Is A 14 Year Age Gap Too Much? ft Yamaneika Saunders

Summary

U Up? Podcast — Episode Summary

Episode: Is A 14 Year Age Gap Too Much? ft. Yamaneika Saunders
Hosts: Jared Freid, Yamaneika Saunders (guest co-host)
Date: February 25, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into the realities, challenges, and amusements of dating with significant age differences, particularly from a woman's perspective. Jared Freid and guest comedian Yamaneika Saunders discuss Yamaneika’s ongoing situationship with a much younger man, societal attitudes toward age-gap relationships, and broader dating conundrums submitted by listeners. With unfiltered humor and honesty, topics range from sexual confidence, video game debates in relationships, to the lingering myths around “body count” and intimacy expectations.

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Main Discussion Segments

1. Catching Up & Jordana Update

• [01:00] Jared introduces Yamaneika and mentions co-host Jordana’s ongoing maternity leave, recounting the “miracle” of her having twins via pregnancy and surrogacy, sparking reflection on life timing for women.
• Yamaneika on age and motherhood:
  “I'm three years away from 50 … and I really am thinking about, like, what am I gonna do in motherhood? Like, I have to make a decision now, you know, while the walls are still caving in on me.” [02:47]

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2. Yamaneika’s Dating Life & Age-Gap Romance

• [04:00] – [20:00] An in-depth comedic but real discussion about Yamaneika (47) dating a 33-year-old man.

  • Yamaneika shares how her confidence and self-worth have shifted with age, now refusing to “waste time” with men who aren't enthusiastic about her from the start.
  • Calls out societal pressure for women to “not expect too much” and urges listeners, “Love me now. No, no, no, no. Now, right? You've seen everything.” [06:51]

• On the 14-year age gap:

  • "My friend was like, you could be his mom. I was like, I'm only 14 years older … Oops, I could have..." [12:16]
  • Jared reframes her concern: "I think you're too caught up on the age. I think his age has nothing to do with your age. … Him being 33, he's an adult man. He can make his own decisions… He's not a baby." [11:36]

• Chemistry & Sexuality:

  • Yamaneika describes the dynamic, chemistry, and her spiritual approach to sex:
    "Everything that I do as a Scorpio is spiritual. Sex is spiritual… If I don't know you, how can I? We just fucking. And I don't like that." [14:35]
  • Candid talk about great sex: "A couple times I sucked the condom off his dick. … I was clenching so much..." [18:32]
  • On aging and confidence: "When you get older, the way you don't give a shit... Seven years ago, I'd be like, I would never say any of this." [19:07]

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3. Listener Emails & Dating Dilemmas

a) Boyfriend’s Video Game Habit

• [22:52] – [37:11] Email from a man whose girlfriend resents his gaming habit.
  • Yamaneika’s strong gaming perspective: "I would leave her immediately. Game over. There's no explaining to her—he's already done it." [23:53]
  • Jared questions whether it’s not the gaming itself but the emotional withdrawal when arguing that's the issue.
  • Both hosts highlight the need for honest communication without demonizing hobbies and discuss unhealthy relationship dynamics where any separate activity is perceived as abandonment.

b) “Petty or Prudent”: The Witch Flyer

• [39:09] – [46:34]
  • Email about a break-up revenge flyer seeking a witch to curse an ex, seen posted in Philly.
  • Yamaneika: “Don't wish your ex ill. Even if they did ill to you … That energy is a waste of time when you wish your ex ill.” [41:46, 43:09]
  • Jared: “It’s hard because they can never get … Life is never gonna get bad enough for them. If it does, you’ll feel kind of badly.” [42:09]
  • Both mostly see the flyer as a cathartic, harmless art project since no names were given.

c) Red Flag or Dealbreaker Games

• Kitten Stroller Walks
  [46:47] – [49:57]

  • A woman is embarrassed by her boyfriend walking a kitten in a stroller.
  • Both hosts agree it’s not a dealbreaker, even read as positive: “If my man walked a kitten in a stroller, I would suck his dick on the street.” (Yamaneika, [48:55])
  • Commend the boyfriend for doing something "that won’t get him laid," seeing it as secure selflessness.

• Body Count Confessions & Age Gaps
  [50:04] – [60:54]

  • 37-year-old woman is dating a 24-year-old man and is anxious about sharing her body count of 52 (his is 5).
  • Yamaneika reflects on energy exchange in relationships: "That's a lot of energy exchange and spirit exchange. … It is draining. And then I have less to give to the next." [51:45]
  • Jared sees “body count” as a noisy but ultimately irrelevant distraction, encouraging openness but warning against self-stigmatization.
  • Both agree: the real concern with large age gaps is whether the younger partner has finished "finding themselves," not necessarily their number of sexual experiences.
  • On men asking about body count: “If you and I don’t work out… now I gotta add you to the roster!” [56:21]

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On self-worth and aging:
  “If you can't quickly get on board with how amazing I am, you gotta beat it, right? Like, and instantly.” – Yamaneika [06:00]

• On refusing to perform emotional labor for men:
  "We're taught to be men's peace, right? …But no, nigga, now. Love me now. No, no, no, no. Now." – Yamaneika [06:51]

• On generational growth:
  “That jump from 24 to 30 has a lot of growth in it… and you've already hit three of them growths that he hasn't hit yet.” – Yamaneika [59:48]

• On pet-related dealbreakers:
  "If my man walked a kitten in a stroller, I would suck his dick on the street." – Yamaneika [48:55]

• On body count and maturity:
  “When someone asks for a body count, you know… you're showing that you are insecure about other people. …I would never ask the question because I don't care." – Jared [57:14]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:00] – Jordana update & reflections on motherhood age
• [04:00–20:00] – Yamaneika’s age-gap dating breakdown
• [22:52] – Gaming argument listener email
• [39:09] – “Petty or Prudent” witch flyer segment
• [46:47] – Kitten stroller red flag
• [50:04] – Body count/age gap relationship deep dive

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Episode Takeaways

• Age Gaps: They’re not inherently problematic, but both parties need self-awareness around life stage and priorities.
• Self-Value: Don’t compromise or make yourself smaller for a relationship—expect and demand partnership that matches your energy.
• Relationship Hobbies: It’s important (and healthy) for partners to have their own interests, and that isn’t inherently a relationship defect.
• Sex & Intimacy Stories: Cultural hangups about “body count” often distract from the more important question—are both people ready for what they want, and can they be honest about it?
• Humor as Healing: Serial dating fails and wild “witch revenge” fantasies are best enjoyed as personal catharsis—not weapons.

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Hosts’ Social Media:

• Yamaneika Saunders: On tour with Chelsea Handler, follow for dates and comedy clips
• Jared Freid: Instagram @jaredfreid, performing nationwide

Follow the podcast:
@u.up.podcast on Instagram
Subscribe for bonus eps at subscribe.betches.com

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This episode is full of laughs, affirmations, and unfiltered realness—a must-listen for anyone considering dating younger, setting boundaries, or simply trying to get through their love life with a little more humor and self-respect.

Transcript

[A]

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[A]

No, for real, I would love that. I have a three bedroom.

[B]

Okay. I'm serious.

[A]

A ten minute walk from the beach.

[B]

I would love to do that. I'm gonna. I'm gonna hit you up about some times you're ever.

[A]

Especially if you're doing Florida. If you're doing a town. Yeah, yeah, yeah, let me know.

