The Situationship Trap Nobody Talks About

Summary

U Up? Podcast Summary

Episode: The Situationship Trap Nobody Talks About
Date: July 29, 2026
Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid

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Episode Overview

This spirited episode of U Up? dives headfirst into one of the most confusing and under-discussed modern dating phenomena: the "situationship." Jordana and Jared dissect how ambiguous relationship labels have become, why people find themselves caught in confusing middle grounds, and the emotional traps these non-committal situations can set. The hosts also field listener letters and rapid-fire relationship scenarios—from awkward texts to over-the-top first-date plans—offering frank, funny, and sharp-witted insight throughout.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Contentment vs. Ambition (00:49–06:50)

• Jordana and Jared reflect on their respective life stages, blending humor and honesty around ambition, contentment, and the “entrepreneurial anxiety” of always having to hustle.
  • Jordana: Feels content with life but questions if being content is “boring” or something to embrace.
  • Jared: Is restless, wanting more guarantees and less of the grind of self-promotion in his comedy career.
• Notable Quote (Jordana, 01:33):
  "If anything, I was like, yeah, like, I actually feel like that's very true. Like, I feel like if I, this is where I stayed in life, I would be very lucky and I would be very happy..."

2. The Burden of Always Having to 'Evolve' (05:12–14:02)

• Both hosts vent about the pressure to keep improving, particularly in creative careers and business.
  • Howard Stern is referenced as someone who didn’t fully evolve with media trends—and how even legends can get left behind if they don’t adapt.
  • Judge Judy’s business savvy is praised for her “own-the-game” approach.
• Notable Quote (Jared on Stern, 12:33):
  "If you don't evolve, you better be making 500 million because…"

3. Gender, Social Capital, and Birthdays (18:14–22:49)

• Why do women seem to love their birthdays more than men? The hosts explore birthday rituals, attention, and what they reveal about social dynamics and friendship inventories.
  • For many women, birthdays are benchmarks of social capital—who shows up matters.
  • Men, they joke, want to avoid social debt and unwanted attention.
• Note (Jordana, 19:12):
  "I think we're always taking stock much more than men of like how people are relationally into us... I think it's like a way to see, to gauge like how much in the, in group you are."

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Listener Email Segments

4. Situationships vs. Relationship Labels (25:49–41:09)

The Question:

A listener asks: What do terms like “situationship,” “seeing someone,” “exclusive,” “dating,” and “boyfriend/girlfriend” actually mean?

The Answers (26:32–41:09):

• Situationship:
  • Both agree it’s a term with a negative connotation.
  • Usually arises when one person wants more commitment and the other doesn’t but still wants the perks of a relationship.
  • Jared (32:04):
    "I think ‘situationship’ only is the label when someone’s disappointed."
  • Jordana:
    "A situationship is when a person with lower self-esteem meets a person with commitment issues."
• Seeing Someone:
  • More than casual; going on dates with some intent, but not exclusive.
• Dating/Relationship:
  • Implies exclusivity and official commitment.
• Exclusive but Not Official:
  • Jared sees this as a warning sign—often a way for the hesitant partner to keep options open, making eventual breakup easier.

Gendered Experiences:

• The hosts note women are given more social empathy in breakups, while men are often seen as the “bad guy,” particularly if they are hesitant to define the relationship.

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5. Icky or Picky? (41:55–47:12)

• A listener cancels a second date after an awkward text from a man about her wearing a dress because he’s coming from work in a suit.
  • Upon context, Jordana and Jared agree the text was just awkward and not “creepy”—she’s probably just not into him.
  • Jared (44:58):
    "He sounds, like, so respectful... I think it's totally picky."

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6. Confront the Other Woman? (47:13–55:41)

• A convoluted story unfolds: after a long-distance situationship fizzles, the letter-writer discovers her ex has been dating someone else concurrently—possibly overlapping relationships. She debates whether to warn “the other woman.”
  • Hosts’ advice: Walk away. Don’t waste more time; the urge to expose is really about regaining control, but there’s nothing positive to gain.
  • Jared (53:32):
    "Just be gone. Disappear."

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7. Red Flag or Deal Breaker? Game (57:12–83:27)

A. First-Date Beach Picnic Refusal (57:31–67:44):

• Listener feels a picnic is “too much” for a first date, prefers drinks; guy refuses to pivot.
  • Both hosts agree: the guy’s inflexibility and moralizing responses = red flag/deal breaker.
  • Jared (63:13):
    "Does he know he's the reason people hate dating?"

B. Post-Sex Hygiene Obsession (69:08–73:40):

• Listener’s boyfriend of three years always rushes to clean up right after sex and is not sexually adventurous.
  • Washing up isn’t weird, but refusal to try anything new/labeling all novelty as “gross” is a bigger problem.
  • Open conversation is key; focus less on hand-washing and more on bedroom openness.

C. The Broke Date (74:45–82:58):

• A man discloses, before meeting, he’s too broke to pay for her coffee, putting planning and financial awkwardness on her.
  • Both consider this a dealbreaker. Honesty is fine, but expecting a stranger to accommodate and perform emotional labor before you meet is a turn off.
  • Jared (75:32):
    "Are you wet, Jordana? I know on Wednesday this is all going to be cleared up." (sarcastic)
  • Jordana (80:04):
    "This is not something you need to say to someone you’ve never even met..."

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Situationship Definitions:
  "A situationship is when one person is getting what they want and the other person is agreeing to what the other person wants... even though they want more." —Jared (32:19)
• On Gender and Social Debt:
  "No man wants to owe anyone. Like, I just don't want to owe anyone. I think women are way more okay with debt. Like, social capital debt." —Jared (21:47)
• On Dating Apps and Setting Standards:
  "He’s only going on dates with women who will be wowed by a beach picnic because that gets him to speak this way." —Jared (66:09)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Contentment vs. Restlessness: 00:49–06:50
• Evolving in Careers/Media: 05:12–14:02
• Birthday & Social Rituals by Gender: 18:14–22:49
• Defining Situationships, Exclusivity, Labels: 25:49–41:09
• Icky or Picky? Awkward Date Text: 41:55–47:12
• Should You Warn the Other Woman?: 47:13–55:41
• Game: Red Flag or Deal Breaker:
  • Beach Picnic First Date: 57:12–67:44
  • Hygiene After Sex: 69:08–73:40
  • The Broke Date: 74:45–82:58

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Overall Tone & Takeaways

As ever, U Up? is razor-sharp, playful, but never mean. Jordana and Jared dig into listeners’ vulnerabilities with both empathy and comic relief, pushing for self-respect, clear boundaries, and the importance of straightforward communication in dating. The real trap of a situationship, as laid bare in this episode, isn’t just the ambiguous label—it’s the energy and self-esteem cost of living by someone else’s rules and timelines.

Top takeaway:
Don’t over-explain or rationalize behavior to people who aren’t giving real effort—you don’t owe anyone that much, especially in the early stages. And, as Jordana says, “the best revenge is living well.”

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For more fun dating content and polls, follow @u.up.podcast on Instagram. To subscribe and get ad-free bonus episodes, visit the show link above.

Transcript

[Jordana Abraham]

You know what I want this summer? Grab a bunch of friends, buy a big bucket of popcorn, sit back and feel all the feels watching a good summer movie in the theater. And you know what will fill that void? Universal Pictures One Night Only, which is about to be the summer's biggest rom com on August 7th. We truly cannot wait. One Night Only is from the director of Anyone but you, Easy A and Friends with Benefits, starring Monica Barbero and Callum Turner as two strangers looking for meaningful connection on a crazy night set in New York City. The two bump into each other on the one night of the year single people are allowed to have sex. Sounds complicated. Messy. And we are a thousand percent in. So go enjoy some free ac, grab your favorite movie theater snack, and check out One Night Only, which hits theaters on August 7th. Hello and welcome back to the UF Podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.

[Jared Freid]

And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana. How are you? What's going on? What's the haps?

[Jordana Abraham]

What's going on with me? Not that much.

[Jared Freid]

Nothing. Okay, good start.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, not that much

[Jared Freid]

fun start to our Wednesday episode.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know, it's funny, it's funny because we were talking, you know, if you listen to the benefits episode that's out, we were talking about you coming to stay with me, and you asked Emily about, like, three words to describe, to describe the weekend. And, and one of the words you said was contentment.

[Jared Freid]

Yes.

[Jordana Abraham]

And I've been thinking about that since we recorded that yesterday.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, no. Did I ruin the marriage? No.

[Jordana Abraham]

No. If anything, I was like, yeah, Like, I, I, I actually feel like that's very true. Like, I feel like if I, this is where I stayed in life, I would be very lucky and I would be very happy if I stayed, like, with this, you know, like, so all the blessings that I have right now, I don't need anything.

[Jared Freid]

Right? You want for nothing.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. That's kind of how I feel. But I'm also like, is this a very, Is this boring? You just said, what's going on with you? Well, I don't know.

[Jared Freid]

I don't have much going on either. I'm not saying I'm not sitting here like, No, I mean, you've got, you've

[Jordana Abraham]

got your, I've got specials. You got your book out, you got. Your girlfriend's moving in with you.

[Jared Freid]

You've got, I have a lot of dishes that I'm, you know, I would like to be where you are, but I also know maybe that I'm a Little incapable of. Like, I don't know if I would. I. I. I want to be where you are. Like, I want the special, which is coming out. I don't even know if we've announced the day yet. If I've announced the date at this point, because we're taping a little ahead then.

[Jordana Abraham]

Since September.

