Is a Boudoir Shoot As Christmas Present a Good Gift?

Summary

U Up? — “Is a Boudoir Shoot As Christmas Present a Good Gift?”

Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid

Date: December 19, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this festive episode, Jordana and Jared dive into the intricacies of holiday dating, the unique social energy of the season, and, most centrally, the question of whether a boudoir photo shoot makes for a good Christmas present. Using their trademark blend of honesty, humor, and lived experience, they tackle dating etiquette, gift-giving expectations, and the nuances of communicating in relationships—especially when it comes to sexual intimacy and personalization of gifts.

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Main Themes and Purpose

• Navigating holiday dating and the romantic potential of the season
• Evaluating intimate or creative gifts, especially the boudoir photo shoot
• Communication around sex, intimacy, and expectations in new and established relationships
• The importance of self-confidence and self-motivation in dating and relationships

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Holiday Spirit and Social Dynamics

(00:53 - 04:44)

• The holidays are seen as prime time not just for romance, but also as an opportunity to make social connections and “PR” yourself—be upfront about being single and open to setups.
• Jared: “This time of year is the best time of year to be your best PR agent. ...You can't hide you're singled up.”
• Jordana: Advocates the power of manifesting, but in a grounded, practical way—being present and open with your intentions.

2. Personal Updates & Social Rituals

(05:02 - 11:16)

• Jordana shares she's hosting mahjong night, highlighting the social evolution from wild nights out to more mature, home-based gatherings.
• Jordana: “That's how I know I'm getting into, like, a weird age bracket.”
• Jared: Jokes about suburban life and contrasts it with his stand-up gigs, adding levity.

3. Jared’s New Book: “Walking Red Flag”

(15:26 - 24:02)

• Jared’s forthcoming dating advice book is officially in pre-order, prompting a discussion on the significance of pre-orders and the vulnerability required to write honestly about personal dating missteps.
• Book is a memoir/advice blend, following the arc from getting dumped, navigating apps, ‘first date to breakup’—with a focus on stories and mistakes:
  • Jared: “If you’ve ever wondered what’s going on through the mind of a man that you're dating, you are going to find a very vulnerable and true take.”
• Discussion on gift-giving, the discomfort of ‘support’ language, and the tension between selling art and asking for favors.

4. “Icky or Picky” Segment: Sex, Edging, and Communication

(26:50 - 32:39)

• Listener letter describes her boyfriend’s sexual practice of ‘edging’ (delaying ejaculation), which she only discovers mid-act, making her feel confused and put-upon.
  • Jared: “This isn’t all for you. You have to be cognizant that someone is doing something nice for you—like, they’re going down on you, they want you to feel good.”
  • Both agree there are time limits to certain acts and that mutual communication is key—no one wants to accidentally become part of someone’s kink without knowing it.
• Jared: “Don’t let me find out that I’m in on a kink I had no idea I was doing.” (32:28)

5. Boudoir Photo Shoots as Gifts: Good or Gimmick?

(32:41 - 41:16)

• Listener asks if giving her boyfriend an album of boudoir photos is a good holiday gift—she considered it both for him and to boost her own confidence.
  • Jared: “I would like this… but I’d have to be in a relationship.” (33:23)
  • He worries about his reaction not living up to her hopes; is unsure what men are supposed to do with such a gift (“Do I bring it with me on the road?”).
  • Both discuss that gifts like this often mean more to the giver than the receiver, especially since men tend to be “simple visual creatures.”
  • Jordana: “You have to know your audience…Manage your expectations around whatever his personality type is.”
  • Jared compares it to the uncertainty of how to behave at concerts—sometimes people just don’t know how to appropriately react, but it doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate the gesture.
• Discussion of whether a man doing a boudoir shoot for a woman would have the same effect (spoiler: it would not—Jordana finds authenticity more attractive than a man trying to look sexy).
  • Jordana: “Something about a man trying really hard to look hot makes it less hot.” (41:39)
• The advice: if you do a boudoir shoot, do it mainly for yourself and don't attach your self-worth to the recipient’s reaction.

6. Memorable Quotes & Banter

• Jared: “They don't make a lot of romcoms about dating in February, right?” (04:44)
• On the book:
  • Jared: “Every chapter of the book takes you from being dumped to then dumping someone again. So it takes you through all the life cycle, the life cycle of a relationship, which is all I know.”
• On blow jobs as labor:
  • Jared: “They don’t call it blow fun.” (29:44)
• On boudoir gifts:
  • Jared: “I think the sexiest part is that she did it. …The confidence, the sexuality—knowing a woman, like, I think for a lot of men, for me, hearing a woman talk about what she likes and what makes her feel turned on—you kind of rarely hear that.” (40:01)

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Segment Timestamps

• [00:34] – Holiday party season & the best time for being open about being single
• [05:12] – Suburban mahjong, adult hobbies, and friendship rituals
• [15:26] – Pre-order panic and the process of writing “Walking Red Flag”
• [26:50] – “Icky or Picky” segment: Edging, sexual communication, and unintentional kinks
• [32:41] – Boudoir shoot debate: For you, for them, and for your confidence
• [41:00+] – What makes a man sexy (hint: not a boudoir shoot)
• [42:24] – Episode close, next week’s Christmas episode teaser

