My Ex Wants Our Dog Back

Summary

U Up? Podcast – Episode Summary

Episode Title: My Ex Wants Our Dog Back
Date: January 21, 2026
Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid
Podcast: U Up? by Betches Media

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Jordana and Jared tackle modern friendship and dating dilemmas, diving into what happens when your personal life becomes public fodder, how social media (or lack thereof) shapes relationships, and the sticky practicalities of breaking up—especially when pets are involved. From trending pop culture scandals to real listener dating questions, the hosts blend relatable stories with hilarious commentary, bold advice, and signature banter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

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1. The Ashley Tisdale "Mom Group" Scandal

Timestamps: 01:15 – 18:08

• Story Recap: Ashley Tisdale wrote an op-ed claiming she was ostracized by an elite mom group, sparking intense internet debate among millennial women.
• Hosts’ Take:
  • Jared notes this is a “generational internet moment” and likens the story to “catnip for millennial women.” (01:36)
  • Jordana, having read the full account, breaks down the dynamics—nobody said or did anything mean outright, but Tisdale found herself left out of group events. (12:15)
  • They discuss the unwritten rules of social exclusion: "Sometimes you just don't vibe with a crew...and are they supposed to just invite you the rest of their lives?" (06:51, Jordana)
  • Jared draws a parallel between Tisdale's public airing of grievances and people sharing vague, negative dating stories on social media for sympathy or clout. (10:13)
  • The blurred boundary between private slights and public call-outs in the age of social media is explored. “The winner of every argument is the one who wears the victim’s version most obviously.” (10:35, Jared)
• Memorable Moment:
  • Hilary Duff’s husband publicly trolls Tisdale, further inflaming the drama. “If anything, Betches is the gift that keeps on giving.” (17:51, Jared)
  • Jared jokes, “This is every guy’s nightmare of dating someone who posts online—one day you’ll be the villain in someone’s TikTok.” (10:32)
• Relatable Analogy:
  • Being left out of a friend group is compared to getting dumped in dating—sometimes, it’s just the vibe. “The looser the reason for a friendship, the looser the friendship.” (12:57, Jared)

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2. Social Media and Relationship Expectations

Timestamps: 25:41 – 38:53

• Listener Email: A Toronto man is concerned that his girlfriend has zero online presence and wonders if it’s okay to ask her to join Instagram so he can “post together.” (25:48–27:07)
• Hosts’ Reaction:
  • Both hosts are baffled at the suggestion. “The weirdest part of this email is a man asking you to get on Instagram so you can post together.” (27:23, Jordana)
  • They hypothesize he wants to “show her off” because she’s out of his league. “What’s the point of having this if no one knows how well I’ve done?” (28:25, Jared)
  • Both agree: Wanting a partner to join social media just for relationship optics is a big ick and possibly a red flag.
• Notable Quote:
  • “This is a pretty big red flag from him, I think.” (28:33, Jordana)

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3. Petty or Prudent: Should I Keep the Dog?

Timestamps: 40:25 – 48:06

• Scenario: After a breakup, who gets the dog? Listener describes keeping the dog at her mom’s house even though she didn’t want it herself and ex wanted custody. (40:25–47:00)
• Hosts’ Verdict:
  • Jordana: “You can’t have the dog either? That’s messed up.” (44:52)
  • Jared: “At some point, let go of how this relationship went.” (46:35)
  • Both decide the writer’s behavior, keeping the dog out of spite, is petty not prudent. “That’s petty.” (46:44, both)
• Fun Moment:
  • The hosts liken the situation to keeping a couch after a breakup just to prevent the ex from having it. (46:54)

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4. Advice for Friends Who Won’t Date

Timestamps: 48:14 – 57:22

• Listener's Problem: Her single friend complains about being dateless but rarely tries; wants advice on how to respond. (48:25–50:34)
• Hosts’ Wisdom:
  • Jared: “All we do is talk about this. I want to go out with you, I want to hear about your life.” (54:09)
  • Suggest a “10-date challenge”—make it fun by going on more dates and hosting a friend review night. (57:01)
  • Jordana: “If they’re not willing to do the work, you don’t have to help them.” (57:33)

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5. Rapid Fire: Red Flag or Deal Breaker

Timestamps: 58:28 – 66:14

• Game Segment: Dating “icks” and etiquette, e.g., using a fork for fries or splitting a bottle of wine where one person barely drinks.
• Highlight Quotes:
  • “You can’t just coat— you have to ask.” (59:20, Jordana, on ketchup etiquette)
  • “If someone just started spraying ketchup on the fries, I’d be like, okay, I guess this is how you live your life.” (60:06, Jared)
  • Both agree that expecting someone to finish a bottle of wine on their own is not a deal breaker—just “let it go.” (67:14)

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6. Relationship Reality Checks

Timestamps: 68:16 – 74:00

• Listener Dilemma: She did something very thoughtful for a guy (baked a cake, bought shirts) but was then told he’s “not looking for anything super serious.”
• Hosts’ Advice:
  • Don’t pretend not to care—admit what you want and be clear. “I have never been fooled by that speech.” (69:28, Jared)
  • The man using the gift as a cue to say “not super serious” is at least being direct.
  • Bottom line: If your goals don’t align, don’t drag it out. “That will only end with a breakup.” (72:17, Jared)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “This is like the ultimate fear of every guy dating someone who puts things on the Internet.” – Jared (09:35)
• “If you’re the friend group, what are you supposed to do if you don’t want to hang out with Ashley? Pray to God she doesn’t write an op-ed and make you the villain.” – Jared (14:33)
• “Wanting your girlfriend to get on Instagram just to post together is the ick of all icks.” – Jordana (27:23)
• “If you don’t want the dog, I’m definitely taking the dog.” – Jordana (45:24)
• “Let's make dating fun—ten dates, then a party to roast all your prospects!” – (57:22–58:20 summary)

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Important Timestamps

• Ashley Tisdale Drama: 01:15–18:08
• Social Media & Dating Expectations: 25:41–38:53
• Petty or Prudent? (Dog Custody): 40:25–48:06
• Advice for Friends Who Won’t Date: 48:14–57:22
• Red Flag or Deal Breaker Game: 58:28–66:14
• Serious Dating DTR Advice: 68:16–74:00

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Tone & Style

The episode is conversational, playful, candid, and insightful. Both hosts lean into honest, sometimes brutally straightforward commentary, using humor and warmth to address universal dating woes and pop culture misadventures.

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Summary by segment for quick reference, loaded with actionable advice and laugh-out-loud moments—great for both new and longtime listeners.

Transcript

[A]

I would love a bigger tv.

[B]

Yeah. This is the mic.

[A]

Literally going to say that. Hello, and welcome back to the UF Podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.

[B]

And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana. How are you? How you doing? What's the haps?

[A]

I am good. I'm, you know, ready to go.

[B]

You ready to potentially. Almost.

[A]

Turkey.

[B]

Ready to go.

[A]

Almost.

[B]

We cooked it up.

[A]

I'm hoping. I'm hoping I got a few more. A few more weeks. Yes. Yeah. It's been. I would. I will say it's been. It's been depressing recording with you because you. I feel like you keep getting, like, thinner and tanner.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

And I'm like, you're getting train. I'm here getting, like, bigger and paler as the winter.

[B]

Two different directions.

[A]

Yes. So it's been, you know, it's. It's been tough. I. I've been envious. You just. You just. You just, you know, glide in from Florida.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Just looking.

[B]

This is all men. We get older, we age like fine wine. You guys become haggard messes, miracles for the next generation.

[A]

It's over for me.

[B]

Boy, if that doesn't get me by the audience, I don't know what will.

[A]

There's your. There's your sound bite.

[B]

Jared refers to women as haggard vehicles. Yes. So listen. Okay, wait. I have questions for you because on the subject of having a kid.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

The Ashley Tisdale story, to me, I'm, like, very curious at it. How you haven't asked you yet. I wanted to ask on the air. I do think there's a dating angle for this. So the reason I'm bringing this up.

[A]

Okay. What's the date?

[B]

As a. Well, I want to first, I. So Ashley Tisdale, Right? You probably know about this story. I saw a headline, and my initial reaction was, this is catnip for millennial women. Like, this story will be like, all women talk about maybe for all of 20, 26 of a certain age, because it's in the age group. It's nostalgia. The players, we all know them. You kind of know the side players, like some of the women that are in the group or the accused group. We don't even know who's in the group for sure. Are, like, kind of like in that rich mom group. Like, they're in that, like, you know, people you'd watch on the Internet. Why do you follow that woman? Oh, I like her style. Like no other reason. Know women with 50,000 followers for no other reason than they were A founder of some business that maybe their parents started. Like, so this group kind of hits on like such a generation. And then it's also having to do with being a mom, being high school, bullying. This is all in the female again, female. Not. This isn't my world. So when I see this, I was like, and I saw the headline, I go, I was like, this is like Betch's moment. Like, you guys should have like a reporter.

[A]

Sammy. And I just did like a 45 minute breakdown.

[B]

So I want to hear your opinion as I go on and on. I do want to hear your opinion, but I'm saying, like, I think betcha should have a reporter sitting outside of Ashley Tisdale's house, like, reporting on when she comes in and out.

[A]

Like, it's okay, right? Like a paparazzi. Yeah, right?

[B]

Yeah. I really think that, like, news should be like, we are reporting live from Hillary Duff's mansion here in Hollywood Hills.

[A]

I mean, what is your opinion, please?

[B]

What side have you taken it? Any.

[A]

It has been feeding me since the story came out. What was which as of our recording, probably about a week ago. I don't know if it's a slow news week, but I've been like obsessed with, with. I read the whole article. Did you read the article?

[B]

I. No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

No, no, no, no. I'm not reading. Have you read Tisdale's op ed on her bullying group like that to me.

[A]

I read it so I could, you.

