Jennifer Lawrence’s Secret TikTok a Red Flag?

Summary

Podcast Summary: U Up? — “Jennifer Lawrence’s Secret TikTok a Red Flag?”

Podcast: U Up? by Betches Media
Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid
Date: November 19, 2025
Episode Theme:
This episode dives into the quirks and controversies of modern dating etiquette—ranging from the significance of certain text messages, to the psychology behind dating app behaviors, and the implications of running into your twin’s exes on dating apps. The episode’s titular question focuses on whether Jennifer Lawrence’s alleged secret, feisty TikTok account would be a red flag in a relationship, but the hosts also cover first-date etiquette, deal breakers, and crowd-sourced debates about texting after dates.

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Main Discussion Topics & Key Insights

1. Mood Boosts & Travel Streaks

• Jared’s Positive Streak: Jared opens up about being in unusually good spirits, citing successful stand-up shows, family connections, and a recent lucky streak with air travel—no delays even during travel crises.
  • “I don't know how I'm missing all of these, like, daggers they thrown at people traveling.” (04:05, Jared)
• He shares travel tips like always taking the first flight of the day to avoid delays (07:51).
• Jared announces he’s a “Florida Man” again, now a homeowner in Delray Beach (06:09).

2. Poll: The “Did You Get Home Safe?” Text Debate

• Key Discussion: Should you text someone after a date to ask if they got home safe? Is it an act of kindness, or an unnecessary/misleading signal if you don’t want to see them again?
  • Jordana positions: Only if you want another date.
  • Jared positions: It’s gentlemanly regardless; more about self-conduct.
• Poll Results (from @u.up.podcast):
  • 28%: Yes, gentlemanly either way (Jared)
  • 56%: Only if you’re going to ask me out again (Jordana)
  • 16%: Don’t care either way (12:05)
• Notable Quotes:
  • "If you're not going to ask me out again, I don't want to hear from you." (11:56, Jordana)
  • “I send ‘hope you got home okay’ after every date... I’m doing it for me.” (13:35, Jared)
  • “Don't lead me on with your get home safe text. That’s for you to feel good about.” (16:40, Jordana)
• Conclusion:
  • Signals can get misinterpreted; best to match your vibe to your intentions in communication.

3. Red Flag or Deal Breaker: Jennifer Lawrence’s Secret TikTok

• Context: News claims Jennifer Lawrence has a secret TikTok where she fights with people anonymously.
• The Hosts’ Takes:
  • Jared: Finds it funny and likes the “fire/sass,” but cautions public figures eventually get exposed. Would advise against it but understands the temptation. (21:52)
  • Jordana: Outcome depends on her behavior—if she’s defending herself from trolls, it’s fine; if she’s bullying randoms, “maybe you have a psychological disorder.” (24:14)
• Memorable Analogy:
  • “This is like the modern-day version of when the princess disguises herself and leaves the castle walls.” (24:51, Jordana)
• Deal-Breaker Threshold:
  • Banter/funniness = okay, but meanness for its own sake is a red flag.

4. Red Flag or Deal Breaker Game Highlights

• Changing Dating App Photos to Show Baldness and Constant Location Changes
  • Listener emails about a guy who edits his profile to show himself as bald, changes location to random cities.
  • Jordana theorizes he’s A/B testing looks in various markets.
  • Jared lists possible (comedic and serious) explanations, from confidence building to deception.
  • Consensus: Testing new looks is quirky; constant location changes are weirder/more concerning (55:16).
• Joins Every Class Action Lawsuit
  • Listener writes in about a husband who joins all class-action lawsuits (including Bumble, where they met).
  • Jordana: Only weird if it’s an excessive amount of effort.
  • Jared: Finds it a green flag if it’s a quirky, tenacious hobby; rates laziness in this as worse than effort. (61:06)
  • Both note it adds “peculiarity” and small adventures to life.

5. Difficult Dating Scenarios & Money Talks

• Splitting Wedding Gifts When Attending as a Couple:
  • Listener wonders if her boyfriend should split the wedding gift for her cousin’s wedding that they’re both attending.
  • Hosts advise: She can (and should) cover the gift, since it’s her relative, but this is a great low-stakes “ten-cent” conversation to practice discussing finances in the relationship (40:07).
  • Notable quote: “The foundation of every good and romantic relationship is an unspoken adherence to unromantic fundamentals.” (42:16, quoting "The Baby")
• Dating App Match Has Previously Hooked Up with Her Identical Twin:
  • Listener finds out the guy she’s dating previously hooked up several times with her twin.
  • Both Jordana and Jared say they’d be too weirded out to continue but break down the complexities from both sides and stress how awkward such overlaps are (69:04).

6. First-Date Etiquette: Drinks Splitting

• Listener’s Situation:
  • Matches with a guy visiting from the countryside; he invites her for drinks before a show, doesn’t plan, lets her pick the bar, then sits back and waits for her to suggest splitting the bill.
  • He then claims, “I don’t usually split the bill,” but pitches seeing her again in the countryside (77:03).
• Host Reactions:
  • Jordana: Total deal breaker—lack of effort, planning, and initiative is unattractive (78:15).
  • Jared: The attempt to “absolve” himself after the fact is the real negative; if you split the bill, own it (79:14).
• Notable Quotes:
  • “If you opt to split the tab, you are a split-the-tab person, and that’s who you are.” (79:59, Jared)
  • “It just seems a little too convenient for him... you’re being fit into a calendar.” (78:29, Jordana)

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Memorable Moments & Quotes

• “I'm gonna get my dick sucked for giving you my jacket.” (12:57, Jared—satirical illustration of how romantic gestures can be self-serving)
• “What are you, the perfect woman?” (27:06, Jared—on someone with a high-powered career who also runs a fart meme account)
• “He’s found that women with bald fetishes are the best in bed.” (53:47, Jared, tongue-in-cheek speculation)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Travel Streak & Mood: 01:20–08:50
• Did You Get Home Safe? Text Debate: 10:38–20:24
• Jennifer Lawrence's Secret TikTok: 21:25–26:50
• Bald Profile Pic/Location on Hinge: 46:42–57:03
• Wedding Gift Splitting Discussion: 35:00–43:00
• Class Action Lawsuit Red Flag: 59:45–66:21
• Dealbreaker: Twin Ex-Hookup: 67:07–75:20
• London Date Splitting Drinks: 75:23–81:14

---

Tone and Style

The tone is sharp, candid, and highly comedic, sprinkled with personal anecdotes and plenty of playful ribbing between the hosts. They trade off jaded, practical advice with tongue-in-cheek, satirical speculation—never shying from dissecting male-female dating miscommunications or calling out weird behaviors on dating apps. The episode feels like a lively, honest group chat among savvy daters.

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For Listeners Who Missed the Episode:

This episode provides insightful, often hilarious commentary on:

• The meaning and impact of “nice” (but potentially misleading) post-date texts
• Dating app photo/behavior “red flags” (including new-skul AI photo edits)
• When a quirky or “cheap” habit is just part of someone’s flavor (or not)
• Why first-date etiquette (planning, paying) still matters in 2025
• How to navigate money convos as a couple before the stakes are high

Whether you’re a seasoned dater or new to the apps, the hosts balance warmth, humor, and hard truths—making this episode an illustrative crash course in modern dating dilemmas.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Let's talk about how positive I feel today. Yeah, I'm like having a big, good day.

[A]

Feeling a little uncomfortable with your positivity.

[B]

I know. I like really feel. I was like trying to be. I was feeling grateful.

[A]

All right, yeah, let's. Ready?

[B]

I got my notes. I'm ready. I'm prepared. I can't believe my flight got in. Like, I had a whole speech about this that I forgot because we had to do Sean's sad life.

[A]

All right, I'm sorry. Hello and welcome back to the UOP podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.

[B]

And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana. How are you? What's going on?

[A]

I am good. It is. It is fall. We are deep into fall.

[B]

Fall has fallen. The clocks have switched since the last time we've taped. I'm feeling I'm making you uncomfortable.

[A]

You're making me uncomfortable because you're like in a really good mood. Yeah, really good. No, I'm, you know, and as an unhappy person. No, no, I. Refreshing. It's nice to see.

[B]

I'm in a good mood. I feel good.

[A]

I. Why are you in a good mood? Because if you recall from a couple weeks ago when you said, how are you? And I said, very well. And you were like, I would never say that. Right. Well, do you feel very good?

[B]

I feel very well.

[A]

Very good. Just.

[B]

I don't know what it is. It's a Monday and we just did shows. I did shows. Milwaukee, Minneapolis and Chicago. And then I was with my brother and Ruthie, his wife.

[A]

Yes. At the new house. At the new house.

[B]

The house is beautiful. They're a loving couple. They're happy. Okay. The. The shows, the meeting, the people. I gotta say, like, I did pictures after every show. So if you come to my show, we. We get together and we do pictures. V. Our producer here came with me on the road.

[A]

And most importantly, not one flight delay. Somehow in like the biggest airline crisis that I've seen online.

[B]

It's the most. So I will say golden boy. I don't know how I'm missing all of these, like, daggers they thrown at people traveling. We flew. So I flew Del Rey to la. I had to do a thing, a sponsored post gig in la. Then I go LA to Milwaukee. To get to Milwaukee, I had to do LA to Chicago, Chicago to Milwaukee. Not one. This is amongst the government shutdown that just got lifted.

[A]

Yes. Most. Most importantly, which I heard is mostly affecting domestic flights.

[B]

Right.

[A]

All you took.

[B]

So none of those fights got affected. Then when Milwaukee to Minneapolis, nothing. Minneapolis to Chicago. Then this morning, last night, I go yesterday, I go to the Chicago Bears game, they win, and then go out to dinner with my brother and all their friends and his wife. All the friends. And then they're like, there's 18 inches of snow coming tomorrow. And literally before I'm going to bed, Ruthie, Harry's wife, is like, you, I think you're gonna be hanging with me.

[A]

All, you know, tomorrow, never getting out of here, kid.

