My Friend & My Ex Are Hooking Up!

Summary

U Up? | “My Friend & My Ex Are Hooking Up!”

Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid
Date: April 10, 2026

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Episode Overview

This Friday Feels episode dives into the dynamics of friendship, ex-relationships, and the messy aftermath when those worlds collide—specifically inspired by the public drama within the Bravo reality universe. Jordana and Jared dissect not only the “friend and ex hooking up” conundrum but also offer their trademark commentary on modern dating, including reading real listener emails on ‘icky or picky’ dating moments and a scenario where a listener is navigating dating in the notorious “Seattle Freeze.”

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Segment 1: The Reality Friendship Triangle & Relatability

[02:21–17:40]

Key Discussion Points

• Amanda & West’s Relationship Saga: The hosts return to a pop culture story they’d discussed earlier, now with an official (but vague) joint public statement from Amanda and West that they are “figuring out their feelings.”
• Mixed Messaging & The ‘Situationship’ Trauma:
  • Jared’s take: It's “woman who kind of likes the guy who felt like she had to say something and guy who doesn’t give a sh*t. And she can’t say they’re in a relationship because he would go, ‘no we’re not.’” ([04:32])
  • Jordana: The statement reads more like a “weird guy…trying to tell you he’s hooking up with someone but doesn’t really want to say exactly what’s going on.” ([02:52])
• Online Critique & Optics:
  • Discussion of the backlash, particularly on TikTok, and the strategic missteps of using a “we statement” rather than individual statements.
  • Notable Quote, Jared: “As a dating podcast opinion first, as an expert... That was woman who kind of likes the guy...” ([04:32])
  • Jordana: Critiques the performative vagueness and lack of ownership in the couple’s statement.
• Relatability & Emotional ‘Gray Areas’:
  • Why do people care so much when single friends hook up with each other’s ex “situationships?”
  • Jordana: “There’s this feeling where it seemed like they were headed there and then there was a pulling away... you feel like you have no right to feel that way in a black-and-white way.” ([09:16])
  • The pain of not having an “official” relationship to validate your hurt.
• Friend Code & Sympathy Politics:
  • The pressure for Amanda to “be in love” with West to warrant sympathy instead of just admitting she wanted to hook up.
  • “All signs point to woman who cared about herself and getting off a little bit. At its minimum, she just wanted to get off...” — Jared ([05:59])

Memorable Moments

• Dissection of Mixed Messaging Men:
  • “The most irritating thing about him… he thinks he’s a good guy.” — Jordana ([14:49])
  • Jared: “Men get away with stuff like that because we are considered to be people with no, like, awareness.” ([15:56])
• Reflection on the different standards for men and women in hookup culture, and sardonic empathy for “the men just having fun in the Hamptons.”

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Segment 2: Jared Meets the Parents

[21:05–25:31]

Key Discussion Points

• Jared recounts visiting his girlfriend’s hometown, feeling like he’s entered “the woods.”
• Gift strategy wisdom: He brings a Bread’s Bakery babka to win over the family—attributed as a pro move.
  • “If you’re meeting a girlfriend’s parents and there’s a niece, you will blow them away with a gift for the niece.” — Jared ([25:03])
• Jordana approves of this as a simple way to stand out.

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Segment 3: Listener Email—“Icky or Picky?”

[29:30–38:17]

Scenario

A listener writes that a mutual Instagram contact started texting after connecting, but within minutes of exchanging numbers, he sends a long, detailed “diary entry” about his day—complete with photos.

Key Insights & Quotes

• Jordana: A couple of anecdotes would have sufficed. “It does show a lack of knowing how to have a conversation…sending pictures and the person has not responded…shows a lack of conversational skills.” ([33:21])
• Jared: “Her description made this seem way worse… it was affable…just a little gooberish.” ([34:57])
• On the follow-up “cool cool”:
  • Jared: “The cool cool… is the more annoying part. Like, I don’t need… you don’t know my text habits yet… you kind of have to take the loss on his end right now.” ([36:14])
  • Both agree that not responding is a bit harsh and that the “ick” really comes in with the too-familiar, too-soon tone and the chaser “cool cool.”
• Summary Judgment: She’s being both “picky and icky”—it’s understandable, but also a bit much to be so turned off.
  • “She’s a picky, icky bitch.” — Jared ([38:06])

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Segment 4: Listener Email—Seattle Freeze & The Move Dilemma

[41:06–60:23]

Scenario

A listener (26F in Seattle) describes a rare great date with a man (27), but she had mentioned she might move cities in a year. He texts saying he isn’t sure he wants to get involved if she’s leaving soon. She sends a long, earnest text, voice memo, and a YouTube video pitch for a ‘six-date exclusivity’ experiment—wanting to keep seeing him. He declines, gently.

Key Insights & Quotes

• On Overexplaining & Emotional Labor
  • Jared: “There is no first date that could be good enough to make me go out with this person again, considering that text…” ([45:26])
  • Both hosts note her text reads as “If I met the right guy, I wouldn’t move,” which places heavy responsibility on her date.
• Seattle Freeze Context
  • Jared reads: “Seattle Freeze is…difficulty newcomers face in forming deep friendships with locals…an invisible wall.” ([41:06])
  • Both agree the local dating environment is a real factor, but the outcome would be same in any city with this particular dynamic.
• On Disclosing a Potential Move
  • Jared: She should definitely mention her truth; hiding it would be inauthentic, and transparency filters out incompatible matches faster.
  • “The only time she wasted was watching a two hour YouTube video.” ([58:43])
• On the Date’s Decline
  • Jared: “That’s as respectful as it gets. …He can’t handle the interpersonal relationship with someone who might move, or he asked you to be casual and you weren’t up for it, so he’s trying to find a way out.” ([54:03])
  • Jordana: Ultimately, she’s glad the issue surfaced early: “She just found out a little sooner this way.” ([58:39])
• Takeaway
  • Both hosts agree she did the right thing by bringing up her circumstances, even if it didn’t work out.
  • Jared: “Let people live their lives the way she’s letting herself live hers.” ([60:03])
  • Jordana: “You don’t really want to convince someone to go out with you who’s not excited to do that, especially by, like, a second date.” ([60:16])

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Mixed Messaging & Accountability:
  • “At its maximum, it’s love and she fucked over a friend to get hers. I don’t know how we go to any other place…” — Jared ([05:59])
• On “Situationship” Pain:
  • “It doesn’t feel like you necessarily have the right to feel that way in a black and white way…” — Jordana ([09:16])
• Classic U Up? Banter:
  • “She’s a picky, icky bitch.” — Jared ([38:06])
  • “Now this guy’s on a dating show, right?” — Jordana ([53:14]) on the multi-step, YouTube-pitched plan.
• Dating Self-Awareness:
  • “She’s looking for another person to solve her problems, and I can feel that’s how I would feel.” — Jared ([55:25])

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Timestamps & Navigation

| Time | Segment / Topic | |---------------|--------------------------------------------------------------------| | [02:21–17:40] | Bravo friendship drama: Amanda & West; emotional fallout analysis | | [21:05–25:31] | Jared’s “meeting the parents” and gift giving pro-tips | | [29:30–38:17] | Listener Email: “Icky or Picky?” texting—over-sharing leads to ick | | [41:06–60:23] | Listener Email: Seattle Freeze, moving, and why men bail early |

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Tone & Language

• Conversational, direct, playful, sometimes caustic, always delivered with knowing humor.
• The hosts swap between empathy and breezy detachment, offering both comedic takes and genuine advice.
• Frequent light cursing (“shit,” “fucking,” et al.), consistent with the show’s irreverent, honest brand.