[B]

I got. Well, Florida's on my do not perform list, but.

[A]

Oh, really? Hello and welcome to the you up podcast. I'm Jared Freedom.

[B]

I'm Yamanika Saunders and I am so

[A]

excited that my good friend Yamanika is here. This is a long time in the making.

[B]

Long time.

[A]

We continue the Jordana Abraham Marinelli maternity leave. We wish her well. If you want to hear from Jordana, are you up with benefits episode? You can sign up. Five bucks a month. Two extra podcasts a month. We've got early episodes. No ads. Sign up. So you can hear from Jordana and her mother. Mothership. Motherhood journey. Yes, you can hear all about her motherhood journey. It's a journey. Y. I'm so happy you're here. You're one of the guests that I have had on my podcast.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That I was like, when Jordana gets out of here. Yeah, I need my Yaman.

[B]

No, I'm glad. Listen. No, Jordana, the baby. Everything. Blessings to you. I'm so happy for everything. What a beautiful time in your life, bringing in a baby and two babies. That was two. Two twins.

[A]

She's having twiblings, so she's having a baby and then the surrogate's having a baby. So she was. She was having pregnancy troubles and then she got a surrogate and then within a month of getting the surrogate, she got pregnant. It's a miracle. You're speechless.

[B]

I'm speechless.

[A]

It doesn't happen.

[B]

Does not happen to me. And what a bless because you know what I'm processing is like sometimes we do things and God has a plan, and it's almost like, so. But in that plan, he already had the plan that this was coming. But the. But they already had planned. But both of the plans are all now here and part of God's bigger plan.

[A]

It made me, like, actually, like, emotional. Like, to hear when she gave me the full story, I was like, yeah, it's like, it's supposed to happen that way. It's.

[B]

But he had her. You know what I'm saying? Like, he had her. And I get it. Like, I'm three years away from 50, really, at the end of this year, two years, and I really am thinking about, like, what am I gonna do in motherhood? Like, I have to make a decision now, you know, while the walls are still caving in on me. Shut it. Shut it down. You know, but, you know, it's like. But, you know, I just had a

[A]

visual of just your vagina going.

[B]

It's.

[A]

We're about to be shutting down down here, honey. Last call.

[B]

Oh, yeah. No, it's the hu. Games in the final season. It's. You know, but you know what I'm. What I'm appreciative about is that at least now we're in a better time for women, just, like, emotionally with some of things that science has said is okay for us. Like, before, it's always like, women had to shut down. You don't do this about 25. You don't do about 30, 35. And it's like the way women were shutting their lives down quickly because they thought they didn't have time. And then you have women who are in their 50s who are having children and stuff like that. I'm not saying that, you know, that should be the way, but I'm just saying. Good. Now that women who thought they never had an opportunity to experience other things in their life other than motherhood are still able to experience motherhood after having other journeys.

[A]

Now, how are you? I want to hear about your dating life. Single, you know, I. I feel like I've gone. I've, like, walked with you through the dating journey of your life. You look amazing.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Are you dating? Are you staying away? You know, I remember one time I had you on the podcast, and you were like, it's. It's. No. You're like, no men, 20, 22 or something, and you've gone back. Where. Where are you now? What's the Yaman, you know, motto? This. These.

[B]

This time around, every time I. I sit down with you, right? In this capacity.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

There's Always some man. I'm going to talk about that when. When we go back into the annals of. Of the archives of us, right, and our podcasting. Yes, right. There's some man I've given credit to or talked about that is completely useless. So when I go back and I listen to it, I go, ugh. I even gave him space and time, right? So what I will say is there is a very young gentleman.

[A]

Young, young.

[B]

He's 33. I am 47. And I'm only bringing him up because I think it's a good example for people. I don't know where I'm going to lay with this guy. All I know is at this point

[A]

in time, I know where you're laying.

[B]

I am. I am very. I'm very intrigued by him. But he is everything that I know. God told me not to have, not to have, not to have.

[A]

Give me what, Describe him.

[B]

He is too young at 47 and he's 33.

[A]

You think that's too young?

[B]

Absolutely. At 47 and he's 33. To me, I'm always teetering on how soon is he going to get bored and how soon am I gonna get bored? Like the way I'm also somebody who, you know, women, I catch a lot of flack because I'm a very outspoken woman, right? And especially big black woman. Everybody hates that, right? And it's. People are constantly on a mission. Cheri, shut up. People are constantly on a mission to make sure that they get an opportunity to check my self esteem. Right? And what I realize now, as I've gotten older and, yeah, a lot has happened with me just working on myself and feeling about myself physically and emotionally, that if you can't quickly get on board with how amazing I am, you gotta beat it, right? Like, and instantly. And it's not like this guy that I'm talking, he thinks, he's like, I'm not giving you. You're not getting what you want from me. And I can tell that frustrates you. Simple things that I want. And before, as a woman I would go, we were taught to not to be men's peace, right? And not to expect too much and not to ask for too much. Like, don't ask him about his career. Just love him and. But no, nigga, now. Love me now. No, no, no, no. Now, right? You've seen everything.

[A]

This is it.

[B]

This is it, right? And when you can love me, I can then in turn love you. Because I'm tired of loving. And we're not at a place of like, love like that. Like we just kind of like, whatever, but like the way I have, like, I don't want women to waste their time anymore with a man who's not 100% down for your rock. And he ain't got to develop it, he ain't got to learn it. He got it.

[A]

Well, can I do some. Let me do the Brosetta stone here. Okay. What you just said.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It kind of translates to me as like, no one should be debated.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, like, you know, it sounds that like you're like, hey, this is.

[B]

Don't debate me.

[A]

Right. I'm 47.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I. This is it. Yeah. It ain't changing.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You can see it. I'm pretty open. I'm honest.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, have at it or don't, but don't be in between.

[B]

You wear plus sized black women well.

[A]

I do. I wear them well.

[B]

I. I love that. I feel now I can take it off me. I'm bur. Like, cuz I'm not plus size anymore.

[A]

Yeah. I'm so happy you're here. I'm so. You got a guy that's out there that you're like, I. To me, this is you sending a message to him on this podcast. You're basically saying like, hey, make a move.

[B]

I'm gonna call this when we done.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

As soon as we done. I'm going to give him a. Because I get, you know, he's saying that I'm. He's like, go with the flow. It's, you know, you trying to get everything now. And he's right. I'm trying to love him now.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But I'm also. I've been. I'm at 47. I cannot. I already know that I like you beyond whatever because I wouldn't even deal with you. Right, right, right. I wouldn't even. We wouldn't even gotten here.

[A]

This is the problem with, you know, you fix up your friends once they get above a certain age, once they've developed their taste.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And your friend says, I don't think they're for me. And then they go, no, no, no. Just go. And you're like, need to see anymore.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

I. I'm not gonna go somewhere I'm not excited about. I'm not eating at the place. I haven't seen the menu yet.

[B]

I don't know if I want to put this person out on Front street because it's a really good friend of mine. So I'm not going to say anything.

[A]

No, we won't Name names. Yamanika be is on the High and Mighty tour with Chelsea Handler.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And if you go to a channel

[B]

starting at the end of this month.

