Is It Rude to Ask For a Plus One?

Summary

Podcast Summary: U Up? – “Is It Rude to Ask For a Plus One?”

Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid
Date: September 12, 2025

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Main Theme

In this episode of U Up?, Jordana and Jared dive into a highly relatable wedding conundrum: “Is it rude to ask for a plus one?” Through a series of listener emails, comedic riffs, and candid stories, they explore wedding etiquette, the dynamics of asking for what you want, medical school dating drama, and the fine line between being considerate vs. overstepping as a guest. The episode is peppered with the hosts' signature humor and authentic modern dating commentary.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Debunking Internet Myths and Opening Banter

• Discussion: Jared falls for a meme claiming Halloween falls on Friday the 13th for the first time in 666 years. Jordana and Jared spiral into a playful debate about holiday dates, generational gullibility, and the legitimacy of moving Halloween to a weekend.

• Timestamps:

  • [01:15] "Hello and welcome back..."
  • [02:32] "Don't be scared. But Halloween 2025 is on Friday the 13th..."

• Notable Quote:

  • Jared: "Why did I read a meme? It was this weird meme that was like, it's been 666 years since Halloween's been on Friday the 13th." [02:05]

2. Viral Scandals, Gwyneth Paltrow & Internet Culture

• Discussion:
  The hosts discuss the fallout from the Astronomer CEO’s cheating scandal, the intensity of internet pile-ons, and Gwyneth Paltrow’s surprise role in a company’s crisis PR. They also reflect on public reactions to female celebrities, the power of not caring, and the charm (or controversy) of "doubling down" on your brand.

• Timestamps:

  • [07:10] Gwyneth’s spoof Astronomer video
  • [10:29] Gwyneth’s ski accident lawsuit and public persona

• Notable Quotes:

  • Jordana: "What I like about her is that she just keeps doing it, right? She's not backing off." [13:50]
  • Jared: "There is a version of having fun with the Internet when you have nothing to lose from the Internet that I like." [11:24]

3. Modern Dating: ‘Icky or Picky?’ Segment

• Discussion:
  Listeners write in about confusing and sometimes humiliating social situations. The main “ick” this week involves a first-year med student being brushed off by a third-year after revealing her class standing. The hosts dissect whether these moments are genuine dealbreakers (icks) or just personal preferences (picky).

• Insight: Jared suspects medical school social networks or “crossing circles” (friends’ exes, professional boundaries) may have influenced the guy’s reaction more than age difference.

• Timestamps:

  • [23:19] Segment introduction
  • [23:27] Listener email and analysis

• Notable Quotes:

  • Jared: "My idiot brain goes towards: he knows someone in your program... something happened where a circle was crossed." [26:28]
  • Jordana: "Or just date one person at a time. Yeah, if you're a loser." [28:34]

4. Age, Dating, and City vs. Suburb Mindsets

• Discussion:
  The hosts riff on ideal dating ages, the perception of age in cities vs. smaller towns, and how men often mentally freeze at age 27. They note that in a city, being single into your 30s is normalized, while in suburban or rural settings, societal pressure ramps up.

• Timestamps:

  • [29:34] "I think 27 men think... city men feel 27 forever."

• Notable Quotes:

  • Jared: "This is why it's enraging for women to date men; men always think they're 27." [29:55]
  • Jordana: "It's much harder to be single in a non-city the older you are.” [32:12]

5. Main Topic: Is It Rude to Ask For a Plus One?

• Discussion:
  The hosts address the core question: Can you ask to bring a plus one to a wedding? Both say it’s reasonable to ask, provided you accept the answer graciously. They reject the idea of treating brides and grooms as untouchable royalty and encourage honest, polite communication.

• Timestamps:

  • [36:08] Listener email launches segment
  • [36:48] Jordana: “The bride and groom are not like the king and queen. They're just people who are getting married.”

• Advice Recap:

  • You can always ask, as long as you accept a “no” and remain courteous.
  • Context and tone matter—ask early and politely; don’t make demands.
  • The goal is for everyone to enjoy the event; asking shouldn’t be taboo.

• Notable Quotes:

  • Jordana: “You can ask whatever you want. If they say no…you need to back off.” [36:59]
  • Jared: “We are all human beings just trying to get by on this great big marble called Earth…and if you can't text a friend who wanted you at their wedding…” [41:51]
  • Jordana: “Plus, you catch more flies with honey.” [42:32]

6. Bridal Delusion and Etiquette Realness

• Discussion:
  Jared shares a story from his comedy set about unrealistic wedding party expectations, leading the pair to discuss how weddings can bring out a temporary “monster” streak in even the chillest people.

• Timestamps:

  • [39:45] Stand-up anecdote
  • [41:10] “When you are a bride, you do get a little delusional.”

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Jared (re: etiquette):
  “Let me put my hat in the ring. Yeah, it's the same thing as...at the delta gate and I have a middle seat: ‘Hey…can I get on a list of some sort?’ Totally fine if not.” [42:11]

• Jordana (re: etiquette & venting):
  “…And then you can talk about them to the rest of your friends. That's how you do it. The circle of talk.” [42:44]

• Jared (wrapping it up):
  “We are the king and queen of polite greatness. All right, well, we solved dating again.” [43:00]

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Important Segment Timestamps

• [23:19] – Icky or Picky: “Failure to launch” med school dating email
• [36:08] – Main email: Is it rude to ask for a plus one?
• [39:45] – Stand-up story leading into wedding etiquette discussion
• [41:10] – The psychology of “bridal delusion”
• [42:11] – Best practices for asking for a plus one

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Tone & Language

Throughout, the hosts keep things funny, light, and straightforward—never shying away from candid takes or self-deprecating humor. They encourage listeners to embrace direct communication, social flexibility, and empathy both as event hosts and guests. Their banter brings levity to the sometimes-fraught terrain of modern weddings and dating.

