U Up? Podcast – Ep: "I Got Dumped The Day After Our Anniversary"

Date: February 21, 2025 | Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid

Episode Overview

In this special "Friday Feels" episode, Jordana and Jared kick off with reflections on Jared’s 40th birthday—what that milestone means, the pressures and freedoms of aging, and how it reframes their approach to dating, relationships, and self-reflection. The episode then pivots to listener emails—focusing on two scenarios: a breakup ambush right after an anniversary and the dilemma of reconsidering a past "nice guy." Using their signature blend of humor and emotionally astute commentary, the hosts untangle the nuances of what counts as truly dramatic or "petty" in a breakup, and the real reasons "the ick" happens.

This summary skips ads and intros—jumping into the best of the conversation.

Birthday Musings & Life Transitions

(01:08–14:00)

• Jared turns 40: The episode begins with Jordana and Jared discussing how milestone birthdays hit differently for men and women, with Jared reflecting on turning 40 and the expectations or stereotypes that come with it.
  • Quote (03:43, Jared): "I'm 40. I got no time. I'm, I'm, I'm almost dead. I'm closer to death than I am to life."
• Panels, adulthood & self-reflection: They riff humorously on the NYC obsession with panels as (Jordana calls it) "the female version of a circle jerk"—a place where people mostly congratulate each other but perhaps don’t actually learn a thing.
  • Quote (05:40, Jordana): "A panel is the female version of a circle jerk. It's just me congratulating you on your success. You congratulate me on mine..."
• Jared’s goals for his 40s: The conversation dives into how aging can bring clarity and freedom from worrying what others think. Jared hopes to focus less on indecision, be more decisive, and maybe find more fulfillment in relationships—after a last "hurrah" in Australia.
  • Quote (09:00, Jared): "I want to concentrate less on what other people think...and just do what I want."
  • Quote (12:02, Jared): "I'm still a 40 year old dreamer. Which is good—I feel a little crazy...I’ve put a lot aside to keep dreaming."

Petty or Prudent: "I Got Dumped the Day After Our Anniversary"

(21:02–27:20)

• Listener dilemma: A woman writes in about being "blindsided" when her boyfriend broke up with her the night after making a big anniversary gesture—flowers, chocolates, an elaborate dinner. During the breakup, she begins gathering gifts and mementos into a trash bag, handing them back while he's still mid-sentence.
• Jared & Jordana break it down:
  • Dramatic, but not petty: Both hosts agree the act is dramatic ("Spanish soap opera") but not petty. In mid-breakup, emotions run high; returning gifts is fair.
    • Quote (23:43, Jared): "It's a little Spanish Soap opera...but I would also say it's not petty. Not petty at all."
    • Quote (25:10, Jared): "None of this is petty. I think you are allowed to have emotions when you're broken up with."
  • Blindsided? Not really: They challenge the listener’s claim of being blindsided, pointing to her own admission of fighting and being "on again, off again."
    • Quote (23:57, Jared): "Can we stop saying you were blindsided?...If you say in the same sentence, we were in an on again, off again relationship, and then I was blindsided—you sound crazy."
  • Anniversary gesture = closure? The hosts debate why someone might make a grand gesture right before a breakup. Jared suggests it’s often the partner’s way of "trying," or to avoid conflict rather than to signal romance.
    • Quote (27:21, Jared): "People like to try. I think that's his version of trying."
• Bottom line:
  • Dramatic? Yes. Petty? No.
  • If in doubt, "let the baby cry it out" and do what you need to move on.

When You Rethink Breaking Up with the "Nice Guy"

(34:18–44:29)

• Listener dilemma: A 29-year-old writes in: After three dates with a very eager, sweet guy who came on "hot" with romantic gestures, she felt "the ick" despite good chemistry—even "10 out of 10 sex." Now (months, bad dates and situationships later), she's wondering if she should reach out, or if it’s just loneliness.
• Dissecting "the ick" and romantic regret:
  • Jordana’s skepticism: She questions the possibility of "10/10 sex" if true ick is there—suggesting the listener might be more ambivalent than she admits.
    • Quote (37:26, Jordana): "I don't understand how you could describe the sex as a 10 out of 10 with someone that you felt an ick with…that sentence doesn't make sense to me."
  • Why do the nice guys repel? They note the common pattern: A "nice guy" feels too available or enthusiastic, which can be a turn-off if the woman isn’t emotionally ready or doesn’t see him as a fit.
    • Quote (36:07, Jared): "I think a lot of women get afraid they’ll lose the ability to complain about their dating life if they say no to someone who checks a lot of boxes."
  • When is it okay to reach out to an ex? Jared lays out a rule: Only reach out if you’re certain about wanting them—not just because you’re lonely. If you just "run into" each other, that’s more organic and lower stakes.
    • Quote (41:07, Jared): "If you reach out to him and I have this thought, when I think of reaching out to someone from my past, I go, my body told me not to. My body."
    • Quote (43:10, Jared): "You can do whatever you want. She can reach out to him if she wants...I just think she's writing this because she knows the answer."
• Therapy vs. reaching out:
  • Both encourage the listener to resist the urge to text the ex for validation or reassurance and instead talk to a professional to unpack recurring dating patterns.
    • Quote (44:17, Jordana): "Instead of texting him, I would text a professional. And then if you really want to do it after speaking to that person for a while, maybe..."

Reflections on Emotional Safety & Being Yourself

(29:14–32:29)

• Feeling "safe" enough to be your real self: The hosts reflect on envy for people (like Jared's brother) who feel totally free to be in a "bad mood" with a partner—no performative patience, no people-pleasing.
  • Quote (31:00, Jared): "I think it's a bad thing to be very patient. I'm so patient that I'm willing to yes-man, make myself worse off, and resent something rather than say [how I feel]."
• A new decade, a new approach: Jared plans to be less patient—or rather, less bottling—in his 40s.

Notable Quotes & Moments (by Timestamp)

• On milestone birthdays:
  • 03:43 (Jared): "I'm 40. I got no time. I'm, I'm, I'm almost dead. I'm closer to death than I am to life."
• On 'the panel' culture:
  • 05:40 (Jordana): "A panel is the female version of a circle jerk."
• On breakup etiquette:
  • 23:57 (Jared): "Can we stop saying you were blindsided?...If you say in the same sentence, we were in an on again, off again relationship, and then I was blindsided—you sound crazy."
  • 25:10 (Jared): "None of this is petty. I think you are allowed to have emotions when you're broken up with."
• On 'the ick' and sex:
  • 37:26 (Jordana): "That sentence doesn't make sense to me. I don't understand how you could describe the sex as a 10 out of 10 with someone that you felt an ick with."
• On reaching out to an ex:
  • 41:07 (Jared): "My body told me not to."
  • 44:17 (Jordana): "Instead of texting him, I would text a professional."

Final Takeaways

• Be dramatic if you must during a breakup, but don’t call it petty if you’re just protecting yourself.
• If your body told you not to date someone, trust it—don’t reach out just because you’re lonely.
• Aging can mean caring less about what others think—but you have to consciously choose not to bottle up your needs or desire for change.
• Panels may be useless, but facing your own issues in dating and relationships is where the real work begins.