[A]

There we go. So Yaminika is going to be on the road. If you want to see Yaminika live, which I would, I would beg you to do. I shouldn't have to beg you. She's so funny. I'll. Then you'll thank me later. So go and follow at Yamana. Yeah, she is so, so funny.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

Out February 25th. I will be a 41 year old man by this point.

[B]

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy motherfucker. Are you a Pisces?

[A]

I am. Are you?

[B]

No, I'm a Scorpio. But the guy I'm talking about is a Pisces. I've never dated a PI. And you know what's so funny? I said all of my friends, really good friends that I who are male have only been Pisces males. Like, not only males, but I'm just saying, like all my friends who are Pisces, I've never been in anything romantic with the Pisces, but I know that I love Pisces men. They comfort me, they support me.

[A]

I just, I just comforted you.

[B]

I know you. Even when I was with that. You know what I'm talking about, you was there to support me.

[A]

That's not the name I gave.

[B]

No, I know, I know. Okay, sorry, I forgot where my. I'm sorry. I know a couple things. Okay. Yeah, you can say whatever you want. No, no, no.

[A]

I just want to make sure people know that that's, that's a nickname that I go. Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

[B]

No, Jared. But you. Jared was so like. I love Jared so much. And Jared has always been loving to me, kind to me. The way I remember the first time you introduced me to your brother. The way you introduced me. Just like a friend. Of course, like with, like it was. I said, yo, Jared, really fuck with me. That's. I, that's why I really loved you then. And like, you've been so supportive to me and this is how I love a Pisces. But in the love thing, I don't think it's working. And Pisces are supposed to be like compatible with Scorpio.

[A]

I'm happy to hear that. This is, this is exciting.

[B]

So let me. Can I do this with you real quick?

[A]

Do whatever you'd like.

[B]

You him. I'm me. Tell me what I'm doing wrong.

[A]

Okay, I'm him. Let's act it out now.

[B]

I met this guy. He's 33. I'm 47.

[A]

I think you're too caught up on the age. I hear you. I like. I think his age has nothing to do with your age. I think you're 47. You know what you want. You deserve to be. You're not debatable. I think those are all truths.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Him being 33, he's an adult man. He can make his own decisions.

[B]

He.

[A]

He knows what to do. He's not an idiot. You know, he's not a baby.

[B]

But Jared, there's so much from 33 to 47. Let's lived that.

[A]

That you lived. But that's not. That's not your responsibility. I think the way you keep bringing up his age, I keep hearing that and I'm like, don't let that get in your way.

[B]

That's the number one thing in my life.

[A]

I know I like younger guys, but damn.

[B]

My friend was like, you could be his mom. I was like, I'm only 14 years old. And she was like, where'd you get your period? I was like, oops, I could have. I could have. If I was in one of those after school programs, right?

[A]

There would be a TV show about him.

[B]

I could have been. Yeah, 12 and Mama. Well, 14 and Mama. I could. I got my period at 12. I could have been. He could have been my two year old son.

[A]

Okay, I guess I don't have to ask my next question. I was going to ask what age you got your period. And I guess we can cross that off the list. I didn't think we'd get ahead you really.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So hold on. Let's act it out.

[B]

Okay. We hooked up.

[A]

Okay. Kiss. Okay.

[B]

I don't want to give too much away, but he got to watch me for a weekend, so we can. He got to watch me for a weekend. You got to watch me perform for a weekend.

[A]

I was like, that's quite a way to talk about.

[B]

Doesn't know. Like is. Has no idea of me. Right. But is what. So we just. I'm trying to let you know how he.

[A]

Okay. How he came about.

[B]

So I just wanted to somebody. Right. Because I was dealing with this guy who was a loser. He hit on me. He made this whole thing. Come to find out this man is engaged to a pastor.

[A]

Hey.

[B]

I was set to go. It's gonna be a different sermon. Yeah, that's a whole thing. So I was set to go deal with him. I found out that he had A fiance and was like, I'm not dealing with him. But I'd already set up everything to be like having like a romantic weekend when I was on my. You know where I was going.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I was like, I'm just gonna fuck somebody. So I. This guy, you know, I saw him. He was at the place. You know, he's handsome, you know, whatever. He was attractive, sexy. I like the way that he made me feel, you know, secure, which is difficult sometimes for a man to make me feel secure because, you know, I. I went to go get tattoos with my sister, right. We just got these pinky ring, pinky fingers. And so we went and got it and he went with us to go. And I was just like, wow, I got to talk to him. It was like interest there. But, you know, when you fuck somebody for me, I like to. You know what I mean? So. But I really gotta. I gotta know you to really. Because it just seems.

[A]

Because you want to let go.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You want to be able to be trusting.

[B]

I want to mean everything that I do as a Scorpio is spiritual. Sex is spiritual. So everything I'm doing to you is specifically because I want to do this to you. There's a certain energy that I'm trying to give. If I don't know you, how can I. We just fucking. And I don't like that. So I know I'm gonna be in a space to see. We're also long distance with trying to get to know each other. So I'm. I'm in this space where like, I Norma see him in like a couple weeks. Let's. Because when I. You. The next time I wanted to be like, oh, this is like this thing turned me on and that.

[A]

Then we.

[B]

When he had this car and you just blew my mind with this book. And he's sort of like, yeah, he's all down. He's like, I want to be a part of the day to day. But do you want to be a part of the day to day? Because then it's like, if I send you something and it's a cutesy thing, why can't you just be like, oh, that's hot? You know what I mean? And not like, he's like, you want me to say it's hot, but I'm not that kind of guy to be like, it's hot.

[A]

So you're trying to have conversations with him through the day. You're trying to, like, get to know him a little bit. And he's.

[B]

Which we're doing. We're on the phone, like, a lot. We're FaceTiming. We're doing all that, but it's like the little tiny, like, can you give? Like, part of it is like, we're not a cup. We're not any. We're learning, trying to figure out if whatever.

[A]

Out of the dynamic work.

[B]

But the other part of what we got going on while we're learning is this sex thing, right? Because I'm gonna fuck you, right? So let's get the fucking energy up. You know what I mean?

[A]

So you're trying to get him to talk a little sexy to you. Yeah, he's jacking away.

[B]

It's not even that.

[A]

It's like he's giving you nothing.

[B]

Everything with him is like. It's. It's. It's not even like, a guy who's like, I don't like this girl. I don't want to do that. It's because I know he does. Like, right?

[A]

You know he does.

[B]

But he's like, everything is like, if I do this, then I'm some kind of punk. You know what I mean? Like, is he.

[A]

He's playing it too cool.

[B]

Way too cool. And then also knowing, right? I said. He goes. I go, what do you think I want? Because he thinks he knows what I want. He goes, you. I know you want love. You want somebody to protect you, make you feel secure. You want some? He told me. I said, okay, so what's wrong with that if that's. He goes, nothing. I.

[A]

Okay, so let's. Let's keep it going.

[B]

But I feel like that's a Pisces man, like, something.

[A]

He's overthinking it, I think.

[B]

Pisces Men.

[A]

Yeah, that.

[B]

That cool thing that I love about y' all as friends is the I can't deal with and no love.

[A]

It's also the. I think the Pisces thing is, like, there's, like, an overthinking going on, like, with him. Yeah. He is so in touch with what he thinks about you and thinks about himself and where he thinks you want it to go. And then, like, I think also, like, for myself, like, if I'm getting farther ahead with someone, emotionally, I'm like, am I making promises that I can't keep?

