I Dumped Him in Public So He “Wouldn’t Make a Scene” ft Tiff Baira

Summary

---

U Up? Podcast Episode Summary

Episode Title: I Dumped Him in Public So He “Wouldn’t Make a Scene” ft. Tiff Baira
Hosts: Jared Freid (Betches Media) with guest co-host Tiff Baira
Release Date: March 25, 2026

---

Episode Overview

In this lively installment of U Up?, comedian Jared Freid welcomes dating content creator and “Street Hearts” host Tiff Baira for a wide-ranging conversation about the realities (and myths) of modern dating. The episode covers authentic connections, dating app headaches, breakups, flirting strategies, and how to shoot your shot both online and IRL. As always, the show infuses humor, real talk, and actionable dating wisdom from both millennial and Gen Z perspectives.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Gen Z Dating Energies & The “Rolex Test” (00:53 – 02:20)

• Tiff’s Philosophy: Tiff defines her dating style—never hard-launching a relationship on her social media until “I’ve been married, divorced, and then we got back together.” Values signals of taste and “the hero’s journey” mindset from humble beginnings.
• Money Attitudes: Jared observes Gen Z’s “tightrope” walk of loving money but disliking overt displays of wealth. Tiff explains her background (“half my life in a trailer park… then New York broke, three restaurant jobs”) and stresses that style and confidence beat expensive brands.

2. The Art of Connection: “Street Hearts” Concept (03:40 – 06:09)

• Date Hosting: Tiff explains “Street Hearts,” where she mediates real dates, asking tough questions like “Why are you single?” She prefers focusing on what people do right—getting honest once the nerves settle.
• Being Single: Tiff and Jared debunk the myth that single life is always fun, emphasizing choice—“Anyone that tells you that they have fun every day being single is a lying motherfucker.” (06:11, Tiff)
• Settling vs. Standards: Singlehood, they agree, can be empowering if it means waiting for the right connection, not caving to timelines or mediocre partners.

3. Why Making Real Connections is Magic (Not Algorithmic) (08:05 – 10:41)

• Chemistry Over Checklists: Tiff and Jared point out that “connection is magical, not scientific or AI-driven” (08:05, Tiff), and caution against turning love into a formula.
• Action Required: Apps are only a “hammer, not the wall” (09:30, Tiff). You have to actually go out—using apps as a gateway, not a substitute for IRL connection.

4. Dating After Heartbreak: The “Domestic No Date” Year (11:11 – 13:47)

• Tiff’s Story: After a long-term relationship, she focused on travel-based flings, but admits it was partly avoiding intimacy. She notes that “wellness” means knowing when you’re ready to re-engage: “I always say it takes, like, about a year and some change after a breakup to really feel ready to date for something new.” (11:35, Tiff)

5. Meeting IRL—Bartenders, Bars, and the Art of Flirting (15:05 – 18:39)

• Go Out with Intention: Tiff urges being strategic—befriend bartenders (“they’re your matchmakers”), survey the scene, and position yourself near who you want to meet. “It’s all luck in location.” (15:15, Tiff)
• Initiative: Both hosts highlight the importance of just going up and saying hi, especially for men who often overthink the approach.

6. Modern Dating Mindset & “Situationships” (19:40 – 21:02)

• Transparency vs. Ambiguity: Jared notes men’s (and the apps’) preference for “vague relationships” and detachment, while Tiff insists on “transparency at the beginning” and going on dates just to enjoy the company, not rush to define outcomes.

7. Starting “Street Hearts”: Real-Life Over Rules (23:25 – 24:41)

• Tiff’s Motivation: Tired of dating advice that said “you have to change everything about yourself,” she wanted to spotlight authentic, accountable dating—no ghosting, just honest feedback at the table.

8. Audience Q&A: Flirting Into a Date (27:34 – 34:36)

• Bar Flirt Dilemma: A listener asks how to move flirty banter with a regular customer to an actual date.
• Advice from Jared: “Make a plan and I’m in.” (30:59, Jared) – provide a clear invitation and let the other person take action. If they don’t, no drama—move on confidently.
• Tiff’s Take: Rejection is better than limbo; effort should feel mutual. “Even if you take gender out of it… effort is effort, no matter who’s doing it.” (33:11, Tiff)

9. How to Flirt: Tiff’s Top 5 Techniques (39:35 – 43:33)

Timestamped Gem:

• “Flirting is just being hot and talking.” (42:53, Tiff)
• Tiff’s Tips:
  1. “50 Shades of Cornea” (39:44) – Make strong eye contact for 3–5 seconds.
  2. Openers: Approach with a light question, e.g. “Excuse me, is that an espresso martini or…?”
  3. Compliment Playfully: “That Patagonia vest—is it vintage?”
  4. Group Merge: Get friends to “ferry” people between groups (“the tender and cruise ship”).
  5. Conversational Volleyball: Listen, pick up on what they say, and relate back.

10. Red Flag or Deal Breaker, Petty Breakups, and The “Showerhead Story” (44:57 – 51:56)

• Breakup Move: A listener recounts stealing a shower head from her ex’s apartment after a mutual breakup, sparking a debate about healthy vs. petty closure.
  • “The key to always being in his head is to steal the shower head.” (47:14, Tiff)
  • Jared points out the need to “just own it”—admit your pettiness and don’t sugarcoat post-breakup actions.

11. The “Mouth Open Eater”: Can Izy’s Be Overcome? (51:51 – 61:10)

• Letter: A listener is turned off by a partner’s loud, open-mouth eating. Is this a legitimate dealbreaker?
  • Tiff: “I don’t think you can necessarily change someone who doesn’t want to change… If this is really important to you, it’s a dealbreaker.” (56:47)
  • Jared: “When you start connecting it [the ick] to morality… you probably don’t like him.” (57:07)
  • Both hosts urge honesty: have an open conversation if you genuinely like the person, not if you’re looking for an excuse.

12. Ghostings, Texts, and The “Left on Read” Dilemma (62:24 – 69:37)

• Scenario: A listener DM’s a guy after a party, is ignored, then is charmed IRL months later and wonders if “being left on read” should be a dealbreaker.
  • Tiff: “Focus on how he’s acting in person… Don’t let the phone win over the IRL experience.” (63:42)
  • Jared: “You can't lose what you don't already have.” (65:53) – so, there’s no real risk in shooting your shot again.

13. Career vs. Relationship Priorities (70:48 – 74:42)

• Tiff notes she always tells dates: “You will always come second to my career.” Jared describes being on the other side of this, and his discomfort when explicitly told, but both acknowledge the importance of being upfront and self-aware.
  • “The right person will be part of the journey and they’ll love that about you.” (73:24, Tiff)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On mutual breakups:
  “Say nothing is ever mutual. There’s never a mutual breakup. There’s always one person that’s upset about it and won’t admit it.” (48:53, Tiff)
• On apps as tools:
  “You can’t get dick Doordashed. You need to be able to step out…” (09:30, Tiff)
• On insecurity and settling:
  “A lot of people are unhappy together, but they’re just together because they’re scared of being alone.” (06:23, Tiff)
• On honesty in dating:
  “Flirting is just being hot and talking.” (42:53, Tiff)
• Jared’s “Eye Contact Test”:
  “You will know in 5 seconds. If they lock eyes with you, they’re in. If they turn away, move on to the next.” (40:20, Tiff)
• On dating effort:
  “If you give just a hammer and no nails, you have not given enough for the person to build the house.” (31:43, Jared)
• Tiff on pettiness:
  “The key to staying in his head is taking the showerhead.” (47:51)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Gen Z Money Attitudes & Style: (00:52–03:25)
• Street Hearts Concept: (03:40–06:09)
• Being Single & Empowerment: (06:10–08:05)
• Connections, Magic vs. Apps: (08:05–10:41)
• Breakup & “Domestic No Date” Year: (11:11–13:47)
• Meeting People IRL (Bartenders & Bars): (15:05–18:39)
• Transparency vs. Situationships: (19:40–21:02)
• Starting Street Hearts – Realness: (23:25–24:41)
• Q&A: Flirty Customer at the Bar: (27:34–34:36)
• Tiff’s Flirting Top 5: (39:35–43:33)
• Icky Breakup Story (Showerhead): (44:57–51:56)
• Red Flag: Eating with Mouth Open: (51:51–61:10)
• DM & Left on Read Dilemma: (62:24–69:37)
• Career Priorities in Dating: (70:48–74:42)

---

Episode Tone & Energy

The banter is informal, energetic, and irreverent; both Jared and Tiff blend sharp, comedic jabs with sincere takes on the pressures and paradoxes of dating. Tiff mixes Gen Z boldness with practicality, while Jared laces wisdom with self-deprecating wit and insight. The tone is peppered with modern dating lingo, honest vulnerability, and an “own your stuff” attitude.

---

Final Takeaways

• Authenticity Wins: Own who you are—don’t mold yourself based on dating “rules.”
• Effort Should Be Mutual: Don’t chase, but don’t be afraid to shoot your shot.
• Online Isn’t Enough: Apps are only a tool. Get offline and make IRL connections.
• Clarity Over Comfort: Whether asking someone out, confronting “icks,” or ending things, it’s better to know than stay stuck.
• Boundaries Upfront: Knowing—and communicating—your priorities prevents wasted time.
• Flirt Freely, Fear Less: Confidence, eye contact, and a sense of humor trump “pickup lines.”

---

Follow Tiff Baira: @tiffbaira | Check out “Street Hearts” & Modern Dating for Dummies
Follow U Up?: @u.up.podcast | New episodes Wednesdays & Fridays

---

(Ad reads, sponsor segments, intros/outros have been omitted in this summary.)

Transcript

[A]

So good, so good, so good. Spring styles are at Nordstrom Rack stores now and they're up to 60% off. Stock up and save on Rag and Bone, Madewell, Vince, All Saints, and more of your favorites. How did I not know rack has Adidas? Why do we rack for the hottest? Still just so many good brands. Join the Nordy Club to unlock exclusive discounts. Shop new arrivals first and more. Plus, buy online and pick up at your favorite Rack store for free. Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack.

[B]

All right, ready?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Gotta get it out before we start.

[A]

That was a big one.

[B]

Hello and welcome to the UW podcast. I'm Jared Freed and I am joined by this week's very special co host, Tiff Bara. Thank you for coming on the show.