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Summary

This episode of U Up? is a witty, down-to-earth guide to wedding etiquette for the modern dater. Jordana and Jared assure listeners that asking for a plus one is okay, provided you keep your expectations—and ego—in check. Their advice is as much about being a thoughtful guest as it is about not letting social anxiety or “tradition” dictate fun and relationships. Whether you’re navigating guest lists or awkward first encounters, this episode offers honest advice, plenty of laughs, and the reassurance that we’re all just muddling through together.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

It's a catchy thing to put your name on. I'm gonna put my name on.

[A]

A vibrator. The J train's a good name for a vibrator.

[B]

The J Train.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

Taken down by the J Train.

[A]

Now that sounds nefarious.

[B]

Let me. Me and my. My new friend.

[A]

Yeah. All right. Ready? Me, me, me, me, me.

[B]

Let's do it.

[A]

Hello and welcome back to the U UP podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.

[B]

And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana, on a Friday Feels. How you feeling?

[A]

Happy Friday. It is Friday the 13th.

[B]

Oh, my God. You know what I heard today?

[A]

Was it not Friday the 13th? Is it. Is that supposed to be the 12th?

[B]

It's the 12th.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Well, hold on. Don't cut this out.

[A]

Halloween said the outline says the 13th.

[B]

It does say the 13th. Halloween. That's why I was, like, kind of confused. Halloween is on Friday the 13th.

[A]

This year, Halloween is on the 31st. How could it be the 13th? We just keep.

[B]

Keep getting. What did I read?

[A]

We just keep getting dumber and dumber.

[B]

Keep this in. I want the audience knowing the real.

[A]

US 31 is 13 backwards.

[B]

Hold on. Why did I read a meme? It was this weird meme that was like, it's been 666 years since Halloween's been on Friday the 13th.

[A]

Where do you get your memes?

[B]

I don't know. The dummy factory, apparently. I guess. I'm.

[A]

Everyone knows that Halloween is on October 13th, right?

[B]

Right.

[A]

Yeah. Wow.

[B]

I've always been against that.

[A]

Right. You always thought it should be on.

[B]

What is it? What is it?

[A]

This is like your feed right now.

[B]

What is it? Don't be scared.

[A]

Don't be scared.

[B]

But Halloween 2025 is on Friday the 13th for the first time in 666. That's exactly what I read. And I fell for it. Oh, my God. I'm gonna be like one of those grandparents on Facebook that believes everything.

[A]

You're QAnon.

[B]

I'm Q.

[A]

That's it, Jerry.

[B]

That's it. It's over for me.

[A]

Queuing on for you.

[B]

I'm an old man.

[A]

It's okay. Well, okay, it is not Friday the 13th, and it will never be Friday the 13th at Halloween because Halloween is notoriously on the 31st of October.

[B]

Oh, I'm so dumb.

[A]

That's okay.

[B]

What am I doing? This is what they should play when they're like men with a podcast. Play this clip.

[A]

600 years since it's been. Also, that wouldn't even make any sense.

[B]

Well, Halloween should be on a Friday, the last Friday of the month. I think I've had this rant here.

[A]

I would agree. Or Saturday, whatever it is.

[B]

Yeah. Keeping up for no reason.

[A]

Right?

[B]

It's not like, the birthday of, like, you know, the. Of the country. Like, this date matters nothing.

[A]

Right?

[B]

There's no, like. Is there a coven that, like, is gonna get mad?

[A]

Is it even on Friday this year?

[B]

What day of the week is.

[A]

Or is Jared been totally duped? It is on Friday. Okay. It is on Friday night 13. Okay.

[B]

When Halloween's not on, like, a Thursday. Friday, Saturday. Get out of here.

[A]

Yeah, because it's.

[B]

Get out.

[A]

It's very annoying because people are celebrating then, like, for 10 days, they're celebrating the weekend before the week of the week after.

[B]

Right. Don't make a holiday make me sound old. Like, holidays should be fun for everyone. There should never be a holiday where I have to go.

[A]

I.

[B]

Enough already. Like, when it's. Halloween's on a Monday.

[A]

Oversaturated, right?

[B]

Enough already. Now I sound old. I sound like I need to, like, be on Facebook. Believe in QAnon.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Which is what I do.

[A]

Listen, I have been duped by many a fake news. I believe the astronomer, fake CEO apology.

[B]

What do you think that guy's, like, doing right now? Right now? Right now? Because we. We've already, like, chewed him up, spit him out.

[A]

Yeah, he's done. He's old news.

[B]

And honestly, like, unfair to him that it was like, he's cheating. They both were cheating on their spouses.

[A]

Didn't she get fired, too?

[B]

I'm just saying, like, it always is, like, he cheated story.

[A]

Well, he is.

[B]

They both cheated.

[A]

But he's the one who. He is a higher position. Than her. So I think that's why it's still.

[B]

Unfair of sure is the both people cheated story. But no one will see it that the. That's not how time will look at it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

The eyes of time will say astronomer CEO cheated on his wife and beautiful children. Not also the woman who hooked up with him did too.

[A]

I mean, she did too. I think she gotten a lot of too. But I will say that not to say she didn't. I'm just the. The person with the most power in any wrongdoing. I feel like that's sort of like the nature of being the person that's the downside of having the most power is like you're the. You're the target for things if whatever you're doing.

