Taylor & Travis Got Engaged, Now You’re Panicking

Summary

U Up? Podcast Summary

Episode Title: Taylor & Travis Got Engaged, Now You’re Panicking
Date: September 17, 2025
Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid
Podcast: U Up?, Betches Media

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Episode Overview

This episode unpacks the ripple effects of celebrity relationships—specifically Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s much-publicized engagement—on the dating world and the emotional reactions of everyday couples. The hosts analyze how high-profile milestones can trigger anxieties, catalyze relationship conversations, and even inspire breakups. Interwoven are discussions about modern relationship norms, etiquette, and the psychological quirks of 2020s dating.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Taylor & Travis’s Engagement: The Social Domino Effect

• Topic Launch (09:39): Jared segues into the main theme: how the Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce engagement is affecting other couples’ dynamics, particularly around timelines and expectations.
• Comparison Pressure: The hosts liken the celebrity engagement to the experience of seeing friends in your social circle get engaged, but note that celebrity milestones can feel even more surprising and destabilizing.
  • Jared (10:26): "Beware of holidays, weddings, vacations... I'm adding to breakups: beware of international superstar engagements."
• Relationship Timelines:
  • Jordana (11:08): "For two people who are almost 36 years old, two years together before an engagement is not short."
  • Both agree the timeline is appropriate, but joke about how similar timelines can stoke pressure in non-celebrity couples.
• Impact on Personal Relationships:
  • Couples at similar "relationship ages" might suddenly confront their own readiness, sometimes provoking awkward conversations or breakups.
  • Jared (12:05): "The heat has been turned up... the conversations this weekend are weird."
• Gendered Dynamics:
  • Jordana discusses how women, in particular, face different social pressures and are more likely to internalize these celebrity events.
  • Jordana (17:10): "This is the world that we live in. Women face different pressures than men do. Not acknowledging that isn’t kind; it’s about empathy."
  • Jared (17:56): "From my side, saying 'who cares what people think' is the bad actor argument. Of course we care!"

2. Viral Trends and “Dating Younger”

• Listener Email (28:55): A 29-year-old woman writes about dating a 25-year-old man and wonders if this is a real trend or just her algorithm at work.
• Hosts’ Take on “Younger Man” Dating Trend:
  • Warn about reading too much into social media "trends," as algorithms feed confirmation bias.
  • Jared (29:36): "This is a gateway drug to douchery... buying your own hype."
  • Both agree that personality and readiness, not age, determine compatibility—and that older singles (of any gender) may have baggage, just like younger ones.
  • Jared (33:55): "Asking this 25-year-old what he thinks will happen in three years? He don’t know."
• Power Dynamics:
  • Jordana highlights insecurity as a driver for “age-gap” dating discourse online.
  • Both note that people dating much younger partners—regardless of gender—sometimes seek more control.

3. Modern Dating Etiquette: Manners, Gifts, & Family Dynamics

• Table Manners & Dating (06:36):
  • Hilarious banter about the nuances—and anxieties—of napkin and cutlery etiquette on first dates.
  • Quote - Jared (07:04): "We are the Emily Post of dating podcasts."
• Wedding Gifts (45:21):
  • A heated debate about whether adults should still be “latched” onto their parents’ wedding gifts.
  • Jared remains steadfast: He’s “a latcher” and feels no embarrassment about parents’ names being on the wedding cards.
  • Jordana pushes back: Thinks for siblings or close relations, an individual gift feels appropriate.
  • Jared’s Mom (54:27): Confirms that Jared’s name goes on the card when attending weddings as a family.

4. Red Flags, Dealbreakers, & Listener Scenarios

• Recurring Segment (Timestamped Examples):
  • Birthday Lying Bit (73:12):
    • A listener’s date keeps faking birthdays at restaurants for free dessert—once is funny but repeatedly is a deal breaker.
    • Jordana: “It’s a little early in the date for pranks.”
    • Jared: “Find another bit, dude.”
  • Living With Grandparents (80:05):
    • Listener asks if co-owning a home with her octogenarian grandparents is a dating red flag. Jordana wants more context; Jared is fine with it if boundaries are clear.
  • Grammar Police (85:29):
    • Is misusing “your” and “you’re” a deal breaker? The hosts warn that correcting people over text is a bigger red flag than the error itself.

5. Style & First Impressions: The Hat Debate

• Listener Question (65:00):
  • A woman wonders if it’s a red flag for a guy to always wear a baseball hat on dates.
  • Jared: Admits he’s a “hat guy” and tries to show his hair to dispel any worries. Believes it can be style, not laziness.
  • Jordana: Cares more about overall effort and attraction than fashion details.

6. Celebrity Engagements as “Relationship Catalysts”

• Meta Reflection:
  • The episode closes a loop by reflecting on why celebrity news matters so much: it crystalizes personal and cultural anxieties, sparking overdue relationship talks or breakups.
  • Jared (18:33): "Celebrities are the mirror to who we are."

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On comparing your relationship to Taylor & Travis:
  • "You come home and have to ask, ‘Did you hear about Taylor and Travis? They’ve been dating the same amount of time as us…’" — Jordana (12:29)
  • "This is like a whack in the head from behind. Dude, why are you getting engaged?" — Jared (13:04)
• On mental load/gift logistics:
  • “A couple is two brains in a pod. When one dies, you lose half the memories.” — Jared (52:55)
  • “In a relationship, the woman has to do everything. Mike: ‘His friend has a baby. Did we get a gift?’ Me: ‘It’s your friend!’” — Jordana (53:30)
• On insecure online dating advice:
  • "Someone who keeps posting about how great dating younger is… that’s an insecure person." — Jared (40:32)
• On etiquette and identity:
  • “If they hold a fork wrong, this date is as good as over.” — Jared (07:22)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Intro, New York City Transit/Nostalgia: 01:12–05:57
• Dining Manners, Etiquette Insecurities: 06:00–09:00
• Taylor & Travis Engagement, Relationship Timelines: 09:39–17:00
• Pressure from Celebrity Comparisons: 17:10–19:00
• Listener Email: Younger Dating Trend: 28:55–41:09
• Wedding Gifts & Family Latching: 45:21–54:27
• Hats on Dates, Style Choices: 65:00–72:00
• Red Flag/Deal Breaker (Fake Birthdays): 73:12–77:15
• Living With Grandparents: 80:05–84:49
• Grammar Red Flags: 85:09–90:43

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Overall Tone & Takeaways

Warm, irreverent, and empathetic—U Up? continues to delight with candid personal anecdotes, sharp cultural commentary, and no-fuss advice. The hosts balance honest vulnerability with humor, making the episode ideal for anyone grappling with dating anxieties, relationship milestones, or the social fickleness of the modern era.

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Transcript

[A]

If you've shopped online, chances are you've bought from a business powered by Shopify. You know that purple shop pay button you see at checkout? The one that makes buying so incredibly easy? That's Shopify. And there's a reason so many businesses sell with it. Because Shopify makes it incredibly easy to start and run your own business. Shopify is the commerce platform behind 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started. Shopify's got you from the get go with beautiful ready to go templates to match your brand style. Tackle all the important tasks in one place from inventory to payments to analytics and more. Spread your brand's word with built in marketing and email tools to find and keep new customers. And did I mention that iconic purple shop pay button that's used by millions of businesses around the world? It's why Shopify has the best converting checkout on the planet. Your customers already love it. If you want to see less cards being abandoned, it's time for you to head over to Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start sell selling today at shopify.com batches. Go to shopify.comshopify.com batches hello and welcome back to the U UP podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.

[B]

And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana. How are you? What's going on? What's the haps?

[A]

I am good.

[B]

Well, I forced you to come into the city three days in a row.

[A]

You did. After I. After. I'm dealing with my jet lag.

[B]

A lot of. Thank you. This is. Let me thank you on air.

[A]

Yes, I. The. The train was having. The Long island railroad was having track work issues.

[B]

Electricity railroad makes you feel old and.

[A]

Does it make you feel old or poor?

[B]

Poor old. Cringe.

[A]

Mass transport, Is it called mass transit? Transit.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, no, I.

[A]

Listen, listen, I love the subway. Stinks. Long Island Railroad.

[B]

Luxurious.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Quiet, comfortable.

[B]

Well, the train system here in New York is better than anywhere. Like the connection between the city and the outer areas is way better than a lot of most places. It is like growing up outside of Boston, I had no connection to Boston.

[A]

You probably had to like drive.

[B]

Yeah. You take, you know, you thumb it. You go out to the road with your stick and bindle and you put your thumb out and hopefully a big.

[A]

Truck puts you up a nice stranger.

[B]

Yeah. No, but there was no. Like the towns were very insular, very like Walled off from even other towns here, New York, the, you know, coming from Westchester, coming from New Jersey, coming from Long Island. Those are all realities for, like growing up for a lot of people.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, you know, there's like, literally.

[A]

Our high school lore is like when you went into the city in college, like to go out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The train that everyone would take back, like the drunk train was the three night. And we all remember the time because it was the 319 train.

[B]

That was it.

[A]

3:19 back 3:19am or you had to wait till 5:19. And if you were wait. So, so it's like it was like a 119 and then a 319 and then a 519.

[B]

Yeah. You want on that?

[A]

Yeah. You're not on the 319. You're like sleeping at Penn Station and.

[B]

You'Re in trouble with parents and where have you been? And you have to answer questions.

[A]

Yes. And everyone on that train was just massively up.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

Drunk college.

[B]

And then. Well, now all that stuff's like on video. You see it on Tick Tock.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Terrifying.

[B]

And you're like, thank God I am not working there. Can you. I. Those people are saints. Working those trains.

[A]

Working those trains. Working the Popeyes in Penn Station where we would get macaroni and cheese.

[B]

Like, those people should be recognized way more than we. Yeah. Heroes amongst us.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Speaking of eating in the city, I, I, last night I kind of did, I did shows at the Cellar. I had like a New York night. I, I, I, I went to, you know, where I went and it brought me back. Speaking of like, you know, nostalgia.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The Smith. I went for dinner.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And that's one of those places when it opened in New York City, I remember it. The Smith is like now. It's like kind of forgotten, but it's like a standard brunch get together place.

[A]

I have mixed feelings on the Smith. On the one hand, it's like a decent level of restaurant that is easy to get a reservation at. You're going with like a larger group. But there's hard to get, you know, a big reservation. It's, it's relatively easy for the quality it gets. It is.

[B]

It gets the job done when you have a job to do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, hey, what are us 8 gonna do for brunch? Smith done fine. Everyone says, good, the fries are great, we'll be okay.

[A]

It's big. They have enough options. Is it a little bit of like an overpriced diner situation maybe?

[B]

Right. But maybe part of the cost of admission is the ease of admission.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

Like, I went there and sat at the bar last night, and I thought the same thing as you. I'm like, they're getting me for 56 bucks for a. A salad and a French dip sandwich.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But it was all delicious. I sat down, I was comfortable.

[A]

And it's easy to. It's easy. Ease of use. Yeah.

[B]

You ever have a French dip?

[A]

What is that like? It's a meaty thing.

[B]

It's like a roast beef sandwich on a French bread and then served with a side of au, where you're supposed to dip the sandwich in the.

[A]

Yeah, that's not like my kind of dish.

[B]

It is. I didn't think it was. Not mine either. Like, I'm not like, ordering French dips everywhere I go.

[A]

Yeah. I don't like love meat so much that I would order that.

[B]

That I have to say. The French dip at the Smith, pretty good. I would suggest it highly. And it came with a big, big side of fries.

[A]

I almost think of it in the same category as like a Philly cheesesteak. Just like, very meaty situation, you know.

[B]

There, there the argument could be made that the French dip is the classier Philly cheesesteak. I wouldn't want to say yes. Like, if I said to you, oh, Jordana, I went and did shows in the city Tuesday night, and then I had a Philly cheese steak at 10 o', clock, you'd be like, are you okay? What's going on?

