be being a nice roommate who flirts.

[A]

Right. So it could just be his personality.

[B]

Right. So this is step one. Get away from the apartment. Create an event. Create a hangout, a scenario where he has to actively choose to spend time with you outside of the apartment. Apartment.

[A]

Okay. Unless. So let's. Let's make a little diagram of where this could go. Let's say he says no to that.

[B]

Over that, doesn't want to make time for you.

[A]

Then just continue living and just accept that he's not.

[B]

You got to get over it.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

He's just. He won't even hang out with you as a friend outside the apartment.

[A]

He's not interested.

[B]

Not interested.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right, well, now let's keep going down. He says yes to that. Okay, you go watch football on Saturday. And he's like, yeah, I'm gonna bring my friends. We'll go watch football. And then you guys have this, like, really fun time, just like you do in the apartment. Okay. I think a text could be sent after that. Like, hey, I don't know if you're feeling this, but I feel a vibe. I. I can speak for myself, you know, I don't know if you're feeling this. I feel a vibe. It was really fun to hang out outside of the apartment today. I don't know if this is something you've ever thought of, but it would be cool to get drinks in a different non apartment scenario. If you're up for that, I'm game. If not, I'm not gonna make things. No worries. No worries. If not, no worries.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And again, I know this is so weird with the apartment and living situation. I will be fine, but I just might need a minute to, like, back off from our. How we hang out.

[A]

Yeah, I think that's fine. I do think if he's not into it. It. Now you've made it a little uncomfortable for, like, a bit.

[B]

That's life.

[A]

That's fine.

[B]

Right? Like, and that's why you write in the text, like, listen, hey, I'm just warning you, like, if it's a no, I'm gonna back away.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It might be a little bit weird in the apartment for a minute. I will be fine. Yeah, we will.

[A]

Then maybe home, move out.

[B]

I don't think it has to be move out again. Like, this is like, the right. It's going back to the nine out of 10 scenario. Like, that's why I'm, like, giving, like, tears. Like, let's start with like. Like, will they hang out with you as a friend outside the apartment? Maybe they won't.

[A]

Right. Well, okay, let's say he's like, yeah, felt a vibe. You wind up hooking up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Now it's. Now it's weird.

[B]

And now it's Weird again.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're gonna have to have the same adult text that you sent to get him out on that date in the first place. Hey, it seems as though there's a new vibe.

[A]

New vibe detected. New vibe. Detective.

[B]

Got my vibe sensors out.

[A]

Seems like you don't want to be my boyfriend.

[B]

Right. You're gonna maybe have to hold the hands. And again, she might be hearing this, like, us play it out and going, that's hell on earth. No way.

[A]

Or. I'm just saying there's like, a good chance that it goes that way.

[B]

Sure. But I. I. None of that sounds traumatic to me.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, Uncomfortable.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I think it's way more traumatic. Uncomfortable. Yes. It's way more traumatic. I mean, not to, like, again, I'll bring up the name that shall never be spoken, Mel Robbins. I think that's more traumatic to me. To some people, not to do. To say nothing and masturbate to the idea of you guys being in a relationship for six months until you move out.

[A]

Fair.

[B]

That's more traumatic to me. You have a choice between discomfort, right? In life.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you take the long route or do you take the shorter route? The shorter routes, more fun. It has more stories.

[A]

And third uncomfortable option. You're sleeping together. He's still in love with the other person. You're still doing that. She has to know she can also, like, remove herself. She's not so in. Do you know? Because that's sort of like the worst of the options, right? The worst of the options is he's, like, sort of playing half boyfriend, not really trying to commit, still into this other person. Makes her. No promises down to hook up. And then she is now, like, in this. That's the only option. I think that's worse than. Let me sit here and pine over you.

[B]

Right. There's the. You're saying she becomes him.

[A]

For him.

[B]

He. What he is to that girl who's far away. She is to him.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

The circle of life.

[A]

It's a love triangle. That. That.

[B]

Well, it's a love.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It's a love con.

[A]

Right. Because there's.

[B]

Yeah. There's no triangle unless the other woman who's far away, back and goes down on her.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But that would be quite a porno I wrote. But no, you're right. I. That is a scenario where, again, life is choosing which uncomfortable you want.

[A]

Right. One is a risk.

[B]

Yeah. That's my live life. Okay.

