Is Saying 'Boyfriend' Cringe?

Summary

U Up? Podcast Episode Summary

Episode: Is Saying 'Boyfriend' Cringe?
Date: November 12, 2025
Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Jordana and Jared dive deep into modern dating anxieties around “hard launching” a relationship on social media, the emerging trend (and accompanying Vogue article) questioning if having a “boyfriend” has become ‘cringe,’ and the identity crisis that can arise for independent women entering relationships. The hosts also hilariously recap personal stories, discuss scammy DM attempts, tackle wild listener emails—including awkward neighbor sex noises—and debate topics like pet etiquette and dating app age fibs. The episode deftly balances light-hearted banter with thoughtful cultural commentary.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Icebreaker & Halloween Recaps (03:02–16:00)

• Jared’s Gym Halloween Party: Jared describes attending a gym costume party solo, humorously reflecting on the social bravery required to go to events alone.
  • Jared: “It was easier to talk to couples… I must have sounded like I was looking for a third!” (08:27)
• Jordana’s Halloween in Aruba: Jordana shares her “anti-Halloween” tip: vacationing somewhere it’s not celebrated for a peaceful, kid-free getaway.
• Takeaways: Both hosts reflect on how social events feel different when single versus coupled, and the “braveness” society attributes to going solo.

2. The Sincere or Scam Game: NHL DM Slide (16:00–29:53)

• Listener Story: Jordana’s friend, a stylist, is approached by an alleged NHL player for personal styling, but the communication turns flirty and erratic, with questionable platform switching and no-shows.
• Jared’s Analysis:
  • Platform hopping is a “cheating guy thing.” (18:34)
  • “I should be a detective for women dealing with men doing stuff like this!” (17:36)
• Scam or Not? Unusual email domains and multiple stylists reporting the same thing tip the hosts to believe it’s a scam or catfish—possibly with a convoluted money or fetish angle.

3. Main Email: Is Having a Boyfriend "Cringe"? (34:24–48:54)

Listener’s Dilemma

• A woman asks if being in a relationship and posting your “boyfriend” is now embarrassing or if it's just new-relationship jitters, referencing a viral Vogue article and TikTok trend.

Hosts’ Breakdown

• Generational Shifts:
  • Jordana: The article “illuminates the way times have changed… where it used to be the end-all be-all to be in a relationship.” (38:16)
  • Jared feels current social media “algorithm chasing” has warped how people present milestones.
• Social Media & Identity:
  • Jared: “If you like posting as a normal human being and not just someone chasing an algorithm, you’re just posting the next episode.” (43:20)
  • Jordana: “The lamer thing to do is to maneuver your life around what does better on the internet, not vice versa.” (45:50)
• Independence Anxiety: The hosts validate the struggle of integrating “boyfriend” into a public identity formerly rooted in single independence.
• Article Critique: Jared feels Vogue leans too hard into “making men the villain,” while Jordana sees the ambivalence as reflecting complex shifts in cultural status markers.

Notable Quotes

• “Everything’s written in ink, and no one allows for growth… What you post at 25 isn't what you believe at 40.” – Jared (45:32)
• “It’s tacky to be too into anything [online]. Whether it’s kids, vacations, cars—or your boyfriend.” – Jordana (41:42)

4. Petty or Prudent? Canceling the Ex’s Car Service (51:13–59:54)

• Listener Story: After a difficult divorce, a woman gets repeated dealership emails about her ex’s car appointments; eventually, she cancels them rather than reach out directly.
• Hosts’ Take:
  • Initial reaction: Petty.
  • But after considering her failed attempts to fix the issue and avoid contact, both hosts lean “prudent.”
• Analogy: Jared compares it to quietly nudging a confused grandma out of his bed to avoid a tense conversation.
  • “Was I petty to do that to my grandmother? I don’t think so. Was she petty to do this to him? I don’t think maybe...” (58:26)

5. Noisy Upstairs Neighbors: Sex Edition (60:01–67:46)

• Listener Email: A couple’s new upstairs neighbors create wild (and recordable!) noise every time they have sex, shaking ceiling fans and moving pots.
• Hosts’ Advice:
  • Leave a polite note or text referencing “loud noises” without specifying sex, encouraging the neighbors to address it.
  • Jared provides a comical list of note suggestions:
    “We can hear you banging. We masturbate to it nightly. Thanks for the new kink.” (64:02)
  • Jordana: “Let them put it together. Just say ‘loud noises.’” (63:39)

6. Red Flag or Deal Breaker – Game Section (70:18–88:54)

Highlights:

• Loose Iguana Guy
  • A man lets his pet bearded dragon roam free, casually admitting it poops on the floor.
  • Both declare it a deal breaker: “Letting it go on the floor… that’s not a way to live.” – Jared (77:07)
  • Mini-rant: Jared finds women with pee-pad dogs are generally unprepared dog owners.
• Etsy Witch Banter
  • Listener jokes with a Bumble match about hiring an “Etsy witch” to curse him, unmatches after assumed ghosting, and wonders if the banter ruined her shot.
  • Analysis: Both agree the cursing banter is totally fine, but unmatching shows someone is “too emotionally affected by online dating.”
• The Age Filter Lie
  • Guy on Hinge sets his profile age to 42 but is really 47, claims it’s to dodge the “filters,” and explains awkwardly.
  • Jordana: “Once a liar, always a liar. Out.”
  • Jared: “Anytime someone brings up the algorithm on a dating app, they are out of their mind.” (87:21)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jared, on Solo Gym Parties:
  • “I tried dancing… just an owl dancing by himself, trying to move my hips. It’s brave, but is it brave or just sad?” (10:02)
• Jordana, on Changing Relationship Status:
  • “To me, it’s lame to be too into anything [publicly]… even if you are that person, that’s who you are, so just be it unapologetically.” (48:26)
• On Scammy DMs:
  • “Platform hopping is a cheating guy thing.” – Jared (18:34)
• On Pet Negligence:
  • “Pet iguana is the belly button ring of pets…” – Jared (74:21)
• Dating App Nonsense:
  • “If it’s not easy, you’re chasing a ghost.” – Jared (89:48)

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Episode Timestamps

• 03:02 – Halloween party recap; being single at events
• 16:00 – Sincere or Scam: NHL DMs a stylist
• 34:24 – Main email: Is saying ‘boyfriend’ cringe? (+Vogue article debate)
• 51:13 – Petty or Prudent: Canceling the ex’s car service appointments
• 60:01 – Noisy upstairs sex: advice for awkward neighbors
• 70:18 – Red Flag or Deal Breaker: pet dragons, “Etsy witches,” age lies
• 87:17 – Dating app algorithm rants

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Final Thoughts

The episode is classic U Up?: vulnerable, funny, and honest about the “cringe” and contradictions of dating in 2025. The hosts encourage listeners to be authentic on (and off) social media, pointing out the pressures to brand one’s relationship instead of living it, all while keeping things light and relatable. Whether it’s handling exes, noisy neighbors, or moving from “main character” single life to coupled up, Jordana and Jared assure listeners: it’s not embarrassing to want connection—just don’t lose yourself (or your sense of humor) along the way.

Transcript

[Jordana Abraham]

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[Jared Freid]

And I am Jared Free Reed. It is so good to be back here with you virtually. Jordana, how are you? What's going on? How you been? What's the haps? How you feeling now? People can know that I'm asking. I ask, how you feeling?

[Jordana Abraham]

Even though I already told you I don't like that question.

[Jared Freid]

I know, I'm sorry. I like it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. Yes. How. How are you feelings? I get like a. A week, a day.

[Jared Freid]

It's like, is it from Mike? Does Mike do that or did you tell him not to do that?

[Jordana Abraham]

No, Mike knows how I'm feeling.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, he knows how you're feeling.

[Jordana Abraham]

There's no guesswork and no, but I do get that question. It's like anyone, I don't think anyone feels like they can text me without opening with that. And I'm like, you don't have to ask. It's okay.

[Jared Freid]

You're right.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's okay.

[Jared Freid]

I feel that way. I think most people are feeling that way. Well but. And it's really like I'm. This is like how my parents would ask how a girl I'm dating is doing that I haven't really introduced them to yet. They'd be like, how's your friend?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Like this is. That's how I'm asking how you're feeling. Like basically, how are you feeling? Like slow rolling it and it's a stupid thing cuz it's like, you know, you're going to tell me.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm going to tell you. I'm feeling fine. I am feeling fine. If I wasn't, I probably wouldn't tell you because I wouldn't need like you're not the person I would, you know, I tell my doctor probably before.

[Jared Freid]

Like I thought you would tell me.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do you have any remedies for, you know, pregnancy nausea?

[Jared Freid]

Well, I guess that's why I like you as a person. You're not like, well, I'm not feeling great today. Like that would be my worst nightmare.

[Jordana Abraham]

It kind of makes me long for the days of BBM statuses because I could just put feeling great.

[Jared Freid]

Right. No one would know. Just blanket.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. A.

[Jared Freid]

Okay. If you're watching on YouTube, I am in Pasadena, California. I had to be out here to do like last second to do, you know, you know, a sponsored gig. So I'm on the road. Jordana's out in Long Island. We're on two separate sides of the country here to answer your dating problems and talk about your dating life and your relationship life.

[Jordana Abraham]

So what a time to be alive.

[Jared Freid]

It really is weird like to fly out here to get up at 8 and then go to the other side of the country and then pop open the computer and like do what you would do in New York is like crazy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I mean I've got a story for you. But before we get into that, I really, I did want to know how the gym Halloween party went. So the gym, I don't know if that's a quick party, that's a quick conversation or not, but it is quick.

[Jared Freid]

Because it was really, really good. I'm wearing the shirt. They, they actually thanked me. The lab in Delray Beach. That's my gym. As you can see the shirt.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

On YouTube I wear the merch. I love the gym there. I went there yesterday. They were very thankful that I talked about the gym. They did not mention getting called losers for having a gym Halloween party by my co host.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's not losery to have the gym Halloween party. It's losery to go to the gym. Halloween.

[Jared Freid]

Good point. You're right. It's in their best interest to have a gym party.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is their business. It's their interest to do all that. More is more.

