How to Spot Swinger Signals

Summary

U Up? Podcast Summary

Episode: How to Spot Swinger Signals
Date: January 16, 2026
Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid

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Episode Overview

This episode of "U Up?" takes a lighthearted but revealing look at the world of modern dating, focusing on how the concept of "swingers" and ambiguous social signals can infiltrate seemingly normal adult interactions. Through personal anecdotes, listener questions, and playful banter, hosts Jordana and Jared dissect what counts as flirtation, over-friendliness, or just plain weird, while also exploring broader questions of boundaries, dating signals, and social norms among singles and couples. The main theme centers around Jared's recent awkward experiences with couples in Florida and the prevalence – or myth – of "swinger signals" in today's social life.

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Key Discussion Points

1. The "Swinger Signal" Story

[06:30–18:03]

• Jared shares a personal anecdote about recently being invited to couple-oriented social hangs in Delray Beach, Florida, and feeling unsure about the motives at play.
  • He describes being the only single guy among two couples, noting: “Anytime a couple talks to you, everyone's like, swingers. It's this weird thing, people…” ([06:42])
• Jared and Jordana riff on the social stereotype of swingers in Florida, discussing how certain areas (and even certain communities) get reputations for being "swinger hotspots" without much evidence.
  • Jared: “It's taking over the space in a way that's, like, annoying me.” ([07:02])
• Key moment: Jared describes being at a "shoes-off" house, getting a perfunctory house tour, and being made to feel like comic relief in the group.
• The “swinger signal”: The pivotal incident occurs when one of the wives repeatedly puts her socked foot on Jared’s bare knee during casual conversation.
  • Jared: “She takes her toe and starts touching my open knee. Through your ripped jeans. Through the ripped jeans. That does seem swingery with her socked foot.” ([12:07])
  • Jordana: “Is the husband in the room?” Jared: “Husband's watching. The other couple's watching. Everyone was there watching.” ([12:24])
• They dissect if this is genuine flirtation, awkward “Florida friendliness,” or an accidental, misunderstood gesture.
• Jared reflects on boundaries: “If I’m the husband, I go, what the f— are you touching him with your toe? Like, I would… but I just sat there and took it.” ([13:00])
• The hosts ponder whether “swinger” situations are as common as people think or if they’re a conversational crutch to spice up otherwise mundane socializing.

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2. Decoding Social Signals and Boundaries

[18:03–21:13]

• Both hosts admit to overthinking these ambiguous signals and discuss how single and coupled people interact differently.
• Jordana says she’s "friendly," but not flirtatious with single men, prompting Jared to joke: “V’s friendly—swingers!” ([07:40])
• They emphasize the importance of reading the room and understanding your own boundaries in social, romantic, and platonic contexts.
• Memorable moment: Jared demonstrates on-air (roleplaying) how the wife’s use of her foot was as deliberate and performative as using a hand—“an orangutan who uses their foot as also a hand.” ([14:10])

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3. Listener Questions: Phone Background Ick & Social Green/Red Flags

[23:33–34:08]

• “Icky or Picky” Segment:
  A listener finds her 24-year-old date’s iPhone lock screen is a glamour photo of his mother (not deceased or ill), asking if that’s an “ick.”
  • Both hosts agree: extremely weird, especially the choice of a “hot, young” photo.
  • Jared: “Totally agree with the emailer... It’s absolutely bananas.” ([24:41])
  • Jordana: “This is where you draw the line. I actually do agree, this is, like, actually a little weirder than kissing your mom on the lips.” ([25:17])
  • They discuss other “ick” phone backgrounds and debate at length about what’s acceptable – dogs, group shots, landscapes versus family members or self-portraits.
  • Fun list: “Top five worst backgrounds a single man can have” ([28:49–29:59])
• Broader point: The things people choose as phone backgrounds reveal much about their priorities and emotional maturity.

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4. Listener Mail: When to Bring Up Kids in Dating

[36:37–45:39]

• A 39-year-old listener asks: “How soon is too soon to bring up wanting kids?”
• Jared and Jordana agree—be honest and upfront about major life goals, especially as you get older.
  • Jared: “If you brought that up on a first date with me, there is no way I could accuse you of being unreasonable...” ([41:05])
  • Jordana: “Anything that's super important to you, bring up as soon as you feel as... as it feels right.” ([43:24])
• They caution, though, that you can't 100% “protect yourself” from wasted time or disappointment—sometimes things just don't work out, and that’s part of dating.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Delray Beach Friendliness:
  • Jared: “It is. You are the reality of your algorithm and age group.” ([02:30])
  • “I'm positive, everyone… any woman I talk to in those ripped jeans is there in spite of them.” ([03:43])
• On Modern Swinger Paranoia:
  • Jared: “As a single guy, stop saying it to us!” ([07:40])
• On Physical Social Oversteps:
  • Jared: “It happened, like, three or four times that night... instead of ‘oh, Jared,’ it was like, ‘oh, Jared’” (with a foot tap, [13:07])
  • Jordana: “That would still be weird. It would be less weird than the foot thing.” ([18:45])
• On Boundaries and Over-sharing:
  • Jared: "You can't be a single man who's a comedian who thinks what he says is great... as his own background." ([32:21])
• On Dating Milestones:
  • Jordana: “Your time is never wasted when you are completely honest.” ([45:15])
• Jared’s advice on painful honesty:
  • “Only the honest people get over, and he's right… but that's a good thing.” ([45:27])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Florida swinger story intro: [06:30]
• Swinger foot incident breakdown: [11:50–14:17]
• Reflection on boundaries/flirtation: [14:17–18:03]
• Listener "Icky or Picky" (lock screen): [23:33–34:08]
• When to talk about kids/dating: [36:37–45:39]

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Episode Takeaways

• Swinger paranoia is probably overblown; sometimes, odd social signals are just that—odd.
• Boundaries and signals in adult socializing are nuanced, especially between singles and couples—read the room and trust your instincts.
• Communicating needs early in dating (especially regarding life goals like kids) is not too forward and actually saves time and heartache.
• Phone backgrounds and other subtle “tells” are part of today’s dating landscape, for better or worse.

Jared sums it up:
"Your time is never wasted when you are completely honest." ([45:15])

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Final Thoughts

In classic “U Up?” style, this episode balances vulnerability, humor, and candid dating insights, making it essential listening for anyone navigating the weird, messy, and ever-entertaining world of modern relationships.