[B]

Right. It's like the most annoying conversation when someone else tells you, well, you're gonna get delayed. And I was like, I don't know. I. And when that happens, I. I fly so much that, like, when it happens, let it happen. Like, I. I can't do anything until I'm not gonna worry about something I can't control. So I wake up the next morning, I look out the window like it's Christmas morning. There's snow. And I'm like, it doesn't look bad to me. My Uber That I planned the night before. I get, I do. I. I schedule Ubers whenever I'm on the road.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

That's. That's a me thing. I do. I guess you do too. Look at me sounding.

[A]

Well, yours makes less sense because you're like in cities where you can probably. They're probably like a million Ubers.

[B]

It's more because the I do first flight out. I'm first flat out club.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So if it's like a 5:30am I'm just like, better plan it. Let's.

[A]

Let's get it in the suburbs then. Uber takes like 15, 20 minutes sometimes.

[B]

Well, I'm in the burbs. I'm at my brother brother's place, new place. So then 5:30am I. I look at Uber. The driver's still coming. I can see it's like on its way. My flight, no delay, got here. No problem here, ready for taping.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And then I'm like sitting here, I'm like, what a amazing thing I have going. This. The shows were great. I have a set I like doing that I'm getting to tinker with. That's like, you know, my, my stand up set is like, it feels like it's an old car I'm working on. I'm like always tinkering. So like the car can drive, but it needs some work.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So I'm like happy. That's like the fun of it. Get to come here and answer other people's problems.

[A]

What a life. And.

[B]

Right. And I close. Yeah. To bury lead.

[A]

Congratulations.

[B]

Thank you. I am now a Florida man, officially.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I am a resident of Delray Beach.

[A]

Homeowner again.

[B]

Homeowner again. I'm back.

[A]

They thought you were out.

[B]

Drag me back in.

[A]

Well, I was saying you somehow avoid like all of the. The large cr. Like you were the person. I think you flew every single day in Covid and never once got Covid.

[B]

Never got it somehow or at least.

[A]

It didn't get tested. No, but there was a time you had to.

[B]

Way you get it, There was a.

[A]

Time you had to get tested. I knew I used to get tested like weekly.

[B]

I would come back from wherever I went. I would do the whatever. Like I was. I'm a very much like, whatever. These people are asking. They're asking, you know, I'll do my best. That's kind of my, my company policy. Do my best. And I would come back to New York and I would test the minute I got back, and I would get a result. And then I go, all right, you're good.

[A]

And you never got it.

[B]

Never got it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So. And then government shutdown. I'm flying, everyone's going home crying. I guess I'm not going home for Christmas. I'm like, we're good.

[A]

How many flights do you have in the next two weeks?

[B]

Many. Well, I just took. We just took six flights.

[A]

Right. In five days, I'm saying, how many more do you. I mean, how long can we.

[B]

Now I gotta go back to Del Rey on Wednesday night. And then I got Charlotte and Durham. So I'll go to Charlotte, I'll come back. Or I'll go to Durham, come back from Charlotte to Del Rey. And then I got a few flights here. But really. And then I got. Really not much. That's, like, too crazy, so.

[A]

Well, yeah, I'm excited to hear if the streak keeps going.

[B]

The streak. Hopefully it continues, but that's. Listen, well, if you want the advice of a frequent flyer like myself, if you go in the first flight out, you take away a variable.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

And if you can take away any variable with travel, you do it. And yeah, that day might be a little bit more tired, but, like, I tend to feel that it's fine.

[A]

First flight is always the best, always the move, least delays, and you're just there before you even process what's happened.

[B]

I have a right. Yeah. And then you get there and you go. It's the. Again. Like, people can complain about flying because you can always find. Be real. It's why comedians talk about flying like it's hacky.

[A]

Right?

[B]

I've made, you know, a lot of.

[A]

Things to complain about.

[B]

Well, there's a lot to complain about. And also, everyone's dealt with it, right? You have immediate relatability to someone without knowing them. Like, we can all say airline food sucks. That used to be like the hacky thing, but it's really. They do a good job. I got to. I got to like, you know, Delta, all the airlines. Like, I actually, I don't mean to be the most annoying, positive person alive. Like, to think that you can just wake up at one place and then be in another is like a total miracle.

[A]

It's kind of. Are you. Did you take, like a antidepressant this morning?

[B]

I don't know what happened to me. I have this feeling.

[A]

Just running through the usual vibe.

[B]

I.

[A]

No, I love it. I love it.

[B]

I'm so happy.

[A]

Congratulations. This is a movie.

[B]

I don't know what it is. Body switch.

[A]

You just bought a. You just bought a place, you're back.

[B]

In the A beautiful place.

[A]

Yeah, it's really lovely. I've. I've seen pictures. It's really nice.

[B]

You're going to come. I met the Golden Bachelors. The. The golden. All the guys from the Golden Bachelorette came to my show. They were all nice.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I hung out with Cliff Floyd, who used to play professional baseball.

[A]

All right, what is this, brag day?

[B]

Lauren o', Brien, who came on our show, she came to the show. Leslie FEMA came from Golden Bachelor.

[A]

Amazing. I mean, this is, like living a great life. You were living the reality star.

[B]

What's that? I should play the lotto? I said that I got to the Moxie. The Moxie gave me a deal. Listen, everyone should say at the Moxie, they're helping me out. The one on Chelsea is, like, a great spot. Like, you know, listen, if you stay in New York, you're not gonna stay at a nice hotel. You're just not. You're just not gonna get.

[A]

Unless you want to just spend a ton of money to have to be, like, not in the room.

[B]

Right. It's 1400 or above, or you spend more than you want to, and it's a shitty room.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Moxie has a pretty good room for what you're spending. And it's in Chelsea. You can head downtown. This is my full. I mean, they've sponsored the podcast before, but I. I like what they do.

[A]

Our whole 2019 tour.

[B]

Yeah, right. I'm checking in. They're like, room is ready. I'm like, are you kidding me? Everything's coming up J train.

[A]

He's so lucky. He's a star.

[B]

So. And, well, the one bad thing that happened. I want to do a Red flag deal breaker with you.

[A]

Oh, I wanted to do a red flag or deal breaker with you, too.

[B]

Oh. We have a lot to talk about. So before we get to the red flag, let's talk about our YouTube exclusives. You up for more? Go watch them. We just did a gq. What makes a modern gentleman? The feedback. And I like that you put it on your stories because you wanted a real poll. You zoned in on something that I zoned in on a lot of comments about women not liking a text after.

[A]

You get home safe.

[B]

Did you get home safe text?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Should you send it? Should you not? And I think it's such an interesting topic for dating.

[A]

Should I read the poll results?

[B]

Please read the poll results. As I'm sitting here, you have your phone. You could.

[A]

You could. Yeah, take the. Answer the book here.

[B]

You can answer the poll. I don't I have you muted so let me make sure you know you can you could look at he's gonna have Jordan. I watch everything you knew I did the poll. I saw you did the poll. Okay so so do you want to get the got home safe text? Yes. It's a gentlemanly. It's gentlemanly either way. Only if you're going to ask me out again. I don't care either way. So. Well, one of these. Oh no. Only. Okay. These are the right.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So you're you believe you believe you gentlemanly either way.

[A]

That was the where we differed. You said gentlemanly either way. I said if you're not going to ask me out again, I don't want to hear from you.

[B]

I think we're talking about two different things, btw.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. So here are the results. 28% agree with me. Yes, it's gentlemanly either way. 56% said only if you're going to ask me out again. 16% said I don't care either way. Love the love that we're taking the poll. Love the debate. That's what this show's all about. I think it's two different subjects, though. I don't think it should. It doesn't matter to me whether you like or don't like.

[A]

Right. It's for you. Which is why it's not gentlemanly. This was not for me.

[B]

Well, I'm not saying it's even gentlemanly. Right. I don't even think it is. Well, isn't all gentlemen acts for me?

[A]

No.

[B]

This was a Friends episode.

[A]

I think giving me if we were on a date and you gave me your jacket, that's for me. That's general.

[B]

But I still get to be the guy who gave you the jacket. I'm still wooing you, but I'm still.

[A]

Benefiting from the jacket.

[B]

So am I. I'm gonna get my dick sucked for giving you my jacket.

[A]

Well, okay, but in that okay, but that's a more clear example of how being gentlemanly is good for both of us. Whereas in this scenario what are you gonna do you're gonna if I don't answer what are you gonna do if I don't if you said you get home okay, I don't you coming to.

[B]

Find me you making call local enforcement, law enforcement, anyone. I would go on this day missing persons thing.

[A]

You would cross it off your list and you would continue doing what you always say.

[B]

I well, this is my I I guess the debate here. I think if you are I send hope you got okay home okay. Text after every date.

[A]

Okay. For you.

[B]

Yes. And I'm doing it for me. Let me, let me be true serum in my veins. I'm doing it for me. I'm doing it because I can like the person and not want to go out with them again.

[A]

Right. But we don't want you to like send a mixed signal. Like I don't give a if you like.

[B]

But that's not a signal for me. I would do that from. I'm guessing when would I be out with someone otherwise?

[A]

If you and I were. Went and got a drink, we did a show to get. We did a live show together. Would you text me when I got home?

[B]

I think I did.

[A]

Did you?

[B]

I think when we were going. No, when we would go on the road.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And we would go make sure you got away.

[A]

Yeah. You would?

[B]

Yeah. You're. Again, there's a lot of mixed messages.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I'm a lonely woman in a city, a great big city, going home on my own, make sure she gets home. That is like a, like, like, I think that's the right thing to do. And again, this is like this new age, you know, old school.

[A]

You're saying it's for safety, it's a little bit safer.

[B]

I think a woman going home alone to me is like, shouldn't be allowed. She should go home with me every.

[A]

Time or have an escort.

[B]

Yeah. It is an element of that. If we were on the road together and we did shows.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

And we go out after the show and have a drink and chit chat. And then you're like, okay, I gotta go. Well, let me know you got home. I would do that. I'd like to think I would do that. And I think I've also.

[A]

Then that's more for me. Right.

[B]

Well, it's all, I mean, it's for you. But also, but it's.

