Should You Tell Your Ex You’re Pregnant?

Summary

U Up? Podcast – Episode: "Should You Tell Your Ex You’re Pregnant?"

Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid
Release Date: May 20, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this week’s episode, Jordana and Jared dive into a series of listener questions that touch on pregnancy announcements to exes, the etiquette of Mother’s Day posts, dating “icks,” and red flag/deal breaker scenarios. The central theme explores modern relationship dilemmas—particularly what, if anything, we owe to our ex-partners and the boundaries between healthy updates and unnecessary drama.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Mother’s Day Etiquette & Social Media Tributes

[00:33–10:32]

• Jordana and Jared begin with a witty chat about Mother’s Day—debating who should wish whom, and the authenticity of public tributes.
  • Notable Quote:
    “All my friends who were moms sent me, like, ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ and I’m kind of like, was I supposed to be saying ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ to you all those years?” — Jordana [01:54]
• Jared reminisces on his dad’s infamous line:

  “You’re not my mother.” [01:06]

• Both hosts humorously critique performative social media shout-outs:
  • “If everyone's a rock star, no one’s a rock star.” — Jared [04:28]
  • “Some men post for their wives and you can kind of tell that they hate them…” — Jordana [08:49]
• New Segment Idea: Listeners are encouraged to submit Father’s/Mother’s Day posts for analysis—“Will They Get Divorced?” [09:47]

2. Should You Tell Your Ex You’re Pregnant?

[20:00–34:39] (Listener Email discussed in depth from 20:00)

• Situation: Listener broke off a long-term relationship with a dependent ex, found love quickly after, and is now pregnant. She’s anxious her ex will find out through the grapevine and cause drama.
  • The ex is portrayed as bitter, stagnant, and publicly dwelling on the breakup.
  • Notable Quotes:
    • Jared: “This is no fun. Especially while you’re pregnant, you should be happy and excited and, you know, kind of feeding delusion a little bit.” [22:20]
    • Jordana: “No one is a villain who leaves a relationship that they're no longer interested in being in.” [33:22]
• Debate: Should she proactively tell him, warn her new partner, or just let things lie?
  • Jared lays out the emotional complexity of being aware of an ex’s feelings and the “invented conversations” we write for them in our heads [23:32].
  • Jordana empathizes, saying she’d want to hear significant life news directly, but only if the exes were still in touch:
    “I think it would feel like there was respect left in the relationship, that they didn’t want me to hear it from someone else.” [29:14]
  • Both agree: If she’s still in any contact, a brief, no-frills heads-up is thoughtful; otherwise, she’s not obliged. Cut off social media access if it’s causing ongoing distress.

3. Ick or Picky? – The Water and Pastry Date

[35:37–45:01]

• Listener’s Dilemma: She went on a noon date; he asked pre-arrival what she wanted to drink, she said water. When she arrived, he’d already bought himself coffee and a pastry and hadn’t bought her food. Is it an “ick” or is she being picky?
  • Hosts’ Take: The hosts dissect the etiquette, noting:
    • If you say you only want water, that’s what you get. “She’d rather be hungry than get a pastry!” — Jordana [38:15]
    • Disapproval of “testing” people instead of just communicating needs.
    • Jared: “You're not being yourself on the date … Let's do the checklist after with your sister-in-law.” [39:57]
    • Conclusion: It’s picky, not an ick.

4. Cringe or Cute? Sending Childhood Romantic Photos to an Old Flame

[45:10–53:43]

• Listener Email: Should a married listener send a cute middle-school bus photo to her first boyfriend (now also married), or is her husband right that no guy wants “relationship nostalgia” from an ex?
  • Jared and Jordana dissect the tone and context, finding the email itself fine, but suggesting the message should avoid sentimental details:
    • “Look what we stumbled upon at my parents’ house! It brought back fun memories.” [49:23]
    • Anything more is “a little flirty.” — Jordana [53:07]
  • Both agree: Photo—cute; over-explanation—cringe.

5. Red Flag or Deal Breaker – Rapid Fire Relationship Dilemmas

[54:49–76:46]

a. Hiding a Missing Tooth on Dating Profiles

• Listener: Is it deceptive not to show her temporary missing tooth in profile pics?
  • Hosts: “You’re not lying … vulnerability produces vulnerability.” — Jared [60:55]
  • Don’t warn in advance, but acknowledge it with humour on the date.

b. Dating a Hoarder (or a Child of Hoarders)?

• Listener: Brother-in-law’s new girlfriend blames her hoarder parents for her messy, unclean house two years after living alone.
  • “She’s clearly okay living like that.” — Jordana [63:06]
  • Both see it as a red flag at minimum; honesty about plans to rectify is key.

c. “I Need You to Move Out For My Mental Health”

• Listener: Boyfriend wants her to temporarily move out during a tough mental health phase, offering to pay rent/Airbnb.
  • Both hosts react with disbelief and skepticism—it’s a pre-breakup move, not problem-solving:
    • “If one person moves out for any length of time, the relationship is over.” — Jordana [72:21]
    • “This is his way of making a breakup easier, but also getting his cake and eating it too.” — Jared [70:23]
  • Takeaway: You leave for space, not kick your partner out.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "If everyone's a rock star, no one's a rock star." — Jared [04:28]
• “She’s not the villain. She just moved on and was single and met someone.” — Jordana [31:12]
• “You're not being yourself on the date.” — Jared [39:57]
• “The picture isn't cringy, you are cringy.” — Jared [53:43]
• “If you need space, you leave.” — Jordana [71:00]
• “He’s trying to get you to break up with him.” — Jordana [72:09]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• Mother’s Day & Social Media Tributes: 00:33–10:32
• Should You Tell Your Ex You’re Pregnant?: 20:00–34:39
• Ick or Picky – The Pastry Date: 35:37–45:01
• Cringe or Cute – Sending Old Photos to an Ex: 45:10–53:43
• Red Flag or Deal Breaker Lightning Round: 54:49–76:46

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Tone & Style Notes

The episode is sharp, breezy, and self-aware, marked by irreverent banter and honest, sometimes darkly comic, views on modern dating dynamics. Jordana and Jared’s chemistry helps elevate even awkward listener emails, and they never shy away from acknowledging their own foibles and double standards.

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Best For

Listeners seeking guidance—or just some comic relief—about tricky breakup boundaries, communication pitfalls, navigating “icks,” and the subtle signals that make or break modern relationships.

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For further engagement, listeners are encouraged to submit their own “Will They Get Divorced?” social media finds, “ick or picky” dilemmas, and red flag/deal breaker scenarios to [e-mail].

Transcript

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[Jordana Abraham]

Welcome back to the UF podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.

[Jared Freid]

And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana. How are you? What's going on? What's the haps? How you feeling?

[Jordana Abraham]

I am great. I had a lovely Mother's Day weekend.

[Jared Freid]

Happy Mother's Day. Let me say it again. I did send you a text. Check me off that list.

[Jordana Abraham]

You did? I was surprised. Here's the thing. I was never under the impression that you had to say Happy Mother's Day to anyone besides your own mother.

[Jared Freid]

Listen, that is my dad, My dad's policy. My dad was a real asshole to my mom. My growing up a yearly fight. My dad would go, my mom would be mad that my dad didn't do anything. And my dad would go, you're not my mother. And it was like his get out. You know? Know. I. And I was like, I always hated that argument. I'm like, just say it so I don't have to listen to this argument.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, I mean, I would say it to my wife, who's the mother of my children. I think that's. I don't know if that's included.

[Jared Freid]

I guess I shouldn't. Well, well, yeah. Well, two, I'm. I'm embarrassed twice. My dad's an. And I'm a big loser for sending you a happy Mother's Day.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, it's sweet. No, it was like, I, I, I got a lot of me, like, for you. I didn't think you. You needed to. Or like, if Mike didn't say it,

[Jared Freid]

that would be weird. I wanted to.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, I know. I got a lot of really nice messages from people. It was like, a lot. All my friends who were mom sent me sent me, like, happy. And I'm kind of like, was I supposed to be saying happy Mother's Day to you all those years? Because I definitely did not. I was not wishing anyone a happy Mother's Day besides my own mother out of fear and my grandma.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I've been. Yeah, I'm really upset. I haven't gotten one text from you on International Chubby Friend Day. And it's really been bothering me.

[Jordana Abraham]

You've been waiting.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. What the.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I don't know. I guess that's, I guess it's a thing. Like, would you say, did you say Happy Mother's Day to anyone else besides your mother?

[Jared Freid]

Oh, I, I, I, I consider you a close friend. I sent to my, you know, I listen, it's like happy birthdays. You know, I don't send everyone a happy birthday text. Some people, they're in your happy birthday orbit and some people get move out of that orbit. I'm, I'm coming in my aged self. I'm becoming okay with the non happy birthdays and then the happy birthdays and the happy Mother's Day. You know, there's people, there's people that came to like our college group chat in the past with a big happy Mother's Day. And I'm like, what are you looking?

[Jordana Abraham]

You're all male college.

[Jared Freid]

Well, then there's, there's a mixed one. And that one, I'd be like, what are you trying to like, get extra credit from the teacher? Like, chill, dude.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know, like a group text. I, I saw those from some family group. Happy Mother's Days. I don't need that.