[Jared Freid]

September. September. Netflix. I want it to do so well that I could be at altitude. Like, I always feel like I'm taking the plane off in a storm a little bit, but I want to be, like, I want to be able to do, like, if in my dream of dreams, it's do this podcast, do my podcast, do the shows. That's it. No, like, hey, everybody, I'm gonna be here next Tuesday at 8. Like, I want to see dancing a little bit. I want a tour. I want to do week. I love doing a club weekend. I love. Like, I have. I have. I love working on material. I hate telling people, hey, show this week. And I hate getting the texts like, Jared, we have 30 tickets sold for the whole weekend. You got to make a video. Go, yo, go dance on the beach so that someone buys a ticket. Like, I wish all that. I wish I was like, so you're

[Jordana Abraham]

just saying you want to. You still want to do the same thing, so you just don't want to have to promote them as much, right?

[Jared Freid]

I want a little more guarantees. Like, I want just a little more.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, do you want to go on the road for, like, the rest of your life?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I want.

[Guest or Caller]

I want.

[Jared Freid]

Like, yeah, I love the road. I love going on the road. I love. I love doing stand up in the. Like, when I am on stage, it is as relaxed as I've. Like, it's. As it's.

[Guest or Caller]

It.

[Jared Freid]

That's it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Like, when I. When I have it, like, the set I have, I just had, like, a weekend in Miami. I did five shows, and I'm working on a set that, like. And the way I'm doing stand up, you know, is like, one story that kind of goes in 10 directions and comes back to the story. And I've kind of found the way I like doing it. I don't feel like I'm, like, searching for what should I talk about? You know? Like, I think those things will come. So, like, I do. And I have the next two specials thought out in my head.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Like, I have the next one I'm taping, and then the one after that I'm taping. I know what those are going to be about. So I kind of. I'm calmed about that, but I do need to work on it. Like I, and I like the work, but the work, the other work to get to do the work of like, you know, stressing out about like am I, is my, am I growing? Am I getting new people? You know, I, I again like you're saying like, you're like I'm good. This is great. Like I think for me I need, you know, for tomorrow to be guaranteed. I have to work today. I think we all have to. But like, well, that stresses me out, you know, like in a way that, that I wish it didn't stress me out. I wish I could enjoy it a little bit more.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, well, that to me was like the worst part about owning a business.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

And I think that like people who really love the entrepreneur life, like, like that part about it and I did not, which is the idea that like you can't really just like stay where you are. You can't.

[Jared Freid]

I mean that's where I'm at. I own a business. Yeah. You're speaking about me even with that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Right, right, right, right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Which is this feeling that you constantly like have to like be evolving to be with like the landscape or like to, you know, to go with the, with the times and to be growing and making more and doing more. And like I don't know that that was ever like my, that's something that gives me a lot of anxiety. So I can totally understand that.

[Jared Freid]

I think people from the outside might assume that of you like in the way they assume I'm an extrovert. They might assume that you're like this like like shoulder padded woman, you know, like, like.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, I don't, I, that, that is like my, that's, I don't think I was born to be an entrepreneur. That's not something that, that, that's something that I hate really. So like I would have, I used to crave like a 9 to 5 job where I could go and like make my certain amount of money and then leave and not have to think about like where the business is going to be in three years. Because that wasn't my problem.

[Jared Freid]

I have a question for you based on that. Where, what would, what do you hope Charlie and Lucy become? Like, what is the job that you would choose for them? If you could pick the jobs, Pick the jobs. If you could say to them if them. Because based on that, like I, I, I have a thought on this because I, Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well it's, I mean it's tough. It depends on their skill set. Like, I hope that they're doing something that makes them feel, like, appropriately challenged, but that they really enjoy doing. I don't hope that they do something that they love to do and that can support whatever lifestyle they want to live so that I don't have to support them.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Well, if you were to give them, like, advice, if they were like, mom, how would you kind of do life?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

You know, what would you do? Like, I, I. Do you have an idea of what, how you would do it?

[Jordana Abraham]

How do I do life, Mom? Like, like, in terms of, like, what job to get.

[Jared Freid]

Like, if I was to talk to my kid, I would be like, hey, do really well. Do well enough in school that you can get into the best law school. Then go to law school and just be in house. Like, go become a lawyer, because you can do that anywhere. You can be a lawyer anywhere in the country. Then what I would do, like, if I was to, like, give them, like,

[Jordana Abraham]

wouldn't it depend on, like, your kids, like, proclivity?

[Jared Freid]

I don't give a. About their proclivities. I'm just saying this is, this is what I would do if I had, like. Listen, I, I don't think I would be able to be a lawyer because I can't, I can't read, and I think that's a big part.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't know how to read.

[Jared Freid]

You can buy my book Walking Red Flag. It is in bookstores now. It is those who can't read.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

That's right. That's right. No, I, I can't read for, like, quickly and for long periods of time.

[Jordana Abraham]

You as a, as, as a lawyer?

[Jared Freid]

No, but I, but I envy a lawyer because a lawyer could be in, like, like, I think the move is to be like, lawyer in Pittsburgh. You make a good living, you can live well. Your money goes a long way. You could have, like, a mansion 20 minutes from town and then just be in house at a company. You know, Like, I, I, it's just like a transferable skill.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

You know, it's like, to me, lawyer is kind of like woodworker. Like, it's just like, like.

[Jordana Abraham]

So you're going to encourage your kid to be a lawyer?

[Jared Freid]

I guess that, that, Right. It'd be, it's kind of a weird thing for a comedian who took a lot of chances.

[Jordana Abraham]

I have a friend who's, like, a partner at, like, a major New York City law firm.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, they, and they hate it. Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, no, it was funny because, like, she's, I mean, she makes more money than Anyone I know? But it was funny because we were in college. She, we were like seniors in college. And she like spoke to a, the guidance counselor and she was like, I really don't know what I'm gonna do. I don't know what I want to do. So, like, maybe I'll just go to law school. And the person was like, that's stupid. Like, you shouldn't do that, like, unless you really want to do it. And she was like, well, I can't think of anything else. And now she's just like the most successful person I know. But like, not because she was needing to be. You know what I mean? It's like, it is funny because, like, it does feel like that kind of profession. Like, she's just good at it.

[Jared Freid]

I'm gonna go to law school is the, like the swan song of any upper middle class upbringing. Like, that is like, what every right, if you can't work, go to law school and we'll worry about it in a couple years. Like, go and get a couple more A's and make your parents happy and you know, and they'll pay for it. Like, if you're, if you have the fight again. These are like very privileged talks that people don't like to talk about. But if you have, if your family has money and you can just go to law school and they, and shut them up for a while because they can brag about how you're in law school. You buy three years. So like, yeah, that was like 25. I remember all these people, I'm going to law school. My life, they, you, they got sick of work and they were like, I'm going to law school. So I can just think about this for a second. And I always thought, now I look back on that, I'm like, great idea. You could move to North Carolina. You could live like a king. You go work as a lawyer. I don't know. And it's always, the grass is always greener. They're looking at me. I'm saying this with a Netflix special coming out. I'm saying this, like, as a successful guy and like, and I'm like looking like I was, I don't know, you know.

[Jordana Abraham]

Are you gonna, are you gonna pay for law school? We'll see how buy tickets to my Kids Jared for my Kids Jared show so he can pay for his future child unborn child's law education.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, my God. This was supposed to make me feel better. I just stressed, well, you talk about keeping up with the landscape. I, I, I don't know if you saw this. Howard Stern laid off, like, a. A lot of people at that work for his show.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is he not doing well?

[Jared Freid]

Well, he got a new contract. He's going to have one new EP

[Jordana Abraham]

week as opposed to how many?

[Jared Freid]

Who the knows? But Howard Stern, at some point you were like, that is the industry.

[Jordana Abraham]

The.

[Jared Freid]

You know, that is. Yeah, you know, audio. He is the king. He was literally called the king of radio. So now the world, he. You know, you talk about evolving. He didn't really evolve. He stayed on SiriusXM. He never did a podcast. He never felt the need to switch. He was also getting paid $500 million. So he didn't really have a need to evolve, but it shows you how the world can, like, kind of keep twirling without you. Like, now Howard Stern is like a memory, you know, like, who.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, there's so much more competition now, right?

[Jared Freid]

And he. He's one of the greatest interviewers that ever lived. Like, he's an amazing interviewer, and if you go watch any celebrity interview with Howard Stern, you are like, wow, like, you and Joe Rogan interviews weirdos. That's why people like Joe Rogan. He's not necessarily a good interviewer, you know, so, like. But it's interesting that, like, if you don't evolve, you better be making 500 million because.

[Sponsor or Advertisement Voice]

Or.

[Jordana Abraham]

Or whatever the number is for you, right? That.

[Jared Freid]

Well, mine's 500 million. Let me just put that out.

[Jordana Abraham]

Mine is not. Mine is not like, no, mine.

[Jared Freid]

It's way cheaper. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, I do think, like, again, like, what I think everyone has. You're. You're saying 500. It could be like, whatever number I think makes you feel like, like, there. The. There's not a huge lifestyle variation about how well you do. Like, how, like, what else is Howard Stern gonna do if he evolves? Like, what is. What else is he gonna possibly, like, buy that he couldn't buy right now?

[Jared Freid]

I agree. I. I was in awe that one, he made his last contract was for 500 million. Two, that he literally never made the move to podcasts. And three, that he's, like, in his 70s, and he's like. And he's, like, getting a new contract. Like, I was like, right, that could have been 40. You know, young Howard Howards, you know, like, that. That, you know, you paid pretty really well, you know, like. And I don't know that.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, Judge Judge Judy's doing pretty well. She does the same thing, I guess.

