My Fiancé Is Cheating Through The Notes App!

Summary

U Up? Podcast — Episode Summary

Episode: My Fiancé Is Cheating Through The Notes App!
Date: June 17, 2026
Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into modern dating’s messy reality, with a standout segment featuring a listener who suspects her fiancé is cheating—with another woman via the mysterious “Notes app” on his iPhone. Hosts Jordana and Jared unpack relationship trust, emotional affairs, covert digital communication, family dynamics, and other relationship icks. They also share updates from their own lives, riff on pop culture, and give their unfiltered takes on listener dilemmas.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Relationships and Credibility in Dating Advice

• [01:02–03:56]
  Jared discusses being tired of talking about his own dating life while promoting his dating advice book. Both hosts question the credibility of people in relationships giving relationship advice, arguing that people in relationships often lack empathy for single people.

  • Quote (Jared, 02:06):
    "I think people in relationships are the least credible to talk about relationships."

• The packaging of personal narratives as universal advice often reveals more about the advice-giver than about helpful truth.

2. Reality Dating Shows Then and Now

• [04:53–08:20]
  The hosts reminisce about notorious MTV dating shows— "Next" and "Parental Control"—and contrast their mean-spirited antics with today's internet commentary and docuseries.

  • Quote (Jared, 06:39):
    "Those MTV shows, they were just like, let's give this a whirl."

• They critique today’s “dissection” of old shows and pop culture (e.g., "America’s Next Top Model," "Sex and the City") and prefer the nonjudgmental style of U Up?:

  • "Uncomfortable conversations had comfortably." (Jared, 09:04)

3. Distance & Relationships: Personal Updates

• [10:23–14:54]
  Jared shares about being in a long-distance relationship and the emotional “growing pains” that come with moving into deeper territory. Jordana echoes how relationships expose personal flaws and instigate uncomfortable but necessary conversations.

  • Quote (Jared, 14:24):
    "I do feel like I need to be around her in a way I never felt that way with anyone else... like, I’m missing something."

  • On long-distance:
    "There’s just no amount of masturbation that can make up for a human body being next to you in the bed." (Jared, 15:17)

4. Social Status, Insecurity, and "The Hamptons"

• [15:59–17:38]
  The Hamptons hierarchy: Jared pokes fun at the status insecurities of West Hampton vs. East Hampton, revealing that insecurities permeate even privileged circles.

  • Quote (Jared, 16:12):
    "To rich people, there’s always someone richer. To hot people, there’s always someone hotter."

5. Listener Email: The Notes App Cheating Scandal

[Detailed Segment: 34:12–51:12]

The Dilemma

• A 29-year-old woman writes in, suspecting her fiancé is emotionally (or maybe physically) cheating through a shared “collaborative note” with his ex. She found messages like:
  • “Don’t text me. Just update the note.”
• She questions whether this is emotional cheating, how to confront him, and whether she should end the engagement.

Hosts’ Immediate Take ([35:15–36:04])

• Both hosts are deeply skeptical of couples who tout an “open phone policy,” suggesting such claims mask trust issues.
  • Quote (Jared, 35:15):
    “When you write [open phone policy] in the email... your relationship’s in a lot of trouble.”
  • Quote (Jordana, 36:29): "You know who else told us they had an open phone policy? Jax and Brittany. And now they are so disgustingly divorced, it's not even funny."

Breaking Down the Notes App Affair ([40:13–44:33])

• Hosts are both impressed and disturbed by the creativity of cheating via Notes—a loophole for open phone snoopers.
  • Quote (Jared, 40:01):
    "It is clever... like ghosts writing from the great beyond."
• Jordana declares it unambiguously counts as cheating because the method is so intentionally secretive.
  • Quote (Jordana, 44:19):
    “The fact that it’s on a Notes app means you’re going somewhere private… No one would do that unless they were cheating or doing something deceptive.”

On “Open Phone Policies” and Trust ([43:16, 43:20])

• The hosts note the contradiction in the email: the letter-writer repeatedly insists she trusts her fiancé, but her behavior and situation suggest otherwise.
  • Quote (Jared): “No, you don’t. Stop saying that.”

Advice to the Listener ([47:12–49:38])

• Direct advice: She needs to confront her fiancé, express discomfort, and ask for full transparency. They stress that if “cheating is a deal breaker,” she must act accordingly—don’t pretend to minimize it.

  • Quote (Jared, 47:13):
    “If you’re engaged to someone, you can see stuff on their phone—it happens. Who cares. Say: ‘I saw something, I feel bad. Tell me what’s going on.’”
  • Quote (Jordana, 47:50):
    “Why would you want to be with someone who’s going to minimize it, deny it, or convince you it’s harmless?”

• Importance of honesty with oneself: If someone is putting on a show about how great their relationship is, they may avoid outside judgment at the expense of ignoring real red flags.

6. Icky or Picky: Overly Attached to Parents ([54:13–62:07])

• A listener feels weirded out that her fiancé wants to have dinner with his parents 4–7 nights a week.

  • Both hosts agree that’s excessive and indicative of an overly comfortable, possibly “stunted” adulthood.
  • Quote (Jordana, 54:53):
    "This to me is a man that likes to be comfy. He's not an adventurous guy. He's not trying to mix things up."

• Advice: Don’t attack his family bond, but instead express the desire for independent couple-life, and set boundaries.

7. Red Flag or Deal Breaker Games

Notable Scenarios:

1. Online Dating Profile Out-of-date Photos & Weird Hair ([63:29–70:08])

   • If a match’s photos are several years old and they now look “completely different” (i.e., Willy Wonka–length hair): Most lean towards “red flag,” especially if the person seems unconcerned about the mismatch.

2. Guy Announces Premature Arousal on Date ([70:10–77:20])

   • After revealing he “came a little” upon being touched, hosts debate if it’s a red flag or deal breaker.
     • Jordana says it could be flattering, but the awkward announcement kills the mood. Subtlety is better.

3. Persistent/Confrontational Messaging on Dating Apps ([78:52–82:28])

   • A match gets “intense” after being unmatched and then rematched across apps.
     • Most agree: not necessarily a red flag unless the recipient already isn’t interested—the annoyance is more about lack of chemistry than his persistence.

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Notable & Memorable Quotes

• "You don’t want your fiancé to not cheat on you because it’s too hard."
  – Jordana, [42:29]

• "Cheating boyfriend... there’s a collaborated note. I mean, clever."
  – Jordana, [39:59]

• "No one less equipped than two people in a relationship."
  – Jordana, [02:26]

• "A lot of times people in relationships, when they give dating advice, it's like... to justify their own story."
  – Jared, [02:28]

• "Same beach, an hour closer."
  – Jared, [16:22] (on Hamptons status insecurity)

• "A little goes a long way… as he noticed with his come."
  – Jared, [74:13]

• "I actually do think coming in your pants is flattering."
  – Jordana, [76:19]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:02–03:56: Credibility of people in relationships giving dating advice
• 04:53–08:20: Reality dating shows, past and present
• 10:23–14:54: Jared on long-distance, deeper stages of relationships
• 15:59–17:38: Social status and insecurities in the Hamptons
• 34:12–51:12: The Notes app cheating email—main segment
• 54:13–62:07: Icky or Picky: Dinner with parents every night
• 63:29–70:08: Red flag/deal breaker: Changed appearance on dating apps
• 70:10–77:20: Red flag/deal breaker: Announcing premature arousal
• 78:52–82:28: Red flag/deal breaker: Confrontational follow-ups on dating apps

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Tone & Style

The U Up? hosts toggle between playful, self-deprecating humor and incisive, empathetic analysis. They don’t shy away from calling out denial or bad behavior, but they also balance tough love with real talk about vulnerability, insecurity, and the unique absurdity of dating in the 2020s.

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If You Only Catch One Part…

Don’t miss [34:12–51:12]: the Notes app cheating saga. The hosts’ lively forensic breakdown of covert digital infidelity is both genuinely helpful and hilarious, illustrating the podcast’s honest, validating, and occasionally brutally funny approach to complicated relationship questions.

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Listen for the banter, stay for the surprisingly nuanced advice on digital-era relationships and why “open phone policies” aren’t the security blanket you think they are.

Transcript

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

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[Jordana Abraham]

first before you guys get into it.

[Jared Freid]

Working on a weekend like usual. Way off in the deep end like usual.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hello and welcome back to the U UP podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.

[Jared Freid]

And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana. How are you? What's going on? How you feeling?

[Jordana Abraham]

Feeling good.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Ever since it's summer we're back here, we're ready, we're in studio.

[Jared Freid]

We love in studio. I am.

[Jordana Abraham]

How are you?

[Jared Freid]

On the press tour for the book and I am done with sound of my own voice.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hardest working man in America.

[Jared Freid]

I do them all, I do all these podcasts. But then like when you're doing a dating book it become like I'm like sick of myself.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do people ask, aren't people just keep asking you about your dating life on

[Jared Freid]

they're asking about your dating. Well then you get into like discussions with people about dating that like are

[Jordana Abraham]

they asking about your relationship status on these?

[Jared Freid]

That's fine. Yeah, they asked about your relationship status and I talk about, you know, having a girlfriend and do you feel like

[Jordana Abraham]

better that you have a girlfriend for this press cor tour than like you don't Cuz because it's like, keeps coming up like it's easier.

[Jared Freid]

I think I would have a canned answer if I was single doing this. I would have an answer that brought it back to the book.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Like yes, I'm single and that's why I'm the best person to buy a book from like and that's a big

[Jordana Abraham]

now it's I'm in a relationship so I know everything.

[Jared Freid]

I know everything well the relationship. It allows me to tell a true story that is.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do you feel like it gives you more credibility though in writing a dating book that you're in a relationship?

[Jared Freid]

I always thought that was, I think people in relationships are the least credible to talk about relationships.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay, you should say that, you should say that on your on my book tour.

[Jared Freid]

I don't know. I, I, I general believe and I don't think you do this or I do this generally a lot of there's

[Jordana Abraham]

no one less equipped than two people in relationship.

[Jared Freid]

And now it's two people in relationships giving advice. I don't know. You what? When people put their own relationship on the advice they give. A lot of times, A lot of times people in relationships, when they give dating advice, it's like, in service of their own story. Like, they want to, like, justify their own. Justify their own story or tell you why.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, that's like, all advice, right? Like, if you had, like, some, if you had someone who was giving, like, financial advice based on how they got rich, that's kind of like, right. How they do it. Right. I mean, like, the annoying thing is, is, like, when rich people give financial. People who are born rich give financial advice, or people who are, like, always in a relationship give relationship advice, those people don't know as much as people who have been single and then are in relationships.

[Jared Freid]

There's not a lot of empathy generally from people in relationships to the plight of being single because they're like, well, it's, you know, because that, because once you're in it, you go, oh, once I gave, you know, gave into this whole thing. Like, I could say that right now. Like, but you have to take a, you, you don't remember what it's like to feel, like, upset by it or, yeah. Sad by it and anything. Right, Right. It's anything. And if you don't give that, I don't know, I would. I don't think me being in a relay, I, I, it's funny when you talk about, oh, I have a dating advice book. I can see when people react to it in the same way people react to me. I'm a comedian. Oh, you think you're funny. I'm like, oh, that's a very insecure person, you know, like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, you're. What makes you an expert on dating? Oh, that's a, that's a person who's very insecure. Like, I can always, I, I, you know, my dad has a saying, fat people have the best hearing. And my dad's saying, what does that mean? It means they're sensitive.