[Jared Freid]

Ye, I think if you're sending a group happy Mother's Day, it's more for you than it is for any of the mothers. Like when I saw, I just did a post about this on TikTok. I, I saw a guy, it was a comic and he was like, to all the mothers out there, I want to wish you a very happy Mother's Day. I was like, what, are you running for office? Get out of here.

[Jordana Abraham]

There's no joke in there.

[Jared Freid]

No joke. It was, it was actually, we are hitting a time with comedy. This is, you know, they talk about like the fall of Rome.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

The comedy bubble is about to pop so hard. It's over. I, when I saw this guy give, like he was like with his mom, I, and I listen, I think he's very funny, but he's like with his mom at the beach and he's like, to all the mothers, I just want to wish it was like an infomercial.

[Jordana Abraham]

It was like, get out of here.

[Jared Freid]

Right? You know when like the news would do, like the local news would be like a happy Hanukkah to all the Jewish watchers out there. And you'd be like, get out of here. I also Channel seven.

[Jordana Abraham]

I hate those, I hate posts that talk about how all moms are the best.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I know.

[Jordana Abraham]

Moms are the hardest working people ever.

[Jared Freid]

And like, I know A few lazy moms who suck at their job.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's what I'm saying. Let's not generalize.

[Jared Freid]

Well, if everyone's a rock star, no one's a rock star.

[Jordana Abraham]

Mom is the hardest job.

[Jared Freid]

Bill Burr famously has a really great bit about that. Yeah, it's a great bit you would love. I'm gonna send it to you after.

[Jordana Abraham]

Send it to me.

[Jared Freid]

He has a great line about what it. How hard was it to put. Yeah, he's like, how hard was it to put the DVD into the player when your kid was sitting there on the couch? It was just very funny. But. Well, that's the thing, you know?

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, I know it's almost. Here's the thing. I am all for that. My mom is awesome. And here's why. I don't like all moms, all dads, whatever. Like, right?

[Jared Freid]

Here's why. My mom is great. She also has some things that I would change. I'm not gonna post that on Mother's Day. I'm gonna be nice.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

You know, this isn't Mother Review Day, but it's Mother's Day. We're here to be positive. Someone on my Instagram, I did a question box. They're like, how do you celebrate a mom that you don't like? I was like, oh, my God, they're

[Jordana Abraham]

coming to you for that.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. I was like, they have bigger.

[Jordana Abraham]

They have bigger problems.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. You've come to. You like your guy? Yeah. Well, stuff all your insecurities about your. Your yourself into your pocket and act like a nice person. That would do what I do, you

[Jordana Abraham]

know, like, yeah, I mean, I'm here. How come no one. How come they didn't DM me?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Go to Jordana.

[Jordana Abraham]

My mom and I are fine these days for now.

[Jared Freid]

I. No, I like. I like my. No, but listen, Mother's Day is. I think that's why I don't buy the. Valentine's Day is a corporate holiday. You know, Mother's Day's a car. I'm like, just be cool. Just have. Stop being exhausting for five minutes. But then, yeah, people take it too far. I don't know. So how was your Mother's Day? Your first Mother's Day.

[Jordana Abraham]

Mike killed it.

[Jared Freid]

You saw the text for me. You lifted the phone, you go, can you believe Jared texted me?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, that was always all day. We just made fun of you. No, you also sent me, like, a. Like a. One of those, like, greeting cards from, like, from a gift from, like, the year 2002.

[Jared Freid]

I did Google funny Mother's Day. Gif. And all that came up was, you're a cool mom. So I was like, all of a

[Jordana Abraham]

sudden, it's like, not your best work. But I. I appreciate. I appreciated the.

[Jared Freid]

The sentiment. Flew all day. Sorry. I'll.

[Jordana Abraham]

Next year, when your kids are. When your kids are super young, it is Mike's holiday to work for, not theirs. So, like, he had to do.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Well, the kid you take to me, the kids are facilitated by Mike until they're like, what, 15? Like, for mother's Day.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Well, it was funny. I was like, to them, you guys are so lucky, because as soon as you're able to write a nice card, he's off.

[Jared Freid]

He's done. He's. It's time.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm not gonna give a. What he's writing to me in a card.

[Jared Freid]

It's gonna be thoughtful. You know what I went through to have both of you guys, you better. You better acknowledge that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes, literally, I had. Was in my speech. And then Mike had to be like, can you stop traumatizing children?

[Jared Freid]

We're supposed to be playing Beethoven, not you telling them that they didn't write a good enough card before they even had the chance to.

[Jordana Abraham]

Before they can even say a word. No, he was great. I got a great reservation. I got flowers. I got chocolate. I got. I got an unsolicited Facebook in. I mean, sorry. Got an unsolicited Instagram story post saying something nice about me. That was a nice little unexpected twist.

[Jared Freid]

I think I saw that. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I did see Mike's post. It was nice. It was a good one.

[Jordana Abraham]

Ask him to do that.

[Jared Freid]

No, it was a good one. Listen, there's a fine line between for me and for you, and that felt like it was for us. It was a nice tribute, but I. I, you know, I see some posts that I'm like, you can't do this every year. It's got, you know, you got to come up with new.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. You got to keep it simple. One line, maybe two.

[Jared Freid]

It's got to be simple, and it's got to seem like you've had a year together. It can't be the same. I can't be. He can't be talking about how hard this road was.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. No, this is it.

[Jared Freid]

Five years. No, this is the hard.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is the only one.

[Jared Freid]

This is the how hard this was year. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Next time, next year, all smiles. Next year, we forget the past.

[Jared Freid]

Right? We're on to the future.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, but you ever. Do you ever see, like, some. Some men post for their wives. And you can kind of tell that they hate them. And they're just like making them do the post. Well, they've been like, it's like the post that has like that. It's like happy Mother's Day to like the best. And then it's like, you clearly hate this person. And they were like, where's my post?

[Jared Freid]

Totally. It's. It was like they didn't get ahead there. There was no.

[Jordana Abraham]

You can see the marriage post. It's a save the right.

[Jared Freid]

You can tell when and then the things that they talk about in that m. In that caption. You're like, oh my. This is what you think about when you think of them as a mom. Like, you're good at doing the diapers, you're good at cleaning up. It's like, are they your maid? Like, what's going on?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, you. You keep our family in check. It's like. Sounds terrifying.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Keep our family in check is such a good. You're right. That's the one that like this tyrant. Yes.

[Jordana Abraham]

So I actually, I just came up with an idea for Father's Day.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

People, you know, cuz we're. I want you guys to submit posts that you see online about women. Their women's tributes to the Father's Day. And we'll decide if they're going to get divorced or not.

[Jared Freid]

Divorced or divorced or. No, we need a better name. But I love that idea.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. You can feel free to submit people you see on Instagram. Your celebrities.

[Jared Freid]

Totally celebrity Father's Day post. Send us the Father's Day post or send us the Mother's Day post that you saw now that we're beyond it, you know, send us a Mother's Day post that you saw that you were like, what did J and Jay think about, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

That you. That you sent the story to your friend on Instagram. You DM the story to your friend on Instagram and like and speculated if things were okay.

[Jared Freid]

And we will, believe us when we say we will keep this anonymous and we'll make sure to protect the innocence. Protect the talkers out there.

[Jordana Abraham]

Send us the pictures. We're not going to post the pictures. We're just going to read the cop. We're going to read the copy.

[Jared Freid]

In addition to all this, we do have a medium announcement. It's not even a medium announcement. It's a. It's an announcement. Guys, if you love the. If you love this show, you're gonna love you up with benefits. I meet benefit subscribers every day. It Seems and we talk more about our lives, what goes on behind the scenes. We, we get very personal on benefits. And right now we are adding video, right, Jordana?

[Jordana Abraham]

We are, we're adding video. You guys asked for it. We're delivering. And you can lock in the same rate that you have currently. You can lock in 39.99 a year rate before it becomes 6.99amonth or $54.99 a year starting in June. So if you want that lower pricing, subscribe for the year before June 1st. People really love it, I think most. Like, we get a lot of listeners who really enjoy the subscription episode. So if you want to hear more from us, two bonus episodes a month, all the episodes ad free. A day early. And now video too.

[Jared Freid]

What are we talking about today, Jordana? I, I, I was in la. I met so many LA fans. Life is good. Let's get into the show.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right, let's do it. Wow, that was a, that was good for us. Jumping right in.

[Jared Freid]

Well, I thought, I thought we had some really funny stuff in the beginning about Mother's Day. We, I think we really could. If I'm, if I'm to give a, like a, a review of this episode as it's happening. That was a fun interaction that I fully enjoyed. And yeah, I think there's plenty there for people to chew on. But I, I, we got a lot to talk about today.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, we do. It's a lot of emails.

[Jared Freid]

I'm also too, yeah, we got your problems. I'm also on the road. I am gonna be in Austin. Austin, Texas. Austin, Texas? Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is that like cowboy town? It's more like artsy.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, it's a little more artsy. It's a little more tech pro. I guess it would be like, I guess it wouldn't be yeehaw.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, it's like where your chill tech bro goes.