[A]

I'm so excited to be here.

[B]

Tiff, you host the show called Street Hearts, which we can find on all your social media. You also watch wrote the modern dating book for dummies that is out right now. You can find it, you can love it, you can read it. Go buy it immediately. Tiff, thank you for coming on.

[A]

I'm so excited.

[B]

What's going on? How are you? I love the outfit. I love the look, I love the hat. You look like we're ready to go out at a bachelorette party.

[A]

Like, no, that's always the energy.

[B]

That's the energy.

[A]

Yeah. This is a casual, like, weekday look.

[B]

You know, this is a totally muted Tuesday.

[A]

I like to think, yeah, what can I say?

[B]

You walked in the office and everyone going, oh, okay, maybe she works here. Yeah, maybe she's a Betch's employee and just another Tuesday.

[A]

I think we could match.

[B]

I love it. I want white tea because I wanted to let you shine. That was my whole plan.

[A]

Yeah, you're giving like Instagram models boyfriend that takes all the photos and she's like, really? In like crazy outfits.

[B]

I think that's where most men want to be. We don't want to be front and center. You know, I do think, like, being someone's like, arm in an Instagram picture is like a fun place.

[A]

Dream hard launch is just someone's hand with a nice watch. Like, I never. I'm not hard launching a man on my profile until, like I've been married, divorced, and then we got back together.

[B]

Right Then I mean for sure.

[A]

Then it's for sure. I. I will never hard launch before then.

[B]

Nice watch. Does that matter to you?

[A]

Rolex is very important.

[B]

Rolex is very important.

[A]

Patek or a Patek.

[B]

Look at you. How old are you Tiff?

[A]

29.

[B]

29. To me, Gen Z somehow floats this, we know. Walks this weird tightrope of money. Lover and rich person hater. Do you understand what I'm saying?

[A]

I get what you mean.

[B]

Like, it does feel like every Gen Z is totally about get the bag.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But at the same time they're like, I don't like anyone who already has the bag.

[A]

So I see what you're saying. And that's why I did both. Grew up half of my life in a trailer park.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then I came to New York broke, then worked in restaurants working like three, four jobs.

[B]

Love it.

[A]

So I feel like it's like the, the hero's journey.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You know, so it's like you, have you read the book where it's like they go through all these challenges and they grow.

[B]

So you were working three restaurant jobs and what was. And when did the star studded cowboy hat wearing Tiff. I've always been like, you've always been always a baddie, always a baddie, always wear, always a peacock, always walking in, disco ball ready to go.

[A]

You know, I think it doesn't take a lot of money to have style and that's a big thing. Like even when I was working in restaurants and even I was just dating when I was younger, like, you don't have to wear the most expensive thing in the room, but I want it to be so you, you know, you

[B]

got to own it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Right. So, so what got you started with. And Street Hearts. Basically, you sit in on a date with two people. That, that's the show, right?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So you sit on a date with two people and you kind of like you, you're the, the straw that stirs the drink. You, you ask the questions, you make sure they're talking. And at the end of the day, basically people, they say whether they're in or they're out. Yeah, that's the show.

[A]

That's show.

[B]

What about those, you know, you go on those dates with people. What do you, what do you notice most on those dates? Like what's the, the thing people do wrong?

[A]

Well, here's the thing. I would rather focus on what they do. Right. Because what I've noticed the most is that people are always nervous to start the conversation, but once they get started talking, then it's like they're like ready for connection.

[B]

What's a good first thing to say?

[A]

Well, I'm always like, why are you single? So I get that going. That's always the first question on the show.

[B]

Let's say someone says why they're sing. I mean, that's obviously gonna give you a taste of, like, whether you're in or out at that point. Don't you think you would know, like, why are you single? I agree with the question. I think it gets a little different as you get older.

[A]

Why are you single?

[B]

I would say, why am I single? I haven't found the right match to fit me. And that's like, that. I've been so excited about that I can kind of put aside delusion or put aside rationality for delusion.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So if I'm to give like a kind of a political answer, I guess, like, I've met a lot of great people, but, like, am I ready to just sprint towards something that ends in failure for a lot of people? That actually is difficult. That is actually a lot of work. Do I want to do the work for this person that I'm with, or would I be okay doing the work with the person I'm with? Does that make sense?

[A]

Yes. And why I asked you that is because that's what I feel like is the honesty of street hearts in the show is like, it used to be this connotation that being single is like a sad, pathetic thing. But I actually think it's an empowering thing. Especially in a city like New York. There's a million options and you're trying to grow. Everyone's working a million jobs, everyone's trying to chase their dreams. And I think to your point. Exactly. It's like, if it's mediocre, I don't want it. So it's like, how do you chase a love that's realistic, that it will be work, it won't always be perfect? It's not a rom com. But also that, like, why am I in a rush to settle? Because people told us that you have to be married by a certain age, you have to reach these, like, 10 pool, like, whatever, by a certain age. I think it's.

[B]

So why are you still. Still single?

[A]

Because I haven't met someone that made me not want to be.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So what do you like doing single? Are you having fun?

[A]

Yes. Well, it depends on the day. Anyone that tells you that they have fun every day being single is a lying motherfucker.

[B]

Yeah, I would agree with that.

[A]

Yeah. Because I think the main thing is,

[B]

like, sometimes relationships aren't fun every day either.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like that the idea poison. Right? Well. Right. The idea that everyone's having fun every day or anyone is having fun every day, that's Crazy.

[A]

Here's the thing. I feel like when I've been in love, because I've been in love before, I felt like I knew what I was doing and I was making the right choice. And I think choice is the biggest part of this. It's like, you can be. I tell everyone, it's like, oh, my God, why am I still single? Like, I hate being single. I'm like, if you wanted to right now be in a relationship, you could, right? Everyone in this room could be in a relationship. It's about, number one, why do you want to be in a relationship? Is it because you want to, or do you feel the pressure? Do you want to be validated? Are you insecure that you're not enough on your own? And the last thing is, like, what do you want out of that relationship? You know, I think we see a lot of people that are unhappy together, but they're just together because they're scared of being alone.

[B]

I know. Well, you know, you said something about it. I hate being single. And I'm always like, that's such an unattractive thing to me. The problem is this also gets so personal. Like, everything we're saying is easy to say. It's diet and exercise. Everyone knows what to do. Everyone knows they don't want to be in a mediocre relationship. But to look at someone who you genuinely enjoy and say, I just feel this is mediocre. It's, like, very mean. And it feels personal even though it really isn't. But it is, you know, like, that's the. That's why we get into specific emails here. We're gonna get to the emails uup betches.com if you want to write into the show anything you'd like, send in about your dating life. We love specific specificity. We love when you tell a story. We love when you give us a bone to gnaw on. Because a lot of these things and as you've seen, like, you've probably sat at the table with two people and been like, I can see why this works. Even though if it was written on paper, it's not something I would want.

[A]

You know, what makes relationships and connection really special is to your point, it's really not personal. There's a lot of things about love and flirting and connection that, like, is magical. Like, and I think people are trying to make it so scientific or make it AI like, your dating life is not Chad gvt. You can't put an input and get a specific output. I can't tell you why? You walk into a bar and there's a million people, and you see that one person, and they make you feel alive. I can't tell you why. You can meet one person on a date, and you feel like you're in, like, the worst chemistry class of your life. It's so fucking boring. You.

[B]

You know, it's so funny. You're dressed so bright and beautiful and so alive, and I have to be, like, the pessimistic Peter over here because. Because everything you're saying is right, but, like, we got to get people to the bar. Do you know what I mean?

[A]

Like, we have to go to the bar.

[B]

Well, you got to go to the bar. You got to go to the Social.

[A]

I love the bar.

[B]

I know. And that's the thing. But I think that's the problem. Like, if someone was watching this and they're, like, in their. In their. They're in a bad state. They're going, screw these two people. They're on a podcast telling me, oh, you don't. You'll know when you know, and you'll walk into the bar, and you'll feel that magic. And it's. I don't even want to go. Get off the couch. Like, I don't like there and that. Again, I'm not. No one's saying you have to. But that. We're saying, I guess we're, you know, I guess you're floating around. The apps are not really gonna give you that magical chemistry, but generally not.

[A]

I think the apps can be a tool. I call them the airplane to your destination.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But a lot of people get lost in app purgatory, which is like, oh, I think I'm doing the work because I'm scrolling. But I always say, you can't get dick doordashed. You need to be able to step out and can you hear.

[B]

Listen, if I got a message. If I got a message that someone needs a dick, I'd be like, okay. If I. If I got a doordash. Yeah. I don't know. There's a lot of straight men that are like, okay, I can just come over, you know, But. I know.

[A]

But my point is, is that if you want to actually make connection, you can utilize the apps as a tool. It's the hammer, not the wall. You have to literally go out on that date, regardless of how you met.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

And do the date.

[B]

It's. Now. What do they say in golf? They say, you know, if you get a new club for your. Your bag or you. I need a new putter. They say it's not the wand, it's the wizard.

[A]

I know nothing about golf, but I

[B]

believe you, what I'm saying. But it's not the app, it's the wizard. You know, the wand. The app is a wand is a tool. Yeah. No, you don't understand. Yes. Do you understand or no?

[A]

Love is magic.

[B]

No, love. The app is a tool. It's not the wizard. It's not the one. It's like, not the. The tool that's the problem. It's the. The tool.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Do not get lost in the app. I think it's going to solve all your problems. That's why people get tired. You hear app fatigue all the time. But the problem isn't the app. It's that you're using it to solve all your problems. It's the way that you use it to then go on the real date, no matter what. I think my honest opinion, and I face it myself. Now I'm actively dating again, so I took a year off.

[B]

Last date you went on. Oh, gosh.

[A]

How was it?

[B]

Where. What. How'd you meet? Where'd you go? What's their name? What's their Social Security?

[A]

Okay, cool. Okay. So I travel a lot for work. I. I feel like when you travel, you have a lot of whimsical romances. Like, I have this new thing. Like last year, I didn't date domestically, so I was, like, found love while I was traveling and left it there. And, you know, you get.

[B]

Is that a way of. I mean, explain that.

[A]

So you. Probably a way of avoiding actually intimate

[B]

connection and not getting ahead of yourself.