[Jordana Abraham]

It sounds like something you yelled at someone on the playground.

[Jared Freid]

You got great hearing it. I say that as someone with weight issues. We're very sensitive people. We, we hear every slight. We hear every thing. So I am a, as an insecure person, I can feel, I, my superpower seems to be. I can sense someone being off, you know, I can always feel that weirdly in, in a way that, like, I turn away from the conversation. I I. That's why, you know, I. I don't know. I. I have that on this show. We have guests on the show. I'm like, no, no, I could taste this.

[Jordana Abraham]

I should do a guest version of this. Of the MTV show Next.

[Jared Freid]

I could do it. I would love that.

[Jordana Abraham]

They start off with their spiel and next.

[Jared Freid]

Why. Why am I not getting. Why am I not right? Why am I getting a real person here? Like, that's kind of my next.

[Jordana Abraham]

That show was so mean.

[Jared Freid]

It's a pretty mean show.

[Jordana Abraham]

That was pretty mean. They used to have really mean dating. They wouldn't be able to do that anymore.

[Jared Freid]

Well, there's a lot of mean parental control. The shows were mean. Sit you next to their parents while they would talk to the parents.

[Jordana Abraham]

And then they'd make the boyfriend watch you on a date with someone else.

[Jared Freid]

They'd make you watch. Well, they would have the boyfriend watch with the girlfriend's parents who hated him.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

And set up the girl.

[Jordana Abraham]

Genius.

[Jared Freid]

It's even worse than you explain. They would have. The parents hated the boyfriend, so they would set up the girl, the girlfriend, with new men that they were hoping would their daughter.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

And it was like. And then they would sit and watch them on TV while they went on the date and talk shit to each other. There was, like, no way out for them to be a happy household if this, you know, like, if the daughter didn't like the new guys, they'd now have to be the parents of the daughter dating the guy they just talked to.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, well, at the end, that was the premise. Like, at the end, she had to pick whether to stay with her boyfriend or the parents. Right. Or to date this new guy that her parents picked from, like, a few different guys.

[Jared Freid]

Right. It kind of put her in the worst of scenarios.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And sometimes they would pick the new guy.

[Jared Freid]

Pick the new guy. Sometimes. I mean, sometimes they'd go back to the boyfriend that the parents just said they hated and that just said to the parents, yeah, you losers.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I mean, they had it with guys with the Sons too.

[Jared Freid]

The girls side. Yeah. It went the other way. Yeah. Those MTV shows, they were just like, let's give this a whirl.

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's kind of a golden age of dating shows. They were just, like, with people and, like, just get away with all of it.

[Jared Freid]

And it was all people to be with because there was like, some randos that moved to Hollywood to try and, like, be an actor or actress. Like, there was no tik Tok.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. To get cast on these things.

[Jared Freid]

So you're like, oh, okay. They're like, well, we got this new dating show. Would you like to be on it? Yeah, I'm looking for a couple bucks. I'm looking to be on tv, you know, like, there was no, like, other.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I'll let you take a, like a, A light to my bedroom. See all the semen on my bed. Right.

[Jared Freid]

I'll let you see where I come. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

These shows were unhinged.

[Jared Freid]

Unhinged. And then also to go back, we were talking before we started taping, like there was no dissertations online where someone was gonna use this to show why you're the most evil person alive.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Well, now it's like, it's funny because they didn't get a chance to do that back then. Now they just keep making documentaries the past. Now, like, you see all that stuff

[Jared Freid]

about, oh, America's Next Top Model.

[Jordana Abraham]

America's Next Top Model. It's like they were like, how did we not write a dissertation on this when it was happening? Okay, now we're.

[Jared Freid]

And I think Tyra Banks made documentary.

[Jordana Abraham]

Documentary talking about her.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Which is crazy, cuz it, I mean,

[Jordana Abraham]

it's kind of nice because they were making fun. It was like a lot of the, the stuff coming out of it was just like making fun of her.

[Jared Freid]

Right? Well, a lot of the, A lot of the thing. Well, that was like, what happened with Sex in the City? Like Sex in the City made the new one as a response to all the blogs that were written about how like, problematic the show was.

[Jordana Abraham]

And then the best part about that show was making fun of it.

[Jared Freid]

Right? Well, the show was right. Everything Sex in the City talked about

[Jordana Abraham]

was right, whether the original or the.

[Jared Freid]

The original.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

There was not one thing they were wrong about, except for kind of airing out things that were real in society that people have problems with. Like. Yeah, it kind of shows you, like, again, like, what's right? What's wrong? That doesn't. That's not what we're here. We're here to show you what's going on.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, Right.

[Jared Freid]

You know, I mean, to bring it back to this show. When we talk about someone's dating problem, we're not sitting here going, now, he shouldn't have done that. You know, like, that's not an entertaining show.

[Jordana Abraham]

Not at all.

[Jared Freid]

Yes, an entertaining show is like, okay, based on the email you wrote, which we always want more of. Uupetches.com keep sending in your emails. Here's how we feel. Here's how you get out of it. Here's your next move. Here's what I would do.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know, uncomfortable conversations had comfortably.

[Jared Freid]

That's the rule here. That's it. I'm also listen. If you're listening. The book is out. Walking out flag. It's out. You can see it here.

[Jordana Abraham]

You haven't bought it by now.

[Jared Freid]

Buy the book. Buy the book. I don't even know what promoting it does at this point. I kind of. The book is now out there, and it's in your hands if you have a friend who's single or newly single. Well, I'm positive. I'm like, I don't even know what I want from the book anymore. Like, I'm like, I wanted to sell.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, right.

[Jared Freid]

I would like for it to sell. Like, I. I kind of have to move on at a certain point.

[Jordana Abraham]

It hasn't even come out yet.

[Jared Freid]

It's week two. But this is the way life works.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is it.

[Jared Freid]

This is the word, the way of the world.

[Jordana Abraham]

Now you've been promoting it for, like, months. Right?

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

I think it's good.

[Jordana Abraham]

Promotion fatigue.

[Jared Freid]

I'm a little fatigued, but I'm like, there's laughs. Do you want to laugh? Every page of a book.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Okay. That was the attempt I made. I don't know who else is doing that for you.

[Jordana Abraham]

No one.

[Jared Freid]

Now I'm getting mad at someone who. I don't.

[Jordana Abraham]

It doesn't even. You're like Kelly Clarkson.

[Jared Freid]

Right? What the is wrong with you? Buy the book. You can have it right now. I don't know. I. I'd love for people to buy I. The feedback already before it even came out. Amazing, so.

[Jordana Abraham]

And how's everything else? How's Emily?

[Jared Freid]

Emily's good. You know, we're apart.

[Jordana Abraham]

Any tips for being apart?

[Jared Freid]

Well, I'm in, like, this new. Not a new world. I haven't. I was in a really. I've been in this part of the relay. You know, with dating, it was like I knew how to date. I knew how to be.

[Jordana Abraham]

They've been dating for a long time.

[Jared Freid]

Right now I'm in a relationship, and I'm. I've done these things before, but I'm starting to move into, you know, new territory, new levels, deeper levels. Yeah, right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Some of them are not as fun. Some of them are more fun.

[Jared Freid]

Like, we had a conversation the other night. Like, we had this conversation about, you know, and I'm just not. The things that I'm not good at. Like, those are what I was avoiding when it came to, like, getting in a relationship.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, that's What a relationship does, like, more than. Almost like, exposing you to, I think what's wrong with the person you're dating? The deeper you get into it, it also exposes what you're not. Good. Because when you live alone, everything you do is great.

[Jared Freid]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

There's only one person voting, and you love what you do.

[Jared Freid]

I love everything I do.

[Jordana Abraham]

And then you're in a relationship, and, like, that's how you see what, like, maybe your flaws are.

[Jared Freid]

So yesterday, I could feel something was off. She heard me on another podcast talking about our. Our relationship. I was like, are you okay? What's going on? She's like, well, I. Listen to this.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Oh.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh. It wasn't that you told her not to come. It was something else.

[Jared Freid]

Well, then it wasn't that I told her not to come. It was I. Oh, and I heard you on this Pocket. She made mention. I feel like we're going to have to have a talk about it later. I'm. Again, I'm on this. This is.

[Jordana Abraham]

There's nothing worse than we're gonna have to talk about this later.

[Jared Freid]

She didn't say that, but I could feel. Yeah, yeah, this will come up again.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're gonna pay for this.

[Jared Freid]

There's some. Right. And another. When I'm dating someone, I could be like, okay, I guess I'll never talk to you again. Like, And I'm. I'm game for the conversation, but what

[Jordana Abraham]

did you say, if you don't mind

[Jared Freid]

me, the first time we dated, that I was dating around and it wasn't generally exclusive when we were dating the first time around, which I always felt was known, but maybe just not said right, you know, as you do. I. I don't.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

But also.

[Jared Freid]

I don't.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, but that's upset. I could see that being like. That's one of those things where, like, you kind of feel like you don't have a right to be upset, but you're still upset. I think I talked about this with Mike. I had a similar right thing.

[Jared Freid]

That is. Yeah, that was the vibe I got. That's exactly the vibe that I don't

[Jordana Abraham]

think I'm entitled to be upset, but I kind of am upset.

[Jared Freid]

But I'm not mad at you. I'm not. I'm not upset. I'm not mad. I'm disappointed. Yeah, it was that. And I hate. I'm not mad. I'm disappointed. I think that is the worst version of a fight. I'd rather you be mad. And it's done. And now you're. You love me more than anyone in the entire world. Like, I don't want, like, a weirdness.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

I don't want. I guess this is who you are. And I'm like, yeah, it was me the whole time.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, that's sort of the perfect, like, scenario for that, you know, Like.

[Jared Freid]

Well, I think that's also why men avoid relationships, so they don't have to have this conversation. Well, men are. Men are. Men get a lot of mileage out of potential. You know, when women date them, they date them. Okay. He checks a lot of boxes. So, like, potential is, like, kind of the sexiness of.

[Jordana Abraham]

Of a man.

[Jared Freid]

Of a man. I don't think men date women on potential at all.

[Jordana Abraham]

They date them on. For they are right now.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, that's what. Yeah, I've said that before. I think that kind of, like, makes almost men more romantic. Men are like, I like you just like you are right now. And if I don't, like, I'm not. I. If I don't like you right now just the way you are, I don't want to be with you. And women are like, if he has a good job, we can work with this. I can do that. It's, like, kind of less romantic.

[Jared Freid]

Well, then you're in the relationship. And I think maybe this is why you hear from a lot of women, like, you know, it's not what they thought it would be.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, you thought they would change.