[A]

But if it's.

[B]

I want to do the right thing. So it's a little bit for me, I guess.

[A]

But I'm thinking like if you had a date. I'm just saying, like if you had a date and she didn't answer that text or she was like, actually like this bad thing happened, would you come and help her?

[B]

That's a fair response. Well, if this bad thing happened, I would come and go and help her if she said this bad thing happened. But if she never got back to me, it's fair to say that I would go, done. I've done my job. Yeah, right. That is fair.

[A]

And then when the cops interview, you.

[B]

Can say, see the text that wasn't even there. I have an alibi.

[A]

So do you think it's like. I think what many women would think, which is why they don't want it if you don't want to go out, is they would. I would think it was like, you're trying to continue the conversation and you, you care if I got home safe.

[B]

And that I may be trying to, like, see how much you like me. Yeah, like, I'm trying to get in the driver's seat of trying to, like.

[A]

Prolong the, you know, check in.

[B]

I think that could be the case. But you're never gonna have that answer in life. Like, everyone's doing things so that they feel they've checked boxes and are personally better off. I do think it is kind. And again, it comes back to like a little bit. You're brought up as a young man, young boy. Make sure your sister gets home okay. I think there that is taught to you from a young age.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So it's a lot. Again, my, it isn't my problem when I see the feedback of like, I don't like getting a text because I think I might be led on by that. That's not my problem.

[A]

It's like, I think I might be led on by that. And also, like, I don't really want to want you to speak to me if you don't want to go out with me again.

[B]

Right. And, and it's tough because I don't.

[A]

Think to me it's, I know. Well, to me it's like, it's like a much. It's a smaller version. And we talked about this probably early on in this podcast about like, you go to the, you go to brunch after you, you, after you sleep together after like a you up text or something. Right. And you go to brunch the next day. And like many women, myself included, would be like, he's hanging her out. He, like, likes me. He's. And you would think I would go either way, right?

[B]

This is the.

[A]

I could go to brunch with someone I never want to see again.

[B]

This would be the argument against any situationship because you're gonna, at one point in the situation, you're going to say to yourself, wait a minute, they like hanging out with me. We have sex.

[A]

They don't want me to die when I leave them to go home.

[B]

Right? So why aren't we dating? And then he has no explanation of to answer there.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So I understand that like, I, I my explanation in that scenario. Why would you go to breakfast in the after. Well, we're having fun. The date's still going. But, you know, as you've said many times, this isn't to have fun.

[A]

Right. And I wouldn't have. I wouldn't want to get brunch with someone that I didn't want to go out with again. I wouldn't do that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And maybe you would. And I think that's the difference.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You could go to brunch with someone that you never want to see again.

[B]

Well, I also don't. I think that is also a very female thing.

[A]

Or don't care if you ever see them again. Let's say that's different. Not like I actively never want to see your face again. It's like, a little more intense than. It doesn't matter to me either way.

[B]

Right. Well, that's kind of the issue that I saw from the commenters was, like, it. It is this, like, vilification that doesn't really exist to me. Like, don't lead me on with your get home safe text. That's for you to feel good about. You. Like, I'm like, if that's how. Like, I. I kind of think there's a strong correlation between, you know, I don't. You need to feel good about yourself with a good night text. And I'm self conscious.

[A]

I don't know if it's about self conscious. I think it's more like I'd rather get a firm signal. I don't want a mixed signal. And I think that, like, when you get the brunch or the text or the, you know, you. You asked. You know, we dated me for three months. It just kind of feels like I was feeling like it was going a certain way and it didn't mean anything, so. Or even like when you. When you. If you text someone the next. I mean, it could go further. You could text someone the next day you didn't really want to see again. You probably do that, too.

[B]

Yeah. And I. And I would say that's kind of the. Well, it's the reason this podcast exists is to hear the feelings of the other side. Feelings that you're really not going to change.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I'm hearing you. And I will act differently with my get home safe text, or maybe my text in general, knowing that the effect it might have. But my first instinct, and the instinct of many men you might be dating is to, hey, want to make sure you got home safe. And it also doesn't mean that I want to go on a second date.

[A]

Well, now now, we all know that means nothing.

[B]

I mean, here's the thing, right?

[A]

50, 56% of people agreed with me, but 44% of people either like it either way or don't care, right? So that's almost half.

[B]

I would love to see the. The gender breakdown. Like, because I saw even in the comments on YouTube, like, I send that text too, and I just was like. It felt like a man, of course, you know, like, and. And I. And again, like, the disagreement is like, two different things.

[A]

Have you ever gotten that text?

[B]

Get home safe.

[A]

Have you. Did you get. Did you get home safe?

[B]

Oh, I get that text.

[A]

You did?

[B]

Yeah. I get it from women all the time. You know, I'm a. I'm a single man alone in the city.

[A]

Yeah. And then do you say, like, did you, like.

[B]

Yeah, I give it back. Listen, if whatever you. I want to hear from you guys in the YouTube comments, we can continue this conversation because sometimes people watch the videos. They don't watch, you know, whatever. They don't watch the whatever. We don't know how we found you. So comment with what you want and go check out the other you up for more? You have a red flag deal breaker for me.

[A]

I have a red flag deal breaker for you.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I saw on, like, news headlines that Jennifer Lawrence said that she has a secret TikTok account where she, like, fights with people. Ooh, so she fights with people on the Internet. What would you think if you went out with someone and they told you that they have, like, a burner account where they go on and they like starting fights with people?

[B]

I like the fire and sassy in that. I like that they're a fighter.

[A]

I.

[B]

Here's the difference. If they are a public person like Jennifer Lawrence and they have that very public person, I mean, I think that that makes more sense than not public person who has another secret TikTok account where they're just being mean to people, right? So Jennifer Lawrence, if I were dating her, I would be like, I would advise against it because I would say everything gets found out on the Internet. Like, Kevin Durant, the basketball player, did this too.

[A]

Where you would just suggest that she not do that.

[B]

I would suggest. I would say, I like your fire, I like your spirit, but I would suggest that this will get found, right? No one is above the Internet. No one gets by. All secrets come out. We live in the age of cameras everywhere. Like, now she's even said it, people are going to be. There's people who are going to devote their lives, hackers to Finding Jennifer Lawrence's secret account.

[A]

Well, I really want to know what she's saying. And then I think to me, that would make it, that would determine if it was a red flag or deal breaker. Like, what is she saying? Is she being like, well, is she being mean? Or is she like, like what is she writing about?

[B]

Right. If she responds to someone like taking a picture of their face that they use as their avatar. Yeah. And is like, hey, you ugly. I don't think you should be talking about Jennifer Lawrence that way. I'd be like, wow, Jennifer Lawrence, look at you. Like, I, I don't know, I'd laugh at it with her probably because I'd be like, I'm more inclined to believe that she's right in this fight. Because the Internet is all about victims. And you know who, where you land on the victim chart. So Jennifer Lawrence, she never gets to get satisfied. Everyone thinks she's in power. Everyone thinks she might be able to use like the woman.

[A]

She has to take the high road, right?

[B]

She always has to take the high road. So if this gets her like one.

[A]

Moment of peace, I agree. If she's saying you ugly to someone who's commenting something mean about her.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's okay. If she's saying that to like random people commenting on other people's posts that are not about her. Right. I'd be like, you might have a psychological disorder.

[B]

If she's going to a Selena Gomez's wedding and being like tacky, I'd be like, I don't know. Now that I like heard it, I'm like, hilarious.

[A]

It is kind of funny. Yeah. The comments would have, that's another thing. The comment would have to be like, funny, right. Or really insightful. Right.

[B]

It's all, listen, the can't just be.

[A]

Mean for no reason, right?

[B]

The thing with mean comments are you got to be funnier than mean when it comes to being mean. Like have some, if you put some thought and creativity into it, we kind of go, oh my God. But if you don't, you're like, it's funny.

[A]

This is like the modern day version of like when the princess disguises herself and leaves the castle walls.

[B]

Right. Sees what it's like to be one of us peasants. Yeah, Yeah.

[A]

I had a friend who was a. She's like brilliant corporate lawyer, like, very, very smart, very, very normal, pretty straight edge. And she used to have this account called Selter Farts. That was, excuse me, it was pictures of Jen Selter and then photoshopped of her farting because you Know how she'd always have, like, her. Her ass out.

[B]

It's funny that that, like, probably took off because all these men having a fart fetish, and it was just like the.

[A]

So the opposite of anything you would think that she would have.

[B]

But I used to talk a lot of about her on the Internet about Jen Selter under your account or a fake burn because I was like an app. But I do have a lot of respect for how successful she's been for such a long period of time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because she's like. She's been like. Like, you're. She had this great ass, and then she got a following for her great ass, and then she, like, sustained. I don't think an ass is, like.

[A]

Can take you pretty far.

[B]

Right. But, like, this is not a million followers better than the next best ass.

[A]

I guess she's. She's. So you have to.

[B]

There's a talent there as far as marketing is concerned that she capitalized on. And I think in my younger days, I'd be like, the Internet sucks. Everyone's just following people for their asses. And I'm trying to make these jokes. When you found out that your friend made a Jen Selter farts account, what.

[A]

Made her do it? I think she just thought it was funny.

[B]

Right. But I'm saying, when you found out, what did you. Were you, like, what?

[A]

Yeah, I was like, this is absurd.

[B]

But did you like your friend more or were you like. I mean, we don't know if we should be friends.

[A]

I think if she did it now, she's like a mom.

[B]

Like, that kind of makes more sense.

[A]

That'd be a little weird. We were like, 24.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I think it was, like, just like a clowny, funny thing that she did.

[B]

Yeah. Would you.

[A]

So if you. If you were dating. If you were dating, I found out.

[B]

They had a Gen Seltzer fart.

[A]

Yes. But she's like, totally not.

[B]

It would make me like her more.

[A]

You'd be more into.

[B]

Yeah, I'd be more into it. I'd be like, wow, this like, it's. Again, an onion. Like, oh, I. I love. I liked you because of. You were this badass lawyer, and now you're this badass lawyer who's, like, around with fart accounts. Like, what are you, the perfect woman?