Transcript

[Jordana Abraham]

This episode is brought to you by Tell Me Lies on Hulu. Tell Me Lies is back for season three, and Lucy and Steven are once again giving their relationship another try. Surprise, surprise. They swear things will be different this time. But very quickly, the past catches up, old lies resurface, and the fallout starts spreading beyond just the two of them. Before long, the entire friend group is forced to reckon with choices they thought were behind them. It's addictive, it's emotionally messy, and it will absolutely have you questioning every situationship you've ever had. The first three episodes of Tell Me Lies Season 3 are now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus for bundle subscribers.

[Jared Freid]

The Ashley Tisdale thing. It's just like, it's as if someone wrote a show for women.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Like all those tiktokers that wear sweatsuits and look like they smell.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Are ready to do face to the camera. I'll tell you what's going on here. You know, what it really does to society, like all the thing pieces.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, it's so fun about it because is everyone's like, what are we in high school? Like, why are we acting like. I'm like, of course, like this. I would be so upset if this, if there. This kind of drama stopped after high school. Hello and welcome back to the Friday Feels episode of the UF podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.

[Jared Freid]

And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana. Happy Friday Friday. Feeling how you feeling?

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm feeling good.

[Jared Freid]

Do you feel as a pregnant woman that you can say, I feel great.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is that hard to do societally or.

[Jared Freid]

Like, I don't know, like, just like. Like, does it feel like you're in the face of someone who's having a tougher pregnancy?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I guess maybe I would change the way I answered that question.

[Jared Freid]

I'm doing who fantastic. You.

[Jordana Abraham]

I could say.

[Jared Freid]

You could say whatever the you want.

[Jordana Abraham]

Great. Yeah. It's kind of like anything like, you know, someone says someone who's unemployed asks you how's work? Right. You wouldn't be like, all of my dreams are coming true.

[Jared Freid]

It's fair. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

So, yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Convers depends on your audience.

[Jordana Abraham]

If you're. If you have a little self awareness.

[Jared Freid]

Right, right. If you're, if you're classy, you have a awareness of who you're talking to.

[Jordana Abraham]

Exactly.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

How about you? How are you? How are you? I'm feeling this Friday.

[Jared Freid]

I'm feeling pretty good. I. I'm like, you know, I'm here for In New York. I got here, you know, you're back in the New York, you know, hustle of it all. I've been in Delray for a while. I was there for like a good, lovely Delray Beach.

[Jordana Abraham]

I had so much fomo.

[Jared Freid]

Just seeing the pictures and the videos.

[Jordana Abraham]

Everyone seemed like they were there. I was so cold.

[Jared Freid]

It's a certain age group. It is. You are the reality of your algorithm and age group. And yeah, it did seem like there was a lot of people that came down to like spend time with parents or bring kids or whatever it was.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do you see a lot of kids in the not holiday season area? Like, is it, is it a lot of families by you or not really?

[Jared Freid]

Well, I'm kind of in this weird, you know, Delray beach more. I is like very much a small town community. Like, I, I'm starting to see the same people everywhere.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know, you feel like you know everyone.

[Jared Freid]

I don't feel like I know everyone. I just feel like I, I've seen you see the dynamics a little bit.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do they know you?

[Jared Freid]

I. I think I'm recognized sometimes.

[Jordana Abraham]

Not from like your comedy, just from.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, just from, like being around.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

I, I like to frequent places. I like to go to the same gym as, you know, like, I like to go to the same bar. Like, so, yeah, I did get. So I.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is it like Norm and Cheers Norm?

[Jared Freid]

No. Well, you know, I went to a bar. Not to berch a bar because it's hard to own a restaurant. But like, they. I, you know, the jeans I have that are ripped at the knee. Yeah, I have these jeans. You don't like them?

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, I told you that. I wasn't sure if I told you that. Yeah, I don't like them.

[Jared Freid]

You don't like them? My mom doesn't like them. I can pretty much assure, I am assured that if I'm speaking to a woman and wearing those jeans, they're there in spite of the jeans. Like, I'm pretty positive, everyone.

[Jordana Abraham]

So why do you like them?

[Jared Freid]

They feel they. They're the only reason I wear them is they are very comfortable.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

And they fit really well. And Abercrombie has kind of like gotten out of. I know they've sponsored the show before.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, I like, I like Abby.

[Jared Freid]

I'm a fan of Abby. Bring back the athletic slim cut jeans. I listen, don't leave just because the young kids are wearing baggage. I don't want to wear. I don't want to look like I'm going to a skate park. Like, I I want to wear jeans that are appropriate. And they used to have these great fit jeans, and they kind of, like, they're hard to find now, so they're.

[Jordana Abraham]

Probably not in fashion anymore.

[Jared Freid]

And one time. So these jeans.

[Jordana Abraham]

If you're listening, sponsor, and you want to send Jared some.

[Jared Freid]

Sends me some jeans. These fit, and they, like, they have structure. They're soft, and they're ab cromi. And, you know, the fact they're ripped is annoying to me now because there.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is something about men in ripped jeans that, I don't know. It doesn't do it for me.

[Jared Freid]

It's a little. Yeah, I hear. I get that. And these are really ripped. I go to the. I go to Avalon beach house, and I was there on a Saturday.

[Jordana Abraham]

They get the comments from old people there that are like, you pay extra for that.

[Jared Freid]

I. It's like every dad ever has the same joke. Yeah, they wouldn't let me in.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh.

[Jared Freid]

They're like, we have a dress code. And I'm like, I'm here all the time. And I'm like. And they're like, riffraff the guy. Literally. He goes, but those are, like, really ripped. And I'm like, I can't deny that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Fair.

[Jared Freid]

So I left. But I was wearing them earlier in the night. I got asked to go. So this story is a little all over the place, but I got asked to go, like, get drinks with people. Like, I'm starting to, like, get asked to, like, do, like, these, like, come over, have drinks, check out of our apartment, whatever.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. Even though you hate the idea of being part of anyone's friend group.

[Jared Freid]

I don't want to be in a friend group.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

But I'm getting asked. Hey, we're all getting together.

[Jordana Abraham]

Were you in a group in. In high school or college or. I mean, you were in France?

[Jared Freid]

I was a loner. I just sat in the corner of the cafeteria.

[Jordana Abraham]

There's some people who, like, had friends, but they were, like drifters. They were, like. They were, like, friends with, like, a lot of different groups.

[Jared Freid]

I had. I had a core group of guys in high school and in college and college, it was mostly the fraternity kind of creates that. But I was pretty close with, like, the three years above and three years below in my fraternity. So, like, I did branch out, but I had my group.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're your crew.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. So. But I. I don't know. I. That all happens so much more. I guess a fraternity isn't that natural, Paying dues?