[Jared Freid]

You thought they would change, or you thought they were on a trajectory, and then you go, I'm not mad. I'm disappointed. Because you're like, oh, this is who you are.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's part of dating.

[Jared Freid]

That's part of dating. This is what you got.

[Jordana Abraham]

Or that's part of relationships, right? Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

So, yeah, that's kind of when.

[Jordana Abraham]

But that's all relationships, right?

[Jared Freid]

I. I think so. But I think this is also, like, us being apart. I do feel like I. I do. For the first time, I do feel like I'm, like, I need to, like, be around her in a way that I never felt that way with anyone else. Like, I do feel like I. I'm missing something.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Well, it's happening, so that's exciting. Like, you're working. You're, like, moving in together.

[Jared Freid]

This is good. I'm just saying, like, that's probably why I feel like. Like I do miss her.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

You know, I think she misses me. And I think that, like, adds to the, you know, like, phone calls and get, you know, talking over the phone can do so much like, the, like, the distance Thing, like, if someone asked me about distance, I'd be like, yeah, but it's like, what's the due date? You know, like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Well, that's why I think you can do distance with a. Like, with a plan. It's hard to do distance, like, in perpetuity.

[Jared Freid]

There's just no amount of masturbation that can make up for a human body being next to you in the bed.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, we'll see if she gets mad about that one.

[Jared Freid]

Put that on a T shirt.

[Jordana Abraham]

Put that in your vows.

[Jared Freid]

I'll put that. Listen, I'm on the road if you want to hear this fun banter. I'm gonna be in Cleveland. Montauk. Selling out, you mean? It's Mont. I've done. Yeah. Excuse me. I'm sorry. I'm just insulted. All insecure people in Montauk. Yeah. Nobody more insecure than the rich people of West Hampton. Did you know this?

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, because they don't live in, like, East Hamptons.

[Jared Freid]

I didn't know. This is an underrated Hamptons thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

So anyway, Hamptons has, like, its own.

[Jared Freid]

Like, its own insecurities, its own mentality. So the first thing you learn.

[Jordana Abraham]

Don't get me started on quag.

[Jared Freid]

This is so insider. But anyone outside of New York would go, the Hamptons. Wow. Everyone.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's all one big blob.

[Jared Freid]

They all know they're rich. They all. And it's not the insecurities. This is when you find out that to rich people, there's always someone richer. To hot people, there's always someone hotter. You go to West Hampton, they all say the same thing. They go. They go. Same beach, an hour closer, and you're

[Jordana Abraham]

like, whatever helps you sleep at night.

[Jared Freid]

Right. That is so funny to me.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I mean, I'm speaking. Saying this as someone who does not have a Hamptons house in.

[Jared Freid]

Right. But, you know, you've met these people.

[Jordana Abraham]

Of course. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

And you're like, I'm in. To me, I was like, I'm in West Hampton.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is. There's like, a. Right there. It's like the buffalo of the Hamptons.

[Jared Freid]

Yes. The most insecure people on the Hamptons live in West Hampton. Come to my show. There's a few tickets left in West Hampton also.

[Jordana Abraham]

You could drive there from East Hampton.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. From the nicer part.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Or Sag Harbor.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I didn't know what's happened. It was like, the Jewish area.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is it?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, there's, like, Dune Road is, like, beautiful.

[Jared Freid]

Dune Run was awesome.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

It's all awesome. Like, that's why it's so funny to make fun of, like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. It's all the same thing.

[Jared Freid]

Same beach an hour closer. Same beach an hour closer. Yeah, everyone says that too. Bunch of insecure losers. So I'll be in West.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is that your opening bit?

[Jared Freid]

I did it last year. I was there two years ago. When I was there, I said that to them, and I wasn't sure if it would work. I wouldn't. And they were like, oh, my God, we have all said that this week. Like, everyone says that. It's like a lie.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Of course.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, I've heard it again. I don't even own a house or, like, live in. Like, know anyone, really.

[Jared Freid]

Right. They're apologizing for their mansion not being an hour further away. They're trying to rationalize I'm on the road. Cleveland, West Hampton. I just added Long island, the Paramount. So all the poors who can't go to the Hamptons, you can see me at the Paramount near Jordan's castle. I'll be in Miami. What?

[Jordana Abraham]

In October? Why is your Hampton show on a Sunday? That's my only issue.

[Jared Freid]

Because 4th of July weekend, no work on Monday.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it's no work on Friday, is it?

[Jared Freid]

Well, it can go both ways. Yeah, well, it's selling well.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

So someone had time off.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sorry. To me. I was just looking at the gallon. I was like. I was like, oh, it's on the Sunday.

[Jared Freid]

You think they're working? If they're out, yeah. In the Hamptons, you ain't working. They're waking up at 10am and telling everyone they're a founder, they got nothing to do.

[Jordana Abraham]

Go in a surf lodge.

[Jared Freid]

I'm also going to be in other cities. Jared free.com, where I don't even remember where I'll be. And by the book, Jordana, what do you got going on?

[Jordana Abraham]

I, as usual, have absolutely nothing going on.

[Jared Freid]

Nothing going on.

[Jordana Abraham]

Nothing going on. Loser.

[Jared Freid]

Like most mothers with twins.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Loser.

[Jared Freid]

Nothing going on.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, I have things going on. Boring. Yeah, we're, of course over sharing. I. I told Dr. Naomi's coming to. To stay with me. Her. Her kids are coming. They're all going to. To meet the kids.

[Jared Freid]

I want Dr. Naomi to read the book.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, give me a copy to give to her.

[Jared Freid]

I know. I still haven't give you. I mean, she gna give you a copy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I. I'll give her a copy.

[Jared Freid]

All right, we'll give her a copy.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm four months post postpartum, about to lose all my hair.

[Jared Freid]

So is That a thing?

[Jordana Abraham]

That is a thing. Yeah. At all. No, it all just keeps coming out

[Jared Freid]

after you have a kid.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. Because you, you're. Well, I think it's like you get a lot. You, your hair gets thicker while you're pregnant because of, like, the hormones. And so it looks great while you're pregnant. And then after you have the baby, like, after a few months, it all just like all that hair that didn't fall out when you were pregnant all falls out.

[Jared Freid]

Does Mike notice this? Is this all women?

[Jordana Abraham]

Mike doesn't notice anything.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's, like, annoying.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, Yeah, I get it. Because you're saying this and I'm like, it's as if you had, like, double the hair.

[Jordana Abraham]

I felt like I did. And now it's, now it's gone.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Or it's getting whatever.

[Jared Freid]

This should be positive for women. Men notice nothing.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. That is actually, I, I think it's nice. It used to annoy me. It used to annoy me. And now I like, because it's like, it comes as. There's two sides of the coin, right? One, they notice every pound you lose. You don't want that.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Mm.

[Jordana Abraham]

Or they notice every pound you gain. You also, like, don't want that.

[Jared Freid]

I, I was thinking about this was in relation to West Wilson. There's, like, so much shock that he could, like, get a woman.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, I was gonna ask you about that.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Because, like, I heard there's rumors that he's, like, pretty hot in person. Did you find him to be hot?

[Jared Freid]

I thought he was a good looking dude.

[Jordana Abraham]

He is good.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. I, I, I think it's like lean

[Jordana Abraham]

was like, telling me that supposedly he's, like, very, very attractive.

[Jared Freid]

It's not as little in person. He's, I think on camera he looks small, very little in miniature. And actually like a mini horse where he has all the muscles of a regular horse. And he's not. No, I, I actually, I think a lot, you know, the pendulum swings. I think West Wilson and Amanda have gotten crushed and to the point of, like, there's people that I think if they're crushing them still, like, they've entered into the land of disgusting.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, have you watched the reunion?

[Jared Freid]

I didn't watch Part two. I watched Part one.

[Jordana Abraham]

There's a lot to crush.

[Jared Freid]

I mean, I think Carl, he's playing a game that, like, he's loves being the good guy. Kyle doing the head back.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, Kyle's got.

[Jared Freid]

Kyle is doing a performance of the century, and I was milking this, but I'm Saying all of it is fair. But like, as a big chubby buffoon with an opinion in a podcast, aren't I allowed to like, speak for the chubby buffoons and go like, it feels

[Jordana Abraham]

like it was a chubby buffoon here?

[Jared Freid]

Me. I'm saying I am. I'm saying it seems as though it's

[Jordana Abraham]

an easy take, obviously.

[Jared Freid]

Well, this is the problem.

[Jordana Abraham]

But they do suck.

[Jared Freid]

I will say you're allowed to say they suck. There's a world where Amanda and West did wrong by a friend. Wes, to me, like the idea like

[Jordana Abraham]

all the like secret girlfriend.

[Jared Freid]

Secret girlfriend. Oh, I heard about that. And then I like, he's not like a redeemable subject. But also he doesn't shock me. Like, I think this like shock and awe that this happened. Like, I think that's a little ridiculous. Like he's a guy with a following who they were like. Cause what's getting the feedback seems to be he's ugly and who would date him? That's wrong.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's not.

[Jared Freid]

That's crazy.

[Jordana Abraham]

There's. To me that's. That's stupid.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, that's stupid. But I'm saying the stupidity drowns out the conversation. That could be fun. Like, and, and so then the other thing is like, well, the reason I brought him up is because I think he is liked by women because he's like a. They know they're not going to end up with him. But he's disheveled enough where you never, you can never dress down so much that you look like you're disheveled. He's kind of a good, he's good looking. So he kind of dresses like he's rich and famous too. One though he's not one.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. He like dresses so poor that he looks like he's very rich.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

One thing I will say about many women is there's very few. I actually don't think that's a real thing. Is to. Is to look at a man and say, I know I'm not going to end up with him. I think that like in the back of every woman's head, if they're dating someone, there is a at least some percent chance that they would like to end up with them.

[Jared Freid]

That you could change them, that they could.

[Jordana Abraham]

That they could be the one.

[Jared Freid]

There's no woman.

[Jordana Abraham]

Women just don't. Most women do not just date. Especially like in the way that he's dating these women. Like and I. And you know, he's just for fun for right now. Like Mr. Right Now.

[Jared Freid]

Well, here's my feedback to that. That being the case, would you say that, like, if it ended with him, it wouldn't be embarrassing? You could always blame it on him. So, like, I think what we have here is a lot of times women are like, I gotta make him the villain so that people know why we broke up. It's not because I wasn't worthy enough. So I think, like, in a scenario with Wes where he's this, like, kind of crumb, bum looking guy, if you dumped him and threw him away, it wouldn't be because you were being. You know, you were.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're saying if they dumped him, if they.

[Jared Freid]

I think that's why they latch on to him so much. They're like. I think they're like, I can't have a scenario where he's dumping me because now he does dump all of them. Well, he doesn't even date them.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, but he did. No, he actually dates all of them. That's like.

[Jared Freid]

Does he become a boyfriend. Girlfriend with them?

[Jordana Abraham]

He was had. He had a secret girlfriend the entire time that he called his girlfriend.

[Jared Freid]

And where was she?