[A]

Right. How much were you drinking?

[B]

Right. Are you out of your mind? Like, are you going through a divorce? You know, like, like. But French dip. It kind of makes me sound a little classy.

[A]

Yeah, for sure. You sat. You had a napkin. Yes, I think on your lap.

[B]

I put. You put your napkin on your lap every meal.

[A]

Every. Maybe not like a late night meal, but like, every. Yeah.

[B]

I. I mean, is that something you notice on a date? Would you notice that the guy put his napkin on his lap on a date?

[A]

I would notice if he didn't put the napkin on. I think, you know, it's always interesting, the timing of when you're putting the napkin on your lap.

[B]

I'm. Right away.

[A]

You're right away before anyone.

[B]

Food shows up, throw it down.

[A]

I try to wait until the food gets there.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I'm like, am I, you know, running to get to cover my right. Cover myself or. I'm always. I'm. I do think about that. I'm like, when's the right time to put the napkin?

[B]

I. I Think about, like, you know, the politeness. You know, we are the Emily Post of dating podcast. But like, the class of, like, using a fork and knife, how someone uses it, napkin on the lap, elbows on the table. These were all things that, like, about the.

[A]

How they are using the cutlery.

[B]

Oh, absolutely.

[A]

Really?

[B]

If they hold a fork wrong, this date is as good as over.

[A]

I have to say, that's always been a big insecurity of mine.

[B]

Really.

[A]

I think I don't do it right. My. Well, coming from a large feral family.

[B]

Right.

[A]

That was never something. I actually got made fun of the other day for putting the fork on the wrong side of the plate when setting the table.

[B]

I'm not that any.

[A]

But I don't, like, know basic. My. Like, no one taught us, like, basic table manners. And so I don't think I actually hold the fork. I think you're supposed to hold the fork.

[B]

Let's get a fork out here.

[A]

You're supposed to hold the fork in, like, your left hand if you're a righty. Right. Or something.

[B]

I don't think so. Or your right hand. And you're right when you're cutting.

[A]

Yeah, I think.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. When you're cutting, it's.

[A]

I don't do that.

[B]

Right. And you know.

[A]

Yeah, I don't. I don't do that. I do like the opposite of that.

[B]

You have your fork in your right and your knife in your left. Your offhand. Yeah, that is.

[A]

Is that something that's, like, taught to you as a child?

[B]

I would think the knife goes in your. Your strong hand and then the fork in your weaker hand.

[A]

Yeah, well, that makes sense.

[B]

But that's not what I do have to switch. If you don't switch, that is in play.

[A]

I don't know any of these rules. That's what I'm saying. You cut. You cut with the knife. With the right hand. Yeah, I wouldn't do that. I would cut with the left, hold it with the.

[B]

That is crazy.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I'm an animal.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so, yeah, when you just said that, I was like, thinking back to all, I was like, is that why that guy dumped me?

[B]

It didn't work out. Well, I. I think right to left, as far as cuttings would, you know.

[A]

Would you say something or you notice?

[B]

No, I wouldn't say something.

[A]

Would be a deal breaker.

[B]

No, no, no. I would talk about them behind their back. Back. No, the deal breaker would be holding the fork incorrectly.

[A]

So I'm. So that's What I. I'm saying I'm holding it in the wrong hand.

[B]

Yeah, but that for the cutting. I don't know if I would notice it. That's something like my dad would notice. My dad is like, big on, like, table manners. You're a lefty. Like, he right?

[A]

You call me a lefty?

[B]

Yeah. Are you a lefty? Like, like, that's a big. My dad is like, right hand, left hand, autistic. Like, he has to talk about it, right? What? You are like, my brother kicks with his left, throws with his right. And to my dad, that is like the craziest fact about my brother.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know, he, like, goes on and on about it.

[A]

You're not. You're supposed to kick with your right and throw with your left.

[B]

No, you kick with your right, you.

[A]

Throw with your right.

[B]

Yeah. Like you're strong hand weekend. You know, I'm a righty through and through.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I was also thinking last night, Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey got engaged. We put on our.

[A]

At this point, like a month ago.

[B]

A month ago. Right. If you want to go watch our actual reactions. Live reactions. No cuts, no edits.

[A]

If you're sitting here three weeks after the engagement thinking, I. You know what I haven't done yet? I haven't seen the live reactions.

[B]

Yeah. Things I don't know.

[A]

Go to the YouTube.

[B]

Listen. I go. I talk about nothing more losery than talking about stuff I've posted. And someone's like, no, I missed it. And I'm like, yeah, I guess most people miss the things I post. But we do have a thought here. What's like with breakups and with relationships? Beware of holidays, weddings, vacations, global pandemics.

[A]

Vernal equinox.

[B]

The vernal equinox.

[A]

The fall equal the autumnal equinox.

[B]

Yes. That's a big one.

[A]

Autumnal equinox.

[B]

Gotta watch out for autumnal. And I'm adding to breakups. I would love to see a station. Do you think there was more breakups after the Travis and Taylor engagement? Because I kept thinking, now think of it this way. Cause I would say beware. If I was to add to the list, beware of international superstar getting engagements.

[A]

Right.

[B]

International superstar engagements. I would say if you're in a relationship where you're wondering what you are, breakup could be coming.

[A]

And. And Taylor and Travis have Taylor and Travis.

[B]

Imagine it. You're two years in with a guy in two years.

[A]

I have to say, for two people who are almost 36 years old, that's not short.

[B]

Not short. I would say on time. I would say their engagement. Taylor and Travis dating for two years. I think you hit the mark.

[A]

I think if it was another year, that would be like a little weird.

[B]

We'd wonder. Yes, A little. We wouldn't trust. Honestly, I trust it.

[A]

I think he had six months from now.

[B]

What do you.

[A]

I think it was past. If it was two and a half years for two 36 year old people.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I think that would be.

[B]

What are we doing?

[A]

A little late.

[B]

Right. So to that point, if you've been dating someone for the same amount as Taylor and Travis and you're in your mid-30s and you're in your 30s. Ish. Whatever. Let's just call it 30s. The conversations this weekend are weird.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

The heat has been turned up.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

You know, because she's coming home and let, let's say she plays it as cool as she can play it. And I'm saying she. Because I'm making generalizations. I'm sorry.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Let's say she comes home and she goes, did you hear about Taylor and Travis? And the guy's like, yeah, that's so awesome. Like, he's like positive as he can be.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then she goes, you know, they've been like dating the same amount of time as usual.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, to me, this is friend in the group getting engaged. But for the general public, it's not.

[A]

As bad as friend and the friend in the group getting engaged. Because that's more of a direct comparison. We're in the same social circle. We're in the same, you know, place. Like, these are celebrities. Maybe there's outlying factors. Friend in the same group getting engaged is like.

[B]

But at least, but at least for the guy, he knows the group so he can see the engagements coming. They're less of a surprise.

[A]

Right.

[B]

This Travis engagement was the. Was like the shot he didn't see coming. Like, this is like a whack in the head from behind from someone like, dude, why are you getting engaged? And you're like, what the.

[A]

Well, it is funny. It's totally true. The summer I got engaged.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I would say like a month or 2 before. 21 year old at the time, Brooklyn Beckham proposed to his girlfriend of I think a year.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I'm sitting there, I'm 30.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm like, what the is going on?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I actually did a tweet about on that. That went pretty. That did pretty well.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because it was the same time as the, you know, that meme that was going around with the Wills with the Red table talk with the Will Smith, Jada Pinkett Smith thing where they're both making the faces, right? And it was like me, when 30 year old me, after hearing that like 21 year old Brooklyn Beckham got engaged to his girlfriend of one year while looking at my boyfriend of three years.

[B]

Yes, yes, exactly. This is the beware, because you're either getting engaged real soon, he's getting his stuff together. He's like, like to the boyfriend who's gonna get engaged to you. This is annoying because it's like, I'm doing it, I'm doing it.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Like, stop it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's coming in a month.

[A]

That is really. That was his reaction of like, you're annoying me, right? And you're making me want to do it.

[B]

Like I'm doing it. I'm, I'm, I'm not Brooklyn Beckham. Like, I don't have a billion dollars. Like, I'm going to the ring store. I can't believe I'm getting in trouble for something that I'm like actually doing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then for the other boyfriend who's like, still on the fence and like, it's either engagement or break up. Like, it's all.

[A]

There's nothing more awkward, I think, for a couple and they're not getting engaged when someone else gets engaged around them. And like there's. They haven't fully went deep into that conversation or it's like one I think from our last episode where it's like it's, it's coming, but like one person thinks it's like the person's being vague about it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And then you see someone else and.

[B]

It'S like how they. You. It forces you out of vagaries.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Like, you have to now get specific. Like, they've been together too. It's no longer. Hey, when are we gonna. They've been together two years. They got engaged.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Isn't that, isn't that crazy? We've been dating the same amount of time as them, you know, like it's.

[A]

I remember there was a guy that I knew, a guy who like, was with his girlfriend for a while, was like, in that vague sense. And he's like, someone got engaged. He's like, I'm just not gonna tell her.

[B]

How long can you keep that going?

[A]

I'm just not gonna tell her.

[B]

Right. And, and you know, it's funny, like, when people. Why do I, you know, someone asked me like, is this gonna be material? I don't do material about anyone else but myself. Like, I only make fun of me and how I feel and how annoyed I am. You know, like, I would never make or I try not to make fun of other people, but it's all my own insecurities, right? And I get, and last night I just kept thinking, like, what if I was two years in with a girl that I was like, deciding, and I'm like, and Taylor Swift. The whole day is dedicated to them getting engaged. Everyone's talking about it.

[A]

Hopefully all those guys were hiding yesterday.

[B]

I mean, I would have could not.

[A]

Be reached for hidden.

[B]

It would have ruined my Labor Day weekend. Yeah, like, we can't even talk about the beach anymore. I don't even want to be with that person anymore. I would like to.

[A]

That goes to show what it can. I mean, again, I'm not saying this is right, but for women, that is like, she did it. Where's mine?

[B]

Well, it's helpful for women or it's, you know, if you're waiting for an answer, Taylor might have actually helped you get one.

[A]

Open the convers conversation. That's why men avoiding are avoiding you.

[B]

Right, Right, right. Your boyfriend's been gagy because he knows every conversation goes back to Taylor got engaged and they've been dating the same amount of time as us. I, I, it is interesting just the way we interact with the world, the way social media, like, forces us into these conversation. I don't know.

[A]

But I mean, here's the thing. That is the world that we live in. Like, you can. And I think this is conversation especially for men and women. It's very easy for men to be like, well, why do you care what anyone else. Why are you comparing to anyone else? Why do you, why do you care what what your friends think? Why do you care? What do you, what do you care? If anyone's wondering why we're getting engaged, why do you care what they think? Why do you care about social media? It's like, no, this is the world that I, that we live in. And I, and for women, they face different pressures than men do. And I think to not acknowledge that or to not say, even if that's not my experience, as it goes with engagement, I recognize that your experience around this conversation is different. I think is like a night is like a, a nice thing to do. That's having empathy for the person you're with.

[B]

You're exactly right. I mean, it's the job of this podcast. The job of this podcast is to say that is a, you know, from my side of the aisle, straight male side of the aisle. That's a bad actor argument. That's using morality to win against me. You know, you're using the morality of, like, who cares what. I saw a lot of those comments on the thing we posted. Who cares about a celebrity getting. Oh, you guys are obsessed with celebrities. That's a real high and mighty take, right? That's not a real human being. Who cares about celebrities? We. Yeah, of course we do. They're the mirror to who we are. The, you know, celebrity and pop culture talk.

[A]

They care too.

[B]

We talk about.