[B]

Could make fun of it. I'm happy you read it because I, I kind of, you know, I don't read, I just write.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I just. Coming June pre order now.

[A]

Okay. Yes. From a very skilled reader. Is you read Instagram captions.

[B]

I am great at reading an Instagram caption.

[A]

You read. You'll read an article every now and then.

[B]

Oh, I read an article. I'll read a tweet. I'll read a thread. Read a tweet. Yeah, I, I, I read half a thread.

[A]

I have a 2. You have a 200. 200 character limit on anything you're reading.

[B]

I told you, the baby does my reading for me. You know my friend, the baby, right. He, when he bought an engagement ring, I said, and he bought a book. Right?

[A]

And then you said you wanted the spark notes.

[B]

Basically, I go, I basically said, I venmoed him half the cost of the book. And I said, when I get engaged, just explain it to me.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So that's, it's been a bit, right. I'm more of an R rater. I'm more Of a, A screamer. But please, I want to hear your opinion. So you're caught up. You, you know what's going on.

[A]

Course I'm in all the drama at F. Again, I, at first, I didn't know that it was about this group. She doesn't like, identify the group. She says it was a group of moms that are very, like, successful and have their own businesses and very, like, you know, she admired from that way. Right.

[B]

Businesses you kind of heard of once that suddenly made billions by the way they live.

[A]

I mean, actually, a lot of them are pretty successful. They're like Hollywood people. I mean, like, Mandy Moore has, like, a very full career.

[B]

I would say no Mandy Moore.

[A]

I wouldn't say Mandy Moore is like, fake successful.

[B]

I think the side characters, I would, I would just like to see the names of the investors.

[A]

I'm telling you, even the side characters. Like, I interviewed one of the people in the friend group. I recognized her. I was like, oh, my God. I know this. This group. I've seen them online. Was this Gabby Din, who's like a. She has like a over a million followers. She's like a former celebrity chef. Now she has like cookbooks and cooking products and a line and create barrel.

[B]

Exactly. Who would be in this mom group? That's why it's aspirational. Like, that's probably why they are looked to as the mom group in the area too.

[A]

Yes. Like the world, the premier mom group.

[B]

Well, the world used a millennial woman, right? Well, millennial women. But the world used to be smaller. It used to be your suburban town. The rich people live there, the poor people live there, the middle class live there. You kind of knew how it all stacked up. Now the world gets larger because of the Internet and they become like our rich side of town. You know, this mom group is all of our mom group.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know, like, when you follow them.

[A]

The mom group, the mom.

[B]

Now they are the mom group. So, like, if I were them, this is the new business. But, like, go ahead. I, I, so, so what? So she writes this article about a mom group that she was a part of.

[A]

A mom group. I didn't really think about the fact that what of who they were.

[B]

But then you are, you are one of the not crazies.

[A]

Because I read it pretty early. I was like, oh, interesting that some, that I was like, it's kind of interesting that a mom group, again, I didn't think that they were other famous women would, like, reject Ashley Tisdale from their group. Because I'm like, She's, like, pretty famous. And if these people are just, like, regular business ladies. Like, if Ashley Tisdale was like, oh, can. Can we. Can I come to your next group dinner? I'd be like, yeah, like, you're famous.

[B]

Well, maybe the first group dinner.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And then you maybe find out what a. You know, what a real person, what Ashley Tisdale is like to dine with.

[A]

Right. And you go, well, that was my take on it. My take was like, here's the. I don't think it's bullying to meet a group of people. I guess it's not mute when it's not mutual. That's the issue. But sometimes you just don't vibe with a crew.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And then what, are they supposed to just invite you for the rest of their lives?

[B]

Right. And it's not, like, out of politeness. Right. But it's not a sorority, too. You haven't, like, paid dues to the group.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So you don't have to be included. Like, but in the day of social media, like, it based. Based on what I saw, it looked like they took a trip together. Yeah. And she was not included in the trip. They're in matching robes. Like, this is a planned trip.

[A]

They hang out a lot. Again, I follow Gabby Dawkin, and she's like, post them all. They're always hanging out, like, this whole crew. They go on vacation together.

[B]

Right.

[A]

They do lunches. They're very supportive of their business endeavors. Yeah.

[B]

This is the thing. It's like this whole, like, to me, eye roll. I eye roll the women helping women, you know, like, to me, everyone's out for themselves.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Whatever you are.

[A]

Unless you're in a different industry.

[B]

Well, I guess I just don't buy it. Like, I think if, like, I don't.

[A]

Think they're really friends.

[B]

I think this group is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I think when they tried to bring in Tisdale.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I think they just didn't like her.

[B]

Yeah. They go, fuck this bitch.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And now it's all, you know, now women helping women is put aside for this bitch.

[A]

Well, what did you think of Hillary Duff's husband?

[B]

I can't believe he got involved. I can't.

[A]

That was like. So that was the best. I mean, for me, it was like, okay, she's denying it's about them. It's obviously about them. But then he puts that out. That's basically confirming. Obviously. Yeah.

[B]

Well, so basically, she. The article was, I'm being left out of this group, and here's how it feels to be. She uses the bud buzzwords mean girls.

[A]

Which is like high school mean girl.

[B]

So now it's left to the devices of any mom. Any mom group to go. I identify with Ashley Tisdell. Because now you're left to your own.

[A]

I identify with the group that doesn't want to hang out with the annoying person.

[B]

Sounds like you're cool. Like, like losers, nerds, The.

[A]

The.

[B]

The oppressed, the. The people who were bullied. I. I think everyone feels they. They have been othered at some point.

[A]

Sure, at some point.

[B]

So everyone, when she uses these words, you go, I have a mean girl. I have a. So breaking up with my toxic mom group. I thought I found my village. Instead I was back in high school. Like, that is the most buzzword title. Like, Ashley Tisdell took it upon herself to write, hey, victims out there, I'm one of you. Join me in my crusade against this vague group of people that you've seen me in pictures with.

[A]

Like, right.

[B]

Everyone knew who she was going after.

[A]

And here's the thing. Like, she's the kind of person who would write an op ed about this thing. That's probably another reason she's not fully in the group.

[B]

Well, this brings me to dating because I was thinking, like, listen, this is like the, the ultimate fear of every guy dating someone who puts things on the Internet, right?

[A]

And I said this with Sammy too. Like, how is she gonna make any new friends, right?

[B]

I'm not. Well, she's gonna make friends with a bunch of people she probably doesn't even want to be friends with because they're a bunch of victim losers, you know, like, if you identify with her, you're probably a sad sack who's been ousted from their own group. She's basically putting together a super group of villains, right? To get together, like anyone who's been kind of ousted from a group. And again, you might have been ousted for bad reasons. And they're the villains. I don't know.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, but I think anyone can identify with. I don't feel like I'm being included. And that is fine. I felt that way. You felt that way. But when you bring it to, like, the Internet, which is the Internet lives in. Victims are, you know, punch up, punch down.

[A]

Right?

[B]

So the winner of every argument is the people that show, you know, that. That have the.

[A]

The.

[B]

The wearables of the victim version.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That's whose side we take right away. And then we see. So when it comes to dating and you see, like, these debatable situations, these red flag deal breaker situations, and you run to tick tock and you go, story time. I went on the worst date of my life last night. And it's this vague person that if you know you. If they. If anyone knows you and knows the people at play, they go, I can find the guy and I can out him right away and put him on whatever. I'm not dating that person. And the difference between what it used to be, I would eye roll this. This idea of, like, well, you know, a woman could say anything about a guy and he get in trouble. I would eye roll that. I think that's a bad actor argument. It changes for me because there's a very direct line to making money now. Like, TikTok will pay you based on views. It'll get you.

[A]

There is rage bait.

[B]

Rage bait has incentive. So I think for dating, like, this is what this story. I saw this and I go, this is the exact example of what men kind of fear and why maybe they're not saying as much. Maybe the guy's not gonna make a very direct. I'm not dating anyone else. I'm dating someone else. Maybe they're gonna be a little more vague because they don't want receipts. They don't want, hey, I. You know, the guy that left, you know, ghosted me, right. So I'm. And again, this goes. Anyone can take what I'm saying and turn me into the villain here too, right? They could say, well, I have an example that is so horrific. I'm not talking about the horrific examples that are black and white. Because this story, to me is the most vague, you know, like.

[A]

Right. I read the article. Basically, she. And also the other part of the article that was, like, kind of weird was she didn't sound like anyone did anything that mean to her. Basically, they were hanging out later. They were hanging out and she's not invited to things, right? No one ever says anything mean. No one ever is making a rude comment. They're just like, not asking her to hang out when they used to ask her to hang out. I think another part of this is they all met in Covet. They all had kids in Covet. And that's kind of how they became. So they're not like lifelong pals.

[B]

I get it.

[A]

It's kind of like. And that was. That was long ago, but it wasn't that long ago where it's like, I'm getting to know you. So, yeah, in the beginning, I'll invite you to see if you're chill. And then I find out you're not.

[B]

The looser the reason for the friendship. The looser the friendship. Like, hey, we're all moms. Like, anyone can do that, right?

[A]

You know, like, and, and we're all very rich moms. We're all rich and we're moms. Right?

[B]

So that's, that was the, the, the admission letter. And then it goes. Okay, now let's see who's cool. Yeah, I, I, to me, I'm team moms, too.

[A]

So you're like, you feel like you relate to the moms because, like, you're the moms who are like, yeah, I'll go on a date with you to see if I get to know you. But if I, if we don't click, I don't want you to try to ruin my life.