[B]

He says he. He'll say something, and then he says it again, and I go, why did you change? He goes, I wanna make sure I choose my words very carefully. So I'm like, what is who, what? But also, that makes sense.

[A]

So when are you gonna see him again?

[B]

I'm gonna See him in a couple. Like, I'm really trying to see him next week, to be honest. I might run the shit up.

[A]

How was the sex?

[B]

That's what I'm trying to seem like, but not only. I'm at the age where I understand, like, for me, it's not a great guy. For me, sexually is not a guy who's great in bed. It's a guy who is great and brings out the greatness in me and I bring out the greatness in him. We're great together. So what I liked is the synergy between the two of us. I don't know how he has sex with other women and he don't know how to.

[A]

It doesn't matter.

[B]

But the way we had sex was fantastic. Yeah, it was great.

[A]

Listen, we're happy for Yamanika. We're happy for her vagina. We're happy for this guy's penis.

[B]

We're happy for the whole group.

[A]

That penis.

[B]

Oh, man, I would love to.

[A]

I would love to turn on a podcast and hear a woman. That penis.

[B]

That. It was great.

[A]

You know, it's like what makes a great penis.

[B]

When you. Clint. Like when you want to clinch. You know what I'm saying? Like, when you clinch up on it, like, and like, you really want to. You trying to feel like the way like a couple times I sucked the condom off his dick. Cause it was just. I was clenching so much, we had to like, oh, my God, you have

[A]

been in the gym.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I think bigger women. Not to stereotype, but I think we just have tight pussies. To be honest with you. I've always been tight and.

[A]

Yo, Vanika.

[B]

I know. I'm sorry.

[A]

This is a different episode than the Jordana episode.

[B]

Absolutely. Let me tell you something. When you. When older, when you get older, the way you don't give a about like, maybe I love it seven years ago, I've been like. I would never say any of this.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But this is why his age doesn't matter. 33. He's probably like sitting there going, holy, this is awesome. Yeah, he's probably in, like. He's probably just like, not doesn't know what to do with himself.

[C]

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[B]

Dearest gentle reader, this is Lady Alison Hammond, host of the official Bridgerton Podcast. I'll be sitting down for high tea and fancy bonbons with my favorite members of the Bridgerton cast like Luke Thompson and Yerin Ha, AKA Benedict. And so Sophie, Claudia, Jessie and Hannah Dodd, who play our beloved Bridgerton sisters Eloise and Francesca are even be holding court with Queen Charlotte herself, Golda Rocha, Val and Mama Bridgerton Ruth Gemmell. I'll also be chatting to some of the brilliant minds who bring the ton to life, such as showrunner Jess Brownow and TV legend Shonda Rhimes. You'll be able to watch our video episodes on Netflix right away. Meanwhile, audio episodes will debut weekly on Spotify, Apple, and wherever you get your podcasts. So, gentle reader, don your finest attire and ready your heart for the official Bridgerton podcast. If the Featherington carriages are rocking, do

[A]

not go a knocking.

[B]

It's a gala ball and you're all invited.

[A]

Ta da. So let's go to the emails. We're so excited Yamaneka's here. Yamaneka, Go follow, go follow. Go follow.

[B]

Please.

[A]

Is going to be on tour with Chelsea Handler, so go to those shows. Let's do the first email. You ready?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

J and J and Y. My girlfriend listens to you all the time. I thought, who better to get advice from? Jared, I saw you in Chicago. You absolutely crushed it. Now to my question. Thank you. Me, 29, and my girlfriend, 27, and I sometimes argue because she feels like all I do is play video games. For context, we live together, I cook, I clean, and we spend plenty of time together. Gaming mostly happens in my actual downtime, late at night when she's out, or on my days off while she's working. But I'll also admit that when we argue, I tend to turn to gaming. I've been gaming for over 10 years and it's always been my way to decompress and mentally check out for a bit. I don't smoke, I don't drink. This is just my thing. I'm not willing to give it up, but I do want her to feel heard and prioritized. How do I explain to my partner and that my gaming provides me a mental health break? Thanks. So I like this question. You are a gamer.

[B]

Big gamer.

[A]

Big gamer. Yeah.

[B]

I would leave her immediately.

[A]

Leave her immediately. Game over.

[B]

Game over. There's no explaining to her he's already done it. He thinks he hasn't, but he if she doesn't get that it is helping his spirit, then it's not going to work.

[A]

What about the fact that he says, I thought there was something that like, stood out to me, like maybe there's a fix here before we end it in my mind. Because he says when we argue, I tend to turn to gaming. Do you think she's like, do you think anything he would turn to during their arguments would make her angry and become something she didn't like? Is it. Is it that, like if, like if. If you were arguing with your guy and he was like, I gotta go have a cigarette, would you attack the cigarette? Like, is there like.

[B]

No, I would have already attacked a cigarette even though I smoke. Don't, don't, don't smoke. But no, no, no. Here's what this is. What I guess I'm. It's hard for me not to see it from a gaming perspective.

[A]

Right. Because you do love gaming. I know this about you.

[B]

And gaming is time consuming. It's not like you, you know, you playing or something on your phone. You know what I mean? And one, two between train stops. It's, you know, when I go, you know, I'm a big fortnite person. You know what I mean? Those matches are. If you're good, at least 25 minutes to 30 minutes of that match. You know what I'm saying? You got to get. We trying to kill and people the skill level. So it's like. And then I'm going to play, play. And I'm going to play in my downtime, like he says, right. The thing is, when you got a partner, you ain't got no downtime, right? Because your downtime is now with them. So it would behoove him to find somebody who is okay with spending time with him during his damn, you know, like they're doing shit.

[A]

Well, is that important to you? If, while you're gaming. Like, how would you suss out a boyfriend while gaming?

[B]

I. And then immediately game. Okay, that's like.

[A]

That's the move.

[B]

Yeah. I' ma you to sleep and so I can game.

[A]

That's how hard you're. This is. Sorry.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

So you, a guy, you clench the condom off of his, you go throw it away and then you're hitting up the PS2 like immediately, immediately.

[B]

Unless he's really put it down on me.

[A]

Right. And then you're tired.

[B]

Then I'm tired.

[A]

Yeah. Hopefully. We pray.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

We pray to God.

[B]

The only way I'm not gaming after sex is if we've gamed in the bed. You know, sometimes it's gaming.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, little missions, side quests.

[A]

Well, magic jewels. Find the treasure, keep digging. So what do you. I mean, I guess like so do you. The level of gamer. It sounds like this guy is. You're saying this is important enough for you to think it's like a ending issue?

[B]

You know, he said they live together, he cooks, he cleans, and he says they spend plenty of time together. That stood out to me.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So it's not a problem with him doing it. And she feels that they're not having time together. She doesn't want to compete with the gaming at all. You love to game and when you feel down and when you feel depressed and when you have anxiety, you don't turn to pills and you don't turn to your girlfriend. You turn to the game.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So at some point you have to be honest with yourself. Do you want to stay in this relationship?

[A]

You know, I didn't. It's fair. You know, I didn't. I wasn't going to bring this up. I just, I got a DM who while I was. Before we started taping. I think it relates and I didn't think it was okay. But the way what you're bringing up, it's like, because this girlfriend doesn't seem to be like giving you an out. Like the only out is to spend 100 hours a week with her. Like, like, like I don't understand what's the result she wants?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, because maybe she's upset in the relationship and she's just attacking something you like doing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's really unhealthy. But like, it's like, what's your. I did, I've done a month of like WeGovy. The LP one. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I just had a woman who claims to be a nutritionist, you know, you know, health counselor.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She sends me this like one scroll dm. It's like a full screen.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

About how I have issues with food that are severe.