[Jared Freid]

Judge Judy, to me, like, is a. More of an owner and entrepreneur. Than Howard is. Is she, she like owns all that stuff. Like, she's the production. Like, I think she's, I, I'm pretty sure. Like, oh, like, I think Judge Judy is like way, way more business like than maybe she gets credit for.

[Jordana Abraham]

I remember this story about Judge Judy. I don't know if we talked about it on here where like she has like, what, what, what is Judge Judy, Aaron? And it's in syndication, so she's syndication.

[Jared Freid]

She owns the show and sells it to these individual market.

[Jordana Abraham]

She licenses it, right? She license. Right. And I think it was like every, I don't know if it was like CBS or NBC. She has like a meeting with like the top guy and she has like a, she has like a lunch meeting with him and she writes like the number on the paper and she just gives it to him and that's like the end of it. That's what, that's what I heard about Judge Judy. She just. This is the number you're, it's like, this is the number you're gonna pay.

[Jared Freid]

You're gonna pay this. My, my grandmother and Judge Judy were like the same woman. My and my grandmother loved same.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is that a Jewish, is that a Jewish grandma thing? Right? Is it code for just like.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Well, please subscribe to you up with benefits. Make some dreams come true. Well, go watch the special. I, I, you know, like, watch the special. Watch the special. I just want them to go to law school so that I don't have to worry about my non existent children. I was just, I just took Barry's boot camp.

[Guest or Caller]

Oh.

[Jared Freid]

I'm also in Maine. I'm going to be in Huntington, Long Island. I'm doing a show. I'll probably have more shows. Go to my website, jared free.com. i have a good set now. Like, I'm excited for you. I wasn't sure if I was excited for you to see it. Now I'm excited for you to see it, Jordan. I think it's ready for you to see.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, October. I will be there.

[Jared Freid]

It's October 16th.

[Jordana Abraham]

Friday.

[Jared Freid]

Yes, Friday night. Completely different material from the Netflix special that's coming out in September. No crowd work. Do you know what crowd work is? Is that something that like, people generally know?

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, I know crowd work because of you for sure, but I feel like I would know about what it was otherwise.

[Jared Freid]

I think when comedians go on stage and talk to the crowd.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

When I see it on a special, I kind of like, I don't really believe in the special. Like it would, it would have to be the funniest crowd work you've ever seen in your entire life for me to be like, wow, what? Like, because to me, I, I don't know, it's just. And that's not to talk. I guess I'm talking, but like, I, I guess I'm taking a lot of pride in the fact that this is all material. Like, I'm doing my show on all this. So when you come to a show, you're getting an hour of material and then maybe I'll talk to the crowd too, if it's necessary. Like that happens, you know, Like, I'll talk to you peasants if I happen to make eye contact, you know, it sounds bad. I, I, you're not trying to principle. Right? I'm not. I make it conversational. But I'm coming there with an act. Like, yes. You know, there's a reason people do crowd work is because they have no act, you know, so.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

I take a lot of pride and have. Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I, yes.

[Jared Freid]

And well, anytime I've done crowd work. You and my dad are a lot

[Jordana Abraham]

alike, as we know. Yes. Twins.

[Jared Freid]

As we know. You and my dad very similar. Every time I would talk to the crowd, my, I can hear my dad in my head going, enough, move on, move on. Enough. Who cares about them? So, like, it's in my head, you know, like, well, I think, I think

[Jordana Abraham]

a few minutes is nice. It gets, you know, it gets, it makes you feel like intimate, conversational with the. Especially in a smaller room. I think anything in a theater crowd work feels like, weird.

[Jared Freid]

Well, that's why on a special it feels weird. They do them in a theater. Then they're like talking to the front row and I'm like, what's going on here?

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, it only feels good if it's like an intimate room. I think if it's a large room, then you're kind of like, I don't even. I can't see the person.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I want to see them. Right. No, you're, you're totally right. I had another question for you. Can I add before we get started? Course.

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's hear it.

[Jared Freid]

I just took a Barry's boot camp shout out. Barry's Boca brand new bar's location. I enjoyed it thoroughly. 7:20 class walked in.

[Jordana Abraham]

Good for you.

[Jared Freid]

I thank you. I was looking for that. There was a birthday class. You know, it was someone's birthday and

[Jordana Abraham]

you happened to be in it.

[Jared Freid]

I happen to be in the class. And they came in with strobe lights at the end of the class. Happy birthday.

[Jordana Abraham]

Soul cycle. That's a Barry's thing.

[Jared Freid]

Well, this is my question. They, they're all doing it and.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Again, I'm speaking in generalities. What is it? And I think we, I don't know if we've spoken about this, but I don't know if I've asked you this as directly. Why do women tend to love their birthday and attention on their birthday so much? And I say so much in comparison to me a man, but just generally men, it seems that women care about the birthday attention more than men. Why do you think that is?

[Jordana Abraham]

Why do we care about birthday? I mean I think we're always taking stock much more than men of like how people are relationally into us. So I think the more celebration, like you know, your, your friends happy birthday texts or like who's coming out with you on your birthday, who's coming to your party, who. I think it's like a, a way to see, to gauge like how much in the, in group you are.

[Jared Freid]

So this is like friend inventory for you. It's like a little bit who's the front of the shelf, who's in storage.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's why you see those stupid posts. You ever see those stupid posts that women post about like their friends, Happy birthday to the friend or even worse, happy birthday to the friend's kid who's not on Instagram.

[Jared Freid]

It's crazy to me.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it's like a social stacking of like, of showing you're close to someone.

[Jared Freid]

Because I have, I, I, I saw that strobe light thing at Barry's boot camp and I was like, that is the last thing I would ever want on my birthday.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean same. I agree.

[Jared Freid]

Right. But it would be something someone would do to mess with me. Let's, let's screw with Jared and have them give him attention on his birthday. And to these, to, to these women, it seems that that is like yeah, thank you.

[Jordana Abraham]

And I'm like, well yeah, I think it's like a social capital thing which I think women care about more than men.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Friendships and like who's celebrating you and who's like thinking of. And you talked about this before. Like I think when you're single those friendship relationships mean even more. So like that's why you, you talked about like no one has a bigger 30th birthday than a single 30 year old woman or an unmarried 30 year old woman.

[Jared Freid]

There is no bigger celebration in the world than a single 30 year old woman having her birthday day. It is like helicopters and parades and attention like you've never seen. And I, I don't know. I think the men. 40 is their 30. If I'm like, as far as getting hit by it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. And just like, you wanted to. To spend that with all of your friends on Delta.

[Jared Freid]

I spent it alone on a flight like, I my 40th. That's not what I wanted. I didn't want, like, men is.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, Mike would literally be mortified if anyone at work knew it was his birthday when it's his birthday.

[Jared Freid]

Right, Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, by the way, his birthday is on. Is on Friday from when this episode.

[Jared Freid]

Really? Yes, the next Friday.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's on the Friday. It's from the Friday feels. It's July30, 31st.

[Jared Freid]

Your birthdays are that close together?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, we're five. Mike has always said he wanted to date someone five weeks younger than him.

[Jared Freid]

And he got. He got it.

[Jordana Abraham]

He got it. He got it.

[Sponsor or Advertisement Voice]

Yes.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, these are pretty close. But yeah, he. So I was like, oh, did you tell anyone at work it's your birthday? He's like, no, why would I do that work?

[Jared Freid]

Right? That's so weird. Hey, everybody, it's my birthday today. I'm like, cool, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

His biggest fear is that someone finds out it's his birthday and tells other people that it's his birthday. And then all those people speak to him and tell him, happy birthday.

[Jared Freid]

This just shows you, like, no man wants to owe anyone. Like, I just don't want to owe anyone. I think women are way more okay with debt. Like, I. I think, like, social capital debt. Social debt. I think the idea of, like, I'll return it later. No, I don't want that on my. I don't want to buy something to return it. That. That is not something I want at all. There's no win in that. Yeah, I don't want any debt.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, but your dad just had a big birthday, didn't he? Like, he had a big party.

[Jared Freid]

No, that was years ago. That was like 30 years ago. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

How many. How long have we known each other? No. You went to some birthday parties.

[Jared Freid]

I went to his birthday party. This was literally. It was his 55th. 65th birthday. Wow.

[Jordana Abraham]

He's not party for the 65th.

[Jared Freid]

He had a 65th birthday. I was like, nerd. And then. No, he's 68 now. He's almost 67. It was three years ago.

[Jordana Abraham]

Time flies.

[Jared Freid]

Wow, we're really having fun. Okay, if you're having fun, tell a friend about this podcast, uupet.com. just tell them to fast forward to the 20 minute mark and they'll get to the real show.