[Jared Freid]

Right? Patagonia instead of yeehaw. Yeah. Like debits and credits. I'll be at Austin. Cryptocurrency. Maybe that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Little of that done in the same yeehaway. Going to be in Cleveland, Ohio. What would be their version of yeehaw? I guess shorts in the winter. Men wear shorts in the winter.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

I don't think.

[Jordana Abraham]

Have I been to Cleveland?

[Jared Freid]

Have you been to Cleveland?

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't think I've been to Cleveland.

[Jared Freid]

Cleveland is I, I'm a fan of Cleveland, Ohio. You know, Ohio City. That's where they tell you to go. Fourth Street. I'm gonna be at Hilarities. I always have A good time in Cleveland. What are they called? There's a Jewish area that I. Shaker Heights. That's where the Jews seem to live.

[Jordana Abraham]

That sounds familiar.

[Jared Freid]

Shaker Heights. That's a Cleveland. Built to look like New York. Very New York. It's kind of like the architecture. Very New York City. Ish. The Hamptons. I'm gonna be in the Hamptons. Staying with. Hurry up, Jordan. Get the guest room ready. Miami Red Bank, New Jersey has been added Foxwoods, Portland, Maine. Also I have a book tour. Walking Red Flag. The book is right here. There it is. I got the hardcover, this is the, this is the paperback. Walking Red Flag. I'm doing a book tour. New York, Boston, Philly, D.C. chicago, Denver. So all those tickets and books and all that. Jaredfree.com you can pre order the book, you can pre order the, the audio book that I did. You can pre order the Kindle, you can pre order the Hard co. Hard. All that stuff. So pre order all of it.

[Jordana Abraham]

One of each.

[Jared Freid]

Pre order all of it. Yeah. Get. Get the book. Just get the book.

[Jordana Abraham]

Just do it. Just do. Just don't think about it. Just do it. Just buy it.

[Jared Freid]

Just buy it. So let's, let's do the $15.

[Jordana Abraham]

Just buy the book.

[Jared Freid]

27 bucks. I. Someone sent me. Yeah, it's a little expensive. You know, gas is expensive. I'm sorry, don't.

[Jordana Abraham]

You don't have expensive.

[Jared Freid]

I'll listen. Just, just listen to this show and tell a friend. I don't know. I, I might do whatever you do.

[Jordana Abraham]

Whatever you feel.

[Jared Freid]

I'm very. Yeah, I'm very. I've become like very woo woo with the whole thing. I'm. I'm not gonna force people. I feel very lucky. You know, la. I was there for the Netflix is a joke festival. The talk of the town was how hard it is to sell tickets.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

And sold out. People came out. We didn't sell them.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, sorry. Sell. Sold greatly.

[Jared Freid]

Sold greatly. I had a guy that I went to college with. There was four open seats in the front row and he walked in 20 minutes into my set. A guy I went to college with. Wouldn't you like if someone was like, hey, we're here a little late. Wouldn't you like sit in the back? Like, wouldn't you like if you knew the guy?

[Jordana Abraham]

That's crazy. Were there seats in the back available?

[Jared Freid]

I don't give a. If I walk in 20 minutes into a show that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Had an opener. We had an opener that did.

[Jordana Abraham]

I would never walk 20 minutes late to a Show. If I was more than 15 minutes late, I would, to a show, I would just say I'm going to have to get the next one.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, yeah, I'm with you.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm not, it's like 15 minutes. If you were 20 minutes late to a workout class.

[Jared Freid]

Oh no way.

[Jordana Abraham]

I wouldn't go 20 minutes late.

[Jared Freid]

I'm not going. I, I've, there's no way. Cuz the whole workout class, I would think to myself, yeah, this was good, but you missed the first 10 minutes.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

So you didn't get the workout, you know.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I agree. I would think of it the same way.

[Jared Freid]

Anyway, listen, if you come late to my show, just make sure, just sit in the back. I, I, I don't have the confidence to just strut through a room like I'm a parade float.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, that's crazy. It's like, have you ever, do you ever, do you ever show up late to a wedding?

[Jared Freid]

Oh, way back. I, I, I, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I, I, late to a wedding, all I can think about is like the bride getting, walking down with her dad and then I'm like, oh, excuse me, excuse me. Like I, that's like my worst nightmare.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's you and her dad walking her down.

[Jared Freid]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Cuz you're late.

[Jared Freid]

Close with her. No, he's late.

[Jordana Abraham]

Just, he's just walking to his seat. Yeah,

[Jared Freid]

that is my worst nightmare.

[Jordana Abraham]

If you were 20 minutes late to a wedding ceremony, I would just skip the ceremony. People would prefer that. People prefer that.

[Jared Freid]

Yes.

[Jordana Abraham]

Certainly wouldn't go to the front of the.

[Jared Freid]

When I, My dream in life. Yeah, no, no, my dream in life for a wedding. I just want to, I want someone to go, Jared was there. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. He was good, he was good to hang with at the end. I don't want to be like that memorable. Jared was there. Yeah, I don't want to be that memorable.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I would, I think that's, that's fair. Skims is genuinely one of those brands I will never stop talking about. The way they just get fit and fabric is unlike anything else out there and they keep raising the bar. Their new cotton collection is the latest proof of that. And honestly, it might be my new favorite thing they've ever made. I love skims. I've been trying their new underwear collection and it is so, so, so comfortable. And for me having comfortable underwear is like the number one thing because you're in it all day if you're like adjusting at it or if it's kind of like pulling at you. It really just ruins your ability to focus on anything else you're doing. So to me, doing well at work weirdly strangely tied back to how comfortable my underwear is and Skims and has the best, softest and most utilitarian underwear. It's like great. They have kinds for every different shape and they're all serving a specific purpose and no matter what they're doing, you're looking good in them, but you're also really, really comfortable, which is a super hard combination. I also have their cotton bras which are so, so so comfy and you know, I also love knowing where everything is and their bras are perfect for that. They make me feel like I can go about my day and not have to think about my underwear and bras, which is honestly the whole point. Shop everyday cotton and all my favorite bras and [e-mail] after you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you select podcast in the survey and make sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows.

[Jared Freid]

This episode is sponsored by Instacart. If you actually care about what ends up on your table, grocery shopping can become a whole thing and finding the time to do it right is its own challenge. With Instacart, you don't have to compromise on quality for convenience. You can be specific about what you want, communicate directly with your shopper and get groceries selected with the same care you take yourself. I love what Instacart is doing. I love that you can free up your day by taking one of your chores and making it so you have an assistant. You have someone to go to the grocery store for. You find the things you love and I think the most important part direct communication. Truly the convenience cannot be beat. With just a few taps you can shop from your favorite stores and have quality groceries and household essentials carefully selected and ready for pickup or deliver delivered to your door in as fast as 30 minutes. Instacart helps take care of delivering the things you need with quality you deserve so that you're free to take care of life. Download the Instacart app now and get groceries just how you like. What are we talking about today?

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's get into it. I'll read our first email please. Hey jj, Longtime listener, first time writer. I have a weird situation happening. I was single for six years straight up until 2019 when I met my ex fiance. We were together five years and broke up one year ago. I then went on a date almost immediately after the breakup as a distraction tactic and fell in Love Almost straight away. Fast forward one year and we are living together and I am pregnant. I know it's very fast.

[Jared Freid]

Congratulations.

[Jordana Abraham]

Congrats. I broke up with my fiance for basically being a bit of a bum. He couldn't drive, only worked part time, didn't pay anything towards the bills and refused to do any housework.

[Jared Freid]

I'm sure all our listeners are wet right now by the description.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, it's a nightmare. I tried to help him find a job and we had the same conversations over and over about bills and housework until I finally decided to end it. At the time I thought us breaking up would be a wake up call and force him into action to get to get a proper job and learn how to drive. But he moved out that day. What is he like your teenage son? Yes, but he moved out that day to live.

[Jared Freid]

You're not gonna just sit around in my house.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean he can't drive and he doesn't have a job. That's tough. Yeah, yeah. And learned how to drive. But he moved out that day to live with his mum. I'm assuming she's. She's from the uk.

[Jared Freid]

British.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. And my friend found him on Tinder a week later. A year later and he is still living with his mom. He is 37 hot. Despite this, I am very much the villain in the story. He told me countless times after the breakup that I ruined his life. I stole everything from him. He means the house I own and my two dogs. And then it's my fault he's back at his mom's. I also still see him liking things on Instagram about narcissistic exes and women who will ruin your life. Etc. This guy is down bad. He also contacted my mom a few months after we broke up to try to convince her that I was cheating on him and ruined his life. I'm so scared that when he hears him pregnant all of this hate is going to resurface and he's going to try and cause drama. We live in a really small town in the uk so we know lots of people in common. And while I haven't seen him since the breakup, I have bumped into his friends a few times. What should I do? Should I contact him to tell him and get ahead of it? Should I warn my new partner that I think he'll try to contact us? Should I just forget all about it and stop worrying? Signed a Hormonal ex batch.