[B]

Right. And I'm also not going to dump someone. I'm just kind of like, seeing, like, you know, like, you know, like, we're just going to, like, quietly back away from this awkward situation. I'm not going to look at someone and say, you know, again, to related to dating. Like, they said they were looking for something, Right? These moms said they were looking for friends. Yeah. And then here's a friend right here. Right? I got all my friends, right? We, this is one Uber car.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We couldn't take another person. The Uber XL doesn't fit. One more, you know, and it's like, again, most people in dating don't look at someone they're dating and go, hey, you're really nice, but I don't want to marry you.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But that's the reason people end things. Yeah, you're really nice, but I don't see you improving my life for the long run. That's like the cold CEO statement of how you're getting fired.

[A]

And does anyone want that? Right? Does anyone even want that?

[B]

No. Doesn't want. Hey, we have a really good group here, and you seem to bring a bad vibe.

[A]

Right. We're not meshing.

[B]

Right. It's over.

[A]

Right. Well, that's what I'm saying.

[B]

Your kids can hang out. Please drop them off with your driver.

[A]

If you're the friend group, what are you supposed to do if you don't want to hang out with Ashley?

[B]

You pray to God she doesn't write an op ed and make you a victim. You kind of hope, you hope it's mutual.

[A]

You hope. You're like, oh, she doesn't feel it. Clearly it's not. She, like, wanted to keep hanging out. And that's the sad part for Ashley Tisdale.

[B]

That's what makes she felt to her.

[A]

She felt a connection the other people didn't. Maybe she's not as self aware, but like, I mean, I would hope, right? Not everyone has this, but I would hope in a lot of people. It's like you kind of realize you're not. The vibe is.

[B]

This is the problem with it. But this is where social media comes into play and relate it to dating. The guy runs off. He said he didn't want a relationship. Now he's there is his new girlfriend.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And he's with his new girlfriend. And what does she have that I don't? And I'm sure Ashley Tisdale, as much as she's famous and beautiful and rich and doing okay. She looks at this group and like, what. What do they have that I don't? What. How did I.

[A]

Right, Right.

[B]

I got to be in the B group.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, like, and it's like. And again, like, this is social media. This is why this podcast kind of like, I, I hope it helps people to, to know that all this isn't personal and like, you know, like, it's all. Even though it feels it, you know, like it's right. I. I don't know. I think the story is so salacious. I think she is like, to go and write an op Ed.

[A]

Well, it's. That's the salacious part. The story to me is not salacious at all. It happens all the time.

[B]

That's why it's so salacious.

[A]

Yeah. Stars, they're just like us.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Right. It's salacious because like most people, when you kick. When you kick a friend out of a. A group, they're not, you know, publicizing it in the New Yorker.

[B]

Right. Well, and again, from the male straight dude perspective, like the fact that the husband got involved, the husband puts out this.

[A]

What did you think? Would you ever do that?

[B]

Never.

[A]

Never.

[B]

I am the puppet master. I am the person behind the scenes whispering in my wife's ear going, yeah, you should put out some.

[A]

Like you're trying to get her to do.

[B]

Yeah, I would ever do not. Not me. And there's no way. I think would be encouraging.

[A]

I think it was the opposite in this way. I think she was like, you should. You should do that to be funny. You should do it.

[B]

Oh, you think the, the.

[A]

The. She can't be.

[B]

She can't be it. Here's the. What was it? What did he. So he, he. He poses exactly like her and then he says, yeah, you're right, because Hillary Duff can't.

[A]

Oh, my God, she would Be like.

[B]

It says when you're the most self obsessed tone deaf person on earth, other moms tend to shift focus to their actual toddlers.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So he's now going into. He's reverse victimizing. He's basically going, we have families we have to take care of. We can't really worry about self absorbed high school stuff. You know, like what a great play by him.

[A]

Yes. It says a mom group tell all.

[B]

Through a father's eye. A mom group tell all through a father's eyes. Wonderful. Yeah. She wrote that.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

Yeah. That's not him.

[A]

Right. Because she could never post that without it being. I mean it was still obviously publicized and a huge thing that he did it. But like she did it. It would be a war.

[B]

Yeah, absolutely. And that. Yeah, then we know all the players.

[A]

I would give so much money to see that group chat. Like the actual friend group.

[B]

Hey, let's consider this an invitation to anyone who is in that group.

[A]

Anyone.

[B]

We would love to have you on the show to tell your side. Let us know what you feel. We, this is an open invitation. We have open invitations out there. Listen, this is a huge media company. This is where you go for this. Like if anything batches is the gift.

[A]

That keeps on giving.

[B]

I love this story.

[A]

I love this story. It's going to hold me over for. Oh yeah.

[B]

This will get you through pregnancy. You're good to go for sure. Yeah, yeah. You're going to meet these moms. Who's the Tisdale?

[A]

Yeah, like kind of that, that's a great. I love that.

[B]

So, yeah, otherwise, yeah, I feel good. I'm just enjoying my New York City time. I'm on the road. If you're listening right now, we've added a New York show. I would love for you to come to New. Let's just sell the New York show out. Let's get this done. Just do it.

[A]

Just do it.

[B]

It's. It's 9:30, the 7 o' clock is sold out. Toronto, there's like 50 tickets left. This weekend is actually a big weekend where I'm hoping people will come to these shows because I'm telling you right now, I'm going to Beach Mountain, North Carolina and I don't even know where the that is. But I'm, I'm in Tampa tomorrow night. Tampa. I'm doing a big theater. I took a chance. I didn't do the club. I'm doing the theater, the Tampa theater. I'm very excited to come to Tampa. It's been years and Tampa. Have you Ever been to Tampa?

[A]

I've never been to Tampa.

[B]

Tampa is one of those towns very young.

[A]

Why would you go to Tampa if you weren't, like, fair? No, I'm just one. No. I'm wondering, like, what is it you.

[B]

Can do a weekend there?

[A]

Just like, a.

[B]

Like, St. Pete is like, a very, like, vacationy type place.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So it's Tampa, St. Pete, and St. Pete. People don't go to Tampa. Tampa doesn't go to. But I. I would. I think it's a good, like, weekend getaway.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Tampa would be. And it's also, like, if you're young and you want to party, it's like, big college. It is a young area. If you're, like, in your 20s and you're looking for, like, a party weekend.

[A]

Should I plan my first family vacation to Tampa?

[B]

No, I would. I think you should stay away from it. Stay far away.

[A]

Okay. My Tampa days, I might have missed the boat then on Tampa.

[B]

Tampa's the only city where I made, like, a joke about cocaine. And people were like, it's, like, the only place where they didn't get awkward. And it's like. And this is, like, the most wonderful part about being a comedian for me. Like, I always loved going to weird places. Like, I love getting to know a.

[A]

Town other than Beach Mountain.

[B]

Other than Beach Mountain, North Carolina, which I'm sure I'll have an opinion on. But I love just, like, tasting a place and just like. And Tampa was one of those that I was like, I had no idea. It had this, like. It just feels like you're about to get punched in the face every time you walk out of the house. Like, it is just my wild place.

[A]

My only association with Tampa is when it was. I think it was where Magic Mike 1 or 2 was filmed, because it's.

[B]

One of the strip club capitals of the country. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like. There's like, a strip club every five. Five.

[A]

Yes. That's all I think of. Magic Mike.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, like, and college, like, spring break.

[B]

So, yeah, Tampa's that type of town. I'm in Atlanta. Atlanta. I'm doing the Buckhead Theater. Buckhead Theater is kind of like, I. I used to. It's a beautiful theater.

[A]

We do that theater.

[B]

We did the Buckhead Theater. That's one of those that, like, we sold. Okayish.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it was like.

[A]

It was actually. We sold a good amount of tickets, but the theater was very big.

[B]

Yes, it's a big theater. And so, yeah, we did. Okay. Atlanta. I love going to Atlanta. That town just like. I don't know, it feels like the future to me. Like, it's like that.

[A]

You know, that's the only time I've ever been to Atlanta was for that show. And I think we were like in and out. So I really haven't had much atlant city.

[B]

I don't know if I would visit.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Charleston, South Carolina, that I would visit. I'm doing like a meet.

[A]

Charleston's great. I love Charleston.

[B]

Charleston's the best.

[A]

And your friend's bar was amazing.

[B]

Uptown Social.

[A]

I'm doing.

[B]

I'm doing a party at Uptown Social during the day. So if you want to come hang out during the day, I'll be at Uptown Social all day Saturday before the show.

[A]

Keith Spar.

[B]

Keith Spar. Keith Benjamin.

[A]

Keith and I follow each other after I made a very uncomfortable joke about someone 1 kidnapping his son at sleepway camp. So now we're. Now we're Instagram friends.

[B]

Jordana always goes in the darkest direction with every joke.

[A]

Now we're now we're friends.

[B]

Now we're besties. He's the best. I was in both of his weddings.

[A]

Tabs on me, probably.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. He's making sure that you're not gonna take his kid. So. Yeah. Keith, he owns by the Way with Craig Conover and Austin. Austin Crawl.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Southern charm, guys.

[A]

There's another bar.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

By the Way.

[B]

Which is like, they basically like copied the Spaniard.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So it's like again, like Charleston's just a great town. But I'll be hanging out at Uptown before the show if you want to come say hi, take a picture, just chitchat.

[A]

And I have to say, all ages, Mike and I went there, just the two of us, and I thought it would be like weird. We had such a fun. The music was great.

[B]

Charleston's not a 20 year old vacation place.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's a college town that ages up. Once you want a vacation, there's.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you have access to the beach and the bars. Like it has everything. Golf. Yeah.

[A]

And you can walk.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Around.

[B]

The city's very walking Charleston fan. Then Beach, Mountain, wherever the fuck that is. And then I'm in Boston, second show added. That's halfway sold. And then Dallas, Houston, New York, second show added. Toronto, Vancouver, Seattle. I think we're adding a second show in Seattle, Tempe. And then I'm adding Utah's Park City. Or not Park City, Salt Lake City. And then I'm adding more dates always to come.

[A]

Salt Lake City. Probably not as into the cocaine jokes.

