Should I Go No Contact With My Ex?

Summary

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U Up? Podcast Summary

Episode: "Should I Go No Contact With My Ex?"

Date: February 12, 2025
Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid

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Main Theme & Purpose

This episode circles around the challenges of moving on from an ex, especially when breakups are amicable and feelings linger. Jordana and Jared dissect the pros and cons of going "no contact," discuss how to process the end of a relationship, and field questions from listeners about when, why, and how to cut ties for real. The conversation is peppered with reflections on suburban life, adult friendships, generational differences, and classic "U Up?" audience Q&A with trademark humor and honesty.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Suburban Life and Adult Friendships

• Jordana speaks candidly about transitioning to the suburbs, new social circles, and the adult anxiety of “fitting in” without needing (or wanting) deep connections.
  • Tone: Light and self-aware
• Both hosts discuss how adult friendships shift with life stages—kids, marriage, moving, and the unspoken rules of “suburban cliques.”
• Jared expresses the appeal of being “the fun guy with no real friends,” joking about the desire to be liked from a distance without intimate ties.
  • Quote [07:40]:
    • "My ideal position is to, like, no friends. I do my own thing. People like, oh, he seems like a good guy. He does seem like a fun guy to party with. And, and. But I don't party with anybody." – Jared
• Reflection on how maintaining old friendships gets harder—logistics, different life choices, and the reality that “your world gets smaller” with age.

2. Commitment, Relationships, and Freedom

• The hosts banter about the difference in feeling responsible for a partner’s happiness versus enjoying independence.
• Jared admits anxiety about the loss of selfishness that comes with commitment:
  • Quote [13:41]:
    • "That's how my dad talked to me. So it's like this idea of like, you know... I think dating is fun for men and a job for women and relationships are fun for women and a job for a man." – Jared
• Detailed reflection on men’s attitudes toward commitment, “the job” of making someone else happy, and the temptation to preserve autonomy.

3. Listener Email: Amicable Breakups & No Contact

• Emailer: 26-year-old, struggling after a three-year relationship ended due to different life goals (wanting kids).
• She and her ex try to remain friends and keep hooking up; she wonders if she should go "no contact" to move on.
• Jared’s Insight [32:48]:
  • "You’re not the match. You were good for each other. I think you can like appreciate a relationship while also moving on."
• The hosts emphasize that ongoing contact can prevent healing, especially when the breakup isn't dramatic (no villain, just incompatibility).
• Advice:
  • Recognize when hope is keeping you stuck.
  • No contact is hard but necessary for clarity and self-respect.
  • Don’t fall for “amicable breakup” myths—it can muddy the process and enable false hope.
• Notable Quote [41:14]:
  • "Go no contact. You've got to do it. Block. Need to move on." – Jordana

4. Gender Dynamics in Breakups

• The hosts debate the idea that men sometimes break up not necessarily for happiness, but for relief from indecision and responsibility.
  • Quote [16:06]:
    • "I've broken up with women where I'm like, this is either exactly what I should do or the biggest mistake of my life." – Jared
• Discussion on the “dangling” hope men may offer by coming back post-breakup—sometimes not with ill intent, but with unresolved feelings.

5. Generational Expectations and Dating Careers

• A digression about Millennials vs. Gen Z work/life realities:
  • Social media, public image, delayed milestones.
  • Gen Z’s shameless approach to influencer careers vs. Millennial embarrassment about “blogging” or non-traditional success.

6. Red Flags, Deal Breakers & Hygiene

• The hosts tackle classic “red flag or deal breaker” scenarios, from TMI dating app conversations to a guy with brown pillows and no bathroom soap.
• Listener Story [66:40]: A woman dates a man who claims he always goes downstairs to use hand soap, which the hosts mock as obviously untrue and a major turnoff.
• Both agree that repeated hygiene missteps in adults usually signal immaturity or relationship unreadiness.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Adult Friendship:
  "You want to be able to like, win some, lose some. You know, like, you want to take a game off your friend and then them take a game off you and have it be competitive and get a sweat." – Jared [03:47]

• On Dating as Work:
  "Dating is fun for men and a job for women and relationships are fun for women and a job for a man." – Jared [13:41]

• On Breakup Relief:
  "I'm not happier. I'm just the weight less. Right. You're just less stressed." – Jared [16:33]

• On No Contact:
  "Go no contact. You've got to do it. Block. Need to move on." – Jordana [41:14]

• On Hygiene Red Flag:
  "I asked him where I could get some to wash my hands and he told me to go downstairs to the kitchen where he keeps it... This guy has never washed his hands ever." – Jared [66:40]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:25] – Jordana settles into suburbia; tennis clinics & new adult friendships.
• [07:40] – Jared’s suburban “ideal”: admired, not intimate.
• [13:41] – Responsibility & commitment (the “job” of men in relationships).
• [16:06] – Breakup relief is not happiness.
• [32:44] – Listener: Should I go no contact with my ex?
• [41:14] – No contact as breakup self-care.
• [57:24] – Red flag or deal breaker game.
• [64:33] – Hygiene horror story: brown pillows, no soap, and deal breaker triggers.

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Flow & Tone

Jordana and Jared’s natural, bantery style keeps the episode lively and relatable, even when delving into emotional territory. They swing between deep advice, rapid-fire hypotheticals, and honest personal admissions. Moments of vulnerability (especially from Jared about commitment) are balanced by frequent humor—especially during “red flag/deal breaker” bits and listener stories.

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For Listeners Who Haven’t Heard the Episode

This episode is for anyone:

• Torn about whether to stay in contact with an ex post-breakup
• Wondering how to finally move on, even when things “ended nicely”
• Curious about how adult friendships shift (and shrink) with age
• Needing comic relief about the awkward (and sometimes gross) realities of dating

You’ll find empathy, laughter, and practical steps for handling that all-too-common situation: loving (or lusting after) someone who’s just not your future. And as the hosts remind us, sometimes, self-care starts with "block."

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

I do have soap in my bathroom.

[A]

But I guess for guests.

[B]

I sent a lot of things. I'm just saying, like I. I don't want to like hammer this dude too much touch.

[A]

So bad. Hello and welcome back to the you up podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.

[B]

And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you. Jordana. How are you? What's going on? How you feeling?

[A]

I'm good.

[B]

Yeah?

[A]

Yeah. I'm really settling into suburban life. I started taking a tennis clinic.

[B]

You take a tennis clinic?

[A]

A tennis clinic, which I just found out what that even means.

[B]

What does that mean?

[A]

It's like you go with other people and then there's an instructor and you hit the ball. It's like kind of like a, like a, a lesson but with your friends. So it's not like that you don't get like as much as a one on one lesson, but you get to like play more. Seems like.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I think that's my understanding group class. It's a kind of. But it's like with four people and you know them so you take it like with people.

[B]

So you guys are like splitting the tennis lesson?

[A]

I guess. Yeah. Which I prefer because like I don't really want to learn.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I just want to play.

[B]

You want. Yeah. You want to play and you want this person to go like, hey, do.

[A]

This a little differently.

[B]

A little there that. It's similar to like with golf where it's like, you just want to know you're doing it the right way so that you don't like, redo the wrong way over and over again.

[A]

Yeah, I just want to be able to like, keep up, I think. Yeah, I don't.

[B]

You want to have like a group that could like. You want to rally. You want to keep it, the ball in the air.

[A]

Yeah. It's weird. I feel like I'm past the age where I want to like, I'm never going to be the best, obviously. I'm 35 years old. Like, I'm not going to be the best tennis player in town. I'm like, I just want to.

[B]

Down. You are down. Yeah, I'm just trying to get to.

[A]

I'm just trying to like, not embarrass myself and like, have some fun.

[B]

That's. I mean, when people ask about golf, that's a similar vibe for most people. I think most people just want to like, be able to have it be an hour of continuous play.

[A]

Part of their. Almost like social. Like be part of their social life or be part of their.

[B]

Well, you don't want to be so bad that you're holding back the group and you're just stuck in your self.

[A]

Conscious self the whole time and no one wants to. Right. It's more about your own ego, I think.

[B]

Absolutely. Yeah.

[A]

You want to be able to like.

[B]

Keep up because everyone sucks. Everyone's horrible, everyone's mediocre.

[A]

It's all relative.

[B]

Right. And. But like I see it with my dad and like the golf stuff, like, you know, who you gonna. When he talks with friends about who they're gonna play with, like, can't play with him. He sucks. You know, like, like that gets brought up. You don't want to be that guy. You don't want to be that guy. Right. So you don't want to be.

[A]

You don't have to be the best, but you can't be the. You can't be like the worst.

[B]

You want to be able to like, win some, lose some.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, like, you want to take a game off your friend and then them take a game off you and have it be competitive and get a sweat.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It all makes. Is there a tennis club?

[A]

I don't.

[B]

Are you doing it at a.

[A]

Where do you do this at a Tennis place. Like, it's an indoor tennis facility.

[B]

When do you go? Is it like a weekend thing? Is it a weekday thing?

[A]

I go like 8am on Fridays.

[B]

8Am on Fridays. We are living two very different.

[A]

And it was a little early for me.