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Final Thoughts

This episode is quintessential “U Up?”: sharp-tongued commentary on real-world and reality-TV romantic messes, empathetic but forthright responses to listener dilemmas, and the hosts’ ping-pong banter that blends therapy, comedy, and tough love. Whether you’ve never been in a situationship or have been that friend with the ex, there’s something smart—and bitingly funny—to relate to here.

Transcript

[Jordana Abraham]

This episode is brought to you by HBO Max. If you thought HBO's euphoria was intense in high school, saddle up. Starring Zendaya Sydney Sweeney and Jacob Elordi. Season three of Euphoria picks up five years later and life looks very different. Now. These characters are on their own with the freedom to make choices that can build them or break them. No matter what they're chasing, money, fame, power, love or redemption, no one can escape their fate. Don't miss the third season of Euphoria, starring two time Emmy winners and premiering April 12th on HBO and HBO Max. With new episodes every Sunday. Hello and welcome to the Friday Feels episode of the U UP podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.

[Jared Freid]

And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana. We are virtual. For all Those watching on YouTube, you can see Jordana from Wednesday has a brand new gallery wall. Wow. Ty Pennington. Sammy Sage came in there, move that bus. And there it is. Look at that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, she came over. She was in and out. I will say her. She got it up. She's not super like precise in, in her methods, but we got it.

[Jared Freid]

It doesn't matter how we get there. It's just that we got there. It looks great.

[Jordana Abraham]

We got the. Is that my wife hat up in the background?

[Jared Freid]

I love it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Now to the wall. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Looks like a college dorm room nailing a hat to the wall.

[Jordana Abraham]

It looks like that. She's not gonna like that review. She's not gonna like, well, everything.

[Jared Freid]

The hat nailed. Nailing a hat to the wall is like as college as it get. Everything other than the hat looks like very professional. The hat, maybe. I love that. Believe me, I. I'm going back and forth. I sound like I'm tearing it down

[Jordana Abraham]

to figure out how to fill that space, but I don't know how you

[Jared Freid]

put a hat on the wall because it does. It is fun.

[Jordana Abraham]

You put a nail on and then

[Jared Freid]

you hang it on the nail on nail.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, that's good. I thought you nailed. I thought you literally nailed it in the wall. No. Oh, okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

An animal.

[Jared Freid]

That's how a college kid would do it. Okay. Yeah, no, that looks good.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right? That's how someone who sends you up texts would do it.

[Jared Freid]

Right. That's why. That's where my mind went immediately. How are you on a Friday? How you feeling?

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm good. I'm good. I'm. I have. I have questions for you.

[Jared Freid]

Okay. Do we want to get questions? Do we want to finish our Amanda and West review? We Said, we taped you up episode yesterday. And we even said. You even said more developments are definitely going to come. And then they did. They issued a joint statement that they're banging. Is that kind of the.

[Jordana Abraham]

Essentially that.

[Jared Freid]

He probably didn't even read. That's all I kept thinking like, that he got sent it from her and he was like, yeah, sure, whatever. I don't care what you say.

[Jordana Abraham]

Put this up. Fine. Yeah, it. I think it, it. The whole. It felt a little like hastily done. The whole thing was kind of vague. It was like. But also concretely. It was like concretely confirming, but very vague about what they were confirming. It's like figuring out our feelings. It sounded like a weird guy who's like, I don't know, trying to tell you he's hooking up with someone, but, like, doesn't really want to, like, say exactly what's going on.

[Jared Freid]

Right. She's living in fear of the people who make tik toks about her that she rode to stardom. These people made her and now they will break her. The. The people who reported and told. I don't mean to say what could be considered a slur in the bet's universe, but let's hear it. Was Kyle Cook.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Is she not an aspirational figure that we all made her into?

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, the Internet is a fickle friend. That's how, that's how you learn about that there. You know that one day they love you, the next day you are a. An animal to them. And so she. They put out this statement and then I saw Ciara Sierra unfollowed.

[Jared Freid]

Yes.

[Jordana Abraham]

Which both of them.

[Jared Freid]

I do think they hooked up. I do think you're around each other at these events and who else are you going to hook up with?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Well, did that, did that statement read to you like they are dating? No, they're in a relationship.

[Jared Freid]

It read to me as a. As a dating podcast, you know, opinion first. As a. As a. Yeah. As an expert that.

[Jordana Abraham]

In men.

[Jared Freid]

In men. To me, that was woman who kind of likes the guy who felt like she had to say something and guy who doesn't give a shit. And she can't say they're in a relationship because he would go, no, we're not. And she knows that. And that statement was letting. I just think it's so funny to put out a statement figuring out our feelings. Yeah, they're fudgeing. They're fudgeing. They're too hot, people. That said, and, you know, maybe she doesn't want honestly not to Be the feminist in the room. But like, maybe she just wants to fuck this human, you know? You know, like what? You know, I would call him a human like pile of blankets, you know, like, like maybe she just wants to bang this guy who can throw some wood around and then move on and that's caught in it.

[Jordana Abraham]

That would be worse because then it would be like, why did you need to do that if like they have to be in love for her to be even for me to get even a morsel of sympathy thrown at her because like she could have just not and not upset this other person, right?

[Jared Freid]

If you have ever been in a situationship where you pined for a guy and then he moved on to someone else without feeling any, you know, upset or any anger or any.

[Jordana Abraham]

Didn't think of you at all, right?

[Jared Freid]

Didn't think of you at all. Then you hate Amanda Batula. You, you. Because all signs point to woman who cared about herself and getting off a little bit. Like at, at its minimum, it's. She just wanted to get off with the pile of blankets that is Kyle or whatever. West Wilson. At its maximum, it's love and she over a friend to get hers. So I don't know how we go to any other place but that she over a friend.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, definitely. But I think, yeah, I think for, for her to get out. Well, it's funny, I saw so many critiques of these statements on like Tik Tok and Reals and what they, I agreed with what they were saying is that like you can't put out a statement like, like whoever approved this was like an idiot because like you're not supposed to put out a we statement when people are already like mad at you. Put out like an I statement put out like to come out as a we.