[B]

No. Yeah, that one. You ever been You? We've been there. Did you go to Park City?

[A]

I've been to Park City. Not with you. No.

[B]

I went to Salt. Salt Lake. They have the cages over the alcohol. So like the minute it turns 1am they just like bring down these like big garage doors and you're like, it just feels like something is like, like the Police show.

[A]

Very illicit. Yes.

[B]

So no. But I've stayed in Park City. I've had some lonely nights in Park City.

[A]

It's cold there, but it's great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Good ski town.

[B]

That's what's going on. Happy to be back. We got some great emails. UUP betches.com.

[A]

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[B]

What are we talking about today?

[A]

All right, I'll read our first email, please. Hi, I'm a new listener from the North Toronto, Canada.

[B]

North as it gets.

[A]

Yeah, you two are awesome. And my go to show after work. Not sure if you've covered a similar topic, but I wanted to get your thoughts on a on a quirk in my current relationship. I'm 38 and I've been seeing a woman, 36 for three months and we met on Hinge and I'm fascinated, slash concerned that she's completely off the grid online.

[B]

No.

[A]

Instagram, Tik Tok, Facebook? Don't laugh. I'm old enough to still be a user. She's.

[B]

She's not even on with your brother.

[A]

She's not. She's not even on LinkedIn, which is very odd given that she works in a professional field. When I met her during my dating research, I couldn't even find a headshot of her on Google Images. She is a ghost online. I'm a 90s kid, so being low key online shouldn't be weird to me. But I find it odd. In 2025, she was in a relationship with a famous Canadian actor. Completely true. She likes like he says that, like we were.

[B]

Who could ever date someone on Degrassi? Whoa. What kind of Canadian royalty are you into?

[A]

And it ended horribly after he became famous. This might be a reason for her private existence, but I've never broached the subject again. She dated him before he became famous. Yeah, not as impressive, I guess. It's not a big deal, but I was thinking of asking her to get an Instagram account so we can start posting together. Is that a fair ask? Any thoughts on how to Approach the date discussion. Sincerely on the Grid guy.

[B]

Sometimes we get an email that's a completely reasonable. And then ends in a direction that I'm like, what the are you talking about?

[A]

Yes. Right? Yeah. I would say the weirdest part of the, of the, of the email would be the idea of a man asking you to get on Instagram so that you can post together.

[B]

It's crazy.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That's. Is it unreasonable? Is that what he asked? Is. Is that a fair ask? No.

[A]

That's weird.

[B]

That's weird. Like, hey, we need an Instagram together.

[A]

I would actually say it would be, like, a little bit of an ick.

[B]

Yeah, I. I mean, I totally. I can't even fathom a man saying to a woman, let's get some Instagram started.

[A]

We need to make a bigger footprint.

[B]

We need to do a collab.

[A]

Unless he. Okay, I guess in my mind, he's saying he feels like he's dating way above his league. It's kind of what I'm.

[B]

Oh, he wants to show her off.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, and she didn't go out with Drake before he became Drake?

[A]

Well, maybe. Yeah. Maybe she's like a local Toronto pseudo celebrity because she used to date a celebrity.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Or something like that.

[B]

Yeah. And so he's like, in these words a little bit.

[A]

Right. I mean, I'm kind of. Why else would he care about, like, I want to be able to, like, post. Like, you could. You could post about her on your own Instagram without her having an Instagram.

[B]

You know, you're right. The answers are sometimes in the email and you sniff this out. She is probably so hot that he's like, I need people to know.

[A]

Yes. What's the point of having this If I. If I.

[B]

If. No.

[A]

If no one knows how. How well I've done.

[B]

If a hot chick says, sucks your dick and nobody hears it, did it actually happen?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That's. Yeah.

[A]

This is more. This is a pretty big red flag from him, I think.

[B]

Yeah. He's got to be careful. He's almost too excited about her.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If you dated a guy that was like, too. Is there such a thing as.

[A]

That's why I said it's kind of an ick that people are going to say that.

[B]

Right. It's an ick to say that. But, like, let's just say generally.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You have a guy that you can tell is like, is there, like, a level of excitement that you don't want out of a.

[A]

Of course, yes. I mean, I'm. I think maybe more than most people I'm like relaxed.

[B]

Right. Like you're not like a, a showy person.

[A]

I don't want, I mean, yeah, I don't want someone who's like writing me poems every day, but if you met.

[B]

Someone, did you ever meet someone that was like so impressed with batches that you're like, there's ulterior motives here?

[A]

Yeah, sure. Yeah, for sure.

[B]

Like you meet. Because I would, I would feel like you would sniff that out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You can tell in the way that this is a snit, this is a smelly thing. As far as to go with the metaphor, sniffing it out. Like the, like the idea of like, hey, why don't you start an Instagram so that we can start posting together. I'd be like, what the going on?

[A]

Right, right. Like, who is this for?

[B]

Right. What's. What, what are your motives for this? Because the motives of. I just want this kind thing to happen. Like nobody's kind. Everyone is self involved and does things based on incentives. Again, to go back to the Ashley Tisdale story. Why did she do it? Ash Tisdale, in a sense could be accused of doing that article to up her clout, her fame. She's not movies. She's being talked about. The last time I heard Ashley Tisdale's name was because she made a tick tock where people were surprised at how good she looked for her age. That's like literally the last thing I remember from her. And now she's known as woman who.

[A]

Was the worst person in the friend.

[B]

Group or a hero to some. Depends on who you ask.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

So. Yeah. Have you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When you dated, was there, what was it that tipped you off?

[A]

We.

[B]

They were like, hey, what would it be like to write for Baches? Like, would they say stuff like that?

[A]

I think not, not like that, but it's just kind of. I think it was more like, oh, like they work tangentially in media and we're like trying to set up a meeting or something like that or something kind of like. Or asking too much about it, I think.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Was more into it.

[B]

So what goes into the post? You got the memes.

[A]

Are you going to write about me?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm sure you get that all the time.

[B]

I get. Are you going to make a joke about me? And it's a turnoff. Yes, I will at some point. If it goes well.

[A]

More likely because you're the kind of person who asked.

[B]

Yes, I, I Right.

[A]

Yeah. I think this. I'm surprised this email wasn't written by the woman Being like, I'm dating a guy who want. Who's asking me to create an Instagram account so that we can post pictures together.

[B]

Right. And it's weird. Listen, I'm happy to have a new listener who's a dude from Toronto. Like, I don't want to turn him off to the show because we're kind of like being like, you know, you're being weird. You're being a little weird about it. It feels like you have an ulterior motive. Like, it feels like your interest in why they don't have social media is more personally motivated than right for this.

[A]

Like, I just don't understand, like, what the, the, the pure reason could be for wanting to put.

[B]

Here's the pure.

[A]

Because he can always post pictures of her.

[B]

There was a pure reason before the question of, should I get her to start a, an account so we can post together? Pre that I do understand. You meet someone. No social media whatsoever. Questions come up now.

[A]

No LinkedIn is, is. I mean, I don't have LinkedIn, but.

[B]

To have no, no Internet footprint in this day and age is odd. Yeah, odd. And then to know that their history of dating a famous Canadian actor, that didn't go well. Okay, again, more questions. Questions are prejudgments. Questions are how I get to my judgments.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So we all have a past, we all have a footprint. We all have no footprint. You know, we have something. So the idea that. Is it weird to notice this? Not at all. You know, like, is it weird to go, like, if I was dating this woman and I, she had nothing, I would go, you gotta tell me about the social media thing.

[A]

Right. Why don't you have LinkedIn?

[B]

Right. I mean, I got fixed up with a girl once and she had zero posts.

[A]

Yeah. On Instagram, I think that's fine.

[B]

Account with 0 posts. And I was like, she uses it.

[A]

To look at others.

[B]

Right. But noted. She. I don't, I don't believe. She always didn't have zero posts.

[A]

Right, noted.

[B]

If I brought it up, at some point, I would have to get close to her. I would have to, like, earn being able to bring that up. It would have to get close enough that I'd be like, what's a story? I think that's like, totally normal, but it's only normal as things goes on. Once you earn that kind of like, that ability, like, why should, why should anyone be vulnerable with you in that way?

[A]

Right. No, I agree. I also think what the other weird thing that stood out to me is, why does he want her to get an Instagram so that they can start posting together. They're not even in a relationship.

[B]

Right.

[A]

He said they've just been seeing each other.

[B]

Right. Listen, I'm, I'm with you on that. That, that's where.

[A]

Right.

[B]

This email took a time.

[A]

Wouldn't that be weird for you? Especially if you weren't, like, in an official relationship, that someone was like, right, we need to start posting together. It's like, we're just, we're just. He wrote, we're seeing each other, you know. Right.

[B]

Like, we're figuring this out.

[A]

Will it be.

[B]

That would be me hearing from them. I want to be in a relationship with you.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I, and that's how I would take it. It wouldn't be, hey, I want to start this joint Instagram account. It'd be, hey, I'm really into you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I want to, like, post stuff together.

[A]

Yeah, I would. Yeah, I would relax if I were him.

[B]

It seems like to me it's two different questions, though. Like, don't you think, like, the beginning, like, I agree.

[A]

Yeah. If this was written without the end part, I would think of him differently. Or the question.

[B]

Do you think there's a difference between man with no social media and woman with no social media?

[A]

I think both sort of. I think actually, like, this is better for, for men. I think when men don't have social media, it feels like they're, like, doing other things that are more important and, like, just don't think about it. I think for women, when they don't have social media, it can sometimes feel like they, it, like, makes them feel really bad or they had a, you know, bad experience with it. Maybe more then I think men are given more of the benefit of the doubt of just, like, they don't have time for that.

[B]

We are, you are saying something that I completely agree with and is uncomfortable to say out loud because it's our bias.

[A]

Right. But if not saying it's true all the time.

