I Can’t Stop Comparing Myself to His Ex!

Summary

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Episode Overview

Podcast: U Up?
Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid
Episode: I Can’t Stop Comparing Myself to His Ex!
Date: January 28, 2026

This episode dives into a mix of dating dilemmas, relationship dynamics, and personal updates from Jordana and Jared, with their signature humor and honest takes. Highlights include an exploration of dating someone with kids and a difficult ex, navigating death and grief in new relationships, and evaluating whether certain partner behaviors are “icky” or just picky. The hosts also connect their personal lives to broader dating themes, blending anecdotes, listener emails, and honest advice.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Life Changes and Relating to Dating

Timestamps: 00:41–05:28

• Jordana’s pregnancy and maternity leave: Open conversation about Jordana's anxiety around leaving the show for maternity, her friendship with Jared, and their ongoing podcast relationship.
• Comparisons to dating life and new beginnings: Jordana likens the unpredictability of childbirth to entering a new relationship: "Like, you're single... you have no idea what your wife is going to be like. I have no idea what these kids are going to be like." (Jordana, 01:56)
• Jared’s perspective on fatherhood (even as a friend): He discusses his “Funkle” status (“all the fun, none of the stress”) and relates it to impersonal relationship advice.

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Sports, Fandom, and Compatibility

Timestamps: 05:28–10:16

• The hosts banter on college mascots, irrational sports fandom, and how it can impact relationships.
• On sports compatibility:
  • “I don’t like irrational sports fans. ... Some couples, that's their thing together, which I think is a beautiful thing.” (Jared, 07:37)
  • They discuss how their tastes in sports would mesh (or not) with potential partners.

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AI, Chatbots, and Emotional Support

Timestamps: 10:16–14:43

• Jordana’s pregnancy pains → ChatGPT as a confidante: She shares using AI for advice/support, noting, “ChatGPT is like, feels like your friend. Like, they'll talk to you. Like, really nice.” (Jordana, 11:37)
• Raises questions about tech’s increasing role in emotional life: Jared jokes about AI romances mirroring the movie Her.

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Celebrity Dating & Image Perceptions

Timestamps: 14:43–21:22

• The hosts digress into celebrity dating histories (Scarlett Johansson, Ryan Reynolds, Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez) and “Q ratings” (public personas).
• Memorable moment: Jared describes meeting Scarlett Johansson: “You get in front of her and you're like, oh, you're like the size of a woman I've dated. ... On the screen, she's... so different than how I view her as a human.” (Jared, 14:13–15:03)

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Listener Email 1: ENM, Field App, and Dating Expectations

Timestamps: 25:06–33:13

Scenario

A listener writes in about an awkward Field app date setup: when planning to meet, her date bluntly insists, “I have kids at home, so either you would host or we can get a hotel room. Let me know if that works. Thanks.” She was hoping for drinks/a normal intro.

Insights & Advice

• On language/code: Both agree nothing about asking for a “location” implies a hookup. “On Hinge, if someone said, do you have a location in mind... that would be insane.” (Jared, 29:01)
• Difference in ENM approaches: The hosts stress that even within open relationships, not everyone aligns: “The ENM to him is different than ENM to you. Not everyone’s here for the same reason.” (Jared, 30:32)
• Boundary-setting praised: They support the listener’s respectful boundary: “You do you, I'm gonna do me. I'm out.” (Jared, 32:38)

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Ick or Picky: Loogies & Snot Rockets in Public

Timestamps: 34:11–45:41

Scenario

A woman is grossed out by her long-term boyfriend’s public snot rockets/loogie-hawking while walking the dog.

Takeaways

• The hosts discuss whether this is “normal guy behavior” or genuinely off-putting.
• “I feel turned off when you do this.” Jared suggests clear, emotion-focused communication instead of joking complaints.
• On desensitization: “Men do believe you want to f*** us until the day you die... Women are a fickle bunch.” (Jared, 44:24)
• Conclusion: They're sympathetic—being grossed out is valid, and if it’s turning her off, it’s a fair issue to raise.

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Navigating Grief While Dating

Timestamps: 45:42–51:26

Scenario

A listener who recently lost her brother wonders how and when to bring up this grief in the dating process.

Insights

• Both emphasize not everyone deserves (or needs) that info up front: “People have to earn information from you.” (Jared, 47:44)
• Timing for sharing should depend on her comfort and the connection—not a rule.
• Jordana: “If that happens and the person's like 'this is a lot for me', they might not be right for you right now.” (48:39)
• Both are adamant: having a real, emotional conversation isn’t a turn-off to a worthy partner.

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Red Flag or Deal Breaker: Dating Someone with Kids and a Difficult Ex

Timestamps: 52:41–60:13

Scenario

A 32-year-old woman is dating a 37-year-old man with a 6-year-old daughter and a “difficult” ex-wife. She questions if his history is a red flag or just part of dating at her age.

Discussion

• Jared notes on mindset: “She’s not all in.” He encourages examining her lack of enthusiasm and scarcity mindset: “Our words are spells.”
• Jordana points out: It's okay if she decides being a stepmom isn't her preference.
• A memorable (and awkward) listener line: “PS the ex-wife is hot and the daughter is already absolutely stunning. I suppose a silver lining.” Both hosts call out the weirdness, highlighting the focus should be on love and connection, not superficial ‘silver linings.’

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Red Flag or Deal Breaker: Table Manners

Timestamps: 60:16–63:10

Scenario

Listener asks if licking a plate/bowl, or drinking soup directly from the bowl on a date, is a red flag or deal breaker.

Insights

• Hosts agree early on, it’s a deal breaker, but further into a relationship, small quirks like this are less serious.
• Picking up food from the floor is less offensive (“the 2 second rule is a thing”).

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Red Flag or Deal Breaker: Serial Short-Term Dater

Timestamps: 63:11–69:35

Scenario

A listener starts dating a guy whose relationships never last longer than 6 months. Is his track record a red flag?

Takeaways

• Jared identifies: “This is me... It’s going to take a lot for me personally and for this relationship, this match, to like push me into a certain amount of delusion that the next step is possible.” (Jared, 65:20)
• Jordana and Jared agree: Past performance isn’t always predictive, but it’s the only data you have—so take it seriously, but don’t assume it’s destiny.
• The real key: communicate about expectations and check in, rather than assuming history will repeat.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Do you think that because I don't know you yet.” (Jordana, 20:36) — on listeners who say they’d be friends with the hosts.
• “The ENM to him is different than ENM to you. Not everyone’s here for the same reason.” (Jared, 30:32).
• “Men do believe you want to f*** us until the day you die... Women are a fickle bunch.” (Jared, 44:24).
• “People have to earn information from you.” (Jared, 47:44).
• “Our words are spells.” (Jared, 55:15).
• “I'm not going to stop the wedding...I'm as skeptical of closed relationships as I am open relationships.” (Jared, 32:25).
• “This is me.” (Jared, 65:20) — honesty about his own dating patterns.

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Episode Flow

• Catch-up and personal updates (Jordana’s maternity, banter about sports and life transitions)
• Celebrity talk and “Q rating” game
• Listener emails: Featuring themes of ENM, boundaries, dating etiquette, loss, blending families, and partner quirks
• Recurring Red Flag/Deal Breaker Games: Table manners, dating resumes, relationship “ick”
• Closing thoughts—value of honesty, self-awareness, and not being afraid of tough conversations in dating

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For more dating insights—and plenty of laughter—follow @u.up.podcast and tune in for new episodes!

Transcript

[Jared Freed]

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[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, we'll do that on the Friday one.

[Jared Freed]

Okay. Sorry.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. All right. I start. Who starts after eight years?

[Jared Freed]

Sorry, I'm maternity.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Hello and welcome back to the UF podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.

[Jared Freed]

And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana. How are you? Our son. Second to last episode.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know, I'm feeling like a countdown on your end.

[Jared Freed]

Why? I. I get that vibe from you that you think I'm, like, cheering for you to go. No, I'm sad.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm sad, too.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, I don't want you to go.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm. I'm anxious. You're gonna be guest hosting with someone who people are gonna like more than me.

[Jared Freed]

It's just one night. We're just gonna cuddle. No, I'm gonna.

[Jordana Abraham]

Now. We haven't. We've been open. We're. We're opening up the relationship.

[Jared Freed]

That's right.

[Jordana Abraham]

On the podcast, you're gonna get to try other people. Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

You know, listen, I'm sure they're all gonna be nice. No, I won't. Don't worry. This show is yours when you're ready to come back at any time.

[Jordana Abraham]

I appreciate it.

[Jared Freed]

I. No, you can't be replaced. This is. But no, I'm, like, excited for the baby. Like, in my own weird way.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Like, it's not even mine. I'm like, we got a baby coming. Like, I'm like, two babies. Babies, you know? But, like, it is exciting.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm kind of like the. The craziest part. The exciting part. It's kind of like. And to relate it to dating.

[Jared Freed]

Sure.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's just like. Like, you're single. Like, you have no idea what your wife is going to be like. Right?

[Jared Freed]

No idea.

[Jordana Abraham]

I have no idea what these kids.

[Jared Freed]

Are going to be like. Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, are they going to be cool?

[Jared Freed]

Cool?

[Jordana Abraham]

Are they going to, like, are they going to be cute? Are they going to be cool? Like. Like, you just kind of like, are they look like Mike or they look like me or they're going to like, neither of us.

[Jared Freed]

I mean, they do. You do hear that again. Like, I get to be stressless and excited. You have to mix in the stress.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

You know, like, I, I think as the. This is the joy of being an uncle.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

Is all the fun. All the fun. I'm Funkle. Jared.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

You know, like, it is all the fun, none of the stress. Everything's gonna be great.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

You know, when it's your own, it's like, well, what if this happens? What if that happens? What if this happens? Like, I'm sitting here.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, that's why. That's how I think about you and your dating life.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm like, just marry someone. I want to see who it is.