[A]

But I was in a year and a half relationship, broke up. I always say it takes, like, about a year and some change after a breakup to really feel ready to date for something new.

[B]

So you were in a year and a half relationship?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And this is while you're on this, like, wild ride from working at three restaurants to creating this, you know, this media empire of yours. You're creating your own business, your own world. And how did it kind of devolve? What happened after a year and a half? How did you guys meet and what. What ended that?

[A]

Well, I think, like, in a really positive way, it taught me that I did deserve love. Because if you've been single enough in New York, you start to get really jaded and feel like sex and hookups are really the only option. So to really have that romantic bond and have someone believe in you and your dreams, like, that is a life lesson that I still carry on as I'm without him. He like taught me some good things.

[B]

Right.

[A]

He also taught me that like there's more out there. So I didn't settle. So it was one of those breakups that are really hard where like nothing really happened but you just knew it wasn't the right fit. And I always think like, sometimes that's harder to walk away from something again mediocre for something that you don't know exists than to stay in something just because it's comfortable.

[B]

See, you leave that relationship, you're like, I, I think this is nice. It's nice. So what I'm hearing is it's nice to like know I can be in a relationship.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then get.

[A]

I wasn't the type. I thought I was always going to just match make people and that because both of my parents are divorced since I was six months old. They've never remarried. So I have never seen any like love irl. That's why I love rom coms and that's why like I wanted to make street hearts. Because I feel like it's really hard to see a realistic example of like connection.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's always dramatized in like movies or it's just like negative.

[B]

Well, that's very, I, I, I can understand that. Where you're like, I haven't seen it, so why would I believe in it? I'm believing in this thing that was only written in the movies. And so now you're in this like. Okay, so you get out of this relationship, you move on. Seems amicably or.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Okay. And now you do a year and a half single. And how. And you say domestic. No, domestic relationships only.

[A]

International. International fling.

[B]

International flag.

[A]

I like to get my passport stamp.

[B]

So you wanted to go and around a little bit. Like if a guy said that he would sound like a total asshole.

[A]

Do I sound like an asshole?

[B]

No, I think you sound great. I don't. I'm just saying sound like an asshole doesn't mean they're an asshole.

[A]

No, here's the thing. I really did my wellness thing. So I realized when you.

[B]

Where'd you hook up? What country?

[A]

What do you mean by hookup? We just talk.

[B]

I just like Tiff just went to a climactic place. She went. She breathed a little heavier. Where did I hook up? Well, let me tell you. Takes out a cigarette.

[A]

It was a good time back then. He was a nice guy.

[B]

Colombia. What was the countries?

[A]

So I went to Paris in Cannes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Little French rendezvous.

[B]

How do you meet the guys?

[A]

So I was Staying at a hotel that was a private membership club. And then I would just go down

[B]

Soho House in Paris.

[A]

Yes, you're at.

[B]

So I'm a. I was a member. I put it on hold because I moved out of New York. I think a private members club is great because people are looking to meet people there. People are kind of have the, I would say the safety of feeling like someone has been let in the. That there's a little bit of community to it. And you can, you know, the bartenders see the same people all the time. Has that guy come in before? Oh, yeah, he's here all the time. And there's a little bit of a safety net there, right?

[A]

Yeah. I mean, the bartenders are your matchmakers there. Like I always say, no matter if you're going to like, whatever bar you're at, make friends with the bartender. Because while, like, you were saying, like, people that don't believe that it's possible to meet in person, you have to have strategy. Like I call it the Scantron. When you walk into the room, you have to scan for the hottest person in there and position yourself close as possible. Like I say, like, it's all luck in location.

[B]

So the worst is when you go to a bar, you're like, where am I gonna sit? And then you're like, oh, there's a spot. And then this, like you sit next to this hot chick and then all of a sudden she gets up. Old man.

[A]

It's always the old man.

[B]

Hello, son. A lot of talent in here. You're like, I'm next to the talent guy. How'd I end up here?

[A]

It's like in 1962, I worked the first play in New York. I'm like, dude, I'm just trying to get laid.

[B]

So you found a guy at Sohos in Paris or in Cannes?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. But, you know, here's the thing. Regardless of how those, you know, whether it's a hookup or a new friend or a conversation, I think I like your flirting skills. You have to sharpen them.

[B]

Do you not like to get personal with your dating stuff? You're very good at holding. Because we've gotten to like, the surface of these stories. I want to know, did you fuck in Paris?

[A]

Jared?

[B]

I'm sorry, I'm trying to get to know you for the listeners here, the viewers.

[A]

What happened to fucking hello?

[B]

I. I said hello. Now we, now we see what we,

[A]

you know, I don't tell.

[B]

Okay, good. Give me the countries. Okay, Paris.

[A]

And I'm not saying no, no, you Met someone? Yeah. I chatted.

[B]

Chatted. Okay. What I want to do is chat. I'm happy for you.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Yeah. I'm not sitting here in a place of judgment. I'm judging. You're judging, but with. I have pride.

[A]

Let me tell you.

[B]

Men can't do this as easily. You want to say, I went abroad. I didn't talk to one woman. It's very tough to drag. Do you want to go abroad? You go there and I'm like, hi, I'm from America. I like cheeseburgers.

[A]

Can I tell you something?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think what, like, men could really grow it like now. Because a lot of people are not, like, taking initiative. Like, if a guy goes up to someone, I feel like that's the skill that will immediately get you ahead. Like taking initially saying, hey, what's up? My name is blank. Like this.

[B]

Is that how I should do it?

[A]

Yeah, I mean, maybe like in a. Hi, I'm Jared. Jared. Yeah, I mean, like. Okay. That wasn't like the end of the.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

Okay. The lights are dim. You sound like you're about to.

[B]

Okay, let me get. Let me. That sounded like I was looking for the bathroom.

[A]

Okay, you're right. Can I help you?

[B]

Okay, how about. Hey.

[A]

Oh, wow. Yeah, I'm not really. I might break my non domestic rule.

[B]

So Paris, where else did you go?

[A]

Berlin. So I actually had like a. Berlin

[B]

is like the sex capital of the world. Okay. We don't want to get personal.

[A]

I still talk to him. No, no, it's romantic. Like, I was in a Whats relationship?

[B]

How Explain that.

[A]

I still don't know what's going on. He, like, texts me happy birthday. Like, he's like, I'm coming here. I'm like, he has a neck tattoo.

[B]

Okay, don't. Aren't people with neck tattoos deserving of love?

[A]

No. 100%. And I was.

[B]

I'm doing the Gen Z thing. Don't you think we deserve love too?

[A]

Are you gonna get a tattoo with my name?

[B]

No, I'm Jewish. My mom would disown me.

[A]

Okay, look, I. I met him out and actually at another soh house.

[B]

What the fuck? This is. I gotta say, they just went. They just had a lot of, like, business problems. And this is a great way. No. No membership.

[A]

No, I. I'm gonna get.

[B]

Listen, I've been a sohouse in New York on a Saturday night. It is like the Sahara. Like, there. There are women looking to meet men.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

At Sohos on a Saturday night in a way that it. You could feel It.

[A]

But can I tell you something?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Women, at least. Like all my friends and everyone that I know. The biggest question I get is, tiff, where the fuck do I meet guys in New York City? That is truly how I built my career. Like, about, like, giving recommendation on where to meet people. So I feel like there needs to be, like, this. I'm so over nonchalant. Like, we're too cool for love. Like, can we just fudgeing, admit that we're all, like, lonely and we want to, like, meet each other and, like, I want to feel like a 90s happy hour where we just, like, talk and drink martinis.

[B]

I would say from the male side of this, being a single guy who's lived in New York and has wondered, where are the other men like me? I've. I've said that here. It's. It's tough to, like, think about. I would say there is a lot of thought and pressure that goes into. I don't want to go too far that I'm blamed for going too far.

[A]

What's too far?

[B]

Too far emotionally, with, you know, with, okay, you go up to someone, let's have a date this Friday. I think the apps for. I think women are exhausting. And I think for men, it is like signing some sort of, like, contract up front. And there's no subtlety on an app because you're on a thing called a dating app. The umbrella of dating hovers over it. So it's like the idea, like. And men love, you know, vague relationships. They love.

[A]

Are you pro situationship?

[B]

I'm not pro situationship. I am just. I know what I like. I know what I feel comfortable with. Well, vague relationships, vague. You don't want to be blamed for anything. Like, you don't want to get. You absolve yourself of all responsibility when you can just say, we've just gone out, we're just talking, we're just hanging out. That all these are done by, you know, purposely by men.

[A]

Well, here's the thing. I think, like, transparency at the beginning is. Is really important. So it's like when I'm going. Because now, like I said, I'm now dating in New York again, and I don't go into it expecting the picket fence and this to be my husband. I am actually going on a date to a place that I like, and I want to have fun, and I want to get to know each other. I think if we can both, like, just have an open mind, this could be something or it could be nothing.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I think because of like social media and all these voices being like, if he does this, this is what it means. If she does this, she hates you. All people suck. They suck if they do that. It's like we've all become content and I think if we could start to like humanize the process again, that there is a lot of ambiguity and like we're doing our best to navigate, but like the baseline is like, I need connection, I want to meet someone.

[B]

You're exactly right. And it's a refreshing thing to hear because sometimes I think I talk about this too much. I went from I don't think it matters happens on the Internet to now. I maybe I think it matters too much because I do think the noise happens for everyone. Like the noise for women is a lot of women telling you what to do and what's right and what's wrong. I think the noise for men is we're out here to get you if you don't treat me the exact way I want to be treated. And I think both are worth acknowledging as the weather, so to speak. And we, you know, this podcast and we're going to get into with the emails is all about bringing your umbrella, giving you a perspective from two people who are single saying, here's how I felt in that situation and maybe that will help you. So we are so excited to have tiff here. Tiff bera, on Instagram, on socials, on TikTok. Go follow street Hearts. What made you start it?

[A]

I want people to actually have hope about love again.

[B]

Well, beyond that. When did you get. When did you buy a table?

[A]

When did I start? Why? Or why?

[B]

No, why. But what makes you buy a. A fold out table, put it in the middle of the street? I know the intent is people to find love. I, I don't need the, the elevator pitch.

[A]

I love Court.

[B]

Gen Z always pitching. We'll get you a brand deal. Okay?