[Jordana Abraham]

He told her. You. If you watch. If you watch the Reunion, part two, they. He told her. He told this, the secret girlfriend that they were in a relationship, but he couldn't go public with her because it would. It just, like, wouldn't be a good look. And he wanted to protect her from the show and not get fired. Fired for coming on with. With like a girlfriend and being.

[Jared Freid]

Which wouldn't happen.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's what I'm saying. He's like. I think he's actually like, a huge clout chaser. Hugely into, like, using whoever he needs to, like, get. And that's why I do think, like, Lindsay, I agree, is, like, irritating, but I actually do think she had a point. He is like a new. He's doing the new fad. He's fucking his way to the top. Learning from Pete Davidson.

[Jared Freid]

I think that there is a Not fair to Pete. I would. Pete Davidson. All right. Yeah, I don't think that's fair to Pete. Pete was a talent or is a talented comic that I knew. Like, it wasn't like Pete, his way through the open mics to get to Lauren Michaels.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm not, I'm. They're not. They're not the same.

[Jared Freid]

Did he learn that being on the arm of a very popular woman helped him? Yeah, sure. Time. I'm sure. I'm sorry.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's unbearable.

[Jared Freid]

He's just an easy target. I apologize to Pete Davidson.

[Jordana Abraham]

Very different.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Very different.

[Jordana Abraham]

Skill set. I will agree. But I also, like, here's the annoying thing. And you. I think you would find this annoying about West.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

On the reunion, you. He's like, quiet as a mouse, just not saying anything, not answering. Basically just trying to be like, as like get away with saying as little as possible and just says sorry to everything that is. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Which to me means, like, you're not really sorry. You were trying to just like, get through this and get the out of here.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

But he has a podcast.

[Jared Freid]

Of course I've listened to it. It's the worst podcast I've ever heard in my entire.

[Jordana Abraham]

To me, it's insulting. It's more insulting. I'm more enraged that he has a podcast. So he. In his mind, he's. He's saying, I'm articulate enough and I have things. And I have enough things to say to have a podcast, but I can't say when I'm like on tv. But I'm gonna. You. I'm gonna use this controversy. He talks about it on his podcast much more than he says on the reunion.

[Jared Freid]

He doesn't say much on his podcast.

[Jordana Abraham]

So he's. Well, I mean, when he. About the. The thing, he says a lot more and he says. And he says a lot more because it's more advantageous to him to use this story for his own personal platform.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I guess. You know, I guess I wasn't surprised by like, I. The surprise. Like, why would Amanda go with him? I do think they both. The clout chasing is something they both have in common.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sure.

[Jared Freid]

Where I don't think there's like a million women trying to. Wes. Like, I think the. The assumption from women. And I get this a lot for me when I was single, you must have women in your DMs all the time.

[Jordana Abraham]

But you do.

[Jared Freid]

But that. Not in the way that you're in the way. That is not offer any safety. Like if west number one concern is followers and having brand deals.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Money.

[Jared Freid]

Money. Like, if that's his number one concern, which I maybe fame maybe. But I would say preserving his career. Career, whatever that may be. Right. He's. I don't think he doesn't know music. When you say a lot of women are in the DMs, which I appreciate, you're like, yes, there are. They're saying, hey, you're cute. We should do a date. We should get drinks. None of those dms are. I'm out with friends and I'm Looking to have fun night. None of them are giving him a guarantee of this is just a hookup and this is someone I can trust. That's why I think that him going to Amanda made sense. She's someone who can understand.

[Jordana Abraham]

She's also famous.

[Jared Freid]

She's famous. The microscope is over her. She understands, she feels she's in fear of this commenter that she's.

[Jordana Abraham]

That he's as much to lose as he does.

[Jared Freid]

Right. So that's. I. I think they to them getting together like actually like is the most reasonable.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. If not for her friendship with.

[Jared Freid]

Right. But that's a. Again, they all are avatars for people who have wronged us. That's why people lash out so hard. I It's interesting. I mean they should all be Giving Tom Sandoval 10% of whatever money they're making.

[Jordana Abraham]

He should collect. Ariana's making a lot.

[Jared Freid]

Ariana and Tom, she and these people could run.

[Jordana Abraham]

Ariana and Sierra made a commercial together for Sonic. It's actually pretty good.

[Jared Freid]

I don't know. Am I jealous of the money they're making?

[Jordana Abraham]

A little. I mean, here's the. If I'm going to. If my situationship is going to hook up with like one of my very good friends, I'll take $3 million and call it even. I will say if this is going to happen to you. If you're wronged by a man in the Tom Sandoval way or in the West Wilson way, I think she and Ariana are in the most envy. Like take the. Take the fame and the money out of it. I think they are in the most enviable position of anyone who's been wronged in that way. Not even because of all the opportunities because of that. It's because like when this happens to you, when you're like in one of those like situationship things or maybe when you're cheated on, there's so many like little things that you think back on that like really bother you that you think of then. And they're all like triggering to you. Like when he said that he was actually doing this. And what they get is they get to watch with all of America who is. But like you can't, like if you're a normal person, you can't tell anyone about all those little things because they don't know what the you're talking about and they don't care. Here people are like watching it with

[Jared Freid]

you and you get to be told.

[Jordana Abraham]

Everyone is. Yes. And everyone. Yeah, exactly. Which in a situationship, I think is huge.

[Jared Freid]

Everyone thinks they're delusional, especially when you're cheated on. When you're cheated on, you're like, how could I be that stupid? How could I not see it? And then you have people go, well, I wouldn't have seen it.

[Jordana Abraham]

And they're watching the person do, like, just the little betray, all the little betrayals that you can see on thing, and they can, they can feel it with you. You're validated.

[Jared Freid]

But would you feel comfortable if it was a guy who left his girlfriend and then had a baby within a month of leaving his girlfriend?

[Jordana Abraham]

She. He left her.

[Jared Freid]

He left her.

[Jordana Abraham]

Carl broke up with her.

[Jared Freid]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

And then she had a baby two months later. So I think she can do that.

[Jared Freid]

So she's good.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I think if she, Bro, I think if he had a baby two months later and he broke up with her.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's more up.

[Jared Freid]

Interesting.

[Jordana Abraham]

No.

[Jared Freid]

All right. You know, I, I, I guess so.

[Jordana Abraham]

The person who does the breaking up needs to eat right for a little bit.

[Jared Freid]

I don't buy that she was such a victim in that breakup.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't think she was a victim either. I don't think she was a victim either.

[Jared Freid]

I think she is, like, But I understand the math.

[Jordana Abraham]

I actually was on his side in that breakup. But I'd also think, like, if someone breaks up with you, you can have a kid the next day, like, that's they've broken up with you.

[Jared Freid]

We've been trying to have Carl on this show for a long time.

[Jordana Abraham]

Carl, Penn State alum?

[Jared Freid]

No, he didn't go to Penn State. He was at my tailgate. He just visited and saw me. He was like, you're the guy in the overalls and the Elvis wig from the tailgate. Carl, Carl, Your old friend Jared here.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Someone.

[Jared Freid]

Come on. I. Someone at Upper Sinclair High School. Come on. Tell Carl we want to have him on. He won't answer my DMs. This episode is sponsored by Instacart. When the weather's finally nice, the last place you want to be is inside. Whether you're spending weekends at the park, the beach, or just in your own backyard, Instacart helps you protect all that outdoor time. Set your preferences in the app once, and your shopper knows exactly what to grab. Your preferred brands, organic options, or specific produce choices so you get quality without any sacrifice. Get your weekly essentials, snacks, and meal ingredients delivered so you can spend more time outside and less time running errands. I love Instacart. I love the fact that you can go and live your life and have someone go and do these tasks for you and get it exactly the way you would get it. When I get turkey, I like a specific type of turkey. I like to let the person who's cutting the turkey know how thick or thin I want it. This Instacart person is going to do that for you and it is very easy to let them know how. So I am a lover of Instacart. You're going to love it too. Truly, the convenience can't be beat. With just a few taps, you can shop from your favorite stores and have quality groceries and household essentials carefully selected and ready for pickup or delivered to your door in as fast as 30 minutes. Instacart helps take care of delivering the things you need with the quality you deserve so that you're free to take care of life. I would say also for myself, Instacart is great. When I'm on the road and I'm heading home and I want those groceries to be waiting for me at my door, unpacking my bags from the road. It gives me time back which cannot be bought. Instacart brings convenience, quality and ease right to your door so you can focus on what matters most. Download the Instacart app now and get groceries just how you like. Study and play come together on a Windows 11 PC and for a limited time, college students get the best of both worlds. Get the unreal college deal, everything you need to study and play with select Windows 11 PCs. Eligible students get a year of Microsoft 365 Premium and a year of Xbox game. Pass ultimate with a custom color Xbox wireless controller. Learn [e-mail] studentoffer while supplies last ends June 30th terms at aka mscollegepc.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right, let's get into it. I'll read our first email. J and J I'm spiraling and I can't tell anyone what's going on. So I'm coming to the experts where I can see, say, completely anonymous Whirling

[Jared Freid]

Dervish welcome to the show.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes, I'm 29, my fiance is 34 and we live in upstate New York. Oh. We just celebrated five years together, have lived together for almost two years and got engaged a month ago. We have a great relationship, know each other's families, trust each other completely, and even have an open phone policy. Open phone policy? I've never heard that just means like you have each other's passwords. Well, as my question is there's an open phone policy we have each Other's password, passwords, or is an open phone policy. We can feel we are allowed to go through each other's phones however much we would like to.

[Jared Freid]

I think it means you're probably going to break up soon, right? Yeah. Whatever it is. If it's either of those that even mean, listen, I mean, having someone's.

[Jordana Abraham]

I have Mike's password. He's my password.

[Jared Freid]

Trust each other.

[Jordana Abraham]

But I don't think, like, we don't. We don't have free reign to, like, go through all each other's messages.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

But I have his password. Is that what that means?

[Jared Freid]

I don't know what it means when you write it in the email. And that's why I love that we get emails and people choose their words and choose them however they want to choose them. When I read that, I was like, all right, your relationship's in a lot of trouble.

[Jordana Abraham]

How would that even come out?

[Jared Freid]

Right. Well, Jordana, ask me about my relationship.

[Jordana Abraham]

How's your relationship?

[Jared Freid]

We trust each other completely. You know, we even have an open phone policy, which means she can go through my phone anytime she'd like, and I can go through her phone anytime she'd like. Doesn't it sound like we're doing great as a couple?

[Jordana Abraham]

Sounds like a nightmare, right? Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Would you ever walk away from that conversation and go, wow, Jared's doing great in his relationship? No. No. You'd be like.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'd be like, what did you.

[Jared Freid]

What up?

[Jordana Abraham]

What did you do?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, what did you do? What did she do? What? Hold on. Like, that's not the end of the conversation.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know who else told us they had an open phone policy?

[Jared Freid]

Jackson.

[Jordana Abraham]

Jackson. Brittany. Yeah, Jackson was. Jackson Taylor was on this podcast and told us that back in, like, 2019 when he and before he and Britney were married, that they had a open phone policy. And now they are so disgustingly divorced, it's not even funny.