---

Key Takeaways

• Holiday season is prime time to be social and honest about your relationship status.
• Don’t be afraid to do or receive unconventional gifts, but manage your expectations—especially in how others react.
• Sexual communication—like any other aspect of relationships—is best done openly, not as a surprise maneuver.
• Boudoir shoots can be empowering and fun for the giver, but don’t hinge the recipient’s reaction to your self-worth.
• Self-knowledge and realistic expectations make for better gifts and better relationships.
• Above all: Humor, vulnerability, and communication are the heart of modern dating.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• “This time of year is the best time of year to be your best PR agent… You can't hide you're singled up.” — Jared (01:05)
• “Don't let me find out that I'm in on a kink that I had no idea I was doing.” — Jared (32:28)
• “Something about a man trying really hard to look hot makes it less hot.” — Jordana (41:39)
• “The sexiest part is that she did it right. Like, that to me, makes me drool… the confidence, the sexuality.” — Jared (40:01)
• “You have to know your audience…Manage your expectations around whatever his personality type is.” — Jordana (35:56)

---

This episode provides signature U Up? wisdom: sharp, self-aware, honest, and a little self-deprecating. Whether you’re considering a sultry photo shoot or just want to feel less weird about your suburban game night, Jordana and Jared help you laugh and learn about what makes relationships—and the holidays—so complicated, awkward, and special.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

We're hosting Christmas Day if you want to come.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. Me and the Marinelli's.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Mike and his mom hosting Christmas Day.

[A]

With a big invite to the to the house. Finally. It's happening.

[B]

Spirit of Christmas, people at home. All right, you ready?

[A]

Yeah. Let's do it.

[B]

Hello and welcome back to the Friday Feels episode of the UF podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.

[A]

And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana. We're taping this. It is Friday, December 19th.

[B]

Festive.

[A]

This is it holiday time. Yes, we're here. I, I mean, it kind of snuck up on me just because of the Florida of my life. Like, you're like, oh, it's warm. It's not. And then I got here to New York. Not, not warm. It is dark at 4. 45. It is Gotham City. Gotham City. This is like holiday party time. Festive party time. Which I really good time to meet people. Good time to. I would say this time of year is the best time of year to be your best PR agent. Your own. Be with friends, be with family. Yes, I'm single. Yes, I'm looking to meet people.

[B]

A lot of activities.

[A]

A lot of activities. But like, say it out loud.

[B]

Like manifesting.

[A]

Manifest. I, I, I'm not a woo woo girl. But like the manifesting thing I think is more about energy or people knowing. Like, you can't hide. You're singled up.

[B]

If you believe you will be in a relationship this year, you will.

[A]

And, and if you say to someone, don't say it like that, though if I believe it, it will be true and I'll find the love of my life. No, you can't. You can't.

[B]

Yeah, just think it.

[C]

Don't say it.

[A]

Think it. But then when you say it out loud, like when you go hang out with your friends, go have fun. Go. Because you want. This is this is my long standing opinion. If you want to be fixed up by with a real quality human, not a dog, not a rat, not a cat, you need the husband of your friend to go, oh, yeah, she's pretty cool. Of course. Oh, you, you know, who's single, she's pretty cool. No husband is going to fix you up. In most cases they will go, oh, yeah, she's pretty cool, right? That's all you're gonna get. That's all you want.

[B]

That could work.

[A]

That could work. That's what husbands say. And this time of year is the time for hanging with friends and getting to that husband. You want to make him find him, grab him by the shirt collar, hey, you idiot, set me up with one of your friends. Like, that's what it feels like when someone wants you to set them up with their friend, your friends. But like, and then you're like, does that motivate you friends? No. What motivates me, it's, it's really an off switch. It's a default. Hey, yeah, I'm single. If a guy said he was single, oh, you know who's cool? Oh, you know who's cool? She just said she was single.

[B]

My wheels start turning when, when I meet a single eligible anyone.

[A]

You do, but mine do not.

[B]

Yours do not. Right.

[A]

No, I, I am all about me, myself and I. Most of these guys love that for the holiday season. I'm the Grinch.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So, yeah, I just think a little positivity. Going out this time of year can be difficult. It's cold, it's dark. Go out.

[B]

This is, I mean, this is. It's actually like that. That what you just described is coming in like three weeks this time of year. Lots of happening, lots of meeting, lots of going out.

[A]

Let me.

[B]

I would get a lot of that in because what you're describing, I think is like January 3rd vibes.

[A]

Right. The ghost of January future is going to tell you this. I'm. Let me be the ghost of January Future. It's going to be horrible. There's going to be no opportunity to meet people. Go out now.

[B]

Right now.

[A]

Go out now.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Go to the thing you kind of don't want to go to. Hang with the friends that have been texting you to hang out. Do it. It's the 19th this weekend. Feels like totally Christmas romance.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

They don't make a lot of Chris. They don't make a lot of romcoms about dating in February, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

About dating around Christmas and Jingle bell, jingle bell.

[B]

Yes. That's what all the. The rom com movies are itchy noses scrunching. Love it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That's what this time of year is all about. What's going on with you, Jordana, how are you? She blows her honker. Seriously, how you feeling? What's going on?

[B]

I'm good. I'm doing a very suburban thing tonight.

[A]

Okay. It's the 19th. I will be in Orlando, Florida, doing shows in Orlando tonight, tomorrow at Disney. I. Yeah. Every year to make a little extra money, I dress up as Mickey. I could see that wave of people in the parade.