[Jared Freid]

So it was not on Halloween. I don't know if that helps.

[Jordana Abraham]

You didn't mention that on I when we were recording. I did think it was on Halloween, which made me think it was more illusory. And finding out after that it was the weekend before, did make it less losery in my eyes.

[Jared Freid]

So it was five. It was on a Saturday from 5:30 to 8:30. I went as the owl. As people saw in our Halloween episode.

[Jordana Abraham]

People loved you in that costume. You got to get those glasses to wear on a regular basis.

[Jared Freid]

I got some. So many sexualized feedback.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. People were objectifying you based on those.

[Jared Freid]

Thank God. I've been waiting. Use me for my body, please.

[Jordana Abraham]

It did kind of transform your look.

[Jared Freid]

Does it?

[Jordana Abraham]

Kinda gives you a different vibe.

[Jared Freid]

But I, but then I would have to wear fake glasses which like nulls it out. Like if red flag or deal breaker. You go on a date with a guy, he's wearing glasses, looks good in him. You find out the glasses were a fashion choice and not because he had bad eyesight.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's a red flag. It's a red. I think it's a red flag. He'd have to look really good in them if he looked great in them. It's just a red flag.

[Jared Freid]

There were people commenting publicly on the Internet that I looked like a hot Eugene Levy, which I don't know if I like that description, but I think.

[Jordana Abraham]

It'S because you said. I think they were making fun of the fact that you said people say you look like him.

[Jared Freid]

Right, right. I, I, yeah, I, I actually watched, you know, we have a good show. I watched the Halloween episode.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, wow.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, we have a pretty good show.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. I've never seen when I shut up.

[Jared Freid]

And let you talk. It's a good show.

[Jordana Abraham]

Wow.

[Jared Freid]

I was really, I was really entertained by the show I watched because I was so drawn in by the owl, like and, and you know, I kept looking at myself. I was like, it did show well on camera, that costume. Yours did too, but I, mine specifically.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, yours was great. Well, how did to backtrack? How was the party?

[Jared Freid]

The party was great. They did a wonderful job. They had a DJ that plays an instrument which I think is like now that's the standard for DJs. I was at a wedding where the DJ played a saxophone and he did the Saxophone while he DJed. And that's now the bar. Like, that's now like. And he was booked by my buddy who owns Uptown Social in Charleston. He's like, there's nothing like him. Like, he's unbelievable. Like, no, it was a guy on a saxophone and a dj. They went together.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay?

[Jared Freid]

So, like, I like that element, right? This guy was a DJ who had a guitar and was singing. Like, I mean, us millennials, we are working our asses off. We're playing music, we're DJing, we're serving drinks. So they had an open bar which was like beer and wine and mixed and like, you know, like spike seltzers. And then they had some food out. Like, you know, grocery store sandwiches and a smoke machine. Music. Everyone was dressed. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, here's the thing. And this is like, as you machine.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is like, I'm trying at this party. I'm gonna put in effort, right?

[Jared Freid]

Well, it actually added an element of, like, sexiness to it, you know, like, it made it a little less weird to, like, be at the Gym, make a 5:30 party, just roll. And I got a Tootsie Pop to suck on because I was the. I. I change it from just a wise old owl. I made it the Tootsie Pop owl.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay, good call.

[Jared Freid]

You know, a one, a two, a three. That commercial that's been on for a hundred years. So, you know, it. It is that moment where you're like, you're coaching yourself up. You're like, talk to people. Okay, Jared, don't be a loser. Go talk to people. Introduce yourself. Like, you have to really go back to your, like, third grade social skills to, like, try and judge up unnatural conversations that are. That become more natural. Like, I, you know, and I was. It was easier to talk to couples. Like, I didn't talk to, like, there was a couple groups of women, but I didn't really go up to them. I just, like, went up to the couples and I'm like, I must have sounded like I was, like, looking for a third. Like, I must have sounded like a real, like, loser as an album. But, yeah, as an owl with my lollipop. Hey, what's happening? And my brother and his wife said that it was brave of me, which I don't know if I want that designation. That's like the hot Eugene Levy of designations. I don't know if that's a compliment or if that's.

[Jordana Abraham]

I do think it's. I agree with your brother. I do think it's right.

[Jared Freid]

And I agree with him, too, which is the saddest part.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, listen, you're putting yourself out there.

[Jared Freid]

Well, it's like you don't want something. Well, I know, but if you wear something you don't want, someone go, well, that's brave of you. That's like an insult.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, I think it's brave to go anywhere alone, personally. But I'm like, you know, extremely codependent, I guess. But I, I, I just think it's like you're not relying, you know what I mean? You're only, you're relying on your own personality and your own self.

[Jared Freid]

I really had to bring it. I really had to, like, find and, and everyone was very nice. And it was like, I tried, like, Dan, you know, there's just an owl dancing by himself, trying to, like, move my feet a little bit, my hips, so I didn't look like I was just a wallflower. But, like, I don't know, it's like one of those things. It's like, you know when you see someone, like, going nuts at a party, like they have support, like they have friends there that are egging them on. Like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

I don't know. Like, you can't really, I don't think you can do too much without coming off like a piece of shit weirdo.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, that's why it's brave.

[Jared Freid]

Right? That's why it's brave. There's a subtle fine line. So it was a fun party. I did not like being called brave for going. I, if I do get in a relationship and, and, and I'm with someone at a holiday party, I will go up to the people alone. I will remember what it's like. Remember this day.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're like, who stands up for the kid because they know what it feels like.

[Jared Freid]

I will. My, I will remember this. I felt it. I gotta say, I felt it. And I wasn't drinking, right. You know, stone sober.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's the brave club. So everything you're saying, more and more brave.

[Jared Freid]

I, I know. And it's like, I, and I. Did you do have the talk with yourself afterwards? Good. You did a good thing. You did. It's like, you know, you and I think single people, if you're like, of a certain age at a certain point, where your friends are kind of doing their own thing, and you're like, I just got to do something because otherwise I'm at home watching a movie, right? I think people would understand, like, this push you give yourself that, like, feels uncomfortable. You're satiated because you're like, Wow. I can do it. But I didn't come away with, like, an armful of women, you know, like.

[Jordana Abraham]

What was the most popular costume?

[Jared Freid]

There was a woman wearing a. A costume that had. She looked like she was dressed as one of the magnets on my fridge. Wow. Tits and big ass. Like, you know, like, blown up. So the big boobs were blown up and the ass was blown up. I. I was like, she wins costume of the decade for me.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's really cool.

[Jared Freid]

But mine did. Mine was a bit of a hit. I. I got a lot of, like.

[Jordana Abraham]

What Brave to wear that heavy of a. And thick of a costume in Del Rey.

[Jared Freid]

I was sweating it out. But in Del Rey, you can wear shorts and a T shirt underneath. You know this, right? You're. You're out of the maybe I need to wear a jacket over my costume game.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's true.

[Jared Freid]

How was your Halloween? How did you get people. Did you. So I went to a Ronnie wearing. Oh, you were in Aruba.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Where Halloween is not a thing. So it was like Halloween didn't exist. The island was, like, relatively empty. I guess no one with kids would go to Aruba on Halloween because they don't do Aruba there.

[Jared Freid]

It's probably the best time to travel.

[Jordana Abraham]

It was pretty. I mean, it was definitely well priced, right? Better service, I think, because there were just less people there. So I liked it. And, like, very few children, like, little. They were like some little babies. But, like, that's anyone that you could be, right? Because, like, as a kid, you wouldn't be like, if your parents were like, we're going to somewhere where they don't celebrate Halloween on Halloween, you'd be like, off.

[Jared Freid]

Even if you went somewhere where they did, you'd be like, my friends. I. I had a costume. Like, yeah, you'd be pissed.

[Jordana Abraham]

What the.

[Jared Freid]

I had a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle costume I was gonna wear.

[Jordana Abraham]

Exactly. So pro tip, go away Halloween weekend if it's ever again.

[Jared Freid]

Well, I mean, I think go Halloween week, whatever that. I mean, like, for all these travel accounts, not one. Wouldn't you think that would be like, someone we've heard a thousand times? I've never heard that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. No, it's weird.

[Jared Freid]

Well, it's cool. I'm happy you had a good trip. So were you calling it a baby moon? Where is that part of the.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, I called it a baby moon to the hotel so that they would give us something free. Like, you see how when they're like.

[Jared Freid]

Are you celebrating anything, Jordana?

[Jordana Abraham]

Of course. Free tickets. Free ticket But I told them it was like. I told them it was a baby. Like, oh, do you know what you're having? I'm like, oh, yeah, it's a girl. Blah, blah. And then they gave us like a. I think it was funny because they asked all these questions about it and then they left, like, some chocolate covered strawberries in the room, which was really nice. But it said there was a whole note about how we were celebrating our honeymoon. So. Okay, I got it wrong, but like, shotgun marriage. Yeah. So I guess still too many people at the hotel to get it correct. But it was. Yeah, it was. It was nice. It was very relaxing. Aruba has great weather. You do. I went to your. I went to another one of Jared Freed's restaurant recommendations. You should start your own restaurant. Instagram.

[Jared Freid]

I can recommend. No, no, no. I think of a person I need. I own. I'm like one of those, like, niche recommenders. I got to know your. Your personality. I got to know, you know, how you know what sex the baby is. I got to know everything to be able to, like, send you to a. A restaurant.

[Jordana Abraham]

So, yeah, you're two for two. We like the second one too. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Wacky Wahoo. Great restaurant in Aruba. Horrible name. Great restaurant.

[Jordana Abraham]

Horrible name. Weird location. Great restaurant.

[Jared Freid]

Well, it's next to my favorite place. Where was it?

[Jordana Abraham]

Next to the sex shop.

[Jared Freid]

Yes. That's where I get all my goodies.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it was called, like, sexology or something. Was like. Was like, right.

[Jared Freid]

Next room is a weird place. It's. It's truly weird. But a great time, great weather. I. I love that. So hold on. You had a story for me? You had something that you want to tell me?

[Jordana Abraham]

So I had a. I mean, a story. It's not really story. It's my. So my friend. My friend Liza who's been on the show, she's a stylist. She got an email from someone who said he was an NHL player. I was looking for styling. Right.