[A]

I don't need a brand deal for you.

[B]

Here is to find love in an.

[A]

You know what? Maybe you just don't believe in love enough.

[B]

I believe in love, but I believe also in a capitalist that I'm looking at right now.

[A]

I believe in love.

[B]

I believe in love.

[A]

The iPad is shaking.

[B]

I believe in capitalism. And you went to a street and you put out a chair and tables and you said, hey, do you want to be on my show?

[A]

Yes. Okay. So I'm gonna really just.

[B]

The Gen Z of it all just crushes me. I just believe in love so much that I put a table in the middle. I'm 29 to me.

[A]

Are you calling me young?

[B]

Yeah, you're young. I do have those. You're hip. You're doing it right.

[A]

Thanks. I love being insulted and complimented at the same time.

[B]

That was an insult limit.

[A]

I love that. Yeah, that's a dream.

[B]

I didn't see it as an insult, but I'm sorry if you did. I'll apologize. I can admit when I'm wrong.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

I'm a modern man.

[A]

Wow, you're so gingy.

[B]

That's me.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm putting on my dangly earring.

[A]

Oh, yeah. It has to be like a cross or something.

[B]

All those, like, it's gonna be tough. It might singe my skin. So it's always what made you do it.

[A]

Okay, so the biggest thing that I was seeing. Well, number one, I was in content for a long time. Okay, so I.

[B]

Were you doing.

[A]

I've been in content for six years. I went viral for, like, where to meet guys giving dating advice. Okay, to your point, it wasn't rules on what to do, no right or wrong. It was about, like, how to feel good about yourself. So it was about, like, I'm a big believer of working with what you got. I know that Emily, Roger Cassidy is going to have a. Maybe a little bit of, like, more options than me or someone else. You know what I mean? You have to be realistic in the sense that, like, you height and looks and personality, all these different things are factors. So how do you learn to love what you have and own it and be confident about it? So that was always what my, like, goal was.

[B]

That was the. The.

[A]

The.

[B]

The beginnings of all.

[A]

Because all the dating advice that I heard is like, you have to change everything about yourself in order to get someone to like you.

[B]

Okay, so the old. Where were you listening to dating advice?

[A]

Patty Patty from Million Dollar Matchma didn't

[B]

find this podcast where we've been talking the same way for eight years. We've been pushing the word of take what you got, but for every seat for years, we. We had horrible. We needed your social media people. We needed your social media.

[A]

I'm happy you're pushing that because it's like, we all need to feel like we're enough as we are. So anyway, I wanted the show just to be as simple as possible. You don't have to worry about who needs to pay. You don't have to worry about logistics of, like, if they're gonna like the place I choose or how are we gonna. So it's like, how do we make dating as simple? As possible, which is a table and two people and the honesty of like, you don't, you can't ghost each other on the show. You have to be accountable for how you feel and you have to be honest.

[B]

And you know, again, you're getting two people to sit down and smell each other, which is like a big part of this. If you can't smell them, you don't, you can't get to know them.

[A]

That's so true. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. March is all about celebrating women, especially International Women's Day. First of all, women are incredible. We're the planners, the emotional support system,

[B]

the ones keeping track of everything.

[A]

But when we're showing up for everyone else, our own emotional well being can easily fall to the bottom of the list. If you're feeling the pressure, therapy can

[B]

be such a helpful way to create

[A]

balance, set boundaries and make space for yourself.

[B]

You know, everyone is really still figuring

[A]

it out, including me. And I think therapy is the best way to help figure yourself out your

[B]

world out what you want out, and

[A]

just work through any issues that you really are having a tough time figuring out on your own. A licensed therapist can really help you get to the bottom of whatever has been bothering you. With over 30,000 fully licensed therapists, BetterHelp is one of the world's largest online therapy platforms. They do the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences. And if you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored recs. Your emotional well being matters.

[B]

Find support and feel lighter in therapy.

[A]

Sign up and get 10 [e-mail] UUP that's better.

[B]

H E L P.com UUP are you stuck staring at your W2? Are tax refund worries holding you back? You probably have FOMO. The fear of messing up the fix. Using TurboTax on Intuit credit Karma, they find every credit and deduction to help you get every refund dollar you deserve or your money back. It's time to overcome your fear of messing up and get your taxes done right. Start filing today in the Credit Karma app. Let's do some emails. Are you ready? Uupetches.com Also, if you want to hear from Jordana, our co host here at the UL podcast, we have benefits episodes. Five bucks a month get you the podcast ad free in a day early. Plus two extra podcasts a month where we go over our personal lives. We get a little personal so Go sign up. The link is in the bio. Also, we're on YouTube. You got to see Tiff's outfit. She looks magnificent. She really brought it for us. This is appreciated. This is Great. Go on YouTube. Subscribe, comment. Let us know what you think about the episode. I'm sure they're gonna love it. You ready?

[A]

I'm ready.

[B]

J and J and T. I recently found your podcast incredibly helpful while dating in my mid-20s. Here's my dilemma. There's a guy who comes into the bar where I work almost every week. At first, we barely talked, but over time, we bond over movies, and now we ended up talking for long stretches. Whenever he's there, the chemistry feels obvious. My coworkers all agree he's flirting, but he hasn't asked me out, and I don't get why. A few weeks ago, I took initiative and asked for his Instagram to show interest outside of work. We exchanged a few messages and memes, but nothing consistent. I feel like I've made my interest clear yet we're still stuck in this limbo. So my question is, how do I flirt in a way that actually gets us to the first date without making things awkward at work? If he doesn't take the hint. Sincerely, a confused batch. Tiff Barra, how do you feel?

[A]

I feel like, you know, I call this, like, the Cubicle Cuties, where it's like, it's always going to be a little awkward if you like someone that you work with. Right. So you really have to ask yourself first, is this worth it? There's a million people in Manhattan. Like, are you really obsessed with this person? She works at the bar with it. Right.

[B]

So it seems as though there's a guy who comes into the bar where I work. So this is like a customer.

[A]

Oh, a customer. Totally different situation.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, look, I went on, like, I made content for a year where I asked strangers on a date, and I feel like it's not that confusing. Just ask and find out. It's better to get an answer than be stuck in this limbo.

[B]

Right?

[A]

So if it's awkward that if. If you like. I always say, like, rejection is always better for you than sitting here wondering, what if? So she just needs to do it.

[B]

You know, I've noticed things about my DMs, and it's like, just from my experience, women do two things. It's one or the other. They either don't take the shot. They have take the shot. They don't give enough. They don't say what they want right away and give you an opportunity to see what they have seen. Or it's the other side of the scenario where they're not listening, they're not hearing that you're not saying that. You're being as polite as you can be without saying, no, I don't want to go on a date with you.

[A]

You have a lot of people in your dm.

[B]

I get dms from time to time, mostly from people's mothers.

[A]

Oh, nice.

[B]

Yeah, I get a lot of mom dms, like, hey, you should meet my daughter. Like, I get the aunt I. Which is very nice. And it's actually a compliment. And I take it that way.

[A]

I mean, if the moms are in your DMs trying to set you up, like, that's a good sign.

[B]

It's a good sign for. I guess I. I guess I come across as a nice enough guy that is talking. I'm also talking. I'm also talking about dating a lot. So, like, again, this podcast is just like. Like, I am a safe adventure. I think, like, I think a lot of women want that. They want, like, someone they can approach, that they won't. That they don't feel that they will be embarrassed by, but also someone who's doing something or maybe involved in stuff that is more crazy or just out there in a way, you know?

[A]

But can I just say, like, to this question, it's never embarrassing to try. Like, it's never embarrassing to shoot your shot.

[B]

Well, that's my point.

[A]

You should do it.

[B]

But that's my point. It's like, I would go back to the initial dm. Yeah. And if someone sent me this DM and was like, hey, felt a vibe every time you're in the bar. Here's my number. I'd love to get a drink. I'm free next week, Monday through Thursday. Make a plan and I'm in. Make a plan and I'm in. Is like, door shut. You have all the tools to build the house. Go ahead.

[A]

Go ahead and build it.

[B]

And they've already. Here's what is important, because this is specific to this email. The guy's seen you. He's seen you at the bar. He's seen what you look like. He smelled you. So there's a point where you go, okay, he doesn't need more than he's gotten. If I had a woman say that to me with a private account where she's looked at my whole account, I would say, it's not even at this point.

[A]

Right?

[B]

And then I would say, this Is not enough. You need to open up your account. Or here's a few pictures to let you know my vibe that can make it less gross for you. You let you know my vibe. Make a plan. I'm in. And here's some pictures to let you know my vibe. Take sexuality out of it. Makes it so. It's not. Because honestly, everyone has types and you might not be the type for them. It doesn't matter.

[A]

Not personal.

[B]

It's not personal. So when you do that, you have given all the tools to build the house. If you give just a hammer and no nails, you have not given enough for the person to build the house. And the house in this instance is the date.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The other problem is if someone sees that that and says nothing to it or hearts it, they have your number. It's over. Unfollow, walk away. It's okay.

[A]

Live your life. Move on.

[B]

Right. I would never get that text or DM and go, can you believe this loser wants to go out with me now? Never. I would go, I would quietly walk away from it. And I would think, also, if I'm to give, like, women, some like to pump you up to, like, send this DM. Men don't like drama. Men don't like. Screenshot on TikTok. Hey, look at this loser who DM me. They generally don't do this. And it also won't be received well by the audience. So there's a little safety in that. So sending the dm that's initial with all the information, hey, I would love to go out. Here's my vibe. Make a plan. And I'm in. Now you're putting them in a position that they have to ask you on the date. They now you can feel good about it if it happens, and you can also walk away from it. It's. It's so. I, I, you know, I've never found a DM was stupid other than I can't see them and I feel they're stupid.

[A]

No, I think you're making such a good point where it's just like, look, at the end of the day, people will be complimented that you have interest in them.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

And there's nothing embarrassing about trying and saying, like, hey, like, I want answers. Like, clearly, like you said, he's seen you. He, he thinks, you know, he's responding to you. They've shared some memes and all that. But the biggest thing that I will say is, like, we all kind of inherently know when someone's into us and when they're not. So I hate the theory that like, if he wanted to, he would. I think it needs to be more of a mutual thing. And even if you take gender out of it, if you take romance out of it, effort is effort, no matter who's doing it, right? So if you feel like something is too one sided, it's time to move on. And I always say like, like leave room for someone to show you. So I think sometimes, especially if you're maybe not having the best confidence while dating, you feel like the more you do, the more they'll like you. But that's the absolute opposite I've noticed. The less you do, the more they like you.