[Jared Freid]

Right? And listen, we didn't have as many commenters and listeners back then. You thought the Dear Shandy thing was uncomfortable.

[Jordana Abraham]

You should have heard that.

[Jared Freid]

I said that to him right there.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I did. You said there's, like a magic trick.

[Jared Freid]

You do it with your right. Doing something else with your left. I don't buy it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, we're about to find out what's going on here.

[Jared Freid]

I'm the only honest guy in this dating world.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay? So she says we have a great relationship, know each other's families, trust each other completely, and even have an open phone policy. I genuinely thought this was my person a little Backstory.

[Jared Freid]

We live honestly don't even need the rest of the email.

[Jordana Abraham]

I agree.

[Jared Freid]

I, I like if I heard someone like I. I mean this is the feedback they need to hear. Like she wrote the email. When if just know if you're sitting there telling people or being helped emotionally by the idea that you and your significant other have an open phone policy, the relationship is not. Well, we are all talking behind your back. We think you're going to break up.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

So that is to anyone listening or watching.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's also interesting because she says we have a not we had a great relationship. We have a great relationship. Trusty and we trust you. Not we trusted each other completely. We trust each other completely. Present.

[Jared Freid]

Have an open phone policy. It just it that sentence again. When you hear something weird, you what normal people do and not on a podcast is they go, oh cool, open phone policy.

[Jordana Abraham]

And they go home and tell someone

[Jared Freid]

and they tell someone and talk about you forever. And then the minute you break up, you go, Jordana, remember when they said they had an open phone policy? We knew. We knew then Jax. Taylor. We just did it with Jax. So like I, I just think because there. Listen, we don't think that people write in and aren't a lot. If one person writes in, there's 10 other people with their problem.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. We're speaking to all of you.

[Jared Freid]

We're speaking to all of you. If you are saying, well, at least I have an open phone policy. You are dating someone you don't trust. You have a problem in your relationship, you got to talk it out.

[Jordana Abraham]

And let's find out more.

[Jared Freid]

A little back.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right, a little backstory. We live in a town where everyone knows everyone. A few months ago, one of my fiance's high school exes moved back to town with her husband and young child. I only knew because we randomly ran into them at the market. After that, her name would occasionally come up through mutual friends or small town talk. Nothing that raised any red flags. Fast forward to last week. I was using my fiance's phone to find a photo of his passport for an upcoming tripping for an upcoming trip to France south of Fra.

[Jared Freid]

You know it well.

[Jordana Abraham]

I have a habit of swiping out of apps when I finished using it and when I swiped out of photos, I briefly saw the notes app open behind it.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, what could be there?

[Jordana Abraham]

It happened quickly, but I could have sworn I saw a picture of his ex and some texts. I handed the phone back and tried to convince myself I imagined it.

[Jared Freid]

It was just a dream.

[Jordana Abraham]

A few Days later, I borrowed his phone again. The notes app was still open.

[Jared Freid]

Hey, can I use your notes? I mean, can I use your texting your ex? I mean, what? The notes.

[Jordana Abraham]

The notes app was still open, and I clicked it to see there was a shared note between him and his ex. Not a grocery list or random reminder. A conversation on a collaborated note.

[Jared Freid]

Interesting way to talk to each other.

[Jordana Abraham]

I was gonna say. This is, like, smart. I never thought to cheat this way.

[Jared Freid]

It's like ghosts that anyone would ever do that. Right? It's like. It's like ghost writing from the great beyond. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I mean, up. But, you know, it was good one.

[Jared Freid]

Cheating boyfriend.

[Jordana Abraham]

There's a collaborated. I mean, clever.

[Jared Freid]

It is clever.

[Jordana Abraham]

If my, like, kid did this, like, with talk with his friend, I'd be like, oh, that's clever. Okay. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

I don't want you talking to that guy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

And then all of a sudden, you see this collab.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'd be like, they're creative.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Who wrote this note?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. I don't know. Someone shared it with me.

[Jared Freid]

I was practicing how to spell.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. So they have a. She founds this collaborated note, which do use collaborative notes.

[Jared Freid]

I only used it once in my life, and it was to make a grocery list by the ex.

[Jordana Abraham]

It is a grocery list that Mike and I use that quite often.

[Jared Freid]

That's the only time I've ever. And then I had a moment where it was like we had broken up, and I was like, is that list still.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I was using Go back and edit it now.

[Jared Freid]

I was using it as my X is a note. No, not a nice person.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right.

[Jared Freid]

So they Please don't come for me.

[Jordana Abraham]

The collaborated note.

[Jared Freid]

I wish you the best.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. I'll be the first person, and you'll be the second person. Since it's disappearing ink. And we don't know.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

We don't know who's who. So we're gonna read the conversation. So you be the number one person. Number one.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. It was nice seeing you again. Feels weird after all these years.

[Jared Freid]

I was thinking the same thing. I forgot how easy it is to talk to you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Maybe we should grab coffee sometime when things calm down.

[Jared Freid]

I'd like that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Don't text me. Just update the note. There's special note.

[Jared Freid]

This is how two prisoners, the special, communicate via like. Like a tap on the wall.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is what I'm saying. This is like someone's trapped.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Count of Monte Cristo.

[Jordana Abraham]

My fiance was sitting right next to me, so I immediately closed the app and handed the phone Back. I wish I had taken a photo. The man I just agreed to marry has a secret shared note with an ex, and they're communicating through a collaborative notes app like they're starring in some covert iPhone affair. I know I need to confront him, but I don't know how. Cheating is a deal breaker for me. Really?

[Jared Freid]

Okay, well, then you should end it right now.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm hoping this is an is emotional cheating at worst and that nothing physical has happened, but I'm terrified he'll minimize it, deny it, or convince me it's harmless. My questions are, should I confront him immediately, and if so, how? Do I need to go back to his phone again and get evidence? Is this enough to call off an engagement? Or do I take the ring off, hit pause, and demote us back to boyfriend and girlfriend until I know whether I can trust the man I've agreed to marry? I'm spiraling. Please give me advice because I'm too embarrassed to tell my family and friends. I thought the notes app was just for grocery lists. P S. Hope my email can be a warning to other ladies. Let this be a reminder that there are too many places to hide conversations these days. There's too many. It's too easy for men to cheat.

[Jared Freid]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

You don't want your. You don't want your fiance to not cheat on you because it's too hard. I will say, logistically, what's my first lesson to her?

[Jared Freid]

Well, that kind of works into her whole mindset, if you think about it, like, just, you know, sometimes the PS is meant as, like, a jokey joke joke, and she's just letting the ladies know there's, you know, there's. This is a place they could be cheating. That's someone who also would ask for an open phone policy because they don't trust their boyfriend. I mean, fiance.

[Jordana Abraham]

They shouldn't trust him. He's cheating on her.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I guess she was right all along, but I think she knew she was right before she did the open phone policy. Like, yeah, you know, it's a chicken or egg thing. Do you have an open phone policy? Because nothing happened, Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, it's funny because she's like, again, she says, I trust him completely.

[Jared Freid]

No. No, you don't.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, you don't. Stop saying that.

[Jared Freid]

That's true. I also don't take cheaters. But if he's an emotional cheater, it's not that bad, right? No. You date cheaters.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. And also, like, just because you say something doesn't mean it's true. Just because you Say that you trust him. Just because you say we have a great relationship, that doesn't mean it's true.

[Jared Freid]

Right. That's the stuff you say to friends that they ignore and try to move on to other conversations with you. That's why this podcast is here for you and why you won't tell your friends. Because we've just pointed out 17 different things that show us there's a problem in this engagement that have nothing to do with what you saw. You know?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

What do you think she does?

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, he is cheating on her, I would say.

[Jared Freid]

Would you consider this cheating? Let's say it's just, you know, woman moved back to town, they have a past relationship. They're trying to communicate.

[Jordana Abraham]

If I saw this on text, I would say, maybe they're not cheating.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Maybe they're not. The fact that it's on a Notes app means you are going somewhere private. And the fact that he said, don't text me, just update the note. No one would do that unless they were cheating or doing something that they knew was deceptive.

[Jared Freid]

Let's say this.

[Jordana Abraham]

If I was like you, Jared, don't text me anymore, Just update.

[Jared Freid]

No.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. You would be like, why the would I do that?

[Jared Freid]

No, I, I. What's going on? Right, Right. I, I agree with you, but I've already pissed off the listeners and viewers on YouTube by defending Wes Wilson, so I'll be the devil's advocate. I'll be annoying here. Let's say you're dating someone who's not trusting you and makes you have an open phone policy, and you believe that every person of the opposite sex that you text with will be questioned and not trusted. Is that a reason to go to the Notes app? I, I.

[Jordana Abraham]

Why would she agree to go to the Notes app?

[Jared Freid]

I have no, you're right. Fair.

[Jordana Abraham]

I wouldn't go to the. If I had a guy, if I had a guy friend who had a girl. If, like, I, if that's. If you said to me, you have a girl, you said, let's speak on the Notes app, I would say no. Why? That's weird.

[Jared Freid]

Right? Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I wouldn't. Unless I, unless I was doing something nefarious.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Also complicit in that.

[Jared Freid]

So there must be something else we don't know about beyond the Notes app.

[Jordana Abraham]

I agree.

[Jared Freid]

How do you figure out how to communicate this way or create this agreement without having a meeting that preceded it?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. And he's also never mentioned her seeing her. It sounds like they, they have seen each other. Right.

[Jared Freid]

This sucks. I. I feel bad for her because she's already insecure, but then going, I hope this changes.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

You know, there was.

[Jordana Abraham]

This doesn't even sound like an emotional affair. It sounds like someone who is setting up an affair.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Right.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Or has.

[Jordana Abraham]

Maybe have. Maybe they haven't gotten to it yet. Is the.

[Jared Freid]

But they're working their way up the mountain. Yeah. And she's even saying, do I go back to boyfriend girlfriend to make him work back to. Like. Like that sounds even, like, unhealthy. Like they need couples therapy or they need to break up. Like, it's like one or the other to me.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

As a. As a chubby buffoon. That's my opinion. I don't know if. Like, how do you bring it up to him? I don't think. And here's the thing. Like, it all comes back to, we have an open phone policy. To me, because how did that.

[Jordana Abraham]

How. Where did that come from?

[Jared Freid]

Where did that come from? And also, like, this hope and phone policy was a band aid on a flesh wound. Like, it was supposed to fix things, and guess what? It fucking didn't. So, like, I feel for her because she was looking for any reason to salvage something that. And she's gonna hold. You know, she didn't even list breaking

[Jordana Abraham]

up with him as an option.

[Jared Freid]

No, I don't think so. Yeah. For me, my questions are, should I confront him? If so, how do I need to go back to his phone and get evidence? Like, evidence. What? Hey, I'm. If. If. Listen, when you're engaged someone, you can see stuff on their phone. It's. It. It happens. Whether you looked for it or not, you found it. Who cares? I saw something. I feel bad. Tell me what's going on.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right? And you have to pretend. And if you're scared that they're gonna make you feel like you're crazy, that's another issue in itself, right?