[Jared Freid]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

And here's my game for you. The game is called sincere or scam. Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, I like this. And you know, I think any message, I am hot on a scam. I. I love every message. I am suspicious.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sincere scam. So she gets this email from this guy. He's, look, he says he's looking for styling. And then she's like, great. She said, she's like, well, gives him the info. We'll set up a Google Meet. He says, I can't do. He's like, I. I don't. I'm. I'M really bad with Google Meet. Can we FaceTime?

[Jared Freid]

I will say this. Let me start not to. I'm sorry to interrupt. I hope this doesn't hurt the story at all. Google Meet. Hate it.

[Jordana Abraham]

You would say the same thing. You're saying.

[Jared Freid]

I actually, any time I've done Google Meet, it has ruined the meeting for me. I have had meetings where I'm angry from minute one because of Google Meet. I think it's the worst of the options. And every time they're asked me to download an app, I could go on and on, but I won't.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay, that's good to know.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, that is something where I'm like, I feel this guy. Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

To me, it was. It seemed a little suspicious, but fine, you can. You agree?

[Jared Freid]

But I. I'm just saying I've had bad experience with Google me and you wouldn't expect. You're like, it's Google. Like, how do you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

You know, like, okay, but go ahead.

[Jordana Abraham]

So he's basically like, I have a busy day. Let's plan a FaceTime tomorrow morning. And then he starts, like, hitting on her in. He, like, he gets her number because he's like, let's FaceTime instead. And then he starts messaging her on WhatsApp, which is weird.

[Jared Freid]

So he goes, he gets the number, moves it to WhatsApp. I should be. I should be like a detective for like, women dealing with men doing stuff like this, Right? I am so. I am so tuned into this. I love that you brought this to me. Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

So I figured you'd be the perfect person, right?

[Jared Freid]

Oh, I. I am so happy. So reaches out over Instagram, says no to Google me.

[Jordana Abraham]

Reaches out over email, sends her an email.

[Jared Freid]

This is a professional blowjob receiver. Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

But my Gmail account, that's like, okay.

[Jared Freid]

But that's the name. That's pretty crazy in itself. Okay. But that's also secretive. Go ahead.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. So he's. So he emails her, asks for her number because they. He wants. He prefers FaceTime over Google Meet. She gives him the number, he starts messaging her on WhatsApp.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I don't like this.

[Jordana Abraham]

Which is weird for an American to do, I think. Is he Canadian? I don't know.

[Jared Freid]

Whatever he is, it's weird to switch platforms. Switching platforms is a cheating guy thing to do. Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

For the women out there, if you're going for. If you start at go again, do fool me once. Fine. Fool me twice. You know, there's a little bit of shame on me, you know, like, it's a. Because when you start with email, which is already weird. Why wouldn't he dm. How do you find her information?

[Jordana Abraham]

Probably from.

[Jared Freid]

What was the initial email of how he found her information.

[Jordana Abraham]

Let me see if it says because I. Because that's important to nation.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. I was so annoyed because I was like watching this like, tick tock of like, Bethany Frank. I'm like, all. All my tiktoks are either Bethany Frankel or like a beaver kissing its babies or something.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, that's a.

[Jared Freid]

And what.

[Jordana Abraham]

Your. All your Tik Toks say more about you than they do about Tik Tok, do they not?

[Jared Freid]

Thanks for the reminder.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's like, why do I. It's like you're telling the story about your dad. All I'm seeing is like, are like huge asses.

[Jared Freid]

That's from the standup special that hasn't come out yet. So I, Bethany Frankel was like the, you know, discussing what men do in dating based on what the girls on Giggly Squad said. And I was like, not one man do they have weighing in. Like, it's like, not one dude.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, that's why you're here.

[Jared Freid]

That's why I'm here. I was like, how about. And I commented, I got so angry. I was like, how about you guys listen to one guy? I could tell you exactly what's going on here, like in five seconds. There's no guessing. I can tell you right straight from the penis's mouth. Okay, so. So we started.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay, so he emails her. Basically is like, I saw you do. You've done like my. One of my. One of the other players. Wives told me you styled her. I'm reaching out.

[Jared Freid]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. She said I should reach out to you. I'm looking for some post game. I'm paraphrasing event outfits, whatever it is.

[Jared Freid]

This makes sense. So that actually makes sense. Okay. It's not weird yet. The wife gave me your email, suggested this.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

It's actually like a good sign for him. Not around.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I don't do Google Meet. Can I have your number? Well, let's FaceTime. I prefer that. Okay. She gives him the number, he messages her on WhatsApp. Hi, Liza, this is Blank. Saw your latest response, figured I'd reach out directly. Glad we're able to connect. Looking forward to our call tomorrow. And then the next day she facetimes him and he doesn't answer at like the 10am whatever time they were supposed to do. And then she's like, hey, are you on like the east Coast? I guess to make sure that she got the time right. And he says, hi, good morning. I got pulled into some unexpected training, so unfortunately, I'll need to reschedule to tomorrow, apologize for the late notice here and before this happened.

[Jared Freid]

Weird.

[Jordana Abraham]

Weird, right? Who gets an unexpected brother?

[Jared Freid]

Works. Yeah, my brother works for a team. You know, this isn't. That's not how professional sports work.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

It's like, everything is, like, planned out. Like, you know? Yeah. Like. Like there's no, like, get out of your bed.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

You're going to listen, pledge bitch. You're going to. We're doing a run.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right? It's, like, professional thing. Yeah. And it didn't. That seemed weird to me. And then. So the night before, she'd followed him on Instagram to, like, see what his style is currently makes sense. And then. So then they start messaging. He says, I'll send you a few photos later today so you have some general sense of my style. She says, I. I was looking through your Instagram to get a better sense, but if you have their pictures, that's great. And then he asks if she's ever worked with athletes before, which is weird because she. He's already said he got her from a player's wife. Fine.

[Jared Freid]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

And then she tells, you know, she says she's worked with a few people, blah, blah, blah. And then he says, love to hear that. 10am tomorrow works for me. The rescheduling. And for what it's worth, now that I see your WhatsApp photo, you are gorgeous. For the record. Just being honest. Ever dated a hockey player before? Like, smiley face.

[Jared Freid]

Wow.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. And then he goes. She goes, are you? Well, that's her response. And then she said, he asked multiple times if. If she'd styled hockey guys before. And then. So then the weirder thing is that she gets a message from some other stylist she knows who's like, hey, I noticed that you're, like, following this guy on Instagram. He had actually reached out to me, like, yesterday to style him. And then he started, like, hitting on me in the middle of, like, trying to coordinate this styling session. And then she said. Then she got the screenshots from this woman.

[Jared Freid]

Right? So this is a thing. This is what he does. This is his, like, so you think.

[Jordana Abraham]

It'S sincere, not a scam, not like someone pretending to be him. Oh, that was, like, where we were going back, because first I was like, oh, this guy's, like, dumb and, like, a creep.

[Jared Freid]

Right? Well, it makes no sense. Yeah, because of the second woman and because it Comes over email. So it's not like a Instagram account.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. He's not messaging him from her. His verified Instagram account.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

And doesn't follow her.

[Jared Freid]

Could just be on Instagram. I mean, it's the, Right, the email. And the email could be like, name, dot, last name at, you know, whatever for that too.

[Jordana Abraham]

It was like, first name, last name, NYC number at Gmail.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, no, no, no, no. This is bad. I don't, I think this is a scam.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know, he's a scam.

[Jared Freid]

I think it is. And it's, I think it's a good scam because scamming stylists. Stylists. And it's like, so specific a niche. Like, and also before we started taping you, you mentioned who it is.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, I, I wanted to bring it to you also because you guys fought. She was like, oh, she was looking at this. She, oh. The only person I saw see follows him mutually, like they follow each other is Jared.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I, I, he's such a niche guy like, that I, and I don't know him well. I, I, I told you I knew him from, look at now it sounds like I'm lying. Like, I, I, I don't know him, I swear. No, I only know he came to a show and he's a professional athlete. You know, I'm wooed by that too, just as much as a woman would be. You know, I'm like, cool. He's cool. Pro hockey player. That's probably funny.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I think that's what she got from like, oh, he wants me to style him. Great. He's like. And just the right level of big. He has like 50,000 ish followers where.

[Jared Freid]

It'S like, he has money.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. He's not like the most famous hockey player who's ever lived.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And he has money to hire a stylist. So, like, I think this is a scam.

[Jordana Abraham]

You think it's a scam. But what's the end game?

[Jared Freid]

Because I guess, I guess the end game would be to, like, get, you know, oh, can I use your credit card before I use my, I don't know, like, I, I, but why I would run away from this?

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, yeah, what's that? I mean, she's definitely, I think that the conversations have ended, but, like, right. Why, why make it about, like, dating and, like, sexualize it if you're looking for money and you're look and you're going after us stylist or this is like an excuse to DM some or to message someone.

[Jared Freid]

I have come to terms with the idea that kinks are so, like, varied that, like. Like, that I. There must be people out there that just getting a woman to agree to things like that, like, to, like, you know, to, like, to trick a woman turns a guy on. Like, maybe that's part of it. Or there's a money angle. Like, the money angle's still afoot. We. I don't know what that angle would be, but, like, that's still an option, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, to the other girl. Yeah, to the other girl in the message, he's talking about, like, where he's located. And then he's like, oh, if you come here to do the st. Like, I'll pay for the hotel.

[Jared Freid]

So what, she's just going to show up and it's not going to be the guy and she's going to the random dude?

[Jordana Abraham]

That's my question. Like, what's the.

[Jared Freid]

Or murder her? I mean, murder is always an option. It's. It's very murdery. I mean, like, hotel come, you know, this way. I don't know. It's. I mean, who doesn't report.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is a good guy for the. Are we dating the same guy? Guy. Facebook group. I found one.

[Jared Freid]

Right? This is where, like, hey, has anyone got an email from this guy to do Stylus? I mean, like, right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't think it's him. I almost, like, want to say. I almost want to, like, tell him so that he. If it's not him, so he knows someone's, like, out there.

[Jared Freid]

Should I message him? Maybe?