[B]

Right? I, I, well that's kind of the reason for the, you know, leave. It's like doordash. Leave the stuff at the door and they'll either pick it up or they won't.

[A]

Or they won't. And I think, I think we feel like that's the scariest thing is someone not reciprocating, someone not wanting us. But if you are trying to like push, push, push something that's not meant to be, you're just wasting your own time and energy.

[B]

So I think, well, also, sorry to interrupt. But then when you get it, you won't even feel great about it.

[A]

No.

[B]

You'll be like, well, are they here because I pushed?

[A]

Yeah. Are they here because they'd had, they didn't like their other plans canceled? Like, there's nothing worse than being a back burner. And as a reformed back burner, I'm very passionate about this.

[B]

Do you get dms?

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I feel like I have like the dusty crusties that are in my like requests that like, send me like, good morning baby. Good morning baby. Good morning baby. And I'm like, who the fuck are you?

[B]

Right? I've never have time all morning.

[A]

I've never gotten a DM from someone that like I would actually go on a date with.

[B]

Never.

[A]

Never. But I've never done the friends to lovers pipeline. Really. I've always liked to date like outside of my world.

[B]

What, how, what, what do you mean?

[A]

Like, I mean most of the time, like I could probably. Like, I've never liked, but like I said, like, I'm around single people all the time, right? And like I work a lot. Like this is what no one tells you. When I was like in restaurants, my dating life was amazing because I had time, you know, like I would clock in, clock out. And then it was all about dating and like all about now is like the last few Years have really been about like building myself up my business. It's like I'm working all the time and then the guys I'm around are all like my friends. So I have to be intentional about dating. Like I don't date anyone in my network. I like. I either use the app or I go out for that. I call it like Daddy hunting. Me and the girls on Friday nights we go out.

[B]

Where do you go? Daddy Hunting?

[A]

Jeans. People's.

[B]

So you go to all the hot spots. These are the TikTok spots. Jeans especially.

[A]

I don't know, like one of my friends owns it. So I just go and I went

[B]

to the other jeans. There's another jeans like Levi. No. Yeah, I go. I go buy jeans and I hang out. I go by jeans every Friday night I go to Levi's and I try on jeans while crying. And that's how I meet women.

[A]

You know, they say old me. I. I like. You can't say where I live. But I. Old mates is really good. Where do you go to meet girls?

[B]

Well, I.

[A]

Do you meet girls? Have you met a girl?

[B]

I. I don't meet them much. I meet their moms in my DMs. No. When I go out, it's generally an alone sport. I'll hang at a bar. I'll have like a beer or something in front of me and I'm kind of just like hanging on my phone and I would talk to people, but I'm also like generally just like looking to hang after a show.

[A]

Do you performatively read ever at the bar?

[B]

No, I would never. I'd be holding the book upside down. They'd be like, that guy doesn't.

[A]

He's like. He's never read a book.

[B]

No, it's good. Why read? I'm cool.

[A]

I'm mysterious.

[B]

Let's do another email. UUP betches.com Ted Cliff. Let's. Let's hear an ickier. Oh, I want to hear your top. I want top five tips on how to flirt.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

How do you. So you go to jeans? I went to jeans with a J. I think.

[A]

Yeah, spelled with the J.

[B]

No, I went to jeans with a G. My buddy was like, we got to go to jeans. And we ended up at this like Italian spot that was like all people in their hundreds. And we were like, this isn't jeans. And then we were like, what the. What happened to like the hot women we see on Tick Tock? And we were just at this bar that looked like it was out of like an old folks Home. Yeah. It was crazy. I'll never forget it. He did this to me twice. Same friend did this to me twice. He was like, we gotta go to Jeans. Oh, it's the hottest spot in Manhattan. I'm like, oh, I think I've seen that place on Tick Tock. And then we ended up at this, like, old folks home. And I was like, wait a minute. What are we doing here? Look it up. Jeans with a G. Maybe you can make. Is it V? Do you see Jeans with a G in New York wears it like, it's, like, around here. It's like 25th and 5th. Not to disparage this place. I'm sure the food is great. It looks like it's been there forever, but it is not the place I thought it was.

[A]

It's on 11 Street.

[B]

Yeah, that's it.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

It's on 11th Street.

[A]

I just picture you, like, suited up, right? We were.

[B]

We were like, we are going to the hottest place in Manhattan. And I was like. And then we walked in.

[A]

Door man, right?

[B]

And then it was like a guy going, like, clearing his throat. I also. He. The same guy did this to us. We were all hammered and we were out. And he's like, we gotta go get the best pizza in town. This place is the best pizza. Domino's does it great. We love Domino's. And I was like, we got to this house. He's like. We're like, are we going to Domino's? And he goes, domino's. So I need to eat this. Great.

[A]

Honestly, maybe.

[B]

That's my husband, the baby. He's married, but the baby's married. Yeah, congrats. But the baby has done this to me twice. I'm walking around like, oh, I'm getting Domino's tonight. I can't wait. I heard that. He goes, their cheese bread is, like, unbelievable.

[A]

That's me trying to make a boring man sound interesting. I'm always like, no, he's not Domino's. He's Domino's. Because I love a boring man.

[B]

You like a boring guy.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

They gotta be, you know, you can't have two cowboy hats in a relationship.

[A]

No. Not in public.

[B]

So you keep that in the bedroom. I like that. I like how you go over Tiff's house. What's going on? Oh, yeah. Come back to my place. Here's your hat. Take off your clothes. Here's your hat.

[A]

Jesus Christ.

[B]

Guy from Paris.

[A]

You have, you know, I'm two Berets look. Pg. Family friendly.

[B]

I'm sorry. Okay. You want to just your top five tips for how to flirt.

[A]

Okay. Sorry. I feel like we can't land a plane.

[B]

We can land it. Come on. This is what this podcast is all about.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Fun top five ways to flirt.

[A]

All right. I always say you have to give them 50 shades of cornea. So you.

[B]

50 shades of cornea. And then you look like you're taking an eye exam.

[A]

Yeah. You show them those eyes. Like, I feel like you have to just make eye contact for three seconds. Three to five if you're really high.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then they'll know. So if a guy. If you're making eye contact, you wear

[B]

those glasses when you go into the bar. No, the glasses are for the show.

[A]

I just wore them with you because you were radiating, and I just, you know.

[B]

Excuse me.

[A]

That's how you flirt.

[B]

Oh, there it is. I just felt it. Oh, my God. A little shiver went up my touches. Okay, hold on. So you give them some eyes.

[A]

Look, when you're at a bar, you will know in five seconds. If they lock eyes with you, they're in. If they turn away, move on to the next.

[B]

Okay, so you lock eyes. You find out. You go, they're in. What's the next move?

[A]

Next move, you'll typically, like, equally gravitate. Or I would prefer the guy to just come up to me. So if he doesn't do it, then I'll be like, excuse me. Like, where's the bathroom? Excuse me. And your voice has to go up.

[B]

Gotta go up.

[A]

Yeah. Like, anytime. I'm fighting. Excuse me. Is that an espresso martini? Are you just happy to see me?

[B]

That's it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I love it. I think just saying anything, you literally

[A]

don't have to say. It doesn't matter what you say. And if you. Okay, so you either go up or you go low. So it's like, okay. Wow, that Patagonia vest is a vintage.

[B]

Perfect.

[A]

Yeah. Right?

[B]

And then they, like, boring. But you like a boring guy. You like a.

[A]

Like, either boring or a man that'll ruin my life. There's no in between.

[B]

Or what?

[A]

A man that'll ruin my life.

[B]

A man that will ruin your life. You said it so quick that I thought it was like, a French term. A man that'll ruin my life.

[A]

Amanda ruined my life.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, so you go up to a guy. It goes high or low. So. Okay.

[A]

And then I do think, like, having your, like, groups merge. So if you're out with friends, like, every friend group has the person that's the yapper. And then you Have a friend that's the secure. So there's one that's good at like, like throwing the fishing rod out.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And then there's someone that can help, like make the groups.

[B]

You want the tender and the cruise ship.

[A]

Is that a fishing term?

[B]

Is that like golf?

[A]

Really? You have a lot of activity.

[B]

You know the little boat that comes off of the big boat. You need the little boat to go out, bring people over to the big.

[A]

Like in the Titanic. The.

[B]

Yeah, the little tiny, like boats that they all, you know, help them live. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

We're all on the Titanic, aren't we?

[B]

I think going up to. I think going up to someone and complimenting them, would you. Would that be okay?

[A]

Yeah, I think complimenting.

[B]

Tiff, those shoes. Love them. Oh, wait, I got to go higher. Tiff those shoes. Love them.

[A]

That would be my dream. Cuz I'd be like, oh, he's for the girls.

[B]

There it is.

[A]

I'd be like, okay, I'm safe. Instantly.

[B]

Tiff, the shoes.

[A]

A guy that's like, yes, yes.

[B]

Queen.

[A]

Yeah, just. I would think you. You're not into me.

[B]

Oh, I think you might be into other. You're at the wrong bar, sir. Do you have any other tips for FL. Flirting? So give them eye contact, go up, you know, have a, you know, have something to say.

[A]

Yeah. And don't be nervous. Like, I feel like the major thing

[B]

is don't be nervous is like telling somebody. Okay, I'm sorry. Okay, I apologize.

[A]

Please, please, please.

[B]

My bad.

[A]

Flirting is just being hot and talking. So like, I think, like, take the whole like pressure of sexual, like, act like you're talking to your best friend. So when I go on a first date, the first thing I always say is like, how was your day today? Like, don't make it an interview. So same with flirting. Why am I single?

[B]

No, that's what you said.

[A]

That's for other people. Are we talking about other people or me?

[B]

You.

[A]

Why? I would never start my own date.

[B]

Oh, then why are you telling people to do that?

[A]

Because that we have like a minute and 30 seconds. So we're getting to the point. But I think if you're on a normal longer date. Slow burn.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You know, and non interrogation key to flirting. I think I call it volleyballing. So even if you're not the best conversationalist, you lit, you ask them a question and take one thing they say and find a way to relate to it.