[B]

Character breakfast.

[A]

Yeah, a little character breakfast. I go hug a 30 year old weirdo who calls themselves a dizzy adult. Love it. Yeah. And then I'm in san diego, so. Jaredfree.com for shows also. Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead.

[B]

You just asked me what I was doing.

[A]

How are you? Let me talk about me.

[B]

No, I'm hosting mahjong night tonight.

[C]

Whoa.

[B]

We have an instructor. They're coming over.

[A]

So for those that don't know, mahjong is played by, generally, in my experience, older Jewish women.

[B]

Yes. But I think it's. It's an. It's an Asian game.

[A]

It is of Asian descent. Right. And I just remember my grandmother. Bam. 45. They scream. They're yelling and you can hear the click, click, click, click of the tiles.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I have very warm memories with this thing. My brother, when he was younger, learned how to play.

[C]

Really?

[A]

He used to play online.

[B]

Does he still play?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

So you used to play online?

[A]

I have to ask my brother about this.

[B]

And now he's working for the NFL.

[A]

It's probably one of the only NFL coaches who's played mahjong.

[B]

Also very good at mahjong.

[A]

I got to ask him. Let me text him. Does he still remember how to play Mahjong?

[B]

Does he want to come to my mahjong night?

[A]

He probably would.

[B]

We're having an instructor come. They're going to. I've never played. They're going to teach us how to play.

[A]

Really? I think that's a great idea. Oh, do you still.

[B]

Apparently it's like a big thing. I started seeing it all over Instagram with women my age. That's how I know I'm getting into, like, a weird age bracket.

[A]

Yeah, you're getting into the I need hobbies bracket.

[B]

Right. Where like, the women are hosting mahjong nights.

[A]

I'm asking my brother if he still remembers how to play mahjong. Yeah, I never learned. My brother learned. My grandmother taught him.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What if he had lost, like, millions of dollars in playing online mahjong.

[A]

Because it's a betting game.

[B]

It is, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

People get really into it.

[A]

Really into it. Oh, that's cool. So how many women are coming over? Where do you find?

[B]

Four of us.

[A]

Do you want to plug City the instructor, or do you wait until we.

[B]

Talked about it on the batches? My phone's being charged.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I plug City after.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I attend. But we talked about on the Batches podcast, and someone DM'd me and was like, oh, we'd love to, like, do an event. Teach you guys how to play Yeahen. And Liza.

[A]

And Liza, yes.

[B]

Suburban, suburban mahjong crew.

[A]

On a Friday night.

[B]

On a Friday night.

[A]

Man, marriage sounds so fun and attractive, actually.

[B]

Or like, are you joking?

[A]

I'm a little joking.

[B]

Oh, I think it's kind of fun.

[A]

What are the men doing? I don't know. Whatever.

[B]

Whatever he wants to do, right?

[A]

He can do it all.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

He's got the whole night. Yeah.

[C]

I have my.

[B]

I have my game room. I'm gonna use it.

[A]

You're gonna use the gaming wing?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Gonna use the gaming wing, finally. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, I love. I actually. This is sweet. This is nice.

[B]

I think it's, like. It's funny because, I mean, I won't be drinking, but everyone else can. Everyone else should drink. I'll provide snacks.

[A]

Okay. I love it.

[B]

Yeah. And Elite and I are very competitive, so.

[A]

Yeah. You're a game night person.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

The two of us are, like, a little, like, too competitive. It's a little awkward, so we're gonna see how that plays out.

[A]

I am now having a vision of YouTube playing Bam45. Don't they yell?

[B]

Is there a number I know I've never played before.

[A]

I'm excited.

[B]

I'm about to find out. You can come if you want.

[A]

If you want to be in Orlando. I'm goof dressing as goofy now.

[B]

I've given you two on the record.

[A]

Well, you know, you know, head work.

[B]

I've also invited you before we started rolling to the Marinelli Christmas that I'm.

[A]

Going to show up to.

[B]

You should.

[C]

You're going to be.

[A]

You guys sitting around the tree. You're doing Christmas at your place.

[B]

I'm hosting Christmas at my place. But technically, Mike and his mom are really, like, facilitating.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I'm just going to be there, like, fluffing some pillows.

[A]

Right. You're going to do what I do on the plane when someone's like. I'm like, do you need help with Your bag. And they're like, I got it. And I just put my hand up next to it and guided.

[B]

That's basically what I'm gonna be doing. And like, you know, watching the dog as he jumps on people and being like, ron, don't do that. So that's my role. But it's gonna be very festive. There's a ton of food. So much more food than any event in my family ever.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

So if you wanna hear my.

[A]

I do enjoy doing shows on Christmas Eve in New York City. That's always been.

[B]

You should come in.

[A]

So maybe I'll come in.

[B]

Do a Christmas in New York is better than Christmas in Florida.

[A]

I agree with that. Well, I guess, I don't know. I'll find out.

[B]

I, I, Maybe you will, maybe you won't.

[A]

Maybe I won't. There's a video of the Christmas tree in Delray Beach. They tried to light it up and it, like, didn't work. It became like a meme.

[B]

Who was in charge of that?

[A]

I don't know. Not me.

[B]

They didn't test.

[A]

Look at this video of.

[B]

They didn't test the lights before.

[A]

It's crazy. Like, what kind of, what kind of back office operation. If I moved into. This is my town.

[B]

Maybe you got to run for mayor.