[B]

Right. Right. When someone with Great Power podcast.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

They take us down with great power.

[A]

Becomes great responsibility, as they say.

[B]

Right. That is true. That's what, you know, that's what the money's for.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, that's what they pay to.

[A]

Be the face of the company.

[B]

Right.

[A]

To take off.

[B]

So what's he doing now? Do you think he's in counseling? Would you. I divorce. I'm not going through. I'm not like, trying to save anything.

[A]

I go pretty. Pretty bad.

[B]

It's bad.

[A]

Also, here's the thing.

[B]

I think, like, the idea you're having an affair.

[A]

You're going to a public place next to our home.

[B]

It's almost. You want to get caught.

[A]

Right? Yeah. I mean, he did. He did run when the camera hit him. So there's. There's a.

[B]

There's that we're so late to the story, but I. I just feel like.

[A]

We talked about it a little bit.

[B]

We talked about it, but I. I don't know. It's like this is when the story is interesting more to me, not when the dust settles. The dust settles. Like to me. I want the 60 Minutes interview with him now.

[A]

Yes. I don't think he's gonna say anything.

[B]

Because I think he's more interesting for having gone through the Internet thing.

[A]

Right.

[B]

The cheating isn't is interesting.

[A]

Changing his whole life. I mean, I wonder. He got it.

[B]

I'm sure he therapy.

[A]

He negotiated some sort of exit package for himself.

[B]

So do you think, like, what amount of money.

[A]

I mean, this company should thank him. They like, got so much press. Did you see the Gwyneth Paltrow thing where basically they hire her to, like, be the spokesperson as kind of a joke? Well, let's see it. I'm sure we could play it thank.

[C]

You for your interest in Astronomer. Hi, I'm Gwyneth Paltrow. I've been hired on a very temporary basis to speak on behalf of the 300 plus employees at Astronomer. Astronomer has gotten a lot of questions over the last few days and they wanted me to answer the most common ones. Yes, Astronomer is the best place to run Apache airflow. Unifying the experience of running data ML and AI pipelines at scale.

[B]

We've been thrilled, everyone.

[C]

A newfound interest in data workflow automation.

[A]

Genius.

[B]

It is genius.

[C]

As for the other questions we received, yes, there is still room available at our beyond analytics event in September. We will now be returning to what we do best.

[A]

Very clever.

[B]

It is. There's two things I. Here's two thoughts I have from this. Ready? The company that came up with this, whatever PR company, they should put that on the wall. You should be in crisis management.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Forever. Just raise your prices. That's an amazing video. Two, the company that would do this is actually a company that I'd be like, everyone's cheating on their spouses. Like they're almost being little van with little vanderpump rules. Right. This is a little too much fun.

[A]

Right.

[B]

They're not to have.

[A]

So you don't think they're taking it seriously enough?

[B]

Not at.

[A]

You don't think enough heads rolled?

[B]

No, I am. I'm actually thinking other people, this company were like, we're all like. It sounds like there's like a company culture of like fun.

[A]

They say the culture starts at the top. Right?

[B]

Right. And he's hooking up with the HR woman. I think that's one big fest at their big annual Paloa Wolf of Wall Street.

[A]

I mean, this is a good.

[B]

I'm going there. That's where I'm going on vacation. I'm going to go to whatever their data thing is to try and I think that that's the best.

[A]

Maybe that should be our YouTube extra next week. You and I, Astronomer off site.

[B]

Hey, what are you guys doing here? We're here to. We heard this is. We're all.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You have weird goes on Astronomer.

[A]

You've espoused the works of Astronomer. I'd ask more questions.

[B]

Yeah. Listen also, Gwyneth Paltrow. Do we like her or not like her? You know, like that video. I'm like, wow, she gets it.

[A]

It's also. She's related to it because she, you know, her ex husband, she consciously uncoupled from Chris Martin who basically outed them. So it all comes full circle.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know I used to kind of, like, not like her, but I actually find her kind of refreshing in that she really doesn't give a fuck. Like, a lot of people really hate her, and she's just kind of, like, keeps doing her thing.

[B]

There's a video of her, like, cooking breakfast on Instagram. And, like, every comment is like, what's with your lips? Like, it's like, has nothing to do.

[A]

Right. She takes a lot of shit.

[B]

And I'm like, why do this? Like, how much money? Like, you can't even make money from Instagram.

[A]

Well, she has a company, so I.

[B]

I know, but, like, does very well. Right? But, like, the company does well without her making breakfast.

[A]

I'm saying I don't think she gives a shit. I don't think she's, like, reading that. I think she knows she gets a lot of shit. She just keeps doing stuff either way. Like, I kind of. You know what? I kind of started liking her after her. That ski. That ski lawsuit thing.

[B]

Oh, what happened?

[A]

Well, the guy. A guy skied into her, basically.

[B]

And then sued her.

[A]

Yeah, and then sued her. And then she, like, went in. She, like, didn't settle. She went to court. She was basically. And then she, you know, she's. She's so pretentious that she. But she doesn't try to pretend she's not. Which I appreciate.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where she's like, yeah, he skied into me. And then I was, like, annoyed because I was late to lunch with my kids. And then at the end, she, like, she counters him for $1 because he skied into her.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And he was clearly just, like, trying to get money from Gwyneth Palt.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And then at the end of the trial, she goes to him and she goes, like, audibly, I wish you well.

[B]

I remember this. Like a viral.

[A]

Is that what she said? I think it was. I wish.