[Jordana Abraham]

I have always historically been a jeans and a T shirt girl. There's nothing that I love more than a good quality just like white tee that makes me look good and it's really comfortable. And Skims has got this down. I have their cotton rib T shirt in. I think the color is called marble. It's a beautiful kind of like off white. I wore it on the show, I think maybe last week so you can see it on me in last week's episode. It does everything for me. I love an outfit you don't have to think about that you know is going to look good. That you know is going to make all of your different parts stand out. Look great. Be comfortable. Skims has just got this unlock. They know what they're doing and every time I put on one of their T shirts and I have several, I have them in all the different colors. I have them in soot which is basically like their black color. I have it in white. I there's one for every occasion and for me that's really all I need for the summer because I just like to keep it simple. I like to know I'm what I'm putting on is going to look good. I don't have time to do a million outfit changes. Jeans and a T shirt, that's it for me. And Skims is my go to for that. You could always trust them for that. Honestly, there's nothing more versatile than Skims cotton jersey T shirt. They have a high quality product. It looks good, it hugs you in the right places. You always know you're going to look your best in it. You keep it simple and you look hot. Shop Skims Cotton and all my favorite [e-mail] after you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows. This episode is sponsored by Instacart. You have a lot of places to be this summer. Getting a good base tan at the beach, the summer wedding circuit, even a spontaneous backyard barbecue here and there. The last place you want to be is inside a grocery store. Thanks to Instacart, you can let your shopper hit the aisles while you focus on what matters. Set your preferences in the app once and your shopper knows exactly what to grab. Your preferred brands, organic options or specific produce choices so you can get quality without any sacrifices. Get your weekly essentials, snacks and even last minute party essentials delivered in as little as 30 minutes and say yes to whatever impromptu plans come your way. I love Instacart. As I've said on this episode and other episodes, I have no free time anymore, and the last place I want to spend any of my day is inside one or multiple grocery stores to get all the stuff I need for my family. So I love Instacart. I love that you can talk in real time with a shopper and that I do not have to actually do this thing because I don't have time to grocery shop anymore. So Instacart can do it for me. The convenience and speed cannot be beat. With just a few taps, you can shop from your favorite stores and have quality groceries and household essentials carefully selected and ready for pickup or delivered to your door in as fast as 30 minutes. Instacart helps take care of delivering the things you need with the quality you deserve so that you're free to take care of life. Instacart brings convenience, quality, and ease right to your doors. You can focus on what matters most. Download the Instacart app now and get groceries just how you like.

[Jared Freid]

Let's do an email.

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's do it. I'll get it. Let's get right in. Hi, Jared and Drew. I love the show. I've been watching Love island and there's something I need you two to weigh in on. There's been a lot of conversation this season about how to label a relationship. No one seems to agree on what it means to be in a situationship versus dating versus exclusive versus boyfriend and girlfriend. So I'm wondering how you guys would define each of these terms. I'm in my 30s and situationship feels like a newer term that people are using. When I was in college, we just said we were hooking up with or seeing someone. Now it feels like there's a lot more nuance in how people label or try to avoid labeling their dating life. I know this topic is subjective and also all of the labels probably have a lot of overlap, but would love to hear each of your definitions of these terms.

[Jared Freid]

I love this question because I actually saw the episode that kind of started this whole discussion.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay, I haven't seen it, so I.

[Jared Freid]

I got a DM from a fan and I want to thank her very much because she was like, you gotta go watch episode 31, season 8 of Love Island. And I wish Love island would do two versions of the show. Like, I wish there was, like the full show. And then like, watch these 10 episodes and you're good like, I. I don't need 150 episodes a summer.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. And I agree.

[Jared Freid]

This episode, there was one girl, and the next episode, they had family coming. So that, I think, was the important part. This girl is like, they had the home ver. Yeah. Basically their version of hometowns where some family member is about to show up. And I'm sure they can feel that because they know how the show works, and it's late in the process and this. And they're starting to couple up. So this girl goes to her friend and is like, so I'm exclusive with Zach. And the friend goes, well, what does that mean? Which kind of a dickish question. Like, just cheer with her.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think the definition is in the word.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Sponsor or Advertisement Voice]

The.

[Jared Freid]

The friend, whoever this woman was, she really wanted more. She was like, I need. She didn't say boyfriend and girlfriend. And the friend who she told kind of felt that because she was like. When she said, what does this mean? It's like, I just. This is gonna be tough for this woman. Because she was like, yeah. She was like, no. Like, we're not calling it boyfriend and girlfriend. We're just exclusive, and we're not ready for that yet. We're not ready for boyfriend and girlfriend, but we're ready to be exclusive, so we're not going to see anybody else. And then the girl that asked what it was, she goes, so you're in a situationship. Which is kind of mean.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, Right.

[Jared Freid]

Because to me or to anyone, I think a situationship has a negative connotation. And the girls responded by saying, but it's not messy, so it's exclusive. And I was watching this whole thing, and I'm like, you're about to be upset. Like, you. I'm watching the birth of, like, I'm watching the early stages of this woman's horrible story.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

And I think that's where it came into, like, what is situate. And then throughout the episode, the same girl keeps going to people, excited, like, hey, Zach and I are exclusive. And then the same girl is like, well, what does that mean?

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, she keeps kind of pressing, following her around. That's the issue with being on an island with.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Annoying people.

[Jared Freid]

So what do you think of these terms? What do you think of single versus hooking up with. Versus situationship? And I. I would love to hear your thoughts.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it's a little different if you're on Love Island. I think that, like, the terms, you know, it's like its own different world with, like, a different set of rules. I Mean, usually you're not holding makeout contests in the same area with your

[Jared Freid]

potential date, but to, to push back at that, I think it's the same world shrunken down because I think we're watching. It's like watching a time lapse fast forwarded on Love Island. Again, as not a watcher of the show, but I know you have to, you know, you. To stay on the island, you got to have some genitals to fit yours into. It's genitals, musical chairs.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. But you're also like throwing all these very intense, tempting, sexual like things.

[Jared Freid]

That's the petri dish. So like if you, if you say, hey, the parents are showing up tomorrow and you're with some guy on this island, the what are we doing here? Conversation happens maybe quicker than it would in real life, but it's still a what are we? Conversation.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

So yeah, she's getting an answer that she needed. To me, the interesting part is with the parents and family coming back and I think women need this more than men. They need an answer. I need to, I need to show that I'm not just this floozy.

[Jordana Abraham]

I need to.

[Jared Freid]

Not looking around. Right, Right. And I don't think any man, I don't think a normal guy. I have never thought of a woman hooking up with me as some floozy. So like, because we didn't have a label, could she feel that way on the other end without a label? I could understand when her parents go. I think all these terms exist for parents and friends.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

None of the terms would exist if you didn't have to explain it to anybody. You just go on.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, okay, so then what is my definition? Yes, I think, I think a situationship in its nature is not as a non exclusive thing.

[Jared Freid]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't think that situationships are exclusive. I think that like that's sort of. I think the, the, the crux of a situationship is one person would like a commitment of some sort and the other person would not but enjoys the sexual aspect of the relationship.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I, I think situationship only is the label when someone's disappointed.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes, for sure. One person wants more. What is it? I think it's someone. I read this somewhere. It was like a situationship is when a person with lower self esteem meets a person with commitment issues. That's the recipe for a situationship.

[Jared Freid]

Well, I mean we even gave a definition way back when where it's like a situationship is when one person is getting what they want and one person and a Situationship is when one person is getting what they want and the other person is agreeing to what the other person wants.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Even though they want more.

[Jared Freid]

Right. So now you're in a situation because now you're living by someone else's rules and someone else's emotional, you know, level of emotional stakes. You know. So what would you say seeing someone means? Hey, I'm seeing someone.

[Jordana Abraham]

Seeing someone. I think. I think of that as like a date. Like dating someone. Like, you're going on dates.

[Jared Freid]

I would think of that as. As I'm concentrating on one person.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, sure.

[Jared Freid]

Yes, I'm seeing someone.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. You're. See, you've been seeing you. You've been on multiple dates with a person that you're more interested than other people.

[Jared Freid]

I'm concentrating on them. But that doesn't mean we're totally locked in. And.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Guest or Caller]

No.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Technique. And technically, you are single in the technical term of like, what if you hooked up with someone else? Would it be a betrayal? Not yet.

[Jared Freid]

It would be a. You would feel guilty, but not a betrayal.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. Yes.

[Jared Freid]

Dating. I'm dating someone.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think that implies a level of exclusivity.

[Jared Freid]

I agree. I think that is to say I'm dating someone is as.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

As locked in as you could be. Okay. I'm in a relationship with someone I think actually is closer to dating someone. Like, those two are, like, same.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. I think that's more of like, an officialness. It's like the official. It's like the. You have a contract now.

[Guest or Caller]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Whereas maybe before it would be implied. Now it's like, written out.

[Jared Freid]

I will say this. Men will say, say. I think men generally speak like this. Ready? We've hooked up. We're hooking up. Girlfriend. Done.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's it. Those only three.

[Jared Freid]

I think those are the. Those are the male labels.

[Jordana Abraham]

What is we're hooking up mean that

[Jared Freid]

they are someone you've seen within the last week or two and you plan on seeing again. You're not in a relationship. Yeah. And you're taking on dates. We're hooking up.

[Jordana Abraham]

We're hooking up. We're hooking up as I'm taking them on dates.

[Sponsor or Advertisement Voice]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. Okay. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

The male version is way more broad. And then they agree to things way more specific to not have to be the boyfriend. Girlfriend.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

So, like, I think a lot of men agree to terms that women bring up to shut them up.

[Jordana Abraham]

What does exclusive mean but not in a relationship mean to you?

[Jared Freid]

That is a man who doesn't want to be in a relationship who wants to make the breakup in the future easier on him. Okay, if you're saying I'm exclusive but not in a relationship, that is usually a man who has said anything he could that wouldn't get him in a relationship so that he could break up and not have to deal with the ramifications of ending a relationship, but he's is exclusive. If he says he's exclusive, he's exclusive.

[Jordana Abraham]

But it's a pre breakup headed negative.

[Jared Freid]

It's, it's not going to go well if you're getting that. It's just, and I'm saying that generally I'm just. Odds are not in your favor. Sorry. Right, sorry. Hermione, what's her name? Cadness.

[Jordana Abraham]

Not a big reader as we've already.

[Jared Freid]

I saw the movie, I saw half the movie, I fell asleep.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay, so do you can't. So have you ever, you've, you've never been in a situation where you've been exclusive but not in a relationship, but you wanted to be in a relationship or you felt like was headed to a relationship.