[Jared Freid]

As a we when you're not a yes. People who have gone down on each other semi regularly in between going down

[Jordana Abraham]

on or this is my personal statement. I, I up, I developed feelings, I did whatever. It's funny like when it kind of reminds me of when you're talking about like sending a breakup text or sending a text or doing a reveal. I, you know what I mean? This is what, this is what I was doing. This is what I was thinking. This is my feelings that I'm going into to say it's we. First of all, it doesn't make any sense.

[Jared Freid]

You're two different people, right, who aren't married, engaged, anything. You're nothing.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right? So put out separate eye statements or

[Jared Freid]

shut the up, right? I, I, I Can't.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, what did this do for them? How did this help them? The statement.

[Jared Freid]

It didn't. It buried them even more. You know, it helped the show. It helped Andy Cohen. I saw Andy Cohen getting interviewed by my buddy Adam Glenn, who does, you know, he's a paparazzo, and he was like, what do you think about what's going on? And, like, Andy Cohen's like, in a full suit. He's got his hair wet from, like, getting ready in the morning. He's holding like a Trapper Keeper, and he's like, we're gonna have to find out all the facts. Like, he was talking about it like it was, you know, Iran. You know, like, it was like, crazy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I mean, if he is the president of Bravo, this is his Iran.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. This. I just think it's. It's such a small thing to me, and I do understand why someone attaches themselves to the story. And they're like, I've been, you know, I've been over by a friend is one group that you don't want to make mad. And then I've been in a situationship and the guy never cared about me and moved on to a. A. A person I know is another group you don't want to make mad.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

And she seems to have angered both groups.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think the relatability of this. I was thinking about this yesterday because I was like, why do I. Like, these are two. If you think about it, like, why is it so big? These are two single people.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

These are two people who are not in relationships, who are hooking up.

[Jared Freid]

Right, Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Why is it. Why does it. Even. To me, I'm like, I feel like a little bit of a visceral reaction to this, and I think it's because it's this feeling because, like, if you know this feeling, that's a very frustrating feeling because it doesn't feel like you necessarily have the right to feel that way in a black and white way, in a way where, again, they were never officially boyfriend and girlfriend. Sierra and West. Right. They just had this like five month thing where it seemed like they were headed there and then there was like a pulling away and like an unsure. And I think that part of the. That's why I said yes on Wednesday's episode. It is almost more difficult than if someone had been in a real relationship. It was like your friend's actual ex. Because there's this feeling, I'm saying, on Sierra's part, and she talks about this a lot where it's like she feels like they had something very deep and meaningful and she was very invested in it. And the idea that he like could do this or, or would like might say we date. We were like dating for five months and we were never in a relationship can be used as a way to sort of invalidate your. Your feelings, your experience or your feelings or like the way that the meeting that I believe was probably there if she still feels that strongly. I don't. And then that's how you can kind of be in your head about like, am I a delusional like lunatic who's like very. Who like somehow like is very into this person who has no right to be or has no meaning to be. Like, it wasn't that deep.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

And I mean, I think that part kind of drives you even crazier because you don't. You're not able to say, oh, that was my ex husband. We lived together. Like, that's my ex boyfriend. Like, we date, we like we're in a relationship. It feels like.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

You can't validate it to yourself. So it feels almost worse in that way.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Well, I mean the going the. The advice that's always been given on this show or has been, you know, formed by this show is break up with people. Like have an ending. It did, you know, if I. I'm in a relationship with someone should be what you say, not we are in a relationship just like that I. And we thing that you were talking about before. Like, I think Sierra, if she came to us and was like, I have trouble getting over this guy from years back. I think we would both tell her, you need to dump him because you need to put an ending on this and you need to validate that it was a real thing. And then you can hear from him that he's being dumped and he's, you know, receiving this information. It doesn't. His feelings don't really matter as much. You're not a. She's not in a straight jackets yet. She's not. She's not a crazy person. And anyone in a situationship that has ended or a relationship that never really became a relationship.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Everyone who's ever been in that. You are not crazy. So if you were sitting in a.

[Jordana Abraham]

If you can see why it would feel that way.

[Jared Freid]

No, no, no. This is me giving advice to Sierra.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, I know, I know, right?

[Jared Freid]

But I'm like, but so her. That is totally a valid. That I can understand why anyone would be like, I have been where Sierra is sitting. I can understand that. That you're Right. And that's why I asked you on Wednesday. I'm like, why is this so big? And now hearing the backstory and then that. And, you know, when Sierra and Amanda and Paige were all sitting in that bed, Grandpa Joeing, being pretty judgy. And I think what Amanda's finding out is that it's really easy to be on a reality show while you're in a relationship, and it's really easy not to try. And, you know, I, I just said this on J Train. I was like, I was like, I can't believe I am now coming to the defense of Jesse Solomon, who is, like, the most hateable looking guy to me in the world. Like, he's just has the look of someone I wouldn't get along with. Like, I'm about to buy a ticket to a Jesse Solomon show to watch him do Frank Sinatra just because these women were so hard on him. For what, Having fun in the Hamptons and hooking up. Like that kind of like, Like, I'm looking at this now, and I'm like, amanda, it's hard to hook up. It's hard to go out there. It's hard. It's hard to meet new people. So what you do. You met the first person that you, that you could hook up with, and it was a guy that you shouldn't hook up with, and you did it. And, and listen, we all make mistakes, but I, I keep thinking of those three in their PJs having a grand old time while these dudes were being told how horrible they were for going out in the Hamptons. I don't know. I, I, I. Now I'm putting myself. Now I'm doing what you're doing with the men.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, you're. But now you're.

[Jared Freid]

I'm doing the same thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

Triggered by the same thing.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I'm triggered by these guys who just wanted to have fun in the Hamptons and, you know, throw some dick around. So I don't know. Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

And I think, I think the, and we're gonna move on, but I think, I think. No, I think the real the, the irritation with west is that he's, Is that I think the most irritating thing about him, to me, is that he, he thinks he's a good guy.

[Jared Freid]

Okay. I don't know him well enough to know his disposition, but I, that is annoying that he would be blissfully aloof while also aware enough to like, to tell you he's a good guy. Like, you can't be both. You can't be, like, so out there, but also tell you you're a good guy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Exactly. And I think that he's like, you see in the. In this, like, we're watching the season of last summer, which was, you know, again is a couple years after, and he and Sierra are, like, holding hands. He's, like, holding hands with her. He's flirting with her. He's saying, like, I really want to talk to you. So it's like, I think that adds one to her fury of, like, I'm. Which is like, it's not like you ended it with me and then never and then left me alone.

[Jared Freid]

Right. No, he's a dick.

[Jordana Abraham]

You gave me a lot of mixed messages, which is a big part of the situationship thing is, like, the person still kind of, like, gives you that attention, and even though that it meant so much to you, it doesn't mean that much to the person to be like, oh, like, let's hold hands in the house, or let's snuggle in bed, whatever it is.