[Jared Freid]

Like. Like her saying that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is he gonna minimize it? Is he gonna deny it? Is he.

[Jared Freid]

Like, I don't even know how he would.

[Jordana Abraham]

Why would you want to be with someone like that anyway?

[Jared Freid]

Right. But, yeah, because she's a word. She'll never find anyone again. I can give you a million reasons you would want to be with that guy. She's worried that. You know, she listens to this podcast dating. It seems horrific. Wes Wilson is just waiting behind every corner. I'm in a small town. Everyone knows me. I'm the divorce. I'm the one who couldn't get married. There's a million reasons.

[Jordana Abraham]

I also worry about her friendships. If she doesn't have one friend that she could tell this to.

[Jared Freid]

Right. It's simple to me because she's putting on a show. Right? Right. We have an open phone policy. We trust each other completely. Like if you're saying that to us, I don't know what the you're saying to your friends, but it's probably.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, that's probably why she won't tell her friends. Cuz she's like basically bragging about this amazing relationship.

[Jared Freid]

I would say, hey, I saw stuff on your phone with you and your ex that moved back to town. I feel really uncomfortable and bad about it. Give me the full story.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. Clever way to cheat. But also I'm very upset about it.

[Jared Freid]

Looks like you found all the different ways you could cheat now.

[Jordana Abraham]

I didn't even come up with that idea. I would want to know, like, it's

[Jared Freid]

got fun for him.

[Jordana Abraham]

What made you take it to the, to the notes.

[Jared Freid]

How fun is that? Do you ever. What movie is that? That like the ghost was writing on the page while they were writing on it too.

[Jordana Abraham]

What is it like Harry Potter ghost,

[Jared Freid]

ghost or it was like they were writing from the future. Do you ever see. There was like a movie where they like write a note and they put it in the drawer and then they. The drawer opens up and it's 40 years in the future kind of. And they're writing notes to each other that way. It kind of feels like that, that. But I think she. I would want to know the full. Like my question is give me the full story. Like if you want to like not get caught in a. I saw this and you saw. I saw on your phone you're messaging with your ex. Plain, simple. Keep it the facts. I feel awful. Give me the full story. Just tell me everything I need to know.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do you think because they have an open phone policy, it's possible he wanted her to see this?

[Jared Freid]

I mean that. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Because like if I had an open phone policy with someone, I wouldn't use. I wouldn't use this as my method.

[Jared Freid]

From a male side of things.

[Jordana Abraham]

I would go like Facebook message or something.

[Jared Freid]

Right. There's other ways.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

From a, from a male side of it. If I were to think of like how embarrassed would I be about this? I think you could handle the embarrassment. That's kind of the problem.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like he wouldn't be that embarrassed in the town.

[Jared Freid]

It wouldn't hit him in the same way. Maybe it would hit the woman who moved back. This is like the unfairness of, of, of Male female relationships is like, he kind of gets away with, like, oh, they just weren't meant to be. And I don't know, I don't think he would feel the embarrassment as much as he should. Or maybe someone would. A woman would, maybe. So maybe that is an option. But, like, that would have to be. You'd have to, like. Like, do you cut off your hand to get out of the handcuffs? I. I don't know. I don't know if I would do that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

That's kind of like the physical version of what you're saying, right? Like, is he willing to just, you know, bleed for this to end? I'd rather go end it. So would I. I'm not ready for a relationship or an engagement. I mean, I don't want.

[Jordana Abraham]

You got engaged a month ago.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. I mean, well, with an open phone policy, we know that's true. There's other things happening.

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[Jordana Abraham]

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[Jared Freid]

Let's do another email.

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's do it.

[Jared Freid]

Picky. We love an icky or picky. You're dating someone, they do one thing, it gives you the ick. You want to know if you're being picky. That's the game. Jordana and Jared, big fan of you up, especially oversharing. Okay, I listen every week at work, so thank you for giving me some content to look forward to throughout my boring work week. I have an icky or picky scenario that I'd love an outside perspective on. This is not related to a first date, but rather a situation with my partner of eight years, fiance of one year. For reference, my fiancee are both are in our early 30s and I met him in college. After we graduated, we both moved away for a few years to another state, but recently moved back to our home state two years ago to be close closer to family. Since moving home, we try to have dinner with both of our families once per week. However, over the past year or so my fiance has started significantly increasing the amount of times he wants to have dinner with his parents. Like four times per week he wants to go over to their house for dinner and these dinners are time consuming. His parents are very routine people where they have dinner and then they all sit around for two hours and drink a cup of tea and watch the news. I've spoken to him multiple times about how this is getting to be too much and each time he says he can see where I'm coming from. But then the next day he's saying we're invited over for dinner again and puts it back on me to decline the invitation, which hurts both his and his parents feelings. Having to be the who says no all the time is exhausting. His real opinion on the situation is why would we cook when dinner is being offered to us every day? He is an only child and I'm sure his parents just want to spend time with us, but this is a lot of free time we are giving up to have these frequent dinners. Worth mentioning as well that whenever there is a time where I am out of town he goes over there every single night for dinner. If I am gone for a week, he'll go over for dinner all seven days. It's a bit much. I love his parents dearly, but we are in our 30s and life is exhausting. We both work eight to five jobs, I play in three sports leagues, we have a dog and also sometimes I just want down time to do nothing. I've started to just not go to a lot of these dinners and tell them to go without me. But I can't help but feel very icky about the fact that my fully grown 30 year old fiance wants to have dinner with his mom and dad every day. Should I find it endearing that he wants to be over there so often? Am I crazy for being annoyed by this? So icky or picky my 32 year old.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is he 30 or 32? Because she says 30 year old fiance before and now she's saying 32 early 30s.

[Jared Freid]

They're in their early 30s.

[Jordana Abraham]

30 or 32?

[Jared Freid]

So they're 30 or she changed. So icky or picky my third Jordana hates early, early or late. I know the real so icky or picky my 32 year old fiance wants to have dinner with his mommy and daddy every day.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm so interested to hear your take on this seven days a week. Wow. This to me is a man that likes to be comfy he's marrying his college girlfriend. Wow. He's not. He's hanging out with his parents four to seven nights a week.

[Jared Freid]

No stress.

[Jordana Abraham]

He is, he is a. He's not an adventurous guy. He likes to go with what works and he is not trying to mix things up.

[Jared Freid]

Guess what? His parents like routine. So does he.

[Jordana Abraham]

So does he.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. You got what you.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean the annoying part. To me honestly I would respect this decision more if when she asks, when she says it's a bit much, he's like, I really like love being with my parents. We have such like a good bond. I just kind of feel like amazing hanging out with them. He says, why would we pay for dinner when someone is cooking for us? To me that's not a man that's ready to be engaged. That's an adult. That's someone who's like still who's like again. Hasn't really moved on from college, kept his girlfriend, kept going home to his parents house. Goes there seven nights a week when she's not there. That's not a grown up.

[Jared Freid]

Why would we use our toilet paper at home when there's a place to go to the bathroom there?

[Jordana Abraham]

That's.

[Jared Freid]

Use their stuff.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, we could use.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Why would we sleep in the same bed? We can go sleep in my parents bed. You know there's no.

[Jordana Abraham]

We could just go to live with.

[Jared Freid]

Go to their house. Why would we even have an apartment? Why don't we just like all sleep together in one bed and Grandpa Joe this stuff. Yeah. No, I love that about anything.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

You could really say it about anything. I like that. That's the part.

[Jordana Abraham]

Why would we pay for our own rent? We could go with them.

[Jared Freid]

That. I like that you point out that part. Because I'm with you. It's annoying. He. But it. I, I, you know. So let me first say I agree with her. This is.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. I agree with.

[Jordana Abraham]

I was waiting to.

[Jared Freid]

This is much. This is a little much. I go to my parents for dinner once a week. Ish.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

While I'm in Boca, while I'm in

[Jordana Abraham]

Del Rey, a standing thing or just kind of comes up.

[Jared Freid]

But I also can say no to it anytime. There, there's. I don't have to go. It's. It's. I could be like not tonight. I could be like I'm coming and then say I'm not coming.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

There's no. But you said we put out a plate. There's never.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

I'm never guilted for not going. So I'm Just giving.

[Jordana Abraham]

You think you would be if you didn't go for like three weeks?

[Jared Freid]

No, they. They would go, where have you been? When are you coming over? What's going on? They. My family. They're pretty. As much as. Maybe it doesn't sound that way. I don't know how people hear what I say about my parents, but like it's there for me or not.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. That's actually. I think the people who are closest to their parents kind of let them like. Like you said, if you're like, you're there, but it's not like a thing like you could come over and not like speak to them.

[Jared Freid]

I could come over there, not speak to them and then leave and they would be like, you were here. What? You know, good.

[Jordana Abraham]

And those are actually, I think the people who usually have closer relationships with their parents than the people who like go and have to like put in time.

[Jared Freid]

Totally.

[Jordana Abraham]

But anyways. Sure.

[Jared Freid]

But. But sh. This. So while I agree with her, I think her. The way she's attacking it will get her no win.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

I think. Cuz even the way you attacked it, right. That he's like. I do understand. He's like, we could pay or we could not pay as a very male way to look at it. As annoying as it's not hot. It's. It's. It's. But he. And he's not grasping the whole. The totality of it because he wouldn't say the same thing about a random person who gives him free dinners. You know, like, he's only. He's not saying like, well, it's my parents and I love them. He's only giving this like mathematical reaction

[Jordana Abraham]

and then he's stuck in college.

[Jared Freid]

Well, I guess. But he just doesn't see it that way.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

So that's. That's my personal. My. If you're looking for the voice of a. A man who goes and has dinner with his parents. And if I was pushed to like, hey, I don't want to go, you'd be like, well, we don't have to pay for this. We are. It's already being made. Why. That would be my response when asked for a response. But I don't think he goes because I think he's being pushed to give a response that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Why does he go? Because he loves his mom and dad.

[Jared Freid]

I think it's easy. I think the laziness works in for him. I think it's no stress. I think as you said. I think that what you said about he went from his college girlfriend to now his parents have the house and he can go have dinner and tea. And I think it's more that. But I think when she says mommy and daddy and Right. Makes it about. It's, it's like when she makes it that you're not gonna win that battle. That's not, that's not gonna be. Yeah. Don't emasculate him because he goes to his parents. So now he's trying to give you a masculine reason why he does it. Which is, I have more money now because I don't eat at home. You know, which is crazy.

[Jordana Abraham]

What are we doing with it?

[Jared Freid]

Right. Where's it going? Where are we going? I, well, I think she needs to make it. Hey. I think she needs to, like, let him know. I think the one thing that I would, that I really connected with from her email was how much it sucks to be put in a position of I have to say yes or no to it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I agree.

[Jared Freid]

I have to. So I think that's. If I was to like find a crevice for her to like dig into. It's that, like, I love. She wrote I love her, his parents dearly. Like, I want a great relationship with your parents. But when you make it. So I have to say no to the dinner every week, it really puts me in a bad position and I don't want to have to say no to it. And I want alone time with you. I want to be at dinner with you where we can catch up and create our own life that is very similar to your parents but doesn't need to happen with them around every time. Like I, I, I, I, I. I don't feel my job here is to defend him as much.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think that's a great point.