[A]

Or they would just keep scrolling.

[B]

Right?

[A]

They care also.

[B]

They care. They're commenting.

[A]

They care more.

[B]

I saw something we posted today. It was about, you know, red flag or deal breaker? He hasn't had sex in eight years. Right? That was what we. He hasn't had sex in eight years. As a red flagger breaker. We had like, a thoughtful conversation, like, and, and I even said, I think it's not a red flag. It's not a deal breaker. It's like, just. But it is something, right? And that's like a thoughtful take, I think, of like, yeah, eight years isn't why. Of celibacy isn't why I'm dumping someone. But it is changing the nature of how we interact and how sex is brought into this conversation.

[A]

As it should be.

[B]

The stakes. As it should be. And there was someone that commented. I don't mean to, like, point out one commenter, but it's the reason, like, dating conversations get so personal and pointed. They were like, they've got a weird sex kink. They, you know, they have something wrong with them.

[A]

Right. Well, that's why that person doesn't have a podcast.

[B]

I know, but even if, but, but when you see those, you have to consume those comments online. And it's like, that's why, like, you know, you see people get so, you know, I, I don't know who I'm even talking about, but, like, the people that get angry at comments, yes, I guess I'm that person. But I'm like, they're like, punching back at something that. That's not a real take. If you were dating someone, they were like, I haven't had sex in eight years. You're not like the Flintstones car running away. You go, explain that to me. I care. We've gotten to know each other a little bit. You know, obviously we're at this point in the relationship, but if there's a podcast out there that's like, dump him. If he hasn't had sex in eight years, he's got a micro dick. You're like, okay, that was uneasy, right? That was just too easy an explanation for you. Clip. Yeah, right? I don't know.

[A]

All these things doesn't play as well on social media as it does on podcasts. No, my opinion.

[B]

It's a good opinion. Let's do the show. I'm on the road. If you're listening right now. I'm gonna be in Kansas City, Missouri. I got shows all over this great country of ours. Kansas City, Missouri, Richmond, Virginia, DC, Milwaukee, Minneapolis, Durham, Charlotte, Fort Lauderdale, Royal Oak, Michigan, Orlando, San Diego. And then I hit the big ones. Philly, Baltimore, Tampa, Atlanta, Charleston, Boston. Added a show in Boston. Added a show. So we got a second show. Get those tickets. Dallas, Houston, New York, Toronto, Vancouver, Seattle. Jared free.com for those tickets. What's going on with you, Jordana?

[A]

I hate when you ask me that.

[B]

It's like it's over sharing. Go listen.

[A]

Over sharing.

[B]

I just listened to a great episode where I had. I was like, so screaming at the podcast.

[A]

Were you disagreeing with us?

[B]

You. You didn't point out something that I would have pointed out. And I was wishing you would. I, I. There's a triggered segment. I mean, now, this is from like two months ago, but she was saying that, like, she, she was talking about someone about their. Whether they want to have a baby or not. And then they post on their stories, hey, let's not ask people about having. Whether we're gonna have more kids. Because you don't know what's going on in their lives. Which I agree with everyone involved was. Yeah, it sucks to, like, talk to someone and then have them post something.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, it feels like it's about you. Right. But also, like, that person has to be a little bit more responsible. Like, you're gonna go through the world and it might hurt you a little bit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But the woman that wrote in it annoyed me. She was like me.

[A]

That was the annoying.

[B]

The way she described herself as a. She's. She said that she's a little adhd, so she's more direct. I hate when people do that. I hate when someone, like, self diagnoses. Yeah, well, if you're self diagnosing, then you know that your direct question is not one to ask, otherwise you wouldn't.

[A]

Attribute it to a mental health issue.

[B]

Right. You're trying again. You're adding morality to it. You're fending me off from this discussion. You're trying to beat me.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, and so.

[A]

Well, she's triggered by the discomfort of Others, right? Yes.

[B]

So no, I just think oversharing is a great podcast and you guys should all go listen this and thank you.

[A]

Whenever, whenever you ask me what's going on, I feel like, you know when someone asks you what your hobbies are and you're like, oh, I need to get some hobbies, like, maybe I need more going on.

[B]

I, I try to read and I fall asleep within a sentence of starting the reading. That's my hobby.

[A]

Is that what you say when someone asks you? Whatever. If someone's like, what do you do for fun?

[B]

Judge other people.

[A]

Does anyone on a date ever ask you what you do for fun?

[B]

I've been asked that around.

[A]

Like an app.

[B]

I judge other people and eat. That's what I said.

[A]

That's fun.

[B]

Yeah, that's my, I like that. It's my going answer.

[A]

And then if they say, if they.

[B]

Say they read, judge and eat.

[A]

Judging, judging and eating. If they say they, they read, you block them.

[B]

Yeah. Game over. Read. Well, I can't read. I've come to the conclusion that I.

[A]

I don't know how to read.

[B]

No, I, I know how to read, but I fall asleep within a sentence of starting.

[A]

Well, then it's good. That must be a good way for you to fall asleep.

[B]

I've never tried it.

[A]

If that happened to me every time I read, I would start reading before.

[B]

Bed because if it makes me annoyed that I haven't read.

[A]

How do you sleep? Is it easy for you to go to sleep?

[B]

Podcasts, I listen, I, I, we just talked about this.

[A]

But I'm like, but I'm saying, like.

[B]

Is it like I'm generally okay with sleeping? I, I, it is not.

[A]

You don't have a tough time going.

[B]

To sleep generally, but how about you?

[A]

That's nice. I have periods of like, where it's very easy and periods where I'm like, I'm up all night. But lately it, it's been good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Be those bow and branch sheets.

[B]

There it is, Plug city all the time. Oh, let me give another plug before it if you want. I, I, I want people since they're podcast listeners. It listen over sharing. J Train. I'm doing a daily show, so if you're looking for like to keep the other days of the week afloat.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Ticked off. Tuesday, the only place you can complain on the Internet about anything. I complain with you. Wednesdays I have a chit chat with like a guest which is fun.

[A]

You get like a whole every day of the week is a new menu.

[B]

New menu item.

[A]

Yeah, like Right.

[B]

At Shay Jared, you get, like, my black top or blackboard items.

[A]

Do people appreciate this from you, that you're just giving constant contact?

[B]

I don't know. I. I think I'm. I think I'm maybe giving too much sometimes.

[A]

You're giving.

[B]

Are you over so much of my soul? I think. Well, I. You know, I put stuff out every day. V. Who's helping with this podcast? One of the producers here has helped me with my. With J Train. And sometimes I'm like, is this embarrassing?

[A]

They love it.

[B]

They either. The people who like it, love it. Pop Culture Thursday, I just go to Page Six and I read headlines and I, like, dissect them. I dissect the headlines, like, why is this a news story? And then I read the article to, like, see if I'm right or wrong.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I have fun doing it. It. It feels like sometimes those podcasts that I do feel like, they're like. It's like me going to the gym. Like, when I do Pop Culture Thursday, it's like. It's improv. Like, practice improv.

[A]

Right. Because it makes sense.

[B]

But none of them become bits. I just, like. I have fun.

[A]

Well, they're very. They're not like Evergreen. They're.

[B]

No, it's very hard to take a pop culture thing and, like, keep it in the act.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

I mean, on the special that we taped, I have a Rob Low bit, and the Rob Low bit is, like, 10 minutes long.

[A]

I still think that hits it still. That's not, like.

[B]

Because also, it's personal, right?

[A]

Yeah. It's not just about, like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And also the ad wasn't, like, so incredibly popular that it was, like, trendy for a minute.

[B]

No. Well, I mean, I'm still afraid someone else might try to do the bit because it's out there for everyone. That's sometimes the hard part about relatable jokes. Like.

[A]

Right. Well, they. We would all know.

[B]

Right. We cut it from this still. It's still there.

[A]

It's great. It's a great bit. Listen, I think that might be my favorite part.

[B]

That, I mean, to some. Yeah. That. I mean, I do think what he did is garbage.

[A]

It's not even about what he did. It's about the way you tell the story, which is the.

[B]

Thank you very, very.

[A]

You know what I mean? Like, this, like, the. The. The part about, like, what he did is.

[B]

It's secondary. It could be told to how much it annoys me.

[A]

And just, like, the way that you tell. It's just very, very funny. My favorite part.

[B]

So that special will be somewhere at some point. We'll see.

[A]

Yes. Hang on to the edge of your seat. Yeah, something's coming.

[B]

Something is coming. All right, what are we talking?

[A]

Let's get into it before enemies to lovers There was Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy. Pride and Prejudice is globally recognized as one of the greatest romance novels ever written, and with Audible you can now fall in love with the Jane Austen classic all over again. The Audible original Pride and Prejudice stars a full cast including Marisa Abella as Elizabeth Bennett and Harris Dickinson as Mr. Darcy. Plus Marianne, John Baptiste, Will Poulter, Bill Nai and Glenn Close as Lady Catherine Debor, all bringing brilliant performance to transport you to the Regency era. Marisa Abella brings you inside the stubborn and complicated mind of Elizabeth Bennet as she navigates a family expectations, societal pressures and her own misconceptions when she meets the enigmatic Mr. Darcy. The new adaptation is vibrant and modern with an original new score by a Grammy nominated composer. Whether you're new to the story of Pride and Prejudice or want to revisit a cherished favorite, you're in for a new and delightful listening experience. Listen to the new Pride and [e-mail] janeaustin this episode is sponsored by Instacart. We've all been there. You finally get to your vacation spot after a long travel day. You're tired. You're ready to wind down and realize you forgot something important. Maybe a toothbrush, maybe a skincare product, or even a pair of shoes. Instead of wasting your precious vacation time running errands, you can have Instacart help deliver whatever you need right to you. And when the vacation's over and you're heading back to reality, set yourself up with a full fridge of groceries so you can ease back into your routine. From meal prepping to restocking pantry staples, Instacart helps you get all the essentials you need no matter where you are. Truly, the convenience cannot be beat. With just a few taps, you can shop your favorite stores and get fresh groceries or household essentials delivered in as fast as is 30 minutes. Or if you're out and about, you can have them ready for pickup. Instacart helps to deliver, so you can handle everything else. Just order online or via the easy to use app. Instacart brings convenience, quality and ease right to your door so you can focus on what matters most. Download the Instacart app and use code UAP Pod20 to get $20 off your first order of 80 or more. That's code UUP P O D20 to get 20 off your first order of 80 or More. Offer valid for a limited time, excludes restaurants. Additional terms apply. All right. Hi J and J. Huge fan of you both in all of your content. I'm writing in about a new dating trend that I've observed and I'm partaking in. I, 29, female, recently started dating a younger man, 25 for the first time.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

We met through mutual friends and while I initially didn't see him as a romantic prospect due to his age, one thing led to another and now we are about one month into dating. Okay. I'm not sure if I'm biased because I'm doing it too, but it really feels like so many other women in my broader social circle and in the online community are doing the same. You cannot mention people in the online community.

[B]

Yeah, and also. Right. And also like the idea.

[A]

Well, that's kind of how father algorithm tricks you is because sometimes when you're doing something, all you get fed is the niche group of people who are doing something and it makes you think that this. That something is a trend when it's actually just something that you're being fed.

[B]

Right.

[A]

This is like why the online community is not a credible source.

[B]

Right.

[A]

For the witness.

[B]

I agree with everything you just said. And it is a gate. This is a gateway drug to douchery. You know, the online community. The online community, the buying your own hype and this like trick that worked for you, like this life hack, AKA which is kind of like hinting at the life hack being women should marry younger.

[A]

Right.

[B]

The life hack that I don't think is a one size fits all. Like I would never give that advice here.

[A]

Right.

[B]

We would never hear from someone, hey, I'm looking to date. I'm 28. What should I do? We wouldn't. Among the 30 things on the list, one of them would not be go.