[B]

Right. We're not trying to attack people right now, but I think when I hear woman with no social media, I go, I just think that there was a moment where she went and deleted them all at once in this big rage. I actually think that's fine, though. Fair. I'm, but I'm, I, I, I'm acknowledging that that is like a unfair, crazy, emotional woman. Like, I, I'm not being fair to women.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But I don't think, and I know men are not judged that way like, that they couldn't handle social media. But again, I think social media is somewhat gendered.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I don't, you know, men don't follow other men for their style.

[A]

Sometimes there's. There are male style influencers speaking generally. Sure.

[B]

But I'm saying they don't. That just doesn't. I've dated women. Why do you follow her? I just like her style. I would never follow a man.

[A]

Right.

[B]

To, like, for style tips and tricks.

[A]

I have a. I know someone who's not on social media. Any social media. No. Facebook, Instagram, whatever. And I asked her about it, and I think the real reason is somewhere like, you know, not. She deleted it all in a crazy rage. But she was kind of like, every time I looked at it, I felt like, at best, neutral and at worst, like, bad.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And so I just didn't feel like it was adding anything.

[B]

But that's like the most normal version of what I just said.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It's not like you like. And so on the spectrum of how people delete social media, there's that.

[A]

Right. Do you think a man would delete it for the same reason?

[B]

Yes, I think he would do, but I don't think he would get accused of it. You know, like, I have my. The baby and his wife, both of them. Not on social media. It is like talking to someone who lives in Amish country. Like, I report to them what's going on, and they kind of report to me.

[A]

What do they report to you about?

[B]

Just, like, stories they've read. Like, they, you know, they read about.

[A]

What a real newspaper feels like. Yeah.

[B]

What the grass smells like and breathing and.

[A]

Do you think they're happy? Are they happier for it? Probably.

[B]

I think they are.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I think they both were once on social media and then they kind of backed away from it.

[A]

Yeah. I think it is the kind of thing where you're kind of like, it's not. It's addictive. But if you never get into it, it's not that added. It's not. Doesn't probably feel that additive. Unless you, like, have financial. I mean, you have financially means to gain from it.

[B]

Listen, I. My reasons for.

[A]

You're not like your average man.

[B]

Well, I can also understand why a woman wouldn't want to date me because of my social media. Like, I'm okay with that. That's. That's a perfectly reasonable response. That is offensive to me a little bit, but also not. I get it.

[A]

Do you think if you were still selling life insurance, you would be on social media? I think you might be off.

[B]

I might Be.

[A]

I might just be lurking.

[B]

I'd be a lurker.

[A]

Yeah. Because I don't think you post.

[B]

I see men that I'm friends with, from college, from high school in my story. Watches. I see some men, they watch every story. I've never had that conversation with other men about social media like I do with women.

[A]

Did it make you feel bad? Right.

[B]

Well, I just had a woman, she sent me a video today. Like, I like my brother and I send each other like, Instagram stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it has nothing to do with talking. It's like more like funny. It's not comparative.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know, when I send stuff back and forth with women. Yeah, it's comparative for sure. It's like, look at her being crazy about her wedding. Look at her being. You know, it's a lot of that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And with my brother, it's more like horrific joke that I find hilarious. Like I share with other comics.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Stuff I share with comic. Sports related.

[A]

Yeah. But I don't think you'd be posting as much.

[B]

Oh, at all? No, no, no. Selling life insurance. I mean, I would assume that my social media would be a lot like my brothers, which is like, I would imagine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, and.

[A]

But not even like every day.

[B]

No, no. His is like after a trip and it's like, yeah, what she told him.

[A]

To post, that's like what Mike does.

[B]

Yeah. Which is normal. And that's kind of like weirdly for a lot of women, that's the dream, right?

[A]

Well, yeah. You want the only thing they post to just be pictures of. Just like your dad with the background phone. Background.

[B]

Right. Thy ticket lady, Jennifer of Coolidge.

[A]

Well, many thanks, good sir.

[B]

Here is my Discover card.

[A]

They accept Discover at Renaissance Fairs. Yeah, they do here.

[B]

Discover is accepted at the places I love to shop.

[A]

Get it with the times. With the times. You're playing the loot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it sounds pretty good, right? Discover is accepted at 99% of places.

[B]

That take credit cards nationwide, based on the February 2025 Nielsen report.

[A]

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[B]

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On appliance purchases of $999 or more.

[B]

Offer valid January 8th through the 28th. US only. C store online for details. All right, let's do another email.

[A]

Let's do it.

[B]

UUPetches.com UUPetches.com Keep setting your pettier prudence. We want your icky or pickies.

[A]

Send it all.

[B]

Screenshots we love. Come on, all the Tisdale's out there. Send us your most.

[A]

What are you waiting?

[B]

Screenshotty. Screenshots. J and J. This is a petty or prudent. So you date someone, you end it. Is it petty the way you ended it, or were you prudent you needed to do it? Okay, J and J. Got a story for you that I needed a petty or prudent ruling on. I was in a three year university relationship that was very codependent and a bit toxic when we lived together. My boyfriend was extremely messy and likely due to cultural expectations, expected me to handle most of the housework in college.

[A]

Yeah, that's weird.

[B]

Clean up that Kraft Mac and cheese. Like what?

[A]

Like it was cleaning anything in college.

[B]

Right. When I moved in, she moved in his toilet.

[A]

Maybe this is after college. Oh, no, this is during college.

[B]

College. When I moved in, his toilet had mold. Red flag. He let dishes pile up so high you couldn't even turn on the faucet. Did she move in with me?

[A]

Yeah, I think this. Did you move in with anyone in college? This was exactly what my college apartment.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Also, like, there is a type. Did you have this at Cornell? Like there's that person that tries to grow up too soon.

[A]

Oh, yeah. That's like cleaning up.

[B]

Well, they're like ba. Like the couple that moves in together.

[A]

In college or they go abroad together.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like they're like playing house a little bit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. This is kind of a tight. About a year in. We got a puppy in college. I. I had a friend who got.

[A]

A puppy in college.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. There's the college friend who gets a dog. It's. It's. It should be considered abuse.

[A]

Yeah. That shouldn't be legal.

[B]

No, it was my idea. Oh, take her away. Parental. Whatever. But I made him promise the dog would be his responsibility after graduation. Since I didn't want that long term.

[A]

Why get a dog if you don't want to? I mean, if you don't want it after graduation. They live longer than that.

[B]

I like that. She says his toilet has mold. Red flag. She doesn't do a parentheses for this. Like, I would be like, I know.

[A]

I was in college, I got a dog that. I said that I. When I prefaced that I wanted the dog, I said I didn't want it after graduation.

[B]

It should be parentheses. I know, it's crazy. No parentheses on her. Okay. I did most of the work finding the dog, handled vet visits and grooming. Took the dog with me to Arizona during school breaks. When I asked him to handle one break while I was traveling, he never figured out the travel paperwork, so we had to hire a dog sitter. He did pay the initial 600 fee and handled late night potty training. Okay, this is ringing. Very rich kid who went to college.

[A]

Yeah. Who's. I mean, he didn't pay for. Neither of you paid for any of this. Your parents.

[B]

Right. So I don't even understand. After graduation, we traveled for the summer and I asked travel for the summer and I asked my mom to watch the dog. We had studied in Canada and afterwards he was moving to the UK while we planned long distance reasons. I suspected we would break up, so I wanted the dog with my mom. When that happened, we did break up in February and my mom still had the dog. My ex says he's. He'd understand me keeping the dog, but argues it shouldn't be with my mom. I believe if he took the dog, I. It would have ended up with his family in Morocco. Since the UK has strict pet import rules. This is a worldwide Carmen San Diego.

[A]

Very intense. Yeah.

[B]

I kept the dog with my mom because I was traveling a lot for work. And in Arizona, the dog had a big, big yard, a house. Okay. Yeah. I'm sure the dog was happy. A second home, a pool, caviar. Caviar. All the caviar. Another dog to play with and constant attention. I can also see him whenever I visit home. After the breakup, my ex asked me to bring the dog back so he could take him, and I said no. He accused me of stealing his dog. I see it as a custody agreement. I renegotiated eight years later. It still sits with me. Curious for a J and J ruling, was that petty or prudent? I felt I did most of the work, was the more responsible dog parent, and that the dog had a much better life in Arizona than either of us working long hours in small apartments. I also can't ignore that keeping the dog felt like payment for how bad the relationship was. Dogs attached for reference. And here's the dog. The dog is pretty cute, I guess. What are you fine? Yeah, the dog's fine.

[A]

Yeah, it's.

[B]

No Ronald.

[A]

Yes. There's no, Ronnie, if you are. She's the crazy one here. This is very petty to keep the dog. No, if she kept the dog. If she kept the dog, that would be prudent, okay, to say, I'm, I don't want the dog to live with me. But you can't have the dog either. The dog's gonna live with my mom. That's up.

[B]

That's interesting, because it's like, you shared.

[A]

The dog, and now you're saying, like, even though I don't want the dog, you can't have the dog either.

[B]

Right? Because I kind of read it as he was being petty because it, like, you break up, and then he's like, and I want my dog. I, this is just stealing my.

[A]

If she's kidnapping.

[B]

And I'm like, what the are you talking.

[A]

I think she is, though. If she's not gonna, like, if you had a kid and you got divorced and that she and your wife was like, I don't really want the kid. But, like, you can't have the kid either. Like, my mom's gonna take the kid. You'd be like, no, if you don't want the kid, I'm definitely taking the kid.

[B]

And you have to take them out.

[A]

We're not giving the kid to your mom.

[B]

Right. You got to take him in his word that he's like, I want it. I'll take care.

[A]

He says. I mean, why else would he say, bring me the dog?

[B]

Right?

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah, I guess you've changed my mind. I, I kind of thought of him being petty because I'm, like, it felt like something he would bring up at the end just to, like, mess with her.