[Jared Freid]

Well, I'm sorry she's going through this. This stinks. This is no fun. Especially while you're pregnant, you should be happy and excited and, you know, kind of feeding delusion a little bit. Right. Like, hey, I got this. Especially when you're a year in and it happens quickly. You just want to kind of run with it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

And you don't want anyone. Right? Yeah. And this is a situation that makes you second guess how you're leading your life, which is no fun. Like, during a time that should be fun and full of dreams and optimism. Don't you think? Jordana?

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, right. And now she has to manage this guy's, like, potential feelings in relation to this thing, which I understand. And, like, is it the worst thing in the world that she's, like, cognizant of how he might take the news? Sounds like he's not doing well. This is a person she once really cared about. So I'm sure she's like, it's nice that I think she has his reaction in the back of his mind. It sounds like she has pretty negative feelings.

[Jared Freid]

But I'm cognizant of. Of women I dated hearing that I have a girlfriend who. And these women are doing well and great. You know, like, I.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Like, it is not beyond me to be aware of other people's feelings in relation to how your life is going. Like, I mean, I have that feeling with a book coming out. I have that feeling with a special coming out. The. You know, the. The. And it's these whispers you hear in the back of your head during your darker moments of your day or week where you're, like, almost believing the. The invented conversations that. That you have that you. That you're writing for them.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Like, I. She's probably sitting there just thinking of what he would be saying when he hears. And she probably hasn't talked to him in a long time. Like, and. And then she's seeing the likes and all that stuff. And that doesn't help, you know, Vic. Who could he be talking about when he likes the.

[Jordana Abraham]

If you're liking. If you're liking that, you need to see a therapist. Like, anyone his.

[Jared Freid]

For you, Paige is the saddest form of losery that could ever exist.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Those people are never doing well. And it sounds like she's very aware that he's not. Should she tell him, I guess is her question. Should she tell the. The baby daddy? What do you think? Would you want to know?

[Jared Freid]

I think if. If.

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's put. Let's put you in this guy's position.

[Jared Freid]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

If I say you're 37, you're living with your mom, you're, your ex broke up with you, she kicked you out of the house that she owns. The two dogs are gone, you're living with your mom.

[Jared Freid]

I can't still.

[Jordana Abraham]

Obviously. Yeah, you're still very much not over this person.

[Jared Freid]

I have a big penis though, because he has to have a big penis to let all this stuff happen.

[Jordana Abraham]

Something drove her there.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, she saw something in him that was good. Why would you date a guy with no job, living off of for five years? For five years. Like, other than a big penis. Like, I, I know, I'm trying to, I'm being funny at the same time. I'm like kind of wondering, you know,

[Jordana Abraham]

like, big penis could mean anything really positive, something very positive about what is his big penis.

[Jared Freid]

That's what I'm wondering. Also you have to have a big penis to have the confidence to not have a license and not have a job and live off of your girlfriend. Like, what is his version of that? I wonder?

[Jordana Abraham]

Maybe he's very funny.

[Jared Freid]

I, listen, I, I would love to believe that about myself. Like, I, I want to just take a scoop of his big penis and eat it just to know what it feels like to be that confident. To like be 37 and just like, you know, because he's, again, he's also delusional. He also is self conscious. He's going to your mom to convince her that he's not a loser. Because the only way he's not a loser is if you cheated. He needs to make you evil. Like, all this is so pretty.

[Jordana Abraham]

So putting yourself in his position, you're him.

[Jared Freid]

Okay? Big penis, no jobs.

[Jordana Abraham]

Big penis, no job, live with your mom, no driver's license. Your ex girlfriend who broke up with you a year ago is pregnant with her with the guy she went, she just started dating like a week after she broke up with you. Do you want her to tell you?

[Jared Freid]

See, in this world, if I heard about it, I wouldn't be angered by that. Like, I, it's hard for me to

[Jordana Abraham]

understand angry guy, right?

[Jared Freid]

If I'm an angry guy, I guess like,

[Jordana Abraham]

well, here's the anger is a secondary emotion. You're actually just quite hurt, right?

[Jared Freid]

And because I'm trying to, I'm trying to like understand his position. But like, I can't understand this guy at all. Like, it's so not how I would operate. Like, because if I would hear, if I heard that like my ex was pregnant after she went out with the next guy, I'd be like, you know, I guess, you know, I, I, I guess I would be like if she

[Jordana Abraham]

broke up with you.

[Jared Freid]

Well, right. I guess I would be like, I, you know.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, I'm trying to put myself in his.

[Jared Freid]

How would you, how would you feel if you were him?

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. I, you know, a guy breaks up with me, he impregnates a woman the week after he breaks up with me. I'm probably pretty devastated.

[Jared Freid]

You're devastated by that? By hearing that he has a, a baby the next week?

[Jordana Abraham]

100%. Are you crazy?

[Jared Freid]

Really?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And I'm living with my mom, and my ex broke up. My ex broke up with me. I'm. Now I kicked, I'm kicked out of his, his house and now I'm living with my mom and I don't have a job or license. And my boyfriend that broke up with me just got another woman pregnant and they're together and happy. It's a year later and they're already having a baby. Yeah, that's pretty tough. You're like, you're like, what's upsetting about that?

[Jared Freid]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't, yeah, no, I would be very upset. So I'm trying to think who I would want to hear about this from. I think I would want to hear about this from a friend of mine who knew how to speak to me and actually had my best interests at heart.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. But that is how to tell me

[Jordana Abraham]

in a certain way that is out

[Jared Freid]

of control of the emailer.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know what I'm saying?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do I want to hear, do I want my ex boyfriend to call me on the phone and say, you're gonna, I wanted you to hear it from me.

[Jared Freid]

Would it feel like he's bragging?

[Jordana Abraham]

No, I think it would. I think it would. I would imagine it would feel like it was, it was to protect me. I don't think anyone who breaks up with someone needs to, needs to brag. If it was like, if, if, if she's the one who got broke up, broken up with, it would sound like bragging.

[Jared Freid]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

You know what I mean? She's like, she's the, she's above already.

[Jared Freid]

You're starting above. But I'm saying, would you rece. You wouldn't receive it as bragging, like, as kicking you in?

[Jordana Abraham]

No, I would, I would see it as them trying to, like, feel like there was respect left in the relationship. Like, they respected me enough to, that they didn't want to hear me, to hear it from someone else that they wanted to hear it from me.

[Jared Freid]

See, I, I right, I. We can't speak to what his reaction's going to be as much as I can speak to like her, the emailer. Like, if I were her, the hardest thing to do is really the answer because she's like seeing she's keeping herself attached to this guy to try and like clean up a thing or like I, I've done this where you check in with people you, you know, used to be with to make sure they're okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

Are they in contact?

[Jared Freid]

Well, for her to see that he's liking posts by post by we hate women dot com. Like, you know, like I. For her to see that that means she and she's in this small town in the uk so they're hearing about each other. It feels like she's close enough to kind of check in with him to make sure that the, the bomb won't go off. Like, and she's also like not even gonna get ahead of the bomb going off. She's just waiting for the next horrible thing to happen. Which is like very something I can understand. Like, if I were her and I wanted to take control of the situation, I would do like a number of things which is like, and knowing that he's a little bit like of an angry guy. An angry guy. Like, hey, I just want to like get in touch with you to let you know what's going on in my life and how I'm going to move on from this. Because I get word back that you contacted my mom. I get word back from people in our small town. I don't think it's good for my mental health. And she's allowed to have her own mental health stuff to keep seeing that. You like, admit I, I see the post. You like, I see it feels personal and if it's not, that's okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like even bigger of a loser. I wouldn't do that.

[Jared Freid]

You wouldn't. But I'm saying for her, get away from a loser.

[Jordana Abraham]

I see you've been acting like a big loser. Everyone not. It's making everyone uncomfortable and we're really scared of you because you're like pretty pathetic seeming right now. So please stay away. Yeah, like that sounds like. I feel like that makes you into the villain because she's not the villain. She's just someone who moved on and was single and met someone.

[Jared Freid]

What if she did this? What if she did this? She blocked him and had him unfollowed. Like basically did a social media.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think that's going to make him more angry.

[Jared Freid]

But let him come to you. I think if she. Because I think there's an element there. She's keeping in touch with him. She is. I think that's, like, hurting her. Like, she. She's seeing who he likes on Instagram, right? She's seeing that you're too close, unfollow and block.

[Jordana Abraham]

But I think if you're already. If you're still in contact. If you are still in contact, I would send a text and I would say, hey, I hope you're doing okay. I. I didn't. I wanted you to hear from me, and I didn't want you to hear randomly from a person. I met someone shortly after we started dating, and I'm actually having a baby with them. I didn't want you to just hear randomly. It doesn't, you know, take away from the relationship we had. I know it was fast. I know it might be, like, surprising. And I just wanted to let you know so that you didn't hear from Billy at the. At the pub or whatever.

[Jared Freid]

And don't worry, your penis is bigger. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. And then if he's like a normal person, which, I mean, it sounds like he's not really, but if he was like a nice, normal person, he would say, congratulations, like, wish you well. And then, like, it would be very clear that you wouldn't be speaking anymore.

[Jared Freid]

Here's something that maybe she needs to hear, but she already knows. And I agree with that advice. I. I'm with you. No one's believing his side of the story. Like, yeah, she seems very concerned. She says I'm very much the villain in his story. That is only something he believes along with the people he does drugs with. That is, there's no one that believes that story. No matter what, everyone considers someone's full story to then take their other story.