[Jared Freid]

Men get away with stuff like that because we are considered to be

[Jordana Abraham]

people

[Jared Freid]

with no, like, awareness. We women give us the. The ability to, like, walk through life. Like, we don't have any emotional intelligence. Wes is more emotionally intelligent than he's putting on and then using that to get his rocks off. If you're. What. From what you're telling me, when you're holding hands with someone who's admitted to wanting to be with you and you don't want to be with them, you're a dick. Yeah, that's a dick move. Like, I. I mean, to relate it to myself, you know, and the relationship I'm now in. One of the things that, like, really hurt me inside was, like, I didn't want to go back to someone that I was, like, messing with, you know, And I. I didn't want to go back to someone, you know, boyfriend or off. And it's like, right. You kind of. You have to respect that, even if it doesn't make you feel as good as you want to feel. And I'm not saying I'm a hero. I'm just saying, like, I'm 41. Doing that west, right? West is. I don't know how old. Maybe he hasn't.

[Jordana Abraham]

He's. I think I looked this up. He's, like, 31. I think he's not.

[Jared Freid]

Maybe he's not mature enough to realize that. I do think it takes time to realize, but I. To give him any empathy at all. But, like, that's a dick to hold hands with someone that wanted to be with you and you've said no. That it is pretty clean and simple. You're being a dick.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Unless you're holding hands with her because you've decided she's going to be your girlfriend.

[Jared Freid]

Right, Right. Totally.

[Jordana Abraham]

Or you want to be her boyfriend. Whatever it is.

[Jared Freid]

Well, it's one plus one equals two. In a scenario in dating where it doesn't happen a lot that it's one plus one equals two, you know, so we want to move on.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's why no one should ever. No one should. No one should look at you as an example of anything that's going to happen realistically to anyone else.

[Jared Freid]

No, no, no, no. It's not going to. Listen, if you're out there, I'm on the road. I am in St. Louis this weekend. Norwalk, Connecticut. Vegas, Los Angeles, Jacksonville, Austin, the Hampton.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'll be out there.

[Jared Freid]

Summer housing this weekend. Maybe I'll get Sierra to my show or Amanda or the bed people. Maine. I'm going to Portland, Maine. I'm going to foxwoods in Connecticut. Jaredfree.com for the tickets. Also, the book. I'm holding it up. Walking Red flag it is.

[Jordana Abraham]

Who is this book for, Jared?

[Jared Freid]

For anyone who's ever dated. I honestly, I'm doing the audiobook right now. It's for everyone. I. I don't mean to, like, shill, but, like, it's a lot of. You're gonna laugh. Going to make. It's. It's making fun of dating scenarios that anyone who's. If you're listening here, you're going to love it. It's going to make you laugh. It's going to make again, like, what this podcast does is. What this book does is take the personal out of it. Like, you're hearing from a guy who's speaking honestly. You're going to hear from someone that maybe you're dealing with or who have dealt with or have dumped or been dumped by or all those things. Your brother. It's going to make you relate to the. It's gonna make you go, yeah, we're all going through it. And it's personal. It's stories, it's jokes. Go preorder, read. I want to be on that New York Times bestseller list, like, more than any. That would really make my summer waltzing around the Hamptons with my shirt that says New York Times bestseller on the back.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And then you can go back to your high school and show it to your English teacher and be like, you didn't believe in me.

[Jared Freid]

Standard English. I was in the.

[Jordana Abraham]

Wow.

[Jared Freid]

I was in the. The idiot remedial. That's. That's what they called me. Remedial. Jared. Jordana over sharing. Everyone go subscribe. I was just listening to Naomi went on a peyote journey out in the Texas wilderness.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is that not very Naomi?

[Jared Freid]

It's the most Naomi. And I love the part where she was like, yeah, Jeff gets nervous when I talk about this. I'd be like, I would be. You're talking about rubbing your titties out in the mountains. What the are you talking about?

[Jordana Abraham]

You're.

[Jared Freid]

Shut up.

[Jordana Abraham]

When she was here over the summer, her kids were like, I like went on a, on like a hike with them. They were like, mom said to count four butterflies. F Mom.

[Jared Freid]

Four butterflies.

[Jordana Abraham]

Mom says we can't come back until we count. Until we. We stare at four butterflies.

[Jared Freid]

That is so funny. We. So what else is going on? The babies are good. Mike is good.

[Jordana Abraham]

The babies are good. We're getting ready for our trip out to see you. We're. We're hoping the listeners to get to 25, 000 YouTube subscribers so that Jared can. Can do his babysitting.

[Jared Freid]

I'll be babysitting.

[Jordana Abraham]

Brushing up on your babysitting skills.

[Jared Freid]

Look who's talking. 3. That's gonna be, you know, two men and a little lady. And little ladies.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And to let you guys behind the curtain, we're doing, we're as I, you know, transition back from maternity leave. We're doing a few more remote episodes and then we'll do some in person and then occasionally we'll do remote again. So if you're wondering why we're not in studio, that's why, you know, I'm

[Jared Freid]

going back and forth to the northeast a bunch this summer. We'll, you know, get a bunch done in the studio and join the benefits. We're going to talk about my trip to meet the parents I met. I met my girlfriend's parents and her sister and her brother in law and her niece.

[Jordana Abraham]

I need to hear all about it.

[Jared Freid]

Do you have any que you want to give a tease? You have any questions about that before we go to the emails?

[Jordana Abraham]

Do I have any? I mean, how. I haven't heard anything about it. How did it go?

[Jared Freid]

It, it went great.

[Jordana Abraham]

Overall.

[Jared Freid]

Overall, it was a great time there.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hometown.

[Jared Freid]

Hometown. I did a hometown. It was a bachelor hometown. She lives out in the sticks. Like she's from like the woods, you

[Jordana Abraham]

know, like more woodsy than me.

[Jared Freid]

Way, like, I think it's way more woodsy than you. It's like woodsy. And, and it's like 50. Honestly, if I saw a covered wagon roll by with a bunch of Amish, I would have not been surprised. I would be like, that belongs here. And so, but, you know, she lived beautiful home.

[Jordana Abraham]

Jared met a, met a lady on her rum Springer.

[Jared Freid]

I. And yeah, that's right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, that's right. She. And so I brought you, you know that I. So, like, I, I brought. What does one bring to a family when you meet them? Like, you know, that's like, the big question is, like, you don't want to walk in empty handed. You want to be appropriate. So I brought, and I will say this. My mom, I go, my mom doesn't know she gives a good advice until she does. Until, like, I have to like, pick it, pluck it out of what she says.

[Jordana Abraham]

She was on our last episode. I thought she gave pretty good advice.