[A]

Well, it sounds like he's bringing it up as they were, like, figuring out what to do with the dog. And if I were him, because he said, if you kept the dog, I would be fine with you keeping the dog if you really want the dog. But if you don't even want the dog, like, you're going to give it to your mom. I would like the dog.

[B]

Yeah, that's, that's fair. I, I, I, I think this is all crazy. Like, I, I, I actually, like, I.

[A]

Mean, what, what is this?

[B]

This is, this is like. I don't know. This is like someone being like, like, I, I ran in the middle of the street naked, and now he wants to give me the clothes back. Like, I like, I like. The story itself is too crazy for me to rule on who's petty or prudent.

[A]

I think it makes. I feel like it's not getting a.

[B]

Dog in college and then being, like, weird.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It was owed to me because of our toxic relationship. Like, what? Because he didn't clean the dishes?

[A]

Well, that's why it's a college kid.

[B]

You know? Like, what do you. What's your reasoning for how toxic. Like, at some point, let go of how this relationship went.

[A]

I mean, she. And that's how she answers her own question. She says, I felt. It felt like payment for how bad the relationship was. That means.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Payment means payback.

[B]

Right.

[A]

That's petty.

[B]

That's. Betty.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah, you're petty.

[A]

Yeah. But wouldn't. I mean, wouldn't you be annoyed if something. That you. Okay. You're breaking up with someone and in. And let's say you. Let's say you have an expensive couch.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Right. That you bought together. And she's like, I'm giving the couch to my mom.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You'd be like, no, if you want the couch, like, that's one thing, but why would we give the couch to your mom?

[B]

Right. And. And here's the money for the couch. Like, at that point, the prudent thing is the couch costs this much. So I would like this much money to. To give you the couch.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Here's half. That would be this. So please give me a third of that. Because with usage, you know, it's a huge couch. Whatever.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That's a prudent way to go about. Let's separate our things. You're right.

[A]

Yeah. I don't think it's nice to give the dog to someone else and say, like, you want it just in principle.

[B]

Right. Well, this is the equivalent of, I'm leaving. It's my bat, my ball. I'm going home. None of us. Nobody gets the. The dog. Right. That's basically what she's saying.

[A]

Well, yeah. She's saying, I don't. I don't even want the dog, but I'm going to keep it from you if I can't punish you.

[B]

Nobody.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. This.

[A]

Which I don't think is in the best interest of the dog.

[B]

No. Well, the dog's with another dog and has the backyard and has.

[A]

Yeah, but it's not her right to say where the dog is going to be happiest. Unless she's going to take the dog.

[B]

And eight years later, here's the dog that I kidnapped. She sends the picture. It's nothing. All right, let's do another email.

[A]

Okay. Hello, longtime listener, and I've seen Jared live many times. Jared, you're already funny. But it's a totally new level live. And here's my plug to tell everyone to definitely go if you visit their city.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

That is not why we selected the email.

[B]

Well, we could delete these things, but we don't. We keep them in. We do by my request.

[A]

Yes. On to my question. I'm a 34 year old female in a metropolitan city and I've been on and off the app since I was 24. Generally off once I met someone to date, longer term, been in two one plus year relationships or when I just when I needed a break. I've been on a countless amount of first dates. That being said, I met the man I will marry and he is so lovely. My friends absolutely adore him and one of them who is a few years older than me and a single is constantly saying things like like where do I find a guy like this? How is he so sweet? She wants to find someone like him or just other general very complimentary things about my boyfriend. To clarify, he's not her type aesthetically, so I don't think this is really coming from a place of envy.

[B]

Well, she's envious of a man who treats you nice.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah, that's. That's nice.

[A]

Yeah. She doesn't have to be like wanting to have sex with him right Too.

[B]

She wants someone who will respect her similar fun with her in the way that you're having fun with them. Yeah.

[A]

I keep telling her my success rate of dates to someone to marry is probably under 1% lol. I keep telling her it's a numbers game and she has to put herself out there. I've been through it all, been ghosted, height, fished, you know, you know it. I have probably experienced it. She's in her early 40s and has been on a total of two dates in the past two years. She says she tries apps all the time, stays on for a day, gets annoyed and deletes them. Honestly, I have been there and done that as well. But when your average is one date per year, I almost feel like you don't get to complain about not being able to find someone. To clarify, my friend is beautiful, lovely and of all and all of the positive things and I have seen her in person meeting new people and she absolutely can hold a conversation. So I don't think she would have trouble to get dates. And I keep telling her she has to sift through and stay on them for a while and she can't just quit and the perfect man will not fall into her lap. Also, I think Women expect every man to sweep them off their feet. This is. It's totally fine to go on a date, have a mediocre time and part ways. As someone who has been on apps and tried this for many years, how do I tell my friend to shut the up if she's not going to actually try to date? Sincerely, I am now the ones my friends look to for guidance. I like this question.

[B]

I like this question. You could. I mean, my first suggestion is send them the UL podcast.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Love to have these people as listening. Yeah. Have a write in. Yeah.

[A]

But I think this is a con. You know, it's interesting because I hear from you the annoyingness of like the married person or the person in a relationship giving advice to the single person.

[B]

Yeah. They're all her.

[A]

Granted, it sounds like she's asking for advice.

[B]

It does, yes.

[A]

But I can also relate as that person that you're complaining about, to the sense of like, I feel like I'm giving you like some tangible advice.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You're not really doing it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And like, I don't really want to hear you keep complaining about this thing when it doesn't really seem like you're taking anything I'm saying seriously and. Or like, again, like, you don't have to do it, you don't have to follow it, but like, I don't really want to hear you. Doesn't. Doesn't feel like you have quote unquote, a right to complain when you're not doing anything. And I don't know that that's the right mindset either, but I can relate to that feeling of like, I don't know what else you want me to say.

[B]

Here, here, here's my question to you. Is it better when it's specific? Like if someone came to you, Right. And was like, I went on this date, this is what happened. Like when we do the emails, I.

[A]

We love specific.

[B]

I love specific. I hate when someone's like, what do I do? What about the state of men today? And I'm like, I don't know. Like, I don't know how to answer that.

[A]

Right. It's also not going to help you.

[B]

Right. It's not going to help. I'm just gonna go on and on with my opinion. That doesn't really. Isn't funny, isn't helpful, isn't really going to be actionable.

[A]

I agree. It's easier to say, what should I reply to this text? Or what do you think of this hinge prompt?

[B]

Right. Like, that's. That is what this woman Would love to help with. I'm sure what you would love to help with. Like, when I send you a text that I got from someone and I say, isn't this annoying you? And I can, like, gnaw on the bone of the story. You would be like, well, she's doing this or that, and this is. And. But when it's just complaining, when it's just spewing, right? That's when it's like, I don't know how to help you.

[A]

Right. And I don't really know, like, how the suggest. Like, we keep kind of saying the same. I mean, and then it does feel weird when someone's like, how do I get a boyfriend? Like, you have a boyfriend. And you're like, well, like, I don't know. Let's back up. Like. Or like. Or zoom in.

[B]

Well, have you gone out with anyone? Like, the first question. No, I hate the ass. Then you go, okay, then what are you doing to, like, make that happen? Are you hoping someone just comes up to you? Like, the more you ask, the more condescending.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It sounded this person.

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

Right?

[A]

And then you sound like that annoying married person. That's.

[B]

But you did ask for it. I mean, like, at a certain point, I used to take DMS and answer DMS with, like, advice questions. And then I pushed it over to Patreon, where people could like, you do.

[A]

An AMA on your Instagram and I do the ama.

[B]

But I. But when I used to do, like, when it was easier to, like, when I had the time not to say, I don't. You know, I have the time for.

[A]

Before I became very successful, before the success.

[B]

You see on YouTube right now, the. The I would get in this situation where the person would ask again and again, and I would just say, I've given my opinion. Like, it was a really good way of just being like, I've given my opinion. Like, I don't know.

[A]

I don't have anything else to add.

[B]

That's like, a different way of, like, shut the fuck up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I think, like, one of the big parts of the book, which you can preorder now, is this person's biggest problem is, like, they're not having fun with their friends. Like, they've turned their friend into this, like, exhausted person that, honestly, if they were asked about a single friend, people wouldn't read that.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I'm just saying.

[A]

Also, someone who only goes on two dates a year, you're imagining it's not the easiest person to set up.

[B]

Right. And who wants to set up someone who goes on two days a year. Like, that's not a fun, dynamic person who's excited about life that I want to make sure someone could spend the rest of their life with. Like, right.

[A]

Well, you have to think about it the same way you would refer anyone to anyone else. Like, if I was like, do you know someone who. A good house cleaner? And you were like, there's this person who I think works twice a year.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I think it'd be like, I might want someone who, like, is a little more in the game.

[B]

People want to be with coveted people, you know? Like, Right. So, like, I think, like, you know, of things to say to this person is like, hey, we're not having fun right now. Like, you gotta have fun. Like, I. I think, like, maybe to go back to them instead of shut the up. It's like, hey, I've given my opinion. Also. All we do is talk about this, right? I. I'm not looking to be. I want to go out with you. I want to hear about your life. I want to hear about what you're excited about. This is kind of like dampering our relationship. I think to have that conversation is.

[A]

Which is a hard conversation to have because it makes you sound like even more of a. Like a hater, like a relationship.

[B]

Right. But it's like, I, you know, I. I think having this person hang out with you and your great boyfriend, if they're in the corner being like, oh, my God, he's amazing. He's amazing. I'd be like, oh, we gotta hang out with that weirdo again.

[A]

Like, right?

[B]

I. She should be, like, showing off to you guys how great she's doing. Yeah. Like, I. I don't know. Like, I guess that's an answer to the person. Send them this episode. You can hear this, you know, from us.