[A]

What if she had a Jared Fried farts account?

[B]

That's not hard to make. I'm doing a Jared Free farts.

[A]

You're like, that's my. My ip.

[B]

I have one more red flag deal breaker for you. Dating Sense. I'm on the flight today. I'm coming here from Chicago. I'm in the seat. Great flight, smooth. I'm having this like, wow, look at me. Everything's working out. Everything's coming up Jared. And then we're landing and I'm talking to this girl next to me and she's like, we're having like a chit chat. I'm like, you know, putting it, you know, hey, how you doing? What do you do? Where are you from?

[A]

Getting into it.

[B]

Getting into it. And we start to land and I'm like, Johnny, cool guy. Yeah. Comedian at his shows in Chicago. Just coming off a run, gonna go.

[A]

To New York first class.

[B]

No, that does, that does hurt me.

[A]

Does hurt or help the game, I'm sure. Yeah.

[B]

From middle seed comfort.

[A]

How successful of a comedian is he?

[B]

Right? He can't be that great. So all of a sudden the plane's going down, you know, to land, and all of a sudden it starts getting bumpy and I go.

[A]

That in coach versus that in business.

[B]

Can you not. And I just. It was a quick.

[A]

My pearls would be the hottest thing. Yeah.

[B]

Can I come back from that?

[A]

Yeah, I think you could. Or did you like, was it. How long was it like a shriek?

[B]

It was like. I definitely went louder than I would have liked it, but it was such a big drop.

[A]

I think if everything else were okay.

[B]

You're not like me.

[A]

What was her reaction?

[B]

Oh, you okay? You're good?

[A]

Yikes. It wouldn't be a turn on. I'll put it. I'll put it that way.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You know that rush you get when you find something cute and it's on sale? That's the thrill of the deal. And Rakuten takes it to another level. I am a huge Rakuten user. I have the little widgets installed on my phone, on my computer, and to me it's like a no brainer. Like, why wouldn't you. Everything I buy, I check Rakuten to see is there a percent that they're giving back on anything that I'm, I'm.

[B]

Using it because of you. It is honestly so easy, so wonderful. And it's like when you start using it, you think of all the days that you didn't use it right. And you get mad at yourself.

[A]

Yeah. There's no reason not to use it.

[B]

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[A]

And that is how you live a fiscally responsible life.

[B]

So make sure you don't miss the highest cash back rates of the year with the best holiday sales. And keep an eye out for Rakuten Weekly Big Deal reveals where one great store offers high cash back for one day only. Membership is free and it's super easy to sign up.

[A]

Download the free Rakuten app or go to rakuten.com to start saving today. That's R A K U t e n rakuten.com Join today for a new member welcome Bonus after minimum qualifying purchases, terms and conditions apply. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. As seasons change, that fall chill rolls in and the sun sets earlier and earlier, it can be a tough time for a lot of people. This November, BetterHelp wants to remind you to reach out. Text a friend, call someone you miss, or grab coffee with that person you've been meaning to see. I know this season isn't easy for everyone. Seasonal affective disorder is like a real thing and it gets a little depressing out there. So it's so important to stay connected. It's so important to find someone you can speak to, and it's so important to find healthy ways to cope with whatever's going on in your life. Like therapy. Better help does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals? A short questionnaire helps you identify your needs and preferences. And if you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time for their tailored recommendations. This month. Don't wait to reach out. Whether you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist yourself, BetterHelp makes it easier to take that first step. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com UUP that's betterhelp. H E-L-P.com.

[B]

Let'S all right, we got some emails.

[A]

Let's get into our emails.

[B]

Let's do our show coming out on Wednesday, November 19th. Where am I? Where in the world is J Train? J Train. J Train that that will make a woman not want to me I am going to be oh my God people. Fort Lauderdale in Miami. This is Thanksgiving weekend. If you want to get away from your family. Jaredfree.com Come to my show. My family will be there.

[A]

You want to get away from your own family and be around Jared's family?

[B]

Then I'm going to Royal Oak, Michigan, which. I love that theater. Beautiful area. Royal Oak is like this underrated, beautiful spot in the country. I'll have family there, too.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

My aunt that once came to my show and then left Midway, came to.

[A]

Our show in Detroit.

[B]

My aunt came to our show and then got up loudly in the middle of the show and started kissing all the rest of my relatives goodbye. And as and Detroit, it was a hard show for us. I remember that did not sell very well. It didn't sell well. And we had this huge.

[A]

Basically your family and like, five other people.

[B]

Exactly. And my family was like, what's he doing? Like, they didn't get it. And my aunt, in the middle of the show, she's like, okay, I gotta go. Like, she's gotten bored. It was the middle of a U up live.

[A]

Did she ever. Did you ever talk to her about that?

[B]

I don't know if we've talked about it, but she's very supportive now.

[A]

Oh, that's nice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To prove yourself, I had to prove.

[B]

Myself a little bit. Yeah. No one was thinking I was funny for a while. Still don't. December 5th. December 4th, Royal Oak, Michigan. Columbus, Ohio. We're looking for you in Columbus, people. Come on out. Orlando and San Diego to end the year. So if you're looking for something to do for New Year's in San Diego, I will be there New Year's Eve. You and I, we can clink glasses, have a little New Year's kiss.

[A]

Oh, love it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, let's.

[B]

I'll wear myself out to get these tickets sold.

[A]

Kiss whoever you need to.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, make out with everyone.

[B]

Every one of your moms. I'll tongue kiss.

[A]

After the show. After the show. After her show of proof of purchase with.

[B]

With ticket.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You get one tonguing.

[A]

Yes. And if you have over. Over 10 people, you can get, like, a boob graze, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I'll touch it.

[A]

Okay. All right, let's do.

[B]

I got a number from a mom of her. This or someone else. After the show this past week, a woman came in the line and she did this. She, like, shook my hand with a. With a card in it.

[A]

A card.

[B]

And it was her daughter's card. And then you could see the daughter was, like, so embarrassed. The mom was fabulous. She had, like, a. Like a sparkly shirt on. She was, like, out for the night. She was a little drunk and she came up to me and she goes, hey. And then like does like the awkward handshake, Gives me the card and I felt it. I put it right in my pocket like a pro. And she goes, you know, she's single too. And the daughter was like, what? Mortified. And then I, we got together a picture and I put my arm around the mom and her. I go, this could be a future family picture. And she was. The mom was awesome.

[A]

Did you text the daughter?

[B]

No.

[A]

Did you text the mom?

[B]

I. Yeah, we. Okay, so. All right, let's do the emails.

[A]

All right, let's do it.

[B]

Uupetches.com what do we talk about today?

[A]

Hi Jay and J.

[B]

Let's get right into it.

[A]

Hi. Okay. Hi J and J. Feather. Feather Jordana. Congrats on your baby girls coming soon. Jared, I checked out your YouTube the other day and binge watched your stand up clips. They made me laugh while I cooked dinner. Anyway, here's my situation.

[B]

Let's do it.

[A]

My boyfriend and I are both 25 and have been dating for a year and a half. Next summer we're attending my cousin's wedding. We're invited to their wedding as a couple, meaning both my name and his name are on the envelope rather than just my name and a plus one. Also, my boyfriend and I do not live together. He has met both my cousin and his soon to be wife several times as we live in the same city and often run into each other on a night out. We have also gone on one double date with them. My question is, should we both contribute equally to the wedding gift or should I pay for it since it's my cousin who's getting married. For more context, the wedding will be held a few states away, so we will more than likely be flying. We'll also be making a week, a week long vacation out of it, staying with my parents, brother and sister in law at an Airbnb. Therefore, my boyfriend will be taking a week of PTO and probably paying for an airplane ticket. My parents will be paying for the Airbnb food etc so he doesn't have to worry about those costs. Costs. However, unlike Jared's parents, my parents will not be giving a wedding gift on my behalf. Awkward.

[B]

Good thing I avoided this family.

[A]

I haven't discussed the gift situation with my boyfriend yet, but I thought I'd consult the experts first. This will actually be the first wedding my boyfriend has ever attended ever. So I could. His first wedding has ever gone to. Wow.

[B]

So I could probably.

[A]

Yeah, I guess. That makes sense. So I could probably tell him anything.

[B]

Male loneliness epidemic.

[A]

Yeah, apparently got no friends. This will actually be the first wedding my boyfriend has ever attended ever. So I could probably tell him anything and he'd be fine with it. I doubt he even knows what you're supposed to give it, that you're supposed to give a gift when you go to a wedding. Did you know that?

[B]

At 25. What is he, a big dumb animal? I think he knows he's gonna give a gift.

[A]

Thanks for your help and all you do to keep us entertained. Signed a. Trying to be courteous to her boyfriend.

[B]

This email is great.

[A]

What's your take?

[B]

My take is I. I think she should do the gift.

[A]

I agree that.

[B]

I mean, it's your cousin I like. She's given us all the specifics, which I appreciate. I understand he's like, been enmeshed, so to speak.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

But you're, you know, he's not invite. I know his name.

[A]

Still coming as your plus one.

[B]

Right. His name's on the card is like kind of like one of these things that you're using to absolve yourself from having a real conversation about finance and your feelings on finance and how this is getting whacked up, so to speak.

[A]

Right. Which you can. I get is awkward to an extent, but after a year and a half, it shouldn't be that weird.

[B]

Listen, if I'm invited to your cousin's wedding, it's because. And my name is on the card. It's because you. I have fully tricked your family into thinking I like them.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like I've done you a good deed. Like I've dealt with your family. I've been nice to your family. Not to say I don't like them, but on the. Like, what you do for your partner, like, that means I have sing, danced and dust for your part, for your family in a way that they are happy that you're with me.

[A]

Yeah. And I'm spending a week with your family.

[B]

Right. That's even beyond the point. I just think she brings up that there he's on the card as if, like, well, he's were invited. 50.

[A]

50.

[B]

No, no. He's on that card because you brought him to that.