[Jared Freed]

Right. I want to go to the wedding. I want to go to the. You know, see what happens. Yeah, no, absolutely. Like, yeah. Just say you don't want to, you know, don't want a relationship. Like, just say you're hooking up and.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. I'm not in it. I can give all the advice I want.

[Jared Freed]

This is what this show is. This is us talking from, you know, mount. You know, mount. You know, judgment from our high hill.

[Jordana Abraham]

Our high horse.

[Jared Freed]

High horse. High hill. Whatever. So no, I, you know, there's so much coming.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

And it's like, is there anything that you're like, what are you doing your last bit of. Is there anything that you're getting out of your system now that you're like, I'm doing this now. So. Because once I'm a mom, I'm having.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like a lunch with friends.

[Jared Freed]

I don't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's all very.

[Jared Freed]

Well, here's line of cocaine.

[Jordana Abraham]

If. Well, I mean, if. If it was just the surrogate right Then.

[Jared Freed]

Then you could really.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Being pregnant doesn't kind of limits your. Like, I'm going to go nuts. Mike is having a little more fun than me. Yes, he went there was Miami played last night.

[Jared Freed]

Oh, I forgot. He's a Miami.

[Jordana Abraham]

Got home at 1:30. I was like, you hammer, you enjoy this. The clock is ticking. Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Big win for them. I mean, we'll see by the time this comes out.

[Jordana Abraham]

They're. They're big. Yeah. He went with his friends in the after work in the city to like watch the game somewhere.

[Jared Freed]

He got home his last night as a free man. Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Got home late. And yeah, he's. I always make fun of him because he went to Miami. And like, they always. They do like the. You.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, yeah. They do the U thing with the hands. If you're watching on YouTube he doesn't.

[Jordana Abraham]

He doesn't. And I sometimes all day, he's like, I don't like when you do it because you're like, mocking it. And I'm like, yeah, I am mocking it because, like, it doesn't make any sense like, that you're the you. Every college is the U.

[Jared Freed]

Right. If it was like the M. Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

That would make more sense. Well, like, you're the you.

[Jared Freed]

This is fair. We're all the. It is a great way to give him.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

Because it like, none of. No fandom makes sense. But if someone said the Udemy and was like, I mean Ohio University, I'd be like, no. Like, I know the you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. But it should.

[Jared Freed]

I mean, that's. Why would it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Why is it the U? It doesn't.

[Jared Freed]

Because it was known for. I mean, honestly, like, the U started probably from the 80s Miami teams where it was like Michael Irvin and he was like, known as a brash, cocky guy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

And that kind of. That makes the personality that were the you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

Like, it kind of like we're taking the you. Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Even though it's every.

[Jared Freed]

It's everyone's. But we're so cocky and we are the only ones on earth. So we're the you. It is. That's what makes it fun to me that they're the you. Yeah, you know, like, I mean, like Ohio State.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, now with that context, that makes more sense.

[Jared Freed]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

And then for Ohio State was like the Ohio State University. Like, they were the only ones that did the. The Ohio State University. Like, that's like goes into the.

[Jordana Abraham]

Trying to find their thing. Right.

[Jared Freed]

Everyone's looking for a thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

What is a. Is there a. Is there a hand symbol for Penn State?

[Jared Freed]

Penn State has. We are. But there's a few schools that do. We are. Marshall does. We are Marshall. We are. Nd I think Notre Dame does it as well. Yeah. The we are chant never spoke to me. Penn State didn't really have. Let's go State. I mean State. But State could be anywhere. There's a lot of states. Yeah. We never really had that.

[Jordana Abraham]

We are. Would you. How do you feel? Do you. How do you think about a woman who's into sports or not into sports? Are you.

[Jared Freed]

I'm okay either way. I think people into sports. I need like anything. Awareness.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

Like, I don't like when someone is a fan in a way that they don't understand that there are other fans.

[Jordana Abraham]

On earth that are not rooting for their tv.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Like when I go to Buffalo. Not to like, on Buffalo, like, I have in the past, but Buffalo is so self conscious. Like, it's the most self conscious city I've ever.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

They're the most insecure people I have ever met. Because when you go up to someone from Buffalo, they're like, do you like Buffalo? And it's like, I haven't thought of Buffalo. I don't give a. I don't even think of you. Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

So, like. But then there was. I remember there was a woman that was like, are you a Bills fan? And I'm like, I don't cheer against the Bills. And they're like, well, you're not a fan. And I'm like, well, I, you know, also had a childhood and also had teams. I cheered.

[Jordana Abraham]

Why would you be a fan?

[Jared Freed]

Right? It makes no sense if unless I said to you, I'm a huge Bills fan, then you go, what?

[Jordana Abraham]

Or I went to Buffalo University, Buffalo.

[Jared Freed]

And became intoxicated by all you losers that I became a fan. Right? Like, Bill's Mafia was just such an interesting group of people that I had to become a fan. No. Like, and then now I sound like I'm hating on them. Like, I don't like irrational sports fans. I like watching it. So if, like, a woman was like, you know, go Yankees. If I was like, hey, I'm from Boston, Go Yankees. I'd be like, ugh, you are trash. Like, I. It's just not my taste, you know, And. But some, some couples, they like, that's their thing together, which I think is a beautiful thing. Like, I, like, I, I don't know. But I also.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's definitely not mine.

[Jared Freed]

Definitely not.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. Yeah, you're out. I mean, but like, I do love the community of a. Of cheering. And I, I'm more, I think, especially people who watch this show or listen to this show. I like sports maybe more than they would think.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. I mean, we don't talk about obviously, Right. Like, I wouldn't give you much in that conversation.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, I, I know the Buffalo guy is engaged to Haley Steinfeld. Yeah, that's about the extent of mine.

[Jared Freed]

Which to me, like, are they married?

[Jordana Abraham]

They married? They're married now.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, I think they're married. Josh Allen, they're having a kid. Yeah, they're having, I mean, Josh Allen, like, as far as, like, lives are concerned, I think he has, like, the number one life on earth because he's.

[Jordana Abraham]

Married to Haley Steinfeld and he's a.

[Jared Freed]

Quarterback for an NFL football team and, like, beloved by that group of fans.

[Jordana Abraham]

Controversial, right?

[Jared Freed]

I think he had.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, there's a thing.

[Jared Freed]

There's a thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

We'll find it.

[Jared Freed]

I think he tweeted something, and that's why he, like. It was like, a thing in. In the draft when he first came out to be a NFL player, but it kind of went away. Like, no one really talks about that. Even though I remember it. I don't know why I remember it, and no one's ever talked about it, but whatever. I mean, I. He seems like a good guy. Like, whatever, you know? But, you know, I. I bring it up now, I'm the guy drudging up.

[Jordana Abraham]

You could cancel him.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. The N word a couple times when he was younger. Right. In, like, 2012. 2012. It was. And it came up in his draft process, and it was like, supposedly he, like, fell in the draft because of it, but I don't know if that's even true. But since then, like, that's a big one. That's a big one.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. Multiple tweets. There's multiple tweets.

[Jordana Abraham]

It wasn't an accident.

[Jared Freed]

No, he didn't get hacked. Yeah. So. Yeah. But that never really comes up unless, like, we're the only ones I've heard bring it up.

[Jordana Abraham]

I've not mean. I've never heard of it. Whoever. Whoever. Whoever his PR team is, did a.

[Jared Freed]

Good job of athletes. Athletes and music.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

As far as, like, what you get in trouble for if we, like, dancing in your song. Takes a lot for us to stop dancing to it if you win a few football games. Takes a lot for people to, like, you know, kind of go back to your history. But that's another tale. So.

[Jordana Abraham]

So, yeah, that's my. I have no. I have no exciting plans.

[Jared Freed]

No plans.

[Jordana Abraham]

My back hurts. I'm going to be sitting on my couch a lot. It's going to be.

[Jared Freed]

You took off the. The pregnancy belt belt the other day. My WWE belt was a funny moment for me because I. I just didn't know you were wearing a pregnancy belt.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, yeah.

[Jared Freed]

I Like, it really takes an effect on your body, huh?

[Jordana Abraham]

I really didn't. I thought, you know, I asked that. No, honestly.

[Jared Freed]

Male. Oh, it's hard to be pregnant.

[Jordana Abraham]

Honestly, though, I was, like, sort of in your boat of, like, for the. Especially for the vast majority. I was like, what is everyone complaining about? This is, like, fine, right? Everything is like. And again, I mean, I've heard stories, but I'm like, maybe I just have a super high pain tolerance or, like, I don't feel anything. Like, everything feels Great. And then we hosted Christmas. And then at the end of the day, it was like my back was just like, fudge you. I'm done.

[Jared Freed]

And what. What type of pain? Like, you couldn't move the rest of your body. Like, I've had back pain where I'm like, I can't turn. I can't, like, do much. Is it just an ache or.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's like an ache when I walk, which is why I got this stupid maternity belt thing, which is like, I'm asking chatbots like, you know, am I going to die? Like, or something.

[Jared Freed]

Oh, my God.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

What did Chat GBT say? Are you going to die?

[Jordana Abraham]

They were like, well, tell me more first.

[Jared Freed]

They're like, tell me, go on.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do you use Chat gbt?

[Jared Freed]

No.

[Jordana Abraham]

For anything? You don't have it?

[Jared Freed]

You should.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's kind of fun.

[Jared Freed]

People love it. That's the scary part about AI, the minute. So it's like, like, this is like the moment where people like, you ever Google something and you're like, I don't know if I'm going to do that. Then Google is like your whole life. Like, you Google everything. I think we're at like that moment now with like, AI, where I'm like, I'm going to hold off and then I'm going to get into it. I'm going to be like, I. Everything.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, what I like about ChatGPT as opposed to Google is ChatGPT is like, feels like your friend. Like, they'll talk to you. Like, really nice.