[Jordana Abraham]

And here's the thing. No one is a villain who leaves a relationship that they're no longer interested in being in. That doesn't make someone a villain, right?

[Jared Freid]

Like, it's even like, when I think of, like, she's like, think to her, this is her version of, like, an Internet commenter. Like, when I see someone's comments, right? That's basically. You're living in the con. When I see someone comment negatively about me and it's not about, like, what I did or said, I'm always like, oh, they just are taking out their. On me, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

They're just sad, right?

[Jared Freid]

They're just sad. Like, if they got specific and had an argument to have, I would go, oh, okay, well, now I can think this through and debate my opinion, but if it's not. If it's just. You're mean for breaking up with me.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, no, I think. Yeah. And I think that if you dated someone for five years and you're a year out, I think it's a nice thing to do to let them know,

[Jared Freid]

yeah, I'm with you. Let's.

[Jordana Abraham]

Not in a condescending, angry way, but just.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. You can't say I'm doing great. Don't say I'm doing great.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm very happy.

[Jared Freid]

We're about to have a small family and I can't wait for next Mother's Day. You can wish me a happy Mother's Day.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I hope to see. Hope you see me around town looking super pregnant with another man's baby.

[Jared Freid]

Right. His penis is also big

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[Jared Freid]

Let's do an ick. You're picky.

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's do it. Okay.

[Jared Freid]

This is the game that's sweeping the country. It is. You got the ick and you are asking us to decide whether you were valid in your ickery or you were being a little picky.

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's find out.

[Jared Freid]

J and Jay love you both. I have an icky or picky for you. I 39 female, met a guy, 39 male, for a first date. He asked would you be free for brunch or coffee and I said yes. Saturday at noon, he picked a restaurant and agreed to meet. He called 20 minutes before the date with a change of location. He he said he had gotten to the restaurant early and it wasn't open that day. He provided a new location and I really appreciated the clear and easy communication. Before we hung up, he said what would you like to drink? I thought that was strange since I usually order once I arrive but said I would start with water once I arrived five minutes late, he had a bottle of water waiting for me and I noticed he purchased a pastry and coffee for himself. He had eaten half of the pastry and had almost finished his coffee. We sat for an hour at a self serve lunch place, corner bakery and he never offered me anything. No pastry, no lunch, no nothing.

[Jordana Abraham]

No pastry, no chocolate chip cookie, no

[Jared Freid]

font, no baked good, no no artisanal cheese, no vino. I was starving, but I really wanted to see how he handled things without me prompting or saying anything. So I didn't say anything. The only redeeming aspect of the story is that he was a good conversationalist and I actually enjoyed the connection at the end of the day, that's the

[Jordana Abraham]

most important redeeming aspect.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, the only redeeming aspect is that he was gorgeous and really good at talking to me and really understood me as a person.

[Jordana Abraham]

Amazing personality.

[Jared Freid]

I'm starving.

[Jordana Abraham]

But me here. But I had no pastry, so it

[Jared Freid]

all at the end of the day. He asked to see me again, but I don't foresee it happening on my end. Is it icky or picky? He didn't offer food while meeting me at noon, but fed himself a pastry before I arrived. P S I left there and met family. Afterwards my sister in law bought me lunch and said this guy wasn't worth a second date. Sincerely, one starving. Why does she need everyone? I I, I She's starving. Hey, how about you get up and get yourself something to eat? Stop testing people. That's my big crazy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, she'd rather be hungry than than get a pastry. Okay, here's the thing with this situation is he, when he asked her I could, I can. I'm like imagining I haven't been to this exact corner bakery, but I'm imagining a setup where you have to like go online to order the thing and then you sit down. So this guy asked her, he asked her what would you like to drink on the phone so that he could order her something.

[Jared Freid]

Right? He was probably already.

[Jordana Abraham]

He could order a coffee. Yeah, right. So she said water. So he's assuming that's all she wanted. So to me it's like if he asked her that and he did ask her like to try to feed her or buy her a coffee and she didn't, she said water. So it's probably, I would imagine it's one of those situations where it's like kind of awkward to go get something else. You have to like, get up from the table and go right stand.

[Jared Freid]

I'm not 100% on his side. Okay, like, let me, let me just, I do.

[Jordana Abraham]

Everything you're saying is the coffee thing. He should have said, do you want anything? I can go grab it.

[Jared Freid]

Everything you said is an option in a series of options of what occurred on this coffee, pastry, no pastry date. I do not think it's his responsibility to take care of her as if she's a fussy toddler. I do think it is way more normal to be like, do you, do you need anything else? Do you want me, you want to go up in line? I'll save the table. You go up. Do you want a coffee?

[Jordana Abraham]

She could have done that, but she

[Jared Freid]

could have done that as well. And I, I, I, I'm with you. Here's the thing. So the, the answer's in the emails anytime you write. I was starving, but I really wanted to see how he handled things without me prompting or saying anything. So I didn't say anything. You are not being yourself on the date. You are. Why are you the one testing him? Like, let's do the test, let's do the checklist after with your sister in law when you guys go out afterwards. But like, hey, I'm starving, I gotta go get something. Oh my God. That gives him a chance. Oh my God. I didn't get anything because I, when I said you just wanted water, so

[Jordana Abraham]

I wasn't sure if you were gonna eat anything.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And first dates are a little awkward and you're not sure where you're being too much or too little. Who knows what insecurities he has. But I would say that you're being picky if you didn't even allow him to be the awful person that you're turning him into via this test you're giving him.

[Jordana Abraham]

I agree. I think I, I think those, those places are particularly like weird with that where there's no waiter. That's kind of why it's like tough to have that be like a romantic setting. Like, I feel awkward when I go to meet coffee. Like a work person. Like when I have like a business meeting at a coffee shop and then I have to get up and like go get it. And then I like, I'm wondering should I get them something or like they're gonna get there later than me. Do they want to get their own thing? I don't want to like force them to tell me their order or they don't. They have to look at the menu. Like it's like a whole. That's why I wouldn't recommend like a place like that for a date. I think it's like not sexy and a little uncomfortable. But I don't think, I think he did ask her. He was, his intention was to buy you a coffee. That's why he asked you what you wanted to drink.

[Jared Freid]

Intention or no intention. I just think testing someone on a

[Jordana Abraham]

date like that, well, she's only punishing herself. She's the one who's hungry.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I'm starving and I just wanted to see what would happen like sorry sir. And for that reason you, you, you know, it's like missing something in the hey, you got to the end of the level but you didn't check off the I'm starving box. So for that reason I'm out. You know, it's like, right.

[Jordana Abraham]

And I don't think this is something to end to end something with. Especially if she said they had a great connection and the conversation was, was great otherwise.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, he offered to go down on me. So he was always eating. Not me though. I, I don't know. I, I. And also to me this, you're being picky and your sister in law is the worst person you could ever go to for advice. Like that's all that's been proven by this email.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, the sister in law is just pissed off she had to pay for her lunch.

[Jared Freid]

Right. She's out 20 bucks.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Let's do another email.

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's do it.

[Jared Freid]

UUPP betches.com. keep sending yours in. We love the specificity.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes, it's good question though. Quickly, do you do, when you do a coffee date because you've done coffee dates, do you go to a place like this or do you go to a place.

[Jared Freid]

Well, I go to any place. I, I really don't. I, I would go to.

[Jordana Abraham]

Listen, how do you handle the ordering if you go to this kind of

[Jared Freid]

place that if I went to a counter service place I would wait for them to get there and then go to the counter together. So. Or you go together or we'll take a walk to the counter. Let's establish a seat then go to the counter. Let me get it. I got you.

[Jordana Abraham]

You pay for yours. She.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, yeah. Two credit cards. We're gonna do two separate order. No, well let's, let's establish a meeting. I think you have the place. If you're going to do a daytime meetup situation. That is not a restaurant with a waiter. It's a counter situation. Get to the restaurant. Get to the place. Hey, great to see you. I've always heard good things about this place. Yeah, I've never been to a Chipotle. Come on in. And then you guys go together, and then at the end, we're together, and then, you know. Oh, no, no. These are all together. I got it. I got her. Burrito latte. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

So I, yeah, I, I, I'm a. Let's meet, and then I'll get stuff. I think he got ahead of himself.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think he thought he was being smooth by being like, I'll just get it for you. And so it's here when you arrive.

[Jared Freid]

Right, right. Listen, mistakes were made, but that doesn't mean your connection was, like, ruined by this idea that he didn't, you know, hit the button that said, feed me.

[Jordana Abraham]

I agree. Not everyone knows how to, how to handle, like, an awkward setup of a restaurant.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, we're all trying. We're all in, like, best behavior, you know, and that kind of, you know, what a small swing, small hit. What is, you know, play small, win small. You know, this is, like, kind of what. What can happen? I, I don't know. It's picky to me.

[Jordana Abraham]

I agree. All right, let's do another one. All right. All right. Hi, J. And J. Been a listener since 2017. And all these and all these years later, you up? Is still my favorite podcast.

[Jared Freid]

We have stood the test of time.