[A]

I would. Here's what I.

[B]

What would you do?

[A]

I would do a combination of the two things that we Just said which One was don't say anything ever. And two was professed. I would do what you said, but I would not sleep with them unless you are actually, like, really dating.

[B]

Right. Because I. I agree with that. I think sleeping together is, like, makes.

[A]

It feel a lot more personal. And she's already built this guy up to be like, I could be his girlfriend. We, like, are the perfect match. I could give him everything he wants. She's already done that. They haven't even.

[B]

Right.

[A]

They haven't even, like, made out.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So if I were her, if she has any. If she's able to do this with some self control, which I understand would be hard to do. And she's been, like, fantasizing about this guy.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I would send that text, but I would go extremely slowly, physically.

[B]

The physical stuff. And here's if you need a line. I always thought this line was perfect.

[A]

When given to you.

[B]

No. Hannah Brown gave it to Tyler Cameron on the. The Bachelor season when she was the Bachelorette.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

She was like. It was like, this is the way I remember it. Maybe I'm misremembering it, but it was. It was the fantasy suite night. And she looked at Tyler Cameron, who's like an Adonis, gorgeous dude was like, I don't need to have a fantasy suite to know what I want. So it's like, I think for her, she's like, I don't. You know, we have this intimacy. We're living together. I'm pretty. I don't need the sleep with you. He might need that.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But I'm just saying, like, he's gonna have to, like, be on that level with you where you're like, like, I don't need this to be able to make my decision. And if you need that to make your decision, that's not how I want to date someone.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And that's okay to say it that way.

[A]

I think that's the way to do it.

[B]

Right. I think I'm with you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Listen, I've had that happen to me more often than not.

[A]

Like, someone's like, I'm not. I don't want to.

[B]

It's not what I need to, like, be further with you. And I'm like. And I get.

[A]

Right. Well, if anything, it makes. Well, that's probably good that you. That does then what it's supposed to do. Also, if the guy is also, like, not interested because she's.

[B]

I've also not bailed and, you know, felt shitty about it. So, I mean, I'm just saying so yeah, no, I'm with you.

[A]

It may ups the stakes to him of like let me hook up with my roommate who says she's in right?

[B]

Because right now it's like like the way she wrote it. We have everything except, you know, we get along. I I'll give her the boyfriend, the girlfriend he wants.

[A]

She's not saying he's so great to sleep with this guy. She's being, she's it's be so great to like be with this guy.

[B]

Right? It's which means she doesn't even need it.

[A]

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[B]

It is funny that whenever I hear women talk about the skims product line. They do kind of like glow a little bit about it.

[A]

It's just really hard for women to find stuff that looks good on you and also like is really comfortable. I think that's just a universal struggle by many women. Women.

[B]

I just love when we have a sponsor that helps our audience. It's nice to know skims is like helping people feel better about themselves.

[A]

Yeah. And I am just, I am a believer. I am a convert. I am a skims gal. Recently I got the fits everybody full brief, which is like their regular underwear which I am wearing all the time now. It's my favorite pair. I get annoyed when I wear it because then I have to wait until I wash all my underwear to wear it again. You just don't think about it. Which is the the number one thing for underwear for me. I also have the bralette. It's a game changer. It lifts, it looks great. Super flattering, super cute, just the right amount of support. And also incredibly comfortable. I haven't always loved bras. Who has? But with skims, they are changing me into a bra lover. Shop my favorite bras and [e-mail] after you place your order, make sure to let them know we sent you select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows.

[B]

All right, let's do so let's play some games.

[A]

Let's do it.

[B]

Red flagger. Deal breaker. If you don't know the game, you gotta know the game. One thing, I had someone in Winnipeg, they were at the show, they were like, they're like, I wish you guys did. Red flagger. Deal breaker. Maybe she's not getting to the end of the show.

[A]

What it's like.

[B]

We do it every week. Every week.

[A]

Never miss a week.

[B]

Never miss a week. So it is. You're dating someone and everything's great, but one thing happens. Is it a red flag? Notice it and stay in. Or is it a deal breaker?

[A]

You're out.

[B]

Ready?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

J and J love the pod. You are the highlight of my morning commute. I saw Jared and Terrytown last year. He was hysterical. That was the specialty.

[A]

I saw Jared and Tarrytown too. He was hysterical.

