U Up? Podcast: “I Spoke to My Partner’s Mistress & This Is What She Told Me”

Featuring: Jordana Abraham, Jared Freid (hosts), Julie Kraftchick & UA (Dateable Podcast)
Release Date: September 19, 2025

Episode Overview

This candid, laughter-filled episode of U Up? brings on Julie Kraftchick and UA, co-hosts of the Dateable Podcast and co-authors of How to Be Dateable. The group delves into the evolution of modern dating, drawing from personal stories and lessons learned over a decade of podcasting, writing, and real-life relationship ups and downs. Highlighting topics like breakups, infidelity, self-growth, and reclaiming your dating “archetype,” the conversation also features a memorable recount of UA’s confrontation with “the other woman.” The episode rounds out with an “Icky or Picky” dating dilemma, giving practical and nuanced dating advice.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Weddings, Friendship, and Growth in Dating:

• Julie shares about her recent wedding, which UA officiated, highlighting the unique bond they've formed through ten years of working together.
  • [03:55] UA: “It was a huge honor, though. It was so fun ... this was a graduation from everything we've been discussing for 10 years.”
• UA crafted a personal ceremony by sending questionnaires to the couple, weaving their responses into an emotional narrative.
• The group discusses how close professional and personal ties add meaning to significant life events.

2. Evolving in Love: From Serial Situationships to Real Partnership

• Julie’s journey from being “type A” about dating to finding the right partner is explored.
  • Achiever and Dreamer archetypes shaped her earlier approach – overplanning, living in the fantasy, staying too long in situationships.
  • [09:56] Julie: “You can't control it. You can only control how you show up.”
• The shift came when Julie realized life single was pretty great and would only let someone in if they were truly an addition, not a necessity.
  • [07:32] UA: “Covid... Julie realized, if I need to be alone for the rest of my life, this is pretty good... if someone comes into my life now, it's going to be an value add ...”
• A pivotal moment: Guidance from a medium to keep going after rejection helped Julie become more resilient and selective.
• She recounts ending it swiftly with a guy who faded, rather than hanging on (“the new me was able to just ... say, like, hey, if you're not able to make the time...all good. But ... I'm going to move on” - [13:59] Julie).

3. Dateable Podcast Archetypes & Vulnerability in Dating

• Archetype Quiz: Julie and UA discuss their dating archetypes: Achiever, Dreamer (Julie), Maverick (UA), and Thinker (UA’s partner).
  • Different strengths/obstacles for each archetype.
  • Recognizing patterns leads to healthier boundaries and better choices.
  • [23:49] UA: “Maverick through and through ... what was getting in my way ... we don't let people in that easily ... when I feel like my independence is threatened ... I push people away or I run away.”
• UA reflects on how her “Maverick” independence once led her to prematurely end relationships instead of giving vulnerability a chance, a pattern she’s worked to shift.

4. Infidelity & Radical Honesty: Interviewing “The Other Woman”

• UA recounts a past five-year relationship that ended in infidelity—while in the middle of co-writing How to Be Dateable.
  • [29:31] UA: “Can you imagine writing a book called how to be dateable and finding out your boyfriend of five years been cheating on you? It's not a great feeling... But in hindsight, the best thing to have happened to me and also to our book.”
• Instead of hiding, UA leaned into the pain by tracking down her ex’s mistress and bringing her onto the Dateable podcast for a two-hour conversation.
  • [31:43] UA: “We had the Other Woman on our podcast. We interviewed her because she did not know about me.”
  • The other woman had no idea UA existed and ended things with the man once she learned the truth.
  • This segment spotlights radical transparency, healing, and the power of channeling personal pain into growth and education for others.

5. Dating App Transparency, Self-Trust, and Resilience

• Hosts discuss the anxiety around “wasting time” and fearing deceitful partners—a core concern in modern dating.
  • [36:20] Jordana: “There's a certain level of self trust...I will be able to move on if ... this person isn't the person I thought.”
• The episode advocates not for perfect vetting but for self-awareness, resilience, and quick exits when red flags appear.