[A]

I think we need some changes in city hall.

[B]

I could see you running for mayor of Delay. Yeah.

[A]

I would always wear a Hawaiian shirt. That'd be my thing.

[B]

Sunglasses. I could see it.

[A]

The mayor of Delray.

[B]

Did you go to the lighting ceremony?

[A]

No, I missed it. I, I want to. Yes. I want to start doing town things. Like, I want to get involved more. Here it is. Look at, they go three, two, one. And then.

[B]

Oh, that is depressing.

[A]

Yeah, well, that's. And then they go, only, like half of it lights up.

[B]

Okay. They got the top half.

[A]

The top half. I mean, it's a good looking tree.

[B]

It's most of the tree.

[A]

You're gonna, you're gonna be a good mom. You know, you got most of it done.

[B]

I'd give it a C. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. We all try.

[B]

It's not a complete fail. The way you said it, I thought it was like the whole dark. That was depressing.

[A]

But I, I think half done, it makes it like, it's even more, you know, literally illuminated.

[B]

Well, they were probably like, oh, we'll test the top. If the top works, the pro bottom is probably fine.

[A]

Good.

[B]

Right?

[C]

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[D]

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[C]

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[A]

Using it because of you. It is honestly so easy, so wonderful. And it's like when you start using it, you think of all the days that you didn't use it right and you get mad at yourself.

[C]

Yeah, there's no reason not to use it.

[A]

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[C]

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[A]

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[C]

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[A]

Looking for a gift. I just found this out. I got a DM and the DM was from a fan of the show. Being like, I just purchased your book.

[C]

What?

[A]

And I was like, what I didn't even know was to be purchased. It's not like done.

[B]

Fan's a bigger fan of you than you are, right?

[A]

So I then emailed the editor for the book. I was like, speaking of people not.

[B]

Doing their jobs, they didn't tell you.

[A]

The book was apparently I was told there was no like because it's in. So now we're in pre order so you can buy my book.

[B]

Amazing.

[A]

You can. It's called Walking Red flag. It is on Amazon. There's like a Simon and Schuster landing.

[B]

Page by Jason Pride.

[A]

Jason Fried has written a book. It's. So the book is out. You can read the. About the author. You can read about the book and, like, what it's about.

[B]

Amazing. I'm gonna pre order my copy.

[A]

You can pre.

[B]

Unless I'm gonna be sent a free one. No, this is. This one is a. Is very clearly about the support. And just so you know, the fur. All the pre orders are very important because that's what gets you to be a bestseller, right?

[A]

They told me it doesn't. Listen, if you, you know, on the subject of support, which I hate that word because that would act like this giving season, right? I just think support is said by people who think they're doing you a favor. No, no, no, no. There is a. There's a. I'm. I'm. There's an exchange of goods for services. You know, like, there's.

[B]

Well, it's not support to buy the book. It's support to buy the book pre order.

[A]

Right. Well, that's what I mean, right now, this would be doing me a favor, right? Like, hey, the book doesn't come out till June. I can understand why you don't want. Now, on a book that doesn't come out till June, I would say to you, if you want to say, you know, people go, what's the best way to help you with the book? The best way to help me with the book is to buy it early, tell a friend, send it to a friend. The book is a. Is a dating advice book, which I feel embarrassed to even say it is about you. Basically, every chapter of the book takes you from being dumped to then dumping someone again. So it takes you through all the life cycle, the life cycle of a relationship, which is all I know. I only talk about what I know, right? So you get dumped. What do you do from that day? And then you how to download the apps and you know what to do with your dating app profile. And then first date, second date, third date, sex, meeting the parents, meeting the friends, you move in, and then you decide to break up with someone. So the beginning of the book is getting dumped, and then the end of the book is, I'm gonna dump someone.

[B]

Okay? So will the book teach me how to let them or that was the original.

[A]

Or to let me let you.

[B]

Let me let you.

[A]

Okay, that's the problem with the book is like, I don't have anything. Like, I'm explaining it now, and I'm like, and then what it turned into is personal stories. If you've ever wondered what's going on through the mind of a man that you're dating, you were going to find a very vulnerable and true take of my feelings, regrets, dates, relationships, all these stories that are meant to inform about the issues that I've had dating, which is probably someone you're dating to.

[B]

It's just like how to avoid a.

[A]

Walking red flag kind of inside how to avoid me or how to, how to kind of like deal with me.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And you know, it was hard to write. It was hard to like go back and think of these stories and you know, with, you know. Because the way I did it, I had a ghostwriter, Taylor K. Phillips, who is a, like an unbelievable comedian. I basically was asked, who do you want to help write the book? And I was looking for a woman, a comedian, and she writes for John Oliver and.

[C]

Oh cool.

[A]

She's like one of the funniest people that there is. An amazing writer, amazing person. She's just been, she's kind of been like a therapist to me through this whole thing. Because I was like, at first there was no ghostwriter. Then they were like, you probably need this, which is a little defeating.

[B]

We've heard the podcast, you don't know how to read. You might need a. To help you write.

[A]

And then what it turned into is like trying to find a workflow. And the workflow was I basically told Taylor, like, I'm not great at homework and I never have been. I'm a procrastinator. So I was like, we gotta like do this in small bites. So she, I would have her email me a question every day and then I would get back to her the next day with an answer.

[B]

How long was the answer?