[B]

A little.

[A]

A little early.

[B]

This. I guess you're trying to get it in before work for people, I guess.

[A]

Other people. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, those people that have to work at work.

[A]

It's like nine to five, like.

[B]

Right. You know, Is it busy?

[A]

Not that time. Not really.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, but it's just you and your friends?

[A]

It's just me and like my new, like my friend Liza and then a couple of like, new friends.

[B]

Our suburbs people.

[A]

Right. Like, I'm like, are we friends or are we friendly? I think we're still in like, we're friendly stage.

[B]

Have you started to hear like, the rumblings of like, what do you think? Suburban?

[A]

I'm trying to get. That's what I'm trying. That the instructor keeps talking too much.

[B]

Yes. Shut the up, Frederick.

[A]

I want to try to find out.

[B]

If their marriage is good or not.

[A]

I want to find out who's cheating on who.

[B]

Right. Has that stuff started to happen in the suburbs?

[A]

Like, really? I haven't, like, I haven't infiltrated myself that deeply into. I think that happens maybe when you have kids that you're like, more like, embedded in the culture. Like, my friend Liza lives in the. In the town, so she kind of like, brings me into some stuff. But I don't really care that much because, like, I don't know, there's. I feel like there's not as much of a culture around it when we're just like, living there, not with children. Does that make sense?

[B]

It does make sense. It's like it.

[A]

It's so like, it's like people are great that I've met, but I'm not like, oh, I've got to like, find my. My new crew. Because also I also know people who live around there too.

[B]

Right. I think the kids kind of leads that whole thing where it's like, kids are the same age, so you meet the parents and you're like. You're kind of like forced into. Hangs with those people.

[A]

Right. It seems to be how, like, our parents, like, they're friends with. They make friends with people who are. Had kids around the same age.

[B]

Especially when you have kids young. Like, if you start having kids around the same, like, you're all 27.

[A]

Right. You have the same freedom levels.

[B]

Right. So no, I. I don't Know my fear of getting to that place in life, and then you're in the suburb where, like. Like, I don't know, like, you. You hope you and your partner are, like, so solid.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That you're not the one everyone else is talking about.

[A]

Like, oh, you're not like the couple on the rocks.

[B]

I don't know. It's like. It's also like, they say, you know, a lot of my friends that move back to the suburbs, they're like, it's. It's high school.

[A]

It seems very clicky. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. They.

[A]

But I guess I'm not at the stage where I care yet. Right. You know, I mean, I care about, like, fitting into, like, the thing.

[B]

Right. No.

[A]

I don't know. I don't know why. Like, I feel like I almost should care more. Like, I want to have a crew, but I'm like, I don't. I have my friend. I have other friends.

[B]

I would much rather be. And I think we've talked about this before. Like, I want to be the house that people are like. That's the guy who, like. Like, no one knows me, but they know of me.

[A]

Oh, because you're, like, kind of famous.

[B]

Well, but you like. I like. I like. Even for you. Like, oh, yeah, she started. We never really like you. I don't want those one deep with anyone.

[A]

Right. Where they know one fact that they ascribe to your whole person.

[B]

And then they've met me in passing, and they're like, he seems cool.

[A]

You're not looking for an intimate friendship.

[B]

I don't want any friendships. I want to be a lone wolf.

[A]

You don't want a guy who comes. I mean, this is. We talk about this on our next step, our Valentine's Day episode. You're talking about your parents. There's a guy who comes over to, like, for them, who doesn't work for them.

[B]

No. He comes over.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To spend time. He's like, my dad's, like, buddy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He's always around.

[A]

You could be somebody's buddy.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know. I don't want to be the buddy. I want to be the.

[A]

Yeah. Like, what's the idea? You think that's the ideal position to be in a suburban town?

[B]

The ideal position.

[A]

You have no real friends.

[B]

No real friends. But people admire you and people like you, and they, like, be better friends with you.

[A]

Okay. But that always leave him wanting more.

[B]

Right. I want that. My ideal position is to, like, no friends. I do my own thing. People like, oh, he seems like a good guy. He does seem like a fun guy to party with. And, and. But I don't party with anybody.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I would, that would be my, really, my ideal. That is, I do have that. That does sound comfortable to me.

[A]

It's also a little bit weird, I think, to get into this stage of life where people, you know, a lot of my friends have kids and they're in like, I have a friend who moved to Westchester and it's like, will I ever see you again?

[B]

It's like another planet.

[A]

Well, it's just like, why, like you'd have to like drive over. Like, it's like we used to hang out every weekend and just get drunk and like do all that. Now it's like now she's got a.

[B]

Whole new group of people to get drunk with in that area.

[A]

Weird though, right? Cuz you're like, oh, like what happens to, to these other relationships?

[B]

Your worlds get smaller as you get older and people tell you about that and then you go, yeah, sure, sure, sure. But even like me, I live in the West Village. Going anywhere else but the West Village, like, go out at night is like crazy to me. Like, like the idea that I would go to like, you know, like the Upper east side is like not far away, but it is.

[A]

You would never go there.

[B]

Years and miles away.

[A]

There's nothing to do there.

[B]

Right.

[A]

When I live there, there's not even the restaurants. Sucking Upper east side is like nothing there.

[B]

I listen.

[A]

And playgrounds, right?

[B]

To those who enjoy it, they enjoy. But I'm like, I don't really leave my whole like 10 block radius, you know, so, you know, I do understand where you move to Westchester. You're like, why would I leave West? We have a bar here, we have a restaurant here, we have a nice people here.

[A]

I gotta take so much effort, right? Right.

[B]

I got this whole house that I bought that like I made into my like castle.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But then it's weird. Like, what do you do with the relationships from before that time?

[B]

You make a plan, I guess I. I guess you say we're going to do dinner at some point together, but then you have to. This is why friendships grow apart. Like you have to like both people have to like both people.

[A]

Right enough to like really try. Because it's so much easier to just like, I'll see you at like right at the second wedding of someone we know.

[B]

I guess if you like the wife from way back when. But like the husband's kind of like a dud.

[A]

Right. Then I have to motivate the Whole family to get there.

[B]

Right. Like, I'm sure, like, Mike is like, I don't want to be with the dud.

[A]

Or I'm like, I'm not going into the city to hang out with these people.

[B]

Right. I don't have fun doing that.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, like, I'd rather be alone. Lone wolf in the town.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That life sounds so relatable to me. And I'm far, so far away from it. Like the suburb stuff. I'm like, I do have this, like, yearn for it. I do. Like, because it feels like home. It feels like home. And it's like. Just feels like sometimes it feels so much more simple.

[A]

I think there is. It's kind of like a trade off. Right?

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's funny because everyone's like, this is bad. Like, city sucks or the city's great. It's like everything is a trade off. There's nothing that's like, you, like, just are objectively better.

[B]

The only one that. Yeah, right, Right.

[A]

So you get in the suburbs, like, you, like you said, you get that it is really comfy. Everything's just like, set. We're not like, looking for relationships. We're not looking for whatever. Like, it's like very. But then the opposite end of that is like, there's no novelty.

[B]

Right.

[A]

There's no new restaurant every week. Like there is in the city.

[B]

Right.

[A]

No 700 people you could meet if you're, you know, if you're single.

[B]

Right. This is why people get hobbies. Like, I have no hobbies.

[A]

You. You drink martinis. You play golf.

[B]

Called it alcohol.

[A]

You play golf?

[B]

Yeah, I'm like, I don't know, like, if I'm put to, like, if I'm pressed to it.

[A]

What's a. I think golf is a hobby.

[B]

It's a hobby, but, like, I'm not.

[A]

Like, you're not consistent with, like, oh, I'm playing every week.

[B]

I don't have, like a standing appointment.

[A]

Hobby's like a commitment. That's kind of the beauty of your life, though, is that you have no commitments.

[B]

None.

[A]

Like, even thinking about getting this dog, and I'm getting a little anxious about.

[B]

The thought, are you going to get it?

[A]

I think I'm going to get it. But I would be lying if there wasn't like a little voice in the back of my head that's like this. Like, you have nothing to do. Like, you have no one.

[B]

There's no dog to get back.

[A]

There's no one depending on you. I mean, there's Mike, but not like he's an independent man. He can survive very well without me. Like, I'm like, oh, my God, I'm gonna give up this, like, the freedom to not literally have absolutely no one to worry about besides myself for. For, like, a dog and not even a human.

[B]

Now you're starting to understand what it's like. Want to commit?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, that's how I feel at the.

[A]

I mean, you don't have to make sure they physically survive.

[B]

Well, at the precipice of every, like, relationship getting more serious, I'm like, am I ready to live a life that I have no idea what could happen next?

[A]

It's interesting because I never thought that way about relationship.

[B]

Right. I do.

[A]

Because you're. You're responsible for someone else's feelings.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But it's like, why would they not be happy with just you as you are?

[B]

That's a question I ask myself every time I'm in a relationship.

[A]

But, like, if you had a dog, they wouldn't be happy with Jared as you are, because your normal self isn't putting out dog food and writing a dog out for a walk.

[B]

Right. You don't. And.