[Jared Freid]

It was me still thinking about it and in retrospect it was me buying time. It was buying time to think about it. Looking back, Jared, you're being a wuss. But also Jared, like if I was like the ghost of Christmas Future and I came back and visited myself, I'd be like Jared, what are you doing here?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

It would be that and, and, and, and me, the current, the, the, the Jared that was in that moment. I'd be like, no, I don't know yet. I swear. Like I, I think to make this less personal and mean because if you're in this situation right now, I don't think the person that you're with that you're exclusive but not in a relationship with is actively trying to just you a few more times before getting out of there. Like I, I, I, I think better of people. So I think what they're doing is dealing with the emotional ram ramifications of do I want to lose this person? Do I want to have a, I have to go through a breakup. This is, this is, you know, I'm not sure, but they're really great. And who am I to end things with anybody?

[Jordana Abraham]

Like right.

[Jared Freid]

Ending something with someone is a real look in the mirror of like who the. Like I, I've always done the who the do you think you are, you know, and it's not this person. And again it gets served a lot of times by people with low self esteem and people who are married Generally, like married women, the feedback from this conversation is generally, like, pretty, like, cutthroat and mean. They don't really think of the guy in that scenario as having any. Like, because single men who don't commit are seen as gluttonous.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, well, they're saying it's fucking with you.

[Jared Freid]

With you. Gluttonous. And they have no stakes in the game socially, again, to go back to social capital. So you're not really given a lot of empathy as far as when a woman ends things.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, like you said, it's a little cowardly. Cowardly. The exclusive, but not in a relationship.

[Jared Freid]

I'm watching this girl go through a breakup on TikTok right now, Carly Weinstein. And she is. She ended something with her boyfriend who she had on her social media. Okay, okay. Every video is. I mean, she's going to end up writing a book called Good, Not Great. Every video is on the premise of he was fine, just not for me. Not great. Not great. And you know, when you have it and you don't feel right and she's painting this picture of, you know, this. This woman who just, I just want to have my wonderful life and it just wasn't there yet for me. And you go, well, and then the guy, you know, gets painted. You know, if a guy ended it that way, ended something with someone who was great and was in all the videos, they would go. It would look a little gluttonous, you know, from his side, you know, like, I don't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think if he. If he dated her and he lived with her, it wouldn't seem gluttonous. If it was like, it just wasn't. That's actually respected. I think the worst part is, is when, like, the woman has to break up with herself.

[Jared Freid]

Well, that's true, too.

[Jordana Abraham]

If a man proactively goes to a woman and says, I feel like this is good, but not great. And, like, I just don't think I can commit if proactively without her having to be like, when are we moving in? When are we getting engaged? What? Like, and then the pressure cooker gets so intense that the lid falls off and he has. And he has to do it like my man. But men don't do that. Men don't proactively come up to you and say that.

[Jared Freid]

This is kind of what I'm talking about. This is the feedback. Whatever story they're telling, the feedback to this girl, Carly is like, I've been there, too. We've all been there. Go get it, girl. No one's wondering if she likes. Let it get to a point where she wouldn't commit. Like, you know, like the assumption of men is negative in any breakup. The assumption of women is woo, woo, go to Thailand. Live, laugh, love, find yourself, girl. And she's kind of dining out on that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sure.

[Jared Freid]

In my opinion. Well, I'm watching it happen in real time and I think that if this guy made a video about how, you know, how it felt to be dumped, it would be a lot. There would be a percentage of questions. Well, what did you do? Did you force her to dump you? Did you not commit? Were you giving mixed signals?

[Jordana Abraham]

I would wonder that.

[Jared Freid]

Right, right. You know, when a man says he got divorced? Well, what did you do? There's a percentage of that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sure.

[Sponsor or Advertisement Voice]

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[Jordana Abraham]

Hear that?

[Jared Freid]

That's now crispy and McCrispy strips meeting creamy Caesar sauce Sounds extra. Crispy caesar sauce at McDonald's for a limited time.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right, let's do another email.

[Jared Freid]

Let's do another email. Icky or picky? We love this game. You're dating someone, it ends. You know, you end it because you got the ick. But you're wondering, was it a justifiable ick?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

Or were you just being picky J and Jay? I was getting ready for a second date when I received the attached text. It creeped me out and I canceled. Thoughts? Was I being crazy? So here's the text. You ready?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

You be her, I'll be him.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay, cool. See you then.

[Jared Freid]

7:15 Smiley face. I'm always good with regular clothes, but can also wear a suit if you wanted to wear a dress. Wanted to give you the choice for more context. I'm 42, he's 46. He's divorced and I think he has been for years. We live in dc. We had agreed on a second date the week before but didn't nail down deets until that morning. We plan to go to dinner at a sushi slash poke place and a free stand up show in my neighborhood. Given that he hadn't dressed yet, I figured he hadn't left yet. And no, we had not discussed clothing before. However, after I told him I didn't like the comment and didn't want to go out anymore. He explained, I put on a suit for work today. First time in a while. Thought I'd wear it out on our date, but wanted to bring it up. Went awkwardly. This made sense to me, but not enough to take back my cancellation. Our first day was good and I had fun, but a couple things gave me pause. So perhaps this comment was the ick that broke the camel's back. What do you think, Jordana? Ick. You're picky.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think this is. This is picky. I think he. I agree. He said it awkwardly. I think if I were him, here's what I imagine happened. He went to suit. He had to wear a suit for work. He was like, I should just wear this suit on the date because I'm already wearing it. So let me tell her she can wear a dress if she wants because, like, I'm wearing the suit. Which is like. What he should have said was, hey, just so you know, coming from. Coming from work, I'm wearing a suit. Sorry if I'm awkwardly overdressed for this date at the bar and just wanted to, like, let you know, like, I'm not. I'm not a weirdo trying to, like, dress up formally for our date. Lol.

[Jared Freid]

You know, I. I'm with you. I'm. I. I think. You know, it's funny, when I first read this, your brain kind of changes based on the order of operations. I don't know if you had this too, because when she said, I got creeped out from this text. What do you think? And then I read. I read the text, I was like, yeah, this is weird. Why is he just randomly bringing up her wearing a dress? And then I got the context where he's like, oh, I put on a work for suit. I put on a suit for work today. First time in a while. Thought I'd wear it out for our date, but didn't want to bring it up, went awkwardly. And then I went back and read his text again. I'm always good with regular clothes, but can also wear a suit if you wanted to wear a dress. Wanted to give you the choice. He sounds, like, so respectful. Like, I'm like, yeah, I think it's totally picky.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, I think it's picky. Yeah. Especially when he explains it. I think that with no context of, like, you could wear a dress if you want to our date because I'm gonna dress up is, like, a little weird. But I think when she says like, if she calls him out and he's like, sorry, that came out weirdly. Like, I just meant I'm wearing a suit for work already, and I'm gonna wear it.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think, like, that's a totally normal thing. He's probably nervous, so he's, like, phrasing it in this weird way. I don't think it's that big of a deal.

[Jared Freid]

And it's interesting that she's like, he's divorced, and I think he has been for years. Like, she's trying to give, like, I don't know. The. The he's been divorced for years is something that men get kind of, like, told that that's the reason they're awful, you know, all the time. I think she had a lot of negative.

[Jordana Abraham]

She didn't like him.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. I mean, she said their first day was good. I had fun. A couple things gave me pause. I think she has a lot of distrust of any divorced man of that age. I think that's, like, that. I think this is, like, because, like, to say, like, he's been divorced for years, had fun. But a couple things gave me pause. And then you have this text, like, to receive. To have fun on a first date and receive this text and automatically assume it's him being like, wear that dress that shows them titties. Like, I. I think you gotta, like, kind of take a breath on dating a little bit. Like, you gotta.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Because it's. It's a negative. I understand it, like, telling a woman what to wear, not gray. But the explanation, like, totally erases it for me.

[Jordana Abraham]

The explanation to me seems, like, completely normal and, like, kind of cute and, like, a little vulnerable of, like, sorry, that came out weirdly awkward.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

But I mean, they're going to dinner. I could see where he's like, hey, he just phrased it wrong. And maybe he is a little awkward, and maybe that's because he has been. Been single for years or whatever. Who cares? But he doesn't. I wouldn't say. I think. I think creeped out is a strong word.

[Jared Freid]

Right, Right. Yeah. I think if I were her, maybe give him another shot. You had fun on the date, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

He should have just told her that he was wearing a suit already. Like, he was. Like, he phrased it like, we could. We could dress up.

[Jared Freid]

Right, Right, right. He up. The text is I. Hey, come. You. You said it. You said it. Great. Let's do another email.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right, let's do it.