[Jordana Abraham]

I wouldn't say it's natural. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

I don't know, I've never really thought to, like, need a friend.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

You know, so. But then this group was like, come over and we're having drinks and we're gonna have, like, a little. This was before I got kicked out of the bar. So I'm wearing these, like, jeans, the ripped jeans. And everyone keeps saying to me, this is like, the weird part about getting older and being single is, like, anytime a couple talks to you, everyone's like, swingers. It's this weird thing, people. I think we're talking about swingers way more than there actually are swingers, probably. Like, it's taking over the space in a way that's, like, annoying me.

[Jordana Abraham]

Just as a couple, you just can't talk to anyone these days.

[Jared Freid]

Honestly. There's, like, people at my gym like that, like, the. The wife will talk to me, and I'm like. And there's a piece of me that's like, why is she even talking to me? Like, for what reason other than to me? Do you know what I mean?

[Jordana Abraham]

And it's like, I don't talk to anyone. So I.

[Jared Freid]

This is my point.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Why?

[Jordana Abraham]

Also very unfriendly.

[Jared Freid]

So might not be the best nature.

[Jordana Abraham]

But I. V, would you talk to a married. Married or a single guy if you saw him out?

[Jared Freid]

V's in a relationship, would you talk to a single guy? Just randomly.

[Jordana Abraham]

I always do. I think I'm just friendly. Like, swingers.

[Jared Freid]

V's friendly swingers. Yeah. The swinger thing, though, it's getting talked about so much. I just, like, as a single guy, stop saying it to us.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is that. Is. Is everyone, like, secretly a swinger? I've never met anyone who's, like, told me that they.

[Jared Freid]

That's the thing. You hear about it so much. Everyone's like, they must be swingers. They must be swingers. I'm yet to meet one, so I.

[Jordana Abraham]

Don'T know that you know, of.

[Jared Freid]

It just seems like it's like a pathway to having a personality in a conversation. Like, you don't have to really have anything to say other than swingers. And I was like, it's, like, annoying me.

[Jordana Abraham]

People say this a lot.

[Jared Freid]

I'm getting it more and more.

[Jordana Abraham]

Maybe it's a Florida thing.

[Jared Freid]

I think it's a Florida thing. And then places get reputations. Like, there's communities in Florida that everyone's like, that's where the swingers are.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is it your parents community?

[Jared Freid]

Not. Thank God. Thank goodness. I escape that one there. But it might be close across the street.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Known as, like, they have A swinger thing going. And you're like, is that real or is that, like something that started with a whisper and then turned into a screen?

[Jordana Abraham]

Or is it like one person and then another? Maybe two, and then it became the thing.

[Jared Freid]

Right. You get a reputation. You don't know where it comes from.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

So I have these, like, couples that are like, come hang with us. And I'm always like. And everyone. And I tell people and they're like. So I go to this hangout alone. It wasn't alone.

[Jordana Abraham]

Or like, at a gathering.

[Jared Freid]

A gathering. But this was like, two couples and me.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

So they invite me over. I bring, like, drinks, and they're like, just so you know, shoes off house. I'm like, here we go. I get the house.

[Jordana Abraham]

How do you feel about shoes off house? You don't like it?

[Jared Freid]

I'm just like, I'm heading into a thing. I. I don't know. I just, you know, something this way comes.

[Jordana Abraham]

What, you wear socks then?

[Jared Freid]

No, no, I wear no socks. I don't like wearing socks in a house.

[Jordana Abraham]

Not in Florida. I could see that.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Generally, I just. I'm gonna go barefoot if I'm okay. So I know this.

[Jordana Abraham]

If you invite Jared.

[Jared Freid]

I wore sandals so that I could take them off, knowing the no shoes house.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

And I get there and it's like, let's give you a tour. I'm like, you know, it's Larry David, like, right. I. I don't need to. I gotta, like, act like, I. Like, I wouldn't give a tour to.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, a one single man. Usually the women want the tour, and then sometimes the men go.

[Jared Freid]

Giving it to me is, like, crazy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Like, and then unless you asked for it, I'm, like, rising out of my body, like, watching me, like, I'm, like, going around. Oh, my God. This bathroom.

[Jordana Abraham]

You have to have your tour face on total. You have to compliment something. I told you that when I gave you the tour of my house. That you didn't to do that.

[Jared Freid]

I. Yeah, you did. You did say, don't do it. Don't feel the need to put on an act. But I do the act anyways.

[Jordana Abraham]

Of course. I mean, what are you, monster?

[Jared Freid]

I'm not. I'm a normal classic.

[Jordana Abraham]

No gifts.

[Jared Freid]

Right. You got to bring a gift.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

I'm walking around this house. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Jordana Abraham]

Molding.

[Jared Freid]

Where did you get this lighting?

[Jordana Abraham]

I love the color of this wall.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, yeah. I'm totally Now.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know what? It's like Christmas morning for me.

[Jared Freid]

Horrific.

[Jordana Abraham]

I've Always wanted the towel warmer.

[Jared Freid]

So we then get to, like, the living room, and we're going to have the hang.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

And the problem with me going and hanging, like, I end up having to, like, talk about my whole life, you know, what do you do?

[Jordana Abraham]

You brought in as the entertainment?

[Jared Freid]

I. At that point, I kind of feel like I am.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

And the host sits. I sit on a chair like this. And let's say you're the chair the host would sit in. Instead of sitting in the chair, they lie on the ground leaning up against the chair. Like, they're like.

[Jordana Abraham]

They're like, sitting.

[Jared Freid]

Sitting on the ground back.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like they're at sorority chapter meeting.

[Jared Freid]

Yes.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Very comfy, cozy. And they're like. They're like this. So tell us.

[Jordana Abraham]

I get on the floor.

[Jared Freid]

On the floor. So if, like, I got on the floor like this. This is the wife.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Is like. So, Jared, tell us. Yeah. If you're watching on YouTube. So, Jared, tell us. So you know, where you come from? What do you do? You know? Like, this is how the conversations.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Sing for your supper.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, yeah. And there's, like, food out and drinks and then. And I'm gonna act it out with you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. I'll be.

[Jared Freid]

And I'm. You're me.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm you.

[Jared Freid]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right.

[Jared Freid]

And I go. And they're going. So we're talking. And then you're me. Say something that I would say something about. He's just go, just say something.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, it's. It's great here. Weather's amazing.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, Jared. And she takes her toe and starts touching my open knee.

[Jordana Abraham]

Through your ripped jeans.

[Jared Freid]

Through the ripped jeans. That does seem swingery with her socked foot.

[Jordana Abraham]

Where did you find these people?

[Jared Freid]

I'm just saying. So. I am. That does.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is the husband in the room?

[Jared Freid]

Husband's watching. The other couple's watching. Everyone was there watching, like, the.