[A]

For 24 year old guys.

[B]

Right? We would not say that.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It worked out for you or it's working out. One month, let me remind you. One month.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But this is a gateway drug to sounding like the worst person that I would never want to interact with. Yes.

[A]

Tread carefully.

[B]

Let's keep going.

[A]

My broader social circle, credible source online community, not. Okay.

[B]

Should you give it a try? That's a different way of saying these things.

[A]

Give everything a try.

[B]

Right, Right. Like should you, you meet a 25 year old, should you spit on them and say, get away from me, boy? No.

[A]

Right. Do you think you found the key to lasting happiness?

[B]

Relax yeah, chill.

[A]

I personally only ever dated men who are older than me and thought I was having a unique experience, but apparently.

[B]

There'S no such thing. That's the other thing. There's no unique experience.

[A]

You're the same as.

[B]

Yeah, we're not that. The great. The great disappointment of the Internet is finding out that your beautiful, lovable upbringing and personality are really not that far away from everyone else's. That's the depressing part. It's depressing to me. I'm saying that I'm being vulnerable.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I thought, oh, my God, this high school, you know?

[A]

Well, that was kind of what we learned when starting batches. When we started batches, we were writing about ourselves. We put it on one person's Facebook group, and people all over the country thought it was about them, which is when you realize.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You're just like everyone else.

[B]

Just. And. And there's power to that, too. Like, as much whenever someone says, I'm basic, I get annoyed by that. I don't like when people talk down on their own upbringing, because now you're talking down on mine. I see that in comedy a lot, where a lot of comedians think they have to have this, you know, Peter Parker, you know, lore to be able to be allowed to do stand up.

[A]

Okay, so they have, like, some trauma.

[B]

I have to have trauma. And then they over enunciate their own traumatic things that have happened as trauma to be able to go on stage. And now you've kind of ruined. I don't buy it. I roll it. Like, when I see person tell me how poor they am when they showed up in an Uber. You know what I mean? Like, I used to sit at open mics all the time, and I, you know, over time, and listen, I'm. I'm. I've. There were points where I'm like, maybe I'll talk about, I have one leg an inch and a half long on the other. And now I can, you know, like, I can really, you know, have that thing that no one else has. And I've kind of gone the other way where I'm like, I'm gonna just talk about how. Well, that's really normal. I am.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I. I think there's a power. If you kind of figure out how to see that as a power, it is somewhat freeing, I think, in a lot of these, for a lot of people, I would agree. I'm sorry to interrupt.

[A]

I'm genuinely loving dating this younger guy and find him so much more kind and attentive and emotionally available. Than the last few older men I've dated. But that probably has more to do with who I've been dating than their age.

[B]

However, I would also go back at them. Older guy hasn't found someone. Yeah, there's a reason for that, too.

[A]

That's true, too.

[B]

You know, like, look at me, 40. Like, you think I'm. Like, I've been just been this. Like, you know, there's a reason I'm here at 40 that you might probably won't have the spell.

[A]

Right. Right. A younger person might have just not met someone.

[B]

Right. So, again, that's how the. You know, that's good.

[A]

Good point. Also, her sample size is 1. However, my main concern with the relationship is the prospect of having significantly different relationship timelines in mind. We've talked about this, and he has assured me that this likely won't be an issue for this likely. Likely won't be an issue for him.

[B]

Left and out. Little trap door.

[A]

But what. But can one ever be sure? I'm so curious to hear if this is a trend that you've heard about, observed and what your thoughts about this are. Sincerely, help. Am I a cougar? You dated an older woman.

[B]

Yeah. Well, you know. You know, what happens is older women or women who are older than me.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Talk themselves into this more than it is a reality for me.

[A]

Okay. Like, they make it more of a thing than you do.

[B]

Yeah. Like, I've been on a date with a woman who's older than me, and they're like, you're a baby. I'm like, we would have been in high school together. Like, that's like. You know what I mean? Like, they. They make themselves so much older.

[A]

Right? Yeah.

[B]

That it's, like, a little crazy.

[A]

Well, I think a lot of women do that because they feel insecure about dating someone a little younger because there is a. There is an element of, like, I'm gonna say this so that other people can't say it about me.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I think there's, like, an insecurity of, like, am I. Am I being, like, weird or desperate or. Or do people think that I'm, like, kind of, like, being a joke or something? And I think that they're saying that to almost make themselves feel better instead of saying it to you.

[B]

Totally. And that's probably why she sees so much, like, stuff online. You know, she's looking for validation, and the validation is coming from people who are insecure about it being like, you don't need an older guy. You look at me. Look at me. Look at me. And it's like, you know, again, eye roll. But also I get why people do that. You know, like, what's the oldest person.

[A]

How much older than you was the oldest person you ever dated?

[B]

I dated a woman, 76. And you know. No.

[A]

Yeah, she was.

[B]

No, I, I remember I like went out with a woman, she was 43 and I was 39 or something and not crazy.

[A]

Like, that's not crazy.

[B]

I don't know. To me, you know, when it comes to men and the age of the people they're dating, it's again, we're the stars of our own movie. I've never thought of it as, look at this old woman I'm with. Like, that's never been my thought.

[A]

I mean, I would imagine you wouldn't be dating someone you thought of as an old woman.

[B]

Right. So if guys with you, again, like, men are simple creatures, like penis move.

[A]

I go, do you think about age?

[B]

You think? But when you think about it, the only thing that I'm thinking about is how quickly they need to go, well.

[A]

That'S what she's thinking about. Right, Right.

[B]

So I'm right, you know, so like when it comes to the men you're dating, when he says likely, that's him.

[A]

He likely won't be an issue. It's like, is it an issue or it's not an issue?

[B]

Right?

[A]

Likely.

[B]

You know, even at 25, this young pup knows enough to say the word likely.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Nothing is by accident. Nothing happens. Oh, likely. Well, he said likely, but I'm sure he doesn't know that's what it meant. He knows exactly what he's saying. Darwinism. This guy is trying to survive. He's trying to make sure keeps you happy while also not signing himself up for too much.

[A]

Right?

[B]

So he says likely. So to me, that's what a man is thinking about. How much trouble will this get me in? And I, and we talked about this a little bit last week as far as, like when I was 27 and I'm on the apps, I'm seeing a 30 year old, I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, she's gonna be ready, right?

[A]

And it sounds, I mean, this woman does sound like she's more ready than this guy.

[B]

Right. And this is stuff that could get screamed down by people. Like, this sound bad. Like, well, 27 year old guy being like, 30, you're ready. And then it takes one woman who's 30, go, don't tell me when I'm ready. And it's like, okay, then I'll Shut the up. I'm just saying how I feel, right. You know, I, I get, I mean.

[A]

I get critiqued for that all the time. Like I think all women care about, you know, want to get married or want to want a relationship or one or want the same things that I do. And it's like, no, I'm talking about the things that I want, right? And I know a lot of other women also want those things, right? Not every woman. I mean, I can disclaim that every time I say something or you can know that, that I'm talking about my own and experience and the experiences of a lot of people that I know.

[B]

And it's almost harder for you. I think that's harder for you because for me I'm like, this is how I feel as a man. And you can't really dispute that. You know, like, I think like if a man said, well, I don't, well.

[A]

I want a relation. I mean, I'm sure you get some men who are like, sure. Well, I really, you know, I'm always looking to commit, right?

[B]

And it's usually a guy who's married and out of the game and has nothing to lose only to gain from his wife who will go, what a great guy.

[A]

Right?

[B]

So I, I, and listen, I'm just saying I'm, I think you are right. I think the idea that a 30 year old woman who dates a guy who's 27 is probably more, if you said it, I would agree, you know, I'm sure most women would agree with.

[A]

Yeah, probably more, more and more inclined to be looking for something serious.

[B]

Well, the bad actor argument to you would be like, I don't want a baby, I don't need to be married. No, no, that's not even what you're saying, right? You're saying more likely to not want to go clubbing, not want to be at a bar with no chairs, not wanting to be with loud music like.

[A]

And even if it is more likely to want to be in a serious relationship, more likely to want to get married. That is not, I'm not saying every.

[B]

Woman would like that, but I would also say that every person as you get older wants very similar things, similar comforts.

[A]

Right?

[B]

And I think women are moving are probably quicker to those comforts than a lot of men are.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, like I'm 20, you know, guys are a lot of time, 27 forever, you know, so, and I see it, you know, I just, I see it. You see it. So to this person's point, their question like, like my thoughts on her. Will this be an issue? It'll be an issue in the way it would be an issue with any guy you're dating. This is why are you ready? Is not a good question.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I'm ready is a better statement than are you ready?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Is a question.

[A]

I agree. Because when you ask vague questions, you get vague answers, which is this likely won't be an issue for it. It's like, like if you present him, it's is it now is the time for it to be an issue. Not like, likely. He's like, are we gonna be in. We're dating for a month.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Are we gonna be. Are we in a relationship?

[B]

Right. I'm in a relationship with you.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And then, and then, and then you.

[A]

Can'T say, well, I'm likely to be. Right. So like, Right. Be more concrete.

[B]

Right. This is a lesson for dating rather than a lesson for like, what age should you date? Like, when I see like women with younger men spouting off about how great it is and how other women should do it too. To me, that's an insecure woman.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Well, that's someone. And then it's usually with a guy who looks like a marionette puppet that she's got his hand up his ass and she's talking from his. His mouth. It's usually someone who wanted control and they have a younger person who they can control. That's what it seems like to me from the online people who are dating younger.

[A]

That's often. That's what it looks like even for men who date younger women. Yes.

[B]

That I want less, you know, feedback on my life.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I want to run the show.

[A]

Yeah. And there's a power thing in that I think you can't take. You can't completely take out the power differential between age gaps in either direction.

[B]

Right. So for this person who obviously wants a relationship, I think I statements are going to work great for you. Asking this 25 year old what he thinks is going to happen in three years. He don't know.

[A]

Right. I'm. I'm in a relationship with you.

[B]

Right. See how he responds to that.

[A]

Yes, I have a 25 year old boyfriend. This episode is sponsored by Built. Nobody likes paying rent every month. I mean, honestly, have you ever met anyone who's like, ugh, yes, I love sending away a bunch of my money. If you dread the first of the month every month, at least Built makes it worth it. Built is revolutionizing how millions think about paying rent by rewarding their members with points and exclusive benefits around their neighborhood every single month. By paying rent through Built, you earn flexible points that can be redeemed toward hundreds of hotels and airlines, a future rent payment, your next Lyft ride, and more. But it doesn't stop there. Built is about making your entire neighborhood more rewarding. You can dine out at your favorite local restaurants and earn additional points, get VIP treatment at certain fitness studios, and enjoy exclusive experiences just for Built members every month. Build is turning a monthly expense into an opportunity to earn rewards and discover the best that your neighborhood has to offer. Your rent is finally working for you. Earn points on rent around your neighborhood, wherever you call home, by going to join built.comUUP that's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T.comU-UP make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you you know those moments when your hands are full or your eyes need a break, but you still want to escape into a great story? That's why I'm such a fan of Audible. I listen all the time, whether I'm on a walk, commuting to the office, doing chores, or even just relaxing before bed. Audible's app makes it super easy to jump right into thousands of audiobooks anytime, anywhere. I've mentioned before that one of my favorite movies is Pride and Prejudice, and I'm excited that Audible is releasing a brand new audiobook version of the Jane Austen novel on September 9th. Narrated by Marissa Abela, Harris Dickinson, Glenn Close and other stars you know and love, Audible gives me the best of both worlds. I can enjoy a story I love while actually getting stuff done. They have thousands of titles, everything from romance to thrillers to memoirs, comedy and even self improvement. So whatever mood you're in, there's always something fresh and exciting waiting for you. And the app is super user friendly. You can download audiobooks to listen offline, adjust the narration speed and pick up right where you left off across all your devices. If you've never tried Audible before, I can't recommend it enough. It's the easiest way to bring incredible stories into your everyday life. Trust me, once you start listening, you'll wonder how you ever went without it. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30 day trial at audible.com uup uup.