[B]

It.

[A]

So you're talking about fishing or golfing or whatever. And I'm like, so how do you putt so big? How do you putt so far?

[B]

I'd be like, is she okay? It seems like she just did a mad lib. How do you putt big?

[A]

Butt. Butt. Score more with the college branded Venmo debit card and earn up to 5% cash back with Venmo Stash. Got paid back with the Venmo debit card. You can instantly access your balance and and spend on what you want. Like game day, snacks, gear, tickets and more. The more you do, the more cash back you can earn. Plus there's no monthly fee or minimum balance. Sign up [e-mail] collegecard the Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp Bank. NA Select Schools available. Venmo Stash terms and exclusions apply at Venmo me stash terms max $100 cash back per month.

[B]

Zootopia 2 has come home to Disney. Let's go get ready for a new case.

[A]

We're the greatest partners of all time.

[B]

New friends gaming.

[A]

The snake and your last name. The snake Dream team.

[B]

New habitats.

[A]

Zootopia has a secret reptile population.

[B]

You can watch the record breaking phenomenon at home. Zootopia 2 now available on Disney Plus. Rated PG. And right now you can get Disney plus and Hulu for just $4.99 a month for three months with a special limited time offer. Ends March 24th. After three months, plan auto renews and $12.99 a month, terms apply. All right, let's do an icky Picky. You ready?

[A]

Yeah. Ready.

[B]

UUP betches.com Tiff, you wanna read it for us? Sure, Go for it. This is a game we play. They're dating someone, they end it. Was it an ick or were they being picky? Do you get the premise?

[A]

I love it. Yeah. Okay, you guys are doing the Lord's work. I tell all my friends to listen. And I've been to a couple of Jared's hilarious shows.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Oh, I even bought my parents and they loved it. Oh, the moms love you. I told you onto my story. My sister says I was petty. So I need your opinion. I was in a four year relationship. He moved 4.5 hours away for work. A year into us dating, we did two years of long distance and then I moved to his city. We ended up finding a new place together and it was great. Except the shower head in the bathroom sucked. Oh, girl, you're not wrong for that. This is. This is of a particular importance in my family because my dad worked for a shower Head company for years. When we moved to new places, my dad typically has an extra one lying around at home that he'll install. My dad had recently retired and had lost access to this supply of shower heads. However, he said he had one that wasn't great but was better than the one we had, and he installed it. Seven months later, we broke up. It was pretty mutual and we both basically said, you're a nice person, but you're not my person. However, I definitely still had some harsh feelings towards him. My parents came to help me move out and my ex offered to help as well. I asked if he could help us lug boxes out to the truck. He didn't. He worked on his computer and gazed sadly at us while holding my dog. Weird and annoying.

[B]

I.

[A]

Meanwhile, my mom is going around taking things off the wall along with every nail and screw for me to take. At the last minute, I remembered the shower head. It wasn't a good one, but I didn't need it or particularly want it. But it was mine or my dad's. Without saying a word to my ex, I took the shower head off, snuck it into a bag, hopped into the car, and was out of there for good. My sister said I was basically the Grinch, digging everything down to the nails and the shower head. My mom says I should have replaced the shower head with the old one. My dad says if he gets mad, I can just blame him and say he wanted it back. What do you think, love? Always a Grinchy bitch.

[B]

What do you think of this, Tiff Barra? So she. They break up four and a half years. She brings up a lot of details that aren't really necessary. They broke up and then she moved out. When she moved out, she took the shower head with her, even though she says she didn't need or want it. Do you think that's petty after a breakup or not?

[A]

The key way to always be in his head is to steal the shower head. So I think she was just doing what she needed to do.

[B]

So to. Well, I like that answer because you're. You're basically saying, be a menace. She's. She was prudently being petty.

[A]

She was with him.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And sometimes people. Yeah, you just have to do.

[B]

Her pettiness was done prudently is what you're saying.

[A]

Yeah, I think it was a very prudent way to be petty.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because, like, he's gonna go to take a shower. The shower.

[B]

Right, right. If you wanted to be petty, this is a really great way to do it. If you Wanted to live with him forever and his shitty showers every day, maybe twice a day.

[A]

The key to staying in his head is taking the shower head. Like, I feel like that's really it.

[B]

Well, I would say I agree she's petty. Yeah, I think it's for a different reason.

[A]

She's a healed answer. I mean, the healed answer, like, I feel like you shouldn't care that much, but I just think this is really funny and like, she needed to do it.

[B]

I don't mind that she's. I, I kind of mind the way she's telling the story. She's like, we broke up mutually. It was a mutual agreement that we break up. And then all of a sudden she's like. And he's sitting there looking at us teary eyed with the dog in his hand. So weird. And it's like, okay. Then you got annoyed with him the more you saw him on the way out and now you're like, I'm taking the shower head cause this bitch shouldn't be able to shower anymore. And it's like, okay, well admit that you're angry about this breakup. Don't just sit here and be a hero who's so chill and relaxed. Isn't that annoying? The way she wrote this? I, I hate it.

[A]

No, I just relate to her so much and she wrote it like, okay, Carrie Bradshaw, steal that motherfucker shower.

[B]

Well, then admit it. Own it. I hate him. So I took the shower.

[A]

Say nothing is ever mutual. There's never a mutual breakup. There's always one person that's upset about it and won't admit it and you know it's not.

[B]

And when the other person going, yeah, it's mutual.

[A]

Yeah, it's mutual.

[B]

Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

They're saying like, it's mutual. One of the other people have been wanting to do it for the last year.

[B]

Right, right. I agree with that. Yeah. The person who says it's mutual is the one who want it out.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

If you say it's mutual, I'm pretty positive you're selling that so that the other person will shut the up.

[A]

Do you think it's better to be broken up with or be the one that breaks up?

[B]

Oh, to be dumped. I want to be dumped every time.

[A]

Really? I've never been dumped. I'm always a breaker upper.

[B]

It's way harder. Yeah, I don't think dumpers get the credit.

[A]

Yeah, thank the dumpers, because seeing me,

[B]

well, you have to. You basically have to shake up something that just could have kept going.

[A]

I do it at the same wine bar on the Upper west side.

[B]

Really? What's the bar? Bar?

[A]

I've been 70.

[B]

Shay dump. I take them to Shea. Heartbreak. Oh, no. Where are we?

[A]

I think breakups are better with a little, like, if you're both, like, kind of drunk.

[B]

So what's the bar on the Upper west side? What's the breakup bar?

[A]

Bin 72.

[B]

Bin 72. I know that bar.

[A]

It's on 72nd.

[B]

It has that big square bar. It's actually not a great place to break up.

[A]

Really terrible.

[B]

You can see everyone in the place.

[A]

It's really horrible.

[B]

Why did you choose that place? It is a great. I mean, my buddy who sells wine, he. I've gone there with him.

[A]

Did you see anyone? Getting. Breaking up with.

[B]

Did you see me as a friend? Oh, my God. He must have read your book. No, I know. I, I, That's. It would have been great if I was there when you were dumping someone.

[A]

Oh, my God. That would have been so amazing. Okay, next time I'm about to break

[B]

up someone, that woman dressed as Dolly Parton is dumping that boring dude.

[A]

Dude, so boring.

[B]

That guy in the cardigan is getting dumped by Dolly Parton.

[A]

You're always in a cardigan, Mr. Rogers. Daddy, that's.

[B]

Is that you? Is that your type?

[A]

No, it's. What I've tried to convince myself is I tried to give up the bad boy, but I fear I. I like it a lot. I like a musician.

[B]

You like a musician?

[A]

Of course. Right?

[B]

Who doesn't?

[A]

Because then, like, you can, like, be written about. I want to be someone's muse. Like, and I want to. I want to make. At least if someone's, like, kind of shitty, I'm like, oh, he's an artist. You know what I mean?

[B]

Right? You can rationalize.

[A]

I can rationalize it.

[B]

Right? He's tortured.

[A]

He's tortured. He's going through. He needs to write that album, and that's why he's not texting me back.

[B]

He just can't do this with anybody. It would be anybody.

[A]

He'd be doing anyone.

[B]

You know, I get that. I think this was petty. This is all to say.

[A]

All to say. 100% petty, but 100% iconic.

[B]

Good for her. I agree. It does have a lasting effect. It is something that will live with him forever. He has to go buy a new shower head and have it installed, and that's the only rain way. Way to get rid of you and the pain of you dumping him. But saying it's mutual, like the shower of shame. Yeah.

[A]

Because he has to go to that. That bed, Bath and beyond. Get the shower. It's a lot.

[B]

Let's play some games. You ready?

[A]

All right, I'm ready.

[B]

Uuppaches.com we play a game called red flag or deal breaker. You're dating someone. It's perfect. They do one thing. It's either a red flag, you notice it and stay in, or it's a deal breaker you end at sight unseen. Are you ready?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

JJ and T love you both. I'm sure they love you. To Jared. When are you coming back to Nashville? I hope soon. Probably soon. I have a small but very real issue on my hands. I've been casually seeing a guy for last year. We've recently had conversations about becoming exclusive, but there is something that I just can't get over. He eats with his mouth open and will have full conversations with his mouth full of food. For some reason, I cannot figure out how to bring this up. I think because it's so shocking to me every time, it actually makes me mad and I find myself in a bad mood after we have a meal together. Together. How does someone go. 35 years of life, and no one has informed you that this is weird and polite and gross. I think about him coming out with my friends or one day having dinner with my boss or clients, and I shudder with embarrassment. So red flagger. Deal breaker. He eats with his mouth open. Is it crazy that this is a real reason for not wanting to put a label on it? Am I being dramatic? How do I bring this up and try to change this behavior? Sincerely, A. Misophonia. What's misophonia?

[A]

That's nice language. Think it's a Greek word for, like, misophonia. Like, the m. Like, having a problem with different sounds.

[B]

Oh, so it's a.

[A]

When you hear people eat, you get, like, grossed out. Like, mentally distressed out.

[B]

So you. Misophonia, you get mentally distressed from hearing others eat. I don't have that issue. Are you. Here's. Can I admit something to you?

[A]

I would love that.