[A]

Right. He's only going to the wedding because it's your cousin.

[B]

Right.

[A]

If he broke up tomorrow, he'd never speak to your cousin again, most likely. I mean, here's. Here's what I would do again, if you're like, you're dating a year and a half again, they're pretty Young, so it's not like that weird that this wouldn't have come up. But I think you have that kind of discussion of like. Okay. And I mean, you've been in relationships. When you're invited to weddings, who pays?

[B]

If it's my side I.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Or I pay for as much as I like. I don't think she has to cover his flight.

[A]

No. When she said he's paying. He's probably paying for his flight.

[B]

And but even so, like I would get like the room.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I would get the gift and then that would be it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then along the way, I'll get the cab. You know, like it is my trip that I'm bringing them on.

[A]

Right. That you're going on because of you.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Or even if it, what if it was just a local wedding still. Yeah.

[B]

On me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's, that's my friends, my cousin.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

But I do think this brings up like a good, like larger point about like, when do you talk about finance stuff with your partner? This is like the first taste of it. Which is like a really good first taste. I'd rather this be the first conversation than how we can afford this baby. You know, like I, I, you know, some people, they have one night stand, they go, all right, we got to really talk about finances. You have the, the privilege and the luxury of this first kind of, I call them 10 cent conversations. I think when you 10 a costly conversation is one that's a little more difficult than you two have.

[A]

Higher stakes.

[B]

Higher stakes. So this is a 10 cent conversation.

[A]

Yes. Where, what kind of apartment are we going to move into and how are we splitting the rent? That's a bigger conversation.

[B]

That's a $25 conversation. So I do think 10 cent conversations get added to the piggy bank. That some at some point becomes a conversation and then you end up having to pay a bigger bill. So if I'm to be the ghost of like on this podcast, I do believe it is like our job to put ourselves in the shoes and kind of be vulnerable to the point of like, where have I made mistakes? I have been one to pass the buck to the next conversation.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

To me, I hear from a 25 year old woman writing in and I'm like, good for her. Like, I, I, I see this email, I'm like, she wants this to be a real relationship. They seem, she seems older than me. I am now based on this email. Like, I, I actually like, I'm like, she should feel proud of herself because she's really trying to have a relationship. If I was in a relationship at 25 and someone, I don't know if I would have the balls to go up to the woman and go, how do you feel about how this should be split up?

[A]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's not like the most fun conversation to have.

[B]

Totally not.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And, but if you have it now, it's a lot less costly than having it about something else because you didn't have this one.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So.

[A]

And it's easier to have when you are taking the first, like the first burden, so to speak. So like I think this is a great 10 cent conversation.

[B]

When you mean, you mean when she's paying.

[A]

Yes. Right.

[B]

It's easier to have.

[A]

Right. And I think she'll be, the way I would do it would be like, so we have the wedding, don't worry, I'm going to cover the gift. Since it's my friend, I feel like we should probably just do it like when we go to my, my, my friend or my cousin, my family's wedding, I'll pay. And when we go to your friends or your family's wedding, you pay. Right.

[B]

And how do you feel about that?

[A]

How do, what do you think?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Does that work for you?

[B]

Right. I, I, I sent it to the baby, my friend, the baby who does our movie, my movie reviews.

[A]

Right.

[B]

He had a great quote.

[A]

Let's hear it.

[B]

Can I read the quote? The foundation of every good and romantic relationship is an unspoken adherence to unromantic fundamentals.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Yeah. You gotta like play your part.

[B]

Right. This is the, this is the, this is the back office dealings of a relationship.

[A]

And that's where you build like the trust of like this is how we do things. And that I can trust that you're gonna handle this.

[B]

And it'll make the move in conversation easier because it's not like you're just having conversation one about money. Be about moving in.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Conversation one about money. This is the conversation one. Even though it doesn't feel like it, even though it feels small, it's not, it's a 10 cent conversation. I'd rather have this than the next one.

[A]

Yeah. And that's good practice for the big ones. Right.

[B]

When I don't have them, I put them away.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And then I end up judging the person based on some conversation we never had that I assume that they'll give answers for.

[A]

Right. And you can also see how they deal with it if they have a different perspective.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Which is almost like more Important. If they agree, he might, great. But like, let's say he's like, he disagrees. You can find out how someone disagrees, right?

[B]

And he might say, no, I want to pay for half the gift.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now you're like, well, why? What, what goes into that? Now you're getting to know each other. Like if someone said that to me, I want to pay for half the gift, there's a reason to do that. Because they don't want to owe you anything. Because they don't want to be in too deep with you or they have a differing opinion on the way weddings in general. This is a way to. This is a fact finding mission, right? I like this.

[A]

Don't avoid the weird, the awkward conversations because the more of them, the more of them you have, the less weird it is.

[B]

Right?

[A]

The holidays are here and it's splurging season. It's time to treat yourself to something nice. But for me personally, when I splurge on something, I want to make sure it's worth it. I want to make sure I'm getting a lot of use out of it. And one thing I get a lot of use out of is my bed. I think we spend like a third of our lives in bed. And so if I'm going to be investing in something, it's going to be sheets of that make me feel great every day. And ever since I discovered Bowland Branch, I've really just been obsessed with how comfortable their bedding feels. It makes me want to be in bed all the time. And it's going to be cold out, so I probably will be. If you're looking for a gift this year that gives a loved one or yourself a bit of everyday luxury, check out Bolan Branch's best sell of the year with 25% off site wide. Boland Branch's best selling signature sheets are soft, breathable and made with 100% organic cotton. They get softer with every wash so you get your best night's sleep. Every night I have the white in my bedroom and in my guest room I have the sage green color. It is so beautiful. It really elevates the space. They have such beautiful colors for all of their sheets. Give yourself and your loved ones the most extraordinary feeling. Sleep with 25 off site wide plus free shipping and extended returns during Boland Branch's best sale of the year. Shop [e-mail] UUP with code UUP. That's Boland Branch. B O L L a n d branch.com UUP code UUP for 25 off exclusion supply.

[B]

I gotta say, for the colder weather, I just want clothes that feel good and look put together. And that's exactly what I get with Quince. They're sweaters, outerwear and everyday staples. Feel super high end but don't come with high end price tags. I have a sweater from Quinn's. It fits great, it feels good. Great date night stuff.

[A]

High quality.

[B]

You're like, I can't believe I got such a great item for such a great price.

[A]

It's the beauty of Quince.

[B]

What do you have from Quince?

[A]

I have a few of their Mongolian cashmere sweaters. Again, they're so comfortable. I feel like I look really elevated. And it's great. It's just easy to like put together an outfit that you know, feels and looks high end, but you're not like breaking the bank for it.

[B]

Everything I've ever gotten from there is just something that I've like, has like lasted a long time. Like it's been a part of the rotation. Yes, because Quince partners directly with top tier ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen. They deliver luxury quality pieces at half the price of similar brands. I just, it's a no brainer.

[A]

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[B]

You ready?

[A]

I'm ready.

[B]

Icky or picky? This is the game sweeping the country. You meet someone, they do something. Is it an ick or are you being a little picky?

[A]

Let's find out.

[B]

All right, J and J. Huge fan. Been listening since 2018. I have an Icky or Picky for you guys. I match with a guy on Hinge. We've gone on three dates. He seems nice and relatively normal. I noticed that he changes his locations multiple times a day to random neighborhoods in different cities. Like one minute he's in San Diego, then another minute he's in Atlanta. My thoughts are whatever. He's single and he can do whatever he wants. But that's not why I'm writing in. I looked at his profile today and noticed he changed his first picture and he's bald, which when we went out last Week he had a full head of hair, so I figured he had shaved his head, but nope, he went back and edited his old profile photos to be bald. Like every original photo with hair is now that same photo, but bald. So I guess icky or picky, he edits himself to be bald on his profile when he definitely has a full head of hair. Signed Hairless in Seattle.

[A]

This is definitely not something you hear every day.

[B]

Well, this is when the whole photoshopping and AI gets a little weird, right?

[A]

The AI stuff, like, freaks me out cuz of that. Cuz I always believe all the AI stuff is real, right? So like, I would be horrible with that.

[B]

Do you ever see the baby, like, yelling at the dog? There's. There's these AI things. Okay, we'll just be a baby. Be like, no to a dog. And then the dog's like, what? Like, just looks back at you.

[A]

Sure it's not real?

[B]

I don't know anymore. Did you find it, Will?

[A]

Is this one?

[B]

Yeah, this is it.

[A]

That's not real.

[B]

It's not real.

[A]

You took my snack. Yes, you did. I saw you. You can't eat everything, Sonny. No, you have a user inside voice.

[B]

We got.

[A]

I would have no idea.

[B]

They were like, actually in, like, having a conversation.

[A]

I would, like, literally. Oh, I would. I would literally think it was possible. I, like, I fall for like all of that.

[B]

There's so many AIs. Well, you know what it does? It does. It makes you go like, kind of like blink your eyes a little bit.

[A]

Right? I mean, in high school, or was it middle school? We had a. We had a. Which seems like actually pretty progressive for the time. We had like a class where they would teach you how to like, know if you were googling something, if the. If the news source was reputable. Really? Yeah.

[B]

That is out of its time.

[A]

They should definitely have a class on like, how to tell if something's AI or not.

[B]

We are so screwed. I mean, it's funny.

[A]

I am. I'm like, too old. I wouldn't take the class at this age.

[B]

We used to make fun of like, Facebook and all our parents being tricked by Facebook news items. Which is still going on.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But now I go on threads and I see things that are just as divisive on purpose as the Facebook news stuff.

[A]

Oh, totally.

[B]

And I see millennials responding to those divisive threads, whereas dumb. Meet the new class.

[A]

The new. The newest generation is the best at it. Like, the younger you are, the better you are at knowing what's real and what's fake, actually.

[B]

I, I, I, well, I think rage bait. I think, yeah, the boomers have it.

[A]

The worst, where they believe everything they see and then me and then the rest of them.