Memorable Quotes

• UA on Growth Through Infidelity:

  “It's not about what happens to us in life because that is out of our control... What is in my control are my values and what I act on.... I'm going to transcend this and in fact I'm going to tell this story ... so everyone's going to know what happened and I'm not trying to hide it.”
  • [30:28]

• Julie on Letting Go:

  “I was the queen of situationships for years because I saw that great first date and didn't see all the subsequent behavior ... a huge shift ... was recognizing those patterns and being able to exit quicker to the wrong people.”
  • [10:55]

• Jared on the Weight of Podcasting While Dating:

  “I do represent the podcast and I, you know, have to back up my words ... when I go on a date...”
  • [28:03]

• On Archetypes in Relationships (UA & Julie):

  “As someone that's watched UA's Journey ... what I love ... about their relationship is that she is the best side of herself. ...In this one, you are [your true self].”
  • [27:31]

[40:07] - “Icky or Picky” Segment (Dating Dilemma Game)

Scenario:
A woman’s Bumble date picks a fancy restaurant and tells her he’s excited to see her dressed up. She goes all out; he arrives in tattered sneakers, jeans, and an Eagles t-shirt. She’s embarrassed and asks: is it an “ick” (dealbreaker) or is she being “picky”?

Discussion Highlights:

• Julie and UA generally say “picky,” noting fashion is subjective, but acknowledge the built-up expectations made this situation feel “ickier.”
  • [41:18] UA: “I think she's being picky ... people’s fashion sense is subjective ... maybe that's what he thinks is dressing up.”
• Jordana and Jared suggest a mismatch between words and actions, and that the man’s sexualized tone (anticipating her “dressing up”) made it feel transactional.
  • [44:36] Jordana: “It's like sexual. It feels like overly sexual.”
  • [44:45] Jared: “Noticing someone's fashion and then being dressed down ... feels like it doesn't go together.”
• The consensus: mismatched expectations brought on by communication, not necessarily the clothes themselves, were the real “ick.”

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:55] — UA on officiating Julie’s wedding, weaving their story into the ceremony.
• [07:32] — UA describes Julie’s critical shifts in her dating mindset.
• [09:56] — Julie on dating archetypes and her growth from “achiever/dreamer.”
• [13:59] — Julie on how she handled a fading love interest, citing her new resilience.
• [23:49] — UA on being a “Maverick” archetype and her struggle with vulnerability.
• [29:31] — UA on heartbreak, infidelity, and maintaining a dating brand.
• [31:43] — UA’s confrontation with “the other woman” and turning pain into podcast content.
• [36:20] — Discussion on self-trust and dating resilience.
• [40:07] — Icky or Picky: The case of the underdressed date.
• [44:36] — Hosts’ take on the underlying “ickiness” of mixed signals.

Tone & Atmosphere

• Casual, funny, honest, and supportive, with plenty of personal storytelling and vulnerability.
• Real acknowledgment of dating world messiness—no sugar-coating, but grounded in optimism and empowerment.

Takeaways

• Reframe Heartbreak: It’s not about avoiding pain, but growing from it and telling your own story.
• Know Yourself: Understanding your dating archetype (achiever, dreamer, maverick, thinker, etc.) can clarify dating strengths and blind spots.
• Communicate Clearly: Mismatched expectations (even in dress code) often boil down to unclear communication and unmet needs.
• Self-Trust: The best dating “defense” is self-trust—the ability to walk away quickly when something feels wrong.

Recommended Next Actions:

• Check out the Dateable Podcast’s episode “The Other Woman” for UA’s full story
• Explore the Dateable dating archetype quiz for self-discovery
• Read How to Be Dateable for more insights
• Listen for more “Icky or Picky” dating dilemmas with Jordana and Jared