[B]

Let me admit something to you. I. This is one of those things that if someone said to me, you're eating with your mouth open, I would go, you're a little too sensitive to people eating. And it's not my problem. It's your problem because. So it's kind of like to give them feedback. Like, if I was. When she says 35 years, no one said it to them. I'm 40. If someone said it to me, I wouldn't believe them because I've made it 40 years without it becoming an issue that something like no one said it to me. Me being my parents or a loved one. So again, whether they're right or wrong, I wouldn't. The way it would be served to me wouldn't make me eat it. To stick with the.

[A]

Do you choose to with your mouth open?

[B]

I don't know. I'm just saying I've never had yourself eating. Why would I do that?

[A]

You never filmed yourself eating.

[B]

I feel myself eating all the time.

[A]

So you could go back and check the receipts.

[B]

Yeah, but I don't care.

[A]

Care.

[B]

I, I mean I, I like I wouldn't think enough about Maybe you don't

[A]

care because you're not one and it's never impacted those around you.

[B]

Well yeah, I guess it's never, I've never, I've never. I think we're all personally motivated. I've never been impacted by chewing with my mouth open or felt impacted.

[A]

Okay. But is there another thing that like I know scent is very specific. Right. Like has there ever been like the most gorgeous girl in the world but you don't necessarily like her scent or there's something that they've done. It doesn't necessarily have to be the like eating wise. But is there something that just that

[B]

turned me away from them? Maybe loudness.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like not really understanding. And I don't mind a loud woman. I, if anyone has ever met my mom, they would know that I can't not like a loud woman. But if they don't understand the, the temperature of the room, like self aware,

[A]

like they can read the room. Yes.

[B]

If you can't that take your voice level to the level that the room kind of lives in or understand or go. If you go big in a room, you have to be really going big.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, if you go but at normal talking if they, if it's like if you're saying full names at full volume like that kind of, that, that

[A]

affects me as someone quite loud as like a entity.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When I'm on a date with someone they're talking very loud. It really like freaks me out.

[B]

Like I'm the same way.

[A]

So I feel like the reason I asked that is because like.

[B]

Sure. It's a good question. Because I, I, I guess the, I've never noticed someone also because maybe because I don't notice it, I feel that someone noticing on me is being sensitive.

[A]

Right. So like you can empathize with something that's right. Affects you.

[B]

Misophonia is a, is when certain everyday Sounds trigger an intense automatic emotional reaction, like anger, anxiety. I guess we have misophonia.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Your ex's voice. Yeah. And here he is. We brought him in. No,

[A]

no. Okay, so I think.

[B]

But go with what you're. You're talking. Go with your point. So you're saying that I should not.

[A]

What I said. What did I say?

[B]

That. The talking loud thing.

[A]

Okay. So I feel like all of this is to say it depends like how important this is to you. I don't think you can necessarily change someone that doesn't want to change. So if this guy, number one, have you made him aw. That he does it. If you haven't, I think it's a. It's a. It's easy three step thing. Figure out how important this is to you, which it seems very important to her. Second thing, make him aware and then see. Third, see if his response. If he wants to change and if he doesn't. I think it is a real deal breaker.

[B]

I think it's a deal breaker because she's connecting it to morality. She's the fact that she's even sitting here going, well, how could someone go through 35 years of life without knowing it could very well happen. Happen. There's adults who chew with their mouth open. Don't make it like it's something you've made it into way more than it has to be. Which probably means you don't like him.

[A]

Yes. That's real.

[B]

When you start connecting it to, well, you've been here on earth for like, you're just trying to take him down at that point. You're not trying to help him. It's like, you know, we get comments on YouTube. If someone says to me, jared, stop interrupting the guest. I, I kind of don't trust that as a, as a person who wants to see me be better. Because if they said at minute 12, I really wanted to hear what Tiff wanted to say, and I really wish you would have asked about that more and really zoned in there. I would go, wow, this person really cares about me. The show where its direction is about me getting better. But to just say vaguely, how could you go 35 years in life without knowing how to chew? I wouldn't really know how to fix that. Yeah, it wouldn't be helpful.

[A]

I think this is like a big thing that I'm always trying to talk about is like, we get so quick to call something an ick, but I think it's easier to hide in the ick than to face that. Like, maybe number One, we're afraid of real connection. And number two, that, like, maybe we don't want to look at ourselves at the same time, it's easier to find someone else's problems than look at your own, right? And dating, it's the most vulnerable and real reflection of yourself because you're putting yourself out there to be judged literally every day. So I think, like. Like, to your point, if it's something that is bothering you and it's someone worth having the real conversations with, you approach the conversation with, hey, like, I really have loved getting to know you. There's one thing, like, every time we're eating, like, your mouth is open. Like, is that just comfortable for you? Or, like, be inquisitive, not judgmental.

[B]

I'm trying to think. Yeah, it's real comfortable. I mean, to look like a pig. Like, I.

[A]

No, but if you take it like, so, like. And I could be like, well, you know, sometimes when I'm at the gym, like, I always try to relate it to something kind of gross about me. So it's like when I'm at the gym, I'm sweaty and you probably want me to shower before I get into your bed. I don't actually. Don't sweat, so I can't really anyway.

[B]

But it brings up something that doesn't involve her at all to relate to this pig who won't shut their mouth when they eat. And, you know, I could imagine how someone would sweat maybe sometimes when they go to the gym, but not me. Me, I'm gorgeous all the time. But when you chew like a horse while we eat, you could understand how a sweaty person I'll be.

[A]

I'll be honest. I. I snort sometimes. I really do. And I've worked on it because it's. It's really embarrassing.

[B]

So who's ever been. I've never heard a snort and thought negatively about the person.

[A]

Well, I mean, thank you for having an open mind.

[B]

Well, I. I always think the snort is overrated as a bad thing. When, like, when I see someone get embarrassed that they snorted, I'm like, who's the one that's like, look at this fucking.

[A]

My biggest quote and my kind of just way I live my life is like, embarrassment is a choice. Like, people probably look at me all the time and are like, oh, this girl's a fucking clown. Actually, a man on the way here literally looked me straight in the eyes and laughed. And I said, I'm so happy to provide a giggle for you. So I think just laughed. Just a direct eye contact. Laughed in my face. And I was like, lmao. Like, I love that energy.

[B]

Like, at least it's like happy Valentine's Day to you.

[A]

Yeah. Can't we just love love? But I think the main thing here, to your point, if you really like him enough, have a conversation from a place of being inquisitive, not judgmental.

[B]

I would do it in the moment. Hey, you're chewing. You're talking with your mouth full, and I am catching all your molars and all the gross stuff going on in your mouth. I don't know. I think in the moment it would be like, I do understand how someone be like, you're attacking them. But I'm like, you kind of want to have like. Like, I don't know. I'd rather. I don't want to talk about it. Vaguely.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hey, right now you are literally chewing with your mouth open. And I'm seeing everything. And I. Well, I don't even know. I. I feel like this person hates this person.

[A]

Yeah. If you like him, have the conversation. But I do. Like, if you want a relationship to stick, you got to get past the I. It's real conversations, not just pushing people away.

[B]

I think also when you. What you're talking about kind of relates to the other side of it. Like, we don't want, you know, the ick is easier than, hey, I just don't have a connection with them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I don't have a connection with them. Is taking self responsibility is going. Well, you know, because I think a lot of us want to. When you end something with someone, you want to find a way to vilify them over going, who am I? Because a lot of us go, who am I to dump someone?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't think a lot of people have the confidence to say, yeah, them. That nice person that I really am attracted to that I just don't see a future with. Like, you generally don't say that. Generally you go, let me find one little thing that my friends will go, yeah, you were right. You can never be with someone. They'll never find love. They truly wore cargo shorts. Yeah. Yeah. Who. Who could ever love them?

[A]

Planning a wedding shouldn't feel overwhelming. The Knot brings everything together in one place. Vendors who get your vibe, a custom planning checklist, guest list tools, and a free wedding website that syncs with it all. So instead of juggling a dozen apps and spreadsheets, you can actually enjoy getting married. Get [e-mail] audio the knot. Let's plan your wedding together

[B]

now at the Home Depot receive 12 months special

[A]

financing and free basic installation on carpet

[B]

projects with life proof Lifeproof with pet proof technology, Home decorators collection and traffic Master carpets bring a new look to your floors or give them a durable surface that stands up to life's tough messes. Get 12 months special financing on installed carpet projects right now at the Home Depot. Offer valid March 12 through March 29, 2026. Exclusions and additional charges may apply for licenses. See homedepot.com license numbers all right, let's do One more Red Flag or deal breaker JJ&T I'm a single woman in New York City and had a recent dating situation. I can't stop thinking. I went to a party, met a guy and later that night with a little liquid courage DM'd him something simple like hey, it was nice meeting you. I was hoping it would open the door to ask him out. He read it the next day and never replied. A couple months later I ran into him again at a mutual friends event. Despite the awkwardness I felt knowing he'd left me on red, we ended up talking a lot and it was actually fun. This time he was the one flirting, asking what I was doing the next day and suggesting we hang out. Here's the problem. I felt surprisingly turned off. I couldn't shake the fact that he ignored me before. Now suddenly he's interested. Red flag or deal breaker Is fair to see being left on red as a deal breaker even if he's showing interest now. What do you think?

[A]

I think it's just maybe not even a red flag because like I leave like my best friends on red because I'm just not a texter. I hate this like idea that like just cuz you might not be the biggest phone person that you hate them Like I like will leave someone on red and respond two weeks later. I think focus on how he's acting in person. Like if he left you on red and was giving you the cold shoulder in person, maybe then like that's an ultimate deal breaker. But like are you going to let the phone win over the IRL experience?

[B]

Here's the other thing about this everyone's it's all about timing. You can get a DM from someone, you can get a text from someone and be like I'm dating someone else. That needs to be ended. I know I need to end that. You don't know where he is on this planet Earth to answer your text in person. It's happening just like you said. Said this is great. We're enjoying ourselves I think shooting another shot that, like, there's a reset there and that's okay. But I also, you know, the other problem is I've been very nice to people in person that I would not respond to on dm. You know, we generally go, I love your honesty. The path of least resistance. And if someone's in front of me, hey, good to see you. Oh, my God. And then they dm, like, let's go on a date. That was so much fun. I don't know about that. Like, I, you know, there's sometimes there's people that. And again, you don't know. That's why it's not worth getting down about. Not like that. That's why it's not worth it to not send the dm. Yeah, it's worth it to send the dm because, hey, you felt something. You're not a. The one thing people have to remember when they date, and it's something I remind myself often. I am not, not sitting in a padded cell wearing a straight jacket. Let's remember that at a baseline. So if you felt something while talking to a person in public, that is something and enough for you to reach out to them again, you're not crazy, you're not strapped in, you're not in a padded cell. So they obviously wouldn't be weirded out, out to hear from you in some way. You know what I mean?

