U Up? — "How To Manage Dating an Over-Texter"

Date: February 28, 2025
Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid
Main Theme: Navigating dating mismatches, boundaries around communication (especially over-texting), and practical advice for modern daters

Episode Overview

In this lively Friday episode, Jordana and Jared tackle the challenges of dating in the modern world, from being pressured to move for love to managing someone who texts too much, too soon. With trademark humor and honesty, they answer listener dilemmas on over-sharing, unbalanced communication, and the fine line between endearing and overwhelming. Along the way, they riff on city stereotypes, discuss their own boundaries, and share their thoughts on ghosting, icks, and the etiquette of shutting down an over-texter without causing hurt.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Playing "Pack or Pass": Would You Move for Love?

(08:00 – 22:40)

• Jared is asked, “What cities would you move to if your partner wanted to return home?”

  • Cities he'd move to: Chicago, San Diego, Park City, Austin, Houston, Atlanta, Cleveland, Minneapolis.
  • Cities he'd refuse: Buffalo ("I pray for Buffalo. Bless their heart. I want Buffalo to win a Super Bowl just so they'll shut the up." — Jared, 10:43), Des Moines.
  • Candid, humorous assessments of each city’s "vibe," cost of living, and social scene.
  • Discussion on the emotional complexity of moving somewhere for someone else, especially the potential resentment ("I would be, like, resentful, but I would go." — Jordana, 16:46).

• Notable Moment:

  • On city pride and identity:
    "I'm not moving to Buffalo to go to Toronto—you know, I don't even think I would do, I think once you go to these towns, you're in." (15:34)

2. Location Stereotypes & “Where Are You From?” Flexes

(17:05 – 24:05)

• Critiquing people who retain pride in where they were born versus where they grew up.

  • "My parents moved from Queens, but I live in Cleveland. You're like, so you're from Cleveland." — Jared (17:08)
  • Jordana and Jared explore regional identity and its impact on personality and dating.

• Long Island vs. Westchester Rivalry

  • Warm but teasing debate about regional stereotypes, accents, and the hierarchy of NYC suburbs.
  • “Long Island is also its own brand of person...There’s a stigma.” — Jared (22:41)

3. Icky or Picky: The 3-Date Dilemma (Umbrella Guy)

(28:43 – 37:12)

• Listener story: Woman dates a man who makes sushi for her, has a small penis but makes up for it in other ways, and brings a sun umbrella on a hike.

  • Hosts break down whether the “ick” was about superficial reasons or a cumulative effect.

• Memorable Quotes:

  • “You can't have a small penis and carry an umbrella. Sun umbrella. On a hike.” — Jared (32:22)
  • “Each thing on its own isn’t necessarily a deal breaker, but maybe like, you put it all together and you’re feeling a certain way just in general.” — Jordana (34:12)
  • "I am an ick detector." — Jared (34:12)

• Host Advice:

  • Honesty about what turns you off is important, but ghosting isn't kind, and "penis size" as a breakup reason is in poor taste.
  • “It's a little tacky to bring up penis size.” — Jared (37:08)
  • Don’t ghost—send a respectful message if you’re not interested.

4. Main Dilemma: How To Manage Dating an Over-Texter

(40:04 – 45:58)

• Listener email: She likes a single dad she's just started seeing, but he's texting her constantly, oversharing personal details after just one date. She finds it overwhelming but doesn’t know how to ask for space without hurting his feelings.

• Host Insights & Strategies:

  • Over-texting can fast-forward emotional intimacy beyond the relationship’s reality.
  • There's a risk of false intimacy that preempts the actual dating experience.
  • Jared’s Script:
    “Put a pin in this for our date.” — Jared (43:30)
    But Jordana suggests:
    "That's a crazy story. I am super swamped at work. I would love to hear more about it on our date later though." — Jordana (44:22)

• Memorable Advice:

  • “There’s a lot here to unpack and I’m too busy to give you the energy this deserves. Let’s talk about it in person.” — combined suggestion (45:00)
  • If the other person can’t handle this boundary, they might not be a good fit.

• Red Flag Watch:

  • If someone gets upset at a reasonable attempt to slow down the "relationship escalation," that’s a compatibility issue—possibly even love-bombing (46:07).

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• Jared on Over-Texting Dangers:
  "I've been in the scenario where the texting has gotten ahead...we almost can't catch up to the texting, right? Like we have to go on like 50 dates to get to where we are texting." (42:29)

• Jordana on Boundary-Setting:
  "This deserves more attention than I can give over text. Excited to talk more about this on our date." (44:58)

• Jared sums up the key communication issue:
  "The mistake that gets made is like, hey, I'm super busy. Like, chill. Like, you could come off callous...so give it a compliment sandwich." (45:32)

Advice Recap

• Be honest and kind with dating “icks”—but don’t get mean.
• If texting gets too intimate, refresh boundaries with a gentle redirect to in-person time.
• "Put a pin in this for the date"—but, as Jordana notes, make it even warmer and more personalized.
• If someone can't handle your request for slower communication, consider if they're right for you.
• Don't ghost when you get the ick; a polite message is better—no mention of physical insecurities.

Episode Tone & Style

• Playful, irreverent, and candid, balancing sharp humor with genuine empathy for the messiness of modern dating.
• The hosts model directness, boundary-setting, and healthy skepticism about dating "rules."

Conclusion

Jared and Jordana bring their signature chemistry to complicated dating topics—this time focusing on boundaries: whether about where to live, how much to text, or how to let someone down. If you’re struggling with fast-moving texts or evaluating your own icks, their practical advice and witty banter will help you navigate your dating life with more confidence—and laughter.

For questions or dilemmas, send your emails to uup@betches.com or follow @u.up.podcast on Instagram for more dating commentary.