[Jared Freid]

UUP betches.com. keep sending them in.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hello, Jared and Joanna. Love the POD and you both and I never thought I'd be here, but Here we go. I, 32, female, started dating a 30 year old male in August 2025 long distance. Overall the relationship was good. We saw each other every every weekend, spoke multiple times a day. No issues. It was serious as we introduced each other to friends and extended family quickly with holidays and weddings etc. However, late January and early February things got weird. Nothing necessarily happened between us, but I noticed he became distant and we started talking less. I figured it was just seasonal depression. We had a weird Valentine's Day weekend and he pretty much completely pulled away after that. It was messy and confusing, but I took it as a full on breakup even though it wasn't direct. All via phone and text. After about a week I received an apology text, but that's about it. We didn't speak much in March. He reached back out in April, keeping it light but getting mad if I didn't respond to him. I had decided I'm not getting anything serious at this rate, so I go along with the casual convos thinking we'll talk about everything in person soon because I moved to his city at the end of April, about two months after the initial breakup. This had always been my plan, hence why we began dating in the first place. By this point we're talking consistently. He had even offered to for me to stay with him if I needed. We also talked the entire month of May, but it was busy for us both. I kept waiting for an invite to hang out and finally noticed he wasn't making a true effort to see me. Then I noticed he was only texting during the work days and when I called him out on it or tried to initiate a hangout myself, he turned into the victim with excuses and or other priorities. Etc. Maybe a week or so after that a mutual friend posts a May photo dump and voila. There's another girl in the photos with him. Aha. He completely stops texting me the day after the photo was posted. Figures. Adios. After two weeks of silence, he likes my Instagram story. Out of pure annoyance, I do some digging on the girl to see if they're still together. Unfortunately I find out more than I wanted to. She posted multiple photos from late February to April, but shockingly, a photo wearing a custom made hat of his about two weeks before we initially broke up, signaling she's been around longer than I thought. So of course I keep digging and notice he's been liking photos of hers all the way back to the fall. Yes, I've unfollowed and removed him after discovering all of this. And I doubt he knows I'm aware of everything. I'll spare you the details, but the communication he and I have been exchanging post breakup isn't considered appropriate for someone who is exclusively dating someone else. Obviously no, I hadn't seen him to physically cheat, but I still don't think we're innocent. And I wouldn't be happy if I were her. I also don't want to know anymore. But I'm as convinced as the Bravo universe is with Scamanda that there is crossover between us. And they were probably together when he and I were still in a fully functioning relationship too. Truly, had I known about her, I wouldn't come. I would have completely ended this way back when and no shade to her. But she's only 20. I don't think she knows what she's gotten herself into. So my question for you is, do I one, message her and let her know I've also been around this whole time and this man has been playing us both. Two, leave it and let karma do her thing. Or three, message him with photo proof and blackmail, depending on the advice. I could easily turn this into a petty or prudent too. Thanks for all you do. Not a cheating fetch. So I already know you're not gonna like this person.

[Jared Freid]

I. It's not that I don't like her. I, I appreciate she's going through a tough one. Yeah. And he's dating a 20 year old. Like I, I is just like, it's crazy. You know, I don't know how old he is. Did she.

[Jordana Abraham]

30. He's 30.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

She's 32. He's 30.

[Jared Freid]

So he's showing a pattern of. And, and started dating her. Oh you know, long distance. I don't know how they met, but they were distance and dating and they had never seen each other. The whole thing is to me, this woman like needs to like, what did the kids say? Touch grass. Like it seems as though she is kind of.

[Jordana Abraham]

She's been doing investigatory journalism.

[Jared Freid]

Right. You know, and the thing is she feels good about herself because she's nailed it. Like she like put all the puzzles, the puzzle pieces together and look at. She can see the whole picture in front of her and got him there and there she is and I can message everyone and finally she has the control she was searching for and the answers to all her questions and, and it's all literally nothing. Like, like he was nothing to her. You know, like all of this that she feels she has control over is all Internet, nothing like I, I.

[Jordana Abraham]

Speculation.

[Jared Freid]

It's speculation. It's also like, now you've spent all this time that someone you knew was a text box. Like, I think she needs to kind of like. And I just don't think any of this is worth her time and energy. And she kind of reminds me of like a boomer who gets tricked by news items on Facebook. Like, she got tricked by the guy to keep texting with her from however long a distance and based on half promises. And then the Ponzi scheme caught up with the guy, so it blew up and now he's with this new 20 year old who he can now scam again. Like, just go away. Just walk away. It's, it's

[Jordana Abraham]

the best advice. The best revenge is living well. Right?

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I would keep that in mind here. Because all you're doing this, all the things you're doing here are speculation. Listen, if this was an email about my husband and I have two kids and there's this woman that he, that he thinks that I found out he's been cheating and this woman thinks he, he's single. Like, should I message her and tell her like that there's like, that's like, yeah, maybe, maybe this is like someone you were already broken up with. She says, like, we weren't innocent. Like, you were innocent. You didn't do anything. This isn't like, you know, this isn't your problem. This whole thing is not your problem. You don't know what she knows. You don't know what she doesn't know. You don't know if they're actually in a relationship. You don't know. You don't know anything about the situation. Just be gone. I agree. Be gone.

[Jared Freid]

Just be gone. Disappear.

[Jordana Abraham]

Why, why waste another minute on this situation?

[Jared Freid]

And she doesn't want to admit to the amount of time she wasted on this. This guy was never going to be the guy. And I think she needs to assess, like, how is she getting into relationships? It's not how did I get lied to? It's like, where does it begin? Like, what will I allow for, you know, And I'm not, and I'm a little bit. I don't mean to blame the victim, but the victim is who wrote in here? So it's like I kind of trace this back to how did you meet someone? You know, you have mutual friends, but this all is over text and it's distance. You know, you have a town you live in. Are you going on and are you saying, well, the Town has no guys. And there's a reason that it's working out with someone who can't see you and then it's not working out with the people who can see you. You're, you know, like. And, and I think that's something that I had to look at for myself. You know, there's a reason the people I can text with are easy to keep up with. And the people that I go see in person, I don't know if I want to go out with them again.

[Jordana Abraham]

Huh.

[Jared Freid]

You know, like, because the people I want to go. Because in person you have to make. You have to get on your feet and put on your clothes and kind of walk away from the rest of the world. You have to take that phone out of your and put it in your pocket and not look at it for two hours. And I don't know. I think she needs to get back to basics. Is my. Because all this like, and this happens a lot where like, and this happened and that happened and oh my God. And now. And it's always the same type of person. It's always the person who is allowing for the texting and the Instagram and the DMS to be what they judge as effort. And none of that is effort.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And this guy is not. He seems like a good communicator, but he's not a good communicator. Right.

[Jared Freid]

And, but this guy is like, this guy is a million guys, you know, like if I'm her, I want to be better for the next guy. Like this I meet.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right? Yeah.

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[Jordana Abraham]

let's play some games.

[Jared Freid]

Let's do It Red flagger Deal breaker. The game that's sweeping the country. It is. You're dating someone. One thing happens. Is it a red flag? You kind of just notice it, but you keep going. Or is it a deal breaker? You end it Site on scene I

[Jordana Abraham]

don't even know what's correct anymore.

[Jared Freid]

I switched it every time. J and J love the pot. I'm a Happy Benefit subscriber. Thank you. I have a red flag or deal breaker. Question about myself. Would love your take. I've attached the text, but here's the summary. I match with a guy on Hinge who suggested a sunset beach picnic for our first date. Personally, I prefer more casual first dates. Coffee, drinks, a walk where it's easy to get to know each other first and see if there's chemistry. And if either person isn't feeling it, it's easy to wrap up without either of us being stuck. A sunset beach picnic, especially for a first date, felt a little too intimate for me. It's also kind of felt like a move, which honestly turned me off a bit, so I suggested grabbing drinks instead. His response was essentially no thanks. We're probably not a match. Good luck. To be clear, I don't think either of us is wrong. We just have different dating styles. But his immediate goodbye after I suggested an alternative made me wonder. Is my reaction to a sunset beach picnic as a first date weird and a deal breaker? Or or is his unwillingness to pivot to a different first date idea the bigger deal breaker? So red flagger Deal breaker. She says no to a sunset beach picnic for a first date. Excited to hear your thoughts. Cheers. Preferably at a bar, not in a blanket P S. I'll be I'll happily picnic date 3. What do you think?

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, let's read the text. Ready?

[Jared Freid]

Oh yeah. Okay, ready. I'll be her so that's you Be her. I'll be him. Ready? Okay, I'll be free. Wednesday. Where in LA are you located?

[Guest or Caller]

Great.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's a date. I'm in blank.

[Jared Freid]

Nice. I'm in blank. I have an idea for us.

[Jordana Abraham]

What's your idea?

[Jared Freid]

Hey, sorry. I was watching the World cup with some friends. Picnic on the beach, Sunglass emoji, heart sunset.

[Jordana Abraham]

No worries. That's a very sweet idea. But honestly, I think for a first date I'd prefer something a little more lowkey. What if we just grab a drink somewhere?

[Jared Freid]

Good morning.

[Jordana Abraham]

I hate when people. When you text someone in the morning and then they reply with good morning. It's like shaming you for not starting with good morning.

[Jared Freid]

Totally agree. I hate that. Yeah, we're in the conversation. What are we gonna.

[Jordana Abraham]

You gotta.

[Jared Freid]

You gotta tell me. There was a passage of time, you

[Jordana Abraham]

know, like now you feel like an to me. I'm like, oh, I. I guess I should have said good morning. I guess I'm a rude.

[Jared Freid]

It's a little bit of a. Of a. Of a. Like putting you in your place. Good morning. It's kind of. I. That's how I would read it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Same.

[Jared Freid]

Also, I really don't like this new thing that people are doing with text where they skip a line. What he's doing. And I think what people are doing now, this is a trend that I've noticed. And I think people know that you won't answer a text unless you open it. So what they do is they go, good morning. Return, return, return. And then they say what they want to say so that you can't see it in the box when it comes up on the text list.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, that's annoying.

[Jared Freid]

You have to open it up. I get that with a lot of people. Good morning. Return. And I'm like, just, I want to see what you're saying so I know if I have to get back to this quickly or not. Right, but they want you to open it up and tell your answer. It's a lot of tricksters going on.

[Jordana Abraham]

I bet you there's a strong correlation with the good morning people.

[Jared Freid]

Totally. So good morning from the douchebag with a son with a sun emoji. That's the point of going to the beach. It's low key. Now he's a liar. The beach is never low key.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, there's sand and.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, there's nothing low key about sand in my pick.

[Jordana Abraham]

A romantic picnic is not low key.

[Jared Freid]

No. And then they write, see, this is what. I don't like this guy because he's he's trying to control the narrative. So he's trying to take this, like, higher, you know, morality play of, like, that's the point of going to the beach. It's low key. Lol. Also, I don't drink. It's okay if you're not cool with it. It's not for everyone. Oh, what a piece of.