[Jared Freid]

She did give good advice. I go, mom, what should I get for her parents? Like, I'm going over. And she goes, an orchid. She started talking about orchids. I was like, are you out of your mind? I'm not bringing an orchid. She's like, wine. I go, I don't even know what to buy for wine. You said wine. And then she goes, I like a chocolate babka. And she started laughing. And I go, that's the answer. I was like, I'm gonna go to Bread's Bakery and I'm gonna get their chocolate babka. It's a New York City. I like anything that is, like, from a place that you can tell a story. You're like, bread's Bakery. Not to, like, plug for them, but, like, that's like a New York City. Like, if you're not in New York City, you don't know. Even though to you or I. Bread's Bakery is this, like, behemoth baking company. It's to anyone that lives in the, you know, the woods, like, they do. That's like bringing technology, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

I, I, I brought a charger.

[Jared Freid]

And they were all, yeah, they were like the alien to story and like, the claw. So I brought, I got Bread's Bakery, the babka, chocolate and coffee babka. And it was a, a hit. And they never heard of it. A hit.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, they never heard of babka or breads.

[Jared Freid]

They've heard of breads, the bakery. So then I was like, oh, it's a New York City thing. I could sound like I knew something.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

You know, it's a little bit cooler.

[Jordana Abraham]

It was a convo. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Starts a convo. Oh, this place, it's. You never had breads. Oh, my God. Try it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Gone. Eaten.

[Jared Freid]

That was the dessert I brought. Thank God I brought it. There wouldn't have been dessert.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, wow.

[Jared Freid]

So, yeah, they didn't really prepare. So I.

[Jordana Abraham]

Was it a cooked meal? I mean, I want. We'll get it. We'll get fully into this. On benefit.

[Jared Freid]

We'll get fully into it. But I also brought a gift for the niece. And I would say if you're meeting a girlfriend's parents and there's a niece, you will blow them away with a gift for the niece.

[Jordana Abraham]

They'll be talking about it to everyone they know.

[Jared Freid]

That's all that I will say. I can make no mistakes. All that stuff about burrowing in her mom's titties from last time when I talked about going. I could say whatever. I think. I think I've really cleared a. A path for myself. Buying the gift for the kid. That was the best decision I have made in my entire life. And that's our tease and I. We'll do more on benefits, but I just want to. The gift for the kid. Great.

[Jordana Abraham]

I love that. I think. I think that's a great. That's a great tip.

[Jared Freid]

Like, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Because it makes it feel like you've gone above and beyond. It probably wasn't that hard.

[Jared Freid]

No, not hard at all. I used Ubereats. You know, they sponsored the show. I did. They delivered it right to my doorstep. So you got it for free. I didn't even pay for this.

[Jordana Abraham]

Whenever I bring stuff home, like with my mom, I remember, like, my mom's like, all right, what? Like, I like, try to present it as a gift. She's like, what podcast ad is this?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, you can't. This might be ruining it for myself. I can't let them know that I get all this for free. Mom.

[Jordana Abraham]

You.

[Jared Freid]

You.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And you brought. You brought her mom sugar bear hair, right?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. He keeps gifting me coconut oil to spray on myself. I don't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

He gave my aunt a waist trainer.

[Jared Freid]

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[Jared Freid]

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[Jordana Abraham]

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[Jared Freid]

and participate in McDonald's while supplies last. Are we doing some emails today?

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's do it. Let's get. Let's jump right in.

[Jared Freid]

Let's jump right in a half hour.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Icky or picky? We love an icky or picky. Basically, someone's going to write in that they were turned off and they're looking for us to give them permission to be turned off. Did you get the ick or are you being picky? J and J, Longtime listener subscriber here. I've had a couple of emails featured before and I'm back with a fresh dating dilemma. Thank you. A random guy added me on Instagram a few weeks ago. We had mutual friends, so I didn't think much of it. A couple weeks later, he DM me asking me out. He's 26. I'm 30 female. But again, mutuals made it feel normal enough. We exchanged numbers to set up the date. After two quick texts, he proceeded to send me what I can only describe as a diary entry about his evening, complete with multiple paragraphs and photos. Mind you, this was within the first five minutes of having my phone number. Context. I'm not a big texter, especially with someone I've never met. I'd rather set up the date and actually get to know someone in person. Instead, I got a full play by play of his night errands, an awkward run in with his boss, parking drama, the whole thing. My immediate thought was, why am I being given this much responsibility for your day? I was instantly turned off and felt like it showed a lack of self awareness. My instinct was to send something simple like, hey, it was nice connecting, but I don't think we're a match. One of my friends told me I should just not respond because I don't owe him anything. He later followed up with a cool, cool text, which somehow gave me the ick even more. So I'm curious, icky or picky? You exchange numbers with someone and within minutes they send you paragraphs narrating their entire evening like you're their personal journal. Screenshots attacked. Sincerely, an. An anti texting batch. So, Jordan, do you want to. We want to start by reading these texts. You want to read his novel?

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's do it. All right, you be him, I'll be her.

[Jared Freid]

Hey, how's your day been? That is funny that it starts with this like, subtle, like, small thing. Like it's almost like he's like luring her in, you know? Like, hey, how's your day been? And then it's going to be this long thing, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, he's, he's starting off innocently, right? I had the day off today, so it wasn't too bad. I flew back from DC Recovery at the gym and then got dinner with my friend. What about you? You said you had a crazy afternoon. Haha.

[Jared Freid]

That's as good as a Monday can get. Where'd you get dinner? Well, I went for a run after work by my office. However, while I was changing, realized I forgot shorts and then I had to run into. I'm already like, this is crazy. However, while I was changing, realized I forgot shorts and then had to run into Lulu to buy new shorts. While I was trying them on, I realized that my penis looked a little bit smaller than yesterday and I had to go to the doctor to make sure that I check on. No, I'm kidding. I, I, I'll go back at him. I forgot shorts and then had to run into Lulu to buy new shorts. Then as soon as I start my run, I see the guy I work for walking his dog and he goes, wow, you left work early, huh? So that was awk. But he was chill about it, thankfully. Clearly he left early too. Then went to my grandparents for dinner and had amazing cutlets and then was driving around an hour looking for parking because we are really doing the most closing down my street to clean puny snowbanks like this on, on the night before at 60 and sunny. And then obviously she didn't answer and that's when he writes back. Cool. Cool. Jordana, what are your thoughts?

[Jordana Abraham]

I think this is a lot for your first encounter. I think one of these stories would have been him starting a conversation like one part of this.

[Jared Freid]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, let's say he just told the story about the Lululemon shorts and he called it Lululemon and didn't use the word auk.

[Jared Freid]

That would be,

[Jordana Abraham]

that would be a little bit better. I think it is. It does show a lack of like, knowing how to have a conversation that you're telling three different stories at once and sending pictures and the person has not responded yet or said anything back to like. It shows a lack of conversational skills.

