U Up? Podcast Summary

Episode: "Should I Go No Contact With My Ex?"

Date: February 12, 2025
Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode circles around the challenges of moving on from an ex, especially when breakups are amicable and feelings linger. Jordana and Jared dissect the pros and cons of going "no contact," discuss how to process the end of a relationship, and field questions from listeners about when, why, and how to cut ties for real. The conversation is peppered with reflections on suburban life, adult friendships, generational differences, and classic "U Up?" audience Q&A with trademark humor and honesty.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Suburban Life and Adult Friendships

• Jordana speaks candidly about transitioning to the suburbs, new social circles, and the adult anxiety of “fitting in” without needing (or wanting) deep connections.
  • Tone: Light and self-aware
• Both hosts discuss how adult friendships shift with life stages—kids, marriage, moving, and the unspoken rules of “suburban cliques.”
• Jared expresses the appeal of being “the fun guy with no real friends,” joking about the desire to be liked from a distance without intimate ties.
  • Quote [07:40]:
    • "My ideal position is to, like, no friends. I do my own thing. People like, oh, he seems like a good guy. He does seem like a fun guy to party with. And, and. But I don't party with anybody." – Jared
• Reflection on how maintaining old friendships gets harder—logistics, different life choices, and the reality that “your world gets smaller” with age.

2. Commitment, Relationships, and Freedom

• The hosts banter about the difference in feeling responsible for a partner’s happiness versus enjoying independence.
• Jared admits anxiety about the loss of selfishness that comes with commitment:
  • Quote [13:41]:
    • "That's how my dad talked to me. So it's like this idea of like, you know... I think dating is fun for men and a job for women and relationships are fun for women and a job for a man." – Jared
• Detailed reflection on men’s attitudes toward commitment, “the job” of making someone else happy, and the temptation to preserve autonomy.

3. Listener Email: Amicable Breakups & No Contact

• Emailer: 26-year-old, struggling after a three-year relationship ended due to different life goals (wanting kids).
• She and her ex try to remain friends and keep hooking up; she wonders if she should go "no contact" to move on.
• Jared’s Insight [32:48]:
  • "You’re not the match. You were good for each other. I think you can like appreciate a relationship while also moving on."
• The hosts emphasize that ongoing contact can prevent healing, especially when the breakup isn't dramatic (no villain, just incompatibility).
• Advice:
  • Recognize when hope is keeping you stuck.
  • No contact is hard but necessary for clarity and self-respect.
  • Don’t fall for “amicable breakup” myths—it can muddy the process and enable false hope.
• Notable Quote [41:14]:
  • "Go no contact. You've got to do it. Block. Need to move on." – Jordana

4. Gender Dynamics in Breakups

• The hosts debate the idea that men sometimes break up not necessarily for happiness, but for relief from indecision and responsibility.
  • Quote [16:06]:
    • "I've broken up with women where I'm like, this is either exactly what I should do or the biggest mistake of my life." – Jared
• Discussion on the “dangling” hope men may offer by coming back post-breakup—sometimes not with ill intent, but with unresolved feelings.

5. Generational Expectations and Dating Careers

• A digression about Millennials vs. Gen Z work/life realities:
  • Social media, public image, delayed milestones.
  • Gen Z’s shameless approach to influencer careers vs. Millennial embarrassment about “blogging” or non-traditional success.

6. Red Flags, Deal Breakers & Hygiene

• The hosts tackle classic “red flag or deal breaker” scenarios, from TMI dating app conversations to a guy with brown pillows and no bathroom soap.
• Listener Story [66:40]: A woman dates a man who claims he always goes downstairs to use hand soap, which the hosts mock as obviously untrue and a major turnoff.
• Both agree that repeated hygiene missteps in adults usually signal immaturity or relationship unreadiness.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Adult Friendship:
  "You want to be able to like, win some, lose some. You know, like, you want to take a game off your friend and then them take a game off you and have it be competitive and get a sweat." – Jared [03:47]

• On Dating as Work:
  "Dating is fun for men and a job for women and relationships are fun for women and a job for a man." – Jared [13:41]

• On Breakup Relief:
  "I'm not happier. I'm just the weight less. Right. You're just less stressed." – Jared [16:33]

• On No Contact:
  "Go no contact. You've got to do it. Block. Need to move on." – Jordana [41:14]

• On Hygiene Red Flag:
  "I asked him where I could get some to wash my hands and he told me to go downstairs to the kitchen where he keeps it... This guy has never washed his hands ever." – Jared [66:40]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:25] – Jordana settles into suburbia; tennis clinics & new adult friendships.
• [07:40] – Jared’s suburban “ideal”: admired, not intimate.
• [13:41] – Responsibility & commitment (the “job” of men in relationships).
• [16:06] – Breakup relief is not happiness.
• [32:44] – Listener: Should I go no contact with my ex?
• [41:14] – No contact as breakup self-care.
• [57:24] – Red flag or deal breaker game.
• [64:33] – Hygiene horror story: brown pillows, no soap, and deal breaker triggers.

Flow & Tone

Jordana and Jared’s natural, bantery style keeps the episode lively and relatable, even when delving into emotional territory. They swing between deep advice, rapid-fire hypotheticals, and honest personal admissions. Moments of vulnerability (especially from Jared about commitment) are balanced by frequent humor—especially during “red flag/deal breaker” bits and listener stories.

For Listeners Who Haven’t Heard the Episode

This episode is for anyone:

• Torn about whether to stay in contact with an ex post-breakup
• Wondering how to finally move on, even when things “ended nicely”
• Curious about how adult friendships shift (and shrink) with age
• Needing comic relief about the awkward (and sometimes gross) realities of dating

You’ll find empathy, laughter, and practical steps for handling that all-too-common situation: loving (or lusting after) someone who’s just not your future. And as the hosts remind us, sometimes, self-care starts with "block."