[Jordana Abraham]

She didn't even say that.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, this guy's an. I hope you find what you're looking for. Go Rams.

[Jordana Abraham]

Ram emoji.

[Jared Freid]

This dude. I. I hate this guy. This guy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do it. Did this guy dump her and do a winky face emoji in the same text?

[Jared Freid]

I guess it's his version of being playful because they may have spoken about how he's a Rams fan. And, I mean, she says, go Birds on their next deck, so she's an Eagles fan, so. But, you know, jokes are over. We're not going on a date anymore. All.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. We don't. We don't need to do this anymore. Okay. The sunset picnic dates have been a bit of a production and very intimate, which is great if we're vibing, but if it was for a first date, would have made me a little uncomfortable since we're just getting to know each other. I don't care if you don't drink, and I'm always down to do something else. But I recognize you may care if I do drink. And I also understand if this interaction turned you off a bit. So I'd love to meet if you're still down, but if not, totally understand. No hard feelings. Go Birds.

[Jared Freid]

Wow, she is being so nice. So nice. Here's his infuriatingly nice almost. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm almost. No, I don't care. You don't drink. I'm around it all the time. I'm an adult. I just choose to prioritize health and fitness now. Oh, this guy. Put him in a jail. I think we have different opinions on what dating is and what's intimate. It's totally cool. Good luck out there.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hey, this guy sucks.

[Jared Freid]

Does he.

[Jordana Abraham]

I hate him.

[Jared Freid]

Does he know he's the reason people hate dating? Like, no. Does he know, like, you. You want to go? Like, I. My mission in life. Like, I think we should have a TV show where we go find this guy and I grab him by the shirt collars and I'm like, read me back this text. You think this is how you talk to people? You don't want a piece of. You sound like. Like, I wanna. Like, I. I. Because I wanted truly read this back to me and tell me how you're not a piece of. When you're saying, I value fitness. I value fitness. I wanna, I wanna.

[Jordana Abraham]

No one asked you, right? Why don't. If she had said, why, oh, why don't you drink? She didn't even say that. No, she just said, oh, it's totally cool. I have absolutely no issue with you not drinking.

[Jared Freid]

She dodged a bullet.

[Sponsor or Advertisement Voice]

This is.

[Jared Freid]

But this is like such Internet speak where he is like the things he's doing in these texts, if read in a vacuum. You go, what? He values his health. He doesn't want to go on a, you know, big drinking spree like this, this, this wench who needs to get hammered, needs to go on. You're like, that's not what was said here, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

There's a way to have done this. Hey, I don't drink. I would. So I know it's a little like, feels a little formal. Would you be down to just go to the beach and have a picnic and I'll bring some whatever. Non alcoholic.

[Jared Freid]

Totally. Or, or. And then her say like, I don't know. Or we can do a walk. Hey, this is a little much.

[Jordana Abraham]

He's like trying to start a fight with her. I'm an adult, I can be around it. She didn't say that you would like.

[Jared Freid]

Here's the thing, here's what happened. And I can tell her right now,

[Jordana Abraham]

I want to know what happened because I want to know why someone would suggest a picnic on the beach, which seems like sort of like a production with someone they didn't really want to go out with, which is what it seems like.

[Jared Freid]

Let me just let the listeners know this happened in the LA area. This is very la. This is very. I value my mental health. I value my, my fitness and my health. He can get away with this. He can get away with sounding this way.

[Jordana Abraham]

And not New York.

[Jared Freid]

Not New York.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, we don't value any of that here.

[Jared Freid]

Us Disgustings would not stand for such a thing. This is a horrible person. Because what he's doing, it is a move. The way he's. She has read it, right? What he's doing is he's looking to go on a date with someone who is wowed so much by an initial amount of effort. Like a beach picnic where she is easily, you know, easily wowed in a way that makes it happen quicker. And he gets to sex and oh my God, you know what? My mental health isn't in the right place. I guess we shouldn't date that this is A. A match, lights, quick flashes, you know, the. The pick the beat.

[Sponsor or Advertisement Voice]

He.

[Jared Freid]

He brought this up. And when he found out she wasn't a willing participant for exactly how he wanted it to go, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

And she says it in the nicest way that you could ever say it.

[Jared Freid]

He is only going on dates with women who will be wowed by a beach picnic date, because that gets him to speak this way. The. The way he's speaking is only impressive to someone who isn't as cynical, who is a little bit more romantic and thinks that they're Carrie Bradshaw and oh, my God, I'm gonna move to la and I'm gonna go on the beach picnic date. This will work. This will work. This guy will not waste his time with someone who wants to get to know him. He will only wait. He will only put his time into people he could impress their pants off of them superficially. Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

There's no real. To him, especially. There's no real. Because he's not even listening to what she's saying.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. And again, she's saying it in the nicest, sweetest, kindest way anyone could ever say.

[Jared Freid]

It's totally. If you're not cool with it, it's not for everyone. He wants to be able to date someone who will. That will trick. So the beach picnic didn't trick her. The wording didn't trick her. Now he's out. He's like, I just like women don't waste their time with a guy who won't make a plan. Guys who want to hook up won't waste their time with women who aren't totally impressed with them trying to hook up.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Other side of the coin. He stinks.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right, let's do another one. Dear J and J. Huge fan of the POD and this is hot off the press because this just happened. Hot off the press. First off, I've been a fan of the show since the beginning.

[Jared Freid]

Sizzling hot. There you go.

[Jordana Abraham]

First off, I've been a fan of the show since the beginning and literally love anything batches. I 29, female. I've been with my boyfriend, 32, male, for three years. To start off, I love him a lot. We get along very well, have talked about marriage, and he is very goodlook. The stats are 67 and £250 and recruited to play for the NFL as a wide receiver.

[Guest or Caller]

Whoa.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is he actually. Was he recruited? Was he recruited and then didn't? Is he.

[Jared Freid]

I don't think he's saying no to the NFL. I don't think that's how the NFL works. Please, for us, please. No, I gotta be a teacher. I gotta make 50,000 a year. Yeah, I don't think.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is he a wide. So then is he a wide receiver in the NFL?

[Jared Freid]

Let me just say maybe she. I. This sounds like how a woman who kind of knows sports would say it. Give her the benefit of doubt.

[Jordana Abraham]

I, I don't even know sports and I still think that's kind of sounds weird. What do you think she means?

[Jared Freid]

Maybe she means he was recruited to play in college and got drafted into the NFL and it didn't work. Work out. Listen, if he's, if he's, if you're even talking about the NFL and being a wide receiver and you're 67250, like you're a stud. Like, no question.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sure. Okay. To get to my red flagger, deal breaker. He washes his hands and penis immediately after sex. He's not religious like the shower after sex sex in the city episode. And isn't super anal about hygiene to add on. He is also not adventurous in bed at all. And things. Anything out of the norm is gross. I love how she capitalizes at all. I'm not a crazy kink person, but I think a little bit of oral and some bodily smells can be kind of hot in moderation. I'm not talking anything crazy or out of the ordinary. So what's the verdict on hygiene after intimacy? The batch with the clean boyfriend? It's funny the part she's. That she's focused on.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I. That's why I wanted to do this one. Because the part she's focused on is kind is more relatable to me than the part that she's not focused on which is like that he doesn't like oral and any bodily smells and.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

I think sex is supposed to be

[Jordana Abraham]

messy or not even open to it. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Like you have to be a little bit open and curious to have fun sexually, in my opinion. And it seems the, the why to concentrate on the washing his dick and hands after sex. That is not a problem, I think.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

It is interesting to me that like I've been with women where after sex, like I've put on shorts and they're like, what does that mean? What are you saying? You don't want to be with me? And I'm like, no, I just like want to put on shorts. Like it is funny that the after sex behavior from men gets like, very well.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's when we're at our most vulnerable. If you think about it, that Is sort of like the most vulnerable time for a woman is like, after she's slept with you. It's like, okay, is he gonna leave now? Like, to see, like, did he get what he wanted? I think there's like a, A feeling of like, I've just given you something good. Or, I mean, like, right. Logical or illogical.

[Jared Freid]

I just want my giblets put into place, you know, Like, I, I just want like some, some normalcy downstairs, you know, Like I, I've gone through a physical thing too, you know, Like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I think you're immediately looking for clues after sex that the person is like, not gonna run away for you.

[Jared Freid]

I get that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, I, I like, biologically.

[Jared Freid]

Right, right. Just like, touch my body again. Like, Yeah, I can understand, like, if a guy, like, got into his full sweatsuit after sex. Like, are you disgusted by me now? Like, right, there's a little bit of that, but I, I've never felt that way. It's just more about me being comfortable, like, you know, naked times over.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think the boxers are fine. It's just more like. Yeah, it's funny. Yeah, it's funny because they've been together for three years, she says, and like that she's never. Why, like, she's never asked him that. Like, hey, even like, like, let's say she's fine with the sex, which it sounds like she's not, but, like, it's just odd to me that she won't be like, hey, what's the deal with like, you cleaning your penis and hands, like, immediately? Like, what's, like, what is. Like, why do you do that? There's been together three years.

[Jared Freid]

What I think, Walk me through your post sex, you know, routine.

[Jordana Abraham]

My mental. What are you thinking?

[Jared Freid]

Right. Give me kind of the play by play, you know, to put it in sports, you know, terms. Give me the play by play of the post sex thing. I think washing his penis and hands is like, totally normal. Like, I can understand that.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's fine to me. But if she wants to know why

[Jared Freid]

he does it, it's okay to ask.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think she there. They've been together three years. I think that's like a question that I'm surprised you waited this long to ask.