[Jordana Abraham]

And then he'll be funny if he was like, oh, that's. That's me, actually.

[Jared Freid]

That's me. Yeah. I got a thing for stylists that have families that are happily married. Like, this is, like, right. It's like, kids. Her whole life is on there. Like, Liza, if you follow Liza, like, it's not like, you're.

[Jordana Abraham]

She can see she has kids. She's a husband. She's like, yeah, like, right.

[Jared Freid]

You'd really have to be a piece of, like, Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's what I'm saying. It just seems like a weird person to, like, go after in that way. I would almost. The monetary angle would make more sense to me of, like, not hitting on them and then just being like, oh, like. Like, I'll pay for it. You send me whatever they do on Facebook marketplace with, like, the clothes or whatever.

[Jared Freid]

But maybe that's, like, part of the scam is, like, that you get them to, like, love you and be intoxicated by your fame and Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

And the styling is just a reason to reach out. That seems.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Slightly harmless at first, but also that's.

[Jared Freid]

What gets the money to you like that they fall in love with you and they're like, I'll just give you my, you know, like, I don't know. I, I, Right. I'm happy you come to me with these scummy, you know, like, only Jared would know. No, I am happy.

[Jordana Abraham]

I, yeah, I think we, I think we're both leaning like, scam, not the real person.

[Jared Freid]

Scam, not the real person. But I, I, I could message the guy, just be like, hey, man, I have a friend who received an email from you. They thought maybe was a fake person.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, it was pretending to be you.

[Jared Freid]

I don't, you know, I generally don't like to insert myself into these things. I would run away from this as fast as possible.

[Jordana Abraham]

But yeah, I mean, I don't think she's gonna be styling him after that. That's like a pretty big red flag. But.

[Jared Freid]

Like, I, yeah, well, if anyone needs styling, go to Eliza.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Liza. Eliza Lieberman. Check it out.

[Jared Freid]

Professional.

[Jordana Abraham]

Try not to sexualize it immediately, but yeah, the FaceTime. The FaceTime thing and then like saying you have the practice, I think is like, also sketchy. I still just don't know why you would do it.

[Jared Freid]

Sounds very much. It's like Nev Shulman out of catfish.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Type of story. Just all that switching when the all, every catfish story, it's always switching venues. It's always email.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, I guess we're on WhatsApp now.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Can't talk today. It's always changes schedule.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Here's a picture that I found on Google of me. Yes. Anyway, I'm glad I brought it to the expert.

[Jared Freid]

Thank you. Yeah, let's, let's do the show before we get to the show. I'm on the road. Durham and Charlotte. I think Durham needs some help. Fort Lauderdale has not been selling well. Would love Fort Lauderdale if you're going for Thanksgiving to South Florida. Visit some relatives. Great thing to do during your trip. Get away from them or bring them. And then I do all the talking and I make fun of my parents, so they're basically making fun of yours. So Fort Lauderdale, Miami, Columbus, Royal Oak, Michigan, Orlando, San Diego. These are all dates coming up. Jared Free.com Jared Free.com. i'm doing the shows. I mean, like, right now I'm, I'm about to head on a worldwide adventure here. I'm going la.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're in la? Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

In la, Milwaukee, Minneapolis, Chicago. I'm gonna go to the Bears game on Sunday. I've been bringing our producer V to tape behind the scenes behind so we're making videos of like the weekend you can go watch my DC weekend. I had a guy that kept asking me for tickets during the whole lead up to the show so you can see what it's like to get asked. And he was like, what time? You know, like the guy who asked you for tickets. Actually, I'll tell you after.

[Jordana Abraham]

Guy who knows nothing.

[Jared Freid]

Well, it's a guy who knows you. The this guy kept coming at me for tickets and then I was like, yeah, that's okay. And then I had to like. He was like, well, we have a dinner first and I don't know if the dinner is going to go long. I'm like, I don't need all this information. Why do I?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. No good deeds. No good deed.

[Jared Freid]

No good deed. So yeah, that's on YouTube if you want to see what it's like behind the scenes. What are we talking about today?

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's get into our show. Finding a Doctor with ZOC Doc is kind of like a great first date. One where they plan around your schedule, listen closely to what you have to say, make you feel like you're in good hands. We can't promise great first dates, but you can find your perfect doctor with ZOC document. They make it easy to find a doctor that's right for you and instantly book an appointment. If you're someone that hates scheduling appointments, zocdoc can help alleviate some of that stress. It's a free app and website where you can search and compare all types of in network doctors you can filter for. Doctors who take your insurance are located nearby are a good fit for any medical need you may have, from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care, and more. You can also filter based on specific preferences, whether that's looking for a female doctor who speaks a specific language, has availability that fits with your work schedule, or has an opening in the next day or so. Once once you find the right doctor, you can see their actual appointment openings. Choose a time slot that works for you and click to instantly book a visit. Appointments made through Zocdoc also happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. More often than not, you can even get same day appointments. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.comUUP to find an instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's z o c-o c.com uup zocdoc.com uup you know that rush you get when you find something cute and it's on sale? That's the thrill of the deal. And Rackin takes it to another level. I am a huge Rakuten user. I have the little widgets installed on my phone, on my computer, and to me it's like a no brainer, like why wouldn't you. Everything I buy, I check Rakuten to see is there a percent that they're giving back on anything that I'm, I'm.

[Jared Freid]

Using it because of you. It is honestly so easy, so wonderful. And it's like when you start using it, you think of all the days that you didn't use it right and you get mad at yourself.

[Jordana Abraham]

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[Jared Freid]

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[Jordana Abraham]

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[Jared Freid]

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[Jordana Abraham]

Download the free Rakuten app or go to rakuten.com to start saving today. That's R A K U t e n rakuten.com Join today for a new member welcome bonus after minimum qualifying purchases, terms and conditions apply. All right, let's get into our emails. I'll read the first one.

[Jared Freid]

Go for it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hi jj, I've got a weird one for you. Love a weird one. After years of listening to your great advice and finally owning my I started dating someone. Seriously. And now we're six months in, exclusive and officially boyfriend and girlfriend. She did it. She did it.

[Jared Freid]

Made it.

[Jordana Abraham]

For context, I'm 32.

[Jared Freid]

Almost ring. Not really.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes, she's out. She's off of the apps. Yeah, for context, I'm 32, was single for five years and consider myself hyper independent with a very active social life that I usually share on my socials over the last couple of Years, I realized I was finally ready for a serious relationship. My boyfriend is 35. We share the same values, we laugh a ton, we spend time together, blah, blah, all the good stuff. But now I'm thinking, is this the end of my independence? Being single has been my identity for so long. Funny dating stories for the group chat. Choosing myself first and proudly resisting the idea that I needed a man to be whole. I am happy in my relationship, truly. But last night my friend asked, so when are you going to hard launch your boyfriend on Instagram? My immediate reaction was, ew. Why is that a milestone? Why does having a boyfriend mean I now have to perform it online? Then this morning I saw a trend asking, is having a boyfriend embarrassing now? And honestly, I felt weirdly validated, like, yes. Why does showing off a relationship suddenly feel cringe? So J and J. How do I keep my main character energy while also having a love interest in the cast? Maybe these are just, are just new relationship jitters. But the independent woman in me can't help but see these trends and actually wonder, is having a boyfriend embarrassing now? Love you both. A newly in a relationship girl who still wants to feel like herself. Okay, have you seen this trend? This embarrassing boyfriend is embarrassing trend?

[Jared Freid]

Yes. I really, I saw the trend on Tick Tock and it was like, it was done in a fun way. Like, it was people in relationships finding out that, you know, Vogue told me it's embarrassing to have a boyfriend, so they're like kicking their boyfriend off to the side. Like, I think that's a fun look at the subject. And then I read this email and I liked the person emailing. Like, I genuinely understood her plight. Like, in a very, like, relatable, like, hey, I have this one lifestyle. I. I actually felt like I related to the person.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Because it's like, you know, I've kind of built this brand and now I got this new person and I kind of have to like, figure out who I am in this new thing. Like that, that, like, is all, like, relatable and worthy questions to be asked. Right then I went to the Vogue article and I was really bothered by it. And I would like to hear your opinion on the Vogue article, which we will link. And I'm going to be vulnerable and tell you that I didn't like how it felt to read. Like, I actually, like, the beginning brought up like, a lot of like, worthwhile questions of like, you know, posting your boyfriend and making people jealous. And then it like, and like the jealousy amongst maybe women that, you know, who's In a relationship, not in a relationship. And those things that are hard to admit and then, and again that could be for, you know, I, I guess it's a very female kind of subject. But then like all of a sudden the end of the article is like. And we can blame how horrific men are for all of this. And I'm like, where did this come from? And I, I understand where that comes from, but like I, I want to hear your perspective because tell me I'm wrong. I guess is like my. What, what do you think of the article in this email?

[Jordana Abraham]

I thought it had some interesting points. I think it's in, it's sort of. To me it was like an interesting way that maybe times to illuminate the way times have changed where like it used to be the end all. Be all to be in a relationship. I mean we talked about this all the time. When women get the ring, they're like dancing in the streets and their friends are like lifting them on a chair and totally pretty casual for men. So I think to see that that's like no longer the thing. I mean, I told you we've had our episode with Heather Graham that was about burning the list, which was from a Vogue article from probably 10, 12 years ago that was titled I have. I'm 26 and I have it all except for a boyfriend. So like this is like 12 years later how times have changed. Right, Right.

[Jared Freid]

And it's also why I don't, it's also why I don't trust the article. The article from the same publication. Right. It's the same public. It falls flat on its face, the argument of how horrible all these men are, but I need a man or I want a man.

[Jordana Abraham]

What was the part where you, where you read where it felt like there was like saying men suck towards the.

[Jared Freid]

End of the article. It just goes into like that I don't want to post my relationship because of how hard it is for women out there.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it's like I don't want to make people jealous. I thought that was like kind of.