[A]

But the idea was, like, a relationship. Like, I just.

[B]

It would work, I guess.

[A]

You wouldn't have to change me.

[B]

I've said this on this show all the time. Like, I think dating is fun for men and a job for women and relationships are fun for women and a job for a man. I do believe that, like, you're signing up for the work, like, of the responsibility of someone else's feelings, making them happy on a daily basis. And maybe I'm seeing it wrong. You know, maybe that's too much to put on myself, but that's kind of how I think about it. Like, I. I listen to this podcast. This guy was talking about his dad, and he was talking about becoming a dad, and he's like, the whole becoming a dad is. Is. Is sacrifice. He describes it. That's. That's the job sacrifice. And even when I told my dad, I was like, I think, like, I was in a relationship, and I was like, I think I'm gonna end it. He was like, well, this is your last chance to, like, be selfish.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's how my dad talked to me. So it's like this idea of, like, you know, again, this story keeps coming up, because the Matt James story, where he ends it really in a bad way, seemingly based on all the stuff that's been talked about.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But if you break it down to its core of Matt James In a four year relationship with a woman who's ready for the next thing. And he's this food influencer, which is like a job. I don't think he dreamt about growing up. It's kind of like getting him seems.

[A]

Pretty, pretty, like pretty lucrative, easy thing to do. I mean, I don't know what it's. Maybe it's harder. Don't come for me.

[B]

Lucrative and easy, but also easy come, easy go. Okay, So I think if I'm him, like I actually thought about this. Like if I'm him, let's say it's lucrative and easy. Now he probably doesn't even trust that it's going to stick around for as long like there's no TV network that's ringing his doorbell.

[A]

Right?

[B]

You know, there's, there's no TV network that exists. They're not making those shows anymore. So he has to wonder like, what is this future? And then they have this woman who's like four years. Let's go.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Suburbs. The clock timer is what am I doing here? And he's like, ah. And he doesn't want to make a move. So then he forces her to break up with herself because what's he gonna say? I like you, but I, I have no, there's no future here that I see.

[A]

Isn't that exactly what he said?

[B]

Right? But I, I think he meant it. I think if I'm like to like take empathy for him, I think it's like there's no future of what I.

[A]

Am, you know, like, so it's not about her.

[B]

I think she's in the mix of those things. But like I was just thinking of someone like building a career on something that you never really expected to be a career. How trusting could you be that that's an actual career? Like, I think a lot of these tick tockers, like that's a big thing for them. The money just appeared out of the sky, right. And became a job. And now it's like, because I just don't buy that he's this big foodie that dreamt was in culinary school. He was a fitness guy.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It'd be, it would actually make more sense, less sense for him to end it if he was a trainer who had this like big network of training people and class schedules and there was a business there.

[A]

But I guess my question is like, does he anticipate and is he happier unattached?

[B]

I don't know if happier is even the, the question. It is less stress, you know, like.

[A]

Because of the stress of the decision.

[B]

Right. I. I mean, I've broken up with women where I'm like, this is either exactly what I should do or the biggest mistake of my life.

[A]

Well, that's like kind of what the Logan, you know, Logan was saying. Like, she gets men. And there's many men who say, we're either gonna break up, right? We're gonna get married.

[B]

And when I end it, I have this like. Like all the weight is lifted off of me.

[A]

So are. You're happier then?

[B]

But I'm not happier.

[A]

I'm just the weight less. Right. You're just less stressed.

[B]

Right. And. And I'm. I'm being as personal and vulnerable as I can be because I. I have had that and I've thought about it a lot of like, I was so that next day. But it wasn't happier. It was just relieved of the decision has.

[A]

Has been made.

[B]

Been made. And there's nothing to do. There's no dog to feed.

[A]

But there's no panic about, what if I did the wrong thing?

[B]

It doesn't come till later. Because then you start thinking back, like, what was it that made me make that really big decision? Because it is a big decision.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because like, I. I have a lot of times where it's like, do I text that person again? And I'm like, no, you made a decision then for whatever reason it was.

[A]

And here's the other thing is like, you made the decision and you don't know there's no. And you probably would make that decision again, right? Probably.

[B]

Probably. Or.

[A]

And everything you hear on this podcast, you can't go back unless. Unless.

[B]

Unless you're totally sure.

[A]

Yeah. Boyfriend, off.

[B]

Boyfriend or off. And then at that point, you're the guy bothering this woman.

[A]

Well, no, you're the. Not bothering is at its best. Right? Bothering is the best is like, that's the best case scenario that she's over you and you're like, oh, this guy, like that guy. That's the best case scenario. The worst case scenario is you're like instilling hope of. Of you coming back as a different version of yourself who's ready to commit.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Super in knows 100%.

[B]

That's where the bothering from my end.

[A]

Like, I. Yeah, I wouldn't call that bothering. I would call like, I'm.

[B]

I'm pestering, right?

[A]

No, I would call that like dangling more than pestering.

[B]

Right. But I don't think the guy who comes back is starting at I'm dangling.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I don't think that's his like, that would be a really evil way to come back. I think it's like, I think you get to a point where you go, oh, I didn't want, like, we did this episode where.

[A]

Well, we did the Julia.

[B]

Yeah, Julia.

[A]

I don't know if it always comes back.

[B]

Right.

[A]

That's why that episode was so relatable.

[B]

Right? Yeah, the Julie episode. If you go back and listen, it's there, but it was that a guy, you know, ended it, then came back.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then he ended it again. And it's like.

[A]

And that's the word. I mean, as the women were like, that's when we're sharpening our pitchforks. Like, he dared.

[B]

Right.

[A]

To come back the same way as he left.

[B]

Right. And I. And I don't think he came back to leave again. Right. I just don't think that was his role. It ends up being like, fuck, yeah, I was still on fire.

[A]

What did I do here?

[B]

Right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I don't think a lot of men, people generally want to be that person. Like, I think most of us want to be considered, like, don't want to bother anyone.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I don't want to make anyone upset.

[A]

But we're taught from all the romcoms, like, he'll come back, he'll profess his love. And like, sometimes, you know, this is our. This was the hurdle we needed to get through.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's a changed man, but you literally ready to commit, and then you have.

[B]

To come back and become a different person.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, that's a crazy expectation. Like, you, like, if I.

[A]

So what's your expect. What is. What is the male expectation when they come back? Yeah, we had a. We had a fun time.

[B]

I know. I don't think they think of that far through.

[A]

Well, that's the issue.

[B]

I think they're like, oh, well, let's like, see what happens this time.

[A]

Right. And that's. I mean, that's the hardest part of dating, I think, is that one person could have a lens of this is really significant and very hurtful and very. And very tied to my self esteem. And the other person could have a thing of like, this was fun. And it was sucked that it was a. It was like a shame that it didn't work out. But like, yeah, we could try it again. We had fun, right? Yeah.

[B]

But I also, I think that also has to do with, like, from this podcast. I think we have like a lot of, like, when we hear from women, it's like, let's just get in the relationship and see what this is.

[A]

Yeah. You could just break up with me if you don't like me in six months.

[B]

Right. And I think from the guy perspective, from my perspective, it's like, if everyone's just ready to get in a relationship, then I'm fully the only one thinking of this reasonably.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Because I'm the only.

[A]

It's a relationship. It's not a marriage.

[B]

But I'm. I know, but I'm just saying, like, if I'm the only one, like, being careful, like, as I'm, like, thinking of, like, whether we could work out or if it's gonna work out, you know, if everyone's just ready to, like, shack up, then. Well, why would I do that? I. I, like. I. I. Because you can always leave, and then you're. The guy won't commit.

[A]

I actually think the guy who breaks up with you because he doesn't want to go to the next stage after he's in a relationship with you is like, to me, I'm like, that's the best kind of guy who breaks up with you.

[B]

I'm gonna give you some numbers.

[A]

He's a guy who got to know.

[B]

You need to call.

[A]

He's a guy who got to know.

[B]

You, let them know.

[A]

I mean, those people maybe are angry in the moment, but that's their own. But I look at those situations and I'm like, that person did nothing wrong. But it is. It does feel like a shame when it's like, I like you, but I just don't know if I want to marry you. So I can't even be in a relationship with you is like, why don't you just, like, really get to know me? Like, why don't you just commit to getting to know me really well? And if you decide when you really know me on that level that you don't want to marry me, like, fine, but at least get to know me.

[B]

I know that's. But that's also, like, so harsh. Hey, I think we gotta break up. Now that I know your personality, it's time for me to go.

[A]

That shouldn't be that big of a surprise if you have a real relationship, right?

[B]

It goes both.

[A]

It shouldn't get that they're getting to.

[B]

Know you too, right?

[A]

Yeah, they're. Yeah, they might not want to marry you.

[B]

I had a feeling this talk about the suburbs would end up here.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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Some of that's mine.

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[A]

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[B]

Listen, we are 100 subscribers away from 16,000 on YouTube.

[A]

Guys, we could do better than this. Come on, this is a big show.

[B]

I can't even.

[A]

Not going to. I can't even believe we're sitting.

[B]

16 doesn't really move the needle from.