[Jordana Abraham]

She drunk?

[Jared Freid]

I don't think so.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

But the toe touching my knee, I'm just, like, looking around, like, for someone else. I thought, like, if I.

[Jordana Abraham]

Maybe that's how they do things in Florida, right?

[Jared Freid]

But if I'm the husband, I go, what the you touching with your toe? Like, I would, but I just sat there and took it. Like, I didn't know what to do. So I'm, like, sitting there, like. And then I'm like, in my head, like, everyone's like, swinger, swinger, swinger. And I'm going, is this, like. Is this, like, the pineapple? Like, is this, like, the upside down pineapple? That's like, what tells you that swingers.

[Jordana Abraham]

Are allowed here in the house? Yeah, I've seen that.

[Jared Freid]

I, I. And this happened, like, three or four times throughout the night with she.

[Jordana Abraham]

Where she touched your bare knee.

[Jared Freid]

So it was my bare knee with her sock toe. Like, instead of like, oh, Jared. It was like, oh, Jared.

[Jordana Abraham]

And do you just sit there like, what is your stance when she's doing that?

[Jared Freid]

Like, I don't.

[Jordana Abraham]

You, like, are you acknowledging the footage?

[Jared Freid]

What do I do? Put my hand over her foot while it's on my knee? Like, what do I even do?

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't know.

[Jared Freid]

I guess.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, yeah, I guess I would not do anything. I would just be like, there's a.

[Jared Freid]

Piece of me that's like, I don't want them hearing this or seeing this. But at the same time, I'm like, I am curious, like, what's going through one's mind when they touch you with their foot?

[Jordana Abraham]

Were they saying anything, like, sexual?

[Jared Freid]

No, it was totally as if it was their hand going, Jared, like, with like, a touch.

[Jordana Abraham]

Keep it there. Or they took it off.

[Jared Freid]

It was longer. But you know, at that point when someone's foot is on your bare knee.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

It's just, it all feels like a long time.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's not like the. It's one thing if the foot brushes against your foot, which could happen. This was, this was me is hard to get to.

[Jared Freid]

This was like, twice an orangutan who uses their foot as also a hand.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Do you know what I mean?

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, your wife did that. If you had. If you had someone over.

[Jared Freid]

This is what I think.

[Jordana Abraham]

And your wife was doing that. Would you say something to her? Would you say. Would you say after dinner, would you say something to her?

[Jared Freid]

That's the thing. I think after I would say, what the. Are you touching them with your foot? Like, what's going on here?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Would you be, like, annoyed?

[Jared Freid]

I don't. I wouldn't know. I'd be, I'd be like, for her. But I would assume that you already know that's how your wife is.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Maybe you're like, it's not new to you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

You know. You know, if it was a new thing, but it's more surprising that it would be a new thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

And I wasn't uncomfortable. I was just like, oh, this is weird. Yeah, this is. This is not. And the. It didn't. It wasn't until, like, the third time that I was like, I. I think this is, like, what she does with her foot. I thought it was weird to lay on the ground to begin with.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, were there, Were there available seats?

[Jared Freid]

Her back was on an available seat.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, there was no one. Yeah. That's weird. If there's, like, if all the couch space is taken. But she wants to hang, she doesn't want to bring a chair. And I could see if her husband. If I'm her husband, I'm sitting here. She sits here fair fine.

[Jared Freid]

That's. That's exactly. You're. You're right. That's not how it was.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's weird. Yeah. She sounds like a character.

[Jared Freid]

Total character. I mean, like, these are nice people. Like, I, I enjoyed the hang.

[Jordana Abraham]

Are you gonna be part of the clique?

[Jared Freid]

Depends how much I have to do. I mean, it is.

[Jordana Abraham]

Would you, Would you entertain a couple?

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

No.

[Jordana Abraham]

No. It's not your thing.

[Jared Freid]

I think I'm out.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't know.

[Jared Freid]

I, I, no, it's crazy. I just don't, you know, when it comes to, like, the swinger thing, you go, what is the deal? Like, it's more about.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's much more about them, I think, than about. Than you, I'm sure.

[Jared Freid]

Well, is it that one? You know, like, does one go with me and, you know, does.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's like a threesome, right?

[Jared Freid]

No.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, no.

[Jared Freid]

I think sometimes it's just you take mine and I take yours.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. But you don't. But who would they take?

[Jared Freid]

Well, I don't have one for.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right, well, that's what I'm saying. So it's open relationship. Swingers is like, we swap. I guess.

[Jared Freid]

I thought that was what, Swingers.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's part. That makes sense. Yeah, but so then you wouldn't be the target for swingers, right?

[Jared Freid]

I'm a target for Bring a date. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Maybe they're prepping me for whoever I bring in.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

This should tell you everything you need to know about us. I mean, that we have no swinging knowledge whatsoever.

[Jordana Abraham]

Experience. Yeah. We'll have to get.

[Jared Freid]

I don't know. This is. The swinging aspect is almost separate from the toe on my knee.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. They should have another name for that.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Because I, I, I'm just saying people get in your head, like, at this age, with all the couples who are now finding themselves with, like, more free time, you know, you meet these couples that are, like, kids are starting to get older, and then they're, like, looking at each other, and then they're, like, probably, like, trying to, like, reignite or get more experimental or they found a way that they get off together, and then everyone is like, swinger, swinger, swing. And I'm like, that's not happening as much as you're talking about it. Like, it can't be. And then you go to this thing, and then someone, like, touches your knee, rubbing your knee with their toe. I told my mom the story.

[Jordana Abraham]

What did your mom think?

[Jared Freid]

She goes, that is absolutely bizarre.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. That's not what they. That's not the Florida. Hello.

[Jared Freid]

No.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

No, it was. It's just so funny because they were like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Did anyone in the room say anything to you?

[Jared Freid]

That's what's so weird.

[Jordana Abraham]

Two couples and you.

[Jared Freid]

It was as if. Like, it was crazy. It was as if I was the one that. Like, the only weird one.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Because there were two other c. The other couple was there. They were very. Everyone could not have been nicer.

[Jordana Abraham]

Would you go back?

[Jared Freid]

I think I. Yeah, I would go back.

[Jordana Abraham]

Even if that happened every time. I mean, I guess it didn't bother you.

[Jared Freid]

It didn't bother me.

[Jordana Abraham]

It wasn't like I felt right. I get it. It didn't bother you, but it was weird.

[Jared Freid]

It was like. It wasn't until afterwards that I was like, how many times did she rub my knee with her foot?

[Jordana Abraham]

That is very, very weird. Like, if I went to two couples homes and the man was married, man was, like, rubbing my knee with his foot. I feel like that would be so weird.