[B]

We're trying to sell that special. I have a great red deal breaker for you. A few years ago, I was dating a guy eight years younger than me long distance and it was his first time meeting some of my friends. We all ordered Uber Eats sushi and had wine. Super casual. The food arrives, we sit down, and before Anyone even touches a roll, he whips out his Venmo QR code and asks everyone to pay him, including me. I just stared. He could have treated everyone or at least waited until after dinner. Especially since he made way more money than me. Totally unnecessary. I brought it up later. He apologized, didn't mean to Venmo me, and said he didn't realize. And I told him I. It didn't need to happen right then. Looking back, probably should have been a deal breaker, but I dated him for a year before other deal breakers appeared, so. Red flagger. Deal breaker. He Venmo requests you before dinner. Best a bet you prefers wasabi over weak men. What do you think?

[A]

This one's an awkward one. Cause I can. I could sort of see both sides to this. I think the timing that he did it. Tacky. Before anyone eats, I must get paid. I must get paid.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't think it's weird that. That he didn't necessarily want to treat all your friends to dinner.

[B]

You know, it's funny you say that. It's like, I read this, and I was like, I'm. I'm. You know when you agree with someone and then they're like. And another thing. And you're like, I don't agree with that. Like, Right. I agree with her. Like, it is, you know, it is.

[A]

Not a great look for him to be like, can everyone pay me right now?

[B]

Don't touch your food. Right, yeah. Like, pay me before you eat.

[A]

Like, the urgency that he needed to get paid. Paid is a. Is an ick. Is a bit of a turnoff.

[B]

Right. I'm with you.

[A]

But I don't think that, like, the idea that he wasn't like, oh, I'm buying. And sushi is, like, not cheap. Sushi is one of the more expensive. Like, he ordered a pizza, and he's, like, dividing it by eight people. I don't know how many friends were there?

[B]

Yeah. Sushi for six. I mean, that's like a. Yeah, that could be like, a $300 thing. No problem. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Which again, if someone wanted to treat your friends, too. Very nice. Do I think that's, like, a given?

[B]

No. Right?

[A]

Could he have done it later? Yes. I guess he wanted to make sure they had this. His code. It's a little, like, desperate, I would say it's not, like, the hottest look.

[B]

No. But also, it wasn't at the restaurant. I think that's even worse, like, the fact that it was Uber Eats.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It's a delivery situation. Hey, guys, food's Here. Just letting you know. It's like 20 bucks each. You can Venmo me. Here's my QR code. We're getting one side of the story and.

[A]

Right.

[B]

As far as unreliable narrators are concerned, when you sign out a bet, you preserves a batch. Who prefers wasabi over weak men.

[A]

I didn't like that sign off.

[B]

That sign off combined with. He should have paid for me and my friends to have sushi night. You're building a character that is tough for me to believe.

[A]

Right. So I also understand why he Venmoed her in a way.

[B]

What do you mean, venmoed her?

[A]

Because he's like, he venmoed. She said he Venmoed everyone, including me. And that bothered her. No, that's about her.

[B]

No, you're being fair. This is a split sushi night, right? Yeah.

[A]

It's also harder to like, divide and then he doubles his and does whatever.

[B]

And I got my girls.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Yeah. No, I'm with you. I can understand that. Also, like, we're giving him empathy that she's not giving to an ex boyfriend. That she has a lot of feelings.

[A]

Right. Like, what it have been like a hot move for him to have just bought dinner for your friends.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Yes, but like, that's more additive than it is subtractive that he didn't.

[B]

And would it have been hotter to even go down the line? Would have been hotter to say everyone's sitting there, oh, man, the wasabi was so spicy. Oh, my God, I love a dragon roll. And he's like, yeah. Also, guys, it just venmo me 20 bucks and we're all good. That's a better looking way to go about, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or even.

[A]

Or best. Don't worry about it.

[B]

On me.

[A]

On me.

[B]

Well, that's the thing. Thing. It's like, oh, the best would be, hey, what do we owe you? And you're. Oh, yeah, this costs money.

[A]

Oh, yeah. 30 bucks.

[B]

If.

[A]

If you.

[B]

Right. Remember, that's the hot. That's. And then hot, even hotter is. Oh, don't you know? Come on. I just met you guys. I wanted to make a good impression.