[A]

I always say you can't lose what you don't already have. So, like, what the do you have to lose, right? Send the text. You're still going to be single the next day. Or maybe you could get a relationship. It doesn't matter. Like, you're are. Your baseline is already single. So anything you do from here, if you do want to potentially date this person, is a win.

[B]

Right?

[A]

I think we all get, like, the ego of it all. Like, being like, I got ghosted or I got left on red. I mean, if your best friend told you this story, you wouldn't be like, oh, my God, you're a freak. It feels more severe because it's your life, but the action in itself is very normal to your point. So I, I mean, I feel like just in like, of course, all I talk about dating, but I think this is. So I say how you live is how you date. Where it's like, we're so easy to be. Like, I could never get that job. I could never get that person. I could never do that. And you're, you're telling yourself these narratives, and that's why we're getting stalled, so you have to actively fight against it. So if you think someone's hot at a party, shoot the message. They don't respond. At least you tried.

[B]

I'd also do a soft, soft version.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you came in hot with a dm. Let's go get drinks. And they. They don't answer. Now you meet in public. Okay. Wow, we really connected. That felt like something I'm actually. And then you go, I'm going out with my three girlfriends to jeans this weekend. You know what? I'm gonna shoot that guy a message letting him know that me and my friends are going to jeans him. And here's a great text. You and your friends should come.

[A]

Yeah, you and your friends.

[B]

You and your friends should come. Come now. It takes a little bit of the

[A]

pressure off it, and you might like the friends more.

[B]

You never know. But you're inviting someone that you've already vetted in person. They're new. They're exciting. They're an adventure. They're not the same old group. Hey, I'm going with two friends to this bar in our neighborhood this weekend. You and your friends should come. We'll be there around 10. Meet us out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And now you don't have to do numbers. You can be out. You can enjoy whoever's at the bar if they show up. Added bonus, maybe they show up alone, and look at that. They've made a power move. Maybe they show up with two friends, and you like one of the friends, just like you said. That would be great. But I think that's, like, a good. Hey, let's take the wind out of this a little bit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I think a lot of, like, dating stuff, you really just want to get in front of the person, just like you said in the beginning. Just be at the bar and see them and make the eye contact and breathe them in a little bit.

[A]

Take the pressure out of it.

[B]

Right?

[A]

It's just a date. It's just talking to someone, like, right?

[B]

And it doesn't even have to be a date. It's. Yeah, him and his friends came, or she and her. Oh, oh, she came with her two friends. I do this all the time on the road where I, like, will reach out, and I'll be like, I, you know, I'll do this. You know, I'll go, hey, you know, I'm in town. I, you know, we. We follow each other, and I saw that. We follow each other, or I. I'll be following with someone and. And known them over the years. Hey, I'm in town. I'm doing a show this weekend. It's at 7 o' clock and it should be a lot of fun. If you and your friends want to come, I'll put some names at the door and you guys would. You're more than welcome. No pressure either way.

[A]

But you only do that to people you like, right?

[B]

I would do that to someone I want to see and spend time with. Yeah.

[A]

So. And I think that's like, in and of itself. Shoot that one text. I call it like, you know, that's your one shoot your shot text and then. Then let them do something like that. You know what I mean? So in this situation, vibes were good in person. I wouldn't send another text after that, honestly.

[B]

You wouldn't? I would do a reset. I don't think there's anything to lose.

[A]

I mean, there's nothing to lose. There's nothing to lose. But I think there's something really hot and beautiful about being wanted. And I also love a guy that can take that step. I don't need to, like, I don't need to walk him on his leash. To me, it's like, I want someone that knows what they want, want and is willing to get it. Especially if I took that initial initiative. They saw me, they should remember me.

[B]

I think it's also okay to send that text and be turned off that they came and that's what it took.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, everyone's building a resume, though.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But, like, what you're saying right now, I agree with the idea that, like, it feels good to be wanted. Like, I can't tell you how to feel. Of course. Feel however you feel. I think if you send that text, like, I think it's a great thing to, like, send that text. Hey. Hey. My friends and I are going out. I saw you the other day and we had a great vibe. I'll be at this bar at this time, and then they come and you go. It might make you see them in a different way. I took all this for you to come. Like, that's not reasonable. Yeah, but it is how you feel.

[A]

What if you like them more?

[B]

That's great.

[A]

Yeah, but what if they still don't like you and you like them?

[B]

Well, if Graham, you know, I don't

[A]

know there has to be a statute of limitations here, but you got to give a cut off time.

[B]

Well, I. I think at that point, you get into trying.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I think trying is a good thing.

[A]

I always agree. So I feel like we're on the same page. Where it's like.

[B]

But you're protecting your heart right now. Like, I, I think, you know, this is. I don't date domestically. You know, when you say, well, what if they like you and they. What if they act like you, like they like you and you like them even more. Yeah, isn't that the point?

[A]

How emotionally available do you think most people in New York car?

[B]

Not very. Cuz I think they have other passions and pursuits that they want more than a relationship.

[A]

A career can never hurt you like a man can.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

But I. Well, I've been hurt by my career, but. I know. Well, but at least the thing, career, hopefully most of the time you get back up and you're, you're in control of it.

[B]

Well, I think that's like the big difference here. You know, in New York and especially 29, you're meeting a lot of people and everyone's here for something else. It costs too much money to live in New York to be here for love, you know, like, I moved here for love.

[A]

But now every man I've ever dated, I said, just so you know, because I like to be transparent. You will always come second to my career. And I've told every single man I've ever dated, even in casual. Yeah, because I think.

[B]

Do you think that's a way of like, blocking yourself off a little bit?

[A]

I don't think it's a way of blocking. It's a way of showing that, like, I think you get one shot, especially as a young person that didn't come from anything to really make your dreams happen. And I'm not gonna let anyone get in the way of that. They can add to my life and help me build, but I'm not.

[B]

You say that. Wouldn't you say that to someone? Do you say that to them preemptively?

[A]

Well, I like to let people know what they're getting into.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Because I think, like, especially like, you know, you travel, you're on the road. Like, I'm the same way. Like, I'll be gone for like months at it. Like, you know, I'm. I'm not always here.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

So it's like you need someone that. Cause I do think there's no neutral like love. There's like, either someone that's really adding to your life and building you up, or they're taking your energy. I think a lot of times, some guys, this is just me, personally speaking, not a flat statement, but they like your shine, they like your sparkle, and then they get intimidated by it and Try to destroy your confidence.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

So it's like, no matter your gender, no matter who you're dating, it's like you have to know what your priorities are and protect it and fight for it, you know?

[B]

Sure. Well, yeah, I, it's funny until, like, I had a woman I dated and she said, she told me, I'll always be second to your career. Hated hearing that.

[A]

Was it true, though?

[B]

At the time? It probably was. And I mean, we're not together anymore, so. Yeah, so. And I didn't like hearing it because it was almost like it took away the illusion that that could change, you know, or that. And it was also kind of announcing that that would be held against me, like that that was gonna be something that was now being seen. It wasn't our pursuit, which it wasn't. I'm not saying it should be, but it just didn't feel like when that's being said to me, I was like, maybe this relationship is over.

[A]

Well, the right person will be part of the journey and they'll, they'll love that about you.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I think some people don't know what they're getting into off the jump. I think, like, we're all our PR selves. I think the first six months of our relationship, and then it's so fun to date the comedian. So fun to date. And then they see the reality of bomb a show or when you have the best show of your life, you want to part, you know, like, they never. There, there's enough.

[B]

I guess from my end, it felt like I was being told that because I didn't believe that. Like, I didn't really see it that way. I didn't, I didn't see it as this, like, totem pole.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, so in the relationship, I always felt that I was being a good boyfriend and then also pursuing this career. And then each individual decision was made on its own. It wasn't like, like career for it was more nuanced and about context of like, well, I can't make it to this event that we would normally go to because I have this other thing. It wasn't like, you know, the list.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I don't know. I, I, I think, you know, relationships are more messy than, I guess I'll come more second to that. I think it's, I don't know. I, I, I didn't like the, the, the sound of it.

[A]

Harshness of it.

[B]

Yeah. Whether it was true or not, it didn't feel like a partnership to be told that.

[A]

But I think partnership to Your point is messy. And it's like, the right person will ride that with you and, like, be there for you in the ups and downs and you'll be there for them. But I think, like, a lot of times you see this, where it's like the trope, right? Like, a very successful person with someone that might just be, like, being taken care of or something like that, or two very successful people, and they're not communicating what they need. I think, like, the nuance of communication has been really lost. And I think the grass is always greener effect is very real where it's like, instead of facing the problems that are coming from inside the house, it's better to run to something easier. So I don't know the solution, but I do think, like, compatibility isn't personal. But also, knowing your priorities before you enter into a relationship is going to save you a lot of time if

[B]

you're the guy in Berlin listening to this. This is what Tiff wants, okay? She doesn't want your bullshit WhatsApp anymore, okay? You just heard everything she wants. Tiff Bara, thank you so much for coming on. Everyone. Go check out Street Hearts. Follow if Barra on all platforms. Also, the book the Modern Dating for Dummies by Tiff Barra is out right now. Buy it. Go enjoy it. Learn about your dating life. I'm Jared Freed. We are here every Wednesday and Friday. Back on Friday. Boom. Monster Energy. Everybody knows White Monster, Zero Ultra, that's the OG it kicked off this whole zero sugar energy drink thing, but Ultra is a whole lineup now. You've got Strawberry Dreams, Blue Hawaiian Sunrise, and Vice Guava. And they all bring the Monster Energy punch. So if you've been living in the White can branch out. Ultra's got a flavor for every vibe, and every single one is Zero Sugar. Tap the banner to learn more.