[Jared Freid]

How about we change it? If I, like, am sitting here, you and Mike over here, me and my girlfriend, my phone just propped up over here, and you said something, and I went, jordana. And I reached across to grab your knee. I would find that that would too much, too.

[Jordana Abraham]

That would still be weird. It would be less weird than the foot thing. And here's. I think there's a difference between like. Like a hitting yeah.

[Jared Freid]

And rubbing.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. And like, a lingering yeah is weird. I don't see.

[Jared Freid]

Have you encountered this with you?

[Jordana Abraham]

You.

[Jared Freid]

You're in the suburbs. You're in the.

[Jordana Abraham]

Have I been touched?

[Jared Freid]

Have you ever had, like, a husband? You know, a situation where the other couple.

[Jordana Abraham]

You.

[Jared Freid]

You can feel just like we don't know each other well enough or. That was kind of off.

[Jordana Abraham]

Nothing that comes to mind immediately. But I don't know. Now I'm offended. No one's ever.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Touch me inappropriately.

[Jared Freid]

What the.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's.

[Jared Freid]

I don't know. These are like. It feels small town stuff.

[Jordana Abraham]

More people are hooking up.

[Jared Freid]

I'm not gonna say that I'm not.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, it makes sense that people in Florida would have more sex than people in New York.

[Jared Freid]

You think so?

[Jordana Abraham]

It's warmer.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

There's like more. Probably less of an intensive work culture.

[Jared Freid]

Right? It's a lot more chill.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I miss it. Let's do the show. Are you starting the year with a wardrobe refresh? Quince has you covered with luxe essentials that feel effortless and look polished. Perfect for layering, mixing, and building a wardrobe that lasts. I have ordered a bunch of quint stuff. I mean, I love their socks. I always talk about their socks, but it doesn't feel like a big enough thing to talk about. Even though you wear socks every day, the socks are great. I have made an order for their bamboo T shirt. I got an extra 30 thick t shirt, all with the idea of like wearing it under a button down. All the basics that you need. And they're well priced because they've cut out the middleman and made sure that there's no warehouse you have to go to. It just sends it right to the customer. And let me just also say, their ordering process, they hold your hand through the whole thing. They let you know when it's coming, how it's coming. I have to say I was truly impressed with how good and taken care of I felt with their ordering. So I'm all about quints right now. Refresh your wardrobe with quince. Don't wait. Go to quince.com/uup for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's quincy.comuup to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.comuup you know, there's nothing worse than.

[Jordana Abraham]

Going to get dressed and realizing you've already worn all of your favorite pairs of underwear. Since I found skims, they're the only thing I ever want to wear. A great outfit all starts with the base layer. And skims is just the best. Love skims. Literally. I think I've converted my entire wardrobe to skims underwear and skims bras because I don't have to think about that fact that I'm wearing underwear or bra, which is always the best sign of any good underwear or bra. You're not thinking about it, you're not pulling at it, you're not tugging at it, you're not adjusting it. Their bras and underwear are so comfortable. I literally will not wear anything else. Everything they make is just super, super high quality. And you know, you're getting something that looks great on you but is also super comfortable, which is very hard to find. I have the scoop. Bralette. I have the fits everybody T shirt bra, full coverage underwear because I'm just in that mode right now, so. But they also have amazing thongs and all sorts of good stuff and you're not really thinking about the fact that you're wearing it, which is the best thing that can happen when you're wearing bras and underwear. Shop my favorite bras and [e-mail] after you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select PodC guest in the survey and be sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows. Oh, could this vintage store be any cuter?

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

And the best part, they accept Discover. Except Discover in a little place like this. I don't think so, Jennifer. Oh, yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Huh.

[Jordana Abraham]

Discovers Accepted where I like to shop. Come on, baby, get with the times.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

So we shouldn't get the parachute pants. These are making a comeback, I think.

[Jared Freid]

Discover is accepted at 99 of places that take credit cards nationwide, based on the February 2025 Nielsen report. Listen, if you're out there, you want to come to a show? Jaredfree.com I got shows in Atlanta, Charleston, Tampa Beach, Mountain, Tampa. Tampa, I'm sure. Oh, yeah. They in town, I'm sure.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Dumb sex in Tampa. I'm also coming to Dallas, Houston, Boston, where else? New York. Added a show in New York. We have added a show in New York, so get those tickets. Tempe, Arizona, Seattle, Vancouver.

[Jordana Abraham]

The Couve, as they call it. Yeah, you should go to Whistler.

[Jared Freid]

Maybe I will this year.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think you should.

[Jared Freid]

Thank you.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right. I'm giving you permission. All right. Let's do an icky or picky.

[Jared Freid]

Let's do it.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right. Hi, jj. Huge fan and benefit subscriber here. I'm also the girl who wrote in a couple months ago about the guy who peed into potted plants on his rooftop. That was a good one.

[Jared Freid]

This woman has plenty of stories to send. Made it through.

[Jordana Abraham]

She did.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Not everyone gets selected twice.

[Jared Freid]

No.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm writing in with an icky or picky scenario that happened on a first date recently. For context for this story, both I and the guy are 24.

[Jared Freid]

That makes sense. That helps her have more.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, that helps with the potted plant. Yeah. On the first date, we were talking about our families and he said he is super close with his family and goes back home to the suburbs nearly every weekend to see them. I actually thought this was sweet since I'm also very close with my family. However, he then told me that his iPhone lock screen is a photo of his mother. I think it is important to note that his mother is neither deceased nor suffering from a terminal illness, which would, in my opinion be the only two scenarios in which this would be socially acceptable. Also, he is not in the photo with her. It is just her alone, which makes it even weirder to me. The photo is of his mother when she was young, dressed up and with full makeup for some formal events. While she's in modest clothing, it still feels like the photo is meant to showcase her beauty.

[Jared Freid]

Totally agree with the emailer all about all that. Everything she said is true and it's absolutely bananas.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is crazy.

[Jared Freid]

That's to put up a hot young.

[Jordana Abraham]

Picture of your mom on your lock screen.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. This is bizarre.

[Jordana Abraham]

I too admire my mother, but personally I found this extremely bizarre. Is this a ploy to get women? Does he have a strange relationship with his mother or am I just being picky? Signed A Whose lock screen is her family dog like a normal person.

[Jared Freid]

Totally.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is funny cuz I thought that you who was into the kissing family.

[Jared Freid]

Would be okay with it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Would be okay with it.

[Jared Freid]

N. This.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is where you draw the line. I actually do agree this is like actually a little weirder than kissing your mom on the lips.