[A]

Yeah. Say you. You know a really great podcast that helped you find your boyfriend.

[B]

Right. And they answered my email about you, so maybe that makes it easier to tell her. I don't know. I. I just think that, like, it's. I. This is hard because I. I understand where she's coming from. She's like, I don't know what to say.

[A]

Well, as she signs it, sincerely, I'm now the ones my friends look to for guidance. And I can see how she's like, I don't know anything. I just kind of, like, met this person.

[B]

Well, the. And also, she's saying, I've been through this whole thing. Like, Right. The other thing is like, from, for me, I, I relate to this person because it's like I have an opinion on everything.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Dating wise, you do too. Yeah, we've seen it. We did it. It's been done that the opinion's the opinion. Like, it's over after that. Like, I don't know what to tell you. Otherwise, like, when people disagree, I go, okay, okay, I guess that's how you're going to play it, right? Like, I'm just telling you how I feel. So, like, well, it's like you could.

[A]

You could say your opinion and then they're like, oh, well, I, I did the apps and it didn't work and blah, blah. And then it's kind of like, okay, well, like, I don't. Like, sometimes you just need to do that more.

[B]

Right? And.

[A]

Or it's luck. Or it's like, you know, partially this or partially the ad. Right.

[B]

If I were her.

[A]

Again, that's all kind of vague. So it's not going to be that. Well, that's something they have. It's not gonna be something they haven't heard before.

[B]

I. Maybe she makes it math. Hey, we're done talking about dating. Unless you go on ten dates this month. Like, make it math. Make it an achievable goal. If you want to go over them. If. Yeah, we'll go over them. Right? That, that. Here's your homework, right? Go on 10 dates, then we'll talk about it. We'll put every name on the list. We'll discuss them. We'll make fun of them. We'll have a, we'll have a girls night.

[A]

We'll.

[B]

We'll put their pictures up on a screen. How much fun would that be? Like, let's make it fun. Like, I, I. Positivity and actionable, you know, and actions and you're making them.

[A]

Do work before you help them. Well, if they're not willing to do the work, you don't have to help them.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Just say this. With my sisters, when they wanted help writing an essay, they'd be like, can you help me write my social studies? You write it. I'll take a look.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I'll edit.

[B]

This is the move. Hey, this is. How about we do this? This should be our new winter dating challenge. Yes, I'm sure that kooky old lady from the nanny will do this next week, next month. Next month we'll be seeing that. Our new. Here's our new winter dating challenge. Go on 10 dates and then have a party with all your friends where you put all their Pictures and specifics up on a big screen and discuss the 10 days and see who you zone in on.

[A]

You can be your own bachelorette.

[B]

There it is. The ten date challenge.

[A]

Love it. So New year, ten dates.

[B]

There we go. Let's play some games.

[A]

Let's do it.

[B]

Uup Betcom. We are playing Red flag Deal breaker. We love Red Flag Deal breaker. It is a great game that is sweeping the country. Everyone's talking about it.

[A]

Indeed.

[B]

You go on a date, something happens. Is it a red flag? You notice it? You keep going. Or is it a deal breaker? It's over. Sight unseen. Are you ready?

[A]

I'm ready.

[B]

Red flag or deal breaker? You guys are on your first day date and he eats his french fries with a fork.

[A]

I thought about this one.

[B]

Yeah, me too.

[A]

Cheese fries. That's okay.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Cheese fries are messy. I don't need. You don't need your hands in the cheese.

[B]

I get it.

[A]

Regular fries. Kind of a deal breaker. I'd have to call it out and discuss it.

[B]

It would be discussed.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You have to discuss it. Okay. Ketchup, they drizzle it. You fries come out and they go, here we go. Ketchup. And they drizzle it all.

[A]

And then they use the fork.

[B]

And then they use the fork.

[A]

Have they asked me if I'm okay with ketchup on all of the fries?

[B]

Fries come out hot and ready and they just do it.

[A]

That's more of the deal breaker.

[B]

Right?

[A]

You can't just, you can't just coat. You have to ask.

[B]

You have to ask. Are you a, are you a ketchup coater or are you a ketchup on the, in the corner with a dip?

[A]

I, I'm kind of indifferent. I would do either way. Yes, I would do either. I prefer mayo in ketchup, personally.

[B]

Look at you. European. Very elegant. Yeah.

[A]

Well, I didn't say aol. I said no. I, I, I mean, aoli is obviously preferred, but I will, I will do it with, like, some weird mayo.

[B]

Aioli is what skinny people call mayonnaise.

[A]

I prefer mayo, but I would, I also like ketchup. Yeah, but I think it's more just like the rudeness of just doing it without.

[B]

No, it is. I, I'm a ketchup in the corner guy. If someone just started spraying ketchup on the fries, I would be like, okay, I guess this is how you live your life.

[A]

What about the lemon on, like, the oysters?

[B]

I always ask.

[A]

You gotta ask.

[B]

You gotta ask when you're spreading anything on it.

[A]

Yeah. For the group.

[B]

I do. Right. Hey, we good? But I'm. I'm in the process of spreading the lemon on the. On the, like oysters or whatever. The lemon. If a lemon comes with it, I'm doing it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because that's Chef suggested at that point.

[A]

I'm into it. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. But I. I do do the. It's in my hand. We all good.

[A]

Gentlemanly.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Is anyone opposed?

[B]

Anyone? Anyone not?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I look for the people I want to be around. The people that. When I go with the lemon anyway.

[A]

Everyone.

[B]

Good. The people I kind of move towards are the ones that go, of course.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You gotta just do it. Yeah. Like they're pushing me to put lemon on it.

[A]

Right. Well, what about the ketchup?

[B]

The ketchup. If you spread it on it before I could even get to it. No ask.

[A]

That's rude.

[B]

It's rude.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But if you're using a fork after it's been spread on it and everyone's agreed to it.

[A]

Good. Makes sense.

[B]

I'm okay with it.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I. I think fork with fries actually not that crazy a thing.

[A]

Plain fries, a little weird. Just like it's a little strange.

[B]

If it's a steak fry, I get it a little bit more than a shoestring fry.

[A]

Sure. Yeah. That's harder to even get in.

[B]

What's your favorite fry?

[A]

I mean, it really depends on how they're. They're cooked. I like a waffle fry.

[B]

I love. That's a meal. I love a waffle fry. If a waffle fry is good, it's great.

[A]

Yeah. That's what I'm saying. It's like not. They're not all create like a well done shoestring fry is better than a shitty waffle fry. Really? How?

[B]

It's right. A tater tot, you know, can go, that's a fry fry.

[A]

That's a fry.

[B]

If tater tot's on a fry. I've been living my life totally wrong. I don't know what I'm even talking about.

[A]

I don't think it's a fry.

[B]

Tater tot's on a fry.

[A]

It's a fry.

[B]

It's a fry.

[A]

It's so.

[B]

This is not like hot dog.

[A]

We're a house divided.

[B]

Crazy. I can't even believe this is.

[A]

Me and Joe think it's not a fry.

[B]

What is it?

[A]

I mean, it wouldn't be a potato, is it? Who would ever call it a fry if someone said, do you want fries? And they brought me out tater tots. I'd be like. I mean, I would still eat them. I like tater tots. But I'd be like, these are not fries.

[B]

They're fries. But you're pushing that explanation did help your case.

[A]

Right?

[B]

I'm paused. Now. You know if someone's looking for great fries in the city?

[A]

McDonald's.

[B]

You can go to McDonald's. Special suburban Jordana has just arrived here. You know who has great late night food? I would actually say it's the best I've ever, ever had.

[A]

Ever had. Ever eaten a lot of late night food.

[B]

I am a big late night fatty. It is. What's the name of it? Damn it. It's next to Spring Lounge. This is how I find places I go. I go to the place I get hammered. Mother's ruin.

[A]

That sounds familiar.

[B]

That's a place is a place that's been around.

[A]

Close.

[B]

They're open late and they have. I think they have the best late night bar food menu that exists.

[A]

Plug City in the city.

[B]

Plug City. And they. What made me think of it as the waffle fry. And they have a martini that actually is red. They put a certain. Well, they put a certain type of olive juice in it that makes it look red.

[A]

Like a red vermouth.

[B]

It's not a vermouth. It's like an olive. It's a certain type of olive.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I. I'm a huge Mother's ruin fan. I think that's a great. Just like late. Maybe not anymore. I haven't been in a while.

[A]

But as of the last time you had it.

[B]

As of the last time I had it, I would say that's the best late night food in the city.

[A]

So regular french fries, red flag cheese fries, ketchup.

[B]

Red flag cheese fries, ketchup. Totally fine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Let's do another.

[A]

All right, jj, Male listener with a red flagger. Deal breaker for you. Look, we got two men.

[B]

Love it. A lot of men, right? I think they're finding us on YouTube. Yeah, I really do.

[A]

You men love YouTube.

[B]

They love. They incels love YouTube.

[A]

Okay. I went on a first date with a nice girl I met on the apps. We had a great conversation over text. So we did dinner for the first date. I suggested we split a bottle of wine. And she was all for it. She picked out a bottle of white. Throughout the whole dinner, she only drank half of the glass she poured for herself. I was left with either finishing the whole bottle of wine on my own on a first date and looking like I have a drinking problem or wasting $47 on it. But who's counting on an undrank Chardonnay? I ended chardonnay on a date is weird.

[B]

Brutal.

[A]

I ended up leaving half behind, sadly. So red flagger. Deal breaker. Is it rude to agree to split a bottle of wine and not have much of it? Thanks a dude with a dilemma.

[B]

I'm getting savvy B. If I'm going to get. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

If it's a. It's a nice statement.

[B]

Yeah. If you're going to do, do it right. Even a Pinot Grigio. At least it's cheap.

[A]

Yeah. Chardonnay.

[B]

Chardonnay.