[Jared Freid]

Well, it started at that and I kind of understood that based on like you can post a kind of like a tone deaf version of like your life. And I think that's like, that's something that like people end up doing. And you know, like, I think like there was just a lot there. And then towards the end of the article it goes into like, well, it just felt very like anti, you know, man relationship, not even relationship. Just like that. Like we have all these amazing People, and there's such garbage out there from men. And maybe I'm hearing things I'm not. Maybe I'm hearing the noise and I'm.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm being. I didn't read it that way.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. So, I mean, I'm okay being told I'm being so emotional on it.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, I read it as, like, dating is really hard, and it's really hard for a lot of people. And, like, I don't want to be, like, rubbing this in someone's face, which, to me is a very. It's just interesting because it's a very different sentiment than it's embarrassing to, like, be in a relationship and have a boyfriend. Those are, like, two opposite things. Do you know? I mean, so to me, it's like, the hard part is reconciling them. Like, is it. It doesn't feel like it could be both because they seem completely on the opposite ends of the spectrum. One side is like, it's embarrassing because, like, we don't, like, care about having a boyfriend or men or, like, any of that stuff. But on the other side, it's like, no, it's actually, like, the opposite of it. It's, like, what everyone wants. So we're being rude by bragging about it.

[Jared Freid]

That was my point with the article. That was the confusing part, because it starts on that jealousy issue, which.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Like, I totally, like, could understand why someone feels that way. I have friends that are going through it, and I want to make sure that I'm, like, not being, you know, I want to acknowledge that. Yeah, they're looking at my stuff. And I. I also don't want to sound like an out of touch. Like, anyone who's in a relationship. Not in a relationship. In a relationship, whatever you do, you. We. We don't post in a vacuum where nothing you can do is wrong. Like, your post can be, like, 100.

[Jordana Abraham]

But I think that's true of anything that you're posting on social media that, like, is right. You could post about nice vacations you're going on and someone else can't go on them. You could post about your kids. Someone else can't have kids. Like, anything you post about, I think has that. And that's why it's lame to be too into anything. Like, it's lame to, like, you know what I mean? To only show, like, your kids on Instagram is, like, kind of lame to only show, like, your nice fancy car, your first class trip, or whatever it is. Like, that's kind of embarrassing to only show pictures of you making out with your boyfriend. Yeah, that's embarrassing. Like, I think kind of like the way you're doing it is that that can come off as, like, embarrassing or tacky.

[Jared Freid]

You bring up the point that I kind of got to where it's like, with social media now with TikTok, you know, we are if you want a following. Because to me, this was more about people with followings. This article, like, the, is it embarrassing to have a boyfriend? Because they talk to an influencer or a content creator, and she's saying that, like, you know, I lost followers the minute I got a boyfriend, and people are saying that, oh, no, don't tell me you're dating someone. And I think it's, this is like, to me, TikTok encourages you to do the same thing every day. And if you go on TikTok and because that's your thing, it become and it becomes your thing. And if your thing is, men suck, Dating sucks. We're the victims here. And they're the oppressors as men in this dating thing. The minute you get a boyfriend, you have to turn on your brand.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

And she kind of hints at that. Like, but I thought her version of it, the emailer, was way more relatable because it's like, she's like, I'm just independent. It was way more positive, right? You know, like, it was way more like, like, hey, I'm independent. I like my life. And I, I don't think that for this emailer, that has to change. Like, you do have to do a bit of a rebrand. Like, I, I, I think if you like posting, when you post as a normal human being and not just someone chasing an algorithm, you're posting the next episode. Like, I like, personally, I want to be in a relationship because I want the next episode and in my life, Like, I'm in repeats right now. I've said this on this show, and I think that if someone's annoyed by me, they'd be like, well, that's something you say, but your actions don't show it. And I'd be like, well, I do believe that I want that, and it's got to be right for me to move into that next episode.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

But the next episode on my Instagram will include that. Like, it would include things I'm annoying in a relationship. Yeah, that's my life. Like, I'm not chasing an algorithm. I'm doing what I think is funny for my life. Some people will say to me, they'll go, well, what are you going to do about the dating stick. When you're getting a relationship, I'm like, I'll do the I'm in a relationship stick.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'll do the j. I don't think that's a. That's a thing too.

[Jared Freid]

Right. There's funny things about that shithole, you know? Do you know? Like, so. I don't know. I kind of like, no.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think you make a great point.

[Jared Freid]

I just looked at this as, like, if you're out there doing the I hate dating, I hate men thing, like, there is going to be a moment where you're going to have to deal with what. And I think she's dealing with this in a smaller way. She's probably wondering, was I being performative? Because it got me likes and it got me attention when I tell my stories, did I really mean it? Did it mean in a different way? And this is my issue with social media right now in general is like, no one. Everything's written in ink, and then no one allows for growth. Like, the jokes I would make at 25 are not jokes I would make at 40.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

And I think there's a group of people out there that go, well, you were 25. You knew better. It's like, no, I didn't. Sorry.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

In the same way, this woman was happy to be independent and on her own, and I think she's going to be a different type of independent on her own, but with a boyfriend. Like, I think that's beautiful.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right? Yeah, no, I. I agree with that. And I think that, like, the lamer thing to do is to move, like, is to maneuver your life around what does better on the Internet. Right. And not, like, vice versa.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And. And she's gonna have to, like. And I see this with, like, influencers that get in a relationship. I see it, like, all of a sudden they're doing content about advice to single people that they would have done when they were single. And you go, I guess the relationship doesn't have as much fun and games, you know, that we could talk about, you know, like, you know, like, they're not getting the hit they were getting before. And I think for. For this woman, like, I saw, like, my friend's Halloween family pictures, and I was truly, like, loved every second of it. Like, when I saw my friends celebrating Halloween with their families, I was like, this is awesome. I was interested in the kids costumes. I wanted to know, like, why they made the decisions they did. Like, you didn't comment.

[Jordana Abraham]

Embarrassing, right?

[Jared Freid]

Losers. Yeah. No. Someone became old. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think when you start living your life for, like, the commenters or the people on online. That's when, like, you need to reevaluate your relationship with the Internet.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Influencer. Maybe someone would write that. I don't know.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I, I guess. Well, they would say to you, don't get, I hope you didn't get a boyfriend. It would, I would assume that a commenter would say that as a tongue in cheek thing, but it would also be, oh, you're leaving me.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

And I was duped into coming here. I thought we were in this together. I thought we were both gonna be alone forever. Me, like, in your angry posts, and you make an angry post and it's like, no, that's not what this was at all. But yeah, to her and her email, like, she's like, worried about not being independent. I think that's like a little bit of like, cold feet. I think, like, to me, you know, you can sabotage a relationship. Yeah. Don't do that. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, clearly you're in a relationship because this person makes you happier. So, like, don't overthink it.

[Jared Freid]

Just live your life. I think. But I think that article, I, I, it really did annoy me. I, I didn't like, made it made villains out of nothing. Like, to me, like, I, that's kind of maybe my issue.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. To me, the villain is like the person who's like, over posting about anything. It's like, just live a, like anything, you know, and, and again, I think I listed all those examples before. It's like, but also, even if you are that person, that's who you are. So, like, that's who you should be. If, like, your boyfriend is your whole life, that should be how it's reflected online. And whether it's lame or not should be like, you're, you know, that's. Who cares?

[Jared Freid]

Well, also, just because you get a boyfriend doesn't mean, like, it's your whole life. Like, it doesn't have to be just because it is just because people are doing it. Yeah. And now we sound like we're like their parents just because everyone's doing it.

[Jordana Abraham]

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[Jared Freid]

Do a Petty or prudent all right, let's do it. You want to read it and Petty or prudent is our game that we play. You have a breakup and you handle it a certain way. Are you being petty or are you being prudent? Was it necessary to do it that way?

[Jordana Abraham]

Did it have to be done right?

[Jared Freid]

Feather Feather, Long time. First time. I love listening to you guys on my long commutes and your hilarious banter and relationship perspectives are so Relatable and refreshing.

[Jordana Abraham]

Thank you.

[Jared Freid]

Petty or prudent for you guys, I canceled his appointments years ago. I was married after five years of dating my college boyfriend. A year into the marriage, things fell apart when real life hit and I finally realized he was extremely selfish and wasn't willing to put in the work a marriage requires. After a year long separation to work it out, counseling, etc. We divorced. The split was very difficult on me and I was pretty accommodating to avoid conflict at the end. I even took on our pricey lease, credit card balance and all our expenses to make a clean break. Side note, while in the marriage, we bought a car that I paid for and took after we split that I drove for a few years. Flash forward seven years later. I'm now happily married and feel so lucky for how things turned out. About six months ago, I started getting emails from the same dealership that we bought the car from stating that his service appointments were confirmed, including multiple reminder emails. Turns out he went to the same dealership and purchased a new car for himself and my information was somehow still connected to the new account. I unsubscribed from the emails multiple times, blocked the sender, and even called the dealership to get my info removed, but to no avail. The emails kept coming for his new appointments. I never reached out to him because I have no interest in chatting. But after months of receiving these emails, one day I had enough. I decided to hit cancel appointment. I got another email the next day confirming his new rescheduled appointment and went ahead and canceled that one too. The email stopped after that and I'd assume he figured it out. I thought this was hilarious and pretty tame all things considered. But I'm wondering what you guys think, petty or prudent, that I canceled my ex's car service appointments without telling him after months of reminders, an engine light off batch. So what do you think?

[Jordana Abraham]

This one is kind of a tough one on my opinion because like on the one hand, whatever she did got the emails to stop coming.

[Jared Freid]

It's prudent, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

That's solved the problem, right? In order to do that, she had to inconvenience the X through which he somehow realized that she was on it was her email on the appointment things instead of hers. Could she have just continued to receive the emails for the rest of her life and just ignored them? Is it like. It's like an email. It's not like a. She has to like go somewhere? Yeah. Would I have done it this way? I think I'd Feel too weird about it, so probably not. I think it's both petty and prudent somehow. I.

[Jared Freid]

It's interesting you said I was. I was wondering what you would think because I started, like, writing out my answer and I'm like, I think this is petty. But with things considered, okay, if we're living in a world where the only way he could find out about the problem was to either get a text from you or that you canceled all these appointments, then it's petty. Like, I guess we're living in a world where he texted her, well, he has no idea this is happening. Is. Is the world I live in.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. That seems seemingly.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't see why he was. I don't think he gave them her email as they.