[B]

And she know you like that.

[A]

She's listening to the podcast.

[B]

She goes, not off the podcast.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Not off the podcast, honey.

[A]

Off the podcast. Off the.

[B]

Let me take. No, Jared, hold on one second because I got it to defend you here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I wish somebody would think off of a podcast with people sitting down that you know enough about us and have an extension to us to present your opinion to somebody that is a flagrant foul.

[A]

Right. Diagnosis.

[B]

Right. And don't just say, you want a client, bitch. Don't come to him telling him that he's the problem.

[A]

Okay, thank you.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Well then she, she goes, she goes, you need to see. Seek a counselor to.

[B]

This is also you taking wegovy one time.

[A]

I don't know if she knew that I took it, but she was saying that you need to seek a counselor. A non dieting diet counselor. Like a no diet. I don't even. I, I didn't even know what she was talking about. It's like these people that are basically. I Think it's a therapist that helps you just not think of food at all. Like, which. Like, I don't think that like exists as a. As a. Like a final. I don't think that happens. I don't think there's a day where

[B]

you go, I'm not trying to attack white women today.

[A]

You understand?

[B]

So some of this is triggering me because only a white woman would tell you to go find a diet and diet dietitian, right? And I don't know what the fuck that means. I want to know why she sent you an email telling you anything like, she know you.

[A]

I agree with you.

[B]

That's the thing. A lot of times people think because you're a performer and you're an entertainer, you up for grabs for anything, right? If that's not an email that you would send to your. Your family member or your friend, don't send that. That's. That's demoralizing. How dare you think you the to get to come in here and tell somebody something. You. You lucky he even opened up your damn dm, because, bitch, the way I would have read your ass in the DMs. Go yourself. You got a picture?

[A]

Thank you. No, I.

[B]

You got a picture of her.

[A]

I. I'll say you're not wrong about it. Being a white woman. I.

[B]

No, I know she was white. I don't guess black women are not diet dietitian. Non dietary dietitians.

[A]

Well, the only reason I brought this up is she.

[C]

She.

[A]

Then at the end of her thing, she goes, and the wovi, the GLP ones are appetite suppressants. That's not going to help you either. It's like, so you just brought this whole thing about my personality that's so horrible. Then you. Then on the one maybe, you know, thing that could help you with your issue, you're like, and that doesn't help either unless you do it exactly the way I do it. It's like, that's not a discussion at that point. So you have to wonder with this girlfriend. I'm like, what's the discussion here?

[C]

Like, you.

[B]

No, some women are like that. No, no. Let's. Let's be very clear, okay? Let's be. And I'm gonna be frank here, okay?

[A]

And so you can also be Yamaneke.

[B]

I would be Frank Yamanika, whoever the. Now, let me explain something to you. As I've gotten older as a woman, right, this thing I'm doing, I have two little things I have to grapple with because, you know, I have a lack of experience with men, because I didn't start until I was 27.

[A]

But now you the show.

[B]

Anyway.

[A]

Hook the condom off.

[B]

Sometimes the grip is tight with your vagina. Yeah, the grippy, that is.

[A]

But I mean, I would sit there. Listen, I would sit there, I'd be like looking down, going, what? Like, my eyes would widen in such a way.

[B]

Have you ever had that? We had to take it out of you.

[A]

Well, I've had that. I've had that happen. But it's because I went a little. I couldn't get going. And I just like. It's a little mine. Mine's way sadder. My version's way sadder than the way you're telling it.

[B]

The way you're telling. Very hard for me to defend you against this dietitian because. What?

[A]

Go. Yeah, go ahead. I'm sorry.

[B]

No, I just. I want people to understand that we're like, you know, some women have to be very clear. As I've gotten older, as a woman, the way you want attention, and I'm about to heal my own self. What I just said earlier, it's the way you want attention. But you have to say to yourself, why do I want attention like that? What is missing? Because sometimes these guys really do. They doing the best they fucking can, bitch. Like you. A lot of these men are not developed mentally and emotionally. The fact that they, you know, it's. You know, this seems like a good guy. He's able to participate in a lot of what's considered to be woman domestic chores. See, he's concerned enough to send an email in.

[A]

Well, even more so, sir. But he. But he is writing in. He even said, my girlfriend's list. My girlfriend listens to you all the time. And I thought, who better to get advice on? He is crying for help so much that he's like, let me go to a podcast I know she listens to. Yeah, I'll write in so she can hear reasonable people talk this out. You know, like, he.

[B]

He didn't know where I was in a different way. Because that's also. He could be a narcissist.

[A]

This is like a lot.

[B]

That's what they do is they'll go in a gaslight and it's a double down. So we might be. Let me speak more so to the spirit, okay. Than to directly. Girl, if that man is a narcissist, leave him. You understand what I'm saying? And tell him because of the games. I know I have to be very clear now. I don't want to. Because she listen all the time. That's manipulative. But listen, when you get as a woman, you have to go, listen, what do I want? Yes, there's a man shortage. Yes, it's a lot of dust out there.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

And a lot of times women go, I just want to settle for him. I just want to do. Yeah,

[A]

a lot of penises where the condoms fall off. They don't need to be grabbed off.

[B]

Yeah, no, I. Yeah, yeah. It's a gripper. It's a dripper. I.

[A]

That's merchant. It's a gripper. It's a dripper.

[B]

It's a dripper. Lizzo got it right. But you know, it's like, yeah, some women want all of the guys attention and time and anything that is not letting her have the time and attention, she's going to get rid of it. I don't understand what the problem is if they're spending time already.

[A]

That's the thing. We're getting one side of the story. As you said. We don't know if he's like a monster and yeah, super manipulative way to like get us, his girlfriend to do what he wants. If that is not the case, I would say to him, you're right. Okay. Does she need all the attention? Is there a discussion here? That would be what my test would be if I'm him, I go to her and be like, we gotta talk about the gaming. Can I let you know how important this to me? How do you see me gaming? Like, in what world do you see me gaming? In a relationship with you and I. And if she can't really give you a version that you can start from, like at least start the negotiation. Pitch me on how you see. Because let me just let you know, gaming is a part of my life. It will be a part of my life. It is my mental health. Break from the world.

[B]

She games too.

[A]

Do we know that?

[B]

No, she gave. She's listening to you. This is gaming, right?

[A]

Oh, right, right. Yeah.

[B]

When she got time to listen to podcasts without him. When she got right. So she's doing her downtime thing.

[A]

So that's my point is like, okay, so how does it work out in your, in your view? How does my gaming work out if it doesn't? Well, that's the thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's when you find out if she's selfish. Because if she says, I don't see it at all. Yeah, well, then you don't. Then you got to go. Yeah, then, then we don't have a talk to have. If she Says, well, I don't like this when you do it this way. Maybe it's when they, when you argue and you go to the gaming, it feels like it's just your way of shutting me out. Okay. That's a totally normal. That's a fair thing to say. So to take her side a little, there might be a fair way. But I don't like when someone says a problem and then doesn't give a solution. Yeah, I don't like when someone says, oh, you like I've had. Oh, you're always like my family. Well, you're always so lazy. Oh, well, when? Why?