[Jared Freed]

This is why women are like. And men, people are falling in love.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, I get it. Chat with AI, I'll be like, ChatGPT, I'm 35 weeks pregnant and my back really hurts. Like, is this an issue? And they'll be like, I'm so sorry. Like, like, here's like, tell me more. Like. And then like, what do you. Like, what are. Like, what are you. What do you want from me? Like, what do you. Like, what are the. Like, would you like me to make you a document which is like, it. Where I can like, tell you which symptoms are. Are bad. You want me to tell you, like, week by week, which. What you should be feeling or what's abnormal or paraphrasing. But like, right?

[Jared Freed]

I feel like I'm the type. I'm such a people pleaser.

[Jordana Abraham]

They're like, don't worry, please.

[Jared Freed]

Can I have.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right, you say that to ChatGPT, your girlfriend. I'm surprised someone who's dating their phone isn't on jbt.

[Jared Freed]

You would think well, maybe that's the best thing I can do for myself is to avoid that. Then I would really not get in a relationship. Like I do think you would be like the movie her, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, did you like that movie?

[Jared Freed]

I did like that movie. It was scary how real it was or how real it gets.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

And also Scarlett Johansson, like her voice in that movie is like so dead on for like what the voice would be. It is like, it's like she plays that role. Like you would think, like, oh, be the voice in a movie. Who, what talent would it take? She is talented in that movie.

[Jordana Abraham]

She's a good actress.

[Jared Freed]

She's really good.

[Jordana Abraham]

She just happens to be really hot. So it's hard to believe.

[Jared Freed]

And has a hot voice that knows how to use it. Because that. Her movie, you're like, I think I'm in love with her.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, well, they tried to, you know. Didn't you see that thing where like Sam Altman tried to like he tried to ask her if he could like use her voice.

[Jared Freed]

Well, they used it without her permission. She sued, I think.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well. Cuz they first asked her and she was like no. And then he kind of like used it anyway.

[Jared Freed]

He. She's right for saying no. Like, yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

And pursuing like it was very clear.

[Jared Freed]

But he's like.

[Jordana Abraham]

And the issue is like they, they add. And then he did, I think. I don't know if it was like her exact voice, but it was something like extremely similar.

[Jared Freed]

You know, I went to a party that she was at.

[Jordana Abraham]

Really?

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. Because I mean, Colin Jost, like on snl, like I've, I've run into him. He's a comedian. He. I mean like, it's like a Kevin Bacon situation. Like degrees.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freed]

And she was at this party and.

[Jordana Abraham]

I was like, how'd she look in person?

[Jared Freed]

Unbelievable. Like, I like. But like, you know, when you meet sometimes with like the, with the celebrities, it's always the height.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

You know, you always just think that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Taller. Shorter.

[Jared Freed]

Well, shorter because like they're like in. On the screen you're just a giant no matter what.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

And then you get in front of her and you're like, oh, you're like the, the size of a woman I've dated. Do you know what I mean? Like on the screen she's. That makes it sound so much creepier.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

But you do have this moment where you're like, you're just a thinner person.

[Jordana Abraham]

I thought, I've heard that.

[Jared Freed]

See the thinner thing? Just more petite.

[Jordana Abraham]

More petite.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

That was, I guess that's not thinner, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

That makes sense. Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Thinner. Wasn't the. The. The. The view was that she's just.

[Jordana Abraham]

She's like five feet. How tall is she? Five. Two. Five.

[Jared Freed]

We got to look this up. It was it again, in my mind, because you're on tv, because you're on the screen, you're like eight foot tall.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know, I would picture her at least 5, 7, 5, 3 is like, okay.

[Jared Freed]

So different than how I view her as a human, you know? So I remember it was like a karaoke party, and she started singing, and.

[Jordana Abraham]

I was like, how's your voice? I was just.

[Jared Freed]

I was more impressed that she was, like, having fun. Like one of the normals. Like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

It was like Rose coming down to the hull of the Titanic. Like, she's just dancing with us.

[Jordana Abraham]

Just a real person.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Yeah, it was. It was. Yeah. I remember that vividly.

[Jordana Abraham]

Good for her. So, yeah, big Scarlett Johansson fan.

[Jared Freed]

I would love to have her on the show. I mean, her dating thing, like, she was a child star.

[Jordana Abraham]

Ryan Reynolds, right?

[Jared Freed]

I think Ryan Reynolds. She dated Jared Leto.

[Jordana Abraham]

Interesting.

[Jared Freed]

Josh Hartnett.

[Jordana Abraham]

I remember reading that when she was married to Ryan Reynolds. And maybe this came up along around the Blake Lively thing that he. That the part of the reason the marriage didn't work is like, he. He was kind of, like, competitive with her because they're in the same industry. And like, she was kind of, like, doing better than him at one. Like, there was like, some ego.

[Jared Freed]

He. Everything you hear about that guy seems a little off.

[Jordana Abraham]

I agree.

[Jared Freed]

It seems like he is just a. Just after it. Like, he is just on the hustle, but he's used a very loving personality as, like, almost a grift. Yeah, yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

And it's like, the more jokes, the.

[Jordana Abraham]

Jokey, like, sense, but it's actually like, oh, you're actually just an.

[Jared Freed]

Right. And. And he has this power where if you talk badly about Ryan Reynolds, like, you'd have to be a cynical person. Like, because he is so fun to the everyday, average person. Like, breathe.

[Jordana Abraham]

The Justin Baldoni thing now. I think it's a lot more socially acceptable.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Talk about him.

[Jared Freed]

You're absolutely right. But I. Even those commercials for the Mint Mobile, like, you find out, like, he owns that company. Like, he's on the commercials. Like, you find out he's like, a major investor in it. You're like, oh, like. And him making jokes that are, like, very insider. Like, I don't know. It's.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. He seems like the more I hear about him, the more I'M like, you're kind of a.

[Jared Freed]

Do you know what a Q rating is?

[Jordana Abraham]

No. What's that?

[Jared Freed]

Look up. Curating. Curating. I think that's what it's called. It's like you're feeling about someone when you hear their name.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, right. How did his Q rating change over the last.

[Jared Freed]

So, like, if they said Jordana Abraham, what would someone who has heard your name before think? Like, that's kind of what the Q rating is.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right, right.

[Jared Freed]

And I think about that a lot when it comes to, like, well, not even personally. I think about, like, when I think of, like a celebrity, like Ryan Reynolds.

[Jordana Abraham]

How's the general sentiment?

[Jared Freed]

Like, yeah, what's the ink bot?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

What. What's your one word response on a celebrity? So, like, Derek Jeter.

[Jordana Abraham]

Talented. I guess. I don't know much about him. I don't know.

[Jared Freed]

Josh Hartnett.

[Jordana Abraham]

Fine. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

[Jared Freed]

So this game. This game isn't going well.

[Jordana Abraham]

Tom Hanks, actor.

[Jared Freed]

Like, I would just go.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think of, like, nice guy. I feel like everything you hear about him is like, he's a nice guy. Okay. Right?

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. Actor, I guess. Act nice guy. Shot.

[Jordana Abraham]

Interesting.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

I'll do anybody you say. I'll give you the first word that comes to mind. Name a celebrity.

[Jordana Abraham]

Ben Affleck. Really?

[Jared Freed]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Not a Ben Affleck fan?

[Jared Freed]

No, I do like him. I like him very much, actually.

[Jordana Abraham]

You should like him, but you're. He's like a Boston.

[Jared Freed]

He's a Boston guy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

But I hear interviews with him and I'm like, this guy sounds like he is a total piece of. But I can't believe it.

[Jordana Abraham]

He seems like to me someone who's like, accidental, like, like, shouldn't be famous.

[Jared Freed]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, he's not.

[Jared Freed]

Construction worker. Yeah, that all of a sudden, because. Have you ever heard an interview with him?

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't think so.

[Jared Freed]

He just was like, you're like, I can't believe he talks like this.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

Like, he.

[Jordana Abraham]

He just happens to be good at acting.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

He's like a normal person.

[Jared Freed]

Right. He's just got, like, vibe.

[Jordana Abraham]

Huh. I wonder why JLo is into him. That's the weirdest thing about him is that he, like, married JLo twice.

[Jared Freed]

I mean, JLo, hustler.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's true.

[Jared Freed]

Like, I, I think. I don't think she does things by accident.

[Jordana Abraham]

Definitely not. But I'm saying, like, then it's an interesting mix, right?

[Jared Freed]

Women love, you know? Like, he's almost so honest that like, like you're like, oh, you don't like him. No, I like him, but he, because, because of that. Right. So I can understand why a woman would be like, I'm in.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. What about Matt Damon, the other.

[Jared Freed]

I think we could be friends.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think so too.

[Jared Freed]

I, Right, yeah. And that's a weird thing to think about someone.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, that's probably. Is that what you want as a celebrity? I think that is what you want.

[Jared Freed]

I think we could be friends.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do you find that a compliment? People DM you that or say that to you. Like, I feel like we would be friends.

[Jared Freed]

I understand it. I do take it as a compliment. I take it as a compliment as, like, I'm being myself. Like, when I do the show. I, I don't think I'm different on this show than I like, I hate when someone's like, oh, on stage. You're like a, it's like a character you're doing. I'm like, well, not really. Like, everything I do is true and from an honest place. Like, I, I believe everything I say. Like, I've never, I don't lie. So, like, to me, doing a character is lying.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I would agree. You are who you are, who you are. On stage, a little quieter.