[A]

Yes. I mean, those are the lines, but yeah. Everyone, here's my QR code before you eat is on the spectrum of that. Yeah.

[B]

It's all. It rings unfuckable.

[A]

Yeah. I would. I would say. I wouldn't blame her. I don't think she would break up with someone for that. Would you be a little less interested in sleeping with them that night? Maybe.

[B]

Red flag.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Not a Red flag, right? All right, let's do another.

[A]

Hi, jj. Got a red flag deal breaker for you. Last year, I met a guy at a football game, both 36 years old, and we hung out bar hopping and drinking the rest of the night.

[B]

That's my. That's my rom com.

[A]

That sounds like a lovely time.

[B]

Yeah, I go to a football game. I'm just like, there in my, you know, with my one. My number one finger.

[A]

TD Jared.

[B]

TD Jared. My specially made jersey. Yeah.

[A]

We ended with a makeout session. He was fun and cute. He asked me out on an official date for the following weekend. That sounds like the perfect.

[B]

That's it. That's it.

[A]

That's the best way for it to happen. One day we went to dinner and I noticed some frugal behavior. When he ordered his drink, the waiter asked which whiskey he'd like. Like. Like. To which he replied, whatever's cheapest. He also asked for the lunch menu side salad with his meal, stating they did it for him before.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

As a former server slash bartender, I found this behavior embarrassing. It's fine if you don't have a preference, but have some class. House or well whiskey is fine. She gets Emily Post here.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

He said he wanted to show me a local wine bar after dinner. It was one of those spots where you. You buy a card and fill up your glass from an automated pourer. When we got there, he pulled out a Groupon app for his for a deal he had purchased. I'm all for saving money and using Groupon myself, but on a first date, I feel like that's the only. That's only acceptable once you're already a couple. He had to pay an additional $5 for some sort of card charge, to which he replied, well, that's dumb. I smiled at the girl and said, I think we could manage that. I continued to see him a few times. Call it blind optimism, but ultimately his cheapness, amongst other things, were a deal breaker for me. So I'm curious. Red flag or deal breaker? He uses a groupon on the first date. Love, not your Groupon. Groupie.

[B]

Cheapness is as reasonable, like a thing to end things over. Like, cheapness and titties and ass to me are like the same. Like, I like a woman with big boobs. I like someone who has a big ass. I like someone who's, oh, you know, has fun with their money in a reasonable fashion.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Like. But cheapness, you can't see on them.

[A]

Well, cheapness, spectrum.

[B]

It's a spectrum.

[A]

It's very.

[B]

You're right. And it's an emotional thing, money, so. But you won't, you can't find that out before if your version of cheap and their version of cheap.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But it is a reasonable way to go. We are not a match.

[A]

I totally agree. If it were me, I don't think, I don't know if any. What? One of these, I don't know if like any of these things on their own would be a deal breaker, but I think all three of them together is like you are telling me exactly who you are multiple times throughout the day.

[B]

All three of them together are itty bitty titties.

[A]

Yes. Like, just if he just said, I'll have the whatever's cheapest, like, fine.

[B]

It's just a, it's a brash way to say something that I would say it differently.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But it's not a reason to end it. But I, I. Yeah, you want the side.

[A]

The lunch salad instead of the regular. Maybe you want a smaller portion. I don't care.

[B]

Right.

[A]

The groupon, that might be a deal breaker on its own just because it would be like not romantic feeling.

[B]

And the groupon is just like such a, like a cartoonish way to be cheap.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That it's bigger than the other two. But also not a deal breaker for me if someone pulled out a. And I'm saying this as a man, so it's not like the same.

[A]

Well, it's like this guy wants to save like 15 more than he wants to impress me, which is his. Right.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But to me, that would be like the turn off part.

[B]

Right. I, I better find him impressive in other ways to make up for the time he didn't want to impress me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To me this is a deal breaker. All three together.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

But, but I have an idea. I want to run this by you. This is my, my idea. Don't you think restaurants should have single person menus? You know how they have kids menus.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How about a single person menu? Like an alone menu?

[A]

What is the, what would be the difference between the single person menu and the regular menu?

[B]

H. The appetizers are half size, so you can get a few of them. So half size, half the price. The drinks are a little bit smaller or bigger. Like they would be like the dinner portions are a little, you know, smaller so you can get more things.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like when you're with a group of people, you can get like a try of everything.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When you're alone, you kind of have to like make this like Sophie's Choice. Yeah, right.