[Jared Freid]

Right. He didn't want this to happen. He didn't want to bother you. And she's writing based on this. Like, I, I. It seems like this breakup, she says it was hard on her and she did a lot to make it go away, like paid money. She gives a lot of details on it seems as though she was the one that was, like, scorned in this whole.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Divorce. Which I have no doubt that's how she feels and that's what. I'll trust her on that. But she's like, I don't want to chat about it. To me, the easier route is one text to send to him.

[Jordana Abraham]

Even though it's been seven years.

[Jared Freid]

Hey, this is weird. It. I, like, right. But like, canceling the appointment.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. And she tried to call the D. I mean, I, she did what she was. I, I would have done what she did first, which was called the dealership. She said she, she tried. That didn't work.

[Jared Freid]

I would be so mad at the dealership.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I could see really not wanting to text him just because, like, let's say I hadn't. If you look back. Let's say we looked back on the text and the last text I sent was seven years ago, and it was like, piece of blah, blah, blah, you, hey, I'm getting your emails. Like, I do think, right. I could, I could see putting myself in her position. I don't think I would do this because to me, it could potentially just start more drama. Like, let's say he, like, found out and got mad and it became, like, a thing. But I, it did work.

[Jared Freid]

So it did work. And, and, and honestly, you know, I think of a story I've told here before. I think where you just want to, like, scare him away enough that it ends like, she did Maybe I'm coming back to prudent because what she did alerted him that this was going on. And that should be enough of like a, Like a, Like a smoke signal, right. To make it go away forever. Like her canceling it twice. He goes, oh, it must be going to my ex. Like, like, maybe that's how he found out.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right? That's clearly how he found out. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And then it stops having. Because you go, the last thing he would want in the world is to like, bother her, in my opinion, based on what's been said to us. Like, I remember when my. Did I tell you the story of Thanksgiving? My grandmother, my. She had dementia and she like, my grandmother had dementia late in life and I was staying at my parents house, so I was like home from college.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think you got into bed with her.

[Jared Freid]

She got into bed with me.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, okay.

[Jared Freid]

It'd be weird if I got into bed with her.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't know. It would be Thanksgiving Eve confused.

[Jared Freid]

Things got hot. Yeah. I felt fat. I was like, man, let me cuddle up against you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Maybe you're drunk.

[Jared Freid]

You didn't. I don't know. You won't remember the wrong room.

[Jordana Abraham]

Whatever.

[Jared Freid]

Anyway, she. I was in bed and she got into bed with me, not knowing where she was in the house. And I remember, like, there's like a way where I could be like, nana, get the up. You're in my bed. Which is like, I don't really want to have that conversation.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

So instead I just went like this, like, I turned over, I go. And I felt her like jaw jostle.

[Jordana Abraham]

And realized where she run away. Okay. Yeah. I think that's brilliant.

[Jared Freid]

That's kind of. So I. I can't. Was I petty to do that to my grandmother? I don't think so. Was she petty to do this to him? I don't think maybe I'm taking it back.

[Jordana Abraham]

Couldn't you have. I mean, like, if in your line, your original line of thought, couldn't you have have like quietly nudged your grandma and said, grandma, I think you're in the wrong bed.

[Jared Freid]

Right. But that would have invited way more.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's like the text.

[Jared Freid]

You're right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, that's like the sending the text. Right, Right.

[Jared Freid]

It's the same thing. So was I petty? Was she petty?

[Jordana Abraham]

No, I. I think you guys are. I think you guys are prudent. I think what I would do, given that it's a service appointment and you have those like twice a year, I think I would just keep ignoring the emails. I don't Think I would cancel. But I could.

[Jared Freid]

The difference between her story and my story is I'm not gonna sleep with my nana. Like, I, she didn't have to do this.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, what type of bed was it?

[Jared Freid]

King size bed.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, you could sleep with your nana in the king size bed. You think you're too cool to sleep in the bed with your nana?

[Jared Freid]

Well, if she doesn't know what room she's in, what's to say the next thing that could happen? Who knows what she thinks is going on in there? You know, grandpa. I guess you wouldn't call me grandpa, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Irving, it was a king size bed. You, you could have just, you know, slept probably through the night.

[Jared Freid]

Did you hear how weird would that have been? The next morning, my parents, like, why wait? Why are you both coming downstairs? I, you didn't say anything. I don't know. I, I, I think, I think I made, I'm happy with the move I made. Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

No regrets. No regrets.

[Jared Freid]

No regrets. Let's do another email.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right, let's do it. I'll read it. Hi, Jordana, Ronnie and Jared.

[Jared Freid]

Hello.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hello. Ronnie says hello. Subscriber here. My fiance and I love the pod. We've got something that we need your advice on. A couple months ago, we had a young couple move in upstairs. We live in a pretty old duplex, so the floors and walls are thin. We've had many other couples live above us before and haven't experienced anything like this. Whenever they have sex, we can hear and feel everything in vivid detail. Attached video if you'd like to watch. Should we, should we watch?

[Jared Freid]

Can't wait to watch this couple.

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's watch before I finish the email.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Oh, here it is. They've got good rhythm, I think.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think the issue is that they need a more stable bed. It sounds like it's the bed that's moving more than like, you know what I mean? Like when the, the bed sounds like rickety. I think you need like a.

[Jared Freid]

It sounds like they're on a trampoline, doesn't it?

[Jordana Abraham]

That was, was, did the apartment come furnished? Maybe she should offer to pay for a, a new base. Anyway, I'll finish the email.

[Jared Freid]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

It shakes our ceiling fan. I didn't see any shaking of the ceiling fan windows and we've even had some pots and pans start moving. We have tried to manage by turning up the tv, but it's getting to be a lot. I'm all for them having a healthy sex life, but how do I nicely tell them that we hear and feel everything. Any suggestions on how they can remedy this? We say hi occasionally in the hall and have exchanged numbers. But I don't talk, but don't talk beyond that. Sincerely. Scared my ceiling might collapse.

[Jared Freid]

So I think this is a great email. I, I also think there's something in this email that, like, kind of tells you where we are as a society. Not to get too deep on this.

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's hear it.

[Jared Freid]

The fact that she says, I'm all for them having a healthy sex life. Like, the defense we go to before, like, so that one person can't be like, you can't have sex. Like, who are we defending ourselves against? Like, the most idiotic, stupid person in the world. Like, the most, like, irrational person ever. Like, I, I. You know what I mean?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Everyone's speaking to the craziest commenter.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And it's like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Person. Yeah, right.

[Jared Freid]

We, I, I would never read this email and be like, oh, you don't like a healthy sex life, huh? Why don't you just let them make as much noise as they want? They can go through your ceiling. They can fall through the ceiling. Start in your bed. I'm pro sex. You are you anti sex. What are you, you know, like, it's such a crazy. Yeah. Loser. Yeah. So, all right, so what do you think?

[Jordana Abraham]

I think this is pretty easy solution. I think you either text them or put a note under their door. You don't say, I hear you having sex. You say, hey, I've been noticing some, some, like, loud noises around this time a few times. It's like, I don't know if maybe it's like, if there's a better rug that you could get or something like that, but if you could just. It's, it's starting to, like, move some of our furniture or whatever it is. I wouldn't mention what it is. I would just say, I heard noise. Let them put it together.

[Jared Freid]

Every night around 10:15. Are you guys. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, I just say, like, there's, like, it's kind of loud in your apartment. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Note under the door is the movement. You don't even have to text.

[Jordana Abraham]

They don't have to answer.

[Jared Freid]

Right, Right. Just like, hey. And it's got to be like, hey, we're hearing a lot of bumps in the night. It sounds like something's going, you know, just letting you know there. It's. It's pretty. We can hear through the ceiling. Like, like, just. I wrote a couple notes they could write.

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's hear it.

[Jared Freid]

Can I share them with you?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes, of Course.

[Jared Freid]

Okay. We can hear you banging. We masturbate to it nightly. Thanks for the new kink.

[Jordana Abraham]

That would probably work the best, right?

[Jared Freid]

That would get them to stop.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Hey, just a polite note to say we can hear you guys make sweet love. Congrats on the fun. But if you could try your best to keep it down, we'd really appreciate it. We're stuck in a sexless marriage because we're in that weird spot where we're too poor to get divorced but rich enough to order out every night. Thanks.

[Jordana Abraham]

That would be. I don't know if that would get them to stop, but it would get them to look at you weirdly in the hallway.

[Jared Freid]

Okay, I got some more options.

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's hear it.

[Jared Freid]

We get it. You like to whoop dee doo. Some of us have work in the morning and an overactive bladder. So long sexual adventures aren't possible. Can you please keep it down?

[Jordana Abraham]

I think they'd have sex louder after that one.

[Jared Freid]

Okay. Okay, I got more. You ready?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

I come quickly and you're making me insecure. Please less so I can feel like a man again.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. Okay. Signed and not. You're not even signing it. Just anonymous.

[Jared Freid]

I got more. Need a couple who's willing to learn.

[Jordana Abraham]

That also might help.

[Jared Freid]

I also run to the bathroom like an elephant, but I've learned to walk softer. Please think of the people underneath you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Please think of the people underneath you. Is a. Is a good. A nice little double entendre.

[Jared Freid]

It's very. Right. It's very old person, too.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

Think of those beneath you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. What would you think if you got. If you got a letter under your door?

[Jared Freid]

I've gotten a letter. I. I. Oh, about your podcasting.

[Jordana Abraham]

About your podcasting.

[Jared Freid]

My podcast. I was loudly podcasting and I got a letter that was, like, very written angrily. Like, I. It was definitely had, like, tone to the letter. Like, I gotta find it. I don't know how to find it in my photo.

[Jordana Abraham]

Angry. I think a second letter can be angry. If you do a first letter and then it continues. Second letter can be angry. First letter should be, like, you know, apologetic.

[Jared Freid]

Here's a good one. I have a more apologetic. When she's underneath you. Think of the couple that's underneath her. Soft reminder to quiet down a bit during the lovemaking. Please and thanks.

[Jordana Abraham]

There you go.

[Jared Freid]

That's pretty good. I got one more. Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is it possible that it's not sex?