[A]

As long as I could go, okay, and if I had a story about something, tell it. If I had. So it would be like fun. It was fun. It made it easier for me. Right. And so she, and then she's melded.

[B]

It into a book.

[A]

She basically takes whatever like rantings I've put down and finds a theme. Finds. Yeah. So. But then what happens is it would turn into like the questions would get. She started asking the right questions. Cuz it would start at like, what should someone do before a first date? And then it was like, have you ever been on a first date where you did the wrong thing? And. And then the question would get deeper. And then when you, you don't realize your memories are really waiting to be unlocked? Because I don't have stories about someone. Like, I don't have, like, a bad first date story. I, I don't.

[B]

Right. Well, you're not really also, like, a Remember when guy.

[A]

Not at all. I, I actually don't want to talk about the past.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And, and it makes me feel sick and queasy and, and I feel badly.

[B]

So this is a, A compilation of all the things that made you feel sick?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

In the past?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I'm excited to read it.

[A]

And it's so, the feedback. I don't know if they're just saying this to me. So this has turned into a book, like, and again, because I've written it in this weird way. I have, like, I'm like, kind of, you know, and then I recently read it and I was like, holy.

[B]

You read the book?

[A]

Yeah. This is a good book.

[B]

I mean, no offense, but do you have anything to compare it to?

[A]

No.

[B]

It was, what was the last book you read?

[A]

Like a Matt Christopher book or something? Yeah, my book. And then, like, something stupid, like, this.

[B]

Is some good people. Right.

[A]

It was funny. It's, it's heartfelt. It's, it's definitely vulnerable. And it's like. And the, weirdly, the, like, the feedback from the book, people, like, I didn't ex. I don't know if they're just telling me what I wanted.

[B]

They said it's great.

[A]

People were like, like, they were like, our CEO was like, this is really funny. Like, and then they were like, the law guy was like. And it was like, they were like, hearing back from men who had to read it.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And the men being like, yeah, this is like, like, kind of, like, connecting with it and they put more money into it, which is, like, a weird thing.

[B]

That's a good sign.

[A]

But, like, maybe the Instagram account that does dating cartoons.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Ariana's been on my podcast and they were like, we want to, like, add into this. We want to, like, make it look great. So I was like, let's hire Ariana to, like, illustrate the book. So we have a lot of. But, like, maybe artwork in the mo. In the book. So, like, there's been things being done that I can, you know, you get a vibe, right, that, like, I think they like it.

[B]

They like it. Yeah. Maybe they'll turn into a movie.

[A]

I honestly like it. It's a lot of stories that, like, I don't know. I'm excited to. I'm not excited. I'm anxious by it. I, I, I, I don't know.

[B]

Well, it sounds like it's getting A lot of traction already.

[A]

I just think if you want a book that isn't like, you know, I don't think, like, they asked. I got to ask by two publishers to make a book. And at the time I was like, yeah, why haven't they asked me to make a book? You know? And then. And then I was like, what am I gonna write about? Like, I don't feel comfortable. Like, even on this show, we don't scream advice to people. I don't give you my 10 rules. Like, right. What did I send you? I sent you a video the other day. It was the dumbest dating video I've ever seen in my entire life. That chick was like, what was she saying?

[B]

I don't even remember.

[A]

She goes, don't date someone with. With drama.

[B]

Oh, don't date as a guy with.

[A]

Like, don't get a guy with drama. And I was like, what the is this? Like, date a guy with drama? That's like the same as, like, you know, don't go outside in the weather. Like, it's just so vague and stupid and it's made to make people upset. I'm telling true stories that relate to a problem you have, which is that you don't want to be single anymore. And I'm trying to make it fun and relatable and make you feel seen. So that's the whole book.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

I would love for people to go pre order because that does help me. That would be an incredible favor that I would appreciate very much. And yeah, I think you're gonna like it. So it's.

[B]

I will pre order.

[A]

You got. I got you.

[B]

No, again, it's about everyone.

[A]

That's my Christmas gift.

[B]

It's about the support.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[C]

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[A]

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[D]

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[A]

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[D]

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[E]

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[B]

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[E]

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[A]

What are we talking about today?

[B]

All right, we are talking. We're gonna do an icky or picky.

[A]

Let's do it. Can we put the link in the bio of the YouTube as well as the episode? Thank you.

[B]

Get those pre orders. Okay.

[A]

What is the book costs? It's not even that expensive. Like a thousand bucks.

[B]

How much are books these days?

[A]

No, the hardcover is 20. 29. 29 bucks. I'm gonna do the. There's a kindle version that's $4.99. Okay, okay, I'm gonna. My dad goes, I ordered it. I was like, oh, good. And then he sent me the receipt. It was a different book.

[B]

You ordered the wrong book?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What book did he order?

[A]

It was like a coloring book. It was like crazy. It was crazy. So if you search Walking Red Flag, other things come up. But search Jared Freed on Amazon, it'll come up.

[B]

I'm excited.

[A]

Oh, yeah, we're doing a picky. You're dating someone, they do something. Is it a nick or are you being picky?

[B]

We're about to find out.

[A]

A picky.

[B]

Hi, JJ. Big fan and appreciate all the advice. I'm a 36 year old female and currently living in Chicago and dating a 38 year old male. We've been going out for a month. Last week, while I was going down on him, something about how hard he was clenching made me stop and ask, are you actively trying not to come? He said, yes.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Turns out at least he's been subtle about it.