[A]

You're depressing us guys. We don't. I'm not even going to mention the number. Just go subscribe if you like the show. We know there's many, many more people than 16,000 people living to listen the show. It's free, it doesn't cost you anything. It's great support to the show.

[B]

It means nothing to you. The world does. So when you like and share, share. I understand that's a big ask liking public. That's a public display, right? Liking and hitting the favor button. And that helps us get on an algorithm. The hope and the reason we go into this. It gets us on an algorithm where we find people just like you. So their viewing habits are like your viewing habits. And now we get put in front of more wonderful audience like yourselves. So that's our whole reason for the liking and commenting. So that's what I thought the algorithm was. I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, help us. Help us serve father algorithm.

[B]

It does. Every day it does feel more like. Right God.

[A]

Yeah. Like some weird dystopian empire.

[B]

It is like pretty true.

[A]

But the algorithm might take it away from us. So we have to of sort like bow down and do what the algorithm is asking for.

[B]

It's shorter form videos, good tidings from.

[A]

Father Algorithms be human sacrifices soon.

[B]

Also go subscribe to oversharing. They're doing subscription. Yeah, Bachelor's on YouTube as well and we're talking about the Bachelor.

[A]

And you're. You're headed out, right? What's Next?

[B]

It's the 12th, so I'm leaving soon for my 40th birthday tour.

[A]

How are the shows doing there?

[B]

I don't know. I've kind of kept a blind eye.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

If you're in Australia, Sydney, Brisbane, Newcastle, Perth, Auckland, New Zealand. I'm going to be all over the place so jaredfree.com for tickets. Also if I'm looking at this the 12th, I added a weekend. This weekend I'm going to be in Alpharetta. Georgia. Alpharetta, Georgia. I'm doing some shows. They had a. I guess a dropout, and I was like, I got no one. I got nothing. So I'll go to Alpha.

[A]

I got no reason to. Our Valentine's Day episode.

[B]

That is a sneak peek. Yeah, the Valentine's Day episode we just taped. But also, yeah, if you're, like, looking to do something fun. Valentine's Day weekend, I'm coming to Alpharetta. It's gonna be a loose show. I'm gonna come back to Atlanta in the fall for a theater.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

So, like, that'll be great. Play is work on an act that I can put on in a theater. I have this new story that's very funny. Like, that, like, is, like, doing very well.

[A]

I'm excited.

[B]

I also told the story on stage that I told you on benefits about my mom.

[A]

That was a great story. So, yeah, I mean, you could get a sneak peek of it, too, if you subscribe.

[B]

Subscribe to the benefits. But that's. I did that on stage last night, and it, like, it's, like, doing well. It did well. I'm like, I can't believe I'm gonna have to tell the story again and again and so embarrassing.

[A]

Your mom is probably that person at the country club that you describe wanting to be in the same suburbs, Right? She's the one whose son told that weird joke about her not going to spoil.

[B]

Spoilers. It's weird to tell, but it's what happened. It's just, I. I just think as millennials, we. I think. I think being a millennial, I have. This is my theory that being a millennial is we died in another world and this is hell. Like, our parents, like, seem to get, like, everything that they ever worked for. Then we get told, go to college. We racked up all this debt, we went to college. That didn't even matter for our lives, right? Then we, like, work our asses off, get paid very little for a lot of hard work. And then, like, Gen Z comes up your ass. And they're like, the most shameless generation. Like, they make money off of a YouTube channel. They're like billionaires.

[A]

They're all eating well, so angry at us, which is just so funny. I feel like there's, like, some. There's, like, a little angst against the millennials, but it's like no one in our generation even talked about Gen X. Literally, like, none of us even knew they existed. It was like, boomers. And then nothing.

[B]

Well, we were the first generation on the Internet, and Commenting on the Internet.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So like it does feel like they moved into our room because now I see like these Gen Z people doing jokes. I was like, I did that a decade ago. Did that one.

[A]

Right, we did that. Been on the same medium as that.

[B]

Right. We're the first two generations to share the media.

[A]

Gen X is closer to the boomers, I think.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

They don't know what the is going on.

[B]

But Gen X brought up these.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Yeah. They should be blamed more for these Shameless. And they all started tick tock pages like, yeah, of course I'm a food influencer. We would have been embarrassed to our core. Like remember how much of an insult it was to call someone a blogger?

[A]

Oh yeah. It was like that conjured visions of like you and your mother's basement, like such a loser.

[B]

And now all these Gen Z people are just like doing those things with no shame. And like good for them. But that's why they're like doing it like as a business. Right away we were so embarrassed.

[A]

That used to be the job of the untouchables, right?

[B]

The unfuckable. Yeah. The undateable. Yes. Woman with a dating blog.

[A]

I know.

[B]

That was like a thing.

[A]

Yikes. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, okay. So that's my rant.

[A]

Well, let's get.

[B]

Should we get more of that now for Georgia?

[A]

Yeah, More fun, optimistic, upbeat times. That's what everyone needs in the dead of winter, right?

[B]

I just said being us as hell.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay, what are we talking about?

[A]

26 year old female here. And I would love to know your opinion on my unique breakup I'm going through. Back in December, after dating for three years, my long term boyfriend and I decided that we ultimately weren't on the same page about wanting kids. Okay, for context, I grew up in a family of six and always dreamed of having a house full of kids. He on the other hand, comes from a broken family.

[B]

Okay, sorry to laugh. I just wonder if he would just.

[A]

Would describe it that way.

[B]

Right. We run down the stairs and get our presents on Christmas and all hug and kiss and we all sit laid in the same bed. He comes from hell. He's from a broken family. He's one of those the turn and how their lives were.

[A]

And he would rather focus on personal career girls. I don't know if that's due to his broken family or not. Well, rather than dedicate time and money to a family.

[B]

Such a harsh that is. Okay, first of all, that's called man who doesn't want to get in a relationship.

[A]

Right.

[B]

To me, I want to put my time and money into my career over a family and a relationship.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, that is like, again, that's like a cold way of looking at it.

[A]

But it also sounds it. You could. You could spin it so it sounds legitimate.

[B]

It is legit.

[A]

Focus on my career.

[B]

Well, right. But like, even though she's bought it, like, she's repeating this back. Like, I want to focus my.

[A]

And I've got this broken family.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I can't get.

[B]

It's.

[A]

Can't commit. I have this broken family.

[B]

I've got to get it repaired at 26.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sorry, kid.

[A]

In other words, put my time and.

[B]

Money into this career of mine.

[A]

So he's, in other words, dj. In other words, he does not want kids. Do you think he doesn't want kids?

[B]

I don't know. I don't think he knows anything.

[A]

The obvious, though hard outcome was to end the relationship. We decided we would still like to be friends and support each other's careers and other aspects of our lives. Fast forward to a month and a half later. This breakup hasn't gotten any easier. I still cry almost every day and question why this shitty situation is happening to me. Though maybe frowned upon. We have gotten together three times and one of those I spent the night. I know these nights need to end so I can truly move on and find someone who will have the same life goals as me, but I really don't know how. So here's my question to you experts. We are not actually not experts. How the hell do you get through and process an amicable breakup when you both still care and love each other so much? Do you go no contact? Do you slowly fade out? Did we make the right decision? Sincerely, still in love with my ex. Fetch.

[B]

Okay, can I help this person?

[A]

Yes, please.

[B]

She writes some very specific things in her email that like tell.

[A]

The answer is always in the email.

[B]

The answer's always saying, I still cry almost every day and question why this shitty situation is happening to me. Like, I just think that perspective is not going to get you anywhere. This is not empowering to you. This is a. This is a breakup with your boyfriend at 26. You broke up. And. And the more you call it amicable, the more you blame that he doesn't want to have kids, the more you say he has his, he's gonna. You've made this all. Other than we're not the match. She's. That's why she's crying every night, right? She's still holding out hope. She's she's saying that they are saying such a perfect match, but it's all these things that happen to us. No, no, that's not what it is.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You're not the match. You were good for each other. I, I think you can like appreciate a relationship while also moving on.

[A]

Right. Well, it's hard to do both because it's like if you can. There's this feeling that if I appreciate the relationship, then I should still be in the relationship. Which is kind of where she's at.

[B]

Right.

[A]

This feeling of like I don't want to not be in the relationship.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Because I appreciate it so much. And there's just this one thing. So it's hard to like separate that. How hard to say, acknowledge the good things without feeling like you should still be in it. So that's why people villainize a lot.

[B]

Of their exes, which is like self care in its own way.

[A]

Right. It's like I wouldn't be able to not speak to you if I didn't think you were a piece of. And I need to convince myself that you are.

[B]

Right. I mean this is like, that's why the whole friends thing and you've spent the night. This happens. I, I think she's being hard on herself. She's frowned upon. No, that's what happens when you keep contact. Like when you break up with someone, there's a void. One less person to text hug.

[A]

Like lonely.

[B]

Yeah, it's lonely. So what do you fill the void with either someone new or the person you just left. Like that happens all the time too. So what you're doing makes sense. It's, it's. I think it's the way you're speaking to yourself. Like when you.

[A]

I mean it makes sense, but it's not good for you.