[Jared Freid]

I think this is kissing the mom on the lips something everyone should try. I think everyone.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is it a green flag?

[Jared Freid]

This is where. Well, this. This is where. As long as you touch her knee with your toe.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do you. Well, let me ask you a question. Do you think your mom would think it was weird if you had a lock screen photo of her as her younger self in her most beautiful days?

[Jared Freid]

I. I guess she would find it weird.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, would she say anything? I would have. I would like to think that if I had a son and he did this, that I would tell him it was weird.

[Jared Freid]

Right. What are you doing?

[Jordana Abraham]

I would like.

[Jared Freid]

This isn't an homage. Yeah, this is. My mom would find it weird because you're like, it's out of my personality. Like I. It just wouldn't work with who I am. I. I don't know you. Sometimes women post pictures of their dad at a young age and I find that weird when they're like, look how hot dad was.

[Jordana Abraham]

And I'm like, well, especially if that's like sort of what they're implying.

[Jared Freid]

That's what. You're right. That's what.

[Jordana Abraham]

Anytime you're calling your parent, even sometimes people put pictures of their parents up and say they're like hot. I think that's weird too.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Look at my. There Was like a tick tock trend for a while where it was like my parents look at them then. And even that, like, where are you getting these pictures, dude? Where are you getting these? Like, where is she getting these pictures? I, I, I don't know. I, this is very. The kissing thing is a, A hello, goodbye. Like there's a reason for, for it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

So how it happens over time, I kind of understand. This is one of those where I go.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's like, you know, if it was him and her. Still weird. Less weird.

[Jared Freid]

If it was a grandma and the picture was black and white. Less weird.

[Jordana Abraham]

Still weird, but less weird.

[Jared Freid]

I think it's less weird because it's like our history. You could like, sure, you know, like it's family tree. Like, but it would have to be a really old picture. Like a really.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like when I think of like your phone background, I think if you're gonna opt into like doing a real picture that's not like a scenic picture. You're doing something that's showing like what is the most important thing to you at this moment in time.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's kind of like what it symbolizes to me. Like, what are you, what are you really into? This is your phone. Your phone is right.

[Jared Freid]

Is like your family member.

[Jordana Abraham]

That, that is like your phone. It's more like your Siamese twin. Like it's attached to you. You bring it everywhere. Like you've been loving it all day.

[Jared Freid]

You're right. Yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's part of your body, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

So to me, you're making a declaration.

[Jared Freid]

Well, would you be weird out if they had a tattoo that was like a replica of their mom? Like an exact picture? Right. This is kind of the same thing, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, at least this you can change.

[Jared Freid]

I guess reading this made me change my phone background.

[Jordana Abraham]

What was it? A picture of your mom in my mom completely naked. We know you have one of those. Accidentally sent you.

[Jared Freid]

I made it Delray beach to my. I have officially moved.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's safe.

[Jared Freid]

Delray Beach. I changed it officially.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think for some reason it puts.

[Jared Freid]

My Facebook reach on there for. I don't know why that became a thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know, to show off.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I got to show off my Facebook reach.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's really funny. Your bank account numbers.

[Jared Freid]

So if you're watching on YouTube, I.

[Jordana Abraham]

Actually think for a single man, that's the safest option.

[Jared Freid]

Just like a view.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, well, yeah.

[Jared Freid]

What would be the worst single man phone backgrounds that could exist?

[Jordana Abraham]

This is up there.

[Jared Freid]

So number one Hot picture of your mom.

[Jordana Abraham]

I would say that's like top five. I don't know if it's number one.

[Jared Freid]

So let's give the top five worst backgrounds a single man can have.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Hot.

[Jordana Abraham]

Young.

[Jared Freid]

Young picture of your mom is in there.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

Young picture of your mom and dad. Or is that more acceptable?

[Jordana Abraham]

That's more acceptable than just your mom. Still weird.

[Jared Freid]

Very hot picture of your sister.

[Jordana Abraham]

Weirder.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Weirder.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. Because the sister is age appropriate for you.

[Jared Freid]

A dog that has passed, is that okay?

[Jordana Abraham]

I wouldn't say that's top five.

[Jared Freid]

That's not bad.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. If a guy has a single guy as a dog, I think it's okay for it to be the background.

[Jared Freid]

30 year old man picture of his former fraternity house.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's a big red flag.

[Jared Freid]

That's a bad one.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, that's bad. It's 30. Maybe. Maybe if he's still kind of weird if he's 21. Very weird if he's 30.

[Jared Freid]

25. The cutoff. 22. 22 might be the cut off for frat.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. I mean, honestly, even if he's in the frat and the frat is his background, I still think that's a red flag.

[Jared Freid]

Sports team as a background.

[Jordana Abraham]

Not type five, but like. Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, it's, it's.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's kind of like a cheesy.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, it's themselves because when I changed my background, one of the suggested was like a selfie of me. Would it be weird if you saw my phone and it was just me as the background?

[Jordana Abraham]

Not top five. A little weird. What? Depends on your pose, I think, and what you're doing. Are you having fun?

[Jared Freid]

Here's the one they suggested.

[Jordana Abraham]

What did you have before this? That was just you. And we can show this on the YouTube.

[Jared Freid]

It was my background. It was the view from my apartment in Harlem. I showed it before.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, right. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

This is what they. The wallpaper that they suggested. So I'll do new. This is the one they suggested. If this was my background, would you think it was weird and that I was like a narcissist? Oh, my God. This was suggested by Apple.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know, it's not a headshot. I think it's okay. You think it's worse if it was a head shot? I don't think you should do it. Now we know whose phone it is, right?

[Jared Freid]

No confusion there. Hold on, I'm finding other ones. What if it was this one?

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Jared Freid]

Okay. No one wanted to mention that. I've lost some weight since then. Okay. What if it's this one.

[Jordana Abraham]

That'S kind of funny?

[Jared Freid]

It's kind of funny.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

That might be bad.

[Jordana Abraham]

That might be better than the other. Like, regular ones.

[Jared Freid]

Okay, hold on. We'll do one more.

[Jordana Abraham]

What's a single woman's best picture to have? Is it okay if she has a picture of herself looking hot?

[Jared Freid]

If I wouldn't. I don't know if I would even think that much into it. If it was of herself. I think it would. If it's her parents, it's nice and sweet old picture of her parents, I'm fine with it.

[Jordana Abraham]

What if it's like Harry Styles?

[Jared Freid]

I'm like, am I out with a teenager? You know, it's very. That's very. Like, I'm. I'm, like, too much of a fan.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Fangirl fan girling background.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's safe. I assume. Like a scenic photo.