[B]

Betches.Com keep sending yours in. We'll do an icky or picky. We love an icky or picky. You're dating someone, one thing happens. Is it icky or are you being A little picky.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

J and J. Longtime listener, subscriber. I gotta say, can I give a shout out to the subscribers?

[A]

I love the subscribers.

[B]

Thank you. And I meet them on the road and they're so nice and they're game and they're fun and just gotta give a lot of love to the subscribers. If you're not a subscriber, we'd love for you to join us.

[A]

And if you meet us, tell us you're a subscriber.

[B]

It's always the first. I'm like.

[A]

But don't lie because we'll ask you a question.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To test you.

[B]

I'm gonna ask you what it says on my parents car that I'm driving. But I think I said it on the regular episode last week. So. Yeah. No, if you want to sign up, go sign up. It's in the. The description of this episode has the link to sign up to become a subscriber. It's pretty short money for what we're giving you. I think we're. I think it's a good exchange of goods for services.

[A]

I would agree.

[B]

Or compensation for services. It's no ads. You get them a day early. And we give you an extra episode every other week. So. And the extra episodes, we are pretty personal on them.

[A]

Yeah. We try our best. So pour our hearts out.

[B]

We, we give you everything. I give you my flesh.

[A]

No, there's no nudity on the bonus episodes.

[B]

No nudity. Just the nudity of our souls.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

All right, ready? I'm back with an icky or picky about Jared. The mirror gets pointed at your boy throwing stones. It's okay. Listen, I'm gonna take it. I can take it.

[A]

We'll see. We'll see.

[B]

In your he calls his mom every night episode. You guys answered an email from a listener who was icked out by her boyfriend sharing a room with his mom for a wedding to save money. Okay. I met my husband in summer 2019. He was 33 at the time time due to Covid, it was a little while until we actually went to a wedding together. But right around when we met, he had recently gone to quite a few cousins weddings. When we started going to his cousin's weddings together, some comments were made that made me suspect that he had previously not been bringing gifts to his cousin's weddings. This turns out.

[A]

I want to know what those comments were. Were. That may. She's like, some comments were made that made me think.

[B]

It's like, well, he's either getting called out by family members. Ah, there's the guy who comes here and Freebie, you know, Mr. Freebie.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Or he said I don't give gifts.

[A]

Yeah. Like I need to know what the comments are. I do think that's helpful.

[B]

Right in. Right. If the whole family's giving gifts and then he's like, I don't give gifts to cousins.

[A]

That's a different kind of person. Yeah.

[B]

Then my parents gave the gift.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Because that's kind of what I was saying. I. I can see where this is going a little bit. This turns me off so much. It's so immature. Also, when we were planning our own wedding, I was feeling so embarrassed thinking about his cousins who he hadn't given gifts to. Coming to ours and giving gifts. Final clarification. This is icky to me. Regardless of parents gift size and or if the latching adult child's name is on the parents card or not. I guess I can see her opinion. Latching. I guess I'm a latcher. So icky or picky. They latch on to their parents wedding gifts despite being a full grown adult receiving wedding invitations of their own to their own separate addresses. Also Jared, feel, please feel free to correct me. Maybe I misunderstood. I don't think you didn't misunderstand. If I get invited to a cousin's wedding, mom and dad are given that gift and my presence is my present.

[A]

Did you get your brother a wedding gift?

[B]

No.

[A]

You didn't get your brother a wedding gift?

[B]

Why would I get him away? That's my brother.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

Of course.

[A]

That's why you get him a wedding gift.

[B]

Will didn't either.

[A]

No.

[B]

Maybe I did. I give him a grooms. No, I got a gift. I got a groom at his wedding.

[A]

Did your parents give a gift on like your behalf?

[B]

Their gift is our whole lives. We look how much we've got. I'm driving Neil Sadaka's car.

[A]

So no gift.

[B]

P S. I remember Jared saying years ago on a podcast that if he was going to a wedding that his parents were also going to, he would never give a gift. Did you change your mind? No, I'll never change. Even at 40, there is no way I'm. My name goes on the card with mom and dad. That is it. That's our gift.

[A]

Really? For any family member, any wedding, any wedding that they're invited to. You're not giving a gift.

[B]

I don't know if, like depends how old we get into this.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

Like I'm 50. My parents are in their 80s. In the, you know. No I have no.

[A]

What have you had kids of your own?

[B]

Give a gift for all of us. The whole family. The whole family. Well, I was, I have to trust. I don't even know what my parents are giving them.

[A]

Writing checks for bat mitzvahs.

[B]

Yeah, this is, this is how the, the rich stay rich.

[A]

This is by having their parents give gifts.

[B]

Yeah, you give it. What is the. This is from the Freed family. I have no embarrassment of this at all. I don't care if someone disagrees. You can disagree all you want if you're.

[A]

I, I do agree that if your are putting your name on the card saying it's from all of you, you don't have to give a gift.

[B]

Sure. I mean, this woman's issue is that.

[A]

I do think you should.

[B]

I'm a latcher.

[A]

I do think you should have given your brother a wedding gift from you.

[B]

What would I give?

[A]

As a personal thing?

[B]

I did give a speech. I did perform. Well, I got to put out that video. Maybe I'll put that on the U up.

[A]

That's the gift. More views for you.

[B]

I'll put up my. My best man speech. Yeah.

[A]

More content for you.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't see. I, I, I don't see how this is embarrassing. I guess, like, you know, it's like one of those things. It's like if you're, Call me, if you call me short, and I don't believe I'm short. I'm not her parent.

[A]

Are you sure your parents are putting you on the, on the card?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

No, I'm, I'm, listen, I'm being honest here. I'm being vulnerable.

[A]

I think you should text them and ask them right now. Like, like for the weddings that you guys attend.

[B]

When we go to a wedding, asking.

[A]

What'S the last wedding, besides your brothers, you attended with your parents?

[B]

I think it was the Lisa Gordon's.

[A]

Okay, say for Lisa Gordon's wedding, did you put my name on the card?

[B]

Let me ask Lisa Gordon, who Also my styling Gordon style house. She's like, she's been mentioned here before. And yet Lisa's great.

[A]

No gift, no one.

[B]

It was a nice wedding, too. Did you put my name in the card? My name on the card you gave with the gift.

[A]

And your mom's gonna be like, I thought you were giving the gift from the whole family.

[B]

I'm asking there now. And I sent it to the full family group chat. Okay, so Ruthie's on there too.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

She's now complicit.

[A]

Let's Say your. Your brother has a kid. Are you getting him a. Are you getting him a gift?

[B]

I'd get the kid a gift. I think that's different.

[A]

Why?

[B]

I don't know. It just feels different because the kid. I have a personal relation. I guess I have a.

[A]

Like your brother with.

[B]

With the person getting married. I don't know. I think this is you would. I, I, I understand the feedback of, like, being. I can't believe it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But I also don't care, like, her being embarrassed of me.

[A]

I would only be embarrassed if the person didn't think they received a gift from my.

[B]

That is fair. That is fair. And I would be embarrassed as well.

[A]

Which is why I think, like, I would need to know that the parents wrote the Freed family on the card.

[B]

My mom just wrote back. What?

[A]

So, Lisa Gordon, if you're listening, yes.

[B]

Or no, I can ask Lisa.

[A]

Did Jared get you a wedding gift? How many wedding gifts? How many weddings have you gone to where people are just like, Jared, yeah.

[B]

Jared just doesn't give. Well, now that I'm thinking back, I just went to a wedding in May, and I. I'm not. I. I did have a thought the other day.

[A]

Did you give a gift?

[B]

I can't remember.

[A]

Look in your checking account.

[B]

But I didn't even buy a card. I. So I, I would you venmo them. I could text my buddy Pete and be like, did I get you a gift or not? Okay, I should probably do that. This is the thing. I. I don't think this is why.

[A]

You need to get married.

[B]

I was just about to say this. This is the empathy a lot of people who are single don't get. Is like, I used to say this at weddings all the time. Like, I. I would, like, forget to bring, you know, the. The buttons that go with the tucks that match everyone else.

[A]

Right?

[B]

And all my friends would be like, how could you not bring the buttons that go with the tux? And I'm like, you have a wife that. This is all you talk about.

[A]

Lot.

[B]

Like, okay, you have. You have another brain, but you can actually. Couples die. When an old couple dies, the other.

[A]

One dies quickly after that happens, too. That's the best.

[B]

No, but there's a thing.

[A]

Can't live without it, right?

[B]

And you don't even get to see it.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Right from heaven. They're like, good, you died too.

[A]

I.

[B]

But there's a thing called shared brain where if a spouse dies, you lose memories.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Because they have the memories for you.

[A]

Well, yeah.

[B]

And now also, like, Mike. Yeah, yeah. Like, where the buttons for the tux?

[A]

Well, I'm like, mike, who got the gift? How would you pay, like, the cable bill if I died? Do you know how to pay the bill?

[B]

He's like, well, the third one, he'd get three. You'd have to call someone, and then he. The cable would go off.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And he would survive because he would call cable company and go, hey, sorry, my wife died.

[A]

Can you help me out with the password?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. That would be. It's just. This is the plight of a single person.

[A]

No, it's true. But I will say that in a relationship that becomes annoying, that the woman does have to do everything. Like, I've gotten into things with Mike where I'm like. He's like, his friend has a baby, and he's like, did we get them a gift? I'm like, it's your friend. Did you get them a gift? Like, why do I have to.

[B]

I'm very good at baby gifts.

[A]

Why?

[B]

It's something I'm good at.

[A]

Not wedding gifts.

[B]

Not wedding gifts. I am good at baby gifts. You can ask many people. I. I have given baby gifts even to people that I think would be surprised to have received. To have received a baby gift from me.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I personalize it.

[A]

When I got engaged, I got a gift from you, but it was definitely orchestrated by your girlfriend. I don't think. I don't.

[B]

I think it was orchestrated by my girlfriend, but I think I'll be on top of gifts for you. You've made it into the group.

[A]

Even if your parents aren't invited to the baby shower.

[B]

The. The gift will be coming from someone.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My mom is being so annoying about this. For Lisa Gordon's wedding, did you put my name on the card you gave with the gift? What? Yes or no? My mom writes back two years ago.

[A]

Yeah, well, now she'll know. What's her policy for attending weddings with you? Is really the question now.

[B]

Let's do it.

[A]

It's not about that specific wedding.

[B]

When I. When you and I go to a wedding together. When we go to a wedding together and you give a gift, do you put my name on the card generally or not? That's the question I'm asking. All right, let's see what she gets back with that. All right, let's see if she knows how to play.

[A]

Seems like she's on her phone, so.

[B]

She's always on the phone. I got. I know I can get. Okay. She picks up before it rings.

[A]

That's impressive.

[B]

Like, I Have to have headphones in and then call. Because if I put in the headphones late, hello, where are you? It'll be like, she really loves you.

[A]

That's cute.

[B]

It's a lot. So what? She keeps asking why I'm on a podcast. Answers.

[A]

Will you be in? Okay, my question, will you.

[B]

I'm on a podcast. She writes yes.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

She wrote yes.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because we're talking about this on you up.

[A]

I guess my question to you is like, let's say she said no. Would you be embarrassed and run through.

[B]

Then I would be okay. No, I wouldn't go back to the people.

[A]

Okay. But you would think about it.

[B]

It would embarrass embarrassment. That would be embarrassed.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But it's not embarrassing. The way this emailer is putting it. If someone was icked out by that.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Have fun. Good luck, sister.