[B]

No, going back to isn't good for you. But I'm saying like you're going back because of the way you're speaking to yourself.

[A]

Right?

[B]

She's all about these. Like would you. Could you coulda woulda shouldas right?

[A]

Excuses.

[B]

If he was less from. If he wasn't from a broken family, then we'd be together. No.

[A]

Yeah. That doesn't. I don't even see how that even plays into anything.

[B]

Right. And. And you're buying his.

[A]

And he's getting away with murder.

[B]

Well, he's doing it because he wants to be nice.

[A]

He's letting her either sleeping over because he wants to be nice.

[B]

That's the.

[A]

Such a nice guy.

[B]

That's ridiculous. There's a line though, like, if you give these lines to a person. If you break up and you're like, it's a career. I want to put my time and my money into my career and not into this. That's for that reason, I'm out. If you do that, if that's your Shark Tank pitch.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You then have to back away. You know, you can't then go, it was amicable, and come spend the night. Like now you're being a dick.

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

But that's, but that's why she's buying those words, right?

[A]

That's what I'm saying. She needs to get a little angrier at him. Not that she has to villainize him, but I think she has to say like this person, whatever the reason was, he was, can't, couldn't give me what I wanted. I don't know, the kids thing, I guess. Like he, it sounds like they use the kids thing to make it into a mutual breakup, right?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Which allows him in his head to get away with more post breakup.

[B]

Right. You're gonna see him with 10 kids getting ice cream like a decade from now.

[A]

Not to. Like, that's like her worst fear.

[B]

When you end something, you just want to get out.

[A]

Right.

[B]

While being as little a dick as possible.

[A]

So yeah.

[B]

So that's what he did. He was like, I, oh, no kids. And the time and the. Really? And it's very 26. That's the other thing that I'll say to her. Like a 26 year old guy who runs into marriage to me is delusional. Like, I, I can't, I see more eye to eye with this guy at 26 than I do, you know, the he is.

[A]

If that's the case, then he's lying.

[B]

Who?

[A]

The guy.

[B]

This guy? Yeah. He's lying there.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, right.

[B]

He's lying. Or to get out, the house is on fire. This is every breakup I've ever done.

[A]

Right.

[B]

They want a reason. They always want to read.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

What am I going to say? And I'm like, you know, the reason is I'm afraid. I, I. And then, well, I'll make you feel better. Like they're gonna answer that with like.

[A]

Well, you should give the real reason so they can hate you and move on.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know what I mean? It's kinder. It's kinder to be meaner almost.

[B]

Right. I'm afraid that if I get with you right now and we move to the next level, that I'm going to be a poor loser who didn't work hard enough on his career. And I could have been with someone just as good as you in the future when I was ready.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

That's a hard thing to say to someone. So I'm. I'm giving him empathy.

[A]

That's why he didn't say someone else in the future.

[B]

Yeah, well, I'm just saying, like, that's the bet you make, right? At 26, the bet he's making is that I will work on my career and this person's great that I'm with. But when I'm ready and I don't have that little pit in my stomach and I see the road that keeps me as this, like, successful person, I can then find someone who will be the love of my life, too.

[A]

Well, our hope is that you never find that person. Your prospects only go down.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And you always think back as the one who.

[B]

But this is like, you know, what do women find attractive? Passion. Success.

[A]

Yeah, but that's. It's like, we would be with you poor. Don't you? Doesn't account for anything. We would be with you.

[B]

Would you?

[A]

With your broken family and your starting salary?

[B]

Right. Yeah. I don't know.

[A]

Is there nothing about, you know, there's nothing. Is there no, like, nice way to think about that. Like, here's.

[B]

Then I wouldn't respect myself.

[A]

Got into my rising stock early. Listen, an investor believed in me.

[B]

Honestly, it's probably better for your work to, like, shack up early.

[A]

That's what I think.

[B]

Like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know how many things I have on my mind that have nothing to do.

[A]

You wouldn't have to be, like, out on a date.

[B]

Believe me, I would. I would. Listen, I would have too much time in the day if I was in a relationship.

[A]

Is it just this fear of, like, I, like, I, like, threw in the cards too early.

[B]

No.

[A]

I could have met someone better.

[B]

It's not meeting someone better. It's.

[A]

It's better for me.

[B]

It's not even that. It's just, like, did I reach my potential?

[A]

But why can't I let someone. You can, like, you can only marry someone at the top of your game.

[B]

No, I. I think you have to see where. You have to see the. The road. I think you have to see. Feel secure, the security. Like, I, you know, I would assume. I would love to see, like, a statistic of, like, you know, like, what fields men work in and how early they get married.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, what does a lawyer do? You know what I mean? Like, does a lawyer get married earlier.

[A]

Because they know exactly what the, they.

[B]

Know the track, you know, does a finance per. You know, again, like, I think creatives get married later in life for that reason. You know, I don't know, maybe it's worth a thought. I, I just, right on our end.

[A]

It feels like you're holding out to get someone better once you become more successful.

[B]

Right. There was a Seinfeld episode where she dates a guy in med school and then he gets through med school and he goes, I have to break up with you now.

[A]

I'm a doctor.

[B]

She goes, he goes, it's the dream of any doctor to dump whoever they're with to get, you know, once you become.

[A]

Well, that's what we hear when you say, like, I need to focus on my career. It's like, oh, so that you can get to a powerful, rich enough position to be able to date someone better looking or I've said it.

[B]

Well, I, I just think I'd rather be an old dad than a poor dad. You know, I just, that's my like, honest opinion, you know, Like, I, Right.

[A]

Well, I guess there's, there's no fear of, of being too late. Like there is for women.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I, I and there's not this feeling of like the older you get, the less, the less other available people there are.

[B]

Right. And if you really want to get sad about it, the only person I can disappoint is myself if I'm alone, you know, the.

[A]

Right. Well, it's like, why do anything then?

[B]

Listen, I just talked about the bring.

[A]

It all comes back to the dog. Right? Like, why do anything?

[B]

Why get a dog? I don't know. Because the dog, why do you train the dog? You made the dog again. There's a relationship.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Right.

[A]

We should all do nothing. Just quickly to add to the. To, to wrap up the last email. Go. No contact. You've got to do it. Block. Need to move on.

[B]

Yeah. No, no, no.

[A]

That's the only way on the other.

[B]

Stop talking about. It's like amicable breakup. No such thing.

[A]

Yes. It's time to get mad.

[B]

Right? Yeah, I think that's the advice. And he's going to let this happen because he doesn't care that much.

[A]

That's the annoying. That's the, that's, that's the part that.

[B]

Should make you mad.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. That use that to fuel you.

[B]

Right.

[A]

He doesn't really care about you because if he did, he wouldn't be seeing you after this. You know those moments when your hands are full or your eyes need a break, but you still want to escape into a great story. That's why I'm such a fan of Audible. I listen all the time. Whether I'm on a walk, commuting to the office, doing chores, or even just relaxing before bed. Audible's app makes it super easy to jump right into thousands of audiobooks anytime, anywhere. I've mentioned before that one of my favorite movies is Pride and Prejudice, and I'm excited that Audible is releasing a brand new audiobook version of the Jane Austen novel on September 9th. Narrated by Marissa Abela, Harris Dickinson, Glenn Close and other stars you know and love, Audible gives me the best of both worlds. I can enjoy a story I love while actually getting stuff done. They have thousands of titles, everything from romance to thrillers to memoirs, comedy and even self improvement. So whatever mood you're in, there's always something fresh and exciting waiting for you. And the app is super user friendly. You can download audiobooks to listen offline, adjust the narration speed and pick up right where you left off across all your devices. If you've never tried Audible before, I can't recommend it enough. It's the easiest way to bring incredible stories into your everyday life. Trust me, once you start listening, you'll wonder how you ever went without it. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30 day trial at audible.com UUP you know I love a good pair of underwear, but it is hard to find. If it's flattering then usually pretty uncomfortable. It's like riding up, it's digging in and if it's really comfortable it's usually makes you look like a grandma and you kind of feel a little self conscious about it. It's really hard to find the medium and Skims has mastered that art. They have some of the most comfortable underwear that I have ever worn in my entire life.

[B]

It is funny that whenever I hear women talk about the Skims product line they do kind of like glow a little bit about it.

[A]

It's just really hard for women to find stuff that looks good on you and also like is really comfortable. I think that's just a universal struggle by many women.

[B]

I just love when we have a sponsor that helps our audience. It's nice to know Skims is like helping people feel better about themselves.

[A]

Yeah and I am. I am a believer. I am a convert. I'm a skims gal. Recently I got the Fits everybody full brief which is like their regular underwear which I am wearing all the time now. It's my favorite pair I get annoyed when I wear it because then I have to wait until I wash all my underwear to wear it again. You just don't think about it. Which is the number one thing for underwear for me. I also have the Bralette. It's a game changer. It lifts, it looks great. Super flattering, super cute, just the right amount of support and also incredibly comfortable. I haven't always loved bras. Who has? But with skims they are changing me into a bra lover. Shop my favorite bras and [e-mail] after you place your order, make sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows. Let's do another Email let's do an.

