U Up? — “Is Selena Gomez ‘Shrekking’?”

Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid
Podcast Date: September 26, 2025

Episode Overview

This Friday Feels episode dives into the new dating trend “Shrekking,” which refers to dating someone perceived as “less attractive” or “dating down,” and discusses how this is being talked about in pop culture—most notably using Selena Gomez’s relationship as an example. The hosts unpack the implications of “Shrekking” on modern dating, explore the emotions around being single vs. “very single,” and answer listener emails about wedding plus-ones and the delicate art of telling a friend they have a smelly dog.

Key Discussion Points

1. Friday Feels & The Spectrum of Singleness

Timestamps: 01:37–08:47

• Hosts’ Personal Updates: Jared reflects on being “as single as I’ve ever been” (03:29). He and Jordana distinguish between being “single” (maybe talking to someone) and “very single” (no prospects whatsoever).
• Emotional Complexity: Jared shares, “You feel free, but you have nobody... there’s no anxiety but there’s nobody texting you…waking up to zero red notifications, you’re like, wow.” (04:27)
• Relatability: Jordana pushes for a dating goal for Jared, suggesting reaching out to more people. Jared expresses the exhaustion and inertia that singles can feel about dating:

  “Pursuing that is like… when you wake up in the morning and you have a big day ahead… that deep breath before you get out of bed? That’s what dating feels like to me right now.” (07:55)

2. What Does “Shrekking” Mean & Where Did It Come From?

Timestamps: 08:47–15:39

• Introduction to ‘Shrekking’:
  • Jordana explains: “Shrekking is the new dating slang for dating down or settling for someone less attractive... comes from the movie Shrek where Princess Fiona ends up with an ogre.” (11:09)
• Pop Culture Example:
  • Jared brings up Selena Gomez and her boyfriend Benny Blanco as an example:

    “I saw Selena Gomez on the red carpet last night... No one looks more like her labubu than Benny… it looks like he’s trying to look like there’s a point where—he just… there’s a point.” (09:56)

• Why the Term Resonates:
  • The hosts reflect on how “Shrekking” is used retroactively, often when someone is hurt post-breakup, believing the less-conventionally-attractive partner would treat them better.
  • Jared points out the gendered dynamic: “Only women can do this… no man goes on a date that his penis doesn’t allow him to go on.” (11:36)
• ‘Ugly Hot’ & Charm:
  • Jordana on redefining attractiveness: “We used to call this… ugly hot. When you would date someone who was not conventionally attractive but there was a certain something where they were hot.” (12:37)
  • Jared further adds: “Charm and hotness can just be exuded by someone who isn’t conventionally hot… this guy, Benny Blanco, he’s ugly hot… he has a talent that no one has.” (12:51)
• Risks and Realities:
  • Both discuss the assumption that a less attractive partner will be more loyal; Jordana notes: “The less attractive men are not always obsessed, maybe sometimes less obsessed than the more attractive men.” (14:19)
  • Jared sums up the futility: “You can’t win if you try to win.” (15:39)

3. The ‘Shrekking’ Double Standard & Petty/Prudent

Timestamps: 15:45–23:52

• Gendered Double Standards:
  • Jared: “This is a way… of insulting men to their face in a fun way that we can all have fun with. We’re all shrekking… Oh, look at all these ugly men.” (11:51)
  • The hosts joke about how, if men used the same language, it would be considered offensive rather than lighthearted conversation.
• Petty or Prudent?
  • Jordana and Jared debate whether calling someone a ‘Shrek’ after a breakup is petty or fair game:

    “This is petty—to call someone a Shrek after they’ve broken up with you.” – Jordana (22:23) “He’s going around being like, look at this hot chick I used to date. And you’re the one going, I can’t believe how ugly that guy was. You know? Okay, who cares?” – Jared (22:38)

4. Listener Email #1: The Plus-One Dilemma

Timestamps: 24:02–32:22

• The Situation:
  • Listener feels slighted for not receiving a plus-one invitation to her best guy friend’s wedding, especially since her brother and parents were both invited with plus-ones.
• Hosts’ Thoughts:
  • Jared feels asking for a plus-one shows insecurity unless you know no one at the wedding:

    “When someone needs a plus one at a wedding, to me, it shows weakness… shows they’re not really okay with being on their own.” (25:56)

  • Jordana distinguishes between obscure friends at weddings (where a buddy may be useful) and being close friends (where mingling is natural).
  • Conclusion:

    “It was petty the way she did it—she didn’t ask, just stated she was bringing a plus one. Ask with vulnerability.” (28:22)

5. Listener Email #2: The Friend with the Smelly Dog

Timestamps: 35:47–49:57

• The Issue:
  • A listener’s friend, who deeply loves her dog, doesn’t realize both she and her space smell so strongly of musty dog that it’s making others uncomfortable.
• Hosts’ Advice:
  • Jordana: “I think she’s got to tell her. That’s how you tell a real friend from a very good friend—a very good friend will tell you that you smell like.” (43:20)
  • Jared roleplays how to tactfully break the news, suggesting “zone in on the dog” rather than making it too personal:

    “There’s a little bit of a stench… I’m telling you because I’d want someone to tell me. You get nose-blind to your own house.” (45:57)

  • Emphasize kindness, don’t connect smell to her love life, and offer practical help if possible.

6. Aging, Appearance, and Honesty Pacts

Timestamps: 49:51–53:28

• Botox & Honesty:
  • The hosts riff on having pacts with friends to point out things like overdone Botox or smelling bad, using humor and “safe words” (e.g., “Quack, quack” for too much Botox) to encourage honesty.
  • Both acknowledge that social media and constant photos make everyone hyperaware of their looks.

    “There are more pictures at more angles taken of me than most men get… so I have to be put face to face with what I look like all the time.” — Jared (52:32)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Very single is like, no prospects, nobody.” — Jared (04:09)
• “You feel free, but you have nobody… waking up to zero red notifications, you’re like, wow.” — Jared (04:27)
• “Shrekking is the new dating slang for dating down or settling for someone less attractive… from the movie Shrek where Princess Fiona ends up with an ogre.” — Jordana (11:09)
• “Only women can do this… no man goes on a date that his penis doesn't allow him to go on.” — Jared (11:36)
• “We used to call this… ugly hot.” — Jordana (12:37)
• “You can't win if you try to win.” — Jared (15:39)
• “I think she's got to tell her. That’s how you tell a real friend from a very good friend—a very good friend will tell you that you smell.” — Jordana (43:20)
• “If we smell, we tell each other.” — Jordana (49:57)

Summary Table: Important Segments & Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamp | |----------------------------------------------------|-------------| | Friday Feels & Singleness Discussion | 01:37–08:47 | | The Concept of ‘Shrekking’ | 08:47–15:39 | | Petty vs. Prudent: Using ‘Shrek’ as an Insult | 15:45–23:52 | | Wedding Plus-One Dilemma | 24:02–32:22 | | The Smelly Dog Situation & How to Handle It | 35:47–49:57 | | Botox, Pacts, and Modern Appearance Pressure | 49:51–53:28 |

Tone & Takeaways

The conversation is witty, candid, and self-deprecating as Jordana and Jared alternate between pop culture takes and deeply relatable dating commentary. They challenge listeners to communicate more honestly—whether about romantic ambitions or awkward personal hygiene. The “Shrekking” discussion highlights the constantly shifting, sometimes double-standard-driven ways we judge dating choices, and the importance (and impossibility) of finding perfect logic in love.

For more dating insights with humor and honesty, check out @u.up.podcast on Instagram and watch full episodes on YouTube.