[A]

That's crazy.

[C]

Like.

[A]

Like, was he, like.

[B]

It sounds like it just.

[A]

If you're watching on YouTube, I'm now impersonating what I think he's like. That's not even a good.

[B]

I guess if you're. If. If someone's going down on you, you're not necessarily thinking they can, like, see your. Like, they're not looking at your face. They're looking.

[A]

Right. You're just like.

[B]

I mean, they're just kind of a.

[A]

Blow job's like a massage. Like, I'm here to enjoy. Right. Well, you really had to work hard. I remember Che used to have a joke that was so funny. It was like his first joke or his first one that he used to do a lot. And it was like he was talking about coming quickly, and he goes, compliments to the chef. That was like, the punchline. Yeah. So that made me think of that.

[B]

That's funny. So he said yes. Turns out he was super proud of the muscle control he built to delay ejaculation.

[A]

Can I get some lessons from this guy? Yeah, probably.

[B]

Which fine. But also wasn't trying to live down there all night.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I guess he was edging, but it came off braggy when he explained it. I left that experience super confused. Isn't the goal of it to just let it happen? It gave me such an ick. Was I supposed to just be down there and not tell me? Maybe it's me being picky. So icky or picky. He edges and doesn't tell you until your lockjaw would love your thoughts. A strained and confused batch.

[A]

Yeah, I kind of don't understand. I guess the edging is, like, a thing for a lot of people or.

[B]

Some people, because he wants it to last longer. So he's.

[A]

I guess. But then are you really enjoying, like, it's this, like, catch 22.

[B]

Right. And I could see on her end where she's like, I'm doing work down here.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I'm like, right, I understand doing that. So you don't come immediately, like, yeah, I think there's a. There's a line.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But then there becomes a point where it's like, are you being respectful of someone else's time?

[A]

We should make right that. Well, that's. That's the thing. It's like this isn't all for you.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, you have to be cognizant that someone is doing something nice for you. Like they're going down on you, they want you to feel good. Yes. People do get pleasure out of giving pleasure. So like there.

[C]

Right.

[B]

But there's a time limit.

[A]

But. Right. There's a point where it's like I, I like the, you know, I like ice cream, but I don't want to eat ice cream all night.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, like I want a ice cream cone, I want to finish it and I want to move on to the next thing.

[B]

Right. And it is a job.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

They don't call it blow fun.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

So yeah, it is.

[B]

I would need to. She didn't say the length of time wouldn't.

[A]

We should make I do up clock that you can like hit and it's like, that's the amount of time. Like. And then at the end you just hear like, like me and you come on the speaker, switch it up, it's over. Yeah.

[C]

Right.

[B]

If you don't come by then you're done.

[A]

Right. And then that's the thing. Like if, if he had been like, get up here. Like right. Sometimes that's my move. Like if I'm getting.

[B]

Because he doesn't want to comment but then he's like, let me extend the right.

[A]

Like get on up here. I invite him like, that's enough. Did the Tonight show. You've done your job. Come on to the co. Let's have a chat. You know, like that's kind of the, the right.

[C]

That's polite.

[A]

I don't even think of as I, it's polite, but I would think of it as like we're having an experience together. He feels like he's. It feels like he's having an experience alone.

[C]

Right.

[B]

He's just trying to get as much as he can out of it.

[A]

Right. And you go the edging thing. Like I always thought that was like a masturbation thing.

[B]

Do you want that? Is that, is that the goal of masturbation also to have it less.

[A]

If you're really like looking to have a night, you know, I guess you put on a mask. I. Yeah, right. Like I light some candles again.

[B]

I think this is. Okay. A certain period of time also let.

[A]

Someone in on it. Like I, I don't think you should have to find this out.

[C]

Right.

[B]

How long is he try. Is it like. Cuz it's not like the longer the better.

[A]

For him it is.

[B]

Well not for her.

[A]

Right.

[B]

There's a sweet spot. I don't know what the. I don't know what it is, but it is not.

[A]

Yeah, this isn't my game. I wish I was better at this with actual sex. Like, I've had times with sex where I'm like, this is the one you got. I'm sorry.

[B]

Yeah, it's over.

[A]

It's over.

[B]

Well, that's what I'm saying. If you were gonna clench during sex to get to, like, past 30 seconds.

[A]

Right. That's a different story than this. He seems to really be doing his own thing. Like. Yeah, I don't know. I. I seems a little selfish. Selfish is the word in a weird way that, I don't know, it would be hot or better if he was like. If they were kissing and he was like, Like, I'm just really into this one thing. I. I just want to, like, let you know, like, I don't want to come, but I want to, like, you.

[B]

Know, like, like you said, like, switch it up, right?

[A]

Get on up here. I'll go down on you now. You go back to me and we, you know, I don't know. This is just. It's one of those things they said he's 38. It just feels like such a young man's.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Yeah, that. That feels kind of translated eye rolling, me even thinking that.

[B]

No, I would agree with that. It feels icky. I would. I would agree it's icky.

[A]

It's icky to not let you in on, like, beyond the dynamic of going down and not going out.

[B]

Whatever.

[A]

Don't let me. Don't let me find out that I'm in on a kink that I had no idea I was doing.

[B]

Right. And that's really, again, for something past, like a certain period of time.

[A]

Yeah. Let's do another email.

[B]

All right, let's do it.