[B]

Awkward Encounter let's do an awkward Encounter.

[A]

J and J Called the Mid Winter Depressing episode.

[B]

Is it depressing?

[A]

I I don't know.

[B]

Send in your emails. You up betches.com awkward encounter J&J big fan OG listener here with a super awkward sex story. I was recently at a guy's house and we were about to bang. I was on the tail end of my period and still had my menstrual cup in. The dude and I had already discussed the period part, so no biggie there. I go to the bathroom, take out my cup, rinse it and wrap it in some toilet paper. I set it on the bathroom counter and headed to his bedroom. We had sex and luckily that's not the awkward part of the story. After we finished up, I headed back to the bathroom to put my cup back in. When I realized the toilet paper wrapped cup was gone. I looked around and can't find it anywhere. I yell to the guy hey, have you seen a wad of toilet paper? It's got my cup in it.

[A]

Can I hand her a solo cup?

[B]

Yeah, I got plenty of glassware in the kitchen. Confused, he responds no, no. Before I can think of what to do next, he says, I think I found it. I leave the bathroom and head towards his voice on the couch. His dog had chewed my menstrual cup into 700 pieces. I'm mortified at this point start picking up the pieces of my shredded cup. Just here on her hands and knees.

[A]

Trying to blew back together the cup.

[B]

I hit him with the on that note, I'll be seeing myself out and ran to my car. The worst part of all of this is that I had the cup for more than seven years. Longest relationship of my life. Thanks for bringing all the laughs and advice to the dating World, y' all are doing the Lord's work. Love. Two batches, one cup.

[A]

I think there was a sign from above that you shouldn't. You don't need a one menstrual cup for seven years. So it's okay to switch it out, I think.

[B]

Is it?

[A]

I don't use a menstrual cup, but anything that I'm putting in my vagina once a month that's bleeding all over it, I think could be replaced more often than every seven years.

[B]

Really? At seven years? I didn't know.

[A]

Would you do anything for seven years?

[B]

That is. Do the cups last that long?

[A]

I've never used.

[B]

So I went and googled menstrual cup.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because I didn't know what it was. Yeah, it looks like it would be the nose a French clown would wear.

[A]

It's like a little ball.

[B]

It's got, like a little fun. Put it on the front. Look at this picture.

[A]

I thought I imagined it, like, rubbery. Seven years.

[B]

Seven years.

[A]

Yeah. Every month for seven years.

[B]

Again, this doesn't look better than an iPhone cover. If you had an iPhone cover for seven years, you'd be like, get a new one.

[A]

Place that thing.

[B]

Yeah, that thing's falling apart.

[A]

Two to ten years says WebMD.

[B]

So WebMD, we just looked this up, says that you can use a cup from two to 10 years. That's too large of a range.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Two to 10 years to me sounds like three years.

[A]

Yeah. I think for the environment, we could throw in another one every two years.

[B]

Like something you'd carry around for seven years.

[A]

I feel like, what's the. How do you wash it? What's the maintenance on that? You're putting it inside your vagina. Have you ever, like, seen one of those?

[B]

No, I had to Google it. And this is my point. To the email is like, how little men know. Like the idea. Like a wadded up piece of paper. I wouldn't. I know. The dog took it. Seems like it fell on the floor. It's like a dog.

[A]

It does look like a chew toy.

[B]

It does look like a chew toy dog.

[A]

I can't blame the dog.

[B]

Like, I wonder what she did.

[A]

Was she just bleeding and out in the whole apartment?

[B]

But even when I looked at it, I. I guess so. Even when I looked at it, I was like, I don't even know which way this goes in.

[A]

Oh, I do.

[B]

I could.

[A]

The pointy side would go in first. That seems like. Then the. The top is like catching the blood now.

[B]

So it goes up. So it's like, one of those, like, cups that catch the ball.

[A]

Yeah. But the cup is Cap is. Is catching.

[B]

How do you get that in the vagina?

[A]

You stick it in. How do you get any. How do you get anything in the vagina?

[B]

I know. The vagina is a pliable place.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you know what I mean?

[A]

Like, you ever see the Curb episode?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Big vagina.

[B]

Huge vagina. But I'm saying, like, so you're just walking around with bozo's nose.

[A]

The vagina will hold on to stuff that you put in there unless you.

[B]

Take the wild part.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is a good way to magic. Well, it does look like something you would transfer. Like, drugs in that.

[A]

People do.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. Like, you put the plugs in the cup.

[A]

People do that in, like, balloons. Like, they'll put a. Like, not people. I mean, I don't know the people, but hypothetically, I think they. You could put drugs in a balloon and then put it up and people wouldn't search there.

[B]

The vagina is a. The woman. The female body is truly wild. It's like the bottom of the sea. Like, we don't know anything.

[A]

It's tough.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

No, it's true. And, like, even as a woman, I don't like. There's so much unknown. There's so. There's. There's so much more that we have to deal with than you do. Like, hormone. Like, our hormones change throughout the month. Every single month. Absolutely different every three days than they were the day before.

[B]

Wouldn't that be nice if, like, you were dating someone, you're living together, and then, like, they knew it was your period, and then, like, at. In the morning, you just saw, like, a little cookie get pushed under the door.

[A]

That happens in that movie with Ashton Kutcher and what's her name? Natalie Portman.

[B]

Really?

[A]

No. Is it no Strings Attached?

[B]

I remember that movie. I know. I don't think I saw it, but I remember the movie.

[A]

Yeah. He gets her, like, he makes her, like, a period playlist. He gets her, like, oh, really? Stuff. Yeah. Let's do another email. All right. Hi, jj. I've been listening to your podcast for years, and similar to a marriage, it has helped me through the good and the bad. So for that, I want to say thank you both. I'm not sure I fully get the analogy, but I appreciate it. I'm reaching out because I have had a bit of a professional shift, as I'm sure many of us have had in the last few years, and I was wanting your perspective. I currently work for the federal government and I've gone from working fed.

[B]

She's always a fed.

[A]

There you go. And I've gone from working a totally remote position to having to go into the office five times a week. My question is, how do I prioritize dating when I'm in the office all day? When I worked from home, I felt like I could take the time after work to go on dates and meet people. Because I didn't have a commute and was able to handle small daily chores during my lunch break, I was always set up for my next day of work. Now I have a 30 minute commute each way and the second I get home, I feel the need to get ready to go into the office the next day. This year I really wanted to make dating a priority, but I'm having a hard time juggling my work and love life. I was wondering if you had any suggestions to get over the work day slump and just get recharged to meet up for a date. Thanks again for everything. Sincerely, a working batch.

[B]

You know what's so funny? When I read this email, I was like, wow, we have done this podcast a long time because we went from getting emails about like, how do I deal with dating? The pandemic. Now I'm working from home. How do I deal with dating? Working from home. Now I'm getting told to go back to work.

[A]

Now you're back.

[B]

Now you're back. This is again to go back to my millennial thing. Like, what the fuck? We live 30 lives. Like there was, you know, if you go back to like dating in the 80s, it was like, like a 20 year run of just dating the same exact way.

[A]

Right. For us, like, remember when it's like like four different periods?

[B]

It's crazy. So, like, I understand the email. I get what they're talking about. Like someone who dated when they were in their 20s and are now like maybe 50 and married and listen to this podcast. They're like, that's how we did it back in my day, kid. Like, it's weird that, like everything just comes back around. Like, it's, we are old. We're old. We also like, we live. We are. No one has had to deal with this much change so quickly, right? You know, it's like, so I feel for this person because they're like, all I know is working from home, right?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Whereas if, like, if she always worked in an office 9 to 6 or whatever it was, she might like going on the date after work. Might just feel like something she's always done. She never had to think about it.

[B]

Right? That's, well, but now she has to.

[A]

Go back and like, oh, I've gotten used to this relaxed, nice lifestyle.

[B]

The worst thing about flying private is having to go back to coach at some point.

[A]

Right? That's why you should never have nice things.

[B]

That's right. So the worst part about working from home is you might have to go back in, right. And, and date and you'll.

[A]

But now you know, right?

[B]

Now you know how good it could have been, how much time you were saving. The 30 minute commute both ways. Like, listen, I, I, I get it, right. Why this is like daunting because you're like, I want to go on a.

[A]

Date, but it's tiring. I could. Where you have to really want to go on. But in a way, I would almost use that to my benefit if I were her. You are not just saying yes to any date. You're being like, super selective with the people that you're going out with because.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Because there's more. You have more going on. It's almost like how you suggest dating, like, have a super full life and that will, you know, that will make your, your standards higher.

[B]

Right. And it's also like, let's be open to like having a coffee midday at work. You work nearby. Let's have a coffee.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Make it work for you. Like you're looking, I don't know, a first date. Weekend, weekend dates. But the first dates, a vibe check, like you want to be. She, she says her big thing is I wanted to make dating a priority. So like, let's like, get into some more. Like, to me, let's get small wins, get some vibe checks. As a person who's gone on a lot of like, first dates recently, it's a lot, it's a lot of energy, it's a lot of money. It's a lot of, yeah. You know, like being out and drinking and like, I just hate that this like, idea that like, just getting to, hey, I'm going for a walk.