[Jared Freed]

A little quieter.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

But I'm thinking all the things that I say.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. You know, like, yeah, I think that's, like, it's funny. I feel like that is a good compliment, but also I would need to know the person's personality before deciding if that's really a compliment.

[Jared Freed]

Right. I want you to say we would be friends, but also understand that we are not friends.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

You know, like, important part. Understand the, that I haven't agreed.

[Jordana Abraham]

You think that because I don't know you yet.

[Jared Freed]

Right. I mean, I've gone golfing with people that have DM me, like, out of the blue.

[Jordana Abraham]

Does it usually work out well?

[Jared Freed]

It's always worked out well.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, that's nice.

[Jared Freed]

I've, I've never golf with someone I didn't like via dm. I had a, I told you about.

[Jordana Abraham]

Reach out DM someone they don't know and say and invite them to play golf. His wife.

[Jared Freed]

Did you know, I didn't tell you about Winnipeg? Oh, yeah, Winnipeg. The wife reached out, was like, I'm pregnant. My husband belongs to a country club or a golf club. You want to go golfing with him?

[Jordana Abraham]

What does the pregnancy have to do with it?

[Jared Freed]

I don't know. Or maybe she didn't say it that way. I, I, or I can't Go. I think it had to do with, like, that she had things to do. I don't know. She had to, like, get ready.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sure.

[Jared Freed]

And he didn't have to.

[Jordana Abraham]

She didn't want to walk on the court.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, yeah. And he text now. We text a good amount. He's a really nice guy. Nice. And they just had their baby. Congratulations.

[Jordana Abraham]

Congratulations.

[Jared Freed]

I sent them a baby gift. Yeah, the golf stuff. Baby. Golf, baby.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, cute. Okay. They could wear that publicly, right?

[Jared Freed]

Just kids ready to golf.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. All right.

[Jared Freed]

Should we get into our show? Yeah, we should do a show.

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's do it. This episode is brought to you by Abercrombie. This year, make Abercrombie denim the core of your capsule wardrobe. Because denim should feel like this. If you want a vintage lived in fit without spending your entire Saturday digging through thrift stores and trying on 37 pairs, Abercrombie's 90s inspired cuts are the answer. Their wide leg jean is the it pair of the season. Lightweight, effortless, and elevates any basic outfit. And all of Abercrombie's jeans come in both classic fit and curve. Love the viral fit designed to eliminate the dreaded waist gap. Growth is realizing you don't need to suffer for a good pair of jeans. I love Abercrombie denim. I have probably like four to six pairs of Abercrombie jeans. They're so comfortable. They always look so cute. And I just feel like I'm getting a really, really good quality denim outfit at a really, really good price. So you really can't go wrong. I'm currently in an Abercrombie sweatshi, so huge fan of the brand. Love what they're doing in so many different areas. Shop Abercrombie denim in the app, online and in stores.

[Jared Freed]

How do you make chicken nuggets like 7,000% better? Short answer, you let Taco Bell make them.

[Jordana Abraham]

Long answer.

[Jared Freed]

Start with all white meat chicken nuggets, bread them in crunchy tortilla chips, and serve them with Hidden Valley Diablo Ranch. Yep, that's Hidden Valley Ranch mixed with Taco Bell Diablo sauce. It's exactly what it sounds like and somehow even better. Simple math. Spicy results. Crispy chicken nuggets from Taco Bell, A brand new classic at participating US Taco Bell locations for a limited time only while supplies last. Hey, if you're listening, I'm on the road. This comes out on January 28. I have added a second show to New York. Okay. It is really hard to sell out one show. It's almost impossible to sell out Two. You guys won't do that with me, will you?

[Jordana Abraham]

Please do it.

[Jared Freed]

Let's do it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Make this the best year. It's your birth month.

[Jared Freed]

It is my birth month. It is. Well, we're almost there.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm saying it comes out on your birth month.

[Jared Freed]

Oh, yeah, that's. The show's on my birth.

[Jordana Abraham]

You want to get Jared a birthday gift?

[Jared Freed]

Come to the show.

[Jordana Abraham]

Come to the show.

[Jared Freed]

But if you're going to be in Boston this weekend, the 30th. I am going to be in Boston this weekend. I'm doing a second show. I've added a second 30th of what? January.

[Jordana Abraham]

January.

[Jared Freed]

So two days. We're two days away from my Boston show.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

If you're in Boston, around Boston, send the link to friends or family. Bring your assemble the group chat. I would love, I mean I've done. I love the Wilbur. I'm going home. I'm coming home. Houston, Dallas, New York. We had a second show. Toronto, Vancouver, Seattle, Tempe. And I think by this time I will have an LA show. Oh, Los Angeles. Netflix is a joke festival. I am going to be a part of it. Would love for you to come. It's. We're doing a theater downtown but it is on a Saturday so it should be easier to get to.

[Jordana Abraham]

When's that?

[Jared Freed]

So the show is May 9th. I'm doing one show, 9:45 Saturday night. So you can go to dinner then come to the show.

[Jordana Abraham]

Done.

[Jared Freed]

May 9th. La. We want to sell this out because it's part of the Netflix as a joke festival. Also because it's going to be a Good show.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Jaredfree.com for all the tickets. Book pre sale for the book has started. Go to jaredfree.com you can buy the book. What do we talk about today?

[Jordana Abraham]

All right, I'm going to read our first email.

[Jared Freed]

Now that we've talked about everything else, the celebrities.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hi J and J. Longtime listener. My husband and I have been to a U up Live and two of Jared's stand up shows in Chicago. Thanks for all the entertainment and fodder for conversation. I'm writing him with a question about a date set up that took a sharp turn. A little background on my dating savvy. I'm 38 years old and have been married for 19 years to my first and only boyfriend. We've been ethically non monogamous and on the field app for the past five years. We've had great dates, relationships and experiences both separately and together and have also made some of our best friends through the app. Best friends. Look at that. Look at it.

[Jared Freed]

It can happen.

[Jordana Abraham]

Anyway, I say all of that mostly to slip in a positive experience about E M as you both sound pretty critical whenever the topic comes up. Winky face. But also to say, do you feel.

[Jared Freed]

That we've been critical?

[Jordana Abraham]

I feel like we. I feel like we're fair.

[Jared Freed]

I would. I mean, if we're. Let's agree to agree with, you know, not like we're biased for ourselves. I don't think that's a fair way to put how we've been with E and M. I think we've been skeptical maybe. Well, I think we have been realistic with it. We haven't. You know, all your friends on field that you met through field are going to say to you, everything we're doing is great, and there's no, you know, like, I'm just saying, just because we've said that not every ENM thing is done. Like, to me, when you say you've been together 19 years, you've been doing it for five years, this feels like you've done a thoughtful discussion of having an ENM relationship.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

And I don't think all of the EMS are created thoughtfully.

[Jordana Abraham]

I agree.

[Jared Freed]

So just in the same way, all relationships are not created thoughtfully.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. And plus, most of the E M stuff we get is people have sending us emails about what went wrong.

[Jared Freed]

Right. And. And so. And my boyfriend is like, let's open up the relationship. And I'm like, what?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. The people who are loving ENM are usually not writing to us.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. I'm not inexperienced with the Field app and its norms, even if I'm still somewhat new to dating in general. Recently, though, I was thrown for a loop when finalizing a first date. Before the screenshot, I had a sparse conversation with this man spread over a few weeks until I finally suggested we meet. He looked more fun in his photos than he came off over text, so I thought I'd take the gamble. All we really said was that we found each other attractive and were interested in getting to know each other. We had some small talk about weekend plans and family. He's also married and in an open relationship. We narrowed down a day that worked for our schedules but didn't have a plan, which I was trying to finalize. Here's a screenshot with the first message being from me. All right, I'll be her. You be him.

[Jared Freed]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

Have any suggestions for a location?

[Jared Freed]

I have kids at home, so either you would host or we can get a hotel room. Let Me know if that works. Thanks. It's so matter of fact.

[Jordana Abraham]

I know, right? It's like how you would. Right. Text to make an appointment for like a haircut.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. For like the cleaning person to come over. So I'll leave the key at the door and you can just come in and blow me and then let me know if that works for you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, sorry. I think we're on different pages here. I was interested in getting a drink and getting to know you a bit. Not hooking up right away. All the best. After this, he backtracked and said he was sorry he misunderstood and that he would love to get a drink with me, adding that he's a total gentleman. I told him that if.

[Jared Freed]

Oh, I'm sorry. Spoiler alert. I just wanted to you and never talk to you again. Oh, okay. My bad. We can get a drink first.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sure, sure, sure.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

I told him that he was ready to throw down before even meeting me. We're probably running at different speeds and wouldn't be a match. I've never had this happen before and now I'm hung up on how I posed the question. Do you have any suggestions for a location? That's what she said. Does location sound hookup coded? Or was this all just a misunderstanding on him? Signed Fielding. Confused.

[Jared Freed]

I love this email.

[Jordana Abraham]

Good email.

[Jared Freed]

Because there's a lot of, like, clues in it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

You know, like, I think the question she's asking is not necessarily what I'd be answering here.

[Jordana Abraham]

What would you. What would you prefer she have asked?

[Jared Freed]

Well, does location sound hookup coded? No.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. You were going on a normal first date. I don't think anyone, like, if you were on a. If you were on the hinge app.

[Jared Freed]

And someone said, do the location in mind.

[Jordana Abraham]

And the other person was like, I. You can't come here because we can go to your. We can go to yours or hotel.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

That would be insane.

[Jared Freed]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

So it's. And on field, it's more, you know.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

Everything. The conversation is more open.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's more. And maybe. Maybe in those open relationships there's a feeling of we both know what we're doing here.