[B]

Show me, show me.

[A]

Don't let me not fix it.

[B]

You know, that's the water sign in us.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because we want to go deep down to the problem. We want to know what's the problem?

[A]

What's the issue?

[B]

Like if you got a problem with me, how long we gonna have a problem before like, you think I'm keep with you, you got a problem with me, right? What's the problem?

[A]

Give me the issue.

[B]

I'm gaming. I'm a game all, all the time, anytime I want to get. Because even if she puts them on a schedule, which that's going to come up soon.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, well, why don't you do it from 6 to 7? I don't know when it's going to be hot. Sometimes it's sweaty on Fortnite. You know, the kids get out of school in summertime. I got to play at 3 o' clock in the morning to get rid of these motherfuckers. You know what I'm saying? Who knows? Sometimes I got to play. Doing your grandmother funeral because there's a tournament, you know what I'm saying? I don't know, bitch. I'm gaming. Gaming is not one of those things. It's like doing stand up comedy. I don't know, bitch. I got to go to Minnesota next week. I don't know what's happening. You know what I'm saying? Like, come on.

[A]

Absolutely thy ticket lady, Jennifer of Coolidge.

[B]

Well, many thanks, good sir. Here is my Discover card. They accept Discover at Renaissance fairs? Yeah, they do here.

[A]

Discover is accepted at the places I love to shop.

[B]

Get it with the times. With the times. You're playing the loot. Yeah, and it sounds pretty good, right? Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide. Based on the February 2025 Nielsen report.

[A]

Close your eyes. Exhale.

[B]

Feel your body relax and let go

[A]

of whatever you're carrying today. Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts

[C]

in time for this class.

[A]

I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh my gosh, they're so fast.

[B]

And breathe. Oh, sorry.

[A]

I almost couldn't breathe when I saw

[B]

the discount they gave me on my first order. I was.

[A]

Oh, sorry.

[B]

Namaste.

[A]

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[A]

You beg. We're here with Yamanika Saunders. So happy you're here.

[B]

I'm so glad to be here.

[A]

Yeah, Monica, you're killing it. I'm having such a fun time. I want you to do the next email. You ready?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

We're going to play a game called Petty or prudent. Okay. The relationship ends. They do one thing. Is it petty or was it prudent? It needed to be done. Okay, okay. That's the game. So go ahead.

[B]

Hi, J. And J. Ny. Yes, I've been a listener for the of the podcast for years. Keep doing what you're doing. Thank you. I was walking around the beautiful Fishtown in Philly when I came across the flyers posted all over the electric poles. See? Attached, please. Yes. So here's the question. Petty or prudent? Someone prints out and hangs up flyers all over a city seeking a witch to curse. So? So wait, wait, wait, wait. It says seeking experience. Which to curse. My ex. I'm looking for someone with proven experience in the field to put a curse on my incompetent ex boyfriend. Desired areas of mis. You want to keep going?

[A]

Yeah. Desired areas of misfortune is a very funny sentence.

[B]

Prematurely thinning hair. This is what she was. Broken guitar strings mid set house plant that dies despite sufficient care. Avocados that go from rock hard to rotten cassette players that eat his favorite tapes. Girl, what is this? 1888 bus seat that are always slightly damp. A perpetually stale cigarette smell that haunts his South Philly block. Oh, she dealing with a black guy. Okay, no, because ain't nobody hanging on no South Philly black. No white boy over there doing what? Looking like skippity bit bit tips spiders that find every corner of his room moths with a taste for the sweater I gifted him. Okay, now he's white again because black guys don't want no sweater from the white wi fi that buffers only during the climax of his video game. Okay, black guy again because we wi fi's out. Okay, a pebble in his shoe that he can't shake out that back to white guy. Okay, I don't know, maybe she's dating a mixed guy. No need for any hexes on his well being or romantic life as he's empty inside and will simply continue you to jump from a la hoping that a woman will fix the broken little boy inside of him. The resulting trail of shallow failed connections is a curse far more permanent than any spell you could cast. Serious inquiries only. Between the printing costs and the staple gun, I am already 40 deep into this. If interested please email me at curse my ex mail.com that was amazing that

[A]

she sends a picture of the flyer. We're looking at the flyer and go ahead and finish up the email for us. Yamanika yes, if it feel.

[B]

If it feels important to note that I cannot take credit for this one. I'm in a relationship. Although I personally respect their creative and motivation, it's giving self starter entrepreneurial energy.

[A]

Well, this is wonderful. What do you do you think posting this is petty?

[B]

I don't. I don't think the post person really posted for that. I think they posted for themselves. Yeah, right. There's no first of all, don't wish your ex ill. Even if they did ill to you. Trust me, take it from me with from experience because that energy is a waste of time when you wish your

[A]

ex ill. Yeah, it's hard because they can never get Life is never gonna get bad enough for them. If it does, you'll feel kind of badly. You don't want your ex to be like in a horrible situation. But also they end up winning. They end up doing. Because honestly, when you wish your ex badly, they either go so bad that you feel sad for them and then you're mad that you feel sad for them, or they do better than you'd want them to do and now you're thinking about how well they're doing and now you're equally angry. There's like, yeah, there's like literally a keyhole that you're shooting for for them. Like the only thing that would make you happy if you're wishing them all badly is for them to like, you know, get turned down In a bar in front of you and then have their pants come undone and then their pants drop and everyone in the bar laughs at the size of their penis. Like, that would be the only thing. And it's never going to happen.

[B]

There were men in my life when I was younger who did some really egregious things to me emotionally and hurt me and betrayed me

[C]

as I sit

[B]

on this couch at 47. And some of those guys I still know. Like, still know. And, yeah, they've grown up in a lot of ways. I look at the women that are in their lives with all the problems that they thank God.

[A]

Right. Right.

[B]

I look, I could have been this motherfucker's wife. I could have been the one sitting. And so when I. But what happened was I moved on. Right. And I kept moving with my life. It's a waste of energy to sit here and focus. Trust me, he gonna come back around at some point and realize he fucked up. He has to go through all these things on his own. And you ain't got time to be sending out no negative energy. Because also when you send out negative energy, you gotta watch out. That shit will come right back to you.

[A]

Right. Well, then you're thinking negatively. Yeah. This is spiritual. This will be a shroud of darkness that you have to sit under. This is the cloud above your head. Everyone feels that.

[B]

Sure. Just say thank God. Say, God, thank you. The amount of exes that I've had where I said, God, thank you. Thank you, God, for not for moving me out of that person's life. My God, thank you.

[A]

You know why I think this is prudent? This. This flyer? She doesn't name names.

[B]

No, she doesn't. That's what I'm saying. It's about her.

[A]

Yeah, it is about her. She never names names. It is fun. It is funny. She gives an email where she can kind of find a community.

[B]

Like, to me, I didn't think about that. Yeah, right.

[A]

It's cursemyexmail.com.

[B]

i might hit her up and get a part of the community.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

I mean, I don't want her to curse our ex, but.

[A]

Yeah, but she's got some whimsy. She likes a little spirituality. Like, there might be a guy who reads this and is like, hey, you're. You seem funny and fun. I don't know what you look like, but, hey, I saw your flyer. I thought it was funny. Maybe you started a little pen pal. I actually think this is prudent. Like, if someone got in a breakup and or got dumped.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They were upset with their ex. You're gonna be angry for some amount.