[A]

Go on the date. Who cares?

[B]

Go on the date. Who cares? Also, like, coffee date. What the, what am I, a loser? It's like, how about this first interaction just to see if we're cool.

[A]

Low stakes.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know that she wants to make it a priority. I think that's like a good way to make it a priority. And also what you're saying is totally right. Like, maybe this makes your dates more right. Like you want to get that Thursday night better be fucking great.

[A]

Yeah. You know, I think that's a better like a way to look at it as an opportunity rather than not to, not to discredit, like how at the end of a long day working in an office building, you want to go home and take off your bra. I get it.

[B]

Yeah. That's all I think about. Here's another thing I think happy hour.

[A]

I like, I was thinking that too.

[B]

Yeah. I think happy hour would be.

[A]

It's a good way to meet people. Right. Let's say you don't want formal dates that are a little bit more of a risk. You can go, you can like plan an after work fun drink with a friend where it's like the worst case scenario is you had a fun drink with a friend.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And the best case scenario is there's someone else at the bar that's fun to spend.

[B]

Listen, this is. She says, I think, I don't know how old she is, but like this was the way of the world. Like going out after like the, the happy hour was like, like we kind of lost that.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Again, like pros and cons, pros and cons. Nothing's good, nothing's bad. So you got to go back into work. You have a 30 minute commute that kind of sucks. But you're out, you're dressed and you're in a area of the country where the whole group is being told to go back.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So there's going to be some hopping spots in D.C. yeah. Because of this, it's going to bring back a little bit of a, an in real life. You know, as sad as this to say, you know, President Trump might have done you the biggest favor in your life. I know it's hard to say, but if you say like and again, I don't mean to be the get back to work guy, but like, again, it sucks to travel 30 minutes. It's also nice to be out in public and meet people in real life and.

[A]

Right.

[B]

This kind of, you know, forces people out of their homes to do the happy hour. So I'm with you. Make drinks after work with a friend or with a date.

[A]

Yeah. And those are again, again, I think the best part about those things are it's like low stakes. Like, again, the worst thing, like, it's like right after work so you're not having to figure out how to stay out for until like 7:30pm and then also like, if you go out with a friend, that's how you're meeting people. You're Enjoying your time with your friend?

[B]

I actually just now I was talking about happy hours. Made me excited for a happy hour.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, not today. I've been drinking too much. But it made me, like, kind of like, remember those times?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it was fun.

[A]

Labor Day savings are happening right now at the Home Depot. So what are you working on?

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[A]

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[B]

Let's play some games.

[A]

Let's do it.

[B]

All right, uupetches.com, we are going to play Red flag or deal breaker. We love a red flag. Deal breaker. Send them in to uupetches.com and here's the game. If you're new here, you're on a date. It's perfect. Then one thing happens. Is it a red flag, you see it and move on. Or a deal breaker? Deal breaker. Is it over? You ready?

[A]

I'm ready.

[B]

Hi. Hello, J and J. I woke up to a hinge message that might just make me remove men from my dating app filters. Yet again. I'm by. We had some good banter up to this point. I'm 30, he's 27. Until the conversation took a turn for the worse. We could make dinner, smoke, watch a horror movie together. When are you free?

[A]

That actually sounds amazing. But maybe we start with meeting for coffee. Tomorrow starts my busier time of the week, and I'll probably be free Saturday afternoon, Friday afternoon, or Sunday. I like the way that she answered that.

[B]

She did a great job. Yeah, I, I, I'm happy you said that because he offered the Netflix and chill. Yeah, she's like, love everything you're talking about, but I only do that with people I really want to know.

[A]

Classy, upbeat way to say it.

[B]

Totally loved her message. Okay, so he writes, that could work, too.

[A]

Rejected.

[B]

Yeah, that could work too. Like the not disappointed but disappointed. That could work too. Do you like drinks though? I'm not a coffee drinker. Lol. It makes me anxious.

[A]

This to me now that he's saying that kind of also makes me think that he's like trying to get into a drink jinx. A drinks place. Oh yeah, more. He's trying to make this sexual.

[B]

He's trying to make it casual.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Sexual. Yes. Casual.

[A]

Right. Casual. More casual for sure. Yeah. Drinks are good too. Smiley. Like nerdy smiley face or something.

[B]

A little nerd emoji. Literally. This conversation could have ended. You could just say it for drinks. Instead he goes in a different direction. Plus coffee gives me diarrhea and nobody wants that. Hahaha. Do you have a favorite place or should we go someplace new?

[A]

No.

[B]

What a tmi?

[A]

Yeah. That's a lot. I mean to me it's like I would be out because I, I've, I've said this before. Like you need some mystery.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In the beginning that's sort of like the art of wooing someone is like a little bit of mystery.

[B]

Just like, yeah, we could get coffee, but coffee makes me a little anxious and it gives me a little diarrhea. One time I made a poo poo in my pants and it made me have to get rid of some underwear. Do you have a place I could get a deal on underwear? It's like, when does he stop? Yeah, right.

[A]

There was no need for him to. Wasn't like, she was like, I'd really like to get coffee.

[B]

To me, this is also part of the casual thing. Like he, this is sexual. Weirdly, him saying the diarrhea. I. You're like, I've used this, I've used it. Well, I do think when you say something crazy like this, you're kind of trying to see what you can get away with.

[A]

I mean, he's been doing that the entire conversation.

[B]

So like this is actually tracking like him saying, I get a little diarrhea when I have coffee too. It's like he's trying to get this conversation into the realm of weird. The realm of weird is where you get sexual. The realm of weird is where like you start to talk about like what you're into and what you like. And he's trying to do that from minute one, right?

[A]

Yeah. He's telling you who he is very quickly, which is almost nice.

[B]

Right? This is a deal breaker. If I'm looking for something serious, yes.

[A]

If I'm looking to just hook up, fine.

[B]

If I'm looking to get someone to Diarrhea in my chest. This is your guy. This is the guy. This is. He's saying something. I don't know. Let's do another.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hi, jj. Long time listener, first time writer. I have been listening to you guys consistently for years and have seen Jared live multiple times in both Albany and New York City.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Multiple times.

[B]

Multiple.

[A]

I have a red flag or deal breaker for you. I'm 35, female, recently matched with an old friend on a dating app. 36, male. Someone from high school I hadn't seen in 10 to 15 years. We started talking and met up maybe a day or two after. We went for drinks and had a great time catching up and made plans to hang out a few days later. When I got home, he texted and said he had a great time and asked me to do him a favor and turn on my read receipts. I said I wasn't going to do that and he seemed a bit bothered but moved on. So my question was I overreacting? Would you turn on the read receipts? Love an unread batch.

[B]

I think this is such a bad. I think she's so weird. It's weird. I think.

[A]

Can I track you?

[B]

Right. Basically saying it again, Them knowing each other from way back when. I don't know what that has. That doesn't have to do with anything.

[A]

Well, it hasn't. It almost to the extent where she's like, I thought this guy was, like. I thought I was, like, in a comfortable, normal position. Now this. I thought I knew something about this guy.

[B]

Well, it just shows you how insecure this guy is.

[A]

Is Right.

[B]

Like, I don't like when someone makes their insecurities my problem.

[A]

Right. Like, just handle your insecurities alone like a normal person.

[B]

Yeah. Just shut the up, you know, Like, I. Basically, they're asking you to, like, medicate them to get through the world. And it's like, you obviously need to go speak to a professional. You need to, like, get whatever you're dealing with, like, figured out before you can date. It's annoying to me because it's like, well, I can date, but I also have this, like, horrific insecurity I'm dealing with that all I do is ask the person to, like, share the location and put read receipts on and, you.

[A]

Know, love to make this your problem.

[B]

Right. And pet me before I go to bed. It's like, dude, maybe you can't operate in this world and maybe you need some help.

[A]

You have to ask. You don't. You shouldn't have it.

[B]

Right. Because it's a guy. This is a guy who's like, just wants to make sure that he's, you know, not stressing about the phone.

[A]

So if someone asked you to do that, even if they were fine when you said, no, deal breaker, deal breaker, out.

[B]

I. I think it's just after the first date especially.

[A]

Yeah. It was like, for. It would have to be like, for a specific reason. Like, we're in a relationship. There's something I need to update you on. You might be in a work meeting. Let me just put it. Can you put it on so I know if you've read it right, but.

[B]

If it's not this, it's going to be something else. Yeah, that's the thing. Like, he's. This person is thinking this, like, fix is gonna make them feel more secure.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And then would you be out?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I'd be out. And then follow up is that he ended up being completely overbearing and texting, slash calling, slash asking to hang out multiple times prior to our scheduled date. Even when I told him that was too much, too fast. So for me, it was a deal breaker.

[B]

Well, I mean, that goes to the point of like.

[A]

Right.

[B]

His insecurities. Right? Yeah. I mean, that's why he's. Hey, can you put on your read receipt so that I don't harass you to make myself feel better? Oh. Oh, yeah, sure. No.

[A]

Okay, I'll harass you.

[B]

Right, Right. All right, last.

[A]

Seems like you chose option B. I guess.