[Jared Freed]

Well, Right. I think to go back. I don't mean to like, harp on this, but to say that we've been critical of E M relationships. Hey, here's a positive thing, you know, Here's a positive perspective on em relationships. I know you two have been critical. No, we've been fair and skeptical like we would be for anybody that writes into the show. So also, I think she's being a little bit. Here's how we do e M. And we do a really good job at it. So everyone who says their e M. Is doing just as good a job as us, and anyone who has any skepticism of it is being critical, right? And it's like, I think that's where. That's where she kind of runs into problems.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're saying that plays into her question here?

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, totally plays in her question. Because she's like, hey, did I do something wrong? This guy wants to think I. This guy thinks I want to hook up just because I was like, let's meet up.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freed]

And it's like, the m to him is different than Ian M to you. Not everyone's here for the same reason. Not everyone's here. Not everyone's rules are the same. That's the whole. I think that's the most important part about e M is like, you and your partner have to establish these rules. And I would say to her, good for you. She did the right thing. Hey, we're moving at different speeds. No offense. No, no offense taken. You're doing your version of e M, I'm doing mine. She's as critical as she blames us for being.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

You know, she's like, did I. I must have said something wrong for him to be so confused about how this all works. No, he's not confused at all.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is how he does it.

[Jared Freed]

This is how he does it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Which is I to me, would make sense to me.

[Jared Freed]

Totally.

[Jordana Abraham]

There's people who are. I could see him having her having a thing with his partner, being like, yeah, we just have sex and that's it.

[Jared Freed]

Right. I don't like no date.

[Jordana Abraham]

We're not dating, Right? No, I could imagine that's. I would imagine that's done in a lot of e M relationships where it's like purely sex. There's no. We don't need to, like, get a drink and get to know each other.

[Jared Freed]

Right. The toughest part about e M is the over communication, which is what they had, right? They had kind of an uncomfortable back and forth because they want different things. That's what happens when you want different things. It gets uncomfortable. And then she goes, listen, two different speeds. I. I get it. Yeah, you'll do a drink now. But I kind of see where you're looking to go. This isn't for me.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

I'm looking for a more personal thing, that we get to know each other and then, you know, maybe things could happen. You're looking for something else that's fine. I think this is, like, exactly what happened here. Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Natural.

[Jared Freed]

Right. There's, like, no fault on anyone.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. I don't think anyone could have done anything differently.

[Jared Freed]

Right. But I. I just. I think it's important for. It's so funny how, like, you write this email and you're like, you guys have been critical about our lifestyle. No, I'm not. I don't give a what you do. I just don't buy it from everyone. In the same way I go to someone's wedding, I go, these two shouldn't get married. Like, Like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

But I don't.

[Jordana Abraham]

But I'm not going to stop the wedding.

[Jared Freed]

Right. I'm as skeptical as closed relationships. I am. Open relationships.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

So again, this all makes sense. You do you boo. And I like what she did. I think what she did was perfect.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. That was a great response.

[Jared Freed]

Great response. Like, no judgment. You do you. I'm gonna do me. I'm out.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And then I think even that he. Even though he backtracked, I think that's totally fine. That she was like. Just the. Like, the fact that that was his first thought. It's clearly we're on different pages.

[Jared Freed]

Right? Well, that's. That's a lesson to everyone. E M or no E M. If a guy says on a dating app, yeah, yeah, just meet me at the hotel and we can.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freed]

Then you go, whoa, whoa, whoa. And he's like, oh, yeah, yeah, we can go for dinner.

[Jordana Abraham]

Of course. Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

That means he still wants to end up at that hotel.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. And. And if you're not interested in that kind of thing, you should also be like, fail.

[Jared Freed]

Hey, it's Brooklyn Adams, and I'm partnering with Abercrombie to tell you about the newest drop from their active brand. Your personal best. YPB leggings are made with buttery, soft fabrics that hug you in all the right places. And common Abercrombie's viral curve love fit, designed to eliminate waist gaps. Paired with sports bras and super soft sweatshirts, it's activewear that supports every part of my busy lifestyle and gives me my best butt ever. Head into the new year feeling your personal best. Shop Active by Abercrombie in the app, online and in stores. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Checking off the boxes on your to do list is a great feeling. And when it comes to checking off coverage, a State Farm agent can help you get. Choose an option that's right for you. Whether you prefer talking in person on the phone or using the award winning app. It's nice knowing you have help finding coverage that best fits your needs. Like a good neighbor. State Farm is there.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right, let's do another one.

[Jared Freed]

UUP betches.com. let's do an ickier picky. You date someone, you get the ick. Should you have gotten the ick or are you being picky? J and Jay, love the pod. And Jordana, huge congratulations on the babies. On the way. Jared, I saw you live at the Wellmont in Montclair a couple years ago when you opened for Tom Segura and Jon Stewart. Quite a don't forget. Let's not forget. Yeah, Johnny.

[Jordana Abraham]

Stu.

[Jared Freed]

It was under play this. Don't underplay that show.

[Jordana Abraham]

That was a couple years ago. Wow.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, that felt like it was yesterday. I still think about the get in with the waitress photo op joke about your mom.

[Jordana Abraham]

Great joke.

[Jared Freed]

Thank you. Truly one of the hardest belly lasts I've had in public. Well, thank you. That is on the new special called the Family Plan, which is coming soon. Ooh, something's coming. Anyways, I've got Nikki or Picky for you. I'm 32, female. My boyfriend is 46, male. We've been together three and a half years, don't live together yet, but are basically in the engagement waiting room. He cannot keep a secret and already told me he has the ring. Subtlety is not his ministry.

[Jordana Abraham]

I've never heard that.

[Jared Freed]

That sounds very. That sounds very. I live in the suburbs and there's a Jesus quote in my Instagram bio. Yeah, but good for you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

Our relationship is genuinely great. We're in love. We're very in love. However. Here we go. The man has some habits that feel less romantic partner and more guy who lives behind a hockey rink. Whenever we're out walking our dogs, he will, without warning or ceremony, one, hock a loogie from somewhere deep within his soul and or two, plug one nostril and launch a snot rocket straight into the universe. I'm familiar with both of these habits. I have hawked a loogie. Jordana, have you hawked a loogie?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, back when I. I was Flemmy.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I. I hawked one right into the bushes by fifth Avenue right before the office.

[Jared Freed]

Really?

[Jordana Abraham]

I, like, had it in my. You have to. You know, it's like.

[Jared Freed]

So you went full on, like, you, like.

[Jordana Abraham]

You got to get it out.

[Jared Freed]

You do have to get it out.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

I don't think I've ever seen a woman do it.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, I was hoping no one saw me. I was embarrassed about it. That's an important part of it.

[Jared Freed]

I wasn't a calendar of hawking a loogie into a bush.

[Jordana Abraham]

It was.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Are you supposed to swallow? I mean, like, this is like when you're having, like, the.

[Jared Freed]

Flemmy, listen this time of year. Like, I would understand if someone's like, I'm. I just gotta get it out of me. I get that.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's just like sitting in your.

[Jared Freed]

No, I, I, I spit it out.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I wasn't, it wasn't like my finest moment. I was like, not right.

[Jared Freed]

But you didn't do it on, like, a date with.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, no, no.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, you're. You're walking with Mike.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

You get that phlegm. What are you doing?

[Jordana Abraham]

And we're far from our destiny. I mean, I don't even.

[Jared Freed]

You're on a walk. You're walking from where you parked your car to the restaurant.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think I would have to, like, I'd have to be like, I'm really, like, I'm really. Flemmy. I've got to get this out. This is kind of gross.

[Jared Freed]

Just keep walking and you do it. And then I run back to him. Yeah, I think you'd let him walk ahead and then you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I, I don't think you would. I wouldn't care if he did it that way. I don't think you'd care if I did it.

[Jared Freed]

I guess I, you know, I'm trying to think of, like, I was on a date with a woman, and all of a sudden she's like, oh, I.

[Jordana Abraham]

Would never do that on it.

[Jared Freed]

I'd be like, what? I'd be turned on a little.

[Jordana Abraham]

I would never do. I would never do that on a date. If we're not, like. I mean, if we're not. He can't really go anywhere right now.

[Jared Freed]

Right? He can.

[Jordana Abraham]

He can. He can, right? He can.

[Jared Freed]

I'm just gonna go get the milk.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I make that joke. I make that joke every time he leaves. I'm going for a run.

[Jared Freed]

I guess we'll find out. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Anyway, fun house it is.

[Jared Freed]

These kids are gonna come into quite a house. I love it.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it is.

[Jared Freed]

I think it's fun anyway.

[Jordana Abraham]

But, yeah, I think you've got to be a little embarrassed. Anyway. Go on.

[Jared Freed]

I have been in multiple long term relationships and I've never had the second.

[Jordana Abraham]

Wait on the second one. Never seen, done.

[Jared Freed]

So the snot rocket. I have seen it more before, like a sporting game that you're playing into, like, One last. You know, if you're watching on YouTube, you can see I'm holding one nostril and blowing out the other. And you do it really strong because it's supposed to just clear out your nose. I've never had much luck with it. Whenever I've done it, I don't do it strong enough. So it, like, the snot as, like, come down my mouth.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. I'm like, would you do this on a date?

[Jared Freed]

No, I wouldn't do this on a date. I'm not a big snot rocket guy.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't like that.

[Jared Freed]

I'm a more. I'm more prone to get a tissue. Yeah, I would rather. A tissue.

[Jordana Abraham]

A tissue seems like a good solution.

[Jared Freed]

What about blowing my nose? Than looking at the snot after to see what came out?

[Jordana Abraham]

That's okay.

[Jared Freed]

Is that okay?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Okay. I'm just making sure I. Yeah. Thing actually grosses me out man to man. I think it's, like, too much.

[Jordana Abraham]

I agree. It's like you're trying to, like, show.