[B]

I wish you well. Yeah, I remember the viral moment, but they made. They made the.

[A]

The. They made the trial into a musical in London.

[B]

Come on. I swear to God, that's.

[A]

And I was like, you know what? Gwyneth Paltrow, I like her.

[B]

Yeah. There is a version of having fun with the Internet when you have nothing to lose from the Internet that I like.

[A]

Well, she has enough money. She's too big to fail. Right. You know, it doesn't matter.

[B]

It doesn't matter. Which, I guess, is the reason to make eggs on Instagram, Right?

[A]

Well, let's just say I like doing this.

[B]

I like doing this and off.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, naming your kid abuse of you. Apple.

[A]

Moses is the other one.

[B]

Apple and Moses.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, Chris Martin probably had something to do with that too.

[B]

Yeah. He's like a weird dude.

[A]

Yeah. And then they had their whole. They had their whole conscious uncoupling thing when they got divorced. They like, they were making it, like, too agreeable. They said they just consciously uncoupled. And then that became like the joke for.

[B]

Right. It was like the. What the douchiest person in your neighborhood says, right. As like a branding of them getting divorced. That makes it better than everyone else.

[A]

And we're like, no, we want all the drama we want.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like, that's. But they seem to get along.

[B]

I think when you're Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow again, like, money is an answer to all of this. Like, there is an amount where you're just above the fray. You're out of the crucible.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, and it's an enviable because.

[A]

You can just do whatever you want. I mean, she started goop because she has again, nothing to lose.

[B]

Right.

[A]

She's also a Nepo baby. Her parents are like, in Hollywood. Yeah. Her mom is Blythe Danner. Do you know that is?

[B]

No.

[A]

She's the mom in Meet the Parents.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Like, like Robert De Niro's wife.

[B]

There she is. Oh, and she's beautiful.

[A]

And that's.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Mama. Who's her dad? One of Paltrow's dead. Bruce. Bruce.

[B]

Bruce Paltrow. Bruce Paltrow. Sounds like some guy.

[A]

How did I know?

[B]

He, like, owns sand.

[A]

Rich, I think.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, he invented sand. Oh, okay. So I think she'll be okay forever.

[A]

Yeah, she's going to be. That's what I'm saying. And she's been in the public eye for forever, so I think she's just.

[B]

She was a child actress. Right.

[A]

But that's what I'm saying. I think I. I kind of love that she's just like, I'm just going to double down. Like, she's. People have been making fun of her for so many years because, you know, goop would they come out with their holiday gift list and it'd be like a $32,000 bidet or something. Like. And she was like, she like earnestly would like, put all this stuff out, but she didn't like, stop doing that.

[B]

She just kept the pussy flavored candle something.

[A]

I think she did that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, she does. I ate it. It was delicious.

[A]

She had a lot of. For going on a podcast saying that she, like, only that she has like soup for lunch or something. Or like. But that's what I'm saying. I. What I like about her is that she's not. That she just keeps doing it, right? She's not like, she's not backing.

[B]

Well, she did the exact opposite of. And just like that. Like Sex in the City. The Sex in the City remake was. No, no, no, no, no, no. We.

[A]

We're good.

[B]

No, no, no, no. You like us.

[A]

We've changed.

[B]

We've changed. We're cool.

[A]

Which makes it so cringy.

[B]

Which is. And it's a lie, right? You know, it's not who they are. It's not what they believe.

[A]

And Gwyneth Paltrow was like, I'm rich, I'm beautiful, I'm aging semi naturally, right? And I don't give a right. I'm just gonna keep doing whatever. And it kind of work. If you, like, double down, I do feel like it kind of works.

[B]

I think that should be the motto of this podcast. Let's Gwyneth Paltrow, let's do it. All right.

[A]

Unbothered.

[B]

Deal. Unbothered.

[A]

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[A]

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[B]

If you're out there, come to my Gwyneth Paltrow is the Real hero tour. Jared free.com for tickets. Yeah, I'm in DC soon. Theaters are starting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I got a theater show. I think I do.

[A]

I am excited to see it.

[B]

Yeah. Listen, your brother will tell you about it one day.

[A]

One day when I speak to him. One day.

[B]

No, the show's fun. It's good. It's funny. Laughs, laughs, laughs. I was at the Cellar last night.

[A]

Good.

[B]

I did three shows at the Cellar. And then I got back to the hotel, and I sat down. I was like, let me just sit and clear my head and post some online. And there's a couple. I'm wearing a hat. It's a couple on, like, the other corner of the bar. And the woman looks at me and she goes, where'd you get that hat? And I go, it was actually given to me by this thing called baseballism. You can look it up. Baseballism is this, like, baseball company. They make, like, cool baseball, like, fashionable baseball stuff.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And they invite me. A guy came into this, and I would recommend anyone. I'd been in their store before. I didn't realize he was at my San Francisco show. He's like, come to the store. And they gave me a couple shirts and a hat, and I love it.

[A]

Great.

[B]

Looks cool. And I go, I got it from this baseballism. And then they're like, we're from the field of Dreamstown, which is. Field of Dreams is like, a famous.

[A]

I know. I know the movie, but I don't know.

[B]

It's in Iowa. I didn't know the town either. I go, what's that near? Like, what's the major city nearby? So they're from Iowa, and they're, like, into baseball. So they're like, notice my hat. And I go, yeah, this guy, you know, I actually got it for free. The guy invited me into this baseballism store. And she's like, well, how did. Why did they give it to you for free? And I'm like, well, I'm a comedian, and the guy was at my show, and he just, like, offered me, you know, to come into the store and check it out. And she's like. And it was so weird because she goes, so, do you. Where do you live? And I go, I live in Florida now. And I.