[B]

I guess I'll become a total monster now. Yeah, like, I don't know. This is this like, thing of, like, I got problems, but also, like, you know, fix them for me. It's like, oh, how about you have some personal responsibility?

[A]

Agree.

[B]

So, J and J, huge fan of your podcast, Been listening in for the last year or so and have recommended to all my friends. I've gone on a couple dates with this guy I met on Hinge, and despite not knowing him for long, it seemed to be going well. On paper, he seems to be my type. And so far we have had a good amount of things in common. Except for one very unfortunate and essential thing. He doesn't seem to understand basic hygiene.

[A]

Let's find out.

[B]

Whoa. To set the scene, he and I had met up yesterday afternoon for a coffee and a dog walk date. And later we went to his place. We eventually made our way upstairs to his bedroom and I sat down in his bed. I noticed he didn't have any pillowcases is on its pillows, only the removable covers that sometimes come with those Tempur Pedic type pillows.

[A]

What are the removable covers? Like the thing that comes in?

[B]

Yeah, well, the. No, no, it's not like the packaging. It's like Tempur Pedic. Like, you know those like the, the memory foam.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They'll give you one to like go around it, but it's not like an actual cover.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I asked him if he was doing laundry or something, but he said he doesn't use pillowcases because these ones came with them immediately. Well, I have. Were you ever sent those pillows that are the box shape and they're supposed to be like better for your neck?

[A]

I would love those. Are they better for your neck?

[B]

I don't like them. Like, I can't. Really, I can't. It never feels comfortable to sleep on them. It feels like I'm just like on kind of like a plank.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But I understand what they were trying to do. But these, those came with like covers and I never found covers for those because they're weirdly. Weirdly shaped. Right. Like, but they had. So I have covers on my other pillows.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So I.

[A]

The temperature there is a cover. Could you wash that cover?

[B]

Yes. You could wash. Yeah, I wash it.

[A]

Okay. If you could wash it. I don't.

[B]

Right. So I don't know if it's the. Similar to what's going on here.

[A]

If what she's describing is what you're describing and you can wash it. I'm not that.

[B]

Right. And But I guess if all the pillows have no pillowcase.

[A]

Right. Like that's a little weird.

[B]

Immediately thrown off by this and the fact that I, a 25 year old woman, had to then explain to a 29 year old man what a pillowcase is, is. He assured me that he removes these covers and washes them when he does his sheets. Okay. A little while later I went to the bathroom and there was no hand soap of any kind. I checked the cabinet to see if he maybe just ran out, but I couldn't find any. I asked him where I could get some to wash my hands and he told me to go downstairs to the kitchen where he keeps it. So naturally I asked him about this odd soap system. And this man tried to tell me that whenever he is in the bathroom and washes his hands, he goes all the way downstairs to his kitchen to use the one there.

[A]

Sure, sure.

[B]

This guy has never washed his hands ever. That.

[A]

That is such a. Like. Yeah, that's insulting to this woman's intelligence.

[B]

I mean, he's embarrassed. Obvious. I think he's probably embarrassed. And he's like, oh, yeah, this is my method.

[A]

You know, I get steps, I get.

[B]

Them wet up here, and then I go down the stairs, I use the soap, then I come back up here, I get him wet again.

[A]

And yeah, this guy's. That's when I would know this guy wasn't washing the pillowcases.

[B]

Well, that's the other. That's the biggest.

[A]

He's lying about this. He's definitely lying about that.

[B]

And let me just say, because that's.

[A]

Way less disgusting than the hand washing.

[B]

Thing, let me make him feel a little bit more approachable. I'm not a big hand washer either.

[A]

Even after a number two, if I didn't touch anything.

[B]

We good?

[A]

I told you to wipe.

[B]

Yeah, I'm just saying it ain't happening every time. That.

[A]

Good to know.

[B]

Sorry, I just. Dana just gasped. I'm just saying I'm trying to help this guy out. I'm not going to sit here and hammer him as if I'm like this, like, hand washing.

[A]

Hand washing. Do you have soap in your bathroom?

[B]

I do have soap in my bathroom.

[A]

But I guess for guests.

[B]

I get sent a lot of things. I'm just saying, like, I. I don't want to, like, hammer this dude too.

[A]

Much woman's touch so badly.

[B]

I. I'm just saying, like, I'm not as far away from him as I'd like to be.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Is my point. And I am not here to be a good guy. I'm here to be an honest guy.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Safe to say I had a pretty horrible night of sleep as I was lying flat on his bed with no pillow because I refused to put my head on these pillows.

[A]

You said I don't touch anything when I.

[B]

Well, yeah, I don't touch anything. I wipe with my elbow. In the morning, to my absolute horror, I saw the pillows in the light of the day, and they were. They were brown. Safe to say he's not diligent about his pillow cover washing routine. After recalling the night with my friends, they asked me if he came to me and said he got soap and improved the pillow situation if I would give him another chance. But I do feel these things are quite literally the bare minimum when it comes to basic cleanliness. What do you guys think? Red flag or deal breaker? Sincerely, a. Disgusted.

[A]

I think if this guy were 25 or under, it would just be a red flag and we could. We could work on it. I do think the fact that he's almost 30 is. It would be. It would Be. To me, it would be a sign of like, almost immaturity, I think.

[B]

Sure. You're not really looking.

[A]

He's definitely not had a girlfriend in a very.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Long time. I mean, she.

[B]

Here's the. The pillow thing is like a memeable thing. Like, we've seen. Like, this is something said about men.

[A]

Right. The pillow color that happens. If any of these issues in isolation.

[B]

Right.

[A]

We could maybe get over the soap. Thing's a little gross. I think in any of the ones in isolation we can. I could work on. But all three would be a signal to me that this person is not as mature as I would like them to be. Probably at that age.

[B]

Right. It's okay to be. Yeah. To be turned off by this. I get that. Can he change? And would he be willing to change? I think he would. I think, like, a lot of this stuff is like, you know, again, I'm gonna.

[A]

Especially if she wants to be the one to have to do that.

[B]

Right. And I think. I don't know. I just. I like. It's hard for me to sit here and be like, what a loser. Because I'm like, listen, I'm living in a. In a scenario where I'm having a woman over. If you had a. I once invited a girl over, and I'll never forget it. She walked in, looked at my place was like, I gotta go left immediately. Immediate leave. And I'll never forget it because I had, like.

[A]

It was just a mess.

[B]

It was a mess. And she was right.

[A]

It's like that episode of Friends. But there's like. There's like a rat on the floor.

[B]

Right. It was a dirty woman so bad. And. And she was right.

[A]

I'm not making out on garbage. So that's what I'm saying. You're. That maybe weren't ready for a serious. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, this happened like a decade ago. I think she's got four kids now. Right. You know, So.

[A]

I mean, now it makes sense for.

[B]

A different thing than me.

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

You know, so can he change? Of course.

[A]

Of course. Yeah. And at the years, again, any one of these things I had. Mike and I had a discussion about the toilet seat being left out the other day. We had to sit down.

[B]

This is, you know, your husband.

[A]

I was like, are. Yeah. I was like, are you regressing?

[B]

What's going on?

[A]

I've been entering the rooms. Things are up.

[B]

What's happening around?

[A]

Like, I felt like I was in hr. I was like, what's. What's Been happening. Is everything okay? Is everything okay at home? I've been noticing that the. The toilet seats are up.

[B]

There's menstrual cups everywhere.

[A]

I mean, I've gotten to talking to, too, about my hairbrush.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I get it.

[B]

It goes all.

[A]

Yeah, I'm. That's what I'm saying. I'm not like any one of these things. People are redeemable. I think all three. I would be a little. This guy might not be ready for a serious relationship.

[B]

Right. It's like, it's a deal breaker if you're. If you want something real. Because I think, you know, there's such a thing as, like, being in different, like, eras.

[A]

Yeah. And I think that. I think the male and female time limit, where this is socially acceptable, is different. I think when a woman hits, like, 25, 26, she's like, I'm not doing the, like, only one fork guy anymore.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I'm a real woman now.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I can rent two forks. Yeah.

[B]

A fork in every. Yeah. In every hand. Yeah.

[A]

And for men, maybe that age is a little later.

[B]

It's just like, if you feel judged on what if you.

[A]

Would you judge a woman for this?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. She has no hand soap.

[B]

Again. We've talked about this. Disgusting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Disgusting.

[A]

Right? You need a. You need a clean woman.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right? Yeah.

[B]

I need a pita.

[A]

You do. All right, well, that's it for us. We'll be back next week.

[B]

Well, no, we'll be back with our Valentine's Day episode. Make sure to subscribe to YouTube because we have a very special thing going on in the studio.

[A]

Yeah. Might be getting a visit from someone special.

[B]

Maybe Mr. Cupid. Back. Back on Friday. Boom.

[A]

Bye. Kate McAuliffe is our senior producer. Our editor is Emily Freed. Candace Maniga is our senior social producer. Our associate producer is. Is Will Maxwell. Additional production help from Shannon Jimenez Sason. Be sure to follow us at U Up podcast and send us your emails to UUP betches.com batches.