[Jared Freid]

Right. It's both normal to ask and normal to do.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sure.

[Jared Freid]

And I think the thing that she needs to be more concentrate to concentrate more on is he thinks anything out of the norm is gross and in all caps, not adventurous in bed and caps at all.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

And then she has to apologize that she's not A crazy king person. Listen, you want them to go down on you. Like, how clean do you have to be?

[Jordana Abraham]

You know, I think the washing your hands thing after sex could be an opener to get into the rest of the sex life.

[Jared Freid]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

That's like a, a tangible thing that can start the conversation if done again in a non aggressive, shamy way.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Hey, walk me through your post sex, you know, hygiene routine. What's going through your head? What do you find kind of gross? What do you not want does, you know, there's the smell. You know, there's a smell of sex. Does that. Is that hard for you to deal with in sleep? You know, that's okay. I think you have to also not get offended. She has to like, that's what I'm saying.

[Jordana Abraham]

You have to go into it like allowing him to be vulnerable without being judged.

[Jared Freid]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Because I'm sure there's something there. Tough one that relates. I'm sure the cleanliness of the. Of the penis and the hands relates to the fear of doing anything else sexually.

[Jared Freid]

And let me just tell you, you're gonna have to go with a no stupid answers policy because he might have like a thought on STDs. Like, he might be like our STIs. He might be like, well, you wash out after so you don't get, you know, whatever. And you'd be like, that's the dumbest I've ever heard.

[Jordana Abraham]

He might be an idiot.

[Jared Freid]

Men are dumb. Like that. Like I. Right, Me included. We're all dumb. Like, like that. I'm just letting you know. So let's do the last one. J and J. Longtime listener. I would have sent a voicemail, but I know, but I know I'd ramble. I'm 32, female, match with a guy, 35 male. And after only a few messages, we plan to meet for drinks. By we, I mean I planned everything. He never suggested a place or time. I did. He agreed. Okay, so I'll be him, you be her. Ready?

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. Okay. Ready.

[Jared Freid]

I have to be honest about something. Anytime someone says I have to be honest about something, I like my anus just like, sucks.

[Jordana Abraham]

Especially before you even meet. Right.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. This is over the app. I want you to know before we meet that I make okay money and everything, but due to some finance things that popped up, I currently am flat broke until Wednesday. Normally I would pay for both our lunches or coffees, and I can on another day, but today I won't be able to. I am sorry, but I actually want to see if we have real chemistry. So I'll start by at least showing you respect and being honest about my embarrassing position, which is very temporary. Are you wet? Jordana?

[Jordana Abraham]

I know. On Wednesday, this is all going to be cleared up.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, he'll be a billionaire. Yeah. I'm sure our listeners need to collect themselves from how turned on they are by this rom com right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Over the app. Over the app hearing. You're going to be paying for the date, right? Okay.

[Jared Freid]

I don't think this was the premise for that new Voicemail movie on Netflix. Yeah. All right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, thanks for being vulnerable.

[Jared Freid]

Thank you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Would you rather not go? I don't mind paying for myself, but if you're more comfortable bringing a blanket and a couple of tall cans to the lake, I'm good with that. This woman wants her own beach picnic. Beach picnics, apparently are all the rage going on now.

[Jared Freid]

My God. I mean, the lake.

[Jordana Abraham]

These women are so understanding.

[Jared Freid]

She is very.

[Jordana Abraham]

Where are all the men?

[Jared Freid]

Listen, I'm. I'm here with you. I. I agree at first. I mean, to say this over the app. Dude. Hey. I can't go out. I can't go out until Thursday.

[Jordana Abraham]

You can't do Tuesday?

[Jared Freid]

You have no money in your account until Wednesday. Then make the day for Thursday.

[Jordana Abraham]

I need you to pay.

[Jared Freid]

She said she made the whole plan. You can rebut.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, just say next week is better for me.

[Jared Freid]

Right. At first, I appreciated the honesty, but I'm financially stable and looking for someone who is, too. I told him I was happy to pay for myself, even suggested bringing drinks to a nearby park instead. He said he didn't even have beer at home. So I found myself offering solutions, reassuring him and trying to make the date work. Between planning the date in the first place and now managing the logistics, it felt like way too much effort for someone I'd never met. I almost went anyways because I didn't want to seem shallow. Hey, no, you're not shallow.

[Jordana Abraham]

There's nothing to do with it.

[Jared Freid]

But I ultimately decided to be honest with myself and sent the following message. So here's her message.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hey, sorry. I think I got caught up in people pleasing instead of being honest with myself, but I don't think we're the right match. I'm looking for someone who's in a stable place financially, and maybe now isn't the right time for you to date. If that's not where you're at. I would have been good to grab a coffee or do something free if it had been your suggestion right off the bat as well. But I'm feeling a little turned off that all of that was put on me to sort out for you. Sorry to pass this late into plans.

[Jared Freid]

So my question is. Red flagger, tail breaker. A guy asked you on a date, makes you plan it, then tells you he can't afford it. Also, bonus message. He made it seem like the whole thing was a test. What is wrong with people? I probably should have unmatched. Just unmatched at that point. But I have a bit of a feisty side. And here's the text. I'll read his lol. It's okay. It was a good test to see what's important to you. Good luck with everything. This dude, this guy. What a piece of.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right? I'm surprised she even answered this, but she replies, it's important to me that I've worked hard to build a life and want to date someone on the same level as me. I know this province is expensive and tons of shitty things can happen to put you in a bad place financially. I have empathy for that. But the reality is I'd rather not waste either of our time because I know what I want. And part of that is a guy taking me on a first date. Is that a guy taking me on a first date makes effort even if he's broke. There's lots of free things you can do. But you put it all on me to decide that maybe you'll learn that women like effort and you can carry that forward in your next interaction on here. Good luck.

[Jared Freid]

You know, the thing I notice about the Internet is that we really feel like we have to explain things to people that don't want to learn and already know what they're. Well, he's not. This guy is an adult who was able to get a date with her, a prospective date with her. And we do this with politics. We did this with COVID Hey, the reason you take the vaccine is so that you're less likely to die. You still might get sick. And then people would still go, who cares? Why would you even take it if you could still get sick? They don't want. And then people would go and explain to them, well, if you actually. If you look at the numbers, what are you explaining to someone who's with you? Like, this person doesn't want to learn. They disagree with you. This person. They were looking. They didn't even. They wanted a date with someone who would go out with them to a lake and suck their dick without them having to bring a beer, like, buy

[Jordana Abraham]

them a coffee, right?

[Jared Freid]

So that's I, I think they're looking for something that you don't want to do. Like, she goes into her, like, end of Les Mis speech. Like, this speech is crazy. It's important to me that I've worked hard to build a life, right. I want to date someone who's the same level as me.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is, this is something you say when you break up with someone at three months because you've realized that they, you know, that you're on different pages financially. This is not something you need to say to someone you've never even met, that you're still speaking to on an app that clearly is like, you know what I mean? All you need to say. And I would give her props because, like this to, to give her more confidence in dating. She clearly, the fact that she sent the follow up text about passing, that's progress. Maybe in the past she might have gone out. The fact that, And I, I think women do this a lot because they're like, well, what if he's great in every. Women are looking for reasons to be turned on. I think a lot of the times, right, they're like, well, what if, like, they don't want to throw away a guy who's seeming okay, so he's got some financial issues, blah, blah, blah. Like, I think the fact that she thought that she took a second, she thought about this and she's like, no, this doesn't feel right.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I'm going to win.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's a win for her. Yeah, just take the win.

[Jared Freid]

And then we do this all the time. This like this, like, I want a man who will make a plan and who will pay for two beers on a Thursday night and will wear a belt and might make a little bit of money that they could save for retirement. Am I asking for too much? And maybe goes down on me every now and again and tries to make me come. I don't even need to come. I could just lay in bed and just feel, feel nice to be licked a little bit. Like, enough. We're explaining things to people who do not want to learn, don't want to be explained to. And I, I agree with you. It's a win that you didn't go.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes, I would, I would pat myself on the back for progress in dating, for learning how to cut my losses earlier than going out with this person and realizing that they stink just as much in person as they do over the app. Also, like, if I think this isn't even gendered, I think if a woman sent this message to you on the app that would also be weird and a turn off if she was like,

[Jared Freid]

just so you know, Money. No. Get out of here. Hey, the check clears Wednesday off. I'm not going out with you. Go get a job. Go figure it out. Start a podcast. Like, do something. You're not ready. You're not ready.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're not ready.

[Jared Freid]

You know, just because you're an age that people are ready doesn't mean you're ready. So. And again, like, if a woman did this, she's not doing this to me, you know, like, right. You know, Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's the difference. That's what makes us worse for a man. But still, I would still be a turn off.

[Jared Freid]

Totally. Totally. No, I'd be turned off. I mean, I went on a date with someone, she was like, yeah, I'm couch surfing right now. I was like, it's over. What am I? What?

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm not right?

[Jared Freid]

You're not ready. It's all you. Get out of here, Scat shoe.

[Jordana Abraham]

You didn't say. It's important to me that I've worked hard to build a life and want to date someone in the same level as me.

[Jared Freid]

It's just important to me to wake up every morning and look to my left and see a partner who's to trying. Trying just as hard as me. Shut up. Like, so annoyed. Man, the men were real losers this episode.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sorry. Seriously, I hope. I hope this isn't indicative of what's left out there.

[Jared Freid]

I. Listen, I'm sorry. I'm off the market.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right.

[Jared Freid]

All right. Well, we solve dating again, I think.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think so. We did it. We'll be back on Friday. We. Boom.