[A]

No, it's true.

[B]

And they have kids meals because they're like, kids won't eat as much. And you want to bring your kids so that we get more business. How about you have more business? Make a single person's menu.

[A]

I like it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You're advocating for the single community.

[B]

That's right. Nobody represents us.

[A]

You should run for Congress.

[B]

I'm gonna run.

[A]

Change the menus.

[B]

I'm changing these.

[A]

Get rid of the calories on the menus and add a single person version.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Do you like the calories on the menu? No places. I hate that.

[B]

I hate it because it makes me look in the mirror.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Right. Like, also, I didn't. Nine out of ten times. I'm not at McDonald's.

[A]

Right.

[B]

To watch my calories.

[A]

Yeah. So it's like, if I'm here, let me just be here.

[B]

Right. It doesn't really help what I can.

[A]

I just enjoy the Cheesecake Factory.

[B]

Well, that's what I hate is, like, when they're a restaurant that, like, just hit the. Because you need to have, like, a chain of, like, five restaurants or something. So it's like a restaurant that you're like, don't care that you're there to be bad or whatever.

[A]

Right. You're there to be kind of gross.

[B]

And you're like, wait a minute. You're one of these calorie restaurants. I can't get away from it here, you know?

[A]

Right. This is exactly where I want to be to not.

[B]

Right.

[A]

The salad place. Okay.

[B]

Oh, a milkshake is a thousand calories. Who would have funk it again? I wouldn't have known that in my mind if it wasn't on the list. A milkshake would be 200 calories.

[A]

That's literally about to say 200, right? Yeah.

[B]

And I would go, I guess an extra 200. What am I gonna do?

[A]

Whatever. Yeah.

[B]

To know it's 1500. Really up my week.

[A]

Well, yeah. And then it makes you not enjoy it as much.

[B]

Right. Anyway, life sucks.

[A]

Let's do one more.

[B]

Yeah, let's do one more. J and J love the show. I'm a benefit subscriber, obsessive listener. I recently had a situation that feels perfect for a red flag or deal breaker. Thank you. Met a guy IRL at a bar. We went on eight to 10 dates over about a month and a half. He was handsome, had a lot in common, including mutual friends from different phases of life, which made things feel comfy, cozy. Chemistry was in instant. But some of his behavior was Confusing. He never texted between dates, yet when we were together, he was all in on the planning, the next hang. Sometimes we saw each other two days in a row. He even drove 16 hours to visit me. Effort was there, but the communication in between was basically zero. Other quirks included constantly mentioning his adhd, forgetting basic details about my life, like my cousin's name.

[A]

I mean, do you remember the name of the cousin of anyone you've ever dated?

[B]

I, I, no, I, I love how, like, she thought that was like an important. She left that out. We'd be like, I'm on her side already.

[A]

You can say like, your sister's name. I didn't think it was that weird, right?

[B]

I'm with you.

[A]

Anyone, you, Anyone I haven't met, I can forget their name, right?

[B]

And jumping all over the place in conversation. I told him communication mattered to me while. And while he tried a little, it felt forced. Well, if someone's like he rose, you know, communication matters to me. I raised that with an adhd, like, deal with that, you know, that's kind of what he's doing.

[A]

My Ritalin matters to me, right?

[B]

Then on another on one later date, he casually said he had brain scans showing a very underdeveloped prefrontal cortex. Meaning he could only process about half the information that most people could. Okay, nothing changed. And there was still no texting. So I ended things. I realized I had been taking the poor communication personally, but maybe it really was adhd and the prefrontal cortex thing we have, we are so in this world. Either way, the lack of communication killed the vibe for me. So here's the question for you to red flagger. Deal breaker. He casually tells you doctors did brain scans and said he has a very underdeveloped prefrontal cortex. Thanks for all the last and insights. A fully developed prefrontal cortex. So we have a note here. The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain that controls decision making, planning, focus, and social behavior. It helps you process information, manage impulses, and think ahead. The prefrontal cortex usually fully develops around 24 for females and 26 for males.

[A]

You know, that's why they don't really let you rent a car until you're 25.

[B]

Is that what it is?

[A]

Yeah. Because you're like much. That's why your insurance premiums are higher when you're under that. Because make better driving decisions once you're over 25.