[Jordana Abraham]

Love it. This might be my longest relationship to date. Keep up the good work. We'll take all the credit.

[Jared Freid]

Yes, it's us.

[Jordana Abraham]

I was hoping you could settle debate between my husband and me. Recently, my mom was going through old things at our family home and sent me a photo of me in grade seven on the bus with my first boyfriend. Let's call him Andrew. The photo made me smile so much, I felt so nostalgic and just genuinely grateful that I had such a sweet, positive first experience with love. I must be about 13 in this photo, and he is maybe 14. And to add to it, at the time, we were actually living in a remote oil camp in Nigeria because of our parents work and attending an international school. Okay, that adds to.

[Jared Freid]

It totally changes everything. But also, what is she like, a. This is like the premise of a Disney Channel original movie. Like, who. Who has that childhood?

[Jordana Abraham]

It's kind of the premise of, like, mean girls. She, like, comes from.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, yeah, you're right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, yeah. Like her parents. She was, like, homeschooled in Africa till she comes to the. Anyway, so it really brought me back to this wild specific little world that very few people in our lives really understand. We broke up, quote unquote at the end of grade seven because his family moved away for another posting. As adults we have loosely kept in touch on social media. You know, congratulating each other on new jobs, life milestones, that kind of thing. I'm 30 now, we are both married and he lives in Australia. Okay, here's the debate. When I got the photo I wanted to send it to him. It reminded me of such a sweet and happy time and I was just charmed by how young and cute we looked. I envisioned a short message along the lines of look what we stumbled upon at my parents house. It brought back such fun memories of middle school. I feel so grateful to have had such a positive first relationship experience. Anyway, I thought I would share the nostalgia. Hope you and your wife are enjoying Australia. Take care. My husband thinks this is so cringe at best and weird to reach out to an ex like this with a memory of your relationship, even a childhood one. His take is that no guy cares about nostalgia and these things the way that women do and that at best it is awkward and at worst his wife sees it and thinks I am making a move. I on the other hand think it is sweet and a nice way to let someone know you have fond memories of them. Either way we have had a good laugh debating it. We need the male female perspective. So what say the J and J thinks cringe or cute.

[Jared Freid]

I love this email and she sends the picture and it is a very cute picture. It's a very like middle school boyfriend girlfriend picture.

[Jordana Abraham]

Agreed.

[Jared Freid]

He had great hair. I would wonder what his hair looks like these days. Yes.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay, so do you agree with her? Do you agree with her? I feel like you do always say that men don't care about nostalgia.

[Jared Freid]

I agree with the husband that I don't know how it will be received. Like I don't know how it makes like as far as like how it makes a guy feel like I'm like a little bit embarrassed by an old picture. I'm not like I don't find the fun in an old picture that I sense a lot of women have with an old picture. Like I don't have an on I

[Jordana Abraham]

love an old picture.

[Jared Freid]

You love an old picture. Every woman I I've ever come in contact with loves an old picture and loves the more embarrassing and the worse they look, the better. Like and I have no want for that. I. I have no I. It also makes my stomach a little queasy.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right, well, let's put you, let's put yourself in this guy in, in the guy who lives in Australia's place. You have a, you have a girlfriend. Thank you for speaking.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, well, wife. Thank you for doing this. Because I do think that this email, the way it's written is the reason we do this show. This is both. I think they're both right. Like, I think the. To send the picture to someone that you have this very specific experience with is totally nice and wonderful. Like, yeah, cute and oh my God, my family found this picture. Just wanted to send hope all as well. I think her message is cringe. I think her message goes a step further than anyone would have to go.

[Jordana Abraham]

I totally agree. I was, I was gonna say that I think. Yeah, edit the message to say, look what we stumbled upon at my parents house. It brought back such fun memories of middle school. That's it, right?

[Jared Freid]

And she said it. When people say things twice, I'm like, what the. Explain that. She said it to us in the beginning where she's like, it brought me such a sweet, positive first experience. I was so genuinely grateful that I had such a sweet and positive first experience with, quote, love. And then in her message, the fact that she goes back to that theme. If I'm the husband, I'd be like, wait a minute. In the email you wrote how nice it is that your first experience with love was so nice and genuine. And then you have to write it to this guy too. Are you not doing well with love right now? Like, I would be like, what the.

[Jordana Abraham]

Are things okay?

[Jared Freid]

Right. What's going on when someone like, is doth protest too much.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right? Like, and that, that would be the part as the guy's wife that would kind of annoy me, right? Where he was like talking about how great the relationship was. It's like, why aren't you guys still together? I don't know.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Well, how great it was. You don't know. You know, it was great because of everything around you. Like, even, even what she's saying is a little bit like, are you delusional? Like, you were in a foreign country, you're in this special situation, you're at this school that only you two would understand. You don't have credit card bills, you don't pay a mortgage. Like, yeah, all those things go into why this part of life was so fun and nostalgic and wonderful. Like when someone's like, when someone's like, I love a man. I missed the pandemic when we could just sit inside I'm like, like, you okay? Are you good? Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. And I mean, I think, here's the thing. I understand how she, like, sees this picture, and she does have a really good memory of it, and it was a really good relationship for her, and it did set those things. And I can understand being like, because sometimes you see a picture and you have an association with it and you're like, I feel like, a little alone in this. Like, and that's why girl women, I think, also, like, send each other a lot of, like, old pictures is you're like. It brings you back to that moment and you're like, it's a little more fun to, like, talk about this moment, to, like, make fun of our Halloween costume in seventh grade with, like, someone else who's in the picture who also wore the stupid Halloween costume.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And maybe because for women of that age, everything's more dramatic and everything's more feelings based.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Like, going back to that time and, like, laughing at it, like, you can kind of like, say, ah, see, it wasn't so bad. Or we didn't. We didn't need to cry about that guy or whatever. And I think for a lot of men, there's like, we wore a costume and we got drunk and that was it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. It's not loaded with as much emotions maybe than as. But I. I can understand why she'd want to. I mean, I could understand why she'd, like, why she would think all these things about this picture, but I wouldn't say that to him. That doesn't feel appropriate.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

But I would say, I think it's totally cool and fun to send if you're still in touch with this person and you have a fun picture that you saw. I would send it to them and say, like, look at this picture that I. They just found in my mom's house. So funny. Hope all's well.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Not everything has to go to, like, I. I can appreciate that she has those feelings too. Like, I just. Just, I think even to discuss it with your husband. Oh, my God. It was such. It was nice that I got such a good, like, first relationship because I didn't become, like, bitter. And that's why I was, like, great with you. Like, I. This is a part of my story. I can understand even going that direction. It's saying it to him and making that have to be his story as well. Or.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, that's a little flirty.

[Jared Freid]

It's a little flirty. I. I agree with you.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it's a little flirty to reference the relationship aspect of it, especially when the, when the picture is from when you were like 12 years old.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like it's not necessary.

[Jared Freid]

That first kiss we had underneath the the Nigerian apple tree was just such a beautiful memory. Oh, you know, when we had that Lion King moment.

[Jordana Abraham]

So yeah, I think. Agree. Cute and cringe.

[Jared Freid]

Cute and cringe.

[Jordana Abraham]

It doesn't need your own caption. It doesn't need it.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, the picture isn't cringy. You are cringy.

[Jordana Abraham]

There we go.

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[Jared Freid]

Let's play some red flag deal breaker. You ready?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yep.

[Jared Freid]

You're dating, Everything's great. One thing happens. Is it a red flag? You notice it and you stick with it. Or is it a deal breaker? You end it sight unseen. You ready?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yep.

[Jared Freid]

J and J and latest guest. Well, it's just us today. Wanted your take on this. I guess it's kind of a red flag or deal breaker. I took some fire profile picks this past fall. Have had no issue getting dates. Johnny Confidence writing in.

[Jordana Abraham]

Why are you here?

[Jared Freid]

I think, yeah, all is good. Go out there and quality is the challenge. As we know. They definitely show off my smile, which I've always been complimented on. I had the unfortunate luck to end up needing a front bottom tooth removed in December right next to my canine. There's no hiding this hole in my smile. I'm one of those weirdos that smiles with my whole mouth. Big Cheese. I'm in the process of getting an implant, but you have to wait months for the for things to heal beforehand. I'm familiar with this. My dad is a big missing tooth guy. He's always healing.

[Jordana Abraham]

He's a missing tooth.

[Jared Freid]

He got like teeth replacements And a big part of it is like the root healing where there's this like mismanagement of time that goes on between missing tooth and receiving tooth.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. So she's, so it's a, it's a real dilemma.

[Jared Freid]

Seems like this is what she's dealing with. I haven't put up any pictures featuring this new gap in my smile. And I'm wondering if I need to or if I need to disclose this when bantering beforehand. We all have our ex, but I think if a temporary missing tooth is a deal breaker, then you're not my kind of guy. So red flag. Hiding the tooth until we meet. Is it a fair deal breaker? Can't wait to hear you. What you think best? A tooth. A toothsome bitch. What do you think, Jordan?

[Jordana Abraham]

This is a tough one.

[Jared Freid]

Is it?

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay, I thought about this a little bit. You know when I had my braces in.