[A]

You know, how many questions this person have?

[B]

They. They had a lot. They had a lot of questions. And then I go, yeah, move along. And she goes, so do you have any, like, good material now? Better jokes now? And I was like, what do you. I don't understand.

[A]

Better than what? They've seen your show?

[B]

Well, no, I go, better than. That's the question. I go, better than what? And she goes, you know, better now. You know.

[A]

What are you implying?

[B]

I was like, I don't know what.

[A]

Should have Gwyneth Paltrowed it and just.

[B]

Well, I said.

[A]

I go unbothered.

[B]

They're still pretty good. Like, I don't know what else to say, right?

[A]

You should be like, why don't you see the show and then you can let me know, right?

[B]

Like, I. It was weird. Like, listen, I don't need you to, like, fawn over me if I say I'm a comedian. But, like, that produces a different direction in the conversation.

[A]

Listen, you are a comedian who is successful enough to get free hats, right? From someone with a hat store.

[B]

And also, you asked the question. I'm telling you the answer. Like, I didn't, like, come to you and go, look at this free hat bitch.

[A]

That's why there's a way to ask questions that doesn't sound like an interrogation of, like, you trying to form your opinion. Like, there's a conversational way to ask questions, and then there's a way to ask questions where it's like, I'm trying to place you into, like, how important you are.

[B]

It was very. I have to say, suburban. It was very, like. Because we then sat in silence. They were just.

[A]

Where was this again?

[B]

The Ace Hotel bar.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And they just. She goes, are they better jokes now? And I was like, they're pretty good before. And then we just. They. Her and her husband just, like, silently sat, and I silently sat, and I just, like, went on my phone. Like, she didn't, like, wait till she sees you on.

[A]

On the streaming services.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

And you can find her, hunt her down and say, big mistake.

[B]

Big. She goes. They start talking about, like, their golf match. And I'm like, did I just get entered into the passive aggressive world of, you know, couple conversations. Like, I don't know why it went this way.

[A]

Were they, were they older?

[B]

No, they're around our age. Like and, and so then she looks at me, she goes, what's your favorite line? Because it's a hat from Major League. The movie, you know, Major League. So it was like with Charlie Sheen and whatever. She goes, what's your favorite line from Major League? And I'm like, she testing you? I was like, I don't know. I, I don't. What do you want from me? Yeah, like all the lines. Then her husband's like, mine's this one. It was like this random line and I was like, I'm not. It's 11:30 at night. I just went to work. I just, I had a whole day.

[A]

You should just said something weird. Stop talking to you.

[B]

The part where he. That guy's wife at the bar and.

[A]

Then a winky face.

[B]

Wink.

[A]

All right, let's get into our show.

[B]

All right, let's get into.

[A]

Is Friday the 12th.

[B]

So then I her.

[A]

Okay, Friday the 12th.

[B]

Friday the 3rd. Friday the 12th.

[A]

Friday dessert. Not Friday.

[B]

Anything going on in your life? No, nothing.

[A]

Nothing.

[B]

Let's move on.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Icky or picky? You date someone, one thing happens. Is it a true ick or are you just being picky?

[A]

Let's find out.

[B]

Yeah, you want to read it?

[A]

All right. What's up? I have an icky or picky that's a little different. A failure to launch Icky or picky. Okay, I 23, female and finishing my first year as a medical student in Washington DC.

[B]

I'll be there soon.

[A]

Yeah, go see him if you have any time together. I was studying anatomy for pre clinical classes using a well known software for medical students at a local coffee shop when a guy, mid-20s approached me and we chatted for a bit. He was obviously flirting and identified himself as a third year student at a school across town. After talking for a while about our specialty, interests and exchanging numbers, he asked what year in school I was. His vibe changed almost immediately after I told him I was finishing my first year. He left soon after saying to text him if I needed any advice about school, career, etc. I did my due diligence and said a hey, it was nice to meet you text the next day. He liked it but didn't respond otherwise. My question is, is a two year difference enough to give a reasonable ick or is it picky? Or is this just something weird about medical school social silo? Sincerely, a studious batch.

[B]

I don't think it was her age.

[A]

You think he just wasn't into her?

[B]

No, because he's flirty. She mentions I'm a first year in medical school and then he gets weirded out. He's a third year.

[A]

Yeah. So what do you think that's about?

[B]

I think he knows someone in that medical school program. I think there's like, there's some sort of connection.

[A]

He wants distance that he wants.

[B]

This is from. Because the idea that like 23 year old, especially because she seems pretty on the ball. She's 23. She's finishing up her first year as a medical student. Like, this isn't like some. Like this isn't regular 23 to me.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know what I mean? Like, this isn't me 23.

[A]

This is within. Within the medical school community.

[B]

Right, Right. This is a. This is a future doctor who's on her and she's having a. The way she wrote this email. This is like a very professionally written email. And like they're talking about software programs. Like.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I listen. I didn't realize what the bursar was at college until my second year.

[A]

You're so rich.

[B]

So I had no idea. I just didn't even know how to sign up for classes and people.

[A]

Isn't the bursa where you pay for shit?

[B]

I didn't know what it was. I didn't know how to get on the website.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

By the second year, I was like, oh, this is where you sign up? Like, this is. I didn't even know how to use it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

The way she's talking is someone who knows how to use things.

[A]

Like, she knows how. She knows what the bursar is.

[B]

Yeah, she knows.

[A]

What is the bursar? Is it at the payment center?