[Jared Freid]

What if it's this me? But they cropped it out from the Today show, so you only have one leg. I have one leg.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is what I. In case you were one. In case you can't go out with me again unless you see what I would look like with one leg.

[Jared Freid]

That's it. That's the only way to go.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

I can't do myself. That is. I. You can't be a single man who's a comedian who thinks what he says is great. You know what? As his own back.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's better than a married man with children with himself as his background. I think that's a bigger red flag. Don't you think?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, that's probably the biggest red flag.

[Jordana Abraham]

What's your dad's background?

[Jared Freid]

My mom.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's sweet.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

And. And I was surprised that he had that.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's really nice.

[Jared Freid]

I was actually surprised. I love that my mom is her background also my mom.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, that's what they have in common. They're both big fans of your mom.

[Jared Freid]

Huge fans. No, my mom. I think it's of my dad. And I. I think I gotta look at her phone. My dad is of my mom.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's really cute.

[Jared Freid]

And I never thought of him as that type of guy. I was actually surprised.

[Jordana Abraham]

That makes it even better.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, that's right. Right. It means something more.

[Jordana Abraham]

Would it be weird if your dad's background was just your dad?

[Jared Freid]

My dad's background was just my dad. Yeah. It'd be bizarre.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's kind of like walking around without the ring.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Without your wedding ring.

[Jared Freid]

My dad never wore a wedding ring.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, then he. That makes sense. If I were Your mom. I'd be like, I'm the best on the phone.

[Jared Freid]

Yes. We gotta be somewhere. I gotta live somewhere. One or the other.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

What's Mike's background?

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, it was. I had a thing with him where I was like, why aren't I on your. Your phone background? Why on your phone background? This was, like, years ago. And then he's like, one day he's like, see, you're my phone background. And it was a picture of us at, like, Zion National Park. It is the most zoomed out thing you've ever seen. It's like canyons.

[Jared Freid]

And then if you like, zooming in.

[Jordana Abraham]

Literally, if you did, like, a 2000% zoom, you might be able to see the outline of two people. Not even like, that one was a woman.

[Jared Freid]

Why is Dr. Naomi your background? Oh, it's Jordana.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Don't know who it is. Well, listen to this person. This is icky.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes, I would. I would agree. Very weird. Weird relationship with his mom again. I think even if I. If it were my son, I mean, I don't have a son, I don't know what it would be like, but, like, I would imagine that if it was my son, I would tell him. This is weird.

[Jared Freid]

Well, this is one of those things. I don't think they're 24, so I think there's, like, a lot of, like, trying to figure out who I am.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

And when you're doing that, you make a lot of proclamations. So, like, at 24, there's a lot more posts on the Internet of, like, Mother's Day, where it's this glowing tribute. And, like, this mom took care of us. Even when I couldn't take care of myself very much, it's always like, an Italian kid from New Jersey.

[Jordana Abraham]

The best. Best mom in the whole world.

[Jared Freid]

The whole world. And they get too glowing. And it's to the point. It's like he's glowing about his mom while ghosting a woman, right? You know, like, this woman. I. Just a perfect woman and, you know.

[Jordana Abraham]

Will ever live up to her, right? And I.

[Jared Freid]

It sounds like he's kind of doing that where he's like, this is. This is what beauty was back in a certain time. And you're like, dude, you sound crazy. Like. And I don't even think he realizes how crazy he sounds. He'll. He'll shudder at himself later.

[Jordana Abraham]

If your daughter had a picture of you looking young and hot.

[Jared Freid]

As long as I look skinny, you're okay with it. That's it. That's it. I'M okay with no. I. I would be like, come on, what are you doing?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right? This is weird.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. This is.

[Jordana Abraham]

I didn't raise you this way.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I raised you to be ashamed.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Sports Announcer]

It's the final chapter of the college football player. It comes down to this. Miami's unmatched grit and tenacity through the postseason has led them home the national title. Now within reach, they are confident.

[Jared Freid]

They are battle tested.

[Sports Announcer]

Undefeated Indiana, led by Chris Signetti and Heisman winner Fernando Mendoza, have the chance to take home their first title and claim college football immortality.

[Jared Freid]

The most remarkable turnaround in the history of college football.

[Sports Announcer]

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[Jordana Abraham]

New year.

[Jared Freid]

Same extra value meals at McDonald's. So now get two snack wraps plus fries and a medium soft drink for just $8 for a limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska and California. And for delivery. All right, let's do another email. You ready? J and J. Curious about your input on this one. I'm 39. Man, I love that this podcast has all ages, types, backgrounds, 39 to 24. Just 39, female, single. We're all in this together.

[Jordana Abraham]

All countries, ages, all of them ethnicities. Let's do it.

[Jared Freid]

I'm 39, female, single, still would like to have kids. It says this on my hinge profile under the options, but I notice a lot of men don't seem to read that because I get likes from men who say they don't want kids at all. Or there are some with that option hidden, so I can't tell if they're open to it or not. Even if they do want kids. I don't think a lot of men think about timelines in the same way as women, so it's way more theoretical for them than it is for me. I would say to her, just off the bat, let's not get in the business of counting the money in other people's wallets, okay?

[Jordana Abraham]

Do you disagree with her assessment, though?

[Jared Freid]

I don't agree with it, but it's not her problem.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay? She was.

[Jared Freid]

She's gonna think it's her problem but the. Just her generalizing, it's. That's gonna.

[Jordana Abraham]

Not helpful.

[Jared Freid]

It's not helpful. Okay, right. Like, she could. This might be true, but, like, let's stick to me, myself and I. And letting people know that's how I'm operating. You know, I don't tell people how to, you know, like, be walking into my storefront. You know, like, if they want to come browse, stay in your lane. Right? And then they come to the. They come to the counter and they go, hey, I'll give you five bucks for this. I'm like, no, it costs 25. You know, like, yeah, there's no negotiations.

[Jordana Abraham]

She also can't control what anyone else is doing. Right.

[Jared Freid]

But I can't control someone coming to my store and going, I'll give you five bucks for this pack of gum. And I'm like, it's a 10 pack of gum. Right, Sorry. That's how we do business here with no negotiation. So, like, I. I think she's already off to a. A tough route with this subject.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Even if they do want kids, I don't think a lot of men. Okay, My question is, how quickly can I bring up that I want to have kids and if. And it's a deal breaker to not be on the same page. My question is, how quickly can I bring up that I want to have kids and it's a deal breaker to not be on the same page. I don't want to get six months down the road with someone and find out they don't want kids or find out they do want kids, but not for another five plus years. I've invested that time in them, and I won't get it back. I know Jordana says that time isn't wasted when you're getting to know someone, but at the same time, I have a very real biological clock in front of me and can't afford to not have this conversation. Early thoughts. Thanks for being my number one podcast. Love all your episodes. What do you think? Did you say that?