[B]

There's like, a millennial form of it. You know, I'll see these tweets that are like, hey, so I don't. You see the dating tweets and threads that are really, like, millennial coded, where it's like, to, like, enrage someone will be like, yeah, I was dating this girl, and she said I was frumpy and had a small penis. Do you guys think that women should have the choice in whether they date someone with a frumpy, small penis? And then the answers are like, who would say this about, like, getting angry? And I'm like, have we all lost our mind? I'm not that smart.

[A]

Like, I know I need to stay off the Internet. Anyway, this guy, why do you think.

[B]

He would make himself bald?

[A]

I had an idea that he was doing, like, some a B testing. Like, we used to do this for batches where you'd put up more, especially when we would, like, promote articles where you'd kind of test out two different article names to different audiences and see which one did better.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So you could, like, put out the two different types, and then whoever, whatever, one got more response, you change the other one back to that one.

[B]

So you think that she and him live in a. Like, let's say they both live in New York. And then he is going to these other neighborhoods via his hinge profile with a different look to see how well it does there. So that I can use it here.

[A]

Right. To see if people. If he's getting a good response there before committing to it here. Or maybe he's thinking about shaving his.

[B]

Head and, like, wants to see how the women respond to it.

[A]

Yeah, but not in the, not in the city where someone could then see him the next week with a different set of hair.

[B]

It's funny, when I hear bald, I thought of, like, guy losing his hair. So I thought he was, like, changing his head to guy losing his hair. Like, like a over.

[A]

Right. Well, she said he had a full.

[B]

Head of hair, so I guess it's him changing it to shaved, like, Michael Jordan style. It's funny that I, in my head, I was like, why would he go to classic bald guy? Like, I, I, it's funny, I thought of it a different way. I was like, maybe he's, he's actually bald. And he went on the day with her and he fooled her with his toupee.

[A]

Right. So I was like, I guess that's possible. Maybe he has. I wrote down his real hair and he's doing his regular hair.

[B]

Right. Because the toupees, we all think that all toupees are bad, but no, only the bad ones are bad.

[A]

Right.

[B]

There are people walking amongst us.

[A]

Is it you?

[B]

It might be me. Could be you. You don't know. Maybe this is all a fraud.

[A]

Well, never. I mean, I've had extension. I've had hair extensions. A lot of them women.

[B]

I would never ask.

[A]

Can you tell when there's an extension?

[B]

When I can tell, yeah. Well, that's like tell it's bad.

[A]

You can tell someone's at work. It's not good. Right, right.

[B]

So this is the same explanation for bald. Like, maybe. And I don't think a lot of women trust that men have any ability to do anything with, like, making their looks better.

[A]

So, like, hey, maybe it's not real.

[B]

I wrote down a couple of explanations. I was. Because I, you know, our job here put ourselves in the shoes. Why would I, Jared Freed, make myself bald in a different city than I, the one I live in on a dating app.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

He's bald and wears a wig with you. And he's wondering how he'd do in these other cities when he's the real him.

[A]

Right.

[B]

To try and build confidence for the city actually lives in.

[A]

Okay, so yeah, that was the one.

[B]

Yeah, he's not bald. But this is a way of underselling and over delivering. So he's going on a trip there. He's not bald. Okay, but some. But the way she's explaining, she want.

[A]

He wants to see if people will truly love him without any hair.

[B]

The real love is blind.

[A]

It's like that millionaire Joe. Millionaire? Yeah, with hair.

[B]

Okay, he's bald. He has a wife and kids and he's trying to hide his identity.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

He's found that women with bald fetishes are the best in bed. And he does this on the road when he can find hookups. Okay, maybe, perhaps he's lying to people about having cancer for money.

[A]

Okay, it's another one.

[B]

Okay, he's bald and she can't accept she was tricked. That was something I brought up earlier. Maybe he feels that having hair when he arrives is a good way to gaslight a woman into a bad decision that night.

[A]

By fake hair.

[B]

Well, he comes on that he's bald on the app, and then he comes and he's got a full head of hair.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then she's like, wow. Anything can happen.

[A]

So mine wasn't on your list of, like, he's just testing it out?

[B]

No, that's why I like it as an addition.

[A]

I mean, I could see, let's say, like, I was thinking of dyeing my hair blonde, but I wanted to see the reaction. The reaction before I did it. Not a bad idea.

[B]

It's not a bad idea, but if.

[A]

You found out that you were dating someone who had done this just to test it out, like, she was like, I'm gonna make a decision. I don't want to, like, dye my whole head and then be like, it's so I. I used AI to make my hair blonde, and then I tried in a different city to see if I would do better or worse on the app.

[B]

I would consider that, like, a. It wouldn't surprise me. I would consider someone who would do that. I probably already know that they were that type of person. That they were, like, very, like, data oriented in everything they do.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It would be weird to find that out about someone who didn't care about data at all.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

You know, so, yeah, I don't think I would be, like, turned off by that. I. I don't know. I. I'm more turned off by changing the cities, I think.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Which is a totally different email than what they're asking.

[A]

Well, to me, yeah, they're. They're. They're clearly out there dating and trying quite hard at it.

[B]

Right. I think. Right. Well, to me, the minute you look at locations on the dating app of someone you've already gone on a date with is the minute it's over, you're.

[A]

Saying it's just not. It's not going that well.

[B]

I don't. Yeah, because if it was going well, you wouldn't look to the app to see where they are in the country today.

[A]

And if it was going well, you wouldn't go in and manually change the location, especially when you're not even in that city.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Like, I've never, like. I would never, like, really like someone and then.

[B]

And then been like, well, will anyone fudge me in Austin right now?

[A]

I just. I just need to know.

[B]

Yeah, it's a crazy. The location change is like. It's like a thing you can't unsee. And then she writes, like, the ultimate dagger. She writes, well, he's still single, so it's not like I can get mad at it. That's the going, well, it's not getting out of every woman who's not happy in a relationship.

[A]

Right. Well, let's say she had a date with him scheduled for like that night. Would you go and then just ask him about it?

[B]

You have to.

[A]

I'd kind of just be so curious that I feel like I would have to.

[B]

Your location changes all the time in the app and. And you're bald.

[A]

What's up with that?

[B]

What is happening?

[A]

Right.

[B]

I would love that. That to me, that's a podcast that.

[A]

Well, that's why I would go because.

[B]

Put your audio recorder on the table.

[A]

Who cares about where the relationship go. I'd be goes. I'd be like, I want the rest of the story so I can. When I retell it, I can get the ending.

[B]

Yeah, we need an ending. Like if you're out there right now listening and this is. You do a fact finding mission or.

[A]

You know this person. Yeah.

[B]

Because I kept thinking, I was like, why would he do this? Like, it's got to be such a strange explanation.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To change your location and change your look for that new location in such a specific way.

[A]

I think he's testing it.

[B]

I think you're right. I think this is like, otherwise, why.

[A]

Not just be who you are in a different city?

[B]

Right. Because then it gets way more devious otherwise. Like I. It's like, what do they call it? Occam's Razor? Like the most obvious answer is the answer. But on this there's no obvious answer. But that's like the most obvious. That's like the most realistic answer is like even.

[A]

Right. I wanted to see how people would respond to this look.

[B]

I wanna. I'm thinking of shaved my head and.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I want to see if I could get as many matches shaved head that I do with the full head of hair.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm joining the army and I want to see if I'm gonna still do well in the apps.

[A]

I have recently gotten my hands on another pair of stuff. Skims pajamas. They are different than any other pajamas I have. As a woman, it's hard to find a pajama set that doesn't make you feel super frumpy. Your choices are like sexual and like uncomfortable or very, very comfortable and not flattering at all.

[B]

Yeah, it's tough to find a good spot.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

That's everything from skims is just like this like unbelievable combination of sexy and comfortable. Right.

[A]

The fabric is incredible. I wear it most nights until it gets dirty. I need more because when I've worn it too many nights in a row, I have to wash it and I can't wear it that night. Cu Air dry it.

[B]

Yeah. Now you got like to wear your other stuff.

[A]

Yeah, the old ratty sorority tea O. It's a. It's not a cute look. You literally cannot go wrong with this Skims Sleep set. It is so comfortable. As you know, I have a large Christmas list and it is the perfect gift. Not just for me because I'm going to get myself another pair, but for my mother in law, my sister in law, any siblings, any person in your life that you know enjoys a nice, comfortable and attractive set of pajamas. Perfect gift. You don't even have to think about it. Just get it. They'll be so excited to get it.

[B]

Shop our favorite [e-mail] after you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select our show from the dropdown menu that follows. And if you're looking for the perfect gifts for everyone on your list, the Skims Holiday shop is now open. @skims.com Every holiday shopper's got a list.

[A]

But Ross shoppers, you've got a mission. Like a gift run that turns into a disco snow globe, throw pillows and.

[B]

PJs for the whole family, dog included. At Ross Holiday, magic isn't about spending more. It's about giving more for less. Ross, work your magic. Let's play some games.

[A]

Let's play some red flag or deal breaker.

[B]

We love Red flag or deal breaker. Here's the the game here. You're dating someone. One thing happens. Is it a red flag? You notice it and keep on going. Or is it a deal breaker? You end it right there. You ready?

[A]

I'm ready.

[B]

J and J love you both. I have a red flag or deal breaker for you. He joins every class action lawsuit that he can, including the Bumble one. A few years ago, after meeting me on Bumble, it wasn't a deal breaker for me as we are now married. I suppose I too benefited from the $26 check, but it irritates the crap out of me. He got a check a few months ago from a Facebook lawsuit and there was another one he was applicable for that he jumped on, which I can't remember. He thinks it's perfectly normal and actually financially savvy. I feel it's tacky. What say Judge J And J? Red flagger. Deal breaker joins every class action lawsuit.

[A]

A good one.

[B]

I love this one.

[A]

It's a great one. I'm okay with it. It depends on. Here's the thing. It depends how much work he has to do. To join the. The lawsuit. If it's like, they email. Because you ever get those emails that's like, if you were involved in whatever, blah, blah, blah. Like, if it's like the matter of, like checking a box, right? You're, like, involved in the lawsuit. You just get. You get paid if they win. Like, neither here nor there. I would do it.