[Jared Freid]

It really does sound like. Well, I mean, we'll play it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

I don't know what else I Mean.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, but maybe they have a trampoline. Mini trampoline. I have a mini trampoline that I work out on.

[Jared Freid]

You do?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I have a mini trampoline. You can do like certain, like exercises on it. I don't think that's what it is.

[Jared Freid]

Like that. Okay, I got, I got one more.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right, let's hear it.

[Jared Freid]

Hey, Johnny Longcock and Teflon. Quiet down. This, this couple who is too chubby to touch one another after dinner needs our rest so we can wake up for another unfuckable day.

[Jordana Abraham]

That would, that would probably work. Would you like that? If you got, if, if you got that one about your podcasting. If you got. Which one, which one do you think would work the best on you?

[Jared Freid]

Hey, loud Jew, shut your mouth. Yeah, that would get me to like do a whole podcast series on it, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I think that, I think kill the catch more flies with honey.

[Jared Freid]

Yes. Nice note. Sorry. If not, you know, a lot of like, you know, hey, yeah, I think that's the way to go.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think go with just loud noises. Let them, let them put it together. I have recently gotten my hands on another pair of skims pajamas. They are different than any other pajamas I have. As a woman, it's hard to find a pajama set that doesn't make you feel super frumpy. Your choices are like sexual and like uncomfortable or very, very comfortable and not flattering at all.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, it's tough to find a good spot.

[Jordana Abraham]

Exactly.

[Jared Freid]

That's everything from skims just. Just like this like unbelievable combination of sexy and comfortable. Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

The fabric is incredible. I wear it most nights until it gets dirty. I need more because when I've worn it too many nights in a row, I have to wash it and I can't wear it that night cuz I air dry it.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, now you got like to wear your other stuff.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, the old ratty sorority tea. It's a, it's not a cute look. You literally cannot go wrong with this skims sleep set. It is so comfortable. As you know, I have a large Christmas list and it is the perfect gift. Not just for me because I'm going to get myself another pair, but for my mother in law, my sister in law, any siblings, any person in your life that you know, enjoys a nice, comfortable and attractive set of pajamas. Perfect gift. You don't even have to think about it. Just get it. You'll be so excited to get it.

[Jared Freid]

Shop our favorite [e-mail] after you place your order. Be sure to let them know we sent you select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select our show from the drop down menu that follows. And if you're looking for the perfect gifts for everyone on your list, the Skims Holiday Shop is now [e-mail] this.

[Jordana Abraham]

Episode is sponsored by Abber Cromie. If you're heading home for the holidays, Abber Crombie has you covered. Their new winter collection has everything to keep you looking put together even when your schedule is anything but. Their matching sweatsets are basically your holiday uniform. Cozy, cute and perfect for the airport if you have a lot of travel ahead. And back home you've got family dinners, festive nights out, running errands and last minute shopping. No problem. Cozy sweaters and Abercrombie denim fits every plan and every vibe. Honestly, the holidays are hectic enough, so Abercrombie just makes looking great way easier. I love all of my Abercrombie sweatpants and sweatshirts. I have this amazing like grout fit sweatpants zip up combo. It is the softest, most comfortable thing. I wear it everywhere. I wear it to do my errands. I wear it to brunch. Literally. I cannot wait to get home and put them on. So check them out. Get your holiday style sorted with Abber Crombie. Abber Crombie drops new arrivals every week. Shop in the app, online or in stores.

[Jared Freid]

All right, let's do. Let's play some games. You ready?

[Jordana Abraham]

All right.

[Jared Freid]

UUP betches.com red flag deal breaker. It's the game crisscrossing the country. You dating someone? One thing happens. Is it a red flag or is it a deal breaker? You ready?

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm ready.

[Jared Freid]

J and J longtime listener of you up in J Train Jared. Missed you here in Phoenix last time. We'll have to catch you on the next one. Well, I'll be in Tempe or Tempe as Tempa. Tempa Tampa with an E. Tempa Florida. Yeah, I'll get right into it. I30, female, just matched with a guy on hinge and had the following conversation. This was an immediate deal breaker for me. But I had to share. I had to laugh because as dog owner, animal lover, I have birds, horses, snakes, etc you name it. Does she have them or she just likes those animals?

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't know. She says dog owner.

[Jared Freid]

She wrote. This was an immediate deal breaker for me. But I had to share. I had to laugh because as a dog owner slash animal lover, birds, horses, snakes, etc.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think she loves those animals. I Don't think she owns all this.

[Jared Freid]

That's a bizarre way to explain. I. I like this weird sense and structure. Well, we didn't. I don't even need. If you say I like animals, I'm just gonna assume you like animals. I don't need to. I like. I even like snakes. Oh. Okay. Thanks. I'm not easily grossed out or put off, so if anyone could handle some weird pet care, it'd be me. Screenshots attached. He has a bearded dragon, and it's wearing a crown in one of his pics. So a bearded dragon is like an iguana?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, that's what it looks like to me.

[Jared Freid]

Okay, so red flagger. Deal breaker. Let's. Let's read the text. I'll be him. You ready?

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Ah, you seem so fun. Have you been on any fun adventures or learned anything new about yourself lately? That's a deal breaker for me. I, I. Right away.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, that question sucks.

[Jared Freid]

I'm out.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, that's worse. That's worse than anything that's coming after this, right?

[Jared Freid]

What do you miss Rachel? What the hell is this?

[Jordana Abraham]

Have you been on any fun adventures? That's crazy. In our day, they'd call her Miss. It was more of a Miss Frizzle thing to say.

[Jared Freid]

Very frizzle.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes, thank you. I'd say the same. Especially considering the bearded dragon with a crown.

[Jared Freid]

Well, what can I say? He's my little king, but I'm but a mere servant who brings him food. Lol. Yeah, I don't even keep him in the tank. He just roams freely around the apartment.

[Jordana Abraham]

Huh. What? And then, like, the lies emojis, like the. What do you call that? Like a.

[Jared Freid]

Like, like you're lucky on YouTube.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Like, yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Really?

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, weird. Like, weird stare emoji.

[Jared Freid]

I'm staring at you. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Side. Side emoji. Said, I think you. So where does he go Potty?

[Jared Freid]

Lmao. Typically on the floor, but, hey, nothing that a good scoop and a mop won't fix. Shrugging emoji. So, red flag or deal breaker? You're dating someone who lets their pet have accidents in the house and is pretty casual about it. What do you think, Jordana?

[Jordana Abraham]

I think I wouldn't be into someone even owning this pet. Everything about this is a deal breaker to me. I don't want someone with, like, an iguana. It's just not my. As adult male with an iguana. I don't. It's not my thing. The first message. Also a deal. I don't know like, the, the going on the floor is almost the least of his issues.

[Jared Freid]

Pet iguana is such a, like, that is such a. Just a personality. It's a personality, right? It is a lot to explain. You'd have to real. That is like the, that is like the, the belly button ring of pets. For me to ignite another firestorm. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Or women.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. To have an iguana, I'd be like, how did this, how did this happen? Like, I, I, I will say this. Letting it go on the floor. Like, I was trying to think of, like, a more relatable pet. When I see a w. When I date a woman who has a dog who does pee pads, I think pee pad woman is a personality too.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I mean, at least there's, like, a spot for them, I guess. I don't know. People have little dogs. I never, I never did that shit.

[Jared Freid]

I've never met or dated a woman who has a dog that uses a pee pad that is seemingly a good dog owner.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Every woman I've ever dated who has a dog that uses a pee pad, they should not have a dog. They did not think of what this dog was going to do to their lives. They did not think of, like, oh, my God, I can't go to dinner with friends. I have to do stuff with the dog. It feels like the dog was bought as, like, they would buy a purse on a whim. It was something to hug, and it was not. It was like something to hug that wouldn't disagree with them ever. That would lick them no matter what. Like, I, and I don't feel this way about the bigger dogs. And this is. People will say they'll make me into the bad guy. They'll go, oh, you hate dogs. I don't hate dogs. I have just noticed a correlation between woman who lets dog pee on the pad and woman who shouldn't have a dog.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's fair. I'm, I'm with you. A guy who has a dog who pees on the pad. Not into that either.

[Jared Freid]

Or wait, you wouldn't like that. You wouldn't like that, right? No, I wouldn't like a guy use the pad.

[Jordana Abraham]

I wouldn't like a guy with a little dog. It would just be weird to me.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sorry.

[Jared Freid]

My dad, My dad, my, my buddies. My buddy has, like, two kids and a white. You know, he's married with kids.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

And the embarrassing. Yes.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sorry.

[Jared Freid]

Gross. It's weird. The family got a cat and I go, I told my dad. I go, yeah, Mike got a cat and my dad immediately goes, that is weird. I was like, he's got kids. It's a cat.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm kind of with your dad. I'm not a cat.

[Jared Freid]

Really?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Cats. Cats in your house too. Later. But there's a box you have to change.

[Jared Freid]

Right? I know. I. Listen, I. The cat makes. I've always been pro cat owner more than I've been pro dog owner when it came to, like, single women.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Just because it felt like a more realistic relationship. And the way love is given by a cat feels more real.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's not unconditional.

[Jared Freid]

Right. It's. It's a little more serious. So. But that's my.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right, so red bread flagger. Deal breaker for you.

[Jared Freid]

Deal breaker?

[Jordana Abraham]

Deal breaker the whole conversation.

[Jared Freid]

It's a crazy thing for him to say. H. Nothing a good scoop and a mop won't fix. He's taking out a mop every time. What is he, a janitor?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

That's not a way to live. Yeah. All right, let's do another.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hey, J. And J. Longtime listener here with a red flag or deal breaker where I'm the problem. Love it. I matched with this guy on Bumble and we got on. On the topic of Etsy witches, one of the trending tops of. One of the. One of the trending topics on my Tick tock. And I asked if I was allowed to pay an Etsy witch to curse him, to which he said yes and sent me his birth info. See text attached. Should we read the text? Yeah, let's do it.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right. I'll be her. You be him. I'll get you somehow. Maybe hire an Etsy witch or something.

[Jared Freid]

What's the Etsy witch gonna do?

[Jordana Abraham]

Nothing you have to worry about. On a totally unrelated note, what's your birth date and time?