[B]

I just don't know why they would call bursar and not just call it payment center.

[A]

Well, what is it?

[B]

Why change the language? What are we trying to do, confuse the college kids?

[A]

Billing and payments? Why did you need to know about billing and payments?

[B]

Because I had to know. No, because that's where you like put in your classes, where you would sign up for credits.

[A]

Are you sure? Maybe that's why you were in the wrong. I don't think you're. I think you're in the wrong place.

[B]

Did I even. Did you graduate? This is all to say, now I get to give her advice As a guy without a college education who thinks.

[A]

Halloween is on a Friday.

[B]

Quite the episode for this woman to come to us for advice. So I'M just saying my idiot brain goes towards. He knows someone in your program.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like two years difference.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Becoming a doctor, it's like, whoa, whoa. Teenage bride. Like, I don't think that's what he's. Fear.

[A]

But it seems like he knew she went to that school before. Before that.

[B]

But maybe the more you zone in, the more you. The. The world gets smaller and. Oh, crap, I dated someone there. Or he's in a faculty role. He's like a student teacher.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And he thought that that was too big. But like the way she tells the story.

[A]

Or it could be a third thing that has absolutely nothing to do with her. He gets some weird message or he sees something that just makes him weird.

[B]

Yeah, I guess that could happen. But like I. In the, in the context of this story, like.

[A]

Right.

[B]

The only thing I could think of is that she said a word. There's landmines in every conversation. If someone.

[A]

Do you feel that way?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, people can say one thing and.

[B]

You'Re like, all right, not a sexual option.

[A]

Okay. You know, like what, what would. What could be said for you.

[B]

That I. I don't know. I could find other friends with someone I dated. I could find out that they're. I could be dating someone. I could be farther along with someone where we're not together, but I'm still out there flirting. And then I find out that they cross circles with the person that I'm dating in some small way.

[A]

She. Back off.

[B]

Listen, when I was younger, I remember a guy gave me dating advice. He said, never cross the circles.

[A]

Who gave you this dating advice?

[B]

A friend of mine. You never cross circles.

[A]

Never cross circles.

[B]

So you date someone from this world.

[A]

Because it gets messy.

[B]

It gets messy otherwise. And he was just like, just don't cross the circles. And you're good. And I think this is a version of crossing the. Something happened where a circle was crossed.

[A]

Right. Or just date one person at a time. Yeah.

[B]

If you're a loser.

[A]

Men.

[B]

If you're some sort of nerd. No. But do you think that there's anything else? Do you think it's the age thing?

[A]

No.

[B]

Would you date a 23 year old when you're 25?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

100, I think.

[B]

Would you date a 23 year old when you'm 27?

[A]

As a woman? No.

[B]

As you?

[A]

Yeah. As a me? No. But if I was 23, I would date a 27 year old the other way. Yes. But I wouldn't as a 27 year old. I wouldn't date a 23 year old.

[B]

When I was 23, if I was put. If a 24 year old, I'd be like, wow, she wants to get married. That's too soon. Yeah. I, I look back on that, I'm like, what an idiot I was.

[A]

That's funny.

[B]

Even like 28. Oh, she's 30.

[A]

Yeah. I remember 20s and my early 20s. I remember thinking 30 was so old.

[B]

It is so crazy how far away I am from 30 now. Still thinking I'm 27.

[A]

That's your. Is that your. What did Sammy call this? Is that like your true age?

[B]

I think 27 men think. I think city men feel 27 forever. Forever.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I think you get here and you're 27, and you leave here and you're 27.

[A]

You're like a child actor. You're the same age, always became famous.

[B]

This is why it's enraging for women to date men. Do you think always think they're 27 years old? No man is sitting there going at 28. Oh, my God, 30th birthday right around the corner. No man is at 31 going, oh, man, I'm almost 33.

[A]

What do you think is.

[B]

How do you think.

[A]

What do you think is the ideal age to be dating in a city as a man?

[B]

32.

[A]

32.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why is that?

[B]

32. You are considered ready for the next step by everyone you date. So you are now a higher value prize. You're close, more likely to commit.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

They think you've slowed down.

[A]

What?

[B]

They think you can also date down to 26. 27. No one really bats an eye.

[A]

Even 25.

[B]

Yeah, I'm not gonna. That's for you to say. I'm not gonna say it, but I. Yeah, I think 37. You're still good. 39. I think, like, that's when I started to be like, whoa, maybe I should be.

[A]

Maybe I should start to settle down.

[B]

Settling down. Yeah. That's when it becomes like you're 39.

[A]

Like, people go, what right do people go, what, for men?

[B]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, because I. I also think that I'm. I think I don't look 39 to people.

[A]

This is not a day.

[B]

This is someone's chance to try and make me feel bad. You look 30.

[A]

Make him feel better in the YouTube comments. Comment.

[B]

I'm just saying, I. I'm giving you a real, Right. Emotional standpoint of most men in a city. I think if you're out of a city, it's different.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I remember my friend, he was single. He was living in D.C. and D.C. 's a city, but he was in like the Virginia area, which is like a little bit more straddling the line between city and suburban. A little bit more like in between the two. Everyone was getting married and he said it was hard for him to be in that area because he felt like he was a hundred.

[A]

I could see that.

[B]

Everyone convinced you you're too old. Oh my God, how are you doing this? You're still single. What are you gonna do? You better find someone. And he said the minute he moved York City, he was like at ease.

[A]

I could 100% see that it's much harder to be single in an, in a non city the older you are.

[B]

I'm finding that out in Delray beach it becomes a little wearing. Cuz I do think I have moments in cityish. Is Del Rey.