[B]

Sure, sure, sure.

[A]

This is an art project. I like that. It doesn't like if they had the guy's name and picture and was like, hey, if I could find a witch, please curse this guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And his hair, you know, I'd like for it to go bald and, and with an arrow that points to his head, I'd be like, this isn't helping you.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

This is just attracting attention to him. This is attracting attention to you. People are going to know who you are, who he is, and, and no one's going to be better off. This was. She probably got it all off her chest. She posted it and it made her feel better. She probably. The minute she post this on a wall or on a, on a electric pole is the minute she probably let it go.

[B]

It might even be fun for, you know, the people here to send something and say, hey, you made it right. And we're praying for you and we would. I mean, I've seen, you've seen these things before though, Jared. Yeah, I've seen them with the guy's picture. Right, right. And like his phone number on it.

[A]

When it's those things, I'm always like, it's petty because it's like it doesn't help you.

[B]

Yeah, that doesn't help. And I don't, I don't like.

[A]

Yeah, this is an art project. This is as much a quilt built, you know, like this is her sitting

[B]

down, not a tapestry going on. Tapestry.

[A]

There is a lot of tapestry. Let's do another email. You ready? Let's play some games. I would love that we play red flag, Deal breaker. So you're dating someone, one thing happens. It's either a red flag, you notice it, you move on, or as a deal breaker, it's over.

[B]

Honey, at 47, this game is going to be real interesting.

[A]

That means red flag is deal breaker. Hi J and J and Y. The guy I'm dating recently got a nine month old kitten. When he got him, the previous owner told him that they would take her for walks in a stroller. He admits that he felt it was embarrassing, behaved and got his kitten a stroller to walk about. Now for one month he has been taking the cat for a walk almost every day in the stroller. I once joined him for a walk and it was a bit embarrassing. The cat was cute and seemed to really enjoy it, but it's giving walking red flags. So red flag or deal breaker. He walks his 10 month old kitten in a stroller. I think I'm a dog person. What do you think you're a cat person?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Shout out to my babies at Rainbow Bridge, Forbes magazine and Brooklyn. Shout out to my babies currently on earth with me, Prior and Carlin.

[A]

Wait a minute, what's Rainbow Bridge? When they pass, that's where they go to Rainbow. Okay, so I always loved Forbes magazine.

[B]

Yes. Forbes magazine, Forbes magazine. That was my first baby. I'm such a cat person. I just think cats pick up on people's energy and spirits and I like that. I like somebody also watching what's going on in the crib.

[A]

Yeah, they watch.

[B]

But he was not. He was. He said he would do something and he's being. I don't see what the problem is.

[A]

Right.

[B]

He, he was, he said he would walk the baby, you know, and he's doing it. What's the problem?

[A]

Right. If anything, that's like a good partner. Like, you know, he takes direction even if it's embarrassing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Even if it's at his own dismay. Even, Even this thing. Here's the thing that I actually commend from him. She's saying it's a bit embarrassing. Okay, fine.

[B]

What's embarrassing?

[A]

Right. Well, here's the thing. When a guy does something, commits that won't get him laid and makes him less. You gotta trust that.

[B]

But I think that's what it is. He, She's. I think she feels like it's emasculating him. In some ways it is. And she. The way if my man walked a kitten in a stroller, I would suck his dick on the street.

[A]

He's.

[B]

You people are just picking the wrong people. Like, you gotta go where your tribe is.

[A]

Right. Well, that's, that's kind of where I'm coming from. For the perspective of it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like if you, if her perspective is it's a man walking a stroller, she could look at it from a different viewpoint if she's able to. You can look it from the viewpoint of he was told, hey, put this kitten in a stroller. Yeah. Because it's best for the kitten that you now own. Okay, I'll do it. Yeah, I love the kid.

[B]

That's what I think he's doing. Not like he was like, hey babe, now I got a kitten, let's go get a stroller.

[A]

I mean, what was this was done. Well, this is. And also he goes out and he makes himself actively less of a sexual

[B]

being to everyone but me. If I seen him on the streets, girl, I'D suck your dick.

[A]

And men do everything to get laid. And maybe now there's a group of men listening that were watching this and going and buying a stroller because they're like, if yam sees me, I'll suck your dick. There it is. The promises is promises made, promises kept. Here plenty of time.

[B]

Because the way I've been talking, they ain't bringing me back.

[A]

Let's do one more. Ready?

[B]

Yeah. That's fun.

[A]

Favorite pod? Best pod. Lord. Truly the Lord's work. Thank you so much. Especially for never once missing a week. In eight plus years, we've never missed a week week. I'm a worker, okay.

[B]

I'm like, is there some type of a war you. You, you gotta put is that should be like in the damn almanac.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Right? Or something to get us with a world record.

[A]

We should be in some sort that should be on our ad. Like you're not gonna let. Absolutely.

[B]

You gotta put that somewhere.

[A]

Red flagger. Jailbreaker. My body count is 52, his is five. I'm 37, he's 24. So you were talking earlier, you're dating a 33 year old, you're 47. This woman 37 to 24, around the same gap. She's saying her body count is 52, his is five. We're official. It's been several months and it's turning out to be the healthiest, most secure relationship I've had. I don't want to mess things up, but I haven't shared my body count and I feel like I'm hiding something from him. And it's definitely a part of what makes me. Me too. Our sex life is phenomenal. He's part Italian, so likely genetics. And I do feel that I'm able to show up so fully thanks to all my practice. So what's what say the J's and why? Red flagger. Deal breaker. My body count is way more than my new boyfriend's. What do you think about this Yamanika?

[B]

To be honest, right? To fair to honesty. When she said 52, I was like, I don't even know if I could touch that many dudes, to be honest with you. No, no, no, for real. Because that's a lot of energy exchange and spirit exchange. So I'm glad that she's had that number and it hasn't sucke her dry energy wise.

[A]

So you think women being with men, like it takes the energy out of them? Yeah, they.

[B]

I think women. I'm not. And this is the opposite of SL shame. I think A woman could do whatever she want to do. If she want to have 100 men, she have 100 men. But what I realize is every time that I'm with a man, the amount of energy that is expended in him and in the sex and all of that stuff, it is draining. And then I have less to give to the next. I think that's what people in general. It's not a woman thing. That's the person.

[A]

I think you're right in a sense that it makes you more cynical. It makes you a little bit more guarded. You can't be as free and romantic as you once were. You have to be a little more logical because the last person you know.

[B]

Right. That's 52. You're not in relationships with these people.

[A]

Right. Well, you leave your innocence with the last person. So. And I, I know that from me, any relationship I move from, it becomes a little bit harder for me to enter into the delusion of this will work out.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You know, and that's what you lose. It's not.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's just a real piece of like looking back, you know. So that's what you're saying to her. But it's good that she's. And, and I guess to me, you can see it in her email. That's what she's fearful of. I don't think 52 versus 5. I don't think he's saying. I think she's fearful that he's gonna

[B]

say her body counter suit. Okay.

[A]

No, I don't think it's about her body count. I think he's gonna go. I think he might feel. She might feel insecure that he isn't done finding himself.

[B]

That he, that I agree with, you

[A]

know, like, like they. I don't think he's gonna. Because even the word body count.