[Jared Freed]

You don't give a. I agree with that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

And I actually think doing in front of your lady.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're trying to posture in a way, almost.

[Jared Freed]

To me, I would agree with that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Also, I don't mean to, like, besmirch Tom Segura, but guy who hawks loogies and snot rockets with his girlfriend kind of fits into his audience.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm not that familiar with Tom Segura's work.

[Jared Freed]

Tom is one of the.

[Jordana Abraham]

I know. She's like, I know he's big, but I haven't really liked.

[Jared Freed]

I want his special. That's all his specials on Netflix are very funny. The one, his first one that was like, really? It is so good. I mean, like, I'm a huge fan of his. When I opened for him that night, I was like, really? Like, let's see if he's a nice guy. I didn't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

And Jon Stewart.

[Jared Freed]

And John Stewart. Jon Stewart, one of the nicer people I've ever, like, come across.

[Jordana Abraham]

I could see that from him.

[Jared Freed]

So nuts.

[Jordana Abraham]

What do you think of when you think of a celebrity?

[Jared Freed]

It's nice. Oh, you know. Well, Jon Stewart, I think glasses.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, because you broke his glasses.

[Jared Freed]

I broke his glasses. Did I tell this on air?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. And then you, like, wanted to pay for them.

[Jared Freed]

I was just like, I'm so sorry. And he was like. He was, like, apologizing to me. That's how nice he was. He's like, no, it's cool. It's just glasses. I'M like, can you see? So. But Tom Segura, him and I, we gotta like, it was very easy to get along with him. He's a very nice guy. And we start talking about T shirts because we have. We both had issues finding T shirts that fit.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh.

[Jared Freed]

And we've messaged only about T shirts.

[Jordana Abraham]

Wow. Are you in. Are you in the cool. The cool friend group? No, the cool comedian friend group.

[Jared Freed]

I haven't met group chat. Now I. I am so gently askew to the comedy world. To the point where comics say to me, they're like, man, so good. You don't have to like deal with this. Like the comedy, like, whatever, like the gossip. Right. If there's gossip and comedy, I'm not even considered. I don't know. I feel very outside, even though I am in this.

[Jordana Abraham]

Maybe you're a floater.

[Jared Freed]

Maybe in the maybe I seem above it all. That's like the most complimentary version of it, right? Or I'm don't. They don't think of me at all. I'm like a buffalo.

[Jordana Abraham]

Maybe. Maybe you are like.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, the Buffalo Bills. So. All right, so, okay. I've had multiple long term relationships, none of. And have never had a front row seat to this level of nasal athleticism. I love that. That's a great shirt. I tell him it's gross and he laughs and says, if I wanted to date a real man, this is part of the package. He's joking, but like, is he? I don't think so.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't think so either.

[Jared Freed]

So tell me, J and J, am I being icky or picky? Is this totally normal men are disgusting forest creatures thing? Or is this one of those behaviors that should remain firmly in the when alone on a mountain category? I adore him and marrying him regardless. I'd love your takes. Photo of us attached. Because if I were reading these emails, I need to see the faces behind the bodily fluids. Love a loogie dodging batch. She does send a picture, which I didn't think we would need. He is not who you imagine when you imagine loogie nasal snot rocket guy.

[Jordana Abraham]

I wouldn't, but I also would.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, here's here. Not maybe not just the through just the picture. But she writes she's 32, he's 46. Right.

[Jared Freed]

And he looks great.

[Jordana Abraham]

He does look great. They both look great. A very attractive couple.

[Jared Freed]

You know, she could use some work. I know. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

[Jordana Abraham]

A very attractive couple. Good for Them. I will say that when I think of a 46 year old man who's dating and might be proposing to a 32 year old woman. Right. I do think guy that's like a little like more into fratty kind of culture or be, you know, or. Yeah, less. I'm the most mature guy, you know.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like he's dating that person for a reason. They've probably been dating since she's in her 20s, I would imagine.

[Jared Freed]

How long have they been dating? Three years.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. So they met when she's 29 and he's 43. Like, sure.

[Jared Freed]

That's like I can do whatever I want because you don't get a kid.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. It's a little like I'm one of the, like we're all one of the kids. Right.

[Jared Freed]

And, and I, I do think the older you get, the less you surround yourself with people that judge you. And I think he's not hearing any judgment that he trusts. And to him he's like, everything I do is great. Why would I believe otherwise? You know, I'm a good looking 46 year old guy dating a hot 29 year old woman or whatever, 33 year old woman. And it's like I, I disagree with him. I think when you say your date, you want to date a real man. This comes with the territory. I think it's like you think he's not joking. He is definitely not joking.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

He is not trying to change. I mean it is just so aggressive to do a snot rock in front of anyone.

[Jordana Abraham]

I agree. Like often do. Right? Once. Once. Still weird. Like frequently. That's. There's, that's weird. That's why I'm like, this guy's like a little bit of a maturity issue.

[Jared Freed]

Right. If I were her, I would change the languaging to. I feel turned off when you do this. Like, right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Because you might think like stuff like you're joking.

[Jared Freed]

I had, I've told the story here before. I, I was farting in front of my girlfriend for so much that she was like, it got to the point where she was like, no, I'm like turned off. This, like this is not even fun.

[Jordana Abraham]

And that worked.

[Jared Freed]

And it worked. Yeah, it made me think twice.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's fair.

[Jared Freed]

So I think the words turned off are very helpful because men do believe you want to us until the day you die.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

If you us once. If you us once you want to us forever. Because for men, if we you once we will you forever. So we believe the same to be true from you. Which it Is not. I know that from women. They can be turned off. Women are a fickle bunch.

[Jordana Abraham]

We are.

[Jared Freed]

He doesn't fear that you could be unattracted to him because also, good looking dude in shape, 46. Age as well. Like, he thinks he's kind of like, unbeatable.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

And that's annoying in itself. Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, that's why I think that that is sort of, like, indicative of that behavior.

[Jared Freed]

Right. I think you need to let him know that, like. No, I just, like, you're not.

[Jordana Abraham]

Just because I'm young.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Doesn't mean, like, I love us. I love a. I'm not that young that I love. Like the snot jokes.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Also, they said we can post their picture on. On the YouTube, so we're gonna.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

So if you want to go check this out on YouTube, you can see what the beautiful couple looks like. You can see the guy who's not rockets. Yes. Because you would. You would hear this story and you'd be like, oh, he looks like a disgusting animal.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. No, he looks like a.

[Jared Freed]

It could be any of us. That's the. That's the real.

[Jordana Abraham]

You never know.

[Jared Freed]

You never know.

[Jordana Abraham]

Never know. Icky.

[Jared Freed]

Let's do another.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right. Hi, Jared and Joanne. I'm a fairly new fan. I'm a new subscriber to you up. Love what you do. I have a dating question. I'm 34 years old and about six months ago, I unexpectedly lost my brother. I took a break from dating after that, but I'm starting to feel ready to get back out there. My question is, how and when would you bring up losing a family member when dating? I'm on the apps. I'm not sure if this is something that belongs in a prompt in early text conversations or if it's better saved for an in person date. Family has always been a big part of my dating conversations as I'm very close with mine and it tends to come up naturally. I don't think I'd become hysterical talking about it, but I might get a little teary and I don't want to scare anyone away at the same time. This is part of my life now, and I want to introduce it with care for them and for me. How would you suggest addressing this? And would you personally be turned off by a real emotional conversation like this on a first date? Signed a grieving batch.

[Jared Freed]

So let's start with, I am so sorry for your loss. Of course. That is like, I got, like, emotional even reading this.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Earlier. I just can't imagine, like, I just, like. And then you're gonna go date? Like, I. I just want to, like, make sure, you know, whatever timing you need. I don't know. Even reading this, I was just like, oh, yeah. It's like, you know, bring.

[Jordana Abraham]

To carry with you into, like, anything you do.

[Jared Freed]

Right. You know, and it's like winter, it's cold, and, you know, like, it all just like.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't know.

[Jared Freed]

This email kind of hit me, and then I got on Tick Tock and there's this. Have you seen the Nick Vial thing? They had Austin Kroll on the show, and him and his wife, Nick Violin, his wife are, like, questioning him about his sibling who had passed. I didn't even know.

[Jordana Abraham]

I didn't know you had that either.

[Jared Freed]

And they're really just not being sensitive. Sensitive to how horrible that is. Like, Right. And I was, like, angered at their line of questioning. And I. I wasn't alone because the Tick Tocks were made specifically because people were annoyed.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

I just kept thinking of, like, you know, this. When it comes to this discussion, like, if someone got emotional on a first date, that wouldn't scare me away.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

It would just be me getting to know them. But also, people have to, like, earn information from you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Well, that's why I would say I definitely wouldn't bring it up before the date. Not in person. Right. Gotten to that point yet. Right.

[Jared Freed]

If you're bringing it up like, before, maybe you might not be ready today. Like, if you feel like I have to tell everyone, like, I don't know. I. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I'm just saying, like, I just think I do believe in, like, not everyone has to hear everyone. Not everyone deserves every story from me. Like, if I meet someone, they're like, us. You're a comedian. What's that? Like, I'm not really, like, opening up to them with my insecurities about my career and what I do and why I got into it, you know, Like, I. I don't deserve that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Not to relate comedy to your.

[Jordana Abraham]

No. I think it's more like, what is your, like, real authentic, vulnerable story. Right. Is not something you should just share with anyone. I agree with that.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think. Yeah. I think in terms of, like, her, here's the thing. She wants to date right now. I don't think there's anything wrong with that generally, but I think that if the person that she is right now is when she's going out and she's talking about this and she's emotional about it, then that's who she is right now. Person that's dating her is dating who she is right now. So if that happens and the person's like, this is a lot for me, they might not be right for you right now.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

State that you're in right now.