[A]

UUP betches.com hello, long time listener subscriber here. Thank you. Love you both. I'll get right to it. I was struggling with a gift idea to get my boyfriend of two years of. For Christmas, I decided to do a boudoir photo shoot and give him an album with all the pictures. I had so much fun doing it and helped boost my confidence, so it was a gift to myself as well. My question, Jared, is that something you would like as a gift from your girlfriend if you had one?

[B]

If you had one.

[A]

Okay. A little judgy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Jordana, have you ever done something like that for Mike? Thanks for all the advice. Laughs throughout the years. Congratulations, Jordan, on the babies and Jared, for your new home. Thank you. Signed. I don't send nudes. Or do I?

[B]

Would you like this?

[A]

I would like this. Yeah.

[B]

How long into a relationship would you like this? Would you have to be in a relationship to like this?

[A]

You know, I would like this. I would have to be in a relationship.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It is something to mix it up that. I mean, like, that's the.

[B]

Yeah. The relationship of two years and really makes sense.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And it's.

[A]

I. I guess my concern with receiving the boudoir photo, if I get it in the breakup. Here's your photo album. I'm keeping it. Here's my. My. My note on the boudoir. I think it's all the same picture. You know, the problem with men, you know, is that we're so simple that it's like some of this kind of gets wasted on us.

[B]

Do some outfit changes.

[A]

I'd like some outfit changes, some wigs. Like, I would love, like, a whole, like. Like, if I was to, like, direct, Creative, direct boudoir photoshoot, I'd be like, men just want a lot of different on the same woman. So if I were. But again, this is. She said, which I love what she said. She's like, it's a gift to me. I, like, love doing it.

[C]

Right.

[A]

So that's part of the boudoir thing. You get to dress up. You get to be in your lingerie. You get the photos taken. You look amazing. I'm sure.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So those are all things that my being, like, put on a wig, it would be like, right. You'd be like, well off.

[B]

Yeah, I agree. It's kind of like, you have to think of it almost like, more for the person who's doing it.

[A]

Well, this is the problem I have, and this is. Brings me to my issue, is that I don't know if I could respond to a boudoir photo shoot as, like, I wouldn't even be a lot of.

[B]

Pressure to, like, you have to look at it in front of them.

[A]

Right. I don't even know how I could receive it, you know, this one. Beautiful. Oh, whoa.

[B]

Send that one to my mom.

[A]

Right. It's not like I can, like, go take it and just start masturbating to it and then go see, I do like it, you know, Like, I.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So, like, you think that's how most.

[B]

Men would feel about getting it?

[A]

I don't know. I'm a bad gift receiver. Just generally, like, I. I always am unsure if I'm giving the person what they want. As far as, like, But.

[B]

But the reaction.

[A]

The reaction, Right.

[B]

I love it. Working on mine.

[A]

What do I say? You look. I mean, you're going to.

[B]

I mean, I gave you a gift. Our last episode. I thought you were.

[A]

Were.

[B]

You were decent.

[A]

Yeah, I was. Okay. Yeah. I do have this. Like.

[B]

I mean, I'm sure I was the same. Like, we're not. I think we're also not. Like, you have to be. You have to know your audience. And I think that's another thing for advice for her is like, manage your expectations around whatever his personality type is. If he's like, Mr. Everything's amazing.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, expect that. If he's. If he's like you or me or me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think you could be like, tempered appreciation. Is that enough for you?

[A]

That. I think that's really good advice. Because there's so many times where I'm like, what do you want from me right now? Just let me. Tell me what you need. I'll do it and I'll do it right. I will be so excited. I'll dance in the streets. I'll tell everyone how hot you are. But, like, I also like a boudoir photo shoot. Like, I guess I don't know what I would do with it. I don't know. I'm this way with a lot of things.

[B]

Like, what does anyone do with it?

[A]

Like, everyone's like, I've never really been a concert person. And then my response is always like, I don't know what to do with myself at a concert. Like, you're not watching a game, do you? I'm not a dancer, you know, like, and. And it's similar. And then people are like, you just go and have fun. And I'm like, and then I've gone to concerts and I've been like, oh, this is fun. I get it. But, like, I think that's the same with, like, a boudoir photo shoot. Like, I'd be like, like, this is wonderful. You look amazing. I'm happy. I mean, I take a lot of. Like, I'm humbled that you did this for me, but I'm also like, now.

[B]

Now, what do I do with it? I look at it every night. Like, what is the expectation around it?

[A]

Right. Do I bring it with me on the road? Like, are you expecting me to, like, put in my backpack?

[B]

Could you text me a picture of these so I don't have to bring the whole.

[A]

The whole thing? Yeah, the whole production.

[B]

I would say this is, like, my style. I don't know if I would do.

[A]

It, but I never done anything like this.

[B]

No, I don't. Not. Like, would you. Would I? I guess I think Mike would probably feel similarly to you. And, like, this is nice, but, like.

[A]

What do I do with it?

[B]

Where do I put it? Like, what do I do with it? It's not, like, super. It doesn't feel, like, super practical.

[A]

Right. I love that she wrote if I did it.

[B]

If I did it, I think it would be more. And my sister did this once, actually, which I thought was really cool, is like, take a picture of yourself. Sort of, like, feeling like, I'm probably past this point in my life. In your prime. I think there's, like, an idea of, like, when I'm in my physical prime, I'm gonna take this photo shoot to, like, always remember that I, like, looked like this at one point. It would be more for me.