[Jared Freid]

Find you the way to get what you want. Which you're right about. I think she's right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think make it about wanting to spend more time with him in an adult capacity.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Too.

[Jared Freid]

It just. But he doesn't see it as infantile. Like, he doesn't see it as like mommy and daddy are feeding me. He's not seeing it that way.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, I do think you go to your parents every single night. I do think that's kind of a turn off.

[Jared Freid]

I think that's rightfully you're allowed to feel turned off.

[Jordana Abraham]

You have a life outside of your parents. Do you have friends? Do you have things that you want to do that you can spend money?

[Jared Freid]

But he's not embarrassed by that. So it's not motivating for him. Right. You're not imagining.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's like, I want, I want you to not want to spend every night with your parents. I think that's right. I think that's okay to be like, I want to be with someone who likes his parents, has a good relationship with them, but I don't want to be with someone who wants to spend every.

[Jared Freid]

Well, I think it's okay for her to say it turns me off that you go all seven nights. That, that you're not, like, trying your best to have an independent life. I think that's okay to say that

[Jordana Abraham]

we, I want to build a light. We're getting married. I want to build our own life.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

With you.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I, I think these are all things she could say and they don't end the relationship.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, right.

[Jared Freid]

Hey, I'm turned off by the fact that you go to their house every night. I and it's not Mommy. I think making it about like you're not growing up. I, I, he won't see it.

[Jordana Abraham]

I do think there is truth in that.

[Jared Freid]

There's truth in that, but I just don't.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's not gonna help you.

[Jared Freid]

I don't think it's gonna get you anywhere because it wouldn't. I don't know. I, I was me.

[Jordana Abraham]

He does read like a guy who is not really, like, so desperate to, like, you know, grow up.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, not at all. No, I, I'm with you. I, I agree with everything. It's just like, I, when it went in that direction in the email, I

[Jordana Abraham]

was like, not that way.

[Jared Freid]

Not gonna work.

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[Jared Freid]

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[Jared Freid]

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[Jordana Abraham]

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[Jared Freid]

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[Jared Freid]

Let's play some games. Red Flag or deal Breaker. The game that's sweeping the country. You're dating someone, everything's great. One thing happens. Is it a red flag? You kind of just go with it, or is it a deal breaker? You end it sight unseen.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. Hi there. Got a red flag or deal breaker for you? Kitten fished. I just wanted to say how much I love your podcast. It's been a nice companion through both my good and terrible dating adventures. I wanted to share a little story to see what you all think.

[Jared Freid]

Thank you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Recently, I went on a date with someone whose pictures looked quite different from how he appeared in person because he had grown his hair out so much over the past two years.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, a couple. Another hair bro on her hand.

[Jordana Abraham]

Long hair. Don't care.

[Jared Freid]

As I put my hair through my luscious locks.

[Jordana Abraham]

It is a. You do have a great head.

[Jared Freid]

It's a little poofy right now. I think I need a cut. What do you think? Is it okay?

[Jordana Abraham]

I like a longer hair, not like the long hair that this woman's about to describe. Yeah, but Mike, I don't like when, I mean, he, when he gets haircuts. I'm never like, I don't love the day of the haircut. I like, like two weeks later. I like a longer look.

[Jared Freid]

I'm kind of afraid to cut it right now for that reason alone. I got, I'm on this big book tour.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it looks good. I don't think you cut it yet.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, it's just a little poofy.

[Jordana Abraham]

We'll see when it becomes about.

[Jared Freid]

You know what's weird?

[Jordana Abraham]

My.

[Jared Freid]

Right. When I get to Bob Land, then I'll want to myself. But I, My mom keeps being like, get your hair cut. And it's weird to, like, say to my mom again to go back to the infantile 41 whose mom has an opinion on his hair.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's okay for her to have been.

[Jared Freid]

Well, she has an opinion. I have to look at her and go, well, my girlfriend wants to me, right? Like, how do I like?

[Jordana Abraham]

Who should I listen?

[Jared Freid]

Right. Your opinion. I, I, I appreciate it. But also, you're not the one I'm trying to, you know, sleep with, so that's fair, right? My mom thinks everything a woman likes on me, my mom finds crazy. I guess the beard, long hair.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, you're like her, like sons, right? Sort of see that? She wants you to look more like, boyish.

[Jared Freid]

And I'm a man.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, at this point. Yes. Okay.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

So I'm recently, I went on a date with someone whose pro whose pictures looked Quite different from how he appeared in person because he had grown his hair out so much over the past two years. When I brought it up, he casually mentioned that he hadn't updated his photos in all that time and that he'd only update them on his next Euro trip. Okay, maybe that's the only time men

[Jared Freid]

can get pictures in Europe.

[Jordana Abraham]

That left me feeling like I couldn't really trust him since it felt like a lie by omission. I don't know if it matters, but he was also a little smelly. Like he hadn't showered that day. Oh, I don't think that matters. I'm curious to hear from you all. Would you consider someone using photos that are 2 years old and no longer reflect what they currently look like a red flag or a deal breaker? It wasn't the long hair itself that bothered me. It was the fact that he knew his photos were outdated and didn't seem concerned that he looked completely different in person. He wasn't a bad person at all, but it definitely caught me off guard and left me disappointed. Thank you so much for all the fun and wisdom you share. I can't wait to hear your thoughts. P S. I don't know if this matters, but I'm Mexican and in my culture we definitely shower every day. Just for reference. Don't share these, but I can show you his pictures and the Willy Wonka hair length he currently has. So she sends the pictures short haired guy and then the how he looked on the date, which is this. I mean, if he had this Willy Wonka hair, the Johnny Depp and Willy Wonka hair.

[Jared Freid]

Johnny Depp and Willy Wonka.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, we'll put the little picture of that on the YouTube if you want to look on YouTube. That is not a. That's not a look that I would be into.

[Jared Freid]

It's a. Yeah, tough look for Depp and anyone else for him too. I can't see it. Yeah, I'm looking at the picture of him, I'm like, it was a totally different vibe. What do you think, Jordana? Red flag or deal breaker?

[Jordana Abraham]

I think like deal breaker. If I just didn't like his look as he looked to me on the date. But I think, I think it's a red flag if his hair looks different than it did on the apps. I think they could like men. Maybe this is like we're double standard. But I also kind of like don't feel like it's so easy for men to get pictures for dating apps. And I don't think he. I don't think he thought of it as, like, I look totally different.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I, I. You're being more empathetic than I would be.

[Jordana Abraham]

You think he.

[Jared Freid]

It's, well, it's the line. My biggest issue is he won't get them updated until his next Euro trip.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, well, I need to know more about that.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. The, the rules. I don't like people who go on dates and then tell you their rule.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, it depends how he said it. Maybe if he was like, yeah, those are kind of older. I, like, usually don't get a lot of trips unless I'm on pictures, unless I'm on vacation. I'm gonna update them after my next Europe trip.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I, I need more apology. More apology. If. If, like, especially, like, not for. I don't know, maybe this is a double standard, but, like, for a man to have a totally different haircut than his pictures, I don't know if I would expect that from a woman. I, I wouldn't.

[Jordana Abraham]

If she had shorter hair than she

[Jared Freid]

did in her pictures or longer, I wouldn't need it. This, to me, the idea that, like, you knew it. You're not apologetic. You're like, I'll wait till the next Europe trip.

[Jordana Abraham]

If I changed my hair for my pro. For my dating app pictures, I don't know if I would feel the need to apologize for it.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I guess it's how much you change. I mean, I'm looking at the Willy Wonka versus him.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

I mean, like, that's such a big, weird haircut. That's what I'm saying. It's such a big difference. And you're acknowledging. Oh, I, I guess I'll have to wait until next year. I don't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

I want to see the actual way his hair looked.

[Jared Freid]

It does matter a little bit.

[Jordana Abraham]

I kind of do. Because I could see a world in which someone's like, I don't really look that different. I mean, two years, I feel like using a picture that's two years old is not that weird.

[Jared Freid]

Not that weird. Not that weird at all. It's. But it's. I don't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

And hair. I just feel, I don't know, like, I could see him thinking that he doesn't really look that different.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And maybe I'm being harsher. I. I'm being harsher on him maybe, than I would be a woman.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. But that being said, if I saw his current way that he looked and I was not attracted to him, and his haircut turned me off, that's okay, too.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

But it doesn't necessarily mean he's done something wrong to me.

[Jared Freid]

Right. The idea that she's like, made it a trust thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

That's why I zoned in on like, well, I'll do it at my next Euro trip. Like, I'm like, did he say it in a way that made you feel like it was defensive?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Like, if he said it again, that's probably the difference.

[Jordana Abraham]

Apologetic.

[Jared Freid]

If it was like, ah, you know, I gotta wait for another Europe trip, like, would be like normal. If it was like, I don't do pictures unless it's on a Euro trip, I'd be like, that'd be.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, the tone would be.

[Jared Freid]

The tone is important. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

But I could totally see a guy saying like, it's really hard to find someone to take a good picture of me. Like, I usually take them when I'm on vacation with my, with my friends or my family. My, like sister takes them for me. We're going out to Europe.

[Jared Freid]

Right. There's a friendly way to do this.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

So I guess I'm more a red flag than I was before.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right.

[Jared Freid]

Not deal breaker. You ready?

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's do another one.

[Jared Freid]

J and Jay. I really enjoy listening to the podcast. Brings me a lot of laughs. So I've got a red flag or deal breaker. I'm a 38 year old woman who met a 45 year old man online. We live about two hours away from each other, but we felt like there was good chemistry so we decided to meet. The first four dates went well. We went for walks around the city, grabbed coffee, went ax throwing, had lunch. Etc for the fifth date, I invited him over for a home cooked meal and a movie. He got a hotel room in case we didn't feel comfortable with him sleeping over. I thought that was very kind and very respectful. We had a lovely meal and he was very complimentary about my cooking. Afterwards, while on the couch, we cuddled and I placed my hand on his upper thigh and rubbed his leg. Not too much happened after that. We made popcorn and when I came back to the couch, he looked at me and said, I hope that what I'm about to tell you will flatter you. Oh, here we go. He whispered in my ear that my hand on his leg had aroused him so much that he had come a bit, just a tad. But it's that it's such a compliment because I clearly make him feel good. Honestly, I wish he hadn't told me if. And if he hadn't, I actually wouldn't have found out all I could think about the rest of the evening. Was that what he told me? And what would happen if we did decide to get intimate?

[Jordana Abraham]

What would happen?

[Jared Freid]

What would happen? More come

[Jordana Abraham]

like that she worried he's gonna come too quickly? Is that what she's saying?

[Jared Freid]

Is that what he.

[Jordana Abraham]

But she didn't, needless to say, able to control his.

[Jared Freid]

Well, there's such a thing as pre come, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't know. Like, honestly, what would happen? Like, she said it was like, as if.