[Jared Freid]

Yes.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, if I, like, obviously they were for my wedding, so I wasn't dating at the time. But I, I was thinking, like, if I was dating and I had this lisp, would I, would I wait until I got my braces off? Would I disclose it? Should I disclose it? Would it, how would I feel if someone was like, turned off if they got to the date and I was there? So I do understand her, her dilemma here because, like, I don't think it's be, I mean, she goes, it's not my kind of guy. If you see the tooth and you're kind of, and you're icked out. I can imagine going on a date with a guy, he's missing his front center tooth.

[Jared Freid]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think I might be like, it might be hard to get the same level of attraction as if he didn't.

[Jared Freid]

That's interesting. I, I would, I would not feel this at all. I would, I don't think she disclose. Yeah. I, I, I think you only have to just. I don't think you have to disclose. I think you have to acknowledge, like,

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm, I'm getting, I'm get. By the way, I'm getting this filled in.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, no. At the date. I think if you get weird, like, I'll tell you that once I trust you. Like, that's weird. I don't think you need to, like, build a bunch of trust to talk about it. I do think if you match on a dating app and then you show up and you're like, I need to warn you before we start. I know you saw my pictures, but I'm going through a tooth thing. And FYI, I I, I would. Because you're going to fix that. That's not who you are indefinitely. And, like, a tooth.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Isn't really, like, hey, like, it's not like a. You're gonna be what they saw. Do you know what I mean?

[Jordana Abraham]

Minus one tooth.

[Jared Freid]

And then you're gonna be back to that at a later date.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

That is who you are. You are the person with the teeth.

[Jordana Abraham]

They're seeing the house under construction.

[Jared Freid]

Right. There's a, There's a room with a, with a big sheet over it and a tarp.

[Jordana Abraham]

And that'll be, that'll be fixed by the time you move in.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Do you want to see the plans? They're, they're on my profile. This is what it will look like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And I mean, again, someone could be like, like, it's hard for me to imagine living here. Like, I'm, I'm like, I remember when I was looking for a house, I actually saw a house like that, that we really like the house. But, like, the bathroom was, like, under construction, or they were moving the bathroom or, like, open. They were planning, they were planning to, like, move this bathroom to create another bathroom before, by the time they, like, closed on the house. And I remember kind of feeling like, I don't know if I want to get into this. It's like a little under construction. Like, I don't know what it's going to look like. I don't know if I want to buy it yet. So I could understand someone being like, I'm a little more hesitant, maybe, I think.

[Jared Freid]

No. Well, I, I could understand that with anything where you're under construction. Like, when I went out with women, you know, I, I wasn't drinking, and I had went to a coffee place, and I was, oh, I'm gonna have a coffee. And they're like, oh, I'm gonna have a drink. You know, the review is, do I want to go out with this guy who's under construction that needed to take a month off from drinking to see how he was feeling? Do I want to date someone who's going through that? I, Same with the tooth. I, I, I can understand that, but I don't think that's a reason that you have to get in front of it. Like, I don't think you're lying.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's true.

[Jared Freid]

There's a woman in my gym, she's getting, she has braces. I saw her the other day. I was like, hey, how you doing? She's like, these braces. And I talked about you having the braces And I. And I go, and why you're an

[Jordana Abraham]

even bigger braces disaster than yours. This woman, my podcast host, she couldn't even speak.

[Jared Freid]

She sounded like, you know, she had a lisp. And, you know. But I said to her, I go, congratulations on the braces. That's good for you. And she was like, oh, you know, she's like, I, you know, I gotta wear these braces six months. And I'm like, yeah, but you're doing this because you want to be better.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's true.

[Jared Freid]

And that's an under construction. That is good. And that you go, I wouldn't have an issue with it personally. I'm like, would you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do you think she should acknowledge it when she gets there?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I think.

[Jordana Abraham]

Or wait for him to ask, where's your tooth?

[Jared Freid]

Let him off the hook. That's right. Because. And I wouldn't ask. I'd be like, just. I guess maybe I would.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think if someone didn't say anything, it would be a little bit weird.

[Jared Freid]

I think vulnerability produces vulnerability. Hey, listen, I know I'm a big smiley bitch on my profile, but you're gonna notice that I'm missing a tooth. I think immediately you get closer. Immediately you're revealing stuff.

[Jordana Abraham]

I just really. I ate a lot of candy. It's gone. I just love candy.

[Jared Freid]

My parents were big tooth fairy people and I need the money, so I just pulled the tooth.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I would have at least like six jokes about the tooth in your back pocket to totally throw out on the date too.

[Jared Freid]

Let's do another.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right. Hi, J and J. Love the pod. Congrats to you too. On a huge year, I have a red flag or deal breaker.

[Jared Freid]

It's a big year.

[Jordana Abraham]

It is. That's about my brother in law's new girlfriend. He's 32, the girlfriend's 28, and they've been dating for a few months. He recently went to her house for the first time and saw that it is a hoarder's house. Piles of stuff everywhere, including completely covering the couch and. And filling the kitchen sink. Wow. She used to live in this house. House with her parents and they moved out a couple years ago and she's been living alone since. She blames the parents, saying that they're hoarders and she's busy, so she's just continued to live with their mess.

[Jared Freid]

Sure.

[Jordana Abraham]

But if you were bothered by it, wouldn't you have done something to clean in the past two years? Could this, could this be a sign that she's actually also a hoarder? And my brother in law should consider this. If they get more serious, red flag. My brother in law should just keep an eye on this and see if she's willing to clean or deal breaker, get out now or he's going to end up living this way too. A messy but not dirty.

[Jared Freid]

Even if she's not a hoarder. I think your like view on reality is kind of like changed based on living with hoarders. You know, like, yeah, stuff in the sink is crazy. Yeah, I don't know. I Do you think she's a hoarder? I, Two years after the parents move out, you, she says no, this is my parents problem, not mine.

[Jordana Abraham]

Listen, she, again, I agree she might not be a hoarder, but she's clearly okay living like that, right?

[Jared Freid]

She's a complete pig. No, I'm kidding.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean hoarding is like a psychological issue. It's like a, yeah, it's like a psycho. It's like a psychological problem.

[Jared Freid]

Listen, I have trouble throwing things out. I, I can tell you right now, I've said this before. My mom used to go through my trash and now like I am so weird about throwing things away. And I have a direct line from that's something my mom did to me up to how I am now. And I acknowledge it, I see it and I go, just throw shit away, Jared. You'll feel better. Like I, I, it's why Summer Rose, the organizer to the stars, why she was such like a relief for me. It felt so good. I think that was like compounded by the idea that like I have an issue with chucking, but I think my issue of chucking isn't like this level, but it's not nothing. So she has something going on, this woman. Would you date her though?

[Jordana Abraham]

If it was a, this might be a double standard. If it was a man, I think I would date him and then get rid of all of his. If it was a woman, I could see it being a little bit more of a, of a red flag. Like if this, if you walked into Emily's apartment house, I don't know what she has and it was, this is what you saw?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I, I, I would be turned off.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I think women get less leeway when it comes to like a disgusting apartment.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And we've talked about this. You and I are disgusting. Like I have to see a future with this person where we're both kind of disgusting. Like I don't know if it can really work.

[Jordana Abraham]

I, how are you going to raise a baby in this disgusting house.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I don't know. I don't know if a baby's comfortable laying on a bunch of in and out, you know, wrappers and stuff. I, if I were the brother in law, I would say to the woman, if you can't, what's your plan? I don't know. If I said here's.

[Jordana Abraham]

I would say, what's your plan Here I see your parents. So your parents were hoarders. Now you live here. What's the plan?

[Jared Freid]

Deal. Right. And honestly, to have a claim, it's kind of like the tooth.

[Jordana Abraham]

What's the plan with the tooth?

[Jared Freid]

Right. What's the plan? Right, right. I, I, if, if they were like, I'm getting a cleaning, like a cleaning crew to come in and do this, this sounds like a big job. Is not a life changing amount of money to spend. Like, if you're able to date, I would assume you're able to spend money on a, someone to help you with this. And if you can't do that within the next month, I got to like reassess here. Because they've been dating for a few months.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And I mean, she had her parents moved out. Did they die there? Like, what is she. Why did her parents move out of the house?

[Jared Freid]

Floorboards.

[Jordana Abraham]

Most hoarders wouldn't just leave all their. Wouldn't they like want their.

[Jared Freid]

I think this is more her than the parent. Two years. Two years. You just like had this. Okay, I'm ending it. I don't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

There's something, there's something more to the story that's not being told.

[Jared Freid]

Why would her.

[Jordana Abraham]

Where'd her hoarder parents go?

[Jared Freid]

Right. It's the non admission. There's no they left vulnerability. You're just blaming it on your parents that just up and went and.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I need to know you're a

[Jared Freid]

part of this agreement.