[Jared Freed]

It's okay for someone to bail out. It doesn't mean it's not okay to be a mom.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. It doesn't mean you did the wrong thing or. That's not how you should bring up that topic. I think, like, again, when you're on a date, the point is to get to know someone, get to know where they are in life, what they're. What they're dealing with, who they are. And I think the more real you are, again, assuming it, like, feels like a natural, like you're getting to know each other and you're feeling some. You're feeling sort of like a sense from this person that they're gonna be kind and, like, nice about it. And if it comes up in that way, like, I wouldn't, like, force it. I wouldn't tell every first date you went on, Regardless of, like, what the vibe is, you're getting.

[Jared Freed]

To add to that, if I was on a third date with someone I was connecting with and then they were like, I have to tell you something. I just want to, like, let you know, like, I lost a sibling recently. I wouldn't feel, like, tricked. Like, I wouldn't feel.

[Jordana Abraham]

Not at all.

[Jared Freed]

I know. I'm just like you. If you re. Whenever you reveal, it is when you reveal.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

Like, I don't think. I think if you're wondering, like, how the other side might feel on that date, I would never be like, whoa, she hid this whole thing. I gotta reassess how much I'm. I'm feeling connect. I don't think I would do that. So, like, to make her feel more comfortable about, like, maybe not bringing it up, that's okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

You know, like, I don't think anyone's gonna, like, again, there's a minute where they deserve it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. I think you feel it out. You feel like, how much you feel like you're actually connecting to this person. You feel like. And that could be on the first date, it could be on the third. It could be like a month or two in.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Well, that's why I got so kind of annoyed at this Nick Vial clip when I'm not generally annoyed like that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

But I was like, again, I kept coming back to, like, they didn't deserve answers on that, you know, like, you know, they didn't seem like they cared about them. They cared about it. It. Trying to get a clip or trying to get like, trying to like, pull one over on, on the guy who is easy to hate.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

You know, like, it just seemed like a. And I, I say that as a guy who likes Austin. Like, I, I think he's a good guy and we're friends, but I was like, I was so turned off. Icky. And it's like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, well, I think that again, for the, for the person listening, the way that the person responds to you telling that story or the questions that they ask will tell you a lot about them too.

[Jared Freed]

Right? So, yeah, I, I wish you the best. Keep listening. I hope we can help you through in whatever way we can, but. And I'm sorry for loss. Again. Close your eyes. Exhale. Feel your body relax and let go of whatever you're carrying today. Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts.

[Jordana Abraham]

In time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh, my gosh, they're so fast.

[Jared Freed]

And breathe.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste. Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order. 1-800-contacts. New year, new me. Cute. But how about new year, new money? With Experian, you can actually take control of your finances. Check your FICO score, find ways to save and get matched with credit card offers giving you time to power through those New Year's goals. You know you're going to crush start the year off right. Download the Experian app based on FICO's Score8 model offers an approval not guaranteed. Eligibility requirements and terms apply subject to credit check, which may impact your credit scores. Offers not available in all states. See experian.com for details. Experian.

[Jared Freed]

Let's play some games.

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's do it.

[Jared Freed]

Red flag or deal breaker. It's the game that is sweeping the country. You go on a date, everything's great. One thing happens. Is it a red flag or is it a deal breaker?

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's find out.

[Jared Freed]

J and J. Subscriber here. I've been listening for years. I feel like I've aged into the question I'm facing. I Love this. I'm 32, female, living and dating in Tampa.

[Jordana Abraham]

Tampa.

[Jared Freed]

Six years. We. We just talked about.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, we just went in on Tampa, right.

[Jared Freed]

The cocaine capital of the country. I've Met some wonderful people both IRL and on the I'm sure but nothing has worked out. I never have been married or had children. Recently I met a guy through mutual friends 37, kind, attractive, my type, well endowed, the full package literally. He has a six year old daughter and a very difficult ex wife. He co parents with 50 50. They were married four years together six divorced three and a half years ago for context he filed for divorce despite trying to save the marriage. She was unfaithful and had alcohol issues but is now in a stable relationship. We've been seeing each other for about two months. No official title on my end and it's clear he's all in. He. Well it's not clear he's all in. I mean let's be real. How clear is it he vocalizes that I'm what he wants. It's still not on I feel the list could be the one if I choose to pursue it. I've always dreamt of nuclear family so his already having children isn't a deal breaker but it's not my preference. I'm 32. Am I just at the age where someone my age likely has children?

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't think so. I think maybe in Tampa, I don't know.

[Jared Freed]

Right there. Well I mean at you're at an age where someone likely has a past.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sure.

[Jared Freed]

And them that past including children isn't shocking.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well he's 37 so.

[Jared Freed]

Right. I'm saying she's basically saying in the pool of people I could date if I. Because the way her email is kind of like positioned she even says this could be the one if I choose.

[Jordana Abraham]

To pursue it, it's mine for the taking.

[Jared Freed]

Right. It's all there for me and she's saying is this what I'm dealing with? So this is the best of what I can get.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

Is the way she's kind of saying this.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Should I settle for not. Not the exact vision that I wanted.

[Jared Freed]

Exactly. So when you say things that way I have to like hope that you hear that you say things that way.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean listen because you might not.

[Jared Freed]

Like them very much.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm sure people think that way about things.

[Jared Freed]

Of course.

[Jordana Abraham]

Or like you could have a non ideal thing but you like the person enough that it doesn't matter.

[Jared Freed]

Listen, our words are spells.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

When you say like if I said I didn't see my life this way at 22 that's different than can I still have my life the way I saw it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

So she's kind of positioning this in a Way that just feels like she's not all in.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sure.

[Jared Freed]

Am I being too picky to hope for a similar connection with someone without a child or an ex? Like, she brings up the X. Like, I. I think it's. Yeah, everyone's gonna have an ex.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, I guess an ex that they have to see regularly.

[Jared Freed]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Because they have a kid together. Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

I'd love your thoughts. On balance, she was dead. We can all pray Jordana always goes in the dark direction. I. I'd love thoughts on balancing dating someone with versus without children. How to factor in the ex's spouse's personality since she will be part of our lives long term. Is dating a great guy with a child and a difficult ex a red flag to work through or a deal breaker to walk away from? Am I overthinking? Not thinking about it enough? Anything you can offer would be tremendously helpful. P.S. the ex wife is hot and the daughter is already. Is already absolutely stunning. I suppose a silver lining.

[Jordana Abraham]

Why is that a silver lie? I saw that and I was like, that's kind of creepy. Why is she saying that's a silver lining?

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, I don't know how that benefits anyone, right? The daughter being hot. Like, she writes all the best. Who's your step mama?

[Jordana Abraham]

If she was, the daughter was unattractive, would that. Would that be a factor?

[Jared Freed]

We had our preconceived notions of Tampa in the area. This email did nothing to change those thoughts. Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

I would agree.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Well, at least the daughter's hot, so I don't have to be around some uggo kid. Like, it's such a weird.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right? That was the weirdest part of the whole email. That was like, it's a owner deal break.

[Jared Freed]

Silver lining, daughter's. So I guess we won't have to deal with, you know, all a bunch of nerd complaints. I mean, at least she'll have a boyfriend.

[Jordana Abraham]

Here's the thing. Gender's reversed. That. That comment would get you a Netflix special.

[Jared Freed]

Listen, I felt weird saying the joke, right? It's like, this is crazy.

[Jordana Abraham]

If a man wrote, you know, at least her.

[Jared Freed]

At least the daughters hot.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yikes.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. Yeah. I would think she's kind of like, again, like, that kind of like, tells the whole story of this email. Like, she's, like, asking all these questions.

[Jordana Abraham]

Trying to, like, optimize the package she's getting here, I guess.

[Jared Freed]

And it's like, maybe you're not concentrating on the right things. Well, you obviously aren't because you just said that a silver lining. Was that the Daughter was hot.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. And that he's well endowed.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, that was part of her email too. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

So she might be the issue.

[Jared Freed]

I don't know if someone said to me at a family party, oh, I met a great guy. Really? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's. He has a kid, which I didn't really see coming, and the ax is a little difficult, but he is well.

[Jordana Abraham]

Endowed and his daughter's hot.

[Jared Freed]

And his daughter's pretty hot. So do you think he might be the one? Yeah, Like, I don't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

It's coming off how happy I would be for them. I, I.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

So I think, like, that kind of answers the question she has, like, because my first thought before, she doesn't like him that much. Yeah, well, she doesn't like him that much, but I also can. She has to think of, do I like, that's. Everything starts with how in love am I?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freed]

Not. Not. You're. You're trying to check all these boxes and you're making the how great I like how much I like them. The box. That box the same size as difficult ex wife.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

The, the difficult ex wife doesn't matter if you love this person.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. A lot.

[Jared Freed]

Right. And it doesn't seem like you love him enough to get over all these other things.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

To the point where you're bringing up a hot daughter to, like, sweeten the case for him.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes, I agree. And I think that if she, like, if it's also, like, would not be a bad thing if she was like, I actually, I don't really necessarily want to be a stepmom. I think I want to be. I'd rather have my own nuclear family. I think that's fine.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

If that's your preference.

[Jared Freed]

That's kind of how. But you know, you talk about it. Scarcity, like, Right. It's like, what are the things I.

[Jordana Abraham]

Want to let this go, right? What if I don't find. What if I don't find that and then I don't have anything?

[Jared Freed]

Right? And it's like, okay, well, that's the risk you take with ending something, right? Is the next person might not be as good as the one you left.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. And I guess she definitely feels that scarcity because she's like, should I have already? Is everyone my age already have kids? Like, am I right? Am I too late? Am I doomed to expect anything more?