[A]

Not your match.

[B]

Not your match.

[A]

Here's the, like, that's the thing to.

[B]

Me, that's the fun part about the ick conversation is one woman's ick is another woman's husband. So when people come to the ick conversation and they're like, well, he has dirty nails. That's not an ick. That's a turn off.

[A]

Right.

[B]

We have to separate this to make the conversation fun. Dirty nails. There's not a lot of women being like, he just has his dirty nails. Like, no, they go clean up your nails. If they were with them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Jared doesn't give gifts at wedding. I also think gifts at a wedding is stupid.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I think generally like to if we really want to get into it.

[A]

You don't think people should get wedding gifts?

[B]

I don't think so. I think like, what is this all for? You're gonna give me back the gift I gave you.

[A]

What if. Well, not if you don't get married.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Then they win.

[B]

I think it would take away a lot of frustration. Right. It's a good way to make money. I don't know. I think it would take away a lot of the frustration people have with weddings if they could just get.

[A]

Right. I could agree with you.

[B]

Show up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't think we're celebrating our love.

[A]

Yeah. Anything. Here's the thing. You should get a gift when something shitty happens to you, not when something good happens to you. That's when you need a gift.

[B]

So there's a woman I just got put in touch with. She's starting like a breakup registry.

[A]

I like it.

[B]

Which I think is a great idea. She just got. I. I gotta look it up and find the Name to go to place.

[A]

I mean, that's a little. Also, I like it. It's a little, like, It's a little.

[B]

Bozo, you know, It's a little.

[A]

It's a little pathetic feeling to make your own breakup registry.

[B]

Well, I have said that breakup Shiva calls should be a thing.

[A]

I agree. I think it's like, it should be a thing that you get gifts when bad things happen to you. But I don't know that a registry. A registry feels a little like it takes away the nice part of it.

[B]

Right. Well, it takes away the effort and the actual friendship.

[A]

Yes. The thoughtfulness of it.

[B]

Right. That's why Shiva calls. When a Jew dies, the family has for five days or seven days, an amount of time they have, they basically say, right, we're camped out here. Come over.

[A]

Come over and tell us you're sorry.

[B]

Right. And. And I think it's a very, like. I think of the Jewish traditions, that is like the most practical.

[A]

I agree. And the like, immediate burial.

[B]

Immediate burial. And then here's the house. It makes it less awkward.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It kind of works into the Jewish anxiety thing where it's like, we're going to be here from 10 to 5. You come here, it's over. Here's your chance. It's over five, you leave. But here's your shot. So you get your, you know.

[A]

Right. You can list.

[B]

Right. I can cross you off the list. You can cross me off the list. Boom. We should do that for breakups. And it should be set up by how great. And set up by the ex. Oh, so he's, you know, if I'm on my way, I've got everything set. Well, I mean, the Knights of Columbus. You and your friends are going to be there from Monday through Thursday. I got a band coming on Thursday. There'll be, you know, light bites.

[A]

I mean, your spouse organizes your funeral, so.

[B]

Right. So this is a good. I. I think we got a business here. If Ramona singer's daughter's listening.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Here's another. Don't take a start.

[A]

Don't take it.

[B]

Or just the idea.

[A]

Yeah. Here's the thing.

[B]

How about if you're picking for you, what do you think.

[A]

They'Re dating someone with rich parents. That's not. That's not icky to me.

[B]

You don't have to be rich to be put on the card.

[A]

I mean, I think at a certain age you'd want. I think a bit more is like going to dinner with the whole family. Like, you'd want to at least offer to Pay at a certain age with, with your own family. With your own family. You have kids. Your parents are still paying for dinner?

[B]

Yeah, they can pay for dinner if they want to see these kids, they want to see these grandkids better pay. You think we're just going to dinner with you?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, okay, if there was, if there, there's no.

[B]

It'd be insulting. It's insulting to pay for your, your parents again.

[A]

Is it? I don't know.

[B]

I don't know. I, I, I wouldn't.

[A]

It's insulting.

[B]

It would be insulting.

[A]

Very, very easy opinion for you to have. It's insulting. This episode is brought to you by Abercrombie, official fashion partner, the NFL. When it comes to game day style this football season, Abercrombie's got you covered. Whether you're cheering in the stands, throwing a watch party, or celebrating a team victory, make sure you're dressed for the win. With official NFL by Abercrombie gear repping every team, team. They have so many great styles for both men and women. Oversized sweatshirts, camis, bomber jackets, sweatpants. They even have gear for your pets so no one is left out. I have this giant sweatshirt that I have been wearing all week. It is so comfortable. It is so cute. I feel like a real sports fan. And they really have the best apparel for everyone. Whether you're a hardcore fan, a casual fan, kind of like me, or somewhere in between, or you're just kind of like jumping on the bandwagon because your husband's making you. Go to a game. No matter the final score, make sure you're dressed in a game day outfit that always wins. Abercrombie drops new arrivals every week. Shop in the app, online or in stores.

[B]

Bundle and safe. With Expedia, you were made to follow your favorite band. And from the front row, we were made to quietly save you. More Expedia made to travel savings vary and subject to availability. Flight inclusive packages are at all protected. Let's do another.

[A]

All right. Hello. Jordana, Jared and Ronnie.

[B]

Ronnie getting tons of shots. I'm about to meet this guy.

[A]

I'm bringing Ronnie in.

[B]

I'll bring a gift.

[A]

Ronnie's from my parents. For Ronnie. No, I didn't get a gift for Ronnie.

[B]

Yeah, that is true.

[A]

From your parents. The whole free family.

[B]

Oh, my. The baby gift thing. Can I give a shout out?

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Bliss. In Boca, it's called Bliss Monogram.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I call her this woman. Bliss Diane. It's my mom. Look at my mom. Called me too. Bliss Diane. Call Diane At Bliss. Bliss Designs Baby Gifts.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I call her and I say, you.

[A]

Get the same thing.

[B]

I. I go 100 bucks. You choose name note. Here's the name of the. The baby.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

Here's what I want, like, monogrammed on it. Like, I've gotten, like, cigarettes monogrammed on a baby gift.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah, because the woman I gave her.

[A]

Baby chain, smoker, she was.

[B]

She liked to smoke cigs.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

So I have cigs written on the babies.

[A]

That's pretty funny.

[B]

Yeah, so I do like that. Okay, so, like, it's funny because I've called her before, and I'm like, okay, I got one, and I need you to put cigs on a pink. You know, whatever. So, like, I. I give the name, and I go, 100 bucks.

[A]

Okay, do you.

[B]

And she does it, sends it out, give the address, and all done. Like, it's got a bar tab at.

[A]

This monogram Baby store, Bliss.

[B]

If you guys want to check it on. I'm following them on Instagram. You can find them if you. This the one on.

[A]

So funny.

[B]

I call her, like, once a month.

[A]

Wow. Yeah, you know, a lot of kids.

[B]

A lot of babies. I mean, I'm at that age, you know, it's like the age everyone gets.

[A]

Married and give them the Jared special, Right? It's funny. You really don't need a wife. You have something for everything.

[B]

Well, you have.

[A]

You have a baby monogrammer, you have a wedding, you have a. A travel planner, a stylist, whatever. A stylist. Yeah.

[B]

Over the moon, vacations, leave Lisa Gordon.

[A]

Got your whole team of wives.

[B]

Well, this is kind of several. This is the hard part about dating me is, you know, I've kind of got it all. And I think this is the problem of getting older and being single. You've worked out your life, right?

[A]

You don't. You don't need no woman.

[B]

No, I don't need a woman. I could, you know, and I got my right hand.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, come on.

[A]

Let's finish that joke. You're just talking about, baby.

[B]

You're right, you're right. Why are you gonna make it darker? Okay, here's my mom writing in to put it.

[A]

Let's hear it. To wrap it up, let's hear it.

[B]

Why, yes, if we're at the same wedding, I put Freed's Kim, Jerry, and Jared.

[A]

Oh, not your brother.

[B]

Not my brother. Yes. And dad gives a good check, too. That's what she just wrote. And then Ruthie wrote in important detail to the good check.

[A]

Oh, it is. That is an important detail, but, like, why isn't your brother on the gift?

[B]

No. Harry on the card, and Ruthie on the card.

[A]

That's a good. Have you gone to a wedding, the five of you?

[B]

I don't think we have.

[A]

Okay, well, what about the four of you?

[B]

What do you mean, the four?

[A]

Like, you and your. Like before Ruthie, was it.

[B]

Yeah, I think we've gone.

[A]

You think she would have included your brother if it was?

[B]

Yes. I think I'm the only one. I'm the. I'm the loser. Let's go.

[A]

You can sit with them at their table.

[B]

This was the wedding that I was at the discard table. Remember? The woman came up to the table. She goes, g, I'm at the discard table.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And I was like. And you couldn't, like, deny it, right? Like, I was like, yeah, I'm okay with that. The couple that was there did not like that.

[A]

I mean, as a couple, you. You would think you would. I would. I'd understand that.

[B]

Right. As a couple, you're like, oh, my.

[A]

God, put us with the other non. Losers.

[B]

Right. I'm in the junk drawer of tape labels.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm in the rubber bands and the batteries, the kitchen knives.

[A]

Let's get into our second email.

[B]

Kitchen scissors.

[A]

Hello, Jordana, Jared and Ronnie. I love everything you do. And this is my favorite weekly podcast.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Your takes on dating and life are so refreshing.

[B]

Well, get ready for this episode. Yeah, this one had a lot of life stances.

[A]

Yeah. I went on two dates with a guy recently and wanted your thoughts on guys wearing a baseball hat on a first date. Jared, I know you're a big hat guy, so really curious about your thoughts on this.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

For context, I live in New York City. We met at a nice ish bar at night. No need for shading from the sun.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

In our first and second dates, he wore a baseball hat both times. At first, when I saw him with that, I was like, oh, boy, he's balding. Might be, but he wasn't very solid. Head of hair.

[B]

Maybe this is a date. With me, perhaps.

[A]

Do you wear a hat on every date?

[B]

Not every date, but I wear hats on dates.

[A]

People can look different with or without hats. That's true.

[B]

I do make a point when I wear a hat on a date to.

[A]

Say, you have hair?

[B]

No, I just. I subtly take it off and do a little brush of the hair just.

[A]

So they can see.

[B]

Just so they see the goods.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Just so they know.

[A]

Just they know you're not hiding. You Got nothing to hide.

[B]

Yeah. Papa's got a fresh set of turf on his head.

[A]

Okay. I used to do that on dates with a push up bra.

[B]

There we go. We all do it. The.

[A]

People can look different with or without hats. I feel like I'm not getting the whole picture of what they look like with it on, specifically for a first date. And it's not like we're at a sporting event or bar to support a team. We're getting to know each other's personalities and looks. And with a hat, I'm not getting the full image. He said it was part of the outfit. Sure, but wear another outfit.

[B]

What is this my grandmother writing in?

[A]

He also even brought.

[B]

What's with the hat? That was my grandmother my whole life. What's with the hat? Hat. Take off that stupid hat.

[A]

Or traditional.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He also even bought the merch hat at the second bar we went to because they had them hanging up behind the bar. This guy really loves hats.

[B]

Collector.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I'm the same way. I love a merchant.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, maybe it was me.

[A]

I'm all for a hat during the day, to support a team or event or for an outfit, but something about it being a first date, I didn't love it. So. Anyway, curious what your thoughts are on this. Signed. I'd like to see your hair color, please.

[B]

Yeah. Does the.

[A]

I guess this is you.

[B]

I guess this is me. I. I can answer for this. I. I've worn hats on dates. I've not worn hats on dates. When I wear a hat, I try to take it off while we're sitting.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I try to take it. I, I do make a point to like, as a tip, a little tip later.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Matitties. So I, I take it off as a. As a courtesy, as a politeness. This to my grandmother up in heaven.