[A]

I mean, not a city.

[B]

No, this is beach town.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I. I feel definitely lonelier in Delray than I did here because there's less.

[A]

People to go on dates with.

[B]

There's just less people.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like a Tuesday night, if you like went out and did something, you go to the movies. Movies are empty.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Bars are done. There's no.

[A]

Like you're never really alone in the city.

[B]

You're never alone. You can fool yourself into thinking you're doing a lot around a lot. Not alone.

[A]

So you ready to get married?

[B]

Yeah, I think I am.

[A]

Right before enemies to lovers, there was Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darc. Pride and Prejudice is globally recognized as one of the greatest romance novels ever written. And with Audible, you can now fall in love with the Jane Austen classic all over again. The Audible original Pride and Prejudice stars a full cast including Marisa Abella as Elizabeth Bennet and Harris Dickinson as Mr. Darcy. Plus Marianne, John Baptiste, Will Poulter, Bill Nighy and Glenn Close as Lady Catherine Deborah, all bringing brilliant performance to transport you to the Regency era. Marisa Abella brings you inside the stubborn and complicated mind of Elizabeth Bennet as she navigates the family expectations, societal pressures and her own misconceptions. When she meets the enigmatic Mr. Darcy, the new adaptation is vibrant and modern with an original new score by a Grammy nominated composer. Whether you're new to the story of Pride and Prejudice or want to revisit a cherished favorite, you're in for a new and delightful listening experience. Listen to the new Pride and [e-mail] janeaustin this episode is sponsored by Instacart. We've all been there. You finally get to your vacation spot after a long travel day. You're tired. You're ready to wind down and realize you forgot something important. Maybe a toothbrush, maybe a skincare product, or even a pair of shoes. Instead of wasting your precious vacation time running errands, you can have Instacart help deliver whatever you need right to you. And when the vacation's over and you're heading back to reality, set yourself up with a full fridge of groceries so you can ease back into your routine. From meal prepping to restocking pantry staples, Instacart helps you get all the essentials you need no matter where you are. Truly, the convenience cannot be beat. With just a few taps, you can shop your favorite stores and get fresh groceries or household essentials delivered in as fast as as 30 minutes. Or if you're out and about, you can have them ready for pickup. Instacart helps to deliver, so you can handle everything else. Just order online or via the easy to use app. Instacart brings convenience, quality and ease right to your door so you can focus on what matters most. Download the Instacart app and use code UAP Pod20 to get $20 off your first order of $80 or more. That's code UUP P O D20 to get $20 off your 1st order of $80 or more. Offer valid for a limited time, excludes restaurants. Additional terms apply. This episode is brought to you by Abercrombie, Official Fashion Partner at the NFL when it comes to game day style this football season, Abercrombie's got you covered. Whether you're cheering in the stands, throwing a watch party or celebrating a team victory, make sure you're dressed for the win with Official NFL by Abercrombie Gear repping every team. They have so many great styles for both men and women. Oversized sweatshirts, cammies, bomber jackets, sweatpants. They even have gear for your pets. Hats. So no one is left out. I have this giant sweatshirt that I have been wearing all week. It is so comfortable. It is so cute. I feel like a real sports fan. And they really have the best apparel for everyone. Whether you're a hardcore fan, a casual fan, kind of like me, or somewhere in between, or you're just kind of like jumping on the bandwagon because your husband's making you go to a game. No matter the final score, make sure you're dressed in a game day outfit that always wins. Abercrombie drops new arrivals every week. Shop in the app, online or in stores.

[B]

Let's do an email. You ready? Let's do it Feather, feather. Jumping right into it. I'm listening to your most recent episode, am I Dating a Disney Adult? And you're doing the icky or picky of the live in girlfriend not being invited as a plus one to a boyfriend's friend's wedding. You both said it would be nice if the boyfriend texted and asked if she could come, and I am shocked. I've always assumed it is rude to ask for a plus one or really say anything about someone's wedding. Jared, would you do this for a girlfriend? Jordana, what would you think if someone asked for this for your wedding? Thanks so much. A blindsided. Do you think it's rude to ask anything of the bride or groom? No, of the wedding.

[A]

The bride and groom are not like the king and queen. They're just people who are getting married.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You can ask them whatever you want if they can. Here's. Here's the caveat. If they say no in whatever way, hinting or. Or otherwise it is, you need to back off.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Yeah, I think you can ask for whatever you want.

[B]

Well, you're invited to a wedding. We have to also keep in mind you're not a stranger to the people that invited you to the wedding.

[A]

You would hope.

[B]

Yeah, you would hope. Like, so this is dependent on your relationship with the bride and groom. But I guess the assumption we were making is that you're invited to a wedding because you're close enough with them to text them.

[A]

Right?

[B]

And have a normal text where you're like, hey, just wanted to check in if someone's not coming, if there's an extra spot.

[A]

If not, it's totally. I would always end with totally fine.

[B]

If not totally. We are on the same page. So, like, the idea that, like, we mustn't talk to them. You get the invitation six months ahead of time. Like, it's not like you're asking two months. I think whatever it is, it's not like you're asking the night before.

[A]

Right.

[B]

We're asking the morning of.

[A]

Fine. That's. That's.

[B]

Yeah, that would be surprising to hear someone go, yeah, just text them the morning of during their glam session. Just ask if you can bring your new floozy you met at the bar at the rehearsal dinner. Like, that's not what we're saying.

[A]

Be a normal person. I. I had people ask for plus one. Did I?

[B]

To a destination wedding.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And to me, that's even more of a chance.