[B]

You know what's so funny?

[A]

If I have to, like, apply and get my own lawyer and, like, get. Be part of it to get $26, like, of course I'm. That's a different story.

[B]

Well, it's funny. I actually wrote down that it's only a deal breaker for me if it's. If they do it lazily. Oh, you. I think the opposite of you.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like, I think it's nice that he has a hobby.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like, I think it's interesting to look into all these lawsuits and be, like, kind of interested in it. And if you have to. The more research you have to do, the more I think you're a more thoughtful person and you have things that you get into. Like, I think the harder it is to get the money, the more interesting I find the person.

[A]

Okay, because you want them to work, to spend more time and work harder on getting.

[B]

Right. Because I would think that they're more like multifaceted person that has, like. Like, I just think that is, like, one of those things that I would never do.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That I respect when someone else is doing it. Like, tick a box. I'm annoyed.

[A]

Like, really, I would do. I would tick a box. If someone sent me, like, an email and they're all assuming it wasn't spam because I am, as I said, boomery.

[B]

Right. Well, I would assume all those are.

[A]

No, I think sometimes. Sometimes they're real and sometimes they're like, oh, we're like, if you were. If you bought this stock, like, however many years ago, like, there's like a class action, whatever. And I'm like, I don't. I. It's always been like, it seems too complicated to get involved in any of it. So I haven't really done it. But if it was super easy, if it was just like, check this if you want to be paid if we win.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Why not? I don't have to do anything.

[B]

Do you think there's anything to how she's getting mad that they met on Bumble, yet he's taking money from Bumble for the class action lawsuit?

[A]

I don't. I could see where she would make the association of, like, shouldn't you Love Bumble and, like, want to. Want it to do well financially because we met there. Like. No, I don't think that that's. That makes any sense to me.

[B]

That's so funny. It's so female to me, like, needing the story to be like, we got to cheer for everything that made us happen.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It's like, no, that's a big company. That.

[A]

They'll be okay.

[B]

They'll be fine.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Yeah. Like, get your money.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I think it. You know. You know, why else. I think this is a green flag. I think that this woman is underrating how many weird things she'll be involved in because she's with someone who does this. Like, someone who does. This is spend thrifty in a way that's like a little bizarre. Like, you're gonna be in line at Carvel having a froyo because it's dollar Froyo Day because it's National Frozen Yogurt Month. Like, this is the type of person that does that. That you're like, why are we going to a Hardee's? I've never even been to a Hardee's. And he's like, they're doing $Coca Colas today. Do you know what I mean? Like, I think someone like this is in the ideas game and they're doing things that are more thoughtful and well read than the everyday.

[A]

They have a little bit of a complex. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. They're like. They're not on just Instagram scrolling like me.

[A]

But you know what? I have a little bit of a complex, too.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I'm in it.

[B]

Yeah. I think you would like it.

[A]

I think Mike's got a little bit of complex too. I think we're all like, it's kind of like, I wouldn't. I'll. He has more of a complex than I do.

[B]

But about what? The.

[A]

About, like, doing really stupid things that aren't worth it to save, like, $2.

[B]

He would love to do that.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. Like, he doesn't like to get. He prefers to pick up seamless.

[B]

Okay. Then like, get it delivered to save on the.

[A]

To save on, like, the delivery charge.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Like, a guy like Mike will be like.

[A]

He has to be, like, so busy to not do it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

We're like, to the point where I can make fun of him.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I think a guy like Mike would be like, you would randomly be at the Exxon station. You'd be like, why are we here right now? And he's like, it's 25 cents off every third gallon.

[A]

Yes. Or he would be.

[B]

And you're like, you'll be, ha. It's a cork.

[A]

Yes. Or he would, like, drive to, like, a gas station that was further away that probably cost him as much in gas because the gas prices, like, a little bit lower.

[B]

Right. And it would cause some sort of adventure in the couple that I never would have gotten.

[A]

Yes. You'd probably be turned. Turned off by this whole thing.

[B]

I'd be turned off, but I'd be like, I'd be happy that, like, we live a life of peculiarness.

[A]

Right. I, like, get it.

[B]

Yeah. I, I, I like it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Even though it's not me.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I like that this person is such a weirdo that they have to find the deals in life. Yeah.

[A]

You know, I mean, it's kind of a sport. It's totally. Rakuten, which is a sponsor of this show, is kind of like that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like, even if you're only getting back, like, a $20, I'm like, that's a $20 I didn't have. If I didn't put this, If I didn't put it in there. So, like, it feels it. You feel like you've won. It feels better than the money.

[B]

Yes. Why are we driving an hour to Westchester for a hot dog? Well, they're giving away hot dogs. Why would, like, why wouldn't we not? We had nothing else to do. If you weren't doing that, you'd be sitting at home.

[A]

It's a sport.

[B]

I. So I respect the hustle of this guy.

[A]

Same.

[B]

And I think this woman, she's the deal breaker.

[A]

Even though you hate cheap people.

[B]

I like a version of cheap. That's funny.

[A]

Funny. Okay.

[B]

Self like. This is so stupid.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

We got $26 from the fit. Like, if, if I was with someone who was telling a story at a party that they were like, we got a check for $26 for the Facebook lawsuit. I'd be like, that's what they do. That's hilarious.

[A]

A good story. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

All right, let's do another.

[A]

Okay. J and J. Longtime listener here. After hearing the recent listener submission about a guy having photos wearing matching outfits with its identical twin on his dating app profile, I knew I had to write in with a wild red flag or deal breaker scenario. Last month. Month that had my friend's jaws drop. I, 24, female, am an identical twin.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Although we are very close, we went to different universities, live in different cities, and have always maintained our own friendships and lives. I recently got back on the dating apps in my hometown, a major US City, and matched with a guy. He was tall and attractive, and I saw that he played a sport at the university my twin sister went to. After initial chatting and scheduling a date for the following week, I casually asked him if he knew of my sister, to which he awkwardly said yes. After asking how they knew each other, I eventually get it out of him that they hooked up multiple times in college. I'm so surprised she went to him first instead of the sister personally, but let's talk about that later. Sure. I felt super uncomfortable with this for obvious reasons. My twin and I have never overlapped in that way with guys. She entered into a long term relationship soon after being with this guy, and I have moved around a lot, so this was never an issue. After talking with my sister about it, she said he was a nice guy and encouraged me to give him a chance. Much to my surprise, although I still felt awkward and weird about this dynamic, we ended up keeping our scheduled date after bar hopping and going for a drunken nighttime skinny dip. That sounds like a fun date. One thing led to another and we ended up hooking up on that first date. Although the night was fun, I couldn't shake the feeling that he immediately knew I was at least related to the girl he hooked up with in college and didn't mention it until I brought it up. Do you think he immediately recognized me as my sister's twin on the dating? Apparently. Was this some weird twin fetish he wanted to fulfill? This ended up being a deal breaker for me and things fizzled out soon after that night. But I'm interested to hear your takes. So red flagger. Deal breaker. He hooked up with my twin in college and four years later still went for me.

[B]

This is a fantastic email. Thank you for sending it in. How do you feel?

[A]

Well, first of all, like, like I said before, I think my fur. If I saw someone went to the same college as my identical sister before it, like even going out with them, I think I would ask her if I like look them up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which I would do, but I kind of. I feel like I would feel exactly the same way she did.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like, it feel. It just feels too weird and not necessary to like really get into this.

[B]

Right. Do you think she has no relationship with the sister? Even, you know, twins, we just assume they all get along, you know.

[A]

But the twin said go for it. He's great.

[B]

Right? But do they have that, that like casual, you know, like, it might be.

[A]

I guess because for her to not.

[B]

Go to the Twin right away.

[A]

Right. Wouldn't you? I mean, if you saw someone, went to the same school around the same time as your brother, wouldn't you?

[B]

I would say, yeah, what's the deal?

[A]

Right.

[B]

And then they would find out the deal for me if they didn't know.

[A]

Right. So if they hooked up with her, they would say.

[B]

I mean, I've had that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

On dating apps, I had a girl, she matched with me and then was like, hey, I just wanted to let you know, you know, I'm a fan of your stuff. But, like, your brother and I already hooked up, so I'm like, why did you have to do this?

[A]

Why did she have to, like, tell you?

[B]

How about you not match with me?

[A]

Don't match. Don't even match.

[B]

Right. Why would you, Matt, like, match me right away? You don't have to, like, tell me.

[A]

Well, would you prefer she still went out with you?

[B]

No.

[A]

So you don't want anything to do with anyone who's hooked up with your brother?

[B]

Not. Not at all.

[A]

Even if. Even though he's married now?

[B]

Yeah. No. I don't need it too weird.

[A]

What if it was college and it was, like, 15 years ago?

[B]

I guess I would be okay with that. But, like, I do think they need to, like. I think if you're not okay with it, you don't have to tell me you're not okay with it. We can just not go out. Unless I met you in public.

[A]

In that scenario.

[B]

In that scenario.

[A]

What about in this scenario?

[B]

In this scenario, the guy knew. I mean, they're identical, so he has to know, Right?

[A]

Maybe he thought at first. First glance, she got divorced. Right? That's true.

[B]

Maybe you didn't remember, right? Maybe.

[A]

Maybe.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

It's maybe as a type.

[B]

And he's like, he definitely has a type.

[A]

This girl looks like my type.

[B]

He has a type.

[A]

For.

[B]

For real?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, on her, like, the. You go pros and cons. Pros. He likes my look. He is attractive to me.

[A]

I am his type.

[B]

Right. Cons. I guess if we ended up together, my sister would have to deal with that. It was her personality.

[A]

Sister gave the blessing.

[B]

She did give the blessing. And it was college. So, like, timing and all that, like, you know, at that point, like, I guess college changes.

[A]

Like, seems like they, like, hooked up, and then she just got into a relationship, so maybe it was really. Right. Yeah.

[B]

Right. But I'd still, like. I. I think she makes it more weird to call it a fetish.