[A]

Chardonnay is a meal. My mother in law likes the chardonnay. Yeah. That's like a very mother in law drink.

[B]

Totally mother in law coated. And it you kind of see smell like it afterwards. Sweet.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Not a chardonnay guy.

[A]

What do you think this guy might be more of the deal breaker.

[B]

I think I'm with you. He, he's wrong.

[A]

He also asked if she wanted to split the bottle. It's not like she didn't have any. She was like, yeah, I'll have some wine. If she, if she was like, if he was like, do you want to get a glass of wine? And then she was like, do you want to get a bottle?

[B]

Right.

[A]

And then she didn't drink any of it. That would be like a little more annoying. I could see. But he suggested the bottle split.

[B]

Right. But I. He's looking for. And where I'll empathize with him is her to go. I'm not going to have more than a glass. Just to warn you.

[A]

Maybe she didn't like it.

[B]

Right. It is chardonnay.

[A]

Right?

[B]

That's a big part of it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Weirdly, I mean, it's possible, right? We both zoned in on chardonnay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So maybe she didn't like the wine. But I, I would again, like that's a possibility. That's why it's not a deal breaker. Because there's a reason to not finish it. I don't like it. I. I thought I was going to drink more and it's not really agreeing with me. We're eating so there's like reasons. But I, I do understand the hey, I'm just gonna have one glass. So just so you know, like, yeah.

[A]

That would be nice. But also like, she doesn't necessarily know how much. Maybe the date wasn't going well. And then she also wasn't like, I don't need to, I don't need to like keep drinking. I don't know, not that into the state.

[B]

Right. I don't think anyone looks at someone who's like, drinking again. Like, unless you gotta. I think if you're having most of the bottle of wine, I don't think you're seen as like this alcoholic.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

Like, I think he's being.

[A]

He ordered another one when she was like, I don't want any.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And then the second bottle. Yeah. I think he's reading a little. Here's how it would be a deal breaker if he was like ordering a glass of wine and she was like, do you want to get a bottle? And he was like, yeah, sure. And she's like, I'll pick.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I like, love wine. I'll pick. So she picks. She picks an expensive. A very expensive bottle of.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

She does the tasting and then she only has half a glass. That would be a big turn off. Off.

[B]

I'm with you. I think this is like totally fair game.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, 47 bucks, you escape.

[A]

That's like what a regular bottle is. These.

[B]

Honestly, that's like two. That's two martinis.

[A]

Yeah. And I assume he picked the bottle.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So.

[B]

So no, she's cool. You gotta. I think you're. You're. You're towing the. The deal breaker line.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

On this one.

[A]

Let it go, let it go, let it go.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Don't bend. Mohr.

[B]

No, just don't send the request.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

J and J. Longtime listener, subscriber here. I love the POD and tell my friends about it. I've been seeing this guy for a little over a month and it's been going great. We align on marriage, kids, finances, core values, are very attracted to each other and have met each other's friends. I know it's early, but it feels promising. For his birthday, I asked his roommate about his favorite dessert and ended up making a discontinued cake from scratch. I also got him two shirts. Since he's mentioned struggling to find clothes. This is just how I show care. He was blown away and said it was the nicest thing anyone has done for him, but then told me he isn't looking for anything super serious right now. That being said, this is the nicest thing anyone has ever done. But just so you know, I'm not looking for anything super serious. Maybe Siri ish, but not super serious. What a time to bring it up. Gave the usual work, finance, focus, explanation. He's 28 and I'm 23. I'm looking for something serious, not necessarily with him, but this is. I'm sorry to Loudly sigh. Yeah, but own it, girl. This. I've gotten this speech. You're.

[A]

You just said it was going great with him. Yes.

[B]

And I could see potential with him. It's promising.

[A]

Okay, yes.

[B]

I'm not looking for anything super serious.

[A]

With him, but I'd like to be in it.

[B]

Stop it. You know how many times I've got speech.

[A]

It's okay. Yeah, you're into him, you're into Stone. It's not a big deal.

[B]

It's not a big deal. You're not wrong for being into him. Yeah, I'm looking for something serious, but not necessarily with him, but I want to be building towards something. I've gotten that speech so many times that it is like I need to give feedback to all the women that look a guy in the eye after.

[A]

Liking him and say what?

[B]

And then say, I'm looking for something serious, but not necessarily with this, but something. I want to build towards something.

[A]

It's like, do they say not necessarily with this, or do they say not necessarily like, it doesn't have to go so fast.

[B]

They go all those things. This doesn't have to go so fast. I'd like to be in something serious. I don't know. I'm still deciding myself. You have decided. It's.

[A]

You're not fooling anyone.

[B]

You're not fooling anyone. You're not fooling me. You're not fooling him. You're not fooling your parents. You're not pulling his father friends. You're not following your friends.

[A]

Is it almost more of a turn on if they're like. And I thought it was I. We could. That we were headed that way.

[B]

It's. It's more of a turn on and it's all, ah, turn on.

[A]

Turn on is not the one not turn off.

[B]

It's. It's. It's more respectable.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know, like, it's. It's.

[A]

It's. I felt something with you.

[B]

I felt something with you. Exactly. Exactly. I felt something with you. I'm moving that way. Are you in or you out? Get in the car and buckle up. You're not. What the. Let's have it out. She's almost like opting for pain for a longer period of time than right now. What we all do.

[A]

She's opting for pain for a longer period of time with the idea that it. If she gives it that time, maybe it'll turn around.

[B]

Right. And here's what happens when.

[A]

And here doesn't want to call it too early.

[B]

If it has potential and it actually works against you. Because whenever I'm told, like, like I'd like something sometime and maybe this time it gets so vague that I'm only assuming that they want this next.

[A]

Like they don't want it to be over.

[B]

They don't want it to be over. But I'm saying it gets so vague for me that I only think of marriage and kids and those steps I never think of. Like, hey, I just want like this agreement that we're not, you know, seeing anyone else. And I want to know where you're going and what you're doing on a nightly basis because you're someone I care about and. Yeah. And I. Right. I would prefer that. Like the actionables. I think a lot of men want that.

[A]

Like, right.

[B]

That video.

[A]

Prefer that. Then I want to know that. What? That one day in the future we could maybe be in a relationship down the line possibly.

[B]

Right. Going somewhere is scary to me. Like I'd like to be going somewhere scared of me. I'd like to be going there tomorrow, actually. Less scary.

[A]

Good, tangible advice.

[B]

Yeah. So. And I've had this so many times. Like that's why I roll my eyes at the speech because it's like I get anxious. I'm like, now I gotta end right there.

[A]

I get why you do they do it because it feels like you're protecting your ego. But it's like every the jigs up, everyone already knows you're not fooling anyone.

[B]

I have never been fooled by that. He works six days a week with early mornings, but still makes time for me. We've also talked about me wanting to be a stay at home mom, which he wants for his future wife too. What year are they writing in from?

[A]

What is going on?

[B]

What is. Was this a red flag or a deal breaker? Do I end it or have another conversation with them? And if so, what should I say? I don't feel a lack of interest or I wouldn't be asking. Patiently waiting your answer. And, and listen, I have been him. He's going on dates, he's taking you.

[A]

Out dating other people besides you.

[B]

I think you have to say what you want today, not ten years from now. Yeah, I'd like to be a stay at home mom one day. That is. He's going to end it sooner than later, right?

[A]

She's like, he's in. He's interested in that too. Right? That doesn't matter.

[B]

That's and will only end with a breakup. I'm not saying she should end it. It is a deal breaker of A certain kind. If you say, hey, this is what I'm looking for, this next few months, and he can't do that.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Then it's a deal breaker.

[A]

Well, in a way, it's nice that he said that. He told her that he'd let her.

[B]

Know exactly where he is.

[A]

Right. Because he. What she did. I mean, she got him two very nice, very thoughtful dates, and he used that opportunity because he. He took that up. He. He saw that for what it was, which is this is someone who's looking for something very serious with me. Not necessarily with him. With me, because they did this really. And he said that was really, really nice. More nice than I would be at this level of where I'm at in a relationship. Yeah. You basically had to read what he said.

[B]

Right. That is the conversation that happened that she's not really like.

[A]

Yes. So she has to acknowledge I'm way further ahead than this person. Am I. What do I actually want from this person? I should ask for it? Because it's not. He's kind of giving me hints that he's not necessarily looking to do that.

[B]

Right. And what she did is instead of doing that, she went into vagaries of like, we both kind of want kids. And I don't know if he's the one, but I do want the one.

[A]

Right. That's not helpful.

[B]

23. So I understand why she's, like, embarrassed of that. Like, people her age are generally not ready for that. Maybe she is. That's okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But she has to, like, be more tangible.

[A]

Right. Would you say this to someone who got. Who one month in.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

That you weren't like, if you're dating other people.

[B]

Would you? Yeah, I would go listen, this is really nice, but I just want to let you know, like, I'm not really where this is.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I've done that. Gifts. Gifts are. Beware of birthdays, vacations, global pandemics.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And reactions to gifts.

[A]

I've been dumped after a gift. Yeah, it's great.

[B]

Gift will end relationship. We solve dating again.

[A]

Love it.

[B]

Thanks for listening to today's episode. Be sure to listen and share. We are pre recording episodes ahead of Jordana's maternity leave. But she'll still be here for benefits Episodes.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So you can still hear from me. Yeah. We want to make sure we stay up to date with the babies. And I can't wait.

[A]

I can't wait.

[B]

I'm so excited. My mom, all she asked about, really? Donna. Jordana. Jordana. Where's the babies? I want the I want to see the pictures.

[A]

Like, tell her she. Tell her we'll come visit.

[B]

Yeah, the whole family. We'll be in the pool, shoes off. Before the you enter the house, make sure you sign up for the benefits episodes. We did it. We solved dating.

[A]

Bye.

[B]

Boom.