[Jared Freed]

Right? She's asking us to say, is the pool all guys with difficult exes and hot daughters? If that's the case, then he looks even hotter Right. But that's not what we can tell you. Like, yeah, I guess as you get older there's be more people with kids. But like if you're even doing that math, I don't think you like them enough.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

That's your answer.

[Jordana Abraham]

So I agree. All right, let's do another one.

[Jared Freed]

Let's do another one.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hi, jj. Love the pod. Huge congratulations to you, Jordana, for your long awaited baby girls. You're gonna love being a mama. I hate the word mama.

[Jared Freed]

You hate the word.

[Jordana Abraham]

I hate the word mama. Hey, mama.

[Jared Freed]

Hey mama. Hey Mama.

[Jordana Abraham]

The word mama just makes me like wanna like record unless it's being said by like an actual like child under three.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, Mama.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Right. Because that's all.

[Jared Freed]

Hey mama.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Adults referring to other adults as mama.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, I hate it is like, it's also this, like the picture of mama I have is like a big floppy titty, fun, Tommy Bahama shirt wearing, hanging in woman.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Hey mama. Hey, it's mama Titty.

[Jordana Abraham]

You could do it.

[Jared Freed]

Mama milk bags.

[Jordana Abraham]

All you mamas out there hate it.

[Jared Freed]

It's all. Yeah, I, I don't know. Are you going to get involved with mom culture? Probably.

[Jordana Abraham]

If I. If you ever hear me referring to anyone as a mama, including myself, we need to have an intervention. The whole room.

[Jared Freed]

Okay, deal.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

You have a promise. Promise made, promise kept.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And if you ever hear my kid.

[Jared Freed]

Calling me mama, I'll smack it around.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sorry. Any thanks for writing in?

[Jared Freed]

You're going to love being a mama.

[Jordana Abraham]

Congrats on the move, Jared. I've enjoyed a couple of your shows in Toronto and New York City and I hope to come to more in the future.

[Jared Freed]

I hope you do too.

[Jordana Abraham]

Red flagger. Jailbreaker. Your date picks up their plate and licks off what is left at the end of the meal.

[Jared Freed]

That's absolutely crazy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Or if it's something like super ice cream, they pick up the bowl and drink what is left at the end. My friend's dad used to do this when I was younger and even as a kid I thought it was gross. So it would be a deal breaker for me for sure. Looking forward to hearing your opinion. Thanks for providing the best weekly entertainment from a table mannered batch.

[Jared Freed]

It's funny to think this dad who I would assume if you're a dad who's taking the plate and licking it in front of the whole family, I would assume that's a joke.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, right? Dad's doing like you would do that in front of your kids?

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, like, oh, I don't Think that's.

[Jordana Abraham]

Necessarily the same guy who would do that on a date?

[Jared Freed]

Right. Drinking from the bowl is the only one that's like, maybe something that could happen.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Like, like pick up the soup and pick up the right rest of it or something.

[Jared Freed]

That to me, I'd be like. I'd be like, that's a little crazy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

What do you think? Yeah. The soup thing or the soup thing. Just the soup thing alone. Because I think that's the most realistic.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think if I were like, if, if we were like in a relationship and someone did that, whatever. Like they want the rest of the soup.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

If it was like a. Dates one through six. No.

[Jared Freed]

Right. I'm out.

[Jordana Abraham]

There are certain things that you can, you can't do dates 1 through 6.

[Jared Freed]

What about food falls on the floor, they pick it up and eat it.

[Jordana Abraham]

How long was.

[Jared Freed]

Two seconds? Like if the two second rule.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I mean the two second rule is a thing.

[Jared Freed]

It applies for me. I. I'm okay with it.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it's fine.

[Jared Freed]

All right. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Unless it's like, got hair on it now?

[Jared Freed]

Or you're at dinner. Nice restaurant. Bread falls on the floor.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, you can get more bread.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, you can always get more. That's the problem. All right, let's do one more. J and J. Love the podcast, all that you do. I wanted to get your take on something in my mind. I'm 32, female, have been dating someone new, 33 male, for about six weeks. We actually met in person six months ago at a work event and had an immediate crush. I got a new job shortly after, so we didn't talk much beyond a few Instagram messages. We reconnected on Bumble in early November and have been seeing each other about twice a week. A mix of planned dates and running errands together. It's been going so well. Our shared work history make a conversation easy, which led to deeper talks about our future, family trauma and dating history. I genuinely feel safe, comfortable and happy with them, which is unusual for me. This quickly. Here's my dilemma. I'm a slow burn and usually take a couple months to feel this close to someone. So this feels special for me. For him. He's mentioned that his past relationships move quickly and ended just as fast. He has a history of two to four month flings ending for reasons like disagreements about children or living situations, different life stages, or even one ex stealing from him. He hasn't had a relationship in the past five years that lasted longer than six months. Is not having any long term Relationships a red flag or are short flings just him dating intentionally and moving on when there's no future. My slow burn style usually leads to a one to two year relationship. So is this a red flag or a deal breaker? He speed races in and out of relationships in two to four months a batch who will find out soon enough.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think this is good intel to have. It's something I would note for sure. Just because someone does something one way doesn't mean they're going to do it another way. But I think he's kind of telling you who, how he dates.

[Jared Freed]

Past performance does not indicate future results.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. But it does give you.

[Jared Freed]

That's all we have to go. Yeah, that's what they say that when you invest they go, you can look at the past performance but that does not indicate future results. But you should the performance, you should.

[Jordana Abraham]

Still look at the past performance.

[Jared Freed]

You have to look at it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

Listen, let me just say to this woman, this is me. I haven't been in a long term relationship since my last real relationship. I've done three to six months.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

This is me. If I was to warn someone about dating me, you might say the same thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freed]

I, I would, well I would say. I would say the same thing. I would say it's. It's going to take a lot for me to get to the next level. It's going to take a lot for me personally and for this relationship, this match to like push me into a certain amount of delusion that the next step is possible and worth being delusional about. I would also say to them that when she writes like is it a, maybe a good thing that they cut. I think you're going to get honesty quicker.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

You know with one to two years slow burn I, I actually like wouldn't want to date the slow burn one to two years person. I'd rather date the person who's like excited. I just also would say to them you are an adult who's not going to be manipulated. Like I think this is like a fear thing of like. Well he moves so quick because he tricks these women into thinking that he loves them and no, that's not what he's doing. Like it sounds like he's being open and honest with you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Or with these people. He says they, they break up over the things he's talking about. They're ending it over are very normal things. We differences about how you want to raise children or have children or something like that. I think he said but he him.

[Jared Freed]

Even saying Those things. Okay, so how do you want to raise children? Let's have it out.

[Jordana Abraham]

I would want. Yeah, I would be like, well, what was your. What was your stance right now?

[Jared Freed]

You can have the conversation.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

So that's actually, like, a good thing that he's, like, saying these things, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

No, I agree. The honesty is good. But if I here depends. All depends on what she's looking for. It's not a red flag or deal breaker. Generally, if she's like, I want someone who's like, I want to be in a relationship. This is, like, a huge priority for me. I'm, like, looking to commit. I'm looking to. To be my goal. My future goals are to be married in the next few years. Maybe it's not this guy.

[Jared Freed]

Right, right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Just, like, for you, like, if someone was like, I want someone. If you're like, it takes a lot for me to get to that next level. I might be with someone who I might. I might say I'm actually looking for someone who's, like, really ready for this and really wants to get into it and, like, is, like, very open to being in a relationship with someone that they enjoy being with.

[Jared Freed]

As someone who's this guy, I do think I'm ready. It just hasn't happened.

[Jordana Abraham]

But you just said it would take a lot.

[Jared Freed]

It would take a lot. As far as a connection is concerned.

[Jordana Abraham]

And if I. What am I supposed. If I'm. If I'm on a date with you and you say it would take a lot, as long as a connection was concerned, what would that mean to me?

[Jared Freed]

Practically, I guess practically, that would mean that you gotta, like, be okay checking in or. Or you should say to him, like, what more do you need at this point? Do you need more information? Like, is there. Is there something that's missing here?

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, for you to make that.

[Jared Freed]

For you to make that assessment?

[Jordana Abraham]

Because a lot of that is so unromantic.

[Jared Freed]

It's not romantic. I mean, also, like, to be honest.

[Jordana Abraham]

Did you get all my materials? Did you need anything else?

[Jared Freed]

Well, she says there's six weeks in. I would say to him, like, six weeks in. It is my delusion that I'd be, like, so wildly in that we're boyfriend and girl that I'm not seeing anyone else.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

So, like, to me, like, the guy who moves quick moves, you know, would move quick with his assessment, but then.

[Jordana Abraham]

He ends it quick, right? Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

I promise you that if it ends after three months, he would end it after two.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right? Yeah. I think you could say something. How Are you feeling like this is going right?

[Jared Freed]

I think you got to. I think you got to be so okay with honesty that it's almost uncomfortable.

[Jordana Abraham]

Because you can't change his standards or what he wants or what he's saying.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

But you can move your own. You could say, all right, well, six weeks in, you're saying, you, you know, you. The connection has to be really strong. Do you feel like you know that about this? Do you feel like you, you know, right at this point, if the connection is strong enough, that this is something you'd really want to invest in? Right.

[Jared Freed]

Do you want to. Do you want to start, like, not dating other people?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

And I would be like, I can't do that, or I can, right? I would be. I. I think when you. When you get into things quick, like he says, it's weird that you wouldn't be able to make the decision quick too.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's true.

[Jared Freed]

You know, like, wouldn't both go hand in hand. Like. And I. I'm saying this about me. Like, when I end things after three months, that means I knew after two.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right? People should ask you after two.

[Jared Freed]

We solved dating again.

[Jordana Abraham]

We did it. We'll be back on Friday. Boom.

[Jared Freed]

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