[A]

Well, She. I think she's more like, did he do this on. Did he know it was my sister's twin? And if they've hooked up a few times, I think it might come up that she's a twin.

[B]

But also, would I remember that about someone I hooked up with in college?

[A]

If you hooked up a few times, maybe. I texted a lot. I don't know.

[B]

I mean, I'm also 40 now, right. So I don't know. At 25, 24, that's not that far away.

[A]

Could you. Would you date someone. Would you ask someone out if you had hooked up with their twin sister and their sister is now in a relationship, but you thought their sister was so hot?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You'd still ask?

[B]

I probably would, yeah.

[A]

Okay. So you would do what this guy did?

[B]

Yeah. Okay, I would, but I. I would like to think that I would, like, get out in front of it a little bit more. Hey, we had a really nice conversation on the app. I have to let you know your twin sister and I, like, had a thing in college, but that was.

[A]

You just said you didn't like when the person told you that.

[B]

No, but I wanted to go out with them. The girl that I had to do with me, she dumped me before I even got to go out with her.

[A]

Did she dump you, or was she like, are you cool? She was like, no.

[B]

She goes, no, I don't want to go out.

[A]

She was. Oh. I thought she was like, you might not be.

[B]

No. She goes, you.

[A]

Oh, that's different.

[B]

Imagine the app. I go, hey, what's up? She goes, just want to let you know, I dated your brother. I don't want to go out with you.

[A]

Right. That.

[B]

I was like, that's different.

[A]

I agree. That's.

[B]

You didn't have to. I. No one gets dumped on a dating app.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, like, so.

[A]

Right. I thought she was saying, like, if you're not okay with it.

[B]

I didn't even get on the chance to not be okay with it.

[A]

Okay. Would you have been okay with it?

[B]

I don't know how I would have felt. I think I wouldn't have been okay with it. I think it would have been tough.

[A]

What if your brother said the same thing? Great girl. Timing was weird. Like, that's almost weirder because then it's like, oh, it could have worked, right?

[B]

I mean, that's kind of what this girl is saying, like, right?

[A]

Or so long ago. Like, I was, you know, in college.

[B]

I was just looking hook up. I don't know. That makes it even weird, too I think it's too weird.

[A]

It is weird.

[B]

It's not weird for him as much as it would feel weird for her.

[A]

Right. I think it's just like, it's not that hard to find someone who hasn't hooked up with your identical twin sister. Right.

[B]

Well, for him though, I understand it because he's like, she's the look I really like.

[A]

Right. And he's getting along and he's probably like, we could also just have sex and that would be fine with me. Like, I don't need to go meet the family and be in an awkward scenario.

[B]

Right. And also from her side, I can understand why that would be weird. Yeah. Because you're like, so I'm just some vessel.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Like you're just looking for like. It's like when the family, you know, Tom Brady got his dog recently. What did he get? Tom Brady cloned his dog.

[A]

Oh, I saw that.

[B]

And is now raising a cloned version of his former dog.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I don't think that's like a loving thing to do. Like, I don't think you're getting like the same dog. You're just getting the DNA of a dog. But they're getting brought up in different time and different scenarios.

[A]

And why not just get another dog of the same breed?

[B]

Right? And that's kind of the message to this guy.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Like, just get a different, similar looking.

[A]

Woman who is not related to someone you've had sex with.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's not that hard.

[B]

So from her end, I can understand why that's weird because you're like, you just wanted like the same thing as before.

[A]

Right. You could just not.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's also only been four years. It's like not that long.

[B]

You can just find a brunette, like a blonde or whatever, another person that.

[A]

Looks like this person.

[B]

Yeah. Deal breaker.

[A]

Yeah. All right, let's do. Let's do one more.

[B]

This one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Very difficult.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Been listening for years and you two feel like my weekly therapy, but funnier. Thank you. I'm 34 and just getting back into the dating world after being stuck in a situationship. We'll save that disaster for another time. Match with a 35 year old guy on Hinge. Decent chat, solid profile. I'm in London, the uk. He's out in the countryside. He tells me he's coming into London for a Ricky Gervais show. Instant green flag. And he's going solo since he could only get one ticket. Yeah.

[A]

That would be a bait, like a weird flag. That would be like a yellow.

[B]

Why Is that we. We sat here encouraging people to go to London. My show.

[A]

Why could he only get one ticket?

[B]

Ricky Gervais is a very popular comedian.

[A]

Could only find one ticket. I think you could find another ticket if you wanted to.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My shows get sold out like that. Can't find any tickets.

[A]

I just think that's not true.

[B]

Go get tickets.

[A]

Go on.

[B]

Sir, I. No, you don't think.

[A]

I mean, I wouldn't say it's like a green flag that he's going alone.

[B]

I had a woman at my show come alone. She was like, thank you.

[A]

I didn't say, sorry about that game.

[B]

You and Jordana told me to do it, and I did it. And I go, I'm so happy you came. It was amazing. Yeah.

[A]

She.

[B]

I don't think I remember this.

[A]

I don't think it's a red. That's also different for a man. I don't think it's a. I don't think it's a red flag. Okay. I just think it'd be something I'd.

[B]

Be like, you've noticed, right? Okay. Instant green flag. He's going solo. Since he could only get one ticket, he asks if I want to meet for drinks before the show. So I rush home from work, throw myself together. Uber in central London. We meet. I realize he hasn't booked anywhere. We end up aimlessly walking around Oxford Circus until I suggest a bar. Nothing worse than the guy with no plan. Yeah, I've done that.

[A]

I've done that.

[B]

We've got it. About an hour and a half. Convo is good. He seems put together, owns a business, has his house. Etc. I get two cocktails, he gets two beers. The bill comes. He just sits there. Doesn't reach for it, doesn't even glance at it, knowing he's about to leave for the show. I finally go, do you want to split it? He says, yes. I literally have to tell the waiter who's standing there with the card reader in full price to split the bill while he just watches. Then as we're leaving, he goes, oh, I don't usually split the bill. And launches into this pitch about how he'd like to see me again and how next time when I come visit him in the countryside, he'll treat me like, sir, if this is your sales pitch, you're doing it wrong. Look, I'm not a gold digger. After a couple dates, I like to plan something fun than pay. But on a first date that he asked for, I'd like a guy to take the lead, especially when I've made the effort to Uber across London to meet him where he was already going to be before his plans. Part of me wishes I just paid the whole thing and said, don't worry, babe, I got you. Laughing face emoji. What do you think? Red flagger. Deal breaker. When a guy won't buy you a drink on the first date, even if he's trying to see you again. It was a deal breaker for me. Love a guest. Chivalry. Missed the train from the countryside. Love the sign off.

[A]

Yeah, this would be a deal breaker for me. I think. Like, I. First of all, I think it's a little weird to meet up with someone before, like, your plans that you're going to. Without them, that you're going to alone. Like, the whole thing just seems a little, like, too convenient for him.

[B]

Like, he's just getting it in.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You're being fit into a calendar.

[A]

Right. And he's not even paying.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Or offering to pay at least one thing if she insists.

[B]

Yeah, I, I can understand the idea of, like, it feels a little. I'm cheating on my wife.

[A]

Oh, you think? Well, train from the countryside invited her to the countryside.

[B]

That's easy to say. That's like saying, you know, I hope you get home safe. You know, like, it's for him.

[A]

If I was cheating on my wife, I would pay for the drinks.

[B]

I'm with you. I pay. Pay away this issue. I. I don't think splitting the drinks is the red flag. Listen, that's a red flag. A deal breaker in itself. It's the after commentary.

[A]

I don't. I usually don't split. Then why did you do it here?

[B]

Right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And listen, next time, I got you. No, no, no. If you opt to split the tab, you are a split the tab person, and that's who you are. And that's who they get to go home and judge with their friends.

[A]

Right.

[B]

When they decide to go on date, too. And when you ask, hey, I would love for you to come to the countryside. I know I didn't pay the last time, but. But obviously with you coming to the countryside, I would, you know, I can cover your. Whatever if you went into, like, a little bit of a pitch there. That makes more sense. I don't like it. You should try. You. What he's trying to do is absolve himself of being considered split the tab guy.

[A]

It's too late.

[B]

It's like you are split the tab guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Own it. Come back again when you think you want to do another date. Make A plan, and then I'll judge the whole date on whether I want to go on date, too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he's trying to, like, get away from that. You know, he's trying to, like, own the narrative, which to me is the most annoying part.

[A]

I agree with that. It would be almost. I agree. It would be less annoying if he didn't say, I don't usually split the tab.

[B]

If he had said, hey, I would love to do another date. It was great to meet you. Next time, countryside or bust. And then you went, okay. And you were polite. Oh, that sounds great. Let's text. We'll figure it out. And then he asked you on that day, and you were like, hey, I'm sorry. I don't have a romantic connection. That's. That's how it goes. Then the breaks, kid. But he's trying to get out of that judgment by letting you know how this other thing is going to happen if you say yes to it.

[A]

Right. I don't usually do this, but you just looked like someone I wanted to split the tab with.

[B]

Yeah. What the is that?

[A]

What is that? That's the other part. It's like, he didn't say, like, why he did. Then he did it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You're just saying, I don't usually do this, but, like, then why'd you just do it?

[B]

I'll get you next time, kid. Yeah, it's such a weird. I don't like it. I don't like it. Yeah, it's just too.

[A]

Hates it. Deal breaker. Bye.

[B]

Yeah, he sucks.

[A]

It somehow just goes with the Ricky Gervais show. Alone. I don't think he's there alone.

[B]

You think there's something else? Yeah, there's a lot of something else. Something weird. Something stinks there.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know what doesn't stink?

[A]

Something's rotten in Denmark, as they say.

[B]

That's right. You know what's not rotten?

[A]

What?

[B]

This podcast.

[A]

Great podcast.

[B]

If you're listening now, if you're watching now, tell a friend, tell a friend, tell a friend. Comment. Let us know what part you loved. Let us know what part you know you wish you had more of.

[A]

So thanks.

[B]

Back next week.

[A]

Read all the comments. Bye.

[B]

Boom.

[A]

Betches.