[A]

Okay. That's nice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's kind of. They can see you with and without that.

[B]

Do you care? I'm sure I do, but I. I guess I'm not concerned with that.

[A]

Do you put it back on while you're sitting?

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

Do you make out with the hat on?

[B]

I have.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And you gotta like push it up before you get in the. You know, the duck bill.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sometimes it gets in the ways you push it up a little bit. But I, I guess I've never really thought of the. Have I, like, is it respectful? Right. The respect angle of, like, am I dressing down? Because I do think hats and sneakers have had this kind of like, could be. It could be nice. And when the guy Says it's part of the outfit. Like, I do understand that.

[A]

I have my. My Instagram grid picture of me in a wine tour in Port, in. In the Duro Valley in Portugal. Mike's wearing a hat.

[B]

Mike's wearing a hat.

[A]

I'm wearing a nice dress. He's wearing a hat.

[B]

Right. And did you think he looked good with it? Like, were you, like, okay with it?

[A]

Yeah. Didn't bother me. I mean, here's my. My thought, and maybe I don't want to speak for all women personally. I'm kind of. I'm not thinking about the individual stuff. I'm like, do I. Do I think he's attractive or do I not?

[B]

Right.

[A]

Does he look good in the hat? If he looks good in that. Wear the hat. If he doesn't look good in the hat, then, like, I'm kind of like, if I prefer the look with. If I. If I'm, like, not attracted with the hat on, that's one thing. But if I think he looks cute with the hat on, I don't care.

[B]

I guess the one thing I would give to her, the empathy to her plight is did he.

[A]

Did he try?

[B]

Is he trying? Right. Is this a way of, like. It's like when someone says, a coffee date is a step down, and I don't think a coffee date is a step down. If you've originally made a coffee date date, hey, let's grab coffee and get to know each other on a first date. If the third date, hey, instead of dinner, let's do coffee. That's different. I think that is a step down.

[A]

Right.

[B]

If the person comes to a date in a hat, I kind of look at it as the original plan. Like, it wasn't like, let me make sure she know. Like, I don't think any person is that calculated.

[A]

Yeah. And I think so.

[B]

It's like she's receiving it that way. This is my way of saying, I don't think. Think I. I'm. Your feelings are validated. But I, I would disagree with, you.

[A]

Know, I, I agree with that. I think that also the fact that he bought a hat at this. At the second bar makes it better.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Because it's like, he just really. He's a hat enthusiast. Likes hats are part of, like, his look. He, you know, he's showing up as his authentic self.

[B]

Right. I have 50 hats. Like, I have a lot of hats. I wear a lot of hats. I do many different podcasts. You do stand up and improv.

[A]

So you're a hat guy.

[B]

Yeah, I'm A hat guy. Tie. So again, he's wearing a hat to.

[A]

A black tie wedding story.

[B]

That's annoying. Yeah, that's like, dude, enough. But if it's like third date dinner, I can also see, like, hey, like, I thought we were going to like, a nice place. Like. Yeah, that doesn't really make sense here.

[A]

Yeah, I think.

[B]

But I don't think taking it personally in the way she's made.

[A]

There's a cute way to say it.

[B]

Yeah. Like first date. There's a good way to say it to your boyfriend.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I don't think there's a cute way to say it to person you're going on third date with. I, I actually think, think if it bothers you that much. You just said you don't like them that much. Like, I, I. Yeah, they wore a hat.

[A]

Is it a nice hat or is it a.

[B]

Let's say it's this hat. I mean, this hat.

[A]

To dinner on the third. We're going to a nice restaurant on the third date.

[B]

I'm wearing. This is something I would wear on.

[A]

A date or a third date to.

[B]

Answer third day for a dinner.

[A]

But there are hats that I think you could wear to a nice restaurant. I don't think this is one of them.

[B]

Right. It's a little cartoonish.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you can see on YouTube I am wearing a hat hat. This is from a store called Baseballism, which I think I mentioned in the last episode.

[A]

Free hats.

[B]

Free. Yeah, they gave me some free hats.

[A]

But this is not for everyone. Just.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. For me, not for thee. But this is from Major League the. The movie. So there's like nostalgia to it. I like the hat, but I, I do. I don't think I would wear this on a third date, but maybe I would. I don't know. Maybe I would. If I'm to be.

[A]

You're going to a nice restaurant that.

[B]

If I was like go to shows after my date and I. Because what I'm wearing now is what I would wear on a date.

[A]

Yeah. That's a nice day.

[B]

T shirt, jeans, nice sneakers. Would the hat make it in? It would be a decision.

[A]

Yeah. I guess if you wore that hat to a first date, I might be like, does he care? I don't know. Maybe.

[B]

Would you think that?

[A]

I don't think I would. Because again, I think I would just take in the overall look. I'm also not like a fashion person, so I think I'm just kind of looking. Do I, like, like, am I, am I attracted or am I not well.

[B]

There'S also, like, I think what works into am I attracted or am I not? Which I agree with, is how do they plan style?

[A]

Also? Well, do I like the style Clean? Yeah.

[B]

Do they? Right. This all goes into a chat for women, too. For this woman, I think this is like one of those things in the beginning that, like, maybe you're just not that attracted to them. It's possible, I think, like, that putting it all in the hat. If the hat change changed, would everything else be okay?

[A]

Yeah, I think maybe you're not into the style.

[B]

Maybe it's possible. I like that. Email same uupetches.com uupetches.com let's play some red flag deal breaker. This is the game sweeping the country. You go on a date with someone, they do one thing. Is it a red flag? You notice it, you move on, or is it a deal break hair.

[A]

Okay, let's do it.

[B]

Let's do it. It J&J. Red flag deal breaker for you. I recently went on a few dates with a new guy, and on the first date, he made mention in conversation that he loves telling restaurants he's celebrating something when he makes a reservation to see what they'll do. Now, this is an option on Resy.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Yeah, you can write, which is very tempting. Is it like, every time I see.

[A]

It, I'm like, you want a free ice cream?

[B]

Well, it's like, is anyone celebrating anything? And you're like, chill out.

[A]

Out.

[B]

But if you're the type that, like, does this, it's almost like they're like, come on with them.

[A]

Right with them.

[B]

So, like, I do have a little bit of empathy if this guy's doing it, because it's like, the temptation is there. Come to find out later, he secretly told the restaurant it's my birthday and they brought a dessert out and he and the waitress sang Happy Birthday to me. It was awkward, but honestly, pretty funny. So I went with the bit and laugh with him about it after desserts. I. I think it's a win.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. Cut to our third date. He's done it again.

[A]

This is a little much.

[B]

He got there. He got there early and told the host it was my birthday and ordered two desserts to be brought out for me. This time, the waiter, the host, the bus boys, everyone stopped by to tell me Happy birthday and thank me for celebrating with them. Now I had to go along with the bit again and try and eat both desserts after already filling myself with pasta when I was already trying to stay away from sweets.

[A]

He's ruining her diet.

[B]

I ended things after that date for a multitude of reasons, but that was definitely in there. I get what he was trying to do to be sweet and funny, but I felt it went too far and I didn't want to sign up for a lifetime of lying about my birthday. Honestly, I think he paid for the desserts the second time, so it's not like it was even about being cheap and getting freebies. So red flagger, deal breaker. He always lies to the restaurant about it being your birthday. Sincerely, not a B day. What do you think?

[A]

I kind of hate this. I don't like being like the center of attention even on my birthday. I think I don't like being like, sung to at a public restaurant. So I would really hate it if it was done twice. Like, the first time as a joke, I would play along with it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I agree, the second time I'd be like, why are we making the same joke again? And I'm not someone who like, likes that kind of humor. If it's a joke, I don't really understand the point.

[B]

Find another bit, dude.

[A]

Dude.

[B]

Yeah, and also, like, you did it.

[A]

Like the one time. Like, okay, it's like, fine, kind again. It's a little early in the date for doing, like, pranks.

[B]

Listen, I'll say this as a stand up comedian. If you use the same different word twice, it works worse the second time. The surprise is gone.

[A]

I'm sure.

[B]

Yeah, the originality's gone. You know, it like if I said the. Whatever the word may be. If I used a word to be funny, me, like if I reference curly fries and then I say call them curlies, like, that's funny.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

It could be funny.

[A]

I need more context.

[B]

Right, okay. But curlies to reference your fries is a funny way to say I had curly fries. If I said curlies again. Ah, enough. We get it. You think you're. You think Curly's is really funny. Yeah, it's like almost like an admission. He thinks thinks this is really funny, which is like the opposite of funny.

[A]

And that's what's kind of the turn off is like you think something is really funny that's not and it's not working.

[B]

And listen, if you did it every now and again and that was your thing that like, I don't know. I just don't want to be surprised. You're on a.

[A]

Twice in a row is a lot. Right too.

[B]

It's almost like you're performing for me and we should be performing together.

[A]

Right. You know what it would be fun is like, okay, fine, you did it like one son. You're like, first date, then you're like, dating. You're in a relationship. You get into a big fight at dinner, and then you do it to, like, break the ice.

[B]

Awesome. That's right. It's just. Yeah. When it becomes a arrow in your quiver.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, of your bits of the things you do, you know, like, like I, you know, I've done a bit on a date where they. You get wine and then they go, do you want to taste the wine? I go, she can. She's the expert.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then while she's sipping it, I go, send it back. Back. She always does.

[A]

Okay, that's funny.

[B]

That's fun. But if I, you know. You do it a second time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know, you know, like, I, I. But yeah, I'm with the. She said a multitude of reasons that they end.

[A]

I'm sure it had it, but I.

[B]

Think this is his personality.

[A]

Personality.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He seems kind of annoying. Okay, deal breaker, Deal breaker.

[B]

Do you get big loser?

[A]

Do you get. On your birthday, would you get a kid take brought out to you?

[B]

Would you be like, would you do that for myself.

[A]

No. Would you like that? If someone got that for you, I'd appreciate it. You would?

[B]

But I would. I would say that's very nice of someone. I wouldn't, like, be angry at them.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Would you, like, you don't like it.

[A]

I would be mad at them either. But I also, like, at this point, I don't really like it at this.

[B]

Yeah. Like, there's a point where. Yeah. I don't know.

[A]

I guess it's fine. It's fine. But I'm not. It's not like my. I wouldn't. I would definitely not be upset if it didn't happen.

[B]

I'm a. I, I, the, The elder I get, the more dessert guy I become. I never was a dessert.

[A]

I kind of agree. I've gotten more into dessert desserts as I've gotten older.

[B]

I think I just don't want the night to end and it becomes like a. Let's have the. Let's do with a date that makes sense by myself. Last night I went to be such a sweet way. Yeah.

[A]

You want dessert? I don't want the night to end.

[B]

I'm right near Anita Gelato.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

I haven't gone yet. I should probably go.

[A]

You should. It's good.

[B]

I went to Milk Bar.

[A]

Okay. That's. You got the little truffle.

[B]

No, I got the Thingies. I like their ice cream. The frozen yogurt. Yogurt.

[A]

I don't know if I've ever gotten ice cream.

[B]

They do a great.

[A]

They have that cake.

[B]

They have caked. They. But they have this cake balls.

[A]

Was the thing.

[B]

The cake balls. They got good cookies but they have a cereal milk chocolate cereal milk ice cream and they put corn flakes on it and it's delicious.

[A]

Wow. All right, let's do plug City. Okay. All right. J and J. Longtime listener and second time writer. Your advice was spot on and helped me see the light. When I wrote in a few years ago, my then boyfriend was taking his. His ex mother in law's phone calls in the middle of our dinners and you accurately reminded me that it was a big time deal breaker.

[B]

You're welcome.

[A]

Is that something, is that like something you stay with?