[B]

I was telling you earlier with the 33 and a 47, there's so much that he has to still live that you're going. I've made changes since I've been 33 years old that put me in different perspectives. I don't know if he will choose me after 33.

[A]

Ye doesn't need the same amount of, of. Of bodies and experience. But it's a concern. The concern is real. I'm just saying, like, to try and like, make her feel better. Like he, he's an Italian guy who's, who's great in bed. He might not have the insecurities that go along with needing to see. Have sex with a lot of women. You know, there's A lot of that's insecurity. He might go, this is it. I'm good. This is all I need. I mean, people get married to their high school sweetheart, and. And. And they're very happy. You know, the. The noise on them is they're miserable. They never had sex with enough people. That's the noise. That's the fun way to discuss it. But the reality a lot of times is that they're doing okay.

[B]

It does come down to him.

[A]

She needs to talk out her insecurities with him if they. If she feels close to them enough, and she needs to let him know I'm having a great time. It's not about. But I think her making a body count. Like, even the phrase body count, I. I think less of that. I. I don't think.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I want to be very clear that when I said 52, and that shocked me. It's not about having sex with 52 men or whoever she was having sex with 52 of. It's about the energy that you are giving to each person is over time, it is draining you.

[A]

Right?

[B]

And people are. But I don't give a fuck about a body count. I was on a date with this guy, and it was one and done. And I was telling him, I said one of the things about the last situation I was in was it was all about body count, body count, body count. And this guy kept saying, you know, I don't want a woman with a large body count. And I was like, instead of him being concerned about what the fuck I got going on, like, who I am, he worrying about body count. It don't matter, nigga. My pussy tight. So, I mean, but that's the truth. It's like, my thing is either you can't get it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Either you can get in or you can't, right? A lot of times men are concerned about body count because they can't follow the dude you just got with, right? And it's like, the more experiences you have as a woman, the more you know that this motherfucker sucks in bed. This body count thing is very convoluted conversation. So now you got that end of it. I went over the guy. I was telling him about a guy that was saying something about a body count. Mind you, my body count is not high at all because I got started late in the game, okay? But he goes, well, yeah, I mean, I hear you, but also, what is your body count? I go, okay, I'll tell you what my body count is. But if I Tell you you can't be on it. Right. Because I have to tell you, you gotta know my body count to be comfortable. Right. But the reality is, if you and I don't work out and I go to the next guy, and the next guy also got a problem with body count, now I gotta add you to the roster. Right? Cause you was on my body count. So I'm just gonna avoid you altogether because you worrying about body counts. I'm with a dude. I don't want to. I don't want to worry about how many.

[A]

Well, here's the thing. When someone asks for a body count, you know, it's all. Again, it goes back to perspective when someone asks for a body count. My perspective when you said that, like, oh, they're afraid of. That they can't compete with the last guy. When I am with someone who's been with other people, I am, like, thankful for that. Or like, I. I look at it as like, the person I'm with is because of the experiences they had. I like this person because, well, I think that person exists. I think that, like, when you ask about the body count, if you're asking that question, you're showing that you are insecure about other people. Right. Like I'm saying, like, my. I would never ask the question because I don't care.

[B]

Right, right.

[A]

You know, and because I don't care.

[B]

And that's also still rare. You not caring is rare because a lot of men try to devalue women. And it's like, well, I don't want this guy's hand me downs or leftovers. It's like, hand me down, nigga. Then you just come from a bitch. I mean, we all coming from places, right? You started. Oh, you married Mother Teresa. You ain't been nowhere. We all come from coming from somebody else.

[A]

Right. You're not Eve. Right, right, right, right. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

So you was with so the bitch you was with. So like, a lot of that can be toxic. But I think again, not only have you been eight years strong and never missing a beat, but this is a very rare perspective that men, as a man, to not care. The foot traffic before you. And it doesn't. And I'm not saying that's. That's how it should be, but in reality it's not.

[A]

I think it's somewhat less rare than maybe you feel. I think we only hear from the people. People that like. Because it's such a. It's such a gross this.

[B]

That Pisces.

[A]

You think so?

[B]

No, because. No, no, no. The way you, you check me and it's like, you right though, Right? You really can shut me up. This is exactly what that can do. Like, I'll be having an opinion so hard. And then he'd be like, well, you know, because soon as I'm like, damn, that makes sense. Yeah.

[A]

Well, I'm not saying your opinion's invalid. I. I just think, I think that, that, that that person that you're talking about, like, they're the loudest person in the room. What's your body count? It's such an aggressive question.

[B]

You know what? But women are so used to dealing with that aggression that it's like, it's almost like you waiting for him to say, like, how many men have you been with? You know, like, you know, well, that's

[A]

why this woman who's writing my body count is 52. She's been conditioned.

[B]

She's.

[A]

She's. What's that?

[B]

She's been conditioned.

[A]

She's doing to herself now.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And she's bringing it up because she's like, assuming that his number of five. She's assuming he's as gross as everyone that she's getting in front of.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, my body count's 52. Okay. Who even asked you? Why are you calling it that? But how about people you've been with? You know, like,

[B]

he's still 25.

[A]

I'm not saying she shouldn't be cautious.

[B]

No, no. I'm just saying, like, let's forget body count for a second. She's 37, he's 24. That jump from 24 to 30 has a lot of growth in it. And then that growth that jump from 30 to 35 has. This is five year growths. And you've already hit three of them growths that he hasn't hit yet. Your situation with him has to be on his level of maturity and not worrying about what he. How many, you know, bitches he think he need to be with.

[A]

She needs to have an open and honest conversation. She's got to. And she's got to be a little more vulnerable. I think when you say my body counts 52, it's almost like, like you're trying to, like, tough talk them. Yeah. Oh, like. And I think she's insecure that he's gonna need more growth. And what you're saying is correct.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's a lot of growth to go from 24 to 30. I don't know if everyone. Some, you know, like, we're saying that because both of us are being realistic.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, she.

[A]

She is allowed to be as romantic as she wants, but I. I think she needs to, like, hey, I'm just checking in with you. If you're ever thinking that you're not ready for the type of relationship I'm ready for, which this is what I'm ready for. I'm ready for a commitment and to be with someone. But I also. I understand. I live in a world where you're 24, and when I was 24, I wouldn't want that. So that's why I'm insecure about what you want.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, like, I think you can have this conversation, but is it a deal breaker? No, it's not a deal breaker. To have more of a body count than the person you're with. I need six shots of tequila to get drunk. You need two.

[B]

Jerry, you're such the perfect guy.

[A]

Oh, you're. Stop it. You're the perfect person. I love hanging out with Yamanika. It is so much fun. We. I've been doing podcasts with Yamanika for years. So much fun.

[B]

Somebody just sent me the. Remember when we did Ick. Somebody just sent me that video a month ago.

[A]

Wild.

[B]

It went great.

[A]

It's so good. Yeah. You can go on our Instagram.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I think it's about both of ours. It's also on Tick Tock. Yamanika. Everyone go follow Yamanika, please. I need to touring with Chelsea Handler. She's so funny. Chelsea, I watch Yamanika at the Cellar and I'm just like, oh, my God, I love watching you on stage. Everyone would love watching you on stage.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I'm Jared Freed. We solve dating again. We will be back on Friday. Boom. Monster Energy. Everybody knows White Monster Zero Ultra.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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