[Jared Freid]

You know what's funny? I read the email before we did the show today, you know, and I didn't read the text as you could tell, because I wasn't sure what he's going to write. Like, I read the, I read the email thinking this was gonna be way worse than it was. Yeah, I don't know her description. To me, his texts are. And again, they haven't gone out yet. They've never met. So I do agree that's a lot. But it was affable. And it's not like he went in any other direction than his day. It's not like he went into, like, the history of America. He. He is staying on topic. And you did ask how his day was, and it is a lot, but it is affable and nice and polite and. No, I just think her. Like, if I was to describe it as icky or picky. Yeah, it's. It's an ick. Because he's coming off a little bit like. Like a little bit of a goober. If I'm gonna be.

[Jordana Abraham]

If I was to give a better earnest.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Her description, like, I. I think to answer this, the idea that you're not responsible when she wrote that, why am I being given this much responsibility for your day?

[Jordana Abraham]

That part's annoying because she's not being given any responsibility. He's just telling you he's trying to make conversation badly, but he's trying to make conversation.

[Jared Freid]

And she could have written back, like, wow, what a day. You can fake it. Like, I'm not saying it. You should fake it forever. But if, like, considering he. You have all these mutual friends, I'm sure he feels more comfortable than he should. That's why you engage in the conversation. So I can see being annoyed by this. If there was no plan made and he's just going on and on about his day and being so nice, but, like, not making a plan. So it's like this. Like, why are you doing this? What are you trying to. What credibility are you trying to build here? But even your friend seems a little bit too miserable for the conversation. My friend told me I should not respond because I don't owe him anything. Like, I. And he's not.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Right. What do you think? He's asking Frame?

[Jordana Abraham]

What do you think?

[Jared Freid]

No, the cool cool. Take the hint, buddy. Like, the cool cool is the. Is the more annoying part. Like, I don't need. I don't. Oh, you don't know my text habits. You don't know how I am as a texter yet. We haven't gotten that deep. I saw it. Maybe I read it, and I moved on. You kind of have to take the loss on his end right now.

[Jordana Abraham]

He's, like, calling her out. The cool cool is a call out.

[Jared Freid]

We are not. Right. So the O part shouldn't come until the cool cool. Like, which Part the, the part the, the feeling that I owe him something.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh yeah.

[Jared Freid]

To me would come from the cool, cool text. Not from the here's my blue Lululemons. What do you think? Like, I mean, he went to dinner his grandparents and loved the cutlets. Like, he's a sweet guy. Like, I, I, I'm not saying she has to like want to him. I'm just saying, like, don't make this into she to say I don't. I'm not responsible for his day. Made it seem like she's trying to vilify in a way that he's not a villain.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I wouldn't be like mad at him. I would just be like, I don't think this person might, this person might not be a match for me. They're a little much, a little soon.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And I'm not saying give him all the chances in the world, but like to not respond to what he wrote when he's really trying.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. You don't have to go out with him. You could just say like, oh, sound like that, that, that is a or like that snowbank. Yeah. That is kind of ridiculous. You can make one comment and then if he asks you out and you're like, this is why people talk before going out on anything is to be like, I'm not really getting a vibe.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Like, I think one text of like, wow, what a day. Can't wait to hear more about it when we go out. And then if he went on and on again, hey, this isn't really how I communicate. Like I, I think that's to me, I think she's being picky and then she has a right to be icked out.

[Jordana Abraham]

I agree. Like the cool, cool being picky and icky.

[Jared Freid]

I agree. And we are on the same page. She's a picky, icky bitch.

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[Jordana Abraham]

All right, I'll read our next email.

[Jared Freid]

Let's do it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hi jj. I just saw Jared at the Neptune in Seattle and had the best time. Jordana, congratulations on your two new babies. You're a rock star, mama. Lol.

[Jared Freid]

I love it.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's funny because I now I'm not sure if people are joking or like in on the joke or or I would.

[Jared Freid]

They got to be in on it. I mean, right? I think that that's the better disposition is everyone who's doing it as a joke stir who would never say that and thinks anyone who would really say that is disgusting.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's what that's the word. The assumption we're gonna go with.

[Jared Freid]

That's our default.

[Jordana Abraham]

Very generous here.

[Jared Freid]

Yes.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. All right, on to my question story. I am a 26 year old woman living in Seattle and have written historically about the qualms of dating here. The Seattle Freeze is real and it's hard to meet people. I've gone on quite a few dates in the last 18 months. All be a hinge. And I know what makes a good first date to me. Last week I went on an amazing first date. He's 27, it was just a walk date in the afternoon and we kissed, which is unexpected on those I was so excited afterward. I should also note that I mentioned maybe wanting to move to San Francisco in the next year. Ish. We texted some afterward and then a few days later about making plans. And this is what was said. And then we're going to read the first three screenshots before I read the rest of the email.

[Jared Freid]

So I I want to make sure people know the Seattle Freeze that she refers to. I can read a definition. The Seattle Freeze is a widely recognized phenomena describing the difficulty newcomers face in forming deep friendships with locals who are often described as polite but distant, standoffish or flaky. Coined around 2005, it refers to a Social landscape where initial pleasantries rarely develop into lasting connections, creating an invisible wall. Now, I will say, when I was in Seattle, I felt it is tough to talk to people there. Like, it is clicky, clicky. But also people generally feel like their fists are up. It just feels like. It felt like everyone was on their period, no matter what their gender was. Like, that was kind of my feeling. Like, I went to a bagel place there, and I was like, hey, how you doing? Like, I got. There was a line, and I got to the front of the line, I was like, hey, how you doing? And the woman goes, not now. And I go, okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sounds a little like New York. Is it like New Yorkish New York

[Jared Freid]

that anger feels like a hug? This felt more like. I don't know. I feel like they're like, Seattle just feels like a place where you have to be aware of everyone's feelings at all times, and you're being taxed to death and your rent is really high, and that feels like maybe it's a lot to deal with. Like, it would be like, okay, something that would make you a little on edge at all times. Like, I. I have that feeling about. I thought Vancouver was a nicer version of Seattle.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Was mine.

[Jordana Abraham]

They're in Canada, so that makes sense. Right? Canadian neighbors.

[Jared Freid]

Right. The neighbors to the north. Okay, so let's get to the screenshots. You ready?

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. All right, I'll be her. You be him.

[Jared Freid]

Go for it.

[Jordana Abraham]

I hope you have a good start to the week. Let me know if you'd want to do something later in the week. I just have plans Thursday, but otherwise, pretty open. Smiley face.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I'm down. I do want to be up front, though. I'm not sure if I see something working that's not just casual. If you're pretty set on leaving the city kind of soon, you know, kind of curious what you're looking for.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. Totally understand and appreciate the question. I have no breath.

[Jared Freid]

You took. Yeah. You ever.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do you ever see a text like that, like, come into your inbox and you're like, I need to take an Adderall to read something.

[Jared Freid]

I. I couldn't agree. I. I also. Sometimes I go to the end of it just to see. Like, I'm, like, looking for the AI rundown of it. Like, I'm like, let me get to the end to make sure it's like an I love you, you know?

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, I love that. I love when AI does. I love when AI does the summary because then I can read it without panicking. Towards about the end of it.