[Jared Freid]

So then he gives his birth date and time. I would. Would you know your birth time?

[Jordana Abraham]

I do know my birth time, but I think it's weird that I know it.

[Jared Freid]

Okay. I wouldn't know it.

[Jordana Abraham]

You don't know it it?

[Jared Freid]

No. No.

[Jordana Abraham]

Does your mom know it?

[Jared Freid]

She couldn't even find a picture of me playing football. It turned into, like a whole argument, so.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Probably not.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right. Yeah. You're way too trusting with that. Lol. What if I decide to curse you now that I have that info?

[Jared Freid]

Meh. I trust you. Don't think you do it for no reason. Matter of fact, can you lift any curses I might have accumulated over time? Please? Smiley face.

[Jordana Abraham]

Damn. This birth chart makes me feel better.

[Jared Freid]

About my own lmao. What's it say?

[Jordana Abraham]

I should definitely curse. You might cancel out like Pemdas lmfao.

[Jared Freid]

That bad, huh?

[Jordana Abraham]

Solid B plus. Okay. It's a lot of like vagueness in this post. You know when like you get like too far into a joke and then you're like, what the are we even talking about? It kind of feels like, you know, you get like so granular that I'm just kind of like, where do we. How do we get here? Can we just be normal? Can we go back to just like. Like I get not. Not wanting to do the like how is your weekend thing but.

[Jared Freid]

Right. You don't have to go to completely another by the way. Yeah, you know, like enough about this hemdash. Are you looking for a relationship?

[Jordana Abraham]

What's going on? Yeah, he ended up asking me on a date later in the day and then ghosted me before he sent detail. Feeling the reason that he ghosted me was because the day before I thought he had ghosted me. He didn't respond for 24 hours. So I just called it a loss and deleted his number. And unmatched on Bumble. He ended up texting me a few hours after unmatching and we texted throughout the day and that's when he asked me out. Either he never planned on going through with the date or he saw that I unmatched and was turned off. Either way, I can see how I am the problem. And tbh, don't really blame him for ghosting if it was the latter. So red flag or deal breaker? She unmatches you after you asked her out. And bonus, she pays an Etsy witch to get back at you after ghosting. Technically I have permission. All the love, a witchy batch in therapy.

[Jared Freid]

The Etsy wish conversation. Let's kind of like get that out of the way. Like to me that's like fun banter. I. I don't think it's like word.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

I don't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't think one has to do with the other.

[Jared Freid]

Right. The his just general attitude over text to me. Like he's kind of the deal breaker. Like just like he's like having he. He feels very much like he doesn't give a shit no matter what happens here. So like the idea that he unmatched you or that you know, that ghosted you, I'm not sure that has much to do with your unmatching him. But like I will say if I got unmatched on the app, there's like a thing where it's like sometimes People. If. If someone was so offended by my. How I'm acting on the apps that they unmatch me, and then I find that out after I texted them, it would play into me not wanting to go on that date.

[Jordana Abraham]

So you're saying, like, that. That you understand her position?

[Jared Freid]

I understand her position, but I also understand his. Like, I guess, like, if someone unmatched me and then I. Like, after I. Or like, if I text someone, then I find out they had unmatched me, I would feel that they were too emotionally affected by online dating and the.

[Jordana Abraham]

You think they hear too much?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. The early stages of online dating has affected them too much for me to feel like this will be fun and carefree and loose.

[Jordana Abraham]

Interesting. Okay, so.

[Jared Freid]

So again, it's. The email was a bit.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's not like you're like, oh, she doesn't like me, so I'm not gonna text her.

[Jared Freid]

No, it's like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like she likes me too much.

[Jared Freid]

Right. She's too. That's how I thought about it. I was like, she's too down the, like, the. The rabbit hole of thought on what this is. Like, I'm not saying he was.

[Jordana Abraham]

The ego of a man is so. Is so much that, like, any sort of rejection indicator you're taking as the person liking you too much?

[Jared Freid]

Yes. Unmatching me. Like, you were so mad at me for not getting back to you sooner that you had to unmatch me to get me off of your radar so you'd have to think about it anymore to, like, reorganize your life. In my mind, that's just, like, it's too much. I want it to be casual. We're supposed to just get a drink from here. Yeah. It's funny. I. I definitely didn't see it any other way.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Like, if it was me, I'd be like, oh, they don't like me. They unmatched me. They don't want to see me. You're like, no, they're obsessed with me.

[Jared Freid]

They're obsessed. They. They were. So to me, the only reason to unmatch someone is like, oh, I need. I can't handle seeing this person's info in front of me.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. I mean, you can always unmatch if you didn't wind up going on the date. It does seem a little. A little premature to unmatch, like, immediately.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And. And you're already, like, kind of like being a little bit, you know, with the Etsy wish. I'm gonna curse on you if you do something wrong. You know, you're already. You know, I don't know. We've gone down the road of, like, I'm the already before we've even gone out.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I agree.

[Jared Freid]

What would you think?

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't think that. I think I would still. If I were him, I would still go on the date with the unmatching. I just feel like there's so many reasons people unmatch now. If I had their number, I would. I wouldn't stop me from going on the date. The Etsy witch thing is, like, almost just, to me reads like very young, immature daters.

[Jared Freid]

Right. It's like the dumbest conversation.

[Jordana Abraham]

The way he's responding, the way she's saying it. It's like very much like, who's the funniest person in the chat? Blah, blah, blah. Like, all sor. You can't be, like, all sarcasm in the conversation.

[Jared Freid]

It's a lot of dick swinging. I agree.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. All right, let's do one more. All right.

[Jared Freid]

On his hinge profile, he said he's 42, then sends me a message a few hours before our date saying that he's actually 47 and didn't want to get trapped in a filter. It was a deal breaker for me. Once a liar, always a liar. What do you think?

[Jordana Abraham]

All right, let's read these texts.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, let's read it. Yeah, go ahead.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay, perfect. Winnie and I will see you then. Smiley face.

[Jared Freid]

Looking forward to it. Hey, just want to confirm you saw my match note when you liked my photo. Given I was rewriting it around the time we first connected. This is it. And then he copies and pastes it. I'm 47, but often mistaken for late 30. Just didn't want to get trapped in a filter. That note was supposed to appear immediately after you liked my pick. Okay, so you like someone's pick, and then the note comes up to let you know one last thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Which is his last thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

I was lying.

[Jared Freid]

I look 30, but I'm actually 47. But it says I'm 45 or whatever it was.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay, yeah, no, I didn't get that note. Honestly, I feel a little misled by that. I don't like starting off on a lie. And now I am in a weird headset space. I think it would be best to cancel tonight, but good luck with everything. I. I agree with her. And I'm. I'm out. It's more. It's like. It's like almost like the contents of the note, which are more of, like, the turn off than the actual thing. Like, if it was somehow. And like, I'm 47, but it doesn't matter because I look like I'm in my late 30s. Like, that's not, that's just assuming. That's the issue with like, like being in your late 30s. Also, like, it said he was his thing. Says he was 42. He's not trying to get trapped into it. What's. Who's filtering to 43. This is the thing, like, to me and like, annoying, you know, when you.

[Jared Freid]

You know, when you hear like, stories about like, religions and how they start or like, you know, tribes that like, believed that, you know, an earthquake meant it was God speaking to them. Like these, like, I, I just made that up. I mean, I'm just saying, like, you know, you know what I'm talking about. Like, you know, like tribal days, they would like, hear the leaves moving and that must be a God. And they make up a story for it to explain it. And I think a lot of people do that with algorithms and dating apps and technology now, where it's like they create a story to make themselves feel better instead of the reality. Which is probably the most, like, obvious answer, which is not as many women want to match with you because you're 47.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. That's what he would be saying. I would almost respect that more if he was like, I'm 47. I'm getting frustrated because no one wants to match with me because I'm, because I'm older and I'm interested in younger women. And so that's why I put it. If you're still. I know it's weird. It's kind of deceptive. If you're still interested, I.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I like to go out. I'd almost like be more likely to go out then.

[Jared Freid]

Right? You're gonna lose people still. But like, it's more respectable to be like, I date 30 year olds and I won't go above that age. And that's why I changed my age to 42. Because it's more likely in my belief to get more matches with 30 year olds that way. And it's like, that would be instead of, oh, the filter. I got to make sure that the. Anytime someone brings up the algorithm on dating apps, I believe that person is out of their mind. That person is lost as a dater, that person's too miserable to date. They should delete the apps. They should, like, don't pass go. You have gone. They honestly, the minute you say the word algorithm and respects to a dating app, a chute should open up beneath you. And you should drop into a therapist chair because it is. I hear this all the time. Oh, they're hiding the good matches from me. No one cares. No one. No, you're just not that hot. You're just not that desirable. Your profile probably sucks it, the lighting's bad. There's 17 other answers other than the good ones are being hidden by father algorithm in the sky. Like, yeah, this guy to me is so that he should really just get off the apps more than anything.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, I agree. And I just think I would get, I would also get rid of anyone who was lying on the apps, even if there was like immediately telling me. I think he thinks it's like fine because he's his foot's in the door and then he's telling her immediately. But yeah, I don't like it. Also, I'll be the judge if you look like you're in your late 30s or not. That's completely subjective.

[Jared Freid]

Self proclaimed. I look 30, but I'm 40. 47. Get out of here. Yeah, I'm with you. I, I, this guy. Deal breaker for me. Same also on the apps. And this goes back to the original conversation of this podcast 17 hours ago. The minute you start doing the oh, I know it's supposed to be this way, but I'm gonna do it this way is the moment you lose credibility in this whole thing. We think you're a scammer. Like, it should be so easy on the apps. It should be so easy. A couple rallies of the. It's a ping pong rally. And then, hey, are you free Thursday? That's all it should be. And you should go, wow, that was so much easier than the others because that's how it should be.

[Jordana Abraham]

So.

[Jared Freid]

And if it's not, you're chasing a ghost.

[Jordana Abraham]

So yes, there's something wrong.

[Jared Freid]

It's all dating again.

[Jordana Abraham]

We did it. We'll be back on Friday with our eight year anniversary episode.

[Jared Freid]

That's right. Boom.