[Jordana Abraham]

Something's not, something's not coming together there. All right, let's do one more J

[Jared Freid]

and Jay, long time listener here. Congratulations on the babies. Jordana and Jared. Congrats on the new relationship. Straight to the point. I'm going through some interesting relationship developments and I want you to judge the situation. I've been in a relationship for almost a year. I moved in with my boyfriend five months into the relationship. I'm 32, he's 34. Generally a happy couple with some minor disagreements at times. As usual. In the past week he has been going through a difficult job change. Unfortunately, I was also not in a happy place myself due to a lot of pressure for my own job. We had a few disagreements because of it, but no major fights. He is more of a loner with this type of situation. Myself, on the other hand, I need time together to unload. We settled to just push through it, trying our best to support each other. Well, a few days ago he said that a lot has been on his plate lately and he needs me to leave the apartment for a few weeks so he has the space to figure out things. Well, a few days ago he said that a lot has been on his plate lately and he needs me to leave the apartment for a few weeks so he has the space to figure things out. He explains that he wants to be in a relationship, but he is facing some mental health issues at the moment and since he cannot be the partner he wants to be for me, he needs space to piece it all together again. I knew from the very beginning that he had a depressive episode in his mid-20s connected to some childhood trauma. It is true that lately he has been a bit off, not as good at house chores, quickly overwhelmed, not talking that much, but we both thought it was just stress. We the reasoning behind me leaving according to him is that I have a family close to where I live I can stay with. His family is on the opposite side of the country. Of course I was not happy. I cannot understand this whole thing, but I try to respect it. He offered that I do not pay rent for the months of May and June, but I cover an Airbnb for myself or stay with my family. He also got into therapy again and showed me scheduled sessions in his calendar, specifically pointing out that he would just need a month of being apart. Then we meet and reassess with the end goal of being course me coming back home as soon as possible. I also mentioned that if there's something I can improve, I also count on his feedback then and I will share mine too. So we are on the same page. On one hand I think it is mature to try to figure it all out on his side, but on the other hand, why the hell do you need to get rid of me in the process? I'm trying to be understanding as I want to continue the relationship, but this whole situation makes me wonder if this is the right thing to do. I'm afraid it'll keep coming back the longer we're together. I stated that if this goes for longer I may not be able to stay in such a relationship and I mean it. But he keeps telling me that he cares about me so much. She wants to fix it or at least try to find a way to feel better and make sure these types of situation won't happen again in the future. Red flag or deal breaker? Kicked out and confused. Jordana, what do you think?

[Jordana Abraham]

She can get an Airbnb or stay away My family.

[Jared Freid]

She can get a nice one.

[Jordana Abraham]

Let him go. Get a two bedroom. Let him go.

[Jared Freid]

Airbnb. Good part of town. She's got to pay for it though.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's actually the most infuriating part of this to me is him being like, you can get like, you don't have to pay rent. I got to go to an Airbnb. Or stay with your family.

[Jared Freid]

No, like more expensive Airbnb. That, no, that doesn't have the amenities and not any of your.

[Jordana Abraham]

You go get an Airbnb if you want to leave. If you want us to not live together, you leave for a month.

[Jared Freid]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Like he's. To me, he's trying to like soft launch this breakup.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, this is a pre breakup.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is great. But he's like, he's trying to get her out of this house under like positive. With positive vibes.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Get them off your land. Get them out of there. Once you, you know, what is it?

[Jordana Abraham]

Take all your out of the house while we figure things out.

[Jared Freid]

Listen, I'm really going through a tough time. All I'm going to need you to do is just leave the house immediately and I have my other girlfriend sleep over. Yeah, this is a bad. Crazy.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is crazy. Okay, listen, I understand. I empathize.

[Jared Freid]

Look at. Even Ronnie thinks it's crazy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, he thinks it's Ronnie's. Like I would. It's like if you need space, you leave. I'm not going anywhere.

[Jared Freid]

Right. This is his way of making a breakup easier, but also getting his cake and eating it too. It's like, I don't. I just don't know what relationship is made better by hey, let me go off on my Rum Springer and be alone for a while. You know my spirit.

[Jordana Abraham]

Make it your problem.

[Jared Freid]

You leave and make it right and you get out of here. I. It doesn't seem like a relationship.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, well, how. Who could be in a relationship where that's how the other person handles like a difficult time is they need you to leave. That's not like, that's sort of the opposite of. That's a. That's a friend.

[Jared Freid]

Right. The problem is that if it works now you've set a precedent where the relationship.

[Jordana Abraham]

Every six months.

[Jared Freid]

Right. You gotta go, hey. And. And what he does, he does the whole thing of like mental Health. Mental health. Mental health. And it's like, that's not really what you can do when you're living with someone. I. In my opinion. And listen, this is. As someone who's not living with someone now and is going to be living with someone in the near future, I don't really count this as a option when I'm going through a tough time, when I move in with someone.

[Jordana Abraham]

Great. Could you leave just for a month? You can get an Airbnb.

[Jared Freid]

He thinks this is an easier way of maybe breaking up. I think he's. I think he sees this as, like, he's not sure about breaking up, but he's pretty sure he could get there. And he needs to know if this is going to work for him, being alone. And then he's gonna find. Wait a minute. I do feel better that I'm not feeling guilty while living in a house with someone that I like but don't want to marry. And for that reason, you should stay in the Airbnb.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, he's trying to get you to break up with him.

[Jared Freid]

He's doing a good job. He's almost there, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, she's like. She's like, if this goes on any longer, I won't be able to be in the relationship. He's like, let's just see how it goes.

[Jared Freid]

What did you say? Say that again. What? Let me get that on tape. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Here's my assessment. On couples who live together, if one person moves out for any length of time, the relationship is over. There's a moving. If there's a move out, you can go on a trip. Here's the thing. If he hits. This would be totally different if he said, I've been having a really weird mental health time. My family lives across the country. I'm gonna go home for a long weekend, even a week. I'm gonna go home, just clear my head, think about things that. Not a great sign, Right?

[Jared Freid]

Better than this.

[Jordana Abraham]

A more respectful, balanced version of this, which is, like, some ties to normalcy and again, is making his mental health his problem, not yours.

[Jared Freid]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, you're having. You're having a bad mental health month, so I need to pack up all my. And go get an Airbnb. Like, no, you're the one with the

[Jared Freid]

issue, and you get to pay for it. And when she said, I don't have to pay rent, but you got to pay for the Airbnb, you do pay rent, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

No, he should continue to pay his rent. And if he needs a break, go home, or you get An Airbnb.

[Jared Freid]

Also. Let me just give a preview. Friday's episode, we have Dr. Orna from Couples therapy. And you got to like, figure out how this works together, like as a couple.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, yeah, this is a good solution.

[Jared Freid]

That's, that's the growth of a relationship. I'm going through a tough time. You're going through a tough time. We need to figure out the tools. We need to be able to live together for the future. And what he's doing is like, well, let me figure out what I can do for me. I, I. And then we'll be better as a couple. Like, that's not how it works.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm just imagining Mike. Like, imagine you're married, you have two kids. Imagine your husband comes up to you and he says, I just need you to move out for like a month while I take the kids. Like, clear. While I clear my head. You guys could get an Airbnb or you can go to your parents house, whichever you want. The choices.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm leaving it up to you.

[Jared Freid]

This is, that's why we're probably, we're on the same page. We're like, this is a pre breakup. Because what he's trying it, it would, it doesn't. It's not logical that this is the way that you guys become a better couple. It is logical that this is a way to get you out of the house and then, oh, wow, all I gotta do is move the rest of your out. And now we're broken up for real. Like, it's made it easy on him.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right? This is whatever, the opposite of a soft launch getting into announcing a relationship as this is a soft launch exit.

[Jared Freid]

Soft breakup.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, listen, deal breaker for me definitely. I don't think.

[Jordana Abraham]

What if they wanted a week and they left and they did what I,

[Jared Freid]

what I was saying if, if my girlfriend was like, hey, I just need a minute, I got to go home. We still have to talk about it. We still have to figure out how we do it, you know, like, we still have to figure out what the situation is. We have to figure out what we can do to not have another. You leaving for a week.

[Jordana Abraham]

Week. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

You know, like, so you're kind of like pushing that off by leaving. I can understand it. Like, hey, I'm going to go get a couple nights sleep. We need to, I, you know, I got to take a break from us discussing this just for a minute so I can like, figure out how we're going to attack this. That's a little different.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right? You. I still can't get over. So you leave.

[Jared Freid]

So you're gonna get out. And he's doing the thing that we see more and more. The. You know, he's told you about his episode he had in his 20s, and now he's got mental health issues. Like, this feels like weaponizing.

[Jordana Abraham]

He's weaponizing the mental health issues, which I don't. I don't like either, because, like, you can have mental health issues and work through them with someone and not have that as an excuse to make whatever decision you want.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Or you're not ready to be in a relationship and you need to break up. Like, hey, I mean, they moved.

[Jordana Abraham]

They moved in pretty quick. They moved in five months in.

[Jared Freid]

Listen, same. I'm. I'm doing that. So, like, it can happen and work. Yeah, it can happen and not work. That's the risk you take.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's true.

[Jared Freid]

Ronnie's so upset by this email.

[Jordana Abraham]

I know he's very upset. Don't worry. You're not going anywhere.

[Jared Freid]

Don't worry. You're staying for now, Ronnie.

[Jordana Abraham]

For now. I'm gonna need. Brian, I'm gonna need you to get an Airbnb. Or you can go stay with someone else.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Listen, we solved dating again.

[Jordana Abraham]

We did it. We'll be back on.

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