[Jared Freid]

Totally agree. All right.

[Jordana Abraham]

If I were him though, I would, I, I think this is, this is how I would read it with a right. Yes. Before I read it.

[Jared Freid]

If I were him. Hey, I would you like casual? Then I see this long stretch of blue. I'm like ah. I guess she takes a long time to describe blowing me casually like, like this in no way is going to be a text about how she wants to fuck and not care about what the future holds.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I don't, I don't think so.

[Jared Freid]

Unlikely chances are low. Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

But let's see. Let's say maybe we'll be surprised. Totally understand and appreciate the question. I have no plans to move until January or February of next year at the earliest, which is also dependent on jobs and finances etc. That being said, the main reason I, I've thought about leaving is because I haven't felt very connected to my community, friends, job romantically. But obviously a lot can happen in a year and I really hope something does. You're one of the cooler people I've met out here and would be super curious to see where things go. I'm at a point where I'm definitely willing and able to build towards a more serious relationship with the right person, but also seeking sexual intimacy and fun if that's what's available. That's a lot. Haha. So happy to discuss more in person or over the phone in an ideal situation. What are you looking for?

[Jared Freid]

I mean, let me just say, let me just say when I see if as Let me, let me be my inner man, this person has come to my show. She was very complimentary. I don't want to be mean to her because I, I, I like her and I have, I'm happy she wrote in. There is no first date that could be good enough to make me go out with this person again. Considering that text that says to me if I met the right guy I wouldn't move. I don't.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's kind of how I read it too. Right.

[Jared Freid]

I don't want the responsibility of forcing you to stay in a place you don't like for this thing. I don't even know if it can get to the thing that we're both maybe looking for in the future. So I'm gonna cut bait now so that I don't deal with the consequences later with someone that I think is nice and would hook up with casual like again. Like it wasn't as magical for him as it was for her. And now it includes a lot of Stuff being said up front that I'd be accepting and would be held accountable for. So for that reason, let me Shark Tank you. I'm out.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. Yeah. I mean, to me, this red is like you could there you there's a world in which you could convince me to stay if this went well enough.

[Jared Freid]

I'm just saying this.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't want to stay for you.

[Jared Freid]

I I Right. I and I have heard that many times. Well, I could move across the country if for the, for the right guy. I have heard that so many times said to me in reference to me and it's made me go, you know what? I'm not as dug in here. This isn't. And what she's saying is very true. This there's a huge part of her text that is very female and not male at all. I haven't felt very connected to my com. No. You're one of the cooler people I've met out here and would be super curious to see where things go. She's saying that finding someone like you is really hard. And he's saying I get matches all the time and there's a lot of people I'd be casual with that this isn't as magical for me.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. That's the tough part.

[Jared Freid]

That's hard to keep up with. And I don't think she is. I'm sure she's wonderful. This isn't me saying that she's not worthy of that. But I'm saying when it comes to like these timelines and where my responsibility lies in your life, one date doesn't get me there to make those type of commitments. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, I'm just saying I think that's the hard part to like swallow the truth of the truth of things, which is that it seeming seems like men have an easier time going on dates and finding people that they feel like they're compatible with.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I think it feels like, I think it's like if we were to like say one of the places many cities. No, no. I think men, I think opening up new conversations and finding people because again, like women aren't on first dates generally to.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Women are on first dates to see if this is a safe person they can have fun with. That is a way different first date scenario than male first date on on minute one. So from that perspective, she's like, oh my God, I found someone who's safe and attractive and fun and easy to talk to. There's a lot of boxes guys box was conversation good would done. Right. And, and again, that I know this is harsh languaging, but I'm just saying, like, understanding it down to the simplest terms. Yeah. Making it simple for you. Okay. I really appre. I just think he's like, oh, I'm out. Like, there's no way he writes. I really appreciate the openness, honestly. I have heard something a bit similar before, and it didn't work out and they moved, and I don't think I have it in me again to get emotionally invested in someone who doesn't feel like they have roots here. I think you're super cool, but maybe it's just not a great fit right now. I'm sorry.

[Jordana Abraham]

He just doesn't want to get hurt again.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. I don't buy that shit. I. This is the equivalent of catching, you know, when they catch the fish, and then they measure the fish to see if it's, like, allowable to keep on the boat and sell. You know, like, there's like, they. So this is the equivalent of him catching the fish and then him measuring it on the. Will she be casual and hook up with me for a while without commitment? And then him going, ah, they won't let me toss it right back in there. And he's tossing it, which is good right now.

[Jordana Abraham]

And it's good that she's showing that she won't.

[Jared Freid]

This is as respectful as someone could ask. If we could just casually bone, than it could get. Fair.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. All right, I'll finish the. Let's finish the email to his last message. This is where it gets more intense.

[Jared Freid]

To his last message, if you can believe it. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes, his last message. I replied with a voice memo and a link to a YouTube video.

[Jared Freid]

Can you imagine? I would love to get a video of him seeing the voice memo. That's over a minute. Oh, here's another deep breath. Let's hope they.

[Jordana Abraham]

I get excited when I see a voice memo from you from over a minute. I know you're about to tell me, like, a very funny story.

[Jared Freid]

I bring it. That's.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's not what's going on here, though.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, no. This is gonna be.

[Jordana Abraham]

In his last message, I replied with a voice memo to it and a link to a YouTube video. In the. In the voicemail, I basically said, I agree, no one wants to get hurt, and I respect your boundaries. However, I do not want to. To take the L so fast after such a nice date. Please watch the video I sent and let me know your thoughts. If you hate it, I will not bother you again. I said all of this. Much sweeter. And lighter. But you get the gist.

[Jared Freid]

Can I interrupt you for two seconds? I mean, this is what I'm talking about with Seattle. The. She couldn't. She sent him a YouTube video and a voice memo. Memo. And she says, I don't. I. I respect your boundaries. Like, this is the. They have to do, like, everything is an extra sentence in Seattle. Everything is a. More like she could have just been like, hey, I don't want casual. You know, like, I respect your boundaries. Of this guy.

[Jordana Abraham]

She's sending him a multimedia project.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, you're right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Here's three voicemails, two images, one YouTube video, and a survey to please let me know.

[Jared Freid]

Gonna need you to come back with a seven page essay on why you won't commit to me after.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, now this is. Now this is a sales pitch.

[Jared Freid]

Right? Right, right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. So anyway, she writes in the video, the woman talks about finding love at the bottom of a six pack. You can watch the video here. I didn't watch.

[Jared Freid]

No, thank you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Anyway, she goes, tldr. Thank God. If you date one person.

[Jared Freid]

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. I need people to know the email. You can watch the video here starts at 1 hour, 59 minute mark and is 5 minutes long. I mean, no, no, there was. There's an hour and 59 minutes that you got through to get to the part that I need to get through. Like the. Ouch. And again, I do like this listener. Like, I. I hope, I hope that we're not being too hard because I. Go ahead.