[A]

What do you mean more of a chance? I'm just saying, like, more of a. Like More likely more risky. Oh.

[B]

Like, no.

[A]

To me, I was like, because I'm having a debt, I would want everyone to have the best time possible. They're committing to a whole weekend. If they. If someone was dating someone two weeks before my wedding and said, I just started seeing someone, would it be okay if I brought. I would. I said yes. I think that happened. Yeah.

[B]

You take it into consideration, you wouldn't be like, oh, my God. What? What? What a. What? An.

[A]

No. I want the whole. You want people coming to your wedding to be, like, having a good time and, like, having fun, and if someone's asking if they can bring someone. I gave anyone who was dating anyone, even, like, casually, a plus one to my wedding.

[B]

I'm happy you're saying this. I think this idea of treating brides as if they are, like, the queen of the world, dictator of Norway, you know, like, that's crazy, right?

[A]

Again, you can ask whatever you want. If they say no, you should respect that. I'm not saying you should be mad at them if they say no, but I think it's. The idea that you can't ask for anything is crazy.

[B]

I was at the Cellar last night. I'm on stage, and, like, I'm doing a set, and I'm kind of, like, around trying to figure out whatever I'm trying to figure out. And at the cellar on McDougal street, there's, like, two tables on the right and left side of the stage. So, like, if you look right, there's just, like, people facing the audience. So they're, like. Kind of like. They're a little bit like the mascots for your set. Like, people kind of like, are they, like, I. You can kind of feel that they're being looked at, right? While they're being. You're being looked at. So this one girl next to me, she kind of, like, was just, like. She didn't seem like she was mad, but she wasn't laughing really loud or hard. And I look, right, it's your favorite.

[A]

Person at the show, right?

[B]

And I turn her, I go, are you connecting with the material? And she's, like, kind of giggled, and she's like, yeah, I think so. And I was like, well, thank you for that stellar review. You know, like. Like, made fun of it. It was a fun moment, right? And her friend said, can I be honest with you? And I go, during the show, this is right next to her. The girl goes, can I be honest with you? I go, no, because this is usually when my feelings get hurt, and I'm Having this, like, fun moment. She goes, no, you try having her in your wedding party. She made the same face then. And I was like, like, now I hate you.

[A]

Yeah. Now you're the villain.

[B]

Like, let her enjoy. She was at your wedding. She's in your wedding party. What? She's got a smile, too. And it was so amazing, the gusto and the bravado of this woman who, like, at my wedding, she didn't smile enough at my wedding. And I was like. Like, it was funny because then I made fun of her, you know, to, like, say, like, who cares about who smiles at your wedding? Like, you're like. And everyone's.

[A]

No one's looking at her face in the pictures, right?

[B]

And it's like. But it was funny to see that she didn't even realize how stupid she sounded.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Like this.

[A]

That's what happened when you be. When you. And here's the thing. I. When you are a bride, you do get a little delusional. It happens to everyone. Even the most sane of people.

[B]

Right? I. My. The baby. My good friend.

[A]

He.

[B]

He was like. His theory. He was like. Even his wife, who's like, not a bride's bride.

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

He's like, it. He's like. There's a moment after you get married where they, like, he. He goes. You see your wife just, like, shake a twitch, and it's, like, gone.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they're back.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He's like. But every. He's like. I. He's like, I couldn't believe that even my wife, who's not like that.

[A]

It happens. It happens to the best of us.

[B]

Right?

[A]

You do become, like, a little bit of a monster. Whether you mean to or not.

[B]

I have empathy for that.

[A]

That. But that being said, it does not mean that you cannot ask for a plus one.

[B]

Right? No. No. We are all human beings just trying to get by on this great big marble called Earth and.

[A]

Right.

[B]

If you can't text a friend who wanted you at their wedding, hey, I'm wondering if anyone drops out. Totally understand if you can't. I. I have.

[A]

Totally fine. If not.

[B]

Totally fine. If not. I'm dating this guy. Things have gotten more serious. I'd love to bring him, but. But again, you don't feel obvious.

[A]

Figured I'd ask.

[B]

Let me put my hat in the ring. Yeah, it's the same thing as, like, hey, when I go to the delta gate and I have a middle seat. Hey, I know. You guys got. The seats are filled, right? Can I get on a list of some sort.

[A]

Totally fine.

[B]

If not totally fine. You know, I'm not like, you better move me. I'm diamond medallion.

[A]

Plus you catch more flies with honey.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Right. And again, if they say no, I.

[B]

Am honey full of honey.

[A]

If they say no, you can. You say totally fine. Just figured I'd ask. Totally get it. And then you can talk about them to the rest of your friends.

[B]

Right? Right, Right. Right.

[A]

That's how you do it.

[B]

The circle of talk.

[A]

Yes. That's how etiquette works.

[B]

It soothes the soul.

[A]

Jared and Jordana Post.

[B]

That's right. We are the king and queen.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Of polite greatness. All right, well, we solved dating again.

[A]

We did it. We'll be back next week. Bye. Thanks again to Abercrombie, official fashion partner of the NFL, for sponsoring this episode. Abercrombie denim has gone viral for a reason. Curve love removes the waist gap. Classic cuts never fail. And every style is made to help you find your best fit. Add in NFL by Abercrombie and you've got the ultimate game day uniform denim that actually flatters. Plus, fan gear for every team. It's fashion and football finally playing on the same team. Whether you're cheering from the stands or from your living room, level up your team spirit this season with Abercrombie. Abercrombie drops new arrivals every week. Shop in the app, online or in stores.