[B]

Would I be okay with it? The ex mother in law.

[A]

Oh, his ex mother in law. Not his mother. Not his mother. If it was his mother.

[B]

I just took my mom's call in the middle of this.

[A]

Yes. Now I remember this one. Now I remember. Okay. Love you guys. And was hoping for some more sage wisdom. I'm listening to today's Friday feels recap of the materialists and you were debating on whether having roommates in your 30s is a red flag or deal breaker. The conclusion was fine if you're a woman living with friends, but deal breaker across the board if your roommates are your parents. This got me thinking.

[B]

I don't know if it was across the board. I don't, I don't remember. This is not how I would.

[A]

That's not how I remember that conversation.

[B]

Not at all. Sure I, but I, I hear them. But I don't agree with how we're being.

[A]

And I also think what I've always thought about roommates is if you have a plan to leave.

[B]

We're on the same page on that. Yeah. If someone said I'm 35 roommates, but I, my plan is this and I'm in school for that and I'm investing in this, that's a different thing.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I 36, female. I'm in the process of buying and renovating a house they will share with my grandparents who are in their late 80s.

[B]

This will be mine from the old.

[A]

You like your style. This will be my house and they will live in the separate adu. I don't know what that means.

[B]

What is adu?

[A]

Adult Diaper Diaper University. I, I Accessory dwelling unit. I assume it's like a separate university. That's really what it means.

[B]

Hey gramps, you're in the au, get your diapers on.

[A]

Yeah, no, it's in like a separate little house on the Broadway.

[B]

What do they call? Yeah, but that's usually called like a, a mother's suite or something.

[A]

Or the pool house as Jared is usually relegated.

[B]

That's where I live.

[A]

Yes, but we will likely spend most evenings and a bit of weekend time together. They're a lot of fun, but also respectful of boundaries. Also, both are able bodied and have.

[B]

Sharp minds, thank God.

[A]

So I won't be responsible for any medical type care. I'm excited yet. Yes, I'm excited to be with them and grateful that we'll get to spend however many years they have left together.

[B]

I think this is very nice.

[A]

Okay, I need more information. My question is, will this be seen as a deal breaker to potential partners? Jared, would you run for the hills if you met a girl in real life revealed on date two that she shares her home with a couple octogenarians?

[B]

What's an octagon?

[A]

I mean someone in their 80s.

[B]

I thought it was like a octopus.

[A]

No, it's like octo. Eight, 80, 80.

[B]

Yeah, octogenarians.

[A]

Okay. Jordana, can you craft a sort of script I could use to show that I'm a fully formed adult with her together who happens to watch a lot of Jeopardy with her grandma? Is this a red flag? Would potential partners see me living with my grandparents in my 30s as a Red flag or deal breaker? Much love and ADA accessible batch.

[B]

I listen, the way she described it in this email is perfectly reasonable and fine.

[A]

I need more information.

[B]

Do you?

[A]

I do.

[B]

What do you need to know?

[A]

So she's buying the house and putting her grandparents up or like the grandparents are buying the house and putting her up.

[B]

I it to me it sounded like a joint effort.

[A]

It sounds they're in on this together.

[B]

And the grandparents and that and her.

[A]

She lives in the main house and they live in like the outhouse.

[B]

The 80s you the adult diaper university. I, I, I could see how this happens because hey, we want to gift you something.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

We want you to, we want you to tell.

[A]

That's what I.

[B]

She can buy a house and then she can probably, you know, on her own she can get this house but with her grandparents and them in the.

[A]

Adu, it's a joy situation.

[B]

We can get this really beautiful home that you will cherish and love and we would love to be a part of giving you, but we also gotta live right.

[A]

And they live in the Separate, smaller house.

[B]

Yeah. They live in the, the dumpster.

[A]

Feel a little bad about that.

[B]

No, they've chosen, this is the deal they made. Yeah. I, I, I'm saying as a guy on a day with a woman who told me this, I would go, I get it. Like I kind of get, hey, I can buy it in this neighborhood. I like my grandparents, they're fun, they're able bodied, they're. We watch Jeopardy together. Like, like this is the Golden Girls. This is what we were talking about. This was the, literally the premise of the Golden Girls.

[A]

But there's, she's not golden.

[B]

Well, this is a golden engagement of sorts.

[A]

Yeah. You know, I think I would, I would like, I would want to know like exactly how close they were. Like, are they hanging out every night close? Do they, Are they hanging out every night? Does she have other, does she have other friends besides the grandparents? If there's a man, if there's a.

[B]

Man closer to how I'm living in Del Rey than I would not admit. Yeah. This is like cuz I like go to my parents house and like have dinner and then go home.

[A]

I mean that's fine. You live near your parents. That's not a red flag or a deal breaker.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I think the question to me is like what is the life out? Is this like her whole life is like her and her grandparents watching Jeopardy.

[B]

I don't think she lives, I think.

[A]

It'S like they live in the ouse and they're like in this. I'd want to know like more about the rest of her life to decide if this was. Because it would be like, it would, this was a man.

[B]

Right. If it was a man doing this.

[A]

I would need more information about like the kind of life he lives lifts. Because I would be a little, I might be a little turned off.

[B]

I would assume it's not as attached to the hip as it maybe sounds.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

My assumption is I see him around sometimes. It's nice that we get to watch TV together.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't have like a appointment that I have to like cancel.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, like this is just a couple of people that I love and I'm really kind of feel lucky that I'm getting this weird time with them that I didn't think I'd have have. And when I come home with a guy, I don't give a. They were cool about it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know.

[A]

If that's the answer.

[B]

Right. There's a spectrum. It could be that, it could be what you're saying.

[A]

Yeah. If that's the answer. I'm cool with it. If they live, like, an insular lifestyle and it's just them and the grandparents every night.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I think I'd be a little, like, turned off by the enmeshment.

[B]

This does not ring loser to me. So it's a red flag out of deal breaker. Let's do one more.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

J and J Benefit subscriber here. I'm married now, but still love your podcast. Thank you. I have a red flag deal breaker topic that I just remembered from my dating days and thought I'd send it in. Listen, if you're married, you want to send in your husband and wife.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Red flag.

[A]

Send your problems in.

[B]

Yeah, we love this is a relationship podcast. I was texting this guy from Hinge and noticed that he typed your instead of you are throughout our chat. Multiple times. It happens once or twice. It doesn't bother me. But intellect is a really important, important quality and a partner for me. So when this guy used it wrong five times, I cracked and asked him if he knew the difference between your and you are. Wow.

[A]

Awkward.

[B]

He didn't take it well. I mean, at that point, unmatched. It's over. Like, you. What are you. Was he gonna write back? I do know that, you know, like, this is an artistic take on your. Like, what answer would suffice you. He wrote me a long paragraph about how he knows the difference, but he types so fast sometimes he misses it. Like, even the response, like, get out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he sent me a screenshot of when he did use it correctly.

[A]

Like, see, I know, I know it, I know stuff.

[B]

The irony is that the long paragraph, you used it wrong again.

[A]

That's a little weird.

[B]

I do know it.

[A]

Here you go.

[B]

Yeah. Red flagger. Deal breaker. Someone consistently misuses your versus you are in text. For me, it was a deal breaker. But happy to report that my now husband does know the difference between your and your happy face. What do you think?

[A]

I could understand it being like a little bit of, like, a thing in the back of your head that you. You that would, like, bother you consistently. Have I dated someone who does that? Probably, yeah. I think like, if you're typing the typing fast thing I do get because I've brightened written like, especially in the old phones. Like, you are.

[B]

You're right. The old phones, like T9 days.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This was a reality.

[A]

Now it's like you can type pretty fast with the correct grammar. Your phone, like, will correct it for you.

[B]

I'm more likely. Let me give you a one or the other other. Are you more likely to end it with someone who messes up your versus you are or are you more. Or are you gonna dump someone who corrects people when they misuse.

[A]

Right. Your versus Corrects people or corrects the same person. They're talking to people.

[B]

I think if they do it a bunch and you correct them, fine, I guess.

[A]

Right. I mean, I've. I. Especially when I was, like, doing redoing my house, I would text with many people, like, when renovating many vendors that were not using the correct form of your.

[B]

And would you correct them?

[A]

Absolutely not. That would be insane.

[B]

That's insane.

[A]

That would be, like, lunatic.

[B]

Well, this is.

[A]

Did I think about it? Like, a little bit? Fine. Was it in the back of my head.

[B]

But also, that's the difference between you and crazy person is you go, Jordana.

[A]

No, I agree.

[B]

That's a them problem.

[A]

If it was Mike.

[B]

Right. It doesn't affect my life.

[A]

If it was Mike and it was like, five dates in. I think I'd want to know that he did know the difference. I think. I think I would want to know that he. That he did know.

[B]

This goes back to probably versus probably. You know, they know it's probably.

[A]

Hopefully. Yeah.

[B]

Do you know what I mean? Like, this is where the correction you go. This is a like, your OCD showing. I'm okay with. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm gonna do me.

[A]

Well, it's more like when it's someone you're dating, it's different than someone you're speaking to about something that is not. Like, because you get one partner. Right. And.

[B]

And they represent you.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So that's. So it's a little.

[A]

I would care more about, like, how they're representing me in the world with the your versus your.

[B]

That's a fair feedback to this conversation.

[A]

Right? If so, I think if like. And I do this too. I don't know how to pronounce anything. As you've heard on the show where, like, if he would correct me for that, I'm fine with that. I would correct him if he was saying something that was, like, pronounced completely incorrectly. I think everybody. You're at a certain level. Would I do that in the beginning? Maybe not. Would you? If someone kept saying the word, like, Houston Street, I would correct them. You would, right?

[B]

Yeah, but that'd be different.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Because that's not how it's pronounced here.

[A]

Well, that's not how you write yours.

[B]

I guess one's about functionality. Like, did we get there you know, like, the text is like.

[A]

But you know what they were talking about? They said Houston Street.

[B]

Right. That's fair. I don't know. Houston.

[A]

I think it's more like, for them and for you. It's like, let's not embarrass both of us by you saying this thing over. I do this with sports stuff all the time. I say people's names wrong.

[B]

Yeah, but that's. I. I wouldn't be correcting someone because they're embarrassing us. I'd be like, wouldn't you want to say the name right?

[A]

You wouldn't think it was embarrassing if you're at a double date and your girlfriend's just like, it's right below Houston Street. It's right below. Like, she lives here.

[B]

Well, I would say to her, you know, it's ousted. Right.

[A]

Well, that's. What. Part of the. Part of that is. Is because it's a little weird for you. Right?

[B]

Right. I don't know. But the. Your thing is, like, quiet. It's not said out loud.

[A]

Right. You wouldn't be able to, like, hear it. It. But they might be texting other people. They might be. They might be.

[B]

That's not my problem.

[A]

They might be texting your parents.

[B]

My parents do it wrong. I mean, my mom.

[A]

Well, what if. What if it was, like, more egregious than that, like, horrible. Horrible spelling?

[B]

It would be a line for you. I don't think you're gonna teach someone, like, to me, like, you just break up with them. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, I agree. She shouldn't have corrected him, especially. They're talking on hinge.

[B]

Right? I. I don't want to be helped by anyone.

[A]

It's okay to be turned off, even.

[B]

If you're like, I want to set you up with my friend. No, I'm insulted.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like, right, Hey, I match with you, but it's only because I think my friend would be great for you.

[A]

That's annoying.

[B]

Get the out of here.

[A]

Okay. No one wants to learn a lesson on a dating app ever. That's totally fair.

[B]

So we saw.

[A]

Just don't write. Just don't stop speaking to them.

[B]

Right? It's. You can just. Goodbye. You owe them nothing. We solve. Dating again.

[A]

We did it. We'll be back on Friday.

[B]

Boom.

[A]

Batches.