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't. I think I've. I've said that in terms of, like, it's not a waste if you date someone for three months and then it doesn't work out, you don't get married.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I didn't say that to. To imply that, like, you should hide who you really are because you're having fun.

[Jared Freid]

I'm happy you said that because I never thought of you as said that. That. To me, that didn't apply to this. No blanket thing of, like, just have fun, whatever oh, you found out they don't want kids. It's all good. Like, that's not what you mean.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's not what I said.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Or meant at all. What I meant was that, like, you could spend three months getting to know someone.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

And then it doesn't work out, which could happen even if they do want kids.

[Jared Freid]

Right. That is the. That's the most important part.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

I'd like kids three months later. I don't want kids with you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

That's a totally fair, normal thing to happen.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. And that would not be, I would say, a waste of your time. Could just be because you found you got to know each other and found out you're incompatible. What I would say is, like, this sounds like something that is very important to her.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

That she would like to do sooner rather than later. And I think on a. I think there's a big difference between six months down the line and a first or second date to say, this is what I'm looking for. I don't think that there's. I don't think that's an issue to say. I'm. Look, I would like to have kids in the next two years.

[Jared Freid]

You know, I'm with you. You know, it's funny. Like, I get asked about my dating life a lot just from this show. I'm very open here.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

And when I talk with you offline, I tell you kind of what I assume the woman who I'm dating is looking, wants or what they're looking for. And I always make sure to say that what they want is not asking for unreasonable reason.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

So I think what she has to come to terms with. Again, this is kind of why I was like, don't make assumptions for other people. You have your own things. You want, your needs. You're 39. You'd like to have a kid within the next five years. That is something that. If you brought that up on a first date with me, there is no way I could accuse you of being unreasonable for bringing that up.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't think it'll be shocking either.

[Jared Freid]

Wouldn't be shocking. You know, you're not 24, saying to people, I want kids. Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

And even if you were, that's okay.

[Jared Freid]

That's okay, too. Here's what I. Here's the exercise I do when I think of, like, stuff like this. And she can do it for anything. You're wondering, can I bring it up on a first date? I do the talk shit method. Okay. Imagine telling your friends what a piece of shit they are based on the truth. The truths. So if I went to my friends and I was like, can you believe? Like, they're talking shit about you? Okay, Jordan, can you believe I went on a date with a girl, gorgeous, 39, awesome, great. And then on the first date, she's like, I want to have kids in the next five years. Like, what a crazy weirdo, huh? And you'd look back at me, obviously.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, that's more likely to me than not likely.

[Jared Freid]

Right? So just try saying it in a way and don't make up words. Tell it exactly how you would say it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Not because you're not saying, I need kids tomorrow. Do you want to have kids?

[Jordana Abraham]

It's me, right?

[Jared Freid]

Right. Right now it's all it's saying.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. You also can't even say, do you want to have kids with me? Because this person doesn't know you yet.

[Jared Freid]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

And you wouldn't. You would say, I'm looking to have kids in the next five years. If that's not something that's, like, reasonable, it's not something on your list and not something you're looking for or not where you see your life going the next five years. Listen, I have to amicably, like, kind of like, split this off, but that's kind of what. And I think first date.

[Jordana Abraham]

There's no reason. Is totally fine. And again, like that. But I don't think it needs to be done on the app. I think the first date. Right when I said, like, you could have a good time and not be wasting your time, I think that is true. For a one first date, it's okay to go on a date and then discover they're not a match for you and then leave the date. That's why I think she should bring it up soon, because it's important to her. Anything that's super important to you, bring up as soon as you feel as. As it feels right.

[Jared Freid]

I actually don't like that it says it on the app. Like, I. I do understand, like, looking for kids, not looking for kids. Like, I understand why it's there, but it's like, it kind of, like, is the reason these apps are so difficult. It's like, we sit there, like, I want to make sure everything's perfect before I go out. It was called Tinder because it was a little spark. So you're just trying to see if you want to go out with them at all.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

And then you go out with them, and then you go, hey, here. Here's what's going on in My life. Here's what I'm looking for. That's like all first date stuff. If you're doing it on the apps because you've made an assumption that no one read your profile, like, again, you can see that they don't want kids. If they wrote they don't want kids, then you don't go out with them.

[Jordana Abraham]

If they didn't write anything or if you don't know, you can go on one day and find out that it's.

[Jared Freid]

Not aligning and say it without thinking that the other person would be a. What kids, first date. Like, whenever someone's like, not first date conversation. Get over yourself. If you literally, if you see a person on social media, say that something's not first date conversation, just unfollow them.

[Jordana Abraham]

They basically are like, you need to hide who you are for a few dates, right?

[Jared Freid]

No, that's not how it goes. That's right.

[Jordana Abraham]

The best things that are important, the most important, important thing is to bring up something important to you sooner rather than later. That's how you save your own time. And I think that there's, I think she's, she's saying six months down the road. It's like, who would ever wait six months to say that, right?

[Jared Freid]

And if someone says they don't want kids, well, the six months, what ends up happening? The more realistic thing is like, hey, I want kids. And I just want to make sure, like five years from now, like, that's like on your radar, right? Because that's who I'm looking to date. And then six months later they go, you know, I've thought about the kids thing and people use that and you're not going to avoid that.

[Jordana Abraham]

What's not? But it's not going to be about the kids, right? It's going to be about the relationship, right? And here's the thing. You could meet someone who wants kids six months down the line, doesn't want to be with you, and then you feel like maybe your time is wasted, but it's not because they didn't want kids.

[Jared Freid]

Your time is never wasted when you are completely honest. Like, again, you know, my dad would always say the only the honest people get over, like. And he's right.

[Jordana Abraham]

So like, but it's a good thing.

[Jared Freid]

But that's a good thing. But I'm saying, like, when you're saying like six months in, I don't want to find that out. You can't really protect yourself 100 from that, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

It's like the woman from the last episode with the STIs.

[Jared Freid]

We solve. Dating again.

[Jordana Abraham]

We did it. We'll be back next week. Bye. Boom. Thanks again to Tell Me Lies on Hulu for sponsoring this episode. Young Love It's a lot of trial and error, but what happens when you go back to something you already know didn't work the first time or the second time? In season three of Tell Me Lies, Lucy and Stephen try again. No surprise. But the history doesn't disappear, and the impact of their lies starts to show up everywhere, from personal relationships to the larger social circle around them. Nobody is safe from the fallout. The first three episodes of Tell Me Lies Season 3 are now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus for bundle subscribers.