[Jared Freid]

I guess she'd be drowning in it. Like, I don't. Needless to say, that's what you thought would happen, right? Needless to say, nothing happened. And he ended up staying in his hotel room that night. I think he ruined the mood by telling me and I kind of lost some of my attraction to him towards him. So red flagger, deal breaker. The guy you just started seeing gets a bit too excited before anything truly happens. I should be a. A. Should I be flattered?

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay, I like this one. I could see how this guy thought that this was complimentary and maybe thought this was like something that was going to make everything more sexual.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't know how he said it, but I could see a world where he's trying to use it to show how hot he thinks she is.

[Jared Freid]

There's a. And also, let me just say that sounds like there was a miscommunication. Like, what do you mean? He's saying. He was saying to her, I've come a little bit from you touching my leg, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Like you're.

[Jared Freid]

And then. And then right, like, hey, I'm like, turned on. And she took that as. Oh, this guy just came as pants.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, yeah.

[Jared Freid]

So it's a little like, where.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think I might think that if said it. If he said that I might think, oh, that's kind of what he meant. Like, he already came.

[Jared Freid]

I hope that what I'm about to tell. Well, she goes. He whispered here that my hand on his had aroused him so much that he had come a bit to me. That's pre come.

[Jordana Abraham]

Maybe I don't think women are as like, just like men don't know a lot of things.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't know if I would be so sure. What.

[Jared Freid]

Well, if I were him, I'd be a little bit more explicit. Look at all the even. Even the grow. A girlfriend's running out of the room. She's so weirded out. It is a weird. I agree with you that he's trying to make.

[Jordana Abraham]

There's a way that he could have said It I think that maybe would have made the situation.

[Jared Freid]

Hey, I'm so turned on. I. I think anytime you say I have to tell you something, like you're setting up something, that has to pay off. Like I'm gonna whisper something to you that might make you feel uncomfortable.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, that's kind of what he said.

[Jared Freid]

Fucking yourself. You're yourself.

[Jordana Abraham]

We'll tell. What I'm to tell you. He's going to fly.

[Jared Freid]

Right? That's like not attractive in itself, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

To say that, like, if he was.

[Jared Freid]

If he just like been on the couch with her and been like, I'm just really turned on by sitting here with you. That's so different. Like a little goes a long way. As he noticed with his come. But instead he went too.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hearing like I just came.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I could see that too. It's. It seems like that's what she heard.

[Jordana Abraham]

I hope you don't mind me telling.

[Jared Freid]

Hope you don't mind.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Which also, I agree would make it

[Jared Freid]

less baby man mass in his pants.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, so I. I don't think like, it's a. It would be a deal breaker in itself. I could see being turned off if it was said the wrong way.

[Jared Freid]

Well, he said it the wrong way.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, Well, I guess he did.

[Jared Freid]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Is it.

[Jared Freid]

If a woman. I'm trying.

[Jordana Abraham]

I would be flattered.

[Jared Freid]

It's a comment for the gay.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it's. I actually do. Like, I've had. I've had a guy like, you know, if I feel like if they come before you even do anything. I actually do think it's like a little flattering.

[Jared Freid]

You can spin it that way.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, I don't know if it actually is. But I've always taken it as. As a flattering thing.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I. I guess I, you know, I'm not just looking.

[Jordana Abraham]

Just looking at me.

[Jared Freid]

I'm not gonna. Well, it is one of those things women take as a comment. And like, on the flip side, we're

[Jordana Abraham]

like insulted if you can't. I think, like, if. I mean, I'm not like, really, like, I understand that it's not always like that, but I do think it can. You can take it personally if the person's like, it's not happening tonight. That can feel just as personal as someone coming very early. Which feels flattering.

[Jared Freid]

Right? No, listen, I'm not going to sit here and be above this guy. Like, the idea of like being with a woman and then having a little, little, you know, a little moisture in your pants. It happens.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, say it like that.

[Jared Freid]

Don't say it that way so you

[Jordana Abraham]

know there's some moisture in my pants.

[Jared Freid]

I have he spit up a little.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I understood what he was trying to do.

[Jared Freid]

I do too. I'm turned up. This is translate if I do Brotta stone. Hey, I'm turned on. I want to see if you're turned on. It's kind of like what he's trying to do very clunkily. I I, I mean I'm not gonna sit here and act like I'm above this like it's happened up the best of us. I mean like not everyone's a wordsmith. I've said the wrong thing and I've also come my pan pants, you know, like I can't really what am I gonna do act like I, you know hide my job.

[Jordana Abraham]

But I'm saying like I actually I think coming in your pants is flattering.

[Jared Freid]

So men should feel well I, I don't know but also he didn't to the men out there. I don't think he has to say it right. I think, I think maybe he was concerned that like if he didn't say it like when they went to have sex later and he couldn't maybe that would be Well, I do think he did a full he well, I'm saying if that's the case, let's, let's go on the spectrum there's I have a little pre come and I'm letting you know so I can let so that you tell me yours turned on as me or I'm letting you know it was a full fledged accident and I want you just to know so that if we go any further and I can't perform there's a reason for it.

[Jordana Abraham]

I've had someone say that to me and I think the way you see the rate the way you should say that is like, like as it's becoming more sexual.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I think, I think he did a little too early. Yeah, yeah. Too, too much too soon. Just like it's come it's an art.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's an art.

[Jared Freid]

Let's do it's so embarrassing too like I, I, I mean not to like

[Jordana Abraham]

listen, I don't think it's that embarrassing for my men.

[Jared Freid]

I know. Well that's the thing. Can't tell someone how to feel like you, you feel like you ruined the whole party. Like, like I've had it happen on all steps in the process.

[Jordana Abraham]

It wouldn't it, it's happened to me. It hasn't bothered me.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And I've been told by every woman hasn't bothered them. But, like, again, like, all you could think about is them the next day just making fun of you. It's all you think about or how I think about. And I'm like, no, I think at

[Jordana Abraham]

the brunch table, we talk about it as, like, a bragging thing.

[Jared Freid]

Wow, that should make people. That can only make you feel so good. But, like, I mean, listen, I have a dating. I have a dating advice book coming out, and the amount of, like, women that I sexually disappointed, that can go, that guy. A book about dating. Like, like, that's kind of like, the concern of having a dating book is, like, now you're like, did you see Jared Frieda as a dating book? Let me retell the story about how, you know, he's whispered. Told me that he came my pants. So I feel for this guy, but I also laugh at it because I've been there, and it sucks.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

I feel.

[Jared Freid]

I mean, but he just shouldn't. I think if you're gonna. If there's like, a policy here on the podcast. Well, let's wait.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. You're not sure you can pull it off. Just don't say anything. Yeah, I would agree. And she was. She said that, like, if he just didn't say anything, I don't.

[Jared Freid]

I wouldn't even have known.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm not upset that he. That it happened.

[Jared Freid]

And always wear black underwear. So, yeah, word. Word to the wise, J and J. I'll go straight to it. You match with a guy on Hinge and delete him after he texted you, hi, how are you? You match with him again on Tinder. Months later, he opened with asking you why you deleted him from Hinge and the jokes about being afraid you'll delete him again. You don't respond. He sends one more text a couple of days after saying, guess you will ghost me here instead. Laughing face emoji, laughing face emoji, Laughing face emoji. And a last text a couple days after with laughing face emoji, laughing face emoji, laughing face emoji. It feels too intense and confrontational to me. Red flag or deal breaker? Thanks. Quiet batch.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, the deal breaker to me is that she doesn't like him, right? She doesn't. She hasn't answered him on either platform, so she doesn't actually like him. To me, this guy is not. Is thinking, I got nothing to lose.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

She didn't answer me before. She's not answering me now.

[Jared Freid]

Maybe.

[Jordana Abraham]

Maybe she didn't see it. I'll just keep texting.

[Jared Freid]

I Think it's more annoying over dm.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

I think a dating app. I actually think he. First of all, he said, hi, how was your weekend? Which is a perfectly reasonable opener to get things started. I don't think there's anything wrong with Iowa. Was your weekend.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Sure.

[Jared Freid]

Is it not as thoughtful? Creative Vine.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sure.

[Jared Freid]

But you're also allowed to, like, be turned off by it. And then when you rematch and you see it's him and you're waiting on his creative move, and his creative move is to, like, acknowledge the awkwardness of rematching with someone who unmatched you, I think he's being as thoughtful as you wanted him to be the first time.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. He remembers you.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Which is a kind of like. It's a low bar for dating apps, but I feel like that's something.

[Jared Freid]

It was something.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

And especially based on the test she gives, it's vulnerable. It is. But. But. But her initial test is you weren't specific enough. Now he's the most specific.

[Jordana Abraham]

That why she deleted him? Because he said, hi, how are you?

[Jared Freid]

I don't know. But based, like, from his end of things.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

If you're on the dating app and you said, hi, how are you? And you're like, oh, she deleted me. Maybe it wasn't.

[Jordana Abraham]

Maybe she didn't like that.

[Jared Freid]

Thoughtful enough. She didn't like that. And now you come in with, hey, second time's a charm.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

You know, don't delete me again Laughing face. You're kind of doing what? Yeah, but. Or she didn't like him. And that's what I'm saying.

[Jordana Abraham]

If you don't like him, the deal breaker is that you don't like him.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

But I think also, again, if I'm him and she doesn't answer and I'm like, let me just try one more time.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

It. Maybe she'll answer this time.

[Jared Freid]

Totally. But if someone DM me like, hey, want to go on a date? And I don't answer, and then an hour later, guess you don't want to go on that day with me. No. You. It's called shoot your shot.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

Not shock time. Dating app. Different. You're under the guise of this dating thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're there.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And he's seeing he wasn't unmatched after he wrote the initial message.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hey.

[Jared Freid]

Just kind of, like, checking in. Like, it seems like he's, like, interested in your. You and your vibe.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I don't think it's too intense and confrontational. I don't think he's trying to fight with her. I think he's trying to, like, get her to answer him.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And. And trying to show that he's interested.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Not mad at you.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I'm cool with it. Like, I'm down. So I. I think, like, the idea that, like, again, I'm making assumptions about this person, but, like, if you don't, like, hey, how was your weekend? Hey, how are you? That's okay. But don't sit there and act like he was supposed to guess the one thing you wanted to hear.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Assuming that's why she unmatched him.

[Jared Freid]

Right. But, like, why'd you unmatch? I don't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

I guess she doesn't give us any other information about why she would have unmatched.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Sounds like she's as bad a communicator as he says you are.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. You're the deal breaker.

[Jared Freid]

Done. We solved dating again.

[Jordana Abraham]

We did it. We'll be back on Friday.

[Jared Freid]

Boom. Bye.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Your next chapter in healthcare starts at Carrington College's School of Nursing in Portland. Join us for our open house on Tuesday, January 13th from 4 to 7pm you'll tour our campus, see live demos, meet instructors, and learn about our associate degree in nursing program program that prepares you to become a registered nurse. Take the first step toward your nursing career. Save your spot now at Carrington Edu Events. For information on program outcomes, visit carrington. Edu Sci

[Jordana Abraham]

betches.