[B]

The prefrontal core. I didn't know that. The prefrontal cortex is just. I know. It only because women remind men that it hasn't fully formed for them. That's like a big thing.

[A]

I mean ours only develops two years earlier, I guess.

[B]

Right. I always thought yours developed at like 11 based on the way women talked about it.

[A]

24 year old women should never date men under 26.

[B]

Right. And listen, I would agree with that. But also the prefrontal cortex thing is like it. It has been reference so much.

[A]

Has it? I haven't heard anyone talk about it.

[B]

Oh my God. This is like a big. Is it a tik tok thing? I mean it's one of those things used against. Set against men as this big like funny like look at you.

[A]

Caveman.

[B]

Yeah. You can't even right frontal. Your cortex. I don't know.

[A]

He's. He's co opting this.

[B]

Yeah, well, that's what he's doing. He's using a thing that's in the, the lexicon, the ether.

[A]

I don't like when people do that.

[B]

Yeah, I hate it. I, I think, I think also like.

[A]

Say I don't remember your cousin's name because I didn't care that much about what your cousin's name was.

[B]

Right. I. And also I will say this to give her like my perspective on how I've lived my life. If I'm not texting between dates, I'm probably texting with a lot of people. So. And that doesn't mean I don't want to go on dates with you, but like that means I'm dealing with a lot of people at once.

[A]

But it's easier to tell me that you have ADHD than to tell me you're going on a lot of dates.

[B]

Right. That's a way easier option. And also I'm not remembering. And again, eight to 10 dates in. He should remember some things about you if he's not remembering things about you. It's like, you know, if. Because most of us are not organizing our dating life with like a big file and we're like, who am I going out with tonight? Let me just make sure I read up on everything they mentioned to me on the date. You're kind of like doing that a little bit on your own before a date where you go, if you're dating a bunch of people at once, you go know, I. You'll have a moment where you're going, okay. Their name is this. We went over this. We did this, we did that.

[A]

Right. And then like a therapist writing down their notes on the session.

[B]

Totally. And I do that like that in, in the same way. A therapist before they get into it. Oh, Jordana's coming in. Let me make sure I catch up.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I do that before dates. Yeah. So how much the person is dating around and also how much they care to impress you both go into how much they may or may not forget about you going into the seventh date.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That's. I'm saying that about myself. I will be the sacrificial here to say that I've been that guy who's been like, oh, yeah, you went to.

[A]

You went to Italy, right?

[B]

And then you go like, I've had that in hookups. I'm going to. Oh, Lisa. And you have a moment where you go, don't. The name. You want to make sure you say the name.

[A]

Say the word or don't say it if you're not sure what it is.

[B]

Right. Oh, you.

[A]

I'll do that with kid. People's babies names if I forget them. Like, the baby is so cute.

[B]

I.

[A]

The baby is beautiful.

[B]

Do you know how many times I've looked up the. The baby's birth announcement on Instagram?

[A]

I do that, right? Spelling usually, but sometimes it's because I don't remember them.

[B]

Right. I'm going to a party at the. My friend's house. What are the baby's names? Let me go to the birth picture.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And I go to the birth picture. I'm like, okay, got it.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You do that for dating too? Yeah.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So I think if, like, you're Play the numbers, like, well, going back to.

[A]

Like, the 9 out of 10 thing, it's like, if he has bad communication 9 out of 10 times, it's not. Not because he has an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex. Cortex. It's because he's not committed to whatever you're doing.

[B]

Right. And so she's writing. She went out with this guy. Would I. Would it. Would I be turned off by this person that I'm kind of like, zoning in on? Not zoning in on me. Yes, that makes sense.

[A]

Would I be extra turned off that they were blaming it on some. On. On that?

[B]

Yeah. Because then. Then is this our life?

[A]

Right?

[B]

Like, this is where I have to, like, tiptoe around your prefrontal cortex scan that you got once. I don't even know if this is a true story.

[A]

It. Right. That you're, like, almost bragging about.

[B]

Right. Well, this is like, kind of again, like, it's like this. Like. Let me tell you before I show you.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, so now I'm bad with names. Like, okay, just be bad with names. And I'll say that about you. You know, Right. We solve dating again.

[A]

We did it. We will be back on Friday.

[B]

Boom.