[Jordana Abraham]

Anyway, she goes, tldr, you date one person exclusively for six dates. They do the same. And at the end of the six dates, if you want to keep going, you can, or you can call it off, no questions asked. It takes the pressure off dating and keeps it fun. Okay, now this guy's on a dating show, right?

[Jared Freid]

And. And if I did that, I'd be like, do we. In those six dates, where's the happen. Do I get blamed for the. You know, like, she goes, he responded

[Jordana Abraham]

with the last image attached. And the last. Okay, so let's read that.

[Jared Freid]

He responded, I'll watch it tonight with the salute emoji. And she hearted that. And then he writes back to that. You're definitely watching it. He did watch it. Or he lied. You're. He writes back, you're definitely making a strong case. But I have to be honest with myself here. I know what my capacity is, and I don't want to overextend into something that I already feel hesitant about. I'D rather leave it on a high note, knowing this just wasn't the right time. Okay. That's as respectful as it gets.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

And again, I'm the one being the dick and making this about sex. I'm giving you the more the most evil version. And then let's take him at his word of the most polite, most real ver. You can either take him at his word that he can't handle the interpersonal relationship with someone who might move, or he asked you to be casual and you weren't up for it, and he's trying to find a way out, and he's doing it as nice as he can. So it's somewhere between the two.

[Jordana Abraham]

I kind of like this. She's like, if you want to. If you want to extend an offer of casual, I'm gonna need you to take a. A four courses on other options available to you. And then if you still want to do it, you're gonna have. You can opt in.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Anyway, she goes at that. I let it go, and I didn't feel the need to keep building a case. I think you've built. I think she's done a lot to build this case. Yeah. Of reasons to go on a second date. I was pretty upset by this because, as mentioned, I'm deaf because I'm not definitively moving and honestly would love a reason to stay. Do you think the potential of moving was a valid reason to call it off, or was there something else at play? I've learned my lesson not to mention the potential move. But did I say something else that may have been too overwhelming? Please let me know your thoughts. Cheers. Still single in Seattle. Okay. I have a question for you.

[Jared Freid]

Sure.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do you think she should not mention that she wants to move?

[Jared Freid]

I think that's, like, the one thing that I think she's wrong about. I think she should definitely mention the potential move. It's about who she. That's who she is. That's. That's where she is at 26 City in Seattle. I'm not. I'm not enjoying. And I. I do think. I think that that's her problem is she's looking for another person to solve her problems. And I can feel that's how I would feel. She might not admit to that, but, like, even reading this, do you think. I'm definitely not. Honestly would love a reason to stay. I've heard that. I have heard that one. She's not original.

[Jordana Abraham]

That doesn't feel empowering.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I feel like when you phrase it,

[Jared Freid]

like, Yeah, I want to date someone who's so happy with their life, but also wants to make it better. And that, to me, is someone I'm attracted to. And it, I think someone could say I'm looking to move soon while also being that person. I think someone could be happy and enjoying their life and also be moving in a year. But right now, this is also. I've dated someone like this to make it even more personal that I remember we were having great dates and it was a lot of fun. And then every, like, six weeks or every couple weeks, it was like a new life direction. And I was like, okay, I, I, I'm someone who's, like, hypercritical of myself and, like, maybe I'm not ready. And I'm thinking about myself and I'm like. And then I was like, not sure if I should. I was like, I'm not really feeling it. I was like. And I felt bad about ending it. But then I was like, jared, this person is not ready for a relationship. And I think we all tell ourselves we're ready. And it, it's. Sometimes you don't even know when we

[Jordana Abraham]

tell ourselves we could make it work. I could make it work.

[Jared Freid]

Right? I don't think she's ready for a relationship. I think she needs to figure out her life and what she wants to do with it and where she wants to be. I just don't want to date someone who's like, maybe I'll move. Because you're, she's not saying she's moving. She's. Maybe she'll move.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, listen, she's 26. Right.

[Jared Freid]

Totally fine. Right. That, that makes. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think being 26, she doesn't have her whole life figured out. She's like, I could stay here. I could leave. It's not like she kind of probably doesn't.

[Jared Freid]

Nor should she.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. So I think that part's okay to not have it figured out. I think, again, this is a very difference between men and women. I want to be, like, dating while you figure your out. That part to me is like, fine. I think to, to make this case, she's not doing herself any favors for this person. Because if it was the best state of his life. Yeah. He would go. He kind of. I think you're doing. She's doing herself a favor, like you said, by, by saying, I think I want to leave. This is who I am. This is what I'm doing.

[Jared Freid]

Well, because she said to, to, to jump on your point. Because she said she's thinking of moving. It got her the Answers she needed.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Which is that this guy would be casual but not looking for a relationship with her that's going to start right away in the way she would want it to make her want to stay.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. And that would happen either way. She just found out a little sooner this way.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Which is, I think, what we all want everyone talks about. I don't want to waste time. She did not. The only time she wasted was watching a two hour YouTube video. No, I, I, I, I joke, but I, I think she failed quicker. And it's not a failure. Yeah, I, I think, like, I think

[Jordana Abraham]

the answer is quicker.

[Jared Freid]

Right. She got the answers quicker. And I, I think she says I've learned my lesson. Not to mention the potential move, but I think she needs to rethink that. I think the potential move is the vulnerable part that I want to hear. On a date, if you were, if

[Jordana Abraham]

you were on a date with someone who was potentially moving and you had an amazing time, would you still pursue a relationship with them? If they were potentially moving in a

[Jared Freid]

year, I would pursue going out with them again.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

This all got ahead of itself because that's what happens when you try to convince someone. You start talking about the relationship instead of, like being in it. I don't, I think that's what she's trying to do. She's like trying to, like, plan her life. And it's like you've been on one date, you have nothing planned, but you're asking for a plan. Yeah. Like, it's, I think if I'm, to her, I think she has to let people live their lives the way she's letting herself live hers. She's, hey, if I meet someone and if this magical thing happens, but then she's trying to control this magical thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

You can't do that. You know, it's, and I again, yeah. He did you a favor. I, I think this guy was as respectful as it could get for someone who was like, blow me. No. Okay. No.

[Jordana Abraham]

Plus, you don't really want to convince someone to like, go out with you who's not excited to do that, Especially by, like a second date.

[Jared Freid]

Totally. And, and you. I also don't want to go out with someone who's take me or leave me, you know, that's basically what.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

So. Well, we solved dating again. Jordana. We did it.

[Jordana Abraham]

We did it. We'll be back next week.

[Jared Freid]

Boom.

[Jordana Abraham]

Thanks again to HBO Max for sponsoring this episode. Euphoria is back for season three. Five years later, the characters you know are navigating power, faith and ambition in the real world. It's bold and visceral and genuinely unlike anything else on TV right now. Don't miss the third season of Euphoria, starring two time Emmy winner Zendaya, premiering April 12 on HBO and HBO Max, with new episodes every Sunday. Betches.