[A]

Right. I've heard this before with this idea of, like, knowing how amazing your body was at some point.

[B]

Yeah. People say that about, like, maternity photo shoots. I haven't really had a desire to do that.

[A]

Yeah. It seems like that would be depressing. Like, oh, look how good I used to look. Like. I don't know. It makes you keep up.

[B]

I don't know. But, like, isn't that for any, like, accolade or award you have that you have hit up? Like, this is something I achieved in the past.

[C]

Right.

[A]

But it was one thing you achieve. I don't know.

[C]

The.

[A]

The body doesn't feel like an achievement.

[B]

It can be.

[A]

It can be.

[B]

If you work hard at it and if you're, you know, proud of it.

[A]

Yeah. I. I think it has to be more for you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Even this.

[B]

I would give him something else in addition to this.

[A]

Right. Or, like, again, I think your advice is best. Manage how you want someone, like, their reaction can't be a part of your.

[B]

Right. I think it would almost be better if it was positioned as, like, I did this for myself. Do you want to see it?

[A]

Almost, I guess. I don't know. I do. Like, that she's including him and.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like, do you go through it like, it's.

[B]

They break up. Can she take it back and give it to another guy?

[A]

I don't think so. I wouldn't mind. I'd be like, whoa, look what you did. I. I don't know. It's.

[C]

This is.

[A]

This is a tough one, because also, it's not really, like, a gift that you can, like, like, put on right away. It's not like, you know, like, that's the thing with, like, a Thing. You can, like, use it, right? Put it on. You can go. Every time I use it, I think of how great it is that you would think to get this for me. Like, but this is, like.

[B]

It's also very much about you. I don't know, because it's, like, pictures of you.

[A]

Do me a favor. Here's what she needs to do. Send it DM these pictures to me, and I'll be the judge of whether.

[B]

They'Re good enough for the boyfriend.

[A]

I'll take a look.

[B]

I mean, if you got it, I'm sure you would. If someone got it for you, you'd.

[A]

Be like, oh, I'd be. I think the sexiest part is that she did it right. Like, that to me, makes me drool a little bit. Like, you had this thing inside of you that you wanted to, like, let out, right? The confidence, the sexuality. Like, knowing a woman, like, I think for a lot of men, for me, hearing a woman talk about what she likes and what makes her feels turned on, you kind of rarely hear that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So you hear it from men, and it's always gross. But when a woman says it, it's, like, nice to know that it was thought put in. So that's hot for this in general.

[B]

No, that's nice. And I think, again, like, you don't have to say it's for you, but, yeah, I think I would think of it if I was going to do it. I would think of it as, like, I have to think of it separate from the reaction of the person I'm giving it to.

[A]

Yeah, I think that's a big part of it because I. I'm. I Literally, the first thing out of my mouth was, I don't know how I would react enough.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So that's my. My insecurity.

[B]

What do you want?

[C]

Right.

[B]

What reaction are you expecting?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Is the person capable of giving that.

[A]

To you and put them in a position to give you the best reaction possible?

[B]

Would you ever make a boudoir photo shoot?

[A]

I have. All right.

[B]

You have with that company, right.

[A]

It was Tommy John.

[B]

Super in that. In that case, you got paid.

[A]

I got paid. So it was all for me. Yeah, I. What would you do if, like, Mike did this for you?

[B]

Gave me a boudoir photo.

[A]

A boudoir. It was like, I'm gonna take, like, actual sexy photos with a photographer. Could a man take, like. Like, you're like, I love your body. Oh. It's all I think about. And he's like, you know what? I'm gonna get Jordana I'm gonna let her see.

[B]

No, I don't think that would work for me.

[C]

You know why? Because I think.

[B]

I think it's, like, hottest when a man is, like, looking hot in his element, not trying to look hot. Something about a man trying really hard to look hot makes it less hot.

[A]

I'll never forget I was with a girl and we were driving, and I could tell she was watching me drive. Okay. And she was, like, turned on by.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Those are, like, the moments.

[C]

But if you.

[A]

I was like, new York City guy don't drive a lot. She'd never seen me drive. That was like a different look at me. But like, a man posing for a.

[B]

Camera doesn't really do it for me. But, like, I think that with Mike, it's like if I see him in a tux across the room doing something.

[A]

Else or like, that's when you sweat them.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Yeah, I get it. Listen, we solved dating again.

[B]

We did it.

[A]

We did it. Hey, thank you guys for listening. Thank you for being part of this show. If you got something to say in the comments, we love to hear from you. We read every single comment on Spotify as well as YouTube.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So we love reading and seeing your comments. We will respond to them and we'll.

[B]

See you next week for our Christmas episode.

[A]

Oh, ho, ho, ho. Boom. Thanks again to Uber Eats for sponsoring this episode. With Uber Eats, gifting is easier than ever, bringing holiday cheer straight to your doorstep. And this December, Uber Eats is making it even more special. When you tap the send as a gift feature at checkout, you can not only send your favorite items, but also include a video from a lineup of holiday helpers like Megan Thee Stallion, the Jonas Brothers, Jake Shane, or Tracy Ellis Ross. Whether it's your TikTok obsessed Gen Z cousin or your hottie roommate, this two in one surprise guarantees gifting hero status. Shop holiday deals and start